#Slap-Stick Comedy

[marragurl]

Listen. I love Jing Yuan x Dan Heng. Jingheng, hengjing, I adore them all.

And I like the narrative that most agree on that Jing Yuan adored Dan Feng and fell in love all over again when he meets Dan Heng and now loves Dan Heng for being him and not Dan Feng.

Or like Jing Yuan loves Dan Feng but doesn’t act on it since Dan Feng and Yingxing have their whole thing going on and then there’s the angst of Dan Heng thinking Jing Yuan only loves him due to Dan Feng but Jing Yuan having to reassure/prove he loves Dan Heng even with his past feelings for Dan Feng.

BUT-

I am a SUCKER for the idea that Jing Yuan had no romantic feelings at all for Dan Feng.

Like picture it-

The first thing Dan Heng sees is Jing Yuan freeing him and “saving” him. My boy is down bad. This man has been researching the Luofu and by extent Jing Yuan constantly while he was running across the universe.

And then he actaully starts learning about the HQC and the drama of that whole friend group- including Jing Yuan and Dan Feng

Dan Heng constantly hearing/having dreams that seem to imply that Jing Yuan and Dan Feng had something going on (throw in Yingxing, it’s a three-way situation, make it more funny- tragic ). Blade doesn’t help this situation and Dan Feng’s shadow just grows insanely more and more over Dan Heng. Jingliu says some comments during her life changing field trip with Yanqing and now the Jing Yuan and Dan Feng relationship spirals into the cloud knights rumor mill as well aka Sushang def makes some comments when she meets up with Dan Heng later.

Throw in the fanfiction they seem to have on the Luofu and Dan Heng feels like he has no chance at all.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND-

Jing Yuan has no idea that this has been happening.

That man was a goner as soon as he laid eyes on Dan Heng at Scalesgorge waterscape.

Like, Jing Yuan x Dan Feng was nothing more than a nice friendship and maybe something bro like. Maybe if they had more time (and Yingxing didn’t come rizzing up DF) they could have developed romance. All the rumors and events are blatant misunderstandings that have snowballed and spiraled way out of control and Jing Yuan has been busy mourning his BFFs and trying to lead the Luofu for the last who knows how many years to take care of his romance rumor mill.

But Dan Heng?

Jing Yuan is GONE

Dan Heng fell first but damn did Jing Yuan fall harder.

My man saw Dan Heng IL form, had a gay panic, reeled it in to go kick Phantylia’s ass, got princess carried, was nursed to health, saw Dan Heng and Bailu bond and saved their asses, AND saw Dan Heng base form, and went “yup. That’s the one. I will die for him. I will adore him. There is no one else. No discussion or argument.”

He’s the only one who constantly calls him by his current name, outside of that tense moment in Scalesgorge, Dan Feng is rarely mentioned, he does everything to make Dan Heng comfortable, I AM A SUCKER FOR JING YUAN NUMBER 1 DAN HENG LOVER

whenever someone or Dan Heng tries to bring up Dan Feng and their past relationship Jing Yuan just goes “??? Dan Heng is amazing, why are we talking about Dan Feng?”

Like there’s nothing else. Dan Heng is his first and only and Jing Yuan has no idea how to handle ANY of it.

Idk where I’m going with this, there’s just something so insane to me about the idea of Jing Yuan truly knowing both Dan Feng and Dan Heng but ONLY falling in love with Dan Heng. Just giving more food to thought about the Vidyadhara reincarnation system, a more concrete form of just how different Dan Heng and Dan Feng are from each other that someone who knows both fell in love with only one of them.

I just want the most blatant confirmation for Dan Heng that Jing Yuan truly only sees him and loves him for him, not because of Dan Feng.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, is it obvious?

I think this has been marinating in my mind since that one side quest back in 1.3? Maybe 1.2? The one where the Vidyadhara guy is trying to woo the Xianzhou native girl and how he keeps falling in love with her in every life but she only liked the first few versions of him?

Anyways, something about that really got me thinking about long life, immortality, and how the whole point of reincarnation is that you’re a different person from the past and how the same person who’s known you each time will form different opinions and thoughts based on each new person.

Because that’s the whole point isn’t it? To be a whole new person?

I got way too philosophical for a post about me ranting about the complexities of Jing Yuan and Dan Heng falling in love

I am FERAL

(ALSO THE ANISHORT HNNNN WE WON BOIS)

#honkai star rail #star rail #jing yuan #dan heng #dan feng #hengjing #I am FERAL #reincarnation #Jing yuan: number 1 Dan Heng Supporter #Dan Heng: thinks he’s stuck in an unrequited romance only for JY in the back to court him in every obvious romantic trope #I love two oblivious idiots #misunderstandings #BUT ONLY FOR COMEDY #NO ANGST #ANGST IS FOR 5 MINUTES THEN ITS JUST A SLAP STICK COMEDY OF CONFUSION #fellas is it gay to call the eye of another man you just met the sun? #I am so late with that joke #dan heng imbibitor lunae #dan heng il #jinghengjing #jingheng

[toasts-httyd-hyperfixation]

Sometimes ya gotta make your lil boy a clown

Sometimes ya gotta make an entire Circus AU

Thats just how it goes

That's just the way of life

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways

He

#Hiccups job is being part of the slapstick comedy routines #on the receiving end of the slaps and sticks #Because Alas he is not good at anything else #oh also the yellow eye is a contact lens #just fyi #httyd books #httyd #how to train your dragon #how to train your dragon books #book hiccup #httyd book AU #httyd au

[friendlessghoul]

Sherlock Jr. (1924)

#Buster Keaton #kathryn mcguire #ward crane #sherlock jr #1924 #1920s #silent film #silent comedy #silent cinema #old hollywood #vintage hollywood #damfino #black and white #gifs #slap stick #Buster Edit

[spookycactusstew]

May I interest you in clown

I followed a make ur own weirdcore oc trend i saw on insta and now i have a clown oc so that's cool. His name is Chopzy :)

#hes just a little clown dude #doing his clown things #like doing slap stick comedy and making people laugh and vehicular manslaughter

[kruxton]

there r rarely any astro originals w actual good writing and gamers mangkuk is a prime example

(the tags got.... Long. feel free to not read)

#HORRIBLE SHOW #if any msians see this just DONT #its about this group of friends tryna become pro gamers #but the script is making me want to throw up #the plot is so stupid #and these characters r so fucking annoying #need astro to stop with their slap stick comedy right NOW!!!!!!! #projek high council happened and they though they could just put amir ahnaf in anhthinf and its gonna be a success #FUCK OFF #his acting here cannot beat him in projek high council coz here he just looks dumb #and dont get me fucking started on the ONE female character in the show #GGGGGGAAAAAHHHH #why is it that every single fucking malay show theyjust HAVE to have the female character relive her trauma again #and every single fucking time its r@pe #EVEN WHEN THERES???? ABSOLUTELY NO POINT TO HAVE JT IN THE STORY?????? #EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME #ok in their defense a lot of them are actual sad dramas or romance shows so i can see how the backstory ties in #but this doesnt make any FUCKING sense #theyre trying to be professional gamers #wheres the relation #u want each of the members to have a struggle theyre facing for drama sure #the guys have relatively normal issues #one has to get money bc him and his mum got evicted #another's got social anxiety so its hard for him to compete #another one has a (queer for comedic effect 🙄) older brother thats raising him alone bc their parents died #and despite his brother trying to persuade him to go to uni and get a good life so he doesnt end up like him #hes too fuckimg stubborn and wants to be. a professional gamer. fucking idiot #but like sure!!! those r valid ig #BUT WHAT DOES THW GIRL GEY????? #JFJDJDHJSJDK ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR

[short-and-ugly]

oh honeys i just FUCKED everything up

#this series wasn't supposed to have that much angst #like. a little. maybe #but there would always be some slap-stick comedy to follow it #ouuughhh noooo nooooooooo what have i done what have i done #the recipe is screwed #shit. fuck. #nooooo i have never cried at my own writing #this is a bad sign #unless im just tired. and i read it tomorrow and im less sad about it #gerrmisc

[iridescentmidnights]

Honestly the reboot is actually pretty decent season 1 starts off a bit rocky because it's still figuring itself out

But it does get better

Episode 2 is already waaaaaay better. The writing is a little messy but even with it's flaws "The Filth" is an awful fresh start to a new series. I'm starting ep7 now and my major pros so far 1) I'm over the moon for the alien voices and 2) Ben and Gwen have some of the CUTEST character interactions their dynamic in ep 3 was so wholesome and funny and 3) Ben and Gwen are absolute cutie pies in general.

The cons so far 1) Grandpa Max almost feels a character but the character he almost is I'm not a fan of (or his VA but I'm so use to his old one its probably my bias) 2) I'm missing Gwen's spunk, I like that she and Ben are getting along but she's been too nice so far 3) while very cute outside that awful first ep the beginning the reboot is inherently flawed. I understand not wanting to retread "And Then There was 10" but it IS a reboot and it should have a beginning or it comes across like it was intended for old fans. But it's very clearly written for kids and new audiences. It'd make a tad bit more sense if the first episode was in the same vein as a "what if" episode from the original series so it's clear the show is an alternate timeline and the bases covered with the origin. The op almost sorta helps but it give almost nothing and kids and new audience members shouldn't have to google the context while the writers shouldn't assume viewers already have it figured out.

tl,dr Skip the first episode the rest is a good time so far

#ask me anything #ben 10 #ben 10 reboot #i also feel like trying to make ben 10 a comedy is inherently a flawed concept #the premise would better as a character study or even better and adventure series #and naturally comedic element are fine #but the show is funniest so far with character driven humor #rather then the slap stick bs ep 1 tried to pull #i also wouldve liked it more if the premise was summer 2 and they were 11 #then skipping the origin is more acceptable #still not fair to the new kiddos watching #easier on old fans

[mushtoons]

28, 29 and 34? There's so many questions it's hard to choose aaaahhhhhh 💕💗💖

VEE ALL THESE ARE SO HARD AHHH FDGDDFGDF/lh but uhhhh lets see 28. five songs to describe you? 1) give love 2) crypid (mothman) 3) same boat 4) all of me (dont u dare judge me lmaoo) 5)the spongebob theme song

29. best way to bond with you? sharing random memes! i have a weird sense of humor and memes are easier to talk in than words! oh that or just exchanging random drawings or shitty ideas just for laughs <3 im very easy to get along with i just have horrible anxiety and honstly anything that can involve me being quiet and just enjoying the other person without them being offended that i cant speak or offer much to conversation is the best way to bond with me <3! 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every old spice commercial ever made, up until recently lmaoo back when i was younger i'd watch tv just to see them cuz that's exactly my sense of humor and i'd laugh my ass off, i use old spice to this day because of it lol

#how to advertise to louie? slap stick comedy lmao #im a simple man with simple needs if i laugh im sold #dfggdfgdf thank u vee!!! #wood wide web

[tspoe-pods]

Africa Screams (1949)

Africa Screams (1949) - Lydia and Christopher plow through the public domain jungle to catch a wild Abbott and Costello! #PublicDomain #PodNation #Podcast #Podcastin #MovieReview #AbbottAndCostello

Lydia and Christopher plow through the public domain jungle to watch Abbott and Costello in 1949’s “Africa Screams”! Promo: FilmGazers (https://rss.com/podcasts/filmgazers/) Please click, follow, rate and review! https://linktr.ee/TSPandOE_Podcasts

View On WordPress

#Abbott and Costello #Bud Abbott #Comedy #Joe Besser #Lou Costello #Shemp Howard #slap stick

[sumamitt]

i dont understand why people hate steven universe now. i love it. finally watching it all the way through.

#pearl my beloved #her voice actress is very nice #i was 18 and crying in the convention bathroom and she asked if i was ok #angel woman #she runned my back in comfort #angel womann #you know howvyoure like aw yeah im gonna be so cool in front of this person i admire #i was covering in my own vomit and crying. this is life. it is a slap stick comedy lol

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

responding to that last ask, i do notice that folks who take P5, and really all the games, a lot less seriously tend to not be bothered by the slapstick humor, even with the emphasis on topics such as physical abuse and societal corruption, so that could be a part of it, especially after seeing the same anime tropes coming up so often and seeing them played more or less the same (that's not meant to be a jab that's just kinda what persona games are) just something i notice since it's typically the most hardcore fans that get the most upset i realize

In all honesty, yeah I've noticed people that take a super casual approach don't really notice issues like more hardcore fans do.

P3/4 have the chibi models to disconnect from reality (as well as more obvious chatter effects and such...imo than P5), and P1/2 sprites even more so. P5 isn't exactly super realistic, but more so than prev games, plus it has the balls to actually criticize the physical/sexual/mental abuse of society.....only to use it as comedy later.

Yeah Persona is pretty anime, and that's fine (I mean I grew up on the Three Stooges so like.....I can go as far as live action slap stick too). It all comes down to framing for me.

Does it do a good job indicating it's slapstick (easier the more cartoonish you get, which is easy for cartoons and anime) ex:

2. (not really a deal breaker in a COMEDY, but if comedy's not the main genre it can be) Is it even? Like does one char always slap stick another, or does the recipient get to slap stick back? Or is it a free for all? (ex: like Angel Beats, Asobi Asobase, and MPGIS is a free for all, Yui/Hinata, Ichigo/Rukia and Ichiko/Momiji like to slap stick each other and are even, but I don't like Sakura punching Naruto bc sometimes he doesn't even deserve it and she's not exactly a great char herself TT0TT it gets tiring having it be so one sided...most of these barring Bleach and Naruto are comedies or a dramady like Angel Bleach are so.....yeah TT0TT Kinda skewed but still)

3. (this is def a big problem I have with P5, but I'm sure it's not the only one with this issue) Cake and eating it problem/tonal dissonance: They medium has a message that would....make slap stick unfortunate. Like it's a really hard line and you'll have to really land the dark comedy. Angel Beats can thread this very well.....P5 doesn't. Tbf AB is part comedy, it can be a dark comedy (I mean it's gonna have to be when it's a coming of age story about dead children). P5.....doesn't spend a lot of time on humor (which isn't bad in theory), but when it DOES it's........unfortunate. It just doesn't mesh well.

Maybe if it leaned MORE into the anime it would've lessened the blow. Wait no scratch that, I know what happens when you do that. You get P4 anime. orz

"Oh Silly, you're the only one that doesn't like it! It's beloved!" Hahahahahahaahaaaaaa oh. OH I know. But there's one scene that I KNOW people hated, cause they hated it when it airs, and NO ONE talks about it. It's the Kanji dungeon segment/episode. When you try to go full anime slap stick you get tonal whiplash instead (which is P4 anime's problem, esp with the new original humor and putting in humor where it was a more serious moment). So I'm afraid that also would happen to P5 if they went that route.....orz

But analyzing my own feelings and where my brain draws the line aside.

Yeah it's probs that the devs are just throwing anime tropes in there bc......those tropes are funny right? Haha? Not realizing the narrative disconnect it makes when it does happen. TT0TT

#silly asks #silly answers #did MPGIS do slapstick? It was more bitching/verbal......well #wait....arms being ripped off....setting a car on fire.....the shoot out yeah I guess that borderlines on slap stick #i mean there's consequences too it's a weird place TT0TT #tbh i wanted to analyze this (I didn't have time the other day) but you gave me a fun opportunity to do it this time so thanks XD #also it gives me a reason to name drop some of my fav comedy series 030 #anyway there's a fine line with certain things and I think some things do it masterfully and some....miss the mark orz

[pseudowho]

Kento Comes Home Drunk

(help me find the Nanami artist in the banner, for crediting and thanks/permission!)

The reader manages her drunk, horny fiancé, Nanami Kento, like an absolute champ.

Link to the sequel here: Reader Comes Home Drunk

WARNINGS: 18+, soapy handjobs (F to M), mutual masturbation, cumshots, ethics of consent, Kento being a sloppy drunk

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Hope he's having a good time, you mused to yourself, nursing a late cup of tea. The clock ticked well past midnight; you were the overnight on-call for Curse-related shenanigans, so whilst you had wanted to join Satoru, Shoko, Ino, Ijichi and Kento for drinks, you had, instead, waved Kento off, and settled in for a night with your phone on loud, and late-night game shows.

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"Hate to see you leave," you'd sighed at 6pm, bobbing upwards for a kiss. He had traded his work attire for a buttoned black shirt, and simple dark jeans. Effortlessly handsome. You buried your face in his chest, breathing his cologne, and gave him a playful shove on the chest, like trying to push a truck.

He stepped backwards, with a lopsided smile and his hand reached out to pinch your chin affectionately.

"But love to watch me go?" You winked at him. You were wearing his favourite outfit; your oldest pyjamas. He found something so sexy about you being comfy. You preened at him, cradling your first tea of the night.

"You know it." He chuckled, but became serious immediately after.

"Call me if you're called out overnight. I want to be around if anything...happens." You nodded, hand on heart.

"Good luck beating off other women with sticks. Hope you've practiced your comedy rejections."

Kento hummed sagely, "Bold of you to assume I'm a man? My doctor said I shouldn't until the smallpox has cleared up? Undskyld, jeg taler ikke Japansk?"

You laughed, gave him one final kiss, and waved him out of the door.

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Firmly lost in late-night TV and stifling a yawn, you noted the time; nearly 2am. As you smilingly hoped Kento was having fun, there was a firm tap at the door. You rose to answer it, and you paused to hear shuffles, bumps, hushed voices and fumbled keys. Rolling your eyes, you opened the door to a waft of whisky fumes dressed as your fiancé.

"Fiancé delivery service! Sorry for the late call ma'am, I tried to throw him over the gate but he was too heavy." Satoru heaved Shoko higher onto his back, and she groaned, face first in his shoulder. Ino and Ijichi swayed behind him, quietly huddled over Ino's phone and arguing over what food to order.

You smirked up at Kento, who was possibly more gorgeous while dishevelled, shirt half untucked, sleeves rolled, and stumbling into the hallway to kick his shoes off. He walked the confident walk of a drunk man back towards the door, possessively looping an arm around your waist and planting a sloppy kiss to your neck. Glaring at Satoru, he gripped the doorframe.

"I didn't need you to get me home, Gojo. I'm not drunk." Kento shuffled his whole face into your neck, gripping your pyjamas hard. You thanked Satoru, and sent him off to deliver the other drunkards home. Kento slammed the door hard, and backed you up against the wall while you laughed, slapping at his chest as he mumbled incoherent greetings against the side of your face.

"Behave yourself, buddy, you're hammered. Let's get you to bed." He groaned cheerfully, taking this as an invitation. His eyes met yours, unusually playful, and with a wink started to slowly unbutton his shirt. You rolled up a nearby newspaper and swatted his hands. Mouth watering at the sight of his abs, you sternly told yourself off.

"It is unethical to have sex with drunk people when you're sober. I don't know what you think you're getting tonight, but you should adjust your expectations." Bodily manhandling him, you turned him around while he grumbled at you, urging him towards the bathroom. He sat against the counter, bum accidentally setting off the tap in the sink, while you set the shower running. He stumbled and cursed behind you, trousers now wet and clinging to his muscled thighs. You heard him stripping while you waited for the water to heat up.

He thinks he's being sneaky, you thought to yourself as Kento pressed himself into your back, erection now full and visible against his underwear, and his hands slipped boldly under your pyjamas. While one hand reached up to cup your breast, the other snuck down to graze against the top of your mound. Involuntary shivers of pleasure ran down your spine, his wet mouth on your neck smelling of hot whisky and smoke.

"I have full capacity," Kento purred against your neck, tongue trailing up to your ear now, "and I'm so delighted my girl is still home, and I'd love nothing more than to make her the final taste on my tongue tonight." He stopped, musingly, his gaze at you still drunk and fluttering.

"Unless you don't want to," he pondered, taking his hands from your body. You pouted up at him, crossed arms and faux-angry, and nodded towards the shower.

"You smell like a bar. Behave yourself." Kento chuckled at you, cracking his neck and sighing, absent-mindedly palming his erection through his underwear. His cock sprang up as he finished undressing, pink-tipped and perfect, and you couldn't resist looking him up and down. He stepped into the shower, hot water cascading down his broad shoulders. Leaning one hand against the glass, he eyed you ruefully again.

"I'll manage myself then, shall I?" Still leaning on the glass, his eyes drifted shut as his other hand trailed down his body to grip his wet cock. "Please don't feel obliged to stay." You tried to appear unaffected, and moved to turn, but paused as you heard the slow wet strokes of him pumping himself under the running water. The drink lowered his guard, and he let out a long, slow moan of relief as he pleasured himself, now totally oblivious to your presence.

You felt heat pool between your legs, your arms covered in goosebumps and your nipples pebbling under the cool pyjama fabric. You considered your options.

Still stroking himself, and gradually increasing the pace, Kento was imagining you riding him on the sofa, like you had done only days before, his hands on your eager hips as you told him how deep you could feel him. He groaned to himself, desperate to feel that intense intimacy and pleasure again, enhanced by the alcohol running through his system.

Thoughts interrupted by a tap on the shower glass, he opened his eyes to you, leaning against the bathtub, one hand moving slow circles over your clit and another rolling your nipple between your fingers. Lower lip between your teeth, you blushed as you watched Kento pleasure himself.

Kento moaned unashamedly, swiping his thumb over his tip, cock twitching furiously in his hand.

"I'll return the favour, I promise," he begged you, eyes fully focused on where your hand moved steadily beneath your pyjamas, feeling his pulse quicken as you flushed and moaned, legs weakening against the tub, "I know what you're like when you come home drunk, you're a nightmare, saying no to you is a chore."

Lip still between your teeth you smiled at him, and, now feeling especially naughty, you moved to straddle the lip of the bathtub. Kento's jaw dropped as you began to ride it, sighing his name as if he wasn't there, now slipping your pyjama top down to release your aching breasts.

"Shit...please get in here before I lose my mind," and he stopped stroking himself, hand gripping the base of his cock as pre-cum trickled out, merging with the running water. His head was still spinning with the alcohol, but his senses were sharpened by your performance, so he watched you hungrily, determined that he'd cum inside you if he had any say in the matter.

You continued to hump the side of the bath, shuddering, eyes glinting with mischief.

"How can I trust that you know what you're asking?" You replied breathlessly, "It is unethical. I'd be taking advantage. I'd hate for you to regret me in the morning."

Kento grinned at you. "But watching me is fine? It seems worse somehow. Regret you," he scoffed. Humour aside, Kento shifted uncomfortably, grunting as his cock continued to throb in his hand. "Get in here," he wheedled, "and stop fucking the bathtub in front of me, and use me instead."

You acquiesced, resolve cracking. Stripping quickly, you slipped into the shower, pressing against him and immediately gripping his pulsing shaft. He stuttered and whined, hands pressed back against the glass, panting as you squeezed him.

"Alright, you win," you breathed against him, licking the flat of your tongue across his nipple, tasting the sweat and nightclub on his skin, "but I will absolutely remember this when I'm the one who's drunk and begging."

You spun Kento around again, and reached around his hips to grasp his cock just as he would as he pleasured himself. He continued to pant, whining and begging you for relief. You rubbed his tip with the flat of your palm, teasing, before starting to stroke from the head to the base of his cock in well-practiced motions.

Kento moaned and murmured sweet praise. His hands pressed against the glass, fingers flexing and unfolding as you fondled his bum lovingly, nipping his shoulder blades and sweeping your wet hand up and down his cock, gently twisting and squeezing at the head until he was gasping. You kept a steady pace, Kento occasionally thrusting forwards into your hand, calling you his good girl, his sweetest thing, being so good to him.

Head swimming with the alcohol, Kento gladly accepted the handjob, overwhelmed by the pleasure and steam of the shower. As he was about to turn to insist on bending you over against the shower wall, your second hand crept round to his throat and squeezed just hard enough for his moan to catch in his chest. Balls tightening and abdomen twitching, Kento gasped as you whispered into his ear; "be a good boy and cum in my hand".

Kento broke, wave after wave of pleasure rushing through him, strengthened by the drink, as thick spurts of cum shot into your hand and against the shower glass. He moaned your name, hips thrusting sloppily, one hand reaching round to squeeze your waist. Your pace slowed, squeezing gently as you pumped every last drop out of him.

Kento slumped against the glass, a dopey satisfied smile on his face, and hummed happily as he felt a soapy sponge start to clean his back. By the time you had gently scraped your nails through his hair, rinsing him of the last suds, he was barely awake in the steamy bathroom.

"Come on, big guy. Let's get you to bed." Kento frowned at you, looking faintly guilty.

"But I haven't done anything for you." You stroked his cheeks, full of affection.

"Trust me, that did plenty for me. I'll be storing that in my head for a long time."

Kento blushed, but allowed you to lead him to bed and dry his hair. He was face down in bed and asleep within seconds, his body relaxed, his tense muscles loose and softened.

You hesitated before checking the time; if you hadn't been called out by now, you probably wouldn't be, you convinced yourself. Pulling on one of Kento's shirts, you sat your phone by the bed and slipped under the sheets, tucking close to his warmth with one knee lifted over the small of his back.

"Still think I took advantage of you," you mumbled to Kento, before falling asleep to his warmth and deep, soft breaths, safe and happy in the dark.

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This best boy deserves a soapy handjob

And the sequel, Reader Comes Home Drunk, link here.

#jujustu kaisen #jjk #jjk nanami #kento nanami #kento nanami x y/n #nanami fluff #jjk fluff #kento nanami x you #nanami kento smut #nanami x #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu nanami #kento nanami smut #kento nanami x reader #nanami kento #nanami kento fluff #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami smut #nanami x reader #nanami x y/n #nanami x you #pseudowho

[shay-puppitty]

Best laugh I’ve had in weeks. A series of events leads to my oldest nephew driving down the driveway while my youngest niece and I are walking beside. I have two, comically small, hammers. I give my niece one of the little hammers to play with because “why not.” Immediately, my niece lifts the hammer above her head and sprints ahead of me and the car into the headlights like she’s gonna attack (she’s laughing maniacally doing so). My nephew stops driving so I can also get ahead to be safe, and gives me the best lighting for soon to unfold comedy. Niece, holding tiny hammer above head laughing and running, slips on the wet grass (gets a bit of air too). Falls...on her ass.

I nearly joined her on the ground because I laughed so hard. I fuckin screamed. Voice echoed and everything.

My nephew had second best POV. He’s in the car and sees her run in front of it (he’s stopped the car to let us go in front). His sister running with a hammer over her head one second. She disappears the next second. Then her head slowly pops back up into view....then he hears me scream-laughing and looks over to see me nearly collapse.

#shay's life #shay speaks #My niece is fine and laughed about it too #I have been laughing about this for a whole hour and was nearly in tears #slap-stick comedy gets me every time

[teapartyprincess4two]

Parenthood- M. Sturniolo

pairing: Mom!reader x Dad!Matt

classification: SFW & NSFW headcannons

inspiration: request

warnings: some 18+ content, use of Y/n, established relationship, I didn’t name the children but Matt has a son and a daughter in this 👍🏻

summary: head cannons of dad!Matt.

Parenthood- C. Sturniolo (Chris’s Version)

—

☆SFW

From the moment Matt met you, he knew he wanted you to be the mother of his children. Both of your children were received with so much love and joy, but Matt still had to learn how to navigate being a boy dad and a girl dad.

☆ Your firstborn is a boy and Matt can’t contain the excitement he feels when he first finds out.

☆ He’s overprotective of you throughout the entire pregnancy, ready to take care of your every need.

☆ Your son is hyper, rambunctious, curious and a force to be reckoned with. He barges into the room with so much energy balled up into his small figure that he’s bouncing off the walls.

☆ When your daughter is born, she’s the complete opposite of your son. She’s calm, quiet, and docile.

☆ It takes Matt some time to adjust to having a baby girl, but as soon as he gets in the groove of it he can’t remember what life was like before having a daughter.

☆ Matt’s playing soccer outside with your son, playing pirates, boxing, and building elaborate Lego sets with him.

☆ “No dad! We’re pirates! We have to steal all the gold!” your son explains, adjusting his make-shift eyepatch.

☆ “I thought we were ninjas?!” Matt’s out of breath, running after a fast toddler was extremely tiring.

☆ “No! We just beat the ninjas! They tried sneaking onto the ship, remember?” Your son’s imagination was too fast for Matt to keep up with.

☆ “Argh matey,” Matt replies, ready to continue with the game.

☆ But when your daughter wants attention he’s playing dress up, attending a tea party, getting his nails and makeup done, and talking to all her stuffed animals.

☆ “Daddy Miss Twinkle is mad at you for eating her cookies!” your daughter whispers, almost like she’s gossiping.

☆ Matt has lost track over which stuffed animal is which, but he’s assuming Miss Twinkle is the unicorn across from him.

☆ “I’m sorry Miss Twinkle,” he apologizes, shaking the toy’s hand.

☆ “Dad that was Lady Unicorn. Miss Twinkle is the teddy bear in the pink dress,” your daughter slaps her forehead. “Oops,” he laughs, taking a fake sip of tea.

☆ Matt has learned to be silly, fatherhood softening him and allowing him to abandon all embarrassment.

☆ “What are you wearing?” you laugh, Matt’s serious face adding to the comedy of the situation.

☆ He’s fully decked out in a pizza costume, trying to make your children laugh. “I’m a piece of pizza,” he replies goofily, putting on his best Italian accent.

☆ “You’re so silly daddy,” your son giggles. In his eyes, Matt is the funniest person on the planet.

☆ Your daughter is not as amused, but she smiles nonetheless.

☆ Matt loves doing domestic things with his little family. He’ll randomly pull out a baking sheet, all the ingredients to make cookies, and throw on an apron.

☆ “You’re doing so good, baby,” he coos, watching as your daughter throws an entire, uncracked egg into the mixing bowl. He wasn’t going to use that batch, but the words of encouragement have her smiling.

☆ Children fight all the time, especially when they’re siblings, and your kids are no exception. The year age gap doesn’t help either, so you’ll often find your kids bickering over the smallest things.

☆ “It’s not your turn to play, though!” your son attempts to reason, yanking the controller out of his sisters hands.

☆ “You played all day bozo!” she replies, sticking her tongue out at him.

☆ Matt hears the fight from his room, reluctantly getting up from his comfortable spot on his bed and walking over to where his children are.

☆ “What’s going on?” he asks, arms crossed and a displeased look etched on his face.

☆ “She’s being so annoying, dad!” your son exclaims, and before Matt knows it his kids are pushing, slapping, and punching each other.

☆ “HEY! BEHAVE!” Matt pulls them off of each other, scolding them both without favoritism. He goes on to lecture them about the importance of siblings and doesn’t leave until they hug and make up.

☆ Matt’s entire camera roll is filled with videos and pictures of his kids. Kindergarten ceremonies, family vacations, first haircuts, candid photos; all of it is being documented by Matt at all times.

☆ If he’s ever away from home for a long time, he’s scrolling through his gallery and reminiscing on all his memories with his babies.

☆ Your son is obsessed with video games, something that he and Matt bond over. And although your daughter isn’t as invested, she’s still really good at them.

☆ Mortal Kombat is a game they all play and enjoy together.

☆ “Move over and watch the queen play,” your daughter jokes, taking the controller from Matt after watching him lose time and time again to her brother.

☆ “Yeah, you wish you could beat me,” your son scoffs, readying up for another round.

☆ Your daughter chooses a girly character, which has your son rolling his eyes, but as soon as the round begins he can’t get a single hit in.

☆ Matt is in shock at her level of expertise, she was using combos he didn’t even know about.

☆ “Okay my turn against you, babygirl,” Matt takes the controller from his son, ready to play all night long if he has to.

☆ Having teenagers is hard and tiring, Matt feels like he ages 10 years in just one day with the amount of stress his kids cause him.

☆ Your daughter’s brain is suddenly occupied with nothing but boys and your son is starting to take girls on dates.

☆ “That skirt is too short,” you warn your daughter.

☆ “It is not,” she fights back, genuinely finding nothing wrong with her provocative outfit.

☆ Matt doesn’t have to say anything, one stern look has her trudging back upstairs to change.

☆ “Dad can I borrow the car?” your son asks nervously, avoiding Matt’s eyes at all costs.

☆ “For?” Matt’s not stupid, he knows what teenagers do.

☆ “Nothing, just hanging with some friends,” your son replies, but it doesn’t take long for Matt to get the truth out of him.

☆ Overall, fatherhood has been extremely rewarding for Matt. He sees it in the way his children love and look out for each other and what a great mom you are.

☆ “I love you guys so much,” Matt gushes, pulling the three of you in for a group hug.

☆ “Dad stop being weird,” your son groans, your daughter seconds his statement, but they don’t pull away from the hug.

☆NSFW

Having two children can take up a lot of personal time, especially when your daughter needs you and your son needs Matt. There’s never really any time for you and Matt to just exist as a couple, but he works hard to make sure you feel special everyday.

☆ You’re cooking lunch, the pure domesticity of your actions being enough to turn Matt on.

☆ The kids are still at school and if he’s convincing enough, you’ll abandon whatever’s on the stove and let him please you.

☆ Sneaky arms are wrapping around your waist, rocking you back and forth to the beat of the music that plays lowly in the background.

☆ Matt’s lips find your neck, your head falling back onto his shoulder in pleasure.

☆ Before you know it, you’re bent over the kitchen counter and Matt’s balls deep in you. “Take it,” he grunts, his hands gripping your waist so tight there were sure to be bruises.

☆ The food on the stove burns and you end up ordering pizza.

☆ When the kids are old enough, you and Matt leave them at home alone while you run errands.

☆ Something as simple as a quick trip to the grocery store turns into heated, passionate car sex.

☆ The windows are foggy and the car rocks with each thrust, Matt’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist as you ride him in the front seat.

☆ “You’re so fucking sexy,” he grunts, falling more in love with you as you whimper out his name. It doesn’t take long for him to finish, a string of curse words falling from his lips.

☆ Most times you two just do it in the shower. It’s sweet and full of so much love.

☆ He’ll fuck you against the cold tile wall before scrubbing your back and washing your hair you.

☆ It’s the sweet moments like this that both of you cherish. “I love you so much,” he whispers, the warm water running down both your faces. “I love you too,” you reply with a smile, going in for a passionate kiss.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n: can I hear some commotion for dad Matt🎤

-L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

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[sameschmidtdiffname]

I was wondering if you could do a fic with Mike Schmidt x fem!reader and the quote “can I stack donuts on it?” I apologize in advance 😭

THE FUCKING SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I GOT THISSSSSS BITCH YOU GOT ITTTTTT

Cherries & Cream

Mike Schmidt x AFAB!Reader

Summery: It's a modest holiday. Spent indoors, soft music on the cassette player... oh, and a collection of bad ideas snowballed into a day of sticky situations

Tags: No use of Y/N, author has fucking lost it, comedy, Valentine's Day fic, mentions of failed masturbation attempts, mentions of inappropriate use of lightsabers and water snakes (I SAID AUTHOR HAS FUCKING LOST IT- DONT ASK, JUST READ, IT AINT THAT BAD!), sex toys, handcuffs, sex dice, pre-established relationship, food sex, blowjob, facial, Mike gets restrained like we all know he wants to be.

Notes: I'm not apologizing for shit.

                     ▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

"These are ridiculous questions."

"Oh, come on. Don't be a sourpuss," I say. Cards are scattered around the small box on our bed, both of us long deciding we'd clean up later.

"What does it say?" I ask him, leaning forward. I'm straddling his chest, my arms crossed against mine, dressed in nothing but one of his shirts. His hand on my hip is halfway under the black material, his pointer finger twisting the old cotton around his digit. His other hand holds a dark purple card that he rolls his eyes at before shifting them to focus on me towering over him.

"It doesn't even apply to you," he says.

"And how do you know?" I say smugly.

"Because I've sucked your dick and it's not big enough to apply," he says

"What? Give me that." I snatch the card from his hand, ignoring his laughter as he shifts his hand to rest on my other hip, rubbing soothing circles into my skin while I read.

'What's the weirdest thing you have ever stuck your dick in?'

A short laugh escapes me, a bit louder than it should be with Abby sleeping peacefully down the hall.

"I'm waiting," Mike jokes, smiling up at me with his lips twisted into a smug expression of sarcasm.

"I mean, I stuck a toy lightsaber up my snatch once," I say casually.

"What?" He bellows, descending into a fit of laughter so grand his chest is rattling underneath of me, making my face bloom with blood in embarrassment.

"I was fourteen!" I say quickly in my defense. This doesn't help my case, making him cackle loud enough I grab a pillow to shove onto his face to muffle his fit. He grabs my wrists before it can descend, holding them up as he wheezes.

"Oh, Qui-Gon Jin! You're my only hope!" He relaxes his grip slightly, allowing me to stiffle his incessant noise.

"That was Obi-Wan, and I liked Darth Vader!"

His hands shove the pillow away from his red face, eyes teary and judgemental.

"He's burnt!"

"It was the vibe! Mysterious, dark, and that voice!" I protest. Mike makes a pitiful attempt at the sounds of Vader's breathing through his mask, muddled with spit from his laughter. "James Earl Jones has a handsome voice!"

"It's just so hot," Mike cackled.

"Mike."

"Nothing can hold a candle to it."

"Michael."

"Makes me go-" a crude imitation of lightsaber noises is the last thing Mike can communicate before I'm slamming the pillow down on him, making him laugh harder and block his face from my playful blows as he begs for mercy.

"You're a dick!"

"You'd stick yours in one of those- those-" as he regains his breath and I lessen my attacks, he snaps his fingers, one hand slapping gently against my thigh for thought.

"Oh, you know. One of those fucken- the uh..." He makes a jerking motion with his snapping hand, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling like the answer is written on the spot where some poster used to be.

"A hand?" I ask, crossing my arms and glaring down at him.

"No. One of those toys that had like water in them and you could like- I don't know what the point of them was, some sensory thing. There was like water, maybe fish or sparkles stuffed inside," he describes, gesturing his hand as he speaks.

The image begins to click together in my mind. "Oh yeah. Water snakes?" I ask. He slaps my thigh, snapping his fingers and pointing at me with wide eyes.

"That's the fucker. Yeah, you'd stick your dick in that," he says confidently, nodding and relaxing in satisfaction with his statement.

"Okay, but you can like slide those things in and out so honestly that's kind of genius," I say.

"That plastic burns like a motherfucker though. And it's got those seams for the plastic so lube doesn't help," Mike says, one arm curled above his head and his other hand once more rubbing my hip.

"That's descriptive," I say with narrowed eyes. I lean forward, my face hovering above his. His relaxed hazel eyes widen slightly, but only by a hair. His rubbing stutters. His body language is still casual, but has stiffened enough to betray him.

"Just a thought."

"How old were you?"

"I did not- fifteen."

It's my turn to snicker now, picking my pillow back up and smacking him once more in the head.

"Okay, okay. Teenagers are idiots. Next card, next card," he says laughing, hand now searching for a new card from the deck. "Oh my God. What food item would you use during sex- babe, where the fuck did you find this game?"

"It was some dirty Santa gift, got it a couple years ago," I say with the wave of my hand. "Anyways, it's my turn to ask the question."

"Oh right. Pick a new one," he says, flicking the card away.

"Well, hang on now. On the topic of poor sexual choices and food, what would you use for that?" I ask, smirking and crossing my arms across my chest once more. He glares at me, lips pressed firmly together as he narrows his eyes. There's a long silence, neither of us speaking as we decide who's going to break it.

"Donuts," he finally says.

"Donuts?"

"Yeah. They have the hole," he adds as if it explains everything.

"Uh huh."

"Okay, you used a fucking lightsaber, you cannot-"

"I was fourteen, you are twenty-eight. What happens if you squeeze the thing too hard and you've just got crumbs and frosting all over you?" I ask.

"I wouldn't fuck the damn thing. I'd, like, stack them," he clarifies. "Do it like one of those really cheesy porno bits like 'did someone order some food?' And just rip open the trenchcoat to reveal several donuts stacked on my dong."

"Michael, you've put a weird amount of thought into this."

"It's the fucking question!"

"Okayokayokay- so hypothetically," I begin.

"Mm-hmm."

"If I brought home a box of donuts-"

"Nice ones. Krispy Kreme or some shit, I'm not getting sugar in my shit if it's cheap," he insists.

"...glad to know. If I brought home a box of overpriced donuts and a trench coat-"

"Take the coat out, that was a bit."

"Will you let me finish?"

"That'd be the preferred outcome," he interrupts again. "But like, before the donut thing. If it was like, y'know." He thrusts his hips into the air slightly, not to be arousing but to clarify. Because that's the part he can't say out loud. "'Cause you can't get sugar in your snatch."

"You can't get sugar in your snatch," I repeat slowly, blinking.

"Don't ask."

"Right. So if I brought home the Kreme-y goods, you would present yourself to me with a donut dick?" I ask. He rolls his eyes, suppressing a smile.

"Sure."

Valentine's Day. A day for kids and new couples, mainly. And since this household is aging out of both of those demographics, Mike and I had decided to go smaller this year. Not that we went huge every year before, neither of us feeling quite like blowing a shit load of cash on the day. But usually we booked a reservation at a decent restaurant, put on some nicer clothes, and spent the holiday just having a nice family dinner. But Abby was old enough she was itching to attend some sleepover at a friend's house for the holiday, and Mike and I felt fine just ordering in and playing a card game that we usually thumbed through while bored.

"Do 12 year olds even get valentines?" Mike asks, sprawled upon the bed the night before.

"I don't know, I didn't," I shrug. "She's just visiting her friends and wearing pink so they can gorge on chocolate, sounds like a good holiday to me."

He considers this, scratching his jaw as he continues staring at the ceiling.

"Valentine's Day alone. What trouble we could cause," he teases.

"What food are we ordering in for the trouble, anyways?" I ask, looking up from the box of my things I'd been unpacking, hanging up pictures and placing knick knacks around the room and new desk we'd shoved in earlier that evening.

"Chinese?" He asks.

"Gas for Valentine's Day, I'll love that," I say. He laughs. "How about Italian?"

"Makes me bloated, you'll be top," he says. "What are we doing in that department? I mean, we probably should do something."

"You say that like sex is a chore," I say with a raised brow, looking up at him for a moment from the box.

"Oh, hell no," he says. "If that's a chore than it's my favorite."

"Chores typically bring you closer to God."

"Than I'm smokin' it with Jesus, fuck yeah."

At that I laugh, tossing a small box at him that rattles with something inside. He catches it, laughing and pulling it open out of curiosity.

"Oh ho! What are these?" He asks, holding up a small, hot pink cube.

"Oh Jesus, I thought I lost those. They're-"

"Sex dice!" He laughs. "You whore!"

"I'm not a whore, I just went to college!" I laugh defensively. His eyebrows raise.

"Popular?"

"Fuck off," I groan. "My ex bought those, I just kept them."

Mike rolls the dice in his hands, actually sitting up and crossing his legs on the bed before sending them flying across the quilt.

"Suck toe," Mike reads. "That's disappointing."

"We never used toe, we always just picked a different spot," I say.

"Like?" He asks.

"I don't know, it varied. I guess it was kinda a pick your poison spot," I say. "You wouldn't believe how often it lands on toe."

"The universe is trying to tell you something," he says.

"The universe can suck it," I say. Mike rolls one of the dice again.

"Tit. Nice. I'll be acting as ambassador for said universe sucking-"

"You'll be acting as helping me unpack these dresses," I say, setting the box on the bed in front of him. He stands with a sigh, hands on his hips as he awaits his work. I take out a few dresses and lay them in his arms before returning to my work of organizing the closets.

"Hold 'em," I say.

"Just hold them?"

"Yeah."

"You made me get up for this?"

"Before you find the handcuffs in there? Yeah," I say.

"Handcuffs? We've been together for three years, you're moving into my house and now I'm finding out you have handcuffs?" Mike asks incredulously.

"I didn't know that would upset you," I say honestly, shrugging.

"Upset? I've been deprived! You're a freak and haven't taken it out on me!" He says overdramatically. I roll my eyes but smile.

"I'm not a freak, I've only slept with like, two other guys. That's it," I say.

"So the guys were freaks," he says.

"I mean, I wasn't saying no," I admit.

"So you're a freak when asked?"

"You sound like a teenager."

"I sound like a guy who's gonna be home alone with his girlfriend and sex toys tomorrow, yeah, I sound like a teenager," he says.

"Oh, so we're ordering in and banging all night?" I ask, raising a brow in amusement.

"Was that not the plan already?" He asks.

"I wasn't gonna say it, but if you want to."

The night was spent laying out plans of debauchery. After dropping off Abby in the early afternoon at her friends the next day, Mike and I made a slight detour before heading home, where the items were laid out before us.

Whipped cream. Donuts. Handcuffs. Dice. And some cheap, bottom of the $5 bin collection of 'Top 100 Sexy Songs for Valentine's Day' cassette tape that Mike had grabbed from a local music store during our trip.

"Do you ever question the things we do while bored?" Mike asks, staring at the ceiling, butt naked and handcuffed to the bedframe while I straddle his thighs, trying to figure out how exactly I'm gonna do this.

"Do you?" I ask, pinching his soft tip between my fingers.

"I'm starting to," he says, glancing at the can of whipped cream that was starting to sweat on the bedside table beside us. "I had questions before I shaved my junk for this, but I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Good. Keep that philosophy, I think I figured it out," I say, finally leaning for the box of glazed donuts we'd hardly been able to act mature about buying while going through the drive through. We're not seeing the gates of heaven.

"Shouldn't you get me hard first? It's just gonna grow," he says in questioning, trying to look down at what I'm doing.

"No, because then I'll have to keep you hard and that's gonna deflate quickly," I say. He nods in agreement, satisfied and sighing in slight boredom as I begin my task, trying to get the first donut on without breaking.

"Ow! Are- are you trying to fucking fold my shit?" He asks, his voice slightly higher than it was a moment ago.

"You're bigger than the hole, it's gonna break the donut! It's soft, isn't it?" I ask.

"Not that soft!" He says a bit frantic.

"Okay, what if I stretch it out like this?" I ask, tugging his dick upwards.

"I'm gonna ask you not to!" Mike says. His thumbs find the latches for the handcuffs, undoing one so he can reach down himself. "Jesus Christ- you're gonna break me!"

"This is my job," I say amused, giggling as I cover my mouth with my hand.

He ignores me, examining himself and the donut before glaring at the corner of the room, sighing.

"Motherfucker, I've been blessed, goddammit," he groans.

"What a humble statement," I say, trying not to laugh.

"This is humbling enough. Do what you will, I guess," he says, flopping back onto the bed, donut in hand and taking a bite from it as he crosses his ankles beneath me.

"I need that," I say.

"There's eleven more, this is my consolation prize," he says through his mouthful, returning his glare to the ceiling.

"You gonna redo the handcuff?" I ask.

"I'll redo your fucken dad," he snaps, but shoves the rest of the donut in his mouth as he fiddles with the handcuffs once again, groaning as I start on my work.

It takes half an hour, four donuts and a ridiculous amount of whipped cream, but the deed is done. Stepping off the bed, I behold my work of a restrained, glaring, donut stacked and cream covered Mike with a proud smile.

"This was exponentially hotter in my head," he mutters, looking down at himself.

"You don't like it?" I ask.

"I didn't say that, I'm just not drooling over- where are you going?" He asks. I quickly dart out of the room, racing to the kitchen as a series of 'babe?' Rings throughout the house. I open the fridge quickly, find the box of cherries and race back into the bedroom, holding it up as though it were a crown jewel.

"Ohh, my fucking God," Mike loudly drawls, rolling his eyes.

"I almost forgot," I say with malicious glee.

"I wish you had," he says, staring at the ceiling. "You're sick in the head."

"This was your idea."

"I'm sick in the head, I repent, I repent."

Placing a fat cherry carefully on top of the fluffy tip, I smile in true satisfaction.

"Perfect," I say, hands working to undo my house robe, shrugging it off and leaving me in simple lingerie instead.

"Now you faceplant into my dessert dick. Delicious," he deadpans.

"Mike, if you really don't wanna do this-"

"I'm gonna get a fucking UTI, just fulfill the high school fantasy already. I'll have no shame once I'm hard," he spits out quickly, jerking against the restraints slightly in impatience.

Well, that's true enough.

I lean forward, trying to figure out where to start, deciding between bottom or top.

"Babe, this is mortifying, just do some- oh-kay," Mike groans, his hips shifting slightly as I gently suck one of his freshly shaved balls into my mouth, my tongue swirling around it as I grip his thighs. The stack shifts slightly, Mike moaning as he thrusts against nothing.

My mouth works his sack for a little bit, one of my hands trailing down to between his legs to press against the spot behind his balls, making him keen into my touch as he moans loudly, the handcuffs clicking against the frame of our bed as he squirms. When I'm sure he's hardened properly underneath, I remove my mouth, making him whine as I glance up at him, smiling.

"Doing good?" I ask sweetly, pressing my fingers harder into the spot between his legs.

"Still mortifying, just keep going," he moans shamelessly, his cheeks red as he keeps his eyes closed in embarrassment.

I lean down once more, licking at the melting whipped cream on the tip of his cock, his moans growing louder as my tongue finds contact with his cock, his skin cold and wet underneath of the cream. I'm barely able to reach his actual tip, my tongue sticking down far in the hole of the top donut. I begin biting into the food, quickly tearing away at my work in eagerness of what awaits.

There's probably a special place in Hell reserved for the two of us for doing something like this and enjoying it, but I promise you, if you could see the look on his face right now, blushing wildly and trying to hide behind the bulk of his large arm, it would be worth it.

Once the first two donuts are gone I take off the cherry from the top, dangling it over his mouth in teasing.

"Want some?" I ask. He just groans in response, his cock twitching from neglect. I chuckle, tossing the fruit away and quickly taking him into my mouth, drawing a sharp, high moan from him as I suck eagerly, admiring the taste of his skin mixed with the sweet sugar from the food.

Yeah. Definitely worth it.

Pre-cum shoots into my mouth as he rolls his hips into my face, my hand still working against him as I swirl my tongue around his tip, sucking harshly as I watch him. His back arches against the bed, his head thrown back in pleasure as he loses himself in the feeling of my mouth against him.

"Go deeper," he begs, his voice soft as he bucks into my mouth, his arms straining against the handcuffs. "Holy shit, please go deeper."

His hips buck harshly against my face, smashing the two other donuts and an annoying amount of cream into my face, covering me in a facial I didn't ask for.

I pull away from him, stopping my hand and just staying still for a moment to allow him a proper look at my face.

"... I do not like this," I deadpan. I'd blink if I could open my eyes right now.

Small whines escape him as his hips continue moving, questions being voiced then everything ceasing all at once as I guess he takes a good look at me. There's a moment of silence, then he bursts out laughing at the sight, loud and obnoxious.

"It's in your hair!" He exclaims, probably wishing he could point at me as I blindly search for the hand towel nearby.

"I hope this was worth it," I say flatly, suppressing my own giggle.

"Oh, the feeling is awful, but you're doing great," he says sweetly, still chuckling as he watches me wipe at my face, groaning at the stickiness of it all.

"Jesus, I'm a mess," he says, looking down at himself. "Can we just take that off and-"

"Yeah, normal blow job, on it," I finish for him, quickly taking off the other two, very smushed donuts and discarding of them inside the box. "You have horrible ideas "

"You wanted us to try new shit, this is not on me," he laughs, smiling at me. "But thank you for answering a decade old question."

"You're weird," I say.

"Just fuck me," he says back.

Quickly I take him back into my mouth, deepthroating him and encouraging him to fuck my mouth, focusing on my breathing as he does with blind obedience. His thighs press against the sides of my head, squeezing slightly as his tip rams into the back of my throat, all gentleness off the table. My tongue slides against his prominent vein, feeling how he throbs, his cock stiff and twitching from the stimulation. He pants loudly, whining when I press my tongue harder into his vein, a loud 'snap' echoing from near his head.

His movements cease for a moment, his chest heaving as realization crosses his face.

"... the handcuffs weren't expensive, right?" He asks inbetween gasps, holding up his hands to show the cheap cuffs now hanging uselessly around his wrists.

My eyebrows raise in surprise, my head beginning to lift off of him when one of his hands comes down on my head, suddenly gripping my hair as he begins to fuck my mouth with new vigor, tearing lewd sounds from my throat as I gag sharply around him.

"Fuck it, I'll buy another pair," he decides, slamming quickly into my throat as he pulls my hair sharply, his pre-cum beginning to thicken in my mouth. "It's not like you mind, right, sweetheart?" He asks, propping himself up with one arm to watch as I swallow his dick eagerly, one of my hands dipping down to play with my clit. He tugs sharply at my hair, making me whine as his other hand smacks quick and gentle against my hollowing cheek before pointing at me.

"No," he says sharply. "I'll deal with you after."

His hand strokes my cheek as he continues fucking my face, his thumb trained on my chin, keeping my mouth open wide for him. His eyes are glazed over in pleasure as he watches me, my spit dribbling down my chin as I take him, my legs pressed tightly together as I grab blindly at his thighs, admiring the thickness as I gag on his cock.

"Fuck- you're so pretty," he moans, his cock twitching in closeness. "And kind." I moan appreciatively around him, eager to feel his cum down my throat as I dig my nails into his thighs. "Don't know how I got so lucky."

His hand roughly drags my head up by my hair, forcing me off of his cock and making me whine as I try to take him back into my mouth. His hand wraps around his length, pumping quickly as he watches me.

"Keep your mouth open, pretty girl," he commands softly. I obey, sticking out my tongue slightly, eager to please. He smiles at the sight, his lashes fluttering shut once more as he fucks his hand quickly, using my thick spit as lube, beginning to lose rhythm.

"I'm gonna cum," he warns breathily. "I'm gonna- fuck!"

His words stutter as he gasps, his hand squeezing roughly at his cock as his cum hits my face, warm and thick against my skin. We watch each other as the first few ropes cover my face, admiring the other in a hazy cloud of desire and satisfaction. Then he shoves his cock back into my mouth, his hand pumping me up and down his length again as he finishes shooting his load down my throat, admiring my new look.

"I'm just- gonna do this for awhile," he gasps, his cock still stiff in my mouth as his flow of cum begins to slow, his hips still quick in contrast.

I moan around him, my cunt clenching in want.

"Don't worry," he says, reaching for something in the nightstand, pulling open a drawer and revealing his new gift for me. "You'll get some fun too."

When I tell y'all this motherfucker somehow found a dildo shaped like a fucking lightsaber.

Goddammit, I'm gonna marry him.

                             ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

You heard me.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

               •▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

how would y'all feel if I told you the title was a pun from that old 'berries and cream' meme

#josh hutcherson fanfic #josh hutcherson #jhutch #mike schmidt #mike schmidt smut #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fnaf #fnaf mike schmidt #fnaf mike #mike schmidt fluff #mike schmidt imagine #mike schmidt x reader smut #mike schmidt x you #mike schimdt x reader #mike schimdt smut #mike schimdt x you #mike schmidt x y/n #mike schmidt x fem!reader smut #jhutch1992 #josh hutcherson x reader #josh hutcherson fluff #josh hutcherson imagine #smut #fanfiction #josh hutcherson fnaf #mike fnaf #fnaf smut #fnaf fanfic #fnaf fanfiction #request

[wisebeth]

“Sakura is toxic because she made fun of Naruto for being an orphan–”

She regretted it the second after Sasuke rightfully called her out and even opened a therapy center for war orphans.

Ino fatshamed Choji, Shikamaru was a misogynist, Neji misplaced his anger at Hinata, but no one ever calls them out. They were all kids, they all made mistakes.

“Sakura is abusive because she constantly punches Naruto–”

She only hit him in the manga when he did something perverted or disrespectful, it was heavily exaggerated in the anime.

It's called slap stick comedy. If you think it's aBuSiVe, I hope you have the same energy for Jiraiya who peeked at the women's bathroom without consent and gets brushed off as ‘comedic purpose’, double standards much?

“She has Stockholm Syndrome because she loved Sasuke after he tried to kill her–”

They're shinobis. Unlike our real world, it's the norm there to fight each other to death and then make up. Don't get it mixed up.

Naruto forgave every single villain in the series, including Pain who killed his master and destroyed his village. Obito, who killed his parents, started a war, was the reason for the deaths of countless people such as Neji, and Shikamaru & Ino's fathers, formed a terrorist organisation (which was responsible for multiple war crimes) yet no one bats an eye. Lee forgave Gaara who attempted to kill him, Hinata forgave Neji who tried to kill her for something which wasn't her fault. It's the norm there, deal with it.

Sasuke also tried to kill Naruto, Kakashi & Karin and they all forgave him but for some reason only Sakura gets shit for it? Double standards again.

“Sakura is a bitch who loves Sasuke and ignores Naruto who loves her–”

Sakura cares for Naruto, as a friend and her teammate. She's not obligated to return her feelings if she doesn't want to. Naruto doesn't ‘love’ her. He had a childhood crush on her, and it used to be mentioned less frequently than in the anime. SP exaggerated his feelings.

Kakashi didn't return Rin's feelings. Sasuke didn't return Ino, Karin and Sakura's feelings (until ch. 699 in Sakura's case). Naruto didn't return Hinata's feelings until The Last. Tsunade didn't like Jiraiya back. Then why is Sakura hated for something so ridiculous? She's allowed to make her own choices.

“She is shallow, she only liked Sasuke for his looks–”

If her feelings for Sasuke truly were shallow, she'd have moved on after he left the village, she'd have moved on after he became a criminal, like Ino did. She saw Sasuke at his worst and still chose him with all his flaws.

A ‘shallow crush’ wouldn't last for so many years. If her feelings weren't strong or deep, Sasuke wouldn't choose her in the end. If her feelings were superficial she wouldn't risk her life to save him against Gaara. If she didn't love him, she'd not be able to stop his curse mark. If they were superficial, she'd have moved on to date some other handsome man instead of crying over Sasuke.

“Sakura is useless as a main character–”

That's not her fault. That's a criticism for the author. None of the female characters in the series have as much complexity, fight scenes or power as the male characters. It's a shonen centric more to the male characters.

Sakura IS a main character because she contributes more in the manga than other female characters but she's not going to contribute as much as Sasuke or Naruto because the series revolved around men more than women.

Take Attack on Titan for example, it's a shonen where the contribution of male and female characters were distributed equally. In Naruto, it simply wasn't distributed equally.

“Sakura is selfish because she tried to lead on Naruto–”

I can agree here that she was entirely in the wrong and made a very stupid decision. But that's exactly what makes Sakura a realistic character. She's flawed. She makes mistakes. She can be irrational. And that makes her human. She didn't lie to him because she thought it would be fun, she did it to protect. She had good intentions even if she took the wrong approach.

Sasuke, as another of the main characters, did more harm to Naruto than Sakura's confession did but everyone understands and forgives him. Obito started a war and killed people and was forgiven. Itachi killed his entire clan and traumatised Sasuke but the fandom forgives because of his reasoning. Nagato killed people, and was still forgiven.

Then why can't you all be more understanding of Sakura? She did not even half of the terrible things which other characters did but gets more hate for it.

“Sakura is a bad friend to Ino–”

Sakura was SEVEN when she announced Ino as her rival. I'm sorry y'all are morally uptight who's never made a single stupid decision as a kid that you feel the need to accuse a child of being a villain for acting like a child. And it has been implied very clearly Sakura wanted to get out of Ino's shadow and only used Sasuke as an excuse to do so.

And if Sakura was this horrible bitchy friend you guys think she was then I don't think Ino would immediately jump to protect her during chunin exams. Sasuke did more terrible things to his best friend than Sakura did but once only Sakura gets shit for it.

And they never stopped being friends, only their dynamic changed, it included friendly bickering and rivalry. Ino never was mad or bitter with Sakura and even proudly told her she bloomed into a beautiful flower, this doesn't sound like a person who's been unfairly betrayed by a best friend over a crush?

In short, Sakura Haruno is fucking amazing and maybe if y'all didn't hold female characters to such a ridiculous high standard and bothered to understand the manga instead of watching filler episodes, you'd know.

#naruto #naruto shippuden #pro Sakura #pro sakura haruno #ino yamanaka #ino #kakashi #sasuke #sasuke uchiha #team 7 #team seven #antis dni #sakura haruno #naruto manga