#THINGS TO WORK THRU HMMM.. TUMBLR TAGS ARE NOT THERAPY BUT THIS IS MY LIL DIARY OF SORTS IG

[warmthpdf]

today was so good aaah i feel in love with the world again and with life and with the people in /my/ life :')

#went to the park with two of my best friends and it was sunny and i wore a dress for the first time in years #but i wasnt scared and i wasnt anxious and we hugged a lot and laughed so hard and it was comfy #and it just felt like home and it felt like the project was *actually* over now and i could breathe again #and i had a monster for the first time and juno cant get over how small my hands are when we compared <////3 #dax has been kin assigned as my dad ☹ #but aah omg today was so good and it just makes me !!! SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER AND MY BDAY #AND IM JUST!!!!! IM RLY NOT AFRAID RIGHT NOW. OF THE FUTURE AND GROWING UP AND BEING LEFT BEHIND #because its all so trivial and irrational to be afraid of things that havent happened yet and probably wont because heres the thing! #maybe the people who love me.. do!!!!!!!!!???? #maybe i can be loved and maybe i dont have to be good enough for that or be pretty or fully healed or recovered #and i dont have to perform or pretend. i can just be me and become me - whoever that is yk :) #ive never been more excited for my 18th and to have the best summer i can and be with my closest friends ever and live n survive n be okay #feeling hopeful and in love with the world and my friends and the fact i get to exist with them #i dont love being myself yet and i dont really know who that is yet because itd be attaching fixed words to a not fixed state of self #im constantly changing and i want to be okay with that. and i will be i think #i think ill get there and i have people who will still be there when i get to that point #maybe my fear of change is linked to that whole thing of fearing things ending and therefore friendships ending #like if an old version of myself ''ends''. will the love that people have for me end too ? idk a weird self centred but not unfounded fear #THINGS TO WORK THRU HMMM.. TUMBLR TAGS ARE NOT THERAPY BUT THIS IS MY LIL DIARY OF SORTS IG #i hope me articulating my thoughts helps u articulate ur own #i love u goodnight im going on a train for the first time in a longggg time tomorrow and im nervous but so excited #mine