#Someone get Kurt some therapy

[maybeimamuppet]

Veronica and Cady for the character thingy plss

DID I NEVER POST THIS HOLY SHIT OOPS

eeep i just found this and don’t remember when i got it i’m sorry friend!! i’m assuming this is for the list and not the bingo but if i’m wrong i’ll do it again lol

ok i have to do cady first bc it won’t let me type beneath veronica’s picture so woo i love it here soooo much /s

CADY

favorite thing about them

she has so much depth! i love how adorable she is and how bubbly and high energy and yet soft spoken and sweet she is but she also has a dark and vindictive streak in her that’s really fun to play with. also she’s like really fun to torture sometimes lol whoops

least favorite thing about them

again i hate how many people she uses for her own gain and how power hungry she gets

favorite line

“shuck! i started to say shoot and i almost said fu-” for funnies and uhhh

“fearless is the one thing i can be now, no friends, nothing to lose” and whatnot for like more emotional. also all of i see stars i still get misty every time i listen to it

brOTP

damiaaaaan. they wear matching outfits whenever they can, damian comes over to cadnis’ house for movie nights twice a week at least, they watch bootlegs together without janis bc she doesn’t like them. just. mwah. i could go off but i’ll hold back lol

OTP

TAKE A WILD GUESS DUDE

nOTP

aaron. they only worked bc of erikyle. if i could drop kick every other aaron into the road i would.

random headcanon

she can talk backwards!

unpopular opinion

there’s a point where she is fully aware of what she’s doing and how wrong it is and she actively chooses to continue for a hot second until the burn book being released and whatnot snaps her out of it that people do not talk about enough. i know i’m guilty of it too but she is not all innocent and naive and coerced into this shit like she’s a full teenager she knows damn well what she’s doing

song i associate with them

a change in me from beauty and the beast which hath inspired many a fic in my early days. at the plaza from the violet hour loosely inspired i’ll be there for christmas. like very loosely. uhhh and i think the like vibes of true love from frozen (or basically anything anna sings lol) even if it’s not necessarily the same meaning

favorite picture of them

i picked two for both her and veronica bc iiiim greedy lol

alright well one of cady’s is with ronnie for some fuckass reason thanks tumblr!!! i tried i swear

VERONICA

favorite thing about them

honestly this isn’t as much to do with her as a character as it is to do with the people who’ve played her but she has done so much for my self esteem in a really roundabout way. as someone with dark brown eyes and frizzy kinda untamable brown hair reading fic about her helped me appreciate more things about myself.

if you struggle with self image i really cannot recommend highly enough finding a character who looks and acts like you and reading stories where someone is absolutely, irrevocably in love with them. whether that’s platonically or romantically. i know it’s weird but being able to look in the mirror or at some aspect of my personality that i don’t like and say “that’s still lovable” is WONDERFUL.

least favorite thing about them

i despise the way she treats martha and also baby girl is kind of a doormat!! she’s one of those shitty wicker doormats that scratches the hell outta your feet but like dang!!

favorite line

not a line but her face in the musical when jd and kurt and ram start fighting

but also the way barrett delivers the “oH MY GOD!” over chandler’s corpse is immaculate

and i had one of her like super iconic ones everyone knows in my head but now i can’t remember it siiiigh

brOTP

marthaaaaa buddies since babies. also like. still alive and post MUCH therapy jd has a lot of fun potential

OTP

poly heathers!! but to put them individually in order, mac, chandler (those two are almost tied), duke

nOTP

JD. i know he goes by his initials and that’s just his name but i was trying to yell that. i do not like him i think he stinky get him outta there

random headcanon

she’s not allowed to wear pants with drawstrings anymore because she’s gotten stuck in them too many times. also she’s not allowed to use superglue bc she’s glued her fingers together too many times.

yes both of these are true of me shut up

unpopular opinion

she’s a lot weaker than most people think and a lot stronger than most people think st the same time

and i’m not always a huge fan of her being autistic i think she’s just that painfully awkward and dense

song i associate with them

it is so much harder than you would think to pick songs that are not from their shows?? like the only one in my head is i’m blue dabadeedabadie like i don’t KNOW OKAY

favorite picture of them

#the joys of tumblr mobile #lawd #anyway thank you friend!! #entropy with ezzy #ezzy gets an ask #cady heron #veronica sawyer #mean girls #heathers #caps tw #swear tw

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Toad for the ask game

1: sexuality headcanon - I generally imagine comics Toad as being straight (Evo Toad obviously has a thing going with Nightcrawler), but if someone wanted to ship him with a dude, I'm down with that, too. In my headcanons, almost everyone is bi.

2: otp - I really don't know. The closest thing he had to a requited romance was Toad/Husk, and that seemed unhealthy, and they would both need to be in a better place mentally for it to possibly work. For Evo Toad, I'd be down with Todd/Kurt. Toad is like Rebecca from Crazy Ex Girlfriend, I don't care who he winds up with romantically, I just want him to get therapy and be happy. Toad/Self-esteem.

3: brotp - I feel like Toad and Blob could enjoy hanging out together. I'd really like to see Toad befriend another engineer, like Toad and Forge being machine buddies, but it'll never happen. Maybe he can bond with Madison Jeffries since they are both in exile together. Or let him hang out with Frogman again.

4: notp - Toad/Wanda, obviously. In the comics, it's creepy. Even in Evo, where Todd is much less creepy, it's still too much "unrequited crush guy pursues uninterested girl incessantly." Please let that trope die, writers.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head - He likes reading children's books sometimes. It feels like a comforting way to reclaim the shit childhood that he had, and he enjoys the relative simplicity of knowing that things will turn out okay. (Probably.......although some kids books can get pretty dark. Don't ever let Toad read Animorphs.)

6: favorite line from this character - That line he says to Husk about how he's not the kind of toad that turns into a prince. He just stays a toad. Awww, buddy.

7: one way in which I relate to this character - I mean, he is deeply sympathetic, no matter how much the writers try to make him nasty and pathetic so we'll all be okay with the "hero" characters and the "noble" Magneto treating him like dirt. But I guess I can relate to self-esteem issues.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character - the poor is so utterly pathetic in the earliest X-Men issues, and a nasty kind of pathetic, where he is eager to see the other Brotherhood members punished (probably so it takes the heat off him). I think the writers were going for some kind of creepy "Igor" type figure, without thinking through how much readers might sympathize with this poor abused guy. But his Wanda obsession is the worst of it. Wanda is under no obligation to be nice to Toad when he keeps creeping on her, and I'm glad the writers eventually had him get over that. Although it would be nice if she confessed to the Quiet Council that he didn't actually attack her.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a cinnamon roll covered in slime and pond water. Especially after the end of Trial of Magneto.

#toad #mortimer toynbee

[blaintism]

what's your ranking of the klaine seasons? (like, how much you like the klaine storylines for each season)

oooo this is a toughie because i like some seasons a lot for different reasons

1. season six. NOW THIS SOUNDS INSANE PROBABLY. i know a lot of people despise the season six breakup but i LOVE IT. i think it was so necessary for them to split and come back with some character development and the angst is perfect. especially because it’s mainly on kurt’s side, and i love seeing kurt actively pursue blaine when he’s been sort of just coasting along for a bit at this point, caring but in season five being too emotionally exhausted to put in very much effort. i love seeing him confront his fear of vulnerability and opening up to other people by being so straightforward with blaine right away that he wants him back. it makes so much sense for what was established about kurt even way back in season two, that he believe he has to go through hardship alone, and he was closing out blaine in the wake of losing his brother, being in the hospital etc. it makes him purposely getting blaine to sing with him and running to his house to tell him that he loves him SOOO good. on the flip side with blaine, i know this is where people have issues but i love that he’s seeing someone else, that he’s happy with it, that he’s been able to pick himself up and move on (with therapy! both of them got therapy) because he had this opposite struggle of people pleasing and clinging too hard and resisting change. and in season six he’s such a BITCH. like he’s still a little muffin but he’ll also storm into the auditorium and yell at kurt for taking one of his students, he’ll refuse to go easy on them, he’ll even insult rachel a little (“huh that’s so unlike you”). and finally, that scene outside rachel’s house is one of my favorites in the entire show. everything they say, reminiscing, and blaine kissing him suddenly. it’s EVERYTHING. i just love the longing. kurt glancing over during Home or crying and them flashing a bunch of clips during Will you still love me tomorrow/head over feet. blaine seeing them as warblers during it’s too late. I WROTE ALL THIS AND DIDNT EVEN MENTION THE HURT LOCKER. best ep ever

2. season two. this is the cliched favorite but i can never not have love for those two sad little sweet kids. i love that first meeting so much and how meaningful it all is for kurt. that he’s finally found someone who understands him. who he can have feelings for without being seen as crossing some line. who will hold his hand and dance with him at prom. it’s way more kurt focused but also i DO love blaine, especially the bit we get about his dad and the sadie hawkins incident, an exercise in deepening his backstory they will never do when he’s a main character for some reason. especially prom queen is my favorite episode of the series and klaine are the best part.

3. season four. i guess i’m a break up stan? I love some yearning alright. and this has SO much. i think The Break Up (the episode) could be written a thousand times better but hey. we got all those songs from it. i love kurt trying to move on but still calling blaine, still loving blaine as well, spending christmas with him, and crying watching Their movie. especially come what may is just unlike anything else the show ever pulled for ANY couple. and that’s how you know klaine are the it couple!!!! and on blaine’s end it’s kind of the best blaine season??? the way he becomes Real and has interests and makes friends is so important to me personally. but i also love of course when kurt comes back and he’s like omg.. we need to get married. he’s crazy and i love it

4. season three. they’re adorable in this season. big brother is one of my fave episodes of all time, it’s an actual blaine plot filled with sweet sweet klaine moments. but the thing is there’s just moments? they don’t get much outside of the first time and dance with somebody, which are opposite ends of the season. hell, blaine is absent on valentine’s day 😭😭. i do like pretty much every scene they do have though. also the network censorship during this season is glaringly obvious to me.

5. season five. confession i’m a bit of a season five hater. i just get BORED. it’s not to say they don’t have their moments in this season. the proposal is the most beautiful scene. got to get you into my life is their best duet. they’re so cute living together in nyc. that scene in tested is probably what i use for gifsets more than anything else. but also they’re pretty separate the first half and i find some of the new york parts stressful (blaine’s crisis in tested) or unnecessary (the june plot).

anyways, i ended up saying a lot about each which i don’t know if you needed. 2, 4, 6 could probably shuffle around at different moments but this is how i feel rn

#ask #anonymous #glee

[ox1-lovesick]

it's moot time!

pair your mutuals with an idol—male or female that you think would suit them! can be lovers, friends, co-workers, etc. have fun!

my first ask game in a long time damn 😻👊 idk which to do so I'll just do all 3, I'm also going to pair from just my main groups since i do stan others but don't know the members and their personalities that well 😭 (probably inaccurate asf but leave me be 😔👎)

✧ @yv17 - Lovers: I think Nora would go really well with someone like taehyun or seungkwan! despite those idols being the polar opposites of each other I can see Nora adapting to each of them and vice versa. I think seungkwan would bring out a more energetic and confident side in her and taehyun would bring out a more gentle and peaceful side. 🤨

✧ Friends: TELL ME NORA AND SOOBIN WOULDN'T BE THEE BEST OF FRIENDS?!?! They have such similar personalities it's uncanny. I can totally see these two as those childhood best friends or classmates who only grew closer over time. Those best friends who spend all their time together, movie nights and sleepovers on the weekends, eating lunch together during the week literally always together!

✧ Co-workers: I see Nora working well with people like Vernon, Yeonjun and Sunghoon. They're usually quiet and very hardworking people (like nora) so I see them as a good match for co-workers since they're not too roudy and can focus 😻

✧ @haknom - Lovers: No idea why but I can see K and Rei being a really cute couple 😔 I feel like they're really similar and have similar interests so they'd go together like pb&j. I also think K would go well with someone like Sunoo. They're both just so cute and warm-hearted so they'd be a really endearing couple that like everyone is jealous of 😭

✧ Friends: K and Hueningkai would be such a powerful friendship LORD can you just imagine it ??? they'd be so fun and loud and hype like the party doesn't staart til they get there 😭 literal sweethearts too 💔

✧ Co-workers: Idk why but I see Kayla working well with Jay or Heeseung 🤨 K gives the vibes of someone who doesn't like being disturbed when working or wants ro get things done as soon as possible and I think Heejay are like that too

✧ @lov3niki - Lovers: Kim and Kurt Darren power couple tbh, kaptein sy is syne 😻😻 jk but kim and niki 🤨 literal menaces keep them AWAY FROM ME i don't even want to imagine it. Leave them alone for two minutes and the whole country is burning down. that couple that fights nonstop you'd think they hate each other 😭 get them therapy pls. but they'd also be so cute together like I'd see niki giving them piggyback rides everywhere and stealing food from each other's plates when one isn't looking

✧ Friends: I think Kim and Jake would be really good friends! If Kim has any pets I see them setting up play dates for Layla and Kim's pet 😋 I also see Kim mocking Jake's accent a lot 💀 all the naurs, saurs and gaurs

✧ Co-workers: tbh idk who'd work well with kim PLS so I'm going to pair them with beomgyu for the most disastrous duo possible 😻 they'd get absolutely no work done ever and probably get fired within 5 minutes

✧ @seungyounsxlover - Lovers: I see melli going well with someone like San or Hongjoong !! they're all really sweet people so having one of them be a couple would be so cute 💔 probably one of those couples who make everyone want to rip their eyeballs out when they see 😭

✧ Friends - Melli & Wooyoung 🤞

✧ Co-workers: I think Melli would work better with more conversational people for some reason? like not loud but not silent at the same time, so I think people like Yeonjun or Heeseung would be a good match !

✧ @deeznutsriki - Lovers: Sree & Jungwon. no other words need to be said

✧ Friends: I think Sree and Jake would be a good match too !! the deeznuts duo everyone is so sick of them 💀👎 those friends who like to burst out laughing for no reason or have the weirdest inside jokes 😭 you could be outside looking at trees and they'll start laughing

✧ Co-workers: I have no idea 💀 Although I do think that Sree and Soobin would be a good match. Probably not much conversation and more just work but they get the job done !!

#𝐈𝐈. ── 📻 asks! #𝐈𝐕. ── 🫀moots! #𝐗𝐈. ── 🎮 games! #yv17 <3 #haknom <3 #lov3niki <3 #deeznutsriki <3 #seungyounsxlover <3

[1908jmd]

Yeah,I understand your point about I Do although I wanted to ask about one thing-when I said I don’t like how he,by being all physical and flirty,was leading Blaine on and still friendzoned him afterwards-not to mention Blaine already got his hopes up. Blaine obviously still was in love with him and I don’t like how he basically had to pine after him just because of that one mistake with Eli. I mean,yeah,he made that mistake,but still loved Kurt deeply and made it pretty obvious,and I don’t like how everyone in universe treated it as a worse cheating than what the other characters had done (at one point Will even cheated on Emma with Shelby for God’s sake,yet they portrayed Emma as guilty for even bringing it up!) Blaine does this once because Kurt was basically ignoring him all the way in NY and he got really really scared? No,he is the worst cheater and he has to be the one who still puts more impact on their long distance contact? They totally swept under the rug the fact that Kurt wasn’t a Saint in this situation either and I am glad season 6 finału acknowledged it,and then Blaine got some time to forgive him on his own terms. I just think the cheating arc is actually extremely unfair to Blaine,sorry for rant,and makes Kurt look a bit cold.

So thinking about what you say about the cheating. It wasn’t very imaginative writing to split Klaine because of Blaine cheating. Yes, probably most other characters had in the course of the show as well. So why not Blaine too? Which is rubbish, because if we think realistically, he was much too smitten with Kurt to even look at another guy for sex at this point. However, from mid season 3 especially, the writers stripped him of the cocky, confident, supporting friend/boyfriend, and they chose to make him into a character who lacked self esteem and feared loneliness and being left alone, and reliant on Kurt to be truly happy. Until season 6 and therapy hopefully helped.

And in terms of the Klaine split in four, they had to do something major to justify a split. Klaine weren’t a lightweight couple like others on the show, who were constantly fighting and splitting, and cheating and just being generally annoying. What Klaine had was a deep love and understanding of each other - similar sensitivities and experiences, Blaine was incredibly supportive to Kurt over Karofsky and being bullied at McKinley. Kurt had constantly promised Blaine that long distance would not split them, and Blaine supported Kurt to go follow his dreams to be in Ny, and he’d be with him a year later. So it had to be a big issue to cause them to split - and the writer’s fallback was unfortunately cheating.

I guess people do consider it an awful thing for Blaine to do - I did when I first watched it. Yes Kurt was a lot to blame, by ignoring calls or choosing to gossip than really talk to Blaine, or get so involved in his own activities that he didn’t stop to consider how Blaine was feeling. And no, Kurt doesn’t often get called out for how he behaved. The trouble was Blaine’s mindset - he’s been left, Kurt had moved on, there’s something dark in Blaine’s own head and own experience that made him act in such an extreme way. Also at the time, he had no real friend at McKinley. Do you not think that if he’d confided his doubts in Sam and maybe spent more time with him, or Tina , then he wouldn’t have felt the need to rush off to Eli? And Sam most certainly would have encouraged Blaine to fly to NY before the cheating happened. He acted impulsively, as Blaine does tend to do.

I read something yesterday where someone questioned why they had to split them at all. And of course it’s all for drama and tv moments, perhaps it wasn’t exciting enough if they’d stayed together. But it could have been written differently - we could have had Blaine fly to NY and them rowing, a few more episodes of Kurt ignoring him, and a temporary split. Then their feelings for other guys make them question their relationship, and they agree to have a break. And maybe back together in I do or after GaBoF, but sooner then officially in 5/1. We didn’t need the cheating plot. It was unfair to Blaine’s character, I just don’t believe even in his darkest moment that he’d cheat on Kurt.

And I know I’m rambling, which I love to do - but thinking of it from Kurt’s pov. Blaine was the love of his life, the first and only guy he let in to his inner thoughts, the one who knew and understood about the bullying and assault, and all about being gay in a small unaccepting town. The first guy, he’d connected with physically, he even closed off from contact apart from with his dad and Mercedes. He’d adored Blaine from the day he met him, and suddenly Blaine had betrayed their physical intimacy with another guy. So I understand why Kurt is deeply hurt and it takes him a while to recover and trust again. So I can’t really be critical that Kurt needed that time, and held off Blaine until he was really certain he wanted to be back with him. In terms of I do, Kurt is still telling himself it’s just as friends, but really the next month (episodes 15 to 20 of season 4) begin to show that Kurt is starting to see himself with Blaine again.

Hope this answers your question?! At least the music is top tier in 4/4!!

#klaine #the break up #i do #season 4

[santanaveralopez]

Who you are

Santana was pretty sure that she was always going to hate therapy. But she had to admit that for someone who had chosen a job that Santana would have to have and hated to take part in, Kate was pretty good at what she did. She had to be, to put up with Santana’s rudeness, sarcasm, and rebellion, week after week, and still somehow manage to remain calm, considerate, and yet not cold. She had to be getting somewhere, because Santana’s nightmares had lessened from occurring nightly to a few times a week. That alone was a huge thing for her; it meant more full nights of sleep, which meant better energy, better focus on her schoolwork, and less volatile shifts in her moods.

 It would be nice if she could get through a therapy session without crying, but that seemed like it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. But she had at least managed to graduate from spending the whole session sitting in Brittany’s lap to sitting beside her holding her hand, and she now managed to speak out loud considerably more often than she had to resort to writing on the dry erase board. Those were both things that shouldn’t be a big deal, in Santana’s opinion, but Brittany had noticed and expressed her pride in her for both of them, and even though Santana tried to shrug her off, a part of her always felt happy when something she did made Brittany proud.

 Yesterday’s session, part of the focus had been encouragement from Kate for Santana to actually go through with some of the possibilities of creative and social engagement she had been considering but never actually following through on. There were several- taking one of Brittany’s adult classes, writing for the literary journal for the university, starting an online blog or journal, and attending one of Kurt’s band rehearsals. Santana had voiced consideration several times of each option to Brittany, even going so far as to plan out possible details, but every time that Brittany gently pushed her to make a commitment and actually set a day and time to start, Santana had backed down. Brittany had brought this to Kate’s attention, to Santana’s irritation- she didn’t actually see how that was enough of a problem to talk about in therapy. What did it matter if she had hobbies or interests or any kind of creative involvement anyway? It wasn’t like she was a teenager in Glee club anymore.

 But to her surprise and displeasure, Kate had agreed with Brittany that it did matter. Apparently, creative activities, along with “moderate and healthy” physical activity, and having fun and humor in life were important parts of mental and physical health. Tell that to Sue Sylvester; she had spent all four years that Santana had been in Cheerios doing everything she could to destroy both the arts and any sense of humor her students possessed outside of mean-spirited vengeful pranks or cutting remarks. Who knew that Glee was probably better for their health than cheering?

 Well, actually that shouldn���t be much of a shock, considering. No one in Glee had ever threatened to fire Brittany out of a cannon, encouraged Santana to exist on liquid pepper water for much of her school year, or refused to end practices until at least three girls were crying or unconscious.

 The problem was that every time Santana thought about starting something creative again, be it dance, writing outside of her classwork, or music, no matter how detailed a plan she made of how to begin, she froze up. They all felt like huge things to start on her own, without Brittany leading the way in dancing, or without a professor giving her a specific topic and guidelines on what to cover in writing. And music? Santana may have heard music since the day of her attack- it was impossible not to, living with Rachel Berry- but she herself had not sung. Not one song. Not a single note.

 Every time she considered, she felt her chest grow tight, and a restless tremor began to spread through her limbs. She might suck. She might be so bad, no matter which option she chose, that people would laugh at her or worse, pity her. In dance or singing, people would be watching her fail, and in writing, people would read it and think she had nothing to say that anyone could ever want to read, nothing that would be relevant or impactful to anyone, even herself. What made her think she could actually create something, or even dance the steps or sing the words that had been created by somebody else?

 She had argued and deflected and squirmed in her seat until Kate eventually managed to worm out of her the majority of her feelings about this. Then there had been a lot of talk about how Santana’s reluctance could be stemming from not just anxiety but years of insecurity, low self-esteem, a need for perfection when it came to her chosen life roles and actual athletic or creative performances, and her vulnerability to others’ judgment. Per Kate, this related back to her childhood and teen years and the various lack of emotional support she had received, especially during the more hurtful incidents of her teen years. Supposedly, wanting to “withdraw” and “develop performance anxiety” was especially common after trauma, and blah blah blah, Santana had basically stopped listening around then.

 It seemed though that Kate had grown to know Santana well enough by then to be able to see that from her closed off expression, because she had shifted focus.

 “You probably think I’m going to ask you to choose one of those activities that you enjoy but are reluctant to resume, Santana, and go through with it by the end of next week. But actually, we’re going to take things a bit more slowly,” Kate told her. “All I want you to do is make a playlist of songs that have strong emotional resonance to you.”

 That had seemed far too easy to Santana. Hell, that was something she used to do all the time out of pure boredom when she was younger. How was that a therapeutic challenge?

 “Do I have to share them with you?” she asked suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at the other woman. “Or talk about the reasons why they’re on the list?”

 “No,” Kate said calmly, not reacting to Santana’s guarded posture and expression. “Not if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to explain them to Brittany, if you don’t want to. But I do want you to at least show me that you made the list, and I do want you to put some thought behind it. And if anything comes up for you while you’re doing this, and you want to talk about it next week, we can discuss it then.”

 Santana wasn’t sure she liked that answer. It almost sounded like a dare for her NOT to talk about the playlists, which for Santana, typically was a good way to get her to do something. Damn, that woman was possibly too smart for Santana to work around, which sucked, given the role she played in her life.

 She had gone home to Brittany with their usual low-key routine of prolonged cuddling on the couch after the appointment, which was always muchly needed by Santana after the emotional exhaustion of therapy. As it was Friday, they had spent the next day at the studio for Brittany’s morning and early afternoon classes, as Santana herself obviously had no classes on the weekend. Santana had completed her work due for the next week and had enough time simply to watch Brittany, but although she didn’t write or type anything, her mind was busy, thinking and ordering possible songs for possible different types of playlists. Damn that Kate, what kind of therapist gave homework that would make someone actually want to do it on a weekend?

 During the last two classes of the day that Brittany was to teach, Santana had found herself unable to resist much longer and had dragged out both her phone and her laptop, pulling up her Itunes app to start sorting through her songs. She already had playlists on there, of course, but they were organized mainly by time periods of release or by specific artists rather than “emotional resonance” or whatever the hell Kate had said. Putting in earbuds and plugging them into her phone, Santana started scrolling through her music, typing into a blank Word document on her laptop the ones that stood out to her as meaningful to her. She then began to group the songs into lists on the laptop, realizing quickly as she thought that they didn’t seem to “go” together into one playlist that she would be satisfied with, even if they were all songs that were “emotionally resonant.” She couldn’t in good consciousness put “Don’t Stop Believing” on the same playlist as a song that was only associated with Brittany, or a song that made her think of her parents on the same playlist as a song that made her feel like dancing on top of a table.

 Far faster than she expected, Santana’s grouping of songs had spiraled a bit out of control. She had made seven different categories for playlists including dozens of songs; she had to stop simply because it would be too time consuming to actually continue. Then she had to start axing some of the lists simply because they would either be too long or too short; “songs that are fun to dance to” was too broad of a category and too strongly associated with a crossover of Brittany songs to be a separate list on its own. Then, partly because she hated the idea of the list, and partly because the songs she included were a crossover with another, she axed the playlist that was meant to be songs that made her think about her family. She then combined two playlists together to include a total of four playlists: Songs that made her think of Brittany, songs strongly associated with Glee and Glee family, songs that made her feel hope or encouraged, and songs she could identify with that reflected her pain.

 The first three playlists had been easy and even fun to make, and Santana found herself smiling, occasionally pausing to listen to a song or two as she worked on creating those lists in her music. She had become so involved in her efforts that she actually managed to tune out her surroundings. Even the faint noise of the music Brittany was using in her instructions was not audible to her as she zoned in on her own musical choices, and she tunnel-visioned on her phone, fingers busily typing and swiping as she built her lists.

 She delayed creating the songs reflecting pain until she had completed her happier lists first, and she noticed herself working more slowly, her hands occasionally trembling when she selected songs that hit her specifically hard. When the list was finished, Santana had managed to fall so fully into her own inner world that she was blind and deaf to anything else around her; she would have been unable in those moments to remember the day, time, or even her location, and it felt to her like she was the only person in her vicinity in spite of Brittany and her final group of students moving in the very same room. She pressed her back against the side wall of the studio, drawing her knees in to her chest and hugging them tightly as she let the final list begin to play.

 Of course, Brittany had noticed Santana’s sudden intensity and business between her phone and computer and had noted that her demeanor seemed different than when she was simply focused on getting her schoolwork done. When one class ended and Santana didn’t seem to register this, let alone stand up and engage with Brittany like she normally would during the break between classes, Brittany watched her, debating whether to interrupt her. But Santana was smiling slightly, seeming to be enjoying herself with whatever it was that she was doing, and so Brittany decided to let her go on with it. If Santana wanted to talk about it, she would tell her after the next and final class what had kept her so preoccupied.

 But Santana’s mood had very noticeably shifted somewhere in the middle of the final class, around the time that the students had finished their barre work and were doing exercises and movements on the floor. Brittany’s attention kept shifting back to her even as she taught, concerned by the way Santana drew herself up into a ball, the way that her body had tensed and her features had shut down nearly all emotion. Her eyes were directed down at the phone in her hand, her attention clearly focused on what she was watching or listening to on its screen, and as she seemed to pull herself inward, smaller and smaller in the space she took up, it was all Brittany could do not to dismiss the class early and head to her immediately.

 When her final class had ended and all the students had departed, Santana had still shown no indication of recognizing this; Brittany would guess from her glassy expression as she continued to stare down at her phone that she wasn’t even aware anymore of where she was. But what really concerned her was that Santana’s shoulders were quivering, and although her head was lowered so far towards her knees that it was hard for Brittany to see her face, she was almost sure that her girlfriend was crying.

 “Santana?” Brittany spoke her name softly, from several feet away, not wanting to scare her by too suddenly drawing her out of the state she was in. “Santana?”

 The other woman didn’t seem to hear, and her head didn’t come up. Brittany approached her slowly, making sure to give ample time for Brittany to see her coming closer, and when she was standing right in front of Santana and still her dark head did not draw up, Brittany slowly knelt in front of her, reaching out a hand and lightly placing her fingers under Santana’s chin. She gently drew Santana’s head up until the other girl had little option but to look at least in the direction of her eyes.

 “Santana. Honey, it’s me. Just me and you, all the kids are gone for the day. It’s just you and me.”

 Santana’s eyes were cloudy, her expression dazed as she seemed to be processing Brittany’s touch and presence, but she didn’t startle or pull away from her hand. Her lips trembled, and two more tears overflowed, dampening Brittany’s fingers as she continued to hold Santana’s chin. Brittany’s chest hurt as she took in Santana’s pain; she didn’t need to know its cause to feel for her throughout her body, deep into her soul. She wanted to do something, anything to take it from Santana, but she knew Santana enough to be patient and wait for her to show Brittany what she needed from her. Santana almost always did when given time.

 Santana didn’t say anything, nor did she remove the earbuds from her ears. She just leaned towards Brittany, turning her face so her cheek rested fully in her hand, and that was enough for Brittany to understand what she needed. Sitting down cross-legged beside Santana, keeping her movements slow and careful still, Brittany rested her own back against the wall, then drew Santana into her lap, wrapping one arm around her chest and the other around her waist, anchoring her against her in a gentle embrace. Santana let herself be maneuvered without protest, her stiff limbs going limp almost immediately at Brittany’s touch, and her head dropped forward again until her forehead touched Brittany’s arm. Brittany could feel Santana’s heart beating just a little too quickly against her arm, the way that her breathing was ragged and tearful against its bare skin, and she kissed the top of her bowed head, just holding her in silence as Santana cried nearly silent tears.

 This was something Brittany had unfortunately grown very used to, holding Santana while she cried, providing her own body as a safe, accepting, and loving base for her to calm herself against. She waited, rubbing her hand against Santana’s side, occasionally kissing her shoulder or head, but Santana’s tears, although not growing louder or more intense, also showed no sign of stopping. It felt almost worse to Brittany, somehow, to see her in pain that seemed so muted and restrained, so unlike the audible, stormy tears that she was used to when Santana was hurting or afraid. This was different, somehow, and although it was clear Santana wasn’t going to be able to talk about it now, Brittany felt a need to know what had triggered this different showing of pain.

 Santana was still clutching her phone in one hand, although she no longer was looking at it, most likely still listening to whatever played across its screen. Brittany didn’t remove her earbuds, but she did gently cover Santana’s hand on the phone with hers, one arm still securely crossed over Santana’s chest, encouraging her to tilt the phone up so Brittany too could see its screen. Santana didn’t resist, and so Brittany took it from her, bringing it up close enough so she could read the lyrics that were scrolling across the screen.

 Santana was in her Itunes app, and the top of the screen informed Brittany that she had created a playlist entitled “Pain.” Brittany swallowed, feeling her heart wrench with a flicker of understanding as she scrolled through the song that was playing, taking in some of its lyrics with rising sorrow.

 “Bound to your side, I’m trapped in silence/just a possession/is this sex or only violence/that feeds your obsession/you send me to a broken state/where I can take the pain just long enough/that I am numb, then I just disappear…”

 The music didn’t seem to be turned up to an overly loud volume; when Brittany moved her lips close to Santana’s right ear, pressing them first against the curve of its shell, then close enough to the earbud that it almost brushed its plastic covering.

 “Sweetheart,” she said quietly, but raising her voice just enough loud enough for her to likely hear her over the song. “Oh, sweetheart. I love you, Santana. I’m here, and I love you.”

 She continued to hold Santana, shifting her on her lap so Santana was cradled more comfortably against her, and rocked her lightly, occasionally stroking Santana’s arm or leg or rubbing the ends of Santana’s hair through her fingertips while she waited for Santana to speak or slow in her crying, to make some sort of gesture to indicate that she was responding to Brittany’s presence. But although Santana’s hand crept down to grasp Brittany’s, she didn’t say anything, and her tears continued. Brittany occasionally looked down at her phone screen as she waited, registering two more songs playing out their length, and took in enough of their lyrics to understand that they too were about rape or assault of some kind. When a fourth song began and Santana showed no signs of wanting to move from her lap or stop listening, Brittany realized that she might not be able to shift out of her current emotional state on her own. She clearly needed to release some of her feelings, to let her hurt seep out and express its cracks and breaks in her being, but she seemed to be getting stuck in it rather than truly letting go.

 Then the idea came to Brittany, and she kissed Santana’s ear again, before gently drawing out one of her earbuds. Santana’s hand twitched, as though she wanted to put it back but just didn’t have the energy to try. Brittany murmured into her ear, now free of the obstruction.

 “Sing, baby,” she whispered, holding the phone up to Santana’s face, so she could not miss seeing the lyrics on the screen. “Sing it. I think you need to.”

 Santana shook her head mutely, another breathless sob breaking out, but Brittany was persistent, holding the phone up, even when Santana partly turned her face away from it.

 “You can do it, sweetie. Come on. Sing it.”

 “I can’t,” Santana managed, the words cracking and barely audible, even with Brittany’s head so close to hers. “I can’t. I can’t.”

 “You can,” Brittany countered, her words firm and certain, her mouth still close against Santana’s ear. “You can, baby. It’s just me and you here. You’re safe. Sing for me, Santana. Show me what you’re feeling. Sing.”

 Santana hadn’t been exaggerating or deflecting when she told Brittany she didn’t think she could do it. She hadn’t so much as hummed since the night of her rape, let alone sang aloud. She wouldn’t have thought she could let the vibrations even begin to feel her chest and throat, that it would physically hurt to try. She would have thought she could spend the rest of her life without ever hearing music again, without even feeling the desire to produce it herself.

 But as Brittany held her, urging her, encouraging her, her eyes squeezed shut. She didn’t need to look at the lyrics to remember the song. She already had memorized its works.

 “Til…til it happens to you…you don’t know….how I feel,” she whispered, speaking more than singing at first, her voice wavering and not matching the tune. “T-til it happens to you…you don’t know, it won’t be real…”

 Brittany squeezed her tighter, giving silent encouragement and praise, and as the song built up towards its climax and its highest note, Santana’s voice strengthened, until she was singing with pure, raw emotion, tears streaming. She didn’t notice or care how her voice sounded, if it was technically correct in notes. It didn’t matter- that wasn’t the point.

 When the song ended, she slowly slid the second earbud from her ear, an occasional tear still trickling down her cheek, but her breathing had slowed, and she had stopped shaking, her body looser against Brittany’s chest. Brittany’s own eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she stroked back Santana’s hair, aware that her voice was not quite its best as she sang back to her softly.

 “I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before….”

 And she did. Every time she got to witness Santana take one more tiny step forward, every time she demonstrated just how much strength she carried in her tiny frame and cracking heart, she loved her that much more. Today was no exception.

     88

 Brittany wasn’t sure how long she stayed on the studio floor with Santana, cradling her, waiting until she could feel the other girl’s body more fully relaxed against her own. Brittany continued to stroke Santana’s hair, smoothing her fingers through its silky strands, paying careful attention to Santana’s breathing. When it seemed that Santana had finally finished crying fully and was just resting back against her, she slowly slipped the second ear bud out of her ear, checking to make sure Santana didn’t protest this. She didn’t, and so Brittany took the phone and turned off her music app, then slid her arms back around Santana fully to give her another gentle squeeze.

 “Come on, babe,” she murmured, thumbing the remnants of tears out from under her cheeks and then kissing first one eyelid, then the other. She smiled when Santana scrunched her nose at her but allowed the affection, giving a kiss to her forehead before lightly patting the sides of Santana’s legs to encourage her to stand.

 “Come on, babe. Let’s get you cleaned up a little.”

 Santana mumbled in the not discernible, grouchy sort of way she generally tended to protest when overly sleepy or overwhelmed, lolling back further against Brittany’s chest. Brittany smiled, shaking her head, and then lifted her off of herself under Santana’s armpits, setting her down on the floor while she herself stood and stretched. Reaching down to help Santana up to her feet, she slipped Santana’s phone into her jacket pocket and took her hand, leading her to the bathroom of the studio to help her wash her face and get herself in a state that would be ready to make the walk back home.

 The studio bathroom was a large one, with only three stalls and a large floor area with an almost equally large mirror filling up most of one wall. It was designed that way with the intention of giving extra space for girls to get changed for classes and do their hair or makeup if need be with plenty of room for more than one or two to do so. There was no avoiding the mirror without making serious effort to do so, and as Brittany lead Santana to the sink to help her wash her face, she nevertheless noticed that Santana kept her eyes averted as they walked past it, making sure she never saw her reflection.

 This was hardly the first time Brittany had noticed Santana avoiding looking at herself in a mirror. From the first night she had come back to New York City and accompanied her in Rachel and Kurt’s bathroom to each morning and evening that she got ready with her in their shared bathroom now, Brittany had not failed to observe that Santana would not look at herself directly. Even when brushing her teeth or fixing her hair, she relied on the “feeling” of the movements and occasional feedback from Brittany rather than actually checking for herself how she appeared. Brittany had never said anything about it, hoping that as Santana worked on herself in therapy and slowly grew more comfortable with her changing body size, the behavior would change on its own, but so far, it hadn’t.

 Taking a paper towel and wetting it, Brittany deliberately turned Santana around so her body was facing the mirror, unable to avoid it without effort. She was careful with her touch as she washed Santana’s face, holding her chin in one hand and trying to tilt it up towards her, but Santana resisted, trying to keep her head tilted down- and away from her reflection.

 “Santana, babe, hold still,” she said softly, and when she pushed Santana’s face up again, she didn’t miss Santana swallowing and shutting her eyes- again keeping herself from having to look at her own reflection.

  Brittany’s stomach felt sad and hollow for her as she continued to cleanse Santana carefully, using her thumbs to brush off any excess wetness from the paper towel. Throwing it away, she wrapped her arms around Santana’s waist, still holding her deliberately in place in front of the mirror, and looked at their reflection, observing with continued sadness that Santana’s eyes stayed closed.

 “You won’t look in the mirror,” she said quietly, keeping her tone nonjudgmental. Nevertheless, Santana stiffened slightly against her chest.

 “I don’t want to see a puffy swollen balloon face.”

 “You do not have a puffy swollen balloon face- not even a bouncy ball face,” Brittany said lightly, but she pressed her a little more. “Not just now, though, Santana. You never look at yourself. Even at home.”

 When Santana shrugged, but didn’t respond, Brittany let it drop- for then. She knew Santana had just put herself in a vulnerable state only minutes ago, and they were not in a place of full safety for her. She wouldn’t push her further, at least not until later.

 Instead she just gave Santana another little hug without words, took her hand, and held onto it as she went through the steps needed to shut down the lights and secure the studio for the weekend. As they stepped outside to walk home, she slid her arm around Santana’s waist, keeping her that much more securely against her as they made their way together without speaking. Brittany kept the pace slow but purposeful, not veering from their familiar route and routine, although it was still light outside. Again, she could tell that Santana was in a mental space still that she wasn’t quite ready to emerge from fully.

 Their walk was quiet, with Santana responding only minimally when addressed and with as few words as possible. She seemed preoccupied, not fully present in her mind and body, and Brittany realized that she was releasing a breath of relief as they came within view of their apartment. Maybe Santana would be able to relax there, where she knew she was safe and was comfortable. Maybe she would come back to herself a little more, actually seem like Santana rather than a strange, strained copy of her.

 As Brittany unlocked the door, pulling Santana through, she flicked on the lights and turned towards her, watching for any change in expression. But Santana showed little if any difference in her demeanor, even with the door shut and locked behind her in the security of her own home. Brittany tucked on her hand, trying to elicit a smile.

 “Want to come watch a movie? How about Encanto?”

 That was a newer favorite of Santana’s. She was marginally relieved when Santana nodded slightly and followed her to the couch, even more so when Santana sat in her lap without encouragement. Brittany adjusted herself so her arms were around her and turned on the tv, beginning to play with Santana’s hair as the movie began.

 As the familiar movie played, Brittany continued to twirl her fingers around Santana’s hair, braiding and then unbraiding it, rubbing her hands over her arms and shoulders in light massage. Still, she could tell that Santana was still somewhat caught in her own thoughts, not as responsive as usual, when she didn’t giggle at any of the lines or repeat those she had memorized. Brittany knew it had been a rough day for her, that she had probably let out more emotion than she wanted to exert again, so she stayed quiet, simply continuing to give comforting, affectionate touch in hopes that Santana would finally just mold her body more naturally and fully with hers in her lap.

 When Santana finally tugged on her arm, muttering something about needing the bathroom, Brittany let her up, somewhat surprised when Santana pulled at her hand for her to follow her. She didn’t always need or insist on Brittany going into every room with her anymore, but she followed her then without question, leaning against the sink as Santana peed. After she had finished, Santana said in the same mumbling tone that she wanted to take a shower, and although she already had that morning, Brittany again didn’t comment. Instead she set out a towel for her and sat on the closed toilet seat, figuring that if Santana wanted her to either join her in the shower or leave the room, she would tell her so. Santana did neither, so she waited, her chest tight with growing concern for Santana’s quiet, withdrawn mood.

 When Santana pushed the shower curtain aside, the mirror was steamed up from the water’s heat, and Brittany handed her the towel, asking if she wanted her to go fetch her pajamas to change into. It was still early evening, but Santana nodded, so Brittany did so without comment, bringing a pair of her own into the bathroom as well. She noticed when she re-entered the bathroom that although Santana was drying herself off, she was again avoiding looking into the mirror to do so.

 When Santana glanced over at her, likely expecting Brittany to hand her the pajamas she had retrieved for her, Brittany held onto them, regarding her. Santana was standing naked, not self-conscious about Brittany looking at her as she dried her hair with the towel. Still, although she was looking at Brittany, and appeared okay with Brittany looking at her, she was not looking at herself, and Brittany decided in the moment to give Santana a final push of the day.

 She set the clothes down on the edge of the sink and came forward to Santana, taking the towel from her and beginning to very gently take over for her in drying Santana’s hair. She positioned herself behind Santana, so Santana was still angled towards the mirror, making it very difficult for her to avoid seeing herself, and yet Santana’s eyes remained down. Brittany finished drying her hair, then rested her hands on Santana’s waist, lightly rubbing her fingertips in a soothing gesture over her side before she spoke.

 “You won’t look at yourself, Santana. In the mirror.”

 Santana shrugged, obviously wanting to deflect it, and made a movement as though to reach for her clothes, but Brittany stopped her hand with her own, giving it a squeeze before addressing her again.

 “Not just now. Ever. I’ve noticed. You won’t look at your body, or your face. You won’t look yourself in the eyes.”

  Santana shrugged again, barely a twitch this time, irritability and frustration both crossing her expression as Brittany watched it in the mirror’s reflection- what she could see of it. She continued to stroke her fingers over Santana’s side, soothing her, reassuring her, as she spoke to her again.

 “I want you to look at yourself, Santana. In the mirror, at your reflection. I want you to look yourself in the eyes.”

 Santana’s body stiffened against Brittany’s, almost physically recoiling, her spin curling back into Brittany’s chest and stomach. Brittany rubbed her hands over Santana’s arms, trying to press into her the love and strength she felt for her, the love and strength she wanted Santana to feel for her own self.

 “Please, Santana,” she said softly. “Please. I want you to look at yourself. I want you to look at the beautiful, amazing woman that you are, standing tall and proud.”

 “Brittany,” Santana whispered, her voice thick. She swallowed audibly, shaking her head, as Brittany continued to stroke her, keeping her touch light but firm, avoiding any sexual undertones.

 “There is no reason for you to be afraid or ashamed to look at yourself,” she told her quietly but with conviction, rubbing Santana’s back between her shoulder blades. “I’m here with you. I’m here, I have you, and I love you with all that I have. Look at yourself, Santana. Raise your eyes and see yourself.”

 “I can’t,” Santana managed, the words emerging tiny, cracked, and shaky with unshed tears. She was beginning to tremble, whether from the build up of emotion or her own inner struggle between obeying Brittany’s request, as she normally would without thought, and her instinct to fight its actual meaning. “I can’t, Brittany. You don’t understand, I can’t.”

 “You can,” Brittany affirmed. She pressed a kiss to Santana’s cheek, to her jaw, then to the hollow of her neck and shoulder, her hands continuing to slowly stroke over her exposed skin. “You’ve done a lot of things you never thought you could, Santana, and you can do this too. You can. I’m here, and I love you. All of you, each and every part of you. All of it.”

 She paused, giving Santana a moment to process, and then continued softly. “If you won’t start with looking yourself in the eyes, you can start with looking at your body. Look at your hips, Santana. Come on, honey. You can do this. I’ve got you, I’m right here. Look at your hips.”

 She touched Santana’s chin gently, not forcing her to move it, just giving it a small chuck beneath as encouragement- and her chest flooded with pride when Santana lifted her eyes just slightly, enough to follow her instruction to see her hips in the mirror. Brittany gave her waist a squeeze of appreciation and encouragement, then continued to direct her softly.

 “Good, babe. Now a little more. Look at your waist. Your chest…your shoulders,” she said, giving Santana time to adjust and respond to looking at each part of herself for the first time directly in months. “Okay, babe, now look at your chin.”

 Brittany could feel Santana trembling more and made sure to anchor herself more firmly behind her, a secure base if Santana reached out or faltered. She kept one hand on her waist, the other still caressing love into her skin as Santana slowly worked on taking in the image of her own body.

 “Now here it comes,” Brittany said gently, leaning her mouth closer now, against the shell of Santana’s ear as she let her head rest against hers slightly, arm wrapping tighter around Santana’s bare waist. “Look into your eyes, Santana. Look at those big, beautiful brown eyes, full of love and light and more wit than anyone I know, except, obviously, me.”

 And Santana did it. Santana raised her eyes, bright with tears, lips trembling, and looked herself in the face. Brittany wanted to break into a smile, but she kept herself still and soft, not wanting to break the moment as she murmured continued encouragement in Santana’s ear.

 “There you are, babe. You’re doing so good, Santana, so good. There you are, looking into those beautiful eyes I get to look at every day. Keep looking….now, say to yourself who you are, Santana. Say to yourself what’s right and true. Out loud, into your own eyes.”

 Santana’s lips pressed together briefly before she stammered, “What…what am I supposed to say?”

 “The truth,” Brittany said patiently. “What I tell you, and what deep down, you know is true yourself. That you’re strong, and you’re beautiful. That you’re brave, and you’re loved. I want you to say all those things. Out loud, to the mirror. To yourself.”

 Santana’s eyes glistened still more brightly, and she blinked hard, forcing back the tears that nevertheless remained in her voice and showed in her expression. She shook her head, even as she continued, to Brittany’s pride, to look at her reflection.

 “I can’t. Brittany, I can’t.”

 “You can,” Brittany countered again, giving her another encouraging squeeze. “You can, Santana. You can do so much more than you tell yourself. You already have done so much more than you let yourself acknowledge or see. And you can do this. You need to do this.”

 She held her tightly, chin resting on Santana’s shoulder, and held her gaze in the mirror’s reflection, steady and yet resolute.

 “Say it, Santana. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are brave. And you are loved.”

 Santana’s body shuddered against Brittany’s chest, and she momentarily pressed further into her, but then she took a shaky breath in, let it out, and spoke, very quietly and without conviction at first.

 “I…I am strong.”

 “You are,” Brittany encouraged, kissing her shoulder. “Say it again. Louder this time. Look at yourself and know it’s true. You are strong.”

 “I…am strong,” Santana repeated, more audibly this time. Tears overflowed, but she looked back at her blurred reflection, and she didn’t let her chin drop.

 “You are beautiful,” Brittany prompted, and Santana repeated this, choked, but with less of a pause than before.

 “I am beautiful.”

 “You are brave,” Brittany whispered, holding Santana fast against her. “You are loved.”

 “I am brave,” Santana managed through trickling tears, sniffing, but still she kept her eyes on her face in the mirror. “I am loved.”

 Her voice broke on the final word, and Brittany turned her then, letting her fall into her and hide her face in her neck. She hugged her hard, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, fierce pride in her voice as she responded.

 “Yes, Santana. Yes. You are. Yes.”

 Santana cried quietly, her fists loose and trapped between their chests, and after several minutes, Brittany helped her dress in loose fitting clothes, then lifted her easily, supporting her with an arm under her butt and around her back so Santana was almost being carried on her hip like a child. She took them to the couch and arranged Santana on her lap, unsurprised when Santana turned to straddle her to hide her face in her neck once more. She let her sit with her, giving her steady, tactile comfort in her touch and presence, and she let the quiet fall between them, not uncomfortable for either to maintain. She sat, Santana in her lap, for the length of two tv shows, unconcerned when two times Santana began to cry again, seemingly unrelated to what was on the screen. She simply held her a little more tightly and pressed kisses to her head until Santana would wind down and relax back against her.

 Eventually, Brittany coaxed Santana to come with her into the kitchen, to eat a little of the fruit salad she cut up for her and some of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she used cookie cutters to cut into butterfly shapes. And when eventually Santana fell asleep in her lap on the couch, her head heavy and lolled back against her, Brittany carried her into bed, noticing that Santana was so exhausted she didn’t stir even to reach out for her in the brief periods of their bodies separating in order for Brittany to turn out the lights. As Brittany drew her back against her, rubbing her back and closing her own eyes, she let her mind go blank, feeling only the vague hope that whatever came next would be still more steps forward.

#brittany pierce roleplay #santana lopez roleplay #santana lopez #brittana roleplay #roleplay: glee

[farahgrllz]

Captain Marvel incest explanation

All this happens during the comic book Avengers #200

Credits to mugenhunt from reddit for being the original author of this text.

It explicitly has not been retconned.

To summarize, an Avengers storyline involving a mysteriously pregnant overnight Carol Danvers was hastily rewritten at the last second. The original culprit was supposed to be the Supreme Intelligence had someone inject her with some sort of drug that impregnated her. Icky, but much better than what the story became.

Carol has a full-term pregnancy in about a week, despite not having been with a man in months. The baby is born and she wants nothing to do with it, while all the Avengers are super excited about a baby even born and having a little Avenger kid running around.

The baby hyperages and becomes an adult, Marcus. Marcus explains that he is the son of Immortus, and was stuck in a limbo dimension. To escape the limbo dimension, he abducted Carol, then used his machines to make her fall in love with him, and effectively impregnated her with his essence so that he would be able to escape the limbo dimension by being reborn on Earth as a baby.

Meanwhile, Marcus had built some sort of machine in the basement of Avengers mansion, and Hawkeye (pretty much the only character in this story that has any sort of sense) blew it up as he was suspicious. It turns out that machine was the anchor allowing Marcus to remain in our world, and now he has to return to the limbo dimension.

But now Carol suddenly wants to go with Marcus because they have some sort of bond now, and it's trying to imply some sort of romantic connection there which is really horrible because not only she did "give birth" to him, but also he admitted to using his machines to make her fall in love. And despite the Avengers having been told that he had manipulated her to fall in love with him, they cheer as she leaves to be with Marcus forever.

A few months later, X-Men writer Chris Claremont did an Avengers story where Carol returns and calls out the Avengers for being absolute idiots for letting her go off with the man who abused her. They didn't say rape because this was decades ago and it wasn't allowed to be said in a comic, but the implication was clearly there. Marcus continued to hyperage when he returned to limbo and died, breaking his control over Carol and she managed to return to Earth, incredibly pissed.

This is also the comic where Rogue is introduced as a villain. Pretty much immediately after Carol returns to earth, Rogue then assaults her, steals her powers and accidentally wipes out many of Carol's memories in the process, requiring Carol to stay with the X-Men to get therapy with Professor X, leaving the Avengers presumably forever.

Later Avengers writers have said that they didn't want to retcon this to reveal that the Avengers were being controlled by Marcus too, as they felt it was important that the Avengers have a major major failure on their side, and that heroes can screw up horribly.

Kurt Busiek had Carol encounter one of Kang's sons, a dead ringer for Marcus, in his Kang Dynasty storyline, and it was as awkward as you might expect.

#Carol danvers #captain marvel #marvel #the avengers #avengers #dark #suggestive #comics #carol danvers #marvel mcu #mcu

[pineappletheatrekid]

Let him rest.

#kurt hummel #santana lopez #rachel berry #glee #i saw this template and I had to #please #Someone get Kurt some therapy #mimidoesdumbthings

[theghostofashton]

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#these fuckin glee writers man #their decisions make absolutely no sense and i hate them #im working on a piece about kurt in therapy a few years after the finale and i want to deal with some of his issues #but something big for me has to do w the bullying he suffered in hs including everything karofsky did to him #and i can't figure out how to write about it bc of fucking blainofsky #like the writers genuinely thought they had redeemed dave after 3x14 and i cannot understand that for a second #that's why it happened like they figured he was redeemed and it'd be fine to have blainofsky happen and it's just so stupid #i know these writers had no earthly idea how mental illness works but someone doesn't get over years of being bullied #just bc the bully happened to be closeted and dealing w internalized homophobia #karofsky did not need to be blaine's s6 midgame it being karofsky had absolutely no narrative significance #it could've been a rando #honestly at this point im gonna write this and just pretend blainofsky wasn't a thing #i LOVE the fact that blaine dated someone after the second breakup but it literally did not need to be karofsky the writers are so stupid

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, it is the first part of my 100 follower special, the other parts are coming shortly. I’ve been really wanting to a Hanahaki fic for awhile so here it is. I also want to do some different soulmate au’s so those will be coming soon! Love you guys so much xx

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death and blood

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell your friends your sick

Prompts

Masterlist

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(y/n)’s pov

“I know this diagnosis is scary, but we’ve got a quite few options now,” Dr. Shaw smiled, though it felt a little backhanded, “Not, the only way we can guarantee your safe recovery is removal of the infection, but the good news there are plenty of doctors in the city who know how to perform the surgery so it wouldn’t take us very long at all to get you in. Alternatively, having your feelings requited will lead to the infection dying off on its own, or, you can try to resolve your own feelings. If you’d rather pursue one of those then a good first step is talking to them, as scary as that may be.”

“Okay,” I have to let everything soak in for just a minute, “Is the surgery risky?” “The actual surgery is very safe, though it will lead to the removal of your feelings for that person. The only real risk is the chance that it prevents you from falling in love in the future.”

“What are the chances that happens?”

“It’s about fifty fifty, and unfortunately there isn’t really a way for us to tell if that will be you, it’s just a risk we have to take,” she clasps her arms in front of her, “I’m not asking you to decide today, you’ve caught this very early so we’ve got a bit of time to figure things out. Until then I can recommend a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, and there’s some antibiotics I can prescribe you that will help slow the infection.”

“Okay, thank you,” I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “I think maybe I’ll try and talk to him and work it out that way.”

She nodded, “Okay, most patients opt to try that first. We can still get you into surgery later if that doesn’t work out.”

“How late can I opt in?”

“Up until the infection starts spreading, once it’s outside of your lungs the surgery won’t do anything. However, if your feelings were to change at that point or your feelings are requited, there is still a chance you’d be able to pull through,” she began scribbling things onto a notepad, “That’s still far off right now, but this disease it unpredictable, so we’ll need you to come in every week for blood work and xrays. We’ll monitor everything very closely so we’ll know if we start getting close to the point of no return so to speak.”

“Alright, I guess straight to the pharmacy then?”

She nodded, “Good girl, and you call us if you need anything. If things feel like they’re accelerating or you start coughing up a lot straight to the hospital okay?”

I nod, “Okay, thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week.”

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I took the subway to the pharmacy stuck in an odd state of numbness. Part of me wanted to cry, or scream, but I just didn’t do anything. I’m in shock until the woman behind the pharmacy counter begins speaking to me.

“Alright sweetheart what can I do for you?” “Just getting this filled,” I hand her my prescription with a forced smile.

She takes the paper, squinting at it before frowning, “Oh my…” she types a few things and sighs, “I’ll be right back,” I drum my fingers nervously on the counter while I wait for her to return, finally she does carrying a little white bag, “I know this isn’t totally appropriate but I know they only prescribe this for one thing and…” she trails off for a second, starting to blush, “Well my girlfriend had Hanahaki’s too, and she was really scared, but she ended up telling me how she felt and it was great, she recovered just like that,” she offers me a sympathetic smile, “I know this is hard but you should talk to them, I’m sure whoever they are, they’ll at least want to help.”

It’s sweet of her to say, so I thank her and shove the bag in my purse on my way out. I’m sure Peter would want to help, but he’s with someone else, and they love each other. I don’t get to confess and clear things up and live happily ever after. I have to move on, it’s the only option for me. I’m not getting that surgery and risking never falling in love again. That’s not fair. Just because I fell for the wrong person this time I have to never love again? Or die? 

I’m tearing up when I get home, and unfortunately everyone is already over. 

Betty beams at me from the couch, “Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good,” my voice shakes a little, “They think it’s just, um, allergies. I’ve got some pills that should start clearing it up.”

She nods, though all of them look a little concerned, “You’re gonna be okay then right?”

I lie through my teeth, “Nothing life threatening.”

“Okay…” she seems to buy it, but I’m sure she’ll end up drilling me on it later, “You wanna join us then?” “Sure, just, uh, give me a second,” I retreat to my bedroom, dumping my purse and jacket before clutching myself tight. I just want to cry, but I have to wait, everyone’s going to know something is wrong if I try to hide out.

I return to the living room after consoluling myself for a minute, taking a seat besides Betty on the couch, “We ordered pizza,” MJ smiles, “I got that veggie one I was telling you about.”

“Hope it’s good,” I bite my cheek, I feel guilty even talking to her.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it,” she insists. 

Betty’s eyes bore into me suspiciously, “Are they really sure it’s just allergies?”

I nod, “Of course Betty, I promise I don’t need a lung transplant or something.”

“Are you sure?” she presses, “There was blood.”

“Blood?” MJ raises a brow.

Betty nods, “Yeah, she was coughing up blood last night, that’s why she even went to the doctor. It seemed worse than allergies.”

“My throat was just dry,” I try to explain, “I promise I’m fine, it’s just something in the air right now.”

“Okay,” she lets up, “But if you do need a lung transplant I’ve got you.”

“And maybe if you give (y/n) one of your lungs you two will get some sort of psychic connection,” Ned interjected, “I bet they’d make a tv show about you guys.”

Everyone starts laughing, and for the first time that day I let myself glance up at Peter. He’s so pretty, and so is his laugh, but before I can appreciate either of those things I start coughing. It’s an almost instant reminder that I can’t do that. Something tickles in my throat so I quickly stand up.

“Are you okay?” Peter frowns at me. I nod quickly, “Just need some water,” I cover my mouth with my hand as I struggle to pour myself some water. 

I bend over the sink to make sure none of them can see the petal I cough up. I know it must be a begonia. Last finals week was really stressful for me, and in the middle of the week Peter had dragged me away from the cave I was studying in to relax for a while. He took me to this cute little market and bought me some flowers while we were out, begonias.

I shove the petal down the garbage disposal and wash away the blood, I’ll have to figure out what to do when I start coughing up more, full flowers too. 

“Are you sure you're good?” Betty questions when I stand back up, I swear she has xray vision or something. 

“Yeah, better now,” I take a big swig of my water, “I’ll be good as new in a few days.”

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“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Morrison picks a notebook up off her desk. She seems very nice, I just hope she’ll be able to help me work through some of my feelings, “I’m really glad you came here, therapy can be scary, especially in your situation, so coming here is already a step in the right direction.”

“Thanks, I’m still a little nervous, but anything to help.”

She gives one kurt nod and glances down at her notepad, “Absolutely. I’d like to know what your intention is here so I can know how to help you best. Do you intend to get surgery?” I shake my head, “No, I’m not gonna get the surgery. I want to just try and move on.”

“Alright, is this person aware of your feelings?”

I shake my head, “No, he’s with someone else so that isn’t really an option for me.”

She nods, “Okay, can I ask his name?”

“Peter.”

“Peter,” she repeats, scribbling a few things down, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is he aware that you're sick?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why’s that?”

“I know they’d ask who and I don’t know what to tell them yet, and it’s still new. I mean I want to tell them eventually, but I think I still need some time.”

“Of course, you need to process everything first, that’s perfectly reasonable. I do encourage you to tell them though, having a good support system is going to help you feel a lot better, and you can always let them know you just don’t feel comfortable telling them who it is.”

“I will.”

She smiled, “So, what do you like about Peter?”

I blush, “Everything I guess, he’s smart and he’s funny and I always feel really good when I’m with him. I don’t know, we just kind of click.”

“You two spend a lot of time together?”

I nod, “Yeah, we hang out all the time, I probably see him more than my actual roommate.”

“How would you feel about spending less time together?”

“He’s my best friend, why would I do that?”

“Separation is going to help you move on, I’m not saying stop being friends or avoid him, but giving yourself space from him is going to be good for you.”

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I feel like therapy went well, I feel more hopeful when we finish, although I’m definitely tired. She told me the goal is to get me really comfortable with my feelings so I can move on. I decided to set myself a goal afterwards, I want to tell Betty before my next session, a week from today. I can’t hide it from her for too long anyway, we live together after all, and she’s already convinced there’s something more than just allergies going on. I debate even telling her when I get home, but Peter and Ned are in the living room, and I’m still not sure I’m ready.

“Hey,” Peter smiles to me as I walk in, “How was work?” “Fine. I didn’t realize you guys were coming over.”

“Oh yeah, we’re going to the movies. You should come, MJ is gonna meet us there.”

Dr. Morrison said separation is good, and I don’t really want to be their fifth wheel anyway.

“I think I’ll stay home,” I clutch my purse nervously, “Thanks for offering though.”

His lips pulled to a slight frown, “You sure? MJ picked some weird art film, it’d be more fun if you came.”

“Yeah, work was actually pretty tiring and I still have a bit of homework…”

“Okay,” his cheeks just barely dust pink, “Next time then?”

I nod, “Of course, you guys have fun,” I scurried to my room as quick as I could.

I don’t know what exactly made me start crying, I mean I’ve cried every night this week so maybe it’s just the overwhelming feelings again, but I think it was Peter. I don’t want to have to pull away from my best friend, I just wish I loved him the way I was supposed to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it just makes me feel gross. 

I end up hiding out until they leave, then I return to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and comfort food. I calm down a bit, but I’m still a little teary eyed when I pass out on the couch. I don’t know how long I get to sleep for, but what ends up waking me up is the front door opening. I peer through groggy sleepy eyes, expecting to find Betty, ready to scold me for not going to bed.

What I didn’t expect was Peter. 

He bent down beside me and set a hand on my cheek, “Wake up sleepy head, I know this couch isn’t that comfortable.”

“Hey,” I yawn before rolling onto my back, I push my arms up in an attempt to push the sleepiness out of my body, “Where is everyone?”

“Betty is back at mine and Ned’s, I came by just to talk to you, but it can wait,” he smiles and offers me a hand, “Come on bunny, I’ll take you to bed.”

I shake my head, “I’m up, what did you want to talk about?”

He blushes, “Let me help you to bed first.”

“I’m a big girl Peter, I can put myself to bed. What’s on your mind?”

He sits besides me with a sigh, “It wanted to make sure you’re okay, you’ve just seemed a little off this week.”

“It’s just allergies P, I’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t think so,” he frowns, “I don’t think allergies forget how to talk to your best friend.” 

“I didn't, I just don’t feel very good.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me if you’re upset with me or something…”

I laugh, “Peter why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off every time I’ve seen you this week.”

“Well it’s not you Peter, I just don’t feel very good. If I were upset with you I would just tell you.”

“Okay,” he accepts my answer though he doesn’t seem totally satisfied by it. Who am I kidding? It’s Peter, he always knows when something’s up. “You know I’m always here for you right?”

I nod, “I’m here for you too Peter.”

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses the top of my head, “We could hang out for a little while, play some games or something.”

“I’m still pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed,” I blush as I stand, “Maybe some other time.”

His smile falls but he nods, “Okay, but it has to be soon. I miss hanging out.”

“Soon,” I agree, “I miss it too.”

He stands and pulls me into a hug, placing another kiss on the top of my head, “I’m sorry about whatever’s going on, you know I love you tons.”

It takes every ounce of my willpower not to burst into tears, to not break down and just tell him the truth. I can’t though, I know I can’t. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me the way that would fix everything, he loves someone else and I want that for him, even if it makes me jealous, even if it kills me. I just want Peter to be happy. 

“I love you too.”

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This morning Betty nearly caught me tossing a petal out the window, making it very clear that I’ll have to tell her soon. I’d much rather tell her than have her just find out, I just don’t know how. I think I should just sit her down and tell her, but I just want to sugar coat it somehow, make it seem better than it is. I’m trying to figure out some way to do that when I get called up to the pharmacy counter. I barely even realize I know the girl behind the counter this time. Adeline, MJ’s roommate.

“Oh hey,” she smiles to me, “Are you okay with me filling your prescription? I can totally grab someone else.”

I know she’ll know if I let her fill the prescription, it’s a little scary, but there’s enough separation between us that it feels okay, like a warm up.

“I don’t mind,” I smile back, “Just don’t tell everyone about the pills I’m popping.”

She laughs, “I’ll keep it to myself,” she turns to her computer, typing away before squinting at the screen, then it seems to hit her, “(y/n)...” she turns to me with a frown, “Do you?...”

I nod, “Yeah, but like I said, don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be right back.”

It was worse than I thought, Adeline and I aren’t super close, we get along, but we never hang out outside of group get togethers or parties. I didn’t expect her to look so upset or concerned, I thought she’d just tell me she was sorry, that she hoped I got better. It makes me scared of how everyone else is going to react.

“Here you go,” she frowned as she passed the little white bag to me, “You haven’t told anyone?”

I shake my head, “Not yet.”

“Really? Not even Betty, o-or Peter?”

“No one, I’m going to, just kind of figuring out how.”

She nods, “Yeah, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m gonna get better, it’s just a little scary for now.”

“Of course,” she smiles, but it’s one of those sad smiles I have a hard time looking at, “I, um, if there’s anything I can do just let me know. I could help you tell everyone,” she blushed suddenly, “When you’re ready of course. Just, uh, maybe it’d be easier to get it out of the way all at once you know?”

“Thank you.” It’s not a bad idea actually, maybe it would be easier than telling everyone individually. Then I just have to explain it once and answer all the questions once. I don’t have to answer all the questions over and over. It might balance out the reactions too. “That might be nicer actually, and you could probably help explain the medical stuff a bit more.”

She nodded, “Yeah, definitely, I mean do it however you need to, but if I can help in any way just let me know.”

“Thanks Adeline, I’ll think about it,” I give her an awkward little wave as I walk away.

I start making a pros and cons list in mind, weighing both of my options to try and figure out the best way to go about this, of course my thoughts are then interrupted by a phone call. Peter.

He’s been trying to get together, and this time I really have been avoiding him, following the advice of my therapist. I don’t know if it’s helping, I think about him just as much, the thoughts are just sadder now, but it’s what I have to do. My therapist knows how to get me better, and I have to get better or I’ll never get to see him, or anyone. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that, I hate lying to him. 

“Hello?”

“Hey bunny,” he sounds chipper as ever, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Well I’m okay right now, but I would be a thousand times better if you came over and helped me study?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I glance around me, trying to think of something, “I have to go grocery shopping.”

“How about I come help you then?”

“I thought you needed to study?”

“I do but,” he pauses for a minute, “I know you said you aren’t avoiding me, but you know it went from not talking as much to suddenly we haven’t even seen each other in days.”

“Well why do we need to hang out all the time anyway? Just go hang out with MJ.” 

I don’t mean to sound as angry as I do, I’m just so frustrated. It’s not easy keeping this all to myself.

He stays quiet and then sighs. “You’ve been acting weird since you went to the doctor, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”

“Nothing’s going on Peter,” I frown and wrap an arm around myself, “I’m just busy today alright?”

“You’re busy everyday.”

“I’m not, I’m just busy right now…” I sigh and hang up, I just don’t really know what to say to him.

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After my awkward phone call with Peter I decided it would be best for me to tell everyone at once. I just need to get it out of the way, rip the bandaid off. So I texted Adeline, and she proposed that she and MJ would have everyone at their place to hang out today. She said it was gonna just be dinner and some party games, and everyone agreed to go. I told Betty and Ned I’d meet them there so I’d have a bit of alone time to get ready. I wanted just a bit alone just to prepare what I’m going to say and everything, I want this to go well. I want to walk into therapy tomorrow and tell her all about how I told my friends and I have this amazing support system.

A coughing fit interrupts my attempt to hype myself up in the mirror, it’s much more violent than they have been. The petals tickle a bit, and there’s usually a bit of blood, but it’s never like this. As a bit of blood splatters in the sink I hear what I assume is Betty coming back to retrieve some forgotten item. I kick the bathroom door closed and hope she just ignores me. Instead the door almost instantly starts creaking open.

“I’m fine!” I lean over the sink, trying to cover it with my hair, “Just give me a second!” I choke on my words.

The hand that’s set on my back is distinctly not Betty’s, “Jesus Christ are yo-” Peter stops mid sentence, just as the full flower falls out of my mouth, followed by a streak of blood. The full ones are much harder to cough up than the petals.

“I’m fine,” I quickly try to think of someway to explain this, “That was just in my hai-”

He seizes my wrist as I attempt to turn on the sink and wash away the evidence, “Did you cough up that flower?”

I flush, “Did you break into my house?”

“Betty gave me her keys so I could pick you up and figure out why you’ve been avoiding me! Now tell me what the hell is going on!” he demanded in the most concerned, Peter-like way he possibly could. 

I take a deep breath, glancing at the mess in the sink before I finally answer, “I have Hanahaki’s disease.”

His eyes dart between me and the sink, seeming to debate his next words carefully, “How long have you known?”

“About two weeks.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

I nodded, “I was going to tell everyone tonight.”

He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand through his hair, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, “W-Well it’s not that bad right? I mean there’s surgery, a-and I’m sure if you just talk to him he probably feels the same way.”

“He’s with someone else Peter, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you.” When I finally did meet his eyes they were glossy, and his cheeks were red.

“He doesn’t Peter, I just have to move on.”

“I’m sure he does, just tell me who and we ca-”

“I’m not telling you who he is. This isn’t his fault and I don’t want anyone to blame him or make him feel bad about it.”

“It is his fault!” he snapped before sighing, “Okay fine, you don’t want to talk to him, but there’s still surgery right? I know surgery is scary but this one’s pretty safe isn’t it?”

I nod, “It is, but there’s the risk of me not being able to love anyone again, so I’m not getting the surgery.”

“What?”

“I’m not getting the surgery, I’m just going to have to move on.”

“Okay but if that doesn’t work you’re going to get the surgery right?”

My cheeks dust pink as I shake my head, “No.”

His jaw is locked, his whole body tense, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. “You have to get it.”

“I’m not getting the surgery Peter, but you don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna move on and get better.”

“Are you kidding me?!” he snaps, “Telling me you’ll get better isn’t good enough! I understand if you want to try and move on first, but if that doesn’t work then you’re getting that surgery.”

“I’m not getting it at all Peter.”

“So you’re just going to die?!” his bottom lip started quivering, it startled me, I didn’t expect anyone to cry, “I’m not going to lose you just because some asshole doesn’t love you back! It’s not fair and I’m not letting it happen!”

“It’s not your choice Peter,” I hug myself because I have no idea what else to do, “Nothing is going to happen to me, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll be just fine. But, if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I really need you to respect my decision on this.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks and he shook his head, “You cannot ask me to just sit back and watch you die.”

“I’m not, Peter I am going to be fine. I’m on medication that helps slow it down, and I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, she’ll help me move on and I’ll be okay.”

“That isn’t good enough. There’s no guarantee you get better that way and that isn’t good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry Peter, but I can’t give you any other answers. I’m not getting the surgery, even if that kills me. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, and I’m so sorry, but that’s all I can give you.”

A few more tears escape and he pulls me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went to my waist. We stay that way for a second, he rests his head atop mine while I wonder what to do. I don’t really know how to make him feel better, I don’t even know if I can.

Peter is the one to finally break the silence. “Who is he?”

“It’s not important Peter.” “Yes it is! You think he’s worth dying over!” his voice cracks and I pull away. It’s really hard to see him cry, and I can feel my own eyes starting to sting at the sight. “You won’t even reconsider it for your best friend so I wanna know what’s so fucking great about him.”

I start crying while I realize I can’t ever tell anyone it’s him. I can’t risk Peter finding out, I don’t ever want to put that on him. “It’s not about who he is Peter, I just don’t want to risk never falling in love with anyone ever again. I know some people are okay with that, but I’m not, love is important to me and I don’t think I’d ever be totally happy knowing I couldn’t have that. None of this is on him, he’s a really great guy, I love him a lot and I know you would to. I don’t want anyone to blame him or be upset with him or anything.”

“Well I hate him,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter what you say about him. My mind is made up and I think he’s a dick.”

“You can feel however you need Peter, but he’s a good person, the best I know,” I wiped his eyes, “Can you please keep this just between us for me? I really need to tell everyone on my own terms.”

“I won’t say anything,” he promised before pulling me to him again, “Do you think we could just ditch tonight? I really want to talk, just us, and I want to know what’s going on. I need to be able to help however I can.”

 I nodded, “Yeah, I can make something up.”

He nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot, “Thank you.”

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I ended up texting Adeline, who assured me she’d cover for us so we didn’t have to stress out about it. Peter watched my every move while I washed the blood out of the sink and threw the flower out of my bedroom window. Luck for me, he didn’t notice what kind of flower it was, or at least he didn’t comment on it. Actually he just sat on the edge of my bed, honestly I think he was just too caught up in his own thoughts to actually process what was going on. 

“So, did you have some questions?” I asked as I closed my window and took a seat besides him. He nodded, “Yeah, a few. Do you have some kind of timeline of how it’s going to progress?”

“Well the medicine I’m taking will slow everything down, right now it seems like mine is slow moving and my doctor thinks I’ll have a few months, but it’s really unpredictable. Things could get worse very quickly, but she said that’s pretty unlikely in my case. The coughing will get worse and there will be a lot more flowers and blood, but physically I’ll be pretty okay until the end. As for healing, I have until pretty much the last moments for my feelings to be reciprocated or to move on.”

“What about the surgery?”

“They’re able to perform it until the infection moves outside of my lungs. If I get to that point they’ll hospitalize me, but it won’t get to that point.”

“How long would you have if it did?”

“A few days max, I mean they’ll do everything they can to keep me going as long as possible, but there isn’t much they can do at that point.”

He clenched his hands and gave one stiff nod, “You said your therapist specializes in this?”

“Yeah, and she’s really great, she’s going to help me move on and sort out my feelings and all that. She does a lot of work with patients and their families, and she’s got a really good reputation. I really like her so far.”

“Do you think it’s helping so far?” “Well I’ve only gone once so far, but I feel like I can do this. You can look her up if you want, her name is Raina Morrison.”

“I will,” he assured before taking my hands in his, “Are you going to see her again soon?”

“Yeah, tomorrow actually. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone tonight.” He blushed, “I mean it’s still good you told someone right?”

I nodded, “I think so. It was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be.” 

I’m a little nervous about seeing her now, I’m worried that telling Peter wasn’t good. She told me separation was a good thing, that it will help me move on, I’m worried I won’t be able to do that now. Peter’s really protective, he cares a lot about everyone, I really love that about him, and I don’t know if I have the heart to tell him that we can’t spend time together. I don’t even know what explanation to give him now.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. I’m sure it’s not good for you.”

“It’s okay, having you guys know will be better for me, I need to have my friends support in this, it’ll make everything easier.”

“Maybe we can just love you enough that he won’t matter anymore,” the smile he gives is weak and forced, he still looks like he might cry again.

I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. I know he loves me plenty, it’s just not the right kind of love.

“Thank you Peter,” I just ended up hugging him again.

He held me tight against his chest, “If you wanted I could help you talk to everyone, even if you end up doing it one on one. Maybe it would be easier to have me there.” 

“It’d be nice to have you there,” I pulled away to keep from crying again, “You, uh, you’ll get it now if I’m a little evasive right?”

A look of confusion overcame his face, “No. What reason could you possibly have to avoid me now?” his bottom lip started quivering again, “You might not… No, I won’t get it, we should be spending every second together that we can.”

“I need alone time to process my feelings, that’s how I’ll get better.”

“Then I won’t say anything!” his cheeks had flushed again in an instant, “I can sit there and be quiet and do nothing, but I need to be there for you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can…”

“Peter you don’t need to start savoring your time with me or make all these precious memories or anything like that. I’m gonna get better,” I squeezed his hands tight and smiled to him, “And it would help a lot if you believed that too, because right now it kind of seems like you’ve already decided I’m going to die.”

“I do believe that, I know you’ll get better,” he sighed, “B-But what if something happens? What if you’re all alone and you just need someone? I should be here, I want to be here.”

How was I ever supposed to argue with that? I can’t tell him he can’t be here for me, I don’t want to tell him he can’t.

“Maybe we should watch a movie or something before we start crying again?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “Good idea. Maybe something funny?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

We threw on some supposedly funny movie, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know if Peter was, but he seemed out of it too. We just sort of stared at the screen until everyone came back to my place. I had to get up from where I was laying with Peter and pretend I had food poisoning as Adeline told them. Really I just wanted to go to bed, the day had been extremely draining.

“Hey guys,” I smiled at them, doing my best to look sickly. 

Betty smiled sympathetically to me, “Hey, you feeling any better?”

I nod, “Yeah, I threw up a bit but I think I can just sleep it off. Don’t worry, Peter has babied me plenty.”

 “Well between that and the cough I think you need a little babying,” she wiggled a small container at me, “I brought you left overs for when you feel better.”

“I brought some for you too,” MJ added, flashing Peter a smile, “There in the car.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks dusted pink and I just prayed he wouldn’t give anything away, “I think I’m gonna stay with (y/n) tonight though, just in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure she’s had enough of you hovering for one night Peter,” her smile dropped almost instantly, “I thought we were hanging out.”

I wonder if they’ve been fighting or something. A wave of guilt washes over me for avoiding Peter, for not asking if there was something he needed to talk about too. 

“We were together last night,” he frowned at her, “You know (y/n) and I haven’t hung out in awhile, and she’s sick, I should stay with her.”

“You two hung out all night and I’m sure her best friend and roommate is more than capable of making sure she doesn’t die in the middle of the night.”

Peter’s jaw clenches and I interject in the fear they may start arguing if I don’t, “Yeah, I mean thank you for taking care of me, but I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to go to bed anyway, you should go hang out with MJ.”

His cheeks dusted pink and he nodded, “O-Okay, just as long as you're good…”

“I’m good,” I assured, “It’s been a long night, I really just want to get some sleep.”

MJ smiled, “See? You’re driving her crazy, just let the girl get some sleep.”

“I’m just taking care of her,” he snapped.

We were all quiet, Peter and MJ are always so mellow. I mean they act like they’ve been married for forty years, they don’t really fight. As long as I’ve known them they’ve just been… 

Stagnant I guess.

“Well she just said she doesn’t need to be taken care of so no need to smother her, right (y/n)?”

I just nod, “Yeah, I’m good. Peter go hang out with girlfriend, I don’t need to be babysat.”

He frowned, a small huff left his lips before he nodded, “Sure, whatever, let’s just go,” he gave me an awkward sort of side hug and called, “Text me!” before leaving with MJ, both seeming annoyed with the other.

Part 2

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker x reader fluff #spiderman #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman x reader #spiderman fluff #spiderman angst #spiderman x y/n #spiderman x you #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x fem #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #peter parker imagine #peter parker blurb #MCU fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #MCU Spiderman #mcu headcanons

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Lou’s Favorite Things Challenge!

About a week ago I hit 3,500 followers, which is crazy. In five weeks (May 27th) I turn thirty, which is also crazy! So... party time. 

I’m keeping it simple for this one. 

I made a list of 35 things I like; it includes kinks, tropes, songs, quotes, episodes, pairings, and more. 

Send me an ask to claim a Favorite Thing. 

Write the Thing. 

Keep it under 5k words. 

Post by June 18. 

That’s all, folks! 

Prompts and more guidelines under the cut. I’m so excited to see what people do with these. 

Please consider joining even if we haven’t talked much, or you’re new to tumblr, or whatever else; I promise I don’t bite, and I’d really like to get to know more of you! 

Unusual ways to find out someone is in love with you: The Dumb Bet by @deaan

Unusual nickname origins 

Accidental baby acquisition @wendibird​

Accidental psychedelic drug consumption: Shrooms by @cookingglitterfairy

Accidental relationship/ “didn’t know they were dating” trope: Untitled by @alexsian

Music festivals: Have I Ever Told You...? by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Thunderstorms @useless-fanfictions

Blanket forts  @homoose

Communication as foreplay

Sex as character analysis: The Hero, The Myth, The Legend by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Kink as therapy

“Maybe I’m not as straight as I thought” moments @fangirlextraordinaire

“Oh, shit, I’m in love with this idiot” moments @percywinchester27

“I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me” moments: Different by @watermelonlipstick

Kink discovery/negotiation @calaofnoldor

Aftercare: Pillow Talk by @jillys-feral-fandoms​

Sam Winchester and the demon blood arc

Spencer Reid and the Dilaudid arc

The End (SPN S05E04): Some Stranger’s Hand by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Dark Side of the Moon (SPN S05E16) @lastactiontricia

Sam Winchester/Spencer Reid: Pretty Boy by @writethelifeyouwant

Any and all Supernatural/Criminal Minds crossovers: The Family Business by @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad 

Crack crossover pairings I never knew I needed 

Alternate universes

Time travel

Body swap: Switched by @beskaradberoya

“Going To Georgia” - The Mountain Goats

“Sunflower Vol. 6” - Harry Styles: White Gold by @addictedtocoffeeandsupernatural

“This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)” - Talking Heads @reidingdays

[Insert My Chemical Romance song/lyric/album/video here]

“It's never too late to have a happy childhood.” - Tom Robbins: Trainwreck by @msmarvelouswinchester

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.” - Kurt Vonnegut

“What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?" - Neil Gaiman: La Raison Partie Trois by @wonder-cole

“And in that moment I swear we were infinite.” - Steven Chbosky: In That Moment by @fangirlxwritesx67

“On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio.” - Hunter Thompson: Let’s Take A Ride by @waywardbaby

More info: 

Tag me in your A/N. I’ll reblog every submission with feedback; if I don’t do this within 48 hours, send me a message to make sure I got the tag! 

Warn appropriately and use a “keep reading” cut after 300 words. 

Proofread, please? If you need a beta, get in touch and I’ll try to hook you up. 

I like reading Supernatural, Criminal Minds, Marvel, Buffyverse, Lucifer, J2, and all sorts of wonky-ass crossovers! Really, I’ll read just about anything, but shoot me an ask if you’d like to write something that’s not on that list. 

Ships and reader inserts are both welcome. Threesomes and moresomes: also great. 

I will not read any pairing involving Lucifer -- the Supernatural version, at least; Tom Ellis is more than welcome to join the party. I’m also not really a fan of Ketch. 

I will not read rape or incest. 

I don’t like darkness or edginess for the sake of being dark or edgy; I do like reading about difficult subjects, as long as they’re written with honesty and not just used for shock value. 

I’m not always good at reaching out and finding new authors? But I want to a) broaden my horizons and b) support other writers. So I genuinely mean it when I say that my ask box is always open for questions about fic or whatever else. I can’t promise I’ll have time to edit for you but I’m happy to help whenever I can! Like I said, I’d really like to get to know y’all better. 

And now that that’s out of the way, send an ask to claim your prompt! 

#lou's favorite things

[stagandsteer]

Complete transcript of the Wonderland interview, by Catherine Santino, below the cut :)

In 1993, the year in which Freeform’s new thriller series Cruel Summer opens, actor Froy Gutierrez was yet to be born. Chat rooms and beepers, just two of the symbols of 90’s culture featured in the show, were absent in Gutierrez's own childhood. Instead, the 22 year old grew up among the endless, glowing feeds of social media — and the inevitable pressures that they create.

“There’s a kind of self-awareness that comes from growing up with the internet, which everyone in our cast did,” Gutierrez, who stars in the upcoming series, tells me over Zoom — his boyish charm tangible across the screen. “We’re all technically Gen Z or like, older Gen Z. And so you have to unburden yourself from curating a persona online.”

Due to the dizzying evolution of technology in the past two decades, Gutierrez and I had drastically different experiences with the internet growing up — even though he’s only seven years my junior. I fondly remember a time without the prevalence of social media, while Gutierrez was born into an era where internet presence was not only common, but expected.

Like most of Gutierrez’s peers, the actor was active on social media from a young age, but his presence has quietened over the years — even with 1.7 million instagram followers. “If there’s a general consensus on the internet of a certain readership or viewership, you know about it, because people tweet about it directly to you,'' he says. “There’s a kind of lumping in of the character you’re playing with who you are, that people do. I don’t know if it’s intentional. It’s probably just a human thing, but that happens. And it can be hard not to internalize what you read about yourself, you know? Words have power.”

In 2017, Gutierrez appeared on supernatural MTV drama Teen Wolf, a show with a massive internet fandom. Suddenly, fan theories and commentaries about his character, Nolan Holloway, came in droves, something that the young actor wasn’t necessarily prepared for. “I was still a teenager,” he says. “Around that time, you're an adult, but you’re still figuring things out. So I learned where to set my boundaries because I didn’t know where they were beforehand.”

When Cruel Summer came around, Gutierrez assumed he would be portraying the “desirable young male” he was used to auditioning for. “The first time I read the character, it definitely felt like an archetype. When I auditioned for it, I walked in and was very much myself, and Michelle Purple and Jessica Biel responded very well to it.” However, after he got the role and production ramped up, he was pleasantly surprised. “It didn’t really hit me that they were wanting to take him in such a unique direction until I showed up for wardrobe one day to do my first fitting for the pilot,” Gutierrez recalls. “I looked at the mood board for Jamie and it was like, young Heath Ledger, Keanu Reeves and Kurt Cobain. And I was like ‘Oh shit, I need to step my game up,’” he laughs. “I couldn’t get by doing the same thing that I’ve always done when it comes to characters like that.”

Cruel Summer takes place over the course of three years — ‘93, ‘94, and ‘95 — showing splices of each year in every episode. Produced by Jessica Biel, Tia Napolitano, and Michelle Purple, it centres around the kidnapping of a teenage girl and the fallout of the crime in her community in Skylin, Texas. Gutierrez plays Jamie Henson, the boyfriend of the missing girl, Kate. In her absence, a quiet nerd named Jeanette suddenly rises the social ranks and assumes Kate’s place — including dating Jamie. When Kate returns, Jeanette is suspected to be involved in her disappearance, throwing Jamie into some seriously challenging circumstances. His character could easily be a one-dimensional archetype — and truthfully, I expected him to be — but Cruel Summer took the opportunity to explore toxic masculinity and its widespread impact.

We see Jamie caught in the middle of conflict, unsure how to respond to a traumatic event that certainly no teenager expects to be faced with. He’s not a hero, but he’s not a villain either. It’s unclear whether we’re supposed to root for Jamie or not, which makes him that much more interesting to watch. “He talks a lot about his desire to protect the people around him, regardless of whether or not they asked him to protect them,” Gutierrez says of his character. “He kind of superimposes his own idea of what the people around him need. In order to maintain the peace of the people around him, he kind of robs the people around him of their agency. It’s just a really fascinating character to play in that way.”

Gutierrez has also been able to explore the ethics of true crime in a time when the genre is exploding in popularity. Though Cruel Summer is fictional, it questions the effect that public opinion can have on criminal cases — and perhaps more importantly — the well-being of the people involved. “When it comes to the investigation of a crime, you have to weigh the good it can bring into the world versus the bad it can bring. Or making one person seem suspect, or airing the dirty laundry of a private citizen for the viewership of loads of people.”

Despite his eloquent reflections on Jamie throughout our conversation, it’s clear that Gutierrez doesn’t take himself too seriously. He speaks into the camera like we’re old friends on FaceTime, and when my dog unexpectedly jumps into my frame, he gushes excitedly and asks what her name is. He’s able to laugh at himself one minute and share poignant truths the next. It’s refreshing, much like Cruel Summer.

Another likely contributor to the show’s authenticity? The fact that the cast was kept in the dark when it came to overarching plot points. Instead of knowing the show’s trajectory ahead of time, the actors would receive scripts for the next episode while they were filming — and they were subject to change. “We didn’t know where it was going,” Gutierrez says. “And we were told, “‘This might happen here, or this might happen there.’ And it would shift around.”

Without foresight into their character’s arc, the actors have no choice but to focus only on where they were in that moment — a difficult task when a single episode spans three very different years. Gutierrez faced an even greater challenge, as, unlike the two female leads, his character didn’t undergo any drastic physical transformations over the three years.

“I didn’t really compartmentalise the character,” he explains. “I kind of thought of the different years as different phases in my own life. The first year, ‘93, was a complete absence of any regret. You’re still very young, I was just thinking of like, a complete golden retriever,” he laughs. “A 16-year old boy who just wants the best and isn’t aware. ‘94 is me right before I made the decision to go to therapy, where I was making all these bad decisions and I didn’t know why. And then ‘95 was a whole desire to wrestle with those things and really look at yourself in the mirror and take accountability.”

Gutierrez didn’t only infuse personal experience into his behind-the-scenes work — some aspects made it onto the screen. The actor, whose father is Mexican, grew up spending time between Mexico and Texas and is a native Spanish speaker. Because Cruel Summer is set in Texas, Gutierrez suggested creating a similar background for Jamie.

“I was talking with Tia Napolitano, the show-runner, and I was like, ‘Hey, you know what would be really cool? What if the character is half-Mexican, too?’” Gutierrez says. “And she's like, ‘Oh, yeah, let’s write it in the script.’ And I got to write a couple lines in Spanish, which is really cool. [Jamie] could have been this mould of a cool, likeable jock. And then he ended up being this very nuanced human being, which is awesome.”

Though he is learning to appreciate all parts of his heritage, Gutierrez hasn’t always embraced his identity. “I remember feeling like I might have been not American enough for America, and not Mexican enough for Mexico,” he says. “And I remember having a bit of time in which I had an accent in both languages. Even my name — in Mexico I always went by ‘Froylan’, which is my full name. And then in the U.S., I went by Froy, because I thought it would be easier for other people to say.”

He continues: “I identify as Latino, but I”m also very wary of auditioning for Latino roles because I’m aware I don’t look like a typical Latino person. I don’t want to be someone that you can just sub in for that role, when I’m really white and blonde. And so whenever I do get a role like this, one where he’s not written to be any particular direction and we’re able to collaborate, I’m able to inject some of myself in there. So it’s been really cool to embrace all sides of my history.”

But of course, as is true for Gutierrez, Jamie’s cultural background is only a small part of who he is. Cruel Summer is committed to portraying him as a nuanced character that breaks the moulds of masculinity while tackling complex inner conflict. “Living in his shoes and walking in them, a big question that came up for me was, ‘What is the difference between guilt and shame? [Jamie]’s coping mechanism was terrible and unhealthy, and caused more pain for the people around him. But at the same time, the shame that he internalized made it worse for him. One thing I really learned, is that shame is about yourself and beating yourself up. And guilt is about taking accountability and apologising, moving forward without expecting the relationship to come back. It's just about trying to heal what happened and then moving on, on the terms that the other person sets. It’s not about you, and I think that’s what the character learns throughout the show.”

#froy gutierrez #wonderland magazine #froylan gutierrez #interview #cruel summer #catherine santino

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

Any fics where Kurt is like a huge superstar? like, he dances, sings, etc. Love your blog<3

I suggest you browse our Famous!Kurt, Broadway!Kurt  and  Singer!Kurt tags.  Here a few to get you started. HKVoyage

That Breathless Charm by Anwamane_13

AU: Kurt has it all. Fame, fortune, friends, guys falling at his feet with the hope that he might consider acknowledging them; he knows how shallow and empty fame can be. He's still trying to let go of some of the traumas caused by McKinley and so he tries to forget how lonely his life has become by centering it around his job. That is until he visits Lima on vacation and meets a certain someone whom he decides to help for a project regarding their glee club. The someone, Blaine, works in musical therapy for children and teenagers with disabilities. Kurt never has time for anyone but himself, yet somehow he finds himself in the middle of this project. Blaine is like an over sized puppy, always happy and full of life. He and his glee club may be exactly what Kurt needs in order to learn that there is more to life than fame. Kurt thinks that he may be falling for Blaine but then, there's always a catch.

~~~~~

When Are You Gonna Sing For Me? by TheNameIsBritney

Kurt is one of the three members of wildly successful pop punk band One Three Hill. He is also forgetful as all get out and accidentally leaves his phone somewhere where a certain music teacher just happens to find it.

OR

The pop star!Kurt/middle school music teacher!Blaine au that lives rent free in my brain

~~~~~

A Second Chance by midatlantic

Future fic! Blaine is a Social Worker in Columbus, OH working with troubled teens in a residential home. Kurt is lost to him in the stratosphere of Hollywood. A talented 16 year old boy is the catalyst that brings their worlds crashing back together.

~~~~~

Don't You Want Me by Quixoticity

Blaine Anderson's plans of a life spent performing were derailed in his senior year, and he had to compromise on everything he'd dreamed of - except love.

Kurt Hummel, haughty and aloof Broadway darling, was forced to come back to Ohio where there was nothing left for him but painful memories - until he noticed a pair of fine eyes.

(Pride & Prejudice inspired, but set in present day)

#klaine #klaine fanfic #klaine fanfiction #fic finder #anonymous #famous!Kurt

[akuma-tenshi]

some interesting things that have happened while playing idv over vc

voice chat is one of the only ways i’m willing to talk to others, mainly because my anxious ass hates talking face-to-face.  and playing idv with friends when we’re actually talking is one of the best ways to get some absolute gems, like

- about my nickname, “ceo of kurtvin”: “nice name!!  i don’t know who vin is, but i know kurt”

- a full team of freddy riley with different skins (space black, reporter, sapphire, and mr. bunny).  we got a tie

- a full team of chiaki nanami.  we got a tie then, too

- a match where i kited a dream witch almost the entire time as kurt

- fifteen minutes of four people singing the mii theme completely out of sync

- watching two kreacher piersons, both with the deputy skin, come barreling towards me to rescue me, one doing his dance and the other screaming the whole way

- playing tarot as two kreachers and repeatedly stunning the axe boy who tried to pick up our king (we lost in the end but it was still amazing)

- a team of three gardeners in the commander skin and an enchantress in the reservist skin up against a mary with the bloodbath skin.  the enchantress was on the balloons, but my friend and i kept destroying the chair right in front of her, distracting mary long enough for the enchantress to struggle free.  we got a win, with the only person to be eliminated being the enchantress

- me, playing as freddy: *gets flung through the air by mad eyes’ fence* my friend: “FREDDY RILEY HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE THAT”

- my friend and me talking about freddy being on straight tiktok (don’t ask how we got on that subject because i don’t know either) and me saying “freddy riley has a career on tiktok where he grabs his junk and licks his lips”.  my mom came down at that exact moment and stared at me for a second before saying “he has a promising career ahead of him”, getting what she came down for, and leaving.  my friend and i couldn’t stop laughing for the entirety of the match, and our faces were sore by the end

- getting a geisha to go friendly because my friend and i were flirting as luca and norton

- making friends with a seer and a postman just because my friend was kevin

- friendly duo hunter matches as antonio and wu chang where we just fight each other the whole time

- being mean to each other in post-match chat

- an undead match where i kited the longest, healed the most, and was the only person who escaped, only to be told by the hunter that i didn’t deserve it and the merc or prisoner should’ve gotten out instead

- going off on long rambling sessions about certain characters

- doing a match as four freddys and charging directly at the hunter (who had switched to leo for the occasion).  we got downed immediately and he bled us out, but we didn’t surrender, chanting “FREDDY NEVER SURRENDERS” both in the call and in post-match chat

- an afk bloody queen who i just sat next to while tiny, only for her to come back and immediately down me with her detention

- “oh it’s the umbrella gays” every.  single.  fucking time we get wu chang

- a match with a friendly geisha where my friend carried my other friend around as kevin and i kept destroying a chair as emma and the geisha kept fixing it

- group therapy

- repeatedly chanting “flesh” whenever someone new joins the call

- my friend using this creepy-ass “i can see you~” voice when he plays as yidhra

- “ruining our friendship” with custom matches

#idv #identity v #voice chat #kurt frank #freddy riley #kreacher pierson #robbie white #emma woods #patricia dorval #idv mary #idv michiko #luca balsa #norton campbell #antonio paganini #kevin ayuso #xie bi'an #fan wujiu #idv percy #naib subedar #leo beck #idv yidhra

[1908jmd]

As much as I like Klaine,I am always upset over Chandler episode... first of all,that Kurt gave that dude his number,and secondly,it makes me sad that he spended more time texting him than his own bf. Also,were the texts he was sending back to Chandler flirty as well,or it was just Chandler's side? I mean,Blaine claimed that HIS texts to Sebastian were family friendly while being upset, which made me think if Kurt's to Chandler weren't,but rn I am just confused. It also made me ship them a bit less and now I am just sad. I would like to sweep Chandler incident under the rug though,but I am not really able to defend Kurt here.

Oh gosh it’s a shame this has upset you so much.

Firstly, the whole Klaine story in that episode is how they roll. So we see that Blaine has been pulling away from Kurt physically, which is what he does when he gets upset in their relationship, and that has Kurt therefore pulling away emotionally, which is what he does in response. This is the crux of so many Klaine problems - neither of them communicate what they’re really thinking to the other, until it all goes wrong, blows up and they have a huge row. Then they calm down, and they are able to talk and edge towards understanding each other better. So here Blaine is pulling away because he is worried and upset about how it’s going to be when Kurt moves to New York. At this stage, Blaine’s not got many friends in the ND, he relies heavily on his friendship/relationship with Kurt; added to that one of his biggest fears is being left alone or behind with no one, he needs to feel loved or give love and help in return. I could go deeper into Blaine’s meta and why he reacts like this, but not now.

Blaine’s been pulling away physically, Kurt gets upset, he’s in the music shop and some random nurdy bloke starts chatting to him, and asks for his phone number to keep in touch when they get to NY. Kurt, flattered by the attention , which he’s not been getting from his boyfriend agrees and gives him his number

And yes it’s sad, Kurt then spends the next few days regularly texting Chandler, and Blaine hardly at all. Not the best way to behave in a relationship!!! Blaine says you’ve been texting together for days…. So it’s clear Kurt is responding, yes and probably flirting, and talking of NY. Whereas Blaine was always polite to Sebastian, but probably made it clear he wasn’t interested in him because he was with Kurt.

Yes it was very upsetting for Blaine to find out Kurt’s been texting someone else, potentially making plans for NY. They row, then of course, they sing their solos and make up. Yes, it is hard to justify Kurt’s actions at this point. But yet also, we’ve got to remember they do often have this lack of communication problem, and it does lead to further issues in seasons 4-6, and they both need therapy to help them deal with their issues.

That’s the thing to remember as well, they do have issues, every couple have their issues irl as well as Glee. It doesn’t mean they love each other less, or won’t be happy long term - they just have to learn to deal with things properly and communicate. They are still teenagers here after all. That’s the way I look at this Chandler incident.

#klaine #dance with somebody #season 3 #hope that helped #we must remember they do both make mistakes at time #and that’s okay because they learn and move on #and still love each other very much

[spaceorphan18]

Still on the subject of Kurt’s lines. I’m still unsure of the “Blaine not being afraid of intimacy”line, but somehow Kurt is?? Because since he first saw Blaine, he craved physical intimacy with him, his actions and his comments about lack of intimacy at times just seem to contradict that line. Do they mean something else?

I don’t think they necessarily mean physical intimacy.  And in fact, I agree -- Kurt warms pretty quickly to physical intimacy once he starts engaging in a lot of it (especially with Blaine).  I think though, Kurt starts to use physical intimacy as a way to portray his emotional intimacy - and that’s where the disconnect happens.  Because Blaine’s love language is different. 

Blaine needs validation through words - and to be told explicitly that he is loved, needed, and wanted.  Because of who Kurt is, his personality, and the way he grew up -- he’s never needed to express how he feels so explicitly.  Just look at Kurt’s relationship with his Dad.  Do say ‘I love you’ some times, when it’s really needed -- but more so, just the fact that they’re there for each other, supporting each other, means that there’s this unspoken trust that they care for each other.  Neither Kurt or Burt need validation through words the same way Blaine does.  

So Kurt doesn’t really get why Blaine needs to be constantly reassured that he’s loved, wanted, and needed.  The fact that Kurt’s giving Blaine physical intimacy - which is Kurt’s love language - should be telling enough.  

But layered onto that, is the fact that Kurt put himself out there emotionally once -- he went all in on Blaine, and that is absolutely shattered when Blaine cheats on him.  Kurt already has a hard time trusting people, and allows a very small people into his inner circle.  The fact that Blaine - whom he gave the utmost trust to - the person who touched him the most through physical intimacy - and who discarded the idea of physical intimacy so easily by doing that with someone else, ends up being really traumatizing.  So - yes, he ends up swept up in Blaine’s romance once again -- but they can never really go back to the fairy tale that they were as kids.  

And Kurt holds himself back until the Season 6 break up.  He starts to trust Blaine again - that is what the whole end of season 5 is about.  He knows Blaine isn’t going to exploit and misuse the physical intimacy.  But, he’s not giving Blaine the emotional intimacy he craves - because he’s not fully healed yet from the first break up.  He doesn’t know how to tell Blaine -- look, I love you, but I’m not ready to get married yet because I still have hang ups from the last time we did this. And part of it is not trusting himself that this is what he really wants.  It’s until he breaks the relationship that he realizes -- oh right, this thing is what I want.  

Bringing it back to your question -- Kurt’s not an introspective person when it comes to his emotions.  Blaine wears his emotions on his sleeves, but Kurt buries them deep -- even from himself.  And the therapy is helping him understand that it’s okay to be angry at your spouse sometimes.  It’s okay to have ups and downs in a relationship.  The point is not to bottle that in until it blows up - the point is to express them so you can work through them.  

I’ll add, too, though - that Glee is making another generalized statement about all men (which has me rolling my eyes).  Yeah, there are a lot of dudes who don’t get emotional intimacy - but Glee is always trying to figure out how to define manhood, and this is another example of that.  

Anyway... not sure if I fully answered your question! But hopefully that helps untangle it a little for you? 

#that's how s.o. sees it #i never know how helpful i am