Happy 54 Birthday to Jon Favreau.
Ok but Peter getting ready for homecoming with May 🥺 how cute was that
Mj: [recording videos with Peter and Ned] I have no intention of being friends
Mj: [playing video games with them] You’re all just stepping stones to my success
Mj: [baking a cake for Peter’s birthday] Friends are a distraction
Mj: [in a group hug] disgusting
Happy 48 Birthday to Gwyneth Paltrow.
sm:h Happy: I don’t like Peter, he’s just a bratty kid.
sm:ffh Peter, who looks like a puppy was just murdered in front of him: How do I know you’re real?
sm:ffh Happy, puffing up like an angry bird: W H O M S T HURT YOU?!?
There is absolutely no reason Aunt May would see Peter trying on a Spider-Man costume and automatically think he is Spider-Man. We’re talking about a universe where superhero merch and costumes are readily available, and where, IN CANON, Peter has a history of dressing up as heroes, since he had the Iron Man mask and repulsors in IM2. If anything, it might have been a more excited “what the fuck!?” Like maybe they have a big Halloween costume contest each year and she’s expressing delight over his amazing costume he’s made! Or she could have been expressing her dismay over how much money he must have spent to buy such a nice costume, or over him changing with his door standing open (which might be a long running point of contention with her whole “put some clothes on” comment earlier), or who even knows what.
But I love this headcanon of Peter being such an awful liar that he outs himself right then and there with his awful bullshit excuses he tries to give, while May just stand there with crossed arms and an unimpressed expression. And then his realisation that she meant something entirely different, but it’s too late and he’s done given himself away.
Finally, he does an interview with his shirt partially unbuttoned, a la’ Colin Farrell.
I assume Michael Keaton didn’t give permission for his face to be used in things like this. He hasn’t since Batman Returns.
Summary: Peter knows he’s hurt badly enough that he can’t just slap a bunch of band-aids on his injuries, and especially the giant, still-oozing puncture wounds on his back and along his shoulders from the tips of Toomes’ wings. But it’s not like he can just stumble into an emergency room and ask to get stitched up. So where to go instead?
May would have a heart attack if she saw him right now, not to mention immediately figure out his secret. Ned would also definitely freak out, probably waking his parents in the process. Mr. Stark was an option, but Peter wasn’t about to bother him, not after how the man had made it crystal clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Peter ever again.
So no hospital, no May, no Ned, and no Mr. Stark just left… Happy.
Or: following his final fight with the Vulture, Peter is left grievously injured and in need of some serious help. Cue Happy to the rescue.
Word count: 6,880
A/N: Me and @blondsak‘s first collab!!!
Peter doesn’t know how he made it from the Coney Island Cyclone all the way to Avengers Tower. To be honest, the entire journey was a bit of a blur as his steadily bleeding injuries throbbed painfully in protest from all the web-slinging.
When his feet hit the landing pad of the Tower, Peter distantly wonders why he had decided to come here, of all places. Even through his foggy brain, he knows he’s hurt badly enough that he couldn’t just slap a band-aid on the many deep cuts, burns and bruises littering his whole body, especially the giant puncture wounds on his back and along his shoulders from the tips of Toomes’ wings. But then again, it’s not like he could just stumble into an emergency room and ask to get stitched up. At least, not wearing his original Spider-Man costume, which - though basically rags now - was still far too easily identifiable beneath all the stains and grime.
Peter: trust me, I know what I’m doing.
Tony: not even god knows what you’re doing honey.