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#Star Wars: The Expanded Universe
penguinkiwi-writes · 4 months ago
The Sith Detection Method Plot List (or some junk like that)
Just a heads up not all of these points will be gone over in the fic in detail or at all, I’m not sure how long I want to make it, because this was initially just going to be a dumb oneshot and I have yet to finish the Mando Fic and I want to finish that up before starting another long fic
but!! this is a rough general outline? idk y’all are crazy but I love you
Obviously Kit has the Plan ™ and Mace has the galaxy’s biggest fucking headache ever
“If they don’t like plo, they sus, i would know. I married him.” “That’s just being biased” “Nah bro, I had to fight like six people”
Kit actually isn’t a dumbass and has actual reasons why Pal Friendpatine probably doesn’t like Plo (ie the Malevolence
Now we gotta bring Plo into the convo because you cant discuss a plan like this without telling him
“As flattering as this is, Kit, how do you even plan on confirming your theory?” “Pshh that’s easy, Plo— HEY ANAKIN!”
Anakin is very confused but goes along with it
“you do realize that if Palpatine tries to deny he dislikes me, I might have to fake-date him” “Yeah, I know, and I’m not happy about that option but we do what we must for the republic.”
Palps’ initial dislike. Anakin is even more confused because “But master plo is awesome?? Why wouldn’t you like Master plo? is it because he’s friends with Master Fisto and Master Ti and Master Tiin? that’s kinda racist”
Also Palps is both homophobic and racist but he’s gotta figure out a way to make it work because Plo’s got that electric judgement and Baran Do secrets
Fake Date AU start I Guess???
Oh No Sheev Gets Feelings (You fool, you absolute buffoon)
Maul shows up to do some revenge against Palps because apparently that kel dor is palpatine’s (fake) lover 
Dad Koon intensifies and ol’ sheevie can’t kill Maul or Savage now (rip feral you died too soon)
Maul is the asshole cat son who keeps hissing at sheev and “tells” plo that Sheev is the sith
Plo’s just like “yes, yes, i know” “Then what the hell are you doing?” “Well currently stealing all of his assets and also the control data for the Clones’ implant chip from him :)“ “Ohh... can I have the house on Glee Anselm?” “Which one, son? Because your real father would probably like to keep one for the two of us, being a Nautolan and all” “OHHHHHH” (Savage: “can we have the one with the trees? I’ve always wanted a treehouse”)
Plo Koon takes the house in the divorce and also all of the assets and also exposes him as the sith
Palps attempts to attack? only to get yeeted by the Real Husband™ and also their like 300 sons
Maul is still the asshole cat-son to Kit
Wolffe and Maul both give Kit the beat down™ i guess
Maul’s hate boner for Kenobi is curbed because Bultar and Lissarkh can and will kick his ass for waking them and Ahsoka and also Nahdar and Bant up at ungodly hours of the morning for screaming “KENOBI”
They Siblings™ go back and rescue Feral
idk maybe Plo has to fight Shaak ti for rights to train Savage because “he’S MY SON??” “NEITHER YOU NOR YOUR UNCLE TRAINED YOUR RELATIVES, PLO KOON, DON’T START NOW”
Eeth Koth who did not leave the order (he was just on an undercover mission guys) gets to train Feral
Plo Koon still has all of Sheev’s assets :)
The Jedi Order is no longer broke uwu
Jk they’re a little broke. Just not as much​
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Vokara: The organ is...?
Bant: ...Or-gone?
Vokara: Really Knight Eerin? I expected more from you.
Bant: You've met my Master, you knew this was bound to happen.
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Sifo-Dyas: I’ve had the same will since I was 8 years old. Upon my death, I will transfer all of my belongings to the man or animal who has killed me.
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Obi-Wan, as Rako Hardeen: What do you want me to do?
Bane: Stay alive...or don't!
Obi-Wan: I'm on it!
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Vokara: Coughing, coughing, you’ll be in a coffin. If you keep on coughing.
Anakin: Whoa okay, I’m stopping.
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Plo: [going over safety protocol]
Plo: And if I’m shot, what do you do?
Wolffe, already loading his blasters: Avenge you.
Plo: No
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penguinkiwi · 5 months ago
The Jedi Temple Guard has MASSIVE beef with the Senate Guard and vice versa. Neither group can openly fuck the other over, though, because Jedi aren’t supposed to hold grudges (according to the public but literally we know better in the Order) and the Senate Guard cant just jump a bunch of Jedi (They’ll get their asses kicked) but the fucking tension is there whenever the Senate Gaurd has to escort a Senator to the Temple.
That’s the real reason why the Clones were brought in for the Coruscant Guard, because the Temple and the Senate Guards fucking hate each other and the Senators couldn’t handle the tension between the two Guard Groups.
It doesn’t get better. 
Because the Temple Guard instantly went “Yeah these are our brothers now” and Cin signed the adoption papers, much to Plo’s ire at getting there first. Now there is no neutral ground because now the Coruscant Guard and the Temple Guard both are ready to kick the Senate Guard’s collective ass.
No one remembers why the Temple Guard hate the Senate Guard and vice versa, nor who started it. It’s just always been.
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[Mace, Plo, and Commander Ponds are held prisoner. Mace is unconscious and mumbling about something.]
Ponds: Poor General. What’d they dose him with? Sodium pentathol?
Plo: Solid food and water. His body’s spent years wrestling nutrients out of Caf and painkillers.
Plo: I expect it thinks it’s been poisoned.
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Cody: We need to figure out how to get the Jedi to wear more armor-
Rex: At least your General wears armored boots.
Wolffe: At least your General wears a chest plate.
Ponds: At least your General wears vambraces.
Bly: At least your General wears a shirt.
Monnk: At least your General wears p a n t s.
Submitted by: @indecisivecryptid
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