Embodiment of love
She looks just like a dream.....
I am literally the prettiest dream girl ever. Looking at my face means instantly getting serotonin and adrenaline, dopamine rush. Just being in my presence is itself a present. My presence alone has value in it, feels like a literal nostalgic Deja Vu like dream you never want to wake up from. I embody love and beauty, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, energetically.
The prettiest stars in the world.....
My beauty is unrivaled, I look like the prettiest angels and stars of the galaxies. I am simply so breathtaking, irresistible, and unforgettable. I embody the prettiest sunsets, prettiest stars, prettiest skies, prettiest oceans, and prettiest art. My beauty is otherworldly, the one that you'd want to capture it so badly. Even the camera couldn't capture a tenth of my beauty, because I'm just way too beautiful. I am a living, breathing work of art. I am so mesmerizing it's insane. Every single day I wake up looking a billion times prettier than I was yesterday. My beauty knows no limits. I am just naturally and effortlessly beautiful. My beauty is the one that is once in a blue moon, it's rare, it's too precious. The moment you lay your eyes on me the only thing on your mind is "wow". Seriously, how is it even possible for someone to look this pretty that you'd take their breath away? But it is possible for me, yes, because I'm the ultimate dream girl.
Embodiment of love.....
I am the embodiment of love itself, you don't know true love until you see me. One look is enough for you to fall utterly in love with me. I am the first love, I am the definition of love. I'm the embodiment of love in the purest form. If love was a person it would be me. I'm immensely in love with myself inside out, and this love only keeps increasing. I act, walk, talk, like I'm a blessing because I literally am!!. There's something so lovely, adorable, otherworldly, ethereal, magical and angelic about my aura that people simply cannot help but to fall in love with. I have 0 haters, I mean come on, I'm literally the best of the best. I'm simply loved, respected and admired by everyone. I am everyones favourite everything. I am the dream girl, the one that you dream of. I'm the typa girl you wish you had. I'm the typa girl you wish you would become. I'm the typa girl who you see once and never forget. I'm the typa girl who you can't help but to love and adore. I'm the typa girl you want to protect and cherish with all your heart. I'm the typa girl you wanna see win. I'm the typa girl that takes your breath away. Im the typa girl that makes your heart race. I'm the typa girl who reminds you of everything. I'm the typa girl who reminds you of love songs. I'm the typa girl you miss when I'm not around. I'm the typa girl you wanna spoil. I'm the typa girl who brings the soft side out of you. The only one.
A dream....
I would just be sitting there and doing nothing and everyone would go crazy over me. Everything about me, my aura prompts people to smile uncontrollably like an idiot in love. Even the coldest of people turn soft for me. It's like everything around me just turns into that one romantic and dreamy shoujo manga. Being in my presence is strangely addicting yet comforting. The world is literally a happy, ethereal and magical dream when I am in it. People automatically feel better in my heavenly presence. I literally embody makoto shinkai's movies, so breathtakingly beautiful, dreamy and the literal embodiment of love. I embody all the majestic love songs. My beauty, presence, aura, vibe, personality, mindset, my voice, literally everything about me is so dreamy, perfect and lovable. It's like I walked right out of a love struck, euphoric dream. That's right I'm a dream you never want to wake up from.
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12/17/23 12:16 AM
I feel like I'm always playing catch up. And this has been an ongoing problem for a very very long time. At least since highschool. possibly before. And I now know its because of all my fun mental problems that work together to make my life a chaotic mess (less so now).
But now I'm in a place where Im asking myself: how do I just exist without feeling like I need to get everything done right now. Like i cant fucking relax. And the problem is that there is some level of reasoning to it, but at the same time I need to find a balance, cus either way working crazy all the time is just gonna burn me out and cause me more problems in the long run.
I have gone through so many periods in my life where I'm severely depressed and incapacitated and then hypo mania kicks in and I can do everything. So in the time periods of mania I would "make up" for all the time I lost and it was a vicious cycle. Even though my bipolar symptoms are currently managed with medication, I look back the past 10 years or so and I'm like wow. I lost a lot of myself bc of my BPD. and I guess thats where alll my current urgency is coming from.
BPD took a lot away from me. Time that I can never get back. And I can't say I regret it, because with the tools I had back then, it just wouldn't have been possible to have made different choices. I will say, with every step of this journey in my life, I really have always been trying. Even at my worst I was trying to find ways to not be so miserable. I really wouldn't give up. Its in these moments of reflection that I can really say that my will to live has actually been very strong this whole time. Even when i wanted to die. I still tried.
The times that i basically gave up on myself was when my miserableness was being blanketed by obsession/FP shit. That was the perfect way to completely lose hold of myself and dedicate every fiber of my being to that other person. and it would feel euphoric and would get me out of depression. Its terrible. literal addiction shit. These are the times that I mourn because it really does feel like regression. And as much as i dont want to treat myself like a project that must always get better over time, it really just feels tragic how much of my 20s I've lost to losing myself in other people.
But this is all time i cannot get back. There is no point in regret. And also, I cant regret decisions I couldn't really make. A lot of this lost time is really due to lack of care that I needed. From my parents, from doctors. I was simply emotionally and medically neglected, and I did my best with what I did have. All I can do now is to strive to live in my truth. but first i must figure out what my truths are. Because I still don't really know what self means. Im figuring it out tho.
*last note: mayb i just need to view time differently. I'm viewing it as a linear thing, but I know that time is not really linear. Life is certainly not linear. I think I still view my value with what I do and what I create. This is something I'm working through. I think the question is also: Who am i if I did not make things? Where would I place my self worth without being able to make things?
theres always a lot to work thru.
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The Definition by Jon Bellion: Album Review
i love this man and this album so particularly much. even the thought of this album makes my soul relapse into the same euphoric orgasm of reminiscing on mr.bellion's sweet sweet melodies.
the soft intro of munny right.. like eases u right into the album. his voice comes in so fucking crispy. the fucking high note so early, its like just wait- he finna rap! just salivating at his fucking beats and his lyrics and his voice. im literally about to throw up. THE BEAT SWITCHHHHH UGHHH LIKE THATS SO GOOD U KNW HE WAS HEAD BOPPING! this sooooo me, im gona get my munny right like u mr.bellion sir! i love how this is such a represention of his success, not just lyrically but its like, he worked for it and never gave up and hes so fucking obviously talented. mfs like this are the reason why i am so enamored with music.
carry your throne. first song i ever heard by jon! i heard it in a vine and was like :00 and thats how i found him actually. i really love this song. and frozen reese's cups. i think this is also a really cool metaphoric song, comparing an undying, raw love for someone to having a kingdom. its powerful too, the instrumental and its upbeat tempo. really cool and passionate.
pre fucking OCCUPIED. i loooove this fucking weird flow in this. if you isolated the lyrics and instrumental i'd be like ..... :/ but together its fucking GORGEOUS. so fucking complementary. its a really cool way to show that they are meant for each other. like you can usually tell when one was made to complement the other. but not this song. GOD MADE ME A FULL BLOWN GEEEEENIUS ',:^[ luvvvvv this song. blaque keys is also such a rad feature on every track w jon, his flow is consistent and smoooooth. his voice also has this really good cohesion w jon's instrumental. he's a ride or die feature. beautiful mindddd
human. wow. love u so much. this is a song he obviously wrote the lyrics first, to add to the proof for my point about pre-occupied. he's a good little vulnerable guy, and i appreciate that his music is specially crafted. his instrumental and adlibs will never downplay the emotions in his voice, just beautifully complement. "lauren call me when you hear this on," makes me like cryyyyyyy. like that was fucking raw. the bridge is the best fucking part of this song, especially the acoustic version. tell me why i still feel looooost, like yes dude fucking SING IT! i genuinely believe finding music like this and kid cudi when i was young are genuinely why i am emotionally heightened.
RUN FUCKING WILDDDDD.. I LOVE THESE LYRICS OH MY FUCKING GOD. i fucking will scream this shit forever. he's so fucking real!!! MY SOUL IS IN LIMBO LIKEEE YEAH U KNO HUH! these lyrics are really dope for providing imagery, like its really cool and along w the relatable lyrics, because while personal still ambiguous, its a fantastic story of why this person has a broken heart.
a haunted house. fucking hate the yeah at the beginning :D this song had to grow on me my first time hearing this album, i did not appreciate the contrast it brings to the album until i took the time to read the lyrics. its nice and tucked in. and its again that dope lyricism of like "this is a metaphor, you've felt this but also this way you can see it" like yeeaaahhhhhhh thats fucking dope. and normally i hate little parts of "na na na's" but this song uses it to bring to life the euphoria of healing from your past and being in love again. beauuutiful song.
JUNGLE IS MY SHIT. I LOVE HOW HE SAYS "YOU'RE TOO PRETTY" LIKE I TAKE IT PERSONAL WHEN I HEAR THAT SHIT. THIS IS A SONG I WILL NEVER SKIP. u sound so effing cuuuuuute.. like jon i need u! or someone i like that likes me to listen to this song and think ofme idk! the COUNT UHHHHHHH LOVE THE BEAT AFTER SO MUCH. very passionate about this track can u tell!?!!?
bro i adore simple & sweet. its really cute and i enjoy him saying "no yeah" bc i always do. representation! BUT IF THINGS GET COMPLICATEEEEEEED-- like he absolutely smahsed it on that contrast. its made to be this way. the beginning is soooo slow and hes like- nuh uh, lets add a whole different beat and tempo. and it WORKS. and it shows the tenderness of being so in love, but also the euphoria of it too.
an immigrant is so good. the switch up is fantastic. i love this SONG. coffee on my j dilla vinyl!!!! like u can tell he missed this chick. i really really love this ditty. been head bopping this whole time. i love the "i miss you" and "i still love you" tucked in. its always been my favorite part of the album.
ooh is one i didn't like at first. but the chorus is what tied me in, and i stayed bc jon is meticulous with his features and this is proof, like blaque keys. like he absolutely has the vision for the songs immediately. and her voice is not one i'd care for alone, but its a slight compliment to his and it rly adds to the passion.
luxury is also a fantastic song, its a really beautiful outro the the album. a grand finale. such an awesome feature too. meticulous god damnit! like that shit just adds to the magnitude. feelings practically religious.
i needed to listen to this album again, i haven't for a long time but when the songs come on separately when i shuffle, im like :0! i love you jon, pls make new music i am begging you pLEASE
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Ahhh your fanart of yb and malik in hoodie/sweater and squishing made me thing: they are very touchy-feely with each other. Yb likes putting a hand on malik's shoulder or leg as he talks, he'll thread his fingers through malik's hair as malik lays his head in his lap. Meanwhile malik MUST ALWAYS touch yb. He's playfully slapping his arm, he's hugging him, he's holding his hand. Just they are always touching in their own ways.
omg this is so cute sgsksg yes they deserve this ;_; okay i also have my bakumali cuddling HCs ig it's time to share them:
bakura is very clingy. Being a thiefy boy he is very possessive over what belongs to him. That’s what makes him unexpectedly affectionate like in the most random moments he would just go and hug malik. Malik would be watching tv or cutting his vegetables or reading something and bakura would just come out of the blue and hug him from behind or from the side and would like nuzzle his face into his hair or shirt. Almost like he can’t believe the luck he has in having the pretty boy all to himself. And with malik looking almost always top notch and gleamy and adorned with gold, bakura can’t resist to be all grabby for his treasure. THIS FANART on twitter showcases that mood perfectly! pls look at it i’m,,,, ;_; they are so cute
When malik has to leave and says he has to go bakura would still cling to him and it always takes some time to get him off of him. (The best way to remove him, malik figured, is to give him lots of kisses until bakura gets too distracted by them and malik can plan his escape but sometimes this escalates the situation and makes bakura even more grabby and touchy )
Malik is always more cautious over who touches him where (mostly because of his scars and his trust issues) but for bakura he’s like my body is free real estate ;)) And being the little brother he actually loves being cuddled (like you mentioned, he would rest his head on bakura’s lap and love it when bakura plays with his hair), but it just takes some time for him to admit it and bakura knows best how to make him yield.
When Malik touches bakura he always masks it as an excuse like “wait let me fix your shirt” or “your hair is a mess let me fix it” but his touches would be all lingering and soft and he’d almost unconsciously caress bakura’s cheeks whenever he is done fixing whatever excuse he used. And ofc he can’t resist stroking his fluffy hair
In his euphoric happy moments tho’, malik won’t give a damn abt anything anymore and he would just lunge at bakura, hugging him full force or just straight out jumping on him. He would even be as bold to do it in public places making bakura grumble like “didn’t you say you wanna be discreet in public?” and malik would be like “shut up and kiss me”. But only if the mood fits him. They bicker a lot even when cuddling as the old married couple that they are. Otherwise he’s always nagging Bakura about behaving more decently in the open (who actually doesn’t give a shit where they are he could always pda with malik)
THIS is what they look like when they are completely comfortable with each other in the open (i swear this artist has the best hc/drawings of them)
they are also pretty clingy and attached like two magnets when sleeping in bed. and both being pretty lithe they kind of fit into each other like ying and yang. they’d fall asleep in a cuddled position and wake up the next day still tangled up like that. for malik to let bakura touch and kiss his back is the biggest act of affection/devotion and the literal prove that he is finally comfortable/at peace with another person and this is why he’s mostly the lil spoon
Now talking abt them individually, they are both touch starved so they both go like !!! whenever smn touches them
Malik is only used to his siblings touching him, pampering him almost because he’s the baby brother (but that depends on what time we talk abt because during the time leading to battle city they weren’t really what i’d call an affectionate family poor bbs ;_; but i figure post canon they grew closer together ofc) but that’s exactly what makes him quite cautious whenever strangers put their hands on him. He thinks it’s some for of manipulation first before actually seeing it as affection. He’d lean more to be like “don’t touch me!” first, but once he’s sure there are no bad intentions behind it he’d almost give in completely feeling like he’s finally being treated like the princess he longs to be
Bakura is also completely touch starved (and if we have to mention tkb in this i hc that he, being older and all, had his share of experience back then but mostly for having short fun and nothing really that involved him emotionally/affectionately). bakura almost forgot what a human touch feels like so it makes him quite alert too when someone touches him. But he’d see a touch more like an invitation leading him to see it as some kind of deal= if you can touch me i can touch you. The thief in him makes him almost treat every situation like something he could profit from and he tries to see where he gets the benefit in it and if it’s really convenient for him. It’s quite funny to imagine how he’d react in a post-canon reality when he’s put in a situation where someone puts their hands on him.
wow this got long shdfghj i swear i could talk abt them for hours but thanks for the ask 🙋
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i’ve been waiting for you
Summary: Each time Anthony and Kate first meet their children.
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chapter 1: anthony meets edmund
Anthony meets Edmund Benedict Bridgerton on a sunny, Tuesday morning. He had been woken up by a heaving Kate the previous night, saying it was time. Anthony had completely panicked but had managed to compose himself to run for the staff to contact the doctor and wake Mary. Mary, Kate’s mother, had taken up residence with them three weeks ago to help her daughter through the birth.
It was considered improper for men to be in the birthing suite, it was considered inappropriate and nothing a man should be exposed to.
The fact had horrified Kate when she found out, pregnancy and childbirth was something she was completely naïve about until it was happening to her. She could not fathom going through anything anymore without Anthony beside her, especially childbirth. Anthony understood this, even when Kate did not protest the doctor’s instructions for Anthony to leave.
It was not advisable, but Anthony simply told the doctor to fuck off anyway.
No one told Viscount Bridgerton what to do, except his mother and the Viscountess Bridgerton. Kate. How was he supposed to wait outside while Kate, his Kate, was in agony for hours on end? He could not bear it. He would not bear it.
Before going into labour, towards the end of her pregnancy, Kate had expressed to Anthony that she wanted him there. They were wrapped up in bed one evening, murmuring sweet nothings between them until the conversation took a serious tone. Kate had told him how scared she was to give birth, that she knew it was silly but it still terrified her.
He had been at a loss for words, feeling horrifically guilty of this fear and there was not a lot he could do about it. So he would do anything he could to help her. They read books about it, they spoke with doctors, they spoke with Daphne about her experiences.
If Kate needed him there, he would be there.
Anthony was not physically or emotionally capable of denying his wife anything.
It was a long, tedious birth. Kate had been in labour for most of the night, walking around the birthing suite in an attempt to speed up the process or breathing heavily through each contraction. Anthony never left her side. His hand ached from how long Kate had squeezed it through contractions, not that he would dare admit that out loud.
Kate would definitely smack him.
Eventually, the doctor announced it was time to push. Mary was holding Kate's other hand, whispering soothing and encouraging words into her daughter's ear. Anthony had been screamed at to stay at Kate’s side and not dare go look between her legs. Anthony would not repeat the other things his wife cursed at him as she pushed, as much as they amused him. All he could do was hold Kate’s hand and rest the other on her back, supporting her back as she leaned forward. He did not stop speaking to her, telling her how incredible she was, how much he loved her, how in awe of he was.
Every time he thought he could not not love his wife more, she proved him wrong every time.
The piercing cry that eventually broke through the room in the early hours of the morning left Anthony without the ability to speak.
“You have a son,” The doctor announced, holding the baby up to the new parents. He cut the umbilical cord and wiped the wriggling, slightly pink and purple baby covered in a white substance and red splotches of blood.
“Oh my, is he alright?” Kate sobbed, collapsing against the pillows but her eyes did not leave her son. She looked so exhausted but elated, and the tears streaming down her face matched the ones on her mother and husband’s faces. Anthony did not try to hide his tears, how could he? He had a son. A son. “Oh, Anthony. Mary. Look.”
“You are amazing, I love you,” He whispered against her temple, pressing a kiss there but his eyes never left his son as the doctor returned with the baby wrapped in a white cloth, laying him on Kate’s chest.
“Oh darling, you did so well. He is perfect,” Mary said softly, peering closer to her daughter who had adjusted the baby in his arms. “Have you chosen a name?”
The name of their son had been a topic of debate between Kate and Anthony over the last nine months. They could not agree on a name, or one of them loved a name the other hated.
“We have,” Kate murmured, which caused Anthony to raise an eyebrow at his wife. As far as he was concerned, the topic was very much still up for debate.
“Edmund,” Kate declared, looking up from her son to stare at her husband, her eyes lighter than the heavens above and her smile was small and magical. “Edmund Benedict Bridgerton.”
Anthony was speechless.
“I will leave you two,” Mary said, pressing a kiss to Kate’s forehead and reaching over to squeeze Anthony’s arm before she turned to leave the room. “I will give you a moment of privacy. I will be back soon. Congratulations.”
“Kate,” He murmured, making absolutely no attempt to hide his emotions as he moved closer to his wife and son. He could not think of anything to say other than his wife’s name. He could not put what he was thinking and feeling into words.
“There was never another name for him. It is perfect, don’t you think?” Kate spoke softly, resting her head against Anthony’s shoulder. “A great man named after a great man.”
Again, words completely failed him. All Anthony could do was glance between his wife and son, nodding in agreement. It meant everything to him, absolutely everything to him. His father would have loved it. His mother would love it, as would his siblings. All Anthony had ever wanted in life was to honour his father and be the father he was.
In this moment, looking at his son, Anthony knew that was all he would ever try to do. He wanted to be a man and father worthy of Edmund, worthy of their future children, worthy of Kate.
“Here you are,” Kate said softly, snapping Anthony out of his thoughts as she moved her arms close to Anthony’s as she transferred their son into his waiting arms.
The feeling of his son, his son, being placed into his arms was indescribable. He was pink and loud, his little lungs screaming for air and possibly out of discomfort before settling once he was in his father’s arms. Did he know who Anthony was?
Anthony had never felt anything like this, looking at his first born son. It was not his first time holding a baby, he had held Simon and Daphne’s newborn daughter Amelia only last year. The first baby he had ever held was Hcyinth when he was just eighteen years old. He thought he had felt love then, staring into the eyes of his newborn sister that would never know their father and would only ever know him.
Except this time, Anthony was a father. The most important role in his life, not Viscount, but husband was now tied with father.
He was a father.
This tiny baby, with his slightly pointed nose that was Anthony's and cheekbones that were all Kate, was a part of them. Both of them. He was theirs. He was a Bridgerton.
“Wow,” Anthony whispered, terrified to move an inch as he sat perched on the bed beside Kate. One of his fingertips lightly grazed his son’s tiny cheek, which was not even the size of Anthony’s palm, and his delicate skin was so soft.
He was heaven.
Time had always been an enemy of Anthony's, something he was constantly fighting a battle against. He often wanted to reverse it. Except, this time, he didn’t wish he could reverse it. He found himself wanting to stop it, in this utterly distilling moment, wishing he could stay in this moment of holding his son for the first time forever.
“It suits you,” Kate said, breaking Anthony out of his trance as Anthony broke his gaze and looked up at her. She was the most beautiful thing in the world, laying against the pillows on the bed, her dark thick hair slightly matted and damp. She must be exhausted.
“What suits me?” Anthony asked, resuming his staring contest with his son, whose dark eyes were glancing around the room curiously before landing back on his father. “You should sleep, love. You need your rest to recover.”
“It suits you being a father,” Kate murmured, her eyes drooping closed as she settled herself against the pillows. “You were born for it. Mm. I am rather exhausted. For once, I shall not argue,” Her voice teased him, drifting off as she spoke, a small smile settling on her lips.
He loved her. Anytime he thought he could not possibly love her more, she always proved him wrong.
Anthony did not leave the birthing suite once in the hours Kate slept. He wanted to keep an eye on her, hours after the birth were important ones to observe in case something terrible happened. He also could not take his eyes off his son, or was capable of putting him down.
“I’m your father,” Anthony spoke softly to his son as he stood by the window, gazing out at the night sky. He had been awake far too long but the adrenaline running through his veins kept him awake. If he felt slightly drowsy, he just looked at his son and it sent a euphoric buzz throughout his veins. He brought Edmund closer to his face so he could lightly kiss his forehead. "I am completely yours."
“You will meet everyone soon,” He kept his voice low, cautious his wife was asleep close to them. He had been rambling for a while now, talking about nothing and everything. His son was a few hours old and Anthony wanted to tell him everything. “I promised your aunt Hyacinth she would meet you first, so she will come soon. Then there are your uncles and your aunts. There are a lot of people who love you,” He rocked his son back and forth slowly, watching his lips open and close as he shifted in his father’s arms. “You and I are incredibly lucky. We have an amazing family, but nothing compares to your mother. She is everything.”
“You should sleep, you must be exhausted,” Kate’s voice startled him slightly, and Anthony turned his back on the window to look at his wife. He felt his cheeks darken slightly, wondering how much she had overheard. She was sitting up, half-awake and smiling tiredly at him. “Come here. I miss you two.”
“I am well,” Anthony murmured, obeying his wife as he carefully climbed onto the bed, tucking Edmund against his chest as he did so. Kate carefully took the baby, holding him against her chest with one hand and holding his tiny hand with the other. “How are you feeling?”
“Exhausted and sore,” Kate replied honestly, nuzzling the top of Edmund’s head and pressing a kiss to his bald head with a few tufts of light hair. The baby began to fuss and Kate took that as a sign he was hungry, and she pulled down her nightdress to feed him. “I also have never felt happier in my entire life.”
Anthony chuckled softly, curling himself around his family as he pulled the sheets further over the three of them, carefully tucking his arm under the baby and Kate.
Anthony had never been good with expressing his emotions or dealing with emotions in general, but lying there, beside his family, he felt as if he would burst he was feeling so much. He had to say something. He was conscious of how he made Kate feel, given his opposition to any form of love at the start of his marriage. He never wanted her to feel as if he did not love her or appreciate her, but he still struggled with expressing his emotions. “Me too. I- Kate. Thank you, thank you for everything. For him. For being you. I love you, Kate. I love you both of you with every part of me.”
Anthony glanced up at his wife and his breath caught slightly as her dark eyes were glistening, and she motioned for him to come closer. “It was my pleasure, quite a painful pleasure, but I would do it a million times over. For you. For him. For us. We love you too, you sweet incredible man. Now, kiss me before you pass out.”
Anthony laughed, blinking momentarily to try take the sting out of his wet eyes. Anthony had never felt so much in his entire life and he really needed to stop crying. He would only cry in front of Kate, rarely, but he hoped it was out of his system. He leaned forward and kissed Kate softly, squeezing her hand which lay on top of his on their son’s back.
As Anthony fell into a much needed slumber, beside his wife and son, he had never felt so content in his entire life. This was always where he was meant to be.
He was home.
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I’ve written a lot tonite and thank u guys sm for your sweet msgs some of which I haven’t replied to yet but i swear i will after this, my friend and I decided getting SCHWASTED was a good idea to help us write (and it WAS because I have THREE WHOLE CHAPTERS) but I also get super emosh when I’m drunk so obviously this is gonna go here thanks vodka
This was what made me evaluate and realize I was a lesbian. Like. I identified as bisexual for 25 years (obviously I didn’t know the term bisexual as a small child and didn’t even know that was a thing until I was 12 but I always knew I liked women. lol in kindergarten i got into a huge argument because i said i wanted to just marry a woman and everyone was like nooooo you can’t. GUESS WHATTTT I CAN AND WILL NOW LMAO) and this really was the trigger to make me take stock and give a solid hard think. I feel like that’s so embarrassing?? Yall will be nice and kind to me so I feel like I can safely say it here in our lil fandom. It wasn’t even like I was having a sexuality crisis it was just one of those things where like i was and am always a bobby stan and obv I was/am/will forever be an AJ stan we won s3 together then boat party happened but it didn’t hit the same as w bobby and any male LIs and i was like wow thats odd why does nothing w men feel even 1/1000th as solid as it does with women and why do i never feel emotionally satisfied unless i’m with women and I kept relooping this and was like holy fucking shit I’m a lesbian. And it was so so SO euphoric oh my god
Anyway this is v sentimental goopy lesbian nonsense. AJ’s a sweet baby angel either way but also here’s further context for me at least.
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Oh my god my prayers for (two? three?) years have been answered
Q is no longer living in the same city, state, OR time zone
He’s not dead, but I’ll take what I can get
I am honestly a little lightheaded with delight
🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎈🎈🎈🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Ranking Day6 Albums
Because I have Thoughts. Includes albums and mini-albums. Also if anyone actually reads this whole thing, please let me know your thoughts!
The Book of Us: Gravity - this mini-album surprised me So Much because, when it first came out, I was...almost disappointed in it? Like it didn’t WOW me the way the Youth mini-albums did. BUT, it is the album that I now enjoy the most and listen to most consistently. I think I love it because it feels HAPPY. Every single song on this album is so warm and bright and joyful. Even the sadder songs - like Wanna Go Back and Cover - are imbued with a brightness that I can’t find anywhere else. The album manages to be both nostalgic and hopeful - I think it really captured Day6 when they were at their best, both emotionally and musically. Least fave song: Cover (lyrically it’s lovely but I don’t vibe with it musically) Fave song: Wanna Go Back. Time Of Our Life came close but as soon as I heard Wanna Go Back, I understood it, without even need a translation. I understood that it was about missing the dreams and hopes you had when you were a child and this powerful sense of nostalgia. And that really spoke to me.
Remember Us: Youth Part 2 - this one comes in second because it’s so interesting musically. I loved the blues influence this album had as well as the rock tones of some of the songs. My only problem was the title track - least fave song: Days Gone By. It’s just...to 80s for me? It’s like Time Of Our Life without the emotional impact. Fave song: tie between Headache and Marathon because whichever one I prefer changes based on my mood. I love Headache because it Does Not let up - it’s like relentless and frustrated. I also like the harder, angsty sound. Marathon speaks to the soul/gospel child in me. Acapella part? Amazing.
The Book of Us: The Demon - this will probably change. This is here right now because it’s on REPEAT. But I actually think it might end up lower because Shoot Me just has a special place in my heart. I think this mini-album is Day6′s darkest. And I’m going to write another post about it because I think it’s important. Least fave song: don’t really have one yet so imma just say Zombie English ver. Fave song: LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME. She is A Queen.
Shoot Me: Youth Part 1 - i have a very, very clear memory of when Shoot Me dropped and I remember watching the MV and listening to the song/mini-album and having my mind Blow. It was just incredible. It didn’t, however, have the longevity that the Remember Us and Gravity Had. Least fave song: Still, Fave song: SOMEHOW - oh my GOD that song is euphoric and I love it.
The Book of Us: Entropy - this is like a tie with Shoot Me or just Slightly Lower. I think it had less of an emotional impact on me. I loved how they played with new sounds - this album has so many different influences so it has great variety - but not all those sounds are ones i love. Least fave song: Rescue Me, Fave song: 365247 (she’s SEXY) or Emergency.
Moonrise - okay this album swaps with Entropy a LOT. It has better longevity than Entropy but...it also has more songs that I tend to skip (shocking for a MyDay, I know). I am also going to be controversial and say that I LOVE the final versions their debut songs on this album - I am an OT5 fan and I like the Moonrise versions of the songs more. Least fave song: All Alone or Pouring, Fave song: BETTER BETTER - this is my fave Day6 song EVER and it’s SUPER underrated
Unlock - i ADORE Day6′s Japanese releases. However, I do need to be in a certain mood to listen to them. Least fave song: If, Fave song: Everybody Rock or Live Your Life
Sunrise - this is another one I’m never sure about. It was the first Day6 album I bought and it has I Wait which is the song that got me into Day6. However, you can defs tell that it’s one of their earlier albums and that their sound has developed so much since then. It’s low on the list simply because they’ve grown So Much. Least fave song: oh we’re about to be controversial - You Were Beautiful or Congratulations (I know I’m a Fake MyDay, yall can cancel me but it’s true). Fave song: I Wait or I Smile
The Day - This is above Daydream because it’s songs are a bit more memorable. Also, I love these songs, even though I prefer the final versions in Moonrise - I’ll happily listen to either version if they come on my playlist. Least fave song: Congratulations - I’M SORRY but it’s TRUE or Habits, fave song: Like That Sun or Colors (depending on how sad I’m feeling)
Daydream - idk this mini-album is just kind of lowkey/forgettable for me. Maybe because it was their second mini-album and released in the shadow of their Junhyeok leaving? Least fave song: Wish, Fave song: Hunt (again, she SEXY)
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The first time to tell my story
This is my *first* tumblr post. I couldn’t find a better platform than this to share my story for the first time.
TW/CW: If you are reading this, beware that the content is mental health related and may be triggering to some. Read at your own risk.
I just turned 23 a few weeks back and it has left me reflecting on my life.
At age 18, my whole world got turned upside down. I was suffering from depression since I was 14 years old. And when I was 18, my doctor put me on Prozac to treat it.
They always said “antidepressants will not cure you, it will just make things easier”. Well, in my case, I was cured. After a few days on the Prozac, no more depression. It was a miracle. I was better. I was better than better. I was so incredibly happy. I was euphoric.
Well, that feeling lasted about a month. And then it all came crashing down. Boom, the depression was back with a vengeance. And for the first time in my life, I felt like ending it all. The suicidal thoughts creeped up on me until they consumed me.
And there I was. 18 years old sitting in a small office. My first intake appointment. Psych ward. I knew nothing about the mental health facility, other than what I’ve seen on tv. Straight jackets and padded rooms. Well much to my relief, there were no such things in the unit I was taken to.
After being observed for several days, and after meeting with my doctor a few times, he uttered the diagnosis that changed my world.
Bipolar I disorder. Those words shook me to the very core. “I’m not bipolar, because I’m not crazy”. My 18 year old self had never been educated about mental health and the harmful stigmas that surrounded the subject.
Then began my lifelong journey. So far it’s only been 5 years. But in those 5 years, I have had 18 inpatient psychiatric hospitalizations. 5 intentional overdoses. Several instances of self harm. Too many to count. Some hospital visits were voluntary. Others, not so much.
Who knew that the police could take you away in handcuffs and lock you in the psych ward? Not me apparently. Well add that to my stats. 5 police escorts to hospital (in handcuffs).
As you can imagine, the hospital visits were not a walk in the park. And the worst part of the whole 18 hospitalizations thing, was the mountains of debt that I have accrued in the past 5 years. Let’s just say that from my very last hospital visit, they sent me a nice little bill of only $21,600. And that’s from one stay.
I’ve done everything from therapy, to support groups, to outpatient programs, to changing medication. But for some reason I’ve grown a bit cynical about life. I suppose it’s because I have been given so many “second chances” at life, and I have done nothing but squander those chances. My illness holds me back in many ways. And that’s not an excuse, but I haven’t had a job in 3 years. Because I have constantly been in and out of facilities.
This time, I’m trying to make my “second chance” (maybe 18th chance) count. I am doing okay. At least I am today. Check back in tomorrow. I’m a little unpredictable. But I have found some value to life again. I have found reasons to live. And I continue to find reasons every day.
1 year and 9 months ago, I met the most incredible man. He loves me and I love him. However, my illness continued to ruin me. I attempted suicide 3 months ago. And it nearly killed me. And it nearly killed my boyfriend emotionally. We almost broke up because of it. He couldn’t deal with the fact that I could just die on him so suddenly.
Everything is okay now. Like I said, check back tomorrow and we’ll see. But my relationship is getting back to normal. I’m adjusting to my medications. I’m going to therapy. Hopefully this recovery thing continues with this upward trajectory. But only time will tell.
Wow I never expected this post to be so long. But there is one more thing I need to say. If you are feeling hopeless, or like there’s nobody there for you, or like life isn’t worth living, NEVER give up. Because there are so many people who care about you that you may not even realize. You have interacted with so many people in your lifetime who I know would be devastated to get that call saying you ended your own life. Suicide is never the answer. And you are stronger than you think. So please reach out to your friends and loved ones. Don’t ever suffer in silence. You are not alone and YOU MATTER.
If you made it this far, I must apologize if any of this has been me rambling. But just know, your story is important. It’s the reason you’re alive today. Thank you for taking the time for me to be heard. Much love
-thejellybeanqueenbean
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Paradise (Taehyung x Reader)
→Word Count: 1715
→ Taehyung
→Warnings: Slightly Mature Content
→Plot: Choosing life as it is and life as it should be.
→ MASTERLIST
Monsta X: WONHO:
Series: We’re Not Fri(end)s: pt.1 pt.2
Midnight was always the best time to look at the sky. Seeing all the constellations align, the faint smell of rain that left (y’n) completely wanton for another shower of rain in this dry ass town.
“Yah, (Y/N), you've been out here for hours! Get back inside before you get a cold”
AND... Moment over. “What is it Tae, can’t you see I’m trying to be all deep an-”
“Remember when you said you’d ‘come inside in about five minutes and help me practice my lines.’”
(Y/n) looked up at Tae, realizing how short she actually was for her to actually have to look up. Tae gave her a knowing glance as he rolled his brown eyes at her short comings.
“Sweetie you’re only 5′6, its honestly not that bad, plus you have really nice long legs so it makes up for it-Your also really gorgeous so that's a plus-”
“I’m five foot six and A HALF Kim Tae” (Y/N) pointed her finger up at him.
“I assure you hun, the weather up here is nice” Tae smirked letting his hair fall into his eyes. It was moments like these; the casually bickering, is when (Y/N) truly realized how much she loved Taehyung, and it consumed her with emotion to the point where she couldn’t hold in all that love at once.
“I love you!” (Y/N) blurted out. Tae looked at her in sudden shock. Then a look of recognition covered his face with a smile. “I love you too” he blurted out mimicking (Y/N)’s outburst. A roar of laughter came over the two of them as they made their way inside the dorms.
“Wow don’t you two look cozy” Jimin smiled warmly at the site of two of his best friends laughing. Not until Tae came into closer into Jimin’s view could he realize that something was wrong. Tae’s smile never reached his eyes when he shared a look with Jimin, and it worried him.
“Jimin why couldn’t you be my understudy for helping this cry baby out on his lines.”
“You know I'm not that good at this acting stuff, you go to school for theater not me”
“Correction I dropped out of theater school” she reminded.
“Whatever (Y/N), those fools don’t know what they are missing” Jimin smiled.
“Awww Jimin” (Y/N) cooed. Making Jimin throw his head back and laugh. Tae was awfully quiet for this moment, she saw him gazing at his fingers before he clutched part of his shirt.
“Tae are you alright?” (y/n) asked with a chuckle.
“Yeah sweetie i’m fine” Tae looked up from his fingers and gave her a half smile.
A familiar ringtone disrupted the moment any further before she could ask more questions. Looking at the screen she saw that it was her friend Caroline and she completely forgot that the two of them planed on late night plans. shooting her a quick text should suffice, thinking it might be a little rude to just leaving Tae for another one of her friends.
“Alright boys I’m off to my place. I’ll see you later?”
“Leaving so soon?” Jimin frowned.
“Yeah, Jimin its 12:30 in the morning, I should probably get going”
“Oh, right uh-tell Caroline I said hi” Jimin’s a smart person. Caroline was the only person she would spend time with other than the two of them.
“Let me use the bathroom before I go”
Still sitting on the couch Tae smiled then nodded. She still felt like something was up with him but she just didn't know what. Tae was really good at hiding how he felt and she hatted that the most about him. It always gave her the impression that he was a ticking time up just waiting to go off, but he never did. Its just a matter of time before he realizes how unhealthy that was for him. People always saw him as a happy person even when things go wrong, they always expected him to be happy. But she of all people knew how that label took its toll on his life. So instead of pressuring him to tell her everything, (Y/N) is waiting for the moment that he finally tells her everything. Until then she’ll have to wait.
After using the bathroom (Y/N) made her way down stairs only to stop mid-way through when she herd Tae and Jimin talking in hushed whispers.
“Tae this isn’t healthy” Jimin sighed “I know you love her but you can’t keep her in the dark any longer, it will just drive a huge wedge between the both of you if you do no say anything about it.”
A small gasp left (Y/N)’s mouth at the thought of Tae having a love interest and not telling her. She wonder who it was and why. Surly they couldn’t be talking of something else? The more she thought about it she couldn’t bare to stand the thought of Tae dating ANYONE. No one could ever be good enough for her best friend. She’ll have to meet this bitc*h to scope her out.
“I love her Jimin, I love her soo much that my heart aches. Every fiber of my being yearns to be loved by her alone, everything I do is to make her happy. All I need is her Jimin, don’t you get it? She will be furious if she finds out that I’ve been keeping this from her.”
“She is leading you on and she doesn’t even know it. How can someone be soo blind that that can’t see that their best friend is madly in love with them, and to even thi-”
(Y/N) couldn’t even believe her ears. How could Tae keep a secret from her as big as this. SO what if she didn’t approve of the girl, she clearly made Tae very happy. The fact that he had another “GIRL” best friend shocked her greatly.
Reveling herself in the light of the hallway, Tae and Jimin both looked shocked to see her out in the living room. Tae’s face turned a bright shade of red while Jimin rolled his eyes in annoyance. It was so silent as the three of them exchanged looks.
“So whose the girl huh?” (Y/N) finally said, still trying to contain her anger. Tae scratched the back of his head with a confused as hell expression. Jimin looked as twice as confused.
“Did I miss something?”
“Are you fu*king with me right now?” Jimin looked more than pissed causing (y/n) to wonder where the sudden change in attitude towards her came from.
“I’m asking a question and I want an answer” (y/n) spat out. Tae looked so uncomfortable and it hurt her to know that he kept this from her.
“I thought we were best friends, huh? whatever happed to that Taehyung?” Without her consent fat tears rolled straight down her exhausted face. Tae opened his mouth but nothing seemed to come out worrying her. His lips trembled and his body shook as he placed his hands on his face as he let out a gut wrenching sob.
(Y/N) forgot all about Jimin and rushed to Tae kneeling down between his legs. She gripped his forearms and shook at them, wanting to get Taehyungs attention.
“Taehyung baby, look at me” (y/n) sniffed. Taehyung immediately dropped his hands and looked straight into her eyes at the use of his full name. Tears still leaked from his swollen eyes and his body still hiccupped from the sobs he tried to hold it, but at least she had his attention.
“Talk to me” she took both his hands and intertwined them into her own.
Shutting his eyes for a moment Taehyung looked beautiful even if he was emotionally wrecked at the moment, her heart hurt seeing the man she loved being in soo much pain.
‘its always been you” Tae whispered out his eyes still closed almost as if he was afraid that if he opened them (Y/n) would disappear.
“I don't understand Taehyung
”You are everything to me” He said looking at her seriously.
“I love you to Taehyung, now tell me what's wrong.” He shook his head in frustration.
“No (y/n), you don’t get it! I like you-no, I’m in love with you dammit have been since I first saw you. Do you understand, you are the only girl I have ever been close with or even allowed to get close to me. Its always been you” Cupping (Y/N) cheeks softly in his hands. He leaned in slowly, “its always been you” He whispered on her lips before sealing them with his own. Neither of them moved or breathed. All the thoughts that were in (Y/n)’ s head vanished, and all that was left was Taehyung. All the emotions and feelings hit her at once and it overwhelmed her senses. Taking the first stepped forwards (y/n) began to move her lips softly on Taehyungs plush lips making him gasp at the feel of your lips for the first time. Finding his control again, Taehyung grabbed (y/n) waist and lifted her to his lap. Her hands flew to his neck to bring him closer as their lips moved feverishly on one another's. Taehyung nibbled on her bottom lip harshly, groaning as the taste of metal hit his tongue, he hadn't ment to be this rough but he has waited so long for this moment. (Y/n)’ s body trembled as she opened her mouth and allowed Taehyung’ s tongue to invade her mouth. Both of them let out moans at the taste of each other. It was almost a euphoric moment if it wasn't for Jimin’s strong protest.
“-Please if you too can just take this upstairs.”
“Sorry Chim……. you had to see all of that-” she could barely look at him in the eye as she got off Taehyungs lap.
“It was cute till you started eating his face y/n”
“Yah, Jimin-sshi we’re leaving” Tae got up behind y/n, holding her waist in his hands. Looking over her shoulder she smiled at the irony of this whole situation. The “what if’s clouded“ her mind and judgement yet the more she looked at Taehyung you couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather be. Who would have known that she was just right where she needed to be.
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hiatus: July 28 to August 12 + updates
During each of my recent drama-watching updates, I’ve said the same thing: my plan was to finish Peace Hotel and Growling Tiger, Roaring Dragon, then follow up with shows set in a similar time period—Lost in 1949 and Secret of the Three Kingdoms. PH and GTRD I did indeed finish (and enjoy all the way through), but I’m likely not getting to Wan Qian’s shows in a while.
My source for both 1949 and SOTK is YouTube, but I have a roughly two-week internship in China. I’ll be leaving July 28 and will return August 12. Two weeks isn’t terribly long—certainly not long enough to purchase a VPN—but I won’t be able to log onto Tumblr.
The other, bigger reason I’m not watching Secrets is really that GTRD really left a rather gaping wound in my heart. (wow, how dramatic.) It’s not “angsty” per se in that melodramatic way, but very...chilling. For the first time in a long time, I’m having drama withdrawals (I’m very Not Over It right now). I knew a tiny bit of the history and the later actions of the Sima family, but I didn’t expect to find myself so...crushed and emotionally embroiled into the whole thing. I really don’t have the heart to jump onto another Three Kingdoms drama, not so soon, anyway, and if I did I feel like I would be turned off just on the basis of it being rather different. (Also judging from reviews, I’m going to have to be very open-minded to really enjoy SOTK, which I really am not right now. And while I find GTRD a very poetic, detailed, and of course fascinating reinterpretation of Sima Yi’s political life/the formation of Wei --> the precursor to Jin AND it’s penned by the same screenwriter, there are just one too many inconsistencies in the script for me to trust that SOTK will be good.)
So, how do I deal with major The Advisors’ Alliance withdrawals? Blogging. My Tumblr account is linked to my WordPress, The Moonlit Verdict, which I can access in China, and I do plan to put up a few posts while there—both about GRTD and some other reviews I’ve started. I can’t spam your dash with incessant reblogs, but WordPress will automatically post for me (it looks kind of ugly though).
If you want to contact me, then please, please, please drop me a comment on my site! Thank you~
For the near future, I’m thinking of finally getting to the 12-episode Burning Ice (the crime show from last year). Following that? Bloody Romance and Yanxi (I still couldn’t resist, not when Chinese audiences are all over it). The two shows that I’m “currently watching” can wait—假如没有遇见你 is only 12 episodes and episodic, and Sweet Dreams is at its best euphoric fluff/my excuse to fangirl over how pretty the leads are, which means it’s probably best served when I’m back stressing over academia.
(It’s literally been almost a year since I put the two Shaanxi dramas, Nothing Gold Can Stay and White Deer Plain, on-hold. Since I’m like 4 episodes into both, I’m probably just going to rewatch from the beginning when I get back to it, one day.)
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|| wow I hardcore need to update this blog
But i can't get to a computer right now
But this character has undergone a LOT of changes via facebook, so i suppose i should share the new bio? Eventually Ill get to a computer. Promise.
First Name: Robin
Middle Name: Reinhardt
Last Name: Wilde
Nickname: Rob, Robby
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Birth date: February 28
Birth place: Highland, Utah
Physical Characteristics:
Height: 5’4 (165cm)
Weight: 123lbs (56kg)
Build: Short and Slim, slight pudge on his belly. Has a poor diet, but is very active.
Hair: Long, messy, and dyed black. Usually with red roots or colored streaks. (Verse Dependent)
Widow’s peak?: No
Eyes: Expressive, often described as childlike. Due to his vision problems, they are a pale blue color.
Expressions: He’s usually pretty animated and excited about things when he speaks, he’s expressive and his emotions come across fairly easily, especially in his eyes.
Freckles?: Yes. Across his nose and cheeks and over his shoulders.
Tattoos/Scars?: Many of both. He has tattoos scattered over his arms and hands, referencing music, books, and important relationships in his life.
Piercings?: Nose, earlobes + cartilage, and tongue.
Glasses/Contacts?: Yes, but he always forgets them, or removes them while complaining of a headache. On days where he's out of the house for a while, he'll usually be wearing sunglasses.
Left/Right handed?: Right handed
Rob is small in height and stature. He is 5 feet, 4 inches, and thin. He may have a little bit of fat on his belly, but he is quite strong and very active. His hands and feet are a little small, his fingers thin, and his skin soft. He has blue eyes, and naturally dark blond hair that he dyes, black, and reaches a few inches past his shoulders. His eyebrows are dark brown and thick. He has feminine lips. strong jawline, and very often has stubble. He can often be found wearing makeup, as simple as eyeliner, to colored eye shadow, body paint, or lipstick. He has several tattoos on both arms, one on his right leg, and more over the tops of his hands. He dresses very casually, and prefers shorts and sweatpants to jeans or proper pants.
Intelligence Level:
Known Languages: English, Spanish, beginner’s grasp of German
How self-confident is the character?: He puts on an air of confidence, but this can be easily wounded by the smallest insult.
Patience level: Low
Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): When negative things are said to / about him, especially in regards to his skills / size. He takes everything very personally. He's very unapologetic about being unable to see that well.
Optimist or Pessimist: Pessimist
Introvert or extrovert: Extrovert
Greatest Fear: Being alone.
Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: Spiders, Bugs, Ghosts, Disappearing.
How does this character deal with or react to…
-Anger: Lashes out physically and emotionally.
-Sadness: Isolates himself, cries easily, generally tries to numb self with substances or hurt himself.
-Conflict/Danger: Runs away, tries to find an easy way out.
-Rejection: Will take it personally and blame himself. Tells self that he deserved it and dwell on the experience.
-Change: Depending on what it is, he usually handles this pretty well. Will generally 'go with the flow.'
-Loss: Isolation, chain smoking, will try to preserve what was lost through writing.
-Sex/Flirting: He will be very shy at first, not knowing how to approach the situation. But once opened up, will be very happy, excited, and confident if they’re interested. He’s a very touchy feely guy, so he will maintain a lot of physical contact once his confidence has been built up.
-Stress: Will manifest itself physically in him. Will not sleep, will chain smoke, and drink more than usual. He will become prone to illness.
-Guilt: Will appear as such, and depending on what it is, he will either confess what he did, or try to avoid it.
-Being criticized: Will over think everything he hears and will internalize it. He generally steeps on this information for weeks at a time and will be harsh towards himself because of it.
-Praise: Becomes very happy and proud of himself. Will be physically bashful, but incredibly thankful, and boastful when relaying what was said to him.
-Love: He throws himself into it, he will commit himself fully to that person, and nothing else but them will matter to him. Rob's heart is full of love for those around him, and it shows very easily through his actions.
-Being hated: Becomes defensive, reasons with self as to why.
-Humiliation: Denial, isolates self, becomes very self deprecating.
What does this character think/feel about…
-Marriage: Would be nice someday, but definitely not any time soon. (Is a slight commitaphobe.)
-Children: He loves kids!
-Sex: Sex is very important to him in and out of relationships, for different reasons. When committed to somebody, he believes it's an aid in joining souls with the other person and strengthens their bond.
-Love: He could talk for ages about love and the different forms of it. He has a lot of it to give, and is easily hurt in his search to have it returned.
-Homosexuality: He believes that everybody should be free to love who they love.
-The opposite sex: Girls are so soft and sweet and pretty and it scares him sometimes.
-Drugs and alcohol: Yes
-Killing/Murder: Verse dependent
Sexual Orientation:
What do they consider to be a romantic setting/activity/date?: Generally anything is fine with him as long as they’re spending time together. (Though, the beach, aquarium or a movie night are his dream dates)
Virgin?: Nope
How often does this character have sex?: At least once every week-two weeks. (Could be more or less depending on verse)
How long can he/she go without sex?: Several months. But he’ll get really antsy about it after a few weeks - a couple months.
How does this character feel emotionally, after sex?: He feels incredibly happy, elated, euphoric, confident, and very connected to his partner. He’s the 'share a cigarette, cuddle, and take a nap' type of guy.
Is this character generally submissive or dominant?: Submissive
Does this character have self control around the opposite sex?: Yes!
Does sex play an important role in their relationships?: Definitely. It’s a big deal and helps him connect with the other person.
Describe their first sexual experience: He was 14. It was incredibly awkward and rushed, and turned him off from the idea of getting close like that again for a while.
Have they ever had intercourse with the same sex? Yes!
Personality - BIO
Rob is a fun loving, affectionate, sometimes crude, friendly guy, who just wants a hug. He's known to joke around and pester his friends, and sometimes say very outlandish things that get him into trouble. However, when it gets down to it, he has a very large heart, and just wants to give the world a big hug and a big, wet, slobbery kiss on the cheek. He has an innate ability to read people and understand and empathize with their actions and feelings. When he decides that he wants to do something, he is unstoppable, and can be incredibly self destructive when things don't go right, or something negative is said about him. He relies a lot on his friends to keep him up on his feet emotionally, and is an incredibly social person.
Despite being very social, Robin doesn't venture far from his apartment all that often. Due to an illness as a child, his eyes no longer function properly. He is very near sighted, often having trouble distinguishing faces and signs without being inches away. His eyes also have trouble processing light, leading to him suffering from frequent migraines, generally wearing sunglasses indoors, and adjusting his schedule so that he spends more time awake at night then during the day.
Robin works part-time, shelving books at his local library, and also works from home, writing for magazines, graphic novels, websites, and pretty much anybody who will publish his work. He's very prone to drinking excessively and losing track of time while he gets lost in a book or a clickhole on the internet.
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Entry 1: unrequited love
Hullo.
It’s been a while since I’ve written about something I’m emotionally invested in (maybe because I don’t want to admit that I can actually feel, like a normal, functioning human being haha). Anyway, I’ve been google-ing ‘how to get over a crush’ recently and I’m quite bothered of it. Diagnose it as boredom, infatuation, or hell even loneliness, but man do I hate this feeling of unrequited love. I mean, it’s rare that I find someone I’m attracted to these days though I don’t really mind if that said person doesn’t reciprocate what I feel.
The thing is, this time, I really do wish that he does. I genuinely want him to see me like how I see him. I must admit that he isn’t ‘all that’ in the looks department-- he has his quirks-- and it’s not all bad! What did strike me was that he looked at people like he was trying to figure out what they were made of, or what made them. He’s admirable in so many ways: he can speak to people! something I’m AWFUL at; he can sing! and trust me, when he does you wouldn’t want him to stop; he’s intelligent! so so so smart; he can play the piano! and pretty well too, the list just goes on. Although I don’t know much about him (wow but you have a friggen list), I want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know me the same way.
Okay so here go the doubts (way to go ms. realist).
He might be gay? take my word when I say I don’t have anything against them, it’s just sad since I know how euphoric (and limiting) it is to like a guy. Plus there are so many cute guys out there. There go my dreams of being noticed.
He’s graduating *a single tear rolls down my cheek*.
He could have a girlfriend?
Alright so I’m not really sure where this is heading anymore (just like I don’t know where I’m going with my life). Oh well.
‘Till next time.
x
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March 19, 2020: The beginning of the end of the beginning, the end of the beginning of the end
To be honest, I really don’t want to write things about him because I don’t want to make it seem like he’s still that special. (Well, I am writing to somehow alleviate the pain through expressing all the unexpressed thoughts and sentiments.) I know, he was. But after getting everything expounded, I have finally connected every piece of information he had given me: I was used as a getaway from her cheating ex, a scapegoat for all his frustrated anger towards her. I guess he wanted to take revenge, but he can’t, so he’d just convert that hostility to me. That’s why he admitted he became crueler with his words and actions, the way he never was. After all, the brand of love he has showed me was faulty, harsh, and awfully selfish. I cannot distinguish his sincerity from his vanity anymore. I perceive that at some point, he truly was sincere. But on the bigger picture, I can’t help to think that I was being used for his emotional consumption. Because if everything was genuine, he’d come with integrity. It really seemed that he never deserved everything I projected to him. He was using a different character, showing off a personality that never belonged to him in the first place. Why was I that naïve? I might want to hate him more but not any of my efforts would suffice. I already forgave him, honestly though. Everything that has been left from that fleeting relationship is just for me to think about now. Let me say, I am just having a sort of reflection of that bittersweet-superficial-rollercoaster-that-fell-off-the-abyss-relationship. I can say that what really troubles me wasn’t just the cheating and enormous infidelity fact, but I was fooled downrightly and all along, I knew I was being fooled – I just don’t know where and how exactly I was being tricked. For now, I can’t find any fury in my heart as I examine it well. Remorseful, I guess, in a way. All I have been thinking lately is Why was I fooled? It’s like an ultimate moment of soberness after a century of drunkenness. The heart really must be THAT deceitful. I remember doing things I used to do within that span – Why did I let myself fall into the quicksand of that sketchy person? I trusted, I thought. But there’s more to that trust, what was that magical eerie that made me go all in? Was it him? Was it all his efforts? Was it all his faked sense of sincerity? I don’t exactly know what, all I am sure is yes, I trusted. I might not want to invalidate and revoke the authenticity of things we’ve traded together, but he started off wrong without getting anything cleared from his past (not really a past, there was an overlapping phase of confusion). I came in the cleanest I can because I believe that’s what true integrity is. So, if he started off from a hidden mistake, bold of him to claim he that he has been sincere all along? I mean, either you go fully sincere or partially sincere. I don’t take partiality, that’s for sure. I am the subject of his projection of this sincerity so therefore the judgment of whether the projection was clear or not, belongs to me. He may say that he gave this projection well, but I beg to differ. I am in the right judgment to say, it was blatantly fake all along. Those letters, time, words, and actions he gave, were all emotionally sincere, yes. But seeing those from a wider scheme, they were principally superficial. One cannot claim to start loving someone if he has someone else in her heart. I have shared him my concept of dichotomy in relationships by my metaphor of “the box of your desires”. When you’re committed in a relationship, your box should be lock and loaded. You either have only your partner to fill that or have other people to fill in the incompleteness of that box. Wanting for the completeness of your box is okay but wanting someone else to fill that is never okay! When you decide to commit loving someone, that’s when you decide to go all in and all out for integrity. Or else, betrayal only means you value your personal desires and urges than your word of commitment. And that’s what he did to her ex and to me – betrayal. Though there’s this backstory that he cheated because his ex cheated on him beforehand, that doesn’t and must never justify his separate act of cheating. If you are a principled person, whatever the strong urges will be, you will be deeply rooted down with your truest form of integrity. Either you stay or you go. Either you cheat or you won’t. Either you have your box exclusively for your partner or you have it opened to have it been filled by other people. When you commit, there are no in-betweens. Either you go fully committed, or not.
To say that you truthfully love some is a pact, especially if it is mutual. As you guarantee the authenticity, every single piece of information that you give off should be a hundred percent accurate. When you commit to loving someone, integrity should be the highest priority – integrity in all forms, all kinds, and all manifestations. There should never be any reservations. As idealistic as it sounds, being in a relationship is a solemn accountability. You don’t simply say you want to love someone because you wanted to be loved back, in return. That’s bestowed. Here’s my take: you love someone because you wanted to love them, having that desire for reciprocation just follows. Loving is intentional thus it is something to be thought upon wisely. Your longingness for love should come outwardly and not inwardly. You love someone not to resolve your personal issues. You love someone not to have someone flex you or have someone being flexed by you. You love someone not just mainly to fill in your box of desires. You love someone because you want to express and you wanted someone to receive that expression, then your want for reciprocation follows. It should be a healthy exchange between two sentient pieces of meat that have decided to give and take love within each other. If an outright imbalance occurred, one would feel consumed, and one would feel too much overwhelmed. Settle yourself first before settling yourself with someone else. Being in a relationship means liability to yourself and to your partner. As idealistic as it sounds, again, I have decided that I don’t need someone to love in a romantic interest, for now.
Committing to love someone is not the answer for all your personal issues. You should reassess and reevaluate yourself first before diving in into another phase of a chaotic series of events – loving someone. It is more than just a feeling or an emotion, it is way more than just an outburst of happy hormones, it is not just a longingness of having a euphoric moment extended. It is an intentional decision and an acknowledged capability of your true self. It is turning away from the delusion of your own desires and facing the reality bravely.
Having someone to be with, romantically, is great. That’s a recognition that you want to help each other grow. If you’re not dating for marriage, you’re dating for breakup, indeed. It may sound fallacious (slippery slope, haha), but hey, it makes sense! Just don’t get yourself into something serious if you aren’t ready to get into the next level of seriousness, that’s just the point.———————————————————————————————————–
Francis,
Nakakainis ka pa rin XD. Pero hayaan mo na, napatawad na kita. Ito na rin siguro ang last entry na isusulat ko about sa’yo. I don’t know if makikita mo ‘tong entry na ‘to kasi nagdadalawang-isip ako kung i-sh-share ko ba ‘to sa’yo. Pero ayon, sana na-gets mo ‘yung gusto kong sabihin. Alam mong hindi ang pagmamahal mo sa akin ang kasagutan sa personal issues mo. Ayon lang naman. Ayoko muna talaga mag-commit sa kung anong forms ng kalandian ngayon, haha. Aral muna ako XD. Good luck sa lovelife mo, sana may magandang lesson kang natutuhan mula sa akin. (Wow naman feeling inspirational speaker XD). Ayooon…
“shit happens, life goes on”
Once was yours,
Pauline
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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/surfing-the-extremes-july-2019-energy-update/
Surfing the Extremes - July 2019 Energy Update
Surfing the Extremes – July 2019 Energy Update
By Lee Harris
The video version of this energy update is available here.
Surfing the Extremes: Alignment and Rejection, Elevation and Depletion and Realization and Reflection.
We are definitely in a period of EXTREMES – with extreme speed, extreme transformation and extreme and unexpected happenings in our lives waking us up and shaking us up. As we go through July and August, that unexpected and extreme energy is going to come into sharp focus – both for individuals and for all of us as a collective.
The main themes for July focus on how we can SURF THE EXTREME ENERGY:
• ALIGNMENT AND REJECTION
• ELEVATION AND DEPLETION
• REALIZATION AND REFLECTION
ALIGNMENT AND REJECTION
The theme of alignment will be showing up strongly in the next couple of months. Alignment is when we connect with the people, places and things that we’re meant to connect with because they are right for our soul and right for our path in life. For example, you might meet someone who is going to be a step on your journey to what you want to do in the world (perhaps they’re an old soul friend). Or you may be invited to visit a place you’ve never been to before, and when there, you have a really profound experience, “Wow! I’ve never felt like this about a place before!” So these new and ALIGNED experiences will be showing up.
But the other extreme of Alignment is Rejection, and this may be a theme which surfaces in a new way this next month or two. Rejection is one of the most uncomfortable wounds around love and connection that we have on the planet. And sometimes rejection shows up for us because it’s something that we need to heal or have perhaps been playing out all our life. Often, if we had traumatic experiences of feeling rejected earlier in our life, we will play those out again. We’ll enlist someone else who has a habit of rejecting us – or we think they have a habit of rejecting us because they’re not quite giving us the attention that we would like – and we interpret their behaviour as rejection. Because that’s the way we are seeing and filtering it based on our past experiences. Or sometimes, we will reject a person or opportunity first before we can be rejected.
Alignment and Rejection are connected – they need each other. If you learn to depersonalize rejection, you will remember that rejection isn’t usually about you – it’s that the other person is not seeing your (or the value in you and your) connection with them in the way you would like them to. But that will often have nothing to do with you. What tends to happen for those of us who have a rejection wound is that we’ll start chasing rejection over and over and creating patterns and people to play that out with us. In doing so, we end up re-traumatizing ourselves repeatedly rather than thinking, “Oh wow – I should not be going after this person who is running in the other direction”, or, “I should not be banging on the door of this opportunity that keeps telling me ‘no’, over and over again.”
There will always be the steadfast among you who will think, “No – if I keep banging this door, on the eighth try they are going to open it!” Those of you who are not affected by (or thrive on) ‘the chase’ will be fine with this approach. However, if you are one who finds yourself off-balance emotionally and starting to feel rejected in this scenario, let go of replaying the wound where you lose your sense of power and connection. Why? Because if you are chasing people or opportunities who are rejecting you, you are missing the alignment opportunities that are waiting to come to you from another direction. Remember: if one person says, “No”, it will leave the door open for another person to say, “Yes!” Rejection and Alignment are deeply connected in that way.
There is an incredible healing arc playing out around alignment and rejection in the next couple of months. Can you trust the things that you are feeling rejected by or the things that you are choosing to reject in your life? Maybe you’ll be surprised, “Wow, I’m no longer behaving the way that I used to, I’m no longer playing out this pattern, I’m no longer aligned with this person.” Remember that if you go into the TRUST of what will come next, and lovingly agree to let go of the grief as you feel it and move through it, then a new alignment will come in for you. As we let go of one thing we create space for another – new alignments, new opportunities, new gifts. So, when and if rejection shows up, the trick is to ask yourself:
• How do I feel about it?
• Do I have an opportunity here to feel differently about it than I did in the past?
ELEVATION AND DEPLETION
The second theme to come through in July is Elevation and Depletion. Again, this is to do with ENERGETIC EXTREMES. There can be a rapid feeling of TRANSFORMATIONAL ELECTRICAL ENERGY in your body. Your heart might feel bigger than ever before; your visionary mind might see the most amazing thing; or you might have the most profound experience in nature that you don’t ever remember having at this level. But then the opposite can happen just as quickly – a feeling of depletion.
The question to ask yourself when you go into depletion is:
How do I deal with the fact that my energy has run out and I am feeling depleted?
A lot of us will think that there’s something wrong and that we need to fight it. In reality, the gift of depletion is that we are all having an ‘accordion-like’ energy expansion on the planet. You get to open up, to feel more expanded in your life for a while but then your body, your soul and your energy field say, “Now I’m going to bring you back down again so that you can get used to it.”
The state of elevation often feels euphoric and reveals that you are deeply connected to everything. Depletion is simply the end result of a new high; the high speed, the high empowerment, the high shift that we’re going through.
So when we’re depleted, we need to ask ourselves, how are we grounding? If you are someone who is surfing the highs and really struggling with the lows, ask yourself where you might need more grounding practices in your life. Grounding is very specific and practices for grounding your body on the Earth are really important at these heightened times. It might be doing some yoga or going into your garden for 30 minutes a day – whatever it is that specifically grounds you. Ask yourself:
• What grounding tools do I need?
• What grounding person, activity or place do I need a little more often in my life so that I can surf these waves of elevation and depletion?
REALIZATION AND REFLECTION
Epiphanies are wonderful things. As we go through our lives, as we age and as our experiences expand, we see things differently. We have REALIZATIONS about past events, current events, the way we see the world and the way we see our life. And then we have a moment of REFLECTION. We take that new way of seeing and we can look back from where we’ve come – whether that’s looking at the history of the planet, the history of humanity or just looking at our own personal story. You may see ways that you behaved in the past that suddenly give you a light bulb moment, “Oh god, I now see why that was the best I could do back then, but having had this epiphany, this realization – I know I could do that better next time. I can now move forward differently.”
So realizations require reflection for us to make useful change. Often, if you don’t ground epiphany or realization energy, you can find yourself running around like a ‘headless chicken’ and just repeating the same pattern. For example, the realization might be, “Oh my god, I’ve just realized I need this kind of person to be in love with and I’m going to go and find them now!” It’s good to have the realization but then it’s equally important to have the reflection time before you act – to let the energy come back down into the body and settle, so you can then go, “I’ve had that epiphany, so let me take a good look at my patterns of behaviour and how I created and agreed to what I experienced before. Now let me look at the patterns up ahead.”
So for those of you who are going through very fast awakening stages – feeling like you are changing faster than ever before, feeling like you don’t yet know who you’re becoming or what you’re doing next but you know that something profound is happening to you – REFLECTION IS THE KEY. It doesn’t mean overly navel-gazing or obsessively looking at your own life, it means taking moments to stop, breathe, look at what you’re learning and what you’re experiencing differently in the world and then go, “Okay, how do I want to apply this and what does it mean to who I am, who I’ve been and where I’m going?”
There is an incredible power in PRESENCE and STILLNESS right now and that’s what this gift of reflection gives us. Realizations, epiphanies are happening faster than ever before but they become SUPER-POWERED when we take time to reflect. When we reflect, we can make NEW decisions and be conscious about the new pathways that we’re creating. And that’s what’s birthing on the planet right now – more conscious creation and more conscious people. Because consciousness is slowly seeping into the unconscious parts of our old society, so that we can move forward in a very different way.
So although July and August are fast energetically, you will probably find there’s a POWER in SLOWNESS and STILLNESS – more than in speed and action. There’ll be a few of you who are having a great time and getting a load done via speed and action. But for most of you, the power will come through taking your time, letting things filter in and giving them time to land – and trusting that you’re not going to miss anything by sitting and being with your new elevated thoughts. In fact, that is the very state that is going to create more abundant realities for you in the future.
Have a great month everyone.
Big love,
Lee
x
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Hey guys! This is just my reaction/summary post of the BTS Concert in Newark (Thursday, 3/23)! I’ll be going into a lot of detail, but bare with me. I’ve linked all the fancams I took throughout the post, so you can check that out :)
[Full Fancam Playlist]
BEFORE THE CONCERT
Alright so first things first...I’ve been following BTS since ~May/June 2014, and this was the first time I was actually able to go to a live concert. I WAS LITERALLY BEYOND THE MOON when I got tickets, and I was so excited that I was badgering everyone I knew with my fangirling. BTS means so much to me, they got me through some of the hardest times in my life, and they gave me happiness and hope. So getting to go to one of their concerts, see them and support them in person, was such a blessing.
I had P2 seated tickets, so I got to the Prudential Center at around 7pm. I immediately got in line for some merchandise, and I was able to get a BTS Army Bomb!! I met another girl who also came to the concert alone and we bonded over BTS and the struggle of putting batteries into the lightstick LOL. Once I got to my seat, I was all alone as in the seats on either side of me were empty, BUT the MVs were running and the energy in the venue was so amazing. Everyone was singing along, jamming out, cheering, and I got into it too. It’s pretty amazing how so many people were singing along to BTS and I was really really happy tbh. Two girls eventually ended up next to me, and they were seasoned concert-goers so they were really nice! The seat to my left was empty though :( Also!!! So many volunteers were handing out colored baggies for the rainbow, it was so touching.
THE CONCERT BEGINS / INTRODUCTION
Okay so....holy shit. The lights finally dimmed and literally everyone was losing their shit. They had this cool shattering effect play on the screens and then BOOM BTS was out, kicking it off with Not Today! It literally felt so surreal. They were even better than I could have ever imagined, and everyone was so hyped it was amazing. To start off the concert, they transitioned pretty quickly between songs. I was so into it, I only got a few snippets of the songs, but it was all so good. I think at this point they had gone through Am I Wrong, Baepsae, and Dope! AND LEGIT I COULD NOT BELIEVE THEY WERE THAT IN SYNC AND STILL SINGING SO WELL.
When they got to the introduction, I was pretty much dying with how cute they were...and how dorky they were in real life. If I had any theory that they were in fact cool and chic that was thrown out of the picture when J-Hope came out onto the scene with his “I’m your hope~, I’m your angel~,” line! They all clearly practiced their English, which was so touching too. AND OMG SUGA. What a dork, he just kind of basked in the cheers when it was his turn to speak, and had this little smirk on his face, I was dying!
Video Clips: Am I Wrong + Baepsae / Introduction Ment (JK)
BEGIN: SOLO STAGE (JK)
Holy. Freaking. Shit. MY BOY IS S O F R E A K I N G T A L E N T E D. When he first came out, I was internally screaming, and when he opened his mouth, it was like angels came out from behind the clouds...But nothing could have prepared me for that dance break. He seriously killed it and I could not believe how stable he was while singing. I’ve never been so proud of him. :’)
Video Clip: Begin (JK)
LIE: SOLO STAGE (JM)
Alright, first off, I was so into this stage I legit did not want to take my phone out to record, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He sang so well, he danced so well, and the stage was so freaking beautiful, from everything from the bit where he was blindfolded to the choreography. It was so just...so freaking beautiful to watch. Park Jimin is ART.
FIRST LOVE: SOLO STAGE (SG)
I love Min Yoongi. Everyone got really quiet during his stage, and we were all just totally enraptured by his stage and his rapping. His presence is no joke. I was so into it I didn’t even think to record anything man.
REFLECTION: SOLO STAGE (RM)
WOW WAY TO MAKE ME ALMOST CRY NAMJOON. This was not planned as far as I know, but when Namjoon sang “I wish I could love myself,” all the audience echoed back “We love you,” like they did in Brazil, and I got GOOSEBUMPS. It was so freaking sweet and he totally owned the stage, even shouting out to the crowd at one point. Definitely an awe-inspiring performance.
LOST (JIN/JM/JK/V)
DUDE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO SUDDENLY POP OUT FROM THE STAGE THE WAY THEY DID, the girl next to me had to redirect my eyes LOL. I am so pumped I finally got to see this performance, and they were all so stable and their energy was A+.
Video Clip: Lost
SAVE ME
Okay, they did not give ARMYs time to breathe, literally once Lost was over, they started Save Me, and I was lowkey hyperventilating. Jin, Jimin, Jungkook, and V were the only ones on stage until the first chorus, and they were all walking around the stage and interacting with the crowd, it was so cute. Then the chorus hit, and sUDDENLY THE RAP LINE WAS RUNNING ON STAGE TO JOIN IN THE CHOREO and DAMN SON was that GOOD. One thing I have to mention for this stage, was Suga’s rapping was so o n p o i n t.
Video Clip: Save Me
STIGMA: SOLO STAGE (V)
I recorded the entire stage because one of my friends is a Tae stan, and I’m so glad I did, because holy shit. Tae hit those high notes like a motherfreakin KING. Anyone who sleeps on his voice needs to listen to him sing Stigma live BYE. Also, totally unrelated, but he was so sparkly in this stage LOL.
Video Clip: Stigma (V)
AWAKE: SOLO STAGE (JIN)
O.M.G. I have to admit, I’m usually not one to get into ballad-type songs, but this was literally an experience. They had instrumentalists on stage too which kind of just enhanced the experience even more. And Jin’s voice was better than I could have ever imagined. He sang so emotionally and honestly, I don’t know how I was able to even keep my hand stable to record any of it...
Video Clip: Awake (Jin)
MAMA: SOLO STAGE (JH)
SO. FREAKING. AWESOME. THE CHOREO, THE SINGING, THE RAPPING, THE EVERYTHING. I LOVE JHOPE AND HE REALLY PROVED ALL THE HATERS WRONG WITH THIS STAGE. HE HAS SUCH AN AMAZING STAGE PRESENCE EVERYONE WAS SO EXCITED, THE AIR WAS BUZZING. ALSO I LOVE THIS SONG BYE.
CYPHER PT. 4 (RM, SG, JH)
THIS WAS SO LIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They were hyping up the audience so hard, and we were legit dying. This was the point in the concert where they started flinging water onto the crowd, it was getting hype real fast. (And later in the concert, Tae even threw his entire water bottle into the crowd LOL). Also, I have never loved the lyrics to this song more: every person in that stadium was singing “I love myself” and it was so freaking awesome. I love how BTS managed to create such a hyped environment and STILL have everyone singing along to the most wholesome lyrics...
Video Clip: Cypher Pt. 4 (RM, SG, JH)
FIRE
Rap line took off their coats and the music started and the other members came on the stage and DAMN. Anyone who says BTS isn’t talented has gotta look at them performing Fire live and try saying that again...Also, the fanchants/singing along was 10/10, I’m sure BTS could feel the love!
Video Clip: Fire
BTS MEDLEY
This was probably the best moment of the night for me. They started off with No More Dream and then went through all of the older songs that got them to this point. I was so emotional by the time they got to Boy in Luv and Danger, because those were the eras I first got into them...and it kind of hit me that that was three years ago, and look how far they had come. I was literally such a wreck during this part of the concert, but I loved every single bit of it. I recorded the whole bit too!
Video Clip: BTS Medley
21st CENTURY GIRL
This is one of my favorite songs by BTS, and they absolutely killed it on stage!! The message has always made my heart melt, and seeing everyone in the crowd screaming and chanting and singing along was such a surreal moment to me. All the ladies really DID put their hands up in the air and SCREAM!
Video Clip: 21st Century Girl
BOY MEETS EVIL: SOLO STAGE (JH)
Man, what can I even say...After this concert, I love J-Hope even more than I thought I could, and the dancing in this was too good to describe with words so honestly just watch it omfg.
Video Clip: Boy Meets Evil (JH)
BLOOD, SWEAT, & TEARS
(cough cough, you mean my blood, sweat, and tears after this entire concert??? LOL) I was totally emotional during this song too, because Namjoon had just announced this was their last song. And while I knew full well that it wasn’t, it STILL got emotional for me because I realized the concert was almost over. But they really did awesome with this performance, although I was a bit concerned because they looked dead tired :((
Video Clip: Blood, Sweat, & Tears
-BREAK-
Okay so BTS left the stage, and the audience quickly started cheering and chanting for BTS and it was a pretty euphoric moment tbh. Also, we all started putting on our colored baggies over our lightsticks, and seeing the rainbow ocean develop was truly amazing. I swear I got goosebumps.
WINGS
So obviously, BTS came back on stage to perform a few more songs LOL, and Wings was one of them! I could literally feel my heart melting throughout the song, because right before, they played this video basically figuratively telling the story of BTS, and how they were seven hearts into one, seven boys into one, and wow it was just really, really emotional and beautiful. Also all of them were walking all around the stage and dancing and jumping and playing around with the fans it was so SO awesome. :’)
Video Clip: Wings
-TALK-
Oh god, don’t even get me started on this...the boys called us their Wings and told us without ARMY, they wouldn’t be able to fly. And FRICK Namjoon really knows how to pull at our heartstrings. They also looked so genuinely happy with the rainbow ocean, and thanked us for it, and GOSH EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOMENT WAS JUST PERFECT.
2! 3!
One of the most emotional songs of the concert. When the boys held their mics out for the fans to sing, I got goosebumps, and I was really proud with how hard we tried to sing for them, despite most of us not knowing Korean, and I’m sure they were really happy too. Can I say goosebumps?!
Video Clip: 2! 3!
-THANK YOU MENT-
This was probably the sweetest moment of the concert. They all took their time to say something in English to the fans, and they all had something worth it to say. Jin was so freaking cute, egging the fans on to say that his solo stage was the best :’) And J-Hope was just so excited, you couldn’t help but smile when you saw his face on the screen. Not gonna lie, I’m gonna call Suga out on his bluff, because I’m 90% he just heard Namjoon calling us our wings and repeated that and he looked so satisfied with himself and our response LOL. BUT I LOVE HIM FOR THAT. Jungkook was adorable, and he didn’t want to speak first, our cutie! Jin called us our rainbow which was adorable too. I WISH I COULD INGRAIN EVERYTHING THEY SAID INTO MY HEAD, but alas I can only remember being so happy, laughing, and this general warm feeling in my belly.
SPRING DAY
Okay, for real for real the last song, and it was beautiful. The dancing was more than I could have ever wished to see from BTS after performing so much and for so long, and yet they still did an amazing, amazing job.
Video Clip: Spring Day
THE CONCERT ENDS / CONCLUSION
My heart hurt a little bit when they came out to do their final thank you and bow to us all. But I think they probably make a habit of doing long and meaningful goodbyes, and I’m really happy they do. The audience was singing along to the “Whoa~”s of Spring Day, and BTS just looked out to us as we did so, and it was such a sweet moment. As they bowed, a bunch of people in the pit through plushies onto the stage, and J-Hope actually picked one up and tried to mimic its face, it was SO CUTE! Jungkook took a flag and tied it around his neck like a little superhero, it was adorable. Also, Jin blew so many kisses and acted so GREASY towards the end, I freaking loved it. One of my favorite moments was when J-Hope started swaying his arms to make the crowd follow him, and Jungkook copied him except in 10x speed, like the absolute dork he is.
I PROBABLY MISSED SO MUCH and I wish I could honestly relive it all over again and again, but the memories and videos will have to suffice.
Honestly, sorry for the long-ass post, but this is mostly for my sake so I don’t forget a thing :’) But I hope you guys enjoyed reading/watching this as much as I did.
To those of you who made it to the end, wow ;D
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