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Why am I homeless for ten years with God's life in danger? Where is the church? Where is my boyfriends who told me, "Don't ever be seen with the wrong people."? Oh, here he comes walking down the street holding hands with a Mexican gross, dumb, spoiled by hooker with ghonorreah leaking out of her ass. Diahrrea leaking behind like a trail of yuck! and that's ok somehow? And he's holding hands with her asking her about her feelings! What spare bedroom did he find her and spank her nasty gross ass while smoking dope in private? Didn't Spencer say Asians hate Mexicans a lot? I'm not happy about her at all.
God's life was in danger and the rules of who to be seen with flew fast out the window. Pandemonium in our relationship. Did I do something wrong? I'm gross.
Couldn't I have been the innocent child who knew the difference between right and wrong? I will always do the right thing. No, "I will beat your ass Olivia if you hang out with the wrong people." Don't even talk to them in the hallways at school. I'm mad.
Where did the violence come from I wonder? I'm mean it just makes me wonder why it happened at all? Pppffftt.... Sure give the prizes to the brat who does the wrong thing and has no heart. While I'm laying in the gutter talking to God about her life decisions like an equal. That makes no sense! Guys! Where are you? No answer. Ok, I'll do it myself!!!... LoL... 😡 😊
I learned you cheat me a lot guys.... Good I guess you say!
Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity
Characters: Shindo Ainosuke (Adam), Sakurayashiki Kaoru (Cherry Blossom), Nanjo Kojiro (Joe), Kikuchi Tadashi (Snake), Hasegawa Langa (Snow), Hasegawa Nanako (mentioned)
Warnings: Yakuza/Mafia/Gang, Mild Language
Word Count: 1.5k
Summary: Yakuza AU. When Langa is tricked by Nanjo into running up a huge bill at a club, Boss Shindo steps in to deal with it. Which means competing with Boss Sakurayashiki in a poker game. [NOTE: All characters are aged up by ~5 years. Mostly so Langa can drink and gamble. xD]
[Part 1 mostly focuses on Adam and Joe. Part 2 (to come later, maybe on Day 8?) will mostly focus on Adam and Cherry.]
[S Founder Trio Festival | Day 2: Gang]
When Ainosuke's phone vibrated, he glanced at the screen and the unregistered number before leaning back in his chair and picking up the call.
"Hey. How have you been?" he asked, his voice gentle. But an unfamiliar cackle emitted from the speaker, and he pulled the phone away from his ear, double-checking the number on the screen.
"Who is this? How did you get this phone? Ainosuke demanded after he replaced it to his ear. Of course, it was possible that there was a simple explanation for all of this: perhaps the phone had been dropped, and a Good Samaritan was calling a number in the contacts to try to return it. But in his line of business, it was always better to be safe than sorry.
"Yo, Shindo-san! We've got something here that we think is yours, so maybe you'd like to come pick it up? Here, gimme a sec. Can you see us?"
Ainosuke froze as he recognized the voice. With his heart sinking, he lowered his phone again, staring at the video being displayed on the screen.
A large, buff man in a white suit was sitting on a couch, his arm extending out of frame showing that he was the one taking the video. But his other arm was draped around a younger man in casual clothing. His companion didn't seem to be hurt or in any particular distress, but Ainosuke's hand clenched into a fist as he recognized him.
"So, yeah, see this kid?" Nanjo continued, unnecessarily dragging the phone closer to frame the other man better. "He ran up a pretty big bill and then tried to run off without paying. 400,000 yen! So of course we had to stop him, and he mentioned that he knew you, so I figured, well, maybe you could help him out?"
"Langa. Are you alright?" Ainosuke ignored Nanjo's blathering, his eyes fixed on Langa's through the screen.
"Huh? Yeah. Sorry about this, Ai," Langa replied, as unaffected as always. "I'm not sure what happened, though."
"Hey, did you hear me?" Nanjo interrupted, turning the screen away from Langa to focus on himself. "Who's going to take responsibility for this, Shindo-san? We run a business here, you know. If it was just a couple thousand yen, we could swallow the cost, but it's 400,000! 400,000!"
"I heard you the first time," Ainosuke snapped, irritated. He pulled his cigarette case from the pocket of his jacket, extracting one of the thin sticks and lighting up. The first lungful of smoke helped to settle the worst of his anger before he turned his attention back to the screen, scowling.
"And what I heard is that you trapped a katagi1 with bottakuri2, you swindler. How is one person going to run up a tab that high unless you're playing dirty tricks?"
But Nanjo just scoffed. "Don't try to take the moral high ground here, Shindo. You do the same thing in your shops. Besides, how can he be katagi if he's involved with you? So are you going to do anything about this, or are we gonna get the money out of this brat, one way or another?"
"You know I'm coming. Where the fuck are you?"
"I'm heading over to the main office now, with the kid. See you there!" Nanjo winked, and then the call cut off. With a snarl, Ainosuke slammed his fist down on his table next to the phone, but the heavy wood barely moved.
With sharp, jerky movements, Ainosuke replaced his phone in his pocket and straightened his tie before leaving the office, barely glancing at Tadashi as he bowed to the boss.
"Thank you for your hard work."
"Forget about that," Ainosuke snapped. "I need a ride to the Sakurayashiki main office."
Crisply, he began walking down the hallway as his wakagashira3 fell in step beside him. There was a faint trace of concern on Tadashi's usually expressionless face as he asked, "Should I call up some of our men?"
"No. It's not a raid. Just picking up something that belongs to me," Ainosuke replied with a scowl. Tadashi nodded, calling ahead to have a car prepared, though he slid into the driver's seat himself once they'd stepped out onto the street. As the city passed by outside his window, Ainosuke glared at it without seeing it, his mind working through what must have happened.
A girl--or a man, he supposed--grabbing Langa and dragging him into a club. Perhaps they'd even been told to keep an eye out for the young man with the pale blue hair, just to put Ainosuke in this situation. Keeping him there as they drank around him and tried to ply him with drinks--though Langa seemed sober enough on the call--and then presenting him with an exorbitant bill when he tried to leave.
It was a common enough scam, certainly, but Nanjo was wrong: Ainosuke didn't tolerate it in his clubs. At least, not anymore. The yakuza's power was waning, and as tourism increased, the police were beginning to crack down on that sort of behavior so that the area wouldn't gain a bad reputation. And it probably wouldn't be long until Sakurayashiki followed suit: his rival took a highly analytical and practical approach to business. He'd soon realize that dealing with the police wasn't worth the extra money the trick occasionally brought in when some of his clubs started getting investigated for extortion.
Ainosuke looked up as Tadashi slid smoothly into a space by the curb, waiting for the other man to open the door for him before he stepped out, straightening his suit jacket. Sighing, he looked up at the nondescript office building before walking inside with Tadashi on his heels.
At this hour, it seemed like most of the members were gone, which was fortunate. He didn't have to deal with all the macho posturing that typically came with stepping into someone else's territory, even though he'd been issued an invitation. Even so, his anger simmered silently below the surface as they stepped into the sleek, mirrored elevators and pressed the button for the top floor.
And then his shoes were clicking against the immaculately polished floor as he strode down the hallway, pushing open a pair of chrome and glass doors. His eyes flicked around the room quickly, taking in the pink-haired man sitting behind a fancy, futuristic-looking desk, his green-haired goon standing just behind him, and Langa, sitting on a couch against the wall.
"Alright, I'm here to settle that damn bill," he snapped at Nanjo as he raised his arm outward and slightly to the side. At the unspoken invitation, Langa slid off the couch to stand next to him, allowing Ainosuke to drape an arm over his shoulders possessively.
"About that." Sakurayashiki was frowning slightly, and Ainosuke turned his gaze toward the other boss.
"Nanjo was wrong to do what he did, but it still stands that the costs for the drinks were incurred. I don't want any bad blood between us, so I'd like to at least offer you a chance to cancel this debt."
Ainosuke's eyes narrowed, but he nodded his head slightly. "Go on."
"You see, there's a small poker tournament in Macau next week. It's nothing serious, just a social gathering for my group. The buy-in is just 1000 HKD, or about 14,000 yen. Whichever of us gets knocked out first will shoulder the bill, sound fair?"
Ainosuke considered it for half a second. "No. I'm not going to play with your family. Here's my offer. We go to Macau and agree on a table when we get there. We'll settle it honestly, or Langa can just go to the police to report Nanjo's business."
Sakurayashiki sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Alright, I got it. Next Saturday, then? Call me when you get there."
Ainosuke nodded, then turned on his heel to leave, steering Langa out with him as Tadashi followed them silently.
"Sorry, Ai," Langa apologized again once the transparent doors had closed behind them, but Ainosuke shook his head.
"It isn't your fault. I didn't think they'd use you to try to get to me. You don't feel weird or anything, right?"
"That's good. I'll see you home anyways. Your mother must be worried."
Although he tried to present a calm facade so as not to worry Langa, inside, Ainosuke was furious. He'd intentionally decided not to marry Nanako to try to protect her and her son from this side of his life, and yet, Nanjo had so easily stepped over the line between the legal and illegal. Of course, they'd all been aware of the risks of the relationship, but he didn't tell them anything about his work when he visited them so that they would hopefully be left alone. And this was so incredibly petty: it wasn't like there was a territorial dispute or the need to compensate for a killing where a hostage might be useful. No, just to harass him, they'd involved someone innocent.
He realized that his arm around Langa's shoulders was holding the boy too tightly, and he forced himself to relax as they walked out of the building and to the car.
"So, are you interested in seeing Macau?" he asked as he held the door open for the boy to get in.
3wakagashira: first lieutenant
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You have a fiery personality
You get angry easily
Red is your favorite color
Spicy food is your favorite
You’re a red-head
You like fire
You’ve had sex this week
Cherries or strawberries are your favorite fruit
You blush easily
You love tropical vacations
You put cheese on almost everything
Orange is your favorite color
You watch Orange Is the New Black
You’ve been to prison
You’re a very cautious person
You’re from Florida
You’ve lost someone to Leukemia
Aquaman is your favorite superhero
You get scared easily
You love the sunshine
Summer is your favorite season
Yellow is your favorite color
You’re very loyal
Lemon is your favorite scent
You like to take things slowly
You don’t brush your teeth everyday
You have a lot of friends
You love money
You like to smoke weed
You get jealous easily
You’ve had absinthe
Your birthday is in May
Green is your favorite color
You’ve been in the army/are an Army brat
You love nature
Reptiles are your favorite animals
You’re always on the go
You love the ocean
You suffer from depression
You’re pretty good at staying calm
Blue is your favorite color
You enjoy studying the sky
You’re related to royalty
Swimming is your favorite thing to do in the summer
You spend too much time on Facebook
People find you soothing
Blueberries are your favorite fruit
You get bruised easily
You’re not straight
Grape is your favorite fruit
Purple is your favorite color
You watched Barney as a kid
You use Instagram
You like eggplants
Your birthday is in February
You have dark skin
You like your steaks rare
You’re very feminine
You’re in love
Pink is your favorite color
You shop at Victoria’s Secret
You own at least one Polo
You like to kiss
Mean Girls is your favorite movie
You like ham sandwiches
You’re very upbeat
You feel like an afterthought a lot
You’re middle class
You enjoy classical music
New Year’s Eve is your favorite holiday
Silver is your favorite color
You save change
You like to build people up
You have a pet horse
You’re great at keeping your cool
You’re a show-off
You enjoy the finer things in life
Gold is your favorite color
You own your own car
You like getting attention
You listen to hip-hop (some)
You wear a lot of jewelry
People borrow money from you a lot
You demand to come first in people’s lives
You own a lot of things with glitter
You’re very serious
You have a lot of tattoos
You’re obsessed with death
You listen to metal regularly
Black is your favorite color
You watch a lot of old movies
You wear a lot of eyeliner
Hot Topic is your favorite store in the mall
You buy things off Etsy
You can name at least one Edgar Allen Poe poem
You love snow
You’ve done cocaine
You expect to get whatever you want
White is your favorite color
You’re a virgin
You want a big wedding
You love to go sailing or skiing
You’re a very honest person
You like the simple things in life
You’re morally ambiguous
Elephants are your favorite animal
You’re older than 50
You have grey hairs
Grey is your favorite color
You love big cities
Thunderstorms are your favorite kind of weather
You cry often
You like to be different than the average person
You like to work with electronics
You’re very down to earth
You love outdoorsy activities
You don’t wash your hair every day
You enjoy eating nuts
Bread is your favorite food
Brown is your favorite color
You like to work with wood
You hate shaving
Dogs are your favorite animal
You like to go antiquing
Your color is: brown
Not me obsessed again with Total Drama and deciding to make the kids of my favorite ships 🤪🤪
Ship n° 1: Duncney (obviously)
Pacifica-Beatrice & Jackson, more known as PB & J
⤷ She/They; pansexual; 18 years old
⤷ Just like her father, she's a rebel (but with a cause this time) and always against the authority (less Courtney bc she likes to live)
⤷ Super protective over her brother
⤷ She dreams on having a relationship just like her parentes and that's why she always date someone preppy that follow the rules, but deep down she knows that isn't gonna last
⤷ Trying to quit smoking, so is pretty common to see her with a lollypop in her mouth
⤷ Daddy's little girl and a 100% brat
⤷ Have arachnophobia and, for some reason, is obsessed with geese
⤷ Besides her earrings, she also have tongue and nipple piercings
⤷ All her tattoos were made by her father, he's the only one she trust in this level
⤷ A 100% theater kid, being Heathers her favorite
⤷ Hates Chris McLean, especially for what he did during the whole Total Drama show
⤷ He/Him, Trans man; gay; 18 years old
⤷ A exact copy of his mother, especially when it comes to follow the rules
⤷ Always had support of his family when it comes to his transition, but still doesn't feel comfortable to tell everyone about being trans
⤷ Say that doesn't have a type cof cof goth man cof cof
⤷ Loves wood craft, especially with the pocket knife his father gave him
⤷ Pretty common seeing him keeping an eye on PB because he knows what his sister is capable of
⤷ Not a big fan of needles, even though he has two earrings (that he put while drunk but that's a tiny detail)
⤷ To everyone surprise he doesn't want to be a lawyer but actually an violinist
⤷ Prefer to resolve things with a conversation but if you dare to mess with PB, be ready to things get physical
⤷ Hates Chris just like his sistes
Ship n° 2: Aleheather
1. Lorenzo, but prefer being called Ren
⤷ He/Him; bisexual; 17 years old
⤷ An asshole and a big flirty just like his parents
⤷ When his emotions are extreme he starts to speak spanish without realizing
⤷ Doesn't have a type, but the sassier the better
⤷ Loves ballet since he was a kid and wanna become a professional ballet dancer
⤷ Only cares about winning, so don't be surprise if "sundently" he stabs you in the back
⤷ Because of ballet he developed anorexia, and still nowadays is still very insecure about his body, but stoped forcing himself to throw up
⤷ Say his favorite singer The Weekend but actually is Taylor Swift
⤷ Only smokes when is really stressed, which seems like every single day
⤷ Even though is never gonna admit it, he's a hopeless romantic just like you see in the movies, loves making big gestures
Ship n° 3: Gwent
1. Theodore, or just Theo
⤷ He/They; demissexual; 17 years old
⤷ Loves music and know how to play the guitar just like his father
⤷ Have a butterfly tattoo on his back because lost a bet
⤷ Doesn't like to talk about his fellings
⤷ Makes being a soft goth his whole personality
⤷ Is a cat person but, unfortunately, is alergic to fur
⤷ Too shy to his own good
⤷ Really good at speaking french, and wanna live in France some day
⤷ Was quite a big fan of the whole Total Drama and watched all the seasons in one week
⤷ Doesn't admit but he loves Barbie movies, and know every song letter by letter
⤷ If you need pot, he's the guy to call
⤷ His love language is quality time, so of one day he calls you to hear the song that he wrote knows that he did that because he likes you
I still don't know why I did this but I must say that I like it
If you liked here's the part 2, and if you guys have any suggestions you can send me an ask 😊
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New Addition to outdoor cooking gear
With a Traeger, a Big Chief and a large natural gas grill with rotisserie, I felt that something small to cook a couple of steaks, brats or burgers would compliment my collection. Shortly after mentioning this to the wife, I'm now the owner of a Weber 22" kettle.
It's been close to 30 years since I've cooked on one of these, so will be trying to master some techniques that weren't around back then. Will also be adding charcoal to the list of fuels I keep handy. Guess one of my sheds will also need a good cleaning so everything fits.
Guessing you'll be seeing more of me when I get time to use the new addition.
submitted by /u/dingledorfer2
from Enhancing food with wood smoke flavor https://ift.tt/3esNAOB
warnings:blowjob,smoking (don't smoke it's gross), dom dabi (kind of)
a/n:this is some pretty nasty stuff..
You can turn up the air conditioner to the maximum setting. Open every window. Have every cheap plastic fan you could get your hands on surrounding you like worshippers, gifting the minimal breeze as an offering. Can't turn the sun off, or lower it's scorching temperature however. Can't turn down the heat in both pairs of eyes that drink your body in like it's a tall glass of ice cold water. Both of their minds filled with the thought of your cooling touch coating the insides of their throats.
Summer heat can cause an unquenchable thirst, one only fueled by the clothing or almost lack there of your body is currently barely covered by. Limbs tossed lazily over the armrest of the sofa, dangling like a tasty morsel to the ravenous dogs you called your boyfriends.
Hawks' lived up to his name as his golden eyes raked over every inch of your exposed skin, his mind filled with memories of his tongue and skin making contact with what seemed to be taunting him now, many times before. He was craving your touch so badly he was close to whimpering to get your attention. That wasn't typical of him though, as he preferred to be the cause of your whimpers and moans as you writhed underneath him. Begging him to give you that release you craved or a break from an overload of that mind fogging bliss. Dabi would hear your whines and chuckle to himself, murmuring about how pretty their baby was all fucked out. Speak of the devil and he doth appear, though patchwork skin replaced the expected crimson tone.
Turquoise pools soaking you in unashamed staring, their lingering touch sending a cool shiver up your spine.
"Not that I'm complaining, but where are your clothes honey?" He chuckled, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips carelessly.
"It's fucking boiling Dabi.." You huffed as you restlessly wriggled on the sofa, turning to face him. "Too hot for clothes." You insisted firmly. Dabi raised his eyebrows as he flicked his lighter open, lighting the cigarette. The embers burned in an amber blaze as he took a calm inhale.
"Is that so, sweetheart?" He teased as his smoke tendrils snaked their way into your nostrils, making you scrunch your nose at the invasion .
"Yes, now give it..." Hands swiped at the cigarette between his lips, easily eluded with a lazy lean on Dabi's part.
"That's no way to ask for something, is it kitten?" He purred, like a tiger who'd caught the little deer under his strong paws though his paws were his own hands, a medley of purple charred skin and fresh, untouched flesh. Licking his lips as he took in his delicious meal he was about to feast on, both of his little deer's hands trapped in one of his own. "Besided, I think you've been teasing bird-boy haven't you baby?" His free hand held the cigarette now, still out of reach. "Wearing this little thing.." He tugged at your barely there top. "You know how he gets in spring..." He tutted, shaking his head in faux sympathy for the "bird-boy" he was referring to, currently watching your interaction with wide eyes as if anxiously anticipating something. Quick nods from him confirmed Dabi's theory, which in turn made him nod slowly as he thought up a plan to deal with you. "I think you should apologise to bird-boy, don't you kitty? Look at how excited you got him.." You glanced at Hawks and saw the firm tent in his boxers , making you sink your teeth into your lip at the thought of his thick cock, an angry red leaking with precum. You nodded in agreement.
"Sorry Hawks.." You apologised in your most saccharine, cloying tone that would give anyone on the receiving end a toothache. Anyone except your lovers however, who had both developed an immunity of sorts to that sweet tone. Unimpressed cerulean eyes rolled back,slim fingers twiddling the cigarette between them lazily.
"Brat." Dabi spat out. "Clearly you don't know how to use that pretty mouth to speak, so let's put it to better use and give bird-boy a more physical apology hm?" He emphasised the word "physical" with a lift of your head by two of his thin fingers. Doe eyes looked into his as you nodded slowly, entranced by him. Bare feet padded over to where Hawks sat, clad only in his boxers, his thick thighs beckoning you over. Each of your own thighs straddled Hawk's as you got comfortable in his lap, before leaning closer to start trailing kisses across his bare chest. As your hot breath fanned over his skin Hawks could swear he'd ascended, face red and covered in a thin sheen of sweat he was ready for heaven. Kiss by kiss you travelled down the territory of his body, making a pit stop at his abs to dedicate special attention to the small mounds. His happy trail as your eager guide, your hands slipped into his boxer briefs to tug them down. The beast was released, furious and insatiable to your touch as you first wrapped your hand around the base. Pretty and puffy lips wrapped around the tip before slowly taking him further, coating his cock in your saliva. Deep moans of ecstasy left Hawks as he struggled to restrain the urge to start fucking deep into your mouth, seeing your pretty eyes fill up with tears.
"You're so fucking good at this baby.." He panted, out of breath purely from the overwhelming amount of pleasure he was in. Dabi nodded smirking, hand slipping into his own boxers at the beautiful sight of you sucking Hawks off as if his cock was a blessing. Maybe you were a believer. He wrapped his hand around his hard cock and started pumping voraciously, his cock twitching and leaking after not long. The one currently residing in the warm and wet walls of your mouth was also twitching, as a warning of the explosion that was to come.
As honorary as a libation, thick and salty liquid filled your mouth up till it was all you could think of and feel. Many libations can be gifted however, and Dabi did not disappoint with the ropes of his gift that flew from his fist and shimmered in the low lighting of the room once they landed. Face flushed and breathing slowly regulating, Hawks slowly took his cock out of your mouth gently closing it to ensure not a drop of his seed spilled.
"That's it baby, just swallow it up .."
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First of all, in this little scenario that happened in my head, i was eating chicken strips or something chicken.
Katsuki: "Why haven't you eaten your salad?"
Katsuki: "I know you fuckin' got chicken but eat your damn veggies!"
Me: "But chicken..."
Me, turning into a brat: "Chimken."
Katsuki, getting very frustrated and annoyed: "Vegetables!"
Me: "But i just want chimken..."
Exasperated Katsuki: "God fucking... What if i made you chicken salad would you at least attempt to fucking eat it?"
Me: "You know i would pick out all the chicken right?"
He would then probably have his eye twitching or something while his brain explodes, smoke coming out his ears lol
The love you have for chimken😔💗💗💗💗💗 he’s probably jealous 👁👁
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the little girl below me is such a brat. that’s what happens when parents don’t know how to teach their kids to be kind. She just called me fat*ss haha, I mean I do have a phat booty. But I think she was using the term negatively. And I hate that she’s been taught to see fat as bad from such a young age. And I think she was smoking a cig in her mouth? the fuck lol
Your first name begins with a C.
Your first name contains 6 letters.
Your mom solely picked out your name prior to your birth. (i don’t know really?)
Your first name is of Latin origin. (i don’t know that either)
You like your first name.
Your surname contains 7 letters.
Your surname begins with a C.
Many people have had trouble spelling or pronouncing your surname.
When you get married, you’ll choose to take your partner’s surname.
BIRTHDAY, BIRTHPLACE & THE LIKE
You were born outside of the United States.
You’re a Capricorn.
You think most of your personality traits are akin to your zodiac sign.
You have lived in more than one foreign country.
You have one sister.
You have half-siblings.
You have step-siblings.
You’re a middle child.
One of your parents is deceased.
Two of your grandparents are deceased.
You would love to have kids of your own some day.
You would consider adopting a child.
You don’t see much of your relatives very often.
You have a first cousin you haven’t seen in 10+ years.
You’re in your late 20s.
You have completed at least some college.
SPORTS & OTHER ACTIVITIES
You’re not an athletic person.
…but you try to remain physically active.
You don’t understand the concept of American football.
You like soccer.
You’re a fan of the NY Mets.
You’ve tried skiing and figure skating.
You have a gym membership.
You like ice hockey.
You have watched a game/match (of any professional sport) LIVE.
You like to swim, but are not very good at it.
RELATIONSHIPS & ROMANCE
You’re in a committed relationship.
You’ve been committed to your partner for 6+ months.
You’re a sucker for old, romantic films.
You’ve watched porn movies on cable.
You’ve personally experienced a pregnancy.
You plan to marry the person you’re involved with now.
You prefer winter over summer.
You like the cold.
New Year’s Eve is your favorite holiday.
Christmas really bores or depresses you.
You’re agnostic or atheist.
You’re socially liberal.
You have pen pals from foreign countries.
You have a Tumblr account.
You’re a proponent of LGBT, animal and environmental rights.
You have lived with roommates…
…and hated it!
You find the terms “retard” and “fag” very offensive and overused.
You’re trying to omit sweets from your diet.
You’ve recently quit drinking or smoking.
You’re currently unemployed.
You love techno music.
You’re an 80s brat.
At least one of your family members has served in the military.
You believe war is not a solution to ANYTHING!
You fidget constantly when feeling nervous or bored.
You’re a suburbanite.
You have owned a dog, cat, some fish, or a rabbit.
You know someone with a neurological disorder like ADHD, epilepsy, OCD, etc.
You’re a grammar freak.
You’ve participated in a spelling bee in elementary school.
You prefer swimming in a natural body of water over a swimming pool.
You have naturally wavy hair.
You love to travel….
but hate traveling by plane!!
You don’t own a desktop computer.
You like spicy and sweet foods.
You thought George W. Bush was one of the dumbest U.S. presidents ever.
You’ve been to NY….
You’re a natural brunette, but have colored it before.
You think you have a dis-proportioned physique.
You think horror movies are more dumb than scary.
You prefer to spend your Friday and Saturday nights quietly.
You’ve taken a ballet or jazz class.
You know how to play a musical instrument.
You hate to cook and really suck at it.
You don’t attend parties very often.
You’ve pondered about how overall life was like 100 years ago.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a shitty child.
I’m sorry for asking to stay at my friends house longer than you’d liked me to because you worry for my health and the fact that my best friends dad is a smoker and the house smells like smoke. Then I come home and feel like shit. I’m sorry for arguing. I’m sorry for having to get my way every time we argue. I’m sorry for crying and storming out of the room. I’m sorry for involving dad into this. I’m sorry for ruining your night with your friends. Making it all about me. My feelings before yours. I’m sorry for playing the victim card every time I don’t get what I want. I’m sorry for being a spoiled shit. I’m sorry for being a brat and pushing you more and more until you break. I’m sorry for making you cry in the kitchen with dad. I’m sorry for being a burden.
I’m sorry for making it all about me. Not taking in your feelings. Your obligations and what you need to do. I’m sorry I was ever born.
I’m sorry I ever came home from Russia in your arms. You don’t deserve a fuckin asshole of a daughter like me. You deserve someone who makes you happy and makes you feel loved. I do the opposite. It would be a service to everyone around me if I killed my self. You deserve a better child that doesn’t suck up your money or emotional battery. I’m sorry for being a disappointment.
I’m done. Goodbye.
OC (NO FANDOM)
NAME: MAGNOLIA FLEUR
MEANING: Magnolia (LOVE OF NATURE)
SPECIES: HALF NYMPH (DRYADS) HALF DEMON (SUCCUBI)
BIRTHDAY: APRIL 3
PLACE OF BIRTH: ENFER JARDIN
NICKNAMES: Nolia, Flower Slut
WESTERN ZODIAC: ARIES
CHINESE ZODIAC: OX
NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: (AUSTRALIAN) SPANIARD BRAZILIAN
LANGUAGES: ENGLISH, PORTUGUESE, SPANISH
ALIGNMENT: CHAOTIC GOOD
BLOOD TYPE: A-
WEALTH: UPPER CLASS
ONE WORD DESCRIPTION: DISORGANIZED
MAGNOLIA IS TRULY AN ARROGANT FUCK. SHE IS PARTIALLY KIND DUE TO HER MOM BEING A NYMPH AND VISITING HER FROM TIME TO TIME. BUT OTHER THAN THAT HE’S A LUST FILLED ASSHOLE WITH A HUMAN DECENCY.
MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE: ENTP-A (DEBATER)
POSITIVE TRAITS: IMAGINATIVE, LIVELY, HUMOROUS
NEGATIVE TRAITS: SELFISH, VIOLENT, IMPULSIVE
VERT TYPE: ANTISOCIAL AMBIVERT
DERE TYPE: DEREDERE
OBSESSION(S): STRAWBERRY ALMOND MILK
PHOBIA(S): BEING ￼EXORCISED
HOBBIES: MESSING AROUND WITH HUMANS, HELPING NATURE
SOFT SPOT(S): HER FAMILY
PET PEEVE(S): PEOPLE THAT CHEW LOUDLY
SKILL(S): KNIFE HANDLING
COMMON SENSE: LOW/MEDIUM/HIGH
NAME: VENUS NÁIL
THEY HAVE POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP, SINCE MAGNOLIA WAS RAISED UNDER HIS ROOF THEY’RE CLOSE. HE ENCOURAGES HER VIOLENT TENDENCIES.
NAME: ANA FLEUR
NOT VERY CLOSE WITH EACH OTHER BUT THEY HAVE A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP. THEY BOND OVER PLANTING. ANA DOES NOT LIKE MAGNOLIAS VIOLENT TENDENCIES
HEIGHT: 180.34 cm (5’11)
WEIGHT: 70.3068 kg (155 lbs)
EYES: DOWNTURNED SAGE COLORED EYES
HAIR: THICK JET BLACK HAIR W/ TAUPE STREAK
HAIR STYLE/LENGTH: ANKLE LENGTH SHAG W/ CURTAIN BANGS
BODY FIGURE: MESOMORPH SPOON
SKIN TONE: CRIMSON W/ UMBER FRECKLED ALL OVER THE BODY
APPARENT YOUTH: 19
SCAR(S): LARGE SCAR SLANTING ACROSS BACK
PIERCING(S): STANDARD LOBE, SEPTUM PIERCING, VIPER PIERCING, LABRET PIERCING
CLOTHING STYLE: GRUNGE
DISTINGUISHING TRAIT(S): LONG STREAK OF TAUPE HAIR
PERCEIVED BY OTHERS: EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE
OVERALL HEALTH: GOOD
PHYSICAL HEALTH: GOOD
MENTAL HEALTH: GOOD
EATING HABITS: EATS TWO (LARGE SERVING) MEALS EACH DAY
ADDICTION(S): SMOKING DRIED ROSE PETALS
PHYSICAL ILLNESS & CONDITIONS: NONE
PAST ILLNESSES: NONE
PAST INJURIES: NONE
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: POLYSEXUAL
ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: PANROMANTIC
VIRGINITY: IS NOT VIRGIN
SEXUALLY ACTIVE: YES
POSITION: SOFT/SERVICE DOM (OCCASIONALLY A BRAT TAMER/HARD DOM OR POWER SUB)
ATTENDANCE OF SCHOOL: WENT/GRADUATED
SCHOOLING TYPE: PUBLIC
GRADES: DECENT GRADES
SCHOOL RELATIONSHIPS: WAS LEADER OF A DELINQUENT GANG
ATTENDANCE/RECORDS: WAS NOT VERY WELL BEHAVED AND OFTEN GAVE TEACHER ATTITUDE AND WAS DISRESPECTFUL
SECURED JOB: WEAPONS DEALER
HOURS: FULL TIME
PAY: PAYED A LOT OF MONEY
FUTURE EMPLOYMENT: a stay at home parent married to their spouse.
CHILDHOOD: she was bullied a lot growing up so she learned how to fight so she make the bullies leave them alone. They ended up liking fighting a lot so he started beating the fuck out of other demons.
ADOLESCENCE: led a few delinquent gangs and didn’t really get into trouble other than being disrespectful to teachers and throwing a chair at one.
ADULTHOOD: sells weaponry that’s it.
FUTURE: is married with children
MENTALLY STABILITY: 10/10
HOLIDAY: NEW YEARS
TIME OF DAY: NOON
WEATHER: SUNNY W/ RAIN CLOUDS POURING RAIN
SMELL: VANILLA W/ GUN POWDER AND A MIX OF GASOLINE AND A HINT OF BLOOD
SPORT: FOOTBALL (SOCCER)
MOST TIME SPENT: IN THEIR BEDROOM
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE: FLOOR PLANS
HOW ITS DECORATED: BEDROOM, KITCHEN, LIVING ROOM, BATHROOM
NO. OF VEHICLES OWNED: 1
MAIN VEHICLE TYPE: VOLKSWAGEN VAN
MODIFICATIONS: INTERIOR CHANGED TO THIS
TEMPLATE INSPIRED FROM HERE!
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Ghost Jason Haunting the Joker AU snippet
Written by Squintyfist
Warnings: Harm to animals, description of injuries and bad (body horror ish) smells/sensations,
Notes: Hopefully this has horror/unhinged vibes... I haven’t really read horror in years... Proceed with caution, I don’t think I’m that good at the whole content warning thing
It’s a nice beautiful April day outside. The sky is blue, the grass is green and the flowers are blooming. The air is full of birdsong and laughter.
A child’s hysterical laughter, choked with tears and hitches in their breath.
He smells smoke. It is invading his lungs, coating his throat in the chalky dry sensation.
It’s not nicotine smoke. Or at least it’s not only nicotine smoke. No, there is also the smoke of burning wood, burning hair. Burning flesh.
It’s a terrible smell and a terrible taste. He wants it gone. He wants it gone now.
He looks around, trying to find the source. He sees nothing.
Nothing except for a wheezing little robin bird on the ground. It has its right wing folded oddly. Like it’s injured.
The bird chirps and trills and chutters.
It sounds like a child laughing. A child laughing hysterically.
He knows now that the little wounded, grounded, stuck, bird is just another stupid form of torture from that pathetic brat.
He stomps over, his gait no longer normal and rather haphazard.
Not good, that is definitely throwing off his disguise.
It’s going to alert the citizens, the parkgoers, of who he is. They’ll alert the police --the Bat-- that he’s here. They’ll ruin his plans before he’s ready.
But he can’t find it within himself to care.
He wants the robin gone.
He wants it gone for good.
And he’ll do whatever he needs to do in order for that to happen.
So he stomps on over.
He towers over the grounded bird and sneers.
He raises his foot, ready to stomp. Ready to jump and hop and do whatever he can to stop its noise.
His lungs burn though.
They burn so mightily with the feeling of smoke and with a new unexpected feeling of unbearable heat (something that usually occurs only on his back. Which usually only happens when he is about to sleep.)
He collapses to the ground, wheezing. Tries to scream, to laugh, to call out for help.
He tosses his head around in frustration.
He sees the robin.
He sees how he fell right next to it. How he is unintentionally mimicking it.
He is filled with rage.
He is not a weak and pathetic bird.
He is the Joker.
The Clown Prince of Crime.
He is not a foolishly weak and pathetic (and perhaps a bit gullible) sidekick.
He is not some stupid songbird.
He manages to reach out and grab the noisy thing.
He goes to squeeze it but his grip, his hands-
They are too weak.
His arm flops to the ground. He can feel the skin on the back of his hand graze and rub and rip as it falls and lands on the hard stony sidewalk.
The songbird bounces softly out of his hand and onto the ground.
It wheezes. It does not sound good.
It weakly flutters and blinks its eyes. The movement of its eyelids is sluggish and the eyes themselves are dull.
Devoid of hope and life already.
He notices that the burning has left his lungs, and that it had left a little bit ago. He notices that it’s getting just a bit easier to breathe.
That the smoke is slowly, slowly, leaving him.
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High As Fuck
Ryomen Sukuna x f!reader
cw : nsfw, minors dni!, non-con, degredation,fingering, daddy kink, mentions of drug use
wc : 897
this is my first time writing this kind of thing oml forgive me😭
You were high.
Roaming the streets of your hometown, with no intentions to go back to your toxic household. You were better off without your family anyways, you would’ve run away a long time ago if you weren’t broke.
Your family has always been toxic, but things were different when your parents are meeting people, or in church. They were obsessed with the perfect picture family, it was true.
The people in your neighborhood looked up to you like you were some kind of saint, the epitome of all things good, and pure.
You scoffed internally, clumsily avoiding the rock in the empty road. If only people knew who you really are underneath that innocent façade.
The news of a curse named Ryomen Sukuna spread like wildfire, you have heard that its main target was women and children. The thought disgusted you.
What a sick bastard.
No information about this curse gave you a clue what it looked like. You’ve never seen a curse in your life either.
It's certainly not a human being, you thought.
“Oh! Y/n!" Your friend, Itadori waved from the other side of the road catching your attention.
Forcing your lazy limbs, you waved your hand back to him. He was always this cheery, and in a light-hearted mood whenever you see him.
You watched Itadori cross the street, and walk beside you. He enthusiastically wrapped his arms around you, you didn’t question it or move away from his, you were pretty close with him anyways. It didn’t bother him when he inhaled the scent of smoke and alcohol from your clothes.
He knew anyways.
Unaware of the sudden change in Itadori’s appearance, you continued to walk with him. You have no clear idea of where you were going.
You refuse to go back home; you simply cannot tolerate the level of toxicity in that household.
“Hey, Itadori. Think I can stay ‘n your house tonight?” You groggily asked your friend.
“You can stay there forever, darlin’.” His voice became unmistakably deeper, with the deep husk in his voice.
You halt your steps and faced your body towards Itadori, placing your hand just above his chest, you drunkenly said, “Since when did your voice became insanely attractive, Itadori?”
You could’ve sworn you saw his unfamiliar smile, which made your insides tingle. What the fuck?
He let out a deep chuckle and carried you in his arms.
You had to be tripping, his face was filled with dark ink and he had four eyes.
“I think I hit too much,” you mumbled.
“Oh yeah? What a fucking disgrace, you are.”
A chill went down your spine when he looked down at you, you can’t help but shrink at the intensity of his stare.
“Itadori?” You stuttered; it was coated with uncertainty.
Are you sure that this was Itadori? Or were you too high to notice the difference between a friend and a stranger?
“You don’t know how long I’ve been watching you, baby.” He growled, burying his face where your shoulder and neck meet. The familiar ceiling of Itadori’s room was above you, and the unmistakable porn posters plastered on his room. It's definitely his.
“Dressing up like a fucking angel, and acting all innocent.” The confusion was pushed away as you savor the feeling of his warm hand stroking your inner thigh.
You feel the soft click of your skirt’s clasp being undone, harshly discarding the thin skirt. You were left in your black thigh highs socks and your pink cotton-laced panties with a ribbon on top. The chill of Itadori’s room, biting your lower body.
“Fucking whore.” His deep voice said.
This was not Itadori, at all.
“Itadori!” You screamed, you were in his room, he had to be here somewhere. Unfortunately, you were high, and your attention span was of a fucking fish named Dory. You bit your lips as his cold fingers danced on the outline of your pussy through the thin layer of your panties.
“That brat’s not coming for you, baby.” His mouth suckled on the soft skin on your neck, it stung a bit as he used his teeth. It was sure that it was going to leave a mark. You tried pushing him, with all your strength but he didn’t budge.
You didn’t stop calling your friend, begging him to save you from this monster. However, the more you called from him, the rougher the man goes on you.
Your top was long gone, you found yourself under the man, only in your underwear and socks.
His hands groped your mound and harshly ripped your bra, making a shocked gasp leave your lips. You could feel the grin on his lips, enjoying your reaction as he suckled on your nipples.
His other hand slowly creeping down to your pussy.
You closed your legs but it didn’t stop him from reaching it.
You were too embarrassed to let him feel your dampness.
“Ah!” A sharp sting traveled to your body as he slapped your cunt.
A lewd moan rang through the four walls of the room, as he inserted three fingers inside you without notice. Your walls pulsed around his fingers, stretching almost painfully.
"So fucking tight." He grunted, meeting your eyes clouded with lust and hunger. "Bet you like that don't you, whore?"
Whimpers escaped your lips in response, holding onto his wrist as he moved them roughly, quickly finding your g-spot.
“Be a good girl, and open those legs for daddy.”
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sativa kisses; dabi x reader
tags: best friend's older brother!dabi, first-time weed smoker!reader, a whole lot of dabi taking advantage of a years-long unrequited crush
tw: dubcon, drug use (weed), creampie, manipulation
you always thought touya was beautiful, but he looks almost ethereal with smoke curling through his lips.
“well, well,” he drawls, his heavy-lidded gaze focused on you. “who do we have here?”
the sounds of the lively family party echoes from downstairs, children screeching as they chase each other around the halls and the adults laughing over an indiscernible show on TV. you’re frozen in place, tongue scrambling to form coherent sentences.
touya abruptly snaps his fingers.
you jolt out of your reverie, stammering, “i- i’m sorry. i forgot this was your room... i haven’t been up here in a while...,”
the last time you were on the third floor, you were a devastated ten year old sobbing at touya’s door. you didn’t understand! ever since he’d started middle school, he’d never play with you and shouto anymore. who was going to teach you how to drift on mario kart? or give you piggyback rides to the park?
when his door had finally opened, you’d perked up in excitement. but your happiness had turned to trepidation when touya shoved you down to the ground, a furious glower on his face.
“cut it out,” he’d hissed. “i don’t have time to deal with annoying little brats like you.”
that was over a decade ago. you hadn’t spoken a word to touya since.
now, he languidly watches you from his bed.
“where’s sho?” he asks.
“downstairs. he’s been talking to our dads about the stock market for hours.”
“and you’re not with him?”
you can’t keep the irritation out of your voice when you retort, “does it look like i care about the stock market?”
touya laughs, a deep, earthy sound that resonates in his throat. the fizzing exhilaration in your heart intensifies.
“so you decided to go exploring. hm.” he takes another drag from his blunt. the sickly-sweet scent of weed hangs in the air; you’re intoxicated by how elegant he makes such a taboo activity seem.
touya watches the way you’re fixated on his movements. “do you want to try?”
your eyes widen. “ah, no, it’s okay- sorry, i’ll just go. i’m probably disturbing you-,”
“i know i’m being annoying- i’ll go back downstairs, have a good night-,”
you stutter to a halt.
as if his vibrant cerulean eyes are magnetizing you, you silently draw forward, kneel down on his downy grey duvet.
“i’ve never done this before,” you tell him nervously.
“of course.” touya’s voice is mocking. “if you’re scared, you can leave.”
you are scared- of course you are- but you’re also desperate for his approval. he’s always been so high above you, so unattainable; you should be grateful that he’s even giving you his attention right now.
you unsteadily raise the joint to your lips and inhale.
immediately, your body collapses into wracking coughs. you massage your throat as you frantically try to alleviate the uncomfortable scratchiness; distinctly, you are aware of touya coaxing water through your parted lips.
“i- i’m sorry,” you wince.
“come here,” he murmurs, and that command must be some sort of spell because you find yourself instinctively crawling across the bed, until you’re deferentially kneeling at his feet.
touya holds the blunt in front of your lips. you watch, transfixed, as wisps of smoke trail from the end.
“inhale. pull it down to your chest. hold it there for a few moments, and then let go.”
you lean down till your mouth is level with the spliff. touya’s eyes darken as he watches you wrap your lips around the tip. your gazes meet as you blink up at him. there’s an aching, heady feeling in your core as you study the intensity in his eyes, the way his tongue slides over his pierced lips.
desire glows in his stare as he watches you inhale. this time, you don’t choke on the smoke.
“better.” touya pulls you even closer, so that you’re nestled against his body. the sharp scent of cinnamon and pine cuts through the weed, wafts into your nose. warmth blossoms in your stomach- he smells like autumn mornings, when you’d dance amongst the fallen leaves and drink the microwaved apple cider he’d brew for you.
touya’s hand encircles your neck, not tight enough to restrict your airflow but firmly holding you in place. his fingers push the blunt to your mouth.
“again,” he orders.
obediently, you inhale.
slowly, your head starts to feel lighter; a disconnected galaxy of disjointed thoughts and emotions and sensations. like you’ve packed everything in your mind into a bath bomb and dropped it in a jacuzzi. things are swirling around in a kaleidoscope of neon pinks and creamy blues and vibrants greens; your awareness of touya sharpens and fades simultaneously.
“atta girl,” he cooes.
your head slumps back onto touya’s shoulder. he’s lazily skimming his fingers back and forth against your arm, sprouting goosebumps in his trail.
“feels good,” you mumble against his chest.
touya smirks into your hair. “yeah?”
he continues touching your arm, revelling in the way you curl up against him. slowly, his hand drifts further and further downwards, tracing over your ribs, dipping down the bare skin of your thighs. it’s almost natural when his hand dips under your dress.
“can i touch you?” touya murmurs, palm resting on your panties. “you’re a big girl, right?”
“yeah,” you breathe through the haziness.
a satisfied smirk curls over his lips. “good.”
touya slips under the soft lace, gently brushes up and down your entrance. to his satisfaction, sticky arousal is already gathering at your slit. a pitiful mewl leaves your lips as he thumbs your clit.
“want more,” you plead, hands curled up into small fists against his abdomen.
he’s sneering. “is this what they taught you in college? how to be a little slut?”
tears of frustration, heightened by the marijuana, well up in your eyes. “‘m not, i just need you so badly.”
“do you say that to shouto? open your legs and let him use this pretty little pussy, too?”
“no!” you’re pathetic, desperately clutching onto his black tee. “only for you. don’t want shouto like that- just you, touya.”
the sound of your sweet voice whining his name has him addicted; he can’t help but comply. touya lets out a throaty exhale as slides a long, milky finger into your pussy, reveling in the way your gummy walls cling to his digit. you’re so needy you’re grinding up against his finger, whispers of more more more tumbling through the air. he comes to a decision while he’s scissoring and curling two digits inside your warmth: he’s going to cum inside you.
it feels like you’re dreaming. you’ve watched him parade around his girlfriends for years, voluptuous instagram models and tattooed egirls and everything in between, never once looking at you. so when he moves over you, unfurls you till you’re all spread out for him, you feel so very honored. the ache in your lower belly is unbearable and you’re soaring through the clouds and the only thing grounding you is touya’s hands on yours.
before he pushes into you, he murmurs, “how much do you want me?”
“so much- fuck, i’d do anything for you.”
“anything?” there’s a deadly poison in his voice. “say it again. are you mine?”
you nod desperately, your hair sticking to your lips and your chest heaving. you’ve been his since you were chasing him around the park and he’d ruffle your hair in that special way, save the red Skittles for you because he knew they were your favorite. he’ll never know how much you’ve valued- no, idolized- every little thing he’s said and done your entire life.
“i’m yours, promise, just want you inside me. please.”
touya gently presses the head of his cock inside you. when his fingers circle your clit to help your body relax, you swear stars erupt in the hazy sky of your consciousness.
“good,” touya says. “now tell him that, too.”
“wha-,” you mumble-
your eyes widen.
shouto is standing in the doorway, his jaw ajar as he takes in the scene in front of him. through your clouded mind you can see the utter shock on his normally emotionless face. you haven’t seen him this shaken since you were children.
shame washes over you like a bucket of ice-cold water; you dizzily try hoist yourself up from the bed, your tongue searching for an explanation that’ll make this better-
and then touya thrusts into you with one smooth stroke. a garbled moan tears from your throat; you collapse back on touya’s pillow, struggling to adjust to his thick length. you’re so incredibly full, there’s nothing on your mind but the sensation of his cock pulsing deep inside you, the cold metal of his piercings grazing against your skin as he peppers kisses down your jaw.
and soon you’re wailing touya’s name as he relentlessly fucks you, obscene squelching sounds filling the air as his balls slap against your soaking cunt. it’s like he wants you to completely ruin yourself in front of your best friend, to make sure all three of you hear the squelching of his cock in your wetness and your breathy, pathetic whimpers and the way you religious chant, “touya, touya, oh, fuck, fuck, right there-,”
“fuck yeah, you’re so- fucking tight,,” he rasps somewhere down under the foggy heights you’re spiraling higher and higher into. “you were made just for me.”
you blubber something unintelligible in response, tears streaming down your cheeks as you grip touya’s biceps. he smirks triumphantly.
“got you stupid for my dick, yeah? nothing else in that little head except for me.”
touya lowers his face, so that his lips are only a breath away from yours. you wish he’d kiss you more than anything else in the world.
“you’re all mine,” he growls.
and- true to his promise- he comes inside you with a groan, thick, warm semen filling up your pussy. it’s that sensation that tips you the edge; being utterly filled with touya to the brim, milking him until you take everything he gives you. with a humiliatingly loud cry, you convulse around him, the tension finally snapping in your stomach. your world blacks out for several seconds- nothing matters, nothing is happening, nothing can ruin this moment. he’s riding out his orgasm, continuing to slowly fuck his cum back into you as waves of euphoria wash over your body.
distantly, you can hear the sound of glass shattering against the wall. there’s shouting and arguing and it all sounds so utterly upsetting- a small part of your mind is screaming that something is terribly wrong.
but the exhaustion and head-high of the sativa finally tugs you under, and you slip into darkness.
A/N: moral of the story: FUCK the stock market
stupid rubi rambles below, so exit now if you dont want to read some headassery
anyway... fun story about my first kiss. when i was 15, i was planning on skipping the homecoming dance to chill with my friends. this rude ass family friend of mine was like, "awww, you're not going bc you couldnt get a date? :/"
so then i made out with her son in her bedroom as she did bollywood karaoke with my parents downstairs. top 10 most iconic, petty things ive ever done. it was a horrible kiss though it was so bad i was put off romance as a concept for a solid few months. anyway drop your most memorable family party stories in my inbox
233 notes · View notes
italic = Correct
bold = Applies
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I'm LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a CROSS DRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FAN GIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep.
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUN HAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
Source : A blog on Fanfiction.net.
Note : Just because I labeled something as correct doesn't mean it's for the same reason listed. Feel free to try it for yourself!
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ok uhh nsvdnsbdms Tim with an awkward annoying s/o pls
hi anon! i'm assuming you want headcanons, so that's the route i took with this. if you wanted something different please don't hesitate to let me know! this is written under the assumption that the reader is a proxy.
okay! i hope you enjoy :]
Tim didn't really know how to feel about you at first because in his eyes you had (and still have) Toby energy, except you're much less malicious than Toby can be. He still found you irritating, though.
Of course, being a proxy meant that you needed to spend a lot of time with your colleagues, if you can even call them that. So Tim had to spend a lot of time with you, even if he didn't really want to.
Since he was around you so much, it didn't really take Tim long to realize that you weren't obnoxious just to be a pain in the ass; you just didn't really handle talking to people well. He was more understanding after he figured that out.
After a while, you kind of grew on him, even if your quips were poorly timed and you were a bit bad at handling other peoples' emotions. And as much as he didn't want to admit it to himself, whenever he found himself on solo missions or trips that you weren't needed on, he missed you.
Tim is horrible at expressing his emotions, so you were the one that confessed. It was probably scarier for him than it was for you, though. Poor guy started talking gibberish and you had to get Brian to make sure he wasn't having a stroke. Romantic, no?
Your relationship is... a mess. In a good way, though. It started out kind of stressful because neither one of you are good at communicating, and sometimes you could be a straight-up brat. Once you two learned how to trust each other enough, you found it a lot easier to say what you felt without a filter.
As clingy as you might be, you aren't physically clingy, and neither is Tim. This doesn't mean you don't laze around in each other's arms whenever you're alone together; it's just not your default way of expressing affection.
Your love language is definitely "tolerating each other". You could be as obnoxious as you wanted around Tim, and he'd just laugh and respond to you sarcastically. He'd tell anyone else to shut up, so whenever he banters with you that means he's beyond comfortable.
You don't know how to help other people with their emotions and Tim doesn't know how to express them. This led into you doing things that you knew Tim enjoyed whenever he was upset; you might not know how to comfort him, but you knew how to cheer him up. Your efforts never fail to make him happier, because he knows you're trying and that it's your way of saying that you love him.
In this relationship, expect a lot of awkward (yet affectionate) kisses, hand-holding, playfully rude banter, and quiet nights sitting out watching the sky and smoking.
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Wild Turkey bacon smoked cheddar brats... yum
Wild Turkey bacon smoked cheddar brats... yum
Submitted May 04, 2021 at 09:46AM by d_rek
via reddit https://ift.tt/3ePkx6N
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Here, Atlas Fell: CHARACTERS
now that i’ve introduced my wip, it’s time you meet the stars of the show :D
I love them dearly and im sure you will too- i mean, how can you not?? they’re so perfect... juST LOOK AT THEM!
(i got all the pictures off of pinterest. you can find the origin of them within the board that i’ll link below. if any of the art is yours and you’d like it removed, please let me know hehe)
-doesn’t know he’s bi until Paris shows up
-theme song(s): “As The World Caves In” (matt maltese) / “I Know the End” (phoebe bridgers
-believes in ghosts, stuck in his head a lot, struggles with anxiety, hates making decisions and can be reckless, my baby
-kinda love but more than love and more than friends with Paris
-Atlas’s love interest, they have a ash-eiji/elio-oliver type beat
-ENFP (as of right now)
-small pansexual boy
-theme song(s): none yet
-young at heart, very wholesome and can be naive because he always wants to see the best in people
-like i said, kinda love but more than love and more than friends with Atlas
-tough bi girl vibes, had a crush on Atlas
-theme song(s): none yet
-Delta puts on a really tough front. While she’s naturally closed off, naturally intelligent, naturally orderly, she’s still human
-theme song(s): none yet
-most wholesome dad boy ever, is a father figure to many, definition of perfect
-dated Leo (now dead), refuses to fall in love again
-gardener, secondary character, kinda a leader
-theme song(s): none yet
-comes off as kind and forgiving and warm hearted. has a god complex deep down tho, i personally adore him
-refuses to label his sexuality but is def into men
-theme song(s): none yet
-very Sing vibes (from banana fish), thinks he’s mega tough but gets flustered WAY too easily. he’s a sarcastic brat that you can’t help but love
-theme song(s): none yet
-non-binary boss, very scary and intimidating
-dating Noire, Ferran is their brother
-theme song(s): none yet
-has psychotic breaks but absolutely a baby sweetie cutie when she’s happy and doing well
-they dont label their sexuality
-theme song(s): none yet
-lives solo but occasionally smokes with Odyn, otherwise hangs around by themself. they do piercings and tattoos for people though and are normally invited to gatherings
-the camp witch, background character
-theme song(s): none yet
-people go to her for drugs, healing, spiritual advice, etc. she’s very chill and out of it most of the time, lives by herself but often invited to gatherings. believes in a mythology of gods i created a while back
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Views on Cancel Culture, Woke-ness, Political Correctness & Other Related Issues From The Perspective of an Irrelevant Nobody: Why People Think it Helps & Why it Does Not.
By Bradley “Holliday” Rozier
I had hoped this first post would be a lot more light-hearted, but after an article and the related tweets I read yesterday, I had to write and share this.
So, it is roughly November 2017, I decided to join Greenpeace because I felt it would be a great way to put my mind and anxiety to good use. Through the connections I made, I ended up with some really good friends and some people who I thought would be a positive asset to my growth and recovery, but ended up not being so. However, we will get to THAT part later. First I want to say, generally speaking, I am against most everything the “Woke” movement is against, I simply feel that, tactically speaking, it could and should be handled differently.I was born September 9, 1984 at 10 something PM at what was then “University of Florida Medical Center”, but is now called “UF Health Shands” (Named so after William Augustine Shands, fun fact, W. Shands was not a Doctor, but a politician) on 8th street in Jacksonville, Florida. I grew up in culturally and ethnically diverse neighborhood on the northside of town called “Highlands” (named so because it is at a slightly higher elevation than most of the rest of the city) as well as various other places (my biological mother moved, A LOT) so, from an early age, I was presented a multitude of other cultures and backgrounds to embrace and learn from. The most important factor in this point is my Grandmother, Geraldine Rozier, and my Aunt, Donna Ogle. Both of whom drilled two very important lessons.
Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)
Treat others as you want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12)
Now, as many of you know, I have particular disdain for organized religion, as more often than not I see it bring out the worst in people, if you doubt my words, wait for the next thing I post. Yet, even I can find value in these teachings. These teachings also come into play with the topic at hand and I feel that this was a necessary preface for what may come out as being exceptionally harsh. I need you to understand: this is all coming from a place of love and compassion, though I understand how this may be hard to believe as this is my first blog post. This morning, as I drank my coffee and smoked my first cigarette of the day, I was reading a Revolver article about Glenn Danzig (who is easily one of my favorite musicians). The article was basically him talking about how punk rock could have never have happened in today’s sociopolitical climate. It received A LOT of hate, but the simple fact is, he was right. Think about this: The Ramones, New York Dolls, The Clash and The Sex Pistols all put out songs that were offencive to some people, however, that was kind of the point. In 1976 the Ramones put out their self titled debut, on this album was a song called “Beat on The Brat” the 6 repeated lines from this song involve beating some annoying kid with a baseball bat. On the 1973 self titled New York Dolls debut there is a track called “Looking For A Kiss” which is about pressuring someone to be intimate with the singer. The Clash, in 1977,again with the self titled debut, has a song called “Protex Blue” which is a song shaming a girl for not being “wholesome” enough. Finally, The Sex Pistols, who’s name alone may be enough to get them cancelled these days, finally straying from the “self titled” trend with their 1977 debut album “Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols” had a song called “God Save the Queen” which was about anything except saving the Queen. In today’s world, these bands would have been stopped dead in their tracks and with them, almost 50 years of other artists. Which brings me to what led me to start this and with it, I hope, a dialogue.
The reason people THINK that cancel culture, woke-ness and political correctness works is because it makes THEM feel warm and fuzzy inside. They got to “stand up” for the “little guy”. The reality is these people do this for themselves and that is what I am going to illustrate in the next part.
The first point I want to make, which I almost didn’t because I didn’t want to seem nationalist, is the Freedom of Speech. Now, this is often something people mention when trying to explain how “America is the greatest nation on earth.” However, this is not strictly an American right, Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (United Nations General Assembly Resolution 217A - 10DEC1948 Code-A/RES/3/217A) which was voted for by 48 Nations, and 8 nations abstained1 states that Freedom of Expression as a fundamental human right. So, I say this with the full certainty that it is absolutely imperative that ALL people should be allowed to express themselves.
My second point, it is insanely important that we teach ourselves that reality is sometimes offensive. The world does not walk on eggshells and people will be insensitive, it is a simple fact. Preparing our children (and ourselves) for this fact is a quintessential part of life. Now, it would be great if everyone was nice and perfectly well mannered all the time. If you prepare your children for a flat tire you should prepare them for hurt feelings, conversely, it is also a useful tool in teaching children how they should behave by showing them how they should not act. Using a negative to teach a positive can be a very effective method.
Third, let’s talk about being “woke” which will bring us back to one of the people I met through my Greenpeace affiliation who was a negative influence on my life. I have no desire to smear this person, so I will simply refer to her by her initials D.H. I met her at a coffee shop where we met to discuss racism in general, but, primarily in Jacksonville. Our introduction was uneventful, but informative for me. Over the next few months, we would communicate multiple times and meet up at multiple events. At one point she would call me “one of the most ‘woke’ white guys she ever met” which, at the time, I took as a great compliment. As time would pass we would start to disagree on certain things, mostly things of basic morality. The final straw was when a mutual “friend” of ours decided that it was morally acceptable to lie to someone who was going through a catastrophic period in her life. She made a comment that I completely agreed with in the general context, however in this exact situation it was incorrect. She said “He didn’t owe her anything”, which is correct, except for the fact that he broke a promise. I was raised that if you give your word, you honor it. So, yes, he owed her his word, if not,at least an answer as to why he broke it (which was all she wanted). I mention this to say the biggest problem/misconception with ”woke culture” and it is simply this: Being “woke” does not make you a good person. I also would like to point out that being “woke” 75% of the time does not undo the 25% that you are an asshole.In conclusion, the idea that “wokeness” and Cancel Culture will fix the problems of our society is absolute garbage. I feel that the only way we can actually fix things is with a dialogue, not by simply throwing people out when they say things that we don’t agree with. Alienation is not fixing anything, in fact, I would argue that it makes things worse. It is better to extend a hand than slam a door. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read this, I hope to see you next time.
1- For (48) - Afghanistan, Argentina, Australia, Belgium, Bolivia, Brazil, Burma, Canada, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cuba, Denmark, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Ethiopia, France, Greece, Guatemala, Haiti, Iceland, India, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Liberia, Luxembourg, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Norway, Pakistan, Panama, Paraguay, Peru, Philippines, Siam, Sweden, Syria, Turkey, United Kingdom, United States, Uruguay and Venezuela.
Against (0) - Zero
Abstained (8) - Byelorussian SSR, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Saudi Arabia, Ukrainian SSR, South Africa, Soviet Union and Yugoslavia
( artwork is by marisa deroma @marisa_deroma on instagram)
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