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bluehhj · 5 years

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listen to me — chapter 38

LISTEN TO ME — 0038

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 1.7K

Jinah felt as if she were walking beside a heavy storm cloud that would start shooting lightning everywhere at any moment. It was a surprise to see that Jade was willing — as far as possible — to go to class that Monday, given that she could barely sleep the night before and everything around her made her want to cry repeatedly, but, Jinah was starting to believe the idea had not been so good. Perhaps it would have been better if the american had stayed at home, the motives were explicit on her face.

— "Jade" — after looking at her out of the corner of her eye more than four times and holding on to herself not to keep a safe distance, Jinah finally spoke, using as much caution as she could muster. — "Is everything alright?"

Obviously it was not all right, but Choi never thought that crossing the campus next to one of her best friends would become so tense. Jade was no longer crying, though the makeup covering her face — including all the freckles, which, unfortunately, she made a point of hiding — made it clear that her intention was to hide her dark circles and her haggard expression. Her jaw was clenched, and Jinah, in all the years she had known Kang, could tell with conviction that she had never seen her carry such a sharp look. Truth be told, Jieun looked ready to do a massacre. It was a little scary.

Jinah had her question completely ignored. The same had happened to Chan, a little while earlier, still in the kitchen of their shared apartment. With Felix too, when they met at the college entrance and he came to know how she was doing. All of this generated some pressure, as if she were a time bomb. It got worse as Jade walked straight past her office building and headed toward the life sciences building.

— "Where are you going?" — asked Jinah, again in vain. She would have an appraisal exercise in seven minutes, but she felt that, if she let the american do what she was going to do on her own, it would definitely go wrong. — "At least wait for me!"

Jade entered the corridors like a hurricane. Little did she know which way she was going, her eyes just darting over the little plates above the doors, and when she finally read 'Biomedicine — Ninth Period', she didn't think twice before entering the room. Luckily, there weren't many people waiting for the professor yet, but the one she wanted to find was standing right in front of her. Kang left no warning before gathering all the strength she had in her body, clenching her fist and punching Josh's face, who fell to the ground with shock.

— "Jade!" — scolded Jinah, pulling her friend by the arm. — "It could cause you to be expelled from college, you idiot!"

— "I warned you that you weren't supposed to come into my life with Changbin, didn't I?" — Jieun practically spat in Josh's face. A trickle of blood ran down the boy's nose, who couldn't take his eyes off of the floor. — "I thought I could trust you!"

— "Calm down" — Hyunjin got up from his desk and joined Jinah in trying to continue the mission of controlling the american girl's nerves. — "Jinah's right, this is no time or place to work it out."

— "I could take the case to the dean right now and get you in a lot of trouble," — muttered Josh, blankly, still not looking up or even making to get up.

— "Well, do it!" — answered Jade. — "So I'm free to break the rest of this cynical face of yours!"

The way Josh was acting was totally and completely contradictory. He barely had the courage to look Kang in the eye, such was his shame and regret, yet he still acted like an idiot because it seemed a thousand times easier than stepping on his own pride, apologizing, and accepting that this fight was no longer his, that Changbin had won that time. Josh loved Jade, but Jade loved Changbin. And now she hated Josh. It hurt.

— "You talk like it's just my fault..." — and it really was, but maybe he deserved the punch and a little more. Damn the dean and all the bureaucracy. — "Since you even closed your eyes..."

Like fire finding gasoline, Jade went up on Josh again, needing Jinah and Hyunjin to stop her from reaching Lee. Angry and frustrated, she tired of debating uselessly and shoved her two friends, then left the room with the same speed she had entered. Jinah sighed and exchanged a discouraged look with Hyunjin, who, nonetheless, reached out and helped Josh to his feet, but made no point of saying anything to the latter.

And it was still only Monday.

♡˖°

Minhwan lit another cigarette.

The perfectly glazed car was smelling of smoke, but he didn't give a shit. Standing under the shade of a tree, a few yards from the college's main gates, he had more important things to think and worry about.

The distance he was in did not allow him to see exactly, but, after so many days of doing the same routine, he had become accustomed to the condition of seeing her only from afar. And it was almost unbelievable to think that time could only make Jinah more and more beautiful.

Minhwan felt hate, but also felt love. Sounds crazy, but you can't blame him, after all, that's what he is. A crazy, insane, unbalanced, delirious, wild and every other synonym found in the dictionary. However, like everything else in this life, he had reason to be so, since living on crumbs while spending most of the day following someone from afar as a hallucinated was not a choice any sane person would choose to make.

It used to be like a light at the end of the tunnel. Darkness was everywhere, but there was a speck that he pinned his hopes on and clung tightly when everything else pressed down on him. Minhwan was only sixteen when he met Jinah — his little flame in the middle of a freezing night —, and, from then on, the weight on his shoulders became much more bearable. He hadn't had a chance to find out what many people's hearts had to offer, but, of the few that had ever done him any good in his life, Choi was certainly, the most valuable. There is not always someone who is willing to sew a heart full of cuts.

Minhwan had been raised by his maternal grandmother since his mother died at his father's dirty hands and was sent to prison. He had no siblongs, thank God, so he wouldn’t have to witness another innocent child suffer all that he had suffered as a child. The marks were everywhere, both on his body and his soul. At the time, Minhwan didn't have many friends to talk to, but he was pretty sure the parents of the other street kids didn't do what his did when they were alone at home. And even as an adult, he still couldn't find enough words to describe exactly how he felt, just carried the unwanted whimpers in his nightmares and a screaming horror in his heart. When his grandmother also died, it was as if the old bricks supported by only a crumbling pillar collapsed and threw their heavy debris on his back — the world came to the ground. And then, Jinah appeared.

Minhwan didn't believe there was a more amazing person on Earth. Even with all his faults, Choi had accepted him and made herself available to cure him of all his suffering. Her smiles functioned more like infinite anti-inflammatories that sent the pain far away and spread tranquility through every cell of his body. Minhwan loved her so much he felt his chest sting, and strongly believed she would be by his side forever. But then came insecurity and fear.

After so many early losses, he had taken some trauma from too strong relationships. Jinah had a lot of friends and much more uncomplicated and interesting people to talk to; so, anyone who approached and took one of her kind smiles was already viewed as an opponent by Minhwan. The boy never wanted to lose her, only that possibility made the scars in his heart ache as if they might reopen. And Jinah always knew so much cooler guys! Guys who knew how to be romantics, who were prettier, who had more money, who could offer her so much more than an obsessive love! Although Choi had never cared about these things or disrespected him at some point in their relationship, it was impossible for Minhwan not to let jealousy gradually overwhelm his conscience, causing him to make threats, be aggressive and extremely controlling, act impulsively and hurt one of the only people who really cared about him, all for fear of losing.

But it was no use, because he lost anyway. Now, he couldn't even get close to Jinah thanks to the subpoena he received when Choi informed the police that she was uncomfortable with his presence. Not that he cared about laws or court orders, but, on second thought, it was even better, since Minhwan didn't want to do anything ahead of time and wasn't sure what would be his reaction to being face to face with the boy who lately only knew how to draw passionate glances from his girl.

Han Jisung. Minhwan hated him. He was pretty sure Han didn't deserve all the love Jinah gave him, just as he didn't love Choi enough — in Minhwan’s tormented head, no one would love Jinah more than himself. It was simply unbearable to see them kissing or walking hand in hand on the street, it looked like a misplaced piece in a complicated puzzle. Minhwan wanted Jisung to disappear once and for all... He wanted to disappear too. Or rather, wanted to find peace... But he couldn't do it without Jinah.

Although now she looked genuinely happy, as when Minhwan promised.

Yeah... Maybe Jinah should disappear too.

Everything's gonna be okay.

a/n: things are going downhill lol

I decided to talk a little bit about how Minhwan feels not to be like in those stories that the couple is having a wonderful time and out of nowhere a crazy idiot appears to end it and that's it. I didn't put it in all the words, but I imagine you guys understood that he was abused by his father when he was little and this generates an absurd trauma to any child, especially if not treated with a specialist doctor, so this is one of the reasons why he's kind of crazy like that.

Josh is not just another sucker either, he just has a hard time dealing with his feelings and that makes him stupid most of the time, but I ask you guys to calm down. You guys don't even have to like him yet, I just want to say that, like Chaerin from the beginning of the au, his attitudes don't show everything he really is.

and speaking of Chaerin, let's add Seungmin and say that they are missing in 'Listen To Me', don't you guys think? I at least think that and already advance that the two little angels will soon be between us

can I ask you guys to tell me your expectations? if you guys are liking it or what you expect. I haven't asked this for a long time and I always like to know, so don't be afraid to tell me :)

I'm leaving now, Ily and see you guys in the next chapter <3

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hoetron · 7 years

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okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to

42. BLOODTYPE: shit i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88 questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji )

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

#raedy to talk shit #mattie #mothable #w e eps #this took fucking forever babes #LONG POST

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