#The combination of very strong ideas about the right way to do a music career

[sosuigeneris]

Socialite series: Manufacturing your Personality

So you want to get into high society. I can give you a guideline as to how you can do that. 

I was born in high society, in India. I know how these systems work. Even across cultures, they’re quite similar. I know some German, Asian, American high society people. Certain things are very similar across continents. 

You can permanently secure your position by two ways: marriage, or by becoming somebody. 

In Indian high society, there’s two kinds of people: those who have lineage, and those who are rich. 

Those who have lineage are those (mostly bankrupt) Maharajas, artists, singers, musicians, poets for generations - it’s an art form or royalty handed down to their children. They have ✨culture, a legacy✨ that can only be obtained by birth. They want to mingle with the business rich so that they get access to the opportunities they need for their livelihoods. 

The business rich can be new or old money. It doesn’t matter. Their businesses are family businesses. They have money, but may lack class. Don’t be mistaken that only new money can be “tacky” - I know plenty of influential, old money families who are equally classless and tacky. 

They want to mingle with the lineage crowd because they need that ✨culture✨ to be seen as someone. They want to be associated with them, to improve their reputations. By connecting to the artistic and musical world, it shows that they have class and persona. 

Both groups, as you see, need each other. You may ask - can’t there be families where there’s both?

Yes there can. But that is not common. 

Let’s say you take the route of dating someone who is of high society, and are hoping to convert that into marriage. I’ll be very honest with you - you have to seriously stand out for Asian and Middle Eastern high society families to accept you if you lack both lineage and money. 

You need to have a strong educational background - you need to go to a great college or masters, or whatever - otherwise this is really not going to happen. This is requirement number 1. If you don’t have this, don’t even bother reading the rest. 

And in Asian and ME families, remember one thing. Marriages are between families, NOT individuals. You have to impress the family, the family’s friends, their maids and barbers and god knows who else. 

And here are Cherry’s insider tips, just for you, to fit right in. If you fit in comfortably, it makes your life and everyone else’s life easier. 

Extrovert tendencies 

don’t be intimidated by people, don’t be shy or awkward 

It’s better to mix in being a combination of “social + slightly bored” like “it’s nice to meet you, but I wouldn’t die to be here.” 

Be open without jumping around like a Disney kid. Being “overexcited” or jumpy, smiling and laughing at just about everything comes across as weird in some cultures, IF that’s not how you genuinely are. That might work in the US, but not everywhere else. 

If I had to very simply define an extrovert - approach new people with ease, learn the art of small talk and be a good listener. 

Confident 

have a sense of self: career, hobbies, likes or dislikes, experiences

Be a multi faceted person. Do things that YOU like. If you like reading Japanese literature and collecting quartz, great! That’s your thing! 

Good communication skills

articulate, small talk abilities, good listener, curious, engaging

be able to tell little stories about yourself without giving everything away 

Well dressed 

do an image consultation for your colours, understand your body shape type and find a style that works for you

Create a capsule wardrobe that is timeless 

Remember - modesty is ALWAYS the best idea for any event. 

Posture - stand up straight, be able to walk in heels, sit without slouching

if you don’t know how to walk in heels, learn to. Practice it. 

Sit up straight, do some yoga or something for good posture 

Maintenance- good skin, hair, fit body, skin, nails, teeth; good hygiene; smell good 

hygiene comes first. Shower regularly, wash your hair as often as needed. 

Put on perfume. 

Find a make up style that works for you. Again, this takes practice. It took me years to figure out what kind of eyeliner works on my eyes and that bronzer doesn’t suit me at all. Crazy make up, unnatural hair colours, visible tattoos or piercings will not sit well in these societies. 

Etiquette 

dining etiquette- learn how to eat properly. This is not just for white culture but for other cultures as well. Understand broadly how popular cultures etiquettes work - Japanese eating etiquettes, European fork and knife etiquette, Korean drinking etiquette, Indian and Middle Eastern etiquette, etc. 

giving appropriate gifts to the host - bottle of wine or flowers 

Learn thank you etiquette- shoot a text message to the host thanking them for the event 

Intelligence

Show that you have some sort of a personality. 

Stay updated with current affairs

know your line of work and the relevant people (top companies, CEOs, etc), trends happening in your industry 

Be open to learning new things  

Put together

have a routine, show some form of discipline. 

This can be done by committing to something long term, such as healthy habits - exercise, reading, waking up early. 

Keep a watch on what you say 

people, especially women, who come across as bratty are seen as a big no no and can come across as exhausting and blood sucking. Zip it. 

Don’t talk about your failures, vulnerabilities, mistakes or mishaps. That’s confidential. 

Don’t complain or be snotty or a potty mouth. 

Do not put other people down in front of people who are not your absolute close friends. 

Poise (this is for your mental health and wellbeing)

Don’t be over eager. Being overly friendly can be seen as submissiveness. 

You’re overly friendly with someone because you want to be accepted by them. Acceptance only happens when you’re familiar with one another. When you become too familiar, it becomes a breeding ground for disrespect. Boundaries get crossed easily. 

Body language

practice practice and practice. 

Video yourself and have a fake conversation with someone. Or maybe FaceTime a friend and record yourself and see how you react to things. 

I used to watch those “try not to laugh/ get angry/ cry” videos to maintain a strong facial expression at all times. Not everyone deserves to see you vulnerable. 

Social media 

Take. Shit. Down. 

Go private if you don’t make money of social media. You’re perceived as more mysterious if you’re a private account. 

Remember, even if you’re private, it doesn’t mean that your pictures aren’t being shared. Someone’s taken a screenshot at some point for SURE or shown your account to someone else. Don’t give anyone anything to talk about. 

Don’t upload every second of every day. 

Don’t upload anything questionable- your break ups, your new boyfriend, girls nights, clubbing, your latest shopping spree etc etc. Keep things halal. Think of it this way - if your boss were to see those photos, how would you feel?

Overexposing yourself on social media comes across as desperate for attention. Limit that.

Cherry 🍒

#girlblogging #i’m just a girl #just girly thoughts #female manipulator #divine feminine #hyper feminine #female hysteria #this is a girlblog #it girl #this is what makes us girls #Hypergamy #leveling up #high value woman #level up journey #that girl #soft life #socialite #How to #Personality

[thebandcampdiaries]

Luanne Hunt is back with a new album: “Miles & Memories.”

Luanne Hunt, an accomplished artist with over three decades of experience in the music industry, has recently announced the release of her 24th full-length album titled “Miles & Memories.” The album, which is set to be released on January 15th, 2024, promises to be a nostalgic journey through Luanne's long and illustrious career in music. She initially gained recognition in the year 1995, when she collaborated with Lawton Jiles and Nolan Porter, performing live on various occasions. After her relocation to Hesperia, California, she joined forces with Eric Uglum and started recording a series of albums. One of her popular songs, "The Sun's Coming Up Over Memphis," climbed to No. 10 on Nashville's New Music Weekly country chart in 2009, which was a huge milestone for Luanne!

In 2010, her single "Christmas Without You" secured the No. 15 spot on Europe's Hotdisc chart and topped the European Country Music Association's chart in France, Denmark, and Belgium in December 2011. The song is still going strong, with a beloved following of listeners enjoying it every Christmas. These are only some of the many highlights of a 30-year career that's worth celebrating. This new album is the perfect opportunity for Luanne to do just that.

As an experienced artist, Luanne is well aware of the importance of cherishing memories and reflecting on the past while also keeping an eye on the future. The album, therefore, is a reflection of her personal experiences, struggles, and triumphs, all of which have contributed to her growth as an artist. 

The title of the album itself, "Miles & Memories," is a testament to this idea. It is a reminder that while the journey may be long and arduous, it is worth cherishing every moment along the way. The album is a beautiful combination of Luanne's unique sound and style, with an emphasis on motivating herself and her listeners to continue creating meaningful music. The album features a blend of modern folk music in her signature style, which bridges the gap between her early work and the exciting possibilities of the future, showcasing her ability to constantly set the bar higher. 

Overall, "Miles & Memories" is a fitting tribute to Luanne's musical journey so far and a testament to her dedication and passion for music. Fans of her work can look forward to a nostalgic and inspiring album that captures the essence of Luanne's artistry while also looking toward the future with hope and determination.

Luanne's latest album is a very exciting studio work that showcases her incredible growth and progression as an artist over the years. The songs are a true testament to her skills as a songwriter and musician. Luanne credits her late husband, Steve Hunt, for inspiring and encouraging her to pursue music, and his spirit is felt throughout the album. 

In addition to the nostalgia that the album evokes, it also touches on important social issues with a powerful track titled “We Are Right To Be Concerned.” This poignant song offers insightful commentary on current world events and addresses the concerns of many people today. Luanne's ability to blend her personal experiences with relevant social issues is a testament to her talent and insight as an artist. Luanne, through her many years of making music, has mastered this art of capturing the essence of life and weaving it into beautiful melodies that touch the soul. Her work is a stunning testament to the power of music to bring people together and create a shared experience that transcends genres and styles.

Luanne uses her music to spread a message of peace and positivity, connecting with people through her art. Her diverse musical style is rooted in classic rock, but she is also passionate about folk, country, and other genres. This one should be on your radar if you are a fan of genuine music that comes from a deeply personal place while retaining an engaging and entertaining side that is so easy to relate to. Fans of artists such as The Lumineers, Fleetwood Mac, Francis Moon, and more are highly recommended to check out this release.

The well-crafted songs on “Miles & Memories” are a testament to Luanne's versatility as an artist and her ability to stay true to her roots while embracing new sounds and influences. With each track, listeners are treated to a rich and dynamic musical experience that captures the essence of Luanne's unique style and creative vision.

Find out more about Luanne Hunt and dive deeper into her amazing discography!

#luanne hunt #Spotify

[tagtagebuch]

Career Paths

“One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done, and if one didn’t like the work, it would be very discouraging.”

MARIE CURIE Architects (INTJs) are rarely satisfied by work that feels easy or comfortable. They want a career that fires up their curiosity and leverages their intellect, allowing them to expand their prowess as they tackle meaningful challenges and problems. If a job’s description makes the average person think, Wow, that sounds hard, then it might just be a good fit for an Architect.

Architect (INTJ) careers The Early-Career Blues In the workplace, Architect personalities are often known for competence and effectiveness. Starting at the bottom of the career ladder can be frustrating for Architects. Early in their professional lives, they may be saddled with easy, routine tasks that bore them half to death. People with this personality type brim with creative and outside-the-box ideas. But with their disdain for schmoozing and workplace politics, they may struggle to earn the favor of their bosses and colleagues.

The good news is that, over time, many Architects develop their abilities into a track record so good that it can’t be ignored. Even when everyone around them falls prey to groupthink, people with this personality type can cut through the noise and figure out the true cause of a problem – and then fix it. As long as they don’t alienate their coworkers, Architects can advance in their careers and gain the leverage that they need to see their ideas through.

Finding Their Place Some personality types are drawn to jobs that require nonstop teamwork and interaction, but Architects tend to prefer positions that offer independence. By working alone or in small groups, they can make the most of their creativity without constant interruptions from curious coworkers or second-guessing supervisors. Architects really do believe that if they want something done right, they’d better do it themselves.

People with this personality type value resourcefulness, grit, insight, and commitment – in themselves and in others. The other side of that coin is that Architects have little respect for anyone who gets ahead based on networking or nepotism rather than merit. They believe that everyone should get their work done to the highest possible standards. So if a social butterfly at work breezes through without carrying their own weight, Architects may feel called to use their ingenuity to bring that person back down to earth – or they may be driven to work especially hard to prove their own merit by comparison.

Ever Greater Challenges Architect personalities demand progress and evolution, and they love to explore new ideas. As their careers progress, they may be drawn to positions that allow them to influence a company’s or organization’s overall strategies. Many Architects pursue low-profile but influential roles as project managers, systems engineers, marketing strategists, systems analysts, management consultants, and military strategists.

People with this personality type tend to be happiest in careers that allow them to innovate and experiment in ways both large and small. It’s no surprise, then, that jobs in engineering, research, science, and technology are common choices for Architects. But creative fields, from architecture to musical composition to video game design, can also gratify their innovative streak. And Architects’ relentless desire to get to the bottom of things can lead them to careers as auditors, cybersecurity specialists, or business analysts.

Architects view a combination of rational analysis and hard work as the foundation of their success. The truth is that Architects can apply their strengths to just about any role. In a retail setting, for example, their insatiable curiosity might lead them to investigate what makes one front-of-store display more effective than another. Some careers with strong social components, such as sales or human resources, might not seem like obvious fits – but fortunately, Architects know how to look beyond the obvious.

Creative and visionary, Architects want to find a career that takes advantage of their unique gifts. Few personality types, if any, can match their ability to transform complex principles into clear, actionable strategies. Architects know how much they can offer the world through their work – and their priority is to ensure that their position, whatever it may be, makes full use of their skills, knowledge, and intellect.

キャリアパス "人は、終わったことには気づかないものだ。残されたことしか見えない。もし、その仕事が好きでなかったら、とてもがっかりするだろう。"

マリー・キュリー（MARIE CURIE 建築家（INTJ）は、楽で快適だと感じる仕事では満足できない。彼らが望むのは、好奇心を刺激し、知性を発揮して、意義のある課題や問題に取り組みながら自分の能力を伸ばすことができるようなキャリアです。仕事の内容を見て、普通の人が「うわー、難しそう」と思うようなものであれば、それはアーキテクトに適しているかもしれません。

アーキテクト(INTJ)のキャリア アーリーキャリア・ブルー 職場では、アーキテクトは有能で効果的であることがよく知られています。 アーキテクトにとって、キャリアの底辺でスタートすることはフラストレーションがたまることでしょう。職業人生の初期には、簡単でルーティンな仕事を任され、半分死ぬほど退屈してしまうかもしれません。このタイプの人は、創造的で既成概念にとらわれないアイデアにあふれています。しかし、人づきあいが苦手なため、上司や同僚から好かれるのは難しいかもしれません。

しかし、多くのアーキテクトは、時間をかけてその能力を発揮し、無視できないほどの実績を上げていきます。周囲が集団思考に陥っていても、雑音を排除して問題の真因を突き止め、それを解決することができるのです。同僚から疎外されない限り、アーキテクトはキャリアアップを果たし、自分のアイデアを実現するために必要な影響力を得ることができるのです。

自分の居場所を見つける チームワークと相互作用が絶え間なく要求される仕事に惹かれる性格の人もいますが、アーキテクトは独立性のあるポジションを好む傾向があります。一人または少人数で仕事をすることで、好奇心旺盛な同僚や批判的な上司に常に邪魔されることなく、自分の創造性を最大限に発揮することができるのです。建築家は、何かをうまくやりたければ、自分でやるのが一番だと考えています。

この性格の人は自分自身にも他人にも、機知に富み、気骨があり、洞察力に富み、献身的であることを評価します。 その反面、実力よりも人脈や縁故で出世する人を尊敬することはありません。彼らは、誰もが可能な限り高い水準で仕事を成し遂げるべきだと考えています。そのため、もし職場で社交的な人が自分の体重に見合うだけの成果を出さずにのんびりと過ごしていたら、アーキテクトは自分の工夫でその人を地に落とさなければならないと感じるかもしれませんし、比較対象として自分の実力を証明するために特に一生懸命働かなければならないと思うかもしれないのです。

より大きな挑戦 アーキテクトの性格は、進歩や進化を求め、新しいアイデアを探求するのが好きです。キャリアを重ねるにつれ、会社や組織の全体的な戦略に影響を与えることができるポジションに惹かれるようになるかもしれません。多くのアーキテクトは、プロジェクトマネージャー、システムエンジニア、マーケティング戦略家、システムアナリスト、経営コンサルタント、軍事戦略家など、目立たないながらも影響力のある役割を目指します。

このタイプの人は、大小さまざまな方法で革新や実験を行えるような職業に就くのが最も幸せである傾向があります。エンジニアリング、リサーチ、サイエンス、テクノロジーといった分野がアーキテクトの一般的な選択肢であることは、驚くことではありません。しかし、建築、作曲、ビデオゲームデザインなどのクリエイティブな分野でも、アーキテクトの革新的な才能を発揮することができます。また、物事の本質を見極めようとするアーキテクトの飽くなき探究心は、監査役、サイバーセキュリティの専門家、ビジネスアナリストなどのキャリアにつながることもあります。

アーキテクトは、合理的な分析と努力の積み重ねが成功の基盤であると考えます。 実は、アーキテクトは、その強みをあらゆる職務に応用することができます。例えば、小売業では、その飽くなき好奇心から、ある店頭ディスプレイと他のディスプレイのどちらがより効果的かを調査することができるかもしれません。営業や人事など、社会的な要素が強い職種は、一見すると合わないように思えますが、幸いなことに、アーキテクトは当たり前のことに目を向ける方法を知っています。

創造的で先見の明がある建築家は、自分のユニークな才能を活かせるキャリアを見つけたいと考えています。複雑な原理を明確で実行可能な戦略に変換する能力に匹敵する性格の持ち主は、ほとんどいないでしょう。アーキテクトは、仕事を通じて世界にどれだけのものを提供できるかを知っています。そして、どのようなポジションであっても、自分のスキル、知識、知性を十分に生かせるようにすることを優先しています。

[ariesjupiter]

Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

#mitski #astrology #astro blog #astroblr #astro community #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology notes #birth chart #natal chart #birth chart reading #natal chart reading #libra sun #capricorn moon #scorpio rising #celeb charts #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #working for the knife

[berrynarrybanana]

My Only Angel

A/N: A rewrite of one my favorite pieces that I’ve ever done. I added an entire extra part onto it and I hope that you all enjoy the new addition. 

Warnings: Smut, alcohol use, mentions of drug use, tiny bit of a daddy kink

Word Count: 5k+

I promise to edit this later, but for now, I am posting this as is! 

Masterlist 

The bass was shaking the sticky floor of the club, shooting straight up your spine as you swayed on your sore feet. It had been a long night and you were slowly starting to fade. The party was dwindling down, some of your friends trailing off to the bathroom to do lines before they moved onto the next party that would surely be held at someone’s flat. You were leaning heavily against Harry, his large (and deliciously warm) palm resting on your side as you sipped at the water in your hands. Your head found his shoulder almost an hour ago, the soft tendrils of his curls tickling your bare shoulders and collarbones as he chatted with one of your mutual friends. 

Harry had been trying to get away from the conversation for the last sixty minutes, squeezing your side sympathetically every time Nick brought up a new topic to chat about. It was only after someone pulled Nick’s attention away that you were able to escape from the elitist bar with Harry’s blazer draped over your shoulders. His fingers easily tangled with yours as he pushed the front door open, flashes greeting your heavy eyes aggressively. You knew the drill better than you knew most of the people Harry considered friends. Keep your head down, eyes on your feet, let Harry lead the way, and don’t talk. It wasn’t hard to do in theory, but in practice it proved to be a little bit harder than it sounded.

Harry shut the door behind you, jumping as a pap started to smack the glass. Harry’s driver, Benny, was quick to step on the gas at Harry’s command. Harry’s right hand slipped over your knee as the fingers on his left hand started to toy with his bottom lip nervously. You gave him a soft, reassuring smile when he looked in your direction with concerned eyes. He let out a shuddery sigh of relief before leaning over to kiss your forehead. You tucked yourself into his side once more, letting your eyes drift shut as Harry pulled out his phone. 

When you finally made it into his newly renovated home, you let out a content sigh. Lifting one leg at a time, you pulled at the straps of your heels until they fell in a heap by the front door. It wasn’t like you wouldn’t pick them up later and pack them away again. You were only here for a few days before you traveled off to another destination for work. As much as you hated it at times, you owed your demanding and stressful career for giving you Harry. Without a work trip to Amsterdam, you wouldn’t be sitting on his kitchen island while he kissed your lips. 

“Missed you.” He brushed his nose against yours as you let out a soft hum, your chapped lips curving into a smile. “How long ‘ave we got?”

“Four days.” You brushed your fingers against the crisp, white fabric of his button up. “But I don’t intend on leaving this house for anything.”

“S’that so?” He chuckled, ducking his head down bashfully. “Not even to visit Mum for a night?”

“Doesn’t sound half bad, I have to admit.” Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer as you peppered kisses over his forehead. “I do miss her sangria.”

“I’ll let her know to make a batch.”

Your head tilted back, a breathy sigh of pleasure escaping from your lips as he sponged kisses over your collarbone. You felt it in your core first, the soft aching reminding you that it had been a while since you’d last been with Harry. If you remembered correctly, it had been at least six months since you’d last had him in a tiny Paris hotel room. It had been six months since you’d felt him, really felt him give it to you like you needed. Just as your fingernails dug into his broad shoulders, the doorbell rang out loudly. It made you jump, causing Harry to laugh into your neck before he pulled away. 

“Ordered us some food.” He pressed a fleeting kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I’ll be right back, angel.”

You watched him walk away with a pout on your lips and an unsatisfied throbbing between your legs. Had he been quick enough, he could have had you on the countertop before the food arrived. A quickie was better than nothing, and right now that’s what you had - nothing. Impatiently you waited for Harry’s return, gripping the edge of the counter with puffed out cheeks as your feet swung back and forth. Your heels tapped against the sleek cabinets softly as you looked over his kitchen, The remodel was finally done and you were so proud of what Harry had done with his London home. It was undeniably him, from the cabinets to the paint in his bedroom. A smile graced your lips when you noticed a picture of you and Harry hung in a cluster of photos on the wall. 

You were sandwiched between a picture of Harry with the band, and a picture of Gemma and Harry on the beach. You were so enamored with the pictures on his wall that you almost didn’t notice him walking back into the kitchen. Without the light flipping on suddenly, you probably wouldn’t have noticed him. A groan left your lips at the sudden brightness, and a chuckle left his at the sound of your annoyed noise. He set the takeout bag on his countertop before turning towards the cabinets opposite of where you sat. Two plates later and Harry was by your side, scooping chips onto your plate with his nimble fingers. He handed you the white, ceramic plate with a quick peck before he turned back to make his own plate up. 

“Sir,” You hummed out, popping a chip into your mouth, “Where is my malt vinegar and tomato sauce.”

“It’s comin’, angel.” He snorted, shaking his head before he lifted his thumb to his mouth. 

Your face paled and your lips parted as you watched him suck the salt off the tip of his finger absentmindedly. He turned around on socked heels, moving towards the brand new fridge to retrieve the condiments you requested. He held the bottles between his fingers, reaching out for his plate with one hand before he nodded towards the doorway of his kitchen. 

“Let’s take this upstairs and get comfortable.” He suggested. “I’m dying to get out of these bloody jeans.”

“They keep getting tighter and tighter, don’t they.” Your eyebrows moved in a suggestive manner as Harry rolled his eyes, turning his back towards you as you hopped from the countertop. “I do have to say I’m enjoying it.”

“You already know how big my dick is, there’s not really much left for you to imagine.” He snorted out a laugh as you both walked down the hallway, towards the staircase. 

“Your bum looks really fucking good in them though.” With a soft pinch to his rounded cheek, you proved your point.

“Oi!” Harry jumped, shooting a playful glare over his shoulders. “Keep your hands to yourself, missus. I don’t need my house smelling like malt vinegar because your grabby hands made me drop the bottle.” 

“You love my grabby hands.” You giggled as you followed him up the staircase. “Have I told you that I love the remodel yet?”

“Mentioned it once or twice.” He chuckled lowly. “Thank you for all of your very strong opinions on the color palette, by the way.”

“You’re very welcome.” You hummed out, reaching for a chip as you cleared the last few steps of the staircase. “I think it looks really nice.”

“I really like the darker tones that you picked.” He pushed his bedroom door open with his elbow, revealing the emerald, burnt orange, and blush tones of his bedroom. “I especially love your idea for the bedroom.”

“It’s almost as if people pay me to write about this kind of stuff.” You snorted, setting your plate down on the side of his bed that you claimed over a year ago. “Wild.”

“Piss off.” He rolled his eyes, setting his own plate on the velvet comforter. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I’ll bring you something comfy to change into.”

“Mkay.” You effortlessly lifted the hem of your little black dress over your head, dropping the garment to the floor before you slid under the emerald sheets. 

The rich, jewel tones combined with the blush and light tan created the perfect seventies rockstar vibe. The shapes and artwork on his wall brought pieces of his favorite time period to his everyday life, fueling his inspiration as continued to embark on his musical journey. After Harry returned, already dressed in his pajamas, you took the vintage band shirt he offered with a smile. You slipped it over your body as he climbed in bed next to you. The two of you settled into a comfortable silence, eating your late night fish and chips with content hums and greasy fingers. You felt your head start to come down from the high the tequila brought you, the dizzy cloud hanging over your head drifting away with each bite you took. When you were finished with your food, Harry disappeared with your dirty plates before returning with two large glasses of water. He turned the lights off in the bedroom, handing you a glass with firm instruction. 

“Drink up.” He started to sip at his own water as you rolled your eyes, tipping the glass back like you were asked. 

When your water was downed and you were finally laying down next to Harry, you reached up to brush your knuckles over his cheek with a sleepy smile. 

“Hi.” You whispered. 

“Hello, lovely.” He turned his head, kissing your wrist softly. “I’m glad to have you back for a while. It’s been far too long since we’ve caught up.”

“I know.” Your hips wiggled until you were nearly flush with Harry’s front, your legs slotted between his as your hand brushed over his side. “I missed you.”

“I missed you.” He mumbled against your forehead. “Don’t leave me for so long again.”

“If I recall, you left me in Los Angeles.” With a tilt of your head, you capture his lips with your own in a tender and slow kiss. 

Everything was innocent until your hand slipped between your bodies, subtly palming his cock through the plaid of his pajama pants. Harry gasped when you bit down on his lower lip, palming him with a little more enthusiasm than before. It didn’t take long for Harry to have you on your back, his hips pressing yours into the mattress with little rolls and grinds. Desperate hands pushed under soft shirts, grasping at clammy skin as Harry started to kick the duvet towards the end of the bed. When his lips started to trail over your jaw, and down your neck, you started to lose the patience you had stored up. 

You didn’t want to wait any longer. 

Impatiently, you tugged at Harry’s shirt until it was over his head and on the floor alongside your dress. Your shirt was the next to go, falling in a heap with the other fabric as Harry sponged kisses over the swell of your breast. 

“Harry,” You gasped as his tongue swirled over your nipple. “Please, baby.”

“M’getting there.” His voice was low and hoarse as he moved to your other breast “Let me take my time, angel.”

“Please, Harry.” Your fingers scratched lightly against his back as your hips lifted up. “I can’t wait.”

He lifted his head from the crook of your neck, looking down at your face with a smug grin. 

“You need it that bad, angel?” Sparse kisses were left over your warm cheek as Harry waited for your answer. “Need to hear you say it.”

“I need you.” You whispered. “I need you to fuck me.”

“There’s my good girl.” 

His lips pressed into yours hungrily as your hands pushed his pajama pants down. 

You gripped his bum, making sure to dig your nails into the sensitive skin softly. Your giggle was drowned out by the groan that vibrated against your lips. He didn’t stop though, his tongue slipping over yours as he pushed your panties to the side. Your hand worked over his cock in long, slow pumps as he panted against your lips. Soon, he was the one who was desperate to be inside of you. His hips were rutting into your hand, the leaking tip of his cock bumping against your soft thigh as you continued to tease him. 

“Thought you needed me.” He let out a breathy chuckle, glancing between your naked bodies to watch your hand stroking over his cock. “Let me in, angel.”

“I’m having fun.” You whispered, adjusting your head on the mound of soft pillow behind you as Harry looked into your eyes. 

“I’m not.” He grumbled. “Promise to make it so good for you, angel.” 

“I know it’ll be good.” You lifted your chin, puckering your lips out. “Kiss me.”

When his lips met yours, you guided the head of his cock towards your entrance. 

It took him no time at all to sink into your velvety walls. 

When you initiated this, you assumed the movements between you would be fast and desperate. You were both tired and sobering up, the clock reading well past three a.m. on Harry’s bedside table. In theory, you should be trying your best to rub one out before passing out in a heap in the middle of the bed. But Harry refused to let your first time after six months apart be rushed and desperate. His thrusts were planned and deliberate, sharp and precise as he hovered over your body with hungry eyes and a clenched jaw. His curls brushed against your neck and your chest, causing you to giggle and shrink away from time to time. 

“I swear to fuck I’ve never felt anything so heavenly.” Harry gasped against your cheek before his head tilted down. He watched his cock, coated in your combined arousal, plunging in and out of your needy walls. “So tight and wet fo’ me, aren’t you angel.”

“Yes.” Your fingernails dug into the slick skin of his sides, searching for something to keep you anchored to this earth. “I’m close.”

“Can feel it.” He nipped at your bottom lip. “Squeezing me so tight.”

“Are you close?” A whimper followed your question, the head of Harry’s cock nudging the perfect spot in your walls. “Fuck, H.”

“Yeah, angel, I’m right there.” Nimble and calloused fingers started to circle your clit, moving in the direction that never failed to push you over the edge. “Cum fo’ me, love. Cum on your favorite cock.”

Your lips parted, breath catching in your throat as you clenched your eyes shut. 

The tight knot in your lower belly exploded, causing your toes to curl into the sheets and your hips to lift off the bed. Soon, they were pushed right back down as Harry grunted into your collarbone, his hips pushing forward as his cum coated your walls. The skin of his chest against yours was tacky and warm, sweat shared between you both as his arms wrapped around your torso to keep you close as your walls milked his cock.

When all was said and done, you were sprawled over Harry’s chest. 

Your fingers trailed over his butterfly tattoo as you tried to keep the blissful smile from your lips. 

“I love you.” Harry’s nose nuzzled into the hair at the top of your head, his words causing your finger - and your steady breathing- to stop. “I love you so fucking much and I’m tired of pretending that I don’t. I’m tired of going to these parties and spending our nights out with those people. I’m tired of acting like this is just something we do when we’re bored of everyone else, Y/N. I love you and I need to know if you feel the same way.”

Your eyes watered, a happy emotion bubbling up in your chest as you tried to process his words. 

Harry loved you. 

Harry loved you. 

Harry loved you.

“You were never just something to pass the time when I was bored.” You croaked out, lifting your head up as a few tears fell onto his chest. “I’ve always loved you, Harry, and I don’t ever want to let you go.”

“M’yours if you’ll have me.” His voice was gruff as he lifted a hand, brushing his thumb over your soft cheek to catch your tears. “I promise.”

“If you’re mine, them I’m yours.” You pushed forward, connecting your lips. “S’about time you made a move. You’ve been calling me missus for years.”

You snuggled back into Harry’s chest as he let out a tired chuckle. 

“Always knew you’d be my missus one day.” He mumbled. “Gonna keep you around forever, angel.”

                                                     🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

You had the string of the tea bag twirled around your forefinger.

Slowly, you dipped it into the mug of steaming water, humming along to the record you put on Harry’s vinyl player in the corner of his kitchen. Even after your very late, and very active night, you couldn’t find it in yourself to stay in bed past seven, no matter how hard you tried. That was something you had in common with Harry. You were both early risers, your natural body clocks pulling you out of slumber as the sun started to rise in the sky. 

After laying in bed for an hour with open eyes and a silly smile, replaying Harry’s words from the night before, you decided to stumble out of bed for a cup of tea. You slipped Harry’s discarded pajama pants, pulling the red and black checked flannel up your legs and over your hips before you grabbed his shirt. It was one of your favorite shirts he owned and you knew that he would have some choice words to share with you when he saw the fabric hanging off your frame. 

You set Harry’s mug aside as your tea steeped, leaving the bag in his mug without any added water. If you were going to get some work done while you could, you didn’t want his tea to go cold on the counter. Blowing the steaming liquid in your mug gently, you turned towards your laptop on the kitchen island, pressing your hip against the edge of the granite countertop. Your mug found it’s home by your left hand as you powered up your laptop. 

Harry liked to joke that you were a workaholic and that you needed to learn about work life balance, but you would always snort at his words and roll your eyes. He knew he was being hypocritical, but he loved getting a rise out of you from time to time. If you were being honest, you loved letting him do it. When your laptop was on, you started to move the wireless mouse around the granite countertop, squinting your eyes at the picture your editor sent you. As you lifted your mug of tea to your lips, you heard the shuffling of socked feet against the hallway floors. A happy smile pulled at the corner of your lips when Harry’s lips pressed into the back of your head, his fingers curling around your shoulder to stable himself as you put your tea down. 

“Woke up this mornin’ and I couldn’t find my pajamas.” His voice was still thick with sleep, his words cracking on every other syllable. “But I guess I’ve found the culprit.”

“Guess so.” You chuckled softly, tilting your head back as you lifted your hand to squeeze his fingers that rested against your shoulder. “Kettle is still hot.”

“You mean to tell me-” His arms were quick to slip around your body, pulling you close as he whispered in your ear. “You stole my pajamas, left me in bed all alone, and now you’re not even gonna fix me a bloody cup of tea? How positively rude of you, my love.”

“Harry!” You giggled and squirmed as he began to nip playfully at the skin of your neck. 

“What love?” He teased, squeezing you hard as he moved you back from the counter. “Can’t handle a bit of scruffy kisses.”

“More like toothy kisses!” You squealed as he lifted you a little, your toes brushing against the hardwood floors. “You’ve got no scruff!”

“Take tha’ back!” He laughed loudly, his arms loosening around you before he flipped you around. You were facing him now, his sleepy smile creating little wrinkles around the corners of his eyes, and his lips raspberry red. You glanced down quickly to see him in only his boxer briefs, his tattoos on full display. “Take it back right now.”

“No,” You giggled before pressing your lips together, shaking your head defiantly.

“Take. It. Back,” He said slowly, backing you towards the counter with a sinister smirk on his lips. You shook your head again and he returned the gesture with a soft chuckle. “You’re a brat.”

“I am not.” You smirked. “I’m an angel.”

“An angel?” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re a little devil, that’s what you are.”

You tossed your arms around his neck, gripping his hair as he ducked his head to your neck again, nipping at your skin as your back hit the counter. “Harry,” You said in a soft warning.

“What?” He mumbled into your skin. “Can’t take it?”

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” You whispered, rolling your lips in after you’d said it. He lifted his head, his eyes narrowed playfully.

“You think I won’t finish this?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “You think I won’t take you right here?”

“I know you won’t,” You taunted him, biting your lower lip. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, but I would,” He chuckled, his fingers already digging into the band of his own pants on your hips. He snapped the band softly before leaning in to brush his lips against yours. “Turn round love.”

“Make me,” You whispered, quirking your brow up with a smirk of your own.

Harry laughed softly before spinning you around.

Your hands slapped down on the countertop, steadying you as your knees began to quake ever so slightly in anticipation. He quickly pulled your pants down, your panties sliding with them as he kissed over your t-shirt covered shoulder. Your lower belly clenched from the swift movement and you nearly moaned out as his hand gripped your bare bottom, squeezing softly as he sighed out. With a pained moaned, Harry’s thumbs spread you apart, baring you for his hungry eyes to feast upon. The cool air has you clenching, your eyes fluttering shut as you inhaled. 

Soon, his fingers skimmed around your hip to part your clenched thighs, slipping between your legs in a teasing manner. He brushed the tops of your right thigh with his nails in a light scratch as he pushed your hair aside with his free hand, kissing over the back of your neck. You were practically thrumming now. You didn’t know you were ready for him until he’d started teasing you so charmingly. That man could make you wet within seconds just with a look.

“Do you want it like my shirt says love?” He whispered in your ear, causing the hair on the back of your neck to stand up. 

You were confused for a moment as he pushed your feet aside with his own, spreading you a little more as his right hand pulled your hips back towards his, his left hand pushing your lower back until you were in place with your ass up and your knees knocked to the countertop. You felt so vulnerable and open, the cool morning air brushing past your soaked lips as Harry put you into the perfect position. You gasped when you finally felt him, the leaking tip of his cock brushing over your ass before he moved it between your legs. He brushed his tip over your lips, the sound shooting straight to your core as you wiggled your ass just a little for him in the form of a desperate plea.  

“Yeah, my angel wants it hot n’ hard this morning.” A devilish chuckle caused you to whimper before your teeth sunk into your lower lip. “Isn’t that right?

“Fuck, Harry.” You keened out as Harry sunk into your waiting walls, bottoming out swiftly. 

“You didn’t answer my question, angel.” He tutted, settling his hands on your hips as you felt your walls flutter around his shaft. “Tell me how you want it.”

“I want it,” You gasped out, nodding your head. “I want it just like that, Harry. Please fuck me like your shirt says, please.”

“See,” He grunted, pulling back out to the tip before pushing in again quickly, knocking your hips forward. “You’re no angel.”

“I am,” You whimpered  as he started his rhythm, desperate whines pulling from your lips as he continued his torturously slow thrusts. “M’an angel, H. I’m your angel.”

“Prove it love.” He gritted out between clenched teeth as you clenched around him. “Be good for me, my love. Be the sweet angel that I know you are.”

“I’m your angel, I- I promise,” You cried out as his hips started to pick up speed. He still pulled out, holding his tip in your entrance for a moment before slamming back in, but it was quicker and a little sloppier than before. You could tell that he was close. “Harry fuck, please.”

“Please, what?” He gasped, pressing his chest into your back as his right hand slipped up to fondle your breast, his left hand sliding down to your clit. “You want me to make you cum?”

“Oh,” You cried out as he started to roll his hips, his thrusts deeper with the new angle he was fucking you at. “Yes, please make me cum around your cock. Please make me cum, daddy.” 

“Such dirty words from such a pretty mouth.” His breath was hot against your ear for just a second, his hips knocking yours flush against the countertop with harsh thrusts. “Thought you were my angel?”

“I am!” You cried out as he lifted his chest slightly, his right hand gripping your hip tightly as he held you in place. “M’your angel.”

“Not with a dirty mouth like that,” He chuckled darkly as your torso fell to the countertop. “My beautiful girl, you want so bad to be good for me don’t you? You want to make daddy proud, don’t you?”

You nodded eagerly as he grunted, dropping his forehead to your shoulder with a low curse.

“Then cum for me,” He growled out the order, moving his fingers faster against your clit. “Cum.”

By some miracle, his command had your body slipping over the edge just moments later. Maybe it was the sound of your hips smacking together in a place that wasn’t meant for sex. Or maybe it was the grip he had on your hip, holding you in place while he fucked into you without mercy. Or maybe it was just your body wanting to prove that you were his obedient little angel. It was like you belonged to him in the sweetest and most sensual way. 

Your ograsm hit you like an earthquake, causing you to toss your head back as your knees turned to jello. He stilled inside of you, crying out as he fell into you, pressing you harder into the countertop so that you both had some sort of support as he released himself inside of you just like he did last night. Nothing felt better than going bare with him, nothing felt better than him cumming deep inside of you this way, claiming you as his own in some sort of primal way. 

“Fuck,” You cried out, your voice hoarse and your throat dry. “Just wanted a bloody cup of tea you animal.”

“This was all you,” He snorted out a laugh, kissing your shoulder repeatedly as he slowly slipped out of you, trying not to hiss as the chilly morning air hit his softening cock. “You taunted me.”

“You were being mean to me,” You pouted, turning around slowly to look up at him. “Called me a brat and everything.”

“You know you’re my angel.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “You always will be.”

“Thank you,” You hummed softly as he gripped your hips and pulled you closer for a deep kiss before peppering his lips over your cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” He mumbled into your lips, smiling at the new sentiment that you now had the chance to share with each other. “But I am tired and I would like to spend the morning in bed with you.”

“I’ve got some work to do.” You whispered. “I’ll make you some tea and you can snuggle up on the couch?”

“S’not the same.” He pouted, whining softly. “I want you next to me, my love.”

“Fine, I’ll sit with you for a little bit.”

“Thank you,” He smiled happily. “Can you bring me cereal too?”

“Yes, master.” You snorted, rolling your eyes again. “Right after I finish cleaning myself up and putting my clothes back on.”

“I have an even better idea though,” He whispered lowly, brushing his nose against yours. “I take you upstairs and clean you up with my mouth and we don’t put clothes back on at all.”

“Fucking hell.” You whimpered as he dipped a hand down between your legs again, plunging his middle finger into your walls. “Harry, I’m-“

“Shh, let me clean you up,” He smirked, kissing the corner of your mouth. “Let me have a taste of us. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day after all, angel.”

#harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry smut #harry fluff #harry one shot #harry writing #harry fic #my writing

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

ayup, clanny! have you seen the AGOTI mod yet? if yes, can you do some headcanons or a scenario where the newly imprisoned AGOTI meets the unwilling warden of the void who’s been trying to escape for a few years (i think time moves faster in the void), so they team up to get out. When Cherry and Keith show up, Cherry actually recognizes the warden as the crazy talented old producer for her and Tabi before they mysteriously disappeared, and they all end up escaping and the warden becomes AGOTI’s new producer. -🎋🦊

Ooooh nice idea! I love the mod so yes ......

"Ugh..stupid-ass demon scumbags!" Agoti stormed around the Void in anger, jumping from one floating rock to the next. "They couldn't handle me taking the spotlight?! What kinda bullshit is that?!!"

"Hey buddy, you might wanna chill out-"

"SHUT UP, ASSHOLE!!" Spinning around, the tendrils of his hair lashed out at the other person who spoke.

But he was surprised when you dodged the attack. With little effort you grabbed his hair and flipped him over, sending him crashing to the ground. He groaned in pain and opened his eyes, shocked to see the electrified prong aimed at his chest.

Though he also saw you were covered in armor, sporting a symbol of some kind on your chestplate. "I'm giving you one more chance to calm down." You warned. "I really don't like hurting people."

"Yeah? Well you really kicked the shit outta me just now.." Agoti hissed, but ultimately decided to give in. "Fine. I'm cool. Can ya point that thing somewhere else?"

You nodded and held your spear back to your side, while he got up and dusted himself off. "Who are you anyway?"

"The Warden of the Void. I assume you're that hotheaded "A Guy On The In-""

"Just call me Agoti. It's less of a mouthful." He put his hands on his hips, looking around at the white sky. "So you're the warden of this place? This goddamn prison that I shouldn't even be in.."

"I heard a lot of folks say that but..I'm inclined to agree with you."

He did a double-take. "Wait, really?"

"According to this log.." Waving your hand, you brought up a hologram that displayed his profile. "You're here for...outshining every singer in your town and threatening the careers of two famous rockstars?"

"...what the fuck..so they weren't bullshitting?"

"No. To be sent here because of that is an unusual punishment."

"So you can't enter a plea deal or whatever? Make those jerks come in here instead?"

"Unfortunately I can't." You made the hologram disappear. "In a way I was wrongfully imprisoned, too."

Agoti seemed baffled, so you explained how you were sent here ages ago. You've forgotten what you previously did, but one day you were just randomly given the duties of the Void's warden. Anything you needed to subdue and process prisoners was granted to you--but you could never leave even if your sentence was finished.

You've sought out ways of escaping for years...without much success. But you didn't wanna get caught, and until Agoti came here, you had no actual incentive to leave.

Once you finished your story, the screen demon hummed in thought. "So..you want out, I want out. I bet we can make something happen." With a toothy grin, he offered his hand to you. "How 'bout you show me the ropes and I'll help you find an escape? Deal?"

"It could take us a long time to figure that out." You hesitated. "You should be aware that time moves exceptionally fast in this dimension. Minutes out there are like hours in here-"

"So what? Better to start finding a way out now than later. C'mon.." Agoti was growing impatient, but fortunately he managed to get through to you, as you shook his hand.

"Alright, Agoti. It's a deal." You smiled.

...........

Neither you or Agoti knew how long it's been since you made that deal to help each other escape.

But finally, you figured it out. The solution was right there in front of you all along:

A singing battle

Singing was the key to escaping this place. With the combined soundwaves of two singers, a portal to the real world could be produced.

Now the only problem was...you were never really a singer, and Agoti was. So it wouldn't be a fair match that can create a strong-enough portal.

"You're tellin' me there ain't another goddamn singer here?!!" He fumed one day as you regrettably told him no other prisoner was proficient in music. "Great..juuuuuust GREAT!! We spent all this time and got nothing out of-!"

"Wait, what's that?"

Agoti looked to where you were pointing, seeing a portal opening up in the sky, before two figures fell out of it: a boy with blue hair and a girl in a red dress.

They crash landed onto the platform you and Agoti were on, miraculously suffering no injuries of any kind.

"Huh..this is new.." He remarked as he approached the couple.

The blue-haired boy made a beeping noise, standing up and rubbing his head. You noticed the microphone in his hands, but more notably..you recognized the girl who was with him.

"My apologies but..have we met?"

"Hm?" The brunette looked up at you, surprised, though you could see her eyes flash with recognition. "Are you...[y/n]?"

"[Y/n]? You two know each other?" Agoti quirked an eyebrow, bewildered. He hadn't known your actual name until now.

"Yeah, a long time ago I was her music producer. But last time I saw her she was with someone else." You mused, trying to remember who her last boyfriend was. "It was.....Tabi wasn't it, Charlotte?"

"Woah woah...Tabi dated her?!! No way. He never told me about that!"

"Yeah um..we were together for a while," Charlotte awkwardly chuckled. "But....I-I'd rather not talk about it. I just have a new boyfriend now. He's Keith." She gestured to the blue-haired guy.

"Yeah! And..uh...skee deh beh doo bop!" Keith pointed at Agoti, who looked offended by whatever he said.

But he went back to snarling at the pair, manifesting a microphone out of thin air as he stepped closer. "Another singer, huh? Well I hope you have better insults than that! Because we're all gonna be here a while....a very long one."

Knowing what was about to happen, you decided to stand by them and make sure nobody else interrupted, while Charlotte hopped onto a nearby floating rock.

And so you watched Agoti and Keith have a rap battle, in which your friend kept losing again and again. You did try to warn him not to lose his temper, as this could be the only chance of you two escaping this prison.

But his frustration and impatience got the better of him, as by the third round he turned the platform into a giant speaker and sent it flying into the air. Poor Charlotte was clinging onto the rock for dear life, but you caught her and tried to keep steady as the platform swayed.

"Well..so much for "staying calm"." You sighed as Agoti shouted at his rival, berating him for "insulting him", before the two had one final showdown.

Although he lost yet again, their combined efforts managed to breach a portal into the dimension, and you all escaped through it.

Finally..you and Agoti were free from this hell.

~Epilogue~

In the weeks following the events in the Void, you've decided to become Agoti's new music producer once his career started back up. Thanks to your talent, the fans returned in no time at all.

The main issue was him previously making a competition out of singing, so he decided to perform his music locally and lose the ego...just a little bit of it.

Meanwhile Solazar, his friend and manager, was concerned about Charlotte and her ties to the family that trapped you to begin with.

Though the two of you just brushed that aside for the time being, wanting a chance to experience the real world again.

It was good to be back.

#clanask #bamboo fox anon #fnf x reader #friday night funkin x reader #fnf agoti x reader #agoti x reader

[pink-flame]

Juke Bodyguard AU Pt.3

Here it is! The third and final part of the Juke Bodyguard AU inspired by your requests from the trope game. I reserve the right to do a standalone in this universe at some point but this wraps things up nicely for now. Enjoy! 

Part 1

Part 2

Bodyguard AU + Love Confessor (Character A confessing their love for Character B to Character C)  

Julie was used to change.

Bad change like when her mom got sick and she had to learn who she was when she couldn’t see it reflected back at her through her mother’s eyes. Bad change like when music felt like a stranger and everything she had ever wanted seemed suddenly pointless.

Good change like when she found her way back to it with a vengeance, Alex and her dad and Reggie and Carlos and Flynn refusing to give up until she started chasing her dream again. Good change like when against all odds those dreams actually started coming true, the record deal, and the hit albums and now her first national tour, a new city every night.

What she wasn’t used to was waiting for a change that didn’t seem to be coming.

She had been so sure after what she now internally referred to as “the flu incident” that things between her and Luke would change. That their vaguely flirty dynamic would transition naturally into more flu incident level expressions of affection and then a love confession, marriage and 2-3 obnoxiously good looking babies. Not right away on those last two or anything but still.

And yet here they were, three months and 24 shows later, and they were right back in vaguely flirty territory. Only she was finding it harder and harder to flirt back now that the realization that flirting was all it might ever be started to sink in.

And maybe that was the way it was supposed to be.

After all, he was her bodyguard. She was technically his boss.

She was a strong, independent woman with a thriving music career. She didn’t need some floppy haired boy to complete her life.

Didn’t stop her from wanting him though.

She didn’t bother to go to Alex for advice since he was firmly on what he had taken to calling “Team Juke”. Reggie wasn’t much better, asking her if Luke was there every time she called and never believing her when she told him she was alone. So she did what she always did when she needed someone to tell her the harsh truth.

She called Flynn.

“Look, girl, I haven’t met him but I’ve seen him on tv hovering behind you so I get it. He’s so your type. But he’s not real. He’s a fantasy you can get invested in because you know nothing will ever come of it.”

“It could,” She grumbled into the phone.

“Are you planning on confessing that you’re madly in love with him any time soon?” Flynn countered pointedly.

“I can’t,” Julie answered quickly. “Not when it’s so obvious he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Then he’ll always be a fantasy. He’s like air.”

Julie sighed.

“Cute air.”

“You wouldn’t have called me if you weren’t tired of feeling like this,” Flynn insisted. “I’m not going to let you get your heartbroken. And right now you’re on tour with Luke. So the key is avoiding those big, beautiful, dangerous eyes.”

And as much as the idea of avoiding Luke, eyes and all, seemed ridiculous when he was literally paid to follow her around, she knew she had to give it a try.

Because Flynn was right.

If she couldn’t have him then she couldn’t let him consume her life.

She was sure she would get a great song out of the situation one day but for now she just needed to pull back a little until she could see him as just a coworker she was friendly with. She could do that. Right? Of course she could. She was Julie Molina.

Only it was easier said than done.

Because Luke did not seem to take the hint.

She came stumbling off the stage after a particularly epic encore, vision blurry from the blinding lights, every muscle weak from hours of exertion, yet feeling incredible. At least she was feeling incredible until she tripped over her own unstable feet and Luke was right there, like he always was, to catch her. His hands latched onto her forearms gently, steadying her even as he grinned directly and dangerously into her eyes.

“You ok there, Boss?”

Julie managed a nod, the pounding of her heart combined with the still echoing roar of the crowd leaving his voice sounding far away and yet annoyingly clear.

“They were loving you out there,” He told her in that specific, Luke way. “You were amazing, Jules. Insane, spectacular, rad!”

This guy and his insistence on using slang from two decades ago. She definitely didn’t find that endearing.

She had to stick to the plan.

Julie ducked her head and pushed back from his grip gently at the same time.

“Thanks.”

She glanced up just long enough to see a confused and slightly hurt look on his face before she pushed past him and headed towards the green room, Alex falling into step next to her.

“Are we going to talk about why you just kicked that helpless puppy over there?” Alex asked.

Julie punched him in the arm.

“Keep your voice down, he’s right behind us! And that helpless puppy is literally the very capable bodyguard tasked with keeping me alive, so.”

“So you admit you kicked him,” Alex responded in a completely unhelpful manner.

“Ugh, shut up,” Julie groaned, glancing back and catching Luke’s eager eyes for a split second before quickly facing forward again. “I have a plan.”

“Flynn has a plan,” Alex corrected. “A stupid plan that she never would have suggested if she had seen for herself how crazy he is about you.”

“Has he said that?” She turned her head towards her best friend sharply.

Alex tilted his head.

“Not in so many words but Julie…”

“Then we stick to the plan.” She interrupted determinedly.

Alex sighed.

“Idiots, I’m surrounded by idiots.”

A couple of weeks later, Julie was starting to think he was right.

She had been doing her best to keep her relationship with Luke strictly business and it was somehow more exhausting than the two shows a week and all the time spent trying to sleep in a tour bus cot. She pretended to be busy when he offered to work on a song. She said she was tired when he tried to get her to join him for a beer with the roadies. She pretended she didn’t see him trying to catch her eye during the thousand little moments during the day when she had grown used to making eye contact with him to laugh at something Alex had said or roll their eyes when her manager tried to talk her into something completely dumb.

It was exhausting.

And the thing was it wasn’t even working.

Because every sad, kicked puppy look (as Alex called it) he gave her only left her more distracted and in more emotional turmoil. Part of her was a little mad at him. How dare he look so hurt that she wasn’t playing their usual game when he clearly didn’t want anything more? She wasn’t just a convenient outlet for his excessive flirting energy. But mostly she was just mad at herself for thinking that this ludicrous plan could ever work.

She had thought he was trouble since the moment she met him.

And she was definitely in trouble now.

It was the night of the last show of the tour and they were back in LA to finish things off. Flynn was too sick to come (ironically she thought she had the flu) but Julie’s family were out there in the VIP section. Even Reggie had come down from San Francisco to catch the show.

Julie was feeling oddly nervous for some reason. She had grown up dreaming of playing the Orpheum. It was the smallest venue she was playing on the whole tour, her manager had tried to talk her out of it, but she had insisted it was the Orpheum or nothing. Reggie and Alex had taken her to so many shows there when she was a teenager, it’s where she had discovered rock. Somehow even after everything she knew it wouldn’t fully feel like she’d achieved her dreams until she played there. It was time. Only she had finally made it there and she felt like she was going to throw up.

She wanted desperately to seek Luke out so he could tell some dumb joke to distract her or give her one of his borderline too intense pep talks. But she wasn’t doing that anymore. In fact she had insisted he go take his break now before the show, promising not to leave her green room just to keep herself from giving in to the urge.

“You doing alright there, Jules? You look kind of green.”

Julie spun on her heels and barreled directly into her big brother’s arms.

“Oof!” He huffed as she knocked the air from his lungs, his arms still coming up to wrap around her despite his shock. “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” She told him, her voice muffled as she buried her face against his chest. “It’s just that it’s the Orpheum and you know what that means to me, and the whole family is here to see me play and I’m so nervous and I’m missing Mom and I’m totally in love with my dumb bodyguard.”

Reggie pushed her back by the shoulders until he could see her blotchy face.

He reached up to ruffle her hair affectionately.

“First of all, Flynn and I totally called it,” He said with a smirk. “And Alex swears the two of you have taken ten years off of his life with your stupidity.”

“Alex talks too much,” Julie grumbled. “And Flynn is the one who told me to stay away from his annoyingly pretty eyes to begin with.”

“That’s only because she wants you to be happy. So do I by the way. And this?” He waved his hand to indicate her current state. “I hate to break it to you, Jules, but this isn’t happy.”

Julie sighed as her shoulders sagged and all of the fight went out of her at once.

“I know,” She said defeatedly. “But what am I supposed to do? I can’t force my feelings on the guy especially when I’m his boss. That’s creepy on top of being pathetic.”

“Funny,” Alex broke in from the doorway. “That’s exactly what he just said to me.”

Julie just gaped at him for a few long seconds while Reggie and Alex exchanged amused yet exasperated looks.

“Wait...what did he say exactly?” Julie finally managed to get out.

Alex rolled his eyes.

“Oh you know, ‘What did I do? Why is Julie mad at me? I’m so in love with her do you think she figured it out? Did I come off as a creep? Do you think she’ll have my babies?’”

Julie felt her mouth drop open.

“Dude!” Reggie protested.

“Ok, so the last part was more implied than said directly,” Alex admitted.

“But he said he loves me?” Julie asked hurriedly.

“Yeah,” Alex confirmed. “I’ve been telling you he does for months by the way, but nobody listens to me.”

Julie ignored her best friend’s statement and sprinted for the door.

“Where are you going?” Reggie called after her.

“You go on in ten!” Alex added frantically.

“I’ll make it!” She shouted back without slowing down.

She ran down the hallway, dodging makeup artists and promoters and so many people she’d wanted to impress just a few minutes before. There was only one person she wanted to see at that moment.

Julie kept going until she found the exit that led to the alley outside and burst through it. Luke felt caged in if he was inside for too long, something about living in a garage for a year as a teen. He stuck by her side and did his job perfectly but any chance he got she knew he could be found breathing in the fresh air and feeling like his lungs could fully expand. Sure enough, there he was, leaning against the probably filthy wall humming some song that she knew would be amazing if he ever really gave it life.

He stood straight and took two steps towards her as soon as she emerged from the door, a look of concern immediately taking over his features.

“Julie? What are you doing out here? You’re about to go on…”

She closed the distance between them and stopped just a half step closer than she normally would, her sudden proximity shutting him up for a moment.

She just looked up at him for a few seconds, just to enjoy it after weeks of denying herself. He broke the eye contact first, chuckling awkwardly as he looked down briefly.

“What?”

“Can you do me a favor?” She asked seriously.

He answered instantly.

“Anything, Julie, you know that.”

“Tell me what you just told Alex.”

His face drained of color, almost ghost like in appearance.

“He promised he wouldn’t say anything,” He mumbled.

Julie shrugged.

“He probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t walked in on me telling my brother pretty much the same thing.”

Luke’s eyes widened comically as he took in her words.

“You told your brother that I did something to make you hate me and that I don't know what it is and it’s eating me up inside?” He asked in confusion.

“I told him I love you,” She said bluntly, all the bravery she had inherited from her mom giving her the nerve. “And that I’ve been trying to distance myself from you because I didn’t think you felt the same.”

“That’s...that’s...Jules, that’s crazy!” He exclaimed, bouncing a little to emphasize his words. “I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you. Always have been.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked softly, managing to step even closer to him.

His eyes softened as he reached down to tuck one of her curls behind her ear.

“Because you’re my boss, and you’re totally out of my league. You’re this super talented, total force of nature. I mean you’re Julie Molina and I’m…”

“A big fan?” Julie interrupted, raising one eyebrow teasingly.

Luke froze.

“How did you…”

“I’ve been in your apartment, remember? When you had the flu I snooped a little. Sorry. The fact that you have my first album on vinyl is one thing but to have a cd of my first EP is really impressive. I didn’t know hard copies of that still existed…”

Like groaned.

“Ok, ok. You got me. I didn’t want you to think I was a pathetic fanboy, alright?”

Julie grinned.

“Isn’t that what you are?”

Luke smiled softly down at her, brushing the back of two fingers over her cheek.”

“Only for you, Boss.”

Julie instinctively stretched onto her toes, raising her face towards his, her eyes starting to flutter shut…

BANG

They sprang apart and spun to face Alex who had just emerged breathing heavily into the doorway behind them.

“You know no one is more Team Juke than I am but Julie you are going on in 2 minutes!”

“Oh crap,” Julie said. “I’m coming.”

Alex shot her a skeptical look.

Julie glared at him until he sighed and disappeared back inside.

“Team Juke?” Luke asked.

Julie giggled, already backing towards the door.

“Don’t ask. I’ve got to go but later we should talk about your future with the company.”

Luke’s eyebrows shot up.

“You’re firing me?”

Julie grinned.

“Well, I think we both might find your current duties a little too distracting. I think I need a stoic, middle aged man built like a linebacker. But we’ve been looking to hire a new songwriter to help me with the next album if you know anyone who might be interested.”

Luke grinned back.

“I might.”

He bit his lip and stared after her with those big, beautiful, dangerous eyes.

He was such trouble.

Julie ran back to him wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning up to a plant a quick kiss on his lips, pulling back before he could fully register what she was doing.

“Hold that thought,” She whispered with a smile before turning and running back through the door and towards the second dream come true of the night.

She was Julie Molina. She was about to play the Orpheum. She was in love with her bodyguard.

She was in trouble and she couldn’t be happier about it.

#trope prompt game #my fics #juke #jatp #fanfiction #writing

[jyunshiim]

Daisies & Clementine’s  *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷Han X Reader

Genre → fluff | friends to lovers | childhood friends to lovers |

Contains → fluff 

Listen to →  playlist I was inspired by

Word count → 7K (7749) 

TW → none

Summary: You and Jisung have been childhood companions for many years. Growing up was a breeze for you both, sharing a lot and being there for each other when each other were in need. Jisung asked you one day if you were allowed to spend a month holiday on Jeju Island with him and his family. A simple holiday, yet held great value.

The saying goes, that there is one person in the world that is meant for you: a soulmate. Although some soulmates aren’t so easy to find, hidden in the depths of the shadows of your life almost hidden until the last moments of your life. Unfortunately, it does happen but what is more common are soulmates that don’t even know it yet. Only until you feel like you’ve lost them or that they might not return what you have for them until something ever so specific happens.

***

The stars were glittering in the ebony abyss above you and your best friend Jisung. Jisung had always been your friend ever since that one time in school where you were mocked for not understanding a mathematics question and he helped you and became your tutor ever since. You weren’t the best with number and often struggled with understanding mathematical concepts but Jisung was there for you and took his precious time to study with you, day in day out. Without fail, his warm grin always consoled you as if he was indirectly telling you “it’s okay, I’m here for you”. You knew he’d be your home and your comfort even if you both went your separate ways and found love one day. You were both 16 at the time when he used to tutor you and by the time you both turned 18 and were making crucial life choices, you made choices you were 100% sure with. You didn’t want to leave Jisung behind and going to the same local university in your city was the only thing you could do to stay with him. Your parents didn’t like the idea of you pursuing a career in arts, particularly anything to do with literature and writing. It was deemed ‘useless’ in their eyes, so lacklustre of you. They were certain you weren’t getting anywhere with a degree in literature, but you loved writing; it was your form of expression. Jisung supported it all the way through. He chose to do music composition and production which he was outstanding at. You vividly remember during your summer break he wrote a song about the pair of you going to the convenience store and made it sound so mesmeric. Your best friend Jisung. What would you do without a friend like him?

***

The biting cold making icicles at the tip your fingertips, the tip of your nose as crimson as sweet cranberries, your knee bouncing up and down trying to warm you up. “what’s taking him so long?” you say to yourself as you stand up although during that moment, you see a chestnut brown-haired boy bolting down the streets, his fleece long jacket flailing in the polar winds, the hood of his hoodie falling off his head. Your face lights up – as always- when you saw his panicked face bolting through crowds of people who too were shopping. It was so endearing how he ran, a half jog half run. You laugh to yourself gripping the heat packs in your pocket until he arrived in front of you his hands, knuckles tinted light carmine, resting on your shoulders panting for breath.

“where were you?” your hands searching your pockets for the heat packs you had and holding it against his face, Jisung sniffling because of the cold weather. “I-I was trying…trying to buy something and the-” he struggles to speak as he holds his chest. “hey Jisung stop talking, let’s get you warm,” you hold his hand, a heat pack between your palm and his; fingers interlocking to keep it in place. It made him feel warm inside and out, a smile appearing on his face as he looked down, his brown wavy hair flopping down. The café had a homely feel, ever so reminiscent. You never knew why; possibly the rustic feel to it the lower ceilings and roof supports with warm fairy lights coiled around them. The counter was made out of a light wood, oak perhaps. You weren’t too keen on identifying trees. “You sit here okay, and I’ll be back with our drinks okay Han?” only you were allowed to call him by his surname although he claimed it as his nickname. He nodded, smiled sweetly and sat cosied up in an arm chair. “Do you want me to hold your bag for you?” he grabbed your arm before you left and you turned around. “oh yeah sure! That’d be great thank you,” you take your bag off your shoulder and he grabs the bag into hands and places it in his lap.

Jisung loved bitter coffee paired with a sweet dessert. The pure happiness he would endure simply from a strawberry cheesecake and any type of Americano coffee, hot or cold. It was different to you; you loved sweet drinks and savory-ish snacks (although a cheesecake was always so delightful when you were with Jisung). Jisung’s eye would sparkle, like he was holding the entire universe, whenever he saw something, he loved. Damn you for being so blind, his love for cheesecake was godly. Jisung warmed up, the condensation on the window making it fog up so he drew a smiley face. He was happy. You walk over with your tray and he immediately got up to take the tray out of your hands and place it down himself. “you never disappoint me,” he gasps at the creamy cake and the piping hot coffee. “I’m your best friend I will never forget until the day I die!” you pledge to him before sitting down giggling at his endearing reaction to such a simple food. You tear a bit of your croissant and place it in your mouth letting the subtle sweetness and savoury enthral you. The combination with your caramel macchiato, the combination of flavours combining and comforting you. Jisung introduced you to the caramel macchiato and croissant combination and ever since you got that every single time. “how are you feeling now Han?” you ask him, whilst leaning on your hand and tilting your head at him. He gazes into your eyes and smiles endearingly, “a lot better now, I was trying to get your birthday present, and I got held up! I am sorry about that,” he apologises. “what! You didn’t have to what the hell!” you lean over the table and slap his shoulder gently. “hey it is MY duty to take care of you until someone decides to sweep you off your feet,” he tuts, “they better treat your right!” he warns you for your future relationships. You nod and agree with what he says, “well my bestie Hannie will be there for me and likewise I will be there for you too!” you rub a tiny spec of cheesecake from the corner of his mouth, “a child, that’s what you are,” you joke with him.

You were disrupted by a strong gust of wind that collided with the glass where Jisung drew his smiley face and droplets of rain appears dragging down the window. The pattering of the raindrops where almost rhythmic, like the universe was performing for you. In fact, you loved the rain a lot that you wished to have your first kiss in the rain – it was cliché and cheesy – but Jisung always listened to your dreams and desires and what you wished for. The rain was comforting, like the clouds were telling you it was okay to be sad and to cry now and then. You were full of content in this given moment; a warm coffee between your palms, the icicles melting off and the colour in your frostbitten hands appearing. “do you want to try some?” Jisung scoops a spoonful of cheesecake and hovers over the table holding it in front of you. It was endearing, he always shared everything he had and of course you did the same. “of course?” you take the spoon from him and taste the cheesecake. The sweetness infiltrating your system as soon as it touched your tastebuds. “wow this place does really good cheesecakes, perhaps I’ll have to come here more often!” you smile at him. The bellicose rain thrashed against the window now, the winds were stronger, but you had to leave to get home although you needed to take a 30-minute bus journey back home and the weather was abysmal! “you are in no way going home in this weather!” Jisung tutted, “luckily, I do live literally around the corner,” he was definitely inviting you over, he was very clingy! “I can just go home; the bus comes in like-” you check your phone. 45 minutes. “never mind I will gladly take your considerate offer,” you laugh. “ah these buses aren’t the best now are they, let’s go now before there are too many people on the streets!” he stands up fixing his little jacket and handing back your bag. “unless you want me to hold it,” he offers. He was so selfless and sweet. “you’re not my boyfriend so why would you! It’s okay, I can take it back,” you play around.

***

You thank the baristas before Jisung pushes the glass door open for you and lets you go first. “I don’t have a hood!” you squeal before putting your hands above your head but Jisung was on his feet to the rescue, holding out his jacket and covering you with it. “let’s run to the convenience store alright! In 3, 2, 1-” you clutched onto his jacket covering you and bolted with his laughing at the playful noises he made before sheltering at the convenience store. You looked around the store for a few things to snack on. “I’ll pay so get whatever you like since you paid for my coffee,” he holds the basket. “shut up, you bought me a birthday present when I didn’t want you to!” you tut at him, “god what am I gonna do with you?” you scoff jokily. You see a pile of Clementine’s which you had to get because you loved them so much and it reminded you of the summers you used to drink fresh orange juice with Jisung near the river. You put them in the basket and Jisung looked confused; “oranges?” he looks at you with confusion. “I just really like oranges Jisung,” you smile. He took a mental note of that. After grabbing a few snacks, it was still raining, and he did the same thing again sheltering you with his own jacket and running to his house which was a minute or two away.

The door to his home creaked open, and the warmth hitting your face as quick as a train on tracks. The waft of freshly cooked rice drifts past your nose and it reminds you of all the times you and Jisung got stuck in the rain, just like this very occasion, and his mother made warm rice with a savoury soup. Jisung takes your jacket and takes it to his room to hang it up and comes back to the kitchen. “it’s raining bad so is it okay if-” Jisung gets cut off by his parents, “of course she can! Any time and if she needs to stay, we can accommodate her too!” His mother adored you, it was endearing. After your quick dinner with his parents, which his parents were more than happy to provide for you, you sat in Jisung’s bedroom. His room was as neat as it could be. When walking in, his bed was in the far-left corner pointing towards the large window, to the right of his room was his mic, computer and music equipment and next to that was his shelf with various different items like trophies and frames as well as the daisy chain he made for you. He also has his TV attached to the corner of his wall.

“oi why did you keep the daisy chain?” you asked him as he turned around, his hand on the remote to turn on the small TV in his room. “it’s pretty, isn’t it?” He gives a playful smile before jumping onto his bed and leaning against the headboard. “I never took you for such a sappy sentimental person,” you nudge him. “you learn something new every day,” he smiles before turning something on to keep you occupied. This was just comfort. Just you and your best friend of many years, spending quality time together. Your head lay on his dog plushie – which you gifted him so he would stop complaining he was lonely –your locks sprawling over it. Jisung glances over to you entranced by your own thoughts, a whole world inside your mind – he was intrigued as to what you were thinking. “hey, what are you thinking?” he sits up leaning down so he was in front of your face. It only came to your realisation he was laying next to you, face to face to get your attention. You sit up. “oh umm-“ you think fast, “the oranges!” you point at his desk at the clementine’s sat perfectly in the punnet it was in. You and Jisung spent an hour or so watching a show and talking about university and how you want to travel the world. He listened to you attentively to every word you said before his parents knocked and said that the rain storm had stopped and they can take you home. So shortly after, you gathered your belongings and Jisung followed you and his parents to the car. You forgot one thing, your hair tie that had a little rabbit charm on it; you had it ever since you were little and you forgot it at his house, at least it was Jisung though. Since then something changed in the air. A shift. Although only time will tell and expose what changed.

***

6:35 am your alarm blared through your bedroom, your head tucked under your grey and white sheets trying to accumulate warmth since you had to manually turn the heating on. You groaned tiresomely, your arm extending to find your phone, knocking it off the bedside table. You wanted to cuss it out because morning where NOT your forte. You sit up and grab your robe and draped it over your body and go to the bathroom to freshen up before getting ready for university. Jisung woke up at 8 because the campus was so near but you had to commute. You took your time doing your makeup and getting dressed, grabbing your bag and putting your notebook, laptop, stationary and your pouch in. You grab a jacket and your umbrella before promptly leaving at 7:57 am to catch the 8am bus to get to school. You managed to get to campus just before your lecture allowing you some time to get coffee to wake up a bit however… that plan did not seem very doable since the queue was incredibly long, so you gave up and went to the library to sit in your usual seat and wait for the lecture.

“hey!” you hear a whisper, and you ignore it thinking it was for someone else before you feel someone breathing on the back of your neck. Your instinct would be to slap the person but as you turn around with a fearful expression, you realise it’s Jisung with his starry eyes giving you that smile. “I got here early and got you your favourite,” he points at the seat you both sit at which was hidden behind a bookshelf. It was a large table where no one really sat since students preferred to work in groups. University life was different to high school. You had other friends which was nice; Sana did Biochem, so it was hard to get a hold of her, Chan was a sports and exercise student, and Seungmin studied nutrition. Jisung also had some friends from high school like Changbin who was doing the same course as you – literature- although he focused on the poetry section more, and Hyunjin who studied business and management. You did meet them often but of course you were closer to Jisung.

You saw the packaged croissant and the coffee on the table, and you thanked Jisung. He took his time to actually get you coffee before your lecture. “you have a couple minutes, at least you can drink it during the class!” he pats your shoulder. “don’t you have a lecture at 11am?” you ask him since that’s when yours finish. He nods. “I’ll be done by 2-ish? We can go and grab some lunch if you want?” he suggests. “how about we meet with Sana, Chan, Seungmin and Changbin for lunch?” you counter-suggest – if that is a word!-

“is Hyunjin busy?” Jisung asks a little confused. “Oh no he WAS the one who asked the other day and I replied to him now.” You smile so Jisung goes along with whatever you wanted to do.

You open your notebook to take some notes for your class and you see Changbin walking in and he sees you. Changbin was intimidating, at first glance, although he was sensitive and kind when you talk to him and get to know him better. “hey, I’m not late right?” he asks getting out his Ipad to take notes. You shake your head; “have you got your anthology yet?” Changbin asked you. You shake your head, you forgot about the anthology. “well that’s good because I saved you one,” he hands you the book of poetry. You were relieved, your degree relied on this book. “oh my god thank you!” You show your gratitude. “anything for a friend of Jisung’s and mine,” he smiles before turning back to face the front as the lecturer walks in and begins.

After class and meeting with your other friends for lunch, you all met at an Italian restaurant which was incredibly popular. It had been a while since you had a meal with all of them since classes took over your lives. “hey isn’t your birthday tomorrow?” Sana asks, her sweet smile brightening up the entire room. “Yeah it is wh-” but before you could say anything, she hands you a tiny pink bag. “I might have time so I got your gift today!” Sana was such an amazing friend. You thank her and open the bag and the small box inside to reveal an teddy keyring with your initials engraved on a small silver plaque looking keyring. “omg this is so cute thank you so much!”

“Now, open my one,” Jisung holds a blue bag with silver ribbon on the front. “now?” you ask him. “well yeah you opened Sana’s one?” so you opened the bag and it was in a slightly larger box; once you opened it a small gasp left your mouth and at that exact moment the food arrived. “what great timing I’m so hungry!” Changbin went in for the food and everyone else followed, conversing with each other and catching up, but you were still trying to process what he bought you. A silver necklace with a daisy charm and both of your initials on the back. “I’ll always be here for you, you know how that daisy chain is so sentimental to me, I hope this is too.” He leans in and quietly speaks. You were lost for words. You tried to splutter out a thank you, but he knew how thankful you were from your mere reaction.

The evening went as planned; you and your friends hung out after so long, work was intense but having a cheat day like this was indeed liberating. Jisung taps your shoulder gently as you wave Sana goodbye under a dimmed streetlight and the obscure night sky. It was hazy tonight; the cool fog making it hard to see anything ahead of you. Jisung stood next to you and you turned to him once Sana left. “are you thinking what I’m thinking Han?” you give a playful smile and rock back and forth on your tiptoes, “coffee and cake?” he asks as if he didn’t know that was your thing with him. “Of course!” you put your hands on his back and push him in the direction you wanted to go in; “over there!” you point. It was a night café situated along a remote street that was diverted away from main traffic. A large white sign lit up the dark street which directed you and Jisung to a well-lit night café that had a couple people inside enjoying their night with their friends or significant other. There were outdoor seats which weren’t occupied because of the drop in temperature but it would be nice to come here more often since the location was incredible. Jisung pushes the door open and lets you in first, following you and looking around for somewhere to sit. A circular table with two chairs in the farthest corner which was surrounded by bookshelves but renowned authors; Jisung chose to sit there and asked you to go and reserve that seat. “What are you doing?” your voice conveying disarray. “it’s on me tonight,” his smile appeared. That smile. Your heart did that thing again though you shook it off. It was nothing right? You sat yourself down, putting your purse on the table along with your phone; the books were intriguing you, there were many of them ranging from sonnets and poems to crime and mystery literature. You knew you weren’t much of a reader, but one did capture your attention. It was by an author called Ivan Turgenev, the book was called ‘First love and other stories’ – people writing about love was something you wish you could’ve done but you don’t know how love feels? The cover of the book was rough a cerise fabric-like texture, the title written in a gold on the spine of the book. Jisung comes over unexpectedly and leans over your shoulder eyeing at the hardback you seized. “what’s that? Love stories?” he pouts as you turn around in a panic, Jisung grabbing the book out of your hand, his fingertips grazing against your hand. If you had your Apple watch on right now, your heart rate would’ve been way too obvious. “O-Oh I was looking at the book shelf, they have so many well-known books and authors an-” your flustered ramble was interrupted by Jisung; “you want to read love stories, that’s understandable… it’s a good book I would recommend it,” he hands the book gently and points at the tray with the coffee cups filled to the top, the two cheesecake slices; one orange and the other strawberry. You gasp at the orange cheesecake – “oh my god they exist!” you sat down at the table, tucking the chair in. The aroma of the roasted coffee beans was intense although it made you feel comfort. You glance up at Jisung as he picks up the silver form and digs into the tip of the cheesecake, allowing there to be enough strawberry syrup and cheesecake. He holds it up to his mouth and notices you looking at him – with the most stupid look on your face, painted with adoration – so he held it out for you. “here, try it before I do,” his expressions were soft and gentle. “huh? Why, it’s yours?” you try to refuse. It didn’t work. “because-” he thinks for a second, “sharing is caring.” He fondly beams. You couldn’t deny it but he held the fork and you endured such sweetness swirling around, dancing on your tastebuds, the bitterness of your coffee counteracting with the dessert; it was utterly perfect. “nice?” he asks. “of course, as always!”

You didn’t realise at the time, but it was an analogy that you didn’t realise. The bitterness occurring in your life being stabilised by someone so sweet, attentive and ever so cherishing. It made sense.

You took a forkful of your orange cheesecake although it didn’t cater to your taste. “are you alright, do you not like it?” Jisung asks you. You shake your head, “ it tastes too artificial..” you hold the remaining cake on your fork and place it on the plate. It was disappointing, yes but Jisung swapped the ceramic plates with his. “here have mine, I’ll have this!” he takes whatever remained on the fork and takes a bigger chunk. You know what they say about sharing drinks, does it apply to forks? “O-oh thank you Han,” you smile softly, you couldn’t help but feel so warm inside. After spending some time at the café it was time to go home although Jisung insisted he would take you home safely first before he goes home. “no no, I can go myself,” you asserted. Jisung tutted and rolled his eyes playfully as he always does. “Why?” you ask waiting for a valid response. “Because it’ll take you even longer to get home!” you raise your voice a little louder but not too loud to bring attention. “well.. I’ve stayed over before..” he reminded you. Ah yes.. he did didn’t he. Your parents were okay with Jisung and already mentioned that if you dated him, it’d be best. God why did they think like that?  “I’m joking, I’ll get a taxi and we can go together,” he thought. You nod agreeing with him.

A couple weeks pass and you were on call to Jisung whilst studying. It was really late, around 2am but your Film project wasn’t going to do itself. He kept company since he just never slept. “want me to come over to study with you?” he asks. You were shocked at the offer. “at 2am? Are you crazy!” your voice becomes a little harsh as you tried to stay quiet. “maybe we should look for campus accommodation or an apartment we can split the rent for!” he suggests. It wasn’t a horrible idea, there would be some leeway for you to do whatever you like. “I’ll see for next semester; we can get looking though!” although you didn’t realise, he meant move in together. You and Jisung met up later that day at the university library, your laptop with all your editing software open, editing your short film that you filmed of him. It was about how you romanticised life and how everything was symbolic for something; Jisung pointed at himself. “what do I symbolise,” he asks tilting his head taking in the moving image. You pause, what if your feelings have changed? You lied. “you’re my best friend of course,” you smile through the pain knowing he will never feel the same. His cheeks flare a rosy hue. Even such words made him happy. “hey,” he enquires, “are you free August 1st?” you think for a moment. “That’s a couple months away but I should be, I can make sure nothing happens that day, why?” You seemed so confused. “My family and I are going to Jeju for a visit and I was wondering if you wanted to come as well?”

Oh.

“That would be nice, I haven’t been there yet either,” you let out a quiet laughter. “please, it would be so nice to have you there too!” he leans into you a little and laying his head on the table and smiling. Stop smiling like that – you think. “maybe I’ll consider it if you weren’t acting like a child,” your nervousness was seeping through. “a child? Isn’t that just my ecstatic personality hm?”

You scoff and continue focusing on your editing, a deep feeling of resent brewing within – why did you film Jisung AND fall for him? Wasn’t falling in love with your best friend a crime in any friendship? You took a deep breath; if you ignore it, it will be fine.

You stare at your oyster-white ceiling, covered in plastic leaf vines along the ends of your room the window open ajar enough to let in the gelid night breeze in, gliding onto your begs making you quiver. You didn’t want to shut it, you were too consumed by sundry thoughts about him; the way your heart thumped out of your chest, it paining you to see his boxy smile or when he would run up to you and embraced his arms around you tenderly full of compassion. He cared so much for you but you felt like you were too late to return any of it. Feelings are the way they are; ruthless in nature, eradicating almost every bit of rational though you possessed. You groaned feeling ever so dishevelled. You hand on your chest and a stone in your throat; you found it hard to accept you liked him – a lot more than just ‘like’, that word was too ineffective. Jisung’s pure demeanour flashes in and out of your head; when his hand touched yours when you held that one book at the night café, the way he let you have his jacket as a shelter, the way he kept the shrivelled-up daisy chain on his shelf; it was the way he did everything for you. Jisung played the guitar for you nearly every time you asked and sung for you even though he wasn’t confident in his vocals. But you didn’t want to bring your hopes up and embarrass yourself. That’s when it happened – the butterflies intruded and that’s when you knew your monotonous routine of life was demolished. With that being said, your eyes began to heavy, shutting slightly before your eyes fully closed. Dreamland is where you were transported to you…

Your trip to Dreamland gave you all the answers you needed.

It was a Saturday and you waited outside of a café waiting for Jisung. It was warmer, much warmer. You remembered that one winter’s evening when you and Jisung were caught in a storm in the exact place. You switch your phone on to see the time, the photo of you and Jisung gleaming back at you. It was a cute photo; Jisung slyly ate some of your ice cream getting a little bit on the tip of his nose and you laughing at him and wiping it off with your thumb. Your other friends really liked capturing you two, they said you were soulmates which you ignored because you didn’t believe in soulmates. Emphasis on didn’t – times change and so do people.

“Hey!” Jisung startled you, nearly dropping your phone. “you alright there,” he chuckled at you. “Not funny!” you couldn’t help but smile. “you seem to be in a good mood!” he smiles with his teeth, draping his arm around you, clutching his fist to respect you. “so what do you want to do today?” he asks you.

“why do you keep asking me?” you pout slightly. “why not?” Jisung pushes his hair back, his chestnut locks resting back into its natural position.

“We should go to a café then get matching bracelets because YOU promised we’d get matching ones and then maybe at sun set, go to Namsan Tower?” you suggest. “Did you plan this last night when I told you to go to sleep?”

You didn’t, you saw it in your dream.

“l-lets just go!” you grab his arm and take him inside the café to get a cool drink to quench your thirst.

His eyes attentively scanned the menu, looking at all the cold drinks he could get. “what are you getting,” he asked. “hmm I really feel like having the grapefruit one!” you point at the menu, “what are you getting?” you ask Jisung, “which one sounds nice?” he asks again.

You can the menu again; “blueberry tea sounds really tasty!” you say. He nods that same look of compassion; he was enthralled by you yet you didn’t even know.

***

She was beautiful. The way she looked up at me and smiled; her fierce attitude to everything made me want to scream, toss and turn in my bed; she made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I was foolish for falling for her – my best friend – but what can I do if whenever I see her, the tempestuous storm within me is appeased at her presence. She makes me feel at home. Her amicable nature, so captivating. The face she made when she was displeased was endearing even if she thought it was hideous, to me she was like a gem that was waiting to be found and I’m glad to have found her first. I was devoted to her; there won’t be another who makes me feel the way she does. She’s my first love. And I am willing for her to be my last if nothing is returned. Her happiness is all that matters to me…

***

Sipping your drinks in the sunlight was refreshing. You both got your bracelets to match; inexpensive yet it meant the whole world to you – and him.  “there are some benches over there!” you point, grabbing his spare hand without a second though and running towards it. The sun began to wane and the stars began to emerge; simultaneously, the sky bled into an inky black allowing the stars to glow and gleam brightly. It was like how Jisung endured everything for you to let you shine. Like in school, how he would quite literally get hurt to keep you safe. You owed him a lot. “isn’t the moon really pretty tonight?” you point at the lustrous pearly orb that reigned the void sheathing the earth. “yeah, she’s really pretty tonight,” Jisung speaks softly. You didn’t realise how Jisung said ‘she’; he gazed at you, infatuated by none other than you. His fingers twitched to intertwine between your fingers, to lay a gentle kiss on your cheek. He waited for the right time.

A few months went by until it was the day of the trip Jisung planned to go on with his family. You stand in the centre of your bedroom with a small suitcase since it was for two weeks; you packed your necessities and your chargers, some hair ties and your book. You zipped up your suitcase and grabbed your other bag to throw in your pouch, phone, airpods and whatever else you needed easy access to. Jisung walks into your room with a knock; “hey your mum let me in, ready for me to take your stuff?”

And from there, everything began to unfold.

The journey there was peaceful considering the fact you always fell asleep at least 15 minutes into any car journey. Your head resting against the car window, although Jisung noticed that it wasn’t very relaxing when your head kept bumping against the car; he moved to the middle and gently moved your head to rest onto his shoulder his arm around you, so you were comfortable. He could feel his heart explode 50 fireworks every time he looked at you. He was spellbound by you.

***

Your Island holiday started off with a tour of Jisung’s holiday home; a pretty looking home with sliding doors and traditional architecture. “This is my room, and I think my parents are allowing you your own room which is the guest room,” he opened the door to the guest room and you were rapt but the view it had of the ocean. You dropped your bags and ran to the large windows and swung then open; the sound of the birds and the swashing of the sea infused your system. It felt refreshing. “It’s really pretty isn’t it, I love coming here,” he leaned against the window sill. Especially with you. He thought. “well, I’ll let you get comfortable and perhaps we can go exploring a little bit or we might have something to eat.. I don’t know but get comfy!” he says before shutting the door and leaving you alone with the ocean and your busy mind to unwind.

The saxe blue ocean pushed up against the bisque grains of sand, pulling back and leaving behind a platinum foamy residue. You thought of you and Jisung holding hands and walking down the beach at sunset like every couple does. The air felt lighter so you inhaled deeply and tried to let go of everything you had on your mind. You heard a knock at the door; it was Jisung’s mother. “are you hungry?” she smiled with immense amount of love and gentleness in her eyes. “of course! I’ll come now!” you close the windows and grab your phone as his mother smiled at you. Family meals with his family felt so natural although today Jisung was a lot more reserved as usual. Usually he would say something stupid or be extroverted. “You okay?” you whisper across the table. “h-huh, OH yeah I am, I’m tired that’s all.”

It wasn’t like him but you knew it wasn’t you that was the reason.

After dinner, you followed him back to the bedrooms; “Jisung,” you utter “Hm?” he turns around, the pair of you face to face now. “Do you want to watch the stars with me?” you ask nervously but you saw the way his brows raise from a furrow and the corner of his lips raise. “Of course I would, I’ll go change and come to you alright?” you nod your head and do the same thing. As you close the door you exhale. You don’t know why you were so nervous. But soon enough, he knocked and asked permission to come in. You both sat on the bed and gazed at the twinkling stars outside; “sometimes I wish I could be a star,” you begin. “Why is that?” Jisung asks looking down at you laying your head near thigh; “they’re so carefree and pretty and I-”

“but so are you?” he defends. “what?” you get up and look at him, your hair covering the sides of your face. He tucks your hair behind your ear; “you mean more than you think, to someone out there you just don’t know yet.. The way we’re looking at stars right now someone must’ve saw you the same way and wished they saw you again.. because it’s hard to find ONE special star amongst many,” Jisung was extremely poetic today.

“Han-” you were interrupted again. “the moon is out again, look!” he points as you lay back down this time on his thigh as he shifted it closer to where you were laying. It felt natural. His hand hesitated to touch your hair, to play with your locks but he found the courage to. You felt your soul levitate but luckily he couldn’t see your face.

***

The sun beamed into your room, the light material curtains flailing in the ocean breeze; Jisung wasn’t in the room. You were resting on a pillow with a blanket over you, it seems like he left later when you fell asleep again. The aroma of breakfast began to waft through the gap of the door to which you thought it would be a good idea to get up and get ready. You opened the door and yelped as you saw Jisung smiling ear to ear at your door. “Good morning sleepy head-” as he grabbed your hand. “w-wow where are we going!” you yelped. “breakfast but at a special place!” he says. “bye we’ll be back!” Jisung waves to his parents. You make your way down paths until you reached a little shop – a coffee shop. “I loved this place and I always wanted to bring you here!” he opens the door and the strong scent of bread and other patisserie struck you. “this is where my love for cheesecake came from!” he smiles. He seemed very happy.

You panicked internally. Did..you kiss! That thought didn’t feel right !!

***

Jisung toured you around. He showed you places he used to love as a child and things that made him happy – even happier that he could share it with you – from the rocks near the sea, to the bakery. He showed you where he carved his name on a tree on the way back to the family home. “maybe I should carve yours too!” he looks for a sharp stone and gets right to it. You watch him be so happy and acted out to yourself how you would confess to him. maybe you shouldn’t right? Soon after, you both slowly walked home but Jisung stopped again. “hey look!” he points at this tree. “what about it?” you ask until you looked up to see bright orange oranges hanging from verdant leaves. “oh my! I want one!” you say trying to grab out until Jisung stands extremely close behind you leaning over to twist one off. “Thanks-” you say although he begins peeling the skin off himself with a smile of endearment painted across his face. “I can do it myself!” you try to grab it off him. “aaaa-” he says holding a piece to your mouth with your accept, his thumb grazing against your bottom lip. “oh it’s really tasty!” you say. “open wide,” he jokes as he holds another one. “I’m not a baby!” you whine. “yeah you are,” he laughs running forward. “come and get me!”

This was the Jisung you knew and loved.

He grabbed your hand once you caught up to him, his fingers intentionally interlocking fingers and smirking at you playfully before running back to the house. You had so much fun. More than you usually do and you felt closer to Jisung. The exchanging of looks and playfully flirty remarks is all that you would remember from today. Especially, his thumb grazing your bottom lip; his soft gaze was still intense; it still made you feel nervous.

Being with Jisung was homely. His genial personality making you fall for him further. That night, you sat in the bed of the guest room, the owls hooting outside and trees rustling as the oceans began to sound turbulent. You were a little frightened and you debated going to Jisung. “screw it!” you thought. You knock at his door and hope he isn’t asleep. There wasn’t an answer so you turned around to go back into your room until your hear the handle lower and open. “you okay?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned. You gulped at the way he presented himself, his hair messy and eyes weary. “I didn’t mean to disturb you I-I’m just a bit scared…” you mumbled. “scared?” he repeated. “yeah! Don’t repeat it I feel STUPID!”

He lets out a soft chuckle and holds out his hand; “I’m watching a show right now if you want to join me?” he offers. You take his hand and he closes the door behind him. He climbs into bed and leans against his headboard. “your space awaits,” he says in a deep voice mocking the character in the show making you smile. You slide under his sheets and against the headboard too although it felt abnormal. “you can lean on me if you want to, I don’t mind..” he says. “are you sure?” you ask gulping. He nods with great certainty. So you did what he said. You lowered yourself so your head was at his chest, leaning into him and unexpectedly he pulled you in closer.

The moment became incredibly intimate. His heart was beating fast, you could hear it thump out of his chest. You felt your pulse quicken too. This wasn’t normal at all. You were okay with intimacy but this moment felt … different.

“are you okay?” he asks, his voice slightly husky, his fingers gently skimming the side of your arm. You stay still, debating to confess or to just lean in and get it done and over with. No. He wouldn’t do that. You sit up, his arm moving away from you; you face him and take a deep breath. “what’s wro-” he gets cut off by your confession.

“ I love you Jisung..” you blurt out closing your eyes hoping he’d say something – even if it was the opposite of what you were expecting. Although whilst your eyes were closed there was silence which was shattered by Jisung’s laugh. He lay his hand on yours, his other hand just below your jaw: “open your eyes for me,” he begins, your eyes slowly peering at him. It was like someone burst a colour bomb in the room; he was radiating indigo, pink and orange – he was happy. Although words were not exchanged, actions were.

Actions speak louder than words

His arm placed itself around your waist pulling you in closer to him as you kneeled on his bed. He closed his eyes and leaned closer to your lips, a paroxysm of emotions and feelings being exchanged between two lovers. The pure infatuation between you and him felt like true love, everything felt like two puzzle pieces attaching to create a piece of art that longed to be complete. The large boulder that sat on your chest had gone, you felt like a feather floating through the gates of heaven. The sweet exchange between you and Jisung, his hands ever so gently holding you; he loved you this whole time but waited for you. You lay next to him, his eyes so effervescent and glossy, his fingers caress the side of your cheek. “I love you more than you would ever have expected me to…” he confesses lowly “ I was waiting for you,”

I was waiting for you.

Everything felt so complete with your heart and Jisung’s heart merged into one. Daisies, clementine’s, and August 1st. You wished for nothing more and nor did he. Even in another life, you would always be his first love

First love. Something so pure and magnificent, something that changed the repetitive customs of life; something that gave variety and prosperity to existence. Even when seasons change, Clementines and Daisies will be what bound you with your first love; Jisung was your first love and transpires to be your last. 

Everything was falling into place and had been since whenever he grew feelings for you. The way you sandwiched his cheeks with heat packs, or the way you held his hand with one heat pack. Not to forget the way he would always buy your second choice so you didn’t have any regrets. The way Jisung’s gentle touches made a pit in your stomach fall everytime like the one time at the night cafe when you were looking at the books. Not to forget the way his thumb grazed your lips...  Everything was just right.

***

#hanjisung #straykids #stray kids au #stray kids fanfic #skz jisung #skz au #skzfluff #skz college au #bangchan #changbin #seungmin #hyunjin #straykidsfanfic #han skz #uni au #jyp entertainment #jyp skz #jyp stray kids #stay skz #lovestay #kpop fanfic #kpop au #skz kpop #pentagon kpop #kpop aesthetic #kpoppie #twice kpop #readerxhan #reader x jisung #femreader

[popculturebuffet]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 Review: Still Possesses Turtle Power After All These Years

Cowabunga all you happy people! I freaking love the Teenage Ninja Turtles. I grew up with it from Turtles in Time, which was my first video game, to the 2003 cartoon, which I covered the first three episodes of last month, and on to present day as I re-read the idw comics after finally reading the original eastman and laird run of mirage, and impatiently waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to come out after a LONG drout of no good TMNT games. I”m a fan of these heroes four, their dynamic as a family, the endless possiblities that come from it’s long history and ablitlity to go anywhere in any genre, and the wonderful goofy shit that happens when you have a franchise about mutant turtles learning ninjitsu from a rat and fighting a dude covered in knife covered samurai armor. 

So with me finally covering the guys after almost a year last month and with a new movie set to debut at some point this year, I had the bright idea to revisit the FIRST TMNT movie after way too many years of not watching it. This movie is anear and dear to my heart: When I first started getting into the boys big as a kid with the 2003 cartoon, I badly wanted more turtles. But back then it wasn’t nearly as easy to glom onto some more of the sewer shock pizza kings: Streaming sites with all the cartoons on them weren’t all that accesable, dvd’s were expensive for the 87 cartoon, Mirage wasn’t reprinting the comics in any meaningful way and my local comic shop didn’t have any at all and I could only play the SNES when my brother had it set up on occasion like at our Grandma’s farm. 

As you probably guessed though there was one exception: the original 1990 movie, which I got at Walmart for 5 bucks and haven’t let go of since. It was one of my first dvds and is still one of my most precious. Said film hit the spot just right as like my beloved 2003 series, it was a mildly goofy but still fucking cool adaptation that stuck closer to the mirage comics, even more than the 2003 series would, while taking a few queues from the 87 series. This film is as precious to me as the 2003 series and a with a brand new movie coming up, I figured it was the exact right time to dig into this classic: what makes it still good to this day, what’s fun to point and laugh at, and how the heck Jim Henson got involved in this. So join me under the cut as I take a look at my boys first theatrical outing and why I still love watching a turtle. 

No One Wanted To Make This: Before we get into the film itself some background. As usual I struggled a bit, but thankfully found some help in the form of this Hollywood Reporter article.  It’s a fascinating read worth your time, providing an oral history of the film from the people who worked on it. 

The film was the baby of Gary Propper, a surfer dude and road manager for the prop comic Gallagher, aka that guy who used to smash watermelons but now has instead opted to smash what little’s left of his career by being a homophobic douchenozzle. He found an ally in Showtime producer Kim Dawson who’d produced Gallagher’s special. I don’t think there will be more of an 80′s sentence than “Gallagher’s surfer dude agent wanted to make a teenage mutant ninja turtles movie”. Propper was a huge fan of the comics, and with Dawson’s help convinced Laird and Eastman to let them option it to studios. 

It may come as a shock to you but the road agent for a homophobic watermelon man and a producer at a niche cable channel wanting to make a movie based on an underground comic book about masked turtles at a time when the two most recent comic book movies were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Howard the Duck, did not go well. Every door in Hollywood got slammed in their face, even Fox> Even the eventual backer of the film, Golden Harvest, a hong kong action film studio, took months to convince to actually back the film. 

Things did not get easier from there: The films writer Bobby Herbeck had trouble getting a story agreed on because Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s working relationship had deteroiated horribly from the stress so naturally the two could not agree on a damn thing and argued with each other. Peter Laird  made a tense siutation even worse by constnatly sniping at Herbeck and feeling he was a “Hollywood outsider infringing on his vision and characters”

Granted the script was apparently not great... but Pete still comes off as a pretnetious ass who views his weird indie comic as THE HIGHEST OF HIGH CALLINGS HOW DARE YOU SOIL IT. And continued to be kind of a prick like this throughout the rest of his time with the property. 

Thankfully the film found i’ts voice, vision and director in Steve Barron. Barron was a music video guy who knew the producers and while reluctant, eventually dove into the project rightfully thinking the film would need to be a mix of the mirage comics and 87 cartoon, keeping aprils’ reporter job, the turtles lvoe of pizza and their iconic color coding from the cartoon but adapting several stories from the comics as the backbone of the film. The guys liked barron MUCH better and things ran smoother. 

Barron also brought in one of the film’s biggest selling points and it’s most valuable asset: it’s triumphantly awesome Jim Henson costumes. Barron had worked with good old Jim on the music videos for Labyrinth, and while it took some convincing since the comics were violent as hell and that wasn’t Jim’s style, Barron eventually got him on board. This naturally doubled the budget, but given Henson’s costumes STILL hold up today and look better than the cgi used in the platinum dunes films... it was a good call. And this was brand new tech for jim, having to invent tons of new ideas and mechanisms just to make the things work, and said things still were absolute hell on the actors. Jim later ended up not liking the film for being too violent... which I find hilarious given how many muppets got eaten or blowed up real good on his show but regardless, I thank this legendary and wonderful man as without him this film WOULD NOT have worked. The costumes here look great, feel realistic, and you can’t tell the actors were dubbed much less horribly suffering in those suits. Much like Disney Land. 

The film would get picked up for distribution by New Line, and despite i’ts weird as hell origins and the long shot it had.. the film was a MASSIVE hit at the box office, owing to a combination of Batman 89 the previous year having proved comic book movies can work for audiences, the cartoon’s runaway sucess, and a massive marketing campaign. The film made it’s mark. So now we know how we got here let’s get into the film itself. 

What’s the Story Morning Glory?:

So the story for this one is largely cobbled together from some of the more notable arcs Eastman and Laird did before handing off the book to others full time as the stress of the company and the mounting tension with each other made it near impossible to work together on the book itself. 

To Save time i’m just going through what hte movie takes from the comics plot wise now to save me the trouble later:The movie takes elements from the first issue (The Turtles, Splinter and Shredder’s backstories, Shredder being fully human and the main antagonist, Shredder’s design and the final rooftop showdown that results in Shredder’s death), second and third, (April’s apartment over her dad’s old store and the turtles moving in when their home is ransacked and splinter has gone missing), the rapheal micro series (A tounge in cheek way of cashing in on the Mini-Series craze of the 80s, a one shot by modern standards and something that’s tragically been underused as an idea as only TMNT and MLP have used the idea at IDW, Raph meeting casey and their fight with one another), the return of shredder arc (One of the turtles being ambushed and mobbed by the foot and then thrown though a sky light (Leo in the comic and Raph here), the turtles being horribly outnumbered by them, Casey coming ot the rescue and metting the non-raph turtles for the first time, and them being forced to escape when the place goes up in flames), their exile to northampton (April writing in a journal, casey working on a car with one of the guys and one of hte guys looking over hteir injured brother), and finally, their triumphant return which was very loosely adapted as there are no deformed shredder clones and shredder not being dead yet in this version was not brought back by a colony of super science worms. 

So as for how this all comes together: Our story takes place in New York: A crimewave is high with muggings mysterious. There are a ton of phantom thefts going around and at most people have been seeing teens responsibile. And the police.. are at about this level of useful:

The only person doing something is April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag. Hoag is easily the standout of the film, giving us a strong, confident woman with a wonderful sense of humor. She honestly might be my faviorite April O Neil, and given we’ve had some great ones with 2003, 2012 and Rise, that’s not something I say lightly. I honestly wish I’d recognized her in more stuff as she was both on Nashville and the mom in the Halloween Town films, and most recently was on the ScFy show the magicians. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad she’s still goin. 

April is a reporter for Channel 3 like the cartoon, though for some weird reason her boss from the cartoon is replaced by Charles Pennigton, played by Jay Patterson, whose currently dealing with his troubled son Danny, played by Micheal Turney. Pennington is horribly useless at both jobs: At work he tries to ease April off calling out Chief Sterns, who refuses to listen to April’s evidence gathered from japanese immigrants that the crimes resemble similar ones in japan in favor of trying to get charles to shut her up. Danny meanwhile is a member of the foot becase his dad thinks shouting out him and talking about him like he’s not there and generally being a dipstick will actually do anything to help him. 

I love the concept for the foot here. In addition to being a Ninja Violence Gang as always, they now recruit new members by finding kids without families or with troubled family lives and giving them a sense of family with the foot, and sweeting the bargin with a giant cave filled with arcade machines, a skate ramp and general late 80′s early 90′s kids goodies. Is it rediculous? Yes. Is it also clever as it gives Shredder an easy army of plausably deniable theives that he can pick the best out of to put in his elite that will be tirelessly loyal to him and him alone? Also yes. 

So April being public about this stuff gets her attacked, which naturally leads to our heroes coming in, first in the shadows and later directly when April wont’ give up on the case and Shredder sends some ninjas to go shut her up.. which he does weirdly as the guy jsut slaps her and tells her to cut it out like he’s on a domestically abusive episode of Full House. Raph saves her, and we get the turtles origin.. though weirdly they cut it in half. We get the ooze portion but Splinter’s past with Saki, Saki’s murder of his master and his master’s partern Tang Shen is left for later in the film and the fact Shredder’s saki is treated as a big twist despite the fact the biggest audience for the film would be kids... and kids would’ve been familiar with the cartoon where the giant brain monster routinely screeches out saki at the shredder. Maybe Barron just thought he was an alcoholic I don’t know. It just would’ve made more sense to have it all at once and let the audeince put it together. 

April becomes good friends with the turtles over a night of frozen pizza and camradrie, but the Splinters return home to find it ransacked, Splinter kidnapped by the foot, and are forced to Stay with april. Charles meanwhile tries to get April to backoff because he made a deal with the police to clear Danny’s record, without TELLING her any of this mind you, but I will save my rage on that little plot point for in a bit as Danny who he drug along sees the turtles and tells the Shredder. 

So we get the return of the shredder arc as Raph goes through a window, our heroes fight valiantly, and Raph’s friend Casey who he met earlier shows up, the two having bonded as all true friends do.. by beating the shit out of each other ending with raph shouting DAMNNNNNNN really big and dramatically into the sky for some reason. The Turtles and friends escape with an injured raph from April’s burning second hand store. She had a second hand store it was poorly established and only there because she had it in the comics. 

Our heroes retreat to a farm April’s grandma owned in Northampton, Massachutes, where Mirage was located at the time the original comics where they were exiled to the place were written and a location that has been a staple of the turtles ever since. The turtles slowly recover, lick their wounds, talk about who hooked up with who on gilligans island etc, before Leo connects with Splinter via meditation, who tells them to come back. Splinter also starts to connect with Danny and convinces him to swtich sides.. or at the very least squat in the boys old home. 

The boys return home, find danny, and prepare, Danny goes back and ends up giving away the Turtles are home.. but the turtles are ready and in an awesome sequence kick the fuck out of the foot squad sent for them with some well prepared steam vents. Casey goes to get splinter since Danny told them and with Danny’s help, finds him, since Danny found out they were gonna kill him. Casey beats up Tatsu, shredder’s right hand man, and they get him out. 

We get our final fight which is awesome up until the climax.. which is splinter casually tripping shredder with nunchucks and thier bloody history being kind of rushed and unsatsifying. Casey crushes shredder with a garbage truck, April gets her job back, more on that in a moment, she and casey hook up, and we end with the fucking awesome song T-U-R-T-L-E Power by partners in cryme. Seriously check it out it’s fucking triumphant. 

The song is just good.. cheesy? Sure but that’s half the fun. It’s the gold standard for movie theme songs for them and stacks up handily with the various animated series themes.. all of which slap. Okay... ALMOST all of which slap. Fast Forwards is aggressively medicore, which is doubly suprising to me since 4kids was REALLY damn good with theme songs. It was one of the three things they were best at along with finding VERY talented voice actors and setting japan based works in america because merica dammit.  

The plot is very solid: It skilfully packed half of eastman and laird’s run on TMNT into 90 mintues while adding things like April’s job at channel 9, the way the foot recurited kids etc. The plot flows well for hte most part and apart from one annoying subplot we’ll get to never has a moment that feel unecessary or dosen’t pay off later. And the stellar plot and fun pacing of it helps boilster the characters that do work... and help paper over the ones that are so thin the’yd fall down a grate...

Our Heroes, Villains and Annoying Middle Aged Guys:

Yeahhhh character is hit and miss here. Some are rather strong, others are the bare basics for the character their adapting and most are just to serve the plot but some work some don’t,  So let’s talk about it starting with our boys:

Raph is the most fleshed out of the turtles, being the main focus of the first 2/3 of the film, and having his anger be part of what SHOULD be a character arc, learning to temper it. And while granted MOST TMNT properties do this, to the point that Rise Raph is so loveable in part because his boisterous bruiser big bro attitude is a refreshing break from the usual grumpus we get. But at the time this hadn’t been done in every version but the 87 cartoon, so exploring it was valid.. but despite saying this should be a thing htey just forget about it and the most plot relevance he gets is going thorugh a window. He dosen’t really get a resolution.. his arc just kind of stops dead for the final half and it’s one of the film’s weaker points, one I only just now noticed on this rewatch. He’s still the most entertaining. 

Leo is the weakest of the turtles. He really lacks a personality here mostly just being leader and while his spirtual side is touched on, it’s  mostly a plot device. He’s just kinda the leader because he was in the comics to the point Partners in Cryme called Raph the leader. His role in getting taken out by the foot was taken by Raph, so he just has.. nothing to do for most of the film other than gripe at raph ocasionally and say orders. He’s probably the worst Leo i’ve seen outside of Next Mutation. I prefice that because after watching Phelous’ review it’s VERY clear those four are the worst versions of the characters, and no personality is still better than either having your team do nothing or yelling at them as your personality. I chalk this up to the Mirage Leo, and the mirage turtles to a poit being kind of bland. Not TERRIBLE characters, especially for the time, but not nearly as fleshed out or individualized as they woudl be in other adpatations, and with most traits LEo DID have, like his badassery flat out gone, he’s just.. nothing here. 

Mikey and Donnie are a double act here with both sharing a brain. Interestingly instead of his normal genius character, Donnie is Mikey’s best friend and the two simply trade jokes and schtick together. The two are interchangable.. but easily the best part of the film and a lot of the most memorable gags and lines, from Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit! to “Do you like Penicllin on your pizza”, are from them. Thier there almost entirely as comic relief but it works, with both clealry being more modled ont he 87 cartoon turtles, a move that helps lighten the mood in darker moments. Their just genuinely charming and it’s intresting to see such a diffrent version of Donnie, and other incarnations, specifically the 2003 and Rise versions, would retain the sarcastic edge. 

Splinter is splinter. That’s about it, he’s peformed well and the puppet is amazing but he gets kidnapped a half an hour in and outside of influcencing Denny, more on that in a moment, and finishing Shredder he dosen’t do much but spout exposition. He’s not bad or anything, but he’s essentially a rodent shaped plot device. He was also puppeted by Kevin CLash, aka the guy who does Elmo. So there you go. 

April on the other hand.. is truly excellent. This might be my faviorite April. Judith’s april nicely blends the cartoon and mirage versions: She has the cartoons energy and job, but the comics sheer will and casual nature. Judith just oozes personality and her April is just a joy to watch, from her breezy chemistry filled interactions with the guys to her confrntation with Chief Sterns, knowing she’ll get thrown out by the asshole. She’s confident, and even when afraid dosen’t back down to her attackers and even helps out during the sewer ambush. I mean it’s a pot on the head but still it’s neat. She’s easily the best part of the flim and the most fleshed out of the cast. The worst I can say is they kinda shove her store from the comics, Second Time Around, in there for no other reason than it was in the comics: It dosen’t come up until it’s needed for the foot’s assault on her place. But overall.. she’s just fantastic to watch. 

Speaking of fantastic to watch, Elias Koteas is fantastic as Casey. Seriously he’s only second to the 2003 version in my eyes, getting the concept of a testorone filled average guy who decided to just go out and hit people with sports equipment after watching too much A-Team.. I mean that part of it’s not in this version but it’s implied, just right. Like judith, Elias is just really funny to watch and his big scenes, showing up just in time during the foot assault on april’s place and his fight with Tatsu are some of the best parts of the film, the former taken directly from the comics. This version isn’t without problems: His friendship with Raph, his most endearing aspect and one that has been carried throughout eveyr version Casey’s important, with the only exception so far being rise and we have a movie to fix that, is absent here. HE does save the guy, but they don’t really bond or anything. In fact he disappears for about half an hour after his big fight with Raph. But... again he’s just so damn entertaining, down to his JOSEEEEEEEEEEE Conseco bats (There was a two for one sale!).

Shredder is just a LITTLE better than splinter, if only because his actor projects a true aura of menace and I feel this version had some influence on the pants crappingly terrifying 2003 version. And the idea of the foot recurting teenagers like I said is a good one: He gives them home and a cause, they give him plausably deniable backup. And his fight with the boys in the climax is really awesome... the conclusion sucks but otherwise h’es okay. Not the deepest villian, but he has enough presence to be enjoyable.

His right hand man Tatsu, whose been adapted ocasionally since this and reimaigned as Natsu in the IDW comics, a female version, is also fine. He’s your standard grimacing goon but has enough presence to work. 

So that brings us to the penningtons. Charles, april’s boss at the station and his son Danny who’s joined the foot as he feels his dad dosen’t love him. Charles..is about as interesting and likeable as a dog turd and is the worst aspect of the film. No debate there, he just sucks. He sucks so hard he’s classified as a black hole.  The film wants you to see him as a put upon wokring dad whose frustrated with his son’s increased moodiness, skipping school and crminal undertakings and just wants to help him and loves him deep down. The problem is his actor’s delivery instead of concerned.. is just pissed. He just seems pissy and upset about the whole thing and comes off like he’s only mad about Danny doing this because he’s embarassing him and not because you know, it’s bad. When confronting Danny about stealing, he dosen’t consider MAYBE he’s part of a gang or needs help, but just wonders “Why are you stealing when I give you stuff”. Because, Dipshit, sometimes kids do crimes not because they need the stuff but because they WANT to, and because they want to act the fuck out. 

The most he does for the kid is agree to try and get April to back off the police when Cheif Sterns offers to let Danny go and not put him on record in exchange for it. The problem.. is this makes him even MORE unsympathetic. While I do get wanting to help your child, I do and it’s a sucky position... he again should be sympathetic.. but he handles the thing so badly it sucks. He just tells april to ease off, with no reason given, then fires her when she SHOCKINGLY dosen’t give up taking the guy whose refusing to take her hard work seriously or actually solve the crime wave problem to task for his shitty behavior as ANY person facing a shitty, corrput cop would. She just wants to hold him acountable and get him to actually do something. He clearly knows her on a personal level too as he talks about his issues with his son freely with her, something you don’t do with an employee unless their also a friend on some level. 

He could have TOLD april what was going on. She’d be furious at Stern’s naked corrpution and prioritizing shutting her up over actually solving crimes.. and thus put at least some of that energy into shutting him down or finding a way around it, going to the papers or something like that. Even in 1990 pre-internet, there were ways to get around Sterns blackmail and expose him so someone who’d actually do the job could get the job. Instead he just comes off as a selfish coward who rather than try and fight the guy blatantly abusing his power and using Charles own son as  barganing chip, goes along with it because it’s the easier option to simply bow to him instead of TRY and stop this. And it’s not like he’s even going after a beloved public figure or someone who could hide behind his rep: Sterns was blatantly failing a crime wave, April had called him out on his failrues and coverups multiple times. The public was against sterns.. finding out he tried to blackmail the media into shutting up about him would PROBABLY end him... I only say probably not because the public wouldn’t skewer him, but because police tend to escape consequences for blatantly murdering someone on a daily basis and Andrew Cumo is STILl mayor over in new york, the same city this movie takes place, 31 years later, depsite EVERYONE asking him to resign over a long history of sexual harassment and a more recent but still horrible history of hiding death numbers. I don’t doubt people being stupid enough to ignore this or the bilaws with cops being stacked enough for him to get away with it, but just because someone gets away with a crime dosen’t mean you shoudln’t try and go after them in the first place. Fuck. Charles. Pennington. 

Danny on the other hand is FAR more interesting and I think gets way too much flack when it comes to this subplot. Unlike his dad, whose dead weight, Danny is intresting: He provides a POV character for the foot’s MO in the film of taking in wayward teens, and his character arc is pretty engaging, slowly realizing the foot dosen’t care and that hte turtles are the good guys. HIs actor does a great job and while not the biggest presence, he’s not a bad addition to clan hamaoto and I wish other adaptations would find a way to use him. The pull between doing the right thing and his found family is a good struggle. My only real issue with his plot is the moviies flawed aseop about family. It tries to contrast shredder and his using the kids blatnatly with Splinter and Charles really loving their sons. And it works with Splinter and the kids because despite being a tad strict, Splinter clearly loves his sons and works with them to help them. The problem is ENTIRELY with Charles and Danny. As I said Charles love comes off as transasctional: He either thinks he can buy it or just expects it because he shot a bunch of goop into Danny’s mom after two minutes of disapointment. It dosen’t work with them because neither option is good for Danny. His father is neglectful, chooses throwing his jounralistic integrity out the window over talking to his son or his best friend about another way, and abrasive. Danny is no saint, he does do crimes, but it’s clearly a result of a shitty upbringing and the shredder and co actually offeirng him the love he desperatly craves. Danny goes to the foot because his dad is bad at his job but the film never adresses that and just expects Danny to go back to his dad because the plot says so. Danny would HONESTLY be better off with Splinter. No really. Sure he’d have to live in the sewers.. but he did so for a few weeks in the course of the movie. He’s fine down there. Splitner actually cares about him and took an intrest to him and knows how to raise a child. Let him become the fifth turtle. An aseop about family is not a bad thing: Loaded subject that it can be given how many outright abusive families exist, i’m one of the lucky ones who dosen’t have that issue, family is an important thing and can be a source of comfort and support. But this film tells you you should love and respect someone who does not love, respect or value you because he spent a minute in your mom’s vagina and that’s not how family should work and is outright dangerous to kids in an abusive situation. Love the film otherwise but fuck this aseop skyhigh. 

Final thoughts:

Overall though.. the film is bodacious. It’s funny, well paced, has an awesome cast, and outside of a certain bald asswipe... it’s a really good superhero film. Is it the best i’ve seen? Nope. Not even close and character wise most of them are as thin as a wet paper bag covered in ranch dressing. But it’s still a fun as hell with awesome corepgraphy, a killer soundtrack, seriously the soundtrack is damn excellent and only didn’t get it’s own section because I didn’t have enough to say and some of the best effects work i’ve seen in a film in the turtle suits. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to check it out: it’s a breezy 90 minutes, it’s on hbo max and it’s a shell of a time. Will I do the next film? 

We’ll see how this one does like wise and such, but I will be doing the rise film whenever it comes out this year. So look for that and keep possesing turtle power my dudes. If you liked this review subscirbe for more, join my patreon to keep this blog a chugging, comission a review if you have more turtle stuff you want me to cover, and comment on this. What do you think of the movie, what are your thoughts on the review, what can I do better, what other turtle stuff would you like me to cover/ Let me know and i’ll see you at hte next rainbow. 

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 1990 #leonardo #raphael #donetello #michealangelo #casey jones #april o'neil #the shredder #oroku saki #new line cinema #golden harvest #film #90's movies #the 90's #partners in cryme #judith hoag

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA PERSONAL INTERVIEW SPECIAL HEADBANG VOL.27 TRANSLATION 2/2

The upcoming new chapter of the bassist who established himself while evolving his playing style in the middle of fierce battles he experienced overseas. “When it comes to digital releases, it just feels like data” “I don't think there is another album that makes me want to die so much inside while I’m listening to it as this one (laughs).“ “If I have the opportunity to do music out of DIR EN GREY, this is the genre I want to try “ “If there's a world in front of you that you didn't know before, look at it, and if there's something you think that would be even better, you can pick it and bring it home.”

Notes before reading:  This is the second part of personal interview of Toshiya from the magazine Headbang Vol.27 released on 18th August.  The interview is 11 pages long, this part covers the last 5 and a half. You can read the first part here. You can get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan.  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.  

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Text by Hiroko Goto (First part here) - Even as the start of a new chapter, I think it will be a great time for those who have been waiting for it. I’m looking forward to the reactions towards the new single.

T: That’s right. Also, this time, it’s the first time we are releasing a single in this way, so I wonder how is going to feel. It’s a little wait-and-see.

-Because Dir en grey have never been available in almost any music streaming services before too. This time, are you releasing the single in this format due to Corona?

T: That’s right. Originally, we tried to put it out as a physical one.

-I see. Do you see this digital release format as something positive?

T: I have no choice but to think positively for the time being (laughs)  Because if we release a single, and it’s not going to listened, there is no point on doing it but, after all, as we do it, if there is a way for people to listen to it, I think it should be used. However, to use any method to release it because there is a way to do it, I think that’s different for me. While we were carefully checking those aspects, I think I would like to take into consideration several things. Simply, because I’m a coward (laughs). It’s kind of scary because I feel like the songs are all over and the songs are our best asset. After all, I want to cherish/value them. Of course, I think there are many positive things in distributing them but now that we are doing it, I think we must distinguish between plus and minus sides of it. -Especially for Dir en grey, the package is usually elaborated and you can also feel the sense of commitment/pickiness on it.

T: That’s right. When it comes to digital releases, it just feels like data. So that’s why it’s a matter of the value of the things. The value that you can give it them, or the level that you can take it at. I would like to think about the future as I’m looking at this release.

-After this single, what direction do you want to move towards from now on as a part of Dir en grey?

T: As a band, while constantly incorporating what seems new to us, we want to challenge both, our activities, and songs. Right now, once again, we want to try it with the feeling that Dir en grey can do anything。

-I see. Comparing yourself to the Toshiya from the past, you have a better judgement about what you can do and what you can't, and you want to think about it properly. Each member thinks that way as well, so I think it would be nice if you could absorb each one’s good points and bring it to the band. Nevertheless, as everyone simply has a different age, a different personality, and the environment in which you grew up is different, I think there are different things that each of you want to do. Among them, for me, I don't think it's necessary for each of you to achieve 100% of what each one of you wants to do. Combining several % well, I think you are a band that eventually will reach the 100%. If you can keep that way, there  will  simply always be an interesting taste and you can keep being an exciting band.

“The first band I came across was Guns N' Roses. It was an encounter that felt like ‘what on Earth is this?”

-From here, I would like to ask you about the 'Inspirational albums'  you have selected and approach your personality when it comes to music. Personally, I feel that your musical tastes are less visible than the other four members.

T: Hahaha. I get that a lot (laughs).

-Are you aware about the things that are not appealing to you?

T: I am. I mean, I know what I like, but I don’t know why I like it (laughs) Basically, I like music.

-You chose 20 albums in particular, what was your criteria in order to choose those?

T: I simply chose these ones because I think these might the ones, I was listening to at the time I was more sensitive/impressionable by music.

-There are a lot of works from the 80's and 90's as a whole, Were you listening to these before you got in the band? T: There are also some that are after the formation of the band and I also include some that I was listening to before playing in the band. There are many from the time when the band was formed, and we made our debut.

-The genres are quite wide, it’s firmly pressed line-up to of iconic masterpieces. In what specific areas have you been affected by them?

T: For example, Guns N'Roses 'Appetite for Destruction' (1987), when I was in middle school, I was like ‘What on earth is this?’ when I came across them. It was a time when LA metal (80s metal/glam metal) was popular. Van Hale was also very popular, and Europe's "The Final Countdown" was being played all around. That's how I met Guns, but the first thing I heard was 'Use your Illusion I','II' (1991). Then, I heard there were more amazing (from them) albums before those, so I listened to 'Appetite for Destruction'.

-When you came across Guns N’ Roses, did you think "the band is cool"?

T: It’s a very stupid idea but, it was a time in which music was equal to delinquency, and live houses had the image of being a sink/den of iniquity* (laughs). At first, I was like ‘What is this?’ and then I got interested. Including such an atmosphere, I think it was cool and I had a strong sense of admiration.

*a place where immoral or illegal things are done.

-When you go from there in chronological order, what kind of transition are you going through?  In your selection, there are a lot of grunge (albums) too.

T: That’s right. Exactly after that, the wave of grunge came. But if you say which one is the one ruling the movement,  for me it’s not Nirvana. When I dug down while listening to that genre, I personally fell in love with Pixies. It was a time in which listening to one artist made us feel more connected. Here and here there would be good friends, here and here there would be people that you don’t get along with. I got worried about that when I listened to them. I went to see Pixies’ performance in Japan a few years ago and it was really good. If I have to say something about that time, at the Pixies live, the lighting goes red through one song and it's just red.I was impressed by the effect of only using that colour in the scene. After that, when we talked about what kind of production we wanted to do on our tour, I said "I went to see Pixies and I  said “ I want to do this in the same way because such lighting was interesting" (laughs)

-Is that so?

T: It's a band that's influenced me from that perspective.

“I had a friend who liked thrash metal. He told me that this kind of music existed”

-While there is a trend from hard rock to grunge, on the other hand, there are also metal elements  you are interested in such as Metallica's “Master of Puppets” (1986) and Pantera's “Vulgar Display of Power” (1992), which are known as masterpieces. When did this kind of metal music get into your life?

T:  When I was in high school. At that time, I had friends who liked Metallica and slash metal such as Pantera and Slayer. I learnt  this music existed, and I started listening to it.

-This didn’t come to my mind until now but, in fact, some of them can be called the roots of metal.

T: Yeah, I really liked it. I also liked to listen to the band that guitaris Steve Vai made as a solo band under his name (Vai). When I was in high school, I had a lifetime friend who was shredding his guitar and looked like a bakateru* guitarist (laughs). I had a lot of fun. *Bakateru (A Japanese made-up word from  “baka” and “techniques”) is a person who plays an instrument using simple/stupid techniques that made them look like professional players.

-That’s good (laughs) While there are hard rock and metal in your choices, the overall impression is that there are many bands and works with a slightly downer atmosphere.

T: Certainly, I think I like downer style a little (laughs).  Stone Temple Pilots has also a part of hard Rock and a strong grunge effect, bit I like the indescribable downer feeling. Then, I chose Alice in Chains for the selection. Alice in Chains is another downer band that I like. When I first heard it, I couldn't understand it at all. I didn't even know what was good about them (laughs) From them, I like Dirt (1992) which I chose this time for the selection.

-By the way, it has the same name as your apparel brand….

T: It has nothing to do with it (laughs).  But, as it is an album I like (even if it has the same name) I guess it’s fine.

-And, when it comes to downer works, you listed “OK Computer" (1997), from Radiohead. T:I don't think there is another album that makes me want to die so much inside while I’m listening to it as this one (laughs). When I was in the states with Yoshiki producing the single, I have the impression I listened to it a lot.

-Radiohead also has had several changes through their career, but if you have to choose, is this one?

T: If you ask me which one from Rahiohead I would pick, as expected it’s this one. Maybe I like feeling like dying (laughs)

“If I had the chance to play music elsewhere, I would like to try an industrial band”

-(Laughs). As for genre, you also included industry albums such as Nine Inch Nails and Ministry.

T: I like industrial because I have the strong impression  it’s not only about the band sound. For me, it has something, like asking for the impossible. If I have the opportunity to do music out of DIR EN GREY, this is the genre I want to try, an industrial band.

-I definitely want you to try to do it.  I can tell you are listening to music with several components but, what are your roots as a bassist?

T: After all, I like Guns's Duff McKagan the most. The one who shocked me like “This…. this is bass!” was Japan’s bassist Mick Karn. I felt like ‘What’s this?’.  He had the magical image of a man that lived in Greece (laughs). I also like the bassline of Alice in Chains or Stone Temple Pilots, which I mentioned earlier.

-I see.

T: Also, in terms of bass, Pantera's 'Vulgar Display of Power' was made in a way that the original cd was only vocals, guitar and drums (laughs). But in their 20th Anniversary Edition (Deluxe Edition In 2012) I was happy to be able to hear the bass properly.

-When it comes to types of bassist, rather than someone who slaps the bass, comes to the front, and stands out, many artists (bassist) have the image of keeping the groove.

T: That’s right. Originally, I didn't really like finger playing or slap bassists. My first motivation was Guns, so I had the image of rocking, like holding the base down and playing with a pick. To me slapping had an image of a fusion style.

-In fact, considering your own play style now, I think they are connected.

T: They are. However, there was a moment when my thoughts changed a bit in that aspect. When I went abroad and went together on tour with Deftones and went to festivals, the bassist Chi Cheng looked very cool. KORN was on the same tour, so I was watching Fieldy’s playing as well.

-It was at the "Family Values ​​Tour" in 2006.

T: That’s right. That was the moment in which there was a change of era not only musically but also of my self-consciousness. Of course, I still liked my play style then, and of course I still like it now, but the idea that I can only do that, and I can only do that…. I started to want to see more things (that I could do). Compared to that time, there is a lot of information, isn’t it?

-Indeed.

T: There are a lot of ways and you choose yourself from that huge amount of information, so you can pick only the good things. But at that time, there wasn’t that much information available, so all I knew was from my own experience. It was like that for things, the length of my ruler was fixed. That…. it overlaps with the story of 'Clever Sleazoid' that I mentioned earlier, when I starter to look overseas, I realized that I could clearly see that “this kind of world exists”. I started to think differently about it, hating without trying it. If there's a world in front of you  you didn't know before, look at it, and if there's something you think would be even better, you can pick  it and bring it home. Looking back at it again, I think my playing style has changed since we made a full-scale expansion overseas and  I turned my eyes to overseas.

“Deftones are the band that influenced me the most once I saw them playing live and went on tour together with them”

-From Deftones, you chose White Pony' (2000)

T: I was shocked when I first heard them. As I said, at the time I saw them live and went on tour with them, if I had to say an album that I felt strong about and affected me, it would be this one.  I think their latest work at the time of the tour was the 'Deftones' (2003) or 'Saturday Night Wrist' (2006), but when they played the songs of 'White Pony', the audience went crazy. I was very impressed.

-From that perspective, many of the bands you chose have co-starred with DIR EN GREY. Are there other bands that impressed you?

T: We were with Metallica together at overseas festivals, but after watching it live, I thought it was really amazing. Since Pantera stopped before I could see them, it was nice I was able to see Metallica. In that sense, I was very excited to be at the same festival when Faith No More restarted their activities. I originally liked it and thought I couldn't watch it anymore, so I was excited when I realized I could see them live.

-That sounds good.

T: Also, we had been with Alice in Chains in a festival.Then, I heard from the dressing room that the guitarist was playing the guitar all the time. I remember thinking “Ah, I like that guitar” (laughs)

-As expected, you have many stories with the bands you were appearing together.

T: That’s right, that's a good thing (laughs)

-You've appeared together with Tool at OZZFEST JAPAN 2015.

T: That’s right. At that time, Tool was active, so we also have appeared together at overseas. I didn't actually watch the live then. Thankfully, I had the opportunity to watch them from a wing* of the stage later, which was really amazing. It feels like being on a trip. Thinking that way, I think I might like bands that makes me go a bit on a trip.

*The wings are the hidden areas to the left and right of the stage

-Also, since Japanese bands were not going abroad as much as now, that you were actively expanding and constantly playing overseas, looking at it, it seems like a good era.

T: Now, I think we were able to go abroad at a really good moment, so it was really a good era. I think it's normal for nowadays bands to go abroad but there are bands you can't see live now; at that time, I could see the music scene. It was good that we were able to go there at that moment.

-Tool’s '10,000 Days' (2006) is the newest work you've mentioned. Since then, there has been a big change over time, and now there are more choices such as music streaming services. Has the way of listening to music, or the variety of it, changed?

T: At that time, you couldn't hear a CD unless you bought it. Furthermore, in the old days, you couldn't afford to pay about 3000 yen each time you buy an album. There are many works that I was interested but I couldn't listen to. In that sense, I think it's a good time to listen anything. But at that time, I paid for listening to that one album, and since I bought it, it was nice to listen to it for a long time. When it comes to streaming, it sounds like "something  you are playing while doing another thing”. Going back to what I talked about, that's why it's a scary part, and I'm still a little behind the times.

-As you are in the artist creator side, you feel like you want people to face your work firmly.

T: As expected that’s it. Well, it’s the selfishness of a creator (laughs). That’s the truth of these things, to be honest, I think that music and magazines are just for entertainment. Because, if had to think about if I will live or die tomorrow, I think I would pick food, not music or books (laughs). If you think about it in that way, I wonder what really entertainment is.I think that because of the entertainment, it is possible to obtain the richness of a human heart. It has become more difficult than it used to be, to determine what kind of value to add there.

#dir en grey #toshiya #interview #translation #Headbang Vol 27 #toshiyatranslations

[2manyfandoms2count]

I love you (not) - Chapter 11

I'm back! Almost a month late, but exams got in the way of @marichatmay (how inconsiderate of my uni to hold them at this time of the year, really) The updates should be more frequent again, especially since I've got at least a couple of chapters planned that combine two prompts! Hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

First | Previous | AO3 | Next

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Chapter 11: In which, to quote Taylor Swift, dancing is a dangerous game

Marinette hummed happily as she inspected the dress on her mannequin.

Without tooting her own horn, it really was some of her best work; she'd chosen an asymmetric cut for it, slightly shorter in front, so the silk fabric teased the top of her knees. It was light enough that it could expand like a corolla if she twirled, but the shape of the skirt prevented it from hitching too high (one had to remain classy).

She was so pleased with the result. She'd fallen in love with the velvet lining of the cherry blossom pattern fabric when she'd stumbled upon it at the Marché St Pierre over a year ago, and had bought it on a whim. It had been safely sitting at the back of her fabric case ever since, for lack of a worthy project. She’d looked at it longingly every time she opened the box, hoping inspiration would strike.

She didn’t know if it was the upcoming class party, her strangely giddy heart, or the lovely late spring weather, but something in the air had titillated her creativity, and here she was, the proud owner of a beautiful dress, perfect for any occasion.

And what an occasion the class party was turning out to be. What had started out as a lowkey plan to celebrate the approaching end of the school year and the end of the brevet, had developed into something much bigger when the class had started discussing where to hold it, and Chloé had ended up suggesting the Grand Paris restaurant with a seemingly exasperated sigh. Marinette had seen her small smile when everyone had thanked her, though, and had made a mental note to suggest that they found a small present for her before the party.

Alya had been shocked when she’d voiced the thought aloud, asking if Marinette was feeling feverish, but her friend had shrugged the comment off. She just felt very light and breezy for some reason, and nothing could knock her off her air path.

She sighed contentedly as she put her pins away and opened a window to let the warm spring breeze in. This would do nicely. Even if she wasn't going to directly pursue Adrien, she was sure he'd notice the quality of her garment. And then, if he asked her to dance like the last time they’d been to a party at Chloé’s...

Oh, but what if we do dance like last time , she froze at the thought. I haven't made any progress in dancing, and even though I managed to not faceplant in front of him last time, I'm not sure that my luck will withstand a second time - what if I step on his feet? What if I knock into him and break his nose? Then he will hate me, his whole modeling career will be ruined, and Gabriel Agreste will make sure I never become a designer, and Adrien and I will never get married, have our house, three kids and our hamster named-

The lack of oxygen from her hyperventilating made her lose her balance and she caught herself on her desk. She breathed out slowly, relaxing as her eyes met Chat’s on their picture from the Café des Chats. She needed to stop catastrophising. It wouldn’t be a good idea to dance with Adrien, not while her “relationship” with Chat Noir was still "going strong”. She caught herself wondering how out of place it would be to invite him along to the party (it would definitely give her an excuse not to dance with Adrien), but promptly waved the thought away.

She went up to her computer and pulled up a dance tutorial to get her mind off of things. Just to be on the safe side.

"One two three, one two three..." She tried following the waltz steps, pretending to hold someone in her arms.

She felt a little stupid, but quickly brushed the feeling away. It wasn’t like someone was going to see her. She closed her eyes and let herself be carried by the music, picturing the movements in her head. It was easier this way.

“I must say, Marinette, you have excellent taste in music. Oh! Whatcha doing?” Her eyes flew open at the sound of a familiar voice and she stumbled backwards, crashing into her mannequin. Had she somehow invoked Adrien? A quick glance at her window and the smiling, masked face dangling upside down from it answered her question. "It really drags a cat- woah there, careful Princess!”

Chat leaped inside as his smile melted into a concerned frown.

“Would you stop sneaking up on me like that?!” She cursed as he helped her up, not admitting that she was actually kind of glad to see him. It had been a while. She immediately straightened her mannequin and started dusting off the dress.

“But where’s the fun in that? You’re cute when you’re dancing.” He felt his cheeks pinken, on par with hers at the compliment.

“Yeah, well, um…” She stammered, occupying herself by frantically checking for any sign of damage. “You could have ruined my dress!” She huffed.

“Ooh, is that what you’ll be wearing at Chloé… Bourgeois’ party?” He caught himself before he could sound too chummy about Chloé, but his face lit up as he turned around the mannequin to inspect it.

“What do you know about that?” Marinette crossed her arms and squinted suspiciously at him.

“Oh, nothing much,” he gulped, remembering how attentive to detail Marinette was. “I just heard about it through the grapevine, you know? I kind of keep a tab on events involving the Bourgeois, they tend to be at high akumatisation risk.”

“Clever kitty,” Marinette whispered under her breath.

“What was that?” Chat smirked.

“I said, that’s fair.” She cleared her throat.

“Right.” He nudged her. “Anyway, this dress is gorgeous, you’ve done an ameowzing job on it, Marinette.”

“Thanks.” She bit back a giddy smile, and cleared her throat. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“I…” Chat hesitated. He wasn’t sure, really. He’d been relaxing in his room, gazing at his ceiling, when he’d suddenly felt an irrepressible longing to see Marinette, and had promptly been on his way. He wondered if he could invoke his right to want to see his girlfriend, but decided it probably wasn’t for the best. They hadn’t seen each other since their encounter at the flower shop (well, of course they had, but she hadn’t been aware of it), and the part of him who was still hellbent on ending this absurd arrangement was convinced that a bit of progress towards a potential breakup had been made; blurting out defining relationship terms would definitely not help go down that road. “I was just in the neighbourhood, so I thought I’d pop in and say hi! I’ve missed you.” He felt the tip of his ears warm up at his words.

“I’ve missed you, too.” She looked at her feet bashfully and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Both remained silent for a moment while the waltz music kept playing in the background, unsure what to say next. The silence was interrupted by a loud ad for Tsurugi cars on Marinette’s computer.

She jumped and went to close the tab, but Chat Noir caught the name of the video before she could do so.

“A dance tutorial?” He tilted his head inquisitively, and she froze. “What’s this for?”

“Well, I know it sounds stupid, but… I’m a little worried about the dancing part of Chloé’s evening.” She admitted, knotting her hands together.

“But you’re a great dancer!” Chat’s exclamation came out like a cry from the heart. “I mean, I suppose. How could you not be? You’re Marinette Dupain-Cheng! You can do anything.”

“Thanks, Chat.” She flashed him a bright smile, making his heart skip a beat.

“I’m only speaking the truth.” He bowed, and decided it would be for the best for him to change the subject, before he went down the ‘Marinette is amazing’ rabbit hole. The rant could easily last for a long time. Thankfully, the video came to his rescue. “You know, though, I hear kids these days don’t really waltz anymore,” he said conspiratorially.

It was true; even though his father had been adamant about him taking ballroom dancing lessons, claiming every respectable young man knew how to dance, Nino had been almost uncharacteristically mocking about how he’d danced with Marinette at Chloé’s first party when they’d discussed it later (he’d had to gush about how great it had been to dance with his good friend), advising him to update his dancing style. Adrien had therefore looked it up, and had found out that Rock’n Roll dancing seemed fairly popular still, and his father had approved the suggestion to add it to the acceptable dance list. He wondered if Marinette also knew how to dance it.

“I know people who still waltz,” Marinette replied, defensively crossing her arms in front of her chest. “And so what if it’s a little old-fashioned? I don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

“It’s just not very twenty-first century, is all.” He shrugged, although he wanted to scream that he agreed with her. He was mildly afraid that she’d see that two of the people she knew who appreciated waltzing were blond guys with green eyes, about the same height and build, and absolutely fantastic, funny and well-dressed, and that she would connect the dots. He wasn’t sure Ladybug would be very pleased if his identity was leaked over a dance, no matter how trustworthy Marinette was.

“Oh yeah? And what would you suggest, then?” Marinette cocked an eyebrow.

“Ever heard of Rock’n Roll?” he asked.

“I don’t live under a rock, you know.” She rolled her eyes. “Pun unintended.”

“And do you know how to dance it?” He took a step forward.

“I know the basics.” She shrugged.

“Would you like to practise? Just in case it turns out to be useful at Chloé’s…” He trailed off, trying to hide how excited he was at the prospect of dancing with Marinette again.

She wrung her hands together and pondered her options. It would be pretty stupid not to seize the opportunity, plus, she’d always kind of wondered what it would be like to dance with Chat. She didn’t know where the idea came from, although maybe their late night patrols in the moonlight played a part in it. “Are you sure you don’t have more important things to attend to?” She looked up at him.

“I’m free as a bird.” He grinned.

“Okay, then.” She found a playlist and launched it. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Chat Noir extended his hand and she took it. He pulled her in a little closer, twirling her in and back out before swinging their hands in rhythm with the music.

“The real pros trace little hearts to the beat, because your heart rate actually changes to match the tempo of a song,” he confided, before taking her other hand.

They met chest to chest a couple of times, then lifted their arms over their heads, letting go of one hand. Chat’s gloved hand hovered over Marinette’s arm as they moved just out of reach of each other, giving her goosebumps. Her breath hitched slightly, and she was fairly sure her complexion was now a couple of shades redder. Chat didn’t notice, or pretended not to, twirling her again, then taking her other hand again to go through a series of passes.

Marinette was impressed by how smoothly he led her, how natural it seemed to be for him. He smiled casually as they danced and she relaxed, effortlessly falling into rhythm with him.

As the end of the song approached, Chat got more confident that she could take more complex moves and picked up the difficulty. Marinette was slightly dizzy from all the twists and turns and was thankful for the pause he gave her after a string of moves. They stepped to the rhythm, her back to his chest, for a couple of beats longer than was traditional. She wondered if he’d sensed that he’d reached her limit.

“Hey, Marinette?” Chat’s breath tickled her ear as he whispered in it.

“Yes?” She looked up at him. Their faces were mere inches away; his gaze had an intensity she’d rarely seen him sport. She couldn’t deny it was a good look on him.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was slightly hoarse from the exercise.

“With my life,” she breathed, her eyes mindlessly landing on his lips. “Why-aaaah!”

She yelped as his hands dropped to her waist and he picked her up, then flipped her in the air.

He caught her before she landed, but her surprise made her fall more heavily than she would have with more notice, a loud thud echoing with her pulse in her ears as the song finally came to an end.

“Hmm, you should really rehearse that last move before the dance, you weren’t very light on your feet…” Chat bit back his laughter.

Marinette was about to punch his shoulder and yell at him to never pull that kind of thing on her again, unless he wanted to become cat food, when Sabine’s voice sounded from below.

“Marinette? Is everything alright?”

“Ah, er, yes Maman! Everything’s fine, I just knocked over my mannequin again!” She called out, frantically starting to push Chat up her stairs, towards her skylight. “You need to go, she can’t know that you’re here,” she added in hushed tones. If Sabine found him there with her… Well, Marinette had managed to convince her after the very first lunch that Chat and her wouldn’t work out, and she knew her mother had taken her word for it; she wasn’t so sure how she would react if she discovered that things were serious enough that he came around and danced in her room with her. Not that it was romantic in any way, but she knew what it could look like from the outside.

“Okay, okay,” he chuckled, “no need to be so pushy.”

“Consider it your punishment for almost giving me a heart attack,” Marinette shook her head. Her next words reassured him that she held no grudge. “See you later?”

“I’ll definitely cat ch you around, Princess,” he winked as he quickly kissed her hand. She rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “By the way, I’m sure you’ll do great, whoever you dance with.”

“Thanks, Kitty.”

As she returned inside, she reflected on their synchronicity, and wondered if it was all down to the couple of years of fighting side by side, or if something bigger was at stake, allowing herself, for the first time since it had happened, to think about her first kiss for a little more than a couple of seconds.

#marichatmay2021 #marichat may #marichat #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #marinette dupain-cheng #chat noir #the miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #ml #day 14: dancing #elle writes #love you (not)

[yyparkq]

meraki 

([may-rah-kee] GREEK 

(n.) to do something with your soul. Creativity, or love; to put something of yourself into your work)

word count: 8,706

pairing: jaebeom x reader

a/n: part of got7 alive fest on twitter. you may also view this on ao3! :)

“Can I buy you a drink?” you offered enthusiastically as you slide beside the man who doesn’t pay any attention to the girl on his other side. The woman glared at your boldness and stomped away when her subject instantly tilted his head to your direction. Trying to hide your own thumping heart, you smiled at his incredulous expression.

After living as a hermit for a few years and squeezing all the creative juices out of your brains onto literary masterpieces, you finally decide to venture out again to your old world. When asked for a recommendation, your agent/best friend didn’t miss a beat telling you about the upcoming party being thrown by your common friends in college—an unusual bachelor party and bridal shower in one. Hearing all the possible details from her made it sound twice more interesting and fun. Before you even knew it, you were nodding your head in excitement and confirming your attendance at the upcoming event. The timing was perfect. You had your scheduled flight earlier on the day of the party, so you could go straight there. The thought of finally seeing your college friends after five years excited you, but above all, you were yearning to see one specific person you dearly missed—Lim Jaebeom.

You had been studying his profile—one you’d recognize anywhere—ever since you entered the party. It’s almost as if he never changed except for his seemingly wider shoulders and longer hair. You smiled at the thought of him still being so fond of casually donning the most basic clothes that otherwise fit the occasion. That, and yet he still managed to pull it off and stand out from the rest of the crowd. Like how he’s wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and slacks that looked way too stiff for a guy to wear at a party. His now long hair slightly unkempt and falling on one side of his cheek.

To say he was surprised is a huge understatement. The last thing he could have expected from Mark’s party is the presence of a woman who dropped him like a hot potato without a single word five years ago, now materializing in front of him and striking up a conversation as if it was yesterday. A tinge of betrayal crept into him as he realized his best friend didn’t bother giving him a heads up about your attendance. He could have prepared a more controlled reaction than a pair of wide eyes and mouth agape with astonishment. Pulling himself together, he looked back at you with a more reserved gaze.

Unconsciously, you bit your lip and broke the eye contact, feeling your cheeks warm but thankful for the dimness of the place at the same time. You never expected his gaze to still have the same overwhelming effect on you even after almost a decade of knowing him.

You cut the eye contact and turned your attention to the bartender in front of you instead, requesting for your usual drink to keep from further making a fool of yourself in front of Jaebeom.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to try that phrase at least once,” you laughed after the bartender slides you your glass. “That was bad, wasn’t it?”

Jaebeom clicked his tongue and took a sip from the half-empty glass in his hand. His sheer annoyance was evident in the way he twisted his wrist and set down the glass abruptly on the counter. As if trying to say something, he looked at you and opened his mouth but was cut short when your friend Wheein screamed your name on the top of her lungs and made her way to your seat.

“Mark is looking for you!” she shouted after putting an arm on your shoulders in an attempt to sweep you to the direction where she came from. You rolled your eyes at her and stood firm in your seat, refusing to be dragged by her strong arms. She tilted her head in question before looking over to the guy seated beside you and instantly grasped the situation. “Oh,” she gasped softly when she recognized Jaebeom. “Look for Mark after you’re done here, he’s in one of the tables at the corner, making out with his bride. Seriously, doesn’t this completely defy the very reason for bachelor’s parties and bridal showers?” she added to which you only answer with a sarcastic smile and a nod. She looked back at the guy beside you and winked before disappearing back into the sea of dancing people.

Despite the blaring music at the party, you and Jaebeom sat in complete silence. Neither of you attempted to start an empty conversation. The situation reminded you of one of the hundred things you used to like about being with him—for you, words and silence both held equal meaning. Though, sometimes words can betray someone twice more than a short silence can.

Growing up, you witness your parents spend most of their downtime doing their individual hobbies while still being together at the same time. Your mom solving her crossword puzzles while your dad watches his favorite crime and murder documentaries on cable tv. The comfortable silence between them has always been a pleasant memory and has been an important factor in most of your relationships.

A walking paradox. That’s what you are. For someone who believes in the power of silence, you also find comfort in expressing yourself through words. Your eloquence never dimmed as you grew up. The delicious combination of you being able to speak your heart out and listen attentively to the other party at the same time built a character that everybody around you loved to be with.

As an only child of a wealthy family, you grew up getting all the love and attention you needed from your humble parents. You were a vivacious child who was ready to face everything and chase her own dreams, thanks to your family who would always tell you to go after whatever made you happy. And even if it turned out to be something that wasn’t for you in the end, at least you wouldn’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering how things could have been if only you tried when you had the chance to. So when you first laid your eyes on an unfamiliar guy sitting in one of your elective classes in college, you knew you were in for a long ride.

Jaebeom’s presence always demanded attention no matter which room he was in. When he sat in front of you for the first time in one of your boring classes after spring break, you are quick to notice the curious stares and discreet glances from your own classmates. Recognizing the possibility of the competition being high, you wasted no time trying to get to know him and introduced yourself right after your class ended.

“Ah, the attentive girl,” he said when you followed him to the hallway and made your existence be known to him.

You smiled brightly, glad that your efforts in answering the professor’s questions correctly during class left a good first impression on him. He offered you a small smile, one that hardly reached his eyes but still made your heart flutter for the very first time. You were expecting to learn his name in exchange but instead, he only walked past you.

At the party, Jaebeom briefly glanced at the approaching guy behind you and sighed.

“This is nuts! Y/N, you really are here! I thought Wheein was just fucking around when she said she brought your ass to our party!” Mark exclaimed, wrapping you in an enormous embrace and ruffling your hair in the process. “Where the hell have you been to? We didn’t hear a single word from you since college. Are you married yet?”

Your eyes rolled at his accusing tone and giggled, briefly glancing back at Jaebeom who was also waiting for your response. “I’m not answering that, Tuan.”

Mark slapped the other guy’s back and whispered something in his ear which he responded with a creased forehead and confused eyes back. Mark laughed and turned his attention to you, showing you the way to the bigger table where everyone else from your common circle had gathered. One last look at Jaebeom’s unamused expression and you let the former guy lead your body, unaware of the latter trailing behind you to join the table.

Five long years you spent living away from your family and friends, justifying the need importance of exercising your independence and trying to hone your skills and interests by taking a literary degree overseas. At some point, you did want to pursue a career in writing. It was your childhood dream, after all. But it wasn’t the only reason you endured half a decade away from the closest people of your life and stepped out of your comfort zone. The moment you decided you wanted to start again, you knew the main reason is to run away from the guy who repeatedly broke your heart. And now that you’re back, you are determined to show a different version of yourself to everyone. One that is no longer naive when it comes to love and to life. You’re fairly confident you’re more than ready to play your part in this new beginning.

Some say we don’t get to choose who we love, but you beg to differ. When you’re stubborn and you love to prove people wrong, it doesn’t come as a surprise when you have chosen to give your all to Lim Jaebeom the moment you laid your eyes on him. Chasing someone for years in this time and day should qualify for modern martyrdom. Jaebeom is one tough nut to crack especially when romantic relationships and commitments don’t exist in his world. That much is known to you but you did not give up, relentlessly bugging him every time you got a chance just to be together—even if it meant only hanging out as good friends. You were vocal with your intentions and your actions spoke so much to your words. Guys wanted to be Lim Jaebeom in a way a girl, as deemed perfect as you are, was always by his side supporting him in his endeavors.

All of your friends used to excessively warn you about Jaebeom being a bad idea, but you must have been blinded by your love that you failed to recognize the red flags that practically waved at you before.

How Jaebeom was able to turn you down twice could be considered a mystery unsolved for everyone, even for his own self. There is no doubt about your intelligence, you’re highly responsible and driven, you’re empathetic and humble and the majority loves to be around you. On top of that, your beauty fits the current societal standards that you don’t even have to try hard. Everyone sees no reason for any man to reject you except that you could be close to an epitome of perfection, setting the bar far too high for anyone.

Mark’s table was filled with laughter and yells from your friends when you reached it. Most of his guests were from the wealthiest families who have been specializing in throwing parties since college. Fortunately, the majority of your closest circle of friends managed to group themselves for that night when you joined them. Stories and questions about the time you spent away from everyone else rained on you. How you spent the last five years—stories about your campus life, your travels, the one of a kind experiences you had—were mostly shared that night. Somehow, Jaebeom was thankful for Mark’s presence for he knew he wouldn’t be able to hear so much from you if you were left alone with him.

Jaebeom and Mark took pride in your highly improved alcohol tolerance. Both expected you slurring on your words after a couple of cocktail drinks like you used to in college but there you were, looking as sober as you could as you briefly played poker with the other guests and even after downing innumerable glasses of cocktails and beers in the last four hours at the party.

Somehow you managed to genuinely enjoy the time at the party, playing games, dancing, and laughing with your friends, all the while thinking about the fact that Jaebeom had been talking to a girl he’s involved himself with—the last straw from five years ago.  It would have been a lie if you said you never played all the possible scenarios in your head to prepare yourself when you once again meet the two people who have caused you your heartache before.

It took Jaebeom a couple more hours before mustering the courage to actually strike a conversation with you. Just when you were about to call it a night and head back home did he find himself quicker on his heels. All you wanted at that moment was to go home, plop yourself into your bed, and sleep the night away—exhaustion finally dawning into you.

It almost drove him crazy when he realized that you almost left again that night without bidding him goodbye. He hated how you made it look so easy to leave him every time.

You stopped dead in your tracks after hearing Jaebeom shout your name.

He rushed to you and gently reached out for your arm, his cheeks and nose were burning and you’re not sure if it’s because of the liquor or the crisp night air of the nearing autumn season. “Y/N. Let’s talk,” he said.

The corners of your mouth slightly twitched upwards after clearly hearing his voice for the first time that night.

A talk would’ve been a nice idea if your mind was not so clouded with the thoughts and memories with him right now. You already promised yourself to not give in to his ill intentions. You could only hope to make sound and logical judgments for yourself this time especially when he seems to know so well when and how to talk you out to serve his best interest.

You opened your mouth for a second before shaking your head and looking briefly at the ground. “I can’t—I can’t talk, Jae,” you sighed, feeling the night air nip on your bare skin. “Not right now. I’m exhausted. Maybe next time?” you whispered weakly and your forehead creased when you felt a ringing inside your head. Why did you even think a night of partying after a five-hour flight was a good idea?

Jaebeom stared at you for a good minute and noticed your utter discomfort unrelated to his presence “Then just let me drive you home. You look like you’ll pass out any second from now.”

Even after all the years that passed, he’s still able to look right through you and read you like an open book—one that had bothered you the most before and the very reason that kept you from coming back. You knew you wouldn’t be fooling anyone if you said you’re over him, and yet you’re in this situation.

You could have just called Wheein to drop you off your apartment. But your head started getting heavy and the thought of heading back to the party to fetch her didn’t sound like a good idea; you’re certain she wouldn’t be able to check her phone right away if you call her.

As if reading your mind, he proceeded to tug on your arm and guide you to his car. “I’ll tell Mark to send your car tomorrow.”

You muttered a quick thanks and typed your new apartment’s address to his car’s navigation before helplessly falling asleep during the ride.

Jaebeom stared at your face for a while after parking in front of your building. He wanted so much to hold you close to him and feel your body against him again but he knew better than to chase you away for the second time. It had been so long since he saw you this close. And though he spent a number of times visiting you incognito, he couldn’t help but feel a much stronger sense of regret for all the things that he has done to hurt you.

The clicking sound of your seatbelts being unfastened pulled you from the slumber. Jaebeom’s face was inches away from yours and you had to push him away due to shock. The brief nap you had made you feel so much better, your head feeling much lighter.

“Thanks for the ride,” you muttered sheepishly and immediately turned to open your side of the door to get off his car.

He stayed inside his car until he saw you made your way up into the elevator and remained seated in the dark for at least half an hour more before leaving the building.

Maybe hate is not the opposite of love, but indifference. Even in both spectrums, you couldn’t quite put a finger where you stood in your relationship with Lim Jaebeom. He’s like an opaque glass, extremely unpredictable and distant. There might have been times when you thought he’s finally letting his guard down and you inside his invisible shell, but now you’re not sure if or any of those times were even real. Despite being erratic, you stayed by his side, continuously cheering him on with his major life decisions as an unwanted friend and supporter.

It was your last semester break in college—one that didn’t really look like a break since graduation requirements were starting to pile up in addition to your internships and remaining academic classes—when Jaebeom stopped explicitly flirting with girls and started to constantly hang around you. He had a knack of fooling other people to believe he liked them more than he truly did, and you were in no way an exception in one of his schemes then. He made you feel you were important to him, made you think that he actually loved you and you never dared question it for once, finally seeing the end of your own chase.

Your friends thought he was finally coming to his senses and was getting ready to establish a serious relationship with you. Despite your conflicting schedules, every night he’d wait for your shift and classes to end to simply grab dinner together and then drive you back home. Even after he dropped you off, he’d call you’ll talk about the most random things over the phone until you both fell asleep. On his lunch breaks, he’d occasionally text you the lamest jokes he’s learned. His efforts never failed to make you smile.

But his sweet gestures lasted only for almost half a year. Right when you’ve finally garnered the courage to formalize taking your relationship to the next level, he had decided to put a stop to the little game he thought was going on between you. You didn’t mind having to lead the relationship with him at all. Putting a label on your relationship seemed like the last step in accomplishing your goal, considering all your efforts in trying to make him fall in love with you. But the end doesn’t always justify the means. One thing you have learned the hard way. Relationships are supposed to be two-way. Both parties need to practice give and take. And throughout the course of loving Jaebeom, you failed to realize how you’ve excessively poured yourself to him that you almost left little to nothing for yourself.

After finding out that he had slept with one of your closest friends, the only thing you could think of was to run away. Away from everyone even for a short period of time. That was the last straw. If he happened to sleep around before showing you his gentle and caring side and promising you a future with him, you could easily will yourself to not get hurt. But how could he go around sleeping with another girl when he made it clear to you that he wanted you to stay in his life?

Desperate for an escape, you negotiated with your father to buy yourself time to heal and move on. When he gave you his blessing to move across the country and spend some time alone for a couple of years, you took it as an opportunity to run away.

With your love for literature, you decided to pursue a degree related to it. You spent most of your time traveling, looking for inspiration to start your piece. You traveled across countries, visiting the most romantic places on earth alone, casually reminiscing the relationship you had with Jaebeom and thinking of all the other possibilities that could have happened if only you knew better than to chase a guy away. If there was one thing you could be grateful for the most, despite your situation, it’s having a chance to prepare yourself to write your very first book. You’ve always pictured yourself publishing a novel in the science fiction/fantasy category. A couple of unfinished novels sat on your computer since high school, somehow you couldn’t find the will to finish any of them and end each story. Little did you know the first one you will author close to actual completion is inspired by your own encounter with the love of your life. You planned for an open-ended story, wanting to finish the novel but not brave enough to put an absolute end to the story yet.

Finally, it was time for you to keep your end of the bargain with your father. You needed to come back to assume a position in your family business. You thought five years was enough to get over Lim Jaebeom, but then it seemed as if you were always wrong when it comes to him.

Your new office was luxurious. It had an enormous space elegantly decorated with black and gold pieces of furniture and minimalist ornaments. The floor to ceiling glass windows was overlooking the bustling city and gave you a stunning view of the sunset. The secretary assigned to help you with your new role in the company looked a few years younger than you but was always quick to pick things up and anticipate your needs, which is exactly what you need for.

The idea of working with your family members never really pleased you, but you couldn’t go back on your word, not when your father had been constantly at your disposal, attending to most of your whims your whole life. You didn’t want to disappoint him in any way. With your attitude towards work, it had been easy for you to focus on the upcoming big projects you will soon be supervising for the company. You almost became the first and the last person to leave the building sooner than everybody expected. You didn’t mind spending hours of meeting with the board or the investors, presenting the most innovative projects.

A bouquet of flowers, which you paid almost no attention to, sat on the far end of your desk. You were rarely the kind of person who appreciated such notions until you noticed a small note—congratulating you on your first day—before going out of your office to attend a meeting. There was no implication of who the sender was but you already have an idea.

Every single day in the next two weeks, different kinds of flowers greeted you in the office. You had to tell your secretary to get rid of every single one of it after plucking out each note and stashing it in one of your desk drawers. At one point, your secretary asked if you’d rather have the lobby not accept the deliveries to save you both the effort in getting rid of it but you refused, not entirely sure why.

It’s Saturday morning but you decided to go to your office much earlier than you usually do, wanting to go over some reports that had bugged you all night. The sun had barely risen when you arrived, a steaming cup of coffee on your hand. You gripped the hot drink tightly when you noticed Jaebeom’s tall frame inside your office. Sometimes it just makes you question the security of the place, really.

“Ah, I find it easier to get rid of flowers than of a human,” you spat. “What are you doing here?”

Jaebeom turned around to watch your guarded expression as you circled around your desk and settled in your chair. He wondered how come you have changed so much. “You never spoke to me after that night.”

You scoffed. Did he really think you were back in the city to continue chasing a man? “I don’t think there’s anything we need to talk about, Mr. Lim,” you smiled tightly and briefly remembered yourself instigating a talk after Mark’s party. “Besides, you’re not the reason I came back.”

Jaebeom closed the distance between you two. “You’ve changed. A lot.”

You wanted to scream at his face but you knew better than to openly show your feelings around him again. Trying your best to act nonchalant, you tilted your head to the side. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. It’s easier for you to assume that I have because this is not the Y/N you used to mess around with, right?” you said with a smile and stood up, planning to open the door and kick him out of your office. “I really hope you did change too, Beomie.”

It only took Jaebeom a couple of strides to stop you midstep. He turned you to face him and dipped his head slightly, lifting your chin in one swift motion to briefly press his lips on yours. His other hand lightly grazed your cheek. It was a light peck on the lips but it felt and tasted exactly how he did years ago. How you managed to preserve such memories of him surprised you.

You were stunned. Stunned by the fact that he kissed you ever so gently like you were a fragile little thing.

He paused and looked at you and you couldn’t stand another moment so close to him without his lips on yours. Soon, you started returning his kisses until you were both gasping for air. Just like that, the last five years you spent trying to move on from Jaebeom went down the drain.

“I fucking missed you,” he whispered and lightly kissed the sides of your mouth, arms circling around your waist. “So much.”

You tried so hard to not push him away as soon as those words left his mouth. For years you craved hearing it from him but why now? You were ready to go on with your life. Tears started to prick at the corner of your eyes. You never wanted to admit it to yourself but you missed him, too, dearly.

Only when you replied with nothing but a complete silence did Jaebeom stop his ministrations and took a good look at you. The conflict going on in your head evident on your face and he blanched.

“You selfish prick,” you muttered, blinking away the moisture in your eyes. “I don’t want to play your games anymore. I already spent number of years hating myself because of you. Please don’t make me feel that way again.”

Jaebeom pulled you in for a proper hug and shook his head lightly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he cooed. “Let me make this right, please?” he begged. “Let’s have dinner later. I’ll pick you up, okay?” he searched your eyes for approval but you shook your head and peeled yourself away from him.

Fuck dinner.

The moment Jaebeom vanished from your office, you freely let your tears fall. All the walls you’d built around yourself for years came crumbling down all with just a fucking kiss. You let yourself weep for a few more minutes before pulling yourself together again and trying your best to focus on your work. It’s a good thing that all that happened on a Saturday morning when you barely had an employee around to see you on your most vulnerable state. After a few hours, you couldn’t seem to properly do what you intended to do that day so you just brought the papers you’re supposed to review, hoping you could finally take a look with a clear mind by the time you reach your apartment.

It was around 7 P.M. when your doorbell rang. Jaebeom’s face flashed on the little screen of your doorbell intercom. Did he take your response earlier as an approval to take you to a fucking dinner?

There is no way you will be going out with him again. And yet Jaebeom stood silently at the other side of the door for almost two hours. He couldn’t forget how soft you could get for other people—even for a cruel man like himself who didn’t deserve you. And you? How could you forget how stubborn he could be when he wants something?

You dressed in a simple white shirt and pants and put on a light coat before exiting your apartment. Jaebeom’s eyes lit up at the sound of the doors unlocking. He smiled despite you pulling an annoyed expression on him. You briefly argued about bringing your own cars to the diner. Insisting you should share a ride to the restaurant, Jaebeom ended up in your passenger seat.

The dinner went unexpectedly smooth and you appreciated how he tried to make the mood light. You started talking like old friends over dinner, reminiscing some of the most memorable experiences you shared from years ago yet careful to not touch sensitive topics that would otherwise ruin the evening.

The night ended with him insisting to drive back. He knew how you used to hate driving when it was dark due to your bad eyesight back in college. Though you already underwent LASIK surgery and found no problem driving now, somehow the unpleasant memory was still at the back of your mind whenever you got behind the wheel at night so you opted not to protest.

The short drive to your apartment had been filled with comfortable silence except for Jaebeom’s occasional snide remarks directed to other drivers on the road.

It was a spur of the moment decision when you invited him to your home for a cup of tea—something you used to both enjoy after a long day.

You knew very well where this was going but you didn’t care, too tired to worry about things that hadn’t happened yet. Once again you wanted to just yield with fate.

The first night with Jaebeom after five awfully long years was spent snuggling close to each other while watching a movie. The old Jaebeom you knew wouldn’t have stayed for the night unless you begged him to, but now it seemed the tables had completely turned as he practically begged you to allow him to stay with you, promising he’d keep his hands to himself.

“What’s the point of staying here, then?” you teased him.

He blushed at your words and muttered something inaudible before you both settled comfortably under your sheets, the movie playing in the background as you felt each other’s warm body.

Every weekday after work, you would grab dinner together—in restaurants, takeouts, sometimes you alternate making home-cooked meals. Weekends were spent still hanging out together. He’d often invite himself over your house and show up at your doorstep uninvited. Soon he learned your passcode but never really used it to let himself inside until you tried to ignore his calls and refuse to open the door for him.

He was like a piece of gum that’s hard to get rid of and you’d be lying if you said you had no idea what’s coming. 

Jaebeom and you both silently came to the conclusion of not wasting time playing stupid games anymore. Five years worth of time had just been wasted and you didn’t have the luxury of time chasing each other around instead of actually making up for the time that you lost.

Your current setup extended for two more months and you were starting to think that your history repeated itself. The situation felt all too familiar—constant hanging out, occasional making out sessions, endless arguments, and banter over the smallest of things. One thing that has changed though is how Jaebeom had become undeniably soft for you each time. He smiled and joked a lot around you and showered you with physical affection more every time he got the chance. At the back of your mind, you were thinking of the possibility of him doing all these little cute things just to get into your pants, but seeing him not even try his hardest to get it on with you makes you doubt yourself for even thinking about it. He could have jumped into bed with you and used your body for all he wanted but he never did, always asking for your consent even for a mere kiss on the lips every time. The way he would pause less than an inch away from your face before kissing you or the way he would hold you loose so you can easily get out of his grasp whenever he held you.

Wheein gave up trying to help you open your eyes and avoid making the same mistakes after the first month you constantly spent with Jaebeom. She knew you too well to try and waste energy to convince you that you were just gonna end up hurting yourself more this time. That and the fact that she hadn’t seen you this euphoric for the longest time. All she can do now was hope that your man was not stupid enough to let you go again.

The last two months had gone so smoothly. And you know sooner or later you would have to actually talk like real adults in a relationship. So far, Jaebeom still hadn’t made any move in identifying what kind of relationship you were having and you were afraid that you would fall more deeply in love with a guy who hadn’t changed one bit for you.

The following weekend, Jaebeom invited you over to his place. He entered an expensive neighborhood on the outskirts of town and pulled up to an elegant-looking residence. It had stunning glass walls and warm lights that illuminated the vicinity of the house.

You bit back your tongue to stop yourself from asking incredulous questions. You wanted so bad to ask him if he’s married. There’s no way he’s living in that house alone and without a family.

He opened your door and led you inside the house. It smelled so much of fresh sandalwood like his old apartment. You looked around the house and smiled at the grand piano that sat in the living room. You’d always pictured your kids with him taking after his musical talents.

You flinched when Jaebeom hugged you from behind. Instantly blushing at your own playful thoughts of building a family with him.

He chuckled and lightly took your hand, entwining your fingers together before grazing his lips against it. “Are you thinking about it?”

Your brows knit together. “About what?”

“The piano at your parents’ house?” he smiled. “We almost did it.”

Your eyes shut at the memory of making out with Jaebeom at one of the parties your cousin threw in your house. That was the first time you kissed Jaebeom and since then you never had enough of him. You took a deep breath and tried to focus on your agenda for tonight. You had to make sure you cleared things up between you two before cruising towards yet another possible road to heartbreak.

Sighing, you turned around and marched away from him but stopped when you saw the dinner he had prepared. He led you to the table and pulled out a chair for you. Your heart is throbbing so loud, you were worried he might be able to hear it.

“Jae—”

Before you could even begin, he shushed you. “I know what you’re trying to say. We can talk about it later. Let’s eat first. Please?”

Did he know, really? Maybe he did but he just didn’t care. It’s not that impossible. Maybe he did not change at all. He was still the selfish bastard who only knew how to take from you and never gave even the smallest piece of himself in return.

You couldn’t stand to let the questions live in your mind rent-free. It should be now or never. If he were to say he didn’t want a relationship, then so be it. You weren’t looking for another reason to cry, you’ve had enough of that. I’m ready, you told yourself inside your head. Ready to face the worst again tonight.

“No. We have to talk about this now. Otherwise, we’ll go around in circles again. And I’m tired, Jaebeom.” It took you a great amount of willpower to display a straight face in front of him. “I don’t want to be with you anymore. The last few months have been great but that’s it. That’s all we could ever be. I don’t want to go any further.”

You’re a terrible liar.

“You say I’m selfish. And I know very well the game you are playing.” He reached for your hands but you stepped away. “But you can’t win, Y/N,” he said, confident in his own words. “Because you already want me. And you don’t stop chasing what you want until you get your hands on it.”

Maybe he was right. You were terrified thinking he did not change after all these years and yet you never realized you took little to no step in changing yourself when it came to him.

You shook your head, tears attempting to escape the corner of your eyes.

“I don’t want to be hurt again,” your voice trembled. “Every second I spend with you, I’m on my toes. Ready to protect myself from being hurt again. But—but right now, I want to make an exception. I will let myself be hurt again if it means I will finally be able to completely let you go.

“Please tell me you never really loved me. I might have been in love but I wasn’t that stupid. I swear we were almost there. I believed it. I believed every time. And yet you made it look so easy to turn your back at me. For years I have questioned my worth to be treated like that. Was I not enough?”

Jaebeom’s cheeks flushed. His eyes are burning.

“I wasn’t ready for you to leave me then!” he shouted as he walked away from you and collapsed onto the couch, his hands roughly brushing his face in an attempt to clear his thoughts. “Everyone I love does,” a short silence and then he got up again. “I didn’t want you to leave me then or now,” he whispered quietly.

You laughed and stood in front of him. “So you slept around after telling me you want me to stay in your life? You thought that would make me stay?”

“I never slept with anyone then.”

If not for the sincere gaze he held with you, you’d definitely think he’s lying. But Jaebeom rarely lied. He’s a cold-hearted asshole who hurt people with the truth, no matter how hard it was.

“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

“At first I thought you got tired of me because I finally confessed to you. I thought you were done and that you were ready to leave me. I talked to your parents—”

“You talked to my parents?”

He nodded. “They told me you were moving across the country to get away from me. How could I stop you when your father almost wanted to kill me when he told me how you cried every night thinking your parents didn’t hear you?”

Jaebeom quietly stood up and faced you. He cupped your face and muttered “I’m sorry” repeatedly, kissing your tears as they continued to stream down your cheeks. “I love you so damn much. I will never forgive myself if I lose you again. Please trust me again. For the last time?”

He pulled you with him and settled back down to the couch. You stayed in his arms silently for the rest of the night.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. Your swollen eyes hurt the moment you tried to look for the loud device. How you ended up in one of the beds in an unfamiliar house after a night of crying is a question easily thrown out the window.

An arm tightened around your waist when you attempted to get up. You whipped your head at the man beside you. He was sporting a deep frown beneath his long strands that partially covered his face. His wide shoulders on full display as he slept shirtless.

Your heart thumped loudly at the sight of Lim Jaebeom’s face so early in the morning. You wanted to kiss him. But you still owed yourself time to think through everything before jumping on your feelings again, aiming for a sound and logical justification of your next actions hoping to save yourself from any regrets in the near future.

You asked for space. A clear space to do your thinking and evaluation of your current status with Jaebeom. He promised to give it to you but with a condition—he will get to talk to you even on the phone every morning. The hell was this man actually thinking? How were you supposed to do your thinking when he’s continuously trying to fill your system with himself? Knowing he wouldn’t back down from any argument, you never objected but never promised anything either.

Every morning, a husky voice greeted you on the other line. This continued for a week and a half until he can no longer bear not seeing you in flesh.

“Come on, we already let five years pass. That’s more than enough time of suffering for me, baby,” he told you when he barged in your office carrying a baked salmon takeout for lunch. He knew that kind of food will work its magic on you. And sure, it did. When he was available during lunch, he’d come by your office to grab a meal with you. He’d also wait for you to finish your work to drive you back home. A lot of times you had to ask your secretary to take your car home.

You wanted to take all the time that you needed to establish your relationship with him. But when your friend Wheein played cupid for the both of you and hoisted an incredibly hot guy as your suitor to serve as ‘threat’, Jaebeom wasted no second in claiming you as his girlfriend, despite the fact that you both have been definitely acting like one already. “Seriously, Y/N? Do you ever learn? You need the commitment to make this shit work! Let me do the work for you.” Wheein scolded you when you told him you’re not yet in a conventional “official relationship”.

Mark’s wedding came. The ceremony had been elegant and extremely intimate. A slight contradiction to his past relationship with his now-wife.

Throughout the ceremony, Jaebeom stared at you from the altar. He watched as your eyes shone with tears when the bride walked the aisle and the couple shared their handwritten vows. He watched as you tried to look away when he was caught intently staring at you from across the church, trying to shy away from the evident desire to be in the same shoes as the bride.

If he could, he would have given you the world. He was ready to give you anything you asked for just for you to be happy. Marriage, he thought, is something that never really crossed his mind until you came back. Considering all the shit he put you through, he wouldn’t be surprised if you turn him down at least once. Maybe he deserves it but he will never give up on you again.

Thoughts cloud his mind but Jaebeom managed to keep his hands on you the whole course of the afterparty when he wasn’t aiding the groom. You didn’t mind, noticing the clouded expression plastered on his face. He didn’t have any liquor so he should be just tired, you assume.

That night, you decided to sleep over at his apartment. Wanting to save your boyfriend some extra time from driving back and forth from your house to his. Plus, his building was relatively closer to the reception compared to yours. Fortunately, Jaebeom lit up at your decision, excited to spend another weekend with you.

As soon as the door to his apartment closed, his lips found yours. It took you a second before returning his frantic kisses, your head lightly bumping into the wooden door as he pressed his own body against yours. He kissed you as if his life depended on it. His hands skimmed your curves and bunched up a fistful of your gown to caress your thigh.

Desperately gasping for air, you pushed him. Jaebeom must have noticed your legs almost turning into a jelly so he hoisted your hips upward, your legs automatically straddling his as he walked into the bedroom while supporting your body with a hand on your ass.

The way he gently placed you on the bed almost shocked you, like you were somewhat made of glass that could be broken with the slightest pressure. He propped himself on one elbow and stared at your eyes. You can tell something’s bothering him.

“A penny for your thoughts?” you whispered as you lightly touched his face, worried.

He shook his head and nuzzled your head instead of answering. Silently, he continued to stroke your sides and thigh lightly.

You didn’t want to force him to tell you what was bothering him, so you exerted an effort to flip your positions, determined to help your boyfriend relax.

Straddling his waist, you perched on top of him and started kissing him passionately. Slowly, you undid each button of his shirt.

He moved to help you discard his shirt and then reached around you to unzip your dress. He pulled the garment over your head and threw it on the floor. Now you’re completely bare in front of him, except for your underwear.

“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered on your lips before kissing you again. The way you ground your hips on his crotch driving him mad.

You stopped him when he attempted to go south, remembering your desire to help him ease the tension.

Jaebeom looked at you with confusion when you captured both his wrists and pinned them on either side of him.

“Let me take care of you,” you said, kissing the corner of his lips. The look on his eyes was replaced with amusement. You took your time concentrating on his upper body first, alternately kissing and sucking on his neck down to his abs while your hands massaged his member through his pants.

Jaebeom bit his lip. The mere sight of you naked and working on his jeans, barely even touching him, is enough to make his cock twitch in his pants. Each second you spent teasing him by slowing your movements was pure torture.

He immediately lifted his hips to help you pull his pants enough to free his cock.

Your hands instantly held the swollen tip and spread the precum around his head. You barely even touched him and the fact that he was hard as a rock for you sent delicious heat to your core. Your hands went up and down his shaft a few times, applying just the right pressure you came to learn lately with him.

Jaebeom had his eyes closed, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, trying his best not to moan.

Seeing Jaebeom unravel under your touch had become your addiction.

Your mouth soon replaced the greater portion where your hands used to touch a second earlier. And that was all it took for Jaebeom to finally moan loud, followed by a string of curses as his hips uncontrollably jerked at the warm feeling of your mouth. His hands found purchase on your hair. His moans motivated you to take him deeper down your throat in each thrust until you were almost gagging, eyes moist with tears.

He tried to keep himself from thrusting hard on your mouth when he noticed a tear escape your eye. “Shit. Baby, are you okay?”

You lightly shook your head and continued bobbing your head up and down his shaft until you could feel his cock twitch uncontrollably inside your mouth, signaling his release.

Jaebeom immediately pulled out and laid you on the bed, kissing you hard. He moved your panties to one side, dipping a finger to test your wetness. His other hand fondled your breast, twisting and pinching your nipples. You moaned to the kiss and arched your back, his ministrations throwing all of your senses into overdrive.

He peeled the last piece of clothing off of you and licked a strip between your folds before working his wet muscle inside your walls. You screamed and almost crushed his skull between your legs if not for his arms that massaged your mounds.

“Beom-ah,” you panted.

Jaebeom hummed in return, the vibrations causing your opening to clench around his tongue. He used his fingers to open you up and suck on your clit then proceeded to thrust fingers into your core.

You shook uncontrollably as the orgasm hit you and Jaebeom didn’t cease his fingers’ movements. He got back up and kissed your lips again. Aligning the tip of his cock to your opening.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much. You drive me crazy.” he panted as he sheathed himself inside of you.

You wanted to say it back but your body was aching. After all the sex with your boyfriend, your core still doesn’t seem to have adjusted to his girth.

Jaebeom waited a few minutes before moving his hips, letting you adjust around him. He peppered kisses on your face and behind your ear. “Still so fucking tight.”

“I love you too, Lim Jaebeom,” you whispered and moved your hips after adjusting.

Jaebeom started thrusting, slow but hard. All the while he was intently looking at your face, contorted with pleasure. He kept saying he loves you and you kept ignoring it, unable to make out words in your current position.

“Y/N shit,” he breathed. “I love you so much. Please marry me and have kids with me.”

You opened your eyes to see the sincerity in his eyes. Fuck, he meant it.

“What?”

Jaebeom slowed down his thrusts even if it hurt. “I love you so much. Please marry me, Y/N.”

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes at the sudden marriage proposal. Never in your whole life had you imagined someone proposing marriage in the middle of the sex. If it wasn’t Jaebeom, you would have laughed. But it was him asking you. The guy you loved the most in your life. And even if he turned out to be just joking, you very well knew that there was a part of yourself wishing he actually meant it.

“Are you serious?”

“I’d do it the normal way some other time, baby. But I’ve said what I’ve been thinking about lately.” He tucked some loose hair behind your ear as he looked down at you. “I want to be yours forever. If you’d let me, I would marry you in every place you like.”

The cock twitched inside of you twitched as if urging you for affirmation.

Jaebeom searched your eyes for an answer. Only when you nodded and muttered a barely audible ‘yes’ did he continued to move in and out of you.

#jaebeom smut #got7 smut #jaebeom fluff #jaebeom angst #got7 alive fest 2020 #jaebum smut #got7 jaebum #jaebeom fanfic #mark tuan smut #jackson smut #yugyeom smut #youngjae smut #bambam smut #jinyoung smut #mark tuan fluff #jackson fluff #jinyoung fluff #youngjae fluff #bambam fluff #yugyeom fluff #mark tuan fanfic #jackson fanfic #jinyoung fanfic #got7 #jaebeom imagine #youngjae fanfic #bambam fanfic #yugyein fanfic

[passionate-reply]

“Why did Kraftwerk stop making albums?” they all ask, as though Karl Bartos isn’t right here, consistently kicking ass and making great music. If you’re hungry for more Kraftwerk goodness, specifically with an early 90s techno flair, you probably won’t do better than Esperanto, so come check it out! (Also featuring special guest star Andy McCluskey from OMD.) Full transcript below!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about an album not too many people have heard, but that I think more people really should--especially fans of Kraftwerk. It’s Esperanto, the 1993 debut of Kraftwerk alumnus Karl Bartos’s project, Elektric Music. The production of the final classic-lineup Kraftwerk LP, 1986’s Electric Cafe, had been dominated by frustrating delays, rewrites, and remixes, and when all was said and done, the resulting album was a relative flop. By the time of the 1991 remix album The Mix, which seemed to end Kraftwerk’s career with a whimper, Bartos had grown alienated from founding members Ralf Huetter and Florian Schneider-Esleben, and fed up with their apparent lack of work ethic. He set out on his own, partnering with Lothar Manteuffel of the Neue Deutsche Welle act Rheingold, to form Elektric Music.

What I think really stands out about Esperanto first is its sense of freewheeling, unrestrained immediacy. For nearly a decade leading up to this album, Bartos had been working at the whim of others, waiting around, and feeling like he was spinning his wheels. Esperanto feels like a tightly coiled spring that’s finally being released. It’s dense, busy, in-your-face music that positively demands to be paid attention to.

Music: “Lifestyle”

Vibrating at the core of Esperanto is an undeniable Kraftwerk-esque sonic template: textural synth side-swipes, chattering vocoder-driven vocals, and hypnotic, mechanical rhythms. It’s natural to expect that rhythmic quality from Bartos, since he was chiefly brought on to provide percussion parts for Kraftwerk, but it’s also important to remember that he’s as interested in pop music as he is in classical. Both Bartos’s solo work, as well as the Kraftwerk tracks he had a hand in, emphasize melody, in a poppy, easy to love manner. The melodies here have some precedent in Bartos’s earlier work, but they’ve never been quite as punchy and vibrant before.

“Lifestyle” also makes early use of vocal chops, which contribute to that tight and busy feel, while also being a marked attempt at pushing this core sound into the musical future. Some of these specific samples are actually repeated across multiple tracks, if you listen closely--a sort of callback to the repeated melodic motives of the early Kraftwerk albums. “Information,” a high-concept eight-minute epic that the rest of the tracklisting pivots around, is even closer to being structured like “Trans-Europe Express”:

Music: “Information”

Bartos has never really ceased struggling under the weight of his Kraftwerk past, torn between indulging in these ideas and themes that come so naturally to him, and feeling obligated to set himself apart--as well as obligated to push the envelope and break new musical ground. Esperanto radiates and burns with that sense of conflict, which feels fresher and more raw, given the timeframe involved. This tension between working with and working against the Kraftwerk legacy is not only musical, but also thematic. Like the Kraftwerk albums, Esperanto is deeply concerned with the role technology plays in our lives...but it’s a lot less optimistic. Take, for instance, the opening track, “TV”:

Music: “TV”

“TV” is Esperanto at its most gloomy or melancholy, portraying the detached haze of modern lotus-eaters transfixed by the glowing screen. It’s an image that’s readily familiar and relatable to us today, of course, and it’s also one that runs contrary to the techno-utopianism of Kraftwerk, where home technologies offer hope of bringing people together rather than splitting them apart, and disconnecting them from the real world. If that wasn’t enough to convince you to read “TV” as an anti-Kraftwerk screed, the lyrics even point to “computer graphics” and “electric bands” as fodder for that destructively distracting entertainment. Ouch! Along somewhat similar lines is the track “Kissing the Machine”:

Music: “Kissing the Machine”

“Kissing the Machine” is also a sort of rebuttal of Kraftwerk tracks like “Computer Love,” demonstrating the pitiful perversion it really is to expect human, emotional fulfillment from a cold and sterile mechanical contraption. Whereas “TV” is more overtly downbeat, “Kissing the Machine” takes the route of dramatic irony, going for an eerily cheerful, naive sort of sound, painting its narrator as utterly oblivious to what they’re missing out on. You probably noticed that the vocalist on this track is actually not Bartos--it’s Andy McCluskey, best known as the frontman of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. Like Manteuffel, McCluskey is a younger synth-pop artist whose career began in the 1980s, making music that owed quite a lot to what Kraftwerk had achieved before. Bringing on some slightly younger talent is not only a nod towards keeping up with the times, but also another jab at the legacy of Kraftwerk, who refused to collaborate with any other musicians, and at times even seemed loath to acknowledge how the art of electronic music had evolved in their wake. As the title of Esperanto implies, the theme of language is also prominent here, and that serves as yet another way in which the Kraftwerk philosophy is turned on its head, most notably in the title track:

Music: “Esperanto”

While many people assert that it’s more “authentic” to listen to Kraftwerk in German, they made consistent attempts to incorporate a wide variety of languages into their work. Besides the English-language versions of their LPs, Kraftwerk also sang in French, Italian, Spanish, Russian, and even Japanese, to varying degrees. They were selling a vision of “Europe Endless” that was multicultural and multilingual, and seemed to have wanted people from all over the world to connect with them and feel included and represented in their future, rather than view them as some distant and peculiarly Teutonic phenomenon.

“Esperanto” flies in the face of the dream of linguistic unity. Esperanto itself is an artificial, constructed language, created by L. L. Zamenhof in the late 19th Century. Combining features from the most commonly spoken languages across the globe, and streamlining away things like irregular verbs, Esperanto was built from the ground up to become a true “universal language” for all of mankind, that was easy to learn and use. But despite the hopes of Zamenhof, whose name for his new tongue translates to English as “one who hopes,” it obviously never caught on. The most beautiful utopian vision in the world is still just a vision, and you can end up failing even if “you’ve got the perfect pitch.”

Kraftwerk’s longtime graphic designer Emil Schult, whose contributions to Kraftwerk’s signature aesthetic are nearly as important to their legacy as any of their music, returned to create the cover art of Esperanto. With its bright and simple red tone and strong use of diagonals, Esperanto’s cover art is clearly evocative of the iconic cover of Kraftwerk’s 1978 LP The Man-Machine, arguably the finest hour for the band as well as Schult. However, its abstract, non-figurative qualities set it apart from the work Schult and Bartos had done before, as Kraftwerk hadn’t made an album that didn’t feature their own faces front and center since 1975’s Radioactivity. The image of a rising sun is fitting for the idea of Bartos’s empowered return to music after a period of dormancy.

The world is full of people bemoaning the fact that Kraftwerk gave up on making new music, and the apparent irony of this band who appeared to be visiting from the future being absent from the world they helped create, in which “electronic music” has ceased to be a novelty and become a default. Karl Bartos may not be the most prolific artist in the world, but I’ve always seen him as the rightful heir to the Kraftwerk legacy, and I think his string of solo albums since leaving the band are the most worthy follow-ups that could ever have been paired with Kraftwerk’s classic run. Esperanto does everything you could possibly want a 1990s Kraftwerk album to do, staying true to that musical heritage while also pushing forward, and staking a place in the broader artistic conversation. I think everyone who identifies as a fan of Kraftwerk owes it to themself to give Esperanto a spin.

My favourite track on Esperanto is the closer, “Overdrive.” Unlike the readily apparent cynicism purveyed by tracks like “TV” and “Kissing the Machine,” “Overdrive” reads as a more complex perspective about technology and everyday life. It’s a portrayal of that all-too-modern scourge of overstimulation, that’s still ultimately a very exciting one, that sweeps you up in its triumphant “kiss of life.” Listening to its chaotic instrumental outro, I can’t help but feel that it leads directly into Bartos’s follow-up to Esperanto, 2003’s Communication--an album that would tackle the Internet age, and its inescapable virtual hustle and bustle, head-on. That’s all for today--thanks for watching!

Music: “Overdrive”

#music #great albums #album review #album reviews #karl bartos #kraftwerk #andy mccluskey #omd #orchestral manoeuvres in the dark #elektric music #techno #synth pop #synth-pop #synthpop

[astro-syd]

Taehyung & Jungkook - Composite Reading

*note that where I refer to them as a “couple,” I’m not necessarily referring to their relationship as romantic. It’s just the easiest way for me to discuss a composite chart relationship! How they define their relationship is their business, not ours.

The First House & Ascendant:

Taekook have their Ascendant in Scorpio, along with their Sun and Mercury. Like I mentioned before in their synastry reading, their relationship is VERY deep and intense. 

Scorpio is a sign that doesn’t appreciate superficiality or a keeping of secrets. It wants to know everything about you, the good, the bad, and everything in between. 

Having both their Sun and AC in this sign, they definitely project an aura of intensity and depth. You can really get the sense of how deep their connection is just by watching them interact.

Scorpio is a fixed water sign, meaning that emotions run DEEP here. Their relationship is the image of passion and feeling for each other.

There’s a potential for jealousy and possessiveness between them.

Mercury here only supports the idea that there’s nothing off-limits between them. They can talk to each other about anything, rely on each other for anything, and there’s no sense of judgement or shame between them. Communication flows easily, and it’s obvious that they simply understand each other in a way that others do not.

Their Sun in the 1st house shows off their confidence together. This placement is often recognized in powerful couples who are pioneers in their field, and Taekook definitely fit that bill. They’re true leaders, and their power is strongest when they’re together.

The Second House:

Taekook’s composite 2nd house falls in Sagittarius. The 2nd usually rules over your material world and possessions, and mutable Sag could indicate that their combined funds are often spent on trips and adventures for them to explore and make memories together.

They have Pluto here in the 2nd trine Saturn, which shows that they’d be very responsible about the way that they handle their finances and possessions. Pluto here can lead to some selfishness in terms of sharing wealth and possessions, but I imagine the whole band has figured out the best way to handle these things to best benefit everybody.

This placement can also indicate a deep sense of responsibility for each other. They both feel the need to make sure the other is provided for. Pluto and Saturn can both deal with fears, guilt and shame as well, and I think this aspect really shows how great they are at comforting each other and handling their emotions with care. Their affectionate attitude serves to soothe and stabilize each other, as well as to express their feelings.

They also have both Venus and Mars here in the 2nd. They’re a very sensory-based couple! They enjoy giving gifts to each other, which can be either material in nature or a sort of trip or opportunity for adventure, as I mentioned before. 

They might also spend a lot of money on art, either to decorate their home or on materials to create their own. This also goes for anything related to fashion and beauty. They both enjoy investing in art, beauty, and aesthetics.

They’re great at showing physical affection, which is genuinely comforting to both of them and is the easiest way for them to express their feelings for each other.

With both of these planets in Sag, adventures and keeping each other on their toes is key to having a good time. They’re very optimistic and always like to be exploring something new together. Given how open and accepting they are with each other, I’m sure they manage to find no shortage of topics to discuss and ideas to explore.

The Third House:

Taekook’s third house is in Capricorn. They find true stability in being around the rest of the band, and being a member of BTS gives them the confidence and ambition to pursue their goals. 

Their conversations are often very serious. Cap is a very no-nonsense, business-like sign. They’re very honest and straightforward with each other, and they don’t shy away from having the “essential” conversations when necessary. 

They strongly support each other’s ideas and beliefs. It’s a large component of why they can communicate with each other so well. 

Jupiter here also supports the idea that communication is important and easy for them, and that they strongly ground each other in their daily life.

Neptune in this house shows a strong respect for and openness about each other’s dreams! Dreams and inspirations are commonly shared between them. In fact, they likely come to each other with these ideas long before anyone else. 

The Fourth House:

Their fourth house falls in Aquarius. Uranus is also here, in its rulership. This strongly points to a unique and unconventional home life, which makes sense for the boys. Their “home” is with their band members, and their life and career circumstances would definitely be considered unique.

Uranus will create a sense of instability in their home life and relationship, which likely just stems from their career circumstances.

Regardless, their relationship with each other is built off of unique circumstances and therefore doesn’t function in the same way a “normal” friendship or relationship would. They don’t care to conform to society’s idea of how they should relate to each other and behave together, they simply care about doing what’s right for each other and what works best for them.

The Fifth House:

Taekook have no planets in their composite 5th, but the house falls in Pisces.

This sign really shows their love for sharing art and music with each other. It’s a very art-based, creative sign, and in their house of fun, games & recreation, you can see how much they genuinely enjoy being creative together. They probably spend a lot of time talking about, creating, and sharing arts, as well as visiting art museums whenever they get the chance.

This sign also tells us that they’re even more affectionate and cuddly when they’re alone and nobody is watching, how cute!!

Both are highly willing to make sacrifices for the other. This doesn’t really come as a surprise given how deep and caring their bond is, but it definitely solidifies the degree to which they’re willing to give to each other without question.

The Sixth House:

Their 6th house falls in Aries! This quick-moving fire sign really shows how much activity goes on in their day-to-day lives. They’re a busy bunch!

They work very well together as a team and are capable of completing tasks together very quickly. This definitely comes in handy during their busy schedules.

Their composite Saturn also resides in this house. This REALLY shows how seriously they take their job and work life. There’s no question in either of their minds how important their work is, and they’re both highly committed to getting their job done well and on time. They have the greatest sense of focus and discipline when they’re working together.

The Seventh House:

Taekook’s seventh house, the house of partnerships, falls in Taurus! This confirms my earlier statement about them being a very sensory-based couple.

There’s no planets in this house either, but we can still draw a few conclusions about their relationship.

Taurus is a fixed earth sign, so they’re very loyal and committed to each other. Nothing is going to break their bond.

They interact with others in a very calm and collected manner, so long as they’re together.

Since Taurus is ruled by Venus, they probably like to relax in a very orderly and beautiful environment. If they’re sharing a room or living space, agreeing upon the decorations and environment are important.

They’re likely to find stability and comfort in their partnership no matter where they’re at in the world or what’s going on. They act as each other’s rock, grounding and supporting the other simply through their presence.

The Eighth House:

Taekook have their Eighth house in Gemini, and their Moon also resides here. Wow, they have a lot of communication aspects!

The 8th is ruled by Scorpio, and once again, there’s no topic off-limits when talkative Gemini is brought into this house. They truly have a very open relationship with each other where no secrets are kept from the other.

The Moon here shows that even their deepest emotions, fears and sensitivities can be shared, heard and respected. Gemini moons make great listeners who love to support each other. 

In the intuitive 8th house, Taekook probably seem almost as if they’re telepathic. They tend to intuit each other’s emotions and thoughts without even having to speak a word. They’re just on the same wavelength, and they know each other well enough to pick up on and interpret subtle signals the other might be giving off.

The Ninth House:

Their ninth is in Cancer, and it’s another empty house.

This tells us that their love for travel, adventure and exploration together also brings them a sense of emotional security. They’re at their happiest and most comfortable when they get to explore new things together.

They also probably need a sense of freedom when they’re living together. As comfortable and affectionate as they are with each other, they also need their space to keep tensions from rising, which makes sense given how close all of the members must live together.

The Tenth House:

Their tenth house and Midheaven are in Leo. With Leo ruling over performance arts and the Midheaven ruling over public image, it makes sense that we’d see this placement in their chart!

This placement just shows us that they’re well known for their career as performers and that this reputation proceeds them. If their names are mentioned, the first thought that comes to mind is their career performing with BTS! 

Their relationship is strengthened through their bond both as friends and as performers. Their loyalty to their career also serves to strengthen their bond with each other.

The Eleventh House:

Taekook’s eleventh falls in Virgo. It’s also an empty house.

They have a very practical and reliable approach to working together as a group and interacting with friends. There isn’t a whole lot of flamboyance or tension in how they function with their friends or bandmates. They’re grounded, reliable, and good at completing necessary tasks.

Their outlook is focused towards the most efficient ways of getting things done, and they’re good at organizing the rest of the group to follow these plans as well. As I said, it’s a very practical approach to friendships and group activities, and their reliability is something that would bring comfort to the other members as well.

The Twelfth House:

Taekook have their twelfth in Libra. The sign of balance and harmony falls into their house of the unconscious and the unseen.

This makes me wonder if this is some of why the maknaes love to rely on Jimin for comfort- his Libra sun would fall in their composite 12th, illuminating these hidden realms… hmm, anyone have any comments on that?

ANYWAY, Taekook have their North Node here, which is interesting. Their relationship will feel the most fulfilling when they’re focused on transcendence of the self. Their South Node would fall back in the 6th in Aries, which shows that coming into this relationship, they’re very self-focused throughout their career/daily activities and may have initially struggled to figure out how the other fits into this scene. 

There’s big themes for them around where to be themselves and care about their own wishes, and where to be selfless and join their energy with the other to act as one. There’s big themes around self vs oneness for them. 

They’ll actually feel the most fulfilled through their connection when they’re acting selflessly for the other, and finding that balance between themselves and their own desires and the other’s. Anything they do to benefit the other will naturally also benefit themself.

Their Chiron also falls in this house, which shows huge opportunities for healing in their relationship. When they feel as if they can’t fit into the rest of the world or are haunted by traumatic memories of their pasts, they can find peace and solace within their connection.

#taekook #taekook analysis #taekook composite #taekook reading #taekook composite reading #bts readings #bts composite reading #bts #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan astrology #bangtan sonyeondan #taehyung #jungkook #jeongguk #bts v #BTS jungkook #bts jeongguk #kim taehyung #jeon jeongguk #astrology #astrology readings #bts astrology readings #mini reading #taehyung and jungkook #jungkook and taehyung #kookv #vkook #bts astrology #bts astrology reading

[thexfridax]

Translated radio interview / transcript

Dance of the gazes and female desire

Susanne Burg, Deutschlandfunk, 26th of October 2019

// Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]. You can listen to the interview (in German) here. Noémie speaks in English, but unfortunately you can’t hear most of it due to the simultaneous translation (or maybe you can if you have superhuman hearing). I’ve tried to combine the transcript with the recording where possible. Apologies, it gets a bit messy. //

‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is about a female painter who is supposed to paint a woman, who doesn’t want to be painted. The film received the Best Screenplay in Cannes. Lead actress Noémie Merlant explains why this film is so special.

One of the films that has been talked about a lot in Cannes this year, in the queues, in reviews and finally at the award ceremony, was ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’. […] It is a period film, but turns many gender roles upside down and tenderly creates a utopia of liberated love.

[T: Omitted short description of film]

Interviewer: You play the painter Marianne, who is commissioned by the Countess to do a portrait of her younger daughter Héloïse. Héloïse refuses to pose. Marianne therefore has to study her face during the day and then paint her at night. Why did she even accept this commission? Does she think in the beginning, it is just a job like any other?

Noémie Merlant: She is a painter and is still at the beginning of her career. She wants to work and as a woman gets the opportunity to do so. At the time there were maybe around a hundred [T: womans 😘], who were painters. She is modern in the sense that she is and wants to work as a freelancer, [T: (as per recording) so she has to accept to work this way, in secret.]

--- [T: This bit is not in the recording for whatever reason]

I: She does that, she studies Héloïse’s face, they talk with each other. When does she start to feel guilty, because she is lying to Héloïse?

NM: I believe that she already feels a bit guilty in the beginning, when she accepts the job. This guilt is getting stronger, the more she feels for Héloïse. The more in love she feels, the more guilty she also feels.

---

I: How does their relationship change, when Héloïse finds out?

NM: [T: (as per recording) It changes everything, because then Héloïse accepts to collaborate,] she accepts to sit for the portrait. From this moment, it is about the collaboration of two women, and the love story can really begin. They collaborate on the same level, the gazes are horizontal. The concept of the muse is reinvented in this film – Héloïse is not a muse, [T: (as per recording) she is a collaborator. So this starts at that moment.]

I: Héloïse has a very strong opinion about Marianne’s painting. And Marianne is also not very happy about the result of her work at first. Why is that?

NM: Marianne has the opportunity not to marry, but to pursue her passion as painter. But she is stuck, she hasn’t really found her art. She is trapped in the constraints of a commissioned painter. But when she starts to collaborate with Héloïse, when Héloïse practically opens her eyes, that is when Marianne realizes she has to be sincere with this portrait, in this case it means the intimacy and shared moments of these women. Héloïse has found her way back in life, [T: (as per recording) and Marianne is back in life, too, so it’s easier for her to find the kind of truth in the portrait.]

--- [T: This bit is not in the recording either]

I: I read that the director Céline Sciamma was inspired by the painter Hélène Delmaire for the character of Marianne? How much did you look at her art as preparation for the film?

NM: It was important for me to closely observe Hélène at work, to absorb the gaze of the painter. She has a certain kind of gaze that all painters have somehow, when they work – how she looks at something that she paints and then at the canvas. I had to adopt this gaze, the eyes of a painter. I also observed her rhythm at work, her gestures and all the technical steps to create a portrait. You can see in the film that the portrait is reminiscent of modern art at first, the light, the shadows, how it’s built piece by piece. I find it important to understand this right from the beginning.

---

I: The dresses in the film are quite impressive, in my opinion. And they are also quite important for the protagonists in the film. How much does the dress, which you wear in the film, characterise Marianne?

NM: [T: (as per recording) This dress got pockets. It’s true at that time there were pockets,] but these were banned later on and disappeared from the dresses. These pockets were a step towards autonomy for women. As a painter these pockets are important for my character und also influence her gestures. There is also a cape that was made for the character of Marianne, it is more of a masculine cape. This dress, the pockets and the cape also helped me to get into the spirit of the character. Same for the fact that the dress with the corset was quite tight and heavy. The film also gives an idea how oppressive these social forces were, and with the heavy dress I could directly feel these restrictions. During the course of the film [T: (as per recording) the costumes get less (tight), and we smile more, we feel more, we desire more. And so the costume helped (with) that.]

I: It is a story about love and art, which takes place in the 18th century, but it also feels quite contemporary. How did the idea that the story is also saying something about the present time influence your interpretation of the role?

NM: [T: (as per recording) When I act, even if it’s in the 18th century…] I don’t think about these things, when I act. There are of course the costumes and the text that cannot be changed, but when I act and when Adèle acts, then we act together and are fully in the moment, we create that moment. But when I read the script for the first time, I was [T: in the bathtube] captivated by the film. This story has been missing so far. The stories of female painters were erased historically, and cannot be found anymore. Stories about women and the female gaze have been missing. There are only those with the male gaze, which became the universal gaze. [T: (as per recording) … it was really strong because it was necessary to share this (story) and give back this expression to the womans (sic), you know.]

--- [T: This bit is not in the recording either]

I: How does the atmosphere change on set, when it is mainly women working there?

NM: There are almost no men in the film. There are a lot of films with only men, but we don’t realise it. That is normal. This film is a kind of invitation for women and men to look at women as they are. We were indeed mainly women on set. It was different in the way… we were not necessarily freer, but maybe more ourselves and less intimidated, and there was just this horizontal gaze between all of us.

---

I: Marianne and Héloïse talk a lot with each other, but there is also a lot of non-verbal communication, especially when they start to fall in love with each other and which must take place in secret at first. How did you work on the non-verbal communication between the two of you?

NM: [T: (as per recording) Yes, the silence (is) a big part in the movie.] It was also all in the script already, the gazes, the gestures and so on. But we worked a lot on the details. An important detail is the music. There are only two pieces of music in the film. It was very difficult to listen to music then, it was predominantly silent. And when you then hear the music, you immediately thought ‘Wow!’ – this could also be conveyed through the volume. It is the same for the gazes, the touches and the silence between Héloïse and Marianne – all those details were already written down, but it is about how you fill them out, how you adopt these, and what you put in.  

Adèle has for example suggested a gaze, and it was always a different one, just like this, or with a smile. So it was a surprise, because I didn’t expect it. We worked on finding our autonomy in these. And even the breathing is important in this film. It influences every scene and their rhythm. If you finish a scene with an inhale or exhale, it changes everything. [T: (as per recording) That was great and really interesting, we were working on holding back, you know.]

I: You are in each scene of the film. What does that mean for your preparation and work?

NM: [T: (as per recording) Yes, it is exhausting, because you] have to be present the whole time – it is not about not losing control, that can be good sometimes – but to constantly be mentally present is more exhausting than being physically there. We didn’t work chronologically. It is important that the audience notices how my character and Héloïse’s change during the course of the film. And because we didn’t work chronologically, we had to carefully prepare each scene at the kitchen table, and carefully check where we are in the story, in the relationship, in the work.

In the beginning we both kind of wear a mask, we don’t show much of us, we are reserved and shy. And piece by piece, we open up a bit more. The eyes, the smile, the mouth, the dress, everything is more open. [T: (as per recording) So I had to really stay focused in each scene, where am I at that moment.]

I: You worked quite intensively on this film and it was then in competition at Cannes in May. How is it for you to see the film and yourself on the big screen?

NM: [T: (as per recording) I have a mix of feelings.] I am happy, because I love this film, it is great and I am proud of it. On the other hand, I always find it difficult to see myself or to hear my voice, [T: (as per recording) but I try to forget that and you know, appreciate what I see.]

Picture sources: [1, (c) Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images], [2], [3, NEON], [4, Joel C Ryan/Invision/AP]

#Deutschlandfunk #Noémie Merlant #Portrait of a Lady on Fire #PoaLoF #German interview #October 2019 #I don't know what was going on with the transcription here #Messy #But it's lovely to hear her voice #My translation #long post

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Opening Up with… Evanescence

Opening Up sees us talk to musicians about the opening track from each of their studio albums. Our next guest is Amy Lee, lead vocalist and founding member of goth-pop veterans Evanescence. With millions of albums sold worldwide, the band are one of the most beloved of their era – and there's still plenty left in the tank, as their latest studio album attests to.

Amy Lee’s eyes widen when she realises what the premise of today’s conversation is. “I never get asked about this sort of stuff!” she exclaims excitedly from her Nashville home, surrounded by a stuffed toy collection belonging to her seven-year-old son Jack. Lee is very drawn to the prospect of a grand opening, whether that’s in the albums that she listens to, the gigs she attends or the movies she watches.

“I have a couple of different ideas about it,” she says. “An album opener…it’s got to pull you in. There’s different ways to do that, and we’ve done a few. One way is to give it the slow build – something that is opening up a world and an atmosphere to you where you’re like, ‘Okay, this is the world I’m stepping into.’ It builds up until it gets to that first big moment of impact. The other method, which I also love, is when you don’t hesitate and just burst right into something. We do our live shows both ways, too. It’s one of those things where it just kind of depends on your mood. You want to really reflect not only on where you’re at, but where you’ve been.”

‘Going Under’ – Fallen, 2003

In another life, ‘Going Under’  would have been the world’s introduction to Evanescence. The opening track to what would go on to be one of the highest-selling albums of the decade was the favourite among Lee and co. to be its lead single. Wind-Up Records, however, opted for ‘Bring Me to Life’, and the rest, as they say, is history. That’s not to count out ‘Going Under’ by any means whatsoever – after all, as Buzz Aldrin once said, second comes right after first.

“That was the song that we really wanted,” admits Lee, reflecting on the song nearly 18 years after its release. “I love ‘Bring Me to Life’, obviously, but we had a great feeling about ‘Going Under’ being sent to radio before the album came out. When that didn’t happen, it kind of became like, ‘Okay, well at least when you hear the album, I want it to still be the first thing that you hear.’”

The song details a tumultuous relationship that Lee had in her early 20s, both in the throes of it and staring back at the ashes of its remnants. She acknowledges the song’s agency reflects both strength and vulnerability in tandem, which explains why the track has spoken to so many listeners over the years. “I think it’s really strong,” she asserts.

“It presents a place that I kind of got to later. I’m calling out for help – ‘I’m going under/I’m drowning in you’ – but it starts out with me being like, ‘You know what? I’m done with this. I’m stepping out of the situation.’ I think that attitude was something for me that I was more excited to project.”

Setlist.fm approximates that the band have played ‘Going Under’ nearly 500 times over the years, making it one of the strongest staples of their shows. It’s a classic “hold out the mic” song – Lee can defer to her makeshift choir on any given night to take up any section of lyrics with full confidence that they’ll be sung back loud and proud. “It’s a fun one to play live,” she notes. “Some songs have more staying power than others, and that song really has that for me. That’s the song that still feels really good and still fits. It doesn’t have anything about it that sort of feels like ‘Okay, that’s cool and that’s part of our history, but that’s not really what we are anymore.’ That one just really has stood the test of time.”

‘Sweet Sacrifice’ – The Open Door, 2006

The parallels between the first tracks on Evanescence’s first two records are obvious. Each cuts straight to the chase, pairing a distorted Lee vocal with a crunching, down-tuned palm-mute guitar chug before bringing in a steady full-band groove and a rousing, angsty chorus. Internally, however, the make-up of Evanescence had drastically shifted between albums, informed by the exit of the band’s co-founder in guitarist Ben Moody less than a year after the release of Fallen. This came midway through a tour, leaving the band to scramble in finding a replacement guitarist, which came in the form of Terry Balsamo (a member of the opening band, Cold). At the conclusion of the tour, Balsamo ultimately joined Evanescence full-time – a position he would hold for the next 12 years.

“That writing process was a new experience,” recollects Lee on co-writing with Balsamo for the first time. “We just had a different energy, which was really cool. We spent a lot of all-nighters in this house in LA – which was actually the first house I’d ever bought. Terry would come up and stay for a month or whatever at a time, and we would work all night.”

When queried specifically on the writing of ‘Sweet Sacrifice,’ Lee recalls a moment where she and Balsamo really clicked creatively – the song’s stirring pre-chorus, which builds to its hard-hitting hook and big-swinging drums. “The guitar and the vocal are kind of mirroring each other there,” she says. “We were really excited about it. There was just this feeling that came with it,  like, the freedom of saying ‘we’ve earned the right to make music however we want right now.’ So many people were breathing down my neck being like, ‘Let me write your songs for you.’ Writing that song was us saying ‘no, we’re gonna do whatever we want because we earned this.’”

“I felt like the song was so beautifully heavy,” she continues. “I also felt like it would subvert what people would expect as an opening track. Because I was without my guitar-playing original counterpart, there was somehow this idea that the next record [should] be softer and more feminine. I love heavy music, of course, and what was coming out of me and Terry was, in some ways, a lot heavier.”

September will mark the 15-year anniversary of The Open Door, and although it doesn’t hold the same legacy as Fallen, it remains a sentimental favourite among fans of the band. Lee still maintains a strong relationship with the record – if not for the fact that the band was able to make it at all in the first place.

“I still love it very much, it means a lot to me,” she comments. “I did have a lot to prove, and I felt the pressure of people feeling like, ‘I wonder if she can do that without Ben.’ I was really excited to show right away that we were taking it to the next level.”

‘What You Want’ – Evanescence, 2011

The first thing you hear on Evanescence’s third studio album is not Lee. Hell, it’s not even a guitar. It’s a reverb-heavy kick and snare beat, which sounds like it’s echoing from the depths of an arena. It immediately kicks the album off on a high gear, and is a perfect example of Lee’s latter example of not hesitating and bursting right in as an opener.

“That’s Will,” she determines of the song’s opening fill – courtesy of drummer Will Hunt, who made his debut on Evanescence after touring with the band for several years prior. “He is the greatest drummer in the world. That part was totally him. He is arena rock to the max, so it’s perfect. What’s cool about that is we all have different things in us that [are] our own style, each member of the band. When everybody’s particular tastes and styles get a chance to really shine through what they’re doing, I think that’s what can make it really amazing.”

“That album, it’s self-titled because it was such a group effort. Certainly it was more [of] one than before, when it was really more kind of duos for both of the other albums – Ben and I, Terry and I. This time was more like, ‘Okay, let’s let everybody really have a chance to shine.’” Lee points to ‘What You Want’ in particular when reflecting on the all-in band approach in songwriting: “I believe it was me, Terry and Tim [McCord, bassist], and we were at my house in Brooklyn,” she describes. “I had a little studio on the top floor, and just pulled up a loop on Pro Tools. Terry started playing, Tim started playing and it just became a thing with the three of us. We brought the band in, and that dinky little loop became what Will did. It really took it to another place.”

“It starts off with that awesome drum beat, but the combo to me really happens when when everything eventually comes in. It really comes together. I hear Terry in those different little half-note steps, I hear me bringing in some of my pop influences in the melody. This is us just really having fun making music and being ourselves.”

‘Overture’ – Synthesis, 2017

In one of the band’s most ambitious projects to date, Synthesis saw Evanescence team up with veteran composer David Campbell (also known as Beck’s dad) to create orchestral renditions of their best-known songs. Before it kicks off in earnest, however, the album opens with a swelling overture penned by Lee herself. It’s a rare instance of her flexing a different creative muscle in the track-ones of the band’s career, where she approaches it as an arranger and composer as opposed to a singer and songwriter.

“The whole idea of the project, for me, really stems from the fact that there’s all these little parts,” she explains. “It’s where my classical influence, which was my first really passionate musical influence, has a moment. It’s something that is an important core part of the music. ‘Never Go Back,’ which follows the overture, is one of those songs – the bridge is totally just like mad Mozart in the darkness, y’know? It’s my classical alter-ego going crazy. It’s interesting, because I think that the combination of that happening against the rock is really what makes it Evanescence. At the same time, I can still see this whole landscape of us that exists underneath and inside the music that is just entirely that other side. A lot of the time, when I’m coming up with the idea to start and then bring it to the table, it’s usually in this piano and electronics-based world before it really becomes a fully-fledged rock song. The idea of Synthesis was to get to just indulge in all of those things.”

When looking at the creation of the album’s overture, Lee sees that alter-ego taking both form and flight. “That part in particular is just one of my favourite moments on the record,” she says. “It’s very classically inspired, obviously. To make that into a full piece with David and give it that slow build, like we were talking about…I just loved being able to do that. That’s one of the ones that we’re driving you into a place and you’re like, ‘Oh, where are we going?’ And then you get there. It was very special to have at the beginning of every show on the tour. I’ll never forget that.”

‘Artifact/The Turn’ – The Bitter Truth, 2021

“Let me tell you about this, because it’s unusual.” Having eyed the conversation’s flow keenly, Lee is prepared at the ready to talk about ‘Artifact/The Turn,’ which opens The Bitter Truth, the first collection of all-new Evanescence music in a decade. As she will go on to explain in great detail, the album’s opening moment is twofold – hence the forward slash in its title. First, the artifact, which Lee found on her computer. “That’s nothing but like a little keyboard and my voice,” she confirms.

“That part is me on my laptop with the laptop built-in mic in a hotel room in Canada in the middle of the night on tour. That was not intended to make it as is on the album. The reason it’s called ‘Artifact’ is something that Nick [Raskulinecz], our producer, said. He was like, ‘Do you really want to redo this?’ I always was thinking I was going to. ‘Well, yeah,’ I said. ‘Don’t we need to like do it in high quality, like on a real microphone? He says, ‘I don’t know if you’re going to be able to recapture that exact feeling.’ I thought about that, and it all just kind of connected. It has all these little artifacts in it – it’s actually a little ancient piece of the the writing process, and it’s intact. It hasn’t been re-recorded or redone in any way.”

This leads to where the music makes a turn – courtesy, naturally, of ‘The Turn.’ This was another one-on-one between Lee and a collaborator, although this time, it arrives in the unexpected form of The Crystal Method’s Scott Kirkland. “We just met through a mutual friend, my old lighting director,” Lee recalls. “We were both on the bill at some festival and we made friends. It turned out we were fans of each other, and I was like, ‘Hey, if you ever want to just like swap files, who knows? We might come up with something!’ We started sending each other little baby demo ideas that we had. He had that music bed a little bit in a different arrangement that he sent to me – and again, on tour in a backroom, I found myself singing over it and came up with a melody. He tweaked it and did it for real, and that was it.”

Piecing these two compositions together made it very clear to Lee from the outset that this is how The Bitter Truth would begin – especially when she saw how it transitioned into track two, ‘Broken Pieces Shine’. “I love the way that that riff brings you into our band – where we are now and what the sound of us is now,” she says. “It’s driving, and it is coming for you – and it just feels so good when it hits. I love the beginning of this album.”

It’s been around a month since the album’s release, and although the band obviously haven’t gotten to play any shows thus far, they’ve still been met with an endless stream of messages, comments and praise from fans all over the world. After such an extensive rollout – not by design, of course – the sense of relief within the Evanescence camp is palpable. “It’s so satisfying,” adds Lee. “The one thing that’s going to drive it all the way home, obviously, is going to be when we get to live inside it and go on tour and play these songs live.”

#amy lee #evanescence #2021 interviews