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#THIS EPISODE WAS NUTS!!! A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS!!!
egg-baby-official · 2 years
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I am so normal about them I am SO NORMAL
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yevmarie · 2 months
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Light My Fire | Chapter 6
Masterlist
< Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 >
Plot: having lost everything you are drowned in depression, which had happened to you a year ago. Now you need to struggle with the apocalypse as well with no sparkle in your heart. But there is one man who can light your fire to live.
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Female Reader
Word count: 2.4k
Pronouns: you, she/her
Warnings (the chapter is a whole red flag, I'm sorry): angst, just a bit of angry and fluffy Daryl, swearing, smoking (by reader), physical abuse towards the reader (but the abuser is punished), the reader finally goes nuts (and there's no wonder here), differences from the main plot may occur, bad English (not my first language).
A/N: I'm a bit struggling with writing currently, so I literally pushed myself to finish the chapter even with the ready dialogue from the episode. I hope I didn't mess it up so much. And I want to apologize ahead if I didn't add you to the taglist. I'm not good at being attentive to details, so please don't take it personally and don't hesitate to let me know if I accidentally skipped you <3.
Taglist: @your-shifting-gurl @bae-live-0 @richardsamboramylove55 @deansapplepie @snailss @denisecabrera @dreamtofus
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You opened your eyes and stared at the ceiling of Daryl’s tent. Another tough morning, but with less nausea and headaches, thank God. It seems like your physical and mental states are gradually returning to normal. But you still feel worn out and lost because of the emotional rollercoasters and the events causing them.
You were thinking about whether Merle is still alive or not, hoping for the best, of course. You were scared to see Daryl finding out his brother had been cuffed on the roof of the building full of walkers. And it seemed like only you were bothered by this situation. Everyone else seemed not to care at all. It was obvious the Dixons were not members of a blue-blood family, but it wasn’t a reason for the group to take justice into their own hands. It hurt you that Rick didn't understand your concerns. Sure, he didn’t. You couldn't tell him that the rednecks were the only ones who somehow cared about you because his wife and best friend were too busy with each other. Yes, it wasn’t like the brothers did everything for you, but it was way more than Shane did. Let’s be honest; he did nothing except ignore you.
You finally decided to get up, making your way to get breakfast near the campfire. Sitting alone, you caught different looks from the people in the group. You were ready for it and tried not to pay much attention. After the meal, you went back to Daryl’s tent to brew coffee and read a book. Thanks to Carol, who understood your state and let you have your deserved rest. You went a bit further from the tent to find some wood. You slowly walked, collecting sticks, trying to occupy your mind with your favorite songs you hummed when suddenly you heard Shane’s voice.
“Hey, baby girl. Why are you walking here alone?” you turned around and saw him getting closer to you.
“How long have you been following me?” you asked, keeping a poker face but at the same time feeling some unexplainable sense of danger crawling under your skin, making you shiver.
“I haven’t. Just was walking around,” the man chuckled and stood up too close to you. You knew every inch of this person, all his moves, gestures, tones of voice, look. But this was a different person. He wasn’t the Shane you used to know and love. Something had changed in him.
“Shane, what do you want?” you were trying to register every move of him that could signalize danger so you could fight or flee. Surely not freeze.
“Nothing. Just to talk,” Shane’s smile was slowly fading away.
“Don’t you think you should do this with Rick first?” suddenly you thought you would need to run away soon. You didn’t know why this thought came to you, and the absence of reasoning made your heart race.
“I do think I should do it with you only,” Shane’s voice sounded lower. You gulped but tried to do your best to stay cold.
“Ah, gotcha. No one is going to admit you both messed up and tell Rick how ‘faithful’ you are. Of course, he’ll beat the shit out of you. But why do this when there’s me who can be threatened and manipulated any way you like, huh?” you still tried to hide any emotions, though you were trembling like a leaf when Shane took a step towards you. “Shane, don’t move. You are scaring me,” you laid your arm where your gun usually is, but you felt only the fabric of your clothes.
“You left the camp without your gun, Y/N,” this dickhead had been following you for a while and noticed you were unarmed.
Shit!
In another moment, you felt his arm squeezing your neck, slamming you into the nearest tree and hurting the back of your head. You instinctively tried to inhale but struggled to do so, ending up coughing.
"If Rick somehow finds out about Lori and me…” you barely heard him whispering in your ear but interrupted.
“Then what? You’ll kill me?” you huffed, trying to free yourself from Shane’s firm grip. “If she’s pregnant, then I’ll be such a waste of a weapon. What will you do then, huh?” Here, you realized you had found this weak spot by how his breath started shaking, and he couldn’t find any words to answer. “Oh, darling, you’re so fucked up,” you felt the squeeze become tighter. You looked into Shane’s eyes with your almost blurred sight.
“Nothing to say?” you felt Shane’s hard breath and tremble going through his hand still holding your neck. “Then finish what you’ve started because I won’t keep silent. I will make you pay for everything you've done to me, you piece of shit,” the slap of his hand stung your cheek and made you wince and close your eyes.
You heard some noise, similar to how arrows hit, followed by punches and curses. You exhaled with all your lungs, coughing as you were freed from Shane’s grip. You fell on the ground and blinked away the haze covering your sight, seeing Daryl sitting above Shane, who was laying on the ground, and punching him. The archer stopped for a second to have a look at you and felt relief you were alive. Pale, coughing, eyes washing with tears, but alive.
You heard Shane’s laugh. “Y/N, I see you didn’t waste any time as well.”
“Shut up,” you mumbled, closing your eyes and leaning on the tree.
After another punch to Shane’s face, Daryl gripped the man’s shirt collar.
“Listen carefully, ‘cause I won’t repeat this. If I ever see ya touching her, talking to her, or even looking at her. Any movement towards her I don’t like, ya’re dead. Ya’re fucking dead and will be feeding the walkers around,” Daryl stood up and walked towards you, taking out the arrow that had hit the tree next to you.
Shane stood up as well, wiping the blood from his nose and dusting himself off from the soil. 
“You’re just in time, Daryl…” Shane started but was shut up by Daryl turning to him.
“Skull itching?” the archer clenched his fist, threatening to break the arrow he was holding.
“Talk to you later,” Shane mumbled and slowly headed back to camp.
“Are you okay?” Daryl sat down close to you, caressing your cheek to wipe away your tears. You could only shake your head in response. “What the hell was all that?”
“Rick…” you gulped to soothe your hoarse voice. “Rick, that friend I was talking about. He is back. His wife and Shane…”
“Gotcha. I gotcha,” Daryl bit his lower lip. “Where’s your weapon?”
“I left it in the tent…”
Daryl stood up and wiped the sweat beads covering his face.
“Why the hell is it in the tent?” Daryl yelled, looking at you crying. “I told ya your recklessness will kill ya one day. Lucky ya I was just coming back,” the archer was freaking out. His voice grew louder, his breath heavy and shaky. He bit his lower lip, obviously trying not to lose his composure completely.
“Daryl, I… I owe you till the end of my days,” you sniffled.
“I'll let it off if ya keep your damn weapon with ya and leave the camp at least with someone ya trust,” Daryl was still speaking in a raised voice, though he wasn’t angry at you. He was angry at the whole situation. He couldn’t cheer you up because he needed it as well. He understood your shock when a person you once considered beloved, shared plans and dreams with, and even bedded, nearly killed you. But witnessing that scene was too much for him. He just thanked whatever higher power there was that he arrived in time.
“Ya promise me?” you lifted your head to meet his eyes full of despair and just nodded as tears made your words stick in your throat.
“Good,” he took your hand to help you stand up. Scared to face his eyes again, you hugged his waist, leaning your head on his chest, hearing his heart threatening to jump out of his ribcage.
“Thank you,” you said trembling, clutching his shirt for dear life. You felt him tense, but he finally hugged you tightly and brushed your hair with his calloused fingers.
“Let’s go,” Daryl said with his gruff voice, loosening the hug. You nodded, letting him go, and waited for him to grab his crossbow from his hunting run.
“Nice garland,” you joked, pointing at the bundle of killed squirrels. Daryl rolled his eyes.
“Then ya won’t eat it but enjoy seeing it hanging near the tent.”
“I’d rather see Shane’s body instead,” you mumbled, earning a scrunched face from Daryl. Suddenly, you heard the noise of scrunched leaves, as if there was some animal nearby.
“Go back,” Daryl whispered. “I’ll come later. Seems like we’ll have deer today.”
You nodded and slowly moved towards the camp.
---
Arriving at the camp, you went into the tent to retrieve your gun, fearing your ex could do something stupid again, and headed to the campfire, seeing Daryl returning only with the squirrels. You guessed the attempt to catch the animal had failed.
“Merle!” Daryl called out. “Merle! Get your ugly ass right here! I got us some squirrels! Let’s stew ‘em up.”
“Daryl, just slow down a bit. I need to talk to you,” you saw Shane following the archer.
“Want to get another punch?” the younger Dixon turned around to Shane.
“Calm down. It’s about Merle. There was a… There was a problem out there.”
Daryl looked around to see all the people concerned and you avoiding his eyes, taking out a cigarette to light up. Your reaction hit him hard.
“He dead?”
“We’re not sure,” Shane answered, scratching his nose and hissing at the pain caused by Daryl’s right hook earlier.
“He either is or he ain’t!” Daryl started to freak out, not getting a clear answer from the group.
“No easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it,” you turned around slowly, puffing out smoke to see Rick coming up to the archer.
“Who are ya?”
“Rick Grimes.”
“Rick Grimes? Ya got something ya want ta tell me?”
“Your brother was a danger to us all. So I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He’s still there.”
“Why are you so sure?” you asked Rick and dropped the cigarette to stub it out.
“Y/N! This doesn’t help at all,” Rick glanced at you fiercely.
“I could have helped if you hadn’t stopped me!” you cried, yelling at your friend, who clenched his jaws, feeling guilty for everything that had happened on that damn roof.
“Hold on. Let me process this,” Daryl wiped away the tear threatening to fall, which caused your heart to twist in pain. He was so vulnerable and desperate; it hit you hard. He was always so caring towards you, but you couldn’t help him at all. Rick barely stopped you from driving to Atlanta yesterday.
“Ya’re saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and left him there?” the archer’s yell rang in your ears, feeling all the pain he was expressing.
“Yeah,” Rick looked at the ground to avoid the younger Dixon’s gaze, which was already burning him. Daryl breathed heavily, threw the bundle of squirrels to the sheriff, and was ready to attack him when suddenly he was pushed to the ground by Shane. You ran up to Daryl, but he took out a knife, so you stepped back in fear and froze. The archer stood up grunting and jumped at Rick but was stopped by Shane’s punch and then the further grip around his neck.
“Stop!” you shouted, but no one heard you as if you were not there.
“You’d better let me go!” Daryl huffed, trying to free himself.
“Nah, I think it’s better if I don’t,” Shane squeezed the archer’s neck.
“Chokehold’s illegal!” Daryl screamed, and you lost your temper, taking out the gun and pointing it at Shane.
“You can file a complaint,” Shane grunted but froze when he heard the click of the safety lock.
“Getting a little touchy-feely there today, hun?” you breathed heavily, feeling your sight hazy again and all the sounds becoming dull, turning to ringing. Shane slowly loosened the grip to free up Daryl, who was trying to catch his breath.
“Y/N,” Rick came up to you to calm you down but was stopped by you pointing the gun at him.
“I see this group understands only the language of violence, so I’ll talk this way,” you looked at everyone around. “You either have a calm discussion on this topic, or I’ll start shooting and attract walkers.”
“Calm down!” Shane growled at you but was cut off by you immediately.
“Don’t even talk to me if you want to be safe,” you said through gritted teeth, hinting by looking at Lori and back at him. You started to pray Rick hadn’t noticed it.
“Y/N, give me your gun. Please,” you looked at Rick slowly approaching you. You shook your head and locked the gun, putting it back in your harness. You took out another cigarette and lit it. Such a harmful and useless habit aimed to calm you down, but honestly, it never helped you. You sat on the log nearby and kept looking at the men who finally started a dialogue.
---
When you made sure Rick, Daryl, T-Dog, and Glenn worked out a plan to get back to Atlanta to find Merle and started to prepare for the run, you went to the tent to finally have your coffee and a book. Daryl followed you to take another arrows.
“Hey,” he whispered. “Didn’t know ya were such a hothead.”
“Me neither,” you replied emotionlessly and looked back at the man.
“Merle would like it.”
“And you?” your question made Daryl fluster.
“I still think ya’re reckless. But ya learn fast. I’ll tell ya some tricks when I’m back,” the man mumbled confusedly.
“Take care of yourself,” you gently smiled at him, causing butterflies in the archer’s stomach.
The man nodded and chewed his lower lip. “You too.”
You also nodded and watched the archer walk away.
< Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 >
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linettefox · 4 months
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Otona finale spoilers! Image to hide them better.
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So like Otona has ended. What are my thoughts? Messy. Lemme share my thoughts on the episode itself.
I loved the fight scene, I am a sucker for fights involving a lot of cures and having all of the OGs there was great super exciting. It also made All Stars canon which is great but a bit confusing. Anyways, fight was the best part.
Why weren't the sinister flowers affecting the other cures? If they were counting down so people could stop a disaster like Nuts suggested at the end then what was their purpose in making Nozomi faint for a whole week leaving her friends to worry. It doesn't feel that well thought out to me, kind of just there to cause drama.
I liked hearing about Cure Black and Cure White's future although I would have liked it to be shown to us. Apparently they both travel the world doing activism stuff now which is incredible. It kind of messes with a fanfiction I was writing on their future but I guess it's not important....
Nozomi married Coco... 😥 Girl that's your middle school teacher, it's weird. But I guess I can't do anything about that it's apparently a popular ship in Japan. For my own sanity I'm just going to pretend he is the same age as her somehow.
I thought Saki and Mai were going to kiss in that goodbye scene. Crying and hugging and saying they'll think about each other every day and send stuff. I forgot Saki was even in a relationship with a man. Also the montage of the cures helping to save the environment around the world, very sweet.
Those were my thoughts on the episode, what do I feel about the series as a whole?
I love Precure, it is my main fandom and has been for almost 5 years now. I enjoy every second I am watching it. However after the fact when a show or movie has ended is when my inner critique comes out. Otona Precure as an entity is a rollercoaster. The animation was fine for the most part, there were some great fight scenes but then they had poor CGI monsters and that low budget crowd shot in the final episode where everyone was shitty CGI, that was not great. The story was fine, it was great seeing the characters as adults and how their lives are going, their emotions and struggles were very well portrayed and relatable but other things seemed a bit crowded like the subplot with the time flowers, Coco x Nozomi, the amount of characters made it not the greatest. Don't get me wrong I love big casts but it felt like they were substituting plot in exchange for more iconic characters and nostalgia bait. Worked on me, it got me hyped seeing everyone but even I must admit could have been handled better.
Could it be fixed? Give it more episodes so it is less rushed, give the time flowers/sinister flowers more time in the oven, if you're going to give Saki a boyfriend let us see more of him instead of ignoring him, foreshadowing Nagisa and Honoka's appearances more would help a little I understand they wanted a dramatic entrance but they felt so forced to be there.
Remember these are my opinions, that is all bye!
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quillsink · 5 months
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ofmd s2 finale last night (FAV CHARCTAER DIED😭😭💔) -> loki s2 new episode at 6 tonight -> 1989 taylor’s version at 9 tonight -> fnaf movie at midnight tonight. i’m going insane my emotional state can’t take any more
anyway. how are you :]
ohhh damnn emotional rollercoaster bro rip!!
i’mmmmm dying haha. high school is fucking nuts idk how imma get so much shit done bro….and my parents are driving me insane as usual lmao.
wbu hru? how’s uni how’s everything going?
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ed89 · 2 years
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honestly, atp the milk cartons are just sad. like I feel bad they still believe mackerel is a healthy ship when it is so clearly laid out as the complete opposite. and saying we don't care about el when they can't see her character outside of marmite? its upsetting to think so many people genuinely like such a destructive ship
its one of the strongest pieces of hope for me for endgame byler because none of the other [supposed] endgame relationships are shown like malt vinegar and they seem actually happy, so like.. they can write good ships and are purposefully making macadamia nuts drown, and not giving them any sort of life boat in the last episode
bro reading this was an emotional rollercoaster every time u made a new name for minecraft i had to stand up and take a breather cause i was laughing my mf ass off 😭
BESIDES THAT !!!!!! YES. mario party is so unhealthy AND ITS SO OBVIOUS ??!?!? they have .......... no scenes that don't have some underlying issue regarding their relationship... like literally none. even at the airport, the note "from mike" upsets el immediately. and the pizza place scene.... after they have their ONLY moment where they are actually happy.. i swear to god they were about to break up until argyle interrupted. they both lie to each other, pretend to be someone else, and arent their true selves. its not even a ship war its just common sense and purposely portrayed as that. its not a stable relationship and by s5 i believe 100% that they will not get back together at any point. they just arent in love anymore + i doubt mike was EVER in love with her in the first place 🤷‍♂️
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banapsha · 8 months
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Defending Jacob- TV Show Review
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The ending will make you go nuts. It made me go nuts. I am nuts thinking about it. Ok, that came out wrong. Just watch it for yourself.
Defending Jacob is a TV show that hit the screens in 2020, and let me tell you, it's a gripping rollercoaster ride that will keep your mind running. This enthralling legal drama delves into the complexities of family, loyalty, and the lengths we go to protect our loved ones.
The story revolves around the Barber family, whose lives are turned upside down when their teenage son, Jacob, becomes the prime suspect in a murder investigation. As the evidence piles up and the community turns against them, Andy Barber, Jacob's father, and a respected assistant district attorney, must navigate the treacherous waters of the legal system to prove his son's innocence.
What sets Defending Jacob apart is its ability to create an atmosphere of suspense and ambiguity. With each episode, new twists and revelations emerge, keeping you guessing and questioning the truth. The writing is razor-sharp, with well-developed characters and morally complex situations that explore the gray areas of justice and the lengths we go to protect our own.
The performances in this show are nothing short of exceptional. Chris Evans delivers a standout performance as Andy Barber, portraying the character's internal struggle and desperation with raw intensity. His nuanced portrayal allows us to empathize with a man torn between his duty as a prosecutor and his unwavering belief in his son's innocence. Michelle Dockery as Laurie Barber, Andy's wife, adds a layer of emotional depth to the story, grappling with the weight of doubt and the toll it takes on their family. And well, Jaeden Martell portrays Jacob so beautifully, you can feel every ounce of fear or doubt or annoyance Jacob feels.
Visually, Defending Jacob captures the somber and tense atmosphere of a small town engulfed in scandal. The cinematography is moody and atmospheric, reflecting the characters' internal turmoil. The show effectively uses flashbacks to delve into the past and shed light on the present, building suspense and deepening our understanding of the complex web of secrets that surround the case.
What makes Defending Jacob truly captivating is its exploration of the devastating impact of suspicion on a family. It delves into the depths of parental love and the lengths one can go to protect their child, even when faced with doubt. The moral dilemmas posed throughout the series will make you question your own beliefs and judgments, leaving a lasting impact.
In conclusion, Defending Jacob is a must-watch for fans of legal dramas and psychological thrillers. Its suspenseful plot, outstanding performances, and thought-provoking themes make it a standout show that will leave you pondering the nature of justice and the complexity of familial bonds. Prepare to be enthralled by this captivating journey into the heart of a family fighting for their own.
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colesterstrudel · 11 months
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I just binged Ted Lasso over the course of two days because of you (all of it lol) and I cannot tell you how INSANE of an emotional Rollercoaster it was to experience all of that in such a short time, I cried so much (especially after the newest episode omg, I was so fucking happy) I cannot believe I did that to myself and now I have to wait weekly for episodes and I cannot 😭😭
OFKSKDKDKSKLDLSKDKDLDSLDLSK TED LASSO MY BELOVED!!!!!!! This show tears me the fuck UP dude it gets me right in the honey nut feelios every single time 😭😭😭😭 and when I re-watch it, it STILL GETS ME like I know what’s coming and STILL I’M CRYINGGGGGG. I’m glad you enjoyed it so much and I cannot wait for you to suffer along with the rest of us as we wait weekly for each new episode 😂😂
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alexzalben · 3 years
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What do you think of all the backlash the last Riverdale episode received? I’ve never seen the writers speak out like this before on all the hate.
This is a pretty complicated topic that I probably can’t do justice with one Tumblr ask, but I’ll try to address some of the broad strokes ideas here. And hang tight, because this is gonna go long.
First of all, a caveat: I have by no means read through every comment the writers were responding to, nor do I know what they discussed or how they’re feeling about things, nor do I speak for them in any way.
However, I do think one of the joys and downfalls of making TV in the social media era is the accessibility of the creative team to fans. Joys because it opens up new ways of understanding how a show is made, demystifying the process, which is always a good thing. Downfalls because to some fans - not all fans, by any means - it makes them feel like they have a say in what happens in the show.
On the latter, it’s not to say that the writers aren’t listening, on many series they’re well aware of what fans think about their show, the plots, the ships, etc. Sometimes they’ll even shift where they’re going based on fan feedback. Nikki and Paolo on Lost are the example I always go to, where they were introduced to show the outside perspective of what other survivors were doing while Jack and his gang were going on adventures... And everybody HATED THEM. So much so that plans changed and they were literally buried alive on the show by the end of the season, in a very unsubtle metaphor.
That said, there’s a difference between what I perceive to be the tone around Nikki and Paolo, which mind you was pre-Twitter days, and what some shows have to deal with now: one is constructive criticism presented as “hey we don’t like this”; the latter sometimes veers into “you suck and you should kill yourself.”
I want to emphasize again: this is not everyone. Usually there is a small section of any group of people that delves into hyper-negativity, and they always get an outsized focus to the number of people who actually do that. Again, example here, but for a while I was part of a pretty popular online sketch comedy group. We got tons of views, tons of comments, I’d estimate 95-99% of those comments were great. Did I internalize those? Of course not. I internalized the one comment out of 100 that told me what a shitty writer I was. That’s the one that rolled around in my head all night, because it seeped into the fear that most writers have that they do suck and will never be successful, at any level. It’s Imposter Syndrome, plain and simple, and it affects everyone no matter how famous (or not) they are.
Reason I mention that is it’s entirely possible that 99% of the comments to the writers of Riverdale this episode were mostly fine, but if 1% of them were of the “fucking kill yourself” variety, that hurts, a lot. It’s not on everyone, by any means, but that pulls the focus, and it’s horrifying every time no matter how often it happens (and believe me, it happens far too often).
Specifically with Riverdale, there are another few factors that are exacerbating this. One is, and I don’t want to diminish this: the pandemic. We’re a year in and people are crumbling mentally. Nothing has been “normal” for a year, that impacts every single aspect of your life, and some things are easier to lash out at than others, like a TV show. If a deadly virus is causing inconsistency? Not much you can do about that. If your fave TV show is shaking up the broadcast schedule and changing your favorite couples? Complain to the writers, the directors, the actors, etc.
The other is the arc of this season so far, which I do think is driving people fucking nuts. This again gets back to the pandemic, but ending with episode 19, waiting months, and then coming back for a premiere that is actually the third to the last episode of the season? That’s unsettling. It throws you off kilter, because it’s not the right rhythm. I know this sounds a little silly, but it’s actually very important: stories have a rhythm to them, and a lot of TV shows in particular have had that rhythm broken. Riverdale had three episodes that were all essentially climax, then upended the show with a time jump, and has continued to mix things around almost every episode. And then it’ll be going into another three month break.
This is definitely the point where someone says “mix things around? they’re doing the same couples they always did.” Sure, theoretical person. But having sifted through fan comments and tweets over the past couple of weeks, every single week one section of the fanbase has been 100% sure it is their ship’s time to shine, and the next they’re being told it’s done forever, and then the next they’re back on, then the next they’re done... It’s an emotional rollercoaster ride, and that’s how the writers designed it, and it’s frankly not over yet. But add in that pandemic uncertainty above, and you have a recipe for people panicking.
Also, and again, this is a small section of any fanbase, but it’s very clear that because of this hyped up panic, some people are being absolutely terrible assholes to other fans. I know I don’t usually curse this much, but the amount of gloating I’ve seen from people on all sides, back and forth, is super gross. Personally, if someone is sobbing for whatever reason, my reaction has never been to quote tweet them with “you lost, get over it” and a peace sign emoji. It sucks when people are sad, and we have a moral obligation to make sure other people feel okay. Don’t know if you’ve ever heard this one, but “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Sort of an important life rule.
Overall, I think a fanbase is stronger is they support each other rather than engaging in ship wars, and I do think there’s a lot of people who do do that. Or just express their displeasure, without attacking people. But there are some people who do, and that’s overall making the whole tone of the discussion that much worse.
So what’s the solution here? I always emphasize to my writers that it’s okay to have a negative take as long as you provide something constructive about a way out of the situation, and I’ll apply that both to the Riverdale fanbase, as well as this extremely long Tumblr ask.
There are three things I’d suggest, and both of them are on you. By “you” I mean the general you, and the reason I suggest them, versus what the writers and creators of Riverdale can do is that “you” are the thing you can control and change.
The first is changing the tone of the discussion. Realize that there are people deeply, emotionally impacted in different ways by this TV show. Allow that they may be having different emotional reactions than you, and give them the space and the support to work through it. If you’re a Varchie fan, it actually makes you a better fan to check on a Barchie fan and see if they’re okay. If you’re a Barchie fan, it’s okay to be happy for a Varchie fan and sad at the same time. Mainly because none of you had anything to do with it. This isn’t even a case where you wore your lucky socks and your fave team won the game. The writers are writing what they wrote, and you are a passive observer, not involved other than the involvement you bring to it. So if everyone supports each other regardless of the circumstances, that will improve things overall.
The second? Disengage. Take a break. Stop watching the show. You have no obligation to tweet, or go on any other social media outlet for this series, nor do you have to keep watching the show if it hurts you. In fact, taking a show break if you feel too involved is a very good thing. Check out, clear your head and come back much later and look at it with fresh eyes.
Third? Think before you comment. It took me a long time to get here with this one, and I’m still working on it, but before you comment: pause, read it over again, and think “is this something I really want to send?” You do get that rush of taking whatever anger you’re feeling and getting it out of your body and mind, but ultimately it’s usually more damaging than either waiting, posting something a little more thoughtful, or not posting at all. It’s really thinking about what you’re adding to the conversation, and what you’re hoping to get back.
So there you go. Lots of thoughts there, and I’m sure there’s lots more to say. This is only my outside perspective on this, and I hope it’s helpful at least in some small way. And if not, that is cool, too!
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rocinawanda · 5 years
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The 100 6x09
Watching this episode for me was a rollercoaster of emotions my goodness.
Starting with Octavia, her entire plot in this episode was the tagline of season 6 ‘face your demons’ she clearly wants to be redeemed and we got the Octavia VS Blodreina fight which hopefully means that Octavia is now on a better path. I cried seeing Lincoln again his death still hurts probably the most painful of the entire show. Still didn’t get much about the anomaly and Diyoza hasn’t returned yet but I still have hope.
The whole mothership plot wow. Okay first, THEY WOKE INDRA YAY I have missed her and am glad she’s back to help. Abby and her delusions she crossed that line in the last episode and of course Kane wouldn’t be okay with it and their relationship wouldn’t feel normal anymore. Abby has been so blinded every time she says we can go down to the ground and live in peace I roll my eyes because she has no idea what the hell is happening down in Sanctum.
RIP Kane :( i’m sad, whilst my love for his character drained during his arc in season 5 i’m always sad to see a key initial The 100 character that was introduced to us in season 1 die. Every season has one S1 - Wells, S2 - Finn, S3 - Lincoln, S4 - Jasper, S5 - Jaha/Monty/Harper, S6 - Kane. rip to them all. I cried during his floating scene, I didn’t really see it coming that he would choose it so quickly but I understand it.
Whilst my emotions were sad in regards to all of the mothership plot, the bellarke plot had me screaming at 9AM. Before I even get into it CLARKE IS BACK MY BABY GIRL I COULD CRY Josephine gave her control because otherwise she would have died but I don’t care about the reason I have missed her so so much.
But omg okay when Jo!Clarke had that mini seizure Bellamy was so worried and when he learnt that Clarke could hear what they were saying oh my. My mind went wild but he did promise he wouldn’t let her die and he didn’t. Jo!Clarke delving into Bellarke’s relationship stop it yes they go back and forth and they would make sure that the other is safe. Bellamy’s “tell me about it” when saying bellarke’s relationship is nuts had me laughing so hard. He looked so happy when Clarke came back and she didn’t want to leave him I almost cried but at least he has the keys now so I hope he unlocks himself and gets safe. I thought with the bike she might go back for him because I don’t know what he’s gonna do walking around the woods. We’ll see in the next episode.
No Madi or Sanctum in this episode but i’m sure we’ll see them next week I’m excited and nervous. Plus Clarke is on her way to Gabriel and I did pick up on him mentioning that the drug(?) thing he gave to Octavia was initially used by him and Russell to try to see if ‘traces of the hosts minds remained after resurrection’ so that may be able to help her. Hopefully.
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windmillwizard · 6 years
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this @themortalpath episode? absolutely NUTS and incredibly exciting emotional rollercoaster. yubi pls give these guys a break 
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hardcorehardigan · 4 years
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Honor Memorial Day With These Iconic Moments From ‘Band Of Brothers’
DAVID HOOKSTEAD 
SMOKE ROOM EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
May 24, 2020 
8:33 PM ET
Monday is Memorial Day, and it’s a great time to watch the best scenes from “Band of Brothers.”
On this sacred today, we take a moment to think about all the men and women who deployed wearing the uniform of this country and never came home. They made the ultimate sacrifice, and we honor them on Memorial Day. (RELATED: Watching ‘Band Of Brothers‘ Never Gets Old. Here’s Why It’s Such A Great Series)
As you all know, I’m a huge “Band of Brothers” fan. I read the book as a very young child and watch the series a few times every year.
The hit HBO mini-series and Stephen Ambrose book tell the story of Easy Company, 506th Infantry Regiment of the 101st Airborne Division from the start of basic training through the end of the war. It’s the greatest war story ever put on film.
You find yourself cheering, laughing, crying and mostly, you find yourself damn proud to be an American. Enjoy a few of the best moments from the series below.
Band of Brothers - Battle of the Bulge 
Band of Brothers Crossroads The Island Charge
Band of Brothers- Battle of Bloody Gulch
Band Of Brothers: Carentan Attack
Band of Brothers- Liberation of Concentration Camp
Band of Brothers Convoy Ambush on D Day
Band Of Brothers - Response to offer of surrender: Nuts!
Band of Brothers - The End (Final Episode) HD
Band of Brothers the first battle
Band of Brothers- German Artillery Barrage
Band Of Brothers Concentration Camp Clip
Band of Brothers Easy Company in the monastery
I’ll be damned if those videos don’t get me every single time. Even watching the series decades later, it still punches me right in the gut every single time. I can’t watch the church scene without getting misty.
I feel like if I watch the series in another 30 years, nothing will have changed. It’ll be the same emotional rollercoaster that it is now.
On this day, take a moment to remember all those who left home and never came back. Furthermore, take a moment to think about the spouses, children, family and friends they left behind.
It seems like we always remember the fallen, but we don’t always remember those who are left behind. They pay a hell of a price too.
So, on this day, remember why we’re here. Yes, it’s totally okay to drink a beer, spend time with your families and have yourself a hell of a good time. Just remember the purpose of Memorial Day.
Now, it’s time for me to grab a beer and start my yearly tradition of binge watching “Band of Brothers.” Have a great day and thank you to everyone who paid the ultimate price.
‘It’s Been a Long War, It’s Been a Tough War’ Trailer | Band of Brothers | HBO Classics
Watch ‘Band of Brothers’ on HBO
https://www.hbo.com/band-of-brothers/episodes
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xxsparksxx · 7 years
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I thought I’d do another ‘things I loved/things I didn’t’ post about this episode because I have such conflicting feelings.
Things I loved: - Agatha and George’s scenes. Perfection from both of them. - Ellise Chappell is doing an incredible job of portraying Morwenna’s very internal journey. - Picnic on the beach! - Dwight being all in love with Ross. And Caroline too. But also Ross. - Hugh and Demelza’s scenes being pretty spot-on in terms of his obviousness and her flattered awkwardness. - I mentioned Agatha, right? So much love. - Ross’s reaction to hearing about Agatha’s death, and him digging her grave himself. - Sam and Emma. Oh Sam *pets him*
Things I’m ‘eh’ about: - Can we stop with the ‘yet another humiliation for George with him finding out about Ross being offered things first’? We get it. Ross had Elizabeth first. Enough with the bluntness of that metaphor. - Soooo much Drake-mooning-about-on-the-shore. Morwenna’s scenes were far more compelling, and we moved Drake’s story on a lot more with his scenes with Sam. - yet more ‘don’t trust God, Sam, trust Ross/me/do it yourself’. Demelza isn’t Methodist, but she is a Christian. I dislike the show constantly implying that Sam’s faith in God is naive and that Ross is the giver of all good things and the source of wealth and happiness. It doesn’t serve Sam, and it doesn’t serve Ross, either.
Things I disliked: - Demelza saying Ross should have accepted the nomination for MP. In the book she thinks it’s good that he turned it down because it would mean he had to bend too much to others; this reaction nettles Ross, and is part (a small part) of the reason why he later accepts a nomination from Falmouth. - the emotional inconsistency between Ross and Demelza. OH MY GOD this is beginning to drive me nuts. At the beginning of the episode they were happy, halfway through he was grumpily informing her that not all men in Cornwall are ‘besotted’ with her (hello, she was fishing for your attention, Ross, because she was feeling rather insecure and unsure; this is where you tell her that of course Hugh was paying her attention, but be careful not to let anything happen pretty much like in the book), and by the end of it she was prepared to ‘look elsewhere’? Where did this rollercoaster come from? These two are not being written well enough. We are not getting consistency across the series or even within each episode. There is a lack of emotional continuity. I don’t know whether it’s because Debbie Horsfield didn’t have enough time to write the s3 scripts, or because it’s too much to try to shove it all into nine episodes (there are a lot of new characters and plot strands in books five and six), or both - but I am losing patience with it.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love the show, I love it to bits and I will, as ever, endeavour to analyse and discuss the show’s internal logics and try to make sense of the characters’ journeys, but there are some things that are going to be harder to explain than others, and Ross and Demelza in this episode is one of those things.
Other thing I disliked: well, as we feared, they’re going down the route of ‘if you won’t pay attention to me, I’ll find a man who will’ with Demelza and Hugh, and I cannot tell you how much I dislike it, and I cannot tell you how much I will reject that canon and cling to book canon. Especially around her reasons for doing it, and around the conversations she has with Ross about it. *cries* oh I want those conversations. I want them very much.
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Do You Have Self-Limiting BELIEFS Landscaping Business MOTIVATIONAL Mindset Talk Keith Kalfas
In today’s episode, we will talk about finances, and how does keeping finances to yourself affects and hurts your business. You don’t waste money if you get some help manage your finances, in fact, it helps you know where your money is going, or to see if you’re making a progress. Listen to this podcast and I will tell you how… 
What you are about to hear: 
00:03 -  List down all your plans, strategize. There’s nothing wrong listing all your dreams and slowly put them into action.    
  2:37 -   Regardless of what you use, what you have, what you own. Those are not important, what matters is the message you bring out there to the world. The importance you do, that will make a change.
  6:27 -   Start to look, and check your finances, it will not hurt to hire an accountant to do the PNL for you. The harm is when you thought you’re doing great with your finances and it turns out that you’re losing them. 
  8:01 - Hiring an accountant is not a waste of money, you will do this to save capital. So you could track where all your money is going to. Cool stuff is, they will provide you a PNL report each month so you could learn what’s going on with your business, your profit margins, and the amount of revenue coming in.
  13:34 - Don’t let fear control you. Think outside the box, don’t be afraid to expand. Hire someone if you need help. If that will help your business to expand. Plan, List, and then Execute my friend. 
  18:00 - Help will start from within, you need a mentor to guide you. Get yourself a mentor, who could be your coach and a friend. 
  21:34 - Consistency is the best practice, It’s a healthy balance. Make it a rule of thumb to yourself. 
  Helpful Resources for you: 
  Saturday Finances Video : https://youtu.be/WjQyDAXvAao
  Jacob Godar - How to Calculate Your Man Hr. Rate : https://youtu.be/5Irg4OElPSY
  Dan Platta Bookeping Financial Genius🤑 :https://youtu.be/z1mo86GRw7I
  My Blog 📃 : https://keith-kalfas.mykajabi.com/blog/
  My Podcast 🎧:  https://www.keithkalfas.com/podcast
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How to Book Jobs with Google Calendar https://youtu.be/JyyxoidOLM4
  DJ Carroll YouTube 💵 https://www.youtube.com/c/salescoachdj
   Here's the KAJABI software I run my internet business on https://app.kajabi.com/r/VVg5DJ6f/t/k...
  Hire Dan Platta For Bookkeeping Services. Serious Inquiries Only 
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https://jobber.grsm.io/keithkalfas8521
The Transcript : 
  Intro 
Welcome to the Untrapped Podcast where we're motivated and inspired about success, small business, and personal development. And now Keith Kalfas.
    List down all your plans, strategize. There’s nothing wrong listing all your dreams and slowly put them into action.   
  00:03
 What's up? It's Keith Kalfas with the landscaping employee trap in this video, I'm at home today. Downstairs in my basement studio. I'm doing some whiteboarding and strategy stuff and I wanted to share with you about self-limiting beliefs. A couple of things that I want to cover real quick if you're new to the channel. What's up, I'm Keith. I make thousands of videos about landscaping all the way back since 2014. Thank you so much. We just hit 90,000 subscribers and I really started this channel by me struggling living in a small one-bedroom apartment and debt, with debt collectors calling me scared, leaving a dead-end lawncare job to get my own landscaping business off the ground. I was able to get the business off the ground within six weeks by posting Craigslist ads, knocking on doors, and just being terrified. And then I was so angry after I left my job and replace my income in only six weeks. 
  1:22
That it took me about 24 months to get the business up to $100,000 in revenue just by straight-up working my tail off and I was even more angry and I had this sense of retribution and because I said, "Why was I stuck in a dead-end job for 1215 years, making minimum wage?" What felt like minimum wages JLB just over broke. Bob Proctor says that anyways when you literally can go out and hustle and get your own business off the ground. Now just because you got it off the ground doesn't mean that you've got your shit together. I mean, it's a nonstop uphill battle for what seems like could be forever. And if you don't get around the right people and get the right mentorship to help you overcome your self-limiting beliefs, and work through your own head trash, you can really box yourself into a corner and being your own boss, where you feel alone. You can get frustrated, you can have moments of feeling great, and feeling like you're successful. And then literally the next day, be down in the dumps in this up down emotional rollercoaster, and learning all the stuff on once and also the fears revolving around. Let me put this on a tripod. I'm actually on my phone right now.
Regardless of what you use, what you have, what you own. Those are not important, what matters is the message you bring out there to the world. The importance you do, that will make a change.
  2:37
I have this fancy studio and cameras and things that I've dreamed about having my entire life. And now that I have them, I'm making this video on a cellphone, go figure, right? A little lesson. Sometimes just getting your message up and getting it out there and executing is a little bit more important than trying to have the best of the best. Just get out there and do it, right? But what I want to say as I just got off the phone, and I do want to tell you before I tell you this, I don't have it all figured out myself at all. I have bad days all the time. I think that's what's made this channel get so many views over the years. It's just me being transparent and authentic. I try not to post negative content. I've really negative days sometimes. right?. But anyway, so I'm on the phone yesterday with my friend, Jacob Godar. He's in Georgia. He's got a million-dollar landscaping company. He's blowing my mind. He's telling me I met Jacob Godar when the GIE Expo in Kentucky, we're hanging out with Tee Grant and Angel Cortez and a bunch of other guys out there and DJ Carroll and all that stuff and Brian Fullerton and BMV and all those guys in a met Jacob Godar are out there. 
3:59
We also hang out in Miami too, yeah the Grant Cardone conference. Anyways, Jacob is a smart guy, he's got a YouTube channel, you could check him out. And, one video he posted was talking about breaking down your man-hour rate, and he's going through his finances and Excel spreadsheet and going through PNL's and stuff like that. And I was like, you know, this guy's got his shit together. So I call him up yesterday because I was a little frustrated. My phone is ringing off the hook in my business. Learning how to do marketing is a very good skill, but it can overwhelm you because I mean, I have 100 missed phone calls right now my voicemail inbox is full. And there's no point in even having a calling center or a secretary manage it because we just don't have the capacity to deal with it. And I'm talking about growth and expansion in the lawn and landscaping business and expanding a business without having your sales, your man our rate right and having enough revenue per day coming in per truck. It doesn't make sense to have a bunch of liability out there unless you're getting paid for it. Right? 
5:09
If the risk far outweighs the liability, what I mean is like some non-nuts texting while is driving and smashes into something, and now you've got this huge headache. And I'm not trying to be negative here. I'm just trying to be realistic or guys on a writer and spins around and just smoke someone's air conditioner cause you like $2500 and now you're getting bad reviews. There's a lot of good things that can happen but, what he told me he's talking about how much he charges per lawn and what they're doing per day. I was like, "What? I thought my prices were high man like I have already been raising my prices every single year," don't you raise your prices every year and you're afraid you're gonna lose your clients?  You got these clients hanging on, they've been your clients forever and you have this like a moral obligation to them because they're the ones that are always going to be there like you're afraid, if you let go of those core clients that you have to move upwards and onwards, what if a drought happens in your business and you lose all these new shiny customers that are going to pay you more, and then you go running back to your old client. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. I know that I left you for something better." But you know, we have all these conflicting thoughts. 
Start to look, and check your finances, it will not hurt to hire an accountant to do the PNL for you. The harm is when you thought you’re doing great with your finances and it turns out that you’re losing them. 
  6:27
I'm bringing that up. Because when you have a wave of requests that comes in for your time, and your energy, and you'll have so much energy to go around what bread and butter clients do you keep and hold on to? It's like shedding skin, it's painful. And we've raised our prices tremendously. And now we have a minimum $300 minimum to even show up on the property. We do landscaping and window cleaning, both. We do a lot more landscaping, especially this year because COVID and going inside people's homes isn't working right now. But now in landscaping that's jumped up to a $500 minimum just to show up on the property to do any maintenance. And now I'm actually strongly considering it's got to be a $700 minimum just to show up on somebody's property. And if you have a crew, it's got to do a grand a day to even make anything even worth it. And if you, I could talk about this forever, but all I'm saying is, this whiteboard in front of me. And I really think that you've got to press the big red stop button. We’ve got a marker here? I'm looking for my marker and really look at what's going on to see where you're at. And another thing is doing your books, you don't have time to do your bookkeeping, which I know I didn't. If you don't have a PNL  statement, you don't even know where you're at. So, I broke down and I was going on upwork.com looking for a bookkeeper.
Hiring an accountant is not a waste of money, you will do this to save capital. So you could track where all your money is going to. Cool stuff is, they will provide you a PNL report each month so you could learn what’s going on with your business, your profit margins, and the amount of revenue coming in. 
8:01  
because I already have an accountant, you should have an accountant and all that stuff, right? It's not too expensive. Wow, bookkeeper. It's crazy. Oh, every penny you make is gone. I found Dan Platta from Blue Skies Bookkeeping, this guy's awesome. I'll put a link below for Dan Platta. I gotta remember whenever shout people out, I gotta so they can track it. And based on the size of your company, it's not even that expensive at all. And this guy literally goes into your bank account. And it's a little vulnerable. But what happens is each month, he spits out a PNL report. You could do a deep dive and learn what's going on your business, your profit margins, the amount of revenue coming in what you're spending on marketing and payroll and expenses, and all that stuff. Right?  And then you can see Oh, this is where I'm at. Okay?
9:00
I remember I was hanging out with DJ Carroll. We were in Phoenix, Arizona, and a live event walking down the street with him. And he's like, I'm like, well, "Who handles all the work?" He's like, "Well, my crews," I'm like, "Okay, well, who picks up the phones?" He's like "The secretary" I'm like, "Well, who manages all the invoicing in the billing and the payments and all that stuff in the administrative?"  He goes, "My office manager" I'm like, "Well, who balances all the books?" He's like, "My bookkeeper" I'm like, "Wait, who does all the accounting?" He's like, "My accountant" I'm like, "What would it mean? What if there's a legal issue and something goes wrong?" He's like, "My attorney handles that." I'm like, "What? Well, what about all this business that you say you have out of state? How do you even go do it?" He's like, "My subcontractors do that" I'm like "what?" then we go hang out, in his high rise apartment overlooking Louisville. And I'm like, "Aaaaahh!!" you gotta start f***  hanging out with these geniuses man and get the fuck away from the losers man. The people who bring you down and criticize you don't believe in your dreams because they don't have any dreams your own and they tell you that you can't do shit because they can't do it. I tell you, man, if you're a big smash a big fish in a small pond as a problem.
  Hey, stick around my friend, let’s give way to a short word from our sponsor 
  10:30  
Stick around more of the Untrapped Podcast is coming up.
  10:35  
Is managing your marketing stealing time away from growing your business or even worse? Stealing time away from your family? Enter the Radius Bomb. Radius Bomb converts leads into sales 24 hours a day seven days a week. Whether you're on vacation at the office or at home, it will be working for you non stop take the power back from the big competitors turn your marketing campaign into a powerhouse. Radius Bomb was created so the small businesses like yours can grow fast. If you want to use hyper-targeting to market your service business, get your free demo of Radius Bomb now just go to KeithKalfas.com/bomb. Yeah, you heard it go to KeithKalfas.com/bomb
  11:22  
The untrapped podcast continues. Here's your host, Keith Kalfas
11:27  
You gotta be a small fish in a big pond where you feel vulnerable and anxious being around these people, man. You're like I thought I was the shit. I get around these guys and girls, I realize. I feel like a f***  loser. You got to get around people who like you literally go home, bite your nails and I got to get my shit together. It goes on and on and on. I understand life is a beautiful gift. It's a wonderful thing of opportunity. If you have your health. You have wealth but what I really like is like Tony Robbins said, "Modeling what other people have done who have gone before you have gone through the minefield have been in the trenches" and the funniest thing is I was listening to Bob Proctor no no no no no-no-no.
12:19  
Joseph Rodriguez on YouTube, I don't watch a lot of YouTube because I'm so busy making videos and running my business but I do watch some YouTube, and I have some favorite YouTube in lawn and landscape YouTubers. But I do watch Joseph Rodriguez he's just a guy that does book reviews. And he does reviews of books like “Think and grow rich” by Bob Proctor and like all this mindset stuff and sometimes late at night, I'll turn him on and he said, "Howard the subconscious mind or something." Basically he was saying your relationship and this like the last two weeks have blown my mind off, of one thing because that's what we're really looking for. We're looking for an aha! Have you read, we're looking for an epiphany, you might have five, six, or seven bullets, Powwow, epiphany is in your lifetime. And that kind of the goal is to get these epiphanies where these dots in your mind like their actual synaptic connections, like real physical wiring, like when all of a sudden one gut will, like a synapse will happen. But because it connected the dots is the one that that goes and connects all these other dots and you go, wooaah!
Don’t let fear control you. Think outside the box, Don’t be afraid to expand. Hire someone if you need help. if that will help your business to expand. Plan, List, and then Execute my friend. 
13:34  
Oh my god. In the past week, I have hired four people. Four virtual assistants all over the world. And I'm interviewing hiring one more and possibly another. I already have seven. And I'm like, this is insane, and internet side of my business because we do a ton of landscaping already, but because you just start to see that you're the only one holding yourself back and you ask yourself these questions, like "How am I gonna hire somebody? If I don't have the money? I'm gonna get back to what I was saying about the Joseph Reavers thing about, "how am I going to do this? I can't do this. How do.."  you’re like, you let the fear control you,  he said, "You have to develop a relationship with the unknown. If you're so afraid of the unknown, and you get it, you're too afraid to do it. So you keep learning more about it." I don't want to do it. So let me learn more about it. You feel like you're actually going crazy because you can't stop studying and researching and asking questions and you keep bumping up against these walls in your mind. Because you're so afraid to just take the step. Because if you take the step, you feel like it's gonna be a Chinese finger trap. Like you stick your finger in that thing, and then it's your finger. Am I allowed to say that? No? you really watch every little thing you say? You've heard you're gonna open up a Pandora's box or step through a trap door that once you get in you can't get out or once you Do this thing. You're afraid like I like going on payroll, you're terrified to go on the payroll? What if I go on the payroll? Oh my god, oh my god, I can't get out. I know. It's like, whatever you try, you do. 
  15:10
Now you're in it and you can't get off that roller coaster, right? Well, the funniest thing is, once you just take a step forward into it, and you can even perceive it in your brain as a who's gonna do it as an experiment? You have to develop a relationship with the unknown say, "I'm willing to step into the unknown." A lot of times I get angry because I'm like, "Well, let me just spend money just What do you mean, just spend all your money?" No. But, sometimes if you don't just pick up the phone and make that call, or you didn't just go walk into the store and try that thing out. Or you don't just book that plane ticket and go do that thing, or call up that property manager and try to sell that job. You have to take action in the physical world, and that's the one thing that's stopping you is your relationship to the unknown. We're afraid of the unknown because it's like the Saber-toothed tiger chomping away at our bottom line, we feel the ego is trying to protect us from annihilation and death. So we avoid the unknown because we know what we know. And we know that at least this is working as long as we work our ass off and keep running like a rat on a wheel. It'll work. But I don't want to step into the unknown. And it's as simple as just crossing this little membrane.
16:36  
Oh, it's like you just dip your toe in the water and anything. I'm really onto this lately and I'm having all these epiphanies. I'm very excited about, quick thing before I forget. This is window cleaning thing but the International Window Cleaning Association which is the IWCA 2021 January Vegas they're having their annual live convention. Come out there. they've invited me to be the keynote speaker which is awesome man, this is a dream come true. So I'll talk more about in the future if you happen to do window cleaning check me out on my window cleaning blueprint YouTube channel we just crossed the 12,000 subscriber mark. Window cleaning blueprint channel put a link in the description below all window cleaning stuff right there. I used to put it all on this channel that at some point a couple of years ago I split it up some people asked me like "Keith, you still be window cleaning?" Again, of course, but I don't put it on this channel as much anymore. My other channels called I am Ability. It's a channel about consciousness and mindset and all those types of crazy epiphanies. If you are a weird deep diver, check out that channel over there. I am ability. I'm very, very proud of the people that I see in this community and all the cats that are coming up and showing off how they're getting their business off the ground and to the next level posting on Facebook, Instagram, and on YouTube. 
Help will start from within, but you need a mentor to guide you. Get yourself a mentor, who could be your coach and a friend. 
18:00
Phenomenal examples of being a role model and leadership, and which Another important part of that is, you know when you're tied up in your own business, making moves and getting around other people who have a mindset of wanting to be proactive and move forward, and also keeps you out of trouble. My heart goes out to the people who get tangled up in drugs and alcohol, and I just pray for you. And I hope that you knock that stuff real soon. And I just felt called to say that and get around other people who are crushing it. Get over yourself limiting beliefs, and feelings of unworthiness you have by getting around and finding mentors, find a mentor, hang out with people who got their shit together, and who are getting their shit together, right? I speak about that sometimes on this channel because I come from a History. I never was addicted to drugs or alcohol myself, because I saw what it did to the people that I love. And it broke my heart. My own mother died of a drug overdose, a heroin overdose, and hurt my family, it hurt me. And taking years and I'll never overcome it. And so I think that I know, that when you're subject to all these different things growing up, it makes you two choices, the blue pill or the red pill. 
19:34
Do you want to go that way? Or do you want to fight and be...  This is another powerful thing. I'm talking fast because I got so much to do. I was at a live convention once and there's a leader His name is Chris Brady. I followed him outside after he got off stage. It was kind of weird, but he was getting in his Mercedes. I was like, "dude, I got to talk to you." I was just reaching out, right? I say "man, I grew up from such a poor family and I want to be successful, so bad. Is there a possibility that I can be successful one day?" I was like 18. He says, "You know what? Maybe you. You're going to be the one that turns the tide of your entire family's history. You're going to be the one that changes everything. You're going to be the one that erases the old stuff turns the tide of your family's finances. And then from you, the buck stops with you." And that takes having courage takes being bold and it takes having difficult conversations, drawn lines in the sand, and creating healthy boundaries. And what I mean by that, and all this stuff here, look at that, my live event marketing ROI live workshop, we're thinking about throwing that event. In spite of COVID let me know in the comments below if you would come to my live event in Michigan, we're gonna throw this live event, these healthy boundaries I'm talking about, alright. here it is like this. You let everybody know you make an announcement you say, "Hey, on Wednesday nights, from 6 to 9 pm I am going to be doing X.And then you do that people are gonna go nuts at first they're not gonna like it, "Where's Keith on Wednesday nights at 6 pm? He's doing this thing. Yeah, he thinks he's gonna manage his books or he's gonna go out in the garage and work on stuff, study or pursue his dream. We have been helping him open head for the frying pan." 
Consistency is the best practice, It’s a healthy balance. Make it a rule of thumb to yourself. 
  21:34 
But if you just keep doing that thing, every Wednesday night, it develops a habit then everybody just gets with the program and then they can actually relax as well. Well, you know what, maybe I'll just do my thing. Because they know now it's the law. Once they know that there's no arguing and they know and that gets applied anything is it like every Saturday morning I put out a video I'll put a link in the description below the Saturday finances every Saturday I wake up people who know me know don't I'm doing it come hell or high water I don't care if I'm on vacation I have to do my Saturday finances because not only is it an ambitious thing, but I'm terrified of losing everything because I grew up very poor, right? And this one habit has changed my entire life. I'll put a link below we just put up blog posts article to KeithKalfas.com/blog all about Saturday finances, it's coming out right now. No one Saturday mornings you do Why? and Sundays I don't know what you like to do Sundays. Do you have a spiritual thing? Do you like to sleep in, you like to go to church, but you do that thing and you maintain consistency. Now you're putting constraints you say I don't like to have these constraints, where I got to do all these things, right? Well, I'll tell you one thing. If you don't have boundaries in your life and in frameworks and structure, then your life is just going to spill all over the place and not only will you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, but that you'll have unhealthy relationships with the people around you because they can never count on you for anything because you're always just spilling all over the place. It's a healthy balance. 
23:17
So, because every Tuesday night, we have a date night with my wife, actually, this last Tuesday, we are so busy. It was like the first time in months. We had like half a date night we, I think we'd like to watch half a movie and fell asleep. A really busy week. So what does that tell you right there? those videos all over the place. It tells you that the rule can be broken, but you keep setting the intention and setting the rule and it starts to carve a path in the physical world and your neurology and your psychology, right? And then you can move forward so I've got this crazy battle boards going on here. I went crazy before all these battle board planning and scheduling a to-do list calendars and stuff. Having people that hold you accountable is very important. But at some point, I think that you get so frustrated that one day you just snap. I can't take any more. I'm making a cup of coffee. I'm getting this. I'll get another whiteboard or go straight to Office Depot. Go get yourself a whiteboard right now. And just get all your thoughts out, take pictures of it, get sticky notes. If you can't do it at home, go to the library, find an app or a Trello board, or just get out there and take massive action. Or maybe you're the opposite. Maybe you're so burned out. You just need a week off. You can go on your calendar, maybe you're booked a month out you say a month from now. I'm taking a week off I don't care. I need to decompress.
 24:50  
Whenever you require. You're feeling is an important thing to you it's there for a reason. And you have to acknowledge That thing and honor that and do that. And be that so you can become who you want to be. It's just so important. Because I tell you if you don't get on the path, I always say this, David Deida said, he wrote a book called the way of the superior man, lock yourself in a room with a notepad and a pen. And do not come out until you know your purpose. Because the longer you don't know that along, you keep spinning your wheels frustrated, you just watch years of your life go by, and then you just sit in, you start getting like, more and more frustrated. desperation and despair and things like that. So if you're not able to live your highest calling and do what you want to do, and be happy because you're afraid of making other people around, you feel uncomfortable, and then you do it anyway. And now you feel like you're being selfish because you're so ambitious. And then you try to lower your ambitions so you don't make other people feel uncomfortable. At some point. You're just gonna like that, like, just get the f**  off me, dude. I'm doing what I got to do. It's this level of selfishness. Eben Pagan is a guy I follow he had a course called Wake up Productive. This dude still makes hundreds and millions of dollars. He said it's very important. He believes that everybody has a two to three year period in their life where they become incredibly selfish and incredibly self-centered and focused on themselves and their lives, their productivity, their success, their goals, their dreams, or they block everything else out and they just become obsessed and totally selfish. 
26:34
And another thing my buddy coach Rob taught me here now and say no with no residue. When you get to the point where you can hear no and speak no. There's no residue. Hey, can you come to help me do this thing I know it's random and I know it's Thursday or Sunday, but I need you to help me move? Will you help me move this weekend or now? Can you come to rescue me? No, I can't I'm already booked out with obligations and priorities, and my name is on the line in ink for six weeks to over 100 people. And I can't squeeze you in. I'm sorry. Your lack of planning is not my emergency. Now, if somebody's broken down and it's a family member, some of you got to go help him right, of course. But what's weird is, if every time somebody has an emergency, they know that they can call you and they're not responsible for taking care of their own bullshit. Now you become that person that's always running around doing everything everybody else and now you're becoming more and more miserable, trapped in this weird cycle of codependency and guilt. And you can't get your fucking dreams together in your life together. So having discernment and clarity to get clarity around those things is so important. It's very complex. And the more you grow is the more complex all this stuff goes. And that goes and I think it's very important to have a healthy relationship with yourself and healthy interior space so that you can have a healthy exterior space, all this shit like you see some of these people who have these million-dollar businesses, some of them are a complete mess. Some of them really actually got their sh** together. 
28:07
And I think that maybe the guy who doesn't have a multi-million dollar business but or girl who is successful and well rounded, who are they behind closed doors? When you don't see them on social media? Who are they late at night? Are they studying rereading, learning, spending time with their family exercising, meditating, or are they out doing bad things? You know, that? Never judge a book by its cover? I got to get back to work, man. I feel like I'm working right now. So excited. Later, my podcast just hit 120,000 downloads the untrapped podcast, Keith Kalfas at all major podcast platforms. Check it out. What else? I got a new online course coming up called the landscaping course part two, my brand new book is out. It's on audible.com. It's called "Your first year in the landscaping business." That's all be ready soon I'll put a link in the description below. We're doing a whole thing. I can't talk too much about it. But um, alright, peace.
29:21  
All right, that concludes this episode of the untrapped podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you know anybody who would get value from this episode, please don't hesitate to share it with them. And good news. We're quickly moving up in the rankings in the entrepreneurship category on iTunes, and the top 100. So if you could go to iTunes or click the link below and type in the untrapped podcast and please take a quick moment to leave us a well worded positive five-star review. It helps the show out so much. And as always, you can go to my podcast page, Keith kalfas.com, forward slash podcast and also leave your comments if there are any topics You would like to hear more about KeithKalfas.com/podcast and you can also get my free PDF download the seven steps to marketing your business by texting the word untrapped 231996
  Check out this episode!
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thehavenmh · 6 years
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The Haven's Beginnings
Zen Founder
 The Haven Support Network
 I was 30 years old and had just gotten married when I last tried to kill myself. I was actually in a psych ward on the upper west side of Manhattan and went into a bipolar mixed state due to natural chemicals, rapid cycling, and new medications. It made me suicidal. In a few minutes of fixated psychosis, I climbed up on to the top of a wardrobe in my bedroom, kneeled on the top, and dove off on to the top of my head. I had hoped that it would break my neck and kill me. My luck, it only did one of the two. I shattered my C5 vertebra in my neck and fractured my T6 in my back into three pieces. I needed surgery to repair my neck and they needed to use a mesh wiring to keep everything together. It was a long, gruesome recovery. But I lived and that’s what brings me here today. Mental illness has dictated much of my life for the last 20 years. The first time I attempted suicide I was 13 and in a manic state brought on by Prozac. As a result I ended up in a teen psych unit for about a month. It was a horrific experience, one I often blame myself for because I didn’t choose the nicer hospital. But I was 14, what did I know? The psych unit was old and kind of rough around the edges, not slick and sterile like in an actual hospital. There were 2-4 girls to a room and half the beds were falling apart. The different buildings were separate so we walked with nurses between Lodge (my unit), the school building, and the dining hall. Eventually, due to excessive self-harm behaviors, I wasn’t allowed to leave Lodge.  I was introduced to the quiet room, shatter-proof glass, velcro mittens to keep me from scratching myself, forced sedatives, and strait jackets. At one point it got so intense that I had four fully grown men holding me down on the floor, while one sat on top of me to keep me still, and was then injected with a sedative in my buttcheek. They tied me up in a strait jacket and put me in some sort of sling so they could carry me wrapped up to the van which would take me down the hill to the more intense quiet rooms. In my head it’s “the burrito.” Many more things happened in that month, but those are stories for another time. I lost friends because of what people said and believed about me. Which is fair, honestly. I was out of my mind and likely an unhealthy influence on those close to me. I was literally losing my mind in a mental hospital. It’s understandable. But part of that experience was my first run in with the stigma of mental illness. I hadn’t known that it was truly bad to be crazy. We had a psych hospital and rehab center in my town growing up. We always joked, don’t go nuts or the whitecoats would come take you away, but that was about as serious as it got.  What happened, which I didn’t know at the time, was I had come face to face with the stigma of mental illness. Stigma rears its nasty head whenever there is something unknown, liminal, abnormal, not understood. People with mental illness suffer a tremendous amount of discrimination and a huge proportion of people suffering don’t even have access to mental healthcare to try and improve their situations. One contributing factor is simply that mental illness has been taboo to talk openly about and continues to be taboo in most places around the world. Men in particular find it hard to come forward and discuss their mental health. While we find it difficult to have conversations about mental health, people find themselves in hopeless situations and lose their battles with mental illness.  Suicide statistics show that over the last 45 years suicides have gone up 60% worldwide. “The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that each year approximately one million people die from suicide, which represents a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100,000 or one death every 40 seconds. It is predicted that by 2020 the rate of death will increase to one every 20 seconds” (Suicide Statistics | Befrienders). These are terrifying statistics, made even more so by the incredible lack of mental healthcare in most parts of the world. Even in the developed countries access to mental healthcare is never simple.  The American pay-to-win system leaves those living paycheck-to-paycheck with few options and high deductibles if they’re able to get an insurance plan at all. In the UK waiting to see a psychiatrist through the NHS could take up to two years, especially if you’re looking for a specialist. In Brazil if you go to an emergency department and proclaim that you’re going to kill yourself, they will call your doctor and send you home. In many other countries there is simply nowhere to go. When I was younger I relied on chatrooms and forums, seeking solace in the experience of others, looking for validation for what was happening in my head. I discovered that I wasn’t alone. Last year I went looking for a mental health community that I could get involved in. I found a chatroom and moderated for a while. Mostly I offered support and advice to people who were having a rough day or in crisis of some sort. At some point a friend of mine left the chat and casually said, oh you might try making one yourself.  Today I run a network of mental health peer support chat servers. We use an application called DiscordDiscord - Free Voice and Text Chat for Gamers, that you can use on mobile, in browser, or in Discord’s desktop app. The Haven Support consists of three servers: Haven Lite, which is for people 13 and up who are living with mental illness; Haven Retreat, which is for people 13 and up who are looking for emotional support and a lively community; and The Haven, our main server that is 18 and up and you must be living with or believe you are living with mental illness.  I began The Haven set on cultivating an environment where people could feel less alone, could get help when they otherwise couldn’t, or give back because helping others helped them too. The phrase that came to mind was, “Care when you need it, care for others when you can.” I’m bipolar so I’m used to a rollercoaster of capability. What I imagined for the community was something similar. When you’re down and you need a hand, someone is there to grab you. When you feel like supporting someone, you can reach out and see who reaches back.  We are a tight community that wouldn’t survive without our peer support volunteers and the moderating team. The most important role in the server is Support. Having the Support role means that you receive notifications when someone is asking for help in one of our 1:1 support channels. Without the people who volunteer in the support channels, The Haven wouldn’t be anything like it is today. I am constantly amazed and forever grateful for the time and effort that people are willing to give each other. It is humbling. Our guides, support mods, and moderating team are also all volunteers who donate their time (and sometimes money) to keeping the peace, making sure all three servers remain safe spaces for people to hang out in. I always tell my team that we should strive to do what is best for the greatest amount of people. The long-term goal for The Haven Support is to become a non-profit that raises money for people anywhere in the world who cannot access timely or effective mental healthcare. I hope that along this journey I am able to spread some awareness about the very real struggles that people with mental illness face day to day. It is still more acceptable for women to receive treatment for mental illness, but men are just as or more likely to be struggling and are more prone to committing violent suicide. Maybe in a few years it will feel more OK to say, “I lived,” after a suicide attempt. Hopefully within the next decade schools will begin to teach mental health as often as they teach physical health. Replace detention with meditation. Let kids play more and let teens sleep later. Mental illness is above all a physical illness: it is the connections between neurons, the electrical and chemical exchanges in the synapses. As far as science can tell, we do not exist outside of our bodies and our minds are theoretically contained in our brains. Since our brain is just an organ, all malfunctions thereof should be considered like those of any other organ. We do not judge people’s character because they have a broken leg, so nor should anyone judge a person for a depressive episode or a psychotic break. I have borderline personality disorder, but that just means my amygdala is bigger than yours.  The Haven is the result of hard work and good luck. I found an amazing team to work with, lots of loving members who help each other when in need. We are constantly growing, and our newest connection with PsychCentral has really bolstered our position. I look forward to this new chapter in The Haven’s life. 
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thejerkstorecalled · 7 years
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#Triatus: it’s been a while...
Not only did I take an 8+ month triatus from racing, but evidently from writing about it, too! This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been training or busy. In fact, quite a few things have happened since my last 2016 triathlon:
Half marathon PR (:05 is :05, baby!)
Marathon PR (five whole minutes!)
some fun albeit wet winter riding and climbing, so rainy here in Cali this winter!
A winter training weekend with my new racing team for 2017, Team Freeplay, such as amazing group of ladies!
a fun and festive “hens weekend” in Palm Springs 
a half marathon non-PR but it was my third fastest time on arguably the toughest course I’ve raced and a 2nd OA finish 
a WEDDING! Mine :) it was incredible and perfect 
Leading up to the nuptials, I was doing a pretty solid volume of training, semi-structured even. I did have a bit of wedding hangover from the lack of structure and routine the week of and even a bit immediately following, but within a week or so was back at it, aided by the awesome performances of so many friends at 70.3 Florida. Always so inspiring to watch people race, and it helps get me back in the mindset. 
I was most worried about coming back on the bike given the run training that I’d done in preparation for the half marathon. Perhaps some of my best yet. I had been riding with the guys a good bit throughout the winter and rejoined the group rides after only a short wedding hiatus feeling pretty strong. Coach then had me do a “crash week” on the bike, logging 250 outdoor miles and 6.5 Kickr hours across nine days. I felt great and was really enjoying it. The only thing that started to surface was the result of the rainy season really leaving. This meant that the super bloom equated to super allergies. Windy, long rides outdoors often left me out of commission for the rest of the day or longer and didn’t help recoery sleep. 
As the weather improved, and my outside time expanded to upwards of ten hours or so in a given weekend riding, running, swimming and leisure-riding, my allergies wreaked havoc. I couldn’t breathe. Ever, it seemed. Brushing my teeth was a cardio/anaerobic event. Sleep was intermittent at best. The resulting sloppy trail runs left me bruised and scabbed from tumbles. My cycling still seemed okay, strong even, but my running felt like it was really taking a hit. Intervals were a joke and a half. I was miserable and also concerned that some of my symptoms felt like an overreach for simple allergies. 
I finally broke down and scheduled an appointment with an allergist, and also started a regimen of local honey. Desperate times called for desperate mesasures. The allergist diagnosed and prescribed much of the typical for what I was experiencing, but a bit stronger than the OTC remedies that I was maxing. And then the curve ball: asthma. And an inhaler; for all that wheezing, shortness of breath and tight chest. How could I underperform on a breathing test? I could only say to the allergist “but I exercise a lot.” It threw me off, but I shouldn’t have been totally surprised, as both my parents have asthma, and I specifically remember my Dad - a very active and fit individual - carrying an inhaler for as long as I can recall. It was also partially a relief and an end to a paranoid pursuit of googling things like “symptoms of Lyme disease” as I’d wondered if I’d been ineffective cleaning up after long jaunts on trails. 
I had some interesting (weird?) internal battles that followed during workouts and also my first triathlon back: Folsom International. I didn’t want to be in a haze of medication so I opted not to take any pre-race but to have it for when I finished. I hadn’t done any open water swims yet on the year, so made sure to get transition set up early enough that I had ample time to swim in the water and adjust to the coldish (mid-60s) temps and murky composition. 
The swim started in deep water because of debris from branches and sticks at the lake entrance. My start wave was the last and a bit large, and I started near the front from wide right (typical). The horn sounded, and I started swimming and felt pretty good. Until I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if it was the water (temps or murkiness), the aerobic effort, or my respiratory limitations, but I felt out of breath very quickly. I then started to panic, not eased by the sense of crowdedness. This was exacerbated by the goggles I’d selected, which had limited periphery and fogged up terribly.  I couldn’t see anything, and the buoys I was trying to spot were *white* versus the typical neon orange or yellow. I moved to the far right, which helped, but I ended up implementing a lot of tarzan swimming and breast stroke. Mostly as I swam through large patches of the same kind of debris as was near the shore, moving sticks and branches away from my neck and head. It felt like I was being choked by them. If there had been more kayaks or if I could see them, I might have called it a day in the water. Fortunately and unfortunatley, I have experiences like Ironman Wisconsin and Escape from Alcatraz to pull from, where I was in a crappy swim situation for much more than 1,500 meters!
I was SO excited to be done with that swim, and just wanted to pedal and climb on my bike. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to get on my bike so badly. I had a blast riding the rollers and the bigger, steeper climbs further out on the course. On one of these longer, steeper climbs in the last half of the bike, I rode past a young twenty-something from an early start wave and gave her kudos. She responded by confirming that there were only two more ladies ahead of me. That was exciting considering that I’d started last! I passed one more about five miles up the road. We then went off-roading through a gravel section before getting back to transition where I noticed that the most recent pass had caught up and was right with me. 
The run was on trails, which got me super-excited to get to the run portion of the race. You can’t really be a stickler about pace on trails, so it’s all about effort, chasing people and having fun. I had a sense of urgency departing transition since the other gal was young, and therefore I assumed she’d be fast ha ha! Plus, I had one to catch! I started off feeling okay and progressively felt better as I traversed the changing terrain throughout the run: soft sand, single track, steep fire trails and everything in between. Some folks coming back the other way encouraged me that the other lady was not far ahead. I really wanted to ask: how many minutes and how old is she? If she were younger, there was a good chance that I was actually in the lead. Did I have a buffer?! I felt amazing the last mile or two and dropped some guys that I’d been running it in with, though did not catch the other female (spoiler alert: she was not younger and got me by 2′). 
After I crossed the finish line, I immediately launched into a terrible coughing and wheezing attack. It was at this moment that I realized I’d left all my meds - inhaler included - at home. It was scarry with my obliques cramping through the violent cough fest, leaving me struggling to breathe. 
I didn’t wait around too long before heading home, and my other allergy symptoms had already started to unleash. Home was not close and I wanted to be there so, so badly. I was also starving, but not about to stop for food because I didn’t want to delay my arrival home. The two-hour ride home (Sac Saturday traffic FTW) was an emotional rollercoaster. I felt like now my issues had names and that was affecting how I thought about them. Like they were a real thing that owned me. I felt like I had this dependency now, like I was vulnerable. I hate that. I’ve always liked to feel independent and tough. This didn’t feel that way. The old me, before I knew I had a thing with a name, would have said “I feel like crap, so I’m promising myself a beer, tacos and a hot bath when I get home; until then, I’m putting on my big girl briefs and sucking it up.” This internal dialogue made me upset, mad. 
Over the following days, deciding that I don’t like being dependent on things and that this affliction bothered me less when I thought I was just “feeling like crap,” I decided to forgo the meds. I felt good enough without them, but still needed to use the inhaler when I had episodes that called for it. 
My run came back around over the weeks following and I started nailing my run workout targets. Some of this was the resolution that I was done feeling like crap and it was time to get it done, but it also helped that the temperatues were heating up and the allergens clearing the air. I freakin’ love the hot weather (don’t let me forget this in two months:) ), and have been spending time in the steam room at the gym to assist. This has been a good impetus for me to log a couple short bonus swims each week, post-swim steam room time!
I will say that I’ve continued to struggle on the bike. Trainer rides, and some outdoors, where I’ve had tough targets. It’s the balance of relying on the legs versus the lungs. Being what I’d consider a softer and more noodly* athlete compared to my more muscular counterparts, I’ve always relied on my lung power (cardio, cadence) to get me through tough sessions and intervals. After finding myself gasping through many a trainer workout and feeling on the brink of tears, I’ve had to learn how to lean on my legs, and that burns! 
*this is not for lack of trying! I love my strength training sessions, and make a concerted effort to get a lot of daily protein by way of protein powder in smoothies, hardboiled eggs, greek yogurt, nuts and legumes, salmon. etc
It’s frustrating because my Instagram feed is too many ladies raving about their amazing trainer sessions and these workouts they’ve conquered to achieve their goals and how they feel so great about themselves. And how FUN it is! It’s tough to think about that during a session where you feeling like you’re dying and it’s the furthest thing from fun. My conclusion is that they’re simply not working hard enough if they’re having that much fun, ha! There have been - during and after trainer sessions - a lot of near-tears and declarations to quit triathlon altogether and other things found in the “dark place.” It’s been a learning process so far this season to reconcile how I use my body (legs vs lungs and in between) to achieve the targets set forth. Should be an interesting season...
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