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oathkeeperoxas · 3 months

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I watched and ranked every Tom Cruise movie so you don’t have to

Simple premise: 45 movies. One actor. Ranked from worst to best, on a sliding scale of -2 to 6 (scoring will make sense as you read).

Technical score is judged on how well the plot is constructed and how well the characters grow and serve their role in the narrative throughout the movie, as well as how well the narrative is written. Enjoyment score is judged on how much I liked the movie: no stars = didn’t like, 1 star = like, 2 star = really like. Bonus star is awarded at my discretion, for reasons such as costuming, soundtrack, particularly stand out acting, etc. Sexism modifier is a negative if women are treated badly, but can add an extra point if the movie gives women their rights. Overall score at the end determines where they sit in the rankings of this post, with movies having the same score in the order I liked them most.

Vanilla Sky (2001) – David Aames (Starring)

One sentence summary: A man’s reality begins to warp and he is forced to question what is real, and what isn’t.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥💥

Review: This is a bad movie. Weird acting throughout. Nonsensical plot. Terrible treatment of the women. Definitely the worst movie Tom Cruise has starred in!

Tropic Thunder (2008) – Les Grossman (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Five actors who are filming a war movie are dropped into a real war zone completely unaware, and must use their wits to escape back to their movie set.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: LOTS of choices made in this movie! Very few of them good! Why was RDJ in blackface? Was I supposed to find this entertaining? Was any of this necessary? Doubtful. Jack Black and Jay Baruchel had great comedic presences, and honestly the acting and casting was spot on for what the movie wanted, which is why I gave it one technical star.

Endless Love (1981) – Billy (Cameo)

One sentence summary: A teenage romance goes wrong when a boyfriend burns down his girlfriend’s house in an attempt to win the approval of her parents.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: They made movies differently in the 80s, I think. The plot is insane, the main characters unrelatable – or maybe I’m just too long out of high school. In any case, this was Tom Cruise’s debut film, and he did it in booty shorts while advising his friend to pretend to set his girlfriend’s house on fire, leading to him actually setting his girlfriend’s house on fire, and it was the best part of this movie. What a way to start a career.

The Mummy (2017) – Sgt. Nick Morton (Starring)

One sentence summary: After disrupting a tomb, Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) must defeat The Mummy.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Yeah… there’s a reason this movie is a meme. Cruise’s acting feels weak, the plot is verging on nonsensical, and the special effects made me laugh. A rare miss in Cruise’s later years of acting!

Mission: Impossible 2 (2002) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must stop a plague by teaming up with a thief who knows the man who intends to kick off the disaster.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: -

Movie: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: One star is discretionarily awarded because it’s set in Sydney and I recognise a lot of the locations they filmed in. Though I have no clue how Luther was getting internet connection on a sheep farm out somewhere in western NSW. Did they have satellite internet in 2002?

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) – Dr. William Harford (Starring)

One sentence summary: After his wife confesses to fantasising about cheating on him, Dr William Harford (Tom Cruise) toys with the idea of actually cheating on her, and has an insane night out in the process.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Well SOMETHING happened in this movie. Hot tip, do not go into this one blind on Saturday movie night with your family in attendance. I think, personally, that Dr Hartford could have just sat down with his wife and asked her if she wanted to get into roleplay instead of doing all that. Also, did we really need to see Nicole Kidman pissing? I just really think that wasn’t necessary.

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) – Himself as Austin Powers (Cameo)

One sentence summary: Austin Powers must stop Dr. Evil from world domination by travelling back in time to 1975.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: This is some blend of satire and crack, and I’m not really enjoying the flavour. Tom Cruise’s cameo is pretty funny, though.

War of the Worlds (2005) – Ray Ferrier (Starring)

One sentence summary: When aliens land and start destroying Earth, Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) must do all he can to keep his family alive.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: Well… this exists, I guess. Some of these old sci fi novels should not be made into movies. They were not meant for the big screen. Not even Tom Cruise can save this one.

All the Right Moves (1983) – Stefen Djordjevic (Starring)

One sentence summary: After a disagreement with a teacher, Stefen (Tom Cruise) thinks that he might never get to college and never leave his hometown.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: This sure exists. Very unmemorable, even while I was watching it. Generic in music, plot, character, and romance. Anticlimactic ending too!

The Color of Money (1986) – Vincent Lauria (Starring)

One sentence summary: Vincent Lauria (Tom Cruise) tries to make money by playing pool, but is too good at it for the betting scheme his mentor attempts to set up in order to get rich.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: 💥

Review: I will admit I found this movie fairly uninteresting, though I enjoyed Tom Cruise’s wild haircut. Nothing but respect for Vincent’s “Vince” shirt, however.

Days of Thunder (1990) – Cole Trickle (Starring)

One sentence summary: A street racer is pulled onto the Nascar track, where his attitude gets him into trouble with his team, other drivers, and the woman he’s interested in.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: Two sexism bangs for Nicole Kidman’s ‘romance’ scenes (girl why did you come back to do more movies with this man). The car racing is pretty cool though. I am partial to a good car race, I must admit.

Interview with the Vampire (1994) – Lestat de Lioncourt (Supporting)

One sentence summary: A vampire sits down with a reporter to tell the story of his life: one that starts with how he was turned into the vampire, and continues to the present day.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: Lots of stuff going on in this movie. However, mostly I agree with the well known review that spawned a thousand memes: “Not gay enough.”

The Outsiders (1983) – Steve Randle (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Two friends are caught up in the complicated politics between the “Socs” and “greasers” gangs; when one friend accidentally kills a rival, they go on the run from the police before returning home to face court, their family, and the opposing gang.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: Patrick Swayze is kinda carrying this movie honestly. Though Tom Cruise’s denim on denim, wild accent, cake-stuffed-in-face beat ‘em up sure is a performance too. You can tell this is an old movie by how affectionate the boys were allowed to be with each other. Absolutely none of that around nowadays.

Mission: Impossible (1996) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: When his team of Impossible Mission Force agents are killed, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must track down the person responsible.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: While there are many (many, many, many) liberties taken with reality in order for this movie to be made, it is iconic for a reason. That being said, the wild subplot of Ethan’s tutor trying to set Ethan up with his wife sure was something! Bonus points for starting such an iconic franchise and, of course, the spy movie scene of dropping from the ceiling and barely not hitting the floor.

Magnolia (1999) – Frank T.J. Mackey (Supporting)

One sentence summary: I don’t know how to summarise this movie. Taking suggestions from the audience.

Technical: ⭐⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐

Review: I don’t know how to review this movie. Was NOT expecting the frogs, that came out of left field to be sure. I think Kubrick’s vision passed me over. Anyway, two sexism bangs for having Tom Cruise invent the incel motivational speaker 😭

Born on the Fourth of July (1989) – Ron Kovic (Starring)

One sentence summary: Ron Kovic (Tom Cruise) signs up to the Army, fights in the war, and deals with the repercussions when he comes home.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: This movie suffers from the same problem that all movies which are ‘true stories’ have, which is that life rarely neatly fits into a narrative structure, but it manages fairly well anyway. Bonus points given for the BTS trivia that apparently Cruise asked to be injected with some drug that would temporarily paralyse him so he could experience what it was like to improve his acting??? Cruise’s insurance company wisely refused to let him do this.

Minority Report (2002) – John Anderton (Starring)

One sentence summary: In a future where murderers are arrested before they commit their crime, Chief John Anderton (Tom Cruise) is predicted to kill a man he’s never met – and must escape his own police force in order to prove his innocence.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: I had to watch this about 10 times in high school so I was hesitant to come back to it now, but it’s an okay watch when I’m not discussing its contribution to dystopian literature.

Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023) – Ethan Hunt (Starring)

One sentence summary: On the hunt for the two parts of a key which will allow him to control a new AI threat, Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) must sacrifice in order to save the world.

Technical: -

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Media very rarely gets plots around AI right, and this one unfortunately misses the mark. It asks no new or interesting questions about how AI is being used or will be used in our modern world, and seems to take a detour from previous Mission Impossible films in terms of tone and consistency of plot. However, Haley Atwell slaps absolute ass, and there are genuinely funny and enjoyable scenes scattered at random throughout the movie, so it definitely could be worse.

Legend (1985) – Jack (Starring)

One sentence summary: After a princess plunges her kingdom into endless winter, she must reverse the curse to save the land.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: -

Bonus: -

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: A win for diversity! The princess almost ends the world, and also is allowed to save it! Special effects were pretty decent for the mid-80s, even if the plot was a bit basic. Seeing Tom Cruise go all Tarzan and also have a sword was very good, however.

Oblivion (2013) – Jack Harper (Starring)

One sentence summary: Jack Harper’s (Tom Cruise) mission in life is to protect the last of humanity – or so he thinks.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Morgan Freeman steals the show here. I enjoyed the plot twist both at the middle and the end of the movie, and the ending scene wrapped everything up emotionally.

American Made (2017) – Barry Seal (Starring)

One sentence summary: Barry Seal (Tom Cruise) works triple time for big money while dodging the law, taking aerial photos for the CIA, smuggling cocaine into the USA for the Medellín Cartel, and delivering guns to the Nicaraguan Contras based in Honduras.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: A movie that’s “based on a true story” and which does it right. The informational sections were balanced neatly with the character development and exploration of what this amount of money might do to a family.

Rock of Ages (2012) – Stacee Jaxx (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Two burgeoning singers meet at a rock bar, which needs to put on a hell of a show in order to avoid closing down.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Extra points for the killer soundtrack. Otherwise, this movie is fairly unmemorable. Tom Cruise’s hairstyle sure was a choice though!

Taps (1983) – Capt. David Shawn (Supporting)

One sentence summary: When the students of a military boarding school hear that their school is to be shut down, they stage a protest that rapidly spirals out of hand.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: It’s hard to have sexism in a movie where there are literally no women, so this one is getting a default 💥. Other than the fact that women don’t exist, this was a pretty good movie, with the extra star granted for the depth of character portrayed, Tom Cruise’s buzzcut, and the acting of all the younger kids on set.

Rain Man (1988) – Charlie Babbitt (Starring)

One sentence summary: After his father dies, Charlie Babbitt (Tom Cruise) discovers he has a brother after he inherits everything in his father’s will.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: I really liked how this movie showed that despite how money-hungry Charlie Babbitt originally appears, he goes through an entire journey where he realises how important family is – no matter what form that takes. To see a main male character reflect and regret on his poor relationship with his father and also express the ups and downs of other emotions throughout this movie is refreshing, and Tom Cruise does an excellent job at portraying the journey taken. While it’s obvious he prefers action movies, I actually think Cruise’s true strength is in the dramas he does.

Top Gun (1986) – Lt. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell (Starring)

One sentence summary: Pete Mitchell (Tom Cruise) attempts to prove that he’s the best Naval Aviator by winning the Top Gun trophy, and also by winning the heart of his teacher too.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥💥

Overall: ⭐⭐

Review: Wow. There’s a LOT going on here. It’s impossible to discuss Top Gun without mentioning the blistering sexism that pervades this movie, but since it’s about the Navy in the 80s, no one should be surprised it’s there. However, it also manages to be one of the gayest movies of the decade. Contains multitudes! Bonus points for Val Kilmer’s amazing performance and the insane homoerotic tension that is as inextricable from this movie as the sexism is.

Valkyrie (2008) – Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg (Starring)

One sentence summary: Before D-Day, a plot to kill Hilter from within the German government unfolds.

Technical: ⭐⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: 💥

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: Full of tension and drama, this is a ‘based on a true story’ movie that’s done right (probably because liberties were no doubt taken). A different type of WWII movie, I definitely liked this one. Bonus star for the set and costuming, which were truly excellent.

Lions for Lambs (2007) – Senator Jasper Irving (Supporting)

One sentence summary: Over 90 minutes in real time, 2 marines defend a position in Afghanistan, a Senator is interviewed on a new military strategy, and a college student decides if he’s going to commit to his classes or not.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: I’m not American, and it’s not 2007 anymore, but this still hit really hard. Excellent use of the real time narrative to drive the story home deliver the message to the audience.

Cocktail (1988) – Brian Flanagan (Starring)

One sentence summary: While attending university, Brian Flanagan finds work as a bartender to pay the bills before he finds the way he’s going to get rich – and finds friendship and love along the way.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: This soundtrack slaps, it’s a cute romcom, and there are cool bartending tricks scattered throughout. It also deals with some more serious topics, but these add to the depth of character and the main relationship to bring extra flavour to the movie.

Losin' It (1983) – Woody (Starring)

One sentence summary: Four friends travel to Mexico in order to party hard and lose their virginity.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐⭐

Bonus: -

Sexism: -

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐

Review: The second half of the movie is far better than the first, with a spiralling series of events that had me laughing at every new development. Tom Cruise playing the straight laced kid was a genius decision, and I can see why he repeated this type of role a few times in future movies.

Far and Away (1992) – Joseph Donelly (Starring)

One sentence summary: Irishman Joseph Donelly (Tom Cruise) joins forces with Shannon Christie (Nicole Kidman) to cross the sea to America, where they aspire to travel to Oklahoma in order to start a new life, where land is being given away for free.

Technical: ⭐

Enjoyment: ⭐

Bonus: ⭐

Sexism: ⭐

Overall: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Review: Very much the best of the movies that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise collaborated on, I did enjoy this one from start to finish. The costumes are great, but the bonus points go to how bloody and beat up Tom Cruise consistently is in this movie. Yes, go and get back into that fighting ring again. It’s good for my health.

(continued in the next reblog because tumblr will only let me add 30 images per post)

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undertale-writing-times · 2 months

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Could u tell us the personalities of some of ur dance variants.

Oh, but of course!

Hop: He is a skeleton that enjoys dancing but is embarrassed by it, so he always wears his hood whenever he does it. He knows that he isn't the, like, best dancer, but he's one of the better ones in his AU. Other than that, he's pretty laidback, relaxed, and likes to make puns. He'll even help people find out their dancing styles! If they ask. He used to like dancing a lot more, but something happened, and now he only does it with his brother, or if he's forced to.

Sway: He has quite a few different dancing styles, but all focus on Latin versions. Such as tango, salsa, and stuff like that. He loves to dance and will dance with pretty much anyone just because he knows it's so fun! Plus, it can help you make friends. A lot of people don't dance with him, though, because he has too much energy. He wants someone to be able to match that energy.

Stomper: He dances hip-hop just like Hop, but much more aggressively and loudly. Though he hides the fact that it's him! He acts like he can't dance when he's in his normal outfit, but when he wants to dance, he wears his hood and a mask to hide that it's him doing the best that he can. Nobody knows. He would rather it stay that way. He knows that people are mad that he can't dance, mostly Jazz, but he doesn't want to deal with all of that...

Jazz: He is a very annoying person to dance with because he forces people to dance the exact same style as him, and if you don't, you'll end up getting hurt in his traps. Nobody has ever done the exact same dance as him, until this worlds Frisk came in. But! Jazz is shockingly playful, but still pretty rude and aggressive. He believes that if you don't know how to dance, you're worthless. That's one reason why he's so rude to Stomper.

Flamenco: A smaller skeleton, but with a whole lot of energy! He loves to dance and teaches people how to dance if they don't know... even though monsters almost always know how to dance the moment they're able to walk. He can help a monster find out what their dance style is, which he's happy to do! He always carries around a blue rose, which he gives to people often, though nobody knows where he gets them from? He wishes that Uprock would dance more rather than just play music, but he's happy that his brother is getting out of the house.

Uprock: He has long since given up on dancing. He sees no reason to do it anymore, so he normally doesn't. He does, though, bring music! He always plays the correct song for battles and is the one that plays the 'battle' music whenever people dance. It's pretty funny. If asked why he doesn't dance anymore, he only shrugs. There are a lot of reasons why he doesn't dance anymore, and he doesn't want to deal with answering all the questions. Flamenco trying to force him to dance bugs him a lot, but he loves his brother, so he deals with it.

Ballet: He is VERY shy about his dancing and normally only does it with his brother or by himself. He uses his ability to float with it, and many people who see him dance say that it's... otherworldly hehe. Many people want to dance with him, but he normally tells them no because, well, he can't handle it! The idea of dancing with another person/monster makes his soul pound. Taps wishes that he would get over that because dancing is such an important thing to monsters! Anyway, Ballet is very shy, nervous, yet sweet... He would try to help others if he could.

Taps: He is the type of person who would come up to you and ask if you'd like to dance, even though you guys don't know each other. Taps loves the idea of dancing and is always finding people to dance with! He wants to see all different types of dancing, even if he himself uses tap dancing. He thinks that maybe if his brother sees enough people dancing, he will want to join in. It never works, of course. Taps doesn't let that bug him, however! He's happy.

Waltz: He enjoys dancing and finds it fun to dance with pretty much everyone and anyone. Even if their dances normally get... stopped, he doesn't mind. He wishes to find somebody to dance with who wouldn't stop it in the middle! He knows that his dancing style isn't the most 'sexy', but he doesn't mind too much. It's the one that makes him the happiest. He's playful, tricky, and flirty. He likes making people flustered and enjoys teasing.

Boogie: He wants to find somebody to dance with! And no, I don't mean anyone, but the one person! He wants to find his soulmate; even if the idea of it isn't believed in his AU, he believes in them. He refuses to dance with most people because he's waiting for that one person... It's starting to stress him out lol.

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