Somewhere in this insomniac night my life is beginning without me.
~Tarfia Faizullah
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The Poem You’ve Been Waiting For by Tarfia Faizullah. Text ID under cut.
[Text ID: You’re always driving so far from me towards
the me I worry, without you, is eternity. I lay there,
awake, keeping watch while you snored.
I waited, as I always seem to, for you
to wake up and come back to me.]
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The sky was famished with stars. I couldn’t help but count each scorched one.
“West Texas Nocturne” by Tarfia Faizullah, from Registers of Illuminated Villages
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Somewhere in this insomniac night / my life is beginning / without me.
Tarfia Faizullah, Registers of Illuminated Villages: Poems (2018)
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Tarfia Faizullah
from Register of Illuminated Villages (Graywolf, 2018)
Great Material
There were the blue-tied garbage bags
bulging with her dresses. Then, the buzz
of junebugs on nights I sat on the roof alone
and asked where my sister was until I felt stupid
and stopped. What do you say to the dead?
How can we rejoin them when we fall apart
in the safety net below? Does she know
her friends Lauren and Cameron played
house after she died, set a place for her
at a play dinner table? As though she
might stop by for a few bites of air
from empty plates with spoons empty
of her short seven years on this planet . . .
it unbottles me, how precisely they lamented
her. What great material, the conference
well-wisher said. Can’t wait to read that poem.
Here it is then, now. The crinkle of your laughter.
The beetles pouring into your eyes as we toast you.
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Poem Without Love - Tarfia Faizullah
You hurt my feelings
I say to the trees. You never
ask me how I am I whisper
to the breakfast taco, before
an indelicate but determined bite.
I miss you, I confront
the chair in the stranger’s yard.
Your strong + silly arms. Your sin-sturdy legs.
Why don’t you me I embroider
in green thread onto a yellow t-shirt
on sale (jk I don’t do that. I pur-
chase bananas and toothpaste). Oh,
is this where you go? I murmur
to my car, who has a secret name.
Can you hear me? I gesture
mutely to the parking lot. The trees
do not answer; they’re trees,
and know better.
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Tarfia Faizullah: Szex, alvás vagy selyem
Az éjszaka vagy,
ami néha
országút, száguldástól
elmosódott mezők,
ahol a vadak
bámulnak mogorván.
Mit értünk azon a szón,
hogy felépülés?
A lecsengés vörös homok,
vörös homok, vörös homok, és te
fehér sáncként
növöd be a sarkokat
itt és az összes többi szobában,
ahol úgy döntök, biztonságban
vagyok. Te még mindig
a föld alatt fekszel,
végtelen ősz.
Velem kérkedik
ez a hús, eszik,
baszik, fürdik, várakozik –
végeztem a veszteségek
listázásával. Fényesre csiszolom
a bordák ketreceit,
amiket kiürítek,
a ketreceket, amik engem ürítenek ki.
Bőrömet szexbe, alvásba
vagy selyembe takarom.
Ruháid még mindig
egy szekrényben lógnak
hordatlanul és érintetlenül.
Mi van, ha
fantomheg vagyok, eltépett
kötőfék, megvadult árva?
Jegyezd meg jól, én
sose fogok meghalni.
Tóth Réka Ágnes fordítása
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“I’m saying it,” says the speaker in Vievee’s poem. What’s so masterful about this phrase is how it deflects from the question “Did this happen to you?” It is a deeper response, a more insistent one. The gerund makes clear that it’s an ongoing one, too. Vievee implies that it’s more urgent to acknowledge the truth, to say it, instead of wondering who it’s happened to.
TARFIA FAIZULLAH, Against Explanation
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Maybe it was my old friend Fascination
who first let me know that Danger
was right across the hall, or maybe
it was the unrealized absence of pollen, or,
was it the nearness, Danger, of your hair’s
blatant softness, just towelled.
Or, I wanted to stop thinking — and, I wanted to ask,
Do you think God understands
attraction? Surely, right?
Tarfia Faizullah, from That One Time I Stayed Up All Night Making Excuses to Talk to Danger, 2018
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— Tarfia Faizullah, from '100 Bells'.
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You’ll never recover from that kind of devotion.
Jason Grace: on family and the lack thereof, wolves that really are dogs, remembering and healing and the sudden inevitability of being remembered.
I Bet on Losing Dogs, Mitski / War of the Foxes, Richard Siken / You’re on Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift / Trees II, McCafferty / Mowgli Taken in by the Wolves, 1937 / Space Dog, Alan Shapiro / Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers / A Hymn to Childhood, Li-Young Lee / Susan Smith, wych elm / The Blood of Olympus, Rick Riordan / Saint Bernard, Lincoln / Lupa Capitolina in Ludus, Romania / The Odyssey, Homer (trans. by Emily Wilson) / quadruple dog art by @mxmorggo on Instagram / Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami / The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan / House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski / Vulnerability, @/kazerad / Euripides, Elektra / Jason seizing the Golden Fleece, Charles Natoire / Thalia (Grace) / I can’t find the source… / My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Picoult / Seam, Tarfia Faizullah / In the Blood, John Mayer / The Vintage Book of African American Poetry, Michael S. Harper, Anthony Walton / Memento Mori, Crywank / And My Father’s Love Was Nothing Next To God’s Will, Amatullah Bourdon / Family Line, Conan Gray / Franz Kafka’s letters to his father / Kronos/Saturn, Peter Paul Rubens / Wolf and pup / American Teenager, Ethel Cain / LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK, Daniel Lavery and Cecilia Corrigan / Scott Street, Phoebe Bridgers / Tumblr, @/inanotherunivrse / Tomatoes, Shane Koyczan / Pinterest / Tumblr, @/heavensghost / Tumblr, @/tagdevilish / through sickness and in health… by Angelina Hajducky on Instagram / Jason (given name), Wikipedia / Human Acts, Han Kang / The gas pillar in the Carina Nebula, NASA / Tumblr, @/roach-works / Not Strong Enough, boygenius / Grit, silas denver melvin / Herakles, Euripides (trans. by Anne Carson) / Pelias sending forth Jason, 1880 / The Audre Lorde Questionnaire to Oneself, Brianna Albers / The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan / Wolf in White Van, John Darnielle / The Oresteia, Aeschylus / Tumblr, @/orpheuslament / Anecdote of the Pig, Tory Adkisson / The Burning Maze, Rick Riordan / I Bet on Losing Dogs, Mitski / Icarus, The Crane Wives / The Three Graces, Edouard Bisson / For Your Own Good, Leah Horlick
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Aubade Ending with the Death of a Mosquito by Tarfia Faizullah. Text ID under cut.
[Text ID: silent—sister,
because you drew from me
the coil of red twine: loneliness—
spooled inside—
once, I wanted to say one
true thing, as in, I want more
in this life,
or, the sky is hurt, a blue vessel—
we pass through each other,
like weary
sweepers haunting through glass
doors, arcing across gray floors]
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Beside me fluttered the wings/ of another promise I made but didn’t keep.
“West Texas Nocturne” by Tarfia Faizullah, from Registers of Illuminated Villages
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Tarfia Faizullah, from "Registers of Eliminated Villages", Registers of Illuminated Villages
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