#The Rise of Darth Calamity

[dontcallmecarrie]

Were you the one who wrote Kylo Ren getting whats hia face out of hia head early and being a better person for it? Asking because I think this is relevant to that and was wondering if you'd seen it or what you thoughts of it?

https://www.tumblr.com/suzukiblu/144271320222/suzukiblu-someone-somewhere-on-this-our-beloved?source=share

Yes and no: yes I do have two AUs where Ben Organa is the exact opposite of Kylo Ren, one being a little closer to canon where he does kick out the creepy voice in his head while the other is the 'canon whomst?' remix, but neither reach the glorious chaos that is that AU.

Like, sure, there's some elements that come close: Ben being Very Extra with his sense of fashion, but in Darth Calamity it's because he found some really nice armor in the ruins of some planet [cough, cough, Darth Revan's gear, cough] and it turns out that finding anything else of the same quality would cost a lot of credits and between ship fuel and blaster packs and guild dues, it's never really been a priority when what he has is perfectly good. Similarly, Ben will be the first to admit he is no teacher, but that's 100% meant to be an ironic echo of canon- because in he ends up being the Wise Old Mysterious Jedi Mentor Figure, albeit kicking and screaming the entire way.

The closest I've got is my 'in which Darth Calamity meets canon and absolutely no one is happy about it' tag, and in said tag the main focus is "Ben is literally in the world of his worst nightmares" and "everyone else finds out they're living in the Worst Timeline Possible" and "Ben being himself does not help, because finding out that there's a world where Leia's son inherited Padme's social justice rants instead of Anakin's Jedi-killing tendencies makes them feel robbed".

That being said, I can see the appeal- but I'd be iffy about actually reading it before finishing Darth Calamity, because I'm worried I'd accidentally steal someone's idea and I have a hard enough time keeping my stories on track as is.

...and thanks for the reminder, because I finally have some time to write and some WIPs to hopefully tackle.

#i got an ask! #naught replies #in which darth calamity meets canon and absolutely no one is happy #The Rise of Darth Calamity #the man who sold the world #behind the scenes #thinking aloud

[voidsentprinces]

Erenville: ...we have been separated from the Scions for three days and now you've walked into this...TAVERN! And expect to just find them? WoL: We've been through thick and thin, Erenville. We fought through calamities, several wars, and that time every woman Thancred slept with showed up at the Rising Stones and fought over him. We have a secret code to recognize each other. Erenville: This should be good. Show me this...secret code then. WoL: I WILL! *ahem* THEN GANDALF THE GRAY! Y'shtola: AND GANDALF THE WHITE! Urianger: Thus did Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight Thancred: And Benito Moussilini Alphinaud: And the Blue Meanie! Alisaie: Cowboy Curtis! Krile: Jombi the Genie! Tataru: ROBO COP! Thancred: THE TERMINATOR! Urianger: Captain Kirk! WoL: DARTH VADER! Alisaie: LO PAN! Alphinaud: SUPER MAN! Y'shtola: EVERY SINGLE POWER RANGER! Urianger: Bill S. Preston! Thancred: AND THEODORE LOGAN! Alphinaud: Spock! Alisaie: The Rock! Krile: DOC OCT! WoL: AND HULK HOGAN! Y'shtola: ALL CAME OUT OF NO WHERE LIGHTNING FAST! Alphinaud: AND KICKED CHUCK NORRIS AND...oh dear Alisaie: HIS COWBOY ASS! Tataru: It was the bloodest battle that the world ever saw! Urianger: With the populis looking on in utter awe. Thancred: The fighting raged on for a century. Y'shtola: Many lives were claimed! WoL: But eventually. Krile: The champion stood. Alphinaud: The rest saw the better. Tataru: Mistress Tataru in a blood stained sweater! WoL: Close Enough! Erenvile: What the-- Cursingway: FUCK!?

#{ are you really friends if you can't belt out at least one song together? }

[calamity-queen]

Dear Calamity Queen,

You Majesty, may I respectfully ask...

How did you get brought into Star Wars?

Have you ever had a random Star Wars conversation with a Stranger on the street and how did it begin?

Do you own any Star Wars clothes (I have Star Wars Socks)?

And if you were Jon Favreau, which character would you chose to make a TV series about?

Lots of Fun and Love

Morby

❤❤

Thank you for the questions Miss Morby!!!! I was brought into Star Wars by my friends when The Force Awakens came out! I watched the Original Trilogy with my parents beforehand and I loved it!! I only really got in deep with the hyperfixation this year when I started watching The Clone Wars tho😂

I’ve had a couple conversations with people I didn’t really know, mostly people in comic book stores. Luckily they weren’t hostile or anything, but that is a fear of mine if I ever got to a convention.

I have some star wars clothes! Not as much as I want though😂 I have a Star Wars Night Phillies shirt with Darth Vader on it. I also have a Star Wars themed Philies hat with Vader on it. I have another shirt I got from Disney that has Kylo Ren (TLJ-era)

If I were Mr. Faverau, I would, number one, bring Paz Vizsla and The Armorer back for The Mandalorian. For an original series, I’d like to see something about Qi’ra and The Crimson Dawn. Or more importantly, Ben Solo and the World Between Worlds🦋 or hell even a live-action The Rise of Kylo Ren series. Ben Solo deserved better and I will die on that hill.

#thank u for the ask my dear💖💖💖 #blair.exe speaks #morby #mutuals #🥺💖 #star wars #thank u for the meme i love it

[rayshippouuchiha]

Have you read Dontcallmecarrie’s The Rise of Darth Calamity? It’s one of the only stories I’ve read that I’m really rooting for Ben

I’ve had it recced to me before but haven’t had a chance to read it yet!

#Star Wars #Fic Rec #ursaerythraeus #RayRambles

[reassambled-dragoon]

Some on Reddit: “I wish we could be more evil and just KILL PEOPLE in FF14″

Me, who is sane: “You’re really missing the point about the whole ‘champion of the people, of the realm, and standing against bad shit’, my dudes.”

Like, seriously, the Scions aren’t supposed to be political. They’re meant to be neutral--that’s a huge reason why they moved from the Waking Sands (which is beholden to Ul’dah) to Rising Stones. Because Mor Dona isn’t beholden to anyone that I recall.

The Scions aren’t assassins. They formed to stave off calamities and deal with primals and Ascians. Garlemald wasn’t even a mess they wanted to get involved with, but they had to deal with them anyway, because Garlemald was and is a huge threat to everyone.

So no. Like, you do you and play how you want, but going Full Dark Side Darth Scion isn’t the way to do it. The Scions aren’t the damn Sith.

#FF14

[ljones41]

Recapturing the “Magic”

"RECAPTURING THE 'MAGIC'" When a good number of critics and STAR WARS fans start talking about recapturing the "magic" of the franchise’s past, I cannot help but wonder what "magic" were they talking about. The "magic" of the franchise’s Original Trilogy? If these fans and critics are referring to the "magic" of the Original Trilogy, I find this demand rather ironic. And I find it ironic, considering that it took me several years to appreciate that particular trilogy after it first came out, long ago. Do I want the "magic" of the Original Trilogy to be repeated? No. Not really. Or should I say . . . not literally. In the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, "you can’t repeat the past". But a person can move on and experience or create something new in his or her life. And in regard to a movie, a novel or any other works of art . . . a person can create something new, while at the same time, pay homage to a past work of art or form a narrative connection to it. I am a big fan of the Original Trilogy movies, the Prequel Trilogy movies, "ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY" and "SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY". Even though it took a few years to appreciate them, I became a fan of the Original Trilogy. And one of the reasons why I am such a big fan of the Prequel Trilogy films, "ROGUE ONE" and "SOLO" is that while having a connection to the Original Trilogy from a narrative point of view, those five films managed to offer something new to the franchise. The Prequel Trilogy had depicted the downfalls of Anakin Skywalker aka Darth Vader, the Jedi Order, and the Galactic Republic. The trilogy also conveyed how these calamities led to the emergence of the Galactic Empire and the Sith in the form of Emperor Sheev Palpatine. And the trilogy did all of this with a good deal of ambiguity that I found more than satisfying. This ambiguity was also on display in stand alone movies like "ROGUE ONE" and "SOLO". "ROGUE ONE"not only told the story of the theft of the Death Star plans; but with a great deal of brutality hardly ever seen in the STAR WARS franchise. "SOLO" conveyed the origins of Han Solo, one of the leading characters from the Original Trilogy. The film also gave audiences more than a mere peek into the criminal underworld of the STAR WARS saga. Ironically, the leading protagonists of both stand alone films were not Force sensitive individuals. The Original Trilogy was not perfect. Neither were the Prequel Trilogy, "ROGUE ONE" and "SOLO". The two trilogies and the two stand alone films had their flaws. But for me, their virtues . . . in which originality happen to be one of them . . . far outweighed their flaws. I cannot say the same about the first two films featured in the recent Sequel Trilogy, produced by Lucasfilm and the Disney Studios. I am willing to give the trilogy points for conveying some originality. None of the three major protagonists is a white male. The main antagonist, who is constantly compared to Anakin Skywalker aka Darth Vader, did not come from an obscure background and/or upbringing.  And this same antagonist had killed his evil mentor halfway into the trilogy. Despite these bouts of originality, I am simply not that impressed by this new trilogy. I believe there are too many plot holes and inconsistent characterizations for me to regard it as worthy entertainment. Worse, I feel that the trilogy's first two films had borrowed just a bit too much from the 1977-1983 movies for me to regard it as truly original. In fact, the Sequel Trilogy's overall narrative seemed to be a re-hash of the Original Trilogy's Rebel Alliance-Galactic Empire conflict and the rise of Luke Skywalker as Jedi Knight. And the numerous plot holes make me begin to wonder if the trilogy's main narrative was ever outlined in advance. When people talk about recapturing the "magic" of the past . . . or the Original Trilogy, I find myself wondering what exactly do they want. Do they want a re-hash of the Original Trilogy? If so, the Sequel Trilogy seemed to be fulfilling that demand. Or perhaps this demand is centered around having major protagonists who are white males. Who knows? But if these fans and critics are referring to the "spirit" of the first trilogy, then I am at a loss. What exactly is this "spirit" or "magic"? I cannot help but wonder if such an answer is riddled with pitfalls. It could easily be perceived in so many ways. Personally, I simply want a STAR WARS movie that not only connects to any of the previous films in the franchise, but also provide something truly original . . . and well-written. The movie does not have to be perfect. I have yet to see a perfect STAR WARS movie. Nor do I expect it to be. But I hope that the franchise’s future movies - serial or stand alone - will be a lot better than the first two Sequel Trilogy films.

#star wars saga #nostalgia #prequel trilogy #star wars prequel trilogy #Original Trilogy #star wars original trilogy #sequel trilogy #star wars sequel trilogy #rogue one #rogue one a star wars story #solo #solo a star wars story #george lucas #Anakin Skywalker #Darth Vader

[dontcallmecarrie]

For anyone wondering what’s going on with BDEL, Darth Calamity and...basically 99% of my AUs: every time I write, stuff going on in my life keeps coming out. Which normally isn’t bad, but we’re talking soap opera levels here. Like, ‘any more and I might as well write a biography’, and that’s Not Fun on a number of levels.

So, status update/ my internal narration on what keeps running through my head on the AUs you guys may or may not be wanting to hear about. Heads up for some minor spoilers, but way less than the outlines linked on my pinned post.

By Dawn’s Early Light:

...I have all of one (1) scene I’m eager to see, and that’s Howard Stark getting punched by Bucky in front of Steve Rogers. And maybe reassess how realistic this AU is, but tbh that feels more like something to tackle in the Coding Nightmare Fic I Have Yet To Finish because like hell I’m rewriting this fic.

By Myself But Not Alone:

look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! Sing, oh muse, of the hubris of the fool who thought they could make their overly-complicated vision into a reality while only knowing the bare-bones basics of HTML.

...okay, but really, my main problem is that I’ve got several dozen pages of handwritten notes and outlines of potential Bad Endings to spice things up, but. Completely and utterly blocked on actually writing it out. Kinda debating on just posting what I’ve got and calling it a day because my brain refuses to expand on anything right now.

Live Through The Rain AU:

First off, I really want to brush up on Welcome to Night Vale to make sure I’ve got the tone right. Secondly, this one’s slated for Howard Stark redemption/character development boot camp via ‘yeah your world was just completely upended by one of the people you trusted most, no, that was just the first of many curveballs coming your way’, which I write when I’m trying to tackle a sympathetic and nuanced perspective of a very, very complicated man with a lot of issues.

...which means I have to be in the frame of mind to be sympathetic. Which, right now, I am not.

Incidentally, if you’ve noticed a sharp uptick in the levels of family drama in NHDD, this is why. Justin’s father is what happens when I am not inclined towards trying to be sympathetic towards parents who don’t have their shit together and insist on dragging everyone else down with them, Howard Stark is what happens when I’m not venting my issues onto fictional characters. [...apologies, btw, for anyone reading this. I try to keep personal stuff personal, but. This stuff keeps leaking into everything I touch, no matter how hard I try.]

Blurred Lines:

...this was my first fanfic, really. I’m kinda torn on how to approach it, really, because I started it out as an exhausted aspiring pre-med student who was not in a great place.

It’s been years since then; I am not where I’d once expected to be. It’s been over a decade since I’ve been up to date on what’s going on in Doctor Who, and noped out of Sherlock after the hot mess that happened after Season 2. On top of that, my writing’s all over the place because my teenage self had a long way to go when it came to storytelling, and part of me wants to go back and edit but the rest of me can’t help but think, ‘no, this fic has literally grown with you,’ even if it sounds cheesy as all get out.

All I know is, I want to finish this fic. I have a bullet point outline, next to no knowledge of Doctor Who lore and probably need to do a lot of research to do it, but it is going to happen. Eventually.

Ere The World Falls/The Lullaby of Obliteration:

Writer’s block hit me like a battering ram because ETWF was supposed to be finished in a week.

Look, this is what happens when all you have is a single scene you desperately want in the next chapter, but absolutely nothing else. Specifically, this snippet:

“Oh, I like you,” Hela laughed, something as cold and sharp as the rest of her and Tony didn’t know if he was imagining the goosebumps he felt right now.

Also, ETWF’s meant to be chaos incarnate and found family and end with hope for a better future for everyone, but... I kinda wrote myself into a corner on some things, and found a great way to tie Norse mythology and Marvel comics lore that would require either a lot of heavy editing, or a grimdark remix that I don’t actually have the energy to tackle, because I really kinda need happy endings right now.

Darth Calamity/The Man Who Sold The World:

you know what? I’ve been up to my ears in rl family drama, I am not up to writing fictional angst right now. The remix with more identity shenanigans? Maybe, but first I have to wade through Skywalker family drama to get there. Hmm. Where’s inspiration when you need it?

No Hero [Downward Descending]:

yes, I know Justin Hammer doesn’t come across as being good at this supervillain thing. No, I don’t know how we got here either, this was supposed to be my stab at writing a SI-OC [emphasis on the OC] that got a tad bit out of hand. Especially when it came to the family drama, because I originally had zero intention of expanding on it beyond ‘Justin’s life went on Hard Mode from an early age, and it’s part of why they are Like That now’, but turns out Hammer Senior is a great heat sink for some things. Apologies for that, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ turns out I really needed to vent.

...in retrospect, I missed a golden opportunity for said OC to make a comment about vaguely expecting to see everyone running around in spandex, and that is one of the few regrets I have. Just as a metacommentary on how desaturated the movies got later on, compared to what little I know of the comics.

Beyond that, though, I’m having a lot of fun with a protagonist who accidentally weaponized the power of friendship.

The War is Far From Over Now AU:

Main fic’s finished, still too burned out to consider tackling the sidefic.

The plan currently is to take all the ‘Stuff I Couldn’t Quite Fit In’ posts I made- aka all the plot points that ended up getting cut for my sanity, because my heart had been set on finishing TWiFFON before graduating undergrad and even that ended up going sideways- and playing by ear from there.

Specific plot points I’d once been eager to tackle had included stuff like ‘The Curious Case of James ‘Bucky’ Barnes’ [aka SI Legal’s freakout over the files they end up having to sort through in the aftermath of the Civil War arc], and ‘Vision’s Adventures In Trying To Become a Psychiatrist’ because multiple commenters basically went ‘wow JARVIS really needs therapy, and no one on Earth really is equipped to help Skynet here’ and I remember thinking, “lol yeah, that’s kinda the point, but also that’s a great idea!!!” and had been planning to write something to that effect. Only, things hit the fan in my life not long after, and then burnout on top of that, and next thing I know it’s been years since I last touched this AU but still feel no inclination to do so.

#Naught rambles #thinking aloud #by myself but not alone #By Dawn's Early Light #Live Through The Rain #blurred lines #Ere the world falls #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #No Hero [Downward Descending] #3 am musings #writer's commentary

[dontcallmecarrie]

was supposed to be a May the Fourth update, if not for rl stuff.

Heads up for angst and cliffhangers. 

#The Rise of Darth Calamity #My writing

[dontcallmecarrie]

pro about having people irl who know and respect your hobbies: they’re very supportive

con about having people irl who know and respect your hobbies: ‘hey, I haven’t heard you talking about [insert fic here] in a while, have you finished it?’

#thinking aloud #personal life #on the plus side #next chapter of Darth Calamity's slowly being chipped away at now #and have the first chapter of the remix already ready to go #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World

[dontcallmecarrie]

me, to my brother: hey what should I work on? writer’s block sucks

my brother: haven’t heard you talking about Darth Calamity in a while

my brain: does this instead

#gdi brain #my brain did a thing #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #My writing

[dontcallmecarrie]

since things hit the fan in my life again, here, have a shatterpoint 

.

Ben Organa was an antisocial bastard, he’d be the first to admit it. 

An aloof loner, who’d survived the hard life of a bounty hunter with nothing but his blaster and the will of the Force going for him— which, in turn, didn’t really do much for his social skills outside of very specific situations such as keeping a cool head while under enemy fire.

Other than that, though?

Ben would be the first to admit his social skills had peaked sometime before puberty hit, and it’s only been downhill since.

See? He was self-aware! 

If he wasn’t being shot at, or in the middle of yet another barroom brawl, or picking up another contract, he was so far out of his element it wasn’t even funny.

Apparently he had a reputation for being one of the “strong, stoic and silent” types, which was hilarious if one knew that behind his mask and frankly very impressive shields, Ben was screaming internally whenever he wasn’t cursing in every language he knew.

Such as right now, when his ship’d conked out on some hellscape. Again. 

This time, though, there were at least people around— even if the only trading post around wanted to charge him an arm and a leg for the parts he needed to leave and while he could technically afford to sell one of the lightsabers he’d been stuck with, he had the feeling he’d need them in the future. Even if that meant the only other alternative to getting off this rock was to try his hand at scavenging around for parts, and...

Ugh. He hated sand. He’d find it in his armor for weeks after this, he just knew it.

.

So.

Turns out he’s not the only Force-sensitive person on this rock. Great.

.

So.

Turns out said Force-sensitive is a ridiculously strong little girl who’s dead-set on staying on this rock. To the point where she damn near threw him through a sand dune when he suggested leaving, and somehow managed to get him to mentor her on the basics while they looked for parts for his ship and how did Ben get himself into these situations, again?!

.

Rey was a nightmare with that staff of hers. 

Ben looked at her practicing, and thought about the cylinder that’d been taking up space in his rucksack since Korriban, and frowned thoughtfully.

.

Giving Rey the lightsaber was a mistake Ben regretted immensely.

She’d been hard enough to deal with before, all starry-eyed and so eager to listen to what little he knew about the Force it’d been exhausting for him to even watch; now, it seemed she’d got it in her head he was some sort of rogue Jedi, which was so far off the mark he couldn’t even—

.

Rey was decent with her staff, but...he felt twitchy, seeing the way she handled the lightsaber in her hands. 

No technique, no finesse and she had so much potential it was a waste— oh, blast. Ben scowled at a nearby dune as he felt his resolve crumble.

“Hey, what do you know of lightsaber forms?”

.

Ben’s ship was finally ready to go. 

This was a good thing, he reminded himself. He wasn’t even supposed to be here, it was sheer happenstance that his ship’d broken down after his latest contract and no, he didn’t feel guilty about leaving Rey behind, no, absolutely not...

“I’ll be back,” Ben found himself promising. 

Then, because the look on her face was downright painful to see, he turned to scowl at a nearby dune to hide his flush and hastily added, “In a year or so. Maybe. Just to see if you’ve improved on your shielding by then, until you get a real teacher.”

.

Ben was an antisocial bastard, he’d be the first to admit it.

...which is why he was mystified as to why Rey always looked to happy to see him, whenever he stopped by for a visit.

Okay, well, no, he also had made it a habit to bring over food rations and some datapads whenever he was in the sector— but while he understood why she’d appreciate the food, he couldn’t figure out why she’d want what was essentially glorified homework. 

.

Years ticked by. 

Years ticked by, his reputation as a bounty hunter was growing by the day and Rey still refused to leave that sandy hellscape no matter how hard he tried to convince her otherwise.

Ugh. The things he put up with for his friends.

.

For once, Ben hadn’t planned on dropping by Jakku. 

Unfortunately, nobody told that to the First Order.

.

He stared at the little droid.

The little droid stared back.

He scrubbed a hand down his face with a groan. 

“Looks like we’re doing this, then.”

.

...and you can probably tell where I ran out of steam.

From here we’d reach canon, where Ben’s slightly more amenable to being a mentor-figure of sorts for Finn [while being blissfully oblivious that he’s basically been treating Rey as his Padawan for literal years now], Rey proceeds to scare the crap out of everyone because she shows up out of nowhere and just. Goes toe to toe with the best the First Order has to offer, because she’s basically a full-blown Jedi at this point and doesn’t have any qualms about going feral if anyone looks at her friends wrong.

Which, when combined with the different dynamics of this world, with a new Jedi Order that’s [rightfully] suspicious of just who trained this super-powerful newcomer who’s basically an entity unto herself, well...

Because I don’t want to sideline Finn in this mess [and for maximum cosmic irony], he gets a glimpse of the suspicion aimed their way and promptly turns around and goes “hey, so you said you’re good at running from your past...” and next thing we know, the galaxy gets even more of a scare when they hear Darth Calamity has an apprentice.

#The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #shatterpoint #aka the one where Ben's Mom Friend Override is singlehandedly responsible for every bad decision he makes when he'd run away otherwise #Darth Calamity spoilers #spoilers #my brain did a thing

[dontcallmecarrie]

Ben stopped dead in his tracks, barely even registering the way Finn crashed into his back.

Was that—

Oh, stars, it was.

“Kriff, Cal, what’s the big idea?” He heard someone say, but couldn’t tear his eyes from the Resistance mechanic on the other end of the bay.

“Everything alright?” Poe asked, sounding worried, and now he abruptly realized he’d been gawking like some green spacer.

“Is she single,” Ben replied, and immediately flushed behind his mask as he felt the surprise and amusement from those around him and oh blast that had sounded even stupider when said aloud.

“Look,” he hurried to explain before his embarrassment could get any worse, “she has one hell of a right hook and hates the First Order almost as much as I do, I just...would like to be her friend? Or get to know her better?”

Ugh. If anyone from the Bounty Hunters’ Guild could hear him now, his reputation would be in tatters, this is why he never spoke, never mind that stupid ‘so cool and aloof’ perception they seemed to have–

“You’re not joking.” Rey said, looking at him, then at the mechanic, and back with delight that somehow seemed to grow with every word he said and his shoulders raised slightly before he’d even noticed.

“How do you know she has a good right hook?” Finn asked, and Ben felt unsually hot under his armor even with the environmental controls his mask had but he’d never lied to them and wasn’t about to start now.

“She broke my nose on Canto Bight. It was great time, 10/10 would get in a brawl with again even if never did catch her name.”

“Rose.” Poe cut in, looking at them all with no small amount of amusement. “If you’re wondering.”

.

not pictured: Rey having a field day because she’s somehow living as one of the side characters from one of the cheap holos that wound up on Jakku. She’s not the only one who ships it, either

#behind the scenes #behind the scenes mini fic #My writing #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #aka #take that writer's block #it's probably a bit dorky but meh #this is why I don't write romance #even if I'd headcannoned this maybe-ship since I started this AU #probably won't show up in the original fic becuause of Plot #but the remix with 100% less angst and 200% more Shenanigans is another story

[dontcallmecarrie]

me: I should write, I finally have a speck of inspiration and it's been a while since I updated any of my WIPs—

my brain: oh, you mean like this!

me: ...screw it, I'll take what I can get

#behind the scenes #thinking aloud #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #Darth Calamity spoilers

[dontcallmecarrie]

#The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #naught draws #last one I swear #ideally the cloak would have been brown but this color is all i had

[dontcallmecarrie]

"I don't know euphoria,

would like to meet her someday,

C'est la vie,

I don't feel hysteria,

she leaves me lonely,

C'est la, C'est la vie"

- C'est la vie by Weathers! How about that?

Genre: ...drawing a blank here, tbh. Character study, maybe? Here goes, anyway

Fandom: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy [just to switch things up a bit] ...which ended up being an interlude of sorts for one of my AUs, oops

.

Ben Organa doesn’t tend to reflect on his past. 

Partly because he’s more the type to focus his energy on carving out a future for himself, partly because if he thinks about it too hard he’d probably lose any semblance of emotional equilibrium he had.

Which, uh.

He can’t really afford. Or the galaxy, for that matter.

...okay, it sounds a tad bit egoistical when put that way, but really, how else is he supposed to say ‘so I know it’s incredibly unlikely but I’m still terrified of somehow following in the footsteps of this one asshole I have the misfortune of being related to’?

Look: Ben knows he can’t afford to lose control, okay?

It’s one of the things that was kind of drilled into his head at an early age, right up there with the nightmares of a future that would hopefully never be. His uncle was the one who told Ben about his raw potential when he was a kid, and about how important it was that he shielded so that he didn’t overwhelm everyone and everything around him. 

Other children could afford to— could afford to have a freer rein with their emotions, could afford to laugh and cry and scream and not worry about slipping up, not worry about accidentally shorting out nearby electronics or breaking fragile objects.

But not Ben.

No, Ben had to have an iron grip on his emotions, had to tightly monitor his anger and grief and joy to avoid giving migraines to any Force-sensitives because of just how much he was capable of broadcasting.

At the time, he hadn’t minded: it was just another fact of life, that his strength was what it was. Wasn’t like he could do anything about it— it was just another fluke of genetics, same way he seemed to be taking after his father in height and his mother in hair color.

Now...

Now, Ben wasn’t sure anymore.

It was habit by now, to keep his emotions locked behind ironclad shields. To be very very selective in how he expressed himself, acutely aware of his every footstep and twitch and tilt of the head, and of the way it affected the world around him.

If he thought about it too much, he knew part of him would rail at the injustice: at how he’d never truly been able to just let himself feel, how he’d always had to be conscientious of the world around him, always had to be the adult of whatever situation he found himself in no matter what his age had been at the time.

If he thought about it too much, his thoughts would undoubtedly take a dark turn— and he couldn’t afford that. Not when he struggled so much with the Dark Side as it was.

So he didn’t.

...but sometimes, Ben can’t help the pang of wistfulness that strikes.

Like when he’s traveling with Finn and Rey, and gets a front-row seat to their positive feedback loop— the way one’s joy gets magnified and reflected until it’s a brilliant beacon in the Force, something that he actively has to work at shielding because it’d give away their position to the Resistance and First Order alike no matter the distance.

He doesn’t think he’s ever felt something like it before, can’t help but wonder how it’d feel if he ever let himself lower his guard. Not that he can afford to, of course; but sometimes, he wonders.

#I got an ask! #ask meme #Naught replies #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #well...kinda #character study of sorts #My writing #Naught rambles

[dontcallmecarrie]

#here have more concept art #The Rise of Darth Calamity #The Man Who Sold The World #naught draws