#Something Like Aching

[chappelroans]

missing someone bad for you

trista mateer / trista mateer / sue zhao / u.k / u.k / clementine von radics / trista mateer

#web weaving #webweaving #on loneliness #on grief #on missing someone #on love #quotes #poetry #text #i miss them so bad it aches! i want to cry in their lap again! i want to tell them about everything! i want the world to stop ending! #i was treated like a dog. i left on my own but i still miss the doghouse in the backyard #it wasn’t much but it was something. i should’ve taken what little i could get. i didn’t know that i would leave and get nothing instead #the decision to eat nothing instead of the scraps on the floor is insane. and now i’ve got nobody and we’ll never talk again #there’s a person with half of my soul walking around and i can’t do shit about it #i forget them for a moment but then i see them in my instagram notifs and i blow up the world

[mienar]

remnants of where we have been

instagram | shop | commission info

#artists on tumblr #animated illustration #animated gif #digital art #2d animation #environment art #environment illustration #backgrounds #background illustration #art backgrounds #night sky #constellation #cozy #myillust #hellooo! just wanted to drop by and share this piece with you! #there were a combination of ideas here: i wanted to do a glowing cityscape of its city lights and have it softly blur into the night sky #the title is also a big description for this i guess - 'remnants of where we have been' is like how the city lights were where humans were #the clutter around the character shows the remnants or the past of what they did #the map-like contours of the skies are like where the stars have travelled #idk i guess it's something that i think about often and it makes my heart ache sometimes;; #anyways! i really hope you'll like this! thank you so much for reading through this if you have and for your support as always c':

[inkskinned]

it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.

like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips

because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.

bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.

and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.

these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?

and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.

in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.

it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.

and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.

"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."

"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."

#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid #we point out that you've been denying us something #writeblr #almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society #like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache #love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do #im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar #men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire - #women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said #it was probably just my time of the month i guess? #anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics #so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess

[konigsblog]

ghost putting a gun to the back of your head while you suck him off.

#someone hold me back from writing this 😵‍💫 #you cannot tell me this isn't something simon would do #like please he so would #and he'd make sure you were slobbering and drooling and making a total mess from the pressure #just so he could praise and degrade you for every little mistake #your cheeks would be bruised and aching by the end of it from being smacked #and don't forget about a sore head from him smacking the gun against your head :( #okay im rambling ill stfu now 🫣 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost simon riley #mw2 ghost #cod ghost #ghost #ghost call of duty

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them! #but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

[aka-indulgence]

I’m a very city girl and now I’m imagining going to the country side and meeting farmtale Sans…

You moved there for some reason and need a place to stay, Sans was kind enough to give you somewhere to stay with some chores to do to lower your rent. You’re not experienced and you’re not that good with the chores- sometimes farm animals freak you out (cows are big, theres so many chickens, what iS THAT GIANT SPIDER?!), you can’t move heavy stuff around, even the tools are heavy for you.

And… Sans thinks you’re cute. He can do the work you do much faster than you could, but he likes your company. Every time you drop a stack of hay and panic he can’t help but chuckle and throw it on top of the pile in his arms. He likes how you’re impressed by his skill with tools and the fact that he can drive tractors. You may not be good at your job, but he likes that you want to learn anyway. You like the animals when he teaches you how to read their behavior better.

He really likes it when he saves you from a giant bug and you give him “my hero” eyes…

“those darn eyes are gonna be the death of me.”

#cityfolk where you at #im scared of bugs but i like running in the mud if thats anything dsjhdff #ive always been in the city #its kinda embarrassing when a country person mentions how Bad I am at farm stuff dsjhf #brain: BUT WHAT IF HE FINDS IT CUTE #me: but what if he finds it cute… #he’s got rough phalanges #you’ve got soft ‘i havent touched dirt in 20 years’ hands #you sit down a lot because your back’s aching #from raking/moving vegetables into a truck or something #Sans: *moving whole crates into the truck on his own* what an angel she’s makin’ work so much easier for me #ofc hes big stronk skeleton… hoheheheh #aka writing

[howlonomy]

Never knew I needed monster Clover until you MADE THE BEST LIl GUY EVER AND I NEED TO PAT THEIR HEAD

so I guess my request is a monster clover head pat pls and thank you

gives them a little pat n ruffles their hair!!

#undertale yellow #monster clover au #starlo uty #clover uty #my art #i was aching to draw something nice and clean after those comics AGDJSK so u get a little more effort #n this turned out rlly cute i like it :] #mcau art

[nibbelraz]

His stomach hurts so bad someone please save him

#svsss #shang qinghua #sqh #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #my stomach hurts so bad and just like shang qinghua im NOT being brave about it and im telling every single person i know #would mobei juns cold help his stomach ache??? #i usually have something warm to help #my art #nibbelraz

[moeblob]

#fe fates #camilla #so i actually drew this a while ago but was gonna shade it and do more emoji things #but welp uh hmmmm im sick and apparently look like I'm dying #which isnt a problem until i sit down to draw and my vision is blurry and yeah thats a problem #so i just attempted to do a doodle and then failed and opted to apply a tiny but of shading to this and give up #but yup uh after a nice of body aches and misery and trying to sleep and failing #i crashed from 10am to 5pm thinking id just rest a lil bit #before anyone says oh you could have taken a day off you know - i technically can yes youre right #however my brain uses art as a coping mech and i need that coping mech really bad right now #which is why i stopped trying to draw something new for today and just went back to a past thing #im not overdoing it i promise #even if my mom and sister think i look like death walking around

[delineate-creates]

Day 15: Dagger

But even with the cuts, he can’t stop himself from touching his knife every time he lies down. Even during the day, he reaches inside his pocket, where it’s secure in a sheathe, and touches the hilt. It’s reassuring to feel it there.

It’s a gift, he thinks. A courting gift. If it was only for practicality, Voldemort wouldn’t have bothered to carve such a nice hilt.

•

From chapter 2 of @metalomagnetic’s Prison Blues

#inktober #inktober2023 #hp #harry potter #voldemort #tomarrymort #tom riddle #tomarry #my art #fanart #chapter 3 of this fic did something irreversible to me #I’m being so fr…I thought about it every day for probably a month after I read it #Tom’s omega experience just tore a hole in me I guess idk #like V is the baddest sickest omega on the planet but damn he makes me ache #also himbo puppy alpha harry supremacy >>>

[klappert-art]

Fabricated past

#scaramouche #genshin impact #wanderer #原神 #artists on tumblr #my man my dude my bro i never imagined i'd draw scara LOLL #actually.. brutally honest.. personality wise he's one of my least fav HAHA #but the quest was good and yknow what it means?? #my hand aching to draw something #i also pulled him.. so I can throw him off from any cliff XD #jokes aside this was hard to draw like 50x harder #oh also i always willing to collect anemo. dude was fun for explore #*explorATION!! lol

[blobpsycho]

This gif perfectly encapsulates what I love about Tome. All girls have been this gif. Like remember having undiagnosed mental issues and your family makes you go on an outing that should be fun but you’re just pissed off constantly because youre a 14 year old girl? Tome gets it.

Like YOU’RE GOING SOMEWHERE TO DO SOMETHING THAT SPECIFICALLY PERTAINS TO YOUR INTERESTS. But youre a 14 year old girl and nobody will ever take you seriously and you’ve just got this pit of hopelessness in your stomach despite the fact that nothing is technically wrong

so even though youre on an outing planned for you you can’t shake the feeling that everyone is just making fun of you for being so upset over seemingly nothing. These are your friends and family, you deep down they wouldnt do that, but why else would they go out of their way?

They certainly wouldn’t do it for you, right? I mean nothing’s even technically wrong. You’re just being a crybaby and they all must think youre just being a dramatic teenage girl. And you are and you know that you are so why can’t you just get over it and be normal?

And when you finally can’t take the pain that’s screaming in your chest because everything feels wrong wrong and everything is going wrong and everything is wrong wrong wrong you can’t help but cry. And you’re embarrassed and you’re furious and you’re supposed to be mature and you’re supposed to not care but you cry.

Crying feels worse than the growing internal discomfort did because now everyone is looking at you. They’re staring in uncomfortable suprise at what you’re sure is the most unsuprising sight in the world - a 14 year old girl crying. You want to go home but you can’t. You’re 14. You can’t do anything on your own.

You react to the terrifying ordeal of being reacted to the only way you know how - with anger. You monologue through hot tears and sobs and snot how you didn’t even wanna be here and how you just *know* everyone is just doing this to make fun of you and how they should just go on ahead and leave you wherever you are (you know this can’t happen. They wouldn’t leave a 14 year old girl somewhere unfamiliar on her own) and something in you hopes that they’ll yell back, that they’ll treat you like you’re irrational and make you feel justified in your anger.

…But that doesn’t happen. The silence persists but you realize that it’s more contemplative than judgemental. They’re not afraid of you, though you think they should be. Rather than letting them say something sentimental about caring and being concerned or any sappy bullshit that will only serve to make you cry more, you wipe your face on your sleeve continue on your journey.

The day gets better. After everyone gathers that no, you don’t wanna talk about it, it almost feels like nothing happened to begin with- besides the slight exhaustion you feel every time you blink and the intense stress sweat you choose to blame on anything else.

By the time you get home, the day is mentally logged as a good day. You decide - albeit tentatively - that maybe you’re going to be ok. Maybe you won’t be a 14 year old girl forever.

You go to bed and have the best sleep you’ve had in months.

#mp100 #tome kurata #ramblings #free to rb #though I’m sure nobody will LOL this is not anything #i didnt even mean to write all that #tome just brings out everything in me #like i see her and its like looking at me when i was in middle school #sorry if this is stupid i am not a writer #i genuinely hate writing so I’m suprised this exists #everything about here makes my heart ache with familiarity and love #mob psycho 100 #tome mob psycho #something about being 14 #being a 14 year old audhd unpopular girl who has yet to find out shes a lesbian is something tome could do in her sleep #and i salute her for that bc i also did that once #idgaf about the military they have nothing on being a 14 year old girl

[casgape]

still not over that post by a british user who was like. wdym there are predators in north america, we hunted ours to extinction.

there's something deeply sick about a culture that grinds the land it lives on down to a nub, and is shocked and horrified by the evidence of other lands retaining at least some parts of the ecosystems that are thousands of years older than us.

#like culturally there is something broken there that was exported globally #genuinely i am feeling grief over this which i think is in part due to like. you don't even know what you're missing out on! #ive gone hiking in the winter and come across coyotes. #ive gone backpacking and found grouse and snakes and heard about bears #up ahead on the trail #the world is so full of life #and it aches to come across these lifeless wastelands #like. these are your kin!!! #about me

[weaselishmcdiesel]

katnep katnep katnep katnep katnep katnep

How sad, how lovely How short, how sweet To see the sunset at the end of the street

How Sad, How Lovely - Connie Converse

some katnep angst for you :)?

#my art #art #hs #homestuck #katnep #karkat #nepeta #i had this song on loop while i drew this :') #i wish there was a super good katnep fic out there yknow like ultra slow burn heart aching pining and just. agh. i want something like that #if anyone has any recs haha #i read 'fortunately for us' and that was sooo good mate OTL #i need MORE #context for this is just. maybe it's really hitting karkat how he's not useful to any mission anymore that he blew it #and that maybe trolls touch horns to show distress or to soothe :3c

[milimeters-morales]

Peter B: there’s a new aquarium exhibit in the HQ and you can pet the octopus they have there it’s very friendly

Hobie: nobody’s gonna fall for that shit mate

Miles, Gwen, and Pavitr all covered in ink, water, and suction scars: yeah only a dumbass would fall for that

#just sneezed so hard my ribs started aching something fierce and my shoulders feel like they were taken away and slammed back into me again #and my arm hurts . never sneeze #peter b parker #spider man #spiderman #hobie brown #spiderpunk #spider punk #miles morales #gwen stacy #ghost spider #spidergwen #pavitr prabhakar #spiderman india #spider man india #m&m posts

[munamania]

fuck HER on the floor friday #feminism

#i know what you’re doing yeah what’s that you think you know your opponent and you can anticipate their next move but they keep Frustrating #those expectations whew sounds pretty frustrating yeah it can be especially if you’ve been like Aching to Fight them for a while now but #circumstances deny you the opportunity. or maybe they force you to make a mistake. and leave you vulnerable to something unexpected #i love you. you fight dirty. about time. #me when i’m normal about those lesbians #willow series #tanthamore