#That happened when I was like maybe 14 and still every summer i cant stop feeling bad about not shaving my legs

[shanastoryteller]

Questions about outlines: How detailed are they? Are they the same level of detail or do they vary? How do you make your outlines? Chronologically scene by scene? Or do you come up with the scenes that call you and then come up with smaller filler scenes to fill in the gaps? Do you have outlines for each chapter? Or just for the larger general plot points? Do you try to complete the outlying before starting the fic? Or do you add to the outline as you go? Sorry if this is to many at once

lmao okay i got several asks about outlines but i’m just going to answer this one because it’s ~comprehensive~

every writing teacher i’ve ever had has hated my outlines. my friends find them incomprehensible.

if people are going to look at my answers as ways to do their own outlines, i have to say: that’s probably not a good idea

i don’t write outlines a majority of the time

i don’t write outlines to plan a story i’ve already decided to write

i write outlines primarily as a way to exorcise story ideas that i want to write but don’t want to actually commit to writing (answer prompts are another way i do this lol)

now, some things do get outlines as a way to plan and organize. survival is a talent has an outline because it’s 400k and spans six years. child king had an outline. needy’s body had an outline. 

b u t

i’m currently writing rotten work without an outline

lynchpin didn’t have an outline

hope is the thing with feathers didn’t have an outline

never grow a wishbone only had an outline for the first couple of chapters 

an invincible summer didn’t get an outline until like. chapter 4 of 6. 

i just. uh. think about what i want to happen and then hope i remember to write it down. even when i do an outline, i’ll deviate from it wildly, and not update it to reflect that, because i know what i’m doing (ha!)

so! with that in mind, let’s go! 

How detailed are they? Are they the same level of detail or do they vary?

they vary! but honestly - not very. sometimes i’ll write out a paragraph or bits of dialogue that are important to me, but most of the time it’s just broad strokes of what i want to happen, or a mechanism of how something complicated happens. like i have several paragraphs in my siat outline dealing with necromancy books, but like. two sentences on how they actually occur in the story because that’s just something i’m trusting myself to figure out when i sit down to write it.  

 How do you make your outlines? Chronologically scene by scene? Or do you come up with the scenes that call you and then come up with smaller filler scenes to fill in the gaps? 

I try to put them chronologically, although sometimes that’s a little hard (in siat i have several scenes that i know will happen, i just don’t know when). that is something i will go back and edit on my outlines, is if i’ve changed the order the something happens i’ll go back and copy and paste until my outlines is in the right order. but only if the outlines is something i’m actually using to write and the story is longer than a couple of chapters. 

because my outlines are so very not detailed, i just write down what it is that i want to write, like the reason i’m going to write this or want to write this, and figure out the rest later. i’ll fill it in later - or i won’t! because most of the time i don’t use my outline to actually write the story, and i use it more as an idea list, so if i don’t know what happens between scenes or i find it boring i just won’t write it down

like, for example, here is my “outline” for won’t even plant a garden in it’s entirety 

weep as a woman

“you weep as a woman weeps.” “and how is that?” “as if the future rests on your hips, and you must walk it forward.”

crowley and eve were friends. cain killed abel with the flaming sword, and crowley begged them to say it was with a rock instead

crowley was raphael the painter and fucked michelangelo

crowley was there the night yeshua was born, was friends with mary, helped raise yeshua?

ghosts

crowley and anathema and joan of arc

i ended up dropping most of this and crowley ended up sleeping with both eve and yeshua as the major plot points. i don’t explain stuff, really. i know what i mean so i just don’t bother to get very detailed most of the time. 

Do you have outlines for each chapter? Or just for the larger general plot points?

siat i divide up by year, and i think i did it by chapter for the last two chapters of build your wings on the way down, but otherwise it’s just one long list. i do my chapters based on words counts rather than content, so outlining by chapter doesn’t really make sense for me (siat is always around 15k a chapter, and everything else  i do these days thats multi chapter is around 8k because that’s the best, but ngawb was 5k a chapter and i think for child king it was around 11k a chapter)

Do you try to complete the outlying before starting the fic? Or do you add to the outline as you go?

I’m constantly adding as a i go! my outlines are never really “complete” they’re just abandoned. i write down what i think will help me and tend to ignore the rest. sometimes i just. talking to myself in my outlines when i’m trying to think something through. 

my outline for child king is under the cut because that’s one that’s a good mix of stuff i kept and stuff i threw out. DON’T JUDGE ME!! bad ideas don’t get written because they’re bad!! it’s part of the ~process~ 

child king

Summary: “A child king is still a king,” Deaton says softly. “A child king is still a child,” he snaps, but he knows this is an argument he’s already lost.  – Stiles is a born alpha, and after the Hale fire, things get real complicated, real fast.

Stiles’s mom is the last remaining human from a pack that was destroyed by hunters. John is the one that helps her after, so he knows everything. When they move to beacon hills she doesn’t feel the need to say anything to the hale pack, because as far as they’re concerned she’s just a human, and she doesn’t want to get involved in pack business. But then stiles is born with red eyes. The doctor is quiet and scared john and Claudia freak out, but it’s because he’s a werewolf, which is a relief to parents because they thought something was wrong with their kid. Maybe they don’t know he’s an alpha, only that he’s a wolf? Or they know and they keep it a secret on purpose

Claudia is the one to approach mrs. Hale. She tells her that her son is a born werewolf, but that she’s not interested in joining their pack. Her husband is a new deputy and they just bought a house but they’ll move if they have to. “he’ll need a pack one day. It’s safer,” she says. “if he wants to join you one day, I won’t stop him. But that’s not a choice I’m willing to make for him.” Mrs hale agrees that they can say separate as in exchange for the sheriff smoothing over some ruffled feathers no and again. They agree. Claudia to sheriff “we’re going to have to move one day. Our son is an alpha, and he’ll need to make his own pack.”

Stiles is seven the first time he snarls at his mom, eyes flashing red, and she freezes. She’s got the pack instinct, it doesn’t matter that hes her kid, hes still her alpha, so its hella awkward. John can see how this will quickly spiral out of control if they can discipline their own kid. But stiles is the one to back down first, apologizing and doing as he’s told. There are careful power structures here, and this is the beginning of differentiating between stiles the human and stiles the wolf.

When his mom gets sick, stiles offers to turn her. Hale offers to turn her. She refused for Reasons that I have to figure out. Maybe the politics of it? Wanting to protect stiles and not wanting to become part of the hale pack

The fire happens. John ships stiles the hell out of dodge, because there are hunters about. He snoops around enough to figure out it was kate argent, but theres not really anything he can do about it

Scott knows about everything, and tries to tell his mom in a really akward way that they should trust stiles if they’re ever in danger, but she just laughs it off. Except when someone breaks in and threatens her with a gun, and she manages to make a phone call, it’s not 911, not john, but stiles, and she doesn’t even know why, regrets it as soon as it happens. But then stiles shows up and breaks both of the guys, eyes glowing red, and then calls his dad and scott to take care of it, because they’re humans, so they get human punishments. Melissa is told everything.

Scott has a bad asthma attack and, and Melissa asks about the bite. Scott is itching for it. He wants it so badly. Stiles has already promised to turn them when they turn 18, and Melissa knows that. She asks if theres a reason to wait, and the answer is nah, not really. So he gets the bite. Stiles being like uh psa punishments cant include scott staying away

After hale fire and stiles gets back, he’s shocked that hey just left, and that they left peter behind. He starts visiting peter several times a week. He tells his dad that they should pay for his medical care. They have a fuckton of money because his mom inherited all the pack wealth, and john doesn’t touch it because that’s stiles’s money, that’s werewolf money. But this is a werewolf thing, so he agrees. “his pack left him dad.”

Stiles bites Erica when they’re 14. Some point in middle school stiles wises up to the Isaac thing and tells his dad he needs to arrest his dad, or stiles is going to kill him, and he’s not even a little bit joking. Stiles hears Isaac crying while going by the house? In johns squad car. Makes them pull over, then bursts into the house. John goes with it because his son’s eyes are red.

Some point after the hales leave, things start trying to move into hale territory. Some wolves? Stiles smells them, and ends up at 10 years old telling them to fuck off. This how scott finds out? He’s with scott and his dad. Deaton is facing off against something? Panics when stiles intervenes, but stiles goes wolfy and red eyes and is like. This is mine now fuck off. Looks at the hale house, and finally says, we have to take care of this. We have to. But they don’t own the house or the land or any of it. They do … something

Stiles ends up having to deal with a lot of crap real young

Stiles has scott and Isaac when peter wakes up. Stiles is there, and peter isn’t crazy because he wasn’t abandoned to die alone. Stiles says he can stay, or he can go, not trying to pressure anything. Peter chooses to become part of stiles’s pack, because his family is either dead or abandoned him. Peter ends up moving in with them as he finishes healing and to get used to being in a pack and with stiles. It’s very strange for john, but it’s a werewolf thing and he’s trying to be supportive. After a couple months, stiles tells his dad that having peter is a relief, that there’s finally someone who knows things, someone older who can support him as a werewolf. Peter acts as his second, and he finally has some degree of authority that age has lost him. Stiles has peter take care of the hale house. Peter and stiles have the conversation, where peter is like the hale land is your land now. You’re the alpha of beacon hills. He does what stiles directs him to.

Isaac is living with scott under stiles’s direction ish. But lots of Melissa. Isaac like I don’t wantto be afraid anymore, I don’t want to hurt anymore, and stiles is like. Okay. We’ll fix this. But he doesn’t bite Isaac until he goes to a shitton of therapy and has mostly sorted himself out. For isaac’s fifteenth birthday, he bites him.

Erica is spur of the moment, it’s something that all instinct and very little thought. OR they’re dating and it happesn? Erica’s parents suck. Stiles doesn’t want the balancing act of being boyfriend and alpha.

Jackson is so fucking desperate to belong to something. He nags and nags and nags and finally stiles bites him at least half to shut him up.

“dad can I talk to you about something weird and uncomfortable and a little creepy” talks about crush on Lydia, and how he’s not sure if its because he has a crush on her or if it’s bc he thinks she’ll be good for the pack. Lydia joins before Jackson, and she’s the one that pushes stiles into it. Lydia and stiles are not dating, but she’s clearly high in the hiarchey.

Boyd? Just like. Shows up. Idk.

So by the time laura and derek show up, stiles’s pack is: john, Melissa, peter, Lydia, Jackson, danny, Isaac, boyd, Erica, deaton (who’s acting as emissary but is training danny). Maybe bring in some later characters, like malia and kira and cora. Ooooh maybe the twins show up before they became alphas, still run aways and looking for something else? Stiles takes them on. Stiles finds malia early on after the fire

Peter is willing to forgive derek but he has a lot of shit with laura. Stiles agrees to let laura and derek stay and not be part of his pack, although laura insists she doesn’t need his permission. She snaps at peter to come home with them, and he looks at her like she’s insane. He says there’s no hale pack, and if there was, he’s not interested. He’s a stillinkski wolf now. Cora too maybe? Double blow. Peter owns the hale land, and he makes it clear the day stiles turns 18 he’ll be signing it over to him. Stiles is known by the surrounding packs.

Stiles has to somehow defend the surrounding area, has to make it clear he’s his and that he’s not willing to give it up. It’s valuable land. People are going to come looking for it once people figure out it’s abandoned. When deaton finds out stiles is an alpha, he goes around as an emissary to the surrounding packs. Saying that its under stiles now. He’s known to them so it goes mostly uncontested. This is when he and the sheriff have the child king conversation.

Stiles tries really, really hard to be a good alpha. That means controlling the territory, and working with other packs when members go rouge or something goes wrong. He’s thirteen the first time he goes to lend a hand in a fight, and it’s young, it’s too young, but he’s an alpha. He has to do this, to maintain the peace. And the thing is – stiles is good at this, good at not pushing, at not using his status as a crutch or an excuse, instead as a tool.

Maybe this is why no one cares for laura’s excuses. As much as laura wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility, she was an adult, if only barely. Stiles is a literal child, and in her absence shouldered it all. So even if she does technically have a claim, none of them are willing to honor it. “if you kill alpha stiles, you won’t have allies, you’ll have enemies.”

Allison and argents. Stiles brings his pack to kill kate. Gives peter the chance to do it himself, and is so very proud when he says no. but instead of letting her go free, stiles crushes her throat. “revenge would have been trapping you all in here and setting the whole thing on fire. Justice would have been making you watch as she burned alive. This was mercy, and don’t you forget it.” Scott is hella in love with Allison, but he knows this comes first. Her mom is full of hatred, but stiles more than makes it clear that he has no problem with killing her too.

Stiles sees derek soon after. They’ve already gone back and forth a lot. But he and laura weren’t there. Stiles tells him what he did. They have a ~moment~

Derek wants so very much to join stiles’s pack, but he doesn’t want to lose laura.

Something finally convinces laura to take the plunge and the stillinksi pack is one happy family

#asks #anon #writing advice

[freebooter4ever]

anyway ive also been thinking about the pearl clutchers and their ‘but think of the children!’ claim that luca and alberto are too young for crushes, and i dunno about anybody else but i remember having crushes on boys as early as 10 yrs old. not that i TALKEd to boys, god forbid, i didnt want anything to do with them back then but it was like a requirement among my friend group that you had to have a ‘crush’, so i did. but i distinctly remember age 11 was the first time i became unknowingly infatuated with a girl who was a friend of mine, and how much of a disaster that was :/

i still remember her full name, partially because this was also when my mom (worked for that big M company up in seattle) first got the internet on our home computer, and i used this girl’s name plus my nickname for her for all my passwords (her name still WAS my ffnet password up until a few years ago LOL). we were not even that close of friends, i was just crazy about her. she was beautiful with dark hair and dark eyes and a very dry sarcastic humor. we had PE together in 6th grade, and her last name was right behind mine, so whenever our teacher would pair us up by names, she and i ended up together. this is the only reason i even met her, because i was a /nerd/ and was like...way beneath her in the pecking order. and for some reason after we became inseparable in PE she let me be her friend, and sometimes eat lunch with them, and omg i was over the moon. she was cool in the ‘alternative’ sense back then - so like, more into rock and 107.7 The End (is that still a thing?) than star 101.5 (pop music), and her friends were all the Cool Alternative girls (i was the nerdy side of alternative, you know the kind who taught herself how to write in elvish so no one could read my diary, and had LOTR memorized by age 11, but still listened to like the killers and scissor sisters). I was terribly jealous of one of them - her old ‘best friend’ from elementary school who hated the fact that i joined their group and would try to shove me out of it. life was much better in PE when it was just me and this girl (we can call her O), i did not give a shit about anybody else, lol. 

i had other friends, of course, right before summer started some girls i met in 6th grade chorus (Nuri, Abby, Jilly bean) and i did a ‘radio show’, wrote the script together and everything, and that bond accidentally turned us into a ‘best friends’ group (with my bff Lauren who i pulled in as an extra) of the more typical kind. the five of us even dressed up in identical outfits we bought at target for ‘twin day’. ive actually written about this real group of friends before. but those were my actual, bffs forever and ever friends, and that group lasted all the way through high school up until today...so like almost two decades now.

so what im saying is, my friendship with O was different, very very different, and i knew it was different, and that O didn’t care nearly as much about me as i did her. i tried sO HARd to be the person she wanted to be around the most, omg i remember some of the things i did and i cringe lol. 11 years old and stupid right? when it was just us things were normal and it felt like magic, and oh boy i could make her LAUGH. but then when her friends would come into the picture it was...not good. i remember the day i discovered that ‘normal’ girls shaved their legs :/ or god they used to call me ‘orange’ bc of my skin and foundation. i tried /so hard/ to live up to their standards but i always failed somehow, there were so many rules for being a Cool Girl that they seemed to know naturally. in 7th grade O and i got put into a new PE class with her old best friend, which was a DISASTER for me bc suddenly O was pairing up with the old best friend and i was left with this other girl who i was absolutely not enamored with, and one day during square dancing, when we were lining up boys-girls to pair off, and all the girls were trying to count and match themselves with the boys they liked, except they were bad at counting, and i could count better and since i didnt give a fuck about who i was partnered with as long as i was still in O’s ‘square’, i silently arranged it so that i got put with the most popular boy who also happened to be the old best friend’s crush. the old best friend was mad about that - she could have fixed it had she been smarter and saw it coming, but she was dumb and she didnt count properly and i danced with her crush, and she hated me ever after. it was at that point the friend started calling me orange and making fun of my clothes and trying to get O to stop hanging out with me. and she finally did after eighth grade when we all graduated to high school.

i have zero photos of O, i still look her up on insta occasionally, i dont think she’d even remember me tbh except maybe as the weird girl they kept around for entertainment value for a while, but im just saying that was ages 11-14 and those emotions and crush feelings were INTENSE and i didnt even realize what it was at the time, because of course you cant have crushes on girls, who does that lol. my mom had a bunch of gay dancer friends (most of whom died in the 80/90s, which i only know because age 10-12 (mom stepped sideways out of my life after age 12) she took me to pride every year and i went marching with a group of mothers/friends of men lost to AIDS and i carried a sign i drew with a leaping male dancer on it), but i dont think i ever really understood what ‘lesbian’ was until Mean Girls came out, and even then i didnt have the ‘oh shit’ moment till college. im just saying...let gay kids know its ok to have crushes. let them feel normal. let it be sweet and innocent infatuation as adorable as Tombo adoringly following Kiki on his bicycle while she tries to impress on her broom. let it be about that intense feeling of wanting this one person to be more Special than anyone else in one’s life. heterosexual kids are encouraged, almost pressured into, having crushes at that age. let queer kids have that too ;_;

#journal shit

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

#personal

[thatonepersoninthebackoftheroom]

This is just a little rant thing. So, I haven't been professional diagnosed yet, but I'm pretty sure I am depressed. The reason I haven't is because, I dont have the money to go to a person to diagnose me, and the fear that my parents would find out. As they dont really believe that mental illnesses are particularly real illnesses. And they are part of the problem. Now as I look back on my life to when it probably started I would have to say it was in 8th or 9th grade, when I was 13 or 14 for those of you who like to go by age. I was more distant from my very close time friend, we had known eachother since we were 4. She stopped hanging out with me and, this is just my side of the events, and we just. Weren't best friends anymore, now I had tried to talk to her during the transition from friends to not friends. Asked her if she wanted to eat lunch together, hangout, just talk. But she never did, and so I was practically left alone. Many of my friends were hers as well, and they mostly sided with her. Telling my that I was in the wrong and that I needed to just apologize, and maybe I did. Maybe I was wrong. I got so down and disheartened, no one noticed. Nothing really happened until in 10th grade, 15 yrs old. It got so much worse, she had decided to join the marching band as one of the tech people. Band was practically the only place that I felt, like sure they might not like me but they have to pretend to like me at least, and I liked band. Now I ate lunch alone during summer practices, and dinners as well, because they wanted to hangout with her. I felt so ashamed of myself whenever I thought this. I hurt myself. Not cutting, I was to afraid to do that, although on some occasions I would draw blood, but more scratches along my arm. At first I covered them up, because who wants to know that that girl they barely like is hurting herself. When I stopped hiding it though, no one noticed. I wasn't even on anyone's radar. Now there were also things going on at home, parents fighting everyday, I was constantly put down by everyone, and they may not have ment it, but I got severely hurt by every word they said. I did eventually stop hurting myself, to the point that I was really proud of myself, every day was brighter, I enjoyed going outside. I didnt sleep as much. Then came Junior year in highschool, bot even a year later. Bew kid in marching band, love her so much now, but she is a he now so I will be using he/him pronouns, but I hated him back then. I only had a small circle of friends, and all the sudden he came in. Wedged himself right into the group, and I stopped being invited to things. I ate lunches and dinners alone again during band practices. One I am still sour about is when were taking the ACT, they all finished and decided to go to the bowling alley in town, without me. They didnt even ask if I wanted to go. It didnt last long, one of my friends came and searched me out, he is like a brother to me, and I probably would have been dead without him. But I did start hurting myself again. It didn't last very long, and I had been clean of it for almost a year. But I started again, because of this pandemic. I have been in the house with my family for two months now. Tensions are running high, and everyday I dont want to wake up. I cant tell anyone close to me because my parents would most likely get wind. Classes are hard, and I dont think I can or even want to continue.

Thanks for reading if you did. Continue scrolling, and have a good day.

#depressed #story time #dont mind my rambling

[chasing-rabbits]

What made you go vegan originally?

Well I was vegetarian after being basically woken up to the truth. I was quite naive and sheltered I guess? Maybe cos I saw cows grazing outside my window we lived next to a small farm and all I ever saw was animals grazing never saw anyone take them away from the field outside my window.Then honestly by this point I was 18 when I went vegetarian. at 15ish I had been seeing doctors I saw 3 different ones I was underweight the dentist thought I was bulimic due to the damage on the back of my teeth from throwing up so much. I complained that when I even try to drink cups of tea I’d often lose the ability to swallow. It didnt effect breathing or anything just I couldnt swallow properly.They said there is nothing for it. Its IBS by the time I saw the 3rd Doctor. When I went vegetarian for the animals some of my symptoms improved I later found out my mum was intolerant to meat and so am I. However when I went to university I went vegetarian the summer before uni started.I ended up eating more junk food and more cheese based foods. At home not by any conscious means but I guess i was eating no where near as much dairy as at uni. I was getting so sick then one day I looked up milk allergies and how they diagnose it. I found out they get you to go dairy free for just over a month the time required for your body to completely get rid of all dairy traces and then they reintroduce it. I didnt exactly plan to reintroduce it as I was eating plant based for just over a month when we went away on holiday to bruge now this was around 5 years ago. They barely understood vegetarian let alone vegan. One day I gave up after literally a few hours finding some where to eat. I ate a bite of cheese pasta and felt light headed dizzy and was wheezing worse than my mum who has asthma.At that point it was clear I have a dairy allergy which has recently been confirmed by a dietitian I am seeing for possible celiac now. Just got the blood test done on that earlier this week.Anyways around that time I was looking into veganism just anything I could find out about it from nutrition to the why. I was genuinely unaware of the baby chicks getting killed for eggs or the dairy cows being pregnant continually to produce milk and the calves being killed as veal and such as ‘waste’ products.I saw Earthlings I cried a lot and that was it really. Because i mean i couldve still had eggs as a vegetarian and be no dairy. But seeing what happens to one day old chicks even now I just want to just no...it makes me teary eyed thinking back to what I saw happen to them. So since then really i’ve been vegan there have been two times where I broke this both times mostly affected by my mental health. I have bipolar and borderline PD and uhh I have issues surrounding certain things and I made poor decisions for about a week or so the two times it happened.Some people cuss me out for this and shit on me but I feel like look whilst mental illness is not an excuse when you’ve developed an unhealthy relationship with food due to years of being scared to eat and being accused of having anorexia. becoming obssessed and fixated on calories and food and intake. When that turns dark and goes the opposite and becoming obssessed with losing weight and then you get put on medication that makes you go from 7st 5ish lbs to over 14 and a half stone in less than 6 months.it’ll fuck with you. I was very underweight and to go from that to double it almost in such a short amount of time I guess just triggered that past behaviours in me. To do anything to lose weight. The medication made me so hungry and I’d get so upset I’d binge eat my emotions away. Then I saw Keto and thought okay I’ll do this. Actually my reasoning behind it was because I am intolerant to meat and I used to think to myself if only I could get the same effect as I did when i ate meat. And then i ended up doing keto and eating meat. See meat would bloat me up after a couple bites i physically couldn’t eat more. I had some really destructive behaviours and thought patterns back then. I basically wanted to make my body bloated and in pain and sick so that I couldn’t eat and would bypass binge eating emotionally and lose weight fast. It didn’t last long before i woke up and was like holy shit Erin not only are you damaging your body you’re hurting animals and I snapped out of it. The other time I dont remember what happened I think it might’ve been when I was manic. Unfortunately when I am manic aside from last year every other year ive had a manic episode ive not been lucid Im very much not as aware or in control in that I feel like im almost an outside watching in but i cant keep up. And then even now I cannot remember the mania I had the year before last its so hazy to me I remember very little of it. Last year was the first year i was with it lucid and able to remember it. Which honestly was weird because its like you see yourself doing the stuff except you still struggle or cannot stop it. So its still really odd and because youre aware of what you are doing but lack the ability to often prevent the actions people don’t quite get it its like how can you be so aware yet keep doing it.Anyways I got sidetracked! I guess i feel i have to explain why I ended up twice in the 5yrs ive been vegan going back to meat. But yeah I am not at that point anymore in my life where I have those negative behaviours surrounding that particular issue at least thank god. So I found veganism through health issues and stayed for the animals and ethics. Honestly though if someone watches Earthlings and doesn’t go vegan I dont know how that even happens its so the most upsetting unsettling devastating video to watch and a real reality check to what truly happens.

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

#lover reaction #lover album reaction #lover #taylor swift

[faerieyoongles]

Inamorata

by: @lwannag0h0me-c0m

Plot: Werewolves are assigned a human soulmate from birth, as werewolves cannot reproduce with other werewolves. Although humans cant tell when they’ve met their werewolf soulmate (mostly because they think werewolves don’t exist), werewolves become fully aware once they are united with their true love. Most werewolves meet their soulmate around mid to late teenage years (because that’s when their bodies become sexually mature). Yoongi is 18, almost 19, and on his last year of high school and still hasn’t found his soulmate yet. He’s starting to believe maybe he doesn’t have one, until one day a new girl named Y/N enters the school.

Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Genera: Werewolf au, fluff, smut, (a lil bit of angst), supernatural romance

Chapter 1

{I’m so sorry for any spelling mistakes, I haven’t edited yet}

Yoongi has never been a fan of waking up early (or waking up at all really), especially if it was for school. He wasn’t a bad student or anything, he had decent grades and never fought with any of the other students or teachers, it was just exhausting for him to walk around and pretend to be interested in the events going on around him. He wasn’t the social type, or the athletic type (not anymore at least, he did play basketball his freshmen and sophomore year, but eventually quit due to a shoulder injury), or the artistic type, or the nerdy type, or any type really. Granted, he was very musical and he did enjoy listening to music and maybe writing a few songs for himself here and then, but those skills aren’t very useful in high school. To Yoongi, high school almost seemed pointless. Yoongi’s mother is a werewolf, which makes him a werewolf. Once Yoongi graduates high school, he’s supposed to help his parents by becoming a head leader of the pack. Yoongi’s mother, Bitna, was the current leader of the pack, with her husband, Ankor, by her side. Yoongi wasn't opposed to the idea of helping lead the pack, in fact, he was quite excited to help his parents lead, as he had been watching them do so since he was young. He was, however, disappointed in himself. Every werewolf has a human soulmate that they usually find once their bodies are fully mature and ready for mating, which would usually be somewhere around the ages 14-17. Werewolves can’t reproduce with other werewolves because there needs to be a balance of human and wolf DNA. If two werewolf parents gave birth to a child, the child would come out with too much wolf DNA for its body to handle, and end up dying either before it’s born, or only a few moments after. Yoongi was now 18, almost 19, and still hadn’t found his true love. It was expected of him to have a mate by the time he became a leader to provide the pack with more members. It was now the first day of his senior year, which gave Yoongi only one more year for him to find his mate. He felt like he was disappointing his parents, even though they made it very clear that they where in no way disappointed in him, and that it wasn’t his fault his mate hasn’t shown up yet. He knew there wasn’t anything he could do about him being mate-less, but still, he wanted to make his pack proud of him, and living a werewolf life without a mate while you watch other wolves be happy with theirs was very lonesome. Some of his friends from his pack that he hung out with had already found their mate, like Jin, Hoseok, and Namjoon. That left him, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook to be the four mate-less ones in their friend group. Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook where all younger than Yoongi (Jimin and Taehyung being 16 and Jungkook being 15) so it wasn't abnormal for them to have not found their mates yet. Yoongi was almost starting to believe that maybe there wasn’t someone out there for him. Thoughts like these caused him to fall into this ongoing state of depression and lack of motivation, so now a days he tended to get annoyed and short tempered easily when one of his friends starting talking about their mates or when someone mentioned him having not found his yet.

It was now Yoongi’s first day of his senior year. He put on his clothes, which was just a pair of dark blue jeans, a black hoodie with a white graphic tee underneath, and his usual red basketball sneakers. Although he didn’t play basketball anymore, he still was found of the sport and owned some basketball jerseys and sneakers in his closet. He never worried much about his appearance, it’s not like he had anyone to impress. He brushed his hair and teeth quickly and headed outside to meet his friends who lived in the same area. Since him and his friends are all from the same pack, they all lived in the same neighborhood. The next few streets next to Yoongi’s street where all people from his pack. Closing the door to his house, he was suddenly greeted by his six friends all staring directly at him. Yoongi stopped in his tracks, he didn't expect them to all be waiting for him at once.

“What took you so long? We’ve been waiting for you for like 15 minutes?” asked Hoseok. He was clearly more annoyed than the other members. Hoseok was the only member in the friend group to have a soulmate that went to their high school. Jin and Namjoon’s mates where girls who lived on the other side of town and went to the other high school. Hoseok was no doubt in a rush to get to school to see Dawn, his mate, who he hadn’t seen all summer because she was living in Seoul, spending the summer with her father.

“Sorry” said Yoongi “I woke up late. I forgot to set my alarm.” He turned around to face his front door to lock it. His parents had already gone out, so it was his responsibility to lock the house.

“Are you not excited?’ asked Jimin. Jimin could tell Yoongi wasn’t in the best mood at the moment, so he felt it was his responsibility to help him feel better.

 “No” replied Yoongi “Why would I be? High School isn’t necessarily my ideal place to spend my time.” Yoongi started to walk down his front steps and down the side walk, his friends quickly followed him. He put his keys back in his pocket and took out his phone and headphones to listen to music. He knew Jimin was only engaging in conversation with him to cheer him up. Deep down, Yoongi appreciated it, but at the moment he was too tired to hear his friend’s sad attempts at making him feel better.

“Because it the first day of school!’ Jimin said trying to sound enthusiastic, but he wasn’t a very good actor.

“Again. Why is that exciting?” Yoongi asked, not really giving his full attention, the music in his ears seemed more interesting to listen to. Jimin really didn't know how to answer that, he as well didn’t find school anymore exciting than Yoongi did.

“Because” Started Hoseok “Exciting things could happen this year.”

Yoongi scuffed “Really?” he said sarcastically “like what?”

“Like maybe if you walked a little faster, we’d get to school faster, and maybe today you’ll find your mate! Now can we please get to the bus stop?” Yoongi clenched his jaw at the mention of his un-found mate. Hoseok got a forceful punch on his shoulder from Namjoon. Hoseok knew better then mention Yoongi still hadn’t found his mate, but he was desperate to get to school to see his.

After about a five minute walk, they all reached the bus stop. All six guys where now having a new conversation that Yoongi couldn’t be bothered to listen to. He loved his friends, but he enjoying being in their company silently when he was in a bad mood, than making an exhausting effort to take part in a conversation that he just wasn’t in the mood to be in. Thanks to Hoseok’s careless comment about his mate, Yoongi’s mood was now even worse than when he first woke up. 

It didn’t take long for the bus to arrive. Yoongi was the last of his friends to get on. When he got on, he saw all his friends had taken a seat except for Jungkook who was still standing up waiting for Yoongi to sit on the inside of the bench so he could sit on the outside. Jungkook knew Yoongi preferred the window seat so he could rest his head on the glass. This was Jungkook’s way of helping Yoongi feel better, and so far, it was the only effective one. 

“Hyung” said Jungkook in a very quiet unsure voice. He didn’t want to upset Yoongi more than he already was. Lucky for Jungkook, Yoongi had a soft side for him, with him being the youngest member of the group and all. Yoongi decided he didn’t want to take his anger out on the Maknae, so he took out one of his ear phones to give Jungkook his full attention. “It’s gonna be this year, I know it! Look, I know this might not be what you’re in the mood to hear right now, but trust me, when our mates come I’m sure all the waiting would have been worth it. That’s what Namjoon hyung told me, and he’s never lied to me before.” Although Yoongi wasn’t fond of hearing yet another person this morning mention the absence of his mate, he knew Jungkook meant well. Yoongi gave Jungkook a simple nod and a short smile before he returned the earphone back to his ear. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t hopeful that this was finally the year he’d find love. ‘It has to be! I can’t wait forever!’ he thought to himself.

The bus finally came to a stop in front of the school, and Hoseok was the first to run off with Jin running after him close behind trying to contain Hoseok’s excited and rushed energy. Yoongi took his time walking off the bus and into the school. The school had already sent the students their class schedules and locker numbers during the summer, so Yoongi’s friend group had all dispatched at this point to get to their classes. Yoongi never bothered with his locker, they allowed backpacks inside the classrooms so he never saw a need for them anyways. He went straight to his first class which was English. Unfortunately for him, Namjoon wasn’t in this class with him like he was last year, so Yoongi would actually have to do his own work instead of copying off of Namjoon. He entered the classroom and sat in a seat in the back next to a window. He preferred to sit by himself than to try and make awkward conversation with someone. His conversation skills weren’t very good, and besides, he had all the friends he needed from his pack. He rested his head on his hand while he looked out the window and watched the trees wrestle with the wind. He saw a stray cat climb up on one and lay down to take a nap. ‘It must be nice to be a cat. You just get to sleep all day.’ He thought. He then chuckled at the fact that technically, he was a dog, who was wishing to be a cat. Ironic. The classroom was loud and fulled with life as students where telling their friends what the did over summer break, gossiping over new students and what not. Finally the teacher walked in with a coffee mug full of freshly brewed coffee in his hand.

“Okay everyone” he said “Please take your seat and settle down.” The students obeyed, and took their seats. Since it was only the first day of school, students haven’t yet become as rebellious as they will later on in the year, so quieting down the class wasn’t too hard of a task for the teacher. He set his coffee mug down on his desk and walked toward the center of the front of the room.

“Hello everyone! My name is Mr. Ling.” the teacher said in perfect English. He then repeated the phrase in Korean for his students to understand. Yoongi was decently good at English, and learned a few things not only from school, but also from Namjoon, so Yoongi understood what the teacher had said before he translated it. Yoongi silently praised himself for his well understanding of the English language.

“Before you guys introduce yourselves to me, we have a new student this year. Please take care of her and make her feel welcomed to our school. Okay?” The students nodded in response. Mr. Ling walked over to the door and opened it. A girl then walked through. Her posture gave away that she felt very shy and awkward. Immediately she caught Yoongi’s eye, but he wasn’t the only person in the room to take an interest in her. Other guys suddenly started smiling and taking their attention to focus more on what this new girl had to say.

“Um hello. My name’s Y/N. Please take care of me.” The girl said it so quietly you almost didn’t hear her. Luckily at this point, Yoongi had paused his music to hear you speak. The new girl then bowed to the class and looked at the teacher for her next direction.

“It’s lovely to have you here Y/N. There’s an empty seat in the back beside Yoongi, you can sit there if you’d like.” said Mr. Ling. Yoongi was taken back by the spot light suddenly put on him, but he collected his scattered thoughts and waved at you so you’d know who he was. He gave you a short but genuine smile, and you returned the favor as you walked to sit next to him. At this moment, Yoongi thanked whatever god there was that none of his classmates ever wanted to sit next to him. You put your bag down by your new desk and sat down. At first, coming to a new school was diffidently something you where in no way excited about. Making new friends was never something you where good at, and whats the point of making new friends senior year when you’re only going to graduate in a few months anyways. The boy sitting next to you though was now making you rethink that thought. He looked inviting and you got this calm, safe, and warm vibe from him.

“Okay so, now what I’d like to do is go around the room and introduce yourselves to me, Y/N, and any other classmates that might not know who you are. Lets start with you!” said the teacher as he pointed to a student sitting at  the far right of the front row. One by one students sat up and said their name, grade, and one interesting thing about them. Trying to come up with something interesting seemed like a hard task for the students, so this process seemed very slow and excruciatingly painful to watch. After 20 minutes, Yoongi was starting to get a headache from all the “ummms” and “yeahs” coming from student’s mouths every three seconds, so he unpaused his music. When he turned his phone on to click the play button, you caught a glimpse of the song he was listening to. He was listening to “Kind Heart” by Glowing Eyes, and immediately you decided you had to be friends with this boy. Glowing Eyes was your favorite band and you just couldn’t stop your excitement from taking over. If the boy sitting next to you didn’t make you feel so comfortable just by giving you a smile, then you would have never said anything, but you just couldn’t stop yourself (nor did you really want to). You tapped him on the shoulder and Yoongi flinched dramaticly. It took you back a bit because you where sure you like barley touched him. What you didn’t know is that when you touched him, even in the slightest, it sent electric waves of shock through Yoongi’s body, but it felt good and warm. He almost wanted to you tap him again. You gave him a kind of perplexed look. Did you really tap him that hard, or was he just really sensitive?

“Um, yeah?” Asked Yoongi, still in a state of shock.

“Uh” you said quietly, so the teacher wouldn’t hear you having a conversation while another student was introducing themselves. Yoongi realized your soft voice and took out one of his ear phones.

“Your song. Your listening to Glowing Eyes.” You said, feeling slightly less confident then when your first tapped him.

“Yeah” said Yoongi “You like them?”

“They’re my favorite band.” You said with a smile, now slightly regaining confidence now that Yoongi was now understanding where this conversation was going.

“Really?” He said, your smile now rubbing off on him.

“Let me ask you this then.” He now felt more interested in talking to you (as if he wasn’t already before) now that he found out you two have something in common.

“Which album is better? ‘Worth the Wait’ or ‘Destiny’s Course’ ?” You’re almost taken back by the fact that he’s now speaking to you like he’s known you forever, but you really liked the fact that you could just skip over the ‘awkward conversation’ phase of friendship, so you played along with his vibe.

“Oh ‘Destiny’s Course’ by far!” You said with up most certainty.

Yoongi crinkled his nose “Hmm, i dunno. ‘Worth the Wait’ had more of a raw and real sound.”

“Yeah but in that album they replaced James with Leon as the main vocalist, and James is a far better singer.” Although you where disagreeing with Yoongi, you still thought that this conversation was the best one you’ve had all day. Yoongi was unknowingly agreeing with you.

“Well yeah but, the songs are just so much more..” he pause for a minute trying to come up with the right word to use.

“Raw and real?” You say, mocking his words from earlier. You slightly roll your eyes, wanting to make fun of your new friend, but not wanting to push it because you two had only just met.

“Well yeah” Yoongi laughs. You start laughing too but it’s quickly cut short when you hear the teacher call your name.

“Y/N!” he says “I know you just introduced yourself, but why don’t you do it again and tell us something interesting about you, that way we can get to know you even more!” He was clearly aware you and Yoongi weren’t paying attention, but since it was the first day of school and you where a new student, he decided he wouldn’t scold you and instead be grateful you had already made a new friend.

“Oh, um okay.” You said. You then stood up to face the class for a second time and said “My name is Y/N, Im a senior, and..” You where trying to think of something interesting to say when an idea popped into your head. “and I think- no, I know that’Destiny’s Course’ is Glowing Eyes’s best album.” You hoped your new friend found your teasing funny. The teacher looked confused by your statement but decided to brushed it off and move onto Yoongi. He looked at Yoongi’s direction, waiting for him to speak. As you sat down, Yoongi sat up.

“Uh, my name is Yoongi, in a senior, and I know for a absolute 100% fact that ‘Worth the Wait’ is without a doubt Glowing Eye’s best album.” He said with a playful smirk. You sighed in relief that Yoongi was playing back with you. He looked down at you and gave you a smile. The teacher smiled as well, feeling proud he created a friendship by having you sit next to Yoongi. The bell then rang signaling for the next period to begin. Luckily Yoongi was the last student to introduce himself, so every student had gotten the chance to take their turn. You turned and grabbed your backpack on the floor beside you and started to walk towards the door. You stopped when you felt someones hand pull you back by your upper arm. When you turned around, you saw it was Yoongi. Yoongi wanted to talk with you more, which is why he decided to pull you back. When he held on to you, his hand got warm shocks of energy that was now circling in his hand and up his arm. He stared at his hand holding your arm for a few seconds wondering what the heck was going on. He snapped back into reality when he noticed you where looking at him for an explanation to why you where being held back.

“Um, I- I think you’re pretty cool, I guess.” He then let go of your arm, realizing he was still holding on to you “I wanted to know if uh- if maybe you wanted to go to this music store that’s like a 10 minute walk from school? I mean I know we just met but I’ve always wanted to go there but ah, my friends never do and it’d be nice to go there with someone instead of by myself. Ya know?” He nervously chuckled. With every word he said, he lost more and more confidence, fear and awkwardness now finally sinking into him. You on the other hand where beyond glad that you had easily made a friend you had something in common with.

“Yeah sure!” you said with an obvious grin on your face. Your energy rubbed off on Yoongi and he felt relaxed again.

“Great! Um, if you gave me your number I could tell you where to meet me after school.” He said, finally relaxed that you seemed to like him as much as he liked you (or at least he hoped). It felt weird to him though, asking a girl for her number. That was something he had never done before.

“Sure.” you said. He unlocked his phone and handed it to you, and your put your number into his contact list. You then handed the phone back to him. While doing so, your finger came into contact with his, and yet again, Yoongi felt those same waves of shock. He couldn’t understand what it was at first, but after you had first tapped him on the shoulder, he’s had sometime to think about it, and he’s 90% sure that maybe he knows. He wants to feel them again though one more time before you walk away. So he does the only thing he can think of in the moment. He extends his hand out for you to take.

“Friends?” He asks. You take is hand with out question.

“Friends.” You state. Yoongi looks at your hand touching his and inhales sharply, really loving the feeling of your skin coming to contact with his. You then let go of his hand, whispered a ‘bye’ and flashed him a small but genuine smirk as you walk out the door. You didn’t really want to leave him, but you also didn’t want to be late to your next class either.

As Yoongi watched you walk away, he knew his mood had been completely changed from what it was this morning.

He knew for sure, that he finally found his mate.

#bts ff #bts suga #bts yoongi #werewolf au #yoongi werewolf #suga werewolf #bts smut #inamorata #bts fanfiction #suga smut #suga ff #suga fanfiction #min yoongi #yoongi ff #fanfiction #ff

[thespacehairandthespaceidiot]

1 - 19

Nat. You I hate you. But I love you. Ok, strap in. this will get a little long. Everything has wasn’t asked already.

1. Babyfic

Matt and Alex have a one night stand. Go their separate ways. She very surprisingly ends up pregnant. After a few more weeks, they meet for lunch. She tells him. He doesnt believe her at first but then is stoked. She’s worried about a lot of obvious things but cautiously excited. He wants to be around for the baby but also her, she’s not so sure. He promises to convince her to let them be a proper family. It kinda goes from there. It’s mostly in note form right now, but a good bit of it is pretty well mapped out. And the concept has been done a million times before but I’ve wanted to put my own spin on it for a long time. Maybe some day I’ll get around to it. We’ll see. 

2. Big Finish

Someone on here sent me a prompt after I asked for them (I don’t remember who rn, but I still have the email with the notification saved somewhere) to write Matt and Alex being reunited to record a Big Finish series together. They haven’t seen each other for a long while and all the pent up emotions and sexual tension come to a head in their off hours. They spend some time together and old feelings come spilling out and things get hot. Probably leading to extra flirty banter in the recording booth and hoping other people cant tell they’ve brought fiction into the world of reality. 

5. Luggage

Matt and Alex, traveling with the rest of the cast and crew to film in Utah, get off the plane, both exhausted beyond measure, and end up taking the other person’s luggage back to the hotel with them by mistake. Once Matt gets there, he goes rifling through what he thinks is his bag for a pair of joggers to change into and instead pulls out a number of things rather more frilly and battery operated than he was expecting to find. His mind, understandably, goes a bit haywire and suddenly, sleep is the last thing n his mind. 

(A bunch more under the cut)

6. MattexJournal

Matt has keep keeping a journal with stories he’s written about he and Alex, mostly of the filthy variety. After a night of running lines and an enjoyable dinner at Alex’s flat with the Team Tardis foursome the night before, Matt wakes up and can’t find the journal anywhere, soon realizing with dawning horror that  it must have dropped out of his bag and been left in Alex’s flat. He contemplates with dread having to go back to ask for his notebook back, but little does he know that Alex has already found and accidentally read enough to know exactly what is between the pages. 

7. MattexSims

This one is very cracky. Alex gets called back to set on a day the cast was supposed to have off. Matt volunteers to sit with Salome while she’s gone. But Sal is a kid who doesn’t need much supervising, content to sit on her computer and play the sims for the afternoon. Matt, never one for video games, asks her to show him what the game is about. When he realizes how easily you can play out your own stories with whatever people or characters you want, he gets the idea to make characters of him and his coworkers as a bit of a laugh. But soon he finds himself strting to play out a very not-true-to-life game with his and Alex’s characters that makes him start thinking about how to bring them to life. He just hopes Alex never finds out what he’s been doing with his very limited spare time. 

8. Moving

Matt has just moved into a new neighborhood. On his first night in his new house, he heads to his room to get ready for bed and can’t help but notice that he has a very clear view from his window into the bedroom of the woman next door and that she has the shocking habit of walking around her bedroom in the nude, despite there being no curtains on the window. There hadn’t been a car in front of her house all day, so she might not know the long-empty house next door has anyone living in it just yet. But when she shows up at his door a couple of  days later to welcome him to the neighborhood, he doesn’t know whether or how to mention the nightly show she’s been giving him without making her never want to face him again. 

9. Olympics

Ok this is also slightly cracky. I read an article during the last summer Olympics about how sex-crazed Olympic Village always is and how they organizers give out like 100,000 condoms to the competitors during the span of the event. So when Alex, the older equestrian likely competing in her last Olympics, gets dragged out to the party scene after a busy events and meets Matt Smith, the awkward but enticing 18 year old up and coming football star, she finds him a little hard to resist. A one night stand in Olympic Village with a much younger competitor is one thing, but in the light of day, when he wants to continue seeing her, how can she allow herself to indulge him when both of them have have the competitions of their lives ahead of them? And what happens if, when the end of the Olympics come, neither one of them feel capable of stopping?

10. Online Dating

I think I’ve explained this on here before but I have no idea where. Alex is convinced by her sister after a girl’s night in to set up a dating profile for herself on a site that keeps i’s users completely anonymous. No names, no pictures, no identifying information. Just good, old fashioned person-to-person talking and personality quizzes to determine compatibility. She indulges her sister but has no plan to actually speak to anyone on the site, especially as she’s heading back to Cardiff shortly to film a few more epidodes for Who. Until one message comes through from a very highly-compatible match who stands out from the boring or creepy messages she’s gotten so far. Meanwhile, back in Cardiff, Matt hears about the same site, and tired of random hook ups with women whose last names he doesn’t know or care about and relationships that head nowhere, decides to join up. He’s quickly disillusioned by it, until he comes across one woman who makes him think this idea wasn’t a complete waste of time. As the two start messaging each other back and forth, getting to know each other, they slowly starting to fall for the mysterious strangers on the other side of the computer screen. It’s too bad both are also contending with the enticing costar they see a work every day in addition to their new secret penpals. How do you reconcile feelings for two different people when one is unattainable and the other is someone who may never live up to the expectation you’ve built up in your head?

11. OverlookCaught

Matt and Alex have been together for a couple of years now, but they’re still very much a secret from the general public. They’re at a convention together and when they find themselves alone for a few moments, Matt can’t help but get a little closer than they’re allowed in public. She’s knows it’s a bad idea- who knows when someone might walk in?-but she cant resist giving into his affections for just a minute. When they head off to the last event of the convention, they think they got away with their little moment together but when video leaks online of her and Matt kissing just minutes before, all hell breaks loose. Suddenly the romantic weekend alone they planned after the con becomes about PR management and hard reconsiderations about the so-far rock solid relationship they’ve built together. This is what I’m actively working on right now. It was meant to be something short to get me back in the swing of writing but it’s a little longer than I planned. Still under control through and should be done soon. 

12. Pornstar AU

Matt and Alex are both relatively new actors working in the porn industry, disillusioned after their proper acting careers both failed to take off. When they get the assignment to make a film together, it’s just another job. But after filming their first sex scene together on day one, Matt recognizes Alex as his old drama teacher back home that he used to fantasize about. When he reminds her that they used to know each other, they leave set and grab dinner to catch up. Before they know it, they’re bringing the steamy sex scenes from work back home with them and falling hard for their screen partner. This was something @beware-my-sting and i were working on together. It’s fallen by the wayside for now, but who knows if one or both of us will get our shit together to continue it? Hopefully lol. 

13. Proposal

It’s their anniversary and Matt plans on popping on the question. He wants everything to go exactly right to give himself the best chance of getting Alex to say yes, but he’s worrying himself frantic and not much seems to be going right. 

14. Proposal/Meet the Family

It’s Christmas and Matt has been planning to propose. They’re in a pretty great place and he thinks he’s broken through Alex’s defenses enough that he’s not super worried about getting a no. But a last minute change of plans has them spending the holiday with his family. Who don’t yet know about Alex. So while he’s introducing his much older, long-term secret girlfriend to his rather surprised family, he’s also getting ready to make the biggest commitment of his life. He just hopes the weekend goes well enough to not ruin his plans of a happy life with Alex or his hopes of a close relationship between her and his family. The awkwardness and stress may be getting to him just a bit. I love fics that incorporate either of their families and the probably likely reality that the relationship would take a little getting used to by their relatives, but also don’t like ones when things are actually hostile between them. This will be written with them being confused and very concerned and awkward about everything but no one will be being mean to Alex. Cuz i hate that. 

16. StolenTardisFicathon

This is a River/Doctor fic for a ficathon I signed up for forever ago.I don’t even know which one anymore because I suck. But young, babyfaced Eleven has dropped off Amy and Rory for a romantic weekend together and is off exploring a strange planet on his own. He soon runs into the mysterious River Song who is in possession of his tardis, having obviously swiped it from him at some future point in time. As usual, he’s completely captivated by her but there’s a niggling thought in the back of his head, spurred on by talk of good men and murder and prison sentences, which whispers that maybe she’s just come from murdering him in cold blood before stealing his ship. That thought really should send him running for the hills, but he his feet refuse to move unless its in step with hers. 

17. Tattoo

Matt is dreading going back to set after a break a week’s break from filming. On the last night before he returned from Cardiff, he got very drunk and woke up in the morning sporting a tattoo on his arm. This would be bad enough, but the tattoo in question bears the name of his very captivating co-star. This this episode also heralding the return of River Song, Alex would be on set. It wasn’t like he planned to be taking his shirt off on set or anything, but if she were to somehow find out what he’d done, surely she’d never want to speak to him again. Or at least look at him with pity in her eyes at the obvious signal of his very unrequited feelings for her. He gets through the work day decently enough, but when Alex suggests running lines together and catching up that night, he worries he won’t be able to keep his shameful secret much longer. 

19. WeddingInvitation

Alex is getting married. The invitations have gone out and everyone has RSVP’d. Except for one very conspicuous person. She and Matt haven’t spoken in quite a while, their once close friendship fading into one of quick and impersonal birthday messages and not much else, but she did want him there to celebrate her wedding with. When she calls him to confirm whether or not he’ll be joining the rest of their friends from the show at her wedding, he’s cagey and non-committal until he breaks and responded with a no and a suspicious apology. It doesn’t take much thought afterward to figure out the real reason why he won’t be attending. After their time on the show together led to nothing happening between them despite the years of flirting and tension, she’d well and truly put the feelings she’d felt for him behind her and she’d honestly thought he’d also gotten past whatever feelings he’d harbored for her. Apparently not. Disappointed, she marked his as a no on the guest list and gets on with planning her big day. She’s surprised, however, when Matt shows up in town the week before the wedding with a confession and asks her to call it off. Maybe those feelings of hers hadn’t been as completely buried as she’d thought, but she can’t throw away a love and a life she’d been excited about only moments before for Matt, can she?

#cassie's writing #Anonymous #ask #melodypond-thewomanwhomariedme

[n0-eyedtaissa]

introductions

so this was an OC that i had created awhile back, but never found the right footing for. maybe i’ll get back to it, who knows. either way, meet Kelley Karper: 

age 7: is a mess of blonde ringlets and freckles. blue eyes that don’t hide much. hands sticky from too much orange soda. spends mornings before school with grandma, crawls under the covers with her and asks to be told a story. listens with a toothless grin as she’s told all about a princess who saves her kingdom. reads quicker than all of the other kids in her class. cant ride a bike yet, dad sits her down and says that she can try again when she’s ready. balances on the washing machine as he dabs peroxide-soaked paper towels on her bloody knees. wipes her tears away with the backs of her chubby hands. mom makes her sing that song from annie at grandpa’s retirement party, brags to all of his coworkers how her child already knows all of her vowels. sticks a temporary tattoo on her arm so that she can match her dad. sits in his laps and traces the intricate design with her fingers, asks what it means and dad explains it. calls it his protector. she asks if she has one too. stays up late listening to the cars pass, listens as the 28 bus comes to a screeching halt outside. joins the brownies. gets mad when she’s selling cooking instead of learning how to tie knots. makes mom cry when she refuses to wear the pink easter dress, says something about how she knows kelley likes her father better. 

age 9: her hair’s darker now, freckles gone. thats what happens when the fog rolls in. the sun goes away. decides that her favorite color is orange. begs her parents to have her room be painted that color. the boys in her class make fun of her for her buck teeth. she kicks colin samuel in the shin but doesn't mean to break his finger. has to miss the class trip to the zoo. dad sits her down and tells her to be tough, to defend herself, pushes her to make friends and tells her not to worry because there’s always strength in numbers. he takes her to get ice cream anyways.  mom wishes she would take her ballet lessons more seriously. dad brings home tickets for the giants game the next week, with seats just above home plate. tells mom that she thinks she wants to play baseball instead. listens intently as her dad tells her stories from when he was her age. laughs loudly at the story about her dad getting his head stuck in between the railings of the staircase. is a strong reader but needs a little bit of help with math. spends every night after dinner for the next two weeks watching her mother teach her how to do long division. lies when asked if she understands. joins choir. gets the biggest solo in the fall program. cries when she sees that mom missed the recital. again. 

age 11: notices that she’s taller than all of the boys in her classes. cuts bangs by herself in front of the bathroom mirror with her mothers sewing scissors. gets yelled at all the way to the hair salon. hits her first home-run. dad carries her to the car on his shoulders, yelling about how his kid was the next babe ruth. she doesn’t know who that is, but she figures it’s a compliment.  meets her best friend, a new student named olivia. the two of them would walk towards the mission district and buy paletas with the money kelley got from grandma because she got straight a’s on her report card. doesn't understand why mom cant get out of bed in the morning. the dishes in the sink start to pile up, old food crusted with mold making the whole house smell sour. covers her ears when she hears mom and dad fighting. jumps when she hears glass shatter. steals her father’s walkman, finds a tape inside. led zeppelin III. learns that they were both of her parents favorite band. wonders if love was actually all that simple. takes the bus home from school for the first time, frozen with fear the first time a man probably twice her age catcalls her. gets her period on the class field trip. has to have somebody else’s mom explain it to her. helps olivia dye her hair purple when her parents weren't home. presses her ear to the wall and listens as her parents whisper-fight in the other room, arguing about money. doesn't know what her mother means when she asks her dad where his paycheck is. hears her ask him where he’s been spending all his time if he wasn’t at work. 

age 13: stops getting upset when her mother fails to show up to yet another one of her softball games. her face gets wrinkled in visible confusion when a teammate’s mom asks if her dad’s single. realizes that no one there has ever met her mother. is still interested in music. spends hours pouring over the big stack of records her parents had in the corner. familiarized herself with names like zeppelin, van halen, the doors, and fleetwood mac. sang ‘rhiannon’ for the talent show. won second place. learns what depression means. watches her mother become a shell of a person. cant help but wonder if it was somehow her fault. holds olivia close to her chest as she cries about the divorce. wonders what it would be like if her own parents did the same. takes the 28 bus to and from school each day. an older man presses his pelvis against the soft flesh of her thigh. he takes any jolt of the bus as an excuse to hip check his balls into her. no one around them paid it any mind. she felt the warm condensation on her jeans, saw the bruise the indent of his belt left. didn’t tell her father. hates the way her parents talked to each other. kisses zach khang at a birthday party on a dare. kept her eyes open. 

age 14: finished the summer reading list in a week and a half. finally starts filling out her bras, and the boys in her grade notice. starts swearing. likes the way people looked at her when she told them to go fuck themselves. gets asked out on a date for the first time. stands outside of blondie’s pizza for an hour before realizing that he wasn’t coming. called her dad to pick her up. didn’t talk for the whole ride home. hates that her parents dont even try and hide their fighting now. wonders if love was ever real at all. found out olivia wanted to be called “just via” now. smoked weed for the first time behind the tennis courts at school with a group of junior boys. noticed how impressed they were when she didn’t cough. steals lacy underwear and sickly sweet perfume from victoria’s secret. thinks she should start dressing older than she actually is. wears thick black eyeliner and too-dark foundation. mom tells her that less is more. quits softball cause she can’t keep her grades up. hangs out in the drama room now. has via keep an eye out for the teacher as she makes out with sam lusk and lets him feel her up under her shirt. makes breakfast for dinner with her dad on fridays. flips through photo albums of better days. asks who the people were and what they were doing. wonders why her dad’s family never took interest in her. 

age 16: starts wearing fishnet tights under her shorts. mom says that she looks like a stripper, but dad says that he thinks she looks pretty cool. asks if she can get her nose pierced for her birthday. listens to the cure. looks up to kurt cobain in a way that scares both of her parents. decides that she wants to be a teacher. tells her dad that this summer she thinks she’s gonna try and write a book. finds out that via’s mom has cancer. borrows her dad’s shears and helps via shave her head too. yells at all the boys who try and call her best friend a dyke. finds her dad’s leather jacket in the back of the coat closet. notices it’s adorned with the same snake design as his tattoo. doesn't know what it means. asks if she can wear it to school that day. finds her mother out cold on the kitchen floor. a lot of blood. so much. that was the year that they adjusted her mother’s meds. they started going out more as a family. learned that healing was a process. thought that maybe her parents were falling in love again. gets her short story published in the school paper. reads it to her parents at the dinner table and it makes her mother cry. doesn't miss a single question on the learner’s permit test. tries to have her dad give her driving lessons. is in tears before they even made it out of the house. gets too drunk at monty montez’s birthday party. ends up puking blue raspberry vodka, barefoot in the parking lot of his housing complex.

age 17: her and via buy acid from the hippies at golden gate park. she swears that she’s watching the clouds move and the grass grow. she swears that everyone knows she's on drugs. has never had a boyfriend. sits down with her mother and is told that she would still be loved if she was gay. doesn't know if she is, but doesn’t rule it out. gets a lock for the door to her room. still makes breakfast for dinner with her dad on fridays. watches her parents sign the divorce papers. decides that maybe they were never in love to begin with. takes a greyhound bus to los angeles to see her favorite band. doesn't tell anyone about the guy in the pit who grabbed roughly at her breast, like it was his for the taking. gets grounded for a month. has to choose which parent she wants to live with. says a tearful goodbye to via. moves to riverdale with her father. learns that he wasn’t always as good of a person as she thought. learns what the tattoo on his arm meant. wonders if she could be cut out to get her own. finds out what it really takes to become a serpent. refuses to do the dance, says she would rather go through the gauntlet any day. makes friends with a girl who makes her feel more at home than she’s felt in a long time. finds a boy that makes her so fucking angry. believes him when he says she’ll always be safe with him. starts thinking that love might be real after all. 

#im projecting SO Much in this #but it lw works #kelley karper #her dad was a serpent #retired #moves back to riverdale #to keep peace with the ghoulies #no face claim yet

[jisoos-wife]

50 facts you probably don't know about me.

I got bored/ couldn't sleep so this happened. 1- i have severe anxiety that manifests in nervous ticks. 2- im impulsive and change my mind constantly. 3- in middle school i was in drama club and used to write plays. 4- i have 3 full brothers. 2 step brothers. And 1 step sister. 5- i can't cross my eyes. 6- my nails are always painted. It makes me anxious when they arent. 7- i have 5 tattoos. 8- i bite my lip when im nervous/anxious and have made myself bleed by doing it on accident. 9- i have bipolar depression. And it sucks. 10- while i come off as loud and extroverted on tumblr, in real life im much more contained and introverted. 11- im afraid of the dark 12- ive been sexually assaulted by 2 different people. 13- i can count the number of people i consider friends on 1 hand. 14- i grew up in the Mormom church, and was the last member of my family to have my name removed from the church records. 15- i first got into kpop in 2009, but in late 2012 i stopped keeping up with it and didn't get back into kpop until January of 2016. 16- i don't believe in a single 'god' figure. Im not atheist, i just dont think there is one all mighty god who judges us. 17- i don't drink milk. 18- my favorite animals are guinea pigs and sloths. 19- i struggle with self confidence, and have times where i genuinely dont like myself. 20- ive only ever felt a sexual attraction to one person. 21- i have never been grounded. 22- ive kept a journal consistently since i was 13, and have them all in a box. To this day, i still write in my journal at least once a week. 23- im allergic to strawberries and bees. 24- i can make my tongue look like a 4 leaf clover. Its pretty cool. 25- my first celebrity crush was on Natalie Portman circa star wars episode 1. To this day, i still have a crush on her. 26- im secretly a huge nerd and love watching documentaries. 27- my favorite documentaries are about the British royal family. I love queen Elizabeth. 28- i don't cry in front of anyone. To this day i think the only person who has seen my cry is my mom. 29- i paint and crochet to relieve stress. Sometimes i will crochet an entire blanket and unravel it just to do it again. It's very therapeutic. 30 - i only make blankets for people im close to. A handmade blanket is very personal for me, so if ive made you one, there's a reason. 31- i believe in soulmates. Both platonic and romantic. 32- i believe you can be in love with more than one person at a time. 33- i still sleep with a stuffed animal. It changes, but currently i have a giant stuffed sloth that i sleep with. 34- i have insomnia, and the longest ive gone without sleeping is 4 days. 35- i love blankets. Even in the summer i always have at least 2 on my bed. To me its comforting to have them. 36- I got drunk at my cousins wedding, and started my maid of honor speech with "this bitch right here" and pointed at my cousin. 37- evem though im 22, and know how to, i dont drive. It makes me so anxious that i cant focus. Maybe one day I'll get over it. 38- for years i wouldn't let anyone touch me without asking. And even then i usually said no. But now i crave physical affection. 39- ive never been hungover. 40- i collect movie ticket stubs. 41- when something is wrong, i usually dont tell anyone because i dont want them to feel burdened by my problems. 42- i don't drink coffee. It makes me jittery and anxious. So i drink tea instead. 43- im the only person in my family other than my 2 younger brothers that has never smoked weed. 44- when i was 16 i dated someone who was 20. Not my best decision. 45- my emotions have 2 settings. I either feel every thing so intensely it scares me. Or I don't feel anything. There is no middle ground. 46- people scare me. Im afraid to let people in because i don't want to love them and have them decide they don't want the burden of being close to me. Its happened too many times to count. 47- im extremely close to my younger brothers. I would do anything for them. 48- im anemic, and it affects me almost daily. 49- my favorite foods are sushi, and popcorn. And also pancakes. 50- my biggest regret is that i spent years being the person i thought everyone else wanted me to be instead of being who i wanted to be. So im making up for it by doing things that make me happy. I no longer crave their approval.

[judool]

i miss my best friend. i miss her a lot. it’s not that she died or anything, but everything about our friendship crumbled and turned to dust when i moved away. i always felt bad about it. she was the only friend to show up at my old house at 5 am before we left. i dont know how i didnt cry but it broke my heart watching her walk back home from my house as the moving truck drove away. i didnt cry back then, but the memory is making me cry now because it just hurts. i dont know where it went wrong. the first few times icame back to visit my dad was fine. she’d come get me from his house (45 minutes away) and we’d drive back to our neighborhood and have a good time hanging out and talking. and then after that it felt like i was a burden. id text her and try to set something up for next time. it always seemed like something convenient would happen to where we couldnt hang out. where id just be stuck at my dad’s for 3 weeks straight. my other friends dropped me instantly when i moved, like i never really mattered to them in the first place. and maybe i didnt. i always had to butt my way in to conversations and practically invite myself to the things they did. maybe they never really liked me all along and they just tolerated me. but my best friend was always there. she’d been there for me since were we 5. 

we were close. people always thought we were sisters. we even bought the same swimsuit on accident one year without telling each other. she was one of the first people i told when i got my period. her parents treated me like i was their second daughter too. i could always walk into their house unannounced and nobody minded. my own mom also treated her like a second daughter. my dad was always an asshole to her though and i will always resent him for it. i was always at her house every weekend. it was my escape. our friendship was my escape. the fights my parents had with each other didnt matter when icould leave and go a block away to her house. i spent every weekend there. we’d run around the entire neighborhood, even finding a secret broken fence that we could go through and nearly be right by the interstate. i remember being so sad one halloween when her parents bought her a sakura cosplay costume and i couldnt convince my parents to get me an ino one. i wish i would have forced myself to go out on the last halloween i spent there even though i was sick. i didnt know it would be my last. 

ill never forget all the stupid youtube videos we watched on her dad’s computer in the basement. all the shitty youtube poops and cringy naruto chatrooms. or all the time we spent talking on the phone during the airing of new naruto episodes, or while we played animal crossing. my dad always yelled at me for being on the home phone so often but i didntcare. 

i miss her so much but she changed an awful lot after i moved. i wonder if i would have changed like her if i stayed. i wonder if i would have gotten arrested for smoking weed in her car with her. i wonder if i could have kept her out of trouble. i dont know. all the times i went up to my dad’s, he always asked if i would be seeing her and i never knew. even though id try to plan with her months in advance, something always magically came up last second. so i just stopped trying. i stopped telling her when i would show up, since it wouldnt matter anyways. it just felt like i was nothing. it still feels like im nothing. part of me wonders if she felt relief when my dad died. i wonder if she was relieved that i wouldnt have a reason to visit anymore. a reason to bother her. the last time i went up was for my step grandad’s 100th birthday. i tried making plans with her months in advance, and magically the day before she has to take her mom to a doctor’s appointment. 

i didnt know what i was expecting. i wasnt surprised. i felt bad asking my mom to take me and my bf to the zoo, but she had an old friend who lived near in that area so she said it was fine. i still felt like a burden. i felt like shit and i felt stupid in believing that anything had changed. we even went back to my old neighborhood and drove around. we drove past her house too, and my mom asked if i wanted to see if she was home. i just told her no. she never asked about it, but i think she knew that i was done. i was tired. a friendship of almost 10 years just. gone. like that. 

i know i shouldnt miss her because in the end, she probably stopped caring about me. but god it fucking hurts. everything about it hurts. i miss her. i miss all the fun we’d have during the summer, or during breaks from school. i miss trick or treating with her. i miss running around the neighborhood with her. i wholly believed she was my platonic soulmate, and then my parents got divorced and i moved away and everything just crumbled like sand between my fingers. i just hurts and i dont know what to do about it. my head is a jumbled mess and i have so many regrets and intrusive thoughts about ever leaving. it keeps me up at night and it haunts me. among other things, but it feels like a stab to the chest every time. the memories are there but they feel like they’re from a lifetime ago. they feel like they’re from someone else that wasnt me. i just want to stop thinking about it and stop remembering it all so i can stop feeling regret and stop feeling so shitty but i cant. i cant stop my brain wont let me. evyerthing is just crumbling down and i cant stop it. i bet my dad would still be alive too if i stayed. i would have gotten onto his ass about his health. even through all the pain he caused my mom and the horrible financial situations he put us in because of his drinking habit and car habit he didnt deserve to die and i hate it. i hate it and i hate that my brother had to be up there and deal with it all because he was so young an ddidnt deserve it. he was only 14 and he saw his own dad dead on the hospital bed and there was nothing he could do. i thought i could trust my dad’s girlfriend but she was a bitch and she let him die she let him die and i cant forgive her she’s a nurser she should have known heart attack signs and called 911 right awya instead of waiting. she killed him and icant ever forgive her and i hope she gets what she deserves.

god this is devolving really quick and i cant sotp it im so sorry i cant i jsut need to get this out because my brain jsut wont stop and i  cant stop thinking i cant stop crying i just want to stop existing for a while. but i dont want to die because i have too many people i care about anf theyd be so sad so i have to sstay. nobody online would know what happened and i cnat do that to them i lvoe them all so much. im sorry this is getting really bad i just wanted to get my thoughts out there and it turned into a mess. ill be okay i always am so please odnt worry im just. really really. i dont even know how to describe it. 

i dont think i m going to be able to sleep well tonight but i have to go and try it’s alreayd so late

#kou bitches #negative #negative tw #really really negative #im sor sorry #i jsut wnated to rwrite my thoughts down because i jsut feel so weighed down and it got relaly bad #im okay i promsie im justnot in a good brain state #i didnt want to bother thr group chat with this and like nobody follwoes me here #im sor ry #death mention #death tw #i dont know how to tag this #long post #i tri3d to readmore it and i hope itbworks for people

[thedaycourts]

(completed) acowar liveblog

ACOWAR LIVE BLOG (SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY)

spoilers will be ahead... you have been warned

feel free to message me to talk about the book!

---------

5/1/17 11:22pm- someone help me I've literally preordered the ebook and the hardcover (which hasn't even shipped yet ugh) and I'm so prepared 

5/1/17 11:31pm- I've read the first 8 sample chapters so. many. times... i'm ready for the real thing now pls thx bye

5/2/17 12:06am- IT TOOK TILL 12:06 FOR THE EBOOK TO RELEASE OMG MIDNIGHT RELEASE MY BUTT SMH

---

chapters 1-8: i kinda like jurian actually (maybe ill regret saying that idk), lucien being protective of elain is making my heart warm, tamlin makes me wanna kill someone, feyre shouldve cut ianthe’s throat tbh, the twins give out such weird vibes, AND OMG rhys and feyre sending images of themselves sticking their tongues out is my moodboard i love it so much

chapter 9: “Blood rubies or no, you will always have one friend in the Summer Court.” My throat bobbed. “And you will always have one in mine,” I promised her. She knew which court I meant. And did not look afraid. I LOVE ALIS OK SHE IS ACCEPTING AND PROTECTIVE AND AMAZING

ianthe needs to get her filthy hands off of lucien before i strangle her

LUCIEN AND FEYRE GOING TO THE NIGHT COURT TOGETHER HECK TO THE YES 

chapter 12: @luciens brothers can you go die pls ok thx bye

chapter 13: CASSIAN IS OK AND SO IS AZ ADHEIOFHJKFAJ MY LIFE IS SLOWLY PIECING ITSELF BACK TOGETHER

“i am the high lady of the night court” hECK YES YOU ARE

the tender cassian and feyre hug made me sob even more and then the mor hug hauidfghuajkshcdfa the feels

chapter 14: I AM SOBBING I AM S O B B I N G AT THIS FEYSAND REUNION HELP MY POOR BROKEN SOUL

also omg just imagine lucien watching this reunion bc i think his expression would be absolutely priceless

chapter 15: “I was in love with Feyre,” Rhys said quietly, “long before she ever returned the feeling.” whats that noise??? oh yeah its just the sound of my heart breaking no big deal

“I revealed the mating bond months later—and she gave me hell for it, don’t worry.” hA 

LUCIEN CALLING AMREN A CRANKY OLD AUNT OMG

chapter 16: poor nesta and elain omg no 

i really need to know whats going on between nesta and cassian bc theres def something there hehe

chapter 17: MOR AND CASSIAN AND STICKING THEIR TONGUES OUT TO EACH OTHER TOO NOW OMG FIRST FEYRE AND RHYS AND NOW THEM WHAT IS HAPPENING

chapter 18: “defending the female he loved”  PLS JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY @MOR @AZRIEL 

“our family” MY HEART IS MELTING HELP I JUST WANT MY BABIES TO BE HAPPY

“It was the first time you had looked … peaceful. Like you were indeed awake, alive again. I was so relieved I thought I’d puke right onto the table.” GUYS RHYS CARES SO MUCH ABOUT FEYRE LIKE PLS REALIZE HE WAS SO ECSTATIC THAT SHE LOOKED ALIVE AGAIN HE WANTED TO PUKE BC HE CARES ABOUT HER SO. FREAKING. MUCH.

“I will fight with everything I have, too, Rhys. Everything.” why do i have the feeling this is foreshadowing something that i am not going to like at all

chapter 19: “Why should I be scared of an oversized bat who likes to throw temper tantrums?” this is how true love starts out 400% you go nesta 

chapter 21: oh dang it here goes the nightmares starting up again

chapter 22: feyre sees the bone carver as their son omg what can this please happen

chapter 23: “Nothing about Nesta could frighten me.” *cue me audibly going awwwwww*

chapter 24: “She was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen.” This seems to be a common way of thinking when people look at their mates hehe throwback to acotar

az is such a bean like who else is awesome enough to wait 500 years for the girl he loves 

chapter 26: AZRIEL PUTTNG HIS HAND ON TOP OR MOR’S DURING THE MEETING WITH KIER OMG WHY MUST SHE REJECT HIS TENDER HAND TOUCH

chapter 27: mor being depressed bc of what she witnessed at the meeting makes me wanna cry

omg the inner court arguing what is this

chapter 29: tbh az reminds me of myself so much and i think we have the same MBTI personality type((:

chapter 30: the heck is hybern’s little minions doing in velaris nonunion go home you aren't allowed here

chapter 32: NESTA IS A SEER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

chapter 33: “He did not glance back at Elain. Did not see the half step she took toward the stairs—as if she’d speak to him. Stop him.” elucien for rulers of the autumn court pls

chapter 34: varian warning amren??? they're friends?? so they keep in touch?? hmmmmmmm sounds suspicious(((;

chapter 36: KING OF HYBERN VS RHYS OMG WHAT AM I ABOUT TO WITNESS

oh jk he wasn't really there oops

chapter 38: I think tarquin should forgive them especially since they came to his rescue but hey thats just me

chapter 39: “And it was precisely because of it that I said, “I love you.” His head lifted, eyes churning. “There was a time when I dreamed of hearing that,” he murmured. “When I never thought I’d hear it from you.” 

nesta being worried ab cassian ahhhhhh

chapter 42: nesta being named emissary omg i love it

“And to my eternal shock, a smile tugged at Nesta’s mouth.” ahaha

GAMBLING ON THE FIGHTS AT THE MEETING AHAHA WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED AT ALL

chapter 43: this viviane girl seems cool.. i hope she doesn't end up stabbing my babies in the back:)))

ew no i was perfectly fine with having tamlin absent for the remainder of the book

same @feyre who is 500% done with tamlin and his crap 

chapter 45: NESTA STANDING UP FOR CASSIAN AND SASSING OUT BERON IS THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 

chapter 47: I'm beginning to really like helion

chapter 48: too bad i already saw spoilers so i knew helion was luciens dad smhhhhhhh

ok but like if nesta thinks something is wrong, shouldn't you have learned by now that something is usually wrong???????

wow would ya look at that...something was wrong *scowls*

chapter 52: where the frick frackle jensen ackle did jurian come from 

chapter 53: ok but i totally called jurian being good

....tamlin still being a tool i see 

chapter 55: they keep mentioning their dad so i have a feeling he's in trouble/being held captive

chapter 56: nesta helping heal cass omg yes

YES MY GIRL SURI

chapter 58: I've never wanted ianthe dead more,,,,WHO DARES SHOOT MY GIRL SURI HREIAOFHJAKEF FIGHT ME

chapter 60: i literally bawled so much when suri died omg i sounded like a dying horse

chapter 61: this episode of honestly hour features feyre and mor going head-to-head about decisions and relationships... stay tuned for the next episode

chapter 62: amren and varian kissing hm how do i feel ab this

chapter 63: ELAIN IS AN ACTUAL SUNSHINE WHO DARES TAKE HER AWAY (of course its az my little bean who notices she's gone)

also I'm betting ten bucks lucien will find her and save her (prolly not gonna happen but it would be cute if he did)

chapter 64: EW SHE HAS TO BE IANTHE WOW THATS UNFORTUNATE

rhys and feyre’s goodbyes felt more like a pep talk than a sad goodbye but thats just me

ok thanks for saving feyre @tamlin but for the record i still hate you

chapter 65: omg nesta hugging feyre and all the sisters being all nice and cuddly makes me so happy

chapter 66: the moriel shipping part of me is very sad but yunno maybe this means i can keep az for myself (or elain can have him idk which direction sarah will take this) and mor can be eternally happy((:

sooooo does this mean elain x az is now gonna happen bc like az is gonna need someone to help heal the hole in his heart and elain is such a sweetie but what about lucien????

chapter 68: but are we ever gonna know what feyre saw in the mirror?

chapter 69: tender az and elain moment omg that was so cute i love my smol beans

“I would have waited five hundred more years for you. A thousand years. And if this was all the time we were allowed to have … The wait was worth it.” AWEEE

rhys and his lil speeches to everyone dang what is this

chapter 70: “And then Nesta began screaming. Not in pain. But a name. Over and over. “CASSIAN.” IM SUCH NESSIAN TRASH IDOFHAJDKFA

chapter 71: “This was it. The last moments … the last time I would see them all.” nothings even happened yet and I'm already crying

“He told me that he’s got three daughters who live here. And that he failed them for many years. But he would not fail them this time.” well shoot i have no words rn and tbh i kinda forgot their dad existed the past few chapters

chapter 72: “She wrapped her arms tightly around Cassian, those gray-blue eyes bright, then they were gone.” THEY GIVE ME LIFEEEE YESSSS

chapter 73: OK AMREN WHAT ARE YA DOIN???

chapter 74: ....welp... bye bye mr archeron thanks for saving my babies and also wHERE THE FRICK DID YOU COME FROM?? nesta and elain and feyre being sad is making me sad

OK WHY IS CASSIANS WINGS GETTING HURT AGAIN??? i feel like this is sarah starting a new thing like “hey! lets just end every book with cassian’s wings getting ripped to shreds!!”

“I have no regrets in my life, but this.” His voice shook with every word. “That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta.” FRICK OMG THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE MOMENT I BECAME COMPLETE NESSIAN TRASH. AND THEN THE KISS. OH MY. I CANT. I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

and elain coming to the rescue omg heck to the yes

chapter 75: nesta stabbing the king is tHE BEST. i can't just feel the pure rage and emotion radiating out of her as she twists the blade in his neck. think of the people she's doing it for. her dad, her sisters, her new family, cassian. this scene gives me so many feels

amren saying she's glad she met feyre awe

chapter 76: AHHHH RHYS IM SOBBING NO FEYRE HDAUKHJD AHHHH WHY DID RHYS DIE ON PAGE 666

chapter 77: feyre screaming for rhys nononononono i feel my soul shattering

rhys was DEAD and he comes back making a JOKE....why is this not surprising

chapter 78: lucien is back ahhhh it feels like he was gone for the whole book tbh

yes drakon and miryam hauifheajkdfhajfha

chapter 81: RHYSAND’S POV YESSSS

talking about feyre’s “beautiful laugh” ahhhhhh they're sooooo cuteeee

chapter 82: i LOVE the fact the book ended with them all peaceful. they deserve it. i love everyone. i am happy. goodbye.

#sage reads acowar #acowar liveblog #acowar #acowar spoilers #a court of wings and ruin #a court of wings and ruin spoilers #nessian #acotar #acomaf #a court of thorns and roses #A Court of Thorns and Roses Series #a court of mist and fury #book liveblog #sarah j maas #feysand #feyre #rhys #rhysand #cassian #nesta #elucien #elain #suriel #amren #mor #sage reads ya

[skiasurveys]

Talk about...

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. - I cant remember that well since I was a little kid.. ( The lion king), um but I remember being so into it and I loved animals and it kind of started me wanting to draw. But i cant remember the first time i watched it. 

2: Talk about your first kiss.  We were really awkward, I liked him..but not enough, and so we went driving around, got starbucks, and then found this bench and we were talking/flirting, and then he just kissed me. But it was nasty asf, it was so gross. his spit was all over me, blehh. I hated it. I remember being like if this is kissing i do not want it. It wasnt tell i kissed another person that i was like Oh thats what its supposed to be like..

3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for. He is my current boyfriend. We met on Okcupid in 2015 right after i had finished high school. It was like September. its funny because i wasnt rly serious on that site but then I started to talk to him and we hit it off really well.. we dated for  a week then broke up LMAOOO. But then in April 2016 we started to talk again and in May we dated. so its been a year so far, and i am really in love with him. He and I click very well, he’s  7 years older than me. we play video games together but sometimes i watch him play by himself cus its fun that way too. He likes anime tho and i hate it lol. hes very funny and he can be super sweet and romantic and sometimes hes jusr a fkn nerd. idk what else to say before i start going on forever about it.

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.  Meeting the dude who assaulted me. we were just friends and i had a bad feeling about him but i shoved it off. and then he attacked and assaulted me. I wish i went with that gut feeling. Thank god hes gone.

5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.  My best birthday was either my 18th or 19th. My 20th was boring. But my 18th I got a wii U and i got drunk too, and i had fun. but yeah, like idk the best prob was when i was a child and had lotsa friends and cake.

6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.  My 16th because my dad was dying.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.  My biggest insecurity is my body shape.weight. I just hate it because I feel fucking ugly and fat and I really am not, but idk i just want to be skinny and tiny.

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of. I am proud that i graduated and got my license, since I was struggling to graduate which was like 2 years ago but i was going through a lot.

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my eyes, and I do like that i have small hands and feet. ( its easy to find shoes). But I also like my legs and that I have a bigger butt. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.  theres been a few. But i think with my ex friend who just said she hated me and it was random asf, but she ghosted on me after and so it wasnt really a fight. another one i had was when i started to date my current BF and he wasnt being the best and I was like maybe i should drop him so i tried too and then we fought and then we actually were adults and explained the situation and we sorted it all out. since then we have been so good. like we know how eachother works. Lol fuck.

11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had. I cant think of one.

12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. i had a nightmare where this creepy ass creature was crawling up my walls and turned its head all around and had lifeless eyes and creepy sharp jagged teeth, and it was just terrifying. but then my mom killed it.. wtf

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The first time i had sex I was super nervous. ( It was with my current bf), and we tried and then i started to cry because I was nervous and also from my trauma, and then he was like okay thats fine. Then later that night he asked if we wanted to try again so I said sure. and so we started to make out and then before i knew it was actually inside me and I was like wtf that wasnt bad, and it felt really good. It wasnt overly romantic like they make in movies but it was super good and he was slow and good with me. ever since then i crave dick every minute LMAOOO.

14: Talk about a vacation.  I went to disneyland with my mom the year i was graduating high school. It was so much fun, I felt so safe and happy . I cant really explain what i felt just felt like everything was gonna be OK and the rides were just so awesome and the food was great lol

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.  It was when I was starting to date Connor again and we were hanging out and I was like wow, my life is going perfect right now and I felt so happy.

16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to. I never go to parties but the one i went to was at my boyfriends friends house and I just started to drink rum n coke and it was really good and made lots of friends but there wasnt that many people there but i felt really happy.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.  I cant think of anyone lol

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.   i got bullied alot for stupid shit.

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.  I was in foods class and I was with my friend Jenna, Brittney, Shae and Julia. There was orientation for the kids from elementary that night, and so we asked if we could stay extra and make the cookies and so we were allowed. Then Julia and Shae left to use the washroom. Jenna and I had finished up and were heading to our other class, and as we walked in there was a alarm for a lock down and we were like holy shit. There was somekid with a knife walking around. they calmed him down, but it was really creepy. But our friend brittney was by herself in the foods room and she was crying and i felt so bad omg rip brittney

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.  I had math class one afternoon and the class before me apparently this girl had a seizure. But i didnt know, so when we walked in the classroom I was like wtf why are the desks all pushed around and so i thought they did some activity, but it turns out this girl had a seizure, and my friend told me about it and how it was super traumatizing our teacher even got bit. it was really weird..

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.  He is my friend still but he really liked me and he asked me out and I had to tell him No and i said that i wasnt looking for a relationship but it was super awkward but hes cool.

22: Talk about your worst fear.  choking.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down. I really liked this one guy and we went on a first date and then he asked if  i wanted to chill the next week and so i said sure. But then that day he had texted me and said he was busy and that i couldnt come over and so I was like Oh ok, cool. and then he told me to make sure i wasnt looking for anything serious, and then so i never saw him again after the first date. But he was really boring so thank god i didn’t. and its funny cus a few months after he had some gf and i think he is still with her cus i would see them at the mall all the time. but yeah im glad it didnt work out!

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. One night ( this is cheesy ) It was like 4 am and Connor was watching TV and I was scrolling through tumblr lookin at funny memes/posts and he just turned and looked at me and said “Jen, youre my best friend” and it just made my night. It was super sweet and i felt great. 

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.  ho ho ho okay, so we were friends since grade 9 summer/beg of grade 10. we were close asf, we liked the same shit, we thought the same. she was great. she was the first best friend i ever had rly. so a couple times through out our friendship she would kind of vanisha nd not talk but it was her depression and it was annoying asf. anyways.. after grade 12 grad  (this is like oct 2015), i tried to message her but it wouldnt let me! so i soon realized she blocked me on everything. i texted her thanks for that and then feb 2016 we became friends again, then may 2016 she ghosted on me but she finally sent message saying how she hated me etc and really too this day it hurts but i still dont know what actually fucking happened.

26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.  if im really sick  i just sleep and watch youtube videos. or ill have a bath.

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.  i really love my boyfriends arms. theyre so big and strong. mmmm.

28: Talk about your fetishes.  i dont rly have a fetish tbh.

29: Talk about what turns you on.  i like when my bf dominates me, but not too hardcore. I like neck kissing, facial hair, deep voices, motivation. I like being tackled like play fighting and i like when he touches my thighs etc. mm

30: Talk about what turns you off.  being an asshole, racist/sexiest, if youre super smelly. if youre really tall and skinny.

31: Talk about what you think death is like.  i dont know. its probably weird asf.

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.  i remember this place called Moonwalkers and it was this crazyass jungle gym we had and it was the best shit ever.

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.  i draw, listen to music, have a bath..etc

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. getting hit by a car.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.  i wish i would stop comparing myself to every fucking person i see.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.  some anime. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. i thought i loved wade, but i really was just liking the idea of someone. this was in high school. lol it was really weird and i didnt like it.

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. it depeds on the song and the person. pink floyd reminds me ofmy ex friend. Anime/kpop songs remind me of Kyra and super lovely songs and omam remind me of connor

39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.  not everyone you lose is a loss.

40: Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school and teenage years was really weird. i remember feeling so out of place and not sure what t do with myself.

#survey #personal #talk about

[haydeninspo]

1 -70

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

“I wish I did. My mum hasn’t spoken to me since my dad died so…”

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

“I plead the fifth.”

03: Do you regret anything?

“Lots and lots of things, yes.”

04: Are you insecure?

“About somethings, I guess. But I try not to think about it too hard.”

05: What is your relationship status?

“Bex has called me a Single Pringle so that is how I identify.”

06: How do you want to die?

“I actually plan to live forever. So far, so good.”

07: What did you last eat?

“… I can’t even remember. Yogurt? Lets go with yogurt.”

08: Played any sports?

“Baseball. I played baseball for years when I was little. It’s still my favourite sport. Here come the Yankees!”

09: Do you bite your nails?

“Listen, this is a habit I’m trying to break. Why is it so satisfying?!”

10: When was your last physical fight?

“Physical fight? A couple years ago…”

11: Do you like someone?

“I like a lot of people. Well, I tolerate a lot of people. Sorry this isn’t a juicier answer.”

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

“Multiple times. 10 out of 10 would not recommend.”

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

“Nah- what’s the point?”

14: Do you miss someone?

“Nah- what’s the point?”

15: Have any pets?

“Family pug, Hamlet. I miss that damn dog every day.”

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

“Honestly, I have no idea how to answer this question. Everything feels like it changed so rapidly so my feelings are really up in the air. I’ll let you know when the shock wears off.”

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

“Hasn’t everyone?”

18: Are you scared of spiders?

“I can’t even handle the spider emoji, okay? Scared is not a strong enough word.”

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

“Yes, approximately 65 million years to meet the dinosaurs.”

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

“Kappa Alpha Lambda.”

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

“I wholeheartedly intend to eat a life sized chocolate Easter bunny by myself this weekend. Wish me luck.”

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

“If by ‘kids’ you mean dogs and cats then, yes. Hundreds preferably.”

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

“Two in each ear. and my left nipple.”

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

“Anything art related. Anything literature related. I can fake my way through an essay on The Catcher in the Rye with the best of them.”

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

“My dad. Every single day.”

26: What are you craving right now?

“Sushi, spooning, a nap? Eating sushi then going home to spoon and nap.”

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

“Yes. I have to. I can’t help it. If I know I’m going to get hurt I need to get out before they cant hurt me. I call it Self Preservation.”

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

“Yes but, I’d rather not relive it.”

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

“Yes but, I’d rather not relive it.”

30: What’s irritating you right now?

“So many things.”

31: Does somebody love you?

“Yeah, somebody does.”

32: What is your favourite color?

“Blue or black. Or Black and Blue like the Backstreet Boys album.”

33: Do you have trust issues?

“Have you met me? 100% yes.”

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

“Last night was the first night I actually slept really well in a while and I didn’t dream about anything.”

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

“… Dante?”

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

“I think I definitely have in the past but, not anymore.”

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

“Forgive but don’t forget.”

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

“Ha! How sad would it be if it were?”

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

“How old are you in Kindergarten? 4 or 5?”

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

“Yes- well, no. I had a coat on.”

51: Favourite food?

“Sushi.”

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

“Not so sure about that. If everything does happen for a reason I’d definitely like to know the reason for certain things that have happened recently.”

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

“Showered then had the best sleep of my life.”

54: Is cheating ever okay?

“No. Don’t be in a committed situation if that’s what you want to do.”

55: Are you mean?

“I don’t consider myself mean. I can think of at least one person who disagrees with me though.”

56: How many people have you fist fought?

“Just one. I lost.”

57: Do you believe in true love?

“I would like to.”

58: Favourite weather?

“I love the seasons in general but, I especially love the way the leaves change in the fall and laying out on the beach all day in the summer.”

59: Do you like the snow?

“I do for a short period of time. Makes for a wonderful photograph.”

60: Do you wanna get married?

“If I were to ever want to get married the person would have to be pretty damn special.”

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

“I’m not sure I would use the word cute but, I don’t mind it- sometimes.”

62: What makes you happy?

“Food and photography.”

63: Would you change your name?

“I used to hate my name. I wanted to be called something like… Eleanor or Amelia when I was growing up. But I love it now so no I wouldn’t change it.”

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

“Not at all.”

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

“Ask them to stop while I back out of the room.”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

“Yes.”

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

“Alex.”

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

“Danny.”

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

“Yes, I do. I don’t think it always has to be a romantic thing, though.”

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

“Yeah, maybe.”

#ask #this was insane

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u