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#The London Cookbook
the-clay-quarters · 2 months
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The city doesn't look like any other It is piled on top of itself Like layers of sediment I followed a path that felt level enough Across roads and down alleys And then, coming to a railing I look over And I see the roof of a dizzying cathedral beneath me That ten minutes earlier I had been staring up at in wonder This city is a curse on cartographers Bridges passing over bridges Streets stacked upon streets upon streets Parallel worlds, never quite meet Buildings larger inside than out Nondescript doors that lead, somehow, to entire, hidden towns Stairwells that stretch ever up And ever down And all of this I strongly suspect Moving And changing When no one is around
This city sleeps And it sleeps deeply Drawing long heavy breaths you might mistake for the growl of traffic Or the groan of machinery And when it dreams The empty streets swell with figments of its dreaming Like you Like me You and me, we peer curiously down back alleys We scale cathedrals and cling to their spires to crow with the gargoyles We scratch dark prophecy into bathroom stall walls and answer calls on disconnected payphones And through our eyes, and our hearts and mouths The city Begins to know itself Through our missed exits, bad calls, and wrong turns It thoroughly, painstakingly, maps itself out
Excerpt from "​i think i’m going to leave my phone at home tonight" by The Narcissist Cookbook
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ladycharles · 7 months
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The algorithm gave me related artists again!
I want to check them both out, any recommendations?
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💖💖💖
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that-giorgione · 8 months
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Cookbook update
Apparently the old (wrong) link for the google doc is still going around and i get people putting requests for editor privileges.
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If you wanna contribute or just snoop around, the correct link is the one pinned on my blog, the same in this post:
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madtomedgar · 1 year
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"Sourdough vegan plait" "cornbread is a sweet cake-like bread you can add sourdough discard to" die ^_^
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During most of the 20th century, coffee was considered a rather poncy drink. When “instant” came in, the selling point was that people who’d never really bothered with it before could make it much more quickly than tea - and take a step upwards socially at the same time.
It wasn’t the case during the Victorian period. From its early days in the coffee houses, the beverage had migrated out onto the street. It was never made the way we do now: mostly we are told to boil the grounds. For ten minutes.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/coffee-73340494
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speaking of korean food, we got like a pound and a half of fresh kimchi at the market yesterday, so now i have to figure out how to use it up lmao
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laundrybiscuits · 1 year
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Eddie’s doing some dumb trick with a couple of wooden spoons, clever hands making them move through the air in improbable ways, and Steve’s about to bite his whisk in half. 
He’d thought for sure that Eddie would be going home the first week; Edward Munson, 29, bartender/musician from Brighton with mismatched tattoos and wild hair, seemed like exactly the kind of pretentious asshole who would flame out early with some ill-advised hipster experimentation. If Steve (28, social worker from Indiana, USA) had been a complete asshole, he’d have said that Eddie didn’t have the fundamentals. That he was all sizzle, no steak. 
It’s a good thing Steve’s not a complete asshole, because Eddie’s been blowing the technicals out of the water so consistently it’s actually pretty fucking embarrassing. His signatures and showstoppers are making a very respectable showing too, except for the time he tried to incorporate some fresh pandan extract and fucked up the liquid ratio, leaving him with a dripping mess that Mary’d declined to even try. 
Afterwards, Steve had seen him leaning against a tree and struggling to light a cigarette. Steve went over for no particular reason, flicking on his lighter and holding it out like a peace offering. Eddie looked at him warily, but bent over the offered flame. 
“Can’t believe I made it through this one,” Eddie said after a moment, white smoke curling out of his mouth.
“Yeah, I feel like that every week.” Steve leaned against the tree next to Eddie. It was a big tree, the kind that’s probably been growing in this field since before England was even England. 
“Nah, but—c’mon, you know what I mean.”
“You had some bad luck with your showstopper. Happens to the best of us, man. Your signature hand pies looked sick as hell.” Steve’s own hand pies had turned out pretty well, so he was feeling generous. It had only been the third week; plenty of time for Steve to snag Star Baker, though even by that point, Steve had been getting the creeping feeling that he was being a little too American about the whole thing. Everyone else seemed to think competitiveness was some kind of deadly sin. It was—actually kind of nice, to get the same kind of nerves he’d always gotten before high school basketball games, but know that he wasn’t really fighting against anyone except himself in the tent.
Anyway, the very next week, Eddie had done some kind of kickass gothic castle with a shiny chocolate dragon and gotten Star Baker for the second time. Steve had clapped him on the back, appropriately manly. Eddie had pulled Steve into a real hug, arms tight around Steve’s shoulders and his whole lean body pressed up close and warm. It had only lasted a moment, and then Eddie had bounded over to Mel and Sue, both of whom he’s been thoroughly charming since the get-go. 
Steve thinks that when this season—or, uh, series—airs, no matter where Eddie places, the entire country is going to be just as charmed. Eddie’s going to get whatever kind of cookbook deal or streaming show he wants. Sponsors will take one look at that handsome face and charismatic grin, and a whole world of possibilities is going to open up for Eddie. 
Steve’s not in it for any of that, of course. He’s here kind of by accident, because Robin pushed him to apply, and it’s a goddamn miracle he’s been holding his own. Hell, it’s a miracle he’s in this country at all. When Robin had started looking at the Cambridge MPhil program in linguistics, she’d said wouldn’t it be great if and he’d snorted, yeah right, like I could ever get whatever job I’d need to move to another freaking country, but then—well. Things had happened the way they’d happened, and now Robin’s almost finished with her degree and Steve is taking time off from the London charity he works at in order to be on Bake Off. 
He’s told all this to the cameras, plus the stuff about how baking started as a way for him to connect with the kids he used to babysit in Indiana, blah blah blah. He thinks it’s probably too boring for them to air, but he gets that they have to try to get a story anyway. 
Eddie Munson, on the other hand, is probably going to be featured in all the series promos. Steve is rabidly curious about what Eddie’s story is, but he hasn’t worked up the nerve to just ask. It should be the easiest thing in the world. They’ve got kind of a camaraderie going, the two of them; a bit of a bromance, as Mel’s put it more than once. 
It’s true they get along pretty well, and the cameras have been picking up on it: on the way Eddie’ll wander over to Steve’s bench like a stray cat whenever they get some downtime, how they wind up horsing around sometimes, working off leftover adrenaline from the frantic rush of caramelization or whatever. There’s the time Eddie had hopped up on a stool to deliver some kind of speech from Macbeth, of all things, and overbalanced right onto Steve, who had barely managed to keep them both from careening into a stand mixer. Sue had patted Eddie on the shoulder and said, “Well, boys, that’ll be going in the episode for sure.”
They both get along with the other contestants just fine, of course, but they’re two guys of about the same age with no wife and kids waiting at home. It’s only natural that they’re gravitating together, becoming something like friends, Steve figures. It’s pretty great that he’s getting at least one real friend out of this whole thing.
It would be even greater if Steve could stop thinking about Eddie’s hands in decidedly non-friendly ways. With all the paperwork he’s signed, he can’t even complain to Robin about how Eddie looks with his sleeves pushed up to show off the tattoos on his forearms, kneading dough and grunting a little under his breath with effort. Steve had almost forgotten to pre-heat his oven that day. 
Two benches away, Eddie fumbles the spoons he’s been juggling with a clatter, and he bursts out laughing, glancing over at Steve like Steve’s in on the joke. Steve grins back, heart twanging painfully in his chest, and thinks: well, fuck. Guess this is happening.
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heavencanbeaprisontoo · 2 months
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Living with Alfie Solomons
Warnings: Fluff, angst, references to religion and violence.
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Domestic Alfie Headcanons
Alfie owns many different properties all over London and Margate. To your shock, only two were in Camden. One was what you could only describe as a “bachelor’s apartment,” which strongly resembled his office with the addition of a lumpy mattress. He took you to see what he considers his “home,” a one-story brick house surrounded by the lush green of the English countryside. Alfie had built this home after deciding, “Me and stairs, right, we ain’t made for each other.” The home also comes with a sweet little guesthouse behind it for his mother to live in. At which point he had a short rant about how his aging mother refuses to move in and still lives in her tiny flat in Camden. 
When he’s not being a “baker,” he does like to do some baking. Real baking. Bread, pudding, cake, pies, you name it. He likes having to measure his ingredients, put on the perfect temperature for the perfect amount of time. He likes to collect cookbooks too, and will have a gleam of almost childlike delight when he finds one he doesn’t already possess. 
Alfie has a tendency to develop very strong interest in a very specific thing and then drop it months later. He retains all he’s learned from it, but it can be a bit annoying as he will fill the house with his latest obsession. A short list of obsessions he’s developed are: American cowboys, jewelry making, stamps, coin collecting, eastern meditation practices, and Italian opera. 
You had to get used to his slight OCD involving things in his home. Everything has a place, and he gets very grumpy if you move something, a spoon for instance, and he can’t immediately find it. 
Children in the neighborhood are equal parts frightened and delighted by Alfie. They think he’s funny but intimidating. He gives out money and gifts to the Jewish families of Camden, and the children know that. Your dear man will huff and puff about the kids bothering him… but also throw them a coin or a sweet when he’s in the mood. Alfie is sort of like Santa Claus and the Boogeyman at the same time to them. After you started living with him, these children started to follow you around the neighborhood to ask questions about him. Some are quite tame, like “Does Mr. Solomons like cake?” or “Is Mr. Solomons your husband? Will you have lots of children?” while others are, “Did Mr. Solomons kidnap you?”
Relationship Headcanons
Mr. Solomons is quiet in his moments of romance with you. He likes to cup your cheek in his palm and touch his forehead to yours. Trace your face with his thumb as if to memorize it by touch. He places slow kisses on your cheeks and lips, gentle and almost reverent. His world is very brutal and without loyalty, you become his sanctuary. He sleeps best with you in his arms or laying directly on top of him. If you need to get up for any reason, expect a lot of complaining in at least three different languages from Alfie. He hates to be left alone in bed now that he’s had you. 
Thomas Shelby had no idea Alfie was married, until Alfie felt like telling him. Tommy now knows far too much about you. And you know far too much about Thomas Shelby. The first time you meet in person is very awkward.
Alfie is the sort of person that likes quality time and good conversation. He likes to go on strolls with you on the beach of Margate when his knee isn’t too painful. Going to the museum or a library are all tip-top dates in Alfie’s opinion. However, his favorite place to take you is back home. Home is where he can make you dinner and listen to you laugh at his strange stories. He loves to banter and bicker with you. You are one of the few people to make him laugh. Everyone at the port knows when Alfie’s had a nice evening with you because he comes to work in such a grand mood. Newer employees have to be warned not to get too comfortable, as he could come in like a bull if you argued that morning. 
He has a bad habit of dropping surprises on you. These surprises normally revolve around security and protection. Alfie will buy or arrange things for you and then completely forget he did it until you storm into his office asking for an explanation. For some reason, this man won’t admit these things are for self-defense. He just acts like it’s perfectly normal to take your lover out to a gun range or teach her how to stab a man between the ribs. He’s just being a fun, quirky man! 
A marriage proposal is never far off, he’s just waiting for you to convert. If you do not want to convert, prepare to be a secret. He is a religious man and he treasures his faith. Alfie will never forsake you (though he may jest) for not believing what he believes. His reason for hiding you is simple, his mother. Mrs. Solomons wouldn’t speak to her son if she found out he was living with an unwed gentile! 
That said, Mrs. Solomons adores you before and after you marry her son. She’s a delightful old Russian woman who is constantly ordering Alfie around. Mainly, she tells him he glares too much, and he needs to give her a grandchild soon. 
You were surprised by how touchy he is behind closed doors. In public, you could pass for an employee with how distant he is before marriage. After marriage, he likes to walk with arms linked. As a married couple, it is more appropriate to be seen touching each other and he takes full advantage of it. As a matter of fact, he’s almost clingy. He’ll call the house from his office and make up an excuse to talk to you. 
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sgiandubh · 4 months
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Context, always the context
After we had gagging fun - and some, a small and unjustified heartbreak, too - with the newest 🎪 pic, let's put it a bit in context. I confess I am more and more immune to these: they are aimed at this fandom, of course - just to fuel further web wars and talks: never forget Xmas is round the corner, too. But they are also aimed at the Casuals, who still can't place McIdiot on her map and do not really care, to be honest.
So, what exactly do we have, here?
This:
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After more than ten years in showbiz, our C still needs a pointer to tell ignoramuses like me where exactly she is, on that picture?
How odd. How unfair. But let's imagine I am from Mars. I have no idea who these people are, including to each other. The legend tells me nothing: just C and T and zero details. They could very well be co-workers, acquaintances, friends...? Oh, she's married to him. Oh. Ok. For sure, they ooze bliss and happiness. For sure. I've seen broomsticks act more convincingly than this.
Also, the photographer. As a very trusted friend pointed out (thank you, forever indebted to you), this Bennett guy was all over the place, yesterday. According to Getty Images (https://www.gettyimages.co.uk/search/photographer?photographer=Dave%20Benett&assettype=image&sort=best&license=rf%2Crm), he attended at least seven other high profile London events yesterday and was paid to cover them, too.
Their list immediately places this minor happening in its right context and at its right place:
"Leave The World Behind" - UK Special Screening and afterparty. The one she attended with McIdiot.
Hackett London x David Gandy Wellwear Launch Party - Savile Row tailors, established in 1983. Huge success story from a humble Portobello Road clothes stall to a 160 shops global network and a part of LVMH group (remember? LOL). The one she did not attend with McIdiot.
"Femme" - Gala Screening - After Party - UK thriller, premiered at the Berlinale last spring. Will be released tomorrow in the UK and IE. 95% approval rate on Rotten Tomatoes. The one she did not attend with McIdiot.
Skye McAlpine Celebrates The Opening Of Tavola's Christmas Pop-Up Shop, in Knightsbridge (along with Fitzrovia, my favorite London spot). Tavola is a high end tableware collection, carefully curated by Skye McAlpine - celebrated British cookbook author and an expert in Italian cuisine and fine dining. You should think two gin entrepreneurs would be thrilled to meet her, at another event she did not attend with McIdiot.
A Reception By The All Party Parliamentary Group Honouring Elton John For His Dedication To The Global Fight Against HIV AIDS. No further comments needed for this very, very posh event she did not attend with McIdiot. I doubt she has this type of connections.
The Anti Slavery Collective Inaugural Winter Gala at the Battersea Arts Center in London. Attended by royalty (yeah, ok: Fergie - but also, her two Princess daughters!), aristocrats (Count Nikolai von Bismarck comes to mind), showbiz people (Ed Sheeran - hello?) and of course, the press. But this is another very high profile event she did not attend with McIdiot.
Longines Dolce Vita Exhibition and after party - aimed at the high end luxury crowd. Another event she did not attend with McIdiot.
Smirnoff Celebrates New 'We Do Us' Initiative In Partnership With Tilting The Lens And Sink The Pink. Smirnoff, that legendary vodka which story started in Tsarist Moscow and now continues as part of the behemoth Diageo spirits group. Mhm. Now with an event tailored for the well-heeled LGBT+ and Generation Z crowds, organized in partnership with Tilting the Lens,  Sinéad Burke's consultancy firm with an absolutely spectacular client portfolio, featuring Gucci, Starbucks and -hey, nice to see you! - Soho House. LOL. You would think they could have grabbed a black cab and do anything to at least drop in and say hi. You would think they would be interested to meet with the other, less obvious, partner of this event, Stonegate, a major player on UK's hospitality scene. What a pity this was another event she did not attend with McIdiot!
Make no mistake. London is a real global metropolis. Une ville-monde (a World City), a notion coined by one of my masters, the wonderful French historian Fernand Braudel. As such, it currently stands at the epicenter of all that is trendy, new, exciting and expensive and it offers an endless array of opportunities for the brave and the bold. That was but a very incomplete sample of a Wednesday night on the London scene, busier than usually with all those end of year events. Out of the other seven of this sample, she had a profitable and realistic choice between at least two or three other events. She could have even coupled that after party with at least another one of those, if she had the right network to attract an invitation.
It is also plain to see, by now, TMcG is by no conceivable means the successful, multimillionaire businessman and entrepreneur. He is nowhere to be placed on this very rich, very diverse event scene. He does not attend any events by himself, whereas she carefully attends events all alone and does it very well - wouldn't that be because she has a name in her own right, too? He apparently does nothing, he apparently is Nobody. You should think a successful, multimillionaire, ambitious businessman would be proud to be seen just about everywhere with his up-and-coming actress wife, isn't it?
The sad truth is this clown only makes it to a cursory mention in a Daily Fail picture gallery when dragged along by C. At an event she most probably managed to get an invitation via Rami Malek, her co-star in The Amateur:
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That, my friends, is not C playing her Greta Garbo. That is C squandering every shred of sympathy capital she ever managed to acquire, with absurd determination.
But sure, keep on screeching, Stans. Keep on screeching. All of the above are cold, hard FACTS your queens carefully keep out of your reach. God forbid you come to the realization.
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foolishlovers · 3 months
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hii could i request some of your favoruite human au fics? nothing specific :))
ahhh always!! i have so many!! 💜
Postcards From Paris by ghostrat (12k, G) Crowley has just moved into his Mayfair apartment and finds a postcard addressed to the previous tenant. With no return address, he's left to collect and read the mysterious A.Z.F.'s adventures across Europe, where he hunts for bizarre bibles and rates ridiculously expensive wine in his free time. The question is: How will A.Z.F. react when Crowley finally gets his return address and writes back? --- It was different, he knew, to accidentally read someone else’s postcard versus intentionally perusing one in place of good newspaper over coffee. Crowley decided he was allowed that indecency, to balance out the good deed of safeguarding the mail in the first place. He kicked his feet up onto his desk, scooped up the takeaway coffee that was brought around by their newest intern, and settled in to read some of the most densely crowded handwriting he’d ever laid eyes on.
London, Libraries & Love by wolftea (13k, E, WIP) Smiling warmly at the huddles of students, Aziraphale made his way over to Crowley, who was leaning against his desk. Crowley was dressed in layers of all black (as per usual), his red hair was tied back in a loose ponytail (not as usual, he often wore it down) and he was twirling Aziraphale’s fountain pen between his fingers. “Mister Fell.” Crowley drawled, but the warmth in his amber eyes and the upward curve of his mouth betrayed any attempt at appearing nonchalant. Aziraphale found himself grinning. How on Earth had he ever disliked this man? “Crowley.” He said, eyes crinkling as he plucked the pen out of Crowley’s hands and put it back by his notebook.
New Approaches by FeralTuxedo (19k, M) Aziraphale Fell, Professor of Creative Writing at Tadfield University, welcomes the attendees of the First Conference on New Approaches to Genre Fiction. Among them is keynote speaker and best-selling thriller author Anthony J. Crowley. Aziraphale has not seen him for twenty-five years. Sometimes, he can still feel the ghost of their parting kiss on his lips. Or: Exes reunite at academic conference. A Human University Professor/Author AU.
muddle through somehow by curtaincall (27k, T) Aziraphale Fell runs a successful food blog, Celestial Comestibles, where he shares mouthwatering recipes and heartwarming stories about his happy domestic life in a cottage with his husband and son. As promotion for his upcoming cookbook, his publishers run a contest: one lucky winner will get to spend Christmas with Aziraphale and his family. What the publishers don't know is that the real Aziraphale Fell is a single city-dweller. And if he wants to keep up his happily married persona, he'll have to acquire a cottage, husband, and son before Christmas. As it happens, his friend and neighbor Anthony Crowley has his nephew staying with him for the holidays. One fake marriage proposal later, and everything seems tickety-boo--as long as Aziraphale can keep from developing inconveniently real feelings for his pretend husband…
First Class (Hons) Christmas, University of Tadfield. by heloluv (41k, M) Dr. A.Z. Fell is a renowned literature tutor at the prestigious University of Tadfield. December is upon the University, and Dr. Fell is leading the Christmas Charity Drive. He needs volunteers. Dr. A.J. Crowley is a skilled plant ecologist who recently began his tenure at UoT. He can't stand Christmas, and nothing at all could ever possibly convince him to partake in "festivities". Until a certain literary expert catches his eye. A Christmas and New Years fic, in which Aziraphale teaches Crowley how to enjoy the most wonderful time of the year.
Fledging by FeralTuxedo (53k, M) Cool Dad was at the school gate again. Clambering out of his ridiculous sports car like a great big spider, all black denim and designer sunglasses. What a prat. He made his way towards the entrance, followed by his equally lanky son. All the mums' eyes were on him. Which was fine. At least they weren't staring at Aziraphale for a change. Cool Dad high-fived his son goodbye, because of course he did, then sauntered back to his car. Making it look so bloody easy. Aziraphale Fell is much too young to be looking after eleven-year old Pepper. He barely has his life together as it is, with his minimum-wage job and a half-baked dream of trading rare books for a living. And as if adopting a recently bereaved pre-teen isn’t enough, there are some rather more adult problems to navigate: playground politics, the shadows of his own childhood, and the growing question of how Crowley, the only other dad at the school gate, feels about him. A human AU/kid fic.
Golden Handcuffs by seekwill (70k, E) Far from any city, near the Scottish coast, Tadfield College has a celebrated history, an unrivaled academic reputation, and two departments at war. When the Biology and English departments are forced to share a building, Senior Lecturer and botanist Anthony Crowley finds himself drawn into the orbit of the polite but strange English professor, Dr. Aziraphale Fell. As the new term begins, two academics navigate the politics of both their offices and academia, and try to solve the puzzle of one another.
South Downs by summerofspock (76k, E) Blackballed from the industry ten years ago, Anthony Crowley jumps at the chance to star in a new Regency romance miniseries with well-known gay actor Aziraphale Fell in the hopes that it will help him restart his career. The trouble is, Crowley has played all sorts of characters and for the life of him, he can't figure out why he's struggling to play the romantic lead opposite a man.
Or Be Nice by charlottemadison (151k, E) Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbours. And…it does not go at all well, until it does. A human AU in which Aziraphale is a bookseller, Crowley is a drummer, and they are both petty disasters in the worst/best way. +++ “So what’s your deal?” “My-my-my deal?” Aziraphale stammered. “I’m a bookseller, is my deal.” “Oh,” Crowley replied, sounding as uninterested as it was possible to sound. “It’s just, I couldn’t help overhearing, and --” Aziraphale swallowed hard. “You really are an accomplished musician. But I thought -- for after 11PM -- perhaps we could reach some arrangement?” “Arrangement?” Aziraphale felt his his smile turning forced. “Such as, perhaps, playing the drums before eleven? Instead of after?” Crowley stared blankly at him. In fact he stared for so long that Aziraphale briefly wondered if he'd lapsed into ancient Greek again, which he was known to do in bad dreams or during panic attacks.
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that-giorgione · 8 months
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Neath Cookbook update
I may be on the verge of having a recipe to try for the Peplery fish broth, so stay tuned to see how it turns out!
I’m trying to make it as accessible as possible while still making it a bit interesting, (and palatable while still keeping the neath’s ingredient limitations as much as possible, hopefully i can archieve that.
If you want to contribute to the effort with historical sources/recipes, ideas, modern recipes for inspiration or some neathy delicacy you would like to see, feel free to add to the document!
I may add a “contributors section” where you can put your name (or pseudonym or in-game name) so when it is all over, you will be properly credited.
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The Royal Family’s Apology for their treatment of Meghan Markle:
I’m sorry we spent £32 million on your heavily promoted wedding 
I’m sorry The King stepped in to walk you down the aisle 
I’m sorry we spent £1 million on your first-year wardrobe 
I’m sorry you only undertook 72 days of royal work
I’m sorry we gifted you and your husband the titles of The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Earl and Countess of Dumbarton and Baron and Baroness Kilkeel
I’m sorry we spent £4 million-a-year on your security
I’m sorry we hid your alarmingly shady past from the public 
I’m sorry we covered up your rampant bullying of young professional women and then covered up the results of the bullying investigation in order to protect you
I’m sorry we gifted you an 11-room house on the Windsor estate, for free
I’m sorry we footed the £3.2 million bill to renovate your house to your liking
I’m sorry we granted you the honour of marrying in the historic Royal Chapel at Windsor Castle
I’m sorry we gave you your own independent team of staff
I’m sorry we appointed you your own adviser and assistant to make the transition to royal easier
I’m sorry you were the first girlfriend to be invited to spend Christmas at Sandringham with Queen Elizabeth II and family
I’m sorry The Queen invited you to a theatre charity less than four weeks after marrying H - the earliest ever joint engagement with The Queen
I’m sorry we invited you to the funeral of the longest-serving monarch in British history after you continued to slander everything she ever worked for in multiple interviews and podcasts
I’m sorry we granted you, an American, your own coat of arms from the 500-year-old College of Arms
I’m sorry we didn’t silence you by making you sign any NDAs, allowing you to sign multi-million-dollar deals for books, interviews and podcasts
I’m sorry we’re the reason George Clooney, Oprah Winfrey and Elton John pretended to like you
I’m sorry we gave you the opportunity to co-write a cookbook, guest edit British Vogue, and ‘curate’ your own fashion capsule. 
I’m sorry we advised you twice not to wear those blood diamonds gifted by Jamal Khashoggi’s murderer
I’m sorry our support made you feel emboldened to behave appallingly towards staff and ticket-holders at Wimbledon
I’m sorry your behaviour on the Oceania tour angered your hosts and we covered it up by encouraging positive coverage from the press
I’m sorry we invited you to The Queen’s Platinum Jubilee after you’d called us all racist abusers on international television
I’m sorry we thought you’d like to be patron of the UK’s National Theatre, we didn’t realise you’re not interested in the theatre
I’m sorry nobody stopped you from wearing a maternity coat and announcing your 8-week pregnancy at the wedding of your husband’s cousin
I’m sorry you publicly announced your first pregnancy on Infant Loss Awareness Day
I’m sorry we lied to the press about the existence of the nude pictures you took of yourself, easily available on the internet
I’m sorry we let you live free-of-charge in a two-bedroom London property while the free five-bedroom country house we gave you was renovated
I’m sorry we introduced you to world leaders, high-ranking officials and A-list celebrities
I’m sorry we helped perpetuate your lie that your degree was in ‘international relations and theatre’ and not ‘communications’
I’m sorry for all the jewellery we gifted you, including a pair of expensive pearl earrings from Queen Elizabeth II
I’m sorry we helped perpetuate your lie that you worked at the US Embassy in Argentina for several months instead of attending classes at the Embassy school organised by the uncle you didn’t invite to the wedding
I’m sorry we loaned you the use of a historic diamond-encrusted tiara
I’m sorry we took an interest in what colour your future yet-to-be-conceived baby’s hair would be
I’m sorry we permitted you to only allow American press to the unveiling of your first child in Windsor Castle, as requested, instead of British press 
I’m sorry we helped cover up that you worked with the authors of Finding Freedom
I’m sorry for allowing you to keep all those freebies you’re definitely not allowed to keep
I’m sorry your husband, a prince, didn’t explain how to courtesy to The Queen 
I’m sorry we acquiesced to you inviting celebrities you’d never met before to your wedding
I’m sorry we didn’t clamp down on you monetising your official royal engagements
I’m sorry we respected your boundaries by not hugging on first meeting
I’m sorry we allowed you to mistakenly believe you were more popular than Catherine and William
I’m sorry for providing a team of highly-trained, expensive doctors at your disposal
I’m sorry we funded a household staff of cooks, cleaners and nannies for you
I’m sorry nobody asked if you’re okay.
So sorry about all that.
😂😂😂😂
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tinydeskwriter · 1 year
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Cosmopolitan:Behold, Y/n and Harry Styles’s Relationship Timeline
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A/N: I wanted to try my hand in a Harry Styles/Royal Family Member situation. I ended it in the year 2020 because it was getting to much. There is no faceclaim, I just choose the pictures that fitted better into the narrative. Please, If you enjoyed, comment, I would love to hear your thoughts and I am always open for new ideas.
word count: 4807
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Much like a rich old man and a dusty bottle of port on a yacht, Princess Y/n and Harry Styles are a match made in heaven. There was drama, a lifetime of rumors, sweet reunions and, of course, that Cartier engagement ring. 
This couple’s love story was one for the ages. From meeting on the backstage of a One Direction concert to getting married, leaving royal duty, having a cute baby, and becoming the power couple the whole world has been obsessed with, they’ve being through it all. And after a whole decade of on and off, facing tons of unfair scrutiny, they only seem stronger.  On that note, let’s walk down memory lane through a timeline of their romance—including it’s ups and downs.
Circa 2012
Harry and Y/n met for the first time in early 2012, a the backstage of a One Direction’s concert in London, according to one of Harry’s close friends from Holmes Chapel, ‘Harry must have been mind-blown to meet Y/n, he always had a crush on her’.
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The first photo we can find of Harry and Y/n ever being in the same place is from November that same year at the Royal Variety Performance, where the princess attended alongside her grandmother, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. 
In December 1, the One Direction boys shared on their personal Twitter accounts about Princess Y/n’s cookbook, with the aim of raising funds for the Red Cross and for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. The book sold out on pre-order. Two days later, Y/n was spotted on the band’s Madison Square Garden Concert.
The two of them reportedly exchanged phone numbers to ‘keep tabs on each other’ ~ even though Styles was already rumored to be dating TS at the time~. 
Arabella Ferrer, Y/n’s roommate at the time, said later to a tabloid ‘they are both dating other people, but you could see that there was a mutual crush’.
 In 2012, Y/n was rumored to be dating on and off  ‘for a couple of years already’, billionaire Hugh Grosvenor, son of the Duke of Westminster and godfather to her nephew Prince George.
2013
By January Harry and Taylor were already old history, and Y/n was no longer with her billionaire boyfriend.  
Y/n was photographed by paparazzi attending Harry’s 19th birthday at the private members club Groucho. 
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On Valentine’s Day, Y/n shared a picture of Richmond Park on Instagram with her thousands of followers, with the caption ‘LOVE’. 
Princess Y/n became a Oxford University graduated with a dual degree in Business and English Literature. And it was reported that the singer attended the private party throw by her older brothers in Highgrove, the Prince of Wales private residence in Gloucestershire. A guest was quoted ‘from the moment he arrived Y/n glowed, she introduced him to everyone at the party as her ‘special friend’ which is the royal family code for ‘boyfriend|girlfriend’, they gravitated around each other, nailed at a few karaoke duets, but I don’t believe it’s that serious’.
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Days later, on June 1st , Y/n reportedly attended Harry’s mom’s wedding.
By July they’re in the first of many ‘off-time’ in their relationship. Harry’s busy touring with his boyband, and Y/n’s juggling her professional career and royal duty. 
2014
The couple was pictured with friends on the 24th  of January in Verbier—only a few weeks after it was reported that Styles were dating Kendall Jenner—.
Though  paparazzi weren’t able to capture the couple in any major PDA—apart from a few hugs on the slopes—. Y/n’s cousin, Princess Eugenie, and her boyfriend, Jack Brooksbank, were among the group, as well as the princess older brother, ~another~ Harry, with his then girlfriend, Cressida Bonas. 
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The Daily Mail  reported that according to one source, “Y/n and Harry are pretty serious about each other, she knows his entire family and is close to his mother and sister, Harry already met both her brothers and cousins Eugenie and Beatrice”.
Y/n was spotted at the One Direction concert in Amsterdam, the particular date coincided with the state visit of the princess to the country.
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The same month Y/n visited Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and Luxembourg, rubbing shoulders with the other Royal Families of Europe—their are kinda of all related we’re sure… in some way— ‘Doing a Social: Royal Edition’ .
Due to Harry band commitments and touring, the couple didn’t see each other until October, when Y/n visited Styles in Los Angeles, the mood between the couple seemed to cool off after pictures surfaced of Harry out in a pumpkin patch with Erin Foster.
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The couple was pictured—in two separated occasions— in heated arguments around LA ~in public~ and we can only guess why…
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When asked about his ‘royal romance’ by interviewers Styles standard answer was ‘We are just really good friends’ but that cheeky grin in his face didn’t fool anyone. 
Later in November Styles is pictured by paparazzi going out with Victoria Secret’s model Nadine Leopold in LA, while Y/n is tagged on a Instagram post attending a friend’s wedding in San Francisco… on the same night, and is safe to say that they aren’t ‘on’.
2015
Early January, Y/n is living to the fullest, enjoying single life around the globe with her inner circle of friends~and her ex, no, not Harry, Hugh!~.
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She started in the Mediterranean and went on to …Verbier.
On February 01, Styles 21st birthday, Y/n went to her instagram to share a heartfelt message… about Maritime Life and the Health of the Ocean,  illustrating her love for the sea and all it’s creatures with personal photos ~or thirsty trap~.
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Which Harry liked, as fans noted. 
And all this just a day after the princess being seen attending Styles birthday bash in LA.
A source told The Sun: “The moment she arrived, red lipstick, high heels and a little black dress, all eyes were on her, including his, poor Nadine, his rumored girlfriend, was completely forgotten on the side, Harry was all over Y/n”
“There’s nobody else he’d rather be on his birthday.”
That was the last time we saw Harry alongside Nadine: ‘they claimed schedule conflicts, due to tour, but Harry made it work once before, dating and touring, the truth, pure and simple is: Harry saw Y/n, and he saw what was missing in his life. He’s blowing up her message box with texts, but she’s keeping her foot on the breaks, Harry’s in the doghouse for now”. 
Around the same time Y/n was spotted out and about in London, partying around with her inner set—which includes her ex, and a few rumored flings—, dressing what we’re calling ‘the revenge wardrobe’.
‘It’s a punishment, she’s showing him what he’s going o lose if he can’t keep his wandering hands to himself’, the source claimed.
They are off again by the end of the year, not long after Y/n was spotted attending One Direction’s last concert before hiatus 
2016
Harry, his family and the Azzof’s were spending the first days of the year in St’Barts, and Kendall Jenner  was there. Khloe Kardashian declared  that Jenner and Styles were hanging out and quote: ‘Do I think they’re dating? Yes.’
Rumors about Jenner and Styles are put to rest later that month, when Y/n was spotted celebrating Styles’s 22nd birthday earlier in London. The ‘on-again’ couple  traveled together to Los Angeles—With sources claiming the couple is serious and happier than ever—.
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March was definitely a month for rumors surrounding this couple.
There was the rumor that Harry had been casted in the new Christopher Nolan blockbuster —which turnout to be true—, that he was writing a new album. British tabloids started to run a story that either they are secretly engaged or almost there.
Rumors that they’re buying a house together. All this fueled by the fact that Harry and Y/n are no longer hiding their relationship or shying away from PDA.
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May came with ~ goodbye long hair~.
The Palace announced on the 20th  that Princess Y/n would undergo a FOUR month long tour in the name of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. Y/n was to represent her grandmother in engagements around Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Jamaica from 4th June to 14th October. 
After months apart, the couple were spotted at Heathrow in a ‘warm embrace’ and the singer turned actor welcomed his lady with flowers, ‘it was definitely two lovers reunited after a very long time, it was like watching one of those post-war reunion: They are very much in love, they spent far two much time apart, and they don’t car for who is witnessing.
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Later that year it was announced by the Palace that Y/n would be moving to New York for professional reasons, but would continue her work in the name of Queen Elizabeth II.
2017
Y/n and Harry are spotted around New York, Los Angeles and London on the early months of the year, after vacationing together in Jamaica in the end of 2016. 
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It was one his ‘secret gig at The Troubadour that the twenty-three years old singer, alluded to his relationship with Y/n for the first time since they have first being linked back in 2012. Before performing the soft ballad ‘Sweet Creature’ the singer addressed the crowd ‘I would like to dedicate next song to the girl that has been my muse since before she can even imagine’, Y/n, according to fans who attended the show, was in front of the stage singing along with her ~should we call him her boyfriend?~.
He is her boyfriend! Styles avoided answering questions about their rumored on and off relationship, but didn’t shy away from calling Y/n ‘his girlfriend’.
During his July movie premiere, Prince Harry and Princess Y/n were the VIP guest in the event, bringing with them three Dunkirk Veterans. Prince Harry greeted Tom Hardy and Harry Styles with the familiarity of someone greeting a old acquaintance. According to The Sun  when it was his time to be greeted by the princess the singer bowed his head after the couple shared a smile and reportedly cheekily said ‘you look very beautiful today, ma’am’.
This couple reportedly took another step in their relationship when Styles was introduced to the Prince of Wales in August.
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During tour, the rockstar’s fans seemed to have started a new game: Spot Y/n. 
 2018
During Harry’s tour break the couple once again was spotted out and about around London and Los Angeles.
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We know Y/n and Harry spend Valentine’s Day together thanks to the Daily Mail publishing photos of them in the Caribbean.
In March Y/n was spotted around LA with A-listers Dakota Johnson and Kate Hudson, and rumor has it that the royal and her rockstar boyfriend bought a property in town.
In May Harry attends Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding in Windsor. The couple didn’t arrive together, as Y/n, in a break of tradition, was one of her brother’s ‘best men’. 
The children of the late Princess Diana cut quite the image while walking to the Chapel in military uniform. Princess Y/n has been appointed a Regimental Colonel by the Queen in 2017, and our girl slayed in that uniform.
That same month, GQ Australia  drops an interview with Harry where he’s asked about Y/n and dodges the question with “I don’t think there’s anything I want to share about that. But thank you for providing the space.” Lol, but fair.
On the 29th  it was announced that Princess Y/n had resigned from her finance job, but before engagement rumors between Y/n and Harry  started to fly around, Buckingham Palace stated that the princess would be embarking in a four months long Royal Tour visiting Australia, Fiji, Tonga and New Zealand, with official visits to Japan and China. 
Media outlets were quick to point out that the couple would be separated till October, with rumors of a possible break due to ‘conflict of schedules’
In October  Harry and Y/n attend a event together ~a royal wedding at that~ and they looked super coupled up. Styles reportedly was introduced to the Queen and Prince Philip, as well as other members of he royal family.  
November 14, 2018
But nothing in the world prepared us for the announcement released by Clarence Palace on the 14th: ‘The Prince of Waled is delighted to announce the engagement of Princess Y/n to Mr. Harry Styles. The wedding will take place in the Spring or Summer of 2019, in London. Further details about the wedding day will be announced in due course. Her Royal Highness and Mr. Styles became engaged on February during a private holiday in St.Lucia. Following the marriage, the couple will continue to live in their private residence in London.’ Her Majesty is said to ‘be absolutely delighted for the couple’, a the time of the engagement announcement, Princess Y/n was seventh in line of succession after the birth of Prince Louis a few months earlier, and no longer required the Queen’s formal consent to the marriage.
According to reports a formal engagement dinner party was held in Highgrove days before the formal announcement so the couple would be able to share their happy news with their nearest and dearest, ‘they didn’t want for those really close to them to find out through the media’.
November 15, 2018
Following the announcement, the couple gave an exclusive interview to Emma Barnett from  BBC, Y/n  revealed that the surprise proposal happened on Valentine’s Day, in St.Lucia, ‘It happened after dinner, there was a orchestra in a smaller boat besides ours playing ‘Young and Beautiful’ which I love, when I urn back o him, he’s smiling, he tells me about his feelings, and to this point  I wasn’t sure of  what was happening, then the exact moment the orchestra is playing ‘Can’Help Falling in Love’  he got down to one knee and asked me to be his wife’ the couple shared a sweet look, and then Barnett asked how she responded:  ‘Yes, please’.
When asked if he’d seek permission before proposing, Harry said: ‘I asked her for her hand, but after we announced to her family I privately asked the Prince of Wales for his blessing, as I know they’re very close, and it was important for her.’
This might have been the most shared Royal Announcement on social media and by the end of the day #harryandy/n were trending on Twitter.
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Harry shared the news on his Instagram, posting three exclusive pictures to celebrate the occasion, one from the beginning of their relationship~with a tooth rotting sweet~, a peak of the gorges engagement ring he gifted his~fiancé~, and the third one: the precise moment Y/n said ‘Yes, please’. 
Rumor has it that the long wait for the formal announcement was due to the Royal Family disapproval, but Y/n stood her ground and won them over:’He comes from a working class background, he’s a rockstar, has all those tattoos, dated a fleet of lingerie  models, and dress quirky, while Y/n is the royal family ‘golden child’, she attended Oxford, balanced a professional career and royal duty, she’s a bit of a ‘rebel’ in some standards and she’s their most popular member, some years ranking even above the Queen,’ one royal correspondent said, ‘every time they need good press, they send her, she has that bit of ‘Diana-factor’, now she wants to marry his guy, who is a huge star on his own, and it is most likely that she will be withdrawing from royal duty to be by her husband’s side, as Mr. Styles is mostly based in Los Angeles.’
A source told the Daily Mail, ‘They used the same strategy in 1947, when the then young Princess Elizabeth wanted to marry the dashing Prince Philip of Greece and Denmark, they sent her on a long royal tour, keeping them apart, and hoping that the distance will make her reconsider, it didn’t work then and it didn’t work now, (…)another factor here is that Princess Y/n is a very smart young woman, if she had announced her engagement earlier this year, at the time that she was proposed,  she would have needed royal consent, so she waited the birth of her third nephew by William and Kate, which pushed to seventh in line, and she’s no longer required to ask for formal consent per Succession to the Crown Act 2013”.
December, 2018
The couple was invited to the Queen’s traditional Christmas luncheon at Buckingham Palace on the 10th. 
On the 19th, the official engagement photographs were taken at the couple’s private residence in Hampstead, and were issued by the Palace on 19th, alongside the information that the wedding would be happening on 26 April 2019 in St.Paul Cathedral, the statement also clarified that the wedding would be privately paid by the couple, the Prince of Wales and the Queen.
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About the couples choice a insider said, ‘they visited a couple of royal venues, but there was no doubt that it would be St.Pauls, it’s Y/n’s dream venue, she has put a claim in the Cathedral a long time ago, going as far a forbid her brothers to marry there’.
In a break with tradition the couple choose to celebrate Christmas with Styles’s family in Holmes Chapel instead of Sandringham.
January 2, 2019
The couple traveled abroad to reportedly escape the media circus surrounding their wedding, with rumors of a royal rift between siblings.
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A source said to The Sun: ‘There is some discontentment over the date of the nuptials coming from the Sussexes, the date is very close to Meghan’s due date, and not only she won’t be able to attend the ‘Wedding of the Century’, it also it takes the shine out of the birth of their first child’.
January 6, 2018
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Princess Y/n, labeled ‘the Rebel Princess’ and ‘the rioting English rose’, was cover of the January issue of Vanity Fair. In the interview the Princess discusses her upcoming nuptials with rockstar Harry Styles, her late mother, her place in the monarchy, climate change, and her (un)ordinary life. She also reveled that her wedding dress is in works.   
February 16, 2018
After celebrating the one year anniversary of their engagement on the 14th in the English countryside, the couple took their nearest and dearest friends for a combined ‘hen’ and ‘stag’ party. 
A party of forty made their way to Byron  Bay, Australia, a boutique hotel were closed for the occasion,  James Corden, Jeff Azzof, Adele and Dakota Johnson acted as the hosts of the week long celebration with Johnson reportedly welcoming guests with  a cheeky speech ‘If you need help to find your designated rooms, please go to Jeff, for our parting itinerary redirect to James or Adele, if you want to find the closest bar, I am your girl.’
‘The whole trip was pretty much organized by those four, who have been close to the couple for years, Blake Lively helped them, but was unable to attend, Y/n have been close for two years now, as Blake and Ryan are Harry’s New York neighbors.’ A source claim.
From Harry’s One Direction days, only Horan was in attendance. 
March 5, 2018
To mark the wedding of HRH Princess Y/n of Wales to Mr.Harry Styles, the Royal Mint produced an official UK £5 coin, showing the couple in profile. In May, a set of commemorative postage stamps, featuring the couple's official engagement photographs, was issued by Royal Mail.
Princess Y/n accepted the position of UN Women Ambassador in a private ceremony. 
Harry and Y/n also paid a private visit to the Great Ormond Street Hospital.
March 7, 2018
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Y/n had her debut Vogue Paris cover, labeled ‘a Modern Princess’ , the royal talked about becoming a aunt for the fourth time ‘I’m so happy for Haz and Meg, I can’t wait to met my future new cuddle-buddy’; her choice of wedding date and venue:‘it’s a special date, my great-grandparents are married on the 26th of April, I was very close with my great-grandmother before her passing, I think she would have liked the sentiment behind, and the Cathedral is such a luminous place, and of course it’s where my parents got married, it’s a way to keep two very special ladies, that I loved very much, with me on that date’, about her wedding preparations: ‘I salute the brides that do it on their own, I have a wonderful wedding planner, Harry is being very present in the whole process, he can be worse than me sometimes, Anne, my soon-to-be mother in law is always with us’; and about being called a rebel: ‘Why a rebel? I am doing what many woman did and do, even in my family, it’s not really original, I’m not a trailblazer, Princess Margaret was the original rebel, auntie Anne too, I am just the 21st century version.’
April 21, 2019
It was reported that the couple attended a private luncheon to celebrate HM Queen Elizabeth II birthday.
Broadcast channels started o exhibit specials about the couple, including documentaries and two biopics: ‘A Modern Royal Romance’, and ‘How Harry met Y/n’. BBC reported that there already was people camping along the royal route.
April 25, 2019
The day before. The Cathedral is being prepared for the ceremony, the public and the press were able o get a glimpse of the floral arrangements already coming in and the stand in rehearsing the ceremony and testing the cameras for tomorrow morning. 
The Duchess of Cornwall, the bride’s stepmother, hosted a Rehearsal Dinner & Welcome Party for around 150 guests at The Savoy Hotel. For the occasion the bride wore Valentino and the groom wore Gucci. 
Camilla hosting the night raised some eyebrows from the public—specially among those that still blame her for Charles and Diana’s divorce— but according to one royal correspondent ‘Y/n is perhaps the child of Charles who is the closest to Camilla, she was six years old when Charles introduced the two of them, and she lived with her father full time while her brothers were in Eton so she was the one that had more contact with ‘Pa’s new girlfriend’ she was only thirteen when they married’.
April 26, 2019
Princess Y/n married her long time love on 26 April 2019 at St.Paul Cathedral. It was a star-studded affair, with guests including he likes of the Beckhams, Stevie Nicks, Elton John, Kate Moss, Ronnie Wood, and Paul McCartney. It’s estimated that the wedding itself costed around £32million. With the palace later confirming that the couple and the royal family had paid for he core aspects of the wedding, including church service, associated music, flowers, decorations and the two receptions that followed.
Y/n stunned the crowds in her  silk and cotton organdy Vivianne Westwood gown, which featured a nine-foot-long train and cost an estimated £250,000, she was lent a sapphire tiara by her grandmother, and wore her late mother diamond wedding earrings and sapphire oval brooch. She also wore a 5 meters long silk veil, among the hand-embroidered flowers, were  guitars and pieces from Harry’s songs and the constellation of their ~very~ compatible zodiac signs.
The bride made her entrance in her father’s arm to the sound of Elvis orchestra arrangement of ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’, one of the many break in tradition in he couple’s wedding.
The wedding reportedly attracted a estimated 1.2 million people on the streets and broke records of broadcast. The couple shared a kiss at a balcony appearance.
Elton John performed at the garden reception hosted by the Queen and Ed Sheeran performed ‘Perfect’ and ‘Hearts Don’t Break Around Here’, at the evening reception the couple once again took to the dance floor, this time at the sound of ‘One Woman Man’ by John Legend. 
Princess Y/n, in a break of tradition, made a speech calling Harry ‘my Sun and my water, my stay and my strength, the absolute love of my life’, after Harry confessed that he wasn’t good at speeches but was a ‘okay singer’ the newly wedded husband sang a slow ‘jazz like’ cover of Jonas Brothers’ ‘Sucker’ for his bride.
Oh, did we forget to mention that HM made Y/n a Duchess? Our favorite princess new style is HRH Princess Y/n, Duchess of Albany, Mrs. Harry Styles ––AND SHE ACTUALLY PUT IT IN HER IG BIO—. Her title is suo jure, which means ‘in her own right’, so no, Harry isn’t a Duke.
The newly weds left for their honeymoon on the 27th, after a wedding breakfast for 150 guests at Buckingham Palace, Y/n wore a The Vampire’s Wife going-away outfit, they departed in Styles’s convertible vintage red Jaguar. The couple set for their six-week honeymoon on a private yacht.
May 6, 2019
The couple took a brief pause from their honeymoon to attend the Met Gala, where Styles was on of the co-chairs for the night. The couple wore Gucci, Harry looked dreamy in a black sheer shirt and his wife looked gorgeous in a diamond tiara and a Plymouth-pink feathered gown. 
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The couple exchanged a kiss on the ‘pink’ carpet to the delight of photographers and fans on site.  Another Iconic moment of the night was Anna Wintour and Lady Gaga curtsying to Y/n.
Alessandro Michele described he young couple as ‘his muses’.
July 12, 2019
The world was shocked when Buckingham and Kensington Palaces released a joint statement in the name of the Queen and the Duchess of Albany announcing that Y/n has giving up her place in the line of succession in her name and that of her future offspring, but would keep her title, and would continue to privately serve the HM the Queen and carrying out charity engagements. 
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In her Instagram the Princess shared the pictures of herself and Harry, in the caption she asked for respect of heir privacy and said that she was: ‘following her heart, and taking the steps (she) thought are better for herself and the future family she hoped to build with Harry’.
The announcement come ahead of claims that ‘senior members of  the palace staff’ had been critical of Harry’s Met Gala outfits and his ‘quirky and queer style’ and are trying to ‘re-brand’ him and ‘control’ what he could and couldn’t do in his professional career as ‘his image reflected on the family’.
Honestly, good for them.
September, 2019
Harry is the cover of The Face, and boy, he looks gorgeous, he talks about his new album, his relationship with LA and move back to London ‘I am not over LA (…) but the relationship changed’; his status as a sex symbol, and ~of course~ his wife of almost five month ‘I have never been happier, life looks beautiful’.
And no, there is still no plans for a baby Styles, ‘We’re young, there’s no rush, we just got married’. 
For the first time in… forever, Y/n took to the Instagram to jus share with the world how proud she’s of her hubby.
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Caption: I am just so proud of being able to call this beautiful, amazing human being my husband.
December, 2019
Fine Line is released. And everyone in the world is losing their minds.
AND, V.L Roche published another bestselling novel, that everyone is recommending, from The Michelle Obama to Reese Witherspoon. And it wouldn’t be relevant if it didn’t turn out that V.L Roche has been Y/n pseudonymous since 2010, in a interview this month the royal admitted that she was afraid os public opinion but Harry convinced her to come out withe the publishing of her TENTH novel. ‘Pictures of Us’ and ‘With the Band’ published in 2013 and 2015 respectively, had it’s adaptation rights bought by Netflix and Amazon in 2017.
It’s mind blowing that she was able to keep it private for so long, and…Was any of those amazing characters she wrote inspired by Harry? Her answer? ‘Perhaps’
April 3, 2020
We are shocked when almost a year after getting married, Harry and Y/n announce that they welcomed their first child. The couple are able to keep their entire pregnancy private, their families were informed and Buckingham Palace, Clarence House and Kensington Palace public stated their delight with the new family addition and look forward to meet them.
We are honestly shocked, I mean, they did a better job than Kylie Jenner in hiding their pregnancy.
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We wish the new parents the best of luck and can’t wait for the next chapters of what is definitely a modern fairy tale.
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fatehbaz · 4 months
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Christmas pudding [...] [is] a boiled mass of suet - a raw, hard animal fat [...] often replaced with a vegetarian alternative - as well as flour and dried fruits that is often soaked in alcohol and set alight. [...] [I]t is a legacy of the British Empire with ingredients from around the globe it once dominated [...].
Christmas pudding is a relatively recent concoction of two older, at least medieval, dishes. [...] “Figgy pudding,” immortalized in the “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” carol, appeared in the written record by the 14th century. [...] During the 18th century, the two ["plum pottage" and "figgy pudding"] crossed to become the more familiar plum pudding – a steamed pudding packed with the ingredients of the rapidly growing British Empire of rule and trade. The key was less a new form of cookery than the availability of once-luxury ingredients, including French brandy, raisins from the Mediterranean, and citrus from the Caribbean.
Few things had become more affordable than cane sugar which, owing to the labors of millions of enslaved Africans, could be found in the poorest and remotest of British households by mid-century. Cheap sugar, combined with wider availability of other sweet ingredients like citrus and dried fruits, made plum pudding an iconically British celebratory treat, albeit not yet exclusively associated with Christmas.
Such was its popularity that English satirist James Gillray made it the centerpiece of one of his famous cartoons, depicting Napoleon Bonaparte and the British prime minister carving the world in pudding form.
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In line with other modern Christmas celebrations, the Victorians took the plum pudding and redefined it [...], making it the “Christmas pudding.” In his 1843 internationally celebrated “A Christmas Carol,” Charles Dickens venerated the dish as the idealized center of any family’s Christmas feast [...].
Three years later, Queen Victoria’s chef published her favored recipe, making Christmas pudding, like the Christmas tree, the aspiration of families across Britain.
Christmas pudding owed much of its lasting appeal to its socioeconomic accessibility. Victoria’s recipe, which became a classic, included candied citrus peel, nutmeg, cinnamon, lemons, cloves, brandy and a small mountain of raisins and currants – all affordable treats for the middle class. Those with less means could either opt for lesser amounts or substitutions [...]. Eliza Acton, a leading cookbook author of the day who helped to rebrand plum pudding as Christmas pudding, offered a particularly frugal recipe that relied on potatoes and carrots. [...] The high alcohol content gave the puddings a shelf life of a year or more, allowing them to be sent even to the empire’s frontiers during Victoria’s reign [...].
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In the 1920s, the British Women’s Patriotic League heavily promoted it – calling it “Empire Pudding” in a global marketing campaign. They praised it as emblem of the empire that should be made from the ingredients of Britain’s colonies and possessions: dried fruits from Australia and South Africa, cinnamon from Ceylon, spices from India and Jamaican rum in place of French brandy.
Press coverage of London’s 1926 Empire Day celebrations featured the empire’s representatives pouring the ingredients into a ceremonial mixing bowl and collectively stirring it.
The following year, the Empire Marketing Board received King George V’s permission to promote the royal recipe, which had all the appropriate empire-sourced ingredients. Such promotional recipes and the mass production of puddings from iconic grocery stores like [Sains-bury's] in the 1920s combined to place Christmas puddings on the tables [...].
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All text above by: Troy Bickham. "How the Christmas pudding, with ingredients taken from the colonies, became an iconic British food." The Conversation. 8 December 2023. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Image and caption shown unaltered as they appear published by Bickham along with the article's text.]
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aceofsnacks · 5 months
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I did a tour of GO filming locations
It was around London, so I didn't get all of them, but the trip has been such a blast I just have to share the pics!
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1. St James park: so many birds! And tourists. Which is good because the secret government agents wouldn't be able to feed so many ducks. I saw pelicans too—they were huge and pink and funny!!
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2. Berkley Square (they actually didn't film anything here, but still): it's a giant construction site now. The only birds I spotted were parrots, so many of them, at least 5 nests, and loud too. No sane nightingale would ever come there, this much is true. But the song is referenced on one of the bench plaques <3
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3. The Ritz / The Criterion: they both look nothing like the restaurant in the show (maybe the Criterion changed since 2019?) But both are fancy! When my rich uncle leaves me a giant inheritance and I find my 6000 year soulmate, I am so taking them out there, just you wait.
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4. The Globe: this is my favourite theatre now!!!Macbeth was magnificent! And the standing tickets were so worth it: actors were down in the crowd and interacted with everyone! I got some of Macduff's blood on me! (Can't get this anywhere else :D) The Globe is closed in winter, so I'm already planning to buy tickets for next year.
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5. The Bandstand and the-place-where-Gabriel-was-running: after marinating on Tumblr for so long I felt shocked seeing the word "bandstand" on a physical sign in the park. Like, put up a warning at least, my heart needs to be prepared?? The actual bandstand was at the same time smaller and bigger than I expected. Also those red bits—apparently they were there the whole time; I was imagining it black and white for some reason.
Also I met another crazy fan taking pictures of the bandstand in the rain, and I remember thinking, they have to be just as crazy as me xD
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6. Tavistock square (where they switched bodies): the filming crew must have moved the benches around, because the square itself is so tiny and you can only match the scene background if you stand all the way back in the bushes. Surely there must have been a better way.
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7. Crystal palace: just as I suspected, you can't see the dinosaurs from the bench because of all the trees in the way. The dinos are hilarious though, they look more like🗿and not like 🦖. In the show Warlock seems to have written a rude word on the teleosaurus info card, how dare he!
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8. Tadfield (Hambleden, really): I thought, it's just two hours from London, easy day trip, in and out, what could go wrong. Cue to me stumbling over muddy fields in the dark surrounded by menacing sheep and regretting everything. The village is cute and English and has literally three streets and a post office and nothing else. And sheep.
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9. Bonus round, my take on Aziraphale's bookshop xD "Seducing women? I think you've got the wrong shop!"
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10. Bonus bonus round, food! (am I or am I not the ace of snacks after all?) An oyster recipe from Marcus Gavius Apicius' cookbook (Rome, 1c CE, stumbled upon it in the museum of Reading), and Eccles cakes (soooo sweet they don't calm people down but give them instant diabetes)
And that's it!! Thank you for reading all the way <3 Here is a secret snack 🍎
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notathrowawayname · 5 months
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Just came out of Bug Hunter and Narcissist Cookbook at Off the Cuff in London, frickin' awesome
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