#Spravato

[growing-home]

i spent nearly two decades of my life severely depressed and suicidal and for so long i believed wholeheartedly that it was my fault. i believed that the reason no medication or therapy had ever worked for my depression was because i wasn’t ACTUALLY depressed— i believed i was just lazy, bad, manipulative, and just using depression as an excuse for the inherent badness i thought was inside me. this was a story that was told to me and reinforced over and over again by treatment providers.

this past summer, i tried my 30th+ psychiatric medication, not expecting to see any results. the day i realized it was working was the day i realized that i was…planning my future???suddenly i no longer wanted to stay in bed all day and never go outside. i no longer wanted to isolate. i wanted to see people, talk to people! i started spending more time with friends and facetiming people and talking on the phone, things that i rarely did in the past. when i had been depressed, the only movies/tv shows i could focus on were super intense, fast paced, and scary or disturbing because that was the only way to hold my attention. after starting this medication, i started enjoying SITCOMS! i no longer felt like i was fighting to just get through every single day of my life.

there was such a clear and measurable difference in the quality of my life that i started to question why i believed that my depression had been my fault. it became very clear to me that a large part of my depression had been biological. i had not been lazy or bad. i had been sick. my brain was sick the same way other organs get sick sometimes. this brought up a lot of grief for me— grief for all the lost time that i’d spent trying to find something that worked, grief for how much pain i had been in for so long. but it also brought up sheer FURY at all of the therapists and psychiatrists who had treated me like i just wasn’t trying hard enough to get better.

i had been labeled treatment resistant, of course, and the only recommendations i had received after being given that label were TMS, Ketamine, and ECT. once i had tried all three with no success, i believed i was just a lost cause. i thought i was out of options. i was made to feel that way by so many treatment professionals. i was told that nothing was working because of my complex trauma and that once i healed from that then i would stop being depressed (as if it’s that easy to just fully recover from CPTSD!) i was told that i just needed to do more DBT, i just needed to live and breathe DBT skills and then i would get better, even though i’d done intensive DBT programs for years with no improvement to my depression. (yes, it helped me to change my behavior and quit self harm, but behavior change isn’t necessarily indicative of a change in mood. i could do all the right things all the time and still be in excruciating mental pain.)

i was told that i just wasn’t trying hard enough, or that i must have a personality disorder, or that i just needed to exercise more, or eat less, or eat MORE, or eat differently, or get a job, or get a dog, or do yoga, or acupuncture, or biofeedback, or find purpose in my life— psychiatrist after psychiatrist looked for something to blame everywhere but in the mirror. instead of admitting that they weren’t equipped to help me, they made me believe that it was MY fault i wasn’t getting better. and i believed them. for SO long, i believed them.

and now after finding a medication that works for me, i see everything so much more clearly. psychiatrists need to put their enormous egos aside and actually treat patients with treatment resistant depression instead of blaming us for suffering from a (partially at least) biological illness. if you’re a doctor and you know that a patients illness is outside of the scope of your abilities, either do more research and get more training to help them or refer them to someone who specializes in what they need. don’t keep them around letting them pay you thousands of dollars while you make them try the same thing over and over and over again and expect to get a different result. people act like things like ECT are a last resort option, and in doing so make people believe that if it doesn’t help then you’re out of options. but nobody ever tried me on tricyclics. nobody tried me on MAOIs. nobody told me about how some dopamine agonists like Pramipexole have had some success in treating treatment resident depression. instead i was made to feel like asking to not be suicidal daily was asking for too much. if you’re a clinician who thinks that’s asking for too much, you’re in the wrong profession. we can do better than that. we NEED to do better than that.

in my experience, out of every profession, doctors have some of the biggest egos i’ve ever seen. i say this as someone who is both mentally ill as well as physically disabled. many doctors HATE it when you do your own research. they HATE it when you have suggestions, or when you ask for what you need. it’s almost as if they feel threatened by it, like they need to believe that they are superior to their patients because of how much time and money and energy they put into going to med school— they need to believe they hate their hard work was worth it so they have a tendency to dismiss any ideas their patients might have. i don’t care how many years you’ve been in school. you do not get to tell your sick patients that it’s their fault they’re sick to justify your laziness and refusal to learn new things. put away your god complex and actually listen to your patients.

and the strangest part to me is that the longer you have been suicidal for, the less seriously they take it. the same way that the more chronically ill you are the less people believe you. it’s bizarre— when people see pain that is beyond what they can fathom, instead of feeling empathy, they tell you you must be faking it or that you must be looking for attention. i’ll never understand this. it’s as if they think that suicidality doesn’t need to be taken seriously unless the patient has successfully completed suicide. and i think it’s very clear how that logic is flawed. i was treated like i just wanted attention whenever i asked for help with my chronic suicidality and it made me terrified to ask for help with ANYTHING. i still constantly am afraid that if i’m too honest with clinicians then they’ll think i just want attention. attention isn’t a bad thing to want, all human beings need some degree of attention, but regardless that doesn’t negate the severity of a person’s suicidality. i wasn’t attention seeking by asking for help. i was STRONG. i was really fucking strong, far stronger than i should’ve had to be. i fought for my life every single day and i am lucky to still be here but it’s not luck that got me here. it’s ME that got me here.

i don’t want to make it sound like i speak for everyone who has suffered from TRD, because i don’t think that would be fair. i can’t tell you if there’s a med out there that’ll work for you. all i can tell you is that most psychiatrists prematurely tell chronically suicidal patients that there is nothing they can do to help them or that they’re out of medication options. if you’re a psychiatrist or doctor and you feel yourself getting defensive while reading this, i invite you to get curious about where that activation is coming from.

and if you are someone with treatment resident depression or chronic suicidality reading this, i am telling you now: your illness is not your fault. i don’t know if it’s going to get better or not, but i can promise you— it is not your fault and it never has been.

#my words #treatment resistant depression #treatment resistant #major depressive disorder #major depression #clinical depression #transcranial magnetic stimulation #tms #rtms #electroconvulsive therapy #ect #electroshock #electroshock therapy #psychiatry #psychiatrist #dbt #therapy abuse #therapy #ketamine infusion #spravato #ketamine therapy #esketamine #trd #cptsd recovery #trauma healing #chronic illness #chronic pain #mine

[suncaptor]

Though getting spravato would not be so hard since all I would need to do is prove I'm treatment resistant and I was able to do that years ago and already was not helped by TMS just last year which also requires that. but I just read so many people and studies showing less or no efficacy of esketamine compared to ketamine infusion. Does anyone have experience with that?

#incoherents #ketamine #spravato #my main issues are treatment resistent depression ocd/adhd and PRIMARILY dissociate subtype ptsd (dpdr intense chronically+anhedonia)

[ecoamerica]

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[quantizedweird]

Ketamine ape has been summoned

#ketamine ape #esketamine #spravato #meme #memes

[ect-and-ketamine]

Another week, another Spravato treatment.

I keep hearing people online talking about "grippy sock vacations" when they go to the psych ward. I'm not sure what I think about that yet. What are your thoughts?

#disability #mental health #mental illness #therapy #fun socks #ketamane #spravato #socks #grippy socks #grippysockvacation #psych ward

[147-moths]

i don’t think i ever shared my collages here, so here’s one of my favourites :) it’s about how much esketamine helped with my treatment resistant depression

i hadn’t made a collage in like a year before this

#collage #my art #depression #esketamine #spravato

[powerrangersystem]

Ketamine Treatment Experience

This post is about my experience in Spravato and Ketamine treatments (with and without a therapist guide). It will be long, so I will put it under a cut. But if you are interested in what Ketamine therapy feels like, feel free to read on. And if you have any questions, let me know. I'm happy to answer.

So, Ketamine injections and Spravato nasal spray feel basically the same to me, depending on the dose, so I'm going to talk about them together. I'll say Ketamine for short, but I am referring to both here.

With or without a therapist, I meet with the prescribing physician and discuss the dose. We talk about my symptoms (I always fill out a little questionnaire about them beforehand) and how I reacted to the dose in the last session. Then she determines if we need to go up, down, or stay the same

Without a therapist, I would take the ketamine and then put on something to listen to. I would be put into a small room with a comfortable chair or bean bag chair, a light machine, and a small table. The lights would be turned off and the light machine turned on (it resembles stars on the ceiling).

I typically listened to Welcome to Night Vale because I've listened to it before so it doesn't matter if I pay attention to it or understand it, but I find his voice comforting. Most people listen to music, I believe. Just listen to something you find comforting.

I experience a great amount of dissociation with ketamine. I do not feel my body at all when I'm on ketamine. I could not move or walk if I wanted to. I also can't talk.

I don't fully remember everything I experience while high. But I usually feel like I'm moving through rooms. I tend to mildly hallucinate different rooms. I also almost always feel like I've been on some important journey. Trying to figure something out or trying to find something. I sometimes think I've had a very important conversation with someone, but I don't remember it. Perhaps I'll be able to talk about it with a therapist present and remember more, but I've only done one with a therapist so I don't know yet.

I have never had a bad experience (though I did get sick to my stomach once), but I know that it is possible. Having a therapist in the room would probably help with that. In my clinic they have cameras in the room to monitor all the patients as well.

With a therapist: we talk before the dose, do a grounding, and set an intention to think about during the trip. Then I take the dose and relax for a while. I am usually unable to talk while on ketamine. My trip usually last about 20-30 minutes, but I am apparently a fast metabolizer, so usually they last closer to 40-60 mins.

Once I am able to talk, I talk with my therapist about my experience, anything that came up, or really whatever comes to mind. I typically still feel the effects of the ketamine at this point and wouldn't be able to walk well, but I can talk. I usually have blurry vision as well at this point.

After a while, my vision clears and I am able to walk again. My clinic allows us to leave after 1.5 hours, but you can stay as long as you need. They used to require you stay 2 hours to be monitored, but they reduced that time.

You are not allowed to drive afterward, so I take an Uber (though this is expensive so if you can get a ride, do that).

Depending on the dose, I usually don't feel too many side effects after about two hours. I take a zofran to help with nausea before the dose, but if it is too high I will sometimes still feel nauseous. I feel loopy and can't concentrate well for a few hours. But after a day, all the side effects are gone and I am back to normal.

My mood improves noticeably for 24-48 hours after the first few doses. Then, after I've taken about 3-4 doses, my mood improves for longer, usually all the way until the next dose. My treatments usually go on for 2-3 months, though they can go on for longer if necessary. I usually feel better for several months or longer, though I'm hoping that doing ketamine with a therapist will make the effect last even longer.

If you have any questions, please let me know and I will answer them. For context, I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, PTSD (possible complex), anxiety, an eating disorder (two actually), autism, and medically recognized as having DID. I am happy to talk more about how this therapy affects any of those diagnosis if anyone is interested.

#ketamine therapy #spravato #actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #actually did #actually osdd #bipolar #bipolar 1 #bipolar 2 #treatment resistant depression #mdd #mdd recovery #bipolar treatment #osddid #dissociative identity disorder

[bananastarion]

If anybody else around here does spravato (ketamine therapy) I highly recommend listening to the bg3 soundtrack during it. Reality melts away and you can't remember if it was all a game or if it's real. A comforting feeling

#dumb shit #baldur's gate 3 #spravato

[the-lady-flame]

#dont worry guys its therapeutic ketamine #ketamine #spravato #blah blah blah

[psychedelic-psychotherapy]

My insurance approved the spravato treatments :)

#spravato #Esketamine

[bunnylafee]

This month man..fuck.

Where did I leave off..? OH, I remember now. Depressive episode. Well it has lightened but not gone away entirely.

Last week I had to forgo my usual dance class for an appointment with my psychiatrist. So this week I was out of practice a bit and the only student that showed up. So I got lots of one on one with the teacher today. Then I had to rush to a therapy consultation appointment. I am hoping to get approved for Spravato. If so then I can take one more step towards healing. Then finding a talk therapist to complete the circle.

I think the consult went well. They said I was a good candidate since I am severely depressed, borderline extreme in some areas. I just want to feel better. Maybe it's just the month that's got me down, lack of girlfriend time or just the moon being wrong. Either way I wanna get over this shit and become a better me.

They explained everything they could to mentally prepare me for if I do get approved. So that was nice. We had to delve into some pretty dark shit about if something triggered my depression and what. So there was that. Now I just kinda wanna eat an ice cream bar but I didn't buy any at the store.

Not like I have the freezer space for ice cream bars. I've been playing Diablo 4. Getting ready for the upcoming season. I finally beat story mode and am just doing side quests and dungeons. I'm trying to get a better build and stuff but it's slow going. I'm not getting good equipment drops. Hubbs has me playing with him on nightmare mode so hopefully I get something good soon.

That is if I can stay awake for it. I keep falling asleep while sitting up playing. It's kinda annoying that it keeps happening. Frustrating at times. Sometimes I'm just mentally wiped from the day so I think, good way to just let off some stream but zonked out in 10 mins. It's a comforting game to me so maybe that's why?

I have bruises from class today already forming. They are on the tops of my feet. That is all. I'll leave you with that.

#personal #personal thoughts #life update #mental health #mention of girlfriend #mention of husband #polyamory #polyamarous #spravato #depression #depressive episode

[kendallroybf]

.

#i’m doing ketamine treatment for my depression #and it feels like all i do is sit in this chair and dissociate #but i am finding i have more energy to do things!!! #spravato

[ecoamerica]

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[slapstick-funeral]

#prose poetry #poet #poetry #poem #prose poem #Spravato #poetry while high #high poetry #unrequited crush most likley lol

[cannibalsamruby]

I'm tired of waking up feeling anxious, I'm tired of being anxious, and I'm tired of being physically and mentally exhausted from anxiety. Fortunately, I have my Spravato appointment coming up. At least that's some relief

#dragan speaks #personal #tw anxiety #spravato #i'm tired #delete later

[147-moths]

ketamine made me so much better it’s not even a fucking joke

#DEPRESSION BEGONE #once again getting out of the house #of my own free will #who am i #ketamine #esketamine #spravato

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

I feel like we’re really kinda glossing over the fact that I literally mentioned I take prescribed ketamine in the tags on that one post lmao

#drugs tw #tw drugs #drugs #medication #spravato #esketamine #just to be clear I’m not asking anyone to respond ofc I’m jsut bragging #/lh

[powerrangersystem]

We're doing ketamine therapy with a therapist guide. We've done ketamine therapy without a guide and we have also done Spravato, which is a form of ketamine therapy.

We are doing IM injections of ketamine, not the infusions. We've never done the infusion, so we can't speak on that.

Ketamine is a newer form of therapy to treat depression (and chronic pain of certain types). It works by aiding with neuroplasticity, or the ability to form new neural pathways.

We have bipolar disorder that is heavy on the depression side and medication resistant. In order to qualify for insurance to cover ketamine or Spravato, you need to have tried at least two other medications for a specific period of time and had them not work.

Insurance covers our Ketamine, but it was a process getting that to happen and we had to have our psychiatrist work with us and with insurance to get it covered. You can also pay out of pocket for it if you are able.

We might talk on here about our experience, but if anybody has any questions about Ketamine or Spravato, let us know and we will answer!

#actually bipolar #actually mentally ill #actually bpd #actually traumatized #actually did #actually osdd #bipolar #bipolar 1 #bipolar 2 #mdd #mdd recovery #ketamine therapy #spravato