#Suicide thoughts

[brokenobstacless]

I'm sorry, I just didn't think you could hurt me that much.

#sad #sad quotes #sad thoughts #anxeity #you broke me #tired #depressed #depression #suicide #suicide thoughts #mental breakdown #mental health #lost #lonley #loneliness #broken #broken inside #im broken #im depressed #broken heart #heart broken #broken soul #you hurt me

[glacierruler]

Bipolar 1 Disorder

So there have been a few people, who on this post, weren't sure what Bipolar 1 Disorder is. Keep in mind this varies for everyone, but I'll give you the medical definition, and what it personally feels like, for me.

Also feel free to rb with questions, or how these things feel/affect you, or just to spread awareness.

CWs: manic episodes, depressive episodes, hallucinations, delusions, intrusive and impulsive thoughts, suicide ideation and thoughts of suicide, car crash mention, medication

According to this website, NIMH Bipolar 1 Disorder is:

Bipolar I disorder is defined by manic episodes that last for at least 7 days (nearly every day for most of the day) or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate medical care. Usually, depressive episodes occur as well, typically lasting at least 2 weeks. Episodes of depression with mixed features (having depressive symptoms and manic symptoms at the same time) are also possible. Experiencing four or more episodes of mania or depression within 1 year is called “rapid cycling.”

Again, every individual experiences this differently, and this won't be completely true for all individuals, but this is a good place to start your research(I do not agree with all the information in this, but it's one of the most credible sources I have). And again, you should definitely do your research, not everyone experiences this like I do.

Okay, so most of this has to do with, or is tied to emotions and feelings. Which makes explaining it harder. But bear with me here.

First, manic and depressive episodes are two extremes. And like you can feel both at the same time, despite how polar opposite they can seem, but both of them are still two extremes.

Now manic episodes in particular are interesting, because like, for me, most of the time they're chaotic and happy. But there have been a few times where I'm irrationally angry. However, at least until I reblog this with probably more information, I'm going to focus on the more happy chaotic side of manic episodes, because that's the main thing I have experience with.

During these happy chaotic moods, these manic episodes, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I legitimately think laws don't apply to me, which is not a good thing. I'm more likely to act on my impulsive thoughts, and thoughts that would usually be intrusive, become impulsive. Like, for example, burning down a building with people in it, usually that would be an intrusive thought for me, but when I'm manic, all of a sudden, I do not care about human lives, and it seems like the most fun thing I could do(this is an example of where my mind could take me). So it takes what would usually be an intrusive thought for me and turns it into an impulsive one. And while my manic episodes don't usually last for a week(has happened a few times), they do get really bad. And I will be a danger to myself or others because of these episodes. I am also like so much more honest, because I don't see the point in lying, lying takes more effort than it's worth in these episodes, which is not great when you're closeted. Thankfully I am mostly left alone when I'm like this, and have never been asked about my identity during an episode.

And while yes manic episodes can be, and in most cases are, dangerous, I can usually do my best writing/painting/drawing during these episodes. I find that I'm more creative, with ideas flowing out of me, and as long as I'm sitting at my computer or easel, I'm not nearly as dangerous.

As for depressive episodes, those are different. Er... I don't think I can explain them very well tbh. But I'll try my best.

Depressive episodes are interesting, because they themselves aren't depression. Depression is a completely different feeling. Like, don't get me wrong, depressive episodes contain depression, but that's not all they do. Depressive episodes make it harder to do anything, but in a different way than depression does. Like, at least for me, with regular depression, I can still be objective about the day that I've had. Where as with depressive episodes that reasoning that I have with myself is like, taken away? And like, depending on how bad it is, it's harder to fight off certain thoughts. And these episodes can last a few hours to a few weeks for me. I'm not explaining it well, because it sounds like regular depression, but as someone who has regular depression and depressive episodes, there's a difference in the feeling. Like depressive episodes contain depression and the hardships that come with it, but make it worse and have a different feel to them. Like, with normal depression, I might think about killing myself, but I'll be able to tell myself no, and why I'm valued. With depressive episodes, the worst one I had I almost crashed my car on purpose, and it took everything in me to not do that. (And that was when I was on my meds, so I'm very glad I didn't have it while off of them).

Now, I experience hallucinations and delusions as well and while not everyone with bipolar 1 disorder experiences this, it is common. And like it's interesting because it can be caused by manic and depressive episodes, usually manic, but with me, it's more of an everyday type thing? Like, they're stronger when I'm manic, but I still get them when I'm not experiencing manic or depressive episodes. With the hallucinations bit, I'll see shapes floating in the air, or hear a few words loudly or even a distant conversation that I just can't make out the words too. Along with some sensory hallucinations, where I'll feel random stings or crawling sensations on my skin. With delusions it's more like I believe something that is so obviously false. One common thing that happens with me, is I'll believe I'm a literal disney princess, like I'm the daughter of Ariel or something. And again, when I'm manic it's worse than when I'm not. So like, a delusion that will usually take me a few hours to break out of, might take me a few days. And hallucinations that are more obvious, become harder for me to tell the difference between, say a see through figure on the streets, and what looks almost like a full body person. (Although it's usually shapes that I see, but I have seen what looked to be a person a few times even though there was no one there). And like, sometimes my hallucinations and delusions will team up, and to keep with the previous example, I will envision the dining room in my house as this big grand ballroom, even though it is literally not big enough to be as spacious as what I'm literally seeing with my eyes. The only hint that my hallucinations aren't real is they will be slightly see through, like, even the most vivid ones I can slightly see through, but some are harder to see through than others.

Again, just to reiterate my point here, this is what I go through. Not everyone who has bipolar 1 disorder will go through these like I do. It is NOT a universal experience.

#glacier rambles #sort of #bipolar 1 disorder #manic episodes #depressive episodes #depression #suicide thoughts #suicidal ideation #mentions of thoughts of suicide #mentions of suicidal ideations #i am not currently planning on killing myself i promise #the tags make more sense if you read the post i swear #hallucinations #delusions #car crash mention #medication

[justanotherjrd]

Maybe, I'm already dead

#suicide #sad #sad quotes #depressive #depression #Suicide thoughts #sadness #cry #tired #mentally tired

[curseheaven]

So tired

Suicide is gone yeah

But it's alright

'Cause I believe

And it's just a dream

#spotify #intrusive thoughts #shoegaze #indie music #indie rock #alternative music #sad music #sad lyrics #slowdive #so tired #suicide thoughts

[lenfantsauvagestuff]

why does the thought of killing myself hug better than the people that are supposed to love me?

#lenfantsauvage #mine #depressing life #depressing shit #suicide #suicide thoughts #self h@rm #tw self destruction #toxic mom #toxic family #toxic parents #family issues

[medicated-fairy]

I was a child once

every single day I was a child,

I wanted to die.

I'm an adult now

every single day I have to find purpose

to stay alive, for I didn't think

I would make it this far.

#traumacore #sheep talks #ventcore #actually traumatized #actuallymentallyill #actuallyabused #actually neglected #childhood trauma #suicidal #suicide thoughts

[sassenashsworld]

I want everyone of my mutuals, as well as others who may come across this message, to know that my messages are always open for anyone who may be experiencing an existential void or a need to chat, regardless of their fear.

I understand what it is. I understand what it's like to be terrified of being a burden, of appearing distressed, and of doubting. I understand the fear of losing friends or being judged if we show our true emotions.

And I understand that it is frequently simpler to shut up and isolate yourself, to the extreme, because speaking is tough and people are not always available.

My blog and messages are a safe and nonjudgmental zone where you can find a human being who is willing and able to listen to you, no matter what your problems are.

Do not stay alone or isolated. I'll never talk back to you if you don't want to, and I'll never rehash an issue that is personal.

If you just want to talk and know someone is listening, I am here.

#don't stay alone #you matter #help #depression #suicide thoughts #you are not alone

[checolorehaunanimabruciata]

innamorato del dolore

l'ho inseguito in ogni dove

mi ha promesso protezione

poi mi ha tradito e rapito il cuore

non ho più le forze, dico soltanto che non ce la faccio

anestetizzo qualsiasi emozione, la depressione mi ha preso in ostaggio

e non penso voglia lasciarmi, c'è qualcosa dentro che mi sbrana

la realtà mi sta lontana

mi sento perso, cerco me stesso dentro gli altri

poi il tempo passa

ma ad un certo punto ho detto "adesso basta"

che così si muore

- Scusate per il sangue, LowLow ft Mostro

#pensieri #me #checolorehaunanimabruciata #artists on tumblr #tumblr girl #pensieri notturni #pensieri suicidi #suicide thoughts #rapmusic #rapper #italian rap #rap #mostro #lowlow #scusate per il sangue #suicide

[nathanthemadscientist]

#misanthropy #mental disorder #quote #quotes #philosophy #sleep deprived #love #depressing quotes #betrayal #tw depressing stuff #tw suicice #death wish #i deserve better than you #despair #desperate #suicide thoughts #sad thoughts #depressing post

[brokenobstacless]

I wonder if anyone will ever choose me.

#sad #sadness #sad quotes #sad thoughts #depression #depressed #depressed thoughts #depressed quotes #suicide #suicidial #suicide quotes #suicide thoughts #anxeity #you broke me #tired #broken heart #broken inside #loneliness #alone #empty

[spiderblanket]

I buy a lot of things that are absolutely useless. These are not big things, not more than 20 dollars, but usually something for 5 dollars. And I'm doing this because I gave up on curing myself, finding pills and a therapist. So I just buy random stuff and hate myself for it, because I still want to die. Where will these things go? To the landfill? So I'm just a consumer who will leave behind a pile of plastic for turtles and birds? Amazing. But a bullet to the head sounds better.

#suicide thoughts #catch the bus #consumerism #anyway #birds are cool

[codedsoul]

Naruto Shippuden op 8 x Ab Soul - Do Better

#Ab Soul Do Better #naruto shippuden #life #fight #do better #suicide thoughts #lost #lost thoughts #music #ab soul #mix #A Good Mix #dont give up #memes #covers #cover song #naruto #sauske #feelings #emotions #poor me #gotta do better

[heartgarbage]

Every day that I wake up, I wish I hadn't.

#depression #drunk #suicide thoughts #wishful thinking

[curseheaven]

Removing my hands from the wheel of the vehicle and I couldn’t care at all.

#personal #intrusive thoughts #thoughts #depressing quotes #sad quotes #sad #sadboy #depressing quote #heartbreak #heartache #book quotes #mental illness #sad thoughts #melanchonic #sad aesthetic #aesthetic #self harm #suicide #suicide thoughts #i dont care #sadness #cut #low #low life #depressing thoughts #depressing #depression #empty

[mrs-happy-go-lucky]

Hello.

Whoever you are, wherever you are right now, please feel welcome. <3 I'm creating this blog mostly for my own mental health at this moment... but in my new daily routine of blogging/searching/posting/trying to find positivity in the world, I found that I can help people with my findings along the way. I'll try to post daily, maybe I'll even post more than once a day... We'll see. If I have a bad day or an anxiety attack, I'll probably post more often. ^^;

This blog is meant to be a safe heaven. For myself, but also for others who are struggling with depression, anxiety, suicide thoughts, aggression and other mental health problems... Maybe the world is just too loud sometimes. Or it seems too dark. Maybe people are just shitty or you had a bad day in your job or school. Maybe you can't stand algorithms that are aggravating you on purpose on toxic social media anymore and daily news that only contain seemingly bad news...

I get it.

You think you are alone with this feelings and thoughts...

Spoiler alert: you are not. :)

🖤

Let's be 'not-alone' together. 🫂

#positive #positivity #positive energy #:) #let's just take a breath #mental health #self care #self love #self healing #depression #anxiety #suicide thoughts #helpful

[verypsbfan019]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends, The Railway Series - W. Awdry Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Donald & Douglas (Thomas the Tank Engine) Characters: Douglas (Thomas the Tank Engine), Donald (Thomas the Tank Engine) Additional Tags: past trauma, Childhood Trauma, Ableism, ADHD, Abusive Parents, Psychological Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Falling out, Pain, Suffering, changes, Hate, Brotherhood, hopeless, the engine drivers series, Angst, Lots of Angst, Sadness, Depression, Anxiety, Mental Instability, Mental Health Issues, Meltdown, Coping mechanism, Frustrated Writer, Twin Brothers Series: Part 3 of The Engine Drivers series (TTTE Human AU) Summary:

Years of trauma don't fade away easily. Donald was skeptical about what his friends told him some hours ago so he had to look it up by himself. There was no way that Douglas did what they were saying. But it was true: At the other side of the sheds, there was a blue engine and a driver wearing a coat with the same color.

#the engine drivers series #ttte humanized #ttte donald and douglas #content warning #suicide thoughts #ableism #trauma #adhd #I can't believe I wrote a new fanfic omg