#Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Colour Me Sad

Hey there, crumb dumpsters. It's February now, huh? Or, wait, was it already February last week…? It all kind of runs together, doesn't it? Ah, well, let's just get into it.

Here's the cover:

Ah, good, another really nice cover. I'm glad to get to show you her red outfit, because it's pretty cool. The best covers of this series have all been the most magical-girl-focused ones, haven't they? Maybe that's a lesson other comics need to take to heart. I mean, I'd read Batman more if he was a magical girl, wouldn't you~? Anyways, cool cover, and cool outfit for someone who's essentially a magical girl track-and-fielder~

Our story so far: Real world girl Wisp used her friend Willow's security system to fight shadow monsters and got sent to the Rainbow Lands, where she took up the role of legendary hero, Rainbow Brite. The King of Shadows is stealing all colour from the world, so she has to unite the seven Color Guardians to reignite Rainbow Castle. She, her sprite friend Twinkle, and Color Guard Red Flare are in the land of Red Mesas to do exactly that: rescue another Color Guard from the dungeons. But first, they gotta fight an evil robot named Herky. Excellent!

Herky is a robot with one objective: grab the intruders. He's already got Red Flare in his grip, but Wisp is a bit more clever. Recall that Red Flare thinks his power of super speed is only good for running away. Wisp, however, is a little more clever, and able to use it offensively. She first runs deeper into the cave so she can use the tunnel to dodge an extended fist, and then loops around so she runs behind the various lizard minions, while Herky punches and knocks them all out. See how super speed can be the best power~?

Herky, frustrated now, activates his ultimate move: spin mode. Fall before the unchecked might of… the windmill! Red Flare quickly becomes ill, while Wisp just shows her skill at jumprope. Finally, Herky gives up on capturing her, and goes instead for outright attacking. He slams the ground, which causes the sands to ripple enough to knock Wisp off her feet. Herky's fist comes down, and she's knocked out. The next time we see our heroes, they're undeground, in the prison cells set below the mine. Captured…

Red Flare is depowered and Wisp is unconscious, but she's being tended to by someone off-screen. The dialogue indicates it's the green Color Guardian. While they tend to Wisp (with the help of Twinkle and the green sprite, Lucky), Red Flare gushes about Wisp's performance. Red Flare's own red Sprite, Romeo, is also here. Having seen her in action now, he's definitely convinced she's the real deal for Rainbow Brite now. Twinkle backs him up, telling Lucky all about their adventures so far. They're also preparing some bandages for the unconscious Wisp.

Wisp doesn't stay that way for long, though, since she's the main character and all. She wakes up, and almost screams. And here's where we get our first look at the green Color Guard. Now, Red Flare is just a human boy with spiky black hair. Green, on the other hand, has bark-brown skin covered in swirl patterns, and leaf-like green hair. She has two small branch-like horns just above her eyebrows, and her eyes have large black irises. She introduces herself as Patty, claiming her real name is too hard to pronounce with human mouthparts.

Yep, remember when Twinkle explained that Rainbow Land provides colour for all the other worlds? Yep, that was confirming the existence of aliens. When choosing Color Guard candidates, why not pick from the best in all the universe? Wisp is pretty stunned by the revelation, even having been in Rainbow Land with a magical Sprite for about a day or so now. However, while she's yelling about this, another voice rudely tells her to keep it down, as some folks are trying to sleep. And then from nothing, a fourth Sprite appears. I almost said "third", because Romeo has not contributed one lick to the conversation so far.

This is Gloomy, a dark-coloured Sprite, who's also called an Envy or N.V.--a Non-Visible. Colour extends beyond the spectrum of what we can see, you know! Gloomy is the Sprite for Ultraviolet. He's kind of understandably crabby because most folks can't even perceive him. It's hard to invite someone to a picnic if you don't even know if they're in attendance. Just like he's crabby now because they're interrupting his nap. Twinkle points out that he's not even locked up in a cell like they are, but he demands they be the ones to leave.

Wisp tries talking to him, but he's no less patient with her. He already knows who she is, because he knows Twinkle's own backstory. Twinkle used to get bullied because he was a white Sprite. But there's no such thing as a white Sprite. He doesn't know what land he belongs to or what his purpose is. So he poured himself into studying, and that's how he discovered the history of white Sprites and the legends of Rainbow Brite. He's been waiting all his life for Rainbow Brite to appear, so he'd finally have a purpose. And now he's found her!

Wisp calls Gloomy out for being a bully, since he doesn't see her saving anybody from that side of the cage. At least she tried! At least Twinkle tried, and he had to go all the way to another world. And Lucky and Romeo are here, too! Where's Gloomy's Color Guard, after all? Gloomy replies that it takes a certain kind of person to be the Ultraviolet Guard, and while he's listing off virtues, he catches wind of an unusual scent on Wisp. No one else can detect it, but he asks if she was wearing other clothing today. She mentions her friend Willow's jacket from earlier, and this is Gloomy's eureka moment.

Gloomy disappears, and they're not sure if he just turned invisible or not. He hasn't--we cut back to Earth. Like I said, it's been at least a day since Wisp and Twinkle met, and both Wisp's and Willow's families are at the police, trying to nail down their story of what happened to Wisp the previous night. Willow could see the shadows same as Wisp, but none of the adults could. All they know is Wisp disappeared some time after the alarm was tripped. The cops send Willow out into the hall so they can talk to her parents alone.

Frustrated, she storms out, pouting at how they don't believe her. If she'd made up the story, she'd have at least made up a better ending. But there is someone who believes her. Gloomy appears, and she recognises him as the same sort of creature accompanying Wisp when she disappeared. He tells her Wisp is in trouble, and she's the only one who can help now. But they have to hurry, or they'll miss the moment. He ushers her outside, to her confusion, and has her stand in a specific place. No time to explain! And the comic ends as a lightning bolt comes down from the heavens and strikes Willow! SHAZAM!

And I do mean the comic ends. Not just the issue. Yes, it is my sad duty now to reveal to you that, as good as this series was, it only ever got these five issues. This one came out five years ago this very month, so the chances of it getting picked back up are pretty slim now. As I mentioned at the start, this was an experiment in some way. We've seen disappointing comics before. Mostly because the comics were awful. Here, I wanted to show you that disappointment can come from good comics too~

So, yeah! We'll never see Wisp and friends get out of that prison. We'll never see the other members of the Color Guard or find out what kind of powers and outfits Wisp could draw from them. I think the ending here was setting up Willow to become Stormy, but we'll never see that either. We'll never even see more of these gorgeous covers! Isn't that just... unfortunate? I wish this could've gone on for so many more issues. However many it took to tell its tale.

Because let's face it, the one thing this series was bad at was pacing. It's a lot of exposition. It really has a huge backstory and a load of worldbuilding it wants to share. And it's good stuff! It's very interesting and enjoyable! But it is paced for a very long and ongoing book, and probably would've worked better as a graphic novel instead of an ongoing series. It's a real shame. Everybody who's also had a show cancelled early (especially nowadays in the streaming age) shares this pain. I hope this at least puts a little more word out there that this existed, for however brief a time, so you can hold it in your hearts with me~

#comics #reviews #Rainbow Brite #Taiblog

[askpinkietai]

And that’s two more shelves I’ve now filled with books. I am, in fact, out of places to put shelves, let alone books~

On the left, we have Goosebumps on top, then Stephen King and other horror-adjacent titles. Just to fill some space, Harry Potter and Eragon take up this shelf, so they don’t have to touch any of the other books. The shelf under that is what I term “assorted”. Most of them are still pretty good, though. And the bottom is all my strategy guides.

The right-hand shelf is filled mostly with my childhood nostalgia. You got Animorphs filling the first row and a half. This is then followed by Bruce Coville and Louis Sachar, two other authors that really fed into my childhood. Third shelf is Lemony Snicket and the Bunnicula series, along with those Girl Genius novels. The fourth then has some Equestria Girls books and other MLP writings, the Help! I’m Trapped series, and does anyone remember Alex Mack? And down on the bottom shelf are some Star Wars books written in Shakespearian English, the books I’ve reviewed for the Taiblog, a His Dark Materials compilation volume, and the non-comic Dilbert books.

There’s still, like, three other boxes of books I don’t have shelf space for. These were the ones I figured were most worth shelving for now. And yes, even Harry Potter. Say what you will about those--and there is a lot to say--at the very least they do look good on a shelf. Saves me the trouble of figuring out which of these leftover summer reading books to shelve~

And that’s the complaint: I could’ve heaped Harry somewhere else if it didn’t seem like a bunch of my books disappeared when we moved. Where’s all my Gordon Korman novels? Where’s the Professor Childermass series? Why do I have two copies of Jurassic Park, but not more James Howe books~? It is a mystery, and it’s a good thing my birthday’s coming up~

And speaking of childhood things, please admire my Ghostbusters HQ sandwiched lovingly between the shelves~

#The New Tai Room #posts about books

[taiblogcomics]

These Colours DO Run

Hey there, colorless don'ts. Can you believe it's February already? Let's hope there's some good comics to come in this, the shortest of months! In fact, here comes one now~

Here's the cover:

HORSE.

…Actually considering leaving the cover review at just that. Like, this is a fun one. It's certainly better than last issue's cover! Like, don't get me wrong. All of these covers have been well drawn and gorgeously coloured. Which, for a series that's literally about the power of colour, that's super important! But other than issue 2's magical girl stylings, I don't know if any of them have wowed me, y'know? They don't quite feel unique. You could put any horsegirl on this cover, and slap it on a tween YA novel. Maybe I shoulda been reviewing the alt covers after all~

In recap! Little miss Wisp has come to the Rainbow Lands, and Twinkle figures she might be the latest incarnation of legendary hero Rainbow Brite. And, in fact, she recovers a magical scepter that gives her such powers, at least for a little while. With the scepter on recharge, Twinkle opts to go looking for help in one of the confirmed still-free lands, the Red Mesas. Wisp takes a literal leap of faith and jumps through space to get there, and very nearly falls off the planet entirely. Thankfully she's saved by Red Flare, a handsome youth and last free member of the Color Guard. No word on whether the rest of the marching band is also free.

Red Flare starts with "So you're supposed to be some kind of hero?", which isn't very endearing. Wisp indeed retorts that she's supposed to be a kid who goes to school and doesn't walk around barefoot in a forest then a desert, but here she is anyway. This does little to bolster Red Flare's confidence, and he pulls Twinkle aside to have him explain the deal all over again. Twinkle is absolutely exasperated that no one listens, but dude, your whole job is exposition. That's why we have you in the story to begin with. Might as well play your role~

So here's another infodump for you. The Rainbow Lands consist of eight disk-shaped lands, seven orbiting the main land. The prism atop Rainbow Castle in the main land absorbs light and distributes it to each of the seven lands' own prisms, which then spread to other worlds to give them colour. But each prism also powers their own lands and gives them their unique powers. Red Flare, for example, can use the energy from red power prisms. But green ones will actually weaken him. By dividing up the lands, this is how the King of Shadows exploited the Color Guards' weaknesses.

Now, the legendary hero, Rainbow Brite, is someone who can use the colours of all the lands, as well as focus them together into white light. Strength through unity, you see? Half the problem, though, is that they only have half her accoutrements. There's a belt that goes alongside the scepter, and they need to find that fast. The other half, though, is: does this girl seem like a hero. Twinkle vouches for her, but Red Flare has a different tactic. He wants to hear from Wisp herself why he should follow her. Convince him!

Wisp sighs and brushes herself off. She tells Red Flare that maybe he shouldn't follow her. She doesn't think she's some superhero. She's just a regular kid. And who knows if Twinkle has ever been right about anything~? But… She is here now. Bad things are happening to this land and its people. She doesn't know whether she can actually do anything to help them. But she does know she has to try. And that's a great answer. Both in my opinion, and to Red Flare, who gives Wisp a fist bump and signs himself up. Red Flare joined the party!

So, what's first? Well, they should try and free the other members of the Color Guard. And here's a revelation: if each colour is weakened by its opposite, the Green Color Guardian is probably being held right here on Red Mesas. That seems like a good place to start. Another good place to start is the colour mines, which is being used as a makeshift dungeon. Staking out the joint, our heroes begin planning a way to bust in. However, before they can even get to discussing step one, they're interrupted by a noisy commotion nearby.

A group of lizard-like minions are dragging away a prisoner. This prisoner is a talking horse, a magnificent-looking white horse with a rainbow mane and an incredibly high opinion of himself. His name, as he grandly declares, is Starlite, and he is very much objecting to being dragged away as a prisoner. Actually, I'm not sure that requires much of an ego to object to, fair enough on him! Wisp, being a typical young girl, is immediately enchanted by him. Red Flare, on the other hand, shows familiarity with the horse, and would prefer they use his capture as a distraction.

Twinkle, chosen to be the tie-breaker, opts to go with Wisp. If she can free Starlite, that would be just as good (if not better) a distraction. Then he and Red Flare can slip into the mine under the confusion. One problem remains, though: the lizardfolk are still stronger than humans, and the scepter's out of juice. Red Flare, however, points out that it was said Rainbow Brite can use the powers of any of the prisms, and so he offers one up. Wisp absorbs the red light with the scepter and transforms!

This form's a little simpler than the full Rainbow Brite mode. The uniform's all red with some golden trim. It's got sneakers, fingerless gloves, and a solid-looking helmet. Think an all-red version of Korrina with no bare legs or skates. Even her blonde ponytail has red streaks in it! And "streak" is just the word, because she quickly discovers that this form also gives her the power of super speed, thus making her another in the legacy of scarlet speedsters. Red ones go faster! And so Wisp races off to handle Starlite's rescue.

And it's a pretty simple rescue, once she gets the hang of slowing down when and where she wants to. The lizardfolk are no match for her speed, and Starlite is soon free. She uses their own rope to tie up the lizardfolk, then flags down the other guards so they'll chase her. She's got super speed and Starlite is literally a horse, so they outpace their targets soon, letting Red Flare and Twinkle sneak closer. But as they run together, Starlite's haughty personality comes out. He's a little bit of a jerk, and doesn't want to be roped into a rebellion any more than literally roped as a prisoner.

Starlite abandons Wisp the first chance he gets, having never once called her by the right name. Dejected, she returns to her actual friends. Red Flare gets his "told you so" moment, but he's not smug about it, at least. Just the statement, then he moves on. Because Red Flare is actually a decent fellow, unlike Starlite. Anyway, the situation now is that there are more guards inside the mine. And one of them is a robot named Herky, personally built by Murky. Oh, I do hope he has a sibling named Jerky we meet later, that would be perfect~

Herky attacks, and Red Flare and Wisp decide to split their forces and get inside the mine, free the Green Color Guardian, and meet up later. It's a good thing Wisp is here, because Red Flare doesn't see his power as good for much besides running. You know, super speed, one of the most easily story-breaking powers there is. It's not very useful! And he proves this because, despite his speed, Herky is able to calculate where Red Flare will move next, and entangles him in his extendable arms. He's caught! Whatever will Wisp do now?? Probably save him and not abandon her friend, like that jerk horse, that's my guess~

Ah, this is a fun issue. More lore, as well as more focus on the powers and abilities Wisp can use! I love this kind of stuff, honestly. Anything with a variety powerset, unlocking each new power one by one... That's the stuff I really dig. And having her costume change to reflect each power and colour it represents is also a cool and unique idea! She could be the girl counterpart to Ben 10! Red Flare (upgraded from "Red Butler" in the original series) is also a likeable fellow. You can see how he's the last free Color Guard member--between his super speed and his actually intelligent personality. He's pretty well-written, which is very nice to see! Much more likeable than Rainbow Dash's terrible son~

#comics #reviews #Rainbow Brite #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

How to Brighten Up

Hey there, cola-flavoured slime. How's it going? Transported to any magical worlds lately? If so, I'm impressed you're still reading this blog! If not, well, at least let me do so by proxy with our next review~

Here's the cover:

Ah, another simple but really fantastic cover! Like, when it's a cover you'd hang up in your room as a poster, that's when it's a good cover, in my opinion. Again, the actual parts of this are very simple, but the colours are gorgeous--which is very important for a Rainbow Brite series--and it really evokes a magical girl feel to it. Which I suppose Rainbow Brite actually is! I should note that all of these comics also sold with alternate covers that used the original '80s-style Rainbow Brite graphics, but I prefer using whichever's the "main" or "default" cover for any issue I review, and also I wouldn't hang up those alt covers as a poster~

So, last time we were introduced to our oddly-named protagonist, an imaginative young girl named Wisp. One night, she's woken from sleep by a couple of shadow creatures stealing the blue from her mother's car. Literally, stealing the physical colour from it. Wisp is attacked by the beings when they discover she can perceive them, and runs into a little sprite named Twinkle. Twinkle provides exposition while Wisp runs to her friend Willow's house to trip the lights of the security system. The bright lights banish the shadow monsters, but also Wisp and Twinkle are transported to Rainbow Land…

Rainbow Land isn't living up to its name much these days, as everything is dark and gray. Also, we open with Wisp being pursued by a large wolf-like creature, so that's not great. It's large enough that going deeper into the forest is actually a good idea, where the trees are too thick for it to pass. Catching their breath for a minute, Twinkle explains its nature as a shadow hound, and Wisp reasons that if it's sniffing out their colours, they should hide among the gray leaves. It's enough to disguise them long enough for a loud noise to scare the hound off.

What caused said sound, though? It's backfire from an inelegant, boxy-looking grey vehicle that's pulled up. A tall green-skinned man steps out, cursing both the vehicle and the name of Lurky for providing said vehicle. Grumbling, he dons a jetpack and blasts off, muttering that a scientist's work is never done. Both the vehicle and his jetpack produce copious amounts of gray smoke, so we've got a potential pollution subplot brewing. I thought this was supposed to be a Rainbow Brite comic, not Captain Planet~

Once he's gone, Twinkle explains that the green fellow was Murky Dismal, a scientist in the employ of the King of Shadows. The King hasn't been able to steal the colour from certain things, so he's hired Murky to examine them. So far, Murky has discovered a way to use stolen colour as a fuel. Given how much smoke he's producing, though, it may be burning a bit of a fuel-rich mixture. In short, he's an asshole, and the King of Shadows lets him get away with doing his own thing most of the time. Best to avoid him!

Instead, their attention returns to the shadow hound. Since it was once a regular dog from the Rainbow Lands, there must be a way to turn it back, yes? Naturally, a bright white light is needed. So, as Twinkle explains, all colour comes from Rainbow Land. It's actually mined, and then stored in various prisms, which beam it to Rainbow Castle, and then spread through the various other worlds. The King of Shadows has been conquering the lands with his minions, sealing the mines and capturing the Colour Guards, which prevents new colour from being created. Without colour, joy, fun, and diversity will also disappear.

The King of Shadows is too powerful for any one Colour Guard to fight, so the only hope is the legendary hero who can unite all the colours into white light: the legendary Rainbow Brite! And thus we come to the crux of the matter: Twinkle thinks he's looking at the next Rainbow Brite right now. Given her ability to perceive the shadows even back on her own world, this can only be the ability of someone with a connection to Rainbow Land. Naturally, Wisp protests that she's anything special, but Twinkle implores her as a friend, and she promises to at least try.

First step: we gotta break into Murky's lab. A powerful relic is held inside. They approach cautiously, but Twinkle reveals Murky doesn't really deal in minions. He just has a monster. This does little to assure Wisp, but since the monster's inside, there's little need for stealth outside. Wisp decides to climb a tree up to a nearby window, but partway up, the shadow hound appears again. Dogs can't climb trees, but they can headbutt them violently, nearly causing Wisp to fall. Twinkle takes it upon himself to distract the hound, so it goes running off after him, leaving Wisp quite alone as she climbs inside the lab.

While Wisp sneaks around, she can hear Murky berating his underling Lurky. She catches sight of what can only be the relic: a scepter held in a beam of light. She attempts to run and grab it, but instead runs right into a huge hairy brown creature: the monster Lurky. Wisp screams in terror, and Lurky responds in kind. Before Murky can order him to grab her, she ducks around him and closes her hand around the scepter. There's a flash, and a magical transformation takes place! A sequence, you might even say. And when the light clears, Wisp stands before them decked in the outfit of Rainbow Brite~

Second issue, also pretty good! Now you've got your backstory, your stakes, and most importanly: your villain. Lurky looks pretty much the same as his '80s likeness, but Murky's received a good deal of a glow-up, gaining full human proportions, and... well, I wouldn't say handsome features, but perhaps normal ones. He looks like a cross between Mandark and Bunsen Honeydew, which is fitting for his role as the Shadow King's chief scientist. They're a decent villain pair in the classic "smart guy, dumb muscle" mold.

Anyways, next issue, Rainbow Brite's gonna kick some ass. See you then~

#comics #reviews #Rainbow Brite #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

A Bright Start

Hey there, minigun fights. All right, I'd like to do a little experiment here. I'll get to the actual theme of this experiment when we finish! Let's just enjoy the ride 'til then, eh? So then! Well, we've reviewed one marketed-to-girls '80s cartoon-turned-comic series. Why not another one? No, not the one you're thinking of!

Here's the cover:

Yeah! Are you surprised? Did you even know there was a modern Rainbow Brite reboot? This is honestly a pretty good glow-up, transitioning the character from the cute cartoony style to a realistic one without actually losing any of the charm or what made it work. Really good! Love the shading, too! I think the dramatic lighting effects and the nostalgia factor will snag in the readers alone with this one. And the character design is appealing enough that it should hopefully draw in new readers! Hopefully… (This is foreshadowing.)

So we open with a fantasy novel being read. It's not even one of those "in media res" things that leads to a fake-out, you're blatantly shown the novel as it opens. It's your standard "Oh, the evil forces, including a dragon and a skeleton army, are attacking! Who can save the poor peasant people??" And then, of course, two heroes appear! It's Willow, the wizard, and Wisp, the warrior! Magic and melee! Swordfighter and spellcaster! Your classic duo! And as they begin to fight off the vast hordes of evil, Willow can hear her name being called.

See, turns out Willow and Wisp are a pair of kids in standard suburbia. I dunno who's naming their kids "Wisp", but she is a blonde-haired white girl, so it kind of tracks. Maybe it's short for Wispethany or Wispamantha. Anyway, it's Wisp outside yelling for Willow to come play pretend with her. Fittingly, it's wizards and warriors again, so this must be a mutual thing they're into. Willow yells back that it's called LARPing, and Wisp doesn't care, just come play. So Willow goes charging outside, after briefly being waylaid by her strict-seeming parents.

The two friends meet up, and Wisp gushes over Willow's newly finished wizard robe. Wisp also wants to make herself armour, noting she wants to actually learn to forge it. Okay, this kid is definitely cool. The pair head out in the woods to do their pretends, although they don't get too far into it before Wisp gets hungry. So they head back home, do more pretend, and it honestly takes me back to when I was a kid. Both solo and with myself or the neighbour kids, I played a lot of pretend. Eventually, though, it's time for Wisp to go home.

Wisp is dropped off at her house, and her mom is already asleep on the couch, having left a note and dinner for Wisp. Wisp even does her own dishes, brushes her teeth, and is just about to get ready for bed when she hears a noise outside. Despite the rain, Wisp fetches her wooden sword and heads out to see what's banging around. And what she finds is some bizarre, formless shadowy creatures. They've drained all the colour out of her mom's blue car. Undaunted, Wisp readies her blade. And then the creatures notice Wisp is also wearing blue…

They lunge for her, and Wisp slips from their grip and strikes one in the face. They're rather surprised that she's able to both see and hit her, so they begin a chase. Wisp slips off down the street, and while running, she encounters something even stranger than the formless beings. It's a little floating man or creature with white hair, a belt bag, and star-tipped antennae. He introduces himself as a sprite named Twinkle, and at least acknowledges that meeting a sprite is unusual for her. I'm more shocked Wisp can keep up as much conversation as she does while running for her life.

Twinkle gives a bit of an exposition dump that somehow also fails to convey anything: the Guardian of Blue was recently captured, so the King of Shadows has sent his minions to drain blue from anything they can. While it's not immediately useful, it might explain some things. Rather than ditch her shirt and run around topless--which might lead to a very different comic--Wisp asks if there's any other way to stop the minions. Twinkle suggests a bright enough source of white light might fizzle them out, and Wisp gets an idea.

She continues her run down the street, heading for Willow's house. Willow's folks have a security system installed, which includes some automatic floodlights, and she reasons that might be enough to beat back the shadows. Hearing her friend's shouts, Willow awakens and sees what's going on in her yard. Thinking quickly, she uses her LARPing staff to smash the window, which triggers the security system and floodlights. The very bright lights cause the shadows to disappear--and Wisp disappears too! Willow and her parents find the yard empty except for Wisp's sword, and Wisp instead finds herself in a grayed-out landscape as Twinkle welcomes her to Rainbow Land.

Well! As an issue one, this is a great start. Very much the start of any sort of adventure cartoon like I remember in my youth. A kid or two, they encounter a villain's minion encroaching in the real world, they get whisked off (or perhaps, wisped off?) to another world for magical adventures. You've seen it a million times, but honestly, it's a winner of a setup. It two-fold gets you invested in seeing where it goes next.

#comics #reviews #Rainbow Brite #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

We're Off to See the Wizard

Hey there, disqualifications. All right, I'm on the final thing in our stack! And we're gonna end the same way we started: with a FiM alt universe fic.

Here's the cover:

Yeah, remember way back when we did "Little Fillies" #1? And I was wondering if they'd do other Classics Reimagined titles? Well, here's one for you! And at least this time, I'm roughly familiar with The Wizard of Oz. Like, I've never read the original books, but I've at least seen the 1939 film a couple times. I know the basic plot from parody and reference and pop culture. I know enough to know the ruby slippers are movie only, and they were silver in the book! Anyways, a pretty nice cover for this. Same artstyle as the "Little Fillies" story as well. This one might grab a few more eyes, at least~

I think we'll do the same thing I did in the Little Fillies review, where I name the character as the original work, then parenthetically refer to the MLP character playing them. So obviously, our depressed farmgirl is Dorothy Gale (Applejack). She lives with Uncle Henry (Big Macintosh) and Auntie Em (initially Rarity, but when she's way into playing Big Mac's wife, they swap her for Granny Smith. They also change the role from wife to mother). While they're making changes, Dorothy demands to be switched into overalls. So much for the iconic gingham~

So, before long, a tornado comes a-spinnin' into the story. Auntie Em! It's a twister! Starring Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton! She chases her dog, Toto (Winona), into the bedroom. This keeps her from enterting the storm cellar instead. And she's gonna wish she'd been in there, because the tornado doesn't just destroy the house, it lifts the whole thing spinning and spinning into another dimension! One with brighter colours! The main comic so far has been in muted, sepia-like colours (not outright monochrome), but springs to "full" colour at this point.

When everything's stopped spinning, Dorothy (just assume this is followed by "and Toto" every time, unless I specify) takes a peek out into this wide new world. She's greeted, not by munchkins, but by Breezies, which is one of the only times they've ever appeared in comics. They're super-enthused to meet a new princess, Dorothy having crushed the previous one. Dorothy tells them that both these facts are wrong, only to be swiftly corrected with the shot of Nightmare Moon's legs sticking out from under the house, silver horseshoes in the air.

Who should enter now but the Good Princess of the North (Celestia). Dorothy objects to the lazy find-replace of "witch" for "princess", but Glinda or Celestia or whoever plows on ahead anyway. She introduces the concepts of one princess per cardinal direction, two good and two wicked, and the Unicorn of Odd (title drop!) who might be even more powerful. Dorothy is about to make a feminist comment, but is interrupted by Nightmare Moon's dissolving. The silver horseshoes are now relinquished, and Celestia forces them on Dorothy to keep the plot moving.

This version does mention the Deadly Desert surrounding the Land of Odd on all sides, which is why she can't immediately go home to Kansas. It's a bit distressing, but Celestia suggests heading east to the Emerald City where the Unicorn lives. And of course, the easiest way to get there? Follow the yellow brick road, of course. The Breezies agree to accompany her to the edge of their territory, and to Dorothy's relief, only the book is in the public domain. Thus, they don't have the rights to use any of the songs~

Finally, just as Dorothy is beginning to tire of the fawning reverence of the Breezies, they reach the end of their lands and part ways. They soon come all up ons a cornfield, and Toto begins to bark. Dorothy's worried for a minute, but it turns out to be just a scarecrow. To her shock, though, the Scarecrow (Pinkie Pie) begins to talk. She's very glad to have somepony new to talk to, since it's all been birds beore now. She's just terrible at scaring the crows, to her utter shame. She's just too good at making friends! See how she's made a new one just today~!

Dorothy uses her farm-found applebucking skills to knock the Scarecrow off her perch, freeing the straw-stuffed mare to move around and travel. And travel she does! She decides to accompany Dorothy on her journey, in the hopes of getting a brain from the Unicorn. She's happy enough with a head stuffed with straw, but what she really wants is to plan parties. Can't do that without a brain! And the comic ends as the pair set off, with Scarecrow also needing to be reminded they don't have the rights to the songs. But it's a comic book, so they won't be able to tell if she hums it instead~

Well, this seems like a lot of fun so far. Let's be honest, The Wizard of Oz is a lot more of an exciting and interesting story than Little Women. I'm sorry, but it's true. It'll appeal to your demographic a lot more, too. The roles seem pretty tailor-made for this, and Applejack is a natural snarker. So the asides and fourth wall breaks (there's a whole page of Celestia and Luna I left out to keep up the flow and to allow you to find the jokes on your own as you read) fit more naturally here. They got better at it here, with "Little Fillies" being their testing ground. I look forward to more of this, but alas, this is the only issue I have so far! Just like last time, we'll have to wait until I get a new shipment to finish the series~

Next week, though... Well, I have a few ideas I wanna explore. They'll tide us over in the meantime~

#comics #reviews #My Little Pony Classics Reimagined #My Little Pony Classics Reimagines: The Unicorn of Odd #The Wizard of Oz #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

All the Trappings, None of the Substance

Hey there, straight-edge Bigfoot. We're nearly done with Avengers Undercover, can you believe it? All signs point to "this wasn't worth it!", so let's just barrel ahead and get to today's review~

Here's the cover:

Oh geez, this cover. Good god. Like, I guess Zemo looks okay, though personally I'd be pointing my sword towards the big giant face I was jumping at, not up. Also, I think his gun holster is empty. Zemo's fine. No, it's the big giant face of Giant Man that's truly horrifying. Like, it's a little too realistic for such a cartoony expression. Weirdly thin lips, giant squared-off teeth, mouth open too wide… Is he about to eat Zemo? I haven't seen Attack on Titan, but I'm pretty sure an Attack on Titan scene is about to happen. Also, there's no background, so this fight is just taking place in a white void. All that aside, the other problem with this cover? None of the teens this comic is supposedly about are on it~

So we open with the Avengers showing up outside Bagalia. Like, is it less of an international incident if they park their Helicarrier outside of the borders and fly in on their own than if they flew the whole vehicle over the border? I don't know how that works. And I say "Avengers", but we got Captain Britain and Meggan, who are part of Braddock Academy, and Hyperion, who is part of Squadron Supreme, and… Well, I guess Spider-Woman is an Avenger, so you got me there. Anyways, this dramatic action scene is undercut by a farmer yelling at them that they scared his goats.

Meanwhile, actually in Bagalia, we pick up from last issue with Anachronism fighting the mind-controlled Cullen Bloodstone (in his monster form). He's pretty worn out, to the point that his ancient Celtic warrior spirit has stopped offering advice. But Anachronism doesn't need advice, he's got guts. And his plan is basically "just don't stop fighting". He makes a poor taunt at Hellstrom, which is the cue for Hazmat to show up and roast Hellstrom. Apparently demonic fire < radiation, in case you were wondering.

Nico also shows up and punches Monster!Cullen, knocking him over and disabling Hellstrom's control. She then engages with Hellstrom while Alex Wilder watches all smirkily. Rather than keep fighting, though, Anachronism decides to use his words to defeat Cullen. He taunts the Cullen within the monster that he basically fell for the first pretty face to flash him a smile, when the smile belonged to a goon calling himself "Son of Satan" and prancing about in latex. Surprisingly, this works, and Cullen regains control of himself, stealing a kiss from Anachronism as thanks. I guess that resolves their plotline!

Nico and Hellstrom are still slugging it out, and both of them know that while she's doing good, he's still got the advantage. And that's when the Avengers literally drop into the scene. In addition to the four I mentioned earlier, we also have Giant Man, Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Tigra. Hazmat and Anachronism marvel that the adults actually showed up for once. Only took them three months, didn't it~? To even those odds, the Young Masters also all get up and join Hellstrom. And then you get the big clash where both sides run at each other screaming.

So there's a big fight going on, and Baron Zemo himself casually strolls onto the battlefield, Madame Masque in tow. He sidles up to Hellstrom and gives him the word, and they spring their trap. All the Young Masters light up and vanish in a puff of flame. Alex gestures, and the entrance the Avengers just used seals up, cutting of Bad Guy Central from the remaining SHIELD troops. And then the teleport completes. All the heroes are stuck down there (now they're literally Avengers under some kind of cover, the title finally works!), while the bad guys have just teleported to the surface. Masque shoots the SHIELD man on the bridge, and the villains now control the Helicarrier.

While the Young Masters handle Maria Hill and her riffraff outside, Zemo, his main goons, and Deathlocket take the bridge. Deathlocket hacks into the Helicarrier's systems, giving them control, and apparently having no qualms about doing so. While they fly off to go make war or whatever Zemo's plan is, the comic ends by revealing Cammi is also on the Helicarrier somehow. And the caption boxes are all like "Oh, did you think she wouldn't escape jail? Nope, here she is!" You know, just in case you couldn't tell how rushed this ending is.

I will be fair to this comic. The stuff with Anachronism beating Monster!Cullen by just talking to him was actually very good. That stuff's on point. The rest of the stuff is... maybe not the worst, but not great either. Middling at most. I think really the worst part (other than the cover, because good god, I'm still not over that) is just the very last panel, where they deus ex machina in Cammi and then hang a lampshade on it with the caption boxes. And yes, I get the fact that they were being cancelled and didn't have a lot of time or comic to wrap things up, so what else could they do? Answer: anything other than this~

#comics #reviews #Avengers Undercover #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Bad Guys Making Bad Decisions

Hey there, cybernetics. Well, we're on issue 7 of 10. That's really all there is to say at this point!

Here's the cover:

Oh, jeepers, no. Nico, don't kiss that mans. He doesn't even have lips, for one thing. He's got all that misty red leakage. And, like, he couldn't even be bothered to put on a clean shirt, for cripe's sake. Now, the real question is, trace the angle of Nico's arm. Now trace the angle of the Staff of One. Where is she holding onto that thing? Like, even if it's in her other hand--which seems even less comfortable--where is she holding it? Or if Alex is holding it… We can see his one hand, so same question applies. I think they just wanted to get the Staff on the cover and didn't really think about it because they weren't drawing the characters lower than the bottom of the frame. That all aside, great cover, though. Very spooky. Oooo~

So… What the fuck was last issue about? I've honestly forgotten. Something with Deathlocket? Yeah, that sounds right, sure. Anyway, we open today with narration from Nico, where she's like "Most girls fantasise about killing their first boyfriend, don't they?" Geez, I hope not. I think you may be projecting, Nico, because you literally did that. Anyway, these feelings are surfacing for her because Alex has trapped her in a pocket dimension to fight a magma elemental. You know, standard stuff you do with your ex, I'm sure~

It's not even the lava golem she's fighting that's pissing her off, it's that Alex keeps flirting with her. And that's certainly fair. Fortunately, before it gets too awkward, Hazmat and Anachronism enter and tell her there's a problem regarding Chase. If you recall, Chase blew his cover last issue by preventing Captain America from being shot. Because despite his somewhat dudebro personality and his even douchier looks in this storyline, Chase is actually a good guy. He's the hope we still have riding on this storyline. That oughta worry you.

The away mission returns, and they did retrieve their guy from AIM or whatever they were doing. But as Nico teleports in, they find Chase was shot. Surprisingly, Excavator covers up for him. Sometimes folks just get shot while on missions, you know how it goes. He says it wasn't anybody's fault. Nico retorts that it's always somebody's fault. And hey, remember how I said Chase appears in future Runaways stories, so I wasn't worried? Nico casts a spell to "fix him", channelling purple lightning into him. Well, for once, she certainly can't make him worse~

Now here's a cutaway I didn't expect. We move over to the SHIELD Helicarrier to see our other victim of the AIM debacle: Captain America. He's having a debriefing with Maria Hill and Hank Pym. Hank obviously wants to just storm in there and get the kids, while Maria points out that Bagalia is a sovereign nation and they can't just do that. But in case you think she's the reasonable one, Hank just wants to help the kids, while Maria calls them "fugitives" who conspired and succeeded in murdering a man, resisted arrest, and escaped custody. In case you wondered if she still had that stick up her ass~

Now, Cap is of course on the same side as Hank in rescuing the kids, but they can't really do anything about it right now. He's more worried about the agent they lost in the debacle: a certain Reginald Crenshaw, head of SHIELD's entire information network. This is who the Masters of Evil were targeting, who was being held by AIM. He's warded against psychics of all stripes, so the Masters haven't a snowball's chance in hell to get him to spill. Funny wording, that. Because remember Satannish's cameo a few issues back? He possesses Crenshaw, completely hacking his mind open. …Figuratively, to be clear.

We return over to Nico and friends, observing Chase in emergency care. She's getting antsy because it's taking more than a few minutes to heal him. The doctor (who's a creepy half-cyborg fucker the wiki is telling me is actually the Tinkerer, a man who does not have a medical degree) tells her that Chase is suffering from the trauma of the gunshot wound and is comatose. Nico doesn't get it, she healed that wound with magic. She's seen Chase get up after being hit by a car (which I think is a reference to the ending of the "Rock Zombies" storyline in Runaways). So why isn't he okay now?

Dr. Walker (or the Tinkerer or whoever he is) tells her that neuroscience is more complicated than that. You can't just "magic" someone's brain better. And she's welcome to try, maybe she'll regress him into infancy somehow. She retorts that magic doesn't work like that. Looking smug, he retorts with a request for how magic does work, then. And of course, her retort is "it just does!" and blowing all the windows apart while storming out of the room. Ah, teenagers, am I right~?

This very funny tantrum is followed by the extremely stupid decision of her to go snog Alex Wilder. And, like, Alex is an evil jerk, but the first thing he asks is "How's Chase?" when she returns, with a look of genuine concern on his face. And I will give him points for that. Meanwhile, the comic ends with a glimpse of Cammi in prison. She's spent the whole time carving a peephole so she can spy on Baron Zemo and crew. However, her very chatty cellmate keeps bugging her. And why shouldn't he bug her? Because it's Arcade. He's alive, imprisoned by the Masters of Evil, and he still won't shut up.

Bad choices, bad guys, and of course, bad comic books. This one is mostly just continuing everything from last time. The Alex/Nico stuff is gross and uncomfortable, and it's not coz they're teens shacking up or anything. Alex's flirting comes across as way too manipulative, which is probably the point? It doesn't make me enjoy reading the character, though. This isn't the worst issue of the thing, but it does feel like it breezes by a bit too quickly. Maybe because basically nothiing happened in it, besides the ending reveal?

#comics #reviews #Avengers Undercover #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

The Tim Has Come to End It

Hey there, canned nacho cheese. Well, here we are. It's finally time. By the end of this review, we will be done with Avengers Arena. Won't that be nice? There will be no more Child Murder Island. No more bad Hunger Game ripoffs. Arcade will probably get punched again. Anyway, let's get into it so we can get out of it~

Here's the final cover:

...which is just the first cover again, but more! Seriously, does this not encapsulate the whole series in one neat summary? Reusing the first cover might seem thematic, but then you remember it was also a Battle Royale homage. And it really digs deep into how few original or even good ideas are even in this story. Bad from beginning to end, just like the series~

So we open with Apex sitting in Arcade's chair, once again reminding us she's totally not a monster, you guys. You know, as she sits in Arcade's chair, going over his list of unused tortures (man-eating insect swarm, sentient typhoon, napalm winds) and admiring his restraint in not using them constantly, like she would have. Everything went to shit even with his hands-off approach. And as Apex continues to admire Hazmat exploding, she mocks Deathlocket, frozen to stare at the screen, as liking to watch. No, not a monster, not at all...

As nuclear energy continues to pour out of Hazmat, she begs the others for help. And luckily, Chase revives enough to notice her, and shouts loud enough to get everyone's attention. And to their credit, they do stop fighting once they see Hazmat about to a splode. Reptil turns into a giant crocodile and scoops her up in his mouth, rushing out away from shore. And then the detonation happens. Clearly you're supposed to believe they're both dead, but the comic has established that if it doesn't show their life meter at zero, they're not. So way to undermine your own tension, comic.

Continuing to demonstrate her non-monster personality, Apex screams at her TV, like any rational person or let's play fan. Don't be sad, you idiots, press the advantage! Yeah, not a monster. So she figures she has to do everything herself, running her finger down the list of torture options. And thus, the insect swarm is released, the ocean and sand both start to come to life as creatures to attack them... Cammi passes Chase back the Darkhawk amulet, and Nico breaks out the old Runaways catchphrase: "Try not to die!"

While watching this, Apex Not-A-Monster goes over to the paralysed Deathlocket and begins waxing nostalgic about how the hardest one for her to kill will be Deathlocket herself. After all, who wants to deliberately break their favourite toy? And that's when Locket swings around and punches Apex in the gut, shouting she's not a toy. And unlike Apex's proclamations of being not a monster, I believe Locket on this one. She continues to beat on Apex, and Apex begs her brother and other self, Tim, to give her back control.

And while Locket beats Apex down and aims her cannon at her, she's actually not a monster. Apex shifts back into Tim, and Tim begs Locket to shoot their shared body and end it. He can't wrest more control from Apex than this, all he can do is basically keep her clamped down and beg Locket. After all, if she doesn't take them out, then Apex will take control back and end her instead. It's a big dilemma, and both of them are begging and screaming, and the comic isn't going to do us the courtesy of showing that conclusion immediately~

The rest of the kids are still fighting, but not for their right to party. And then, very suddenly, it all dissolves. Everything falls to pieces and the fight stops. From out of the ground, Locket rises in a blue sphere of energy and a blood-soaked T-shirt. She did the deed. Arcade's fled, Apex is dead. It's over and they can leave. But before they can do that... They have to get their story straight. Chase thinks they should just tell the truth, but Cammi points out that even if folks believe them, they won't take it seriously because they're kids.

And that's when Hazmat rises out of the sea, free of any radioactive glow. She proposes they tell them nothing. Nobody gets details, because if they do, then Arcade wins. And thus does it end, with a Sun Tzu quote about treating your soldiers like your children, as the various heroes round up the survivors--even Darkhawk and Reptil are shown being recovered--and the news reports on the terrible actions.

Sixteen super-teens kidnapped and held for 30 days, by person or persons unknown. And while certainly the sick bastard who did it to 'em is responsible, so are the adult superheroes who "failed" the kids. Surely they're as much to blame, rant the TV pundits. And safe in a classy hotel, popping champagne and uploading the first of his videos to the 'net, we get one last glimpse of Arcade's horrible smirking face as the comic ends. While he's not getting direct credit, everyone's still talking about what he did. He won.

Let’s start with the most important thing. This series was started to kill off a bunch of teen superheroes. Never forget that. Be they the established ones--Mettle, Red Raven, Juston and his Sentinel--or a bunch of OCs made up for this story--Kid Briton, Nara, Apex/Tim--don’t forget their names. Much like our old review of Heroes in Crisis, don’t forget the side-characters who died to bring you this awful story.

That story’s still worse, by the way. At least the plot of this one was conducted by an actual villain. In the stupidest, most contrived way possble, but at least it’s not a story that exists to commit character assassination. Just literal assassination. This story’s awful, but only on the same level as the New 52 Teen Titans reboot. Which, come to think of it, also had a terrible Hunger Games ripoff as part of its plot. That’s essentially what this is: the Culling from Teen Titans stretched out to a full series.

Anyways, we picked apart the whole range of reasons why this series sucked over the course of the review, but let’s summarise. Arcade was turned into an all-powerful god-mode villain and gets away with everything. The teens were not given any actual motivation to murder each other, and waste loads of time futzing around instead of being heroes. The story exists to essentially kill off some D-list teenagers, and that’s just not an enjoyable plot. And much more!

Hey, while we’re here, did anybody notice my little game with the titles? To really ensure you don’t forget any of the kids who went through this, I put every one of their names into the review’s titles. 16 kids (plus one alter), 18 issues. The only one that didn’t get one was issue 7, because I didn’t want to dignify Arcade with the gimmick. Usually they were thematically involved with the given issue, either on the cover or doing that issue’s narration. And sometimes I had to shoe-horn it, like Red Raven’s. But it was a fun challenge.

Sadly, though, we’re not done. Because why should we, or these kids, get any kind of break? Oh yes. This god-awful mess got a fucking sequel. And we’re going to look at that starting next week. Won’t that be a scream~?

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

No One’s Red Raven About Her Disappearance, I Bet

Hey there, opinionated smoke detectors. Well, we're back in the pit. We got the final six issues of Avengers Arena to get through, so we might as well get started, yes?

Here's the cover:

Okay, this is my favourite cover of the whole series. I don't need to see the next five or remember the previous 12 (most of which were movie ripoffs anyway). This one wins. If you ain't read Runaways--well, first of all, go read at least the first volume (#1-18) of Runaways, it's my favourite comic of all time and you're missing out--but also, Molly Hayes is one of Nico and Chase's fellow Runaways. The youngest of the team and a genuine sweet kid. So of course she would make this poster. And secondly, the two implications here: A) someone in the outside world has finally noticed 16 superhero kids have gone missing, and 2) enough people care to take Molly's... hashtag, I guess?

So we open with Arcade with his stringy red hair and goofy white tuxedo, which is never a good way to start a comic. He's in a good mood, which is also never a good way to start. He's strutting around, preeening and plotting about what his next way to escalate his stupid teenage death game will be. Meanwhile, his robot secretary is repeatedly trying to get his attention for something important. He's as douchey a boss as he is a supervillain, though, so he keeps ignoring her until she yells, and he asks what's so important to interrupt his being-a-douche time.

That's when Giant Man, Thor, Wolverine, Captain Britain, and the Hulk bust through his ceiling~

Alas, the comic is not about to get cool and give him a comeuppance he richly deserves. No, it's all holograms Robot Secretary has conjured up. He concedes, and listens to her, though he's still snotty about it. "I gave you every possible detail, what could you possibly have to bother me with?" And what she needs is for him to authorise a particular "trump card". See, someone's finally noticed the kids are missing (Arcade, in his infinite douchiness, is like "Already? My family didn't notice I went missing for months.") and it's the worst possible person. It's not a parent or teacher or spurned lover. It's Molly Hayes~

And indeed, our dear Molly is confronting Giant Man (Hank Pym, in case you weren't sure) at Avengers Academy over the fact that he promised they'd be safe. But she hasn't seen Nico or Chase in weeks, and that means bad guys stole them. Kid's fucking sharp, you see why she's my favourite? Karolina Dean and Julie Power (AKA Lightspeed of the former Power Pack) apologise to Hank, figuring Nico and Chase just ran off to do horny teenage things. Molly's still throwing a fit, though, and she pounds the ground hard enough to break it.

Karolina and Julie pull her off, continuing to apologise. See, Old Lace, the velociraptor Chase has a psychic bond with (seriously, read Runaways), is moping about and won't even eat. They figure if he was in actual danger, she'd be all on alert, but she clearly just misses him. Even so, Hank promises to try and look into it for the kids, and Molly gives him a kiss on the cheek as thanks, because she's a sweetie. As they're leaving, he asks when Nico and Chase went missing, and that's when the other shoe drops: it was three weeks ago, right after Christmas.

As Hank is next seen explaining to Tigra, sure, two teens running off, that wouldn't be so unusual. But the fact that they disappeared the same day several of their own Academy students (Mettle, Hazmat, Reptil, possibly X-23 and Juston as well) went off the radar, well... that's a bit suspicious, isn't it? Now, Mettle and Hazmat were 1) a couple, and B) not supported as such by Hazmat's parents, so they didn't think too much of it at the time. And they're also graduates of the Academy, not like they just left their rooms. But still, Hank wants to ask around to some of their friends.

There's a few cameos here. On the Academy grounds alone, he talks with students Finesse and White Tiger. The former, she drifted apart from both X-23 and Reptil, since she has difficulty with emotional closeness, and doesn't know where they are. White Tiger, meanwhile, also knew Reptil, but when he got focused on finding his parents, she gave him his space. She'd want the same if she got any leads on her own parents' deaths, after all. Likewise, some calls, and Wolverine reports none of his kids are missing (if anything, he wishes a few would, give him a moment's peace). He heard something from Captain Britain, though...

Indeed, the Braddock Academy also has a few students gone walkabout, but since they're the usual delinquents, he didn't think much of it. It isn't even the first time this particular group has left school grounds, they usually turn up on social media after a few days. He helpfully forwards a pic of Anachronism cupping the breasts on the Venus de Milo as an example. Captain Britain asks Hank if his campus has any security footage, and they do, of course. But Hazmat knocked it out before she left, and they haven't gotten it back yet. In fact, the only person who could get it up faster... is Juston Seyfert.

They call up Juston's father, who is now kind of incensed with them. He withdrew Juston from the academy for safety concerns (since Juston's only power was "owns a giant robot"), and doesn't want anything to do with them now. They just want to check, since several of their own students went missing, and Mr. Seyfert replies that Juston is fine, he's out playing with his brother right now. And we cut to a POV shot of Juston's brother, Chris, and it's clear that the POV is from a Life-Model Decoy. That is to say, a robot duplicate that looks human.

So Hank takes it to the top: SHIELD. He talks with Maria Hill about teleportation tech, and she shows him a map where teleportation signatures go off across the planet, including a signature from around Chase and Nico's place. However, she won't give more detailed info, because it's highly classified. She does give him one piece of info, though: a girl with Deathlok tech disappeared right around the same time. But she's accounted that one as a time travel thing, so it's not important to their investigation. ...Right?

So Hank's a bit stuck. He's got at least a dozen kids missing, no leads. (As far as he knows, Juston's accounted for, and Cammi, Red Raven, and Darkhawk aren't brought up at all.) He can't put the pieces together, there's no real connection, especially when places like the Jean Grey School and the Wakanda Academy haven't been hit. He's fretting himself sick, and Tigra and his other colleagues are beginning to get worried. And that's when Finesse comes in with a phone call for him. It's Mettle, asking to meet.

They figure obviously this might be a trap. But then Mettle pulls up at their designated meeting spot (which he picked, of course), and explains he did, in fact, elope with Hazmat (who of course didn't feel safe enough to come along) and he's lying low because her parents filed kidnapping charges. Hank runs a scan, confirming that Mettle's DNA, retinas, and voice all match, so he's not a Skrull (and Hank would know, having spent several months replaced by one back in Secret Invasion). But Mettle's iridium body is just too dense to run a deeper scan out in the open. Well, isn't that convenient~?

Mettle says he's glad they're missed, at least, and peels off again. Hank accepts that maybe he and Molly just have difficulty accepting change. And the whole time, Arcade is watching from his creepy little basement lair, gloating at how thoroughly he's tricked them. The fake Mettle was the previously discussed trump card, since his already metal skin hides the cybernetics well. And all of this means he'll prove himself a great villain and get respect, everyone will line up to suck his dick, blah blah blah. The issue ends with him being smug, and isn't that just a great way to come back to this series~?

While I do dislike this issue because it’s just more of Arcade being a smug smuggy-smug who has all the powers and is Teh Very Best Evar, I also really like it for the parts that aren’t that. Hank Pym may not be perfect or, like, anyone’s favourite hero. But here he is, moving heaven and earth to find a lead to track down these missing kids. And that, I certainly appreciate. i get the feeling that, despite being smug and douchey, Arcade didn’t cover his tracks as well as he thinks and this is all gonna come crashing back on him later. I can at least hope that’s the case~

Also, seriously, one last time: go read Runaways. Even the weaker arcs in later volumes are still better than this dreck~

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Apex Predator

Hey there, shaving nicks. Well, we're on our last issue of this batch of Avengers Arena reviews! We'll take another short break to cleanse our palate again--I have something very nice lined up for that--and then we'll do the last six issues over the course of the summer. After that... Well, who knows~? One travesty at a time, please.

Here's the cover:

Hazmat, dear, I don't think you should be watering the trees with blood. It's not healthy for them--in fact, you could say it makes them sick-amore. I know you took the time to dig out your little tournament bracket to fill with blood in order to do so, but... Just sayin'. Maybe you didn't need to spend the time to do that. Speaking of, this whole thing probably would've gone a lot smoother if Arcade had used a bracketed gladiator tournament model instead of the battle royale format. It was 2013! Battle royale games weren't even in vogue yet! If you just waited a couple years, Arcade, you could've invented Fortnite! Alas, we have only this to ridicule him for~

So last time, Hazmat got her groove back, and she and Reptil joined the others in going to look into what happened to Nico. Unfortunately, what happened to Nico was Apex, who we now have to endure as our narrator for this issue. And she starts with some pretentious twaddle about how "no one thinks they're the villain of their own story", and asking us who the villain of this story is. Is it her? Is it Arcade? Is it the superhero community that let this happen? Is it the audience who keeps this going? No, I'm pretty sure it's you, dear. You're the one murdering people.

And speaking of people she murdered, we cut over to Nico lying in the snow. Suddenly some purple energy crackles off the Staff of One, slurps into Nico's orifices, and raises her from the dead--and off her feet. The Runaways were probably the third-biggest name in this series after X-23 and Reptil, you didn't really think she was staying dead, did you? She's about to show everyone exactly why too much pink energy is dangerous, as she finishes reviving and takes off flying in a huge colourful cloud of flames.

Apex is still monologuing about her dreck, starting on about how Murderworld isn't a story, it's a game. Arcade said so! And that games don't have heroes or villains, just winners and losers. Oh, she's one of those folks who thinks games are just pure numbers and haven't evolved since the arcade days. She's also listening to Arcade, so she's definitely an idiot. Thankfully, Nico shows up to put a stop to her garbage musings. She then uses her wand to collect up all the forest fire and redirect it at Apex. Smokey would be proud~

Speaking of Arcade, we cut over to him being a smug douchebag, eating popcorn as he enjoys Nico's attack on Apex. Hey, man, you may have set up this scenario, but this isn't for you. He does, at least, helpfully exposit about Nico's new power-up. See, the Staff of One usually requires a blood sacrifice for her to use. A couple drops is sufficient. But she died. That's about as much blood as you can sacrifice. So the Staff's rebuilt her from the ground up (even regrew her missing arm) and filled her with as much magic as it can muster.

Apex is taken aback because she thought she already killed Nico, but she's happy to try it again. She breaks into her stupid villain monologue again, thinking maybe she's the hero because she's the only one playing Murderworld by its rules. "Villains hate rules", she says, completely failing to acknowledge that Lawful Evil is a legitimate alignment. Anyways, "maybe I'm not the villain here" is a valid line of thought. "Maybe I'm the hero here because I'm the only one killing people" is definitely not.

The battle rages on. Nico uses a spell to simply reduce Deathlocket's arm cannon to its component pieces, removing her lethality from the fight. The Darkhawk powers are a bit more complicated, so she then hits Chase with a hard enough blast to return him to his sense--for a moment. Chasehawk returns fire, and Apex snatches the Staff of One in the moment, starting a gloat. But Nico just recalls the Staff with a word, to Apex's surprise, and then just closes the dirt up and around Apex, taking her out.

Chase is returned to his senses again, and he tries to apologise. Nico doesn't want to deal with that right now, though, and she just wants to sit with him quietly for a bit. Meanwhile, the dirt that swallowed up Apex and Deathlocket has dumped the pair into some underground facility. Locket also returns to her senses, while Apex remains limp and lifeless. Sneaking around a bit, Deathlocket finds a room full of the preserved bodies of the other Murderworld victims, among other science experiments. She realises where she is: Arcade's inner sanctum...

This is what I’m gonna call a catharsis issue. Once the smug douche is done smugging it up, they get their very justified beatdown by someone we like, and the world returns to good things again. Hopefully it won’t be the last one of the series, I can think of another smug douche who also needs his beatdown. Otherwise, a pretty all right issue. Resurrected a character, beat up the insufferable jackass, and end on a bit of mystery.

Now we have only six issues left! But next week, as stated above, I’ve got a couple things on the back-burner to tide us over. Why ruin this good feeling~?

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Still Not in the Nico Time

Hey there, shrines to Inari. Still got a bitter taste from last issue of Avengers Arena, but now we're officially halfway through it. And halfway through this run of six issues that I'm breaking it up into! So we'll just power through it like usual, yeah? We've been through worse! Because, yeah, as bad as this story is, it's still better than Heroes in Crisis~

Here's the cover:

Well, I was gonna give this cover props for being another actually kind of heckin' cool cover. Always love a giant hand looming from the background! And Nico's outfit is always cool, she had that goth fashion on lock. But then I checked, and this one's another goddamn reference cover. To Platoon of all things, this time. That one I'm pretty sure is not a teenagers-murdering-each-other film! You could argue its horrors of war and death of innocence themes are also applicable, but A) I don't want to give more props to this story than it deserves, and 2) I still hate these reference covers. (The giant hand is still cool, though, Platoon should’ve had a giant hand.)

Well, last time we found out that Apex is a plural system of Katy and Tim, and Katy (who I will continue to refer to as Apex, for consistancy's sake) is a bit cuckoo for cocoa puffs. The kids tried to talk things out, which was enjoyable for a little bit. But when they opted not to mercy-kill Tim for their own protection, Chase Stein got ejected from the group for suggesting it. Then Apex reasserted control, proving they really should've done that very thing. She murders Juston, takes control of Deathlocket and the Sentinel, and goes flying off to who-knows-where.

Big complaint just to start off when we open the issue. Nico's conscious again after she took a beating from Apex last night. She's in bad shape, and sure this has been the comic about murdering teenagers, but this is absolutely gory. And it's the first fucking page, too! Anyone who bought this comic or even was just browsing and opened it to the first page would've seen Nico Minoru beaten so badly her broken leg bone is poking through the skin, and her arm is completely torn off, also exposing bone. It's fucking grisly, and there's no warning or anything. This is rated T+?

So we flash back to 12 hours ago, when Nico's just waking up from getting knocked out by Apex last night. So the unnecessarily mangling will happen later, and she really was just knocked out. Confusing on top of unnecessarily gory, excellent! Naturally, Nico's feeling incredibly shitty that she failed on her watch, and she hasn't even found out about Juston yet. X-23 has to tell her, and then she goes off to hunt Apex on her own. Nico begs her to stay and help her explain, but it's too late. X-23's off, and the rest of the group is waking up now.

Meanwhile, in another part of Child Murder Island, Apex is assessing her situation. She realises she jumped the gun--after all, if she'd been patient, maybe the Sentinel could've been repaired to full operational mode! She's also turned Deathlocket's brain back on but left her unable to move, which might be worse in my opinion. Locket is naturally protesting her being used as a weapon, and Apex retorts that she's just being realistic. The only way to win a deathmatch is to survive, and that's what she plans to do.

By sheer coincidence, Chase happens to be nearby spying on this whole exchange, commenting on how right he was that they should've taken out Apex when they could've. He powers up into Darkhawk form, and... X-23 runs by, telling him to stay put. He complies, because you don't fuck with X-23. Unfortunately, Apex does fuck with X-23, and she's not at the "find out" stage yet, alas. She also has a slightly in-tact Sentinel, and immediately puts X-23 in the ground with one punch. And no, I will not give her a One Punch Man meme, she doesn't deserve it.

Back with the main group, Cammi lays out the facts: none of the rest of them (including herself) have a powerset worth a damn against Apex and her killbots. Only Nico's magic has a chance, so she's gonna do the fighting while the rest of them beat cheeks. That's as far as the plan gets, coz then Apex just turns up, dumping an unconscious X-23 on top of the lot of them. She's still alive, because of course she is, she's too much of a headliner. Nico manages to do enough spells to put the Sentinel on its ass for a minute, telling the rest of them to take the opportunity to run.

Nico runs right after them, and Cammi notes that they'll never get away on foot. Nico replies that her teleport spells don't work in Child Murder Island, but decides to try again. She manages to conjure a portal. She doesn't know where it goes, but it'll be somewhere else in Murderworld, since that's enough of a loophole for the magic. Apex turns up just then, and Nico shuts the portal behind them, cutting herself off from the group. Apex mocks her for her heroic sacrifice and nobility, just in case you didn't detest her enough yet.

Before Apex can swing a blow down on Nico, Chase (as Darkhawk) swoops in. She's very grateful for the rescue, and starts to apologise for casting him out. That's when Chase shoots her hand off. See, turns out the Darkhawk powers are also alien technology, and if it's tech, Apex can manipulate it. So Chase is her mindless servant now, just like Deathlocket. He kicks Nico off a nearby cliff, and that brings us to the front of the story again, where we saw her mangled and beaten. She drags herself to her staff, and utters one last word while clinging to it: "Help." The issue ends showing us her HP bar going to 0.

Well, I kind of hate this issue quite a lot, too. Oh, yes, yes, they seemingly kill Nico off in this one, just after killing someone off only an issue ago. (Never mind that at this point, I’ve read I think two whole later runs of Runaways, where Nico is alive and well, so all the tension there is gone. You’re welcome for that, by the way.) No, my big complaint isn’t Nico’s death itself, but how fucking gory it was. This is, what, the fifth death so far? And Kid Briton got decapitated, and that didn’t feel as violent as this. I don’t need to linger on a teenager suffering with her bones exposed through the skin for several pages, and I definitely don’t need it to be the opening fucking pages of the comic. I may have said Heroes in Crisis was worse at the beginning, but hoo boy, did this one jump right up there. Fuck this comic in particular.

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

The Inevitable Origins Issue

Hey there, fruit boots. Well, it's time to get back into Avengers Arena. Sigh. I have only myself to blame, I know, but I'm still not looking forward to it. Heck, yesterday I had major dental work done, and I have more positive feelings about that. I think I mentioned it before, but to clarify: this is all gonna be new to me. I only read up to issue 6 back in the day before giving up. So maybe the series will totally turn around in its later parts! I kinda doubt it, but let me live in hope, however vain it is. But anyway, let's get into it~

Here's the cover:

Arcade's pondering his orb, I see. Putting the comic's logo in the middle is kind of clever, at least. It's like he's looking into a crystal ball, and he's seen the worst possible future. Same one we have by reviewing this, really. At least it's mostly covering his face, the less of the smug jackass we can see, the better. I dunno, there's probably symbolism from the floating kids, but I'll be damned if I can figure it out. As they say, we won't linger on this one, folks, there's not much to it~

So, we've been away for a while, you're probably expecting a recap. Well, good news! None is needed! This is actually a great issue to rejoin our series on, because this one is entirely a flashback. Not even a framing device or anything. So anyway, we start at Arcade's estate, where he's throwing a party. He's setting up before the soiree kicks off, and he's equipping some technology to let him eavesdrop on the whole event. As he's doing so, suddenly his lovely assistant, Miss Coriander, suddenly brings a giant sword down on him! Hey, I like where this is going already~

Alas, the series isn't unfortunately undone retroactively by killing Arcade in a flashback. No, this is just another of his sick little games he likes to play. Hire his assistant to try and kill him. Hey, if I was his assistant, I'd do it for free! It seems to be a birthday tradition for him. Me, I just go to Outback Steakhouse. Anyways, the yutz makes his grand enterance to "Boom Boom Boom" and starts playing himself up. I also refuse to believe Arcade is only 29, his face is way too saggy for that. But maybe he's aging prematurely because of what his eavesdropping equipment is picking up.

See, he wanted to listen in on all the gossip on the other supervillains he's invited to the party, like Taskmaster, Batroc the Leaper, and Constrictor over here. Except the only thing anyone's gossipping about is him and what a goon he is. The Wrecking Crew is at another table, saying the same things. Taskmaster at least likes the food, but Constrictor would rather just burn the place down, preferably with Arcade in it. That's the last straw for Arcade, and he picks up a wine bottle and smashes it across Constrictor's face, breaking it. Breaking the wine bottle, not his face. Though probably his face as well.

Constrictor turns on Arcade, preparing to attack him. But a squad of security robots appear, put Constrictor in a forcefield bubble, and have him escorted from the premises. And even this doesn't shift or stall opinions, he's still hearing folks over his eavesdropping commenting that the whole display was just "sad", mostly due to Arcade not having any powers. He's got a lot of money, but it can't buy him any damn respect. Anyway, Arcade goes storming out of the party, opening the doors to his den or somewhere.

In his den, there's a group of other supervillains (it doesn't matter who, but for the curious, it's Trapster, the Eel, Porcupine, and Pretty Persuasions) slumming it on his couch, watching old file footage of Arcade's many escapades. This particular instance involves Arcade running for his life from an angry Captain America dressed as Santa Claus. They're laughing their asses off, of course, and when fucking Trapster is laughing at you, you know you got problems. Arcade tries to explain to them that the value is in playing the game, not winning, but they don't really buy it.

Arcade storms out again, taking a service staircase up, where he's suddenly met by Miss Coriander again. And this time she's equipped with a flamethrower. Next thing Arcade is aware of, he's waking up in the hospital. Suddenly this is my favourite issue. Arcade explains that probably he murdered his father on his 21st birthday, when his father informed him he wouldn't been getting an inheritence. Well, you certainly won't now, dumbass. Also, I don't believe that A) this happened only 8 years ago, and 2) Arcade is an adult in this panel.

Anyways, Miss Coriander comes to see him, and they have a chat. She thinks he plays fair, and he denies that he's ever been fair. After all, he murdered her predecessor who got a little too close with their little play of trying to kill him. She brought him a book as an apology, "that one about the kids on the island", first edition. He fires her. Not over the book, but just coz he's giving up. Alas, what could've been. He gives her his island in Barbados and helicopter as severance, and goes out to mope in his bar that he also apparently has.

This bar's a fucking wreck, too. Dunno if there was a fight here and he never cleaned up, or it's just because he's been here so long. But he has been here a while, since his hair's gotten longer. We only get to see him mope for a moment, though, because Constrictor comes in through the window, fully intent on throttling Arcade. Arcade, fully wallowing in self-pity, lets himself get knocked around for a while. Dude's clearly depressed, but I don't think they make therapy for supervillains. Like, I think Moonstone is a psychologist, that's how bad it is.

Even Constrictor gets tired of it, finding him too pathetic to kill. This will be his mistake. Instead he just asks where the valuables are kept, and Arcade hesitates a moment before telling him there's a safe in the basement. Constrictor can't see a way into the basement, and Arcade further tells him there's a hidden switch under the bar's counter. Constrictor presses it, and a giant hammer swings down and slams Constrictor into the wall. Arcade, still bloodied and bruised, nonetheless taunts him for being stupid enough to follow his instructions.

Now reinvigorated, Arcade collects Miss Coriander from her island, deciding he's got an all-new plan he needs her help pulling off. He's inspired, partially due to the book he gave her. So the pair of them set out for Antarctica and set up a new Murder World. God, Antarctica again? Between this guy and Harvest... Why do supervills love to set up their elaborate underground bases out in Antarctica? It can't be the climate. Oh yeah, and Arcade now has his god powers. They finally explain this. Genetic engineering's too messy, so what's the solution?

Yep. That's it. Child Murder Island is just so inundated with nanites that Arcade can manipulate them however he wishes--but only while he's in Child Murder Island's radius. He's basically invincible while he's here. And that's when he tries to blast Miss Coriander with fire, having decided that he's let her in too much, she knows him too well now. And indeed, she does know him too well, because she's set up a shield ahead of time. She's unharmed, and she teleports out. Arcade ends the issue by telling her "good game".

So, like... what am I supposed to get out of this issue? Are we supposed to find Arcade relatable? Sympathetic? Just regular pathetic? His peers hate him and think he’s a tool, and they’re right. Other than explaining his damn god-powers--which, honestly, could’ve just been written into issue 1--is there anything actually to be gleaned from knowing how he came up with and built Child Murder Island? Eh, at least this one isn’t actually about any child-murdering, so I guess I’ll take it~

#comics #reviews #Avengers Arena #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Horrors of the Housing Market

Hey there, hidden applications. And happy Thanksgiving, if you care about that! And to completely go against the holiday, we're starting another Goosebumps comic this week. I hope what you're thankful for is spooky stuff. I know I'm thankful the last story arc is over and we're doing a new one~

Here's the cover for our new arc:

Horrors of the Witch House! I think "Witch's House" sounds better, but either way, it'd make a great title for a Martin Mystery episode. Now there's a show that needs a comic book series. But anyways. This is... okay. It's vaguely creepy, but a few spider webs and a silhouette on the threshold do not a scary house make. Go look at the cover to "Welcome to Dead House" or the film Monster House. Now that's how you spook up an ordinary suburban home. Also, set the cover at night. Setting it during sunset like this just makes everything cheerfully pink, which is much less scary~

Here’s an alternate cover suggestion:

That would have much more horror, I think~

So we open with the thrilling concept of the real estate market. I see we're getting to the horror right away. So this Ms. Curry is buying this place, and by the look of the realtor's appearance on the sign, he hasn't sold this place since the '70s. So of course he warns her that the place therefore has all the local rumours about being haunted and such. She says that's just fine, and thus the transaction is completed. That's a twist, usually it's the kid moving into a new house to start a Goosebumps story, not the antagonist~

You can tell this is a small town, because the rumours of a woman buying the old Whaley House are all over the school the next morning. This gives us an introduction to all our characters: Rosie, the small quiet one who goes past the house on her way to school; her crush Carlos, whose brother served her at the coffee shop, and thus wheedled the extremely clunky exposition of her name (Veruca Curry) and occupation (tech millionaire) out of her; and Becca, the skeptic who doesn't believe in haunted houses or aliens or anything. Methinks she will change her mind by the end of this comic.

After a brief scene of a door-to-door salesman trying to peddle his wares and getting yanked inside the house, we join Rosie's family for dinner. The most persistant rumour about the Whaley House seems to be that someone put a curse on it. Given that it hadn't been sold since the '70s, I bet that's not too hard to believe. Another indication of small-town-ness is the fact that they're hosting a welcome party for Ms. Curry that night at Town Hall, so she can get to know the community. Rosie intends to attend, since she has no friends or other social obligations.

Later that night, at the party, the same rumours are still swirling around. I mean, literally the same rumours, phrased exactly the same way as earlier. Becca stops by, and she takes a seat with Rosie, since they're the same age. Becca remains skeptical, but Rosie notes that something is off about the whole situation. And speaking of sit-uations, an enormous dude sits in front of the two girls, wide enough to block their view of the event just as the mayor starts calling things to order.

The mayor introduces Veruca to the crowd, and very quickly, the standard yokels show up to disparage her. You know the kind: blue cap, overalls with no shirt, a dirty reddish moustache, probably named Cletus. "Ain't no good gonna come of livin' in that house!" The lead yokel tells Veruca to take her money and "git out", and she replies that she doesn't care about the money. She holds up a coin for emphasis, reflecting a weird green light off of it. The same light appears in everyone's eyes and they go silent--except for Rosie and Becca, still unable to see around the wide customer in front of them.

We skip a few hours to later that night. All three of our main characters are fulfilling the stereotypical actions of their archetypes: Rosie is reading in her fandom-laden room, Becca is finishing up a sports activity, Carlos got done buying a new drip from the mall... And all three hear enough noise coming from the Whaley House to attract their attention and have them bump into each other in the woods. Agreeing to peek in on their new neighbour together, the kids do a litte trespassing and voyeurism, discovering Veruca sitting at home while a bunch of saws and hammers renovate the house--magically animated and floating in the air by themselves!

As usual, the setup issue is pretty mild. It introduces our characters and characterises them a bit (Rosie gets the most, Carlos gets the least, being shoehorned into the story in the last couple pages). You get some setup for the upcoming mystery and spooks, and let’s face it: Veruca is not a subtle villain. Even in civilian mode, she’s always smirking and has long clawed fingernails. But it is holding a focus way better than the last story, so we’ll see where it goes~

#comics #reviews #Goosebumps #Goosebumps: Horrors of the Witch House #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Help! I Need Somepony!

Hey there, desperation for puffed corn cereals. Almost out of this backlog, but we still got a couple to go! And now, let's get into this one, eh~?

Here's the cover:

Of the new Mane 5, I think Hitch is probably the most unappreciated. It's probably because he's the token dude, and it's a series for little girls. He also doesn't have that "little brother" energy that Spike had, he's an older dude in a position of authority. But maybe us millenials in the periphery demographic relate to him (forget that he's also a cop for a moment). Like, look at this cover. He's an indie music producer, he's moving, he's building a deck. And he looks exhausted/astonished to just contemplate doing all these things. That's peak relatability~

We waste a whole first page on establishing shots of Maretime Bay, showing Hitch waking up. Hitch exposits to himself how it's the first day of autumn now, and thus the Harvest Festival is that day. Like, who is he talking to? The birds? I know he can talk to birds, but I don't think he needs to exposit to the birds that he's the sheriff and that he's frozen in there and we're out here. (Yes, you can expect me to make that reference any time his being the sheriff comes up.) Anyways, today he's hanging up that sheriff badge to instead pick up some headphones and spin some records.

Just as he's ready to head out, Sunny comes rushing in and spills his records. She's excited for the harvest celebration, and Hitch is also eager to bring in the noise, bring in the funk. Sunny's here for a reason, though. She's got a favour to ask, you see. Izzy needs some supplies from the sporting goods store, so if it's not too much trouble, can he swing by on his way to set up his booth? Hitch agrees, because he's all about helping. That's basically what his job is. This isn't too much trouble. Sunny thanks him, and she heads off to set up her own booth.

A casual aside mention of Discord to just remind you that this is part of an ongoing plot later, Hitch arrives at the sports-shop. It's genuinely kind of huge, so it takes a while to find the rings Izzy needs. Eventually he does, and there's no quest to cast them back into the fires whence they came, so he's able to leave. Now at the fairgrounds, he's approaching the stage where he intend to set up. But then... a wild Izzy blocks the way! She leads him to her ringtoss booth, but also imparts on him another favour. He agrees, because he's that kind of guy.

Hitch heads over to the arts-and-crafts store, passing by Sunny's tug-of-war setup on the way. And here's where you get a very rare sight indeed: Sprout from the G5 movie. Remember? He was, like, the main antagonist of the movie and set up to be a prominent secondary character, and then he just wasn't. You can tell, because this is issue 7 of the comics, and this is the first time I've mentioned him. Anyways, he continues to suck up to his mother, and then mud from the tug-of-war splashes all over him. Maybe he's better off not appearing in things~

Anyways, Hitch gets Izzy her crafting supplies, which was a mercifully smaller store, thankfully for him. By now Hitch is getting a little annoyed. He loves to help and is glad to do so, but now it's getting in the way of doing his own thing. Just like this sudden parade that's appeared behind him while he was in the store. And wouldn't you know it, Pipp is dancing on a big float right at that moment, and she spots him in the crowd and drags him onstage. Guess what, she needs a favour. Just a quick one, of course. Her AV guy didn't turn up, so she needs him to record her song for social media.

Now Hitch is running pretty late, but he still can't turn his friends down. It just wouldn't be him if he didn't help out. And speak of the devil, here comes Zipp. She needs another partner for the obstacle course, as her usual one has passed out from eating too much pie. Ah, relatable. Hitch almost wants to put his hoof down here, but Zipp does something unexpected: she says "please". And oh boy, is it ever an obstacle course. What was that show called? Wipeout? It's basically that. And now Hitch is very late, and hasn't even begun to set up yet.

But when he finally gets to his booth... It's almost all set up already. And his four friends step out and reveal that they felt a little selfish about monopolising his time, because he has difficulty saying "no" to folks. So since he spent all day helping them, it's their turn to help him for a change. Even Sprout turns up to help (which is more of just bossing the others around, but that's fine). And thus the evening closes out with Hitch putting on a big Deadmau5-type pony head and DJing the night way for the whole festival~

This is, honestly, a pretty good issue. It’s nice to focus on Hitch, who doesn’t get a lot of love, as stated earlier. And it’s a pretty good lesson: help others, but don’t forget to help yourself. Or maybe: if someone does you a kindness, return it. Either one, really. They both fit. No, the only problem here is that once again, we’re doing the slice-of-life filler stuff after we already amped up the stakes with the Discord plot. It seriously gets all of just a single line’s mention here. This issue would be fine as a standalone. But putting it in the middle of a storyline makes it filler instead. Discord’s about to destroy all magic! But it’s not so urgent that we can’t have a day for a harvest festival, hmm? Again, good issue all on its own! Just doesn’t work within the larger narrative surrounding it.

#comics #reviews #My Little Pony #My Little Pony: A New Generation #Taiblog

[taiblogcomics]

Bubble Bubble, Toil and Troubleshooting

Hey there, punch crabs. Welp, we're on our finale for our third Goosebumps story arc in a row. Not much to say about that, I guess! Let's just get into it and see how it ends~

Here's the cover:

Well, this is a nice, threatening cover! Not the scariest, but who doesn't love some good old-fashioned child endangerment? And hey, soup's on! Won't you three stay for a spell~? Smoke rising in the shape of a skull is always a favourite of mine, too. Getting mixed messages about them being tied with rope, but lowered by a chain, though. Like, can't you pick one? Or none, since you have magic powers? Anyways, we almost got away from the pink sunset skies this cover, but those candles are putting out a pretty rosy glow~

So, after defeating their sentimental keepsakes, the trio (seen above) is ambushed by a gargoyle atop the town hall. And all because a witch moved into a house previously unsold since the '70s. But if you're expecting a cool continuation from that cliffhanger, prepare to be disappointed! This issue picks up with our trio of heroes being unceremoniously dumped in Veruca's living room. No gargoyle fight here! This is basically as close as one of those anti-climax chapter endings that the regular Goosebumps books like to do~

Veruca enters the room, backed by her gargoyle bodyguard--her bodygarg, if you will--and offers the kids an extended hand of friendship, and also some freshly brewed green tea. They take neither, because kids today are just plain rude. Veruca goes into a full-on "tech demo reveal" to explain her backstory and motivations. And here is the main connection to any other Goosebumps story: Veruca here is the granddaughter of Sarabeth, the witch from the original “Monster Blood” book. See, Download and Die? That's all you need! Not four different convoluted references that go nowhere~

So, as you might guess from her whole deal, Veruca is taking a leaf from Professor Croix's spellbook and combining magic with modern technology. Her grimoire is a tablet computer, yadda yadda. Her big plan is to use the Whaley House as an amplifier antenna to mind-control the whole rest of the town. And if things go well, perhaps... the entire world?? Muhuahaha? Bit ambitious, aren’t we? That's what the renovations to her house have been about. But of course, one person can't run the whole world. And that's why she's making the "we can rule together" speech to a bunch of tweens. Wouldn't be my first choice, but get 'em while they're young, I guess~

None of the kids go for it, which is surprising in itself. Like, not even the least bit tempted? Nope, they just barrel past Veruca in an almost rehearsed move, pushing her grimoire out of her hands, so she has to take a moment to not drop it and thus can't retaliate. Becca winds a nearby curtain around the bodygarg's eyes, and they slip past it as well. They bolt from the house, and head out for help. I'd like to know what authority they're hoping to go for to help with a mind-controlling witch, and Veruca doesn't seem too bothered either.

The kids actually return to the town hall they were initially meeting at. Ah, kids, too innocent to have a cynicism about their local government yet. They burst in on the mayor and begin babbling their story. Don't worry, though, kids! The mayor absolutely believes your accusations--and, in fact, he thinks you ought to take Veruca's deal. Yeah, unsurprisingly, they're already all under mind control. In fact, as the kids run out again, so are most of the adults in the town. They quickly whip themselves into a torch-carrying mob.

Well, with a whole dang town of adults after them now, the trio resolves to go back to the Witch's House and confront the Horrors therein directly. They go in through the window, and the bodygarg is on them almost immediately. Becca grabs a nearby hammer and leaps on him. This gives the other two the chance to slip by and into the basement. Clearly not a follow-up to "Stay Out of The Basement". Veruca is here, and she's lording over her knowledge of modern technology over the other witches on her friendlist. The way she's cackling over "They can't even use smartphones" feels like an apology for the "okay boomber" way smartphones were treated in the last story~

However, as soon as they get close, Carlos decides to take Veruca's deal. She's not surprised, Carlos' fashion-forward senses make him an obvious target for not living in the past and lording his success over others. But before you think this is a betrayal, it's actually just a distraction so Rosie can snatch the tablet again. Carlos trips Veruca, giving Rosie time to run up the stairs. Becca then runs to a nearby bucket of water and dumps the tablet in it, shorting it out. Why do witches always have those lying around their lair~?

Veruca's pretty salty now. And just to show this is exactly as stupid and contrived as in Wizard of Oz, when she rushes over to retrieve the tablet, they trip her again, spilling the bucket of water onto her. And this does indeed cause her to melt into a puddle of goo, rather graphically too. So much for her being modern!

But the twist is: The kids all go home, the spell now broken on the town. Back at each of their respective houses, they pick up from their attacks. Becca cleans up her trophies, Carlos starts re-stitching his sock monkey... And Rosie? Rosie starts charging her tablet. The one she picked up from the witch's house. The one now emitting some menacing laughter...

Questionable Parenting: Rosie’s parents note that their daughter is a friendless nerd right in front of her, and also permit her to go to a public event unsupervised late at night. Minority Alert: Becca and Carlos are both darker-skinned than Rosie, but oddly there are no apparent LGBT+ characters in this storyline. R.L. Stine Shows He’s Down With The Kids: This is two stories in a row where modern tablet computers and smartphones drive the plot, though in this case, it’s in the hands of the villains. Kind of puts a negative view on it either way, doesn’t it~? Rosie also watches anime and owns a Funko Pop, which makes her the perfect vessel to inherit the evils in the ending.

Honestly? Of the three we did so far, this one might be the best. It’s very focused on a single idea--a witch has moved into town, what do?--and only has very passing references to previous Goosebumps stories. The idea of witches using modern tech to bolster their spellcasting abilities is nothing particularly novel, but it’s a solid concept nonetheless. The ending, on the other hand, is really kind of lame and contrived, but that’s Goosebumps for you~

Next week: one final Goosebumps arc, and it’s a longer one than previously, so settle at least through the new year~

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