#The Four Loves

[fictionadventurer]

That C.S. Lewis quote says friendship is about meeting someone and going, "You, too? I thought I was the only one," but I think Tolkien's portrayal of Legolas and Gimli provides an important corollary, where friendship can be about, "You like that?"

Lewis tends to portray friendship as two people bonding in a shared interest over something, and only then getting to know each other as people. His descriptions of friendship in The Four Loves (at least in his lecture version that I listened to) sound a lot like fandom friendships. But they're not the only kind of friendships, and I like that Tolkien shows us that the reverse can also happen.

Legolas and Gimli have very different interests. They're from totally different cultures that don't much like each other. Each one loves environments that the other one finds creepy and terrifying. Before Helm's Deep, Legolas talks about how much he hates being surrounded by stone, while Gimli loves it. But after they bond at Helm's Deep, Legolas finds himself interested when Gimli waxes poetic about the beauty of the caves beneath it. He's like, "I don't get why you like that, but you make it sound awesome, so I'll try it." His respect for Gimli as a person made him willing to expand his horizons to share his interests. Friends can find connection, not just because of their similarities, but because of their differences. And I think it's really cool that Tolkien portrayed that.

#lord of the rings #the two towers #tolkien #the four loves

[larissa-the-scribe]

Reading The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis (and loving it so far), when--

"But the nature-lovers whom I have in mind are not very much concerned with individual beautiful objects of that sort. The man who is distracts them. An enthusiastic botanist is for them a dreadful companion on a ramble. He is always stopping to draw their attention to particulars."

Is this from personal experience. Is. Is he talking about Tolkien.

#which technically tolkien isn't a botanist and idk if the timeline checks out #but #the vibes check out #c.s. lewis #jrr tolkien #inklings #salt and light #the four loves #scribe rambles

[hwestalas]

On the anniversary of the destruction of Boromir's Bane, I would like to honor him:

This is set sometime in the first couple weeks of the Quest, at sunrise, as the Fellowship sit around their little campfire in a small hollow after a long night of marching. The other Hobbits are probably blowing smoke rings with Gimli and the leaders, but Pippin is still a tweenager, so he dozed off on the biggest person present.

(The grass on the horizon represents the rim of the hollow, and the white thing right below his belt is supposed to be the Horn in his lap. I did my best with the straight-on perspective on his legs, but I was in way over my head and it shows. Body proportions are also off, but live and learn!)

Note on this and future art posts that look like ink on cardboard:

A few years ago, I discovered a planner that not only helps keep track of the wide world of practicalities, but contains not one, not two, but FOUR blank cardboard surfaces! I've gone through about ten, and the majority of those forty-odd surfaces are covered in fan art.

I generally sketch the drawing in pencil, then trace it with gel pen. I could never draw humanoid anatomy accurately (or, as in this case, at least recognizably) without a lot of trial and eraser.

Anyway, this is the first drawing from the planner where I chose a theme of LOTR examples of the Four Loves in C. S. Lewis's book. The first one he calls "Affection." It refers to the bond that forms through familiarity, whether or not you have anything in common. The most iconic example is the love between parents and children, or siblings, or other relatives; but it can form between any people who spend a lot of time together.

I figured it fit with a huge Man and a tiny Hobbit who went on a journey together and ended up ready to die for each other. Also, I just wanted to draw that size difference! People who look (or are!) wildly different, but are close anyway, is the cutest thing. ^_^

#boromir #pippin #fanart #lord of the rings #the four loves #affection #my planner #Planner Number 6

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Love, 1895 by Gustav Klimt Little known piece of Klimt's. Enjoy. [Guillaume Gris]

* * * * *

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

#Love #about art #Guillaume Gris #Gustav Klimt #quotes #C.S. Lewis #The Four Loves

[malaisequotes]

“Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend.”

The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis

#The Four Loves #C. S. Lewis #Quote #BOok

[nothinggold13]

In honour of C. S. Lewis’s birthday: a few of my favourite of his books, as interpreted by the “Dream by WOMBO” AI art app. Though it didn’t take much from me, I felt this was a fun way to view his works, and I quite like the results. ❤️

In order: The Chronicles of Narnia, Till We Have Faces, The Four Loves, Surprised By Joy, and lastly, two different interpretations of Perelandra, because the colours in each evoked different things within me and I couldn’t choose a favourite!

Happy Birthday, Jack. You never cease to inspire me.

#c. s. lewis #the chronicles of narnia #till we have faces #the four loves #surprised by joy #perelandra #voyage to venus

[thomasstaples]

#c.s. lewis #surprised by joy #the great divorce #the screwtape letters #the four loves #the abolition of man #a grief observed

[queen-bi-blog]

Friendship is unnecessary,

like philosophy, like art....

It has no survival value;

rather it is one of those things

which give value to survival.

- C.S. Lewis

#c s lewis #c s lewis quotes #the four loves #quotes #quoteoftheday #encouragement #deep thoughts #inspirational quotes #inspiration #life #beautiful quote #deep quotes #inspire #book quote #bookshelf #bookworm #book quotes #books #books & libraries #inspiring quotes #quote #motivational quotes #life quote #friendship #friendship quotes #true friendship #qotd motivation inspiration #qotd #motivational qotd #friends

[lepartiprisdeschoses]

The dependence of the higher on the lower, and the greater risks that come with the higher (sometimes "higher" just means "more complex", but more often than not there's an evaluative claim being made) - maybe it's trivial to say that those two basic ideas as expressed by Michael Polanyi here are recurring themes in The Four Loves, but it's something I've found helpful to keep in mind.

Lewis himself says in the Eros chapter that -

The love which leads to cruel and perjured unions, even to suicide-pacts and murder, is not likely to be wandering lust or idle sentiment. It may well be Eros in all his splendour; heart-breakingly sincere; ready for every sacrifice except renunciation.

#the four loves

[symphonyoflovenet]

We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.

C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

#C. S. Lewis #quotes #quote #lit #literature #The Four Loves

[crymeariveronceagain]

Ah this is awkward. Um.

You're like, gray aroace right? I'm pretty sure I'm fully aroace (as in has never had a crush sexually or romantically) and idk if I wil at some point but whatever.

Anyway, so like, I was talking w my friend - and like, I have two people I really consider 'friends', who I'd always like... kind of imagined spending my life with ig? Like not romantically, but in a 'you're my best friend and how can I ever stop caring about you' way. And so my friend was talking about how they really want to find love and get married and like...

My other friend also talks about finding a gf and all that and basically the point is they both talk about how they're so scared they'll never find 'love' and 'move on'. And the thing that terrifies me is they're like moving on from when, other than familialy, our platonic relationships were ig most important? Like, they will never value these bonds as much as I do. They'll leave me behind for romantic partners and I'm so scared I'll have to force myself into loving someone that way just so I don't get left behind. It's hard enough with my parents, and I'm so scared of losing them, but I'm going to because I'll never matter as much to them as they do to me.

I think that was the moment it really clicked for me 'I'm different' and I don't know what to do.

Hi darling!!!!

First of all, I don't identify as any manner of ace or aro. They're not comfortable terms to me, and it's taken me a long while to get to a place where I can actually, like. Write that? I used to identify as ace, but I don't anymore. Primarily because it became such a huge anxiety trigger for me. And, honestly, it still kind of is. The entire question of my sexuality makes me feel like throwing up, a little. Not mad about it or anything, and not offended either(you can assume whatever you want about me) but, anyways. I love you <3

So, like. I'd like to start off with saying a couple things.

First and foremost, your perception of friendships is completely normal, actually. So many people today, and I mean this honestly, have a disordered perception of the value of relationships. So often they set friendships on back burner, and instead focus on romantic relationships. And, actually. I'll tell you why.

Friendships are so, so, so valuable.

With any luck, any person can find a lover. In fact, most people without much work can swipe right a few times and get everything they want out of that situation.

But a friendship? A real, whole, true one?

Stars, you're lucky if you get one in your whole life.

There is something beautiful, soul-quenchingly holy and wonderful about true friendships, about kindred spirits. There is something so endlessly pure about loving a person not even for some kind of romantic pursuit, but just for the hell of it. For the hell of loving. For the hell of living. For the hell of understanding, for the hell of breathing, for the hell of sharing. There's something so infinitely beautiful, and there's something scary.

Because true friendship doesn't ask for anything but companionship and patience, for the mutual care of someone. That's all it wants, and that's its end. That's the goal of friendship. Mutual care. Patience. Companionship.

Romance asks for more than that.

But true friendship is one of the most pure loves.

The ancient Greeks called it Philia.

C. S. Lewis said, about it, in his book The Four Loves(100% recommend you read this at some point.) "“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

That's a beautiful, amazing thing right there. It's like philosophy, it's like art. It's brilliant. It's lovely.

Now, all that to say, that if friendship is like art, you are not different or new to value it as you do. It means you have a natural predilection, maybe, to value it as you do, just as some people are naturally disposed to art or philosophy, or even to romance.

On to the specifics about your friends. If your friends don't value you like you value them, they're kind of crappy friends.

Because even a desire for a relationship should not change the love they have for you. Even being in a relationship should not decrease their care for you.

It took me a while to learn this, and in fact it's through the love of my best friend that I have learned this. I had friends, when I was in high school, who abandoned me, repeatedly, for each other. They treated me like I was disposable. Like my existence didn't matter. I'd have died for them. They wouldn't have died for me.

But then, I met the girl I'd call my "bosom friend--an intimate friend, you know--a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my innermost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will, too. Do you think it's possible?"(Anne Of Green Gables, by L. M. Montgomery)

She's in a relationship, set to be married, actually, now.

But the thing is, I have never once questioned her love for me. I've never once had to. She's never made me feel like I didn't matter to her. I even brought it up, once. That I would always expect to be second to her husband-to-be, and she said we weren't on the same playing field, so to speak. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it's settled, deeply in my soul. It was something along the lines of, He's my boyfriend, but you're my best friend. It made me cry, nearly.

She's my best friend, and she values me like I value her.

So, I've got to tell you.

If they do not love you like you love them.

They're not the people you want to line your dreams up with.

Believe me. If you believe nothing else I say, believe me on this.

You want people who love you just as fiercely as you love them.

They should value the bond as much as you do. Don't settle for less. Find friends who will fight and die for you. If they won't, you can do better. Find friends who are willing to love you. Find friends who want you in their futures.

Really, dearest, this has very little to do with sexuality.

Ik it sounds dumb, because why wouldn't it?

But this is about friendship. It's about this stupid world we live in refusing to place emphasis on friendship. Stars, compare it to art! How would you feel if people went "Art is kind of stupid, we don't need it to live, so there's very little point to maintaining it or making more or making the stuff that sticks in your ribs and makes breathing hard." Like, that's what society has said about friendship!

It's been so greatly reduced, so greatly destroyed, so corrupted by the media and by hook up culture and by the concept even that friendship doesn't matter unless you're gonna date eventually.

Literally, what the heck is up with that?

It's so stupid and pointless you don't understand.

We live in a world that destroys and degrades friendship on an altar of romance.

My best friend's brother once heard her tell me she loved me and he called us gay. That's how estranged we are from a world that respects friendship. Brothers crack jokes that burn and make you wonder if you're doing something wrong by expressing something so simple as love.

I still tell her I love her. I call her beautiful. Lovely. She does the same for me.

We lift each other up, point each other towards where we want to go.

And there is so much hope for our futures in our lives. I'm going to be in her wedding next summer. I want to meet her husband. I want her to meet my future spouse, whoever they are. I want to meet her kids. I want her to meet mine. I want to go to movies with her. I want to eat dinner in her house. I want to meet up for a glass of wine and sit as grandmothers on the same front porch and talk like there's an endless life before us.

My friend wants the same things.

Look.

Darling, dearest anon.

If your friends want to move on from your friendship, they're not the kind of people you want as friends.

Because you deserve to be valued as you value others.

That's just a fact of human existence.

And if these friends want to move on, to step out into the world and leave you behind, to cast aside your friendship for romance, pretend like that's some sort of mutually exclusive relationship, pretend, for even a moment like love is some sort of finite resource, and that they're willing to cast you off like you don't matter in exchange for it.

Not only are they wrong, it's highkey cruel of them.

If they're thinking the friendship is limited, that it's conditional, that it's doomed, or that it's fading, or whatever kind of hula hoops they're jumping through in their heads, that's what it's going to be, because they're striking a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It has nothing to do with you.

You honestly sound like you're the normal, functioning person here.

They sound like they're the ones who are different.

Sure, a point could be argued, I suppose, that in this culture an emphasis on friendship and a platonic love of others is different.

Sure. You could say that you're different because you want to be loved and valued in return. That you love intensely and deeply.

But stars.

Lovely, most beloved anon.

Find new friends.

Ditch these people. I know it's gonna hurt. Friendship breakups hurt more than heartbreaks(I've experienced both, I can attest to this) but if they're not going to love you as you deserve. You are worthy of so much more than this hovering feeling of impending doom. You're worth more than listening to them talk about the romance they want to leave you behind for. You're worth endlessly more than them underappreciating and undervaluing your friendship.

Just walk away.

It's not worth it to love like that. It's unrequited. It's undervalued.

There's a best friend out there for you, I'm sure of it.

Someone who will value you just as much as you value them.

And maybe it will take a while to find them. Maybe you'll have to go through more friendships that aren't valuable enough to the other party.

Who cares.

True friendship exists. True filial love exists. You can find it.

The world probably feels really small, right now. It is not small.

The world is huge. It is full of people.

And you don't need a lot of people. That's another lie.

All you need is one good friend. All you need is one. And you'll be okay.

I never thought I would make friends who actually loved me. And then, I did.

So if a wreck like me can find legitimate friends who love and value me as much as I love and value them, you'll have no problems, dearest.

There are people out there waiting.

There are friendships in the world that you can make.

These two people are not the only two you get.

I swear it to you.

#friendship #thanks for the ask! #im praying for you now anon #i mean that <3 #aromantic #asexual #not fandom content #river's advice column #gonna cry about this actually #friendship struggles #the four loves #c s lewis #anne of green gables #our society is screwed up and you're actually responding normally #best friends #friends #song rec: better friends by abby cates #anyways i love you so so so so so much anon #feel free to send me another ask if you want more advice or even just want to cuss me out for what i said here #i love you and i want the best for you

[marthammasters]

Poets and writers sometimes gave me great ideas. One of my favorite books was The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. It was a great way of looking at all the different ways people express love: romantic love, friendship, charity, and sex. All of them are so important. They’re all things I have used in my life. Charity is especially interesting as an idea because it’s so simple. You share what you have with people who need it, and maybe when you need something, someone will share with you. What could be more pure than that?

— Brian Wilson, I Am Brian Wilson

#lee postz #Brian wilson #the beach boys #words #love #quotes #quote #beach boys #music #literature #on love #writing #on writing #on poetry #poetry #on writers #on poets #cs Lewis #c.s. lewis #the four loves #i am Brian Wilson #on community #on humanity #humanity #biography #autobiography

[appleinducedsleep]

Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

#quotes #friendship #words #the four loves #cs lewis #books #booklr #book community #my quotes

[rains-of-words]

Friendship [...] is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself ...

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

#quotes #quote #rainsofwords #usermaximoff #books #c.s. lewis #the four loves

[malaisequotes]

“Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, ‘Here comes one who will augment our loves.’”

The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis

#The Four Loves #C. S. Lewis #Quote #Book

[lady-stormbraver]

Trick or treat!

Happy Halloween, dear Kaylie!

For you, a lovely Lewis quote that made me think of you and the knitting circle as a whole:

“In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”

—C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

#happy halloween #trick or treat #cs lewis #the four loves