#TAKU WHATS THE POINT.

[call-me-copycat]

Hey! Idk if you still write fics but if you do. Could you please write about Aizawa having a daughter who selfharms, but he didnt knew until one day he entered to her room and find her doing it?.

Its kind of an emergency so i would really apreciate if you wrote it 🩷

Hi! I'm really sorry for the slight delay, I've been bouncing between school during the day and work at night, so even though I saw your ask I couldn't physically write it due to exhaustion (⑉ ᷄ ⌳ ᷅ )ก

That being said, even though it's been a couple days I didn't want to leave you hanging! I got some rest and wrote as much as I could in one sitting!

I really do hope this helps, feel free to message me anytime if you need to vent or such ₍ᐢ‥ᐢ₎ ♡

What I Owe To You

*I listened to this on loop while writing*

➤ Welcome - Introduction and Request Rules (Requests are open + Some info about me)

▶ Characters: Just Aizawa and Reader

▶ Genre: Comfort + Slight Angst

▶ Summary: As the ask states

▶ Word Count: 2925

▶ WARNINGS:

- Self harm

- Depressive thoughts

- Overall lots of angst

Please don't read if any of this makes you uncomfortable!

The cycle always went on.

At this point you were afraid of what was to happen next. At the same time, the thought was pushed away by the constant emptiness that filled you through. The sticky tar-like hands of this unknown void ravaged your mind, shredding it apart piece by piece.

Leaving you constantly feeling... Hollow. It was difficult to describe it as anything else.

You walked to school everyday and went to your classes. You sat next to your classmates as they animatedly discussed the usual topics of training and what to do after school.

On the weekends, you slept. Sometimes went shopping with your father. Maybe you'd get visited by your Uncle Mic, other times you'd train.

There wasn't much variety. It was suffocating. These feelings had no place to spawn from, as your life wasn't much different from everyone else's. There didn't seem to be a reason, for all you knew. But it was there, no doubt about it. It made itself known.

-

It was a usual Friday night. You had completed all your classes and had the weekend to yourself. It felt pointless, there wasn't much to do. Nor did you have the energy for anything either.

Sitting in your room, you jumped a bit at the unexpected knock on your door. You had been gazing out of your bedroom window for who knew how long, zoning out as far from your mind as you could. You vaguely remembered that a storm was to come soon.

"Dinnertime. Wash up and come to the table when you're ready."

Your father's voice never failed to comfort you, and in a way he was one of the main beacons of light in your dark and foggy world. An unchanging pillar of strength, he held on tight to your cracking mind.

Slowly, tiredly, you made your way out of your room. As you passed by Aizawa, he couldn't help but sigh in response to your barely-there smile at him. You had a habit of doing that, possibly to keep him from worrying.

Truth be told, Aizawa always worried about you. Ever since you were young, he was on guard every second, trying to keep you from falling and scraping your knees, to keeping an eye on you during training.

Though recently, he had noticed some... changes. Your eyes began to grow dull, and their usual energy faded with each passing day. The bags under them grew more prominent, and in turn your hair began to be left more of a mess. Slowly, little things were building up, and he couldn't tell why.

It worried him sick, since the only thing he had in mind for you was for you to be happy and safe. Seeing your condition worsen with each day made him nauseous, as it was the last place he wanted you to be at. He wanted to help you, the best he could.

So that's why before you even sat down to eat, he began to question you.

"Are you feeling okay, [Name?]"

Truth be told, he knew you'd say you were fine. He just needed to soothe his frantic mind.

Looking up at him, you gave him another smile. He couldn't help but grimace at how forced it looked.

"Oh, of course I'm fine." You clenched your jaw at how unenthusiastic you sounded, but it would have to do.

Aizawa only felt uneasy. Too many things added up and gave him a weird taste in his mouth to leave it at that.

"Look at me, [Name]."

The unusual tone of his voice brought you out of your foggy state of mind as you looked up at him fully. Once you met his eyes properly, Aizawa took notice of the... Saddened expression that filled yours. He knew someone was wrong, but it was being covered.

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

He needed to know if you trusted him. He needed to be the one person you trusted in life. This was all or nothing.

Your eyes went wide for a split second as your breath hitched, but you quickly shook it off. His bluntness was what caught you off guard.

"Really, it's nothing Papa." You tried smiling once more, raising a hand out a bit in an attempt to calm him. You knew it was a pitiful attempt, but you didn't have the energy to make it convincing. Alongside that, Aizawa was generally a very tough man to fool. It'd take a lot to actually pass anything through him.

Aizawa's eyes narrowed in response as he saw your reaction to his question. Your body language indicated how uncomfortable you were, and he didn't want to push you too far past your limits.

It was tough, but he decided to give it up in the end and hope you'd come to him whenever you were ready. You always shared everything with him since you were young, and he had gained a large amount of trust over you in turn.

-

Dinner was eaten in silence, and as soon as it was over you bid your father a goodnight before heading off to your room.

Aizawa stayed seated at the kitchen table as he watched you walk off, wondering what was happening to his child. He couldn't bear the thought of you struggling with something alone. He had been there your whole life to help you get through everything you passed by, so why weren't you letting him in now?

After much deliberation, he got up from his spot at the table and made his way to your room. He needed to finish this conversation, and he needed to know what was going on. His mind had been sprawled all over the place for the last few months, as he'd been observant enough to catch on to the smallest changes you went through. Seeing you go into such a decline was like a punch straight through to his heart.

His mind was in such a haze that he threw open your door without second thought, seeing as he normally takes care to knock first. The room was pitch black, but based off of the startled gasp that came from you and the clanging of metal hitting the ground, Aizawa felt his blood freeze in fear.

Quickly flipping on the light, his eyes widened at the site that laid in front of him. You didn't have any time to cover yourself, so Aizawa saw it all.

The bandages laid out.

The blades.

And most importantly, your cuts.

You felt your eyes water at the expression on your father's face, guilt and self-loathing bleeding into your mind.

Aizawa was stuck in shock for a moment. It felt as though all time was warped as he saw what was his worst nightmare laid out in front of him. He was quickly snapped back to reality at the sound of your sobs that echoed throughout the room.

He swiftly made his way towards you from across your room, and in one smooth movement he pulled you into his lap, hugging you tightly to himself.

He had known something was wrong, felt it deep in his heart, but he didn't realize how serious it truly was. His heart ached for you as his grip only grew tighter around you. Aizawa didn't want you to hide these things from him, and in a way, he felt disappointed at your lack of trust towards him. All his disappointment and anger quickly dissipated, leaving him to face his worry and guilt.

"[Name]..."

He could hear his voice tremble, but couldn't care less.

"Why? I-" He was stuck in shock. It was something he never thought he'd run into. Looking down at you, his worry for your well-being grew tenfold, but he gathered the willpower to overcome the sudden surge of emotions he was feeling.

"I want... I need you to promise me you'll never harm yourself again," He looked down at you, cradled in his arms, "I don't think I could ever bear the pain of losing you..."

He knew this was only one step of many. That it doesn't start like this. That it grows. Although he couldn't pinpoint what might've started it, he at least needed to confirm you'd be safe. He just needed this one thing to give his already worn heart a little bit of ease.

You couldn't help but recoil a bit, bringing your arms to hug your torso. As much as you wanted it to be that easy, as much as you wanted to tell your father 'okay!', you knew it wouldn't be done so fast. And in a way, that only worsened your resentment towards yourself.

"I... don't know if I can.." You avoided his gaze as you faced the ground, hating how saddened he was and much rather preferring him to be angry. It'd lessen the guilt a little bit, at least.

He needed something.

"[Name]... I can't make you promise me you'll be able to stop right away. That's foolish to believe." Heaving out a sigh, he put a hand atop your head. "But I just need you to know that I'd be devastated without you. I can truly say from the bottom of my heart, I'd never be able to live a normal life again if you were gone."

Looking up into his eyes, you saw a heaviness that swirled in them. This was coming from a man who had seen it all - numerous deaths in ways he wished he could unsee.

You hadn't realized just how much you meant to him. It never popped up in your head. The all-consuming void had blocked any sensibility or logic from getting to you, and the more you thought about it, the more you realized just how much it would affect your father. He always told you your pain was his to deal with too.

Settling your face in the crook of his neck so you wouldn't have to see the hurt in his eyes anymore, you tried your best to explain everything to him.

"It feels..." Closing your eyes, you tried imagining everything that has built up. "Like I'm running a race, yet getting nowhere. That everything I do has no effect... I'm tired."

You stayed silent as you felt your father put a hand on the back of your head. Aizawa watched as you carefully pieced your words together, and saw the true effect of everything you had been dealing with. His heart ached to relieve you of your pain, his fatherly instincts screaming at him to help save his child.

"[Name]." His grip on you tightened ever so slightly. "I want you to get this through your head, alright? You are not a failure. You're going through a lot, and it's weighing down on you. And I understand you're under a lot of pressure, but-"

Aizawa was cut off when he began to choke up, the thoughts too much for him to bear. As much as he tried to keep his composure for your sake, his walls were beginning to crack.

You heard your father pause and looked up at him, only to be brought into shock at the sight of your normally stoic father tearing up. You felt ashamed for forgetting about his pain, tearing up once more at the guilt that ravaged your mind.

He could see how surprised you were, but he couldn't help it. He always struggled to contain himself when it came to you, especially whenever you were hurt. He hated seeing you in pain.

"Do you have any idea what it would do to me if I lost you? I- ... [Name], if anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do anymore, I'd-"

He truly couldn't help it. All that Aizawa wanted was for you to be happy. Seeing you in so much agony... seeing your only escape being to harm yourself... He felt that he lost a part of himself.

You cried out loud this time, seeing your father so torn over you. It was heartbreaking, but oddly soothing at the same time. To have someone to deeply care about you that they felt intertwined with you. He cared.

You could feel his arms engulfing you, and you allowed yourself to be swallowed in his hold. It was warm and soothing... A stark contrast to the cold you constantly couldn't escape from.

As he held you, Aizawa couldn't help but be more shocked at himself than anyone. He normally was able to easily retain his composure, so as he felt tears flowing down his face he couldn't help but stiffen. Quickly getting over it, he held you close. The room gradually began to get quieter, the both of your emotions slowing down.

You couldn't help but feel... Secure. It was a stark contrast to the constant void you felt. You felt... Warm.

Yeah, warm.

It was a nice feeling.

Closing your eyes, you finally allowed your body to relax. Aizawa rubbed your back as he gently rocked back and forth.

"I just want you to breath. Don't think about anything else."

Following his word, you kept your eyes closed and settled your breathing. You quickly noticed how much easier it was to think this way. Nothing else was getting in the way, no unwanted thoughts or fears, and you felt safe. Safe and comfortable.

The world around you normally was so chaotic. It seemed everyone was in a rush, always somewhere to be. You couldn't have time to yourself either, constantly getting pushed to and fro. There never seemed to be a place to stop. Nowhere to rest. An unchanging race.

But here you were. The world has stopped, giving you a break you so badly needed. You couldn't describe it, but such a simple hug from your father seemed to dull everything that pained you.

"I understand what it's like."

Aizawa would be lying if he said he was never in your place before. Too many nights he was kept up, worrying about working on himself. Scared of the changing future. Feeling like nothing was changing for him while the world moved on. It was isolating.

Over the years, he got better. The world's rush blurred to background noise, and he learned to appreciate his own speed in life. It was his own life he was living, after all.

Looking down at you, he saw a mirror image of himself.

"Y'know, it's not fair..." You looked up at him as he brushed away a lone tear from your cheek with the pad of his thumb. "You allow me to laugh with you in your happiest moments... So why do you lock me out when you're at your lowest?"

You had never heard it phrased like that before. You did enjoy having him around whenever you had something good to share. Whenever you were proud, or amazed, or just plain happy. But you understood, he wanted to be a part of it all. Every smile... And every tear.

Your voice couldn't find you, but Aizawa didn't mind. To you, he was always a hand outstretched. A guide to help you through the fog and the dark. It made the terrifying a little less daunting.

"Please talk to me when you can. Tell me whatever you'd like, I just want to know how you're feeling."

You nodded, looking at him directly. Your heart rate had gone down significantly, and you didn't know how much time had passed. If you listened carefully, you could hear the distance rumble of an oncoming storm, thunder booming on the horizon.

There was a pregnant pause before he started once more.

"Tomorrow, we'll need to get your injuries looked over-"

Seeing a look of fear cross your expression, he was quick to calm you.

"I'll be with you. The entire time. You won't have to deal with living life alone. I understand it's frightening to look at, but let me hold some of the weight you own."

You watched as Aizawa stretched out his hand, offering it to you. Looking at it, you thought back to all the times he'd helped you in the past. Every time he's offered his hand out to you.

All the times you were too scared to cross the road when you were little. Every time you felt too suffocated by the number of people surrounding you. Or even when it was just the two of you, silently walking home together in the warm afternoon sun.

He always offered you support, for every little thing life had to throw at you. Aizawa's expression softened when you gently put your hand in his, no hesitation in your movements.

Clasping his fingers over yours, you saw how your hands intertwined. And you realized, he was always there to take some of the pain from you - acting like he was a part of you.

"You get it now, huh?" Looking up into his eyes one more time, you thought you saw a sparkle in them. "Whenever you bring pain to yourself," He squeezed your hand a little tighter, "you're hurting me right alongside with you. I need you in one piece, kid."

You breathed out, everything a little clearer now. There was so much more to do. So much to go through. It was a formidable thought.

But as you looked up into your father's eyes and as you felt his hand in yours, you realized;

You weren't alone.

You really did owe him the world.

During my lowest moments, Aizawa was always a huge character I relied on to get me through it. I will always write comfort for him to anyone who asks.

I hope you have a lovely day, and I hope things get just a little easier for you, you definitely deserve it (*´艸`)ﾌﾌﾌｯ♡

➜ Please let me know if I missed any warnings/triggers in the tags or in the opening!

#tw self harm #self harm tw #self harm mention #sh mention #tw sh #shota aizawa #shouta aizawa #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #aizawa shōta #aizawa shouta #aizawa sensei #aizawa comfort #aizawa angst #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa shota x reader #aizawa shota #aizawa x reader #aizawa x daughter reader #aizawa x reader angst #aizawa x you #aizawa shota x you #shouta aizawa x you #mha comfort #bnha comfort #mha x reader comfort #copycat writes

[mmmmalo]

The actual in-progress translations are content to go with ホ－ムスタック so it's sort of a moot point, but I spent some time today humoring Japanese translations of the phrase "Homestuck". Favorite option so far might be 嵌まり宅 (hamaritaku), which is closer to "stuck-home" in meaning but retains most of the original consonants and a relevant vowel. Which is pleasing! The word for home "taku" has the added benefit of sounding like an incomplete conjugation of want "-tai", so that the title could be misread as a state of ambivalence on the desirability of becoming unstuck.

Meme title would be Hikikomori (lit. "Shut-in") since that's a ready made concept for people in Arrested Development undergoing Failure to Launch, but the lack of mentions of houses is a cutting demerit. The title of the short film 積み木の家 (tsumiki no ie, toyblock house) would also be nice as a somewhat infantilizing allusion to the towering homebuilding of Sburb, but copying a title wholesale is sort of a no-no. Translating "Sburb" is also an option since Hussie almost chose the game's name as the story's title, but the syllabic structure of Japanese orthography makes the awkwardness of that initial consonant cluster difficult to reproduce... plus you lose the nebulous influence of word echoes like superb or sperm no matter what you do. Alas

[dragaliamini]

Dragalia Lost Stranded Scions Event Song:

Eat Sleep Escape

Vocals: ano Lyrics: ano Composition: TAKU INOUE Arrangement: TAKU INOUE Translation + Video: HazeintheDaze

Image: taken from archive of official Dragalia Lost twitter event promotion art

As usual the lyrics in the video are written to be synced to the song, the more accurate translation is below. I really like the repeated use of alliteration which is hard to be captured with a direct translation.

You can listen to the song on spotify so do support the release

Lyrics

Official Lyrics

せかせかした世界だな 目が回る 終わりにしたいね グダグダくだらない管を巻く   ほらまた的外れなアドバイスはすぐバイバイ 僕のサードアイ見ぬくライライ もうすぐトワイライト　まだ寝たいな またね タイムアップ   飽きたな昔話 消えていったカロリー分 何か食べたい　ゆー   トップギアで何もしないぜ プラスいい風 ほぼほぼゼロのロースピードで さあイート、スリープ   (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)   トップギアで走る夢なんか見なくていい このままさよならしたっていい さあエスケープ   (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)   イート、スリープ、エスケープ hey!   イート、スリープ、エスケープ   トップオブトップギアで何もしないぜ プラスいい風 ほぼほぼゼロのロースピードで さあイート、スリープ   (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)   トップギアで走る夢なんか見なくていい ただただこのまま溶けていけ さあエスケープ   (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)   さよならさよなら   (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)   イート、スリープ、リピート イート、スリープ、エスケープ

Romanji

Sekaseka shita sekai da na Me ga mawaru Owari ni shitai ne Gudaguda kudaranai kuda wo maku

Hora mata matohazure na adobaisu wa sugu baibai Boku no saado ai minuku rairai Mou sugu towairaito mada netai na Mata ne Taimu appu

Akita na mukashi banashi Kiete itta karorri bun Nanika tabetai yuu

Toppu gia de nanimo shinai ze Purasu ii kaze Hobo hobo zero no roo supiido de Saa iito, surripu

Toppu gia de hashiru yume nanka minakute ii Kono mama sayonara shitatte ii Saa esukeepu Iito, suriipu, esukeepu

Iito, suriipu, esukeepu

Toppu obu toppu gia de nanimo shinai ze Purasu ii kaze Hobo hobo zero no roo supiido de Saa iito, suriipu

Toppu gia de hashiru yume nanka minakute ii Tadatada kono mama tokete ike Saa esukeepu

Sayonara Sayonara

Iito, suriipu, ripiito Iito, suriipu, esukeepu

More accurate translation

This restless world makes me feel dizzy I wish for it to end Rolling up all the drunken words into a tube

Oh look, another advice that completely missed the point I say byebye I open my third eye come come It's almost twilight I just want to sleep more See you later Time's up

I'm tired of the same old stories My calories have vanished What shall I eat

I'm at top gear, but I'm not doing anything Plus a nice wind Almost almost zero low speeds we run Now eat, sleep

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

I'm at top gear, but running at maximum speed is a pointless dream Just leave it as it is and say good bye to it Now escape

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Eat, sleep, escape hey

Eat, sleep, escape

Using the top of the line top gear but I won't do anything Plus a nice wind Almost almost zero low speeds we run Now eat, sleep

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

I'm at top gear, but running at maximum speed is a pointless dream I'll leave it as it is and melt away Now escape

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Goodbye goodbye

Eat sleep repeat Eat sleep escape

Video Lyrics

Restless listless endlessly turning world A dizzy gaze How I just want it to end

Rubbish sluggish drunken words Rolled into a tube

Another advice that has totally missed the point Let's wave a bye bye Open my third eye Perceive the lies lies It’s almost twilight I wanna sleep some more, see ya The time's up

Tired living the same old stories Dissolved and gone the calories burnt I wonder what I’ll eat today

Gears shift to high, but nothing has been done Plus one good breeze Almost almost zero, low speed has set Now eat, sleep

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Gears shift to high, but max speed’s just a dream That you cannot reach Just leave it as it is and say goodbye to it And escape

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Eat, sleep, escape hey

Eat, sleep, escape

Best gears have shift to high, but I’m not gonna move Plus one good breeze Almost almost zero, low speed has set Come eat, sleep

Gears set to high, but max speed is a pointless dream to chase for me Just leave it all behind and melt away and fade Let's escape

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Goodbye to you, goodbye to you

(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Eat sleep repeat Eat sleep escape

#dragalia lost #ano #taku inoue #lyrics translation #translated by me

[yukirayu]

Taku and Madarame: To Heal and To Hurt

Before we get to anything, please know that I am not reading anyone for filth here. Everything I wrote for this meta is based on what the visual novel showed us and what I have observed from the visual novel, but it’s still difficult to talk about anything involving a certain character without it sounding like I’m bashing them.

Now, to start, I want to show you all this fanart (source here), which I find fascinating.

(Note: I highly recommend that you check out the rest of this artist’s work. Plenty of great TakuTowa fanart for all lovers of the pairing.)

I am promoting the fanart above because it effectively shows how Taku and Madarame are effective foils of each other. I already made a similar post before about Taku also serving as a good foil to another character (Sakaki). This post is going to be like that one, but this one is explained in greater detail; though both posts have the same goal: to compare and contrast. 

Of course, be warned of the following: 

Before you read any further, there will be spoilers, and I mean plenty of them, so I advise you not to read this if you haven’t completed the visual novel and want to complete it whilst blind. 

What you will see under the “Read More” will be long, and I mean really long and possibly incomprehensible with all my rambling, so brace yourselves. 

Every narration from the game is rephrased so that it reads in third-person, which is how it’s supposed to read in the original version. This is done to help with maintaining objectivity as I explain and point out things.

If you want to read this in a different platform, the meta is also available for reading on Google docs. 

How Long They’ve Known Towa

To start with something simple: out of Towa’s four love interests, Taku and Madarame are the only ones who personally knew Towa for a long time. Sure, Rei may technically count as well since he knew Towa since middle school, but he and Towa never interacted until they were already full-fledged adults. Towa didn’t even realize that he and Rei attended the same school until Rei pointed it out in his route.  

Taku knew Towa since he was a child, since he was assigned as Towa’s physician. As such, he was the one who would patch up Towa’s wounds or check on him when he falls ill (both of which are thanks to Maya’s “loving” care). After Maya’s death, although Taku is not legally assigned as Towa’s guardian, he still helped look after Towa for the longest time, which they both acknowledge. 

Towa and Madarame were also joined at the hip when Towa was in his teenage years and was still an active member of the Takasato-gumi. The two were basically friends with benefits, though the ‘friends’ part in the term is questionable. They often slept together because they gave each other the violence and pleasure the other wanted, and they often hung out (with Kaga) but that’s about it.  

In the common route, in what seems like a simple scene where people are having lunch at Yanagawa Café, we are already given an idea of what kind of relationship Towa has with both Taku and Madarame at present.

Relationship with Towa 

(as established by the beginning of the common route)

Taku is the very first love interest to show up. How is he introduced? Fussing over Towa and getting exasperated with him, while also subtly showing concern for him. They also occasionally hang out together outside work hours, which establishes that they’re on friendly terms. Even then, there’s the kind of distance between them where while they get along, they’re not so close that they share all their secrets. 

Towa would never know the real Taku, nor would Taku ever know the real Towa. Even though they had known each other for years, it didn’t mean they understood everything about each other. 

As for Madarame, as far as Towa knows, the man died years ago. If Madarame’s route isn’t taken, Towa will keep thinking that, especially since he no longer has any positive feelings for Madarame and would prefer to forget about him entirely. We don’t know why yet, since until after his route is unlocked, Madarame remains shrouded in mystery. Nevertheless, Towa’s disdain for him is made clear. 

As it happened, Towa knew the person they were gossiping about. A lot about him, in fact. […] But Towa would rather not remember him, and thus avoided thinking about his name or his face.

Conflict with Toono 

Until Fujieda’s route proved otherwise, the fact that Toono actively plays the role of the villain in both Taku and Madarame’s routes baited us all into thinking that he’s the only one who’s really out to give the cast trouble, and it’s not hard to see why. 

Taku owes Toono a great debt because it’s only due to the latter’s financial assistance (even though it was provided to Taku with an ulterior motive) that Taku was able to become a doctor. Even though he despises Toono and hates doing the jobs assigned to him by the Takasato-gumi because it goes against his morals, the fact that Toono aided him is something he cannot deny. Of course, Toono takes advantage of this, and even deliberately adds fuel to the fire by getting Towa involved when he notices that Taku is getting increasingly reluctant to make the drugs that Toono wants to distribute around Shinkoumi. This is what sets up the conflict and the main plot for Taku’s route. 

This aside, Toono is also the reason why Kaga died and why Towa lost his right eye, even though in the latter case, the bullet was meant for Madarame. Even then, Madarame still got wounded, yet the entire night was chaotic enough for the Takasato-gumi to give up on looking for his corpse and just claim that Madarame was dead. Madarame may deny that he’s out for revenge, but this is contradicted by him saying that “[Kaga] didn’t have to die.” This means that Madarame is out to settle the score with the syndicate, especially with Toono, and the climax of Madarame’s route even covers his blood debt finally being repaid. 

Another obvious point of comparison is how they deal with Toono. Both are given the opportunity to point a gun right at Toono and end him then and there. Both wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. Except that while Madarame - dead-set in his revenge - aims straight for the heart, Taku changes his aim at the last minute. Not because he hesitated, but because he - in his words - refuses to play by the other’s games and stoop down to man’s level for another second. 

This alone shows how Taku and Madarame are fundamentally different people. 

Personality (Indetermination vs. Certainty)

How different Taku and Madarame are is reflected in both how they’re introduced and what the player learns about them in full by the end of their respective routes. And in both cases, they’re always like yin and yang.

At the start of the game, Taku is established as someone who looks out for Towa’s well-being. While he’s exasperated with some of Towa’s tendencies (like being late for work and preferring to ingest nicotine and alcohol over actual food and water), he never tries to outright interfere…. unless you play his route, where his protectiveness starts to really rear its head, which puts him and Towa at odds with each other. 

As you progress further into Taku’s story, both you and Towa realize that Taku is far more fractured than he appears, and this can be traced to his mother’s death, something Taku has been beating himself up for to this very day. What doesn’t help as of late is his debt to Toono, which starts to actively threaten his day-to-day life; and it even gets Towa endangered due to the latter’s association with Taku. 

It’s then that as Towa tries to figure out what’s going on in Taku’s mind, he starts to realize the man’s greatest flaw. What is that? Taku always wavers, no matter the kind of decision and no matter who it involves, be it something about himself or about someone else. Because he always fears the worst-case scenario and is never sure whether he’s truly doing the right thing. More often than not, he’s not even certain of his own intentions. This has something to do with the guilt he harbors towards his mother’s demise. He fears that even if he does everything, it won’t be enough, and that holds him back. Even after he finally makes his resolve about his situation with Toono, he hasn’t completely gotten rid of his flaw in the drama CD, and Towa has to force him to make up his mind once and for all after confronting him about how he’s at it again. 

From what is heard of Madarame, almost everyone just talks about how freakishly strong he is or how he’s supposed to be dead. While we can only guess what kind of person he may be (at the time), those conversations alone are enough to tell us that he carries a very imposing presence. 

Once we finally see him, you realize that - besides the part where he supposedly died - everything else the others say about him aren’t an exaggeration. The man really is imposing, and his strength may as well be inhuman. He possesses an indomitable will and is the kind of person who will do what he wants to do, wherever and whenever he wants, and however he wants.

And remember the title of his chapter: Immutable. Never yielding, never changing– which is Madarame’s character in a nutshell. How can he be like this? Because Madarame doesn’t have any mental or emotional issues. There’s no deep-seated scar that Towa has to find, and this is reflected in the Interrogation since Madarame is the only one where the opposite approach has to be taken to get the good ending.  

Taku and Rei are able to grow and heal if the right choices are made, and while Fujieda never gets subjected to an Interrogation since he’s able to resolve his issues by himself, he undergoes a development nevertheless and still reflects on himself. But as Towa observes, Madarame has never changed since years ago, and even at the end of the route, he’s still the same person that we saw him as from the start. He had not changed, and he never will change; hence why immutability is rooted into his very being. 

Violence (Avoidance vs. Gratification) 

Taku is a doctor and he pursued such a profession because he wants to save lives, as compensation for the life he wanted to save most yet was ultimately unable to. Naturally, he regards both life and death with grave seriousness and never regards it in a flippant manner, which makes him worry often for Towa, who couldn’t care less what happens to him. 

On the other hand, Madarame may as well be violence incarnate—he lives and breathes to fight and carries a lust for blood. If he faces an obstacle, he’ll metaphorically and literally punch his way through said obstacle. And to him, life and death is nothing more than a game, a gamble, and he finds more fun in the challenge than in the outcome.  

Now as for how this affects their approach with Towa…

Taku never does much to protest Towa’s stints whenever the latter pursues his artistic hobbies, but it doesn’t mean he likes seeing Towa either hurting himself or getting himself hurt, and he does make his displeasure known every once in a while by commenting on Towa’s wounds. Towa even remembers one time from some years ago, when Taku was absolutely furious after seeing Towa at the brink of death when an encounter with a potential model went awry.

Not to mention, there’s the way Taku treats Towa during sex. No matter what, Taku refuses to give Towa the rough treatment. At most, he will kiss and caress Towa’s scars, but no more than that. He even tells Towa that he knows his masochism is no more than a means to castigate himself. As such, Taku refuses to indulge in that, because he wants Towa to know that he’s worthy of being loved and cherished in a healthy way and that he can still feel pleasure through gentle and affectionate touches.

On the other hand, Madarame wants Towa to embrace the violence inside him and to live for violence, whether Towa inflicts it or receives it. He doesn’t mind Towa’s masochism and even seeks to indulge in it and to even amplify it, if possible. Though one can only wonder if Madarame ever saw the connection between Towa’s penchant for self-harm and the trauma of his childhood, the latter of which he’s hinted to be aware of to some degree, especially since he noticed Towa’s disdain for complete silence.

It also goes without saying that Madarame is the love interest who engages in the roughest and most violent sex with Towa. When Towa was still kept in chains as the other’s captive, Madarame showed his special brand of affection by making Towa bruise and bleed, and even after they properly rekindle their relationship later on, they still enjoy roughing each other up as part of their foreplay.  

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love

Since he knows enough about what Towa’s childhood was really like, Taku also knows why Towa is the way he is. He knows why Towa indulges in self-destructive habits and why he’s almost completely apathetic to the motions of life. Taku doesn’t like it and the only reason he doesn’t protest too much is because he’s held back by the fear that he may end up accidentally giving away the truth, so he plays it safe by protesting on occasion but never actively trying to interfere (except when he’s certain that Towa may get himself killed).

Even then, in the event that he falls for Towa, all the negatives that he has observed from Towa doesn’t prevent him from having feelings for the other man. In spite of how flawed Towa is, Taku loves him all the same, especially since he understands why Towa is like that. Of course, he wants to help Towa heal (as much as he can at least) and grow out of his love for pain. But this aside, plus the fairly understandable request for Towa to stop sleeping with other men, Taku accepts Towa the way he is now and never asks Towa to conform to an image he has of him. This makes his love qualify more as an unconditional one. 

As unorthodox as it is, Madarame’s love for Towa is sincere nonetheless. After all, for the longest time, he thought Towa died the same night Kaga did, and it’s hinted that this did affect Madarame to a degree, especially when he took a close look at Towa’s missing eye. Part of the reason Madarame even came back to Shinkoumi was to reunite with Towa. Madarame may like to make sardonic statements, but it’s obvious when he’s being upfront about his thoughts and feelings without the usual barb. When he tells Towa that he’s all he needs and asks him to not leave again, he meant it. 

That being said, he’ll only reach out to Towa if he sees a chance that Towa can return to being the person Madarame last remembered him being. If Madarame thinks that Towa is, in his own words, “too far gone”, he won’t bother anymore and will leave Towa alone. This is why his love still counts as the conditional kind of love. He only loves the Towa that he once knew, but not the Towa that he sees now– which is ironic since Madarame is supposed to be a man who focuses only on the present, not the past.

Towa’s Visage

The only thing that really changes with Towa’s appearance in Rei and Fujieda’s good endings is his attire. On the other hand, in Taku and Madarame's good endings, Towa doesn’t undergo only a wardrobe switch; even the color of his hair changes as well.

Taku’s default appearance has his hair being mostly black in color, though the edges still have traces of the blonde dye that he would put on when he was still a teenager.

In Taku’s Euphoria ending, Towa grows out his hair such that it goes way past his shoulders. The blonde streaks are gone and his hair color is now a full raven black. This represents how his mental state has (even if not completely) gotten better, with his appearance being reminiscent of his younger and more innocent self. He even casts aside his black attire for a white shirt and a blue cardigan, which encapsulates how he’s become more at peace and put-together, and is now able to find contentment with the simple things. While he’s still the same person overall, he no longer seeks out violence nor does he want or need it just to feel something. 

Towa also grows out his hair in Madarame’s Euphoria ending, but here, his hair is now blonde once more. Besides that, he also wears a hoodie with a design that makes it obvious to anyone who sees him that he’s feisty and rebellious, there are also the bandages on his lower torso. This reflects how he has become his younger and hotblooded self once more, with his propensity for violence now more active than passive. But since he’s no longer bound to Shinkoumi and his memories in it, he has remodeled both his identity and his love for pain, and he has become someone who always seeks to feel excitement and the rush and thrill of a fight or a beating. 

Towa’s Past, and What They Know

Taku knows plenty of sordid details about Towa’s past, but just to be clear, he doesn’t know everything. He has no idea that Sakaki is complicit in Maya’s dastardly plans. Sure, he gets wary whenever Towa gets involved with the Takasato-gumi, but his suspicions are always focused on Toono, in particular. If he even had an inkling about Sakaki, a lot of things would have turned out differently.

If one pays attention to the dialogue in his route, Taku only found out the truth about what Maya was doing to Towa after the “accident” where Maya fell down the stairs. We don’t know how he found out, but it is important to remember that it’s only then that Taku discovered what Towa had actually gone through, and it’s exactly because Taku knows how horrifying Towa’s childhood was, that he does everything he can to keep it hidden from Towa. 

If he gets caught in the lie, the most he can do is keep Towa from finding out more. Where Fujieda holds the key that allows Towa to finally unlock the doors where his memories stay hidden and repressed, it’s Taku who tries to keep every other key away from notice and from reach. 

While he accuses Taku of being dishonest and secretive, Madarame is the pot calling the kettle black. As revealed in Fujieda’s route, Madarame also knows a lot about Towa’s past, and knows enough that he can even pinpoint to Towa where Euphoria was, so it’s safe to assume that he also knows what happened to Towa during his time in that wretched mansion. 

However, what’s interesting with Madarame is that in his own route, he doesn’t tell Towa what he knows; but in Fujieda’s route, he gives Towa a hint.

We already know why Taku opted to not tell Towa anything, On the other hand, we’re left to guess why Madarame changes his gears from saying nothing to dropping some clues. It’s at least obvious that he didn’t do it out of altruism, so that makes it highly likely that he either withdraws or reveals the truth only because he felt he had something to gain from it.

Now, this is just my speculation, but I think he did either with the same goal in mind: to distress Towa in such a way that it will drive a wedge between him and the others.  I’ll expound on this later on in another topic.

Taku and Madarame, Mei and Maya

Because I was apprehensive about saying or even analyzing any more about Madarame due to the thought that I might end up coming across as if I’m dragging him, it took until buzzin_buzzard’s tweet for me to fully acknowledge the similarities that could be found between Madarame and Maya, of all people. I summed it up in TV Tropes, but I’ll go into more detail for this meta. 

I made a meta from before where I briefly likened Taku to Mei, since they’re both the only figures from Towa’s childhood who showed him kindness and made him feel safe, even if only for a short while. The key difference between Taku and Mei was that Mei knew exactly what Towa was going through (since she was in a similar situation herself) whereas Taku had no idea what was happening at the time. Nevertheless, they were the only two people who were not out to harm Towa, because everyone else hurt him, whether it was intentional or whether it was because they were coerced into the act (i.e. Ikuina and Asakura). 

Both also helped throw a wrench in Maya’s plans. Mei told Towa that he had to get away from his mother. Their attempt to escape may have ultimately failed, but that event still left an impact on him because that small taste of freedom allowed him to realize what could be waiting for him beyond the opulent halls of the mansion, and especially because of what he would eventually find out with regards to what Maya did to Mei in retaliation. When Towa learned exactly why Mei died, he summoned the will to defy Maya for the very first (and only) time, and it led to what would eventually be Maya’s demise.

However, just because she died doesn’t mean she’s gone, not with her final order to Sakaki. Unfortunately for both the mastermind and the adjutant, the trauma of the incident stripped Towa of his memories, which waylays their plans. And Taku (unwittingly) makes sure it stays that way by never letting Towa remember his childhood and letting him live in ignorant bliss. Of course, it’s not all good; the damaging trauma of Towa’s childhood had already left his mark, resulting in his hedonistic and masochistic tendencies. Still, without the recollection of his childhood, Maya’s plan is left at an impasse, and it will stay that way in Taku, Rei and Madarame’s routes. 

Now, this is the part that I was afraid of talking about the most, but if you take a moment to think about it, Madarame and Maya mirror each other to some degree. Madarame is so physically strong that nothing and no one can beat him, but that’s why he gets bored so easily. Maya was a master manipulator and can control anyone she set her sights on, but deep down, she felt isolated and her psychopathy did nothing to sate her loneliness. 

This is where Towa/Haruto steps in.

As Madarame states outright in his route, he feels that only Towa can give him the exhilaration he wants yet can’t find with anything and anyone else, and that only Towa can understand his bloodlust and his love for pain. 

You are the only person in the world who I consider my match. You want what I want. You feel what I feel. With you, I'll never be bored. And you feel the same way, don’t you?

With Maya, there is the very fact that she wanted Towa to follow in her footsteps both literally and figuratively. One likely reason is that this is also her way of ensuring that her legacy will go on. Another possible explanation is that Maya believed if there was one other person who acts and thinks the way she did, life won’t be so forlorn anymore.  

In her last recorded message: I asked Sakaki to fulfill one last request for me. I asked him to help you find true happiness in my place, and to make sure that you’d become my successor.  

Madarame isn’t the most expressive kind of person, but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s as emotionally stunted as Maya was. He just has a very good rein on his emotions, and even if he’s very unconventional about it, his love for Towa (even if it’s only to a certain kind of Towa) is sincere. Maya - even if she could perfectly emulate both affection and tenderness - felt that she could never love, yet believed that she loved Towa as best (worst) as she could. Her brain is undoubtedly wired wrong (and really, really wrong), but her admission is also undoubtedly a genuine one. 

And they both express their love in the only way they knew how: violence. Madarame inflicts it directly by making Towa bruise and bleed whether it’s consensual, nonconsensual, or a bit of both, whereas Maya does it indirectly, letting her clients have their way with Towa, regardless of what they would do to her son. They both think that it’s because Towa/Haruto enjoys it and that it makes him look even more beautiful. Of course, we know that Towa finding arousal in the rough treatment that Madarame gives him reflects how he made himself love pain as a subconscious coping mechanism for all the torture he suffered at Maya’s hands.  In Fujieda’s words:

By accepting the trauma others would inflict on you, you desperately cling to the last shreds of your personal autonomy. Cutting yourself was a self-destructive impulse— a punishment for being worthless.

With this, there is the main reason why Taku and Madarame are bound to always be at odds with each other whenever Towa is involved. The reasons are, in essence, similar to the reasons which explain how Mei and Maya contrast each other, especially with regards to Towa. 

In Towa’s childhood, Mei was the light in Towa’s life, where Maya was the darkness. Mei was a symbol of purity, hope and innocence, and Maya was essentially corruption in human form, luring and poisoning everyone around her. Because of this, Maya saw Mei as a “toxic influence”  in Towa’s life and had her killed. This is hugely ironic since it’s obvious who the real toxic influence is, but anyhow…

Similarly, though it never escalates to murder (if only because Madarame is someone who prefers to beat up someone instead of killing them outright), Madarame still kidnapped Taku, held him hostage, and also threatened him. And if you remember, there is a brief moment in Madarame’s route where he questions why Towa feels the need to cover his eye with a patch, and one should keep in mind that it’s Taku who takes care of Towa’s injuries. This scene alone already sums up their opposing viewpoints to both Towa and to violence. In this case, it’s easy to put Taku in Mei’s position, and Madarame in Maya’s. 

This consequently shows the difference in how they’d react if - in a route where neither is the chosen love interest - Towa figures out his past with someone else’s assistance, and what kind of person he could become once he learned enough.

Reaction to Towa’s Growth (in Fujieda’s Route)

Madarame’s presence in Fujieda’s route is very brief, but a lot could be drawn from it nonetheless. Just like in his own route, he holds Taku hostage to draw out Towa. However, the circumstances and the venue are different from before. 

Instead of the back of the clinic, they now meet at the outskirts of the Deathmatch Area. Instead of being forced to meet with Madarame in private to ensure Taku’s safety, the entire gang has gathered, all wide awake and conscious with varying awareness of what’s going on. And instead of Madarame telling Towa that Taku is lying to him, Madarame points Towa to his mother’s mansion. 

This all culminates in Fujieda and Madarame exchanging blows, and right as the latter is about to land a crippling hit, Towa intervenes halfway to take a hit for Fujieda… which immediately ends the fight since Madarame loses interest then and there. 

Why? Let’s recall how the entire scene was narrated.

As Fujieda doubled over, Madarame began to launch another attack. 

“Madarame!” Towa rushed over and jumped in between them. 

Madarame’s fist grazed Towa’s head as the latter hit the ground, landing on his stomach.

Taku dashed over to Towa’s side. Meanwhile, Rei slowly pushed himself up while gritting his teeth in pain. Fujieda frowned at Towa, then turned his head and glared at Madarame. 

However, Madarame seemed to have lost all interest. His arms hung limply at his sides. His self-assured grin was gone, replaced by a pair of cold eyes that stared down at Towa.

“I never knew that you were such a drag.” (Note: Based on the context and the tone that was used, the original JP text of the line「･･････つまらないことをするな、お前」 could also translate to “I never thought you would do something so absurd,” since the word ‘tsumaranai’ can be used to describe something that’s either boring, trivial or foolish.)

Enduring the pain, Towa glared back up at Madarame as he continued kneeling on the ground.

Contrast this to Towa’s reaction in Madarame’s route after he gets confirmation that Taku is keeping secrets from him, just like Madarame warned. This lands the final nail in the coffin for Towa’s belief that he can never return to his old life, which leads him to do this:

Rei, “You’re heading towards the Deathmatch Area! You hate Deathmatches, right? So why are you going there? …To see Madarame?” 

Towa remained silent, causing Rei’s brow to furrow deeply. Towa glanced at them, then turned and started walking.

Rei, “Don’t do this, Towa! Why?! Why are you going to him? Don’t go!

Taku, “Towa!”

Towa could hear their anguished screams. But as he kept walking, their voices faded into the distance. Their desperation could no longer reach him.

Towa had realized who he truly was, and he was not the kind of person who belonged with them.

He belonged somewhere else. 

So back to our original question: why did Madarame suddenly lose interest in the fight? Why did he suddenly decide to not bother with Towa anymore? Because to him, seeing Towa rush in and defend someone else is a sign that Towa had changed too much for his own liking. Sure, Towa showed some spunk in that act, but it was not the kind of spunk he wanted.

Not only that, but the act also indicated that by that point, even the threat of learning more about his past won’t sever any bonds that Towa shares with the other three (Taku, Rei and Fujieda). In other words, Towa will continue to have attachments to his home, or at least some of the people in it. No chance of burning bridges for good and leaving with him. And so, Madarame exits the scene.

Madarame – much like a ghost – completely fades away from Towa’s life. After he’s informed by Kotarou about what the man is up to next after ambushing the Takasato-gumi, Towa doesn’t bother thinking about him for another second.

And now, let’s talk about Taku. For almost the entire first half of Fujieda’s route, Taku was obstructive and unhelpful because he also feared that Towa would change. But in his case, “change” means the possibility that Towa could never recover from learning the truth—which does happen and nearly ends in the worst-case scenario. Taku had nothing to gain from keeping anything, yet he was willing to risk earning Towa’s anger and resentment by staying silent even as Towa attacked him, chewed him out, and pressed him for answers.  And Towa has a very good reason to be pissed at Taku, even if you can see things from the older man’s point of view. 

However, it should be made clear that while Taku’s actions were questionable, they were never once done out of malice or selfishness, which is saying something compared to say, Sakaki. Towa even comes to understand this, which is shown in two instances. One is in this dialogue from when Taku and Rei got patched up after their scuffle with Madarame.

“....Towa?” Taku mumbled. “Are you mad at me?”

Towa looked at him in silence. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“For hiding [the truth] from you.”

“But you only did it because you thought it was for the best, right?” 

The other instance is the update in Taku’s entry (from the codex): 

I’m sure Taku had his reasons 

When Towa manages to conquer his trauma in the good ending, Taku expresses relief and is even proud of Towa for it, acknowledging that Towa has truly matured and changed for the better with a smile on his face. In turn, Towa expresses his appreciation towards Taku, and it’s clear by then that their relationship has completely mended. 

Taku: All this time, I was scared of you getting hurt. So instead, I figured you were better off not knowing anything at all. But you were stronger than that. You remembered your past, overcame it, and then you came back. It's clear to me now... You just aren't the same little kid you used to be. 

Towa: Well, obviously. But I couldn't have done it alone... Turns out, there is value in connecting with people. I just could never see it. 

Taku: What do you mean? 

Towa: What I mean is... I wouldn't be standing here today without every single person in my life.

Taku: … I’m amazed you just said that. Now I can see for myself– you’ve actually overcome it. I can’t describe how relieved I am. 

With this, in contrast to Madarame, Taku remains an important figure in Towa’s life. In Volume 4 of the AfterStory drama CD, Towa takes the initiative to thank Fujieda for getting Taku exonerated and released early. In another scene, Taku confides to Fujieda about everything that happened before capping off by saying that he trusts Fujieda to look after Towa. Even when the story takes another path such that their relationship remains platonic, it nevertheless is a deep and important one for them both.  

Closing Remarks

Now that I think about it, the only reason the Taku vs. Sakaki meta is a bit shorter than I expected is because I had to make it fit into Twitter’s format. Had it occurred to me back then to just upload it all on Google Docs, I would have gone all out with comparing those two (note to revamp that meta later on, R.I.P. me). 

I admit that I’m biased towards Taku because he’s just one fascinating character all around, combined with the fact that he can serve as a foil or a mirror character two at least three other people who are connected to Towa’s past for a multitude of reasons– which fortifies my opinion that Taku would also make for an excellent “true” love interest besides Fujieda. 

At the same time, it’s also fun to try and analyze Madarame even if, at the end of the day, many things about him remain an enigma despite the fact that everything about him is supposed to be already on the surface. And without a translation of his AfterStory drama CD, a lot of things about him will remain a myth for me. 

Once again, if it sounds like I was insulting Madarame in this meta, I was not. Either way, sorry in advance and please don’t kill me. ^^; 

#slow damage #fen writes meta

[nitrokiraru]

What are your gripes with the Slow Damage translation? I thought it was pretty great.

hi anon! tbh i used to have the same view as you probably do, the translation like by itself isn't terrible, it gets the point across and i still enjoyed the game regardless.

but then i found out about the jp version and realized that they kinda gave towa some out of character lines? its more of the translation choices that the fandom has a problem with. a lot of unserious lines were added and i feel like part of it was focused on giving it some funny moments instead of staying true to the source material

there are a lot of people that can articulate the problems better than i can but just to give you a rundown:

-changed the game from third person to first person apparently? i briefly heard about this so i dont have anything ready to back this up with but

-the usage of crude unsexy words like "half chub" "buttslut" "eyepussy" which is just. LMAO it honestly depends on your preference with sexy/dirty talk

-"sounds gay" at the end of fujiedas route. in the time i found it funny (which is why i have the pic rn, bc i took a screenshot when i played) but when you really think about it after such a long impactful lore filled route its like maybe i dont think its that appropriate to put in a little joke like this here? i think the original was along the lines of "sounds cheesy" or something like that since towa wasnt used to romantic affectionate stuff, and i lowkey just feel like hewouldnotfuckingsaythat.jpg

-"hasta la vista" when Taku shoots toono near the end of his route lol. he didnt rly say that but i assume it was added for localization purposes

-basically a lot of translation/localization choices that give off pretty different tones compared to the original that not a lot of people liked

this is just me giving you the main complaints about it that go around. personally i still lean more towards neutral, i dont think its THAT bad and it didnt ruin my experience at all but once you think about it a bit more its just like yeah maybe that line was a bit out of place and doesnt fit towa's character. maybe the wording used there didnt convey the same message that the jp version did, and made it a little hard to take serious. but at the end of the day if you liked it then thats fine as well! im just telling you the main problems the fandom has with it if you didnt know already

#slow damage

[hydranomago]

"I love you."

- Taku Yashiro

Game: Make the opponent laugh first

(Taku and Enojun already laughing before the game starts) Taku: (seriously) Well, aren't you cute? Members: Have you started already? Then go into the next round. Taku: (laughing) Please wait a minute! Members: (at Taku & Enojun crumbling) What a nice atmosphere! Enojun: (softly startled) Oh, you look so cute! Taku: (intense, channelling ikemen energy) I love you. Enojun: (immediately breaks) That's so unfair! Members: How many points would you award that? Enojun: Using that whispery voice for 'I love you'– So unfair!

#seiyuu #junya enoki #enoki junya #taku yashiro #enojun #jjk #itadori yuuji #8p #voice actors #seiyuu event #lol taku is so focused and intense in this one #deserving of that win for sure #enojun's little giggle

[ruri-rari]

this anon is sending this ask because they are curious about your complete and unfiltered opinion on each surodame route 🤓

Slow Damage is a love letter to survivors- to those who have scars, both visible and not.

To me, it was wholly unlike many other visual novels or dating sim games I’ve played before.

In fact, it feels a bit unfair to view the game as just a series of different character routes that end with the guy of your choice because, ultimately, it’s TOWA’S story. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

So! Here is my absolute monster of an essay about my thoughts on each of the routes (both before and after playing the whole game), as well as their different endings. For reference, I played Rei->Taku->Madarame->Fujieda, which ended up influencing my pre-/post-True Route feelings a lot.

Rei’s Route

Pre-True Route: Rei is a totally sweetheart, and as much as I love Towa, he can do better. Not to say that I didn’t like them together! They just seem like better friends than lovers, especially considering this route was so heavily focused on all of Rei’s issues, and neither directly explored nor resolved any of Towa’s, which… felt pretty unsatisfying and unsustainable for a long-term relationship.

This route was noticeably longer than the others, but since I played it first, I enjoyed really getting to know all the characters of Shinkoumi more thoroughly. It explored gender expectations and dysphoria in a direction that I wasn’t expecting, and I was pleasantly surprised by how well it was handled. Kirihara’s arc was disturbing (a nice teaser for the theme of cycles of abuse throughout the game), but seemed tame in terms of violence compared to Ikuina’s arc.

Mad End: EYE-PUSSY!!! ME-MANKO(?)!!! Jokes aside though, this was both sadder and less traumatic than I was expecting after the whole Ikuina business. I was a little confused about how Rei could turn out like he did here, though Towa letting himself become Rei’s opinionless sex doll didn’t surprise me. Ultimately, I think this was supposed to show how both of them had given up on ever being understood by others; Rei turned to inflicting violence in the hopes of affirming what he BELIEVES a man represents without actually making the scarier choice to change and grow as a person, while Towa decides to waste away his remaining days not as a person, but as a sexual object.

Euphoria End: Towa drinking water!?!? In my edgy grimdark game!? (I was honestly so shocked that I ended up having to reread lines since I was so distracted by our beloved protagonist actually hydrating with something other than alcohol.) This ending was so cute! Tooth-rotting fluff! Rei’s haircut was another shock, but I think it was important for us as the players to SEE him grow into the person he wanted to become, so I liked it. Despite none of Towa’s issues being resolved in this route, I think he has a lot of hope in this ending. He’ll be loved, and dragged into living a healthier and more fulfilling life by Rei’s stubborn refusal to let him waste away. They’ll travel the world, make new friends, and continue to grow and change as people.

Post-True End: I appreciate this route a lot more after finishing the whole story. While my dissatisfaction with how Towa’s issues don’t get addressed still stand, I felt like that may be the point of Rei’s route.

You don’t need to confront and overcome all your past trauma in order to have hope for a happier life. You have to WANT a happier life though, and I think we get to see Towa do so here in a much healthier way than in other routes. (I’m looking at you, Madarame.)

As stated in-game, Rei’s route focuses a lot on the contradictions that come with being a human, and in that sense, I can appreciate how Rei and Towa fit together.

Taku’s Route

Pre-True Route: Oof. Taku – babygirl, I love me a good overprotective yandere, but this route HURT me.

From the unsettling topic of pedophilia in Asakura's arc, to Taku’s shame revolving around drugs, to the horror of what was implied about Towa’s past, I was tense basically until the credits rolled.

I spent a majority of the time frustrated with Taku’s refusal to communicate, and at Towa for not pushing harder…but by the end, I was so, so invested in them getting their happy ending.

Shame and control were the themes of this route, and those are difficult topics to handle well, but I think N+C did a good job here.

One of my favorite moments was when Taku rightly points out that Towa’s obsession with pain isn’t just for sexual gratification, but as a way to punish himself. FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!! I like to imagine this gets picked up again once Taku is out of jail.

Mad Ending: PAIN AND SUFFERING. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think this ending was the most upsetting for me (though it may be tied with Fujieda’s Mad End.). Maybe because it was more realistic? (On a side note, props to N+C for clearly doing some actually research about drugs. I am SICK of anime and manga acting like taking ANY drug will give you reefer madness.) I saw Taku giving in to his desire to control Towa as just another manifestation of his shame, and in for a penny, in for a pound, right? So he slowly destroys himself, his morals, Towa, and any genuine love they had for each other. Meanwhile, Towa loses the only adult he ever felt safe with, and is doomed to die isolated and in fear. I hate thinking about it.

Euphoria Ending: I cried!! I was really proud of Taku for owning up to his decisions, and I loved that Towa learned that it’s possible to trust others. They may have been separated for two years, but their feelings only grew stronger during that time. I found it a bit funny that they had Towa wearing a totally different color scheme to show his growth (and to look good while standing under the cherry blossoms), while our resident old man came out of prison looking beefy. Loved that Towa mentions how Rei supported him during those two years without Taku. The only thing that left me conflicted was how Taku clearly knew a lot about Towa’s past, and how he had no intention of ever telling him.

Post-True Route: Taku, you fucker, I feel betrayed!!!!! I still like him and his route a lot, but all the discomfort I felt about his connection to Towa’s past has only been magnified tenfold! How much did he really know about what Maya was doing to Towa? Surely, as his doctor, Taku would have known for at least a few years that something really fucked up was happening to this child. I’m uncomfortable thinking about all the implications.

Madarame’s Route

Pre-True Route: Ah, yes. The fandom discourse creator, picking up the mantle left by Shiki of TNC and Mink of DMMD.

I was sad to watch what felt like Towa backsliding into his fucked up coping methods again after seeing the progress he made in Taku’s route, but ‘sane and safe’ is not the name of the game here.

In the end, I had a lot of fun playing his route and actually wished it was as long as the other three, especially since it gave us a lot of new worldbuilding and plot progression, as well as a showing us a big chunk of Towa’s past that had only been previously hinted at.

Granted, I spent a majority of the time trying to figure out just who the hell this guy was… Like, what drives him? What does he feel for Towa? What will he do if XYZ situation occurs? Much like our protagonist, I struggled to get any kind of read on him, so I was left feeling kind of frustrated by the time I finished his route.

Mad Ending: I mostly just found myself cringing through this ending. It was only while reading the last few lines and listening to the ending theme that I started to feel sad. I do think Madarame cared for Towa in his own way, but they have no hope for a happy ending here. Obviously, Towa is fucked; whether he kills Madarame or not, he can never go back to who he was. He’s not human, he’s Madarame’s dog. Meanwhile, Madarame clearly isn’t satisfied in this ending, especially if he WISHES Towa would go through with it and slit his throat someday. All around just a not good time.

Euphoria Ending: “Madarame makes me feel human again.” This quote really sums up what I think is the ultimate point of this route, and of this ending in particular. These two are so toxic for each other. That doesn’t change, even in their good ending. HOWEVER! Towa goes from drifting through life in a near-catatonic state of numbness, apathy, and self-hatred to living completely and fully in the moment. No past, no existential pain, just sheer adrenaline and the call of his most base needs. In a lot of ways, the Towa in this ending IS a lot more human than his previous self. Still, I was left feeling mostly worried for Towa, since despite Madarame’s declaration that he wanted Towa since the day he first laid eyes on him (and ignoring the whole “I-want-to-keep-you-as-a-pet” thing), I have no confidence in their relationship as we see it lasting long. What happens when one of them changes? Because they will someday. That’s just inevitable. So I can only imagine them drifting apart and then staying together in misery just like they do in their bad ending.

Post-True Route: Much like with Taku’s route, I am now haunted by questions about just how much Madarame knows about Towa’s past. We know Towa didn’t remember anything that happened with his mother during the years he spent with Madarame and Kaga, but the recklessness and need for violence that originally caught Madarame’s eye were very clearly a manifestations of Towa’s trauma… and I’m fairly certain Madarame knew that. So the question is, HOW much did he know and how involved was he? Clearly enough to know that even seeing the ruins of Maya’s mansion would send Towa spiraling in the True Route, but I like to hope that he had no involvement with Euphoria in its heyday. Regardless, I doubt we as the audience will ever know for sure.

Much like when I first played through Madarame’s route, I don’t think ‘romance’ is really the point; it’s about seeing a version of Towa that, while refusing to confront his trauma, has broken free of his complete and total apathy for life. A detail I really grew to appreciate with this route after finishing the game was how Towa’s, and therefore Maya’s, method of reading and manipulating people just straight up doesn’t work on Madarame, so we the players are forced alongside Towa to give up trying to do so… progress, I guess?

Fujieda’s Route

TIME FOR THE TRUE ROUTE, BABY!!! FINALLY!!!

Listen, I know this is technically Fujieda’s route since he’s the love interest here, but to me, this is actually the TOWA route.

Playing this part of the story totally recontextualized all the previous routes for me, and without that happening, I don’t think the game would be nearly as impressive as it ended up being.

Finally getting to uncover the truth the game had been steadily building up to, seeing all the plot points of previous runs come together as one story, watching Towa get to confront and overcome the trauma that has haunted him since childhood and get his happy ending was so, so incredibly satisfying.

When I first started this route, I was skeptical. After all, Fujieda barely shows up in the story before you unlock the True Route, so you have to go in already attached to all the other characters while knowing NOTHING about this random lawyer dude, and that’s hardly a fair competition. As I played more, my skepticism increased, because Fujieda is just so unlikeable during the beginning of his route; he’s cold, robotic, cutthroat, and clearly holds no regard for Towa, who at this point in the game I just wanted to shield from any and every bad thing that happened to him.

But as more and more secrets were revealed and Fujieda began to shed his armor around Towa, I grew to like and understand him a lot more. By the time he and Towa slept together in Towa’s apartment, I was completely sold on his role in the story.

As the title for this chapter of the story says, Fujieda and Towa are equals. The events that made them into the people they are may be totally different, and the way their trauma has manifested itself may appear to make them polar opposites, but at their cores they share a sameness that lets them understand and connect with each other in a way they’ve never been able to before. Through bringing the truth to light, they help make each other human again.

Mad Ending: tied with Taku’s bad end in terms of how upset it made me. After all the disturbing reveals about Towa’s childhood under Maya’s thumb that led up to this point, I was almost surprised by how… only mildly upset I found this ending? That is, UNTIL THE VERY LAST LINE FROM TOWA. That one whisper of “たすけて” had my stomach dropping and tears coming to my eyes. We just watched this character, through multiple routes, try and live with the fallout of his childhood abuse, AND THEN try so hard to actually face it, only to end up trapped as his mother’s slave just as he always feared. It’s heartbreaking if that happens, but he’s so far gone that he isn’t aware. It’s downright horrific if he has enough sense of self left to realize what’s occurring, but not enough to break free. Essentially, this ending is Towa’s worst nightmare come true, which I hate, but as a part of the story, was an incredible choice. Ending theme was also 10/10.

I just… have so many emotions about this ending. There’s so much hope for Towa, and every other character. THIS is the conclusion of Towa’s story, and I felt so proud of him for choosing to finally live. I would willing pay to play another 60+ hours of Towa getting to live his best domestic life with Fujieda without hesitation. Absolute 10/10 conclusion.

Euphoria Ending: Oh boy. I don’t have many words for the conclusion of Towa’s story. We finally get to see what true healing looks like for Towa and Fujieda both. So many plot points I had worried would be left unfinished were nicely wrapped up. (THE PAINTING??? TOWA’S ABILITY TO SEE SMOKE??? THE 大丈夫 GLITCH??? THE CHANGES TO THE MAIN MENU??? Stop, I’m gonna cry.) The inclusion of Maya’s diary was a great choice too; what we learn about her can never absolve or excuse what she did to her own son and many others, but it did make her human, and I think that was necessary for Towa to realize in order for him to come to terms with the abuse he suffered at her hands. She wasn’t a god, she was a sick woman who died sad and alone in the end. But Towa,.. he isn’t alone. He has people who love and support him, and who will stand by his side even when he fails. As he tells Taku in the final exploration section, he wouldn’t be where he is if he didn’t have all the people in his life who care for him.

#snips plays slow damage #slow damage spoiler #slow damage #I spent way too long writing this #please forgive the massive wall of text #I just have way too many emotions about this game

[ecargmura]

Bucchigiri?! Episode 5 Review - Arajin Is Insufferable

I still stand by my opinion of Arajin being Hiroko Utsumi’s weakest written protagonist. If you look at her past works, you can see that they all have some sort of characteristic out of their usual schtick; well, two of Utsumi’s works are adaptations (Free! Is a loose adaptation of a light novel called High Speed and Banana Fish is a manga to anime adaptation) and SK8 is her first original work, but you get what I mean. Five episodes in and he still hasn’t done anything substantial. All he does is fall for the same tricks and tropes. Like, why is he even the MC? Matakara or Mahoro would make better MCs than him.

Like, I get that Arajin’s skirt-chasing and cowardly demeanor has to do with not being manly enough to protect a young Matakara in his childhood, but if he wants to get stronger, he has to stop falling for the same things. He couldn’t protect Matakara when he was younger, but he still can’t protect him in his current state—heck, he won’t even protect him! I can’t fault Utsumi for this because she’s not the writer for this anime. The writer is Taku Kishimoto, who wrote the screenplays for animes like Blue Lock, Ranking of Kings, The Millionaire Detective Balance, and Moriarity the Patriot. I’ve heard people rave about these anime (well, Blue Lock anime is a bit mixed) so why is this one so frustratingly written? Still, as a director, Utsumi should know when to have the MC develop and what not—next week is the halfway point as there will be 12 episodes.

Alright, enough about Arajin, let’s talk about the star of this episode, Akutaro. I think he’s very interesting. He used to be in Minato Kai, but got kicked out due to using underhanded methods. He once admired Kenichiro as he was a strong, manly guy while he was a thin, dainty and unreliable one back then. Getting kicked out changed him drastically as he became more violent and hell bent on getting revenge. I do wonder how much of his chaotic personality comes from the blue genie because I know for a fact that the mind control aspect of the NG Boys army is from magic genie powers. I think that Arajin isn’t aware that Akutaro is manipulating him. He’s being all nice to him after learning about his virginity and cozying up to him to get him in his favor. All the stuff he said about Mahoro was to rile him up purposely, as he had a hunch Arajin was possessed by Senya. Also, the casting director should get a raise because Chihiro Suzuki as Akutaro is a 10/10 casting. Suzuki really delivers on the flamboyant but also devious aspect of this character. Like, I always known him as Kisumi from Free and Luke and Asch from Tales of the Abyss, so to have him voice this character who’s completely different from his usual roles was a joy to listen to; I can tell he was having fun recording! I especially loved him speaking English when explaining the E-4 motto; the way he said Ecstasy was amazing.

I feel so bad for Matakara in a way. Like, he is deluded into believing Arajin is the same person as before, but every single time he has his hopes up, Arajin just plummets down in terms of expectation. This episode is where he is a bit more action-heavy as he tries to beat Akutaro, but loses and gets tied up. I wonder when the breaking point is for him because the opening does seem like he’s going to get possessed by Ichiya or something. The question is when and how that’s going to happen. I’m glad that Zabu is a good person who is able to sense what’s wrong and to admit his mistakes. He’s a better friend to Matakara than Arajin.

I wonder if we’ll get some Kenichiro backstory later on because out of the important gang leaders, he is the least developed so far. All I know is that he’s been held back three times and that he’s rather honorable. I also predict that Jasmine-chan is actually a cat and the place the teacher goes to every episode is a rather high end cat cafe. If it’s not a cat cafe, then it’s probably a gay brothel for bottoms as “neko” (cat) is Japanese gay slang for bottoms. I’m leaning more towards an actual cat cafe given the fancy cat sign.

What is going to happen now that the gang war is starting? What are your thoughts on this episode?

#bucchigiri?! #arajin tomoshibi #matakara asamine #senya #Akutaro shindou #review #anime #anime review #arum journal #ecargmura

[nitrochiral-spiral]

Just playing Slow damage, doing Taku's madness ending, and spoiler alert...

It made me cry. Taku had completely destroyed Towa. Now Towa is nothing more than a drug fueled husk of what he used to be. And I had no problems with Ikuina's ending, I thought it was kinda hot. But this just makes me sad for Towa. I guess its just the fact that Towa doesn't want this, but his only lifeline at this point is drugs, given to him by Taku, so he doesn't want to resist.

It angers me how Taku, the person who wanted to protect Towa at all cost, is now hurting him more than anyone else. Towa is forced to live a meaningless life, all because of Taku's selfishness. It just breaks my heart. I couldn't enjoy the sex scene at all

#slow damage #towa

[brickme]

hi brickme! Not sure if you've mentioned this elsewhere before, but what if any constructive criticism do you have of shojobeat? You're very knowledgeable and it's be interesting to see your perspective/points !

(Personally I think the variety of licenses, color pages thing and extras in volumes is huge for me - not sure if they have anything to do with this last pt tho)

but what about yourself?

sorry if you've talked about this before!

Hello! Sorry this reply is coming so late, I suspect you might have totally forgotten you even sent it... I'm looking through my inbox for the first time in a while trying to reply to anything that looks reply-able (in the sense that I have enough brain power to process a semi-coherent answer).

My criticism of Shojo Beat is two-fold: my general criticism of Viz extending to Shojo Beat, and a more petty dislike for how Shojo Beat has communicated to its fans in the past, chiefly here on tumblr and on twitter.

While I respect Viz for a lot of things, and will stand by my opinion that it is the best publisher of manga in existence in the US, I also habor a lot of ill will towards how... limited its licinsing is. I'm pretty sure I've complained about this before, but basically they could do so much for manga publishing but they choose not to. Just off the top of my head, prominent and historically important shojo artists that Shojo Beat/Viz could license easily: Ichijo Yukari. Yamagishi Ryoko. Oshima Yumiko. Yamato Waki. Ikeda Riyoko. Kuramochi Fusako. Ikuemi Ryo. Tsumugi Taku. Mizuno Hideko. Yashiro Masako. Maki Miyako. And an endless list of shojo artists who are important to the history of the manga medium. Many of these artists might not turn a profit in English, granted, but I genuinely believe that publishers have a social obligation to make historically and culturally significant works of art available for the public. I think Viz/Shojo Beat fail in this obligation utterly.

Their social media was (is? I don't look at it anymore) so utterly condescending and snotty towards fans, omg? This is related to the above point, but when fans request especially older and more obscure titles the only response they give is a snotty "well then maybe you should spend money on what we already publish, if it makes money we might consider publishing more like it~" and I'm like true, we are living in a capitalist society, but that answer is basically bullshit because Shojo Beat has never shown any indication of being interested in publishing anything that falls outside of its very, very narrow niche. So if I buy all volumes of Vampire Knight you'll publish Tokimeki Tonight? lol fat chance, I do not believe that for a single minute. So their social media honestly pisses me off!

#text post #replies #anonymous #shojo beat

[sizhui]

hello clari i hope you’re doing well! how do you feel about rei’s ending in slow damage? i know a lot of people don’t like that he drops his femininity but i feel like his happy end is accepting the masculinity he spent so long denying and i was wondering what you think! ^-^

Hello, hellooooo! Ok (cracks my knuckles) ive been silent on slowdam for a while with some thoughts cooking in my head and i feel like its time to let a few of them out - to talk about how i feel about rei's route, i must first explain my understanding of slow damage in its entirety... i talked about it here and there to emery and dove but here comes a synthesis!

I warn you: this is only my unconventional analysis, and I think that many will find it unsatisfying and disagree. If anyone wants to discuss or criticize any of my points, i am open to having my mind changed.

Huge thanks to Renne who introduced me to Surodame and set me on the path of studying it!

Under the cut TW: rape, csa

Slow Damage is a story about the consequences and the cyclic nature of abuse. Abuse sticks its claws into you and rakes down, leaving behind four ditches - orderly in some cases, and more chaotic in others. Either way, even as the skin and flesh heal, there is now a generous amount of empty space in you, and Slow Damage poses a question - what will you fill it up with, hmm?

I went into this VN knowing only that Towa enjoys rather extreme forms of self harm, and I have to admit that this was precisely what captivated my attention at first - the promise of a severely damaged protagonist, and the hope that he is more than a run-of-the-mill masochist. I was not disappointed.

The extent to which towa relates injury to sex and pain to pleasure immediately made me suspect the sort of trauma he must have endured in childhood. For a moment, I thought: Isn't the solution to this mystery a little too obvious? Looking back at the lack of subtlety, though, I don't think that Towa being a CSA victim was supposed to be some kind of a grand reveal. The point wasn't in cracking the mystery, in understanding motivations and getting concrete answers - the point was observing onr case of the consequences of abuse that will tell us - no, ASK us - something about all of them. HOW does the thing that happened to Towa keep happening over and over, and in silence too? What mechanisms allow it to happen, and to stay hidden? What all sorts of people, some of them generally good and kind, participate in these mechanisms?

Let us retrace our steps.

Maya forced her own son into violent prostitution from a very young age, all the while teaching him how to use charms to his advantage, how to manipulate people and fulfill their desires in order to gain control over them. The WAY she taught those things methodically seems to insinuate that this was something she herself had been taught at a young age and passed on; the art of assuming the exact persona you need to prod into people's insides. This isn't to say that her actions classify as excusable - in fact, isn't the fact that she's putting her child through the horrors she experienced herself even more disgusting? I wonder if her lessons in human psychology were all for the self-obsessed purpose of turning her son into a copy of herself... or was she, in a twisted way, thinking it would hell him endure and rise the way that she did? I am going to let that question hang in the air - after all, the point of Surodame isn't to review individual motivations, but to ask questions about the grander scheme of things. That is precisely why I cried together with Towa upon reading the strangely frail account of Maya's diary: I just can't make this work... realizing that the slow-growing disease had spread beyond that mother-son duo, beyond the walls of Euphoria, beyond Shinkoumi... in every corner of the world, there are hundreds of Mayas and Towas, and millions upon millions of Silent Takus wondering what they could have done differently.

For starters I want to focus on Towa himself. When I think about him, the first phrase that comes to mind is 'a void filled with the dregs of abuse'. Though he himself doesn't remember his abuse throughout the first three routes, his every move is a reflection of it: every sexual encounter both a self-inflicted wound and an attempt to affirm: IT'S ME WHO CHOSE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF, which is why Towa's breakdown upon realizing that not even his scars are his own is especially painful. I like the choice of stating that Maya did not like nor understand art. She COULDN'T understand it. Though the penchant for uncovering people's dark desires and the ability to read them were all influenced by Maya, the instinct to paint those is Towa's. The art that almost died together with him was the one thing that belonged to him alone - and yet, there is comfort in the fact that the true route ends with him saying that he doesn't know whether he'll paint anymore or not. What matters is that he quit performing euphoric episodes, closed the cycle of abuse and perpetuating Maya's ideals, and began walking towards a peaceful life. The sight of the atelier in the main menu all clean and bright upon Towa's vision returning to normal made me strangely emotional; the reveal that the painting was never dark and muddy, that the atelier was never that dark and scary... the final tour around Shinkoumi with everyone telling Towa that he looks like something good had happened to him... at the end of a very painful road, Towa still found some comfort in existing.

But what of Fujieda? Of Madarame, of Rei, Taku? For a BLVN, isn't it strange to go 6 paragraphs deep without mentioning any of the love interests?

I will preface this by saying that, to me, the very point of Surodame lies in the fact that none of them are ultimately good boyfriends to Towa. I really wanted to interpret the actions of the three sans Madarame more charitably than I do now, but in reasoning with myself, I failed at every single attempt. They are, to varying degrees and each in their own way, a deadend.

Let's go route by route.

Murase Takuma is a kind man in a way Towa is not - this is driven into our heads from the start, he is a doctor. He cares for children, workers and the elderly. He even lends an ear to them outside of his responsibilities as their physician, overworking himself to the brink of death. His role as a caretaker of a hopeless, bleak person like Towa, an addict who is destructive towards both himself and others, can certainly be percieved as saintly. Even his actions of keeping Towa's past from him, burning letters and throwing away packages, were all for the sake of preserving Towa's sanity! However, though Taku's intentions are pure, I can't read them as benign. Well - he is probably the most benign of the four men Towa involves himself with, being the only one who never physically lashed out on him. Neither abuser nor victim, Taku is a third thing entirely - an observer. A hider, a savior, a carer... and at its core, though not intentionally, an enabler. I do agree that there was nothing Taku could have done to save Towa as a child. There just wasn't a way to take Towa away from Euphoria while Maya lived. I do believe that he did the best he could, patching Towa up time after time... staying throughout the years, changing the bedding, throwing out the liquor bottles. Eat something, Towa. Smoke less, Towa. Once Towa got a lot older, Taku grew to love him romantically. Though I find it unsavory, Towa is over twenty-five at this point so it's not really some big deal. The much more dreadful power imbalance than that in age is the fact that Taku is holding the entirety of Towa's past, his abuse, and his identity over his head. Once again, I'm not calling Taku out as a gaslighter here - not in this route, at least, since Towa had no interest in his true identity at this point anyway. But you can't deny that their happy ending - embracing under the cherry blossoms with a calmer, more mature looking Towa, his hair a clean black, an orderly cardigan billowing behind him - is a sort of a quiet misery. Taku loves the man he saved (raised?), the man who presumably quit painful sex for his sake, and Towa doesn't even know what it is that he's being saved from. Towa is a hole. I really might not have interpreted this ending so negatively if it wasn't for the scene of Taku showing Towa a photograph of him as a little child in a restaurant with his mother. This smiling child prostitute in an orderly little boys' getup, dining with his pimp mother and his future lover. It felt to me like a means of truly driving into our brains the extent of Taku's helplessness, delusion, failure, and LIES. The photograph is a fabricated reality, a fabricated happy past that he feeds to Towa. In this route, this is what Towa filled the ditch with - a daydream, and sweet vanilla sex that doesn't scratch his itch. I can't give them more than five years before Towa falls back into his old habits. The end.

Now we get to Rei, who you originally asked me about. I am sorry I dragged it out to this extent, but I truly can't talk about Rei alone without addressing the grand scheme of things. Rei is also a sort of a carer to Towa, though a more casual one. A friend friend rather than a dad friend, I say this with half a scowl hanging off my face. Let us review Rei's situation with gender - due to his toxic, abusive dad (who was also a child sex trafficker, might I add!) degrading him for his homosexuality and saying it made him less of a man, Rei developed an aversion to masculinity, speaking in onee-kotoba and growing out his hair and such. At some point he attempted to cut off his own penis in Towa's presence, but ended up hesitating and not going through. All in all, he decided to drop all things associated with traditional masculinity other than street fighting, which he uses to vent out his frustration. This is the key word here - FRUSTRATION. Rei's frustration grows to hundred percent when he is forced to enter to-the-death matches. Killing opponent after opponent, Rei grows more frustrated and less and less like his friendly effeminate self. I think the key solution to the question of 'how is the writing of rei's gender handled?' Is the fact that Rei rediscovered his masculinity through violence. And Slow Damage is not a game that... likes violence, encourages it, or overall relates it to anything remotely positive. I don't think that Rei reconnected to his masculinity in a healthy way, and I don't think it's meant to be read as a cool finding himself arc. Most of all, it's not his or Towa's happy ending. Towa... the thing is that Rei only realized a sexual attraction to Towa once the amount of violence in his life amplified to the max. As his level of 'manliness' grew. Their sex scene is very frank about this - after he and Towa beat each other into bloody pulp, he says something along the lines of 'I'm a man and I want to fuck you.' I think it drives the point further that he was the only virginal love interest to that point - when he percieved himself as a woman, he had no violent sexual appetites, or at least didn't see a way towards realizing them. Once he 'reverted' into a man though, he could fuck Towa. He could claim his prize - who has no objections, given that it feeds perfectly into his own penchant that I described at the start. And their ending, showing us a casually manly Rei biking with Towa? We have no proof that he's in any way abusive, nor that they're unhappy, but... this 'new gender' of his, he built it up with bricks made of blood, some of it Towa's. I don't think Rei reached a happy ending. I think Rei is a feminine person, or at the very least a gender nonconforming man who retreated back into the closet within the violent festa that his father brought upon him... many will disagree, but this is how I read it - a manhood built up on violence equals unhapliness for two. I think Towa and Rei might stay together longer than Towa and Taku would, but it won't bring either of them any healing. The end.

Madarame's route is the simplest, since Madarame does not hide himself behind any masks. He is a violent, shameless pedophile rapist who gladly continues paving the road of self-destruction that Maya had left off half-finished. I think that placing this ending behind Taku and Rei's serves as a bit of a wake up call who felt pacified by the former two - um, hey, hello? Did you forget? This is not a 'happy story'. For some three hours you watch Madarame break Towa psychologically, repeatedly rape and torture him - only to release him back to Taku and Rei for Towa to find that he can't truly fit im with them anymore. What purpose does it serve? Well, I think it just shows us that there never was any long-term happiness waiting for Towa with either of those men. I think the purpose of the Madarame route, beyond preparing us for the true route, is to totally nullify the effect of the first two. A 'forget what you thought you knew' type of detail. Broken into obedience, a wild blond Towa kissed Madarame after a boxing match. The end.

Fujieda.

He perplexes me the most, and I'm still not entirely certain in the answer I arrived to. Why would the author who penned this painfully real story about abuse have Towa end up with a man who - midway through the route - raped him? I tried to work wonders to explain this to myself, try to interpret it differently, but the truth is concrete. Fujieda raped Towa in a fit of rage, and then with a sober mind refused to apologise for it. Why would this be in a 'painfully real story about abuse?'

...precisely because it's painfully real. It happened to Towa. It happened to a million others. It might happen to you. When you hit your knee, do your fingers not venture to fondle the bruise, press down for a small reminder of what the pain felt like? The fingers are usually kind, but once in a while, they press down.

And again - Fujieda does not consistently abuse Towa. In fact, he gives him his first taste of truly pleasurable sex in a scene that pushed me to the brink of tears in its sad honesty. When Fujieda has a good day, he gently washes the remnants of assault out of Towa. But when he had an extremely bad way, he was the perpetrator of the assault. I think it's 'painfully real' for Towa to end up with such a man. After coming to terms with his past, this was the best he could do. This was as much as he could save himself. The VN ends on such a note - don't be too happy for him, and don't be too sad. I do believe that Fujieda brought Towa some comfort and clarity, but I can't say that this isn't a deadend, too. Just a more peaceful one in the light. In the ocean.

What's the point then, if Towa ends up stranded no matter what choices you make? Let's return to the beginning, to the ditch abuse made in you. Sometimes you fill it in with fantasies, sometimes with violence, sometimes with the 'next best thing', a 'he's a good man you know, he's only rough when he drinks' typa marriage... no matter what, fact is that all abused kids seek to fill it in with something familiar. Something they know and recognize. It yearns to be filled, it aches for it - whatever you're ready to dish out, just put it in! I think this merry-go-round of victims and perpetrators is what Surodame is tryong to turn our eyes towards, or at least force us to stop averting them. So that you may not scorn the Towa in your life, so that if you are a Towa yourself, you may find comfort in knowing that someone somewhere dreemed you up, empathized with you and lead your hand along the path. Why, then, do we not see our Towa free?

Well, the future is long. He was in an ocean. Maybe he walked out.

[nitrochiralfan]

Character Design analysis: Takuma Murase

To be honest I wasn’t planning to do a Taku character design analysis. There is not a lot to say about Taku’s character design. Taku has a relatively simple character design. That is the one thing I noticed when I was researching it's about how simple his design is.  

You can tell what sort of person he is in just one glance just from looking at his character design. He is simple and has no hidden agenda in which his design incorporates Taku and is not that complicated. It shows well in his design: its plan is not too detailed.

His character design is not overly detailed like the rest of the cast in Slow Damage. Taku stands out from most of the characters by being simple. Taku is designed to be simple and not overly complicated like Taku himself.

There is a beauty in the simplicity of his design that makes him all the more appealing.

Like most of the character design from slow damage, he has details in his design that note his personality and background.

He wears a doctor's coat over a nurse's garb, this notes his profession as a doctor.  When Taku dresses out from his doctor uniform and wears casual clothes, most of the clothes he wears are only a coat over a shirt and just a plain t-shirt.

His clothes are simple: he dresses in simple clothes that are not overly detailed. Most of his clothes seem comfortable to wear as well as that he wears simple clothes as seen in his casual wear.

It says something about Taku as a person who likes wearing clothes he can move around in and relax.  

Taku has a short plan hairstyle. He doesn't have a remarkable hairstyle; it's plain and simple.

Another thing to notice is that Taku has short red hair. This is a design choice by the creator.

Originally was supposed to have black hair but he looked younger than his actual age so Yamada changed Taku’s hair color to red Yamada's intentions could be that he wanted Taku to be appealing like Towa’s other love interests. The red hair stands out in Taku's design as a love interest. Aside from his hair color nothing stands out in his character.

For his face, he has wrinkles between his brows and below his eyes noting his current age. This would imply that

He has a compassionate personality in how he worries all the time. Taku looks tired in the sprite which maybe it references his job and circumstances. The stubble on his chin makes him look like he has a rugged appeal by the ladies but part of his charm as the most mature love interest.  

These small details in Taku's design note his circumstances, the stubble, and wrinkles can reflect how weary he has become.

In the happy end Takus's sprite changes in his sprite he looks notably more muscular and has a haircut.

This references that Taku worked out in prison. The haircut symbolizes a fresh start: he is lifted from his burdens.

These aspects in his design reference both his personality and his circumstances and are conveyed perfectly in Taku's simple character design. This all points to the fact that overall Taku is just a man who wants to live a simple life and do mundane things with the people he cares about.

#slowdamage #slow damage #takuma murase #Character Design #my meta

[theclaravoyant]

AN ~ I overfloweth with love for literate!Ed and decided to bring my little hc about him to life.

For @fictober-event’s Fictober 2023 prompt: “It's alright, I'm here now." A long time ago, Edward Teach took shelter in another bathtub, and his mother taught him about farm animals. (*also inspired by that one post about reading with your child. PLEASE link me if you know it) Masterpost of my Fictober OFMD fics

Fandom: Our Flag Means Death Characters/Relationships: Edward Teach & Mother Teach Tags: Hurt/Comfort, mild CW for some implied DV and internalised self hatred & racism similar to canon.

Also on AO3 (~700wd)

Charm

He didn’t mean to do it. He honestly didn’t, but he was tired and bored and the plates were slippery and soapy and the water was hot and it had just. Happened. Fallen and cracked on the floor and he’d panicked.

So now he was hiding in the bathroom waiting for someone to come and find him. His master or his father probably, he wasn’t sure which was going to be worse. He was too small to fight them but too young to have given up on feeling every bit of that smallness, that fear, those bruises. They were right, he was stupid, he was useless, he was a dirty street rat and hiding under the broken sink in the cobwebs and mildew until they came for him was what he deserved.

But tonight, it’s not what he got.

He got a quiet knock at the door.

“Edward?”

He lifted his head.

“Mama?” His voice came out a little squeak - good for a little rat. He hated it. But he didn’t hate it as much when she was there.

Gently, his mother pushed the door open. Her eyes softened, seeing him cowering there in the dirt, and she blinked back tears and rushed forward to sweep him out of his hiding place into her arms. It was so hard to protect him in this life. Every day it broke her heart. But every day he clung back to her and it kept beating.

“Tama, taku tama,” she whispered. “Edward…”

“I panicked,” he confessed.

“I know, love,” she crooned. “It’s alright, I’m here now.”

She kissed the top of his head, and pulled back just enough to look him in his big, sad eyes. She wiped the tears from his cheeks, and smiled sadly, until he smiled back. It crept onto his face at first, uncertain, but the sight of it filled her heart with healing. Her own smile widened and his did too, and at that - at that, she could sing. 

She could not, of course, sing. Not here. Not now. But what she could do was bring out a little book she had secreted into the pockets of her skirt, and whisper conspiratorially;

“I have a present for you.”

Edward’s eyes widened. On the cover was a picture of a horse, prancing, beautiful. It was so delicately drawn and most definitely forbidden. But it was his mother, and she was magic.

“Come on. Let’s read.”

Resolute, his mother picked him up off the floor. Neither were ready to leave this little sanctuary, so she plopped them both into the big old tub. It had fallen into disrepair some time ago, but her skirts would protect them from any cracks or cobwebs. They were a working woman’s clothes, and like the woman herself, they endured.

Edward tucked himself into her lap and grabbed at her sleeve and her weathered hands, eager to follow as she pointed and talked him slowly through the words on the cover of the book: A Day at the Farm.

“Farrrrm,” he repeated.

“What other words sound like that one?” his mother asked. “How about - arm?”

She pointed at her arm. Traced upon it the letters, a, r, m. 

“H-arm,” Edward suggested. He moved to draw them out too, but his mother caught his hand. She pressed her lips together, trying not to think about how much it hurt.

“How about ch-arm?” she suggested, leading him through drawing those characters instead.

“What’s that?” Edward asked.

“It’s like… when someone is nice to you,” his mother explained. “Usually someone who’s very attractive and lovely.”

“You mean like in a fairy story? Like Prince Charming?”

“Yes, exactly.”

He pondered this for a moment.

“Can other people be charming?” he asked. “Like, people who aren’t princes?”

“Of course they can, my love.”

“Oh. Cool.” He nodded. “Is this a fairy story?”

No, she almost told him. This is a simple story about a simple boy and his simple farm. This is a story about us. Actually, it’s about people much higher up and better off than us, even though they’re just a simple family on a simple farm.

But tonight, that’s not what she did.

“I suppose we’ll have to read on,” she said, “and find out.”

#fictober23 #edward teach #ed teach #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd fanfic #clara's fic tag

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Derail

Title: Derail (ディレイル)

Author/Artist: Aiba Kyoko

Release Date: 2021/10/27

Cast: Azakami Youhei x Yashiro Taku

Synopsis: Haru & Hikaru are childhood friends who keep scheming to keep each other by their side. But things escalate when Hikaru brings a girl to the apartment they share.

Review Proper

Well,

would you look at that? It’s 2003 again.

I’m sorry, but look me in the eye and tell me this wasn’t a 2003 DK transitioning into fake emo blown out of proportion story. It’s like Aiba Kyoko thought that adding more toner and shading to the art was magically going to make this shit psychological. Psychologically bullshit, maybe. I MEAN, HARU WAS A GODDAMN EDGELORD WHEN HE’S THE ONE BEING PLAYED!!! Yo, just put some clown makeup on Haru this’ll instantly be the “Joker”. 💀

Idk ‘bout y’all, but this plot is just horrible. I can’t believe I said in my review for Pheromone Tantei that Aiba Kyoko’s a better writer than Maruki Bunge. 😂 Thanks for proving me wrong, sis. 👏👏👏 Anyway, just know that the boys here can’t differentiate between love and lust and it should have ended at chapter 2. If I had to choose to waste my time with much ado about nothing stuff, I’ll gladly choose Hello Morning Star. You should too cause wtf.

Onto the technicality of things, I have to say that the BLCD’s pretty much accurate to the manga sequencing wise, but there was a lot of added dialogue on there. What’s the fucking point? It might prove not to be beginner-friendly. 

As for the voice acting, Yashiro Taku was great, as always. It’s been a while since I’ve heard him that high. Part of the reason why I got this was because Haru seemed like he was going to be similar in personality as Onegai, Sonna ni Kamanaide’s Igarashi and it’d be interesting to see how he’ll bottom for such a similar character. I’m really sorry, Horie Shun, but let Taku show you how it’s done. 😂

Now, for Azakami Youhei...

BRO WHAT THE FUCK???

HE BREATHES ON THE MIC WITH HIS NOSE

WHO ALLOWED THIS??? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS???

Idk if y’all can understand, but you can clearly hear him breathe through his nose on the mic. It comes out as a sniff. AN ILLEGAL SNIFF THAT SHOULD ONLY BE ALLOWED IN R18 OTOME CDS!!! WHAT THE FUCK IT’S LIKE HE’S TALKING DIRECTLY IN YOUR EAR!!! Whatever possessed Frontier to allow this??? Somebody tell Youhei never to do this ever again in a BLCD. Do it in an R18 otome cd instead and I’ll buy everything three times His performance here actually was more reminiscent of a lighter Nakajima Yoshiki than a Taku-chan’s Igarashi-kun. Worked great, though. 

To end, I do not recommend wasting money on this if you’re in it for a good plot. I mean, roommates psychological bl??? That’s an oxymoron in itself. 😂 If you are a fan of this and can handle the added dialogue, then break a leg. If you’re also a fan of Youhei’s OFC performance, this’ll give you a good time too ‘cause his Haru’s a richer (with fucking nose breathing) Togawa. 👍

#blcd reviews #blcd 2021 reviews #derail #aiba kyoko #frontier works #azakami youhei #yashiro taku

[yukirayu]

Towa’s Hair Color, and the Change Thereof (in Taku’s Route)

Here's yet another meta that connects Maya's influence on Towa with Taku's own influence on the younger man. This time, Towa's appearance takes center stage (for the most part) in this poorly-constructed analysis; though I did briefly discuss it in a previous meta. Do bear with me. 

No one's denying that Towa looks almost exactly like his mother. But inheriting her appearance has mostly been a curse on him. While he forgot about Maya after she died, the trauma she heaped on him had reached its peak by then. 

And so, his personality changed, with his experience in Euphoria causing his masochism and his promiscuity to manifest. At some point, it also caused him to be more temperamental. 

That stage of his life was also defined by him bleaching his hair. 

It's easy to assume he did that just because. He was in his more rebellious phase, and most unruly teenagers tend to dye their hair just to make clear their desire to not conform to anything or anyone.

In this case, that may only partly explain Towa's decision to dye his hair. 

Once again, he looks a lot like his mom. But even in the depths of his subconscious, he hates that very idea. And he was still young back then. He had yet to grow as numb as he is at present to whatever is haunting him but he could never truly recall. 

Back then, he could have looked at himself in the mirror and felt a greater sense of unease at his reflection as the afterimage of *that woman* comes close to manifesting in full in his eyes. 

So he may have felt that he had to change something about his looks. 

He didn't feel the need to mutilate his face until *after* he remembered Maya. Before that, she was a forgotten memory, even in his younger years where his trauma was still fresh and raw.

And so, he may have sought to change only the color of his hair. 

It had been at least a few years since he last bleached his hair up to the timeline the game takes place in. It's why only the edges of his hair remain bleached. 

This could represent the identity crisis that he doesn't know he has.

Whether he regains his memories or not, his mother's abuse and what she desired for him still has left a bad seed that can bloom into something beautiful yet undoubtedly ominous  - as shown best in Fujieda's Madness ending.

He knows who he is... but he also doesn't.

He never really faces his past in Taku's route but he still gets hints about it. He doesn't remember the gory details, but there is still even a teensy bit of closure to be had by Taku confirming to him that his home life was wrought with problems. 

And as I had mentioned in yet another meta, Taku's presence in his life slowly smothers Maya's own. Maybe it won't completely go away, but it would still be weakened and shoved into a lonely and dark corner where its cries will soon fall on nothing but deaf ears. 

This means that there are now parts of his past that he's subconsciously at peace with (more or less), as shown in a scene near the end of Taku's route. 

To recap, Towa didn't want to remember his childhood since the sight of even a single relic of that time had his mind warn him to stop while he was ahead.

Yet when shown a picture of himself in his youth, of when he was still his mother's prisoner, he didn't feel any dread. Not even a slight pang of discomfort. At most, he only muses that if he was a sweet and quiet boy back then, he had long since grown out of that.

But the irony is that by the time he and Taku see each other again after spending a year apart, Towa had become that young boy again, in a way. He's still Towa, but he regains a semblance of the innocence that had been robbed from him when he was still Haruto. 

This shows in how his hair grew long, with the bleached tips now gone. He looks more reminiscent of his younger self. Even though this technically would also have him resemble Maya more, it never becomes an issue. 

He didn’t consciously grow out his hair - though he joked that he did for Taku to see how long he had waited. Even then, it’s not purely an aesthetic choice that he now has that kind of hairstyle. 

This, plus his change of wardrobe to one of lighter and softer material and color, demonstrates that while Towa’s still the person we know him to be, that Taku knows him to be, he’s not exactly the same anymore, albeit in a positive way. Like a child, he openly seeks affection, more openly expresses his affection, is happy to live in domestic bliss with Taku and acts spoiled as a way to both dote on Taku and be doted on by him. 

In a way, it mirrors how the scene where Towa and Fujieda splash water at each other whilst on the ocean as a means of getting to reclaim a moment of innocence they never got to have or share, given what they've been through. 

Even when things play out differently with Taku, Towa can still let loose a little more. He can act childish but in an undoubtedly devoted manner. Because he can love and feel completely safe in someone's arms, which he never got to truly have back then but can do so now.

He can reclaim a part of himself from when he was Haruto, he can look more like his younger self - and consequently, his mother - and it wouldn’t add any weight onto his heart. 

For Taku, it’s all more than worth it. 

#slow damage #fen writes meta

[garycxjk]

Second chances

Let's get this out of the way. Throughout this post, I will not name one certain individual, not because she has done anything wrong, but to make ego searching this post a lot harder for her. This also means that this post will not be easily found. The thing is, I don't really even need to mention her to make a point, as her situation isn't a big part of it, it only serves as the backdrop. So I will neither name her previous life nor her current.

Second, I'm not gonna shit on Nijisanji EN. Too many have already done that before, and it's getting a bit tiring. Plus, again, it doesn't serve the point I am trying to make, however, it does serve as a backdrop.

So, basically, to keep it short, recently a certain person had been terminated in a pretty fricken dumb way which I'm not going to get into, which involves them self-exposing their own incompetence. This termination also came after the person who was terminated made two attempts on her own life, fortunately she's still with us.

But that's not the point of this story. Recently, three of the talents have released a not really smart video, basically digging themselves deeper into a hole, if I may so personally, those being Elira Pendora, Vox Akuma and Ike Eveland. Now there are theories going around, but let's keep it as a fact, they were used as spokespeople, either against their will or otherwise, we don't know. We'll get back to the three.

Now, out of all of this mess, one thing was clear. Zaion LanZa, also known in her current life as Sayu Syncronisity, was right. After her termination a month after debuting at Nijisanji as Zaion, she was terminated, and she wrote a scathing expose about how her experience at Nijisanji was, and spoilers, it wasn't great, and later, it turned out a lot of it lined up with what the most recent terminated member experienced.

The thing is, at the time, she was mostly ignored. Not by everybody, but by too many, in my opinion, mainly because she was only there for a month. I know, I was there when it all happened. People either ignored her, or just said that she was salty or straight up called her a liar. Her reputation as Sayu therefore tanked, and it was only after a week after the most recent termination that people slowly began believing her completely.

The thing is, her reputation only improved almost a year after it happened, and from what I understand, her offenses weren't even that severe. People called it mistakes, yes, but not bad enough to warrant a termination. But okay, maybe Nijisanji didn't think she fit into the Nijisanji ecosphere, so she was let go. I'm not going to go into how she got terminated, that's a whole different can of worms, all I'm going to say is, she got terminated, and her reputation didn't exactly recover.

But, and excuse me for repeating the same phrase but, here's the thing. After almost a year, people should have forgiven her. She had already apologized, I'm not sure if she's done it multiple times, but she did at least once. She had admitted she made mistakes.

I'm a firm believer of second chances, everybody deserves one. Now, I do have to say, people don't deserve second chances from everyone, depending on how bad the offense was, but, look. If we can forgive James Gunn for his tweets he made when he was dumb and stupid, we should be able to forgive Sayu for the dumb shit she said, right?

It's as if people don't actually believe in second chances. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not really willing to give Nux Taku a second chance, not after he did Coco's graduation notice dirty, essentially acting like a rrat. But that's my personal issue, I've been betrayed too many times in my life, taken advantage of too many people that my flight response gets triggered quite easily. Fuck, it's why I stopped associating myself with the Steven Universe fandom, despite me still liking the series. It's not that they're inherently bad or that I think they're bad, it's that they're bad for my mental health, which is why I distance myself from them.

And if you ask me what my opinion is of Charlie (penguinz0) or Asmongold, I don't talk about them at all. They just give me too much of an I-don't-trust-them vibe. Not that they're untrustworthy, but I just don't want to burn my fingers on them.

The thing is, yes, the SA jokes were in bad taste, I agree. However, it just feels like people were looking for an excuse to hate on her. And now that all this shit with Nijisanji EN is going on, she's suddenly being hailed as someone who was right all along. It just doesn't sit well with me.

The thing is, we all want second chances, but we don't all want to give them. I personally believe that everybody deserve second chances. Not just one, but many. People continue to make mistakes in their lives, and yes, if it's better for your own mental health, you can decide not to give that person another chance. Maybe there are some people who just don't deserve second chances because they never take them, they never learn from them. As cynical as I am in life, I still believe people can change, either for the worse or the better.

Which brings us to Elira, Vox and Ike. No matter whether they're guilty of whatever people accuse them of or not, their reputation is toast. In the short term, they won't be able to recover it. However, let's look at another case.

Mikeneko. Amemiya Nazuna. Yes, even Uruha Rushia. Her reputation has sunk to the bottom of the ocean. However, I don't think it'll remain that way. In time, there will be people who will give her a second chance. Remember, it's forgive, not forget. People may forgive her, but they won't forget. Honestly, I've decided to stay away from that drama, as I really do not care about it, but I do believe she can, in time, recover her reputation.

I mean, fuck, if Logan Paul can come back from that Aokigahara controversy, as much as I still think there should have been more repercussions from it, anyone can.

So, as a closing thought. Elira. Vox. Ike. Your reputations are pretty much toast, at least at Nijisanji EN, but possibly also in your PLs as well. However, it's not unsalvageable, it never is. As long as you're willing to change, as long as you're willing to better yourselves, as long as you want all of that, you can come back on top.

Tanking your reputation isn't the end of it all. You'll probably have to start over from scratch, and you'll most likely never going to go back to the reputation you had before. But it's not the end. Just live and learn.

But I do think Nijisanji EN is practically done.

#nijisanji #nijisanji en #kurosanji