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daenqyu · 3 years

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— love language (2) kirishima eijirou

pairing: kirishima x fem!reader

warnings: suggestive (?

a/n: i don’t really like how this turned out, felt like i could’ve done better but oh well :/ also it’s a little longer because i got carried away hehe. anyways, i hope you guys had a good time during the holidays and that you’re staying safe!!

love language masterlist

kirishima’s love language is: words of affirmation

do i even need to explain this?

we all know this baby is very insecure even tho he has absolutely no reason to be:( and he doubts himself way too much

so it’s not much a surprise that he loves compliments

especially when he doesn’t even have to ask for them

like when you’re at the gym working out together (he insisted you made him some company bc bakugou had refused to) and you can’t stop looking at him because GOD DAYUM👴🏾

“why are you looking at me like that, babe?” he asks after he puts down the weights he was just lifting

you swallow hard, realizing just how shamelessly you were checking out your boyfriend

“hm you’re handsome” you’re so straightforward and it takes kirishima aback, making him stop in his tracks to look at you with a faint blush on his cheeks

“you hate when i’m sweaty tho”

you shrug while walking over to him, “yeah because you smell but i never said you didn’t look good”

let’s just say you ended up leaving the gym way earlier than expected 🏃‍♀️

kirishima also loves when you call him manly

it makes him feel all warm inside

probably one of the best compliments you can give him, if not the best one

but he doesn’t only like compliments

he also likes when you show him you care about him

like when you remember something he said a long time ago or you ask him about his day

“hey kiri, isn’t there going to be a new festival in town tomorrow? the one you wanted to go to?”

“yeah, how’d you know?”

“you told me about it a few months ago”

it’s something so small and meaningless, yet it makes kirishima’s heart melt

“you remember that?”

you look up at him from your phone, your brows furrowing at his question

“of course i do”

please you just have to do the bare minimum and you have the boy wrapped around your finger

it’s so cute because he always says ‘i love you’ whenever he has to leave you or even just to hang up the phone

he just wants you to know that he loves and appreciates you with every fiber in his body and that no one could ever change that

so that’s why he’s constantly showering you in his love

for example, whenever you feel insecure about your body and you voice out your concerns to him, he’s quick to look you dead in the eye and point out every little thing about you that he loves,

even the ones you hate so much

“baby, you’re absolutely mesmerizing and i’m not letting you think otherwise. i love every part of you and if you need me to remind you every day until you love yourself too then so be it”

he’s so romantic too oh my God don’t even get me started

whenever he has the chance, he writes you little notes and leaves them in your locker

once, you opened it to take out your science book and a sticky note fell out

‘hey princess! i hope you have a good day today, i love you. also we’re having dinner tonight so get dressed up ;) - kiri’

a smile takes over your face as you keep reading your boyfriend’s sweet words a few more times

he likes giving more than receiving so expect LOTS of reassurance and random compliments

the room is quiet as you lay down in your bed while reading a book, the only sound filling the room being the faint music coming out of your phone and the laughter of your roomates from next door. you indulge yourself in the novel on your hands, concentrating on the vivid descriptions so you can maybe picture exactly what the writer was trying to convey, but a knock on your door interrupts your train of thought.

you ignore it, thinking it must be one of your friends doing some stupid prank again (aka denki and mina), but the person knocks a few more times, enough to annoy you, and so you end up standing up to open it. however, the frown on your face quickly goes away as soon as you see who’s the person who kept on insistently knocking. kirishima stands in front of you with a big smile on his face and you can’t help but copy his actions; just seeing him was enough to make your whole day perfect.

“hey, babe!” his tone is cheerful, as always, and he leans down to give you a kiss, one that ends up way too fast for your liking.

“hey, kiri. what are you doing here? weren’t you gonna hang out with bakugou and sero?” you close the door behind you once he enters. he sits down on your bed as if it was his own, stretching his arms out in the process and you lick your lips when his shirt rides up a bit, showing off his v-line and the outline of his abs. kirishima smirks when he notices your gaze, but doesn’t say anything about it.

“yeah, but sero is feeling sick and bakugou didn’t feel like going out so.” he shrugs, and you pout at him, feeling bad his friends basically ditched him.

“i’m sorry baby, i know how much you were looking forward to today.” you walk towards him and take a seat on his lap, your legs loosely wrapping themselves around his waist and his hands holding your hips steadily. he smiles at you one more time, completely ignoring the feeling of his heart hammering against his chest.

“it’s okay. besides, that just means i get to spend more time with you.” he says before kissing your neck softly, making you erupt in a fit of giggles as his lips tickled your sensitive skin. you wrap your hands around his neck and tilt your head to the side to give him more acces, biting down on your lower lip when he sucks on a certain spot. but before things can get too heated, kirishima pulls away and you whine at the loss of contact, which makes him chuckle.

for a few minutes neither of you say anything, simply enjoying each other. you rest your head on one of his shoulders while your hands play with his own, touching his fingers gently and kissing his knuckles from time to time. he smiles down at you, asking himself what the hell did he ever do to deserve someone as precious as you.

you’re so good to him; always making sure he’s eating well and that he isn’t overworking himself, helping him with homework whenever he doesn’t understand something, taking care of him when he gets sick, hyping him up when he starts a new hobby, and so much more. you do so much for him and sometimes he wonders if he’s doing enough for you, because he doesn’t ever want you to doubt his love for you.

with that though in mind he takes your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him while squeezing your cheeks slightly. you send him a questioning look, wondering what the hell is he doing, but he just kisses your forehead before speaking up.

“you’re so gorgeous.” the compliment takes you by surprise and your eyes widen slightly.

“where is this coming from?”

“well you are. and i love you so much.” you know kirishima likes to compliment you and let you know how he feels about you, but this time feels different.

“babe what are you-”

“thank you for taking care of me and loving me, for making my days better and for believing in me,” his thumb caresses your cheek and you instantly lean in to his touch, your eyes focused on his. “you mean everything to me and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without you. so i promise to never leave your side, to love you until my last breath and possibly even after that.” your breath hitches in your throat when you notice how serious he is, not missing the passion that drips from his words.

you can feel tears forming in your eyes so you distract yourself by kissing kirishima roughly, pulling at the ends of his red hair and bringing your body impossibly close to his. he groans against your mouth when you press down on his lap, pulling away to give you a few more kisses before flipping you over so you’re laying under him. a smirk grazes your lips at the change of positions and before he can continue with whatever it is he wants to do, you kiss his cheek gently. kirishima blushes and looks away from you, but you just smile.

“i love you, eijirou.” the way his heart flutters when he hears his first name leaving your lips it’s actually embarrassing and he wastes no time before connecting your lips again and pouring all of his emotions into it.

if there was one thing both of you were 100% certain about was your love for each other, because you knew that no matter what happened, whether you broke up in the future or not, you would always consider him your soulmate.

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lizardthelizard · 2 years

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2/? I’d tots love to see what happened from day 1, bc if u read the article about how Ems was found it doesn’t make sense at all. That article cannot fit at all so I’d ignore canon there cause a) with that outfit he’s def not a local b)he knew nothing of the LWM c) journalists actually have brain cells. Imo he’d say his real name & - after realising no one believes him - he’d go along with the people’s impression that he’s dressed up and claiming to be P cause of trauma or smthing Jojo

Jojo, the dedication here is truly incredible 💖💖😌 Thank you SO much for sharing all of this <3 You have given me so...SO much to think about.

I agree with a lot of this (and I have a lot to say about certain points you've brought up) so I'll write it all out below the cut. For anyone interested in hearing my own take on August's past in TLWM, please take a look. Otherwise...maybe don't click the read more because, trust me, it's gonna be a long one :')

*cracks knuckles*

Okay. So. Firstly, yes, I think we can all establish here that the article was stupid and should largely be ignored. I like to headcanon that the article was written like that in order to protect August. That there was someone with the police looking out for him that knew the journalists would have a field day if August was to just turn around and tell them that he was Pinocchio, so they lied on the report in order to protect him (that's what I'm going with because it's the only way I can get the article/report to fit without just scrapping it altogether and pretending it never existed).

I completely agree with you in that he would have told them his real name to begin with. Because how on earth was he to know that the name 'Pinocchio' in TLWM carried the weight and implications that it does. Sure, it might be an unusual name in the EF, but it's not a name that would be instantly recognisable to anyone that heard it like it is here. And yes! He WAS trying to be better and not lie. Yes, he lied about where he found Emma but I don't necessarily see him doing the same when they ask him his name.

And we're only an hour or something into this new world and already things are off to a bad start for him. He spent so long being told that he should be good and tell the truth ect and the second he does so, everyone thinks he's lying. And yes, of course the adults would all be SUPER concerned about his home life/mental well-being because he's claiming to be Pinocchio AND he's dressed like that.

So, rather than 'going home' like his so-called statement said, I reckon that someone in Chantey's saw him clutching a baby and they were the person to call the police. I imagine that he still tries telling the police that he found Emma by the side of the road but that, when they start asking questions about him and his parents, he struggles to give them any reasonable answers (and, of course, initially tells them his name is Pinocchio, instantly making everything else that comes out of his mouth even harder for them to believe).

After being unable to find any parents for him or Emma, they both end up in the orphanage, as we know. omg jojo your 'praying up to the stars for help' comment is HEARTBREAKING (and probably very true And yeah, the abuse we saw there was likely only the tip of the iceberg. So ofc the kids all steal some money and hop on a bus out of there.

Now...this is where our headcanons differ slightly. Because you picture him being on the street for years...and I only picture a few months. ....I don't know how far they went on that bus, but I imagine they traveled to another state if they were able, right? So he eventually gets picked up by someone (with parallels to 'tougher than the rest', showing us exactly why he knew where to take Emma when he helped her off the streets) and placed back into foster care again. This time it's somewhere a little better, but he's still not exactly happy there. He misses his dad and so every time someone shows an interest in adopting him, he deliberately acts out. (BTW??? HELLO??? "it’d be like betraying his father getting happiness and a family elsewhere." I thought Serena and myself had the angst covered and you're out here with lines like this???? And it's so sad because you're SO right???)

Whether or not he ever did get adopted for a brief while, I'm still undecided on. However, at some point,,,,his appearance starts to change, right? (thank you terrible casting OUAT, something I kind of HAVE to blame on the fact that he's not technically a regular human, and therefore the drastic change is something connected to his magical roots (pun intended)?) so, whoever is taking care of him (foster parents or just the careworkers) have a moment of 'lol, this is weird???' but basically get told that he's just going through changes that come with puberty and it's nothing to be alarmed about.

Except...I see this physical change (from the little ginger boy with brown eyes and freckles, to a dark haired, blue eyed teen) as the moment that August really starts to question himself and his own reality. Where he really starts to drift away from the idea of being 'Pinocchio' and his past in the EF, and sinks into his identity as 'August'.

Oh wait. Except. That CAN'T happen. He can't allow that to happen, because he might never see his father again if Emma doesn't break the curse and he just forgets about who he was, right? So this is the catalyst that triggers him to seek out Emma. And this is the reason he runs away for good (he's maybe 13/14 at this point) and soon after, manages to find a homeless 7 year old Emma and help her off of the streets.

But he can't commit to it. So he continues to 'keep tabs' on her for a little while. And yes, he's then homeless again for a while after that. Getting by in a similar way to ANY of the Lost Children (Neal, Emma, Lily) until he got a stable job + apartment ect ect and built a proper life for himself.

Also omg yes!!! He spent LOADS of time in the library as a child/teen/adult. We KNOW he loves reading + writing and he's a very intelligent and curious person. (Has he read 'Pinocchio'? probably. Though, I imagine that was probably a very hard read for him. That some of it (like idk, the bird hatching from the egg and flying out the window) was just so bizarre that he could laugh it off (because of COURSE that didn't happen back in the EF) but some of the more traumatic stuff....well...it was probably pretty triggering and I can't see him doing more than a skim read of those sections (if that). YET, this, combined with general misconceptions about his story) was also the very thing that persuaded him to re-write his own story in the first place (because he would write it the 'correct' way).

And ofc, yes, he then hits his first big low. And he crumbles under this huge responsibility that his father placed upon him. So he does what he knows best and he runs. And it's not until the guilt really worms away at him that he finally tracks down Emma again and the whole Tallahassee thing happens.

And no, he hasn't really had any stable relationships by this point. Because how tf could he? His life is wayyyyyy too messy for him to be honest with anyone right now. So he tries a new life in Phuket (I headcanon that he used the money he stole from Neal/Emma to help get there + set up a new life there).

And yes, he very much ran into the Apprentice in Phuket (and I imagine that the Apprentice actually GAVE August his own pages from the book (rather than August typing them up himself (because sorry but where tf did he get all the illustrations from?? I know he can draw but...come on, like hell he would remember exactly what David's dad looked like...)). And, we don't actually know when the Apprentice talked to him, but it's likely that August tried his best to ignore him. By this point, he was more than ready to forget about his past. And yes! he was probably feeling a lot of anger towards Geppetto (mixed in with a very healthy dose of guilt).

He probably forms a few much more stable relationships in Phuket. Idk exactly who Isra was to him, but at least we get to see SOMEONE from his past aisjbdkuabsdasd

(also, a quick note before we end the rambling, but I just wanted to add that I find the lying throughout his life FASCINATING. The fact that, since he was kind of forced to lie the second he arrived in TLWM, he eventually ended up relying on it for almost everything. The way he tells all these tall tales to make himself sound more interesting and charming is absolutely his way of coping with his otherwise very shitty past and childhood, and lying quickly became something he needed to do in order to survive. It was no longer something bad that he had unlearned in the EF, but something that became second nature because those lies were all he had. Even his own name, the new identity of 'August Wayne Booth' was built on a lie, because he wasn't allowed to be 'Pinocchio' anymore).

I'm sure I'm missing a LOT here, but I'm going to cut things short here, or else I'll end up with a 10,000 word essay on my hands. Thank you once again for all your messages and ideas about this, Jojo :') 💕💕💕 Maybe one day I'll have the brainpower/willpower to flesh them out a little more.

#actually. what I SHOULD do with some of these ideas #is address them in a 'mess is mine' drabble............. 👀#isn't that a novel idea #asks #jojo #august booth #i KNEW i'd forget to mention something #but jojo!!!! the 'when he was made specifically by one person who had to send him away' line KILLS me 😭#And i meant to add!! that him acting up on purpose was ALSO his way of not being rejected #(the old classic of 'I'll self sabotage before anyone else can do it for me')#because he SO would #(both at a young age AND when he was older and forming other relationships in his life)#august meta

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thetomorrowshow · 3 years

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i will make the sky collapse ch. 3

First - Previous - Read on AO3!

Ok this post is queued bc y’all will not believe how busy I am, so it’ll be on ao3 a little late

CW: referenced violence, food, brief allusion to suicide, spiraling thoughts (from mr. jack kelly himself)

Jack had been here all day. When he ran from the rooftop after the disastrous strike, he’d snuck in through the backdoor of the theater and curled up in a corner, shaking and gasping and barely holding back tears. He’d been so close to just throwing himself off the rooftop, close enough that he knew he couldn’t stay there.

Now he hid behind the various set pieces, trying to not disturb anyone who still might be working around here this late. Not that there should be anyone, now. He’d even completely avoided Miss Medda. The woman liked to believe that she knew everything that went on around the theater, and Jack was content enough to let her. He couldn’t be found right now, though. Not when his nose burned and eyes smarted and knees wouldn’t stop shaking.

He would talk to Medda in the morning. It was late now, and all the lights were out, so it wasn’t like he had much of an option otherwise. Talk to her, maybe paint a background or two . . . maybe she would pay him like she offered . . . then he would be out of here, as soon as he could get Crutchie.

Crutchie. His heart practically split in half, and a tear finally slipped down his nose. They got Crutchie. They took him to the one place Jack had tried to save him from his entire life.

He had plans to head there near dawn tomorrow--after he’d spent another day planning things out. It shouldn’t be too hard to get him--or it wouldn’t, had it been anyone other than Crutchie. Any other boy would figure out how to climb down the wall, but it would be impossible without all working limbs. Crutchie’s bad leg wouldn’t be able to support him at all, especially not after the beating he’d taken in the Square (and definitely not after whatever Snyder and his goons had done so far during his stay, but Jack didn’t like to think about that). Jack could go in the front, the only door . . . but there was no way someone wouldn’t see him. There was always a guard or three hanging around, if not the Spider himself. And how would he get Crutchie down the stairs all by his lonesome?

A tiny voice spoke up in the back of his head, one that he’d been pushing down all evening. You coulds just go, it said. Forget about him, forget about all of them. Just go.

I can’t do that, Jack wanted to cry. He’s my brother, I can’ts just abandon him to Snyder!

People don’t stay in our lives forever, Jack, it reminded him. He’d never make it to Santa Fe, anyhow.

Jack couldn’t deny that. Maybe on a better day, in a better month. Maybe when Crutchie was grown, and his leg had calmed down a bit. Not now though, certainly not tomorrow. If Jack was going to leave soon, he was going to do it on his own. He didn’t want none of the others to come with him, anyhow. Only Crutchie.

Jack drew a hand across his tear-stained face, wincing as he brushed one of his bruises. Maybe in the morning he’d have a clearer head, a better understanding of what on earth he was meant to do. It wasn’t like the strike could continue, after all. They’d all end up in the Refuge for sure, or even worse. He’d seen Romeo get socked by that cop, had no idea how he was doing. If they kept on striking, more police would come, better armed and with no qualms about a bunch of stupid street rats.

None of them, save maybe Les, had escaped with zero injuries. Everyone was bleeding and bruised and crying and Crutchie was in the Refuge, and it was all Jack’s fault for getting the riled up about this in the first place. They were just kids! None of them knew what a union was supposed to be, even if Davey knew a bit about them! They were just children playacting at being adults, thinking that the trolley workers were probably having a good old time with no work while they got arrangements for better conditions, not even caring that there were full grown men dying in that strike. People died in strikes, and Jack couldn’t let it happen to any one of his boys, not before they properly got to be a person yet.

So he would leave--no, sleep on it, but he was fairly certain of his choice. Leaving, having to trust that the others would quit the strike and just deal with the raise in prices. That Crutchie would be out in a few months and be good enough to get right back to business, and maybe smiling that face-splitting smile of his eventually. Jack had to believe that he’d--that they’d all--be okay.

He couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in his stomach as he balled his shirt up into a pillow, nor could he stop a few more tears from wetting his cheeks. This was going to be by far the hardest and worst thing he’d ever done. He just had to hold on to Santa Fe. Everything was going to be fine when he got there.

Medda had given him one of those disapproving looks of hers, which Jack tried to ignore as his face burned. It had turned to blatant concern when he didn’t refuse her offer of payment. She had let it go, thankfully, and now he was waiting for the base white layer of paint to dry so he could start with the reds and oranges of a sunset. He’d already been waiting for what felt like way too long, so he stuck his thumb to the corner of it. It left a print and came back white, so Jack sighed and wiped it on his shirt--his undershirt, he’d taken his blue button-up off as soon as he’d gotten the paint out.

He couldn’t just not do anything--he could feel his feet itching to go, his head clamoring for his conscious attention. He absently flapped a brush back and forth against his palm, wondering if he could start on another while he waited, get the base coat of that one done and drying while he started on the actual painting of the first one. First he ought to sign this one, though, before he forgot.

Jack always signed his work, usually just on the back of the piece. A quickly scrawled ‘Jack K--’ in black paint, something to set it aside from all the other set pieces. He also knew that the boards would get reused countless times, painted over and cut up and redesigned. It was nice to know that under all that change, his name was there.

He spun it around and cracked open the can of black paint, dipping his brush in lightly and placing it on the blank back of the slab of wood. He could do his name big, more noticeable but with a better chance of getting scraped off. Or tiny, in the corner, somewhere it’d probably stay forever. Then he realized that while he’d been considering, he’d begun painting.

A boy, small, but very clearly a newsie, by his bag. An anguished face. A crutch.

Jack nearly dropped the brush. Was his guilt getting that bad, that he was painting Crutchie out of nowhere? Well, he couldn’t leave him there all alone on the canvas, with such a terrible look on his face. So Jack dipped his brush back in the paint and began another boy, not himself--not now that he was leaving--but Davey, as he liked to think that as Crutchie and Davey would become good friends in time. But Davey needed Les, and Les needed other boys, but of course they couldn’t be painted into this. They were too busy being suffocated by Pulitzer--and with that thought, Jack knew what he was painting.

The landscape had started out as any random place, just like all of them did. Mountains, a valley maybe, warm colors and some purple thrown in to capture the magic of a stained-glass sunset, and suddenly it was Santa Fe, exactly as Jack pictured it in his head. This happened with every single backdrop, from meadows to beaches to forests. All of them were Santa Fe, even if they weren’t.

“You ever gonna paint somewhere else, Jack?” a voice asked behind him, as he surveyed his work so far. He chuckled, not turning around, holding his thumb out in front of him the way he’d seen real painters do. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he thought it looked professional-like.

“How could you tell, Miss Medda?”

“Boy, I can tell everything.”

Jack dropped his arm and set his brush down on the floor, wiping his hands on his shirt as he turned around. Medda frowned.

“You are wearing an apron, use it!”

Oh yeah, he was. He moved his hands to it belatedly, smiling a little when Medda laughed at him. She was dressed to leave, not in a costume like Jack had assumed she would be. Were the shows over already?

“I’m heading out for a quick supper,” Medda said, and Jack nodded. One of the shows was over then, the other would be starting soon. He hadn’t lost track of as much time as he thought. “Do you want me to get you somethin’?”

“Aw, don’t worry ya’self over me,” Jack waved off. Sure, he hadn’t had anything to eat all day, but he could grab himself something later. By the look on Medda’s face, she was going to worry herself over him.

“I’ll bring you a sandwich, free of charge,” she said, reaching forward to pat his shoulder. He winced; he hadn’t realized he had a bruise there. Medda gave him another look, then turned to leave. Over her shoulder, she called, “By the way, Jack, there’s someone here to see you. I told him to wait in box five.”

Jack froze. They’d found him. It had to be Davey, didn’t it? The other boys knew that he stopped by the theater every so often, but didn’t know about his paintings. They just thought he knew one of the actors, or was getting food from the back or something. Only Davey and Les knew he worked here on occasion.

Jack put off visiting the box until after Miss Medda returned and told him to get up there before she sent the kid off herself. It was time to confess, he supposed. Let them know he wanted the strike to stop, and was leaving anyhow. At least someone would be able to tell Crutchie where he’d gone. And Katherine, if she cared.

This time he remembered to wipe his hands on his apron, then bundled it up and threw it into a corner. The painting wasn’t done, but he wanted to let it all dry before adding his finishing details. Every time he’d painted before, he hadn’t waited at all and it always came out looking more smudged than he wanted, so he’d decided to experiment a bit. Maybe it would look okay.

He couldn’t put it off any longer, it was time to face the music--or, Davey, rather. Jack knew his way around the theater, so it wasn’t hard to avoid the milling patrons in the lobby completely and skip straight up to box five, ready to talk to--

Specs?

“Specs?”

Specs.

“Specs.”

Specs leaped up from where he’d been perching on the edge of one of the fancy theater chairs, looking guilty as anything. When he saw Jack, though, his face brightened. “You’re all right!”

“Yeah, better than ever,” Jack griped, his eyes caught on the nasty hand-shaped bruise wrapped around Specs’s forearm. “Whaddya need?”

“We’s thought you mighta gotten grabbed by Snyder,” Specs said, looking him up and down, no doubt taking in his relatively few injuries. “The Delanceys been sayin’ you ran. I think some o’ the fellas mighta believed it, but Race thought ya’d be here so I cames by as soon as I could!”

Jack hadn’t counted on telling anyone other than Davey where he was going, but maybe this was for the best. Davey was so new to this, there was no way he could be in charge. Race was the first to come to mind for his replacement, but Race was so stupidly impulsive that Jack wasn’t sure he would be able to keep the boys in line. Specs would do well, though, at least until a better choice came forward. Used to the life, but always a little separate from the others, focusing more on the job than the social aspect. Still, he could have fun, and he was quietly loyal. Yeah, Specs would make a pretty good replacement. Jack opened his mouth to say something along those lines when a dirty scrap of paper was shoved in his face.

“What’s this?” he said instead.

Specs looked nervous and abashed at the same time. “Letter from Crutchie,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I went ta visit last night and he askeds me to give it to ya.”

Jack stared at the paper, taking in none of its details, then shifted his gaze to Specs. His eyes looked honest, if a bit anxious, mouth curved hopefully at the corner. The scrape on his cheek was ugly, but didn’t look infected. Davey must’ve made them all clean up with soap. That was another thing he’d have to tell Specs to remember. If he was going to be in charge, he had to know that Elmer hated the texture of the soap so bad he wouldn’t use it and had to be threatened, that Race sometimes liked to impulsively smear dirt on his wounds to try and get sympathy when it got infected.

Crutchie had written to him.

Jack grabbed the letter so quickly it almost tore, sending Specs stumbling back. Now that he was focused on it, that was definitely Crutchie’s handwriting, starting out relatively neat and just devolving into larger loops and tinier scribbles as it carried on. The paper was dirty, the pencil smudged here and there, and a rusty stain in the middle of the paper that made Jack’s stomach turn as he imagined how it had gotten there.

“I’ll just be headin’ back,” he heard Specs say distantly, but Jack couldn’t look away from the letter. Crutchie had held this, just last night, and he had been alive. Well enough to write a whole letter. Well enough to still have his sense of humor (Jack snorted at his joke about the food, then remembered the sentence preceding it and immediately sobered). Maybe even well enough to escape?

His letter read that he was already coming up with escape plans of his own, which was a good sign for his morale. It also said, though, that he was exhausted and his leg was doing bad.

Well, there was no way Jack couldn’t visit him now. Early in the morning was best--probably when the moon was about halfway done setting--and from there he would see whether or not Crutchie would be coming with him. Then back to the theater to lay low for a bit and finish the backdrop (there was no way Jack would be able to even think about finishing it tonight), then catch a train to Santa Fe and be out of here forever. If Crutchie did come, though, he’d have to do at least two more sets, get enough money for the both of them to make the trip. And of course, he still had to speak to Specs about taking over. Davey would come for him eventually, so he had to come up with something to placate him.

Why did nobody tell him that running away would take so much effort and planning?

The show was starting soon, and that sandwich was still waiting for him in the back room, so Jack ducked out of the box, tucking the letter into his pocket. He had to get ready for a break-in tonight, there was no time to waste.

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miengsol · 2 years

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Mega kick, bubble beam, horn drill~

three two one i choose you! ( ft. technical machine character development meme w/ @virtusdemonte ) || no longer accepting - please do not send in!

mega kick — is your muse a good dancer? what kind of dances are they particularly good at or enjoy?

yes!! although granted, he's a little ( okay a lot ) rusty since most of his experience is coming from high school and dance classes he took growing up. in high school, he was in a mixed styles group with daniel and as for the dance classes he took growing up, part of reason he started was because otherwise he would've been forced as a kid into either soccer or baseball and he doesn't like sports in general. but as for the kinds of dances he's familiar with- it's mostly jazz, hip hop, and then a motley of a lot more...today, he's more casual about dance but he typical enjoys the most...ballet kind?? like flowy- looser ( gonna throw in here that technically he's got the technique down, but he didn't have nearly as much charisma as daniel did on stage...also daniel tended to execute his moves much sharper ).

bubble beam was answered so i'll do ice beam — is your muse usually cold to others? if so, what does it take for them to warm up? if not, what could make them turn cold?

nope, not at all- have u seen this man?? he's extra warm. like a blanket wrapped around someone in the winter!! i would say he could be perceived as cold just because he's more reserved than the average person. very careful. but in terms of opening up, he will warm up relatively quickly to you up to a certain degree. u might know the more shallow details about him, but really knowing him and his true thoughts? might take some more time bc he needs to know you're going to be sticking around for the long run...again, actions speaks louder than words. but that's also been a constant for his entire life.

now for turning cold, that's easy- threaten erza. he's not above resorting to violence when it comes to his kid.

horn drill — are there any personality traits that would stop your muse from pursuing a relationship with someone?

well u see mia, there's quite a few, but that's also just him saying they just aren't mana ( RIP ). but if he does meet someone who manages to catch his interest, here are three traits:

lack of self-preservation

dependency

reticence

the first two actually go hand-in-hand. he's a nurse and a father, meaning that caretaking is something he does almost around the clock. willingly of course, but subconsciously if he views someone as a person he needs to take care of, romantic interest generally gets thrown out of the window. basically, he looks for self-sufficency in a partner, someone who can function on their own without needing too much assistance. also again, he's a father so he knows his partner cannot be his first priority.

reticence- first of all, he's already that ( and there can't be two people in a relationship like this - unless u're ziva ( @fbiartist ) bc in that case they just cancel each other out with mirroring backstories ) but also, as someone who picks up on emotional cues easily, this also means he may over read/overthink a social situation, especially if not given any reassurance. that can leave him very exhausted. upfront and forthright people ( and especially those who are willingly so ) are more attractive to him because he can trust them to speak their mind and therefore, voice their needs when something is wrong. no reading between the lines necessary.

#virtusdemonte #with a gentle heart ( answered. )#a calendar filled ( headcanons. )#mia!! thanks for sending in <3 #lmao i give u meta instead jskldfjsdlk #also that last one...he's picky af good thing he's not like this with friends

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

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the animorphs continues, david trilogy style

here we are...we finally arrived....the david triology

I did remember a good amount of these books from when I read these when I was like 11. but I also forgot a lot an hooooly shit

WHERE TF DO I EVEN START. so that shit slapped obvs. it really felt like the series has been leading up to this - all the characters have had to make really difficult no-correct-answers decisions, and it leads up to this - the ultimate shitty situation with absolutely no good, clear solutions, and everyone gets to contribute to the awful conclusion!

one thing that really stood out to me is that with David's inclusion as this kind of ‘outsider’ within the group, even though none of it was from his POV, we still get a huge sense of the animorphs being an extremely well-oiled team, who all know and trust each other very well - especially w/Jake as the leader - Jake has to make a lot of decisions in these books but the other animorphs always listen to him

this all probably didn’t help David, who was already thrown into a completely crazy situation, and who now has to deal w/this group of kid superheroes who work very well together. it also doesn't help that David doesn't really try to find his place on the team

anyways I love how much wild shit happens in animorphs always. like they try to steal the blue box as birds and then David chases them off w/a bb gun? and then they end up in this huge alien showdown with visser 3 and his troops in David's house? batshit

also the hilariously 90s part w/the email...lmao. like its the 90s so there's no way to shut off the automatic email remotely, they HAVE to go to David's computer, and they also can just unplug it...lmao they should've just taken out the phone lines tbh

also I completely forgot about the whole plot w/the world leaders meeting and the yeerks and stuff. that really served to ramp up the tension and also make it obvious that David was an outsider as he consistently fucked things up then played it off

also KAA did a masterful job of making David juuuust a little sympathetic in book 20, but still Off enough that you're like ehhhh I don't know about this guy...then he goes full awful creep and it becomes obvious that there’s no way they’ll be able to let him stick around in any capacity

the bit where David kills the crow for no reason is the first Real indication that this is gonna go seriously wrong. but even before all that, his conversations w/Marco gave me like, school shooter vibes

these books are full of some REALLY good tension. the whole end of book 21 was so tense - they've been gearing up for this mission for days now, and they’ve had to do some crazy stuff to get where they are, so the realization that it’s all a trap is completely chilling

and then when David tried to betray them to visser three...the gravity of that decision is unmistakable, because then the yeerks would find out that the animorphs are (mostly) human children, and they’d even know who they are, and that would be the end

I loved the part where David tries to act like he was just setting up an ambush w/his betrayal to the visser, and Jake immediately has everyone play along - and they do. earlier in the series someone - probably Rachel or Marco - likely would have ignored Jake bc of how slimy David was acting, but they've basically become a highly efficient military squad at this point, and it was a perfect slow slide into that over the last 20 books, and now is the time when the reader kinda realizes this (at least for me)

even if they don’t agree w/Jake and think they should just address the David problem right then and there, they all trust Jake as their leader to make that decision

also the fact that these are the first books to do the ‘to be continued’ thing rather than wrapping the plot up...it really made it feel all the more tense

in other books I normally look at the page count and go ‘ok so this conflict will be solved in this scene cause there are only 15 pages left’ (which is st I do a lot I now realize lmaooo I can pretty much gauge what’ll happen based on how many pages are left - and I do this when I read fanfic too, by looking at where the scroll bar is...anyways)

BUT w/these books its totally up in the air cause they can end anytime and just get continued next book, which makes it so much more tense imo

also I fucking loooove the part in book 21 where they’re hiding out with that little pool of yeerks - and I actually bookmarked some pages for these liveblogs, so I have quotes, this one from Jake -

‘There was something wrong about killing defenseless slugs. I was pretty sure about that.’

Oh, Jake, that opinion is gonna change someday....

it is a little ironic considering he jacuzzi’d those yeerks in like book 7 or w/e. but alas its still a fantastic line that serves to show in the end how much things have changed

also I love that the decision not to kill those defenseless yeerks end up helping them later - the yeerks check the pool bc they’re so certain that if the andalite bandits HAD snuck in, they surely would have killed the helpless yeerks. but they didn’t, so that means the andalite bandits didn't sneak in....

I like when the characters do a morally good thing and are then rewarded by the narrative for it - it’s pretty rare in this series, where there are usually NO morally correct choices (such is life) or they’re actively punished for making a ‘good’ decision (one could argue that the decision to make David an animorph instead of letting him become a controller was a morally good decision, but it had dire consequences).

Ok and the part I have to talk about w/these books of course - everything w/Rachel. bc damn Rachel really goes through it in this trilogy. I absolutely LOVE the character development she gets, and I especially enjoyed the way her and Jake's relationship was developed

anyways, one of the best and most fucked up quotes of the series, from Jake’s POV in book 21 -

<Ax? I think Tobias is dead,> I said. <I think David killed him.> <That would be a most terrible thing,> Ax said. <Yeah. Get Rachel. If David’s killed Tobias, we may have to do a terrible thing, too. Get Rachel.>

AUGHHHHH fucking chills I swear. also eternal love for them saying dead/killed/etc and never shying away from it. it really wouldn't have the same impact if they used the normal kid-safe PG words

but yeah Jake asking for Rachel when he thinks that they may have to hunt down and kill David? phewwww.

and the significance of this is never downplayed. this essentially confirms that Jake sees Rachel as the one who is willing and able to do the dirty work - and specifically in this case, it’s also likely bc it was Tobias who was ‘killed’ and he knows how Rachel feels about Tobias

but like, that’s so fucked up, I love it. they give this situation the exact amount of weight it requires - ch1 of book 22 has this part from Rachel -

‘If David had hurt Tobias, I would... But what was the point in making threats? I didn't need to make threats. I knew what I would do. So did Jake. That’s why he’d sent Ax for me.’

at first, it seems like Rachel is on the same page as Jake, but when it becomes clearer later that Jake sent Ax specifically to get Rachel bc she could do the terrible thing that had to be done - instead of just bc they needed reinforcements and she was closest - then things change

but even when Rachel gets rightfully upset later over this, you get the sense she still never really sees any option other than to kill David. it’s not even the ‘killing David’ part that upsets her, it’s that Jake, her cousin, immediately thinks of her as the person to do the deed

so, another fantastic quote from Rachel -

‘Tobias was dead. Jake might still die. And I was going to have to go after David. I was going to have to hunt him down. I was going to hunt him down and destroy him. No, not destroy. That was a weasel word. It was vague, meaningless. I was going to kill him.’

fucking WOW. like really. that bit right there is just perfect quintessential dark animorphs. it just subverts the classic kid-friendly phrasing, using words like ‘hunt down’ and ‘destroy’ instead of kill. But Rachel says it like it is. she’s not going to destroy David, she’s going to kill him.

But then a few pages later, after Ax tells her the quote where Jake asks for her specifically -

‘It definitely made me feel strange. Jake had called for me specifically. Because he wanted someone who would do precisely what I was planning to do. Like I say, I’m not big on feelings, but something about that felt wrong.’

I say it a lot but wow do these kids need So Much Therapy. these are like...8th graders. jesus christ. when I was in 8th grade I was busy planning sims-playing get-togethers w/my fellow 13 year old friends. christ animorphs

and fuck, the part where Rachel threatens David’s family, and shoves a fork in his ear? jesus. and the fact that Jake knew that Rachel was going to threaten David and let her go do it...

and then afterwards, Rachel says -

‘I felt...not exactly ashamed. But I knew I never wanted to talk to Cassie about what I’d just told David. Or Tobias. Or even Marco.’

I'm gonna make some leaps here but I think it’s really interesting that Rachel even mentions Marco here, and says ‘or even Marco.’ like, the ‘even’ seems to imply that Marco would otherwise be somebody she WOULD talk to about something like this.

which...kinda tracks, tbh. Marco is Mr Ruthless, he’s a cold, pragmatic strategist when he isn’t cracking jokes as a coping mechanism. it makes sense that Rachel would talk to him about things like this - he would make jokes, but he’d also understand

I'm just so interested in all the highly varying dynamics that exist within the group okay

and then right after Rachel says -

‘But I swear at that moment I hated Jake far more than I did David. I should have told them all what had happened. But Jake already knew, didn’t he? Jake, the smart, determined leader, already knew all about me.’

that's fucking daaark okay. It paints this picture of Jake having become this master manipulator who knows all about Rachel’s violent tendencies and is using them to his full strategic advantage

Oh my god okay and then all the stuff w/Saddler, christ. I had completely forgotten about that plotline but there was so much fucked up stuff there, too

and the scene where Rachel gives some good life advice to her little sister, and it’s a good bit to remind the reader and characters of the world outside of animorphs conflict...and then David speaks up.

that was such brutal mood whiplash, when you realize that David is morphed and hidden in Rachels room somewhere...fucking chilling

that whole scene just oozes disgusting creepiness. David’s fixation on Rachel specifically, and his rage at being ‘bested’ by her, really feels like misogyny to me. while David butted heads w/Marco, you never got the same sense of anger and disgust that he displays towards Rachel.

and the line where he says ‘hey, enjoy your shower’ made me shudder in disgust. christ. there are a lot of revolting, dark implications there.

also, book 22 obviously does a ton of fantastic character work for Rachel, but it does the same for Jake, too. and Cassie, but ill get to that later

we get to see so much of Jake as a leader and a strategist here, and pitting him and Rachel against each other (so to speak) makes for some excellent characterization, like when Rachel starts questioning why he asked for her -

“I thought David had killed Tobias. I thought he might kill me. I wanted...firepower.” “I see. You wanted me for my morphs.” It was a good answer. It could have almost been true.

and then we get a brief pit stop at the children's hospital where the fucked up parade continues - David morphed Saddler, Rachel and Jake’s injured/dying young cousin, and is pretending to be him, miraculously recovered from his accident

and meanwhile he DUMPED THE REAL SADDLER’S BODY DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. I literally cant, what the FUCK.

and they never really follow up on it but the whole family and all the Drs think its this miraculous recovery against all odds, but then obviously David disappears and therefore so does Saddler - do they ever find his real body? how completely fucked up that must have been - so much worse than if saddler had just died from his injuries - the miraculous recovery completely overturned by a bunch of stuff that doesn’t even make sense to anybody except Jake and Rachel....

anyways, after all that completely fucked up bullshit, we have the Jake and Rachel confrontation, Jake’s whole speech about Rachel is amazing, but here are my highlights -

“I think you’re the bravest member of the group. I think in a bad fight I’d rather have you with me than anyone else. But yeah, Rachel, I think there’s something pretty dark down inside you. I think you’re the only one of us who would be disappointed if all this ended tomorrow.”

I mean, christ. imagine your fellow 13 year old cousin saying this to you. oh MAN. and I love so much that Jake isn’t wrong, but he also is? he understands what Rachel will do, but not why she’s doing it. and I talked abt it before but Rachel has found herself in this box of ‘the brave/reckless blood knight,’ and feels pressure to live up to that reputation.

so how much of it is a façade that she puts on bc she’s expected to, and how much of it is how she really feels? well, she got that reputation initially for a reason, but she gets pushed more and more in that direction as the series progresses, both bc of the unintentional pressure to live up to her role as the Xena of the group, and bc it’s really, really useful to have somebody like Rachel on your side

Then Rachel says -

‘I tried to look at myself the way Jake saw me. Was it true? Did I love this war?’

I'm gonna lose it, these poor fucking middle schoolers. Rachel, listen, you’re 13, you’re a child soldier, of course you don't love the war you’re fighting...I need every child therapist on the block to come here right now

like jesus being 13 is hard enough without all this nonsense. it’s such a tenuous time in development, and add something like this - someone like Rachel, who is somewhat pigeonholed by society as ‘vapid, pretty blonde who loves to shop’ would of course flourish in an environment where she gets to show how much of a 3-dimensional Person she is - she can love shopping and also kick ass! nice! but also, like, trauma.

So then Rachel says this about Jake -

“Jake, you’re a leader now. You make life-and-death decisions. All the time. You’ve learned to do that. And,” I added bitterly, “you’ve learned to use people. You use them for their strengths and their weaknesses.”

Fucking read, wow. I feel like Rachel is absolutely correct here, if not simplifying things a lot. like, yes, Jake does make these unfathomable decisions on the regular, but he’s got tons of conflict over every single thing he does, and there was a lot of uncertainty and trial-and-error leading up to this. but she is correct that he’s learned, and is clearly a lot more comfortable in his role as a military leader now.

I just love the contrast these two have. Rachel, with the burden she carries as the bravest - the fighter of the team, who must be relied on in battle and to do the things that nobody else will do - and Jake, the leader, who has to make decisions knowing that he could get his friends killed at any time, and still trust that they’ll listen.

And then Jake says -

“But everyone draws their own line[...] For example, see, I used to think my line was drawn at using my friend, my cousin, to do my dirty work. Guess that turned out not to be true. Sorry, Rachel.”

And then they hug and vow to murder David together, as a team. Heartwarming cousin bonding! Again, so much therapy.

So yeah I love that scene. especially when you take into consideration Rachel’s ultimate fate, and Jake’s part in it. excuse me while I go weep.

Anyways, to the end. THE ENDING....it gets me every time. I’ll never be over it. I don’t remember much about animorphs from when I read it at age 11 but I really really remember the ending to book 22. The way they masterfully set David up, the rat morph, the pipes, THE LEGO, the reveal that they planned the entire thing, the moment when David realizes what’s going to happen to him....oof. It’s not something I could forget, even w/my notoriously horrible memory when it comes to media

Also I feel like there was more subtle misogyny when David insists on humiliating/subjugating Rachel, just because she proved earlier that she was stronger and smarter and better than him...eugh David is just such a disgusting creep that you don’t even end up feeling bad for him even though he’s a middle schooler being handed a fate worse than death. I mean, he tossed a dead/dying kid’s body down an elevator shaft in a children's hospital. I’m pretty sure he deserves this.

And here’s the part where I talk about Cassie. because even though she didn’t get a POV book in the David trilogy, she still got some brutally fantastic character development. here we see David starting to realize what’s happening -

‘Cassie was crying. David hadn't asked who the mastermind of the plan was. Who it was who had so accurately appraised his emotions, his need to build his ego, the fact that he would choose me to be his “companion.” Cassie, of course. Cassie had worked it out, step by step, after Jake and I had failed to come up with anything. For Cassie, it was an improvement over the alternatives. See, no one was going to have to die. But David’s life would end, just the same.’

CASSIE. The dark horse, except not really, bc this is perfectly in line with what we know about her, especially coming off book 19, her last POV book before this. in that book she makes some absolutely awful decisions, all to avoid having to kill somebody.

After all of Jake and Rachel’s badass vows to take David down, it’s Cassie who finds the solution.

To a lot of people, David’s fate could be considered worse than death. To Cassie, it’s a better alternative. That speaks volumes about her, and I love it.

Also, the MANIPULATION. Cassie in the David trilogy really gets to flex her interpersonal manipulation skills, which I love to see. It’s such a fascinating aspect of her character; a really interesting use of empathy

Like the scene in book 20 where David freaks out as a roach and she manipulates him into not giving them away by pitting him against Marco, someone who David doesn’t get along with, by saying ‘if Marco can do it, can’t you?’ because she knows he’ll fall for it. And he DOES.

And then the part in the cafeteria where she basically plays the ‘good cop’ to everyone else in the group’s ‘bad cop.’ Not ONLY does she manage to get David to shut up and listen to her, she also posits her theory that he wants to blue box to trade it for his parents - which his reactions to her questions confirms as true. and nobody else in the group suspected this.

She lures him into a sense of security by talking kindly and quietly about how she understands how he feels, then hits him with what she knows and gets him to confirm it, which then allows Rachel to accurately threaten him.

And then Cassie, offscreen, comes up with the entire plan on how to trap David as a rat, because from the beginning she had him figured out. David didn’t pay much attention to Cassie - more misogyny tbh, as Cassie is the girl on the team who isn’t an aggressive, feminine blonde - and that ended up being a huge reason for his downfall.

David also didn’t pay much attention to Tobias, and clearly didn’t see him as human at all, and that made Tobias very valuable after David assumed he had killed Tobias.

Ok, back to the ending - the fact that it was Rachel and Ax who stayed there to wait the two hours for David to become a nothlit....

Rachel says -

‘Jake’s a good leader. He knows when to use us. He knows when to protect us. He knew he had to protect as many of his people as he could from what was going to happen.’

fucking brutal. TWO HOURS of listening to this awful kid beg and threaten and barter. I can’t even imagine.

And Ax too! He gets overlooked a lot as an alien, and it’s probably true that all of this impacts him differently than the other human animorphs, it can’t be in any way pleasant to have to sit there for two hours and act as a living timer to count down this kid’s life. Ax is a kid, too, and an isolated one at that, being the only Andalite on the team.

So yeah that scene is awful. Rachel even says -

‘Two hours. But that two hours of horror will last forever in my mind. If I live a hundred years, I will still hear his cries, his threats, his pleading, each night before sleep takes me. And beyond sleep, in my dreams.’

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but jesus christ, THEY NEED SO MUCH THERAPY. The fact that one of the constants in all of the POVs is the nightmares that all the animorphs consistently have....geez

Okay so I know in my last two liveblogs I ended them by comparing animorphs to another series - hxh and mtmte - but I honestly am drawing a blank for this...

I guess the only thing I can think of is to compare it to mob psycho 100, which is another very good, very subtly subversive series

In mp100, the entire Point is that the very powerful psychic middle schoolers DON’T end up using their powers to fight life-or-death battles against adult enemies in order to save the world and whatnot. the Point is that that’s fucked up, and these kids shouldn’t be responsible for something like that, no matter how powerful they are

and basically the character who says all that is Reigen, an adult who actively prevents the middle schoolers from joining what would be some very traumatizing fights

basically my point here is less to compare the two shows and more to say - the poor animorphs could really use a Reigen huh. like, they seriously need an adult who’ll step in and say ‘wait a second, these kids are doing WHAT? hold the fucking phone, no way, get some actual adults in here to solve this shit. not today!’

the closest they could've come to an adult figure in their lives is Elfangor and he dies like 5 minutes after giving them superpowers, soooo....

man mp100 slaps I should rewatch it. anyways yeah the theme of this post is ‘the animorphs need therapy and also a stable adult figure in their lives to help them not get traumatized all the time’ thank you for coming to my ted talk

#this is like a whole ass thesis lmao i have quotes and everything look at that #lj reads animorphs #had to fix that tag bc it used to say 'read' instead of 'reads' smfh #animorphs

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thedreadvampy · 4 years

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So this was sent to me by @atiredpan weeks ago when the White Jon conversation was very live and I'm posting it (belatedly) with their blessing (they didn't want to put it up publicly and have it seem like an attack which I really very much appreciate but wouldn't have minded) and I percolated for a few days and then got very busy for a few weeks. Response follows.

So I feel weird about how I'm responding to this stuff, I'm launching rapidly into taking about/explaining my own experience in a way I'm worried maybe comes across as a direct comparison. It kind of feels like I'm talking in a way that's like brushing off your experience and saying OK BUT HERE'S WHY I'M RIGHT and that's not what I'm trying to do, it's just that there's not much I can usefully add to what you've said - you know your experience better than I do, and I'm not gonna go around trying to read into it or reexplain it. So I'm going to talk about where I am/have been coming from, but not with the intention of countering your points, all of which I think really resonate.

First off, the post where I was like "Jon is white and if you disagree you're Wrong" was, unreservedly, just a shitty post and I'm not suprised it upset a lot of people. I'm really very sorry about that, it was thoughtlessly written and pretty stupidly posted.

I totally get that my whiteness has fed into how I hced Jon (and as I think I've said before I saw Jon a certain way well before I engaged with any fanworks, just as you did). There's a lot of reasons I imagined Jon as white from pretty early on, a non-negligible one of which was like...That's Jonny. This is a podcast by Jonny, about a character with the same name and mannerisms as Jonny, and Jonny is extremely white. It would have felt weird, when I was listening to TMA as a Friend Podcast, to stick a brown face onto what at least appeared at the time to basically be a self-insert character of my white friend. Now that's a really personal thing informed less by the story and more by the circumstances under which I've interacted with it, but it certainly laid a baseline. I didn't really have a clear mental picture of Jon (or most of the characters) for a looooooong time (for an artist I'm really not a very visual thinker) but I had a few sort of mental sketches (Jon is short white balding and awkward, Martin is tall biracial and scruffy Basira is fat and somali Melanie is my friend from work etc) which I developed a long time before I encountered fanworks.

I saw the alienation you mentioned and I connected it to class and gender, not race, because I’ve met a lot of cis men, white and otherwise, who interpolate trauma, class insecurity, insecurity about their own abilities, and so on into withdrawal, denial and snappiness. So for me I had an interpretation of that element of his personality which was pretty much race-neutral, and then I had these existing cues leading me to assuming he was white (largely that Jonny is white, but also wee stuff in the story that...it’s not like anything substantial enough to remember, let alone justify, but there were certainly interactions that pinged whiteness for me personally)

There are actually iirc a few throwaway references to Jon being promoted above more qualified candidates throughout (or at least I thought I knew that before s5), but the time I decided I thought White Jon was an obvious conclusion was of course the conversation where Sasha expresses frustration about it. and the context of that conclusion (at least as far as I can see) wasn't "people of colour can only exist in subservient positions/defined by oppression" but was informed by two things that were going on with my life around the time that episode aired

I had been having several conversations with friends of mine (and largely friends of Jonny's) who work in London in the museums/archiving sector and who are the only women of colour in whole departments or even whole museums, and who experience so little career mobility compared to their less-qualified white counterparts (we're talking about women graduating top of their class at Oxbridge with anthropology or library science masters and stellar original research, with a decade or more of impeccable work experience and acting up, being left in internship and low-grade positions, while white men who "fit the culture" but have 0 museums experience sail into upper management positions and then stay there until they retire). So I'd come almost directly from these conversations into what to me sounded like exactly the same gripe in TMA.

I'd been at that point working for about a year and a half on co-coordinating the anti-oppression committee in my workplace, which was a very Good Progressive Activist Charity with Good Lefty Principles, and over the course of experience sharing and discussions both with colleagues of colour and along lines of wealth, disability, class etc, I was very much confronted with the realisation of how much 'being adequately qualified' meant different things for middle-class good-university white men vs much more highly skilled and hardworking women of colour or people of different class and wealth backgrounds. Obviously I'd known that before in principle, but not really having been in Salaried Workplaces (as opposed to like. service and retail hourlies) I hadn’t got so up close and personal with it. So that was also very fresh in my mind, this like...big substantial experience of how Good, Well-Meaning, Caring, Thoughtful, Woke white men just........did not need to think about this. at all. and were startled and discomforted to face it. and that this was also true of most white middle-class women. and these conversations were really carved down the middle between white middle-class European women saying ‘this is such a surprise when we have such an equitable hiring policy and diverse staff, that there’s this gender gap’ and women of colour in the room wearily saying ‘yeah, there’s a gender gap, there’s always a gender gap and it is always a racialised gender gap’ so yeah I was definitely thinking about the intersection between being passed over at work because of gender and because of race.

The point about Tim is interesting because I think for me what’s getting lost is that I don’t think Jon is entitled as like...a Character Trait. He’s not like...Toxic Masculinity Man. He is very anxious about boundaries and about his own capacity to do harm. But it has to be pointed out to him where he’s doing harm. He doesn’t notice where he’s been unfairly advantaged, and that’s to me much more reflective of most people’s relationship to white or male entitlement.

As I say, that exchange with Tim and Sasha cemented the Jon Is White hc in my head specifically because it was so reflective of conversations I had had with women of colour working in similar workplaces, about white men, usually about white men they generally liked or at least didn’t have beef with beyond their unfair advantages.

It seems odd to me to frame ‘bitching about your boss on your friend’s behalf to make her feel better’ as more similar to white entitlement/white privilege than any of that tbh? That’s just...being friends with someone?

Anyway I recognise that it’s not white entitlement to accept a job. Obviously it’s not, it’s just sensible under the circumstances, you get lucky and you grab it. For me my sense of Jon as white-because-of-this is not “he took a job he shouldn’t have taken,” it’s more about his obliviousness to the impact he has on others, and also primarily how people react to him. The interaction between Sasha and Tim is saturated with the of course it would be him I mentioned above, but even before that he walks through the world not expecting to have to think about anything but his conscious decisions, and he’s caught aback when people see him as out of place or as having power above his station.

I think it’s impossible to extricate ‘this is where my head was at’ from that interpretation, and also like obviously my own whiteness is a big factor. And not just my own personal whiteness but the place I grew up (which was 98.3% white) and the world which reflects back whiteness. So this is in no way intended as a bolshy This Is The Correct Headcanon the way my Bad Post was bc examining it I’m like...yeah I mean this is about how I personally interpreted this based on where I was at at the time. But I do feel like there’s some communication gap in what it is about this unqualified promotion thing that pinged me - it’s not that All Bosses Must Be White And All Brown People Must Be Downtrod, it’s something quite specific about the tone and tenor of the interactions around the getting-a-job.

But also? Idk. Kind of unrelatedly, and people obviously should feel free to disagree with me on this, it feels kind of off to frame this as defaulting to a white Jon? I sort of think that my idea of Jon as white is very much not ‘white until proven otherwise’ - part of the reason for my original strident tone was that I felt that I was being expected to drop a headcanon I had for specific reasons and default to the fanon version of Jon without actually having any reason other than ‘this is how the community thinks he should look,’ and without really understanding anything about what that means, and while obviously defaulting to a non-white headcanon isn’t like...entrenched in the way that defaulting to a white headcanon is, it does seem to me like this is perhaps part of why white fans slap brown skin onto a character without thinking into what that means or why they’re doing it.

The thing I’m struggling with as regards my personal headcanon here is that I could decide to only ever draw Jon as Fanon Jon, but it wouldn’t be because I had strong reasons to see him that way, it wouldn’t be the same as why you see Jon as brown, or why I see like...Melanie as Indian, it would literally be Default To Standard in a way it isn’t for you. And I don’t feel that I have Defaulted To Whiteness, or where I have it is for reasons specifically to do with Jon (I visualised Jon as white because I visualised him as Jonny, who is white), not because I think every character is White Until Proven Otherwise. Like, my reasons for understanding Jon as white may be bad reasons, but they are reasons, not post-hoc excuses (I can’t like...prove that. but I know it to be true at least on a conscious level). I didn’t go Oh Jon Is White Because Everyone Is Unless I Have Reason To Think They Aren’t, Hooray, Here Is A Post-Hoc Justification For Why It Isn’t Racist To Think That. So while I am totally on board with the idea that it may be shitty, harmful or poorly thought through to hc Jon as white, I’m not sure I can fully see it in myself as being default. But I do understand that that isn’t necessarily what came across in my original short post.

Honestly, the reason I took issue with Fanon Jon and Fanon Martin in such a bolshy way in the first place was that I didn’t get why these characters were universally seen as Asian and white, respectively, and had such strong and consistent fanon images, when none of the other characters did, and when I was seeing people drawing people like Sasha and Melanie and Tim as white way more when in my mind there was no reason to assume they were white. On an emotional level I guess I think either there’s Fanon As Lore, or there’s no fanon (and I prefer the latter) and my discomfort came from the place that the one character I absolutely saw as coded as white in the core cast had this one really specific Ambiguously Brown Fanon Look (which from what I’d seen at the time didn’t seem to be like...backed with anything or coming from any personal interpretation for most of the white fans I was seeing on like Twitter and Tumblr) but white headcanons are everywhere for characters like Melanie or Sasha or Georgie, who seemed to me to be unambiguously people of colour, or characters like Tim or Martin (who could perfectly reasonably be people of colour and who I hc as Rroma and biracial respectively)? I don’t know, it’s difficult to express, but I find it frustrating.

#tma #White Jon #idk sorry to post this so separate from the rest of the conversation I have been Busy

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beinghumcn · 3 years

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Was that [NATASHA NEGOVANLIS]? Oh no no, that was just [MIRCALLA “CARMILLA” KARNSTEIN], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [CARMILLA]. They are [THREE-HUNDRED-FORTY-ONE] years old and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

to use a gif where u can see her face or to use a gif that’s slapstick......... the answer was obvious.

how long has your character been here

roughly a month and a half !

what is your character's job

night shift archivist........ using the excuse that dc is magic and therefore an mlis is totally not required.

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

towards the end of season two when :\ she still thinks mattie’s dead and no one cares :\ of course, i’m gonna go ahead and hc that the events of s3 have happened and she just... does not remember them bc #magic but... cannot promise the same for the movie because i Do Not Know How to watch it and... we like to pretend she’s still a vampire... which technically was stopped in s3 but shhhhhhh

has any magic affected your character

some memories have been wiped, but that’s about it!

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know!!

triggers: very very brief mention of necrophilia, brief mention of imprisonment, murder, manipulation, abuse, mention of blood (brief but significant), very brief mention of war

not too much is known about her super early life. she was born in styria as mircalla karnstein to a super wealthy father ( and super emotionally unavailable who only saw her as convenient when she was old enough to be used as a bargaining chip ) and... who knows about her mother? ( whenever i refer to her mother throughout the rest of the intro, it’s not her birth mother -- just a psa! )

anyway, she was murdered at a ball, as one is. but it was all good! because her new ‘mother’ found her and resurrected her as a vampire ( for her own nefarious purposes, of course ). however, before she was able to be of any true use to her mother, her undead body was graverobbed by the necrophiliac man she was engaged to marry before her death. he kept her in a literal dungeon. which is so romantic (/s). however, sucks for him! her powers grew stronger and she managed to break free and murder his entire family so he would die sad and alone <3 romance <3

after that ordeal, she was put to work as a lure by her mother. every twenty years, they would return to styria and carmilla -- who would have some different name at that point, but one that was probably an obvious anagram -- would pretend there’d been a carriage accident or abandonment or something. she’d grow close to the girl ( sometimes seduction being involved, leaving it open to have the events of the novella have happened... minus the death ), the girl would grow weak of mind, then she’d hand the girl off to her mother to go away to some certain doom.

also... because i love her... i want to add that, during this entire time, she had a best friend and sister of sorts ( another woman changed by her mother ) named matska ( ‘mattie’ ) who was much older than her, but humored her more idealistic views. like... man... mattie was really looking forward to killing this guy for no reason, but he’s a sensitive poet, guess she’ll find someone else :\ ( aka i just... needed to mention this legend... )

the game changed when carmilla was enlisted to lure in a girl named ell. unfortunately, she actually fell in love with her :\ their close bond was real :\ she made plans for them to escape to the usa before her mother could find them... but her mother found out about it and revealed carmilla’s vampiric nature to ell. ell, horrified, led carmilla’s mother to where they planned to meet up. and her punishment for her disobedience was, like, the best parenting ever (/s):

she watched ell get dragged away to her doom, then was sealed alive in a coffin full of blood <3 mother of the year <3

she was exhumed towards the end of wwii with all of the explosives unearthing various graves. she was found by her mother again in 1955 and her mother just didn’t have the heart to reinter her, so she was put back to work ( but at least she got to watch the moon landing with the legend mattie <3 ).

this time, she tried to ruin opportunities when she could and, instead of get close to the girl, drive her away.

i don’t want to get too into the laura (web version) stuff because my love does not hinge on the ship, ja feel? but since she does have some memories of that, it’s important to mention!! she was assigned to go pretend to be a college student and lure various girls and, more specifically, roommates for her mother. laura was an intended target, then she showed carmilla genuine kindness and carmilla was like ‘well. guess i’ve gotta ruin an opportunity #forlove. mother’s gonna hate it but :\’

as a side-note, even though she Does Not Know This from where im pulling her in her canon, it is probably important to note that she found out her mother was actually a goddess! same! the goddess innana! spoiler: and of course you can set an angry malicious goddess free with a hug <3 but yk what fun fact: one of my first critiques over the finale was laura just..... talking for minutes on end without a heart..... but someone looked it up and apparently you can keep functioning for four minutes without a heart so?? get it girls!! also i think in the movie it turns out ell is like... evil?? but we’re ignoring that until i find a way to watch it bc <3 she doesn’t rmr it anyway <3

also some fun + relevant tidbits + hcs:

can shapeshift into a black panther. alexa, play ‘black cat’ by janet jackson. also love some pyrokinesis and potential sonic scream and invulnerability to sunlight. also love the basics of super strength and speed. also love still having to live off of human blood. also love not turning people into vampires with bites like genuinely love that otherwise there’d be a whole army. ~ she’s not like other girls vampires ~

if u cant tell im ignoring the ending ma’am she’s a vampire. apparently the movie turns her back into a vampire which we love but i... don’t have a way to watch it so i’m just going off of what i read.

another big gay. gonna start a club w bismuth.

has canonically seen many vampire movies, including the twilight movies (in which she called edward a ‘sparkly twerp’).

also canonically probably has light knowledge of the harry potter and doctor who franchises bc of laura. very hip with pop culture in spite of being over 300yrs old.

taught herself ancient sumerian because she wanted to read the epic of gilgamesh. love that for her.

inxp (leans te, but not enough for a for sure), 4w5, scorpio sun scorpio moon. affably evil <3

#hw: intro #carmilla .#carmilla: intro.#you don't think this makes light of my tragic backstory ? || carmilla hc.#i had absolutely no reason 2 make this gif i j. really wanted it.

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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sargentr · 4 years

Text

my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint.

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing.

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war.

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws.

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good.

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot.

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!!

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT.

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fanfiction #draco malfoy #harry potter #gay #mlm #fanfiction #scorpius malfoy #albus potter #lgbtq fanfiction

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hoe-imaginess · 5 years

Note

Dabi NSFW headcanons I... need them...

I… also… need them… here… have like… forty…

Dabi

•Ok Dabi doesn’t stfu when he’s having sex. He dirty talks SO much. He can’t keep it down for even ten seconds before he’s opening his mouth to say some shit. “You gonna cum?” “You like that?” “Beg for it” “That’s fuckin’ good” “Keep it up, don’t stop” Just be quiet Dabi

•He lives for his partner’s moans and groans. If you’re quiet in bed you better learn to make some noise because he hates quiet sex

•He gets off on being deepthroated and if you can’t deepthroat, he’s going to teach you how lmao. He demands you to keep your throat open, swallow his dick down, hold it, get used to the feeling, don’t come up for air until he tells you, etc. He keeps at it until you’re a dick-sucking pro and your gag reflex is non-existent

•But on the other hand, he does like hearing you gag on his cock so really what does he want? What IS the truth Dabi???

•Hickies. Alllll over the place. He has a bad habit of sucking on your neck until it hurts and even then, he won’t stop. Sucking and biting on necks just really turns him on? His dick gets hard from doing that alone. He doesn’t care if anyone sees the hickies on you either. None of their business

•Expect his sexual needs to come and go. One week he may not want sex at all and will completely brush you off. Then suddenly he’s ready to screw you from dusk til dawn. He’s difficult to read

•Far from the king of aftercare. He’ll bend you over and fuck your brains out and afterward leave you sprawled out on the bed to dry like a wet towel

•Ok maybe that’s too harsh. He’ll at least sit back with you and ask, “You good?” just to make sure he didn’t go overboard. But he’s not going to like… curl up with you and take a post-coital cuddly nap, basically. His aftercare is chill, and usually consists of teasing you or just lazing around with you

•He gets turned on by arguing. Even if it’s just petty, bantering arguments that are clearly meant to frustrate you. Honestly if you smack him in anger, he’s ready to fuck you on the spot. He just thinks it’s funny that you get so mad, and that you think you’re tough enough to do something about it (even if you are)

•Other than that, the weirdest, most random things get him hard. You’re sitting in the corner of the room, alone, to yourself, minding your own business? That’s annoying. Don’t be so quiet. Now he has to fuck you to wipe that blank look off your face

•Honestly he loves a fuck buddy that’s normally quiet/timid/reserved ok. It makes it all the more amusing and satisfying when he makes them moan and scream in the bedroom. So yeah, if you’re sitting around acting more distant than usual it’s gonna give him ideas lmao

•He rarely ever gets all the way naked for sex, since he’s mostly into clothed, sporadic quickies

•As kinky as Dabi is, he’s honestly not a *sex freak*. He almost never fantasizes about sex throughout the day. Doesn’t find porn sexy, doesn’t look at magazines. Even if his partner is wearing a skimpy outfit he’s like eh, whatever. That sort of stuff just doesn’t do anything for him??

•He pretty much demands eye contact when he’s getting a blowjob. He needs to see your watery eyes staring up at him while you suck his dick

•When he makes you have a shaking orgasm with his dick inside you, he’s not the type to keep fucking you through it. He stops to enjoy the view and feeling of you going all tight around his dick. But then of course he’ll keep fucking you right afterwards because he likes to mess with you when you’re hypersensitive

•Lip kissing with Dabi is reserved for extremely intense sex sessions (rough or passionate) or when he wants to tease you. Again, he likes being a bit of a teacher in the bedroom, so if he has to teach you to make out correctly (which to him, is lip biting and lots of tongue) then he will. Which is pretty hot. If you’re too timid to get all hot and messy, he practically demands that you open your mouth so he can give you a lil tongue

•(Who knows how he feels about his partner getting all adventurous around his lips? They may be off limits because of the scarring but?? Idk?? He’s allowed to bite lips and get all wild, but maybe his partner isn’t?? It’s a mystery. He may not want anyone near his lips at all tbh? ANYWAYS.)

•Otherwise, during sex, his lips are usually on your neck and throat to give you the hot and wild hickies. When he’s not leaning back to watch his dick pound in and out of you, his face is just buried in your neck

•Dabi isn’t picky, he likes tits of all shapes and sizes. Tits are tits. But if you do happen to have great tits, then please guard them with your life bc he will bite and suck them like a starved man. And grab a handful and squeeze until he makes you squeal. Someone needs to tell him that they’re sensitive and delicate, and not stress balls (maybe squeezing titty is his own version of a stress ball?? damn we really figured him out huh)

•He rarely goes down on his partner because 1. he’s a selfish prick and 2. he saves it for when he wants to really reward you/wreck you. Because honestly, that tongue is AMAZING. He knows how to work it and he knows you go crazy for it

•He’s a hair puller to a dangerous degree. He’s always yanking his partner’s head back by the hair. Obviously it’s easier for him and less painful for you if your hair is longer. If you have a ponytail, that’s an added bonus. He loves pulling on a ponytail while he’s fucking you from behind

•Will 100% slap your clit when he’s feeling sadistic

•Will also spank your ass raw without hesitation

•OK but despite his liking for rough and kinky sex, he doesn’t get off on anything too bdsm. He’s not into utterly tormenting his partner. He’s not that brutal

•I say that yet he burns people to a crisp whenever he’s bored wow kajshdfkajsdh but villain-y stuff and sex stuff is different alright. He’ll kill a guy that bumps into him at the grocery store but he’s not going to like, cripple you during sex. Sure he’ll slap you around and give you some bruises and probably make you bleed when he’s rough, but he’s not looking to completely obliterate you. Because then he can’t fuck you properly next time obviously

•Oh and he’ll choke you for sure but not always hard enough to suffocate you

•He’s unfortunately a pull-out method extraordinaire. He just doesn’t like condoms. But because Dabi also likes creampies, if you can get knocked up, he’ll bug you about birth control so he can cum inside

•Disappointing, but Dabi usually has quiet orgasms. No loud moans or yells or shouts. He cusses a lot when he’s about to cum though

•Unless he’s getting good head: then you might get a deep, sexy groan and some panting, or one of those punch-to-the-gut grunts

•Oh and yes: sex with him is wild in a certain sense but not like… WILD? Because of the stitches and staples. If he moves too much, he’s just gonna bleed everywhere. He won’t be eager to try all kinds of different positions because of that. Usually for him it’s step 1. bend you over whatever is closest and step 2. fuck you. Still, expect him to be wiping away a drop of blood every now and then whenever you guys are done

#dabi #dabi smut #dabi imagines #bnha #dabi x reader

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anti-mistajules · 5 years

Note

For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view

Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.

What arospec label(s) do you identify with?

I’m just plain ol Aromantic

Sexual orientation?

Bisexual

Are you romance-repulsed?

To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.

Do you relate to voidpunk?

Do I relate to what now?

What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?

Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.

How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?

I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!

Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?

I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.

If you want one, what is your dream partner?

no!

Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?

Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:

Your opinion on soulmates?

allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!

Your opinion on shipping?

Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.

Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?

Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.

Are you out to anyone in real life?

My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother

How did you come out?

Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.

Do you know any aromantic people in real life?

Nope! I would love to meet some!!

How do you feel about your aromanticism?

Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.

What is the worst part of being aromantic?

The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)

Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol

ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///

What is the best part of being aromantic?

Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’

How did you find out about aromanticism?

I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor

When did you know you were aromantic?

I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.

Do you have any aromantic headcanons?

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS

What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?

An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight

Who is your aromantic icon/idol?

NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA

What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?

Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)

What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?

BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!

What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?

POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.

What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?

SONAMY

Do you experience squishes?

I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.

Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?

I do not but id love to own a flag or two

Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?

Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.

#ask anti #Anonymous

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brashnmodest · 5 years

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Rules for mobile users

[rules updated: 01/10/2019]

• No goddmodding.

• I am of age to do smut so that is a-okay with me! just note though I don’t do smut often, bc I’m just not interested in writing it with these characters especially and I’m also ace af. But if I do end up doing it, I’ll only rp it as long at it is: consensual and not rape/too weirdly fetishy, put under a “read more” cut and tagged appropriately, and you have to be 18+! Please don’t lie about your age, we could get in legal trouble!

• This blog is not a spoiler-free one. I will not tag roleplays with spoilers, but anything else will be tagged with #Undertale Spoilers

• Please don’t over-pester me for replies. I promise I’ll get to them. Feel free to drop me a reminder after at least three days of no replies, though. You’re always free to start multiple threads with me, that is greatly encouraged because I love having lots of threads with people.

• This blog is OC, multiverse, and crossover friendly! I love OCs and have many of my own tbh, you’re all more than welcome to come rp with me!!

• I know that not everyone loves alternate universes as much as I do, so if this makes you uncomfortable, there’s still the option of roleplaying with the normal Mettaton and Napstablook! You just need to tell me, okay? If you still don’t want to roleplay with me anyway, or for any other reason, that’s perfectly fine too.

• I’m alright with roleplaying nsfw in general. Gore, violence, and generally dark roleplays are cool with me, yo. I love angsty things just as much as I love fluff ;w;

• This blog is multiship! So any relationships my muses are involved in, are in different timelines unless specified. I ship pretty much anything unless it’s incest or if they’re children paired with someone a lot older. Selfcest is fine though (mettaton x mettaton)

• I also only ship with chemistry. My muses need to get to know yours first, so don’t get disappointed if they only see you as a friend at first and have no intention of pursuing a romantic relationship with your muse. Give my muses reasons to care about your muse and let the feelings develop naturally, and don’t ever force your muse on mine. Give them time. I take relationships very slowly to let my muses develop their feelings, fyi, so don’t please don’t try to rush that. It’s not going to work if you do.

• I prefer not to roleplay with personals, unless you are someone I know from school or something like that.

• This blog can take place during or slightly before the true pacifist route unless specified, so interactions take place in the Underground. No mercy route AUs are definitely welcome here, too!

• If you are an OC, I will assume our muses have never met unless you plan ahead with me what their relationship is like. If they know Mettaton because he’s famous and all, that’s fine, but don’t expect him to know who you are. Napstablook will absolutely not know who you are.

• That being said, characters who have already interacted in canon will know each other. Unless the roleplay takes place in a different point of time and we are staging their first meeting, of course.

• I will tag common triggers and such, but don’t be afraid to tell me if you have something you want me to tag! I promise I’ll remember to tag it from then on. I do not have any known triggers myself.

| Requested tagged triggers:

| • none so far

• If you don’t specify a muse, I will automatically choose a muse whom I feel in the mood for roleplaying as, or who I feel I can reply to the thing easier as. Most likely, my main muse here will be the opposite Mettaton. This, of course, is subject to change.

• I’m pretty lenient with short replies. Don’t feel pressured to match the length if my reply gets long! Multi-para (usually 2-4 paragraphs) is my go-to for roleplays, so I usually do long replies by default.

• Adding onto that, I honestly don’t mind one-liners. I prefer it if you don’t give me one-liners, but hey, as long as I’m still having fun with the roleplay anyway, it’s cool with me! I understand not being able to think of anything to write, so just as long as you don’t give me one or two words as your reply like ‘He smiled.’ or ’*laughs*’, I’ll be cool with it. Put at least some effort even if you’re only gonna give me one sentence, otherwise I’ll drop the rp once it becomes a repeat offense.

• I will not change the formatting of my roleplays to fit yours. I’m comfortable with sticking to only paragraph style roleplays, thank you very much. Feel free to keep formatting your own posts though, because I think formatting looks really cool! I just don’t want to format my posts, however. I do not currently have many usable icons for this blog, and I will not go all out with formatting my own posts with all that cool ‘small text’, and indents, and bolding and all that. The most I ever do with my formatting is italics for emphasis on certain words.

• I don’t care if you refer to Napstablook with he/him pronouns either, but I will always refer to them with they/them in my own posts.

• If you start getting bored with the roleplay, feel free to drop it and/or end it. We can always start up another thread in the future.

• However, please let me know if you want to drop a roleplay thread! It can give me major anxiety when I’m waiting for a response that’s never going to come, and I wonder if I did something wrong and assume that’s why you’re not replying anymore :’) I’m not forcing you to let me know if you want to drop a thread, you can drop it without saying anything too. But I personally really appreciate being told about that sort of thing.

• Don’t reblog a thread you’re not part of. This should go without being said, of course.

• Please don’t claim any of my art as your own. If you post it somewhere, the least you can do is credit me by at least including a link to my blog or something. I prefer if you don’t repost my art without asking me first, though.

• I accept any sort of asks! If they aren’t answered after a while, either I don’t know how to answer it or I might be drawing it out and I am a very slow artist- Sorry-

• Feel free to tag me in any of those tagging memes! I don’t mind and I think they’re pretty fun to do! ^^

• Adding onto the above rule, you’re more than welcome to send me those chain asks like “send this to 10 roleplayers you think are really great!” because it’s super duper nice that you would think to send one to me! But don’t expect me to send them to other people, because I won’t :’) my anxiety won’t let me, so I’m sorry-

• If I follow you, that means I’ve already read all of your rules. I might not send the codephrase, though, because most of the time I get very anxious over having to send things like that. I’m very sorry–! But if I follow you then chances are that I have definitely read them before following- If you choose not to trust me on this, I understand.

• That being said, please let me know if I’m doing something that’s making you uncomfortable or is breaking one of your rules!! I do read the rules pages of everyone, but I’m human and forget things, and I’m not a mind reader either ;~; I care, so please tell me if I’m not doing anything bad

• I might not follow some people back for a few reasons, some might be for the type of content you post on your blog, but I am still non-selective! I will roleplay with anyone who asks (unless you wanna rp gross things or you’re a mean person,,,, like your muse can be as much of a dick as you want, that’s no problem but don’t be gross to other people as yourself) and if I do roleplay with you, I will be more likely to follow you as well.

• Adding onto the above rule, however, please respect that it’s nothing personal if I ever unfollow you either! It’s not that I hate you or anything, but if you haven’t followed me back and you’re a private rp blog, or if we’re mutuals but never really roleplay, our muses just don’t click, or you’ve become inactive for years and/or don’t interact with me anymore, there’s nothing wrong with that! We can still be friends but I prefer to have all the people I follow be potential rp partners. Feel free to follow me on my personal, @briightskies, if you still wanna keep in touch but not rp :’)

• I will only talk through the IM system ooc. If you send me a message through there, I will not respond with ooc brackets ((these things)) because I will automatically assume you know that you’re talking to the mun. I do not do roleplays on there.

Thank you for reading this really long list of rules! It means a lot if you did!

There’s no password, because I’m also anxious with those for other people’s blogs as I said above. But if you would like to interact with me, you can shoot me an ask directed to one of my muses, or like these posts at any time (also feel free to re-like those posts so I can make another starter for you at any time!) for me to write you a starter with Brash or Modest!

#rules #long post;;#links for mobile users #blog updates

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mrscitty · 6 years

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What happens after death (Part 1); Detroit Become Human Reader Insert (Anon Request)

Anons said: if you're still open for requests,, a character who was killed on duty, having to have their consiousness uploaded into an android would be neat. the aspects of transitioning into life like that, assisted by your coworker are interesting, i think., I’m not entirely sure that’s how they meant the request because I spun it way more than it probably needed to but I just couldn’t stop myself and write something a bit more elaborate bc this just gave me such a good idea. I’m on page 8 and still counting so I thought since it’s clearly becoming something bigger I’m just gonna post the first part to get some input while I’m writing on the next! I already started on it but it’s still just a draft so yeh

Also I’m sorry for not being active the last weeks. I had a lot to take care of before I could seriously sit down again to write but I’m not going into the details bc it’s honestly boring just so you know I’ve figured the most out and can get back to writing! So I would love some input on your part! Tips, request etc!

When you woke up you noticed immediately that something was immensely wrong. For starters when you opened your eyes you were blinded by a bright light combined with a white environment. This was not your bedroom. At first you thought you were in a hospital but when you looked around you noticed that the room was too furnished to be a simple hospital room.

There were paintings and other kinds of fancy furniture all around. These art pieces that were scattered all around really gave you a feeling of familiarity but you couldn't put your finger on it. Mainly because you were too busy figuring some other things out.

Your body was different. To be more precise it felt different. You knew your arms and legs were outstretched under a beige blanket but your body felt numb. A slow panic was spreading through you.

Where the hell are you and what is happening to your body?

Sitting up you took your environment in a second time. The sense of familiarity still present. Now that you were sitting up you took a good look at your body but it seemed normal. The only thing not normal was when you were touching your own skin it felt like there was a blanket in between the touch and your skin. What happened?

You wanted to freak out but something in you kept you level headed which you were thankful for at the moment. First you needed to find out where you are. So you threw the blanket away and stood up. Only then did you notice that you were in some white and blue pajamas. Those were not your pajamas.

Feeling even more uncomfortable you took a few steps around the room. There was this weird strength to your movements. As you walked around you looked into a few drawers. The most were empty but in one you found a framed article from a newspaper. It was a fairly old interview with Elijah Kamski. In fact you remembered this article. You read that years ago. It was one of the first interviews Kamski ever did.

Now why would that be here? Seeing the furniture, the art, the color scheme of the room and then this interview, you had a pretty good idea where you were and it made you angry. But first you wanted to make sure your suspicions are right.

Opening the door to your room you walked out in an equally bright hallway. You knew this hallway. Now you pretty much ran towards a door at the end of the hallway knowing it will lead to the lounge where he would probably be.

You slammed the door open to see the one and only Elijah Kamski sitting on a couch, watching TV.

Truth be told you and Kamski knew each other since you both were children. You both even started the project that later turned to the Androids you see today. He took on the programming while you tried to figure a way to implement it into actual machines. You were always handy with engineering.

You even considered him family at some point.

But when your both mentor, an old and sweet man, died he started a new project. He called it the Transfer project. Goal was to basically upload the memories of one person into a machine. There were reasons why you tried to convince Elijah to stop. You knew your mentor didn't want this, he always considered this to be the big taboo.

But Elijah wouldn't listen so one day you grabbed your tools and blueprints and left him with his projects. You really tried to stay and make him stop but at one point he just referred to their mentor as a subject which was the final straw for you. Humans were not just experiments to play with to see how far technology could go.

Standing there in the door frame, Elijah just looked at you. He had big circles under his eyes. Said eyes were slowly closing and opening like he had trouble to stay awake.

“What's going on? Why am I here? What happened?” you finally asked.

Elijah just nodded slowly and then pointed at the couch he was sitting , signaling to you to sit down which you did. Elijah has turned into a prick over the years but you couldn't help but be a little worried about him.

“What do you remember before coming here?” Elijah asked you.

You put your hand against your chin “I think I was on duty. We were chasing someone. I think I got shot in the arm, then I passed out. That... why am I here then? How long was I out? No, what is going on?”

Elijah nodded “Yes, you got shot in the arm. The shooter managed to hit an artery of yours. When the paramedics arrived it was too late. You bled out in some alleyway.”

“That... That is impossible. I'm still here... how... wait.” your voice gave out, tears were involuntarily rolling down your cheeks. So much was going through your mind that you couldn't properly build a sentence. Then Elijah just pointed at his right temple.

Following his movements you touched your right temple. There was some sort of smooth ring.

“Elijah... how... how could you. I'm... I'm an Android? You made me into an Android?” you croaked out. There was a god damn LED at the side of your head.

“I couldn't let you die” he tried to defend himself.

Not knowing better you slapped him “You knew very well how I think about this! I'm...I'm just a copy of my true self now! Hell I bet you have another copy of me on some of your super computers! If I die again will you transfer my memory into another Android?”

Elijah put his hand over the place were you slapped him, not looking at you “You don't get it. I just couldn't let you die by an Android! It was my fault!”

You scoffed “Elijah, I need clothes and I want to go home. Also delete whatever copy of me you have and never talk to me again! I don't want to see you and hear you ever again.”

“You've been away for nine months. Everybody thinks you are dead.”

“I am dead! I should be dead!” you interrupted him.

Elijah ignored this comment and continued “Listen, you don't have a home anymore to go to.”

“Elijah, give me clothes and a way to go to my old precinct. After that I never want to talk to you again.”

He nodded and pointed at a Chloe to get over “You heard her. Help her out please.”

“Very well. Please follow me.” The Chloe spoke softly and walked off. You following her not even giving Elijah a second glance.

Chloe took you to the room were you woke up in and opened a drawer exposing some of your old clothes. Did Elijah get them? Did he expect you to stay here?

“Thanks.” you muttered out as you walked towards the drawer.

Chloe nodded and was about to leave but you stopped her “One question. What do you think of me? We are... We are Androids right? So do you have an opinion on what he did with...me?”

The other Android seemed a bit confused that you would ask her something like this “I cannot say. Though I do know that when Kamski first heard of your death he immediately took action because he saw you as family.”

You nodded and turned back around, grabbing clothes to put on. Chloe took this as the sign that she could go which she did.

He brought you back because he considered you family, eh? What did that leave you with? Were you still human enough? You had emotions otherwise you wouldn't have reacted how you did but this could just be emulated? Was this real?

It surprised you how calm you were right now. Was it because of you or because you are an Android?

You put on just some jeans, a big sweatshirt and a beanie that you found in between. Before you walked out of the room you made sure that the beanie was covering the LED on the side of your face. Of course you could get rid off the LED but something stopped you. Is it because it's a reminder that you are in fact not a human anymore? You didn't know. Wait, where you considered a Deviant? You had to talk to someone. Your friends back at work would help you, right? Even though you changed? Even though you are not human anymore and should be dead?

Knowing your way through the mansion you walked towards the lobby of the place. Elijah was waiting for you. Ignoring him you stomped towards the door. As soon as your hand touched the actual door Elijah spoke “People will treat you differently now. You can always stay here (Y/N). I'm just saying that... be careful...”

“Thank you, Elijah. Though I have to ask that you please shut up.”

Then you left. Outside stood a self driving car. Ready for you. You got in and drove off towards the precinct. The snow didn't feel the same. You missed it. Though at this point only memories were left of it and in a way there were only memories left of you either.

You were holding yourself together pretty well during the drive but once you managed to get back to the precinct it felt so unbelievable. You were afraid. Afraid that your friend will treat you differently. Think of you differently. How they will react. What will happen to you now?

Are you officially now just an Android? If so are you considered Deviant and therefore considered a threat?

Since you had no real plan on how to get into the precinct in order that you could talk with your friends, you decided to go somewhere else. You knew of a certain food truck a friend of yours frequented either in breaks or after work for a quick bite of some fast food.

It seemed fate finally decided to throw you a bone.

While walking towards the food truck you noticed a familiar car. A car you mostly involuntarily spent a lot of time in. The memories made you chuckle, and yet an uneasiness still spread throughout your body. Memories are such a precious thing but now they leave a bitter after taste. The memories you remembered were just copies of the real thing.

Standing on the other side of the street you looked over to the tables where your old partner in police force was enjoying his favorite meal. How should you go on? Just walk up to him and say “Hey! Surprise! I'm not dead! Kind of! I'm dead but also I'm here now as an Android!”

Hank hated Androids, everyone back in the precinct knew that so whatever you needed to do it needed to be a bit more tactful. Gathering your thoughts you begun formulating a plan in your head while leaning against the wall. As you pulled your beanie back down to make sure your LED was hidden an idea was forming in your head. Seems like the straight forwards way is probably the best course of action, you just needed to be slow and careful with your approach.

This whole situation was really nuts. To be honest you wouldn't have believed this was possible and that this was all real if you actually didn't work with Kamski back a few years ago and saw how he started the project.

You wanted to do good with what you were working on with that prick Kamski but after the whole ordeal with his Transfer Project you left and pursued a career in the police department where you met Hank Anderson. An old grizzly man who has been a delight to work with. Well not at first but after a few weeks Hank opened more up and you would now even consider Hank a close friend of yours.

That's exactly why you knew you just needed to take all the confidence you got and march on over to him. Admittedly you put a lot of trust in the friendship you and Hank shared hoping that this would save you from an ...immediate rejection at least.

Your legs almost moved on their own. This strength in your movement was weird. It was just not as you remembered how movement should feel. Do you feel though? As angry as this thought made you, you shoved the feeling into the back of your head. Not the right time to deal with it.

Before you fully realized it you stood a few feet in front of Hank who in return slowly put his burger back down in the carton the burger was previously put in. He was visibly confused that some random person was standing in front of him, looking down and not talking.

“Can I help you?” he finally asked. Annoyance was clear in his voice, after all you interrupted him eating his food. Also it was maybe a tad bit creepy how you just stood there.

Your plan to just slowly reintroduce yourself seemed suddenly really stupid. If you could you would take in a deep breath and finally look him in the eyes but since you don't need to breath anymore, which was a weird feeling in general but that was something for later to unpack, you just looked up and walked even more towards Hank so he could get a better look at you.

Honestly you wanted to cry when you saw Hank staring mouth agape at you but you pulled yourself together.

“(Y/N)? How?” Hank croaked out.

'How?' he asked, eh? To show him 'how' you pulled your beanie off and showed him your now yellow LED ring. Though this probably offered the thought that you were either always an Android but considering he saw you bleed red blood this was off the table or the other question for him was now if you were the real you which you couldn't even answer yourself.

When Hank suddenly grabbed the edge of the table you talked again “Good morning, Lieutenant. I'm ready to solve some murder cases!”

This was the first thing you said in the first few weeks when you arrived to work after meeting Hank and it annoyed the ever living shit out of him so of course you had to continue this as long as you could.

“It's really you? I saw you dead on the ground in a pool of your own blood! Hell! I've been to your funeral! What the ever living fuck is going on (Y/N)!” he cried out.

“It's a long story so … Listen … I did … die. I really did. I remember being shot and falling unconscious and then I suddenly woke up as an Android.” you begun explaining everything to Hank. Absolute everthing. Telling him everything that happened back at Kamski's place and what you yourself knew of the Transfer Project and where it originated from.

After hearing all of that Hank took slow steps towards his car and pointed at it “I... need to sit. Come on, kid.”

He didn't even wait for affirmation on your part. Following Hank to his car you opened the door to the passenger seat and sat next to Hank down. A wave of nostalgia hitting you. You spent a lot of time in this car when you were on stake outs with Hank.

For you those nine months passed without you. It felt like you fell unconscious in that alley way and woke up maybe a few days later and yet you couldn't help yourself getting a little bit nostalgic.

The next minutes you both just sat silently in the car. Silence hung in the air like blanket making everything more awkward than it already was and yet there was nothing you could think of to say. You looked towards Hank who was deep in thought. Sometimes he would shake his head or look over at your for a brief moment.

You were desperately thinking of something to say. Something to take the tension away but nothing came to your mind instead Hank resolved it by turning on his car.

Surprised you looked over to Hank awaiting an explanation. Said explanation came after he drove off the parking space “I have someone you need to meet back in the precinct but he is... home already.” There was this bitterness in his voice you couldn't really decipher the origin of.

“You don't have a place to stay so until we figure things out so you can stay with me.”

“Thank you, Hank” you blurted out.

“Of course, don't sound so surprised.”

“Honestly I thought you would somehow reject me? I guess? Seeing how I'm... I'm an Android now and all. I don't even know what I really am now. What this means for me.”

“I hope he will clear some things up maybe.” Hank muttered under his breath before answering you “If everything is true what you told me then that's enough for me. You are clearly still you. Your body might be different but honestly if you didn't have that damn LED on your temple I probably would've thought you straight up dug yourself out of your grave.”

Your grave. Right.

“Hank, before we drive to your place I need to see something.”

#Detroit become Human #Reader Insert #Hank Anderson #Dbh Hank #dbh fanfiction #reader

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petestarebanks · 6 years

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tl;dr: i'm on mobile and i wish i could put a read more on this just as much as you do

the world is a funny place. i just remembered some weird things that have happened over the last 3-4 years that i've never really talked about on here or at least that i never described in detail, so i'm gonna do a thing where i get everything out onto a tumblr post that will disappear into the void forever, feel free to keep scrolling if you don't want to hear personal stories about my life.

table of contents: this is going to be about 3 people in particular and here is a brief synopsis of whom they are -

public enemy 1 - the first person i ever had real feelings for, when i was 16, who i never dated or did anything more than flirt with because he would go for a couple weeks being sweet and then months of dating other girls, repeated over the course of 2 years, while claiming that we were close friends (looking back i don't think we were ever really friends tbh) - furthermore refered to as E

holy fuckover - the first guy i had sex with, who i hardly knew when i first got involved with, but who i liked a whole lot and this whole situation was a shitstorm but ultimately i didn't want a relationship when he did and then he didn't want a relationship when i did and then he met someone else and now we don't speak - furthermore referred to as H

lover boy - someone who has been a good friend to me for over seven years, but who for the last two and a half years has been trying to become more than friends while he is still dating and living with the mother of his child, and i'm not having it - furthermore referred to as L

one night in october 2014 i took a nap on my couch during a baseball game and when i woke up i had not one but two messages from both H and E. now this is wild because E went to college in tally in june 2012 and forgot to continue nurturing friendships with me or any of our mutual friends. he still communicated with his other friends from high school and just people in general that me and my friends didn't know, but not us. he would randomly message me for no reason throughout those 2 years in between but at this point in october 2014 i hadn't heard from him in idk probably like 6 months to a full year. meanwhile H and i stopped speaking in october 2013, and i think i had one conversation with him in like early 2014 but otherwise no communication. so on that night in october 2014 as i woke up from a nap to groggily check my phone and see 2 little bubbles, both oddly on facebook messenger, from 2 ghosts from my past, who i still had pretty strong feelings for at the time, i was reasonably baffled as to how in the fuck the cosmos had aligned to torment me so on this day in particular. nothing exciting happened, i talked to them both for like an hour before they got bored and left my stupid ass on read feeling like i should have performed a power move by leaving them on read in the first place.

the next memory that randomly occurred to me tonight was my 22nd birthday. L's birthday is the day before mine and in 2015, we met up at my former job, where i had been pregaming, so i was kinda lit, and it just so happened that that was the first night i saw E in at least uhhhhhhh i'd say 2 years but it might have only been 1 year idk anyway i hadn't had any communication with him since that night in october 2014 so i did what i usually do to people when i don't know how to properly function socially, which is ghost them in real life by not making eye contact and pretending i don't realize they're there. like an hour or so passed before i think he approached me but again i was lowkey drunk so i hardly remember anyway we greeted each other and he joked about me being drunk and i said something along the lines of "it's my birthday tomorrow i can do what i want" and that was the extent of that interaction before i went with L and some other friends to do karaoke at a bar to end L's birthday and ring in my birthday (E wished me a happy birthday for the first time in idk a couple years and on my facebook wall no less, where he made another comment about me being drunk) - we karaoke'd 22 by taylor swift bc it was only right as well as our song by taylor swift (i was with 3 adult men so i still laugh about it to this day)

anyway the whole seeing E thing on my 22nd birthday is a minor detail compared to the actual memory that i randomly thought of tonight.

on my birthday in 2015 which was the next day, a group of us, totalling i think like 22 people, went to a hibachi restaurant to celebrate bc my best friend and i share a date of birth (i love her wow) and after the dinner i still wanted to go out and do something bc it was like 10:30 and i wasn't done turning up but it was also like a tuesday or wednesday i think and my friends all wanted to rest so the only person who was willing to go out was L and we went to the same bar where we had done karaoke and this was the first time i think EVER that we hung out just the two of us. at that time in my mind we were just friends but as i found out later, he had already decided he wanted to be more than friends with me at this point. a detail that is only important when i explain that another one of our friends at dinner was talking loudly to me about H because i had told him like 1 detail about the situation and my dumbass sister and our other friend had told him a few more details smh ANYWAY they mentioned him by name as though i was even still involved with him but like i had literally told them it had been years since i was involved with this person like???? well at the bar L asked me "so what's up with this H person" and wouldn't you know it that as luck would have it H had messaged me a little after 1am and as L was asking, i had a message from H on my phone. again i hadn't heard from H probably since october 2014 so the fact that he was messaging me to let me know he was both drunk and high on my birthday without acknowledging that it was my birthday and i had to let him know that it was my birthday, was just another one of those weird fucking alignments of the cosmos.

anyway, my birthday in 2015 was just a weird memory because of the random interactions with both H and E within 24 hours and then unknowingly making L jealous by showing him that i was still in communication with what could almost qualify as an "ex" (even though i really wasn't in communication with him at all).

it's kinda like how on a certain date in february 2010 E and i told each other we liked each other for the first time and then on that same date in february 2013 H and i fooled around for a few hours and i think it was the best sex we ever had. or how in october 2012 i listened to the final moments of the world series as the t*gers lost and rooting against the g*ants while giving H head and in october 2016 i sat and watched the g*ants get eliminated from the playoffs with L who is a t*gers fan.

it just goes to show that like dates are just dates until they become a memory and idk what more i can say about that.

#men smh #personal

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its-love-u-asshole · 6 years

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Slipping Underneath [Ch. 5]

Pairings: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei

Summary: Tsukishima was in some deep shit he realized, but common sense told him he should have been rather happy about the discovery he’d just made. Of course, that didn’t stop him from freaking out.

“Tsukki? Did something happen?” Bokuto asked.

Dejected, the blond lifted his head, giving Bokuto the flattest stare he could manage. “The neighbor downstairs hates my voice.”

Rating: T

Tags: soulmates, mythology/sirens AU, some iwaoi and bokuaka thrown in bc why not, first meetings, fluff, Kuroo is a nerd and Tsukki can’t help but be charmed, Siren!Tsukki, Siren!Bokuto

Note: Hello! Thanks for your patience, those of you who have to deal with my terrible update schedule lol. We’re so close to the end here honestly...I’m really excited for the next chapter lmao I just hope I find time to write it ^^’’ I am taking 20 units this quarter at uni so I apologize for the slowness. My main goal is to finish this up within the month or so, and then my focus can be entirely on Let My Love! So wish me luck, and enjoy this update! <3

AO3

The more and more Oikawa pestered Kuroo about his 'plan' the less Kuroo was interested. From the get go, he hadn't exactly been enthused about the little siren experiment anyways. Even Kuroo, someone who believed in cryptids and vampires and the like, couldn't fathom his boyfriend being some bloodthirsty creature from the deep.

Still he knew he'd eventually be forced into carrying out the plan, if only to eliminate the possibility. If it could even be called that.

Sirens. When was the last time there had been a siren sighting? A siren experience? Never. Not once in the last hundred years. Kuroo had checked, much to his embarrassment. He'd scrolled through message boards and chat threads for hours, yet the most he could find were a few interesting fanfictions and art depicting mermaid type creatures. All women. All not real.

He was being ridiculous, taking things too far. So what if it was sort of weird how guys crowded Tsukishima?

Kuroo's boyfriend was amazing, and gorgeous. Kuroo got his fair share of confessions himself. He was probably just too new to this whole jealousy thing, too new to the relationship thing altogether. But that was okay. He and Tsukishima were figuring it out, and they were having a great time along the way.

Screw Oikawa and his persistence.

Oikawa was just bored, needed a break from school and wedding planning, and probably thought the whole thing was one big joke. Kuroo thought ignoring him would be simple, and eventually the brunet would grow bored with this idea too, letting it fade into the background.

So far, that hadn't happened yet.

"Hey, so when are we going to do this?"

"Hey, Tsukishima has Tuesday afternoons off right? What about we test him then?"

"If he is a siren, do you think he'll eat us? Do sirens eat people?"

Kuroo's phone was busy with texts and phone calls, all from Oikawa. Even when he put his phone on silent, he felt like he could still feel each notification, lighting up from across the room. So much for studying.

Kuroo planted his face into his textbook as he saw his phone glow on the coffee table in front of him. The apartment remained silent apart from the groan he let loose into the cold air. With finals approaching, the campus communities had gotten quieter, less lively. In the distance, Kuroo could hear dulled music from a party, but otherwise, all was still. The formulas in his book looked tiny and unreadable, his mind too frenzied to really give them the attention they deserved. Not like he really needed to. He'd aced this chapter, as he usually did. He was only reviewing it to stay sharp.

Oikawa was gone this weekend, traveling to Iwaizumi's dorm for once to torture a different roommate, but he obviously had the time to bug the fuck out of Kuroo. Chucking his textbook across the couch, Kuroo snatched up his phone, reading the messages with disinterest.

Oikawa Tooru: Iwa-chan is in

Oikawa Tooru: by in I mean he got tired of telling me no

Oikawa Tooru: this plan is gold Kuroo!! when are we going to test it??

Kuroo snorted as he read through the various complaints which came after. Apparently, Kuroo was afraid of the 'unknown' or something. What the fuck. Kuroo Tetsurou, afraid of the unknown? Afraid of a challenge? He'd once attempted to eat eight saltines in less than a minute, ignoring the chance of choking. In his hubris, he'd nearly passed out from lack of air. Did that sound like someone who was afraid of anything? Not to mention, he'd once dragged the brunet into camping with him for two nights in search of bigfoot when they'd studied abroad in America. The unknown was Kuroo Tetsurou's bitch.

Typing out a series of refusals to Oikawa's demands, Kuroo felt another chill run through him, and he instinctively rolled into a ball on the couch. It'd been cold all night, but he'd been too stubborn to blast the heater, instead choosing to pile on blankets. Now though, nothing seemed good enough. He needed real heat, real comfort.

And there's a surefire way to get it...

Kuroo's eyes twinkled as he glanced up to the ceiling, hearing nothing. Good. That meant Tsukishima's roommate wasn't home. Kuroo hadn't met Bokuto Koutarou quite yet, but from what Tsukishima told him, he sounded like a lot of fun. Fun, but with loud footsteps. Kuroo always knew when Tsukishima was alone as a result. Perfect.

Now, he knew that technically, Tsukishima was busy writing a paper, but well...It had been a few hours since he'd last heard from his boyfriend. The blond deserved a break, and a healthy dose of Kuroo.

Pocketing his phone, Kuroo might as well have skipped onto the balcony, ready to make his climb. Tsukishima would scold him for being so reckless (and yeah okay, maybe he should've just taken the elevator), but the power of love couldn't be stopped. Besides, it was nostalgic now. This was how they'd met.

Kuroo ignored the voice in the back of his head which chose to latch onto more specific details. Right, when you'd climbed up to make him stop his horrid singing, singing which apparently only sounds that way to you. Because you're weird.

Kuroo shook his head, lifting himself with minimal effort until he was standing amongst all of Tsukishima's potted plants. A few looked like they were having a tough time, given the weather, but Tsukishima's meticulous care never wavered. They'd survive the cold.

Kuroo smiled fondly at the various shears and trowels littered about, along with the empty packets of seeds which Kuroo had gifted his boyfriend.

Looking forward, the orange glow of the lights already made him feel warmer. Or maybe it was just the person illuminated by them, Kuroo couldn't tell anymore.

He watched fondly as Tsukishima yawned, his slender fingers stilling in the midst of their furious typing. The blond had an oversized quilt flung around his shoulders, and he wore his designated 'comfy' sweatpants, old food stains and all.

Kuroo felt his heart lurch at the tired lines on his boyfriend's face, the instant need to pull him close overpowering him. Not bothering to knock, Kuroo pulled the sliding glass door open, pleased to find it unlocked.

It wasn't everyday he got the drop on his boyfriend, so he savored the 3.5 seconds of shock which flitted across his face before it turned into something less amused. "I'm writing a paper you know..."

Regardless, Tsukishima shut his computer almost instantly, a clear hint he'd had just about enough of academic jargon and citations.

"Well as you know, it's cold and I need warmth, so I win," Kuroo said, grinning as he plopped himself onto the couch. The old frame creaked under his weight, his body sinking into the cushions which desperately needed vacuuming. He heard Tsukishima scoff above him, and it only made his comfort skyrocket. Kuroo wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him closer. Tsukishima wasn't exactly a human heater, since the blond suffered from the cold easier than most, but the added heat and softness made Kuroo sigh. They'd had breakfast just that morning together, but it really had been too long.

Tsukishima swallowed a laugh when Kuroo nuzzled his stomach, and Kuroo savored the moment for as long as he could before his self-control gave out, and he looked up. Tsukishima looked a lot more tired up close.

Kuroo blinked up at him, and Tsukishima's brow furrowed. "What?"

Kuroo shrugged, his hand coming up to trace the deep bags underneath his boyfriend's eyes. Tsukishima's chapped lips parted from the suddenness, but he stayed put, watching Kuroo think. The dry skin beneath Kuroo's fingers worried him. He wondered when his boyfriend had actually thought to take a shower or rest. "You study too much, you're gonna faint one of these days if you don't watch it..."

He spoke the truth too. Once Tsukishima sat down and set his mind to some sort of assignment, he didn't stop until it was done. Kuroo had learned this over the past few weeks, mostly because he realized he possessed a unique gift.

He could actually pull Tsukishima away from his work without much of a fight, and he took advantage of it whenever he thought his blond got too close to overdoing it.

Tsukishima laughed, lightly swatting Kuroo's hand away. "I won't."

Kuroo arched a brow, swatting Tsukishima back. He couldn't help but think that even looking near zombie level tired, the blond looked adorable. "How can you be so sure?"

He walked into a trap, he knew it, but it wasn't like he really tried hard to avoid it.

"I have a certain burglar who checks in on me frequently," Tsukishima said, his smile betraying the attempt at a jab. The hands curling gently in Kuroo's hair also served as an unfair distraction, Kuroo's number one weakness. Tsukishima's hands were magic, and the raven leaned into the touch gratefully. "He has no qualms about trespassing, so I'm sure he'll be around to nag me to sleep."

Little shit.

"You're the one who leaves the door unlocked!"

"Yeah, the patio door. The top floor patio door. That's not an invitation," Tsukishima insisted, but his smile hadn't wavered, and Kuroo had done his job. Already, the blond looked way more relaxed than before. The tenseness disappeared from his shoulders, and he'd begun sinking into the cushions of the couch, Kuroo's head in his lap. Perfect conditions.

Subtly, Kuroo pushed Tsukishima's cursed laptop farther away until it was out of sight. Couldn't risk the blond remembering his paper and trying to work on it for another three hours. He had a few days before it'd be due, plenty of time to finish.

Kuroo was set to turn in for the rest of the night, maybe take advantage of Bokuto's absence, but then he saw the expensive headphones which were connected to Tsukishima's laptop, and his mind flooded with the one topic he'd constantly pushed away. Music.

Kuroo's eyes roamed over the coffee table, noting the iPod touch sitting on it. Tsukishima hated carrying his music on his phone, especially due to storage. He had close to a thousand songs on there already, and the number was sure to grow. Kuroo felt something in his brain itch, a horrid scratch he couldn't ignore any longer. Not when it surrounded him.

Tsukishima loved music, loved singing. The evidence was everywhere. From the album posters on the wall, to the fact that whenever Kuroo turned on the small television it was on a music channel, or hooked up to Spotify. Tsukishima owned a record player, a birthday gift, and had his favorite albums pressed onto vinyl. There was a music note keychain hanging from his backpack, he had two pairs of in-ear headphones alongside his expensive ones.

When they were in Kuroo's car, the first thing the blond did was tune the radio to his preferred channel, pointing out when a song was new or when he liked a certain artist. His leg would bounce as he fought not to sing along, and he probably thought Kuroo didn't notice. But Kuroo did. Kuroo noticed everything.

Everyone thought Tsukishima's god given talent was singing, and all evidence lead to that being fairly accurate. No matter who Kuroo talked to, they thought his boyfriend's voice was lovely. So why didn't he?

Why did Tsukishima have to fight other guys off with a stick? Why didn't he indulge himself in his singing, no matter how terrible, around Kuroo? Surely, they were on that level now where he shouldn't care or be embarrassed. Before, the blond had insisted it was a privacy thing, something he preferred to do without an audience, but Kuroo grew less and less sure over time.

"Tetsu, are you alive up there?" Tsukishima said, tapping Kuroo's forehead gently with his index finger. The itch was unbearable now, his mind latching onto the question he so desperately needed the answer to. Tsukishima's soft, loving tone was the last straw. The words delighted his ears, made him melt, and yeah he probably loved Tsukishima if something as simple as his voice could do something like that too him. But then again, maybe his voice wasn't simple in the slightest.

"Sing for me," Kuroo whispered, almost against his will. His breath caught as the last syllable left his mouth, but goddammit, he was sticking with this. Kuroo blinked, watching as Tsukishima's face morphed from calm, to surprised, to something Kuroo could only describe as troubled. He'd never seen that expression before. He didn't like it.

"What...what are you talking about?" Tsukishima fumbled with his words, his hand leaving Kuroo's hair as he crossed his arms. "No way, that's embarrassing."

Something in Kuroo's stomach twisted, a weird foreboding creeping through his veins. Still, he put on an easy grin, a joking tone. "Aw c'mon, I sing all the time while we're in the car..."

Tsukishima didn't crack a smile. "I don't like singing in front of people, I told you already. I can put on some music if--"

"Why not? It's just us, I don't care," Kuroo insisted, and he knew at this point, he was pushing. He had to stop. But that feeling in his heart kept growing, the feeling that Tsukishima was hiding from him. Why? "I wanna hear your voice."

Tsukishima just stared at him, expression unreadable, until his next words trickled out of his mouth cautiously, carefully.

"You hate my singing, and I'm talking to you right now," Tsukishima said with a frustrated sigh. "Isn't that enough?"

"But you love singing, don't you," Kuroo said, more a statement than anything. Tsukishima bit his lip, the chapped skin cracking.

"Love is a strong word," he mumbled, staring at his hands. Kuroo kicked himself, but he couldn't reel himself in. He hadn't realized how upset this had been making him, how confused. He was being a dick now, but--

"You do. So why won't you sing?" He asked, trying to tack on a forced laugh so he could at least try to keep up the lighthearted mood he was pretending to be in.

Something in Tsukishima's expression snapped. The blond glared, one of those cold, icy ones which would stop anyone in their tracks. "Why won't you drop it? I told you I don't want to, I just get shy. Why are you being so insistent about it?"

And like that, Kuroo's stupid drive for the truth shattered into pieces. Tsukishima's eyes were bright with a weird mix of confusion and anger, his words too frenzied for his usually calm nature. It was Kuroo's fault.

What are you doing man?

He sighed loudly, wishing he could bang his head against the wall, but he figured that would solve nothing in the long run.

He'd let himself get carried away, and he knew better. Tsukishima kept looking anywhere but him, and the warmth from before had faded away. Now there was nothing, just a staleness he wanted to escape as soon as he could. He never should've forced anything on Tsukishima, they'd had this conversation before. He respected the blond's choice to not sing, no matter how bizarre it was.

Kuroo cared about Tsukishima, trusted him. Even if he was hiding something, Kuroo had to be careful about solving the mystery. He knew he wouldn't be able to help it, wouldn't be able to stay away. It was just who he was. Curious, determined. But he refused to lose Tsukishima along the way.

Plus, he was a man of science. Things had to be tested to achieve any level of truth.

No more bulldozing. No more hurting his blond, all Kuroo wanted to do was curl up next to him, and rest.

The strained silence between them wasn't what Kuroo wanted, and tentatively, he reached forward, uncrossing Tsukishima's arms gently. He hated when he did that around him, that wasn't how they were supposed to be. Tsukishima let it happen easily, his face softening in a rare show of guilt, and yeah, Kuroo felt twice as shitty.

But he could fix this, for now at least.

Kuroo placed his hand on Tsukishima's knee, not wanting to overstep too soon. "Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done...whatever that was," he laughed, wincing at the sound a second later. "I was being a dick, alright? I don't care if you sing or not I just...I know you love it so much, I started feeling like you were forcing yourself not to around me. So I got sort of...upset, because I want you to be comfortable and--"

"Tetsurou, I am...comfortable," Tsukishima said, his voice hesitating at the blatant admission. The tops of his cheeks were flushed pink, but the glare still burned Kuroo's skin. Mostly because part of his reasoning was a lie. But he couldn't just come out and say 'sorry, my friend thinks you're a siren, and I'm starting to think so too' could he? He didn't like lying to Tsukishima, but...holy fuck this situation was so weird. If Oikawa was wrong, which he probably was, Kuroo was going to feel like the world's biggest idiot.

"But--"

"I'm more comfortable with you than I've ever felt with anyone, so shut up," Tsukishima insisted, quickly, and all the honesty looked like it was physically hurting him. But Tsukishima was trying, was doing this for Kuroo.

God, I'm the worst.

"And yeah whatever, I like to sing but I just don't like to around people," Tsukishima said with a sigh. Kuroo scolded himself when he had to stop himself from asking why. It wasn't important right then. "It's not just a you thing. My parents, my friends, I hate having an audience, that's all. It's not because I'm not close to you, because..."

And, in an attempt to murder Kuroo on the spot, Tsukishima leaned forward, pecking Kuroo on the lips in the blink of an eye.

"...obviously that's not true," Tsukshima finished, quietly, and he didn't leave Kuroo much of a choice. He leaned forward, seizing Tsukishima's lips again, kisses only broken my muttered apologies and the eventual laughter as the tension faded, forgotten.

In the morning, Kuroo felt refreshed and light, with an underlying current of resolve rushing through his veins. As much as he loved Tsukishima, last night had only confirmed his suspicions. Something bigger was going on, and he had to know.

He left Tsukishima's apartment, happy and as lovesick as ever, kissing the blond goodbye before returning to his own home.

Oikawa must've returned at some point earlier in the morning, because he sat at the table, munching on some toast while he flipped through cake catalogues. When Kuroo walked into the room from the balcony, Oikawa's face twisted in confusion, but Kuroo didn't give him the chance to speak.

"So, what's your plan?"

This was not going to fucking work.

"I changed my mind, I wanna go home," Kuroo deadpanned as he watched Oikawa crouch beneath a few bushes. There's a bench ten feet from us...

Iwaizumi looked perhaps even less hopeful than Kuroo did, but his eyes still shone with the slightest fondness as he watched his boyfriend execute his painfully stupid plan. Iwaizumi probably wasn't new to any of the brunet's antics, in fact he probably found them endearing.

Can't relate.

That was just how love worked though, Kuroo guessed. He ignored the guilt that stabbed his chest.

"There's no going back now," Oikawa whispered, making them look more suspicious than need be. Seriously, they could just sit...

The greenhouse sat across the cobblestone path in front of them. They were hidden, but had a fairly good view of anyone coming in and out of the greenhouse. Not like that helped them any, what could they tell just from looking on the outside? This whole plan was amateurish at best.

"How are we supposed to get proof anyways?" Iwaizumi chimed in, his brow furrowed in confusion. The scribbles in Oikawa's notebook had offered no clarity whatsoever. "If he really is a siren, won't I just be hypnotized? Or something..."

Iwaizumi blushed at the fact he was actually hypothesizing. Oikawa's influence always meant trouble for everyone...

"That's why you're going to record everything on your phone!" Oikawa practically vibrated with excitement, and Kuroo liked this idea less and less. "Once we see Tsukishima walk into the greenhouse, you'll turn on your camera and put it in your front pocket!"

Looking down, Iwaizumi indeed noticed the two front pockets on his jacket. He shot an unimpressed look at his boyfriend, and yeah, now he looked how Kuroo felt. "Is this why you made such a fuss about picking out my clothes this morning?"

Oikawa shrugged, his face bright and his smile positively infuriating. "Aw babe, don't say it like that! I also bought that for you, ya know. And look! We're matching!" Oikawa gestured to his navy blue sweater, a nice compliment to the jean jacket and navy sweater Iwaizumi wore, and Kuroo wanted to barf.

"Okay and then what?" Kuroo asked, pushing his hair back in frustration. He hated this idea so far, or maybe he hated the guilt laced behind it. Was he really this desperate? So desperate, he was going to spy on his boyfriend just for some farfetched theory?

He honestly didn't know anymore, the questions bouncing around his head making him sick. This was ridiculous. He should've just asked Tsukishima straight out about the siren thing, no matter how stupid he might sound.

But Kuroo couldn't dwell on his failed communication skills, he couldn't turn back either. Something about seeing Iwaizumi setting up the camera made Kuroo want to see things through. He'd pushed this far already, he'd have to suffer the consequences if he got caught.

"Well duh, Iwaizumi will hear him sing, fall under the spell, and...well...I don't actually know what happens after that," Oikawa said, his face stony from thinking. "Or if it happens like that at all...that's why this'll be interesting!"

You're so sure you'll be right...

What did Oikawa know? Kicking at the dirt, Kuroo scoffed. "Hope so. You're sure comfortable with sending your boyfriend out to be seduced, must be worth it..."

Okay so maybe Kuroo was simply being pissy at this point, but he did feel a great deal of satisfaction from the way Oikawa's hands tightened in the fabric of Iwaizumi's shirt, his face twisted into a grimace. Kuroo hated the thought too, despised the idea of anyone hitting on his blond, fake or not.

He just wanted Oikawa to share some of his frustration, even if only a little. In this situation, being an observer simply didn't feel fair.

Kuroo tried not to remember all the guys he'd seen coming onto Tsukishima, lest he imagine Iwaizumi in their place. Iwaizumi was just lucky Kuroo liked him. Not that Kuroo would get out of that fight scratch free if they weren't friends, since Iwaizumi was fucking ripped, but like hell would Kuroo go down easy.

"It's for...science so it--it's fine," Oikawa hissed, and Iwaizumi's hands immediately covered Oikawa's trembling ones. They always did this weird thing, where it was as if they could communicate without speaking. Iwaizumi would look deep into Oikawa's eyes, and a natural dialogue started, the product of years of built up trust and devotion. It was too intimate for Kuroo to stand for too long, especially with how shitty he felt, so he turned away to let them have their moment.

As Oikawa made sure to make the phone less visible, Kuroo noticed a certain blond enter the greenhouse across the road, and the reality of the situation finally sank in his stomach like a heavy stone.

No going back now.

Stepping into the greenhouse had become less of an escape for Tsukishima, and more of an instant relief. As he crossed the threshold onto the soil stained floor, he shut the door lightning fast, his vocal chords practically begging for release of some kind.

The urge left him powerless, the pull inescapable. The strength to resist diminished more with each passing day with Kuroo, every stupid text sent during lectures, every lazy day spent in Tsukishima's bed. Part of it continued to unnerve Tsukishima. How had it gotten like this? But like his resistance against the notes wanting to flow from his soul, the need to care about that also began to lessen drastically. Perhaps Bokuto had been right all along.

A singing siren is a happy siren.

Tsukishima scoffed at his own silly thoughts, focusing on his work. Of course, that didn't stop the music.

It started as humming usually, a slow, melodic buzzing which carried through the large space and eased the tension in his shoulders. Then, as he busied himself with his tasks, it grew louder and louder, eventually turning into lyrics which echoed off the walls. Like a mini concert hall, the acoustics adored Tsukishima's voice, and he couldn't bring himself to stop.

He liked to think it benefited the plants too, or at least, that had been his poor excuse given to Bokuto the other day.

Either way, Tsukishima felt light as air, and his voice only grew in liveliness as he worked.

Well, until something in the air shifted, and a door slammed behind him. His notes halted, cut off unnaturally and falling like shards in the air. It made Tsukishima cringe, the interruption making his skin crawl before he'd even fully registered it.

He really did hate having an audience.

Watering can half full, Tsukishima turned and glared at his unwelcome visitor. He cursed himself for not locking the door behind him, but the thought got cut short by the sheer strangeness of this situation.

This guy...wasn't coming up to him. Yet, Tsukishima could tell he'd been affected. The other's intense grey eyes were wet and dazed, almost empty of all emotion other than the usual lust. No doubt about it, he'd heard Tsukishima sing. Not good. Tsukishima's voice had been a forced to be reckoned with lately. It would take a while for this guy to snap out of it.

He looks familiar...

Something about the spiked hair and tan skin picked at Tsukishima's brain, but he couldn't figure it out. Shaking the thought away, Tsukishima put the can down, walking slowly towards the other. It at least got a reaction.

"Why'd you stop singing? I liked your singing..." The other said, his voice near a sigh. It was the same, annoying dreamy voice which guys always used on him. It was only cute when Kuroo did it. Still, there was no 'you're so pretty' or 'I'll do anything for you' thrown in, which was...different. Usually dudes wouldn't shut up. They'd pester the hell out of Tsukishima, flirting and begging and whatever else they thought would work.

This guy just stood there blinking.

I wonder...

"Yeah I'm sure, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now," Tsukishima said, keeping his voice calm. Anger didn't exactly make the spell break faster.

The stranger's brow furrowed. "But...then I can't hear you sing. I want to hear you sing. I mean it..."

"No, you don't," Tsukishima sighed. "Listen..."

"I'll...do anything..."

Ah, there it was, if not a little more strained than usual. This guy was a fighter. Tsukishima squinted, crossing his arms. "You really don't mean that. You'll only regret it later. Don't you have a girlfriend or something?"

"Boyfriend," the other answered easily. Yeah, that explained it. It was harder to enchant those who were already in love with someone else, though not by much. All Tsukishima would have to do to break that resistance would be singing again with a bit more purpose. Then he could make this poor soul do anything he wanted, fall head over heels for him. Of course, he felt no need to do that. Tsukishima didn't need someone else's boyfriend, he had his own. Plus, now that he did have one, he had to respect the stranger's deep-rooted loyalty. Even under a siren song, he still clung to whatever he could of his partner.

Tsukishima massaged his temples, wondering how it always came to this. All he'd wanted to do was tend to the greenhouse, but no.

"You really do need to leave then. I'm not going to sing for you," he said, frustrated. He just wanted this to be over. "I'm not--"

"Why not? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you--"

"Is it because of the camera?"

Tsukishima froze, his gaze locking on the desperate look in the other's eyes. Something cold ran through Tsukishima's veins, a piercing fear, like fast acting poison. No...

No, he didn't hear right.

Tsukishima throat suddenly felt dry as Bokuto's face flashed in his mind, along with all the other fellow sirens he'd grown up with. His community, his existence. All of it, potentially at risk. It had to be a mistake...

"What camera?" He asked slowly, trying to keep his voice from cracking. All the while his mind raced with questions. How had he been found out? Was he being watched? Were there more people outside? Was Bokuto okay?

"This one," the other said, like it was nothing, pulling out his phone from his coat pocket. Delicately, Tsukishima took it, eyes wide. Sure enough, the camera app was open, recording the whole interaction. "Kuroo and Oikawa wanted to spy on you, since guys are always hitting on you--"

Something in Tsukishima snapped.

Kuroo and Oikawa.

The same chill ran through him again, but it was less fearful now, angrier.

Suddenly, the dots connected themselves. He knew this guy had looked familiar. Iwaizumi Hajime was a name which came up quite a lot in his conversations with Kuroo. This was Oikawa's boyfriend. Tsukishima had seen pictures of him in frames around Kuroo's apartment.

All three of them were working together. How cute.

"What?" He asked, feeling like he could spit venom. The hand around the phone was so tight, he felt he might snap it in half. The anger already started to boil inside him, but he willed himself to stay calm, to wait for an explanation, no matter how upset he already was. "But why..."

"Kuroo was suspicious. But not me, it wasn't me I promise," Iwaizumi pleaded, probably still too far gone and eager to please Tsukishima.

But Tsukishima didn't care anymore. He could only focus on the large grip around his heart, squeezing it until it burst.

With shaking hands, he deleted the video.

It didn't take long for Kuroo to realize the plan had failed.

A few pacing fueled minutes had passed since Iwaizumi had gone into the greenhouse, and Kuroo thought the wait would never end. Now though, he began to think it came too quickly.

The door to the greenhouse slammed open, letting out a very pissed off Tsukishima. The blond's eyes scanned the whole area, seething, his eyes ablaze. In his hand sat Iwaizumi's phone. Shit.

Behind Tsukishima, Iwaizumi trailed out slowly, hand on his head and a dazed look on his face.

Kuroo hardly paid him any mind though, his only concern was--

"Hey," Tsukishima hissed, his shoulders shaking as he stomped up to Kuroo's hiding place. Oikawa watched in concern for only a fleeting moment, gaze flashing with guilt and confusion before he ran off to talk with Iwaizumi. Kuroo didn't hold it against him, after all, Kuroo had to deal with this on his own.

A phone flew at his chest, and he just barely caught it. Yeah, he deserved that. He deserved everything he was about to hear. He wouldn't try to defend himself right away. Like a stupid kid, he shrunk in on himself, but kept his eyes on his boyfriend. That was the least he could fucking do.

"Don't bother looking at it, I deleted the video," Tsukishima said, voice a disturbing level of calm. But Kuroo knew better. He heard the shaky breaths and fluctuations. Fuck, he was absolute shit. "What the hell Kuroo? Is this some kind of joke?"

Kuroo would've loved if it had been just that. Then he could play this off as nothing more than a prank. Something told him Tsukishima already knew though, the hurt in his voice said enough. And well, Kuroo wasn't a liar at heart.

"No, I...I'm just an idiot, I let Oikawa convince me to spy on you and--"

Tsukishima laughed, the sound humorless and biting. "So now you're blaming your friends?"

"What? No! No. You're right," Kuroo said, dropping his hands. "It's all my fault, all of it. I'm sorry. I got suspicious and--"

"Suspicious. Suspicious of what exactly?"

Kuroo froze, words caught in his throat. He tried to step forward, because part of him ached to have Tsukishima in his arms despite the mess he'd made, but the blond deliberately stepped away.

Well damn, how did Kuroo come out and say the real reasons behind this? I thought you were a siren because I'm being a delusional bastard, but obviously I was wrong. Yeah, that would go over well with his pissed off boyfriend.

He didn't get a chance to say anything though, much less a new excuse, because Tsukishima had his own ideas in his head, and Kuroo's silence hadn't helped one bit.

"You really thought I would cheat on you so easily huh? I get hit on a few times and suddenly it's my fault, I was just gonna jump at any guy you sent my way?" Tsukishima said, and the emptiness there had Kuroo's blood running cold. Kuroo really had betrayed him, and his tone dripped with the raw emotion. Kuroo never wanted to be the cause of it again.

Space and caution be damned, Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima by the shoulders, panic setting in. "That's not true at all! I promise it's not, this--this isn't what I wanted!"

"Don't touch me!" Tsukishima ignored Kuroo's sputtering protests and started to move away, shaking off Kuroo's grip, and with each step, the distance made Kuroo want to vomit. He didn't want to lose Tsukishima, that's what he'd told himself huh? What a joke.

Kuroo chased after him for only a few steps, uselessly pleading. "Tsukki! Kei, please, you don't understand, let me--"

Tsukishima spun around, and the message came across loud and clear. Fuck. Off. "All I understand is that you don't trust me. But thanks for letting me know." Tsukishima's voice finally cracked on the last syllable, and Kuroo felt his stomach drop.

With that, Tsukishima wretched away completely from Kuroo's reach, storming off and out of Kuroo's sight.

All the while, Kuroo just stood there, feeling the warmth flood out of him.

#kurotsuki #haikyuuwriters #adri writing #haikyuu!!

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