#Spock wants to believe he's cold and purely logical

[spockfan]

Spock makes me almost believe in miracles too.

The miracle of how on Vulcan he managed to stay alive throughout their mission...

when his instinctive reaction to an enemy presence or a projectile coming towards an ally...

is to stand directly between them...

using his body as some sort of shield...

and his conscious reaction is pretty much the same...

except it was presumably done logically...

#star trek #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #star trek tos #keeping this one Vulcan alive must've been a challenge for Kirk and Bones #this isn't even counting the other times when he volunteers for dangerous tasks #which makes scenes where his crewmates are being racist/xenophobic more uncomfortable and much sadder #Spock wants to believe he's cold and purely logical #even speaks that way #for the most part the people around him buy it #but he's actually the least willing to cause harm and to leave anyone behind even when it would be logical and practical to do so #even when the risk to others would be greater as well #he's gonna present them as options but he doesn't seem capable of following through #mister spock

[magnetic-rose]

Why Spones is a top-tier ship

AKA “the inherent homoeroticism of annoying the shit out of your co-worker.”

Spock and McCoy have a complicated relationship. A lot of their bickering and ideological differences lead fans to believe that they hate each other, but that’s an over-simplification of the truth. The reality is that Spock and McCoy are extremely close friends who care about each other deeply. Though sometimes their bickering turns serious during stressful situations, for the most time they seem to enjoy the banter. A common mischaracterization of their relationship seems to put McCoy as the bully and Spock as the victim. In truth, there are many times where Spock will say something specifically to get a rise out of McCoy. They fight. That’s how they show affection, not disdain. In fact, one could argue that some of their bantering have a flirtatious tone to it.

Kirk: Mister Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I assume, felt nothing.

Spock: On the contrary Captain. I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me.

McCoy: ‘Tis a pity brief blindness didn’t increase your appreciation for beauty, Spock. (Operation -- Annihilate!)

Spock is a half-Vulcan, half-Human who has mostly chosen to follow his Vulcan heritage. As such, he is a being of almost pure logic. The truth about Vulcans are that they are secretly beings who feel things very deeply and intensely, and they feel the need to keep a tight lid on their emotions as to not succumb to them. McCoy, on the other hand, is a regular human. He’s a deeply emotional man who cares about others. One could argue that McCoy is almost too empathetic, as he lets his emotions rule him. Spock and McCoy are polar opposites; the brain and the heart, the logic and the emotion, the super-ego and the id.

Despite these differences, the two men are similar in a lot of ways. They’re both men of science, men of peace, and they both care very deeply for their Captain. They’re both self-sacrificing morons, to the chagrin of the other. Spock will prioritize McCoy’s life even when both of them know it’s not the logical choice to do so. Likewise, McCoy will take a hit for Spock even when they both know the Vulcan is stronger and better equipped to deal with pain than the doctor.

Spock: (In the middle of a blizzard) In this severe cold, we cannot survive much longer.

McCoy: Leave me here, Spock.

Spock: We go together or not at all.

McCoy: Don’t be a fool. My hands and face are frostbitten. I can’t feel my feet. Alone, you have a chance. Now do what I say. Go try to find Jim.

Spock: We go together! (All of Yesterdays)

In the episode, “The Empath,” Kirk, Spock and McCoy have to choose someone to be offered as sacrifice to be tortured by a group of aliens. Kirk obviously volunteers, but gets put to sleep by McCoy with a tranquilizer. Spock then states that he’ll offer himself up, as he has the higher chance of surviving the torture. McCoy then proceeds to sedate Spock as well, and sacrifices himself to be tortured by the aliens.

Spock: While the captain is asleep, I am in command. When the Vians return, I shall go with them.

McCoy: You mean, if I hadn't given him that shot

Spock: Precisely. The choice would have been the captain's. Now it is mine.

(McCoy turns away. Spock sits to carry on working. Gem puts her hand on Spock's shoulder, and smiles. McCoy comes up behind him and gives him an injection.)

Spock: Your action is highly unethical. My decision stands. (Spock falls asleep next to Kirk.)

McCoy: Not this time, Spock.

Underneath all the fighting and disagreements, there is a deep caring between Spock and McCoy that manifests itself into protectiveness towards each other. In “All of Yesterdays,” Spock is constantly showing concern for McCoy after he almost died of hypothermia. In aftermath of McCoy’s torture in “The Empath,” Spock is seen hovering over his body and caressing his face, worry written into his features. On the other hand, while McCoy constantly makes fun of Spock for his lack of emotions, he’s also highly aware of the Vulcan’s mental state and protective of it when others threaten to shatter his resilience.

McCoy: He's a Vulcan. You can't force emotion out of him.

Philana: You must be joking, Doctor.

McCoy: You'll destroy him.

Parmen: We can't let him die laughing, can we?

McCoy: (Watching as Spock starts to cry) I beg you! (Plato’s Stepchildren)

The episode “Amok Time” also demonstrates McCoy’s perceptiveness of Spock and Spock’s true feelings of friendship towards McCoy. McCoy is in fact the first person to notice that something is wrong with Spock:

McCoy: Oh, captain. Got a minute? It's Spock. Have you noticed anything strange about him?

Kirk: No, nothing in particular. Why ?

McCoy: Well, it's nothing I can pinpoint without an examination, but he's become increasingly restive. If he were not a Vulcan, I'd almost say nervous. And for another thing, he's avoiding food. I checked and he hasn't eaten at all in three days.

Kirk: That just sounds like Mister Spock in one of his contemplative phases.

Kirk doesn’t notice anything wrong with Spock, and initially dismisses McCoy’s concern, but McCoy immediately picked up on Spock’s mental turmoil. Despite his cantankerousness, McCoy not only cares about Spock but goes out of his way to look out for his mental state. Part of it might be because he’s his doctor, but how many doctors go so far as to monitor someone’s eating habits because they notice that person’s suddenly being fidgety? On Spock’s end, when it comes time for him to beam down to Vulcan to complete his marriage ceremony, he specifically asks for McCoy to be there:

Spock: By tradition, the male is accompanied by his closest friends.

Kirk: Thank you, Mister Spock.

Spock: I also request McCoy accompany me.

McCoy: I shall be honoured, sir.

One episode I find extremely fascinating in terms of McCoy/Spock moments is “Mirror, Mirror.” In this famous episode, half of the Enterprise crew get transported into an alternate universe dubbed The Mirror Verse, in which evil versions of the characters exist and terrorize space as a fearsome military force. McCoy is part of the team that gets transported in the Mirror Verse, while Spock stays in their regular universe. Mirror Spock immediately realizes that half of the crew, including Kirk and McCoy, are acting strangely. When he corners Kirk to question him, he does so by threatening McCoy: “I shall not waste time with you. You’re too inflexible, too disciplined, once you’ve made up your mind. But Doctor McCoy has a plenitude of human weaknesses, sentimental, soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will.” This Spock seems to have a intimate knowledge of McCoy’s mind.  When the party decides to attack Mirror Spock, he fights all of them except for Uhura and McCoy, who he simply pushes out of harm’s way.

When Mirror Spock gets hurt as the crew is trying to escape back to their own universe, McCoy is suddenly unable to leave his side. Kirk allows him to stay to nurse Spock back to health, and McCoy risks almost staying in the Mirror Verse forever for him. When Mirror Spock awakes, he backs McCoy into a wall and initiates a forced mind meld onto the doctor. The next scene has Mirror Spock holding a disoriented McCoy up and bringing him back to his crew; he now understands what is happening and he wants his regular crew back, and thus he allows Kirk and company to make the switch back to their own universe.

Other Star Trek properties have gone more in depth on how a forced mind meld can be extremely traumatizing on the person receiving it. Star Trek: Enterprise has an entire story arc dedicated to the Vulcan T’Pol trying to heal from a forced mind meld. Unfortunately, because the nature of TOS episodes were episodic, we never got the chance to explore the emotional fallout of McCoy’s forced mind meld and how that might have affected his relationship with Spock. The franchise also never went in depth on Mirror McCoy outside of what Mirror Spock speaks of him, since Mirror McCoy died of xenopolycythemia in 2269.

Closing the list of evidence of Spock and McCoy’s affections towards each other are the Star Trek movies “The Wrath of Khan” and “The Search for Spock.” Towards the end of Wrath of Khan, Spock sacrifices himself to save The Enterprise in one of the franchises most heart-wrenching scenes. Moments before his sacrifice, he knocks McCoy unconscious, touches his face and whispers “remember.” What happened in this scene was that Spock, knowing he was about to die, transferred his Katra to McCoy. The katra being the Vulcan equivalent of a soul. This speaks to the amount of trust that Spock has in McCoy. For someone who keeps most of his emotions under a tight lid, it’s a huge gesture to entrust another with the essence of their entire being. The next movie, The Search for Spock, is a journey as the Enterprise crew fight to return to Vulcan so they can reunite Spock with his body. When they finally arrive, the Vulcans warn McCoy that the process is extremely dangerous and could even result in his death. McCoy calmly replies that he “chooses the danger.” He cannot fathom living his life without Spock.

McCoy: (Speaking to Spock) I'm going to tell you something that I... I never thought I'd hear myself say...But it seems I've missed you. I don't know if I could stand to lose you again.

So in conclusion, Spock and McCoy have a rich and complex relationship that is much more than simply just “they dislike each other because they bicker a lot.” Their bickering is more akin to that of an old married couple. There are plenty of examples not even included in this post of how deeply they care for each other. Despite their ideological differences, they balance each other out quite nicely. McCoy is finely attuned to Spock’s emotions, arguably better than anyone else on the ship. Spock in turn is protective and gentle with McCoy. Once you stop looking at their interactions solely on the surface level, you’ll be able to see the tenderness and years of love and friendship between them. This is why I think Spock/McCoy is one of the most underrated and misunderstood relationships of TOS. Don’t let the constant arguing fool you into believing these two dummies don’t adore each other.

Shout-out to Tempest for their extremely lengthy ship manifesto on Spones called “Spiced Peaches,” which goes even more in depth on why Spones is a great couple. Using their manifesto as a reference was key to remembering Spock/McCoy moments. Also shout-out to the site chakoteya for having full transcripts of TOS episodes, so I could easily find quotes for this. If you’ve come this far, thanks for reading!

#star trek #tos #leonard mccoy #spock #spones #this was... a lot

[theromanticrationalist]

Star Trek 2009 Rewatch #79834: Random Thoughts

- The opening sequence always makes me cry. I don’t think there will be ever a time where it WON’T make me cry. 

- It is so James T. Kirk to come out of the womb during a ship wide emergency. Totally on brand.

- BB SPOCK!!!! He is precious and pure. Zachery Quinto’s Spock is so vulnerable and tender. I want to hug him in his snuggly Vulcan sweater! *incoherent fan girl noises*

- This time around I really noticed what a presence Sarek is in Spock’s life as a father. It wasn’t something I noticed until after being much more familiar with the Prime Timeline, but Sarek telling him, “You will always be a child of two worlds, for this I am grateful, as I am grateful for you.” This just blew me away and broke my heart into a thousand splintering pieces. It just made me realize that if Prime Sarek hadn’t been such a douche of a Dad, Spock would have been much more stable of a person, much more confident in his human and Vulcan sides. Sure, he will always struggle between his two sides, but Quinto’s Spock embraces emotion and the expression of it in a much more relaxed and less tumultuous way. I mean Spock making out with Uhura within turbolifts or on a transporter pad is so scandalous! Prime Spock would NEVER in a thousand years be caught doing that, he would have rather died. Literally. Just watched Amok Time, and Spock was literally going to just let himself die before he told anyone on the ship about his little problem. I know many TOS fans have had problems with the Kelvin timeline portrayal of Spock, but that is because since the timelines were changed, very important and key points in the character’s lives changed. Just ask the question, if Sarek was a much warmer father figure in Spock’s life, if they were able to bond much deeper, how would that change Spock? Quite significantly! The strained relationship that Prime Spock had with his father is essentially the crux of his entire character and identity. It is what made him who he was, the Spock we see in TOS - so desperate to mold and fashion himself into a Vulcan, to suppress all his emotions, all to seek the love and approval of his father. Sarek loved Spock, always, but by not validating his human half, he kind of screwed up his kid for life - so Spock Prime’s path to inner peace was a difficult one. A path that Quinto’s Spock will never have to take because his father, after a Vulcan fashion, supports his son, especially after they both lose Amanda and their home planet. Sarek admitting he A. loved his wife and B. admitting this to Spock? Doubly scandalous! The Kelvin Universe is really quite knowledgeable of the canon, and purist Star Trek fans don’t give it that credit. They weren’t just going to make a carbon copy of the TOS series, but were wanting to change and bring all the characters we know and love into new vistas. I think it is brilliant. I have heard within the grapevine of the Internet that JJ Abrams did not care very much for Star Trek, but essentially saw the Star Trek films as a stepping stone for Star Wars. Well, I say, J.J. Abrams did so much more for the Star Trek canon for something he supposedly didn’t care about than anything he did for Star Wars, which was a complete mess. So, I’m okay with that. It is obvious he had a writing team that cared about the canon, and it shows. This time around, this whole movie just broke my heart. I LOVE STAR TREK SO MUCH.

- Kirk and Spock meeting for the first time at the Federation board hearing. “Who is that pointy-eared bastard?” Me: *in Crow T. Robot’s voice* “In love! You’re in love!”

- I feel like Dr. McCoy just permanently carries with him hypos of various things just so he can conveniently use them for underhanded and scathingly brilliant ideas.

- Pavel Andreievich Chekov. *cries* *rolls over* *cries a lot*

- Hikaru Sulu and his fencing. SO BADASS. I was so cheering him on even more!

- You know, another thing I noticed was Captain Pike. In the Prime timeline, as seen through Star Trek Discovery (and will be seen in the up and coming Star Trek Strange New Worlds), Pike is a surrogate father to Spock, and helps him in so many ways, giving him that emotional and spiritual guidance that Sarek wasn’t able to give him. That made me realize that Pike is both Spock and Kirk’s Space Dad! In both timelines where either of them did not have a father, Pike steps in and helps guide both of them in the right direction. I’m just - this just makes me feel a lot of feelz, okay? PIKE IS THE BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE MULTIVERSE.

- I still get a kick out of Spock Vulcan nerve pinching Kirk and tossing him on a cold, frozen, and dangerous planet like he is yesterday’s lunch. Don’t be messing with this Vulcan, bro. 

- I still can’t believe Scotty transported Archer’s beagle into the void! How could you Scotty?!!? My poor Puppy and his pup!

- The moment when Kirk realizes he is falling in love with Spock: when he meets Spock Prime. And really you know - same. I mean seriously, he has hearts in his eyes every single time he interacts with Spock afterwards, even when he is antagonizing him into being emotionally compromised, which he was enjoying a little too much. 

- The moment when Spock realizes he is falling in love with Kirk: “I would cite regulation, but I know you would simply ignore it.” - “See, we are getting to know each other.” Spock has much more control, though.

- Spock and Uhura making out on the transported pad is still just GOLD. And everyone is just like: 👀👀👀 *awkward*. “So her first name is Nyota?” - “I have no comment on the matter.” 😂

- “I will be monitoring your frequencies.”

- I loved the repeated imagery of Kirk struggling on the edge within Nero’s ship during his big fight scene, which mimics his childhood struggle on the edge during his rebellious incident. Seriously, Kirk’s character arc is meticulous crafted within these movies. There is no detail left unattended, and I just love it. 

- Actually, Kirk gets his ass beat A LOT in this film. Wow. He gets beat up literally by everyone basically. 

- Spock calling Kirk “Jim”. That’s when you know it was the point of no return.

- There is a black hole in space consuming the enemy ship of a notorious and crazed criminal who has just committed genocide of one planet and was trying to do so on your home planet, and your first thought is literally nothing else other than, “How can I use this situation to impress Spock?” 

“You show them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock. Thought you'd like that.”

“No, not really. Not this time.”

- You know, I’ve really come to realize that the TOS crew are INSANE. Brilliant, beautiful, incredible, but insane.

- Spock meeting Spock and giving life advice to Spock. This is totally on brand.

- Spock Prime: “Thrusters on full...” *sobs into the fabric of spacetime*

#Star Trek #Star Trek 2009 #kelvin timeline #JJ abrams #spock #james t kirk #tos #aos #my thoughts #I JUST LOVE STAR TREK #SO FREAKIN MUCH #and the music gets me emotional too! #these movies are the best

[caramelfuzz]

My Sick Spock fic (incomplete as of right now)

Set after the Galileo seven in the original series

“Captain, Transporter Room just beamed up five persons, alive and well.”

Kirk smiled to himself, he knew Spock and the others would be able to figure something out to get them off that godforsaken planet. He raced to the Transporter Room, eager to see his companions but was shocked to see that Uhura’s report of the status of his team may have overlooked a very important someone. While everyone looked a little worse for the wear, Spock looked awful. He was flushed green and coughing violently into his elbow. He straightened when he saw his captain approach, clearly favoring his left leg. McCoy pulled Kirk aside before he could get to the man, informing him of what had transpired down on Taurus II.

“There were a few problem children on this mission, captain. Only one of them made it out alive and his insistence upon burying his friends is what got Spock injured and nearly left us stranded. They ambushed us while we were burying the bodies, but I guess something he said about Spock’s lack of humanity got to him because he allowed it, even though I know he knew that we’d likely be attacked. I think he’s caught some sort of bug in addition to some pretty nasty bruises and maybe even a fracture on that ankle. He’s been through a lot and the crew’s lousy attitudes didn’t help any… I have to admit I took part in that myself before I realized the toll it was taking on him.”

“Heh…hihh… Hih-ISSshh! HehERSchh!”

Bones’s head whipped around at the sound of the stuffy, harsh sneezes, trying to find the source while blindly searching for his tricorder before remembering he’d lost it. What he saw was Spock hunched over with his face buried in his elbow.

“Uh oh.”

Kirk mumbled under his breath, and McCoy nodded his agreement. A sick Vulcan was not something either of them had ever dealt with, but it seemed their darling first officer would be the first.

-

“At least he’s only half Vulcan. Maybe his human side will see reason and not suppress whatever crap he’s got right now.”

Kirk ventured,

“Dammit Jim this is Spock we’re talking about. He’s the king of suppression!”

The two had retreated to med bay and were attempting to come up with a plan of attack between the examination of each crewmember that had been in the crash. Spock was last in line in the waiting area, probably hoping to be overlooked.

By the time it was Spock’s turn to be examined, the only plan they had was to ease into the conversation about Spock’s illness carefully and non-confrontationally so as not to spook the half-Vulcan into putting his shields up.

Spock walked into the room as normally as he could, though it was clear he was in pain from the subtle twitch of his eyebrows with every step he took.

“Spock, it’s just us, you don’t have to pretend to be fine anymore.”

Jim tried to sound cheerful yet stern, knowing that Spock responded better to orders than he did concern.

Spock, though clearly reluctant to show weakness, leaned more heavily on his good leg, thankful he didn’t have to walk any further.

“Dammit, Spock, sit down already. I won’t let you aggravate that ankle any more than you already have!”

McCoy hoped he sounded like his usual self when he was berating Spock, because he felt it was obvious that his heart wasn’t in it.

Spock sat down on the bed, watching with apprehension as McCoy prepared to do a full-body scan with the tricorder,

“If you’ll excuse me, doctor, I do believe that a full body scan is hardly necessary considering we already know the root of the problem at the m-hh-moment, which is my ankle.”

Though logical as ever, Spock’s hitch in his statement didn’t go unnoticed,

“It’s standard procedure, Spock, now hold still so I can scan you, dammit.”

“Heh…hihh… Hih-XKSH!”

Spock jerked forward, fighting to contain the strength of the sneeze and obviously failing as a strangled half-sneeze barreled out of him.

To his surprise, neither the captain nor the chief medical officer commented on his outburst, and he sniffled weakly into his wrist, perplexed at their silence while McCoy scanned him with the tricorder.

“Well, some sort of virus we were exposed to on Taurus II seems to have given you a bit of a cold now hasn’t it, Spock?”

“Sdf. Dond’t be ridiculous, doctor. I-hh- d-dod’t ghhet sick with h-hh-huband viruses.”

Aware of how his voice contradicted the denial, he attempted to sniffle in hopes of clearing some of the congestion from his voice, but it didn’t do much.

Jim cut in, injecting a little more concern into his statement,

“I think what Bones is trying to say is we think you should take it easy for a few days, Spock.”

“Illogical, captaind. I’mb dnot sick, so there is no reason for be to ‘take it easy’ as you so eloquedtly put it. There seebs to be sobethigg that is triggerig sombe sort of allergic respodse.”

“You’ve dealt with allergy attacks before, dammit! It says right here on the tricorder that your temperature is elevated which either means you’ve got an infection or you’re sick, plus you’re congested, which isn’t usual for your allergy attacks. By the way, blow your damn nose, hobgoblin, we can barely understand you.”

Spock took the proffered handkerchief and softly blew his nose, said appendage emerging just a few shades greener than before.

“As I said before, doctor, your logic is flawed. I cannot have a ‘bit of a cold’ because I cannot contract human illnesses.”

“Then this isn’t an illness humans can catch. I hate to break it to you, but you’re sick. It’s my recommendation as the chief medical officer that you remain here in sickbay for observation until we figure out how this illness with affect you.”

“W-hh-with all due respect, doctor, I-hh! Hih-ISShh! HehRSchh!”

After a slightly more forceful blow than before, Spock straightened and continued,

“With all due respect, doctor, I don’t believe you. If it is alright with you, captain, I wish to shower and attempt to rid my body of whatever irritating substance has triggered this histamine response.”

McCoy looked incredulously at Kirk, waiting for him to back him up, but was shocked to see a pensive look on his face, as though he were actually considering-

“I think that’s fine, Spock. After Dr. McCoy has finished your exam and treated your ankle, you are free to return to your quarters and do as you wish.”

“Thank you, captain.”

After McCoy’s exam had concluded and he’d yelled at Spock for all the “stupid” things he did on the planet to get himself so banged up, Spock limped towards his quarters. Kirk turned to leave, but was stopped by a hand gripping his arm.

“Why did you let him go, Jim? You know as well as I do that he’s sick. You saw the tricorder!”

Kirk looked at him, somewhat guiltily,

“He made a good argument, Bones. Besides, I kind of want to see how it goes with Spock being sick. I bet he’ll be cute as hell.”

McCoy frowned, then rolled his eyes.

“Now is no time for your little games, Jim. This is a virus I’ve never encountered before, and I would have liked to have been able to monitor Spock for any potential dangers it could pose.”

-

Spock entered his quarters and breathed a - completely logical - sigh of relief. It had been a rough mission by anyone’s standards, even his own impossibly high ones, and all he wanted to do was rest.

He glanced at the clock on the wall, he had a few hours until he was due on the bridge next so he figured the logical thing to do was rest until it was time to go to work.

He awoke to a knock on his door approximately 34 minutes later.

He attempted to tell whoever was entering to come in, but all that came out of his mouth was a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“Ahem-computer, lights to 45%. Please combe ind,”

He called, perplexed at the state of his voice. How had his illness-or whatever it was-grown worse instead of better? Hadn’t he been told in the past that sleeping was good for an illness?

The door slid open to reveal the captain, smiling as nonchalantly as he could.

“What is it you require, captaind?”

Spock attempted to sniffle discreetly, but only managed to create an undignified squeak when he tried to bring air in through his nasal passages. That wouldn’t do, but he didn’t want to risk blowing his nose in front of the captain as that might reveal that the “temporary discomfort” he’d experienced in med bay had in fact persisted.

“I don’t require anything, Spock. I just thought we could play chess or something, maybe talk about your human act of desperation in that ship,”

He added teasingly, grinning from ear to ear.

“It’s quite logical, captaind. I exabinded the problemb fromb all angles, and it was plaindly hopeless.”

Spock paused, swallowing his pride and sniffling hard enough to actually clear his voice of most of the congestion that marred his speech,

“Sdff. Logic informed me that under the circumstances, the only possible action would have to be one of desperation. Logical decision, logically arrived at.”

Kirk chuckled,

“I see. You mean you reasoned that it was time for an emotional outburst.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it in exactly those terms, Captain, but those are essentially the facts.”

“You’re not going to admit that for the first time in your life, you committed a purely human, emotional act?”

“N-nohh-no, sir.”

“Mr. Spock, you’re a stubborn man.”

Kirk said laughingly,

“Yes, s-hh-sir.”

“In more ways than one. If you have to sneeze, just sneeze. I’m not here to judge you.”

“Heh..hgnxt! Heh…hihh… Hih-ISSshh!”

“There we go, bless you, Spock. Are you sure you’re feeling alright? Bones seems convinced that you’ve got some sort of Vulcan space cold.”

“I assure you I feel alright, captaind.”

“Perfect! Then I assume you’re up for a game of chess, right?”

“Of course,”

A few moves into their game,however, it became clear that Spock was not playing at his best. He made many illogical errors throughout the game, including mistakes that a rookie would make. Kirk refrained from saying anything, but frowned more and more deeply every time the man before him suppressed another sneeze or cough. He was clearly getting worse, and as his captain he shouldn’t allow this to go on, but as his friend he wanted to avoid embarrassing Spock, no matter how much Spock insisted that Vulcans didn’t feel such human emotions as embarrassment, he knew that Spock would feel something if he were to call him out on his illness. Even further still, Kirk found himself enjoying the bits of vulnerability that Spock was allowing him to see.

Lately they’d grown closer, and Kirk had, embarrassingly enough, caught feelings for his pointy-eared first officer. It was quite painful to love someone you knew was largely incapable of returning the sentiment. Even if Spock did feel whatever weird Vulcan equivalent to love for Jim, how would they ever express it to one another? A captain ogling his first officer just wouldn’t do aboard the Enterprise, and from what he’d heard about Vulcan mating, it could get very intense very quickly between the two of them, but with Spock fighting an alien illness Kirk couldn’t catch? He’d be hard pressed to stay away. If only he could tell Spock how he felt without things becoming awkward after Spock’s inevitable rejection of his captain’s feelings.

#star trek #sick spock #spock sneeze #spock snz #aa writes

[letteredlettered]

anon ask: you know those scenes - in films or books or television - that stick in your mind? Like, for example, I think about a scene in Jane Eyre (when she sneaks in to see her friend Helen) all the time. Do you have a scene like that? More than one? I'd love to hear you describe them and tell us your thoughts about them.

I gotta say concepts from books/movies/shows stay in my head more than scenes. Like. In Jane Eyre, there are a lot of great scenes, but what sticks in my head is the radical idea that pursuit of love and your own happiness can be a greater good than pursuit of conventional ideals of good. But omg yeah when she sneaks in to be with Helen and there’s like, all this Christian imagery but Jane just wants her friend--I mean. That’s the crux of the book right there! Other people go off to God and Jane puts her foot down and says, “No! I want love right here on Earth! I want happiness right here on Earth! And I deserve it, dammit, and so do you!” Goddamn. I still love that book after all this time.

Okay but here are a few:

Set up for the scene: In Les Miserables, there’s this nun who never lies. Pages and pages are spent talking about not only about how this nun never lies but how lies are truly sins and evil, and in a lovely Hugo fashion these thoughts seem to belong to Hugo/the narrator but also to the nun, because lying is so goddamn bad, and about how this nun is truly capital G good because she would never ever lie; she is so GOOD; she is so JUST so PURE so RIGHT, a true CHILD OF GOD. Then Fantine is dead and Valjean has to go get Cosette and Valjean is just about to go do that.

Scene: Javert walks into the room where Valjean and the nun are. I thought Valjean hid in like a cabinet but I just checked on the book and it appears he just stood behind the door that Javert just opened in a dark corner of the room. And Javert goes to the nun, “So, are you alone in here?”

And nun goes, “Yup.”

END FUCKING SCENE (that is not the actual end I don’t care)

My thoughts about this:  Hugo is a GODDAMN TROLL who did all that just to get you to think about the goodness and important and like, virtuous NEED for truth, and to show us as important as all that is, it is never ever as important as simple human decency. Still one of my favorite moments in fiction ever. (But like. Most of Les Miserables is like that for me.)

*

Set up for the scene: In A Little Princess, Sara Crewe used to be rich and used to pretend she was a princess. She then falls upon hard times and people treat her badly, but in her head she still pretends she’s a princess. She is walking through the street one day, cold and wet and starving. Sara finds some money on the ground and realizes she can buy some hot buns with it. Lemme tell you these hot buns are the most goddamn exciting part of that book because by now you are FEELING how cold and hungry she is and it is EXCRUCIATING. So she buys four whole buns and you are like YES! SARA! BUNS! 

Scene: Sara, exiting the bun shop, sees another little beggar girl, colder and wetter than she is. Sara, thinking about what a princess would do, reaches in her bag and takes out a bun, and lays it in the girl’s lap. Then thinks again about what a princess would do, and takes out another bun, and lays that in the girl’s lap too. Then looks in her bag and thinks about how cold and wet and hungry she is. Then reaches in, takes out a third bun, and lays it on the girl’s lap. SHE ONLY SAVES ONE BUN FOR HERSELF

END FUCKING SCENE

My thoughts about this: Sara feels sorry for herself a lot and sometimes vindictive and petty but is always, always trying to be someone bigger and better and because she is trying so hard, usually succeeds at being good and kind in her outward actions. There’s this line in that book that goes, “There’s nothing so strong as rage except that which makes you hold it in.” I think it’s okay to let out your rage sometimes, and you should, but for me, knowing I could be stronger because I tried to be kinder changed my whole life forever and continues to change me.

*

Set up for the scene: In It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey has always wanted to leave his little town and travel, see far off places, and do something big and great and creative that has a serious impact on the world. Instead, various things happen that mean  he gets roped into his father’s little Savings and Loan company over and over, which builds housing for low income immigrants. George keeps trying to leave but his heart won’t let him walk away from those people, and then there’s Mary, whom he loves, but she wants other things, so if he commits to her he’d also have to compromise on his dreams. But he loves her so dang much and she loves him so dang much that they get married, and they got a lot of $$$ as wedding gifts, so at least they get to travel for their honeymoon, and they’re both so excited because George has dreamed of traveling so desperately. So on the way to the train station to their honeymoon from their wedding, George sees people rushing into the Savings and Loan, and stops to see what’s happening. Once inside, George finds out there’s a run on the banks--everyone wants to get out the money they’ve invested because of the big financial scare, but the company literally can’t give them all of their cash at once because it’s invested in different housing projects. The money is safe, just not accessible all at once all at the same time. The big banker in town is saying he’ll give everyone their money, but for half of what it’s worth, and this would take all the money out of the housing projects. So George tries to convince everyone to only take out what they need for just right now, instead of everything. But it’s still too much.

Scene: Fucking Mary shows up from out of fucking nowhere and holds up all of their honeymoon money and says, “How much do you need?” END OF SCENE I’m fucking crying as I write this

My thoughts about this:Like one, someone made a fucking movie that’s about things like housing projects and bank loans and the small monotonies of bureaucracy that actually make a huge fucking difference in people’s lives into a feel-good love story with a sci-fi ending what the fuck. Second. Just. George is so good; he immediately stops thinking about himself and all his dreams the second he finds out what is happening. And all we know about Mary up to this point is she’s super in love with George. But idk what means so much to me about this scene is I think we finally see why she’s in love with George: she’s in love with George because she cares about all these people too; she wants to help them too; doing this thing together with him is more important to her than a honeymoon. I just, idk, find you a someone who loves the thing you would die for more than they love their love for you. Or something.

*

one more let’s see.

Set up for the scene: In Star Trek, the original series, in “Devil In The Dark,” the crew goes down to help a mining colony. There’s this creature killing the miners, and the head of the mining colony is all, “Kill the beast!” and Kirk is like, “Idk we might have to.” And Spock is all, “No, we can’t; it’s the last of its kind and it’s important to SCIENCE!!!”

Scene: Kirk comes face to face with the creature, and Spock, sensing Kirk is in danger, is immediately, “Kill it kill it die die die!” and Kirk is like, “It’s not attacking me. Let’s wait and try to communicate, have a discussion, see what it wants, and see if we can compromise.”

END SCENE. I weep

My thoughts about this: This is just the most solid and beautiful juxtaposition of theoretical principle against practical compassion I’ve ever seen, paired with extreme Kirk/Spock feels. TOS is about the tension between the rigidity o fpure science/logic and the flexibility of feelings. Spock is one, but it is Bones who is the other, and Kirk is the compromise between them--someone who always uses Spock’s logic and intelligence to inform a situation but then makes decisions based on an intuition for compassion and a greater good. I feel like this scene epitomizes how logic is never pure, because it’s must always be rooted in a thinking feeling person--in this case Spock, who lets his feelings and instinct to protect his captain override his principles in the heat of the moment. Meanwhile, Kirk, who follows his feelings not into rage but into justice and patience, is--when confronted with another being face to face--able to believe that compromise and mutual understanding can result. It’s so beautiful I like, can’t even deal with that whole show.

#star trek #it's a wonderful life #les miserables #a little princess #jane eyre #tos #Anonymous

[michaelburnhamfanclub]

For the thing about them loving and supporting Michael; Spock

@stormtrooperinstillettos

spoilers for this week’s episode below!

(ao3)

He was running before he had the rationality to tell himself tostop, and once he started running, he was in a dead sprint for the transporterroom that nothing—not logic, not emotion, not a single intervening law of theuniverse—could stop.

“Michael,” he said, skidding to a clumsy stop at the foot ofthe transporter pad. Michael was swaying dangerously forward, one arm wrappedaround her torso, the other hanging limply at her side. “Michael,” he saidagain, too frantic to truly hear the crack in his voice.

Michael glanced up at him, eyes glassy and confused. “Where—” Shefrowned. Her voice was thick with tears. “What are you—why—” and then she saggedforward, and Spock barely thought before lunging to catch her so that shewouldn’t hit the ground.

“Are you—” he began but cut himself off, watching in horror asMichael turned her pinched face away from him, trying to hide the abject miserywritten in her features. He knew the answer to the question he’d begun to ask.Michael was not okay. She was hurt, her friend was dead, and their previousconversation hung about the ship like a particularly sadistic ghost.

He hardly had the presence of mind to even acknowledge Nhan,breathing harshly as she watched them from a few feet away with her judging,damning eyes.

“Spock, please don’t,” Michael whispered, voice choked, but hedidn’t know what she didn’t want him to do.

The med team swarmed into the room all at once, and Spock foundhimself carefully lifting Michael off the transporter pad and laying her gentlyon the ready stretcher. Michael’s gaze only flickered towards him once beforeshe was out of sight, and her expression wrenched all the insides out of him.

Spock slowly sank to sit down on the floor. He put his head inhis hands. He did not move for a long time.

“She’ll be okay,” Doctor Pollard said in a whisper. Spockhovered professionally at the edge of sick bay, eyes glued to Michael, sleepingfor now. “Her hand was a mess, but wewere able to restructure the bones to the best of our ability. She’ll probablyhave less motor control, but it won’t be debilitating. She also broke a fewribs and has a minor concussion. We’re keeping her under supervision until we’resure she’ll be okay. You have nothing to worry about.” Her eyes weresympathetic, and Spock turned his back on her and the sickbay.

“My interest is purely professional. Michael’s aid inresearching the red angel is instrumental to the future of the galaxy. Pleaseinform me when she is capable of performing her duties.”

“Al-riiiight,” Doctor Pollard muttered under her breath as heretreated down the hall.

“I don’t know what you did or said to her, but you should beashamed of yourself,” Commander Saru said, voice colder than Spock had everheard.

He straightened from his workstation, eyes narrowed. “Do notpresume to understand matters to which you have no connection.”

“I have plentyconnection,” he said, raising his chin. “You may not want Michael to be yoursister, and that is none of my concern,but Michael is like a sister to me,and that means that when you hurt her, you hurt me as well.” He took a singlestep closer, and Spock aggressively smothered the illogical urge to flinchback. “So, let me make something perfectly clear, Lieutenant.” He lowered hisvoice. “Do not hurt her again.”

When Saru left, Spock allowed himself a moment to sag forward,tapping his forehead against the wall. His chest ached.

“Lieutenant Spock,” Michael said, voice rough, back ramrodstraight, hands clasped out of sight, eyes focused just to the left of hishead. “I apologize for the delay. I am prepared to assist now.”

Internally, Spock floundered. Michael had been many things tohim throughout their lives. She’d been loving and teasing and cruel and unfairand devoted beyond rationality, but she had never been cold. Even her distanceswere filled with unbearable warmth, and that was what made them so unjust intheir isolation. Now, though, Spock felt like the air between them should fillwith freezing, obscuring fog. He did not understand how to deal with Michaellike this. He had never considered the idea that Michael would manage to be so…impersonal.

Although he’d said they were not family, he’d never questionedthe assumption that Michael would always be in his life, somehow, whetherphysically or as a shadow. He swallowed roughly, feeling the chasm open betweenthem.

And they were children again, and Michael had said the exactlymost destructive words possible, and Spock had shut down. Here, now, Michaelstared forward with the same forced coldness that Spock had struggled toestablish all those years ago, and wasn’t this supposed to be what he wanted?For Michael to feel the same way hehad?

Except it wasn’t right. None of this felt right.

“Michael,” Spock began, voice sounding hollow and defeated tohis own ears.

“Ariam seemed to believe that this entire situation hadsomething to do with me, so I believe we need to consider the possibility thatthe red angel has a special interest in both of us,” she said quickly, thepicture of professionalism. “I assume you’ve already realized that theartificial life possessing Ariam likely has the same source as the beings thatwill destroy all sentient life.”

“Yes,” Spock said after a pause, mouth dry. He didn’t know whatto say. He didn’t know what to say.

“We can start from there.” She stepped forward and called upher own screen of research. She still hadn’t looked at him. He watched numblyas a muscle in her jaw jumped. She typed with her right hand only, keeping herleft pinned behind her back. Spock wondered how badly it was damaged.

“Michael,” he said again, helplessly. She paused in typing butdid not otherwise react, frozen with her head bowed to the table. “I mustapologize for my behavior over the past week.”

She finally looked at him, the gesture sharp. Her eyes weredangerous, alight with pain and fury and a sharp, sharp hurt that would cutthem both if unleashed. “Don’t,” shesaid, tone low.

“I am sorry, Michael.” He looked away, down at the floor,avoiding her damning gaze. “I have been needlessly cruel to us both, and Iregret… many of the things that I have said.”

Michael’s expression was unreadable, entirely closed off in a waythat Spock had never been able to replicate. She said nothing.

“I want to fix it,” he said, sounding horrifically childish.

Michael slowly placed both of her hands flat on the tablebefore her, and Spock saw the stiff way that her fingers moved on her lefthand. She breathed deeply but still did not respond.

A little bit desperate, Spock inhaled sharply and said, “Youare my sister, and I love you. I do not wish to inflict any more damage beyondwhat I have already done. I was too foolish, too childish to see what you haddiscovered decades ago.”

“Why are you saying this?” Michael demanded softly, voicelayered with something miserable that made Spock feel like physically wilting.

“I am trying to make amends. I am trying to be better. I amtrying to help you.”

Michael shook her head, wordless, and didn’t stop. “No,” she whispered.“You can’t—”

“Michael, you are not okay,” Spock cut in, rounding the tablebetween them to place a hand on her shoulder, internally praying for her toface him. She did not. “Let me apologize for my part in making you so…” he trailedoff, at a loss for the proper term.

“Sad?” Michael finished, sounding small.

“A mildly adequate label for a complex emotional state,” Spockacknowledged, feeling relieved when he saw the tiny upward twitch of Michael’s lips.

“Okay,” Michael said after an eternity, turning to him. “Okay.I’m sorry.”

She looked so human in that moment, and Spock, for the first time,noticed how much taller he was compared to her. It felt wrong. Michael had beenlarger than life from the day they’d met. Without thinking, he reached for her,grabbing her in an instinctive hug. Michael crumpled into the embrace, and herealized they were both shaking.

Spock knocked his temple against Michael’s, an old gesture they’dpracticed as children to glean surface emotions from one another. Spockprojected his relief, his fear, his love for his sister, and in turn feltMichael’s devastation, her grief, and a frail clawing hope that suffocated themboth.

It was a start.

#star trek discovery #michael burnham #s'chn t'gai spock #disco spoilers #i've been putting this one off but it was time. #god their relationship hurts me so much #supporting_michael_ficlets.tag #i_forgot_how_to_write.tag

[giggleandtears]

Crimson Renegade, Part 2

Look into your eyes (I’m drownin’ in em)

Summary: The newest transfer sees her new quarters and has a long awaited meeting

Pairings: OC/Jim Kirk(Platonic), OC/Leonard McCoy(Eventual Romance)

Enjoy!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“We can argue that point later but in the spirit of friendship, what will it take for you to put this minor miscalculation behind us?” I say, using my most innocent of voices.  

“You mean what will it take for me to forget you tried to manipulate me into getting your way?”

I mumble a nearly indiscernible ‘yes’ before snapping to attention, staring Jim squarely in the eye.  

“Wait a minute! Why do you get to take the high ground? Don’t act like you haven’t whipped out those baby blues on me to get me to do your bidding.”

“To get a phone number or a free drink, not get out of a mandated physical.”

“Says the man, sorry, Captain, that’s run from every hypo since birth.”

Jim’s piercing gaze volleys back and forth, as if the air itself would supply a worthy retort. His quick wit momentarily slows to a halt until a mischievous simper appears.  

“So Danny, why do you need exclusive use of hold 626-E again?"

All joking aside, my eyes are sharper than Jim’s jawline. “You wouldn’t?”

“Try me.” Leaning forward over my shoulder, Jim stage whispers in my ear. “You know you’re not getting out of this, right?”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a sigh.

I did bring this on myself

“What do you want?”

“You know there’s only one thing I want, Gem.”

“First, you know how I feel about you calling me Gem.” Jim’s devilish grin widens but with a nod he relents. “How long am I to be at your mercy Oh captain, my captain?”

“I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement.”

“That's what I'm afraid of.”

In the corner of my eye, Spock’s face is a vision of pure Vulcan horror, if we can call it that. The speed in which he’s quantifying our non-verbal cues to discern the level of misconduct he is witnessing is dizzying and rather funny. Spock could teach a master class on body language akin to psychotherapist. However, the shrewd Second in Command is, as always, at a loss as to the emotion behind them.  In all likelihood Jim did in fact just proposition me and I reluctantly accepted. But that has never been the type of relationship Jim and I have ever had. How could our fearless leader, not poke the Vulcan teddy bear when he’s so flagrantly missing something.

“Don’t worry Spock. It’s completely consensual.”

“I was not aware the nature of your relationship had changed in the interim of our last meeting.” Spock says, in his cool timbre. 

“Hey, cool it Casanova.” I say, directed at Kirk. Stepping off the lift, I try to clarify the situation for my ever-processing Vulcan friend.  “Spock, Jim wants to take Artemis for a ride, not me.” Jim quietly snorts as we make our way down the corridor. Spock is none the wiser. If only Vulcan humor included double entendre. “And to answer your question, that you didn’t quite get to finish asking, I can get the sample for you after my physical or Scotty can. He has security clearance to access Artemis as well.”

“Thank you. That will be most useful.” Jim keys in the generic code to my new quarters and steps through but Spock remains rooted to his spot. Placing his hands behind him, Spock patiently stands, awaiting my attention. “Commander,” he says after a pause. “I am never one to question your abilities. Your skill as an engineer and subsequently a pilot is well documented. However, was it necessary to disregard my transmission before it was completed?”

“I think I heard a compliment in there somewhere but we’ll unpack that later.” I say with a smile.  “But, if I had allowed you to continue, am I correct in assuming that you were going to express concern for my life?”

“That is an affirmative.”

Taking a moment, I think of what was going through my mind in the split second I chose to execute my plan. In truth, not much. Yes, I deliberately chose to proceed before hearing the consistently sage words of my comrade. But I had the means to keep my weakened crew safe. They could escape due to my actions. How could I not act with the utmost decisiveness?  

“In this instance I refer you to the words of a very wise man, ‘The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, or in this case, the one’.”  

Almost instantly, Spock’s brow quirks in what I believe is appreciation. With a smooth nod he utters a simple reply. “Understood.” No further logic needed.  

Returning his attention back to the opened door, Jim hands back the PADD to Spock’s out-stretched hand.  

“Thank you, Mr. Spock. Keep me apprised of the repairs.”

Bowing one last time, Spock turns and leaves at Jim’s polite dismissal.

Stepping away from the door, Jim gestures me inside like a smartly dressed doorman before following behind me. Dropping my bag, I’m astounded at the quarters I’ve been assigned. The pristine grey and white surfaces make the space seem all the grander, in size and amenities.  

“Um, Jim? How are these my quarters?”

“Perks of being a commander.”

Pockets of light splayed around the room set an uncharacteristically cozy atmosphere. The illuminations warmer tinge mimics that of a candle alight, sans the continuous flicker. That small, seemingly insignificant detail, betrays the common star ship adage, ‘efficiency before comfort’.  

“I’ve been a commander for 4 years and my quarters have never been this-” I trail off in awe as I begin to take in more of the details that surround me.  

A small kitchenette sits on the far-right wall, a gleaming replicator at the ready. Trills of excitement run through me at the sight of a small French press on the counter. I can already smell the heady aroma of my first cup of coffee. In the corner, along the same wall, is a doorway of what I believe is the bathroom. Situated in the middle of the room, is a modest entertaining area, fit with a round coffee table and love seat. The darker grey fabric is soft to the touch but undoubtedly durable.  

“Is Spock’s room this big?”

“Let’s just say we won’t be having game night in here.” Jim says, with the utmost diplomacy.  

“Good to know.”

Only a small space separates the back of the couch and the bed. And what a bed it is. Two people, if not three, could easily rest inside its plush borders. Why my mind decides that’s an adequate number, desirable even, I haven’t a clue. Shaking that thought away, I notice more of the small touches unique to the Enterprise.  

A thin strip of light wraps around the bed where the base and mattress meet. Efficient if emergency lighting is ever needed but will also combat the horrid stubbed toe when nature calls in the middle of the night. But suddenly, I’m drawn to the window in front of me. Beyond it is the clearest view of a nebula I've ever seen. Did my head get knocked around more than I thought? Because I swear, I can see individual particulates swirling. Reaching out, I place my hand against the glass. Oddly, its warm against my palm, not cold as you’d expect from something that touches the frigid harshness of space.  

“I knew you’d like that.” Jim says warmly, coming to stand beside me. “Who needs a telescope when you have one of these?” I retract my hand as my brow raises in silent question. Jim just chuckles. “Computer, on.” At once, the “window” comes to life and re-centers on a particular area of the nebula. Scrolling data on the right of the screen details all the atmospheric levels found there. “Now you can explore without ever leaving your room or if you want, your bed.” Jim enlarges a small section of the screen. The seemingly devoid area erupts into various embedded hot stars as it expands on the display, all possibly never seen by the human eye.  

“Jim, this is amazing. Truly.”  I say, meeting his eyes in a glassy side-long glance.

Jim rocks on his heels, hands tucked in his pockets. The corner of his mouth ticks up in a soft smile.  

“After everything you’ve been through,” Jim starts in a hushed tone, “who knew a simple planetary magnification display would be the thing to make you cry.”

A watery chuckle escapes me as Jim bumps my shoulder against his own.  

“We both know there’s nothing simple about this.”

Such sophisticated long-range tech is relegated to what is commanded by the Bridge or specialty items designed specifically for a project. It is most certainly not used for a personal window display of a curious commander.  

“I know, but I think it’s about time we gave a little back. Don’t you?”

“We?” I ask, not fully understanding why the lavish comforts I’ve been credited now originates from a plural body of unknown origin.  

“The Federation. Starfleet. Your crew.” Jim states simply, with a nonchalant shrug.  

I’m not exactly sure if I deserve this level of hospitality and universal concern but I nod at the underlying sentiment of displaying gratitude to those that have served honorably.  

“Why don’t you go change and I'll meet you in Medbay. I need to check in with the bridge.”

I raise my hand in a dramatic mock salute. “Aye, aye Captain.”

Jim smiles in rueful admiration while shaking his head then turns to leave. Before he reaches the door, I call out to him. Facing him fully, I try find the words to adequately express my immense thanks. It’s not just about today but that he’s been championing me even while I was earth-side and he’s light-years away. Without the barrier of space or hologram display, my well-prepared thank-you-for-your-friendship speech dries on my tongue.  

With that bright grin of his, Jim senses the cause of my frustration and lets me off the hook.  

“Anytime, Danny.”  

After Jim leaves me to my own devices, I grab my bag and head to the bathroom to freshen up. Stripping off my jumpsuit, I step into the shower. I'm surprised to see there are two control panels.  

Sonic capabilities and real water. Now I’m just being spoiled.

I choose a sonic for its expediency and in short order I’m ready to pull on a new uniform. The uniform in my bag is perfectly suitable but it isn’t needed. Hanging by the shower is a fresh uniform, newly pressed. Lifting it to the light, a small white tag dangles in my view. It reads, ‘Welcome to the Enterprise’ in neat type. A warmth spreads throughout my chest as I shimmy into my crimson and black ensemble. Taming my bounteous curls takes longer than expected but eventually its slicked back in a neat bun. Admiring myself in the mirror display, I finally look like a proper commander.  

Leaving my quarters behind, I make my way to the Medbay. A soft burst of air brushes against my face as the doors automatically open at my approach. Blindly surveying the open space, every cataloged item is meticulously placed. The CMO must run a tight ship. You'd never know 11 patients came and went in less than an hour. Actually, make that 10 patients. A doctor, clad in science blue, leans over the only occupied bed. I'm sure, if he were to shift towards me, his medical insignia would be clearly visible. Ever so gently, he runs the dermal regenerator over the brow of his patient.  

Cocking his head to the side, he finally acknowledges my presence with a quick glance in my direction. I assume by the angle that he’s sitting, he’s only able to verify that there is in fact a person standing in his vicinity and the color of my uniform. Not bothering to break his concentration from his patient or call a nurse, the dark-haired doctor proceeds to inquire about my current physical condition.

“Cut, burn or concussion?” He says, with a weighty sigh.

“Excuse me?” I ask, coming closer.  

“Did you get cut, burned or whacked in the head?”

“None of the above, although you didn’t say anything about palpations, fever, or hives?” I add with blatant sarcasm. “Don’t mind me. I’ll be quietly dying in the corner over there.”

I hear a soft snort from the lounging figure on the Bio-bed before turning away to meander around. I wish I could see the doctor’s whole expression but the tightening of his jaw will have to do. Dark hair, probably an impressive scowl and distinct southern drawl. Why is that combination so familiar? Wait, did I just meet-

“Bones!” Jim bellows, as he walks into the Medbay.  

“Dang-it man, must you yell every time!”  

“I voluntarily came to Medbay. I thought you’d be happy.” Jim challenges, with a smirk.

Dr. McCoy straightens an imaginary crook in his neck with an audible growl, and continues his work.

I’ve heard quite a lot about the good doctor. Such as his snark and quick wit, lover of all things sweet and covered in honey, and his unlucky (his words) position as Jim’s best friend. But my favorite is his petulance for hating the color red and all the problems that shroud it in infamy, much like the ensign he just dismissed.  

“You’re all done, kid.” McCoy says, stripping off his gloves with a sharp pop. “Next time, try not runnin’ full speed into hangin’ debris would’ya?” McCoy stands and shoos his patient off the bed.

“Yes, doctor.” The young ensign says. He only pauses a moment to acknowledge Jim, quickly muttering ‘Captain’, before scurrying out the door.

It doesn’t escape my notice that unlike the newly healed ensign, Dr. McCoy is completely ignoring Jim and is in no rush to rectify it. Picking up the PADD clipped at the end of the bed, he scrolls and intermittently taps on the screen. Glancing up, his Jim sized problem has yet to disappear.

“What do you want Jim? I have a Medbay to run.” McCoy says, pinching the bridge of his nose after placing the PADD back in its place with a clatter.  

“Aw come on Bones. We live to explore another day and besides, I have a surprise for you.” Jim says jovially, clapping McCoy on the shoulder.  

“How ’bout you keep that to yourself. Your surprises tend to leave my antibiotic ointment supply low and my nurses skittish.”  

Now it’s my turn to snort into my hand. That’s all the confirmation I need that Jim is still, very much, still Jim. Somehow that’s both a comfort and deeply unsettling.  

“I just wanted to know if our latest transfer came by yet.” Jim says. Shifting his stance to the side, he meets my eyes expectantly. With McCoy’s back to me, he has no idea the new transfer is waiting patiently behind him to introduce herself.

Jim has wanted me to meet McCoy for quite some time. He often said his chosen drinking crew was in need of new blood, better bourbon and definitely new stories. He may have added something about thinking I was the best person to properly distract McCoy when he got in a mood. After threatening Jim with a hypo concoction that would leave him very excited and pitifully flaccid, he never brought that particular distraction up again.  

McCoy and I have had a few chances to meet over the years but something has always gotten in the way-class schedules, injuries, being in a completely different star system. You name it. Even in this short interaction between Jim and McCoy, I can already see I’ve been deeply deprived.  

“No, and why am I just seein’ him now. He should have been in here months ago.” McCoy says in exasperation, throwing his hands up. “No tellin’ what he’s been spreadin’ around.”  

“I assure you I haven’t been spreadin’ anything around,” I say, pulling the attention of both men. “We can confirm that whenever you’d like.

Walking towards them, McCoy’s gaze follows me from the tips of my toes until he finally meets my eyes. He keeps his composure far better than most men I’ve met but his eyes still round in surprise. My height usually has that effect. We meet men, women, and all those that fall in between. They vary in color, creed, planetary origin and corporeal state or lack thereof. The permutations are unfathomable and from youth onward, we’ve been taught not bat an eye. But a woman that can look you in the eye is still shocking. Coming closer, McCoy stands the tiniest bit straighter.  

“But no rush. I just hitched a ride on four starships, tracked you here using virtually scraps of data, and drained my ship in a battle protecting you. But please, take your time.” I relax my hip against a cabinet and twirl some sort of metal apparatus I picked up from the counter around my finger. Facing me head on, McCoy crosses his arms as he stares me down. I don’t think he likes the notion of anyone presuming to put him on their timetable.  

“Wait, that was you doin’ all that fancy flying?” He asks me incredulously.

“Is that your version of a thank you? Oh, I forgot. Unless an engineer is under your watchful eye, we pose an imminent threat to ourselves but most importantly, your sanity.”

McCoy next words halt as his mouth hangs slightly agape. A rapid flutter of confusion passes over his eyes as his lips purse in contemplation.  

“You’ll have to excuse me but, have we met?” McCoy finally says.  

“Not officially. I'm just the red that was slowly dying from an arrhythmia, pyrexia, and anaphylaxis.”  

McCoy’s eyes begin to narrow in what I can only guess is his favorite go-to glare and I nibble the inside of my cheek to keep my burgeoning smile at bay. Flicking my eyes to Jim, his smirk has grown into a knowing cheshire grin. He’s thoroughly enjoying the volley between McCoy and I. Honestly, so am I.

“You also may have heard about me from a mutual friend.” I continue.  

Jim has never squandered an opportunity to regale me with the many shenanigans he’s dragged McCoy into. More often than not, he whines about how McCoy takes sick pleasure in smothering every idea he has in common sense before he can fan it into a career defining romp. It’s astounding how easily Jim shrugs off the irony of that statement. Sadly, I think McCoy fails far more than he succeeds. So, I have no doubt Jim’s spoken of our previous escapades as well.

Laying the metal thing-a-ma-bob back down, I extend my hand toward McCoy. “Commander Gemma Danvers. Nice to meet you.”

Flashing a devastatingly handsome crooked smile, McCoy grasps my proffered hand with a soft pressure. “Pleasures all mine.” Gentle creases line his eyes from finally putting a face with the name. “Leonard McCoy.”  He says, introducing himself. “But somethin’ tells me you already knew that.”  

Hmm, where did Lieutenant Grumpy Pants go?

My own smile grows wider in response. “And you’d be correct.” McCoy’s warm gaze draws me in further. I should feel awkward that our joined hands are still slowly moving in unison but watching such a bewitching shade a green has left my senses muted to anything else. After McCoy releases my hand, I quickly clasp them behind my back and take a minuscule step back. Time to get down to business. “So, do you have time for a physical?”

“Always.” McCoy says, without hesitation.  

#star trek aos #aos #jim kirk #leonard mccoy #spock #mr. spock #bones #jim kirk/oc #leonard mccoy/oc #star trek #enterprise #star trek enterprise #red shirt #starship enterprise #fanfic

[winterverses]

Walking Wounded - Chapter Seventy

Coming home to a quiet, empty apartment didn’t settle his mind. “Anne?” he called when he walked in. There was no music, no one in the living room. A familiar smell that he couldn’t place wafted from the kitchen, but it was silent in that direction too. Nevertheless, that was the best place to start. Anne probably wouldn’t have left the house with food cooking.

As he came into the kitchen, he saw why it was so quiet and still. Out on the balcony scattered little lights flickered in the breeze, providing just enough illumination to be comfortable, little pools of wavering light in Yorktown’s night cycle. Uhura sat at the little table, her Charellian joyeuse in her lap, her fingers plucking at the strings and her lips curved in a soft, amused smile. Anne and Spock stood nearby, Spock positioning Anne’s arm, turning her chin, very clearly instructing her. Anne was listening intently, her eyes fixed on him. Curious, Kirk watched from the darkness of the kitchen as Spock lifted his head, said something to Uhura, and then stood across from Anne.

Uhura paused, resettled her joyeuse, and then began to pluck the strings again. As she did, Spock and Anne began to step slowly in a circle, watching each other. It took a moment to register that this was a dance, slow and stately, with sweeping, graceful gestures that Kirk didn’t recognize. A Vulcan dance? Kirk hadn’t ever heard anything one way or another about Vulcans considering dance an art form. And… Spock? It boggled the mind.

Not wanting to interrupt, Kirk watched for a few moments more, wondering if there was some sort of alternate reality leak, or maybe a lingering side effect from that last mind meld. He eventually discarded those possibilities as unlikely, if Uhura was calmly playing for them rather than raising the alarms. But still. Spock? Dancing?

When Spock stopped Anne, correcting one of her movements, Kirk decided he’d better just go out and join them before they caught him gaping at them. Shaking his head, he grabbed a cold beer and stepped outside.

Anne noticed him immediately, and her eyes brightened in a silent welcome, but she stayed where she was, listening to Spock’s explanation. “...as a trickster figure, T’Kay’s part is necessarily represented with more complex movements, steps that deceive the eye, while Shariel is represented with strength and bolder movements. T’Kay is the more demanding role, but I believe with your previous training you are capable of it, so long as you practice it.” Having seen her sidelong glance, he looked up, unsurprised to see Kirk. “Good evening, Captain. I trust you are well.”

“We’re off-duty, Spock,” Kirk said, popping the cap on his beer and seating himself beside Uhura. “Don’t let me interrupt your lesson. It sounds pretty interesting.” As far as he understood, Vulcans didn’t actually believe their mythology to be true, but it was still honored as a part of their history. It made sense that it would be preserved in dance as well as sculpture, like the bust of Shariel Spock had in his quarters.

“Normally, one does not share these practices with outsiders. Dance has long been seen as a pastime for children, to be set aside as one ages. Still, it would be a loss to our culture as a whole if these dances were to disappear. The practices of children are as important as the industry and art of adults in determining the true nature of a species.”

If Kirk hadn’t known better, he might have thought he heard a little bit of defensiveness there. Spock was right, though-- if no one thought these things important enough to pass on, something of value would be lost, especially since Vulcan children now were far more likely to take on the pastimes of other races due to their fragmented population. When he looked at it that way, it seemed logical in the extreme. “Mind catching me up on what I’m watching?”

“It’s a trickster story,” Nyota said. “How the trickster got her immortality. There are a few different versions of the myth, but in most of them, T’Kay dies of old age and her katra tricks Shariel into giving her back her body when it was young and strong. Once he realizes his mistake he chases her and tries to capture her, but when he corners her, she convinces him that since she’s a katra in a body and not a naturally born creature, a powerful sacrifice of some sort is necessary for her to give it up and go back to the underworld. In the end, he becomes temporarily mortal and dies to try to separate her from her body, and she’s able to escape him again because he’s trapped in his own underworld until he regains his godhood.” Nyota smiled. “Apparently he considered it a draw after that and left her alone. Personally, I think she won.”

“There are other interpretations of that same myth that posit that Shariel’s persistence was out of love for T’Kay, or that she had upset the balance of life and death with her actions. Some of them have Shariel succeeding in the end and giving her penances to perform to restore the balance of life and death, and some of them have her returning to the underworld willingly to visit with him, both of them having learned to respect the other. It is an engaging myth, one that figures largely in children’s pastimes. T’Kay’s flight inspired one of the practices I remember from my childhood, a game not unlike the human game ‘hide and seek’, although far more complex and intellectually demanding.” Spock looked back to Anne. “If your interest persists, we should continue the lesson.”

“Of course,” Anne said. “It’s fascinating. I’m immensely flattered that you’re willing to teach me. I’ve never heard dance mentioned in the same breath as Vulcan art before, not even when I was there.”

“As I said, it is not shared with outsiders or practiced by adults, but your respect for our culture is clear, as is our need to preserve our practices. I am gratified by your enthusiasm. Now, let us continue.” Spock looked at Uhura, who repositioned her hands on the joyeuse and began to play.

Once the mythology was explained, the themes in both the music and the accompanying dance were more obvious. Anne played her part as best she could, the dance obviously new to her, but she looked as if she enjoyed every second of it, responding instantly to any of Spock’s murmured corrections. Spock, on the other hand, looked as stone-faced as ever; if Kirk hadn’t known him so well, he might have missed how pleased Spock was by Anne’s interest and willingness to learn. The music resolved itself into a less stately motif for the trickster T’Kay, something complicated and hard to follow that matched Anne’s footwork and the way she appeared to start toward one direction only to end up elsewhere. Shariel, on the other hand, was slower and more forceful, Spock’s movements reflecting his attempts to catch the elusive T’Kay. Though stylized, Kirk thought he could even make out the basic structure of the story.

It figured that Vulcan playtime for kids involved complex choreography, though. Something like basketball or tag would have been just too simple.

After a time, Spock called off any more repetitions, having stopped and started a few times to work on different parts of the dance. “It would please me very much to know that you will practice this,” he said to Anne as they came over to the table.

Anne rested her hip on the arm of Kirk’s chair, leaning over him to grab a glass of water that was sitting on the table. “Of course I will. But I do have to ask-- what about performing it? I don’t mind keeping it to myself, but a dance as beautiful as that should be seen.”

Spock had to consider this for a moment, regarding her with a small frown. “I would not recommend performing it unless you have a Vulcan partner,” he said finally. “Otherwise you are likely to face derision from those who would undermine an expression of my culture’s art simply because you are not a Vulcan. I myself have faced prejudice due to perceived lack of Vulcan authenticity more than I care to say; it is unfortunate, but since that is the case, I have no reason to believe a human would be met with more acceptance, no matter how respectful you may be.”

“That is unfortunate,” Anne sighed. “I’ll be very careful about it. I don’t want seem like I’m insulting your culture. But it’s always bothered me that the measures taken to keep a culture ‘pure’ after a diaspora are also the ones that run the most risk of killing off the practices entirely through restriction.”

“There is no adequate solution. I trust you will use your judgment, and perform or teach only when you believe your audience or student is appropriate.” Spock looked down at Uhura, who grinned back up at him. “I appreciate your willingness to play for us, Nyota.” Anne echoed his thanks.

“You know I like this sort of thing,” Nyota said. “It’s getting late, though. We should think about dinner. Did you want to go out, or would you rather just punch something up?”

“Oh, no need for that,” Anne said. “I put something on to simmer when I went in last time.”

Uhura frowned, looking uncertain. “That was hours ago. Are you sure it’s okay?”

“It smelled great when I was in there,” Kirk said.

“Don’t worry. Stews just get better the longer you leave them alone. Just relax, I’ll go dish up for everyone.” Anne stood, running her hand through Kirk’s hair and looking fondly down at him.

“Nah, I’ll come help,” he said. “It feels wrong not to do anything to contribute to the evening.”

“Your presence is contribution enough, cher, but I won’t refuse the help,” Anne said, her smile crinkling the corners of her eyes and revealing that damn dimple. She looked back up at Spock and Uhura. “Do either of you want me to get anything else while I’m inside?  More beer, more water, some wine?”

“I’d enjoy some wine. Maybe one of the bottles we brought? If they’ll go well, of course,” Uhura said.

“That Riesling should be perfect,” Anne answered, a secret smile lurking in her eyes.

Kirk followed her to the kitchen, noting that the window was closed and waiting for the door to shut behind them before speaking. “What have you got going?” he asked, pretending to be suspicious.

Anne turned and grinned at him. “Oh, it’s nothing really. I just hope you all like dinner.”

“I thought it smelled familiar. What is it?” Kirk asked, catching her hand and gently tugging her toward him. She came willingly, her body flowing up against his, her arms sliding around his waist.

It definitely wasn’t the time for more than a brief kiss, but it was impossible not to make it last longer than it should have. Kissing her was just too captivating. By the time she pulled away, he’d almost forgotten his question, and her cheeks were a bit flushed. “You’ll see. I don’t want to tell you until you’ve had a chance to try it and guess.” Anne said, turning to get the dishes set out, a smile lingering on her lips. “Do you mind opening the wine and bringing out some glasses? I can handle the rest.”

“You got it, gorgeous,” Kirk said. At Anne’s direction, he found the wine in the bar, already chilled. Bringing it back out, he set the glasses on the table and poured for each of them, glancing back to see if Anne needed anything else.

Evidently she didn’t; she came out shortly, carrying a tray. The smell of the stew was definitely familiar, but Kirk still couldn’t place it. He saw Uhura suddenly look as if she’d gotten a private joke, and Spock frowned slightly, looking like he felt the same way as Kirk. Anne set the dishes down and sat beside Kirk, picking up her spoon and watching the others. “Don’t you say anything,” she warned Uhura, who laughed. Anne then looked to Kirk and Spock. “I want to see how well I got it. Try it and tell me whether you recognize it.”

Kirk obliged her, taking a bite, and the spicy taste immediately pushed the nostalgia buttons in his brain. He remembered it, but couldn’t place it, the taste eluding him even as the spice began to build. It quickly reached a burn just barely within the limits of comfort.

After a moment of contemplation, the heat failing to make a dent in his demeanor, Spock spoke up. “If I possessed a tail, it would indeed have a kink.”

Anne and Uhura burst out laughing, and Kirk joined them with a shake of his head. Sivaoan food. Tail-kinkers. After their talk of tricksters, he was surprised he hadn’t remembered it sooner; that was, after all, where they’d met a real life trickster of a sort. Taking another bite, he tried to recall any differences between the taste of the grabfoot stew they’d eaten and the stew that Anne had set in front of them. It seemed subtly different, but not in a way he could define, and not such that it stood out as a reproduction. Even the meat seemed more like the tiny, colorful little dinosaur-beasts than anything from Earth. “Damn. How’d you put this together?” Kirk asked.

“The genetic information was in the Enterprise database. It took some trial and error to translate it into the synthesizer-- you would not believe some of the terrors that came out. Luckily, I knew of a little Sivaoan community here in Yorktown and enlisted their help in return for giving them the synth pattern. Of course they prefer the real thing, but they were happy to know they’d be able to synth something that tasted right in a pinch.” Anne smiled and sipped her wine. “This was for you, Spock. Nyota said you liked tail-kinkers. If the ones in the stew are acceptable, I’ll send you the synth pattern.”

“It is more than acceptable. I am flattered that you went to the trouble on my behalf,” Spock said gravely.

“It was no trouble. It gave me something to work on during the days. Now I’ll have to find a new project.”

“Can’t sit still, huh?” Uhura asked. “Any idea what you’re going to work on next?”

Anne’s pleasure dimmed. “Yeah, actually. I was going to help Ben and Hikaru with their appeals. Ethics had a problem with letting them adopt Lilla, something about the fact that they already had a kid. I don’t know much about the whole thing, but I can at least make calls and fill out forms.”

Nyota grimaced. “I heard about that. Sulu seemed to expect it. I don’t think it’s going to be that big a problem, but I’m glad you’re helping out. I told him, but I’ll tell you too, let us know if there’s anything we can do, okay?”

“Yes, of course,” Anne said, then brightened. “And then there’s the party to plan, too…”

Spock and Uhura were coming, of course, regardless of the actual date. Kirk would have been shocked if they’d declined. What did surprise him, however, was how fast Anne and Nyota went from casual discussion to planning, then actually starting to put things in motion. By the time the first bottle of wine was finished, they had decided on a guest list and a menu (with input from both himself and Spock, of course); by the time the second one was finished, they had already figured out how much of what would set up the bar, what playlists to use, in exactly what order and how far ahead every dish would have to be made, and the likelihood that they would need aircars standing by to transport anyone who had overimbibed. Upon reflection, Kirk decided that his surprise was unwarranted. Nyota was an organizer by nature. He’d known that since they’d been in the Xenolinguistics Club together back in the Academy. She’d always been on his ass about the club accounts and bookkeeping, which, of course, had been her job as President-- keeping her Treasurer on the straight and narrow. And he already knew Anne was detail-oriented, self-motivated, and used to considering issues from multiple angles.

“I wonder what would happen if they were ever posted to Ops,” Kirk murmured to Spock, watching them systematically wipe out task after task, right down to sending out messages to the sources Anne had chosen for the food.

“By my calculations, we would see an increase in efficiency on the close order of thirty-four percent,” Spock said blandly. “Perhaps more, if they were allowed to dictate repercussions for poor performance.”

Kirk was pretty sure that was a joke. “Let’s just hope they’re free if we ever need to plan a war.”

Catching his comment, Uhura raised her eyebrows at Anne. “I think they’re getting restless. The wisecracking has started.”

“Well, we have enough done for now. I’ll call you tomorrow after five-- oh, wait. We have that damn interview.” Anne rolled her eyes. “What a pain. I’ll call you the day after.”

“Sounds good.” Uhura looked over at Kirk. “And if you said you were going to send out invitations, you’d better get cracking. I want to know we’ve heard back from everyone by Sunday.”

“All right, all right,” Kirk laughed. Somehow this had become her party too. He didn’t mind. It was kind of neat watching his friends take a random whim of his and make it into a group endeavor. It was something that wouldn’t have happened this way if Anne hadn’t been around. The dynamic was different, more balanced. He was less set apart somehow. Was it easier for them to ignore the shipboard pecking order because Anne didn’t have a real rank? But it wasn’t like Nyota had ever been excessively deferential in the first place, and Spock was just Spock, no matter what rank either of them had ever held.

Setting his thoughts aside as Nyota and Spock rose to leave, he and Anne escorted them to the door, saying their goodbyes. Once they were gone the place felt emptier, but not entirely, as if they’d left some of their companionable warmth behind them.

Anne leaned into his side, looking affectionately up at him. “I’ve got to go clean up, cher. Will you run us a bath if you’re not too tired?”

“Sure.” The thought of the advice he’d been given, both by Ella and by Carol, made him pause. Was it better to talk about these things now?

“What is it?” Anne asked, curious.

Damn. She was getting to know him too well. No point in putting it off. “A couple things. You need a communicator, for one.”

“Why?” Anne asked, annoyance flitting across her features.

“Because if you have one, I won’t have to worry that you won’t be able to reach me if you’re in trouble.”

She knew he had a point, even though she wasn’t happy about it. What was wrong with having a communicator? His puzzlement must have shown on his face, because she answered immediately. “I just don’t like the idea of anyone being able to bother me wherever I am and no matter what I’m doing. If I get a separate comm code, will you keep it to yourself?”

Reluctantly, he said, “That’s probably not a great idea. If there was an emergency and I couldn’t give the code to someone else for whatever reasons…”

Sighing, she rested her head against his arm. “All right. But only because you think it’s necessary. The moment it’s no longer necessary, I’m getting rid of it.”

“That’s fair.” Was that enough for the moment? Was she too annoyed to take it well if he brought up the other thing? Deciding it was best to get it all over at once, he said, “And… if things don’t work out for you, would you consider staying aboard the Enterprise? I know it’s not… I mean, I know you think you’re not cut out for Starfleet and all that, but… it’s an option. Or at least I could make it an option. If you wanted.”

By the time he’d finished speaking, she’d gone entirely still, her hurt wordlessly radiating from every line of her body. Wasn’t great for the old ego. He had to admit, though, that he knew just how important her writing was to her by how assiduously she avoided the subject, and how relentlessly she filled up her time. And that was just what he saw; he had a feeling that was the tip of the iceberg when it came to her feelings about her writing. Might as well ask him to stay with her if he’d lost his ability to be the Captain. It would be like cutting out half his personality, his life, the person he thought of as himself. She wouldn’t be able to replace that for him, no matter what he felt for her.

But… it would help. Having someone who cared that much for him would help. Wouldn’t it? He wasn’t in her position. He couldn’t tell.

After a long while, she pressed her cheek harder against him. “Yes,” she said, her voice small and quiet. “I’ll go with you, if it comes to that.”

He’d thought it would make him… well, definitely not happy, not when he’d known she would be hurt. Relieved, maybe? More settled? Instead, it just felt unutterably selfish, and he wished he hadn’t said anything. Even though he didn’t mean it that way, it must have sounded like he didn’t have any confidence in her, and even if she knew better on one level, that didn’t negate how it must have felt. “We don’t need to talk about it again,” he added, wishing that he could forget it entirely. But Carol had been right-- it needed to be addressed. He needed to know, so he could take any steps that needed to be taken. “Just… come with me when I go back, if that’s what works.”

Anne must have had some idea he would bring it up, but even if it had to be said, that didn’t make it hurt her any less. Her body was tense, as if she’d just been hit and was trying to master her reaction so she could choose how she wanted to respond. After a while, she spoke, her voice still quiet but a little more controlled. “I need to be alone for a bit. I’ll be on the balcony. Go to sleep, if you like. You’ve had a long day.”

There was no way Kirk could sleep, not now. Not until she came back to him. But he knew better than to put that on her too. “I won’t bother you,” he said. He wished he could do something to comfort her-- hold her, make her laugh, something-- but pushing himself on her just to assuage his own guilt would be unforgivable. Instead, he stood still as she pulled away from him, only his eyes following her as she left.

After he heard the balcony door open, he decided he would run that bath. Maybe see what was in the refrigerator, get some rum chilling. It was the only thing he could think to do that wouldn’t be intrusive, that might help to smooth things over. He tried not to gawk when he went into the kitchen and the bedroom, but he did see that she was working in the garden. That was good. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if she’d been just sitting there crying the way he’d half-expected, aside from feel about a thousand times worse.

By the time he heard the balcony door open again, the bath had been full for long enough that he had to set the temperature to hold, or else it would have cooled too much to be comfortable. Kirk himself was seated on one of the couches, going over the most recently released court schedules. No word on Loche’s trial date yet, but the schedules were only mapped a couple weeks ahead. He concentrated on the padd in his hands to avoid wondering whether she would approach him or if he should go to speak to her.

Her footsteps on the carpet told him he had no reason to wonder. She didn’t say anything, but she came to sit beside him. When he looked at her, he saw that her eyes were a little red, and immediately felt like the galaxy’s biggest heel. She smiled, though, and even if she wasn’t happy, at least she wasn’t angry or resentful. “You should have gone to bed, cher. It’s late.”

“I’m fine. Not like I haven’t done it before.” He started to set the padd aside, then a thought occurred to him. “If you want, I’ll stay home tomorrow. They say they need me but they really don’t, it’s just the same boring old shit again. All little guys they’ve got airtight cases on anyway.”

Anne’s eyes lightened a bit, becoming instantly less guarded and more transparent, the turmoil of her emotions clearer. “You don’t have to,” she said.

Kirk lifted the padd and began to tap out a message. He’d seen that little bit of hopefulness in amidst her hurt feelings and self-doubt. “I’m sick of it anyway. I need a day off. And then maybe we can get that interview done with earlier and not have to spend our whole day waiting for it to be over.”

“I’d like that,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder.

Kirk finished his message and tossed the padd aside, sliding his arm around her. Missing a few trials shouldn’t be a problem. They had them in the bag already. After a short silence, one that was far more comfortable than the ones preceding it, he said, “I ran the bath for you. Do you want to go relax?”

“Will you come with me?” Anne asked.

“Of course.” Good. Not that he would have begrudged her privacy, but… good. Knowing she wanted him around made him feel less like he’d taken a baseball bat to a glass sculpture. He would never have felt this way if it had been Carol, or any of his other lovers-- he would have just thought anyone else needed to grow a thicker skin if even a sidelong reference could hurt them that badly. Anne was different. She was still recovering, and things she might be able to handle from others had more potential to hurt coming from him. That she wanted him around meant that she didn’t blame him, when she would have been justified in doing so.

It was better to stop thinking about it. She was fine, she would recover, and he hadn’t permanently fucked anything up. Kirk escorted her toward the bath, noting that she’d taken down or turned off all those flickering little lights outside. “Were those actual candles?” he asked. He’d taken them for holographs at first, but there had been a faint scent of burning to them...

“Yes,” Anne said, looking back at him with a hint of a smile.

How… quaint. Where would she even find something like that on Yorktown? One of those grey markets she seemed to effortlessly find? Well, they might be handy. She must have liked them a lot if she’d somehow dug them up out here. “I’m gonna go grab them. They’re in the kitchen, right?”

“Yes,” she said again, her smile growing just a little. He left her to get them, and found a little torch sitting beside them, presumably to light them with.

When he brought them to the washroom, he’d barely stepped inside before she was in his arms. “You are so sweet to me,” she murmured, and the warmth in her voice settled him further. “I didn’t realize you’d been paying that much attention.”

He glanced over at the tiny loaf of fresh-baked bread and the bits of cheeses he’d brought in for her. Sure, they didn’t look as nice as hers, but it was a pretty respectable effort. The starfruit and strawberry slices had turned out better. “It’s not like I made the thing. I just took some of the dough and put it in the oven after it had sat a while. The rest of it was just cutting things.”

“Still.” She looked up at him, her smile wide enough to reveal that dimple. “Let me guess, there’s something in the icebox here too.” He nodded. “I’ll pour us some drinks if you set up those candles. Then, into the bath. Oh, and let’s have some music, don’t you think? You pick.”

Sounded good. Great, in fact. So long as things returned to equilibrium, he was happy.

#James T. Kirk/OC #Jim Kirk/OC #Star Trek Fanfiction #dark romance #Star Trek #fanfic #Star Trek: Walking Wounded #ST:WW

[thesearchforspirk]

1 x 1 : Where No Man Has Gone Before {Subtext Study}

As we’re going in production order (which seems to produce a more linear story) the story of Gary Mitchell and his tinfoil eyes is where we’ll begin this journey into Star Trek subtext. There’s quite a bit in this episode to wade through, particularly of the homoromantic quality, so let’s get started. 

Tellingly, perhaps, our episode opens on our two main objects of study playing their beloved three-dimensional chess. As someone who has been in Spirk fandom for awhile now, I can attest that 3D chess is mentioned as an activity Kirk and Spock engage in together in their recreation hours in about 99.9% of fanfics (logically, the chances of them having recreation hours that overlap with one another is about slim to none, given their respective positions, but a little willing suspension of disbelief never hurt anyone). However, I think we only see them actually play it in-canon in about 2-3 episodes total, if that. 

Still, there’s something significant about the choice of chess as a game for these two to engage in and this particular game’s history as a means of courtship and flirtation. 

This is also our first indication that Spock adheres strongly to the fact that he’s Vulcan and “without” emotions and that Kirk delights in teasing him about the fact. “Certain you don’t know what irritation is?” Kirk asks, knowingly, with a shit-eating grin after he makes a move that Spock wasn’t anticipating (having already smugly announced he would have Kirk check-mated in his next move). The banter here relies heavily on the natural affection between the two of them, that which the script wants the audience to be aware of. Though Spock alleges to be immune to emotions he is clearly anything but, and yet, Kirk finds an affectionate delight in this fact. He’s allowed to rib Spock a little bit about this without threat of any real offense, indicating a very high level of trust between them.

Certainly this could be the banter of two who are just friends and have no unspoken attraction or romantic interest between them, but talk like this often manifests as flirtation as well. Kirk’s decidedly sultry smirks at Spock (the first of thousands that would proceed them in the next few decades of material) and his huskier tone of voice are interesting acting choices for Shatner to have made if he hadn’t intended to play Kirk as flirty in this scene. 

As I will often disclaim, I’m not suggesting that the original intent was the same as the interpretation I’m asserting here. What I am saying is that the evidence for a layer of flirtation is there, be it intentional or not, and to not at least acknowledge it is to ignore the obvious. 

Moving on!

Kirk has been attempting to stay alert for any news about a recently heard Earth distress signal (despite the -ahem- distractions). News of said distress signal finally comes in, interrupting this little verbal tango between our boys, and Kirk and Spock rush to the transporter room to find an old-style ship recorder. Spock asserts that due to the damage on the object it’s likely that something happened to the ship (in the vein of blowing up or whatever I guess). The recorder begins transmitting a signal as soon as Scotty starts feeding tapes into the computer and Kirk puts the ship on red alert. 

Enter Gary Mitchell, barely missing the turbolift ride alongside our boys. It’s made obvious right away that Gary and Jim are close from the casual way they greet and chat about ship stuff even under red alert. Gary then turns his attentions to Spock and, weirdly, sort of sizes him up before asking in a more straightforward tone “So, you finished the game?”. Spock nods and moves forward to the doors preemptively while explaining, “[Kirk] played most illogically. His next move should’ve been the rook.” Behind Spock’s back, Kirk grins and makes a throat-cutting motion to Gary to subtly indicate Spock’s obvious loss. 

When I first saw this episode, and each time I return to it after a prolonged absence, I always initially get a sort of antagonistic vibe between Spock and Gary. On my original watch I thought it was going to be some sort of bigotry thing on Gary’s behalf against Spock’s being a Vulcan (which does happen with a different character in a different episode) but that ends up not being the case here. We really have no reason to believe there’s anything antagonistic between them, at least nothing that’s addressed directly.

(note Kirk’s got another amused, if not sultry look for Spock here)

The likelihood is that Spock’s cold retreat to the turbolift doors is more attempt to escape mention of his chess defeat than anything else. Gary’s once over of him, however, and hard tone of voice might suggest something else. Could be an organic jealousy in the fact that they share a mutual, close friend and seem to be on equal levels of bonding with the same person, but don’t seem to have much in common with one another and occupy awkward spaces beside him, sort of privately elbowing one another for the same category in Jim Kirk’s life. But what is that category, exactly? Is it just one of platonic friendship or something else?

A common argument against Kirk/Spock is the assertion that Jim (specifically) is clearly a lover of women and has never taken a male lover in canon and so must be, therefore, purely heterosexual and uninterested in men. This is a bit of fallacy in an of itself because 1) of course we never saw Kirk take a male lover in any sort of obvious way, this was a show produced in the 60′s for godssake, 2) Kirk’s frequent and, presumably exclusive, taking of female lovers doesn’t necessarily exclude him from being able to find men attractive and enjoy romantic/physical relationships with them, 3) most of the time when Kirk would take a female lover it was to gain something for the purpose of a mission; only rarely was he actually indulging in sincere feeling or attraction. 

All that said, there is an argument that Gary Mitchell might be the earliest precedent and indication that Kirk has taken at least one male lover before and, therefore, has a history of finding men physically and romantically attractive. Due to the attitudes of the time it’s purely speculation based on subtext and ambiguity, but one I’ll explore here as we learn more about Gary and Jim and their history together. 

In any case, I will also add that sexuality is fluid and being attracted exclusively to one gender for most of one’s life doesn’t mean that one may never find themselves drawn to something different at some point. Even if Kirk had never taken a male lover, had never found men attractive in any way prior to Spock, it doesn’t mean that Spock couldn’t have been an exception. I would also assume at this point in earth’s social development that relationships of all kinds between consenting adults are accepted with much more open minds, that any bigotry that might keep someone from indulging in or owning up to a desire would no longer exist. Food for thought. Back to our regular programming. 

The three men go to the bridge and take their respective places. Kirk orders neutral warp at the edge of the galaxy and puts out a ship-wide message that the disaster recorder came from the SS Valiant two hundred years ago, the hope being that more insight will eventually be granted to them as to what happened to said ship. Meanwhile, Spock continues to have no luck with the burnt out tapes. 

The department heads arrive on the bridge as ordered and we meet Dr. Elizabeth Dehner, a psychiatrist that recently joined the crew. Sidenote: if the Enterprise was ever granted a psychiatrist to replace her after this episode (spoiler alert) they certainly aren’t part of the ‘department heads’ club as we never meet them- maybe due to the events of this episode, who knows, but I can at least hope the Enterprise continued to value the mental health of her crew members despite all that. I digress. 

Spock announces that the recorder has finally begun to transmit something and Kirk steps up behind him at the science station because it’s absolutely 100% necessary to the mission. Completely. Because it’s not as if Kirk would probably have been able to hear him fine from his chair or anything. 

(okay, this one is just me being a bit silly but STILL, really now, Jim)

Dr. Dehner expresses an interest in knowing how the crew of SS Valiant might have fared psychologically under the distress. Gary Mitchell expresses his respect of his female crewmen and women in senior positions of power by openly flirting with her in front of the crew and then, just as openly in front of the Captain, calling her a “walking freezer unit” when she doesn’t reciprocate. He even makes ‘ooo ice queen’ face at Kirk after she rebuffs him. Nowadays that would probably, hopefully, rightfully so be grounds for sexual harassment and something Kirk would’ve had a responsibility to shut down right then and there, but y’know. 60′s. Women in power are scary so we have to knock them down a peg. 

Weird how Star Trek is meant to take place in a more open-minded, less bigoted, socially progressive time in our future, but is still sometimes a product of the generation it was produced in. I love it regardless, of course.

Anyway, Spock begins to relay the spotty transmitted information; apparently the Valiant encountered a magnetic storm and then, for reasons that are unclear, began frantically searching for information on ESP in humans. Kirk asks Dr. Dehner about this and she helpfully explains that some humans can indeed see future events, but that the ability is never very strong. Spock continues that one crewman seemed to have recovered and that was when the frantic search for ESP info began, followed by an apparent self-destruct order from the Captain. Unnerved by this, Kirk orders that they leave the galaxy at warp factor 1.

Unfortunately, a magnetic force field appears right about then and the two women on the bridge grab the hands of the men nearest to them because, obviously, right? 60′s. Gary and Dr. Dehner are struck by the magnetic surges while the rest of the bridges’ control panels get various levels of fucked up. Even still, the Enterprise makes it through the storm and Kirk orders Spock to collect damage reports (with a very necessary and much needed hand on his shoulder, naturally). He then checks on Dr. Dehner (who appears to be fine) and then Gary, whose head he lovingly cradles in his hands.

(This tender moment only goes on to show us that Gary has spooky tinfoil eyes now!!! Can’t even imagine how painful those archaic contacts must have been for the actor.) 

Upon return from commercial break, Kirk informs the audience that the Enterprise’s main engines and warp drive have been fucked beyond use. He also has Spock checking out Gary and Dr. Dehner’s records for ESP ratings, only to see that they have some of the highest on the ship (these must be old records though because there’s no way those two are 23 and 21 years old, respectively, at the time of this episode- SORRY, BUT TRUE), concluding that this must be why they were shocked and lived to talk about it. Dr. Dehner returns with autopsy results on the deceased, informing that their brains were burned out with the electric shock. She also vehemently defends ESP ability against Kirk and Spock who are suspicious of whether or not ‘espers’ are dangerous. 

Kirk then goes to check on Gary who’s been under medical observation and we’re granted a deeper insight into their friendship.  

Gary somehow knows it’s Kirk before he sees him or allows him to say anything. He points out that Jim looks worried and Jim replies with a knowing smile, “I’ve been worried about you ever since that night on Deneb IV.” Gary laughs and looks down coquettishly. “Yeah, she was nova, that one.” The fact that we have no idea what they’re talking about and that this conversation barely makes any sense of is no real importance. We’re not supposed to understand. This is meant to feel like listening to two friends who’ve known each other so long and so well they’re almost speaking a shared, exclusive language about experiences and jokes only they understand. Gary talks some about his weird eyes and then he goes back to teasing Kirk. Apparently our strapping Captain was something of a bookworm nerd back in his academy days, who knew?? (His bookishness happens to be one of my favorite aspects of Kirk’s character and one that history so often forgets in favor of him being some kind of machoman womanizer- ugh) To this teasing Kirk responds with a blush that would rival that of a school girl with a crush on her teacher.

(tee hee OH GARY STOP IT) 

Gary mentions how he “aimed that little blonde lab technician” at Kirk probably to distract him from being too tough in his student-teaching position, to which the latter responds with, “You what??!” “Yep. I outlined her whole campaign for her.” “I almost married her!” So, we know Kirk likes the intelligent types as much as he is one himself. Fascinating. (Sidenote: I personally headcanon that the “little blonde lab technician” was Ruth that Kirk ‘sees’ in Shore Leave, but that’s for another episode discussion) Gary warns Kirk to be good to him because he’s “getting even better ideas” now. He also has a forebodingly echo-y voice now to indicate to a wary Kirk that shit’s about to get real.

So, what’s the deal with Jim and Gary? Everything is played rather ambiguously between them, certainly in no small part to indicate to us, the audience, that they’re close and have been for years. To have them discuss blatantly spelled out exposition of their shared past would feel in-organic and I’m glad the Star Trek writers chose ambiguity for this reason. But this ambiguity, plus the sultry way Gary teases Kirk and the affectionate, bashful blushes and smiles he gets in return could easily indicate that their friendship may not be platonic (or perhaps it is now, but hasn’t always been- maybe there was some sexual exploration together at the academy and feelings due to this that Kirk never really shook). There’s subtext enough here to believe so, I think. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide whether or not Gary could qualify as one of the earliest indications that Jim may not be so immune to masculine charms as history would so direly like for us to believe.

Anyway, Kirk returns to the bridge to find Spock watching Gary’s superhuman reading speed that is ever increasing. Spock pointedly asks the rhetorical question, “Is that Gary Mitchell? The one you used to know?”. A rather...knowing question for a being that claims to not understand or experience emotions. Kirk orders a 24 hour watch on Sickbay and all the examinations and tests possible. Gary then looks over at the viewing screen, right at Kirk, as if to suggest he knows he’s being watched.

Back in Sickbay proper Dr. Dehner has arrived to...probably do an examination or something but she’s not coming off as 100% professional. Since she’s being a little bit more receptive now Gary reluctantly apologizes for having called her a “walking freezer unit” and she assures him that “women professionals do tend to overcompensate”. Once again, this has been obligatory misogyny thanks to the 60′s!!! This little song and dance continues between them as Gary changes the readings on his vitals panel and pretends to be dead (just to get Dr. Dehner close to him- smooth, buddy) and recites a love sonnet at random from memory (that was actually written by Roddenberry himself when he was an aviator- the more you know!). 

It’s funny how het flirtation in this show is only different for being more blatant in dialogue and sometimes physicality. The acting choices, reactions, tone of voice, expressions, etc, are pretty much the same when the subtext suggests it’s two men flirting. Just saying.

Lt. Kelso comes in to check on Gary and Gary informs him exactly what’s wrong with the engine. Have you gathered yet that this guy has special powers now? Gee, I hope so, because it’s not as if the show has been making that abundantly clear. 

The Department Heads once again meet in the...meeting room, I suppose, Lt. Kelso showing via a blown circuit that Gary was right somehow. Dr. Dehner is late because she’s apparently in love with Gary now to the point of throwing all sense of professionalism out the window; when Spock points out Gary is transforming into something unnatural, Dehner chides him for not showing more compassion despite those on his planet not having feelings like “we” do. Kirk naturally jumps to his defense and Dehner continues in her tirade, chiding Kirk also for not ‘caring more’ about his close friend. Kirk justifiably reminds her that he and Spock are just doing their damn jobs, lady, JESUS. Also what happened to the professional that wisely rebuffed Gary’s attempts to openly flirt with her in front of her colleagues back at the beginning of the episode? I’m more concerned about Dehner’s changing personality at this point, tbh. 

It soon becomes clear that Dehner’s been withholding information about Gary’s abilities. Her defense for having done this is that maybe a superhuman man would be really great thing, guys, like a better kind of human being. There’s a long, awkward, uncomfortable pause while everyone in the room gawps at the fucked up eugenics bullshit she just spouted out and it’s kind of a glorious moment, honestly. Instead, offers Spock, Gary’s power will likely grow beyond their ability to thwart him and they will become a nuisance to him and who knows what kind of shit will go down then.  Kirk dismisses his Department Heads with the instructions not to tell any of the crew about this. 

Kirk solemnly wanders off to the side, lost in thought and no doubt conflicted about possibly having to watch someone he, well, loves (in what way is up to you) change into a monster. Spock, who can’t seem to go a minute of screentime without himself or some other character reminding us that he supposedly can’t feel or doesn’t understand earth emotions or whatever, stops dead in his tracks and slowly turns around to his Captain. Something has compelled him to stay back and continue talking to Kirk and it certainly wasn’t an order. 

(the emotionless, stoic Vulcan who can supposedly feel nothing ever looks on concerned for his friend and captain. Does anyone in the crew really buy that no emotions story or-...?)

Spock basically restates what Kirk likely already knows (that Gary is dangerous, duh) and we also hear the first very important, vulnerable use of the name “Jim” instead of Captain. They’re alone, after all, and despite all protestations Spock knows how this affects his friend and cares about that. Deeply, perhaps. Even still, Spock isn’t one for soothing platitudes. He elects instead to remind Kirk of the facts of the situation and when he’s defensively asked to provide suggestions and not just state the obvious, Spock says they can basically maroon Gary on the planet they need the lithium crystals from or they can kill him. No pressure, Jim.

Kirk is upset by all of this so he tells Spock to “get out of here” and Spock insists that those are the choices, whether he likes it or not. “Would you try for one moment to feel?” Kirk rallies back, though he seems more sad than angry. “At least act like you’ve got a heart...we’re talking about Gary...” Spock says that the Captain of the Valiant probably felt the same way- and look at where the waiting got him! Spock also says he thinks he and Kirk probably came to the same conclusion. From the look on Kirk’s face we can assume Spock is right about that.

It’s interesting in this scene that the one thing we already know Kirk finds endearing about Spock -his defensive need for logic in any situation- is the one thing that irritates him enough here to throw back in Spock’s face when he presents the cold hard facts about their situation. However, we as the audience should know by now that the fact Spock was affected and moved enough by Kirk’s mood to stay back and talk to him in private indicates that he does care a great deal. What’s more, that logical perspective, rather than some simpering “poor you” sympathy speech, is exactly what Kirk needed to get his head back in the game and do what needed to be done.

This is the part where I’d go so far as to say Spock has been a better friend (boyfriend, in time) to Kirk than Gary probably ever was. Granted, most of what we’ve seen of Gary thus far has been under the influence of the evil tinfoil eyes, but we do know that Gary was one for toying with Kirk’s emotions to get him to behave a certain way (the “little blonde lab technician”). Gary is even more charismatic than Kirk and one gets the impression he knew what to say to get what he wanted long before the powers. Perhaps Gary was good at telling Kirk what he wanted to hear. Spock tells Kirk what he needs to hear and cares enough about him to bother.

In any case, the decision is made; Kirk will attempt to maroon Gary on the uninhabited lithium mining planet. He, Spock and Dr. Dehner return to Sickbay to retrieve him and Gary has become as cocky as he is powerful. He can read thoughts now so when Kirk asks him what he’d do in this position, Gary says, “Probably just what Spock is thinking now. Kill me, while you still can.” He smiles knowingly as Kirk goes and gives Spock a reproachful, sort of scolding head shake, but no sooner does Kirk come back that Gary strikes him with some kind of electric shock. Was this manipulative little smile just a result of evil tin foil eyes or was this some of a rivalry with Spock resurfacing? Hard to say for sure, as we don’t know much about Gary Mitchell prior to the evil powers. 

Once Kirk is struck, Spock, the emotionless Vulcan who we can only assume has no impulse to act on, jumps quickly into action with his phaser because like hell you’re going to strike the Captain and get away with it. He too is struck.

(omg so emotionless, you guys)

Gary goes on some more about how powerful he is and how he needs the right world for his ends when Spock and Kirk somehow take him by surprise and restrain him to the bed (despite the fact that he’s supposed to have super perception and strength, but the plot needs to move after all). They also manage to somehow get him to stand up straight for the transporter despite being unconscious but, again, whatever. 

Everyone beams down and Gary is put in a cell while attempts are made to salvage parts for the engines. Gary attempts some carefully worded manipulation on Kirk, recalling the time he intercepted some poison darts aimed at Kirk and nearly died from it, so why should he fear him now? Kirk calls Gary out on his true intentions and the ego that’s grown along with his powers betrays him when he attempts to launch out beyond the electric barrier. The shock drains his power and for a moment he returns to normal.

As Gary’s eyes return to their familiar brown, he says in a very small, soft, almost frightened voice, “Jim...” and we’re granted a much more vulnerable insight into the depth of his feelings for his friend. Perhaps there was some amount of manipulation to their relationship all along, exacerbated now by the god-like powers, but in this very brief moment we’re allowed to believe that perhaps Gary really did care for Jim in a sincere way as Jim so obviously cares for him. Masterful acting, that.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last. When Gary’s eyes change back he hisses, “I’ll only get stronger. You know that, don’t you?”. Later, Scotty informs Kirk that the salvaged switchboard fits the Enterprise’s bridge and asks if Spock received the phaser rifle he ordered down. Kirk is confused for a moment until Spock shows up with the aforementioned rifle and he’s angered by this. He stomps over to a corner, followed by Spock who explains his reasoning in that Gary keeps getting closer to escaping the force field. 

“Dr. Dehner thinks he isn’t that dangerous, what makes you right and a trained psychiatrist wrong?” Kirk argues.  

“Because she feels, I don’t. All I know is logic. In my opinion we’d be lucky if we could repair this ship and get away in time.” 

Kirk checks on the now completed self-destruct button that Lt. Kelso has rigged up. He shares a long look with Spock before reluctantly ordering the lieutenant to press the button if Mitchell escapes and there’s no other alternative. 

This conversation between them is interesting because they’re essentially both avoiding the truths of their respective situations. Kirk sounds not unlike Dr. Dehner did when she was arguing for Gary’s innocence; desperate, emotional, smart enough to know better but compromised enough to convince herself differently. Of course, her arguments were fueled by romantic affection and Kirk’s could easily just be that of a strong platonic bond but...the fact that there’s a parallel between them is interesting. 

Meanwhile, the audience should be well aware by now that Spock is quite capable of feeling and acts on those feelings and impulses more than he’d like to admit. I think on some level he and Kirk both know this, so arguing that he “doesn’t feel” wouldn’t really be a convincing argument in this case for someone who knows him so well, if it was meant literally. I think what is really being said here is that Spock isn’t so deeply emotionally compromised by Gary, whereas Kirk and Dr. Dehner are (but not both romantically? Hard to believe). Spock can see and own the difficult truth of the situation where Kirk cannot, or, rather, will not. 

Unfortunately this plan doesn’t work out because Gary becomes wise and takes control of some wires to strangle and kill Lt. Kelso. Back at the cell Dr. Dehner continues to argue that he isn’t dangerous and Gary 100% backs her up on this by electrocuting and knocking out Kirk, and then Spock (who of course tries to shoot him with the phaser rifle after he dares to harm the captain). Dr. Dehner finally joins Gary and reveals that she, too, now has tinfoil eyes. SPOOKY.

Later, the not-McCoy doctor comes to tend to the unconscious Kirk and Spock. Kirk wakes first but asks that the doctor not revive Spock until after he’s left to go after Gary- further evidence to the fact that Kirk is well aware Spock feels and acts on something other than logic, particularly where his Captain’s well-being is concerned; either Spock would try to stop him or come with him for protection, but either way Kirk isn’t risking it. 

Elsewhere on the planet Dehner and Gary are meandering around exchanging awkward dialogue, making the artificial plant section of Hobby Lobby appear around them and eating fruit and drinking water because apparently despite having god-like powers they still need the essentials to survive. Kirk does a poor job of hunting them from the shadows; they don’t need god-like extra perception to hear Kirk stumbling around, knocking over rocks and otherwise letting the whole planet know of what he’s doing. Gary tells Dehner to go talk to him so she can see “just how unimportant they are”. 

The conversation that ensues is the kind that really elevates and defines Star Trek where it is in the pop culture subconscious, one that makes it more than just space people in space doing space things, a layer of complexity that I think has been lost in the translation to the frankly horrific ‘rebooted’ series (my opinion, your mileage may vary). Dehner insists that what Gary is doing is right for her and him and other powerful Espers like them, they are where it will take humanity eons to reach in evolution, but Kirk insists this isn’t true. Though Gary may have ‘god-like’ powers, he still has his inner human frailties and demons that his growing ego won’t resist. A true God needs compassion and wisdom to temper those powers. He begs Dehner to think about this like a psychiatrist would- logically, perhaps? Indeed, Kirk is pulling from that logical need Spock has aptly reminded him of. 

Gary finds them again and physically forces Kirk to ‘pray’ to him while assuring him of his inevitable death. Kirk challenges Dehner in asking her if she likes what she’s seeing, “corrupt power corrupting absolutely”. She decidedly does not and finally strikes Gary with her own powers to stop him. He strikes back and weakens her significantly, but she’s done the same to him and this gives Kirk and opportunity to show off his infamous fighting skills, get his shirt ripped open, and straddle his probable former lover in the sand. Not the first time he’ll have borderline erotic fight like this with another man. In the end, he manages to trap and I guess kill Gary in the burial plot made for him. A strategically placed boulder is all that’s needed to stop god-like powers, I’ll have to jot that one down.

(there’s no good reason for this picture other than Shatner was a really hot piece of ass back then and I like to appreciate that from time to time)

The fight has weakened Dehner too much and she dies too, as I clumsily alluded to happening earlier in this write up. 

Kirk returns to the ship and adds Dehner and Gary to the list of official losses and ends their service records with the honorable notation that they gave their lives in performance of their duties. Spock, looking concerned, seems to sense the difficulty in this for Kirk and comes to stand silently beside him- a subtle gesture of support and condolence, and it would seem sufficient at that, but then he goes on to assure Kirk that, “I felt for him too” where concerned Gary’s helplessness to the power. 

Kirk seems a little stunned at the confession, but the smirk that follows says that he isn’t surprised and is furthermore pleased that Spock would openly admit what he already knows so well. “I believe there is some hope for you yet, Mr. Spock,” he subtly teases with a private grin and knowing look. Spock smiles too, but not until he’s looking forward where no one can really see, not even his Captain. 

Certainly there’s a message in this episode about how absolute power needs morality and compassion in equal measure, but there’s also an interesting disparity between Kirk’s two closest ‘friends’. Even before the god-like powers, Gary is very charismatic and knows exactly what to say to make Kirk grin and blush and giggle, whereas Spock is very honest, straightforward, and no nonsense. Gary seems as if he was always emotionally an open book, whereas Spock for many reasons comes across as emotionally unavailable (even if that isn’t really true). 

Assuming that there was perhaps a romantic, sexual history with Gary and Jim, it would be a natural assumption that Gary allowed Kirk ‘close’ to him pretty early on, though I think the genuineness of that relationship is difficult to really call for sure. Certainly there was a strong bond between them that I don’t doubt the honesty of, but I get the distinct impression that Gary probably did a lot in the way of bait and switch, reeling Kirk in and then pushing him back out when it suited him, manipulating him from time to time.

Spock, meanwhile, is the exact opposite. Not very charismatic, tells Jim what he needs to hear rather than what he wants to, insists despite the bond growing between them and the feelings and impulses that he acts on that he can’t feel. Or rather, won’t admit that he does. Perhaps this has created something of a frustrating barrier for Jim, always feeling as if he’s distant from Spock where Gary would let him in so readily. 

However by the end, it becomes clear that despite his insistence to the contrary,  Spock is the more devoted, the more caring, the more dependable ‘friend’, and maybe Kirk has decided he is more than willing to go the extra mile, however long it takes, to help Spock coax down those walls if he so wishes to further their bond...in whatever form that may take. 

Thanks for joining me on this long ass study of Where No Man Has Gone Before. I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and feelings on the episode, what I’ve made of it, things I may have missed, etc. HMU! 

Join me next time for a similarly long write-up and subtext evaluation of The Corbomite Manuever. 

#star trek tos #spirk #space husbands #captain kirk #spock #subtext study #slash #come hop aboard the uss kirk is pansexual headcanon ship #season one #episode one #where no man has gone before

[tony-starkrogers]

Even More Spirk Fics

Part II of my never-ending KirkxSpock Ficrecs! For those who are interested, check out Part One here! I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I do, and hopefully you’ll find some new ones! Also, feel free to send me your own recs or add them in the comments!

Warm Thoughts (T | 22,296 words by lettered) - in which Jim feels perpetually cold and Spock keeps him warm. Super fluffy!

Infixion (M | 37,319 words by Etharei) - do you ever wish you could see those warm trek crew moments you just know happened on the five year mission? then you’ll love this fic because it’s chock full of them. Slow-burn kirkxspock.

Vocalisation (or, a lack of it) (T | 2,026 words by orphan_account) - kirk and spock forget to talk when they’re having an argument -- aka how the crew finally find out they’re together

Don’t Stop Believing (E | 205,901 words by kianspo) - the perfect fic for those who love spock - an in-depth character study of his journey from his cadet days through the five year mission. also includes some spock/pike and spock/uhura, but kirk/spock is endgame. slightly triggery at times, so read with care.

We Have Not Touched The Stars (not rated | 7,144 words by prouvairing) - one of the sweetest spirk soulmate fics you’ll ever read

How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Science (M | 2,666 words by museaway) - based on the classic sex pollen trope, this fic will make you laugh out loud.

As You Wish (not rated | 28,277 words by writeonclara) - Q grants Jim 7 wishes until he finally realizes that all he really wants... is Spock

The Prominence of a Simple Word (G | 5,674 words by Exploding_Space) - In which Jim starts calling Spock “sweetheart” and Spock surprisingly doesn’t mind... until he suddenly stops.

Vulcans are Fangirls Too (E | 10,838 words by jouissant) - Jim is a secret super-genius and Spock has a crush

Floriography (T | 5,448 words by jouissant) - who would’ve thought Spock would be into Valentine’s Day? a supercute Valentine’s Day fic.

The Sense of Touch (G | 2,435 words by t_3po) - Spock wants to be touched... ideally, by Jim.

The Lotus Eaters (E | 93,594 words by aldora89) - a survival fic in which kirk and spock are stranded on an uninhabited planet. slow-burn kirkxspock, also slightly triggery, so read with care.

Dichotomy (G | 1,763 words by sinestrated) - if you’ve ever wondered how kirk and spock would react to a crisis when the other is hurt - read on

Whenever You Are (not rated | 22,949 words by walkandtalk) - the time-traveler’s wife spirk au

Among the Multitude (T | 8,476 words by Regann) - the relationship of jim and spock through the eyes of different crew members

Textual Beginnings (T | 11,476 words by iknewaman) - spock’s number was written on a bathroom wall and he starts getting texts from an unknown number

Plomeek Soup for the Vulcan Soul (T | 2,006 words by museaway) - in which spock is sick and jim takes care of him. pure fluff!

A Cross-Species Idiot’s Guide to: Romantic Feelings (G | 6,586 words by orphan_account) - so what do you do when you like someone? a guide by jim and spock

Soy Vanilla Latte (T | 3,899 words by kirkspocks) - a coffee shop academy era au: spock is a barista and jim guesses the flavors in his drinks

Ashayam (G | 3,378 words by Willowe) - Spock sees no problem with calling Jim sweetheart in his thoughts... until it slips out and Jim makes some misguided assumptions

Intermission (G | 1,574 words by sinestrated) - Jim takes care of Spock after a particularly trying mission

A Logical Argument (not rated | by walkandtalk) - sure, it’s news to Jim that he and Spock have apparently been in a month-long fight... but the good part comes after the fight is over

#star trek #spirk #spirk fic recs #spirk fic rec #space husbands #spirk fanfiction #kirk x spock #kirk/spock #fic recs #my fic recs #thesimplefeels #spirkficrecs

[vincent-frankenstein]

Define Dancing

ya boi finally wrote some fluff! 

I was listening to the wall-e soundtrack and got inspired. Loosely based around the dancing scene in wall-e, but not entirely.

Summary: Roman realizes just how over-worked Logan is and decides to take him on an adventure. Logince/ RoLo

Knock, knock, knock.

Three loud knocks echoed their way through Logan’s room, through the soft piano music playing through his headphones, and a call a moment later: “Logan?” He didn’t look up from the notes on the desk in front of him, didn’t respond beyond a grunt as he scanned lines and lines of theories and possibilities with tired eyes, didn’t stir as the door opened and someone made their way inside.

“What have you been doing in here, specs?” Roman asked, striding up to him with one eyebrow raised, his arms crossed over his chest, his voice filled with his own special boisterous kind of concern. “We haven’t seen you all day — and, dare I say it, I believe we’ve missed your nerdy ramblings.”

Logan didn’t respond beyond a nod towards his work, reaching up to readjust his glasses as his mind untangled a particularly difficult equation. The desk in front of him was cluttered, covered in papers and pens and books and all manner of nerdy things — everything that he needed to work through one of Thomas’ problems, to finally find a solution.

Roman made a dissatisfied noise, annoyed at the lack of response. He shifted from one foot to the other, leaning over Logan’s shoulder to gaze at the pile of notes. “Is this what you’ve been working on all day?” he asked, craning his neck to look at Logan’s face. His eyes narrowed; slowly, he straightened up, and Logan could feel his glare on the back of his neck.

It was obvious that Roman had seen Logan’s bloodshot eyes and mussed hair, the bags under his eyes and the stress in the tight line of his mouth, and it was also obvious that he didn’t like that very much — but Logan didn’t have time to care about what Roman liked or didn’t like, not when he was so close to a breakthrough.

“Alright, you’re done.”

Logan’s pencil stalled in the middle of writing, and he turned to look up at Roman. “No,” he said, and to his relief his voice didn’t sound nearly as tired as he felt. “I’m not done yet.”

In one quick movement, Roman snatched the pencil from his hands, and Logan whipped around, his mouth wide open and ready to protest — but Roman cut him off, shaking his head and tutting. “You’re going to end up killing yourself,” he said, shoving the pencil in his back pocket so Logan couldn’t get to it.

“We are facets of a personality, Roman. We cannot die unless Thomas does.”

“Hush, nerd,” Roman said. Logan shook his head, turning back to his desk and pulling another pencil out of a drawer. Roman made a sound between a gasp and a growl and snatched that one as well.

“Stop!” Roman cried as Logan simply reached into the drawer again, producing another pencil from its wooden depths. He sighed, rolled his eyes, ran a hand through his hair and looked at the ceiling like he was praying for strength, and then fixed Logan with a stern glare. “You’re done, Logan. That’s enough.”

“Roman, I cannot be ‘done’ yet. I have to —”

“—Take a break,” Roman finished. “You have to take a break. Get up.” Logan would have protested — but Roman’s voice left no room for arguments; he got to his feet with a sigh and stood before Roman with his arms crossed over his chest. “I need to solve this problem for Thomas,” he said, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “I cannot take a break, I’m close to completing this.”

“What you need to do is stop over-working yourself. You’re of no use to Thomas if you can’t function.”

That was logical. Logan would have felt proud if he wasn’t so intent on getting back to work. So he ignored the logic in the statement and tapped his foot impatiently and tried to think of a way to convince the prince — but his brain had been fried, sauteed in a gravy of math and logic and left on the grill too long until it had burned to a crisp; and he, as logic, could not think logically, couldn’t get his brain to work through the fog of stress and exhaustion, and that was a terrifying concept. So maybe Roman did have a point, though Logan loathed to admit it.

“Fine,” he relented with a heavy sigh. “I suppose you do have a point.”

“Of course I do,” Roman said, tilting his head up confidently. “Now, come along, pocket protector.” He took Logan by the hand and began leading him through the room, towards the bedroom door. 

“Where are we going?” Logan asked, reaching behind his glasses to rub the blurry spots from his vision.

“To take a break,” he said, a hint of excitement in his voice. “This is something I’ve been wanting to show off for a while, but Patton is cooking right now, and Verge is too busy being an Emo.” He set his hand on the doorknob as Logan wondered how he’d managed to audibly capitalize an E, and pulled open the door with a dramatic flourish.

Woah.

Logan’s breath left him in one swift whoosh of amazement.

Gone was the hallway outside his door — instead a sea of velvety black met his eyes, an ocean of dark filled with brilliant twinkling spots of golden light. The galaxy itself had taken residence in the space outside his room. He could feel its pull as he stood in the doorway — but it wasn’t the pull of an endless cold vacuum; it was the pull of something different, a feeling akin to that of learning something new, to that of pure discovery. It was wonder, pure and simple; he tilted his head to one side and furrowed his brow, gazing out into the endless sea of ethereal beauty.

Roman released his hold on Logan’s hand, took a step back and then sprung forwards with an excited whoop. He dived through the doorway as though he was diving into a pool, allowed the lack of gravity to catch him and send him floating off into space.

“Amazing what a little creativity will do, huh?” Roman asked, his grin proud and ecstatic as he did a dramatic spin through the zero-gravity. “What are you waiting for?”

Logan lingered in the doorway, his eyes wide as he watched Roman aimlessly float away. By all accounts, this shouldn’t be logically possible — but wasn’t that the point? He’d been marinating in nothing but logic for the entire day, for a long enough time that he, as logic, had gotten sick of thinking logically; something illogical and fantastical might be a nice break, wouldn’t it? What was he waiting for?

The answer, he found, was nothing. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips; he felt a bit of that exhaustion melting away. He let go of the door-frame and slowly, carefully, stepped through the doorway.

The change was immediate. He had to hold onto his glasses to keep them from floating off his face as his tie floated upwards and whacked him in the nose. The knot of stress in his stomach seemed to loosen as he floated up and away from the door, farther into the sea of stars, cushioned by the soft lack of gravity.

“There we go,” Roman said, floating towards him. “Now, isn’t this better, Spock?” Logan ignored the nickname and nodded.

“This is... Interesting,” he admitted, and there was a twinge of awe in the soft lilt of his voice, a sparkle of wonder in his chocolate eyes that made Roman’s heart flutter with pride. “How did you —”

“Imagination, my dear nerd.” He floated backwards, and offered his hand to Logan. There was a princely smirk on his face, utter confidence in the jaunty tilt of his head, and his smile grew as he asked, “are you coming?”

“Coming where?” Logan asked, as he tried to tangle his glasses in his hair to keep them from floating away.

“On an adventure.”

He looked at Roman’s outstretched hand, and then at his face, framed with a halo of golden brown hair as it floated around his head, illuminated by starlight, and wondered: what did he have to lose? Then he took the outstretched hand and found that Roman’s excitement was infectious, found that there was a smile growing on his face as Roman led him out into the sky.

And so they floated. The space around them was horribly inaccurate, Logan knew — horribly inaccurate but still beautiful, still awe-inspiring. The problem that had caused him so much stress seemed so small now; he seemed so small now, so tiny among this endless void of galaxies, planets and stars and all manner of incredible things. Roman led him towards the brightest part of the sky, a cluster of golden stars, humming a familiar song as they floated closer.

With his free hand, he reached towards the glowing cluster, wiggling his fingers dramatically. He looked at Logan with a wide grin on his face as a tiny star broke away from the group and began to float towards them.

Roman took Logan’s other hand, cupped them with his own and allowed the star to gently land inside his palms. It was amazing; glowing yellow and white and twinkling magnificently, it was warm in his palms and seemed to send waves of relaxation through his whole body.

Logan only had eyes for the star in his hands, his face washed in golden light, his eyes shining with awe, but Roman — Roman only had eyes for Logan. There was an intense realization on his face — realization and shock and something else, something softer and fonder that turned his grin into a gentle smile, a smile without a hint of smugness or pride.

Logan looked up, and Roman quickly changed his expression back to a prideful one, silently prayed that Logan hadn’t noticed the severe fondness that he’d held — but Logan was grinning, no hint of suspicion or confusion in his eyes — and Roman’s heart fluttered at the sight of the normally calm man so flustered and excited.

“Roman, this is —” He stopped, lost for words. “I —”

Roman laughed at his inability to speak — because how many times had he managed to get Sir Speaks a Lot speechless? Surely he could count the times on one hand. “I know, nerd,” he said. “Amazing, isn’t it?”

Logan could only nod, returning his attention to the twinkling star in his hands, and as Roman gazed at the man in front of him an amazing thought came to mind. What better way to end an interstellar, stress-killing adventure than with dancing? He was a prince, after all — dancing was sort of his thing.

So he cleared his throat and lifted one hand, sending the star floating above them so it could send its warm light across the both of them, and offered Logan a rare completely-kind smile. “Want to dance?”

Logan returned his gaze to Roman, tilting his head to one side in thought. “I don’t know how to dance,” he said, shaking his head. Roman chuckled.

“I’ll teach you,” he said with a smile. “Come on, specs — live a little!”

He thought for a moment, biting his lip — and then he nodded. Roman took his hands, setting one on his shoulder and another around his waist; both began to blush, though it was hidden in the star’s light. “Just follow my lead,” Roman said softly, and they began to dance.

Logan was awkward and stiff, focused intently on doing was Roman was doing, on dancing as perfectly as he could — but as time went on, as Roman twirled him through the galaxy, he relaxed, allowing himself to get lost in the movement, in the feeling rather than the thoughts. It was an amazing feeling, dancing in the weightlessness of space, dancing in each others’ arms, surrounded by the glow of a thousand stars.

With a mere thought, Roman was able to fill the mindscape with a familiar tune, and they danced and twirled along to the swells of the soft song. The song was reaching its climax — beautiful sounds floating around them — and another crazy, wonderful idea came to Roman. He spun Logan away from him, and then pulled him back, and their lips collided in a soft, unsure kiss as the music swelled dramatically.

Logan pulled away a moment later, his eyes wide. Roman mirrored his expression. There was a second of silence, a moment where neither knew what to do — and then Logan shot forward and connected their lips once more.

And there they stood, among the stars, their bodies and their souls intertwined, and there they stayed until they needed to breath. When Logan pulled away, his face was flushed and his eyes were wide — and he was smiling lopsidedly, a new kind of happiness in his eyes that Roman had never seen before.

Roman was grinning, too, as he raised his hand and brought back the door. “Ready to get back to work?” he asked, his voice breathy and awed, pushing them towards the door.

“I —” He stopped, took a breath, his voice barely above a whisper. “Yes. Yes, I think I can work now. Thank you, Roman.”

“You’re welcome,” Roman said with a laugh, letting go of Logan as they landed on his bedroom floor. Logan readjusted his glasses, put his tie back in place, his face still red and still stretched in a wide, happy grin. He leaned back up, connecting their lips one more time in a quick, soft kiss, and then turned on his heel and retreated back into his bedroom.

Roman reopened the door, and the hallway materialized into view. He closed Logan’s door behind him as he stepped outside, and slumped against it, his breath leaving him in a low, amazed whistle. Who knew that nerds were such good kissers? Slowly, softly, he reached up and touched his hand to his lips, and smiled.

He had to get Logan to take breaks more often

#sanders sides #logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #my fanfiction #fluff #rolo #roman X logan #I'm pretty happy with how this came out! It's probably the sweetest thing I've ever written tbh #and it's totally not just an early apology for all the angst that I've been writing...

[astrodances]

Three Cheers

Well hello there Star Trek fandom... I can’t believe that out of all the ideas I’ve been getting while watching TOS (so far), this is the first one I actually wrote. Literally sat down at my computer after watching “Amok Time” for the umpteenth time and well...this happened. (I like to do scene-insert fics.)

Logical. It was flawlessly logical.

It was what T’Pring wanted. What Stonn wanted. Even what Spock wanted, once he saw the captain alive again.

Yet as he sat at his desk in his quarters, a gnawing sense of shame and rejection simmered in Spock. It was a feeling he hadn’t experienced since he was a child, yet perhaps it was just leftover adrenaline from his pon farr. Whatever it was, it was persistent enough to divert his mind from more useful endeavors.

A buzz shook him from his thoughts, and his eyes darted to the door. “Come in,” he prompted.

“House call!” McCoy sang out as he and Kirk entered the room, cheerful smiles on both their faces and a covered tray in the doctor’s hands.

“It’s time to celebrate, Mr. Spock!” Kirk announced, clapping his hands together.

Spock simply raised a trademark eyebrow at his friends, signaling his confusion.

McCoy answered. “Well, since we were technically your best men for your...half-marriage, and we didn’t do anything beforehand, I figured we should hold a reverse bachelor party for you!” With a flick of his wrist, he snatched the cloth covering the tray to reveal three empty glasses and a bottle of some unidentifiable purple alcohol.

Spock looked from the tray to the two beaming men above him. That they would even consider that he might agree to this perplexed him. “Really, Doctor?”

“Oh come now, Spock. It’s not everyday one of us almost gets married,” Kirk insisted. “And even less often we can appreciate...being single.”

“Gentlemen, I must insist that this is quite unnecessary.”

Yet even as Spock protested, McCoy was already pouring a round. “Well then, if not for what almost was, then how about to Jim not actually being dead?” He smirked between the captain and science officer. “You can’t deny you felt something for that now, can you?”

No, he couldn’t. Even though he brushed it off earlier, they’d all seen his initial reaction to Jim still being alive. A smile. Pure utter joy. It would be illogical to deny it. Spock shook his head in resignation.

“Then here.” McCoy thrusted a half-full glass into his hand, a smug grin tugging at his lips. He raised his own glass into the air with Kirk’s, and Spock reluctantly stood up to join them.

“To the single life!” Kirk cheered.

“And to the captain’s!” McCoy added.

They all clinked their glasses together, but only the two humans gleefully tilted theirs back, swallowing down large gulps of the purple concoction. Spock took in a sip of his, if only out of respect to his captain, then held the glass quietly in his hands, watching the drink swirl hypnotically.

Kirk smacked his lips together in satisfaction, then noticed Spock’s demeanor. “What’s the matter, Spock? Getting cold feet?” he asked, earning a chuckle from McCoy.

That gnawing feeling was back now, growing in force.

Spock should’ve been celebrating with his friends, even as a half-Vulcan. He had gotten what he wanted — to ultimately be spared of his pon farr and his marriage to T’Pring. But T’Pring’s explanation kept ringing in his head.

“I did not want to be the consort of a legend.”

A legend. Undoubtedly it was his mixed blood which had earned him such a reputation among Vulcans, just as it had in his youth. Coupled with T’Pau’s questioning of his heritage, he felt...less than genuine.

“Spock?” Jim’s hand was on his shoulder, his face full of concern. At some point he had sat back down again.

“You both...heard what T’Pau asked me, when I was in the plak tow and approached her?”

The two men exchanged glances as they recalled the memory.

“Are thee Vulcan or are thee human?”

Kirk straightened his posture and cleared his throat, sensing what Spock was getting at. “We...did, Spock. But you more than proved yourself to her.”

Spock trained his gaze on his drink again, unable to look up at the others. “T’Pring chose the challenge because of that same doubt.”

Silence snuck over the room. It felt heavy on Spock, his words weighing on the back of his tongue. He shouldn’t have brought up the matter in the first place. Perhaps the Vulcan women’s doubts were justified.

McCoy surprised him by breaking the silence first. “It doesn’t matter what either of them think. You’re not ‘either-or,’ Spock. You’re both. You get to represent two worlds. You belong down on Vulcan just as much as you do on Earth or here on the Enterprise.”

Kirk spared a knowing grin at McCoy, nodding wholeheartedly in agreement.

Spock let the doctor’s words sink in like a prescribed hypo. The reassurance, which he would normally wave off, was long overdue for a soul in need of acceptance. He looked McCoy in the eye and his voice rumbled, “Thank you, Doctor. Your perspective is refreshing...and welcome.”

He half-expected a quip in response, but instead McCoy gave him a soft, grateful smile, his eyes shining with unspoken understanding.

With a raise of his glass, Kirk eased the atmosphere back into a celebratory mood. "Besides Spock, as both, you can appreciate a good toast and then watch unaffected as Bones and I make fools of ourselves!"

McCoy sent a fake scowl towards the now-laughing Kirk before playfully nudging Spock, prompting him to stand back up and raise his glass with theirs again.

"To Spock!"

As they all drank, Spock couldn't help but smile.

#Star Trek #Star Trek: The Original Series #TOS #Spock #Jim Kirk #Leonard McCoy #Bones #T'Pring #T'Pau #Amok Time #my fanfics #fluff #hurt/comfort #Spones #Spirk #this can be interpreted as ship or platonic whatever floats your boat #just gonna say now that for all three I think I'm gonna use #McKick #or perhaps #McSpork #they're both hilarious #also as I said in the fic itself I really think Spock would still be reeling from the adrenaline of pon farr #like I know he said it went away after he thought he killed Kirk but c'mon #the guy was wired up to such an extreme level and in the end it was all for naught

[scarletevolution-blog]

Star Trek Beyond: The Lost Years

Okay, this is my first ever post on tumblr, and I’m perhaps a little terrified, but I’ve decided to suck it up and post this, because it’s about five months too late already.

Let’s talk about Star Trek Beyond. I know, I know, it’s been AGES, but shhh, I’m lazy. When I first watched this movie, I enjoyed it, but came out at the end feeling like something was wrong with the start of the movie, and that was the interactions between Spock and Kirk. They hardly spoke with one another for the first few minutes, and that elevator conversation (‘You go first.’ ‘No, you go first.’) was honestly very cringe-worthy… then they were separated for the next half an hour of the movie! It threw me, because I didn’t understand what was wrong. They were awkward, painfully polite, and their relationship as well as personalities  were pale shadows of the past two movies. I was confused, and a little hurt. Had something happened? If so, why didn’t they tell us what it was?

But then. I realised. This had happened before.

At the start of The Motion Picture, Spock’s on Vulcan getting all Kolinahr’d up (and hopefully getting a haircut too, I mean wow.) Kirk is an Admiral and a cold-hearted bastard to boot. We never get told why, or what happened, or anything really. According to Spirk-lore, this is because, somewhere near the end of the five year mission, Kirk makes his move, Spock rejects him because ‘AAAH! Feelings!’ and goes off to try get rid of his deep love for Kirk, while Kirk accepts the Admiralty and literally becomes a zombie for the next couple of years.

(I advise you read The Lost Years meta by bigmamag, because it is the inspiration for this meta and honestly just one of the most well-reasoned pieces of speculation (well, canon in my mind) that I have ever read.)

Y’know what happens in Beyond? Yeah, that’s right, we see Kirk about to go accept an Admiralty, and we see Spock ready to bugger off to New Vulcan, ostensibly to get bonded to someone he can live with but never love, and have logical babies, but he most likely also wants to undergo Kolinahr while he’s at it. This, my friends, is the start of The Lost Years, AOS style.

One of the great things about AOS is it fills in all the gaps that TOS left behind, in its own alternate kind of way. STIX shows Kirk and Spock’s ‘origin stories’ as it were, as well as showing how the badass crew of the Enterprise got to be badass together. ST:ID very quickly touches on their first long-term mission together, but of course the whole Khan (KHAAAAN!) thing happens because alternate-universe. We find out in Beyond that there’s a three year gap between it and Into Darkness - those three years, of course, more or less following the events of TOS.

Of course, Beyond does not confirm The Lost Years theory, mostly because ‘They’re completely hetero! Straight as a ruler!’ (what ruler are they talking about, a flexi one?) But if you read between the lines, something else is definitely going on. Obviously it’s not the same as what happened in TOS, but it’s similar. Personally, I believe that Spock realized that he was 100% pure Kirk-loving trash, and decided to go to New Vulcan because being that in love with someone is terrifying. He tells Uhura that he wants to go and help rebuild the Vulcan population, but doesn’t tell her why. Which obviously leads to her breaking up with him - which he full-well knew would happen, sneaky bastard, but I guess it’s considerably nicer than ‘Hey I’ve actually been in love with the Captain for the last few years but continued dating you anyway lolz.’

Kirk hears about the break-up, but not that Spock’s about to disappear, because Spock is somewhat reluctant to hurt the love of his life by telling him he’s leaving. So Kirk decides that this is the perfect time to ask Spock if maybe he’d like to grab a replicated coffee sometime…? Spock panics, and says no. Still not knowing about Spock’s plans, Kirk, heart-broken and lost, decides to take the first chance he gets to leave, and applies to be an Admiral at Starbase Yorktown. Of course, he doesn’t tell Spock that he’s going to leave, because Kirk is somewhat reluctant to hurt the love of his life by telling him he’s leaving.

But, since the story cannot end there, Krall turns up to provide the main plot, and after an incredibly painful scene of the Enterprise being ripped apart, the Enterprise crew is scattered. Spock and McCoy get beamed back to Jaylah’s ship, and Kirk is appropriately worried for Spock’s safety (confession time: I cried to see Spock’s injury.) So there’s some adorable-ness to be found in Kirk gently lowering Spock to the couch (???) while hissing at Bones to heal him. Sadly, it doesn’t last long, and once Spock is all bandaged up, they make a plan to go save their crew. Spock decides to go along to rescue Uhura especially, cue (ex-)girlfriend jokes from everybody except Kirk - just pointing it out.

Other stuff happens, ‘Sabotage’ nearly sabotages my eardrums, Kirk saves the day and almost dies, but Spock saves him. Altogether now, ‘Awwwww!’ 

Kirk ends up turning down the Admiralty, and Spock ends up not going off to become an unemotional dad, so that’s good, and also another deviation from TOS. I think that this could have interesting connotations for us Spirk shippers… no extra two years of sad pining. Also, before I go, Spock and Uhura were never explicitly stated to be back together by the end of this movie, so I shall headcanon that they agreed to stay separated until canon tells me otherwise. Yes, she was still wearing the necklace, and yes she calls Spock ‘You old romantic.’ but a) Spock was letting her keep the necklace either way, and b) I will die before I admit that it was anything other than friendly teasing.

Anyway, I hope this meta got some minds reeling, or at least sounds somewhat plausible.

#aos spirk #space husbands #meta