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solvicrafts · 8 months
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Jarlaxle & Social Grace
BUCKLE UP, KIDDOS! I'm about to drop some new Jarlaxle meta :O
This post is going to be following a new format because I want to make it easier to read for people who maybe aren't very well-versed in the books, and I want to provide a good resource for roleplayers and DMs. Therefore I am going to break it up into different sections, and if you are reading this with the intent to get an understanding of Jarlaxle for the sake of portraying him faithfully in your campaign, you can skip ahead to whichever part you need (although of course I DO recommend reading the whole thing if you're /not/ very familiar with Jarlaxle and would like to get a really in-depth look at him & his motivations)
This post is going to be super-long, so if you do not want to read the entire thing, Section 4 is where I try to more or less summarize things and give some tips on how to play Jarlaxle as a DM. All sections have been bolded in orange font to make them easier to find at a glance.
EDIT: There are some spoilers for one particular thing that happens towards the end of Lolth's Warrior. These will be mentioned in the second half of Part 2, and all of Part 3. If you wish to avoid them, Parts 1, 4, and 5 do not have them.
Section 1: Jarlaxle and the concept of social grace
If there's one thing Jarlaxle is known for, it's his ability to charm the pants off of damn near everyone he encounters. And while this is very much true for him, people pretty commonly miss out on the purpose of his charming behavior and the intent behind it.
As I re-read the Sellswords trilogy (and some of the side content from that time period), there are a few things that really stand out to me:
Jarlaxle goes out of his way to de-escalate situations… like, a lot.
These books really do a good job of pointing out how delightfully charming Jarlaxle is -- more on that later.
While he does try to coast on Drizzt's reputation a few times, he really doesn't NEED to for a pretty major reason.
Jarlaxle is extraordinarily good at extending social grace to people in situations where it arguably isn't deserved, and while it doesn't always succeed for him, what I find interesting is that he doesn't tend to take it very personally.
For our first example, let's take a look at this bit from Servant of the Shard:
Entreri and Jarlaxle merely tipped their hats and moved to the bar, making no threatening movements and keeping their expressions perfectly friendly. "What're ye about?" the barkeep barked at them. "Who're ye, and what's yer business?" "Travelers," Entreri answered, "weary of the road and seeking a bit of respite." "Well, yell not be finding it here, ye won't!" the barkeep growled. "Get yer hats back on yer ugly heads and get yer arses out me door!" Entreri looked to Jarlaxle, who seemed perfectly unperturbed. "I do believe we will stay a bit," the drow stated. "I do understand your hesitance, good sir . . . good Eman Briar," he added, remembering the sign. "Eman?" the barkeep echoed in obvious confusion.
This bit goes on for a while, with the barkeep becoming increasingly irate, Jarlaxle hilariously over-performing in his Drizzt Do'Urden cosplay, and Entreri just plain having enough of this shit.
What's also interesting is this exchange:
"It will always be like this," Entreri said to his companion a short while later. "It had not been so for Drizzt Do'Urden of late, so my spies indicated," the drow answered. "His reputation, in those lands where he was known, outshone the color of his skin in the eyes of even the small-minded men. So, soon, will my own." "A reputation for heroic deeds?" Entreri asked with a doubting laugh. "Are you to become a hero for the land, then?" "That, or a reputation for leaving burned-out villages behind me," Jarlaxle replied. "Either way, I care little."
(bolded for emphasis)
What's interesting to note here is that Jarlaxle claims not to care, but then later on a fight breaks out when Kimmuriel and Rai'gy send a group of wererats in to ambush Jarlaxle and Entreri, and this happens:
He took a moment to glance Jarlaxle's way then and saw the drow up in the air, levitating and turning circles, daggers flying from his pumping arm. Following their paths, Entreri saw one wererat, and another, stumble backward under the assault. A farmer grabbed at his calf, a blade deeply embedded there. Jarlaxle purposely hadn't killed the human, Entreri noted, though he surely could have.
This, by the way, continues on throughout the Sellswords trilogy. Jarlaxle and Artemis repeatedly find themselves in situations where people are hostile towards them largely due to Jarlaxle's race, and Jarlaxle always makes a point of diffusing the situation whether or not it is justified. He's not above embarrassing the occasional drunkard, of course, but he does go above and beyond to give people the benefit of the doubt, and we also see an example of this in a short story that takes place I believe between the first and second book, in which Jarlaxle and Entreri enter a tavern and the waitress appears nervous over Jarlaxle's presence and has trouble serving them, and when Entreri lashes out at her, Jarlaxle is the one to admonish him for his behavior.
So, why does he do this? Why does Jarlaxle go to so much effort to give the benefit of the doubt to people who, arguably, may not always be deserving of it?
Section 2: Why Jarlaxle is surprisingly successful at breaking down social barriers
Even if his attempts at keeping the peace don't always work out in his favor, one thing that his traveling companions (especially Entreri) tend to pick up on his that he is really, really good at breaking down social barriers.
For example, Entreri notices in the beginning of Promise of the Witch-King that Jarlaxle makes quick work of befriending a group of adventurers that includes a surface elf, also known as the sworn enemy of Lolthite drow. The group is initially standoffish toward him as he approaches, and they very quickly come around as he makes them laugh.
What makes Jarlaxle so charming, and earns him a bit more leeway and good will than most drow trying to make it on the surface, is the fact that he is really, really good at extending social grace to people and giving them the benefit of the doubt even in situations where they have not done so themselves. He even tells Entreri in this same book, point blank, "charm is a learned skill" and he's not wrong.
Jarlaxle has an easier time winning people over because he prioritizes making them feel good vs making them feel bad. When you put people on the defensive, they will almost always double-down on whatever behavior it is you want them to change. But if you show compassion or understanding or try to make them feel better in some way, they're going to be way more likely to come around to your point of view.
Remember that bit I bolded from Entreri saying "it will always be like this"?
If Jarlaxle had given up and gone back to Menzoberranzan, he'd probably be right. But as it stands, Jarlaxle did not do that; he instead fought to build a society in which drow can safely live on the surface and mingle with its inhabitants. Lolth's Warrior even ends with him leading thousands of refugees from Menzoberranzan to the surface and securing a better future for them, and that is an absolutely monumental achievement on his part.
And what makes Jarlaxle so inspiring and also very compelling to me, personally, is the fact that he really doesn't get terribly caught up on the concept of "deserving." This has been a constant for him throughout the series, and it becomes very apparent at the end of Lolth's Warrior when he makes a point to stand behind Quenthel and refuses to give her up during his negotiations with Sos'Umptu.
Section 3: It's not about 'deserve...'
...it's about what you believe.
"We will destroy everything you desire in House Baenre, I promise, should it come to that. But it should not! You will have Matron Shakti Hunzrin at your side. And with Malagdorl freed by you, House Barrison Del'Armgo will not oppose you. Make of him your patron and your weapon master in House Baenre! The play is so obvious, and with House Baenre and Barrison Del'Armgo joined, who will argue? You will have the peace you need to rebuild." "And what do you get in return?" Sos'Umptu asked. "We leave." "Leave?" He hid the smile he felt at her bemusement. "We leave. All who will go. We leave Menzoberranzan, the City of Spiders, the City of Lolth. We leave never to return, and with your word that you will not pursue us." "I cannot give you that word. I serve Lolth." "Then just let us leave, and we will do what we must if it comes to that." "The Blaspheme remains." "You would not want that and I cannot offer that." Sos'Umptu sat back for a bit and considered her reply, seeming to agree with the former part, at least. "Quenthel is doomed. She stays and pays for her great heresy." "No." "No?" "No. As I said: all who want to must be allowed to go. Besides, I cannot make decisions for her. Do you not understand that? Do you not understand what this is all about, what it has been about since the beginning? It is about individual choice and freedom. Personal agency to determine life and faith—yes, faith! Mostly faith! How can you demand fealty to a goddess from those who do not worship her? Why would she even want them? Why would you want them causing only unrest in your city? That's what we fought for, Sos'Umptu. Lolth was a symbol of the oppression, nothing more." Sos'Umptu laughed at him. "You always were an idiot, Jarlaxle, believing that others carried such pride as you have within your heart. You never saw Lolth as your great mother and so you are arrogant enough to believe that all others feel as you do." "Not all. Not you, clearly." "Not hardly all," Sos'Umptu said.
For those of you who haven't read the books (or have only read a few), Quenthel is one of Jarlaxle's sisters, and was, up until this point, the Matron Mother of House Baenre. And as Matron Mother, she personally victimized Jarlaxle and several of his men many, many, many times. She arguably is wholly undeserving of Jarlaxle's compassion here.
Which only makes Jarlaxle's refusal to give her up that much more important and moving. Because here's the thing: he *could* have done it, and it likely would have made negotiations a bit easier for him. He had no way of knowing that Sos'Umptu was going to be willing to concede that much, and he took a huge risk at losing everything to stand up for Quenthel.
And really, I don't think anyone would have even held it against him if he'd given her up; they'd have accepted it as a loss for the greater good or, likely in many cases, would've felt she deserved it.
But to Jarlaxle, it wasn't a question of deserve or doesn't deserve. After all, his closest friends tend to be people who murder to cope with their traumas, and he has taken it upon himself to give all of them a chance to better themselves whether or not they've 'earned' it in any way.
Section 4: The Takeaway, from an RP Standpoint
And now, let's think about what we've learned of Jarlaxle — or what we've learned from Jarlaxle:
Extending social grace to people who are not acting friendly towards you is not a sign of personal weakness, but in fact very much the opposite
Giving people the benefit of the doubt may not always feel justified or deserved, but it absolutely can benefit you to do so
People learn and grow when they are given opportunity and support
With that in mind, here is some advice on how to play Jarlaxle as a DM:
For the love of Lolth (or not), don't have him murder or otherwise betray Soluun or any of his other men. This take comes up with alarming regularity in discussions about Waterdeep: Dragon Heist and it absolutely grinds my gears. Jarlaxle would not approve of Soluun's activities, but his solution would not be to just throw him under the bridge and be done with it. Realistically, if your players were to reveal his activities to him, Jarlaxle would likely pull him away and not give him any further opportunities to murder innocent people.
Also, keep in mind that Jarlaxle immediately forgave his lieutenants for starting a coup and attempting to murder him. He immediately took responsibility for his own lapses in judgment during Servant of the Shard and even appointed Kimmuriel as his co-leader to keep his worst impulses in check. Had Rai'gy and Berg'inyon survived, he'd have pardoned them, too (though he probably not have promoted them like he did Kimmuriel lol)
Jarlaxle's charm is meant to deceive would-be adversaries, yes, but it's not the only reason he uses it. Jarlaxle genuinely does not want bloodshed if it can be avoided, and he tries to find solutions to conflicts that are mutually beneficial. If your players end up befriending him or wanting to side with him? Run with it. Jarlaxle is almost always willing to make a deal, and he is not going to go out of his way to attack or attempt to kill the players unless they absolutely force his hand, and it'd take something really, really extreme for that to even be on the table in the first place.
While he probably wouldn't admit it even under torture, there is an undercurrent of self-loathing that guides a lot of Jarlaxle's actions, and is part of the reason he goes out of his way to be compassionate (even if he'd never use that word to describe himself). Jarlaxle's charm and vanity is meant to knock his enemies off balance and keep the peace in situations where a fight might break out, but it's not all of who he is as a person. Much of what he does in the more recent books comes down to lasting guilt and trauma due to his perceived failures to protect and save people he cared about.
While he may use some really under-handed methods for achieving his goals at times, he does usually have pretty decent if not outright good intentions behind them. With this in mind, if players are willing to negotiate with him, do not play him as an unreasonable hard-ass. This man loves diplomacy and will almost always prioritize finding a peaceful solution over violence. He will absolutely convince your players that his and their goals are aligned, and honestly? There's a pretty good chance they will be, if they aren't already. I realize this is basically point #3 re-phrased but I just can't emphasize it enough because 80% of the fandom completely fell for his act and never looked any further. Yes, yes, he's the funny hat man who fucks, but there's just SO MUCH MORE to him than that.
And lastly (for now lol) Jarlaxle loves flirting and enthusiastic consent, but — and this is very, very important! — he absolutely draws a hard line at violating someone else's (or his own) bodily autonomy. If you choose to let him/the PCs flirt, please for the love of god keep that in mind. Jarlaxle will happily flirt and play around (and more) but if another character isn't into it he will absolutely stop and respect their boundaries. He wants to have fun and if the other person/people involved are not having fun, then neither is he.
Section 5: And lastly: how can we apply what we have learned from Jarlaxle to our personal lives?
I also think that Jarlaxle's example is not just important from an RP perspective, but from a human perspective, because at the end of the day, odds are we've all encountered people in our lives who were rude to us, or treated us poorly, or offended us in some other way. That is a fact of life and it is something that all of us have to deal with at some point.
And the truth is, giving in to cruelty is easy. Holding grudges is easy. Writing people off is easy.
But giving people opportunity to learn and grow, and showing compassion to people who have wronged you absolutely is not, and very often we get caught up on the question of "does this person deserve it?" but we neglect to ask ourselves "how am I helping [this cause/this person/myself]?"
And of course, that is not to say that there aren't situations IRL in which it IS better to burn bridges, because of course there are. But if you take some time out of your day to ask yourself that last question, you might be surprised to learn that extending a bit of social grace yourself, even (or especially!) in situations where it might not feel deserved, can actually be beneficial not just to the other person but to YOU.
Could the cashier have bagged your groceries wrong because they're a jerk and wanted to hurt you, personally? Yeah, sure, but does it benefit anyone to assume that is the case and get worked up about it? Probably not.
Did the person who cut you off in traffic do it because they're a jerk? Possibly. But is holding a grudge going to give you peace of mind, or is it going to ruin your day?
Sometimes people are assholes because they feel like it, but most of the time people are assholes because they feel justified and/or slighted in some way, and while it might not always feel justified on YOUR part, extending social grace and forgiveness will benefit you more often than not even if it isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.
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redbootsindoriath · 2 years
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I was sitting around with my sketchbooks trying to choose who to draw and realized I’d never drawn Finarfin before.  Which makes sense because I don’t draw much of what went on in Aman, but still I decided it needed to be remedied because he’s a great guy.
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And then this happened:
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heythereneighbor · 13 days
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Wally! Stop doodling on the promo graphic!!
Indie Wally Darling RP blog and art ask blog with no focus on the horror elements. Established March 2023. Crossover and OC friendly. Sideblog of @dreamingofmuses
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nosferatufaggot · 2 months
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Becky Botsford jr high version is such a coin toss because I could totally see her leaning HEARD into academics and wanting to be taken seriously.........but you also cannot tell me she isn't wearing an alicorn onesie to sleep each night.
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simmingonthelow · 9 months
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Some of my 1st/2nd/3rd/4th gen sims that I aged up and/or updated in the save I've been playing for 2 years (I think its that amount of time....the point is this is my main save for a long time). This is 27 out of 207 sims! And then there's another version of my simself in the last row (middle). 3 sims included here were made not born.
If you see this why don't you share the save you're currently doing with some of your favourite (or otherwise) born sims. I'm tagging you viewer!
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kakusu-shipping · 6 months
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btw I'm watching Lucahjin's Virtue's Last Reward let's play and I so very badly want to go absolutist batshit for K on this blog but I am terrified of spoilers for this one game so I cannot go into his or anyone else's tag but please know I am sitting here vibrating with thoughts on him
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tsvai · 7 months
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rolls into the bg3 character creator foolishly expecting to be able to customize my character's face and finds out i get like... seven preset faces to choose from w/ no feature customization 💀
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applejarjar · 7 months
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The first sleeve I made for my costume! I'm going as a Druid who can shift into a dragon 🐲
First time making chainmail and actually building a costume myself!
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And of course included in the photoset is the necklace that inspired my scalemail, it was a gift I got from my family
The lighting in my house makes everything look so blue but it's all pride themed! Can't wait to take some pics in the sun so the purple can really shine through!!
#Btw I made this for a ren Faire costume#I'm going to make a matching sleeve for my other arm too!#The links are done I just need to get some leather to lace it up with and also strengthen some of the rings#Might add a few links to what I'll call the 'flight' scales on the sides because they lay kinda funny#But I'm super happy with it!!!!#Definitely worth the like 2 hours of just planning the pattern and figuring out how to hold the pliers#I altered a hat one time for a pirate cosplay but that was just some glue and patience#This is a whole other ordeal lol#Not the most polished project but I'm positive the second one will be much better#Then when I get the rest of my materials. hopefully soon. I can begin on my skirt#Sadly I couldn't find the Grey scales that're in the necklace anywhere#Apparently they were painted pewter and have been discontinued :/#But still! I'm also planning on building a skirt that'll have all 4 colors in it so hopefully that makes up for the lack of Grey in these#And my other scalemail type stuff#I got some custom earrings and a cloak clasp that I'll add to my outfit as well#It's gonna be so cool all together!!!#I just hope everything arrives on time 😭#I still have to get my dress to my sister or be altered and learn the pattern for the skirt oof#Shouldn't be too hard once I get my stuff but I couldn't even begin cause I was missing the most important ring size#Of course it'd be to where I couldn't preassemble all that much ahead of time when my whole plan hinged on that#It's a unit based pattern so it seemed perfect for me in case I ran out of time assembling enough I could string them together#But I can't even start the first piece!!!#Also the larger rings probably would've been better to start learning on#These tiny ones were a pain in the ass lol
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anomalouscorvid · 11 months
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partway through harrow the ninth.... this 'mercymorn' is awful. love her
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phantasticalforce · 1 year
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gets on to post something sad again then slides off
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thisstableground · 1 year
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have finally been inspired to start back on research to look forward to doing a phd in a couple years and what i missed and love about academic study is the bit where i’m two pages into an introductory text for a concept and am already distracted by daydreaming about how dope it’ll be when i basically know this whole field by heart because i’ll definitely finish this book and 20 others, how long can it take, like a week or something, and then i’ll write so many papers and get at least 5 phds and
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slyther-bi · 2 years
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I saw a video on tik tok and they used the song "Pacify her" by Melanie Martinez and it made me think of an idea for a fic.
Basically the plot for it is that Evan is in love with Severus, they're friends too, but Severus is dating Lily. So Evan tries to get rid of her without Severus knowing that it's him but nothing seems to work.
I've thought of Evan using a love potion but not on Severus. He'll use it on Lily and make it seem like she's fallen for someone else and then go and comfort Severus afterwards. Tho I'm not sure.
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rosescries · 1 year
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I came up with a new original story idea and have no clue if I'm actually going to do something with it or not. I want to, but I'm not sure.
Going to have to work on it a bit more.
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avian-hearts · 2 years
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i now present to you.......... my cr s/i, (tomato?) Phoenix Cookie!!!! [any pronouns]
me but what if i was immortal, and also the goth gf to at least four characters,
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pride-of-storm · 2 years
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it is not just local politics that are an argument between 'pay now (but less)' and 'pay gradually and later (but more)' but i'm. gonna focus my energy where i think it may have an impact
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