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ROXY: killed a spider n now i feel bad :/
DAVE: give birth to a spider to make up for it
DAVE: why did i say that
ROXY: why DID u say that
DIRK: Okay, so it takes 9 months to make a baby human; that's about 3 kg.
DIRK: A baby spider, by contrast, weighs about 1 mg; roughly 3 million times lighter.
DIRK: So you could give birth to a healthy baby spider in about 8 seconds.
DIRK: It's not a big inconvenience.
DAVE: roxys on the other side of the cave just churning out spiders as fast as georg can shovel them into his mouth
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papermariosuggestion · 21 hours
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Made-a-this tasty-looking-a-meal from a Poison Shroom and a Ghost-a-Shroom. Cooking is-a-so magical😊🪄🍄✨
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I can't-a-believe people are-a-telling me not-a-to eat this. I'mma literally a doctor; I would-a-know iffghnmdfchgm,
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hopital
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Tim: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as i lay festering. You are the definition of dread.
Damian: what did the clone do?
Tim: oh nothing he’s the best
Damian: then why ?
Tim: MAPPA officially canceled Yuri on Ice
Damian: Love is dead but revenge can help us feel something in this bleak world
Tim: oooh ok lets go
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crybabycunt · 2 days
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hellokittyangel · 3 days
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Shadowheart: I beg your pardon?
Lae'zel: Then beg.
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incorrectjokerout · 18 hours
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Martin:If you bite it and you die,it's poisonous.If it bites you and you die,it's venomous.
Jan:What if it bites me and it dies?
Kris:Then you're poisonous.Jesus Christ,Jan,learn to listen.
Jere:What if it bites itself and I die?
Bojan:That's voodoo.
Nace:What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Martin:That's correlation,not causation.
Jure:What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Bojan:That's kinky.
Kris:Oh my god.
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Alcestis, watching Apollo & Cyrene: Anyway why is archery so fucking sexy
Admetus, also watching Apollo & Cyrene: Shoulders and absolute physical control. next question.
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Francisca: Hey, I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water...
Francisca: *adds powdered milk to carbonated water*
Francisca: My cereal is loud, and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and God so thoughtlessly!
Flamberge: How does it taste?
Francisca: *drinks the carbonated milk*
Francisca: Bad.
Zan Partizanne: The fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO2 and H2O over time. The carbonic acid is, as an acid, sour.
Zan Partizanne: By adding milk to sour water, you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great(TM).
Francisca: I have mastered the potion "Instant Spoiled Milk", therefore earning the rank of Shittiest Alchemist Currently Alive.
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alien-slushie · 2 days
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Cale: I'm having children.
Hong, On, and Raon: Congratulations-
Cale, slides adoption papers towards them: Its you guys, sign here.
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sharldose · 1 day
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Max: Charles become warm when I'm with him because he loves me so much.
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every troll imaginable staring at branch: he has the looks of a depressed english professor and the soul of a whore
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incorrect-fnaf-quotes · 21 hours
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Mike: Blinking again.
The Yellow Rabbit: Shut up.
Mike: I’m literally just blinking.
The Yellow Rabbit: I’m going to poison you.
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smg-69 · 1 day
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Bob: FIGHT ME YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
SMG4: Bob, at least try to sound slight sophisticated when you threaten someone?
SMG3: Dost thou want to engage in a duel my good bitch?
SMG4: Somehow that is worse.
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ladymiraclewings · 2 days
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Blitz: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them? Fizzarolli: What the hell do you do? Blitz: I die? What kinda question–
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Webs: Most of you will not pass this class.
Tamarin: Okay, cool. So you're like, immensely shitty at your job then.
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