#They are allowed to fight once every month and they end up almost killing eachother every time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shinebrightlikeanarwhal · 3 years

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Random SF ideas

It has a lot of Travis ships because that's my feral lil bby. I'm having fun keeping him from bullying people by bullying him instead lol

Every time he enters school Sal mutters “anything can happen in the Bronx”. Todd is the only one that doesn’t understand.

Travis is emotionally constipated and will take it out on others, but later do small things as his form of apologizing. Philip and his mother are the only people that understand him and understand why. Sal thinks he may be bipolar and Larry has probably called him the r-slur under his breath. (Stinky boy probably would say it openly if not for Sal's disdain for that word).

Maple and Travis bonding over jewelry and make up. Travis won’t admit it to anyone but her but he likes the way Maple accessorizes. Obligatory Chug appreciation to keep on her good side, later forms a healthy and wholesome friendship.

Travis and Larry fight verbally. It doesn’t get physical unless Larry loses control and shoved Travis. This prompting a snarky reminder that Larry is no better than Travis’ own father. They cuddle and fall asleep later tho, after Sal puts them in their get along corner.

Nicknames. Travis’ weakness is nicknames. Lisa discovers this and shows Larry and Sal who abuse this power. Travis’ tan cheeks are bright red anytime he’s out public with them because of their stupidly sweet nicknames. Their go to for reactions are baby(boy), sweetheart and bottom

Shameless PDA when Sal is jealous. Travis learns the hard way how easy it is to make him jealous when a hand is in his waist and holding him close to the shorter. Fingers tracing any exposed skin to keep Travis focused on him. Sorry Lar, you took up too much Travis time..

Travis’ mom being an absolute babe. Apple if her eye is her sweet boy. Probably passed while he was young and had to watch him grow in that unhealthy environment.. maybe reaches out to Sal for help since he’s more intuitive. Def terrifies Larry a couple times as a prank. He hit her son, bully or not, it just felt right to braid his hair to his bed post a couple times and paint his nasty thoughts on his chest.

Travis hates surprises and loud noises because of his father. They don’t learn that until they throw a surprise birthday party with cheering and loud pops of confetti balloons, his panic attack damn near gave him a heart attack. (He refused to accept apologies for something they didn’t know. Instead demanding they spoil him for the rest of the week as compensation for his hospital trip on his birthday)

I said it once, and I’ll say it again. Service. Animals. Mr. Phelps legally obligated to give him a service animal and Travis is somewhat saved from Kenneth's abuse. Taking more time outside for walks (the dog can’t bare letting Travis stay in the house for long with his father home). He genuinely bonds with other students over his new dog (the dog allowing contact when not in uniform but if Travis’ needs are present will attach itself to Travis’ hip.

Religious trauma and coping. Because PLS, can we please address the amount of abuse because of the Bible?? That boy may stay and follow the proper words of his lord. Or he could detach himself from the church entirely (especially because of the cult!)

Travis ships: Salvis and Larvis

Asked out: Oh. Oh no. How did they fall for Travis?!? What did they do to find that feral little kitten so cute?? Was it they dyed hair? The dresses when he shows off more legs than they anticipated? Him apologizing and changing for the better?? What happened to him to make him so interesting!? Sal absolutely starts approaching Travis cautiously. Taken aback when he's greeted with a warm smile and compliments. They start to grow as friends and spend time together often. Sharing eachother with their friend groups and on their own. It takes a couple of years before Sal nervously asks Travis if he would be interested in getting closer. Travis doesn't understand and Sal just awkwardly blurts out if he would try dating him... for an experiment or anything. Travis is excited, he wants to be closer and happily hugs onto Sal as his answer.

Larry is a lot ore aggressive. Cornering Travis and glaring down at him. Demanding to know what his game is. Travis doesn't fight he just nervously asks if Larry hates him. Larry almost says he does but gets distracted by the trembling and cowering kitten before him. Fuck, he can't possibly hate Travis. Larry instead starts approaching Travis. At first Travis is afraid that Larry will hit him if he doesn't like something he does. Larry hates to admit it, but Travis infested his mind. Dreams were no longer sacred when teenage hormones and a new love interest were involved. Many a times he had to look away when Travis were a particular skirt or dress because his dreams seemed to run rampant with those items. When they finally talk, Travis initiates it. He Pushes Larry into a bathroom stall and demands he explain himself. He's staring at him like a piece of meat and following him around. Larry is scaring HIS friends. Larry doesn't even hesitate to pounce on Travis. Mouth to mouth and hands on ass. Travis surprised but kinda into it allows the kiss until Larry gets too handsy. He returns to his friends with an angry red hand print on his cheek. It takes a month of apologizing Travis finally agrees to give Larry a chance. (Larry tells his mom and dances around the apartment that night)

First kiss failures: Larry got too into the kiss and starts feeling up the poor boy. Sal pecks him in his sleep and never tells Travis. He just happily holds the memory of kissing his sleeping princess.

First dates: Larry tries to show Travis the fun things to do in this sleepy little town. Travis is excited just to go anywhere other than church and school. At first there are a few hiccups, maybe weather, maybe places are crowded or cancelled. But it still ends well with the boys passed out in the truck, snuggled under a blanket Larry stores with a big smile on their face. Sal is much more romantic. Candles and flowers. Dresses up nice and styles his hair in a neat bun. He wants to impress Travis and assert he can be the man for him by presenting more masculine (Travis snorts and tells him even in a dress Sal could fight a bear). Its a simple dinner at home with Gizmo as their lazy server, sleeping on the couch in a little suit. The night ends well with the boys enjoying a night stroll and admiring the calm and almost desolate surroundings of Nockfell.

First Times: Sal does NOT expect Travis to offer it. In fact, he almost shattered his favorite mug with the tight grip he put on it. Travis thinks this means Sal doesn't want him, but no nono, Sal wants it/ He wants Travis bad. That simp wastes no time scurrying to their room, cleaning his bed and all necessary items are prepared. He was well stocked for... college purposes, but Travis offering to give Sal his first?? (Yes. He did a victory dance and scream in the tree house when he thought he was alone.)

First Time: Larry would waste no time, grabbing Travis and making sure, this is what he wants. Larry may sleep around before they got together but he would never expect Travis to offer his first time so soon. Travis agreeing and Larry in tears hugging onto the confused man. He has never been so gentle with a partner and savored every second, sound and action. It may not have been Larry's first but he was more than happy to say it was his best. Larry would 100% scream to Sal about it later though. He is a man that appreciates his partner and would be an aftercare fiend. Relishing in any reactions Travis gives him while massages and treats the poor tired bum.

Living together: Hell hath no fury like Travis on cleaning day. The boys no not to be in his way if he has his cleaning apron and swiffer. The only one allowed to interrupt his most sacred day is Gizmo and any animals they adopt. Larry has to moderate his metal music or sleep on the porch, he tried to test Travis and found the porch uncomfortable during a rainstorm. No ghost hunting after 11pm. If you even think Travis will allow you in the house after hunting ghosts he will promptly pack your bags and ship them off to your parents. Sal has his own room dedicated entirely to clothes and accessories. His prosthetics he tries to hide at first but after a harsh scolding from Travis (while he literally hand cleans every single prosthetic so Sal doesn't get an infection) Sal starts putting them away where he feels comfortable and clean. They don't expect Travis to be semi nude half the time. Especially before they marry and start a family, no pants. Never wearing pants. Larry hams up the free skin. Sal is too embarrassed of his sinful thoughts.

Proposals: Travis would be terrified of marriage after what happened to his mother. If they were to propose they ould make sure he is fully comfortable and settled in their new life. They would make sure he is loved and never feels any of the fear his father had instilled in him. Larry mentions marriage in passing to gauge his reaction. Ig Travis tenses, he kills the conversation and instead distracts Travis. If Travis reacts positively he would sneak a ring on his finger and just smirk until Travis realizes and smiles. Sal =, however, is sneaky. Keeping close tabs on Travis. If Travis starts showing signs of interest, he would 100% plan the biggest proposal for Travis and make sure he feels cherished during every moment.

#travis phelps #larry johnson #larry x travis #sal fisher #sal x travis #salvis #larvis #laravis #sally face au #sally face #Travis having the absolute power over his simps #Lisa would be surprised Larrys boyfriend is the Phelps boy she saw on the news

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lillian-nator · 3 years

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Wallflower AU (aka highschool au made w/ @bellfort3)

V i b e s - hanging on the roof; walking across train tracks; skipping school; Lakes, yes, something with lakes; something with different types of sodas. - My angsty teens are gonna have painted nails - Tommy bleaches his hair; Wilbur dyes his hair black - dramatic fuck. - Wilbur in eyeliner plz - Wilbur wears doc martens; black, yellow, maroon, silver shiny - Tommy's worn the same exact jean jacket for the past 5 years; it's 2 sizes bigger than he is; but he wears it every single day; it has fur on the inside; and its light washed with tears; the tears didn’t come like it; he's just ripped it over the years - He doesn't wash it very often, but he's glued patches on it, and Wilbur's drawn on it in sharpie. He just layers hoodies or flannels under it when it’s cold, but still wears it when it's hot - Tommy's also worn the same shoes for YEARS, they’re duct taped together at this point, they're white converse, they're not white anymore, and he's bleach-washed them SO many times that they permanently smell like chemicals. - The laces are frayed, so bad that he doesn’t even wear the laces most days. - Tommy doesn't shy from going in mud or water though, he'll wear the shoes to their fullest and then some. - I think you can tell by now, that Tommy just doesn’t come from a lot of money. - They live in a kind of run down town, very poor, old, smallish. - Wilbur is middle class, which is very well off in the area he lives in. - Wilbur gives off family disappointment vibes. Where he has to sneak out at night, Tommy can leave through his front door. - Wilbur calls Tommy “sunshine”, but very sarcastically since Tommy is a dick :) - Tommy has one of Wilbur's old beanies; it's black and monster branded, the monster logo is green - Wilbur gave it to Tommy 3 years ago, and Tommy never gave it back - btw Tommy's 17 and Wilbur's 19: Tommy's a junior and Wilbur's a senior - Wilbur only drinks Green Apple Monster - Tommy drinks sugar free redbull, but mostly only when Wilbur buys it for him, because Tommy usually doesn't have pocket change - Wilbur and Tommy bring speakers to the train tracks and dance and by that, its them jumping around and occasionally pushing someone over - Tommy uses his allowance to buy cigarettes; Wilbur vapes - both mentally ill - Wilbur is essentially the modern emo. He has this one yellow and black flannel that's oversized, and he wears it multiple times a week - it’s a problem.

- Dream, Wilbur, Karl, Tommy, Big Q, SapNap, Punz, and Tubbo - That’s the group. - I have just been talking about Tommy and Wilbur but they are the main characters so you can suck it. - A scene with Dream, Wilbur, Karl, Tommy, Big Q, SapNap, Punz, and Tubbo, at a lake, throwing each other in, and Tommy gets his shoes soaked, but he saves his jacket from the fall. Water gun fights, and they drink energy drinks and eat chips. they lay in the grass and contemplate life, Talk abt life yes. Abt existence. Abt how shit it is. Half of them have to wake up early and sneak home, the other half get to stay as long as they like. - Tommy tucks his t-shirts into his pants, which are always very baggy black jeans with just gigantic holes. - Tommy and Dream both have ADHD, however, Tommy's meds are purely from welfare, he cannot afford to give any out. Dream however? From an upper-middleclass family. Basically millionaires in this town. He can afford to lose some of his meds. - He yells in the clearing "COME GET YOUR DRUGS CHILDREN" - Besides, I've learned that there are like so many different ADHD meds, and maybe Tommy is just on something a lot stronger than adderall. He can't partake in the pill popping, but he doesn't mind. He does it every morning. - They don't do it often, maybe once a month, depends on how big Dream's prescription is - not that he regularly takes them like a good boy should - And I won't ever write this, but Gogy hangs out with them every so often, in which Gogy and Wilbur have an on and off again hooking up type relationship - whenever they hang out, Gogy like sits and Wilbur's lap and shit - Tommy and Punz GAG - "EW the fuck - get your hands off eachother. ITS GROSS - NO PDA IN MY BACKYARD"

- They hang out in an abandoned Building. But they don't try to fix it up. They're not fucking VSCO girls. They just want somewhere to hang out - If anything they make it worse - they fucking trash the place - It’s not intentional though - It’s like they can have fun without worrying abt the mess - just, sometimes they spill hawiian punch mixed with vodka everywhere - THEY GHOST HUNT AND OUIJA BOARD AND SHIT - They hang out in cemeteries too. they play manhunt in a cemetery, but like the regular version- like just hide and go seek in the dark. - they've done seances even though almost all of them are atheists - anyways the point of the fact is, is that half of them (excluding the minors you know) I'm looking at you Karl and Q - somethings going on between you two have made out with guys, and I'm not gonna sugar coat it, most modern like takes on religion do not take kindly to that

- they go to prom - and Dream somehow ends up with a ton of weed, because he had just turned old enough, and had the money - and they get fucking high OUT of their minds, like they're never doing it again - like, George and Wilbur definitely hooked up at Wilbur's house, which they aren't supposed to do - because Wilbur's parents will fucking flip that Wilbur is sleeping with a random person. No one is quite sure where SapNap ended up, and Tommy lost one of his shoes. In a panic, they spent the next 3 hours looking for it to find it at the lake by the school - Tommy fucking cradles it to his chest. - (are wilburs parents homophobic?) (yes maybe a little side of homophobia) (Is wilbur bisexual or gay?) (he is ‘whoever the fuck looks bangable’) (fair enough) (he is ‘gogy my king’) (TRUUUE) - the bleachers - they hang out under the bleachers

- Gogy = Stylish stoner - very popular, but never not high - Karl is like the goody two-shoes of the group, doesn't skip class, and is on the principals list, however, he will NEVER back down from space brownies - its his weakness - Tubbo has a subway pass, and they do that thing where Tubbo swipes it and everyone fucking bolts into the subway, and they take all the trains at like 4am and just hang from the bars and shit - Wilbur still dresses relatively like, nicely and scholarly, which puts everyone off. He wears very loose sweaters with button-ups underneath. with khakis or black jeans and his docs - where his best friend, our Tommy, wears borderline yellow converse, and one bleached two-sizes-too-large jean jacket, and some second-hand-store hoodies, that are always a bit too worn in, but so, incredibly Tommy - Tommy who legit hasn't brushed his hair in years, not with a brush anyways - too frantic to brush his teeth most mornings. but always chewing gum; Tommy's always everywhere at once - ADHD meds only half-working on him, they couldn't afford the good shit - He'll never quite understand Dream handing out his adderall for free, Tommy would kill for the hard shit, but hey, he's never gonna stop his friends from having a good time

- Let's talk about Karl Jacobs - good ole' goody two shoes Jacobs - all of his teachers are constantly trying to get him to stop hanging out with Tommy and gang - every parent teacher conference is "we love your boy, but we are concerned about his friends" - Teachers have meetings with him, about how the people you surround yourself with can change your future - Karl's like, from the good side of town, plays first in the drumline, plays violin on the side, straight a's, clean-white-air-force-ones type of guy. Name brand clothes. Combed hair - Packed lunch every day from his mom; gets dropped off by his mom, kisses her goodbye; Mom is like very involved in school too - PTA parent - it's fucking good kid Jacobs - and he's sneaking off with fucking potheads to go to college parties and abandoned buildings - Does he do drugs? Well, he’s a big fan of treats if you know what I mean :wink wink: - ….you ever see Ted's video about a 500mg edible …. yeah. - big fan of gummy bears and brownies - Karl shows up to Parties and there are shouts of "Fuckin' goody-two-shoes Jacobs is HERE" - a lot of people make fun of him and think they can push him around - He seems like a softie; welcome mat type beat - but fucking watch this man chug 5 cups of whatever you give him, and then still win beer pong - Like his best friend is fucking quackity, he can do the hard shit - its very much a his parents have no clue who he actually is type beat - Look, his parents have no clue where he is ever - And if they even know he’s out, they don’t know where or with who - If his mom is at all involved in the school, she'll hear about Quackity, basically a drug dealer with how much hash weed he hands out on a daily basis. - Tommy has to be contained in order for the school to run smoothly, and Wilbur is a dramatic fuck that sleeps through most of his classes - Tommy has to take frequent breaks - They make him spend 3rd period in the principles office - Like he obviously needs help but he can’t afford it at all. Even the school can’t do anything for him bc he can’t get anything official for himself - like he can't even try to concentrate - He gave up so quickly in high school, bc they don’t have enough time or staff to help him - he tried in middle school - but man, did he give up in highschool - Yeah. He knows it is hopeless. Can't even afford college anyway. he'll just do whatever Wilbur does - here's an idea: Fucking Karl Jacobs showing up to school one morning just absolutely hammered out of his mind - Karl just showing up to first period AP Physics, and he's barely awake, honestly smells so much like weed and booze, and if he breathed anywhere near you, you could just feel the alcohol radiating from his breath - He's extra bubbly, laughs at everything - takes out his notebook to take some sort of notes, and just fucking giggles at the shapes and equations. He is very spacy, he clearly stayed up all night doing something very illegal; he gets up and jumps around. 2nd period band? oh boy - He gets sick at lunch bet - Like everyone got Drunk but Karl got FUCKED up - It was his birthday, bet - He took like 17 shots over the course of like 8 - 12ish hours, and I looked it up, despite karl being super scrawny and probably like 140 - 150ish pounds - which isn't a lot for being 5'11 - will not kill him - BECAUSE, you guessed it, he turned 17 - He didn't sleep, he was awake taking shots and just fucking who knows what until 6am when they stumbled to school - at lunch, 11:30 in the morning - he's head down on the table, miserable - he doesn't have a hangover yet, because it's only been a few hours, but man, is he nauseous - just the smell of food makes his stomach churn - and the thing about fucking Jacobs showing up drunk as hell - is that at least one of his teachers has called his mom about it - SHES PRESIDENT OF THE PTA FOR FUCKS SAKE, ONE OF THEM KNOWS HER - And the teachers aren't stupid, Karl is so obviously drunk - generally Karl is pretty quiet in class; but now he has no distinction between hanging with hs friends and being in class - he's shouting and cracking jokes and is very tempted to kick his chair over - Anyways, Karl fucks himself over, end of story - ONTO PUNZ’S RELGIEOUS TRAUMA WOOOOOOOOOOOO - It's Punz - fuckin' golden boy Punz; he plays football; and goes to church; and calls his mother "momma"; wears a nice church outfit; and is polite to the bible study mothers that come over on tuesday nights and gets them drinks - just a fuckin' golden boy - A religious family. Go to church every Sunday. Sunday school. Holidays. But. The kid just realizes that they don’t believe in god. Them telling the group like they’re high and he’s like “you know? Some of the shit that’s happened to us proves to me that god rlly isn’t real.” - and Punz like prays every day for Tommy's dad to get his job back; or for Gogy to get better parents; or for Karl to live the life he wants; and NOTHING EVER WORKS. THEY'RE ALL STILL FUCKED. - by the way we will get the the Tommy's dad losing his job later - But Punz's life is controlled by something he doesn't even believe in anymore - because he's still going to the like church breakfasts, and christmas service, and every sunday morning, and helping his mom's ladies bible study, and his parents are talking about sending him to a youth bible camp - - and he doesn't even think he believes in god anymore. - Punz kind of took out his own personal, religious, and family struggles out the way most teenage boys do. Drinking, and lots of sex. - SO I just imagined this like, really dramatic moment, where its the morning after Punz had a one night stand at some sort of party down the street, and he's long past saving his virginity for his wife, but he's buying her the morning after pill, which his church is just so against, and he has like the moment of, "if you do this, you're done." and he does it - he's had a couple of those moments, like, when he first had sex, and when he first smoked weed, or popped a pill, or snuck out at night, or skipped church - but that was the moment of "there is no going back" - like any type of drug or procedure that aborts an embryo, or that blocks fertilization thats already in process in like: the biggest no no in his church community - so once he stepped out of that drug store, he kind of took a breath, and just came to terms with it - "I'm an atheist." - Punz is the pastors son. - he's like, pre-commited to a catholic college - he’s in deep. - so when he first announces it to his friends, one really late night, "I think god might not be my thing." - they just start whistling and say "FINALLY, THE PASTORS SON HAS TURNED AROUND." - Dream just like turns over to him "how many chicks did you fuck to make you realize that?" - Tommy just slings his arm over Punz, "I'm glad you've quit the Jesus shit, Punz. Your better than it." - There’s gotta be this girl ok. He rlly rlly wants to have sex with her but he always backs out. The thing that breaks him. Is that he gets drunk and loses his virginity to someone who is not that girl - like, he likes this girl, and has a good connection with her, and she likes him, and he knows that its gonna be comepletly consentual, and she's like fucking beautiful right? - and she's the one he wants to loose it to and he's a stupid fucking idiot and loses it to some fucking random ass chick that doesn't even go to their school - This triggers a spiral. After that? He slowly starts giving less of a fuck abt everything. He fucked up the one thing you can’t do over and god he’s so painfully aware of it and so painfully aware that he didn’t even fuck up right. - You’re supposed to wait till marriage. Nope. You’re supposed to do it with someone you love and trust. Double nope. He. Fucked. Up. - its just like he wanted to do something bad. he wanted to fuck something up. he was questioning his faith, his like, great and sturdy and always-there faith for the first time, and what better way to test faith than to do something shitty and see what comes of it. and so he was planning and planning and planning how he was gonna do this terrible thing - which is such a good kid thing to do, to put so much thought into your own rebellion - but he wanted this to go perfectly. - Little Pastors Son, Punz, wasn't gonna wait till marriage. - He was gonna have sex with the girl of his dreams before they were even dating - but man did he like her. Did he want her. - And then he fucked some random girl when he was black out drunk. He's fucked everything up - he can't wash this away with confession - he's tainted. He's dirty. - He looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize the heathen staring back. - He hates who he's become. - But he never goes back - he can't. He's dirty. He's wrong. - but the more he goes down the spiral - the more he realizes that one mistake shouldn't have made him feel like that - that if god was real, which he honestly wasn't sure in that department, he wouldn't want Punz to feel like the scum of the earth for doing something wrong. especially when he felt so bad after he did it. This system was fucked. He didn't want to be apart of another cycle - and he's just lying to himself every time he goes to church, and reads a cerse for his mom, and meets with younger kids at the church, and plays flag football with fucking church virgins who are good catholics and follow all their mommas orders - And every night when he says grace he means it less and less. he always does it when his momma asks, but boy does the lords word mean shit to him anymore From Ethan: - A turning point to the others in Punz's breakaway from Catholicism is like - He prays before he eats, usually. Sometimes they wait for him to finish his prayer before eating themselves, just out of politeness. He's a friend, he gets that shred of etiquette - And then one day he just doesn't. They got some fast food for a whole group dinner out at their hangout spot (a warehouse, did you say??) Tommy is staring at it intently but he waits for Punz to pray. Tubbo's already started eating but the rest wait - And Punz just starts eating - Dream nudges him, "No prayer, Pastor's boy?" - "No prayer," Punz mumbles into his food. "I'm trying something new." SO, TOMMYS DAD LOSING HIS JOB ARC W000000000 - it starts with Tommy showing up in a different jacket one day - like you have to understand, he's worn this jean jacket every single day for as long as WIlbur has known him, which is like 6 years - Like Tommy shows up in this giant, khaki work-jacket and it's his dads... - HIS DAD DIDNT DIE - his dad lost his job, which is essentially death to a family who already couldn't sustain themselves - and Tommy shows up to school, face pale and cheeks sunk in and there are visible bags under his eyes - and Wilbur just rushes over immediately and hugs him so tight to his chest - and Tommy just sobs, "pops lost his job -" gasp "I can't - we can't pay the bills this month. everything - its all falling apart Will." - "Hey - hey. Stop. It's gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay. You always are dude." - Tommy does have to get a job - and he probably does drop out of school unofficially, like he just stops going. - he sleeps during the morning classes, and heads into work at 10am - he's a carpenters assistant. it pays well as they need young, able men. but most of the younger citizens in the town go to school - he has to take the day shift because the day shift pays better - he doesn't mind it, he doesn't - it gives him the opportunity to get all of his energy out; but he misses going to school. as much as he hated it, he misses his friends. - and lets be honest, its hard as fuck for his dad to find a new job, he doesn't have a great resume - he didn't graduate from highschool. and he isn;t in top health condition, he definitely doesn't have health insurance - so Tommys stuck with this job for a long time - his dad uses his last paycheck to buy Tommy workboots so tommy feels in debt to him - He’ll get his GED eventually. - I think - The like religious status of the rest of the group brought to you by me - Everyone who I don’t mention is just a hard atheist - Karl and Wilbur are catholic, but to a lesser extent, Wilbur doesn't really go through with lent, and Karl only sometimes does. They go to a different church and go pretty much on holidays only, a sunday a month maybe. - SapNap goes to Punz's church, they've been friends for years. - He goes to sunday school but misses a lot of sermons because of his siblings sports games. - He is involved, but not to the way Punz is - SapNap's mother is in fact in Punz's moms bible group - Punz sometimes doesnt attend the bible group and Sap's mother is all "now you tell that pastor's boy to actually attend next time, got it?" and Sapnap dies a little on the inside - And George is an orthodox christian, but he's pretty much quit due to the blatant homophobia he's seen at his church.

AND NOW ON WILBUR SOOT AND KARL JACOBS AND BARKING - Wilbur has siblings, fun fact - that we will never talk about or address - but definitely nothing like Wilbur, more the Karl Jacobs type - Wilbur is the oldest. he's always lectured about being 'a good influence on your brother and sister.' - They’re big sports kids. Softball and Basketball (tall genes). Straight Bs; Bed by 10pm; Have never missed school - Parents pride and joy :) - Just good suburban kids, Have friends next door, help the neighbors, attend the cul-de-sac barbecues. - Basically who Wilbur used to be up until highschool (until Wilbur met weed and a good group of stoners) - Sure he was a disappointment and he had no clue what to do with his life - But he was happier - Never really liked being the goody- two-shoes boy next door, he doesn't know how karl does it “Playing good boy like a dog” - Also he used dog terms around Karl - Because he’s “Playing good boy like a dog” - He’ll throw Karl a beer and smile “go fetch” - He laughs so hard when he sees Karl be good in a class or play it up for his parents; Because Wilbur’s so past trying - Wilbur will walk by and just bark at karl. Bet. Just Growls lowly; Walks in a circle; Anything to make Karl’s parents (or Wilbur’s own) stare at him and scurry away - Karl’s parents push Karl forward and like hold their younger kids close to their chest, whispering “keep close, don’t look at him” - They tell Karl to stay away from kids like him. - And boy do Wilbur’s pa#rents hate it, They push him along and whisper yell at him As he throws his head back and cackles - I mean imagine, like a stereotypical middle class suburban family: House wife, blue collared father, Two kids; in sports jerseys, Girl in braids, boy in khakis - And then there’s Wilbur: Doc Martins, black jeans, collar and sweater, beanie. Definitely high on something - Chains LOTS OF CHAINS - And he's Barking. Fucking Barking At the nice family down the street - And then he takes out his vape right in front of his parents and silently offers Karl a hit with a smirk - Cause Karl’s too busy playing good boy - And as Karl’s family looks back, as Wilbur is corralled by his mom - He flips them off with the biggest smirk uou will ever see - Wilbur's kind of an ass - And Karl really wants a hit of that vape.

#wallflower au #wilbursoot #tommyinnit #karl jacobs #quackity #sapnap #and Big Q #georgenotfound #gogy #punz #dream #dreamwastaken #tubbo #long post

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fandom-blackhole · 3 years

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Sinful Sunday THOTS

So I'm starting this so this more so for myself. I was thinking, I take everyone else THOTS, but why not share my own? So on Sundays from now on I am going to post a list of THOTS I had during the week that I wrote down!

This weeks in shorter because I just got the idea last night and wrote them all up delirious with no sleep, so sorry for mistakes, but other words enjoy!

Thank you @fuckyeahbeskar for talking about two of these THOTS with me, and for telling me I should post one of them because that is what gave me this idea 😘

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Paz Vizsla x Reader, Priest!Din Djarin x Reader, Ezra (Prospect) x Reader

Paz Vizsla x Reader

So I love sweet Paz and all but what about enemies to lovers Paz?

I've thought about this one for awhile...

So you are part of the mandalorian tribe that Paz and the remains of his tribe had joined. Immediately you and Paz started fighting, you weren't sure why, but just something about him rubbed at you. It wasn't uncommon for others to walk into a room and find you and Paz butting heads, literally. The two of you had been separated multiple times by the leader of your tribe and the armorer, just to keep you both from killing eachother. Eventually you decide to just start avoiding him and ignoring his presence, tired of fighting over stupid things. Unfortunately that lasted only a month before your leader called you into the armory for an assignment. He told you that you were being sent on a supply mission along with one of the warriors from the other tribe. You nodded and didn't think much of it until you were preparing the ship and Paz came strutting towards you. All you could do was clench your teeth and cross your arms asking him why he was here. He had only stared at you for a minute before saying, "I've been assigned to the supply mission." After that he finished loading the ship before heading to set up the controls. You just growled and sent a comm to your leader saying that if you survived this mission you were going to kill him.

The supply mission was to take two weeks, one to the planet where the supplies were stored and another to get back. The first two days the two of you stayed away from eachother. But on the third day the two of you started butting heads and arguing. On the 5th day Paz had managed to corner of of the ship and pin you to the wall, and in that moment you hated how flushed and hot you felt. You had to end up taking a cold shower to calm down.

When the two of you finally reached the planet and loaded the ship with supplies you were glad to be able to take some time away from Paz as you wandered the market while he was off bartering with the merchants. You made sure to take your time before walking back to the ship to find Paz FUMING. You just shrugged past him and onto the ship, totally ignoring his angry words about you being late and being an idiot and so on.

The first day back in hyperspace was spent avoiding eachother again, but that night you were over come with the need to touch yourself. You hated it but as you played with your clit all you could imagine was Paz’s body pressed against yours, pinning you in place, how he would feel slamming into you. Much to your frustration you came with a long groan of his name.

The next day found you and Paz fighting again unsurprisingly, but this time was different. This time, Paz once again pinned you to the wall before leaning down and whispering in your ear, "You know the walls of this ship are thin, and I could hear every moan last night. Was I mistaken when I heard my name as well?"

Could you only reply breathlessly as he moved his thigh between you legs, "You fucking wish Vizsla." And he leaned down close, bumping his helmet with your own as he pushed his thigh against you and whispering something quietly under his breath before saying, "Mmm maybe you need to be punished for lying." He immediately spanked you, and you couldn't help but moan and you could feel his smirk as he did it again. Before grabbing your ass roughing and saying that you were going to be sore tomorrow, he was going to make sure of it. Paz took no time at all before pulling you pants down and turning you around to face the wall. You angrily started to protest, but was immediately shut up with another smack to the ass, with which you could only moan brokenly. You heard Paz chuckle,, before spanking you again, before rubbing a hand over your flesh. Then he harshly pulled you back into his chest and kicked you feet apart before immediately pressing his glove covered finger tips to you clit. Paz then told you, "Im gonna make this pussy weep for me until you are begging for my cock." And he kept his promise. Paz brought you orgasm after orgasm and by your fifth you were already starting to beg him. He only growled in your ear and slapped you pussy saying, "You can do better than that. Beg. Me." You tried again, but it also result in another harsh slap. This time you let out a broken sob and whined out, "Please, fucking please pleasepleaseplease, Paz give your cock... I need to feel it inside of me so badly. Fuck me pleaaaassseeee."

And before you could even take a breath you felt him slam his enormous cock into you. You could only whimper at the stretch and curse Paz. He only chuckled and wait a few seconds, detailing everything he wanted to do to you before he started pounding into you so hard you could barely stand or think straight. Paz didn't let up and railed you through several more orgasms before he came deep inside you himself. Afterwards he carried you to bed and mockingly said, "Goodnight cyare."

The rest of the trip was spent with petty fights ending in fucking eachother senseless and by the time you arrived at the covert you found yourself somewhat disappointed that this was all going to end. But you were shocked when Paz turned to you after he had landed the ship and asked, "Marry me?"

You only smirked and said back, "Give me a good reason too, di'kut."

You heard him growl, before he pulled you onto his lap and said, "So I can look you in the eye as I fuck the life out of you, so I can finally shut that mouth of yours up with my cock down your thoat."

Let's just say that the other mandalorians avoided the ship for a few hours as they heard moans coming quite loudly from inside. The Armorer and the tribe leader both nodded to eachother and let out a sigh glad that they wouldn't have to deal with your shit anymore.

(In this THOT i also imagine Paz being absolutely infatuated with you from day one, and those feelings that rub at you is just intense attraction that you don't want to acknowledge. The Armorer and tribe leader set the trip up to try and push the two of you together so they didn't have to deal with the sexual tension so thick it could kill anyone that walked past. In the end the are fucking relieved it worked, though a little too well lmao)

Din Djarin x Reader

So Priest!Din thot....

After Sunday service one week you ask him innocently if he would like help cleaning up the chapel. Din smiles and says yes thank you. You wave your family to go ahead and wait for Din to finish speaking and saying goodbye to the parishioners. When the last woman leaves, little old Mrs. Taylor, he waves you inside. The two of you work in relative silence as you put away all the hymnals and bibles, the only noise being your movements and your own humming of one of the hymns from that day's service. By the time the two of you made it to the front of the chapel, you turn to eachother and pause looking at eachother before you both lean forward for a sweet kiss. When you pull back you smile at Din, before biting your lip and saying, "That was a beautiful service today, Father Djarin."

You could see Din's eyes dark the second you uttered his title. The look he gave you sent a warm shiver down to your lower belly. Then he reached forward and pulled you close whispering, "Only the best for my flock, my child." You couldn't suppress the small gasp that passed your lips as his hand moved to your hip backing you up until you felt your back hit the altar. You were shocked even more when Din suddenly lifted you and put you on the altar and immediately rolled you dress up your thighs whispering about how much he has been aching to feel you again. Din stops suddenly when he finds you missing your panties and he moans before grunting out, "A sinful temptress who just continues to seduce me with her wicked ways..." Then he's crashing his mouth on yours as he works to open his belt and pull out his aching cock. You can only meal against him he slowly slips into you. He stays fully seated inside of you for a minute, breathing harshly into you neck before pulling back to meet your eyes.

"You have no idea what you do to me, sweet girl. You.....you have consumed my every waking moment, and I cannot stop these sinful thoughts of you." Then he dives back down into the kiss as he starts pounding into you, muffins your moans and whines with his mouth. The two of you fuck passionately and full of forbidden love as you desecrate the altar of the most holy. Din praises and worships you and your body as if you were the diety he pledged his life too. When the two of you were thrown into the ultimate pleasure you met eachother's gaze and spoke the words you both wish you could say aloud.

Ezra (Prospect) x Reader

My Ezra THOT of the week....

Just a preface, Ezra has a prosthetic arm in this THOT...

You were a rather skilled prospector. You had almost a sixth sense for good dig spots and that made you raise through the ranks rather quickly. Even though you were valuable, you still were never able to hit a dig that allowed you to be payed enough to finally settle down. You were hoping this dig would be different. You'd been hired by a bigger company, and was going down to the planet with a crew of roughly 15. The way your employers had explained it, you all would be split into groups of three and whatever your group mined would be split into four, parts for the three of you, and one for the company. It was the best deal you had gotten, ever. The day you were to go to the moon you climbed aboard the shuttle and took a seat next to a man with a charming smile and a unique blonde patch. While waiting to leave the two of you became acquainted and learned his name was Ezra.

As it turned out, Ezra and you had been paired up in a group, along with a woman named Shelby. You also learned that Ezra was very much a talker and loved to please. Shelby got annoyed with his constant chatter, but you found yourself smiling softly and occasionally responding to his poetic words with sentences as graceful as you could make them. Loving the smile Ezra would shoot your way when you did. You also came to realize that Ezra would give nicknames to those that he latched onto and you learned quickly that he had dubbed you to be sunflower. At night the two of you would speak, sharing stories until Shelby would forcefully shut the lantern light out on you both telling you to shut the fuck up.

As grumpy as Shelby was, you were still hurt when one afternoon she disappeared for hours. Worried Ezra had gone to look for her only to come back with a grim look and a shake of the head. The two of you didn't speak the rest of the night, paranoid and not wanting to leave the other alone for a second. A few days later found you waking from sleep in a could sweat and with Ezra holding your face softly whispering reassuring words. That was the first night the two of you shared a cot, and after that it became a nightly occurrence. Eventually two of your three and a half month stay had passed and you found yourself looking up as Ezra walked into the shared tent after his shower in the communal space, he was shirtless and you watched as water dripped from his hair down his chest. He had immediately met your gaze and you blushed and turned back to your book quickly. You were shocked when you ft a finger trace you cheek, not having heard him approach. Then he spoke up and said, "Sunflower, I want you to promise me that if I cross a line, you will tell me. I in no way want to make you uncomfortable." You had only looked up at him confused. He responded by gently taking your book and setting it aside, before turning back to you and leaning in slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull away, before he softly brushed his lips against your own. Whwn you didn't pull away, Ezra dived in and pushed the kiss further. Soon you found yourself sitting in Ezra’s lap, stipped of everything but your under clothes, and makeout passionately with the man who has haunted your thoughts since you heard his voice. You instinctively started grinding against Ezra as you started to feel a pressure in you belly, that resulted in him groaning and grabbing your waist before pulling back slightly and looking you in the eye. He traced your skin for a second, causing goosebumps to erupt everywhere before he whispered, "May I ask a favor, my bright sunflower," you only nodded in response before he rushed out quickly and not as poetic as you are sure he would have liked, "Sunflower, please, for the love of Kevva, climb over me and place those sweet lips above mine." You sat there confused for a second before it clicked and you shyly asked him, "You want me to sit on your face?" You say his eyes dilated as he nodded shakily and whispered out a singular, please. You could only nod and he gave you the prettiest smile as he flopped back onto the bed before just completely rippling you panties off of you. You could only whine as he pulled your hips up. Ezra made sure you were making eye contact with him when he picked a broad striped along you slit with a groan and several muttered words. Ezra repeated that a few times before he stopped at your clit one pass and sucked it into his mouth. You could only choke out his name roughly before he just started eating you out like there was no tomorrow. At one point he as you were getting closer he pulled back long enough to tell you not to hold back anything, to tell you to grind against his face. You only moaned in response before he pulled you down onto his mouth and dipped into you again. It didn't take you long to start gasping out his name, and when Ezra reached up and grabbed your breasts, pinching your nipples, you felt your eyes roll back as you came all over his face as he continued his ministrations dragging out your orgasm as long as you let him. When you finally came back to your body you found yourself laying on the bed and Ezra naked next to you already dozing, having cum from his own touches while he was tasting you.

#my thots #paz vizsla x reader #paz x reader #din djarin x reader #din x reader #priest au #priest!din #ezra x reader #ezra prospect x reader #ezra x female reader

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thelesbianlegacy-swtor · 3 years

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OC list of the MMO LESBIAN

SarapAlexandria Duvel <3 Vette

Sith Warrior

Human, brown short hair, 1,78, D cups, she likes dressin on armor that is bulkier than a tank or in a tank top and leggings. Dark eyes and light skin

Lesbian. LOVES toys in bed

Headcannons

Has a personal Dreagnough that she uses as a colliseum. She has taken into training new sith in combat. More than her apprentices they are more of gladiators for her to fight.

Kinda crazy. Likes to bounce around and do Tons of damage. She is feroucios about defending the Empire and believes that the republic is doomed. Has archived the impossible more than a dozen times so no plan is to crazy or stupid for her. Gratefully, her wife knows what is too stupid or too crazy and so she fixes those plans so her big sith girl can go fight monsters and other people.

Married Vette. Only she can make her laught so much that she forgets she is angry. The tiny girl is so adorable and so cute and jsut so horny for Alexandria that the two of them spend 3 months on a horny induced honeymoon. Even now after the war with zakuul they keep having more honeymoons whenever they get the chance.

She wasnt all that hurt by Quinns betratal. Like, hey man fatman told you to kill me so no biggie- But from now on you are my bitch and i will bully you over all this k?

Jaesa kinda bugs her. She is Dark side but not SO crazy but still she is kinda...tiny. Alexandria likes to challenge her to crazy stuff and she always gets on trouble with her, but Jaesa is so young and sometimes weak that

Pierce is her best freind. A total madman when it comes to battle, a blootthirsty man that will not doubt in choosing violence but also super trusthworthy and she knows he will stop her from getting killed in stupid ways

For her Broonmark is her fluffy monster! Just point release and watch blood by spilled. She makes him shower after every bottle and use proucts on his hair cause she likes how soft he gets.

She remains a free agent causing chaos everywhere. She is not quick to kill always tho. If she got a good fight with someone she will usually let them live so they can fight again.

She is the most sexually proactive girl around. She will get every pair of cute or hot tiddies on a bed along side Vette. She is a bit dom and doesnt like playing sub, but she will play passive.

Master of Shien and Juyo, she likes to go crazy with a lightsaber and destroying the place but doesnt really like dual wielding

Seraphine <3 Temple

Sith Agent. New code name: Specter

Cyborg, mostly internal components on her eye, brain and bones. 1,96M, Long hair, usually red but she likes dying it. C cups, She wishses to get more tits but she has to be stealthy. She likes using loose clothes with lots of cleavege. She isnt a fan of bras.

Lesbian Switch. Likes bondage and public stuff. She can and will play any part on roleplay. From the scared virgin to the cruel dominatrix

Headcannons

A master of hidding on plain sight. Seraphine is the kind of woman who blends everywhere. She likes attention from the spotlight just to let it go 5 minutes later. She has the talent of being so likeable that any girl that gets close to her on bed, never gets mad with her for leaving or just going for another girl. She also has a perfect memory and will remember how you like to be touch, how much you moan or what kind of cnadies you like when you are on your days. She is as soft as she is Ruthless. She has never regret killing anyone for more than an hour. Unless she kils someone she has slept with she will pull the triger no matter what. This includes civilians, wounded and allies. After Chapter 3 she left the identity of Cypher 9 and became a shadow agent for the Empire. Her new code name: Specter.

After the War with Zakuul she was left on charge ofthe Alliance by Darth Nox. Both the Ex Imperial Wrath and the Supreme Huntress stayed behind with her.

She doesnt like Kaliyo. No. She is no fun. She likes to hurt and doesnt look after girls. She was particulary angry at her at the start because she would try to get on the way of her time with other girls. So Seraphine got Kaliyo a cute chasity belt and allowed her to focus on chaos outside the bedroom. That way they both can get what they want. Chaos and attention.

Vector is her special little guy. Confident. Trusthworthy. But really fun to mess up with. Seraphine tells him to do weird stuff just to get a laught at weird situation. She also helps him send money for Killik Joiners. She likes that he is simple

Lokin is a weird guy for Seraphine.He could do a lot of stuff with the ragkghoul virus but she likes that he is quiet and calm. She likes trying tea with him

Ensign Temple is the only girl that has kept Seraphine attention span for more than 1 night. She likes her a lot because she cant read her as well as other people and so she makes her angry just to learn more about her. She forgot how it felt to get to know someone through time and so she likes to keep her around. She also likes Temple is super organized and loyal

Seraphine can never choose fast between either a big rifle or a tiny blade under her dress. She likes how chaos erupts after a person gets shots down but she also likes to be close when her target takes their last breath

FUCK SCORPIO UwU

Arthemys Delos <3 Mako

Huntress

Built like a tank, She likes lifting Mako to train her big guns. She is a cyborg with lots of internal components and a cybernetic leg (left) She isnt the tallest girl, she is 169 (nice) but she has the biggest tiddies. She carries two E cups that she loves to put on Mako’s face. She has black short hair

Lesbian

Total top but wont say no to being topped every know and then

Headcannons

Money,gambling, explosions and pretty girls, Arthemis cares for little more than that. As long as she can fire guns, gamble money and have a bed with a pretty girl on it she will do an job. She loves hunting animals and will almost never reject a bounty. What she wont do, is just say yes to any quest or mission. She can get money as easy as she can waste it and so throwin credits at her doesnt work. Only if the work isnt something she dislikes or too easy or boring she will do it. She has a few internal implants after playing with grenades when she was young.

Mako is hers. Hers alone. She wont let her go beyon her sight and will actually get restless for being away from her too long. Arthemis is possesive which Mako kinda likes.

The two of them likes being on top of eachother as much as possible but a extra pair of hands or tiddies make them both pretty happy. Most of the time, is actually Mako who gets the girl.

Gault is jsut too fun not to keep around. Arthemis wouldnt call him his best friend becuase she suspects the guys can be bought but he is fun either way. She like getting a lot of money with him and then wasting it all or just not taking the pay,just to mess up with him.

Torian is fun. Sometimes. He is a mandalorian and she likes fighting strong people. But Torian is a bit more serious that she would like. She doesnt like people dying because then she cant fight them again and so she doesnt like some decisions of the mandalorian. But at the end of the day the trust that the two share is one of a brotherhood.

Blizz. God Damm Blizz. When Arthemis got Mako on her bed and then into her family she thought she coulnt be happier. She was wrong. The little jawa makes everything better. As chaotic as her and even weirder than Gault, Arthemis just cant stop keeping the jawa around

YOU READ MY COMMENT ABOUT SCORPIO? WELL THAT X2

Selendis likes using two big guns to shot down her enemies. She doesnt really enjoy going around in huge armor so she keeps herself kinda light. But her armor is still a bit big. Why you ask? Cause she loves the feeling of having not only a flamethrower but also grenades, missiles, hooks and electric weapons all stuffed in her body.

Selendis <3 Lana and Senya

Sith Inquisitor

Sith girl with piercing orange eus and long amazing black hair. She is 182 and as sith that focus on range combat, she took the luxury of enhancing her breasts to a nice DD cups. She doesnt like jewelry but she has a few tattoos.

Sorcerer

Lesbian. The one to dom them all.

No amount of girls is too much when it comes to Selendys

A proud, stylish and master manipulator Selendis believes that the empire can be improved but even in its current state is better than the republic. She is patient and ruthless and wont stop until the galaxy is back on order. She left the alliance and took overthe sith empire after letting Acina step down. Seriously, no killing her just “Try and stop me from getting the throne”

Khem Val is her personal monster. A warrior of another time which she swears wont ever be forgotten. She has taken into redacting whatever information the dashade gives her. She has task him ith protecting everyone she deems worthy of her interest

Andronikos is a fun and interesting man. He is a pirate with experience and a code. Hard things to find. Selendis enjoys him being slipery and smartass. She also enjoys the acces to the underworld the man provides. Over all she likes that the betrayed man has once more put his trust on someone. She wont abuse it but she prides herself of it

Ashara. The little puppy. She has learn about the dark side and the sith and yet she keeps herself on a reaching point from the jedi order. Still she has a point of view that is useful and welcome. She has teached her everything useful that she could learnt.

Talos. Oh Talos. A men of science and interest. Selendis has swear to protect the smart man just so he can see for once history being made instead of being discovered. Most of the time she has free, she will spent researching stuff with Talos and discussing history

Xalek. Selendis attack dog. A simple desire of the young Kaleesh allowed Selendis to craft a magnificent Student. Xalek belived that she was a god. And so Selendis tasked Xalek to forget about being a kaleesh god, and instead become a sith god. Strength, power, and victory.

Lana Beniko. From the first time Selendis met Lana she was intrigue. A sith that kept her rage and hate deep withing her, so she could serve the empire better. Selendis wasted no time in seducing the sith and keeping her under her control. But soon Selendis lost control and ended up loving her. Lana became her source of power. She would burn the galaxy for her. She also fancid her cute ass and the way she lost control.

Senya Tirall. Selendis doesnt do well with betrayal. And so after defeating Arcann, she was left quite angry when Senya saved him. So, after the war with Zakuul, Selendis threw Senya into a prison and slowly made her crumble. Telling her that both Arcann and Vaylin were death, Offering herself as the only ally, and then leaving her alone. Selendis broke Senya and put her back together in a way that she would enjoy. Despite being more of a pet than a lover, Selendis does love her in her wn special way, and wont let her be hurt.

REPUBLIC OCS

Cassandra (Cassie) Jedi Knight <3 kIRA She tiny! She is 165, amber eyes,C cups she likes to hide on a sport bra and to fight, she has a few scars over her back and shoulder (horny origin) She specialies on Djem So but likes using two lightsbaers instead of one Lesbian Total Bottom girl. Tsundere (will be all agressive but you pet her once and she will melt on your arms)

T7-01 The crimemaster, Teseven will always be there to push Cassie towards any female individual just so Cassie can stop winning about not having a girlfriend. Each time it works, but Cassie ends up lossing the contact or getting pulled out from plannet by the council

Kira. Or like Cassie likes to call her, babe! Cassie was sweap of her feat by how chaotic her padawan was an how incredible persistent she was on taking baths together, giving eachother massages and just being close. Cassie lasted 2.6 seconds the first time she gave her a kiss and fron that day on, she is either fighting or on her girlfriend’s arms. Kira likes to tease Cassie and on nights she makes sure to give her all of her love

Doc. The best partner. Doc is always there for Cassie, wherever she is doing good or bad. Or doing ilegal or legal stuff. He knows Cassie will jump towards danger and he will be there to help her make the galaxy a better place Rusk. There are few things that Rusk hates more than the empire and one of them is how Cassie jumps on top of his back because she is to tiny to get food by herself. Even then, he will die for his little sister becuase he knows she will defeat the empire some day

Scourge. The big old sith might have forgotten what means love, pain or feelings, but he respects Cassie. He knows that despite her size the little jedi is more than capable of busting whatever walls appear on her way, even if it means tapping on the dark side.

Bella Jedi consular <3 NADIA

She is a curvy girl. D cps on a tallish girl, 178, with a dump track ass. She is thick and she is SHY about it. She likes baggy clothes so her body doesnt show too much. She feels that healing people with her skills is the best call for her but she also agrees that sometimes throwin a massive bould to minnies is good

Qyzen. Qyzen and Bella are good frends. Mostly, because Qyzen will gladly shoot anyone who calls Bella on her fat ass, and Bella will drop a boulder on anyone who calls him green skin or lizard. The two of them are the type of people who fixate on stuff and they enjoy their hobbies

Tharan. To be honest. Bella didnt think it thorugh when she got Tharan to come with. She was doing it mosly out of pity and because she needed some help. But mostly she just liked Holiday and would be more interested on keeping her rather than him.

Zenith. Oh dear Zenith. Bella enjoys Zenith attiude. There is little more than that. She isnt as extremist as he is, but she knows that he will do everything on his power to defeat the empire and protect the inocent

Iresso. Oh Ireso is fun. Bella likes to bully him in little wyas. Sometimes she will just pick something ilegal to do to get on his nerves. Thats alls. Well he is all good and good for fights but Bella likes how correct he is and that she can make him mad

Nadia: Her love. Her mistress. Her everything. Everyone has thirsted for her body, and so Bella usually isnt ready to believe most words of love and affection, but Nadia persisted for months, being almost addicted to her body. And so one day Bella let her padawan into her bedroom and cried over her love. Nadia is the type of girl who will devote her heart and soul to her love. She CANT keep her hands off Bella’s body tho, which makes it hard for her to keep clean underwear around

NEW OCS FROM THE NOT PC OCS GAME.

PRESENTING. THE ARTIST

Sarah Novadust

The lead singer and dancer of the Imperial Idol group “Royal Novas”

A tallish girl (175cm) a bit petite looking but upclose you notice she has a good pair of thighs and some nice ass. She has GOLDEN hair. Not blonde. Golden. She keeps it on a long ponytail that reaches all the way back to her ass. She is a human girl of 22 years old with Purple eyes due to some alien grandparents

She leads the Royal Nova an Idol Group originated on the Empire. The group is formed by her, 3 back up singers, 5 back up dancers, 2 guitars, piano, drums, violin, and 1 trumpet. The 15 girls are all REAL close to Sarah.. More on that later

Sarah was born on Sarapin. She worked on being an artist since she was young, but when she was around 15 she was blacklisted from most musical firms on the republic over a incident with a manager that wanted to taste her body. Sarah left to spent some times with friends back on Balmorra when the empire attacked. FOr a couple of years she layed low working on some cantinas singing to earn a living. It was there when some sith lady saw her and brought her to Kaas City. Sarah would keep singing for more and more excentic public until she had the favour of enough people that she could stay safe and solo. Then after saving up for some time, she went and convinved a few sith lords and sith officers to put some credits on for a full on idol group. She invited friends and scouted for talent all over the galaxy

As an artist, Sarah likes mixing her young excitement with imperial overconfidense. She knows that playing it safe wont work and so she makes every song and perfomance into a way to improve herself more and more. With a big group of girls to help her she has managed to perform or even Dark council members and Senators from the republic.

As a young woman, Sarah attracts a lot of people. She isnt the most strong willed person, nor she is particulary aggresive. That is excaclty the reason why each and every member of the Royal Novas is madly in love with her. Each girl looks over their leader as a little kitten to be protected. Of course, Sarah doesnt mind the attention and as long everyone plays nice, she will open her heart to the entire group. With 22 years old, a massive fallowing, more credits that she can count and a polyamourous relationship with 14 girls, Sarah's life is just the best

#swtor #swtor oc #star wars oc #starwars oc #Star Wars The Old Republic #star wars: the old republic

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chabby4memes · 3 years

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"Once again you've done nothing for me!" Kirumi dodged an Oncoming Plate Just in time. God, Her boss was such a jerk sometimes. Trying to hit her like this. Good thing They had known eachother since Childhood... "Kirumi, I swear to God, It Took Nico a solid four days to get this clip and then you fail to plant it? You really would fail?" It was against Kirumi's morals to Pin a murder someone had Committed on an innocent, even for the 'All Powerful Dark Lord', Kirumi couldn't pin a murder that Sol very much caused and Maki very much Committed on Kaede... but she had no choice but to.

"You Know I care about you! I give you shelter, food! And all I ask is you dispose of that pin on Kaito's body, as you have gloves! Yet, You defy me so?" Kirumi scrunched her hands up. Before Sol grabbed her shoulder, Nico peered through the door way. "Soleil. I have to deny you. It is against my code as a Maid, You are aware of such a thing. It is also not within my Bounds to say, and you may choose to punish me later but.. I believe what you are doing to be quite Much, it is A Despicable act. Yet you use it to your ends."

Sol nodded in agreement, much to the chagrin of Kirumi, she was indeed aware. Very aware. But she still made her commit such an atrocious act... Sol was Deplorable, yet not corrupt, But She was still a cruel Mistress as was fate and Despair, she just needed a push. Hopefully not off a cliff. "Boss? I have a Bit of Kaede's Sweater. And the Glove you asked for." Nico, the Smallest member of the Trio, More devoted to Sol in an emotional manner than Kirumi... Quite a sheepish girl, with her small stature, she can fit anywhere. She was a few months younger than Kirumi. But they were still the same age. She loves praise.

Nico jumped when Sol shifted her attentions. "And you!? You have the gall to wait another three hours. The body will be discovered before we put this plan into motion!-"

"Boss I-"

"And Stop it with that Boss stuff. Boss is something someone low is called by their lower level worms! And do I look low to You?! Am I a Joke!? Is that what-" Kirumi grappled Sol's Chain, normally she would never, but, considering the Circumstances, it seemed more than necessary that she stopped sol- Imperative even. But that wouldn't stop Her, not with how much of a problem Nico was in her eyes. "Soleil, I hereby call the Fifth Seal-" Kirumi tapped her spine and dragged seal to the Suit of Armour that sat pretty in Sol's lab. "Kirumiiii- You know I didn't mean it like that! She was being annoying again!"

Sol was still only Twelve so it was Tolerable, well that's what Kirumi Supposed.

...

It had been a month since Kirumi had started seeing that Vision, Ever since Sol bit her, and that Mark had appeared on her skin... she was unable to stop seeing Sol hurting her. She could feel that same pain... she trusted her friend, She trusted Sol more than anyone else. How long Had it been Since Maki had abandoned Sol, Kirumi couldn't allow herself to abandon her too.

"Kirumi? You sound tired today." She nodded, listening to the voice of the woman on the other side of the curtain, despite being on the surface, she was adamant that she not come out until the rain ceased. She laughed a little, making sure as to close her mouth before more pungent grey smoke entered the air around her. "Pizza is acting up again. He had managed to Hide in the cupboard again, even with the lock- Milady."

"You need ta stop being so formal, for god sakes yer a Pirate's Maid! Wasn't it that you had brother who disappeared, the one Rantaro killed?- sounds like you 'ad quite the energetic little lad for a brother ain't it.... that was insensitive o me, Sorry Kirumi."

The Pirate giggled softly, before bringing up something unexpected. Nico solemnly looked up at the window of the room, more smoke spreading across the air. "Seeing as it's the last day of your holiday, do you mind sitting with me for a cup of tea?" Sol coughed on her cigar, puffing out the ash stuck in her throat.

Now that she mentioned it, her "mandated" break was ending tomorrow, so Kirumi had guessed it wasn't too much of a hard ask. "Of Course, milady." The grey door creaked open, and a wave of hot air flowed out of the new enterance. She walked in, her black coat almost getting caught on a chain.

Kirumi had good eyes for the odd so when she looked at a table, with a large figure sitting with two mugs. "Well, let's get to know eachother properly, shall we, Kirumi?" Her eyes were a bright orange, betraying her excitement to finally see the Maid in person. Even though this was the third year of Kirumi working for Sol... Sol had never shown herself. So, she knew how to speak in such a situation.

"Now then, let us go? Next week we'll be in Japan, we'll hit landfall later than expected..." Kirumi looked at her, and then the map. Sol nodded as she slid it into his beefy jacket. Kirumi sipped at her tea,every few sips, she looked up at Kirumi. By the time she was finished drinking, Sol held her hands, The Cold. The hard, the Bones pressing against her gloves.

Sol guided her to the doorway, and turned around, her hood on full display. "Let's go meet this new lass? ye call "Kaede" then." Nico looked back down again, and started having a mental breakdown over finally seeing her boss. Kaede was a Blonde Girl, And Sol could admit, she was a diamond in the rough. Back underground, Sol rarely got to see blondes that weren't Boss Monsters.

Kirumi immediately bowed down, almost shaking in fear, Sol grabbed her by the Collar- and clutched Kirumi's chest, pulling her soul straight out. "What's the Matter, Huh Kirumi?" Her eyes welled up with tears. This was much more horrible than her expected abuse.

Despite only having a singular eye, she has a surplus of power. Secretive and Manipulative- unlike Kirumi, she's a terror and very disorganized. When it comes to other people, she's dickish at best. Behind closed doors, she's a mess, nowadays, her diary is scribbles and on a better day, still gibberish, or repeating things, or talk about things that are gruesome. Why, Why did Kirumi still Trust her? Why Could this Simple Maid forget that!? That she was nothing more than a toy? That someone as soulless and messed up as Sol never cared? Was it childhood friends? Was it Sol's family?

Her motif is a clock, and a faint ticking could be heard coming from her chest, and similarly to a heartbeat, becomes faster with her emotions. It can become louder, it was banging, Ringing in Kirumi's ears, The Ticking was so intense that her chest looked as if the chassis would break off. Such vigor, such life suddenly breathing itself into Kirumi- the will to live, a burning passion. A feeling that she couldn't understand properly... it was enough for her... she had to fight.

Kicking her childhood friend in the Chest made Kirumi feel like dirt, Like trash like Garbage. But she had to fight or Sol would kill her. And she still didn't know why.

#danganronpa #ndv3 #danganronpa rewrite #killing harmony #ndvr3 #danganronpa oc #kirumi tojo #kaede akamatsu

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vigilvntes · 4 years

Text

Broken - Kylo Ren x Reader

REQUESTS ARE OPEN.

"when i fell hard, you took a step back."

--------------

You had failed. Failed the mission. Failed the Supreme Leader.

Failed Kylo.

He had trusted you, and you fucked up. The Supreme Leader told you if you returned empty handed, it would be the end. So it looked like the end was nigh.

When you landed on Tatooine, you were confident in yourself and in your abilities. Training under Kylo was no easy feat. Despite him being your lover, he challenged you harder everyday, trying to make you the best you could be. And you thought you were ready for the ultimate challenge of a solo mission. How wrong you were.

The mission was ultimately quite simple. Locate resistance fighters. Extract information. Leave no one alive. But she never made anything easy.

------------------

You landed your ship close to where the resistance had landed, planning to make the rest of your way there on foot. But she had sensed you.

She had come to you first.

The one they called Rey. The Jedi girl. The one who had plagued Kylo Ren since the destruction of Starkiller Base.

The two of you stared eachother out. You, his lover, trainee. Her, his enemy, the light that conflicted him.

Eventually, she took in a sharp breath. "(Y/N). Why are you here?"

You narrowed your eyes, "Isn't it obvious? The Resistance are here. You're here." Each time you had met Rey, she had found her way into your head. Found your weakness. Which was him. You were almost prepared to hear how she spoke of your lover. Almost.

She bit her lip, pondering her next move, before she spoke gently, "I see you in his dreams, you know. I feel your presence in them, even if you're not there. You're bonded with Kylo Ren, more than anyone else."

You couldn't lie, you felt her presence too. In the back of his mind, bothering him, day in and day out. It wasn't that he loved her, no. He wouldn't do that to you. He just wanted to be better. To defeat her.

"You're his biggest weakness, (Y/N). The one thing that could bring him back to us. Back to his mother. To the light. And i think you know that."

You shook your head, looking away from her. "He would never turn his back on the First Order. I would never turn my back."

Rey took a step towards you, "I know you see the light in him. He's conflicted. And so are you. You were once part of the Resistance, you can always come back. You can always come home."

"Stop. Talking," you demanded, but she continued despite your wishes.

"You're both lost. You don't know where you belong. I know something in him longs for the light, for his mother. And i feel the same in you, too. I know you feel it! Neither of you have shut me out yet-"

Before she said anything else, you had sent her flying back. Using your power made you lightheaded, dizzy. Or maybe that was just the gravity of what she had said finally hitting you.

You looked down at her, as she leaned back on her elbow, looking up at you. Shaking your head, you whispered, "I'm sorry. I can't ...."

Turning your back on her, you made your way back to your ship. Your head filled with conflicting thoughts. She was right. Right about everything, you couldn't deny that. But surely you were in too deep now. Surely there was no turning back, for you or Kylo.

-----------------

As your ship pulled into the hanger of the supremacy, you silently cursed yourself for allowing her to see you weak.

You sat in your ship for a few minutes, too scared to leave for the moment. You were due for a punishment, that was certain. Snoke would punish you in the worst way, as he did to Kylo. You just weren't sure what that would be just yet.

Sighing to yourself, already expecting the worst, you left your ship, and there, just outside the doors, stood Kylo, his eyes narrowed, his plump lips turn downwards in a frown. Fuck.

You opened your mouth to speak, but he silenced you. "Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence in the throne room."

You just nodded, silent. You wanted to talk with him. Touch him. Feel him. You wanted him to embrace you and tell you everything was alright. He wanted that too. But you both knew better. Punishment always had to come first when it came to the Supreme Leader. He would have time to console you later in the night.

You couldn't do much else but follow him through the halls, your head hung low. He moved fast, and you struggled to keep up, almost running behind him. The truth was, he wanted to get your punishment over and done with. He hated seeing you in pain, hated the look in your eyes afterwards. So broken. So beaten down. And he hated the one who would do that to you.

The doors to the throne room opened automatically as you approached, and Kylo couldn't do anything more than shoot you a quick, sympathetic glance, before the two of you entered.

You lifted your head as you approached Snoke, "Supreme Leader, I-"

"Silence." He hissed. "Kneel, child."

Your lip quivered, and your breath shook, but you did as you said, and knelt before him. Your whole body felt weak, drained, and tears couldn't help but fall down your cheeks almost immediately.

Snoke stood from his throne, approaching you. "You have failed. You allowed the scavenger girl into your mind...To read your thoughts. Your weaknesses. You returned with no information, and left the Resistance fighters....alive. Is that not worthy of punishment, Ren?"

Your eyes flicked to Kylo, silently begging him to save you, begging him to stand up for you against Snoke. But he didn't.

Kylo swallowed, looking away from you, he spoke shakily, "Yes Supreme Leader."

Snoke grinned, "Good." He stood right before you now, as he slowly placed his hand on your head, gripping tight.

You let out a scream, tears falling down your cheeks at a faster pace, as your mind slipped into the darkness.

You stood amongst the rubble, looking for any sign of another remaining survivor. But the more you searched, the more you realised there were none. Everything had been blown to pieces, no one had survived, apart from you.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to cry. But you couldn't. You couldn't do anything but stand there, hoping for it all to be just a dream. It wasn't, that you knew for sure.

You turned when you heard something behind you, the sound of a ship landing. Out of the ship stepped a creature, tall and lanky, but he radiated dark energy. He offered his hand out to you, hissing, "I can feel it. You have so much darkness in you. Come, my child. Come with me."

And you took his hand.

The darkness grasped your mind again.

You were in battle. Well, not exactly a battle. A village, which held women, children. Families. But you didn't care, you weren't the same as you were before. You had been training, harnessing your dark powers for months. Information about the Resistance was here, and you were prepared to do anything to not disappoint Kylo.

You knew deep down you weren't feeling yourself that day, you felt as though someone else was in control. Something else, perhaps.

You slaughtered each and every village member that approached you mercilessly, never giving them a chance to speak, a chance to defend themselves or their families. All you cared about was bringing down the Resistance.

You led the Storm Troupers through the village, until one of them found the information you were looking for. The man who held it was young, fresh-faced. You looked down at him, then at your squad, "Tie him up. Take him to Commander Ren."

You turned, making your way back to the ship, trying to ignore the man's screams, "Leave no one alive! Take the children."

The screams of the people killed that day haunted you forever.

The darkness again.

This time, something new. Something unfamiliar. This wasn't a memory of yours, no, this was something else entirely. Something which scared you more than the previous.

You laid on your back, resting on an elbow, your other hand reaching up, as if to prevent something.

Above you stood Kylo Ren, his lightsaber glowing red, aimed at you, and before you could stop him, before you could scream, he had plunged it through your body.

You were awake now, your head in your hands, sobbing. You let out another shrill scream, one that made Kylo cringe.

Snoke only looked down at you, a smirk on his features, "Completely broken." He hissed, as he made his way back to his throne.

Once Kylo knew it was acceptable to do so, he rushed over to you, trying to comfort you, to stand you up so you could leave together, but you pushed him away. Before he could so much as tell you to stop, you had rushed out of the throne room, sobbing quietly as you ran through the halls.

As soon as you reached your quarters you began packing, shoving everything you owned into a bag. You were ready to leave, ready to escape the grasp of Snoke. Rey was right, she almost always was. You had to return to the Resistance, return to Leia. Maybe that would convince him to come home too, although you weren't too sure.

A few moments later, the doors to your quarters slid open, and there Kylo stood, his eyes slightly red. He took a deep breath, feeling more guilty than before at the sight of you, dishevelled and broken. He shook his head, "(Y/N).... I'm sorry."

You looked away from him, "Sorry doesn't cut it, Kylo. Not this time. I'm leaving, and i'm not coming back."

His jaw dropped slightly. "But-"

"No. I'm not hearing any of it. You stood there, watching him inflict the worst pain on me. You allowed him to do that."

He closed his eyes for a moment, calming himself. "You know i couldn't stop him. You know what would have happened."

"So it's alright to watch me suffer?" You questioned.

"It's better than the alternative."

"And what is the alternative?"

The both of you fell quiet for a moment. You knew exactly what would have happened if Kylo had interrupted. Snoke always did enjoy a fight to the death. The emotional and physical suffering the two of you would have felt if it had come to that would have brough pleasure to him. That made you feel sick.

You sighed, touching his cheek gently, "I have to go. I have to leave. I can't be here anymore."

He let out a shaky breath, "Where will you go?" He already knew the answer.

You bit your lip, "Back to the Resistance. Back home. Where i belong." You walked over to your door, ready to leave, but you turned back to face him, "I hope to see you there one day. Maybe we can finally have something real. Just us. No Snoke. No First Order. No Kylo Ren." And with that, you left, only turning to look back once.

It was safe to say no control panel was safe that night. No officer was safe. Not even Snoke. Kylo let out his emotions in the only way he knew how: anger and a lot of destruction, on anyone who crossed his path.

#kylo ren #star wars #ben solo #kylo ren x reader #music #the last jedi #the force awakens #rey #x reader #star wars x reader #request #kylo ren x you #kylo ren fic #kylo ren fanfiction #snoke

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espinosaurusrexex · 4 years

Text

Chinese

In which Y/N and Jeff are struggeling with the feelings they have for eachother

warnings: cussing, a bit angsty

a/n: For the anon who requested an imagine from my Drabble list. I may have gotten a bit carried away at the beginning, but I ended up liking it. Also, I know I’m writing a lot of pre relaionship concepts, but I’m just a sucker for them. Nonetheless, you are very welcome to request something apart from my drabble list. Please let me know what you think! And most importatnty: Enjoy!

p.s. I wish you all a happy new year! Thank you for all the love and support :)

9. Oh come on, just kiss me already!

13. Fuck her. Fuck everything!

word count: 2.4k

It was no secret that Jeffrey Wittek had a rough break up with his ex girlfriend. And seeing that she was becoming more and more successful by the second was just another slap in that beautiful face of his. Of course, Jeff had gained a fair amount of fame himself during their relationship and even afterwards. After all, their break up had its purpose in them having more time to focus on their careers. And while that part worked pretty well for either of them, Jeff still found himself drowning in sorrow every now and then.

It had been a year since it happened and Jeff had recovered quite well ever since. He occupied his time with his friends, managing his own Youtube account and his Dog Nerf. In his friends‘ vlogs he was often portrayed as this wannabe playboy, who took a girl home almost every night they went out. But being honest, Jeff hadn't even thought about girls up until a month ago. That was when he met Y/N. They didn’t know each other. It was simply a misunderstanding in which Jeff had accidentally taken a different costumer’s food from the china restaurant down the street. Unaware that the other customer was in fact a beautiful woman, who was desperately trying to explain to the waiter that her food had never reached her. When Jeff had noticed the mistake that had been made, he went back to the restaurant. Surprised by the girl still discussing with the waiter, he slowly approached her and tapped on her shoulder. It was a moment that couldn't have been described any different than a movie slow-mo scene in which the boy meets the girl for the first time and they fall head over heels for each other right this second. It was kind of like that, except for the fall in love part… at least on her end. Jeff was smitten the second he had laid eyes on the girl in front of him, forgetting the reason that he came here for in the first place. Y/N on the other hand was angry. Apologizing to the waiter right away and proceeding to shoot an angry glare at the man in front of her. She had been way too furious to notice his overly attractive features. Her mind being occupied with the thought of her missing her favorite TV show with her friends, which she only got to see once a week. That was, if the occasion allowed it that she and her girl-friends had time after a stressful week of work and school and everything else that was going on in her busy life.

After Jeff had apologized to her at least a million times and offered to pay for her and her friends’ meals, Y/N had finally taken mercy on him. She wasn't a bad person. He had only caught her at the end of a very stressful week of mad customers and exams for which Y/N had studied for, what felt like, months on end. So that her sudden outburst was simply an eruption of emotions she's had bottled up over the past weeks, because who had time for mental breakdowns anymore?

Later that night, Jeff had found himself in his bed, thinking about the mysterious woman. He had been sure that she would be even more beautiful if her face wasn't covered by a deep frown and exhaustion, which seemed to only make her more intriguing to him. It was too bad, he did not get her number or even her name. Which was the reason why he, from then on, visited that China restaurant every friday night. And to his surprise, Jeff’s plan had worked. The first three weeks he watched her getting her order, sometimes with her friends and sometimes alone. It got to the point at which Jeff had questioned, if what he was doing, counted as stalking -which, to be honest, it probably was- but he wouldn't let that thought ruin the joy it brought him to look forward to every friday, just to see the beautiful girl again. On one day, though, about four weeks in, she didn't show. Jeff had fallen into a deep sadness that night and didn't even talk to his friends for the next day. He couldn't believe that a stranger could have so much impact on him and decided to change something about his attitude towards the woman. Thus, the next friday he went to the restaurant, he talked to her. And soon he concluded that this had been one of the best decisions he had ever made. He actually got her number and name.

They became friends and soon spent plenty of time together. Y/N got to meet his friends and he got to meet hers. Y/N felt herself falling deeper and deeper for Jeff every day they spend together and she didn't mind. Her last relationship had been a couple years ago and while she didn't really feel deserving of a new boyfriend for a while, she felt the need for Jeff becoming more present by the second.

They were seated on his sofa, watching a strange show about robots and eating chinese food. But Y/N couldn't care less. She was way too occupied with the thrill of stealing glances at Jeff without him noticing. His arm was positioned on the back rest of his couch, right behind her. The thought of his arm actually resting on her shoulders sent shivers down her spine. She was longing for his touch and attention. But the thing was that she knew, she would never get it from him. A couple months after them hanging out for the first time, Jeff had told Y/N about his ex girlfriend. Y/N, of course, had googled her the second she got home and was blown away by the beauty displayed on the screen. That was one of the reasons why Jeff seemed so unapproachable for her. The other reason was that Jeff, even after a year of single life, was still startled every time he saw a billboard with her face on it or even the mention of her name. It was sad for Y/N to watch him build up his walls every time something about relationships came up in a conversation. She wanted to comfort him, show him that she could help him in more ways than a friend could, but he would never let her.

‘’You know, if you take a picture it'll last longer and you wouldn't have to creep me out by staring at me for so long.’’ Jeff chuckled and turned his head towards her.

What Y/N didn't know was that Jeff actually wanted to show more affection towards her. Sometimes, he would lay awake at night, thinking about how her lips would feel on his, not to mention her body. But deep down, something was holding him back from starting from scratch. Maybe it was the deep emptiness he had felt right after his last break up and the fear of that happening again. He couldn't come up with any other explanation for his caution. Especially , since he had never experienced something so intense as he did with Y/N ever before. It wasn't just her beauty that had pulled him in from the first time he had laid eyes on her. It was the sassiness with which she had turned that waiter into a wuss and the glare she had shot him right after Jeff had turned her attention to him. It was the way she stood there so confidently and the dedication she talked with, even though the sleep deprivation was very evident on her face. But for some reason, Jeff had never dared to make another move after getting her number. And it was probably going to stay that way for a long time.

‘’I would, but your huge ego would block the camera.’’ Y/N shot back boldly. But soon after, she fell into admiration for this man in front of her again. She studied his features: his chiseled chin, the light beard that covered it, his eyes that were so focused on the TV and his mouth. God, his mouth, which Y/N could only assume would be able to do to her. She couldn't even dare thinking about in this moment. His lips were agape and his tongue would lick nover them every few seconds. Y/N couldn't tear her gaze from them. She wanted them so badly on hers.

‘’How come we’ve never kissed, Jeff?’’ Y/N was serious. She couldn't figure out, why this man didn't show any affection towards her for the life of hers and it was killing her slowly. Sure, she knew about his previous relationship but that could have never been the only reason for him to be so secluded for over a year now.

Jeff was startled and didn't dare moving an inch. He was back in reality when he noticed her hand on his shoulder. Hesitantly turning his head towards her, he debated whether he should tell her about the battle he was fighting in his head or not.

‘’What?’’

Jeff scolded himself for this stupid answer. -What, really?- They both knew she had spoken clearly and understandable, but that did not eliminate the confusion from Jeff’s mind.

‘’I mean, your clearly like me… It's not like I didn't notice you at the restaurant every week either, Jeff…’’ Y/N’s hand sunk from his shoulder down his arm and stopped at his hand, inspecting and playing with his fingers intently. ‘’I just… why are we nothing more than friends?’’

‘’I just can’t, Y/N.’’ He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her how her perfume made him go crazy and how much time a day he spent thinking about her. He wanted to tell her that she was everything he ever wanted and that he was an asshole for not letting anyone touch him for so long. And most importantly, he wanted to grab her then and there and just press his lips all over her body, but he didn't. He just looked down, because he couldn't stand the emptiness and hope in Y/N’s eyes anymore.

‘’It’s my ex… I can’t.. I- … I really don't know. Give me some time.’’

‘’Give you time? Are you serious?’’ Y/N was calm but her voice was filled with a daring emphasis. ‘’Fuck her! Fuck everything, Jeff! I’ve met you five month ago and you're all I could think about from that moment on. I thought you were feeling the same…’’

Y/N scooched away from him before opening her mouth again: ‘’Now, I know that you and her had it rough and that you needed time to work through that, but that was over a Year ago. I want to help you, I really do, but you are making it so hard.’’

Her eyes started to water, but Y/N didn’t stop the tears from rolling down her reddened face. How did they have so much chemistry and yet so much unspoken things hanging between them. Jeff tried to reach out to her, but Y/N just flinched and looked away.

‘’I do like you… a lot, actually. You have to listen to me.’’ Y/N didn't want to listen anymore. She skittered farther away from him and tried to focus on something in the room that could possibly calm her nerves.

‘’I’m scared, okay! I’m scared that this shit is going to repeat itself and that I can't get through it again. And most importantly, I can't stand the thought of you going through that! I would never want anything to happen to you, because I care for you… deeply. Please, you have to understand me.’’

‘’I don't care.’’ Y/N’s voice was quiet and soft. She sniffed hesitantly and looked up to him again.

‘’What?’’ there it was again: The stupidest answer one could ever give and Jeff wanted to bang his head on the wall. His friend was pouring his heart out for him and all he could do was sit there dumbfounded and make her repeat the words she had probably struggled to say the first time.

‘’I don't care if I get hurt. And you shouldn’t care, either. I’m not her. We are not the same. And even if it were to happen again.. So what? It will be better knowing, than never trying. What if this is going to be the best thing that will ever happen to us, Jeff?! I can't resist you any longer! I just I need you. I need you to be more than just a friend and I really hope you feel the same, because I can't stand it any longer. I really can’t.’’

Jeff was mesmerized. Y/N was so confident that her energy had radiated straight to him. She was right. He could never go on without knowing if this would actually work out. He didn't want to miss out on the opportunity and he most certainly did not want any person to have Y/N, other than him.

‘’Okay.’’ He stated self-assured. If it was not going to happen now, then it would never.

‘’Well then come on! Come on and kiss me already!’’

Jeff was still hesitant when he came closer to Y/N and reached out for her hand, which she gladly took. Excitement sparking in both their eyes when he slowly pulled her onto his lap. Their faces were close now. Their noses brushing and their eyes staring into each other as if they were the only thing existing in that moment.

‘’What are you waiting for Wittek?’’, Y/N questioned and bumped with her nose against his, ‘’Are you gonna chicken out again?’’

A daring smile snuck onto her face as she noticed how Jeff tensed up underneath her. He wouldn't let his pride get in the way of this moment and Y/N knew that. Just like she knew everything else about him.

Jeff grabbed her waist, one hand sliding lower down her body and pressed her even closer to him. Y/N squealed and Jeff took that opportunity to push his lips hard against hers. It wasn't a forceful kiss. It was full of love and unspoken words that he would have never been able to tell her without them being as close as they were right this second. They were both molding into the kiss, longing for each other more and more as their hands wandered all over the other’s body. It was by far the best kiss either of them had ever experienced and it was this moment, in which Jeff realised, this would never count as a mistake.

#david dobrik #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik fic #david dobrik x reader #vlog squad #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad x reader #vlog squad fanfic #jeff wittek #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek fanfic #mywritings

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piperdelaprim · 5 years

Text

Shelly and Colt accidentally kill a man (headcanons)

Okay! It's been a while, hello 👋 I'm finally back with more headcanons and this time it's for none other than the faces of Brawl Stars. I'm not exactly sure what you should expect but it's content regardless!! Let's go!!

Is it Sholt? Yes. Is it romantic? Not entirely sure but I'll try.

So the scene starts off with Shelly being like: "Uh, what the fuck did we just do...?"

And then Colt being shocked as hell stands there for a minute and then takes initiative to check if the dude's really dead. He uses his revolver to nudge the body, but lo and behold--it is lifeless.

Imagining the duo with a motherlode of meiotic dialogue (the rhetorical device, not cell separation yall LOL) Shelly would then say: "Mm yeah. He's dead."

Colt responds, not believing what they just did: "Okay great! Wanna go grab some coffee?" Shelly then elbows him so Colt can have a jarring reality check alongside her. She starts shedding some tears, however she tries her best to hold them in to control the situation.

Colt, knowing how stressed Shelly can get even in arguably much smaller dillemas (in comparison to a murder), he starts to reassure her, hugging her and all that good uwu shit, telling her it's going to be fine and that they were ultimately innocent. However, Shelly, stopping her tears and interrupting Colt, she ominously says: "We need to hide the body."

And then Colt's like: "You're...insane...but sure okay!"

Then the scene segways to the events leading up to this incident and I'm about to tell you it right now yeet

It's a "normal" day in Brawl Town, the sun's out on a windy Wednesday and nothing was out of the ordinary. Colt and Shelly at this point have known eachother for a couple months but absolutely LOVE pining! The third wheel and best friend, Poco, gets insanely irritated with the two of them not professing their affection for one another--but like most days, that's just a normal thing.

After a match, Poco and Shelly hung out and ate lunch together at Bull's Diner. Poco noticed that something was quite out of the ordinary: "I think there's a weird dude in town."

The "weird dude" doesn't match any of the existing brawlers' characteristics or physical appearances. Poco continued to tell Shelly that he was always acting weird and randomly knocking at every brawlers' residences.

Shelly being skeptical asked Poco for proof. "Well! I don't have any! But he does look weird, like the pictures of the robohumans I saw in the newspaper centuries ago," says Poco.

"What are those?"

"You know those things we fight every day, Shelly Yeah, they used to capture humans and turn them into robot human hybrids. I don't know who stopped the robots from doing it, but I haven't seen one in forever--until now. But stay safe tonight, Shelly. Maybe you can ask Colt to come over. Hehehe."

Shelly, with red cheeks, almost jumps out of her side of the booth to nag back at Poco, "I don't need protecting!" As partially annoyed as she was, she couldn't help but chuckle at what Poco had jokingly said.

"Are you sure you don't need protecting, Shelly? You *did* let your emotions get the better of you just now!"

"Haha very funny //bonehead, but I think *you* should be the one worrying about safety with a guitarrón as your only weapon!"

"Shelly, I'm fine...I'm already dead." bruh moment, end of scene

Later that night, Shelly returns home, half asleep and ready to crash--until she saw Colt at her front door. Almost instantly, Shelly was wide awake.

Not knowing how to showcase her affection toward him as per usual, with her eyes open wide she sternly says, "What the hell are you doing here."

"Poco said you needed me here." Colt said with a smirk.

"Screw you Poco oh my god." said Shelly under her breath. She looked back up at Colt and said "Look, thanks for going out of your way and everything, but Poco's just messing with you. Goodnight, Colt."

Before she went in her house, Colt said with the greatest of speed: "Okay wait listen, so two things: my cousin Penny just arrived at Brawl Town and I actually can't stand her attitude but Mama and Jess love her a lot because she's really good at brawling and she's making a lot of money right now for the family but once again I don't really like her so I hoped I could stall and talk to you for a little bit and ALSO that new guy here is scaring the shit out of me and I don't feel safe at night hahahaha....ha..."

Shelly, internally excited that Colt wants to spend more time with her but forbids to let that show in her face, gives in and lets him in her house. Before that, she says: "You know you really gotta start sucking it up. The kid's making more money than you for a reason."

Shelly and Colt started chatting with eachother in the couch about their lives in Brawl Town and how crazy their lifestyle is, and eventually Colt says: "Man it still shocks me how we just...ran into eachother back there." (The whole "No Time to Explain" thing)

Shelly, with a laugh says: "You were literally about to die :))" Colt laughs with her, saying "I really wouldn't have been here gushing over you every day if you didn't save my ass a couple months ago."

Internally, Shelly's like: holyshitholyshit whatdoesthatmean whatthehellishesayingtomerightnow ohmygodholyshit but the words that came out of her head was: "You? Gushing over me? Quit playing h a h a." Shelly's hella nervous and super flustered.

"Wow Shelly," Colt said playfully, "what a way to discredit weeks and weeks of me thinking of what I was planning to say to you sooner or later :P"

Shelly got up from her spot in the couch and inched closer toward Colt. Very much unlike her usual self, she was flustered and smiling like a middle schooler around their crush, except it's actually like that besides the fact that they're not middle schoolers. "Just...shut the fuck up already." said Shelly jokingly with a smile as she put her arms on top of Colt's shoulders.

The both of them were MEGA flustered, and as excited as they were, they allowed for the moment to carry itself. Although slowly, their lips eventually locked for a couple seconds, HOWEVER, a sudden sound of a window breaking startled the both of them--the sound came from the second story of Shelly's house.

Jerking up from the couch, the both of them grabbed their weapons and stormed upstairs. Shelly recognized that the sound came from the spare room--a place where she hardly goes to maintain.

When the pair approached the door, they found cover and kicked it open like the police do and instantly pointed their weapons toward the figure they recognized as the "weird dude".

"Shit, Poco wasn't kidding." said Shelly, "What the hell are you doing in my house?Get out or we'll shoot!"

The weird dude, super unfazed by the way, says menacingly, "Oh dear, I just need a place to stay!" Shortly after his request, he shoots at the painting that hung in the hallway, knocking it down.

You know what that means! W A R. It was Shelly and Colt vs. the Weird Dude. Shelly and Colt's regular attack hardly damaged him. It was clear what he was. He was made by the robots (not the robo squad but the big boys we fight during the ticketed events).

Shelly's super was charged up, but didn't want to use it. However, the weird dude's punch attack was inching closer and closer to Colt, and Shelly, without thinking, fired her super at the humanoid.

After doing so, there was peace and quiet, but Shelly didn't know what she had just did because the first thing she did was attend to Colt.

"Holy shit are you okay?!"

"Of course, if my hair's fine, then I am too ;) but one thing, Shelly...*points to the humanoid* I THINK YOU KILLED HIM."

And then it's basically back to the beginning of the post!

The two of them brainstorm on ways to dispose of the body, but alas, their moral compasses are failing them in this scenario. But, suddenly, Colt remembered that there was an incinerator back at the Junker family home.

"Okay...NO." Shelly didn't like the idea of literally dragging a dead half-human into the Junker residence. "Your mom's really not gonna like me if she smells a dead freaking body in her house."

"Heh, is that *really* what you're worried about? ;))" bruh moment no.2

*flustered ass Shelly activated* "nOOo...of course not! I just killed a man. I can't really worry about anything else anymore can I..."

Shelly really didn't want to face Pam after this whole mess, even though she had nothing to do with it anyway. "Well, we're not doing that. I don't want to freak them out." She's just too packed with emotions to meet the parents LOL

Suddenly there was a knock on the front door downstairs. Sholt both had an "oh shit!" moment and Shelly hesitantly ran down the stairs opened the door, ready to give an explanation, but turns out it was just Poco.

"oH mY gOd sHELLy aRE yOu oKAy?!" Poco cried as he LITERALLY jumped on top of her. "I heard your shotgun from a mile away and I-"

"PocoIThinkIKilledTheWeirdGuyJesusIThinkI'mAMurdererWhatAmI-"

"you wh-"

"alsomeandcoltkindakissedandhe'supstairswiththebody-"

"YOU WHAT-"

"Yeah I know I murdered a guy in front of the literal sheriff to save his life how much more ironic can it get,,,"

"Okay that's cool and all but you guys really kissed it was gonna happen sooner or later hehe..."

"THATS NOT IMPORTANT POCO I KILLED SOMEONE"

"Eh, I wouldn't worry too much about that."

*confused Shelly*

Colt, from upstairs, screams: "BABE HE'S GONE WHAT DO I DO? ALSO WHO'S DOWNSTAIRS?"

Poco's face lit up at Shelly, "bAbE?? ;))" said Poco quietly. Shelly let out a sigh, flattered at what he called her but irritated because he decided to call her that while Poco was around.

"IT'S POCO WE'RE FINE." Shelly said loudly from the lower level.

Colt came down to greet the not-usually-giddy Poco, "Hey Colt! It's all good! They respawn back to where they came from sooner or later, it just takes them a longer while!"

"Phew, that's a relief!" Colt exclaimed, "Did you know that Shelly didn't want to burn the body at my Mom's place because she was nervous to meet her?"

*irritated Shelly activated* "You're fUnNY."

Poco laughs, knowing he did enough to poke fun at the two. "You guys are so cute, I'll leave you two alone now, goodnight!"

Poco leaves and what do you know it's just the two of them!

"So Shelly...where were we? ;))" Shelly chuckled a little bit, as she warmed up and started to act more natural around Colt. They lean toward eachother to finish what they started before the whole conflict, but once again...

*DOORBELL RINGS*

*irritated Shelly, part 2* "I'll get it..." Shelly opens the door and starts saying "Poco oh my-" until she realized it was actually Jessie. "Oh sh- hi Jessie!! Sorry about that!"

Colt doesn't want Jessie to know that he's at Shelly's place, so he runs behind the couch to hide.

"Hi Shelly! I've been trying to look for Colt because Mama misses him so much and she really wants to see him. Is he here by any chance?"

Colt's SUPER soft spot is his mother, so he decided to get up from his hiding spot and reveal himself to Jessie. "Jessie! What are you doing alone at this time? It's dangerous!"

"Actually, I was wondering what you two are doing alone at this time?"

Shelly, slightly irritated (but not fully because she silently finds Jessie super adorable) once more, says "nothing, Jessie, don't worry about it." She turns around to Colt to tell him he should go and that she'll see him tomorrow.

And then they exchange really soft goodbyes to eachother and Jessie already knew what's up. When they were on the way home Jessie decided to ask him: "You guys are together now, aren't you? Don't lie to me!"

"Heh, sure, whatever answer satisfies you, kiddo. But I think we need to have another first date--before you did, let's just say a couple o' people decided to crash it."

That's all! I know this is much longer than my regular posts and this is definitely much more experimental than usual. I'm not exactly sure how it'll be received or if it even quenches the Sholt drought but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless!

#brawl stars #sholt #brawl stars headcanons #headcanon #au #brawl stars shelly #brawl stars colt #long post #brawlstars #supercell #i honestly dont even know what i just wrote

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korinsu-t-blog · 5 years

Text

May 27 // Kabuki

Oh man oh man oh man. To start off, watching kabuki in real life was honestly a ton of fun. It’s like the Japanese analogue to shakespearean plays: very culturally rooted, lots of deep motifs, and the stories are typically history-based. The particulars of how the plays go aren’t at all like what oldern western style productions tend to do, but I think that’s part of the appeal. It’s a uniquely Japanese take on stage productions.

Overall, we got to see three different kabuki shows back-to-back, with short intermissions. The seats were awfully cramped; I kid you not when I was sitting perfectly straight and upright my knees were flush with the seat in front of me. Supremely uncomfortable in the moment, but I think that looking back on this day in the future will entail a lot more appreciation of what I did get to see. Kabuki performance was, somewhat unironically, a lot like real life Jojo’s: there were a lot of random poses being struck, there was a lot of shouting, and a lot of actors menacingly approaching eachother. Asides from the last play (which was not a historical reenactment, but rather a historical slice of life) the actors spoke veeeeeeeeerryyyyyyyy sloooooooooooowwwwwww. There was almost always a shamisen (3-string banjo), drum, or tap-stick playing to accentuate the lines and actions of the actors, so they didn’t have to deliver everything flatly. Lastly, to reinforce the dynamicness of running and to symbolize the actor striking someone else (such as with a weapon), a single attendant on the side of the stage would slap wooden blocks into the stage to make a really loud clapping noise. This person also used the wood slap to mimic footsteps when actors would enter/leave via the runway going into the crowd- yet another unique feature of Japanese theater.

The first kabuki play was a tale of two brothers who, after being orphaned when their father was killed by one of his allies, spent the next eighteen years tracking down said ally so they could kill him. They were invited into the daimyo’s court by the court jester (sympathetic to their cause), and were about to introduce themselves when the daimyo immediately recognized them as the sons of the guy he had killed eighteen years ago. Deciding that the ruse was indeed up, the sons moved to kill him before the daimyo declared that they couldn’t kill him because “the ancient sacred sword of our people’s is still missing after hundreds of years”. This is very reasonable, of course, so the boys sheathe their swords and are about to sit down again when a runner comes in declaring that they’re found the legendary sacred sword. This ignites the fury of the younger brother once again, but before he can move to kill the daimyo for a second time, the daimyo declares that “I was put in charge of a hunt on mount Fuji for the Shogun in a few months, so you can’t kill me yet!”

This, too, was very reasonable. Taking some tickets to the great hunt as a consolation prize and vowing to meet the daimyo on that fated day, the brothers leave the palace and prepare to... fade to black, ‘cause that’s where the play ends with a little blurb on the text screen that says “they got revenge but died in the attempt.” No ending or anything.

The second play was one of the most popular kabuki productions of all time: Kanjinchou, aka “The Subscription Scroll”. It’s honestly the most well written of the bunch we saw, and tells the tale of an adventuring party consisting of the outcast prince Yoshitsune, the strongest monk in the land Benkei, and their three loyal samurai as they journey away from the lands where Yoshitsune is being hunted by his elder brother. To escape further to the north, they must first sneak through a gatehouse guarded by servants of the elder brother- and to do that, they have to disguise themselves as priests, with Benkei taking the lead and Yoshitsune donning the garb and straw hat of a packman. The gate is on the lookout for priests though, and what ensues is a battle of question and improvisation starting with the leader of the gate guards asking Benkei to read the list of people who are donating money to the stated goal of the monks. No such list exists of course, so Benkei draws out a blank scroll (all while concealing it from the gaze of the commander) and proceeds to improvise a long and grandiose speech using his monk upbringing- basically rolling a Nat 20. The commander knows the scroll is blank, but eventually becomes so enamored with Benkei’s improvisation and constant answers to his deeper and deeper philosophical questions that in the end he resigns himself to an early death and passes Yoshitsune’s party through without letting them know he knows- not before Benkei is forced to beat his own master though. When the party is through the gates, the most touching and emotional part of the play occurs in the form of a conversation between the weeping Benkei- an all-powerful warrior who can lift the mightiest weights yet still faltered when lifting a hand against his own master- and Yoshitsune, who forgives him with a kindness begetting the Buddha.

The last play was, quite simply, Firefighters vs. Sumo in a slow burning drama that eventually ends in a thirty man all-out brawl between the two forces. Well over an hour long, it was entirely worth for the amazing fight scenes at the end which struck the perfect balance of flow, comedy, and drama. Much more a contemporary play, people talked at a normal speed and interacted with much less formality- quite a relief after having to sit through the first two. Not much else needs to be said about it besides that opening sentence.

[The kabuki theater from the exterior. Very nice, one of the largest kabuki-only theaters in Japan.]

[Interior, high up on the third floor balcony.]

[I swear half of these scripts are real life Jojo’s.]

[A painting inside the theater, I thought it was pretty dope.]

[The kabuki theater also happened to be in the supercar district, I saw so many expensive ones rolling around the city.]

[Yes, that is indeed James Bowlingsan.]

[Today’s candid: Ian! He’s a pretty quiet dude but every time he talks it’s absolutely hilarious. His hair is nice, too. 100% a good roommate to have on our floor, I wouldn’t want it any other way- he adds a lot to our day-to-day group.]

==========

Literature review:

Today’s literature was on kabuki. Some fun facts about it:

-Women weren’t allowed to act in kabuki, so men acted as women. These men were so good at acting as women that they actually set fashion trends for women who traveled to see popular kabuki performances. Generally speaking, they were akin to modern day drag-queens? Only the male actors who played female characters tho.

-Kabuki actors were extremely wealthy celebrities that technically occupied the commoner class, making them socially lower than samurai but far more influential.

-Kabuki was originally a thing of the common folk and very unsuited for high courts. It was only over time and extended cultivation through a specific effort to enhance Japanese-specific culture to compete with Western plays and opera that it rose to being honorable enough for even the emperor to view. Nowadays, it’s analogous to Shakespearean plays... not so much when it first came out.

-Kabuki scripts often had to go to great lengths to mock the samurai while still maintaining social order, as it was originally an outlet for expressing dissatisfaction with and rebellion against the samurai class. These methods often included a protagonist who was secretly a high-ranking samurai but who dressed as a commoner for some unusual reason, allowing him (a commoner) to outwit and defeat the samurai without having an actual commoner doing it. I swear officer, he’s really a 500 year old demon samurai, not a commoner.

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iheartlegolas · 7 years

Text

Intertwined

Word Count: 1137

Warnings: f e e l s

Summary: Legolas finally returns from the War of The Ring, and reunites with the reader.

Requested by Anon (I know you requested a drabble and I’m soRRY for making it quite long but I couldn’t help it :(. I hope this was dramatic and FEELS induced enough!)

The title of this imagine is based off of Dodie’s song ‘Intertwined’ (quite possibly one of my fav songs), feel free to listen to it as you read this!

Enjoy ~

———————————————————————

(Y/n) stopped counting the days Legolas was gone, feeling an immense longing and quenching fear furiously erupt throughout her body whenever she woke up to an empty bed. It was almost unbearable. Some nights, when the absense of Legolas felt too real, (Y/n) would curl up on a small armchair and would stare at the embers of the fire as she thought of times spent with her Prince. If she felt this way, how was Legolas feeling? The thought that (Y/n) was unknowing if Legolas was alive or not killed her. He truly was a highly skilled warrior, quite possibly one of the best. (Y/n) could only hope that Legolas was alright, and keep her faith in him strong. If she could, she would switch places in an instant…

But, of course, Legolas did not allow her to.

“Please, Melamin, do not venture forth with this fellowship. I cannot bare to lose you…” (Y/n) said, shaking with tears as she rested her forehead against Legolas’s own.

“I must. For Middle Earth, and for you. I could not bare to allow our world to fall into a horrific fury of evil. I cannot allow you and our future child to live in anguish and fear.” Legolas said, caressing the damp, reddened skin of (Y/n)’s cheek.

(Y/n) leaned foreward, embracing the sweet taste of Legolas’s mouth and choking back a sob.

“Let me come with you.” She whispered.

“I cannot let you do such a thing.” Legolas said suddenly. feeling horrified at the thought of (Y/n) in battle. They had both been in minor battles, and were skilled fighters, but this…there was nothing as evil and life draining as this quest. The battles would be unexpected and unbelievably large, and even the act alone of travelling in uncharted territories were extremely dangerous. Legolas couldn’t bare the dark thought of (Y/n) falling, or to face the harsh quantities of death to come.

“Why not? If you are to go, why shouldn’t I contribute to the fate of our world? I wish to be with you, even if all else fails…” (Y/n) pleaded.

“Please, my love, allow me to do this for our future, and the futures of many people as well. I can fight at my best when I know you are the safest you can be, and I will be able to make it through this with the love and hope you give me for our future. You are contributing to Middle Earth as it is to give me your blessing to go on this quest.”

She clutched his hand. “And…what if..something is to happen to you?”

“Do not cloud your thoughts with these dark ones. The Fellowship and I will face the dangers and surpass them, for you give me the strength and hope to do so.” Legolas said, bringing (Y/n) to his chest and embracing her.

“Promise you will be careful.” She said quietly.

“I promise.”

Most times, when she thought back on the conversation, she would wish that she had still gone with the Fellowship. Instead, she spent her hours thinking of Legolas and halfheartedly shooting arrows in their targets. ‘He is a brave warrior. He is exceedingly strong and agile.’ She would often repeat in her head. She found herelf in a desperate longing, holding in the impulse to have an emotional breakdown as she fired another arrow. “Legolas is going to return.” She whispered, closing her eyes as she notched another lithe arrow. In a swift motion, she released the arrow. Her face softened, dropping the bow in an instant, eyes still closed. She huffed, in an attempt to surpress the wave of emotions to come. 'How long has it been?’ She thought. Weeks? Months? It all felt like years. When word came that the battle of the Black Gate had ended, the only thing (Y/n) could think of was Legolas. She hoped he was alive, and each day was full of anxiety in fear of her worst nightmare. Middle Earth, on the other hand, rejoiced. The forest of Mirkwood was beginning to bloom with life, flowers growing everywhere and trees becoming free of their sickness and ridded of webs. Celebrations would be held upon Legolas’s hopeful return, which (Y/n) spent every blinking moment waiting for.

(Y/n) was lying on the hard surface of the stone floor, gazing at the evening sky. Blocking out all of her surroundings, she curled up, clutching her knees as she pleaded for sleep to takeover her being.

It was dark and windy. (Y/n) felt a warm hand stroke her cheek. She hummed at the familiar feeling.

“A'maelamin.”

(Y/n) smiled, “Legolas.” She mumbled, in a half-slumbering state. (Y/n) huddled closer to the being that seemed to be holding her.

“I am home now, Melamin.”

She hazily opened her eyes, staring into the eyes of the blond Prince who seemed to be smiling at her. “I am dreaming.” (Y/n) said, the sleep slowly wearing off. She tried, tried so hard to hold back tears all day. Seeing Legolas for the first time in so long was surreal. She already felt the tears falling as she gazed at their interlocked hands.

“Legolas!” (Y/n) exclaimed, sitting up to engulf into a strong embrace and feeling a rather large lump in the midsection of her throat. The aching in her chest was relieved as she breathed in the scent of him.

“Oh, how I have missed you.” Legolas said, reaching for the sides of her face and leaning in for a highly anticipated kiss that met the burning longing of his departure. The long nights he spent thinking of her in a deep sense of eagerness to see her. The thought of how everything would have been worth it in the end, after they would have helped and rooted for Frodo to destroy the ring had been what gave him the strength and bravery. The image of him and (Y/n) together, and how he would do anything to reunite with her had kept him going through the constant hardships that were met.

“Cormamin lindua ele lle.” (Y/n) whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Legolas smiled blissfully, feeling small tears prick in the corner of his own eyes, “Amin mela lle.”

“I love you, so much.” (Y/n) said in a shaky breath from the intensity of the moment. They sat on the cold floor, warpped up in a much needed proximity. It could have been for minutes, hours even. They paid no attention to the passing of time.

Legolas quirked an eyebrow, "What prompted you to fall asleep here?“ he softly inquired.

(Y/n) explained. She told him of the yearning and the endless tears, the mindless being she had become. Legolas only held her affectionately, mumbling words of comfort.

(Y/n) stood up, Legolas’s hand in her own as she led him to their sleeping chambers. She could not imagine how exhausted he must have felt, for the quest seemed beyond physically and mentally draining. The bed felt comfortable and safe once more, as (Y/n) and Legolas lovingly whispered to eachother in the dimly lit room.

The fire of the foes that the Fellowship endured, the darkness and death that held the ability to haunt anyone for lifetimes had vanished in the minutes that would evolve into hours Legolas and (Y/n) spent, intertwined.

—————————————————————————————

Elvish - English

Melamin - My love

Cormamin lindua ele lle - My heart sings to see thee

A'maelamin - My beloved

Amin mela lle - I love you

#legolas #legolas greenleaf #Legolas Thranduilion #legolas oneshot #legolas imagine #legolas x reader #FEELS #lord of the rings #i actually wrote something #'drabble'#soz #JRR Tolkien #tolkien

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notepadnotes · 4 years

Text

A Tale That Time Concealed

Chapter 12, Home.

Moment of utter weakness I took on the 48 hour wait. Knowing, there would be a sense of regret in doing so. Hours had already been spent, detouring and breaking down the mental holds she had once en locked him with. This was different. This time it was different. Yes before attacks like this have happened in the past. No one would argue differently. But this attack. This attack, was different. This was one of the five major attacks.

But I digress, allow me to diverge a bit. Deidra. After that second attack. There was many years of waiting. Rebuilding. A walking away from what would be know as finding love. Unfortunately, this was not entirely the case. For I still accepted what every fragments of love were tossed my way. It’s unfortunate because it’s caused me to allow two more attacks in. Needlessly.

This most recent attack could have been avoided. But her selfish man destroying narcissistic personality. Allowed her to wait in disguise. For years. Allowing her to collect data. She had him fully convinced. That he too could find a way to love this person, in the same way she was portraying to love him. He knew exactly who she was. at least towards the men she played.

Again fully convinced he was this would be different. Unlike past attacks, where although similar in nature. He had no desire for her. His only main focus was getting back on his feet and past this depression which had almost killed him many times over the last year alone.

But she had other intentions, and set a plan in motion. With their short rise and ever deeper fall. His depression came back full force. His darker persona was back. It was something different. There was a weakened shell of what used to be himself. Numb and confused. Always so confused and utterly without joy as well as highly abusive. Friends and family would address his weight loss and sudden character change. Dismissively not addressing questions. This one was no longer capable of saying what he was feeling because he was always wrong.

There was also this new persona. Could not let anything go. And through suppression of truth. Half could only repeat her lies. The other couldn’t let his experiences and feelings be altered with untruths. Divided he was. The depression knew this. Used it. Plans had been thought. Actions were being taken. For months the two internally fought. It was coming down to this.

Many times in the past, he’s gotten himself into some seriously stupid situations. But they were always the same. Consistent. He was still himself. This time he wasn’t. Her words had push him to physically harming himself again, now to the point surgery would be required. Financially he was in a rut stuck in a motel with no options. His morals destroyed as year long court case and jail time was on him. Mentally. Finally he was gone. Mummified and drained of all reason to live. Her control was absolute. He was finally her toy. Years invested and planning paid off.

Until something happened. Only a couple drops, at first. Then a light trickle. She had sensed her victory. She begun putting less thought, and effort into the stories she was spinning. The victory was hers. She had no need to try. This newly made toy would sit and wait where it’s told, to be played with once again when she got bored of her newwer project. He had seen this cycle of hers for as long as he knew her. As that trickle persisted, it carved away layers and layers of compounded lies. Without thought. Her inconsistent stories started to rip eachother apart.

As always he waited. At first. Conflicted. Thinking that maybe some how he was wrong. For not pretending to see what she claimed she saw. Dispute the physical evdience she her self had given him. But the divided persona wouldn’t allow him to crawl back once again. Not with so many of her lies being exposed. Not with the muddy waters becoming clear.

Then the day came. Months delayed but it had finally came. The day. Was moving day. Not once did she try. Disappointed as he was. The persona couldn’t contain his glee. This was the final day. Final chance to slither her way back in. Fate was back on their side.

A couple days past, and he was sitting on the eve of his father’s passing. They began to bicker back and fourth. If they made the right choices. The persona was gettin frustrated at how foolishly he was hanging onto what he felt was love. Tires of arguing with the shell of a man. The persona gave in and allowed him to check up on her.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. All the shells arguments, pointless defenses. Wasted hopes. It was all for nothing. The persona had been right all along. Deep down the shell always knew. But would never allow himself to admit it. Now, seeing with their own eyes nothing. Knowing the importance of the day for not just himselfs but her as well. The persona had won. He was done.

The persona sat back in blissful glee as he watched the shell systematically, remove all traces of her from his life and made it impossible to contact them again. This had never been done before. Ever. Both the shell and persona were shocked by this. One was upset while the other was happy sure. But both still shared that sense of shock. All that was really left was collecting his belongings. He knew not only couldn’t. But had no desire to do it himself. So a friend reached out, made arrangements and a few days later we were in possession of our belongings once again.

No more was his belongings scattered around cities. Or being disposed of. He had all of it. Most recently. Which excited him the most. Was his trunk of memories. An entire history of him. Minus some books of poems as previously mentioned. They began going through it all from Aberdeen where this story started and right up until a few months back. This was going to help them remember who he was. At least major memories and events. As the shell and persona read over their thoughts and feelings throughout the past 20 years. They both saw how interconnected each section of their lives were. They saw the underlying story two decades in the making.

Upon completion, they noticed how shaky the camels legs had gotten. All the weight of everything this last year had finally started to crack. The seduction, the lies, the love, the engagement, the fights, zero understanding, abuse. Every good and bad moment was so intertwined with each other. They could no longer distinguished between fact or fiction within her web of indoctrination. In the shells moment of weaknesses. He took off the fail safes, his only current means to limits any and all contact. He took them off, and typed in her name.

What he saw brought out a very clear emotion in them. They were by no means shocked, or angry. The shell wasn’t in denial over this or even trying to bargain with the persona. They saw she was reaching out. Perhaps when they sent another to collect his belongings, She realized they were not as broken as she had believed. She realized she had lost her control. Their depression, at least regarding this current problem, was no more. They read each of the different casts, and were content that the shells idea to test the situation had failed in the way he had hoped. The shell was for once genuinely happy the persona had been correct.

Each lure different in tone. Each lure baited differently. Desperately pushing buttons, trying for a reaction to gain any sort of entry back into their lives. As one cast would fail, another would be quickly baited with another button and tossed right back out. Watching these weak attempts gave both the shell and persona their final stage of grief. Acceptance.

Acceptance they were never meant to relinquish his desires to fulfill someone else fantasy. The acceptance that this was the end of a much greater cycle in their life. Acceptance, That everything, was over. As the camels back broke, The knees of the shell gave way and he fell. Years of hollowing himself out for the ideas some others perfection. The shell had all but given every aspect of it self to the persona. What little blood, which was keeping the shell alive had finally been drained and leached away from this last factious love. As his knees made contact with the ground below him, They shattered. Causing ripples of cracks to race up from the legs, across his torso and finally merging at the top of his head. Like striking a fence during a ice storm, fragments shattered off, crashing to the ground.

Something had happened. He could feel it. Slowly he got up. Very curious to this new feeling, or sensation rather he was feeling. Deciding its always best to creative thinking after a joint. He gets ready, grabs his keys, and headed out to his spot on the deck.

His mind was racing. So many ideas, new plans, a goal. He was overjoyed as his thumbs hastily type out each thought as it entered his mind. Finally. The unconnected enso had completed its cycle and was diverging into another cycle. Finishing his smoke he pulls out his keys to unlock the door. A smile creeps across his face. He loves the fob to his new place. He walks past a kitchen, his smile deepens. Life was good for him. Life was really good. He then unlocks his door and walks into his room.

Still smiling, he walks over to his desk. Three buttons later his computer, speakers and light turn on. He then closes his door and hangs his coat up, before turning and flipping the switch on the kettle. As the water starts to heat up and slowly begin to boil. He looks around his room, At all his little accents that were placed around the room. Little touches he had made to this space which was now his. It hit him all at once. This was it. What he had been searching for blindly for years. He, was home. His home. Finally after decades, He had found a place he could call home. At place he could be himself, and not what others had expected or demanded him to be. Which he had previously submitted to. To be who he truly is. Unmasked by the broken selves which had developed. “We’ve made it.” it said out loud breaking the silence of the room as well as his mind.

“We’ve made it.” He says again out loud. Again met with a heavy silence in the room. “hello” he thinks to him self. Once again, nothing but silence. “Weird” he thought, as a second passes, his eyes enlarge at the realization. He was alone. Alone with his thoughts. All of them. He was no longer within a battle of his own mind with conflicting thoughts regarding the direction of his life. They were gone. It was just he now. Frowning, he acknowledge that the shell had shattered when it hit the floor. Devoid of life, emotion and feelings. There was nothing left for it to reform its bonds to. The shattered fragments scattered across the floor in an incalculable pieces. They fade away and disappear. Never to feel empty again.

In that moment, the persona vanished. Relinquishing aid or hindrance in his life. Leaving behind all of the raw experiences, feelings and emotions they had used the persona to hide away. As joyful as he felt in this moment of transformation. There was a sense of despair in loosing his closest friend. The one who had been been there to save him from desperately horrible situations. Yet also the one to put his life in peril, more often then not. A sense of sadness still struck him knowing he would never talk to the persona again.

Now alone with his memories and dreams. He felt alive, with a purpose, a direction. He was hungry to not just experience life. But to finally live it. In just a couple weeks. He managed to not only crawl out of a hole he had been digging for years. He found a place to call home, a new future, and a overwhelming excitement for the upcoming adventure. One that he is in control of and the direction it is going. Finally he has found some solidarity. Within his mind, his soul, as well as his future. All he really needed, was a place that felt like home.

#A Tale Time Concealed #story #life #writing #firstdraft

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betterthang0odenough · 7 years

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Letter to myself.

Well bud.... its here... October 2, 2017. The day where you thought you would be celebrating your 6th year anniversary with the girl who once made you the happiest person in the world. But sadly, that isn’t the case. You got your heart completely taken out of your chest and stomped on like it never meant anything to her. You felt like there was no hope to anything. You put yourself and your body through hell to try and numb the pain and it didn’t help. You tried and tried and tried to fix what clearly just wasn’t fixable or not meant to be. You did some things you are not proud of out of anger because of what she did to you. You lost motivation, you lost hope, you lost happiness, you found happiness in alcohol to the point where it was not good for you. You put your all into what you cherished the absolute most in this world. You tried to change, you tried to not let things bother you but couldn’t do it. You got knocked the fuck down, like never before, you felt like there was no way back from this.. but you know what bro.. you got back up. On your own. You let things go, you stopped doing the things that you know would not help you whatsoever, right now youre doing what you promised yourself you wouldn’t do, and that’s everything that led to the destruction of what you and her had. And to that my friend, im proud of you. Im proud of how far you’ve come with this. And yeah is some of this maybe a little extreme? Probably but you know what dude, fuck that. Because this shit nearly killed you, nearly caused you to lose all motivation and desire from everything, and maybe you did feel that way for a little, you didn’t let it stick. Believe me bro shit did get dark for a minute. Yes, today is hard, it sucks, you want to have hope shell reach out to you, you want to reach out to her just to see how she’s doing but you and I both know that that’s 99% not going to happen. You realize that maybe the whole russ and michelle time really is over.. and there really is no going back. At least not right now or ever. But the fact of the matter is, you’ve come a long way since march. You focused on you, you focused on your physical health and hit gym accomplishments you didn’t think you would hit. You’re working your ass off grinding and doing your thing. You’re getting better. Believe it or not, you. Are. Getting. Better. Regardless of how you may feel now, or tomorrow, or the next day, you’re improving. And you have to promise yourself that you wont go back down that road again because it was not good russ it was not. You had a taste of that road again this weekend getting drunk for 3 nights straight.. but that’s not you. No one should ever make you feel the horrible way that she made you feel when it all ended.. and I know it hurts when you see pictures of you guys, or when you go on facebook and see homecoming pictures, of all the good times you guys had, the laughs, tears, fights, heart to hearts.. the poems she used to write about you.. “brown eyed boy”.. but its going to be ok. Yeah at work this weekend the couple that got married had a very similar story like the both of you did (minus the whole breaking up of course) and that brought up some feels.. but you’re proof its going to be ok. This whole thing, “letter to myself” may be a little crazy but you need to be telling yourself this because you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be finding yourself, and shes allowed to go find herself, maybe one day she’ll realize she had something that was absolutely amazing like she once thought and that those few months were just a horrible road block and come back to you, maybe you’ll never hear from her ever again, maybe you’ll see each other in downtown Naperville, maybe you’ll see her at Cantigny, or the mall, or on the street, and if you do. Smile dude. Smile that she may have a smile on her face. The smile that lit of your world, the smile that gave you hope, the smile that came after her telling you “you’re an idiot” be happy that shes happy. You both deserve it, and if it’s not with eachother, then it is what it is. You can think about all the vacations, memories, holidays, all of that. And you can smile about that because you know you made her extremely happy for a large portion of her life. But you also know you made her very upset. And maybe you do need to forgive her for how she destroyed you.. maybe you need to forgive yourself first for the things you did to her.. but overall my brother. Im proud of you, im proud of the progress you’ve been making. This girl was your world for almost 5 and a half years, you have every right to feel this way. But, it is what it is. Things are the way that they are. But you’re getting there, one day youll delete those pics, youll throw away pictures, burn the notes you still have, get rid of that picture of her that you still have somewhere in your room. You’re going to be ok kid. Im proud of you.

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somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

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you know whats unhealthy?

being made to be upset before 7am about things which are projections of the issues someone has with themselves and needs to find something or someone to blame for their own problem because admitting it is their own problem would be admitting a fault in themselves.

you know? thats the lack of stability.

he told me to make a list of my problems. i felt like maybe he should make a list of my problems because he seems to have a different list than i do.

heres what i know:

a) i have very fast metabolism to the point i need to eat frequently throughout the day in order to feel super super on top amazng healthy. i cannot afford to eat healthier or as frequently as i want to. this leads to buying lower quality food to try and buy “bulk” amounts to last longer or things with “empty” calories just for sustenance. i occassionally buy fresh vegetables and fruits but they are not a good investment when you’re poor. period. a box of rice costs 1.99. three apples cost about the same. can you eat 3 apples for a meal? a very frequent problem is not being able to afford to eat alot in the day and then getting a meal at the end of the day from his home but only being served ridiculously small portions. i’m grateful for anything at all but it’s not enough for me to not feel hungry afterwards.

however when we eat snacks in the evening and sleep on it, my normal very fast metabolism is not active. this has caused me to put on 10 extra pounds that i have not carried in at least 5 years. what can i do? i dont have alot of options at my disposal.

b) rheumatoid arthritis runs in my family. this is an autoimmune disease. this means that the genetic line in my background dictates that the dna that makes up my body is suspcetible to creating a being with weaker joints because the body itself - not by injury, activity, or lack there of, is attacking the joints. being prone to having weaker joints means that it is important to strengthen and stretch and be active however it also means knowing that you have some physical limitations in your activity. maybe your activity will be like 30 minutes instead of an hour. but it’s still being active.

one of the biggest issues i have by far are very weak knees. well .. i think thats actually the wrong word to describe the issue. that automatically implies that i need to strengthen my knees. my knees have painful joints that are unable to maintain repetitive motions such as cycling or walking for long periods of time. maybe a knee brace would help not create so much stress and tear on joints and ligaments that are natually inclined to wear quickly but those cost _money_.

additionally, i can continue being active after a break. like i can do 20 minutes of very good, heart pumping activity with repetitive motions but then i need a break because its very painful and stressed and once its able to relax, it’s good to go. i don’t think this implies i’m unable to be active. i think this implies that i have a moderate activity level right now that is equal to how much nutrition i get and the expecations i have during activity.

c) i smoke cigarettes. sucks. i dont do chemical or pharmaceutical drugs. i maybe do shrooms once every few years. i smoke weed. i have never been addicted to chemical or pharmaceutical drugs in my life. i have never injected drugs in my life. i have never smoked chemical drugs. i have inhaled drugs probably 7 - 10 times in my lifetime. i only casually drink alcohol and have only drank to excess maybe 7 - 10 times in my ife where i’ve vomited or had a hangover. i have maybe 10 beers over the course of 4 - 6 months at a time. that’s the lvel of “casually drinking” i have. i almost never drink mixed alcohol anymore but used to drink on a more frequent basis and drank orange juice with vodka primarily. so guess what? despite the obvious ill effects that smoking has had on all of my organs, i probably havent created any additional issues to my major organs by doing any of these things. i have not created any stress on my heart or my liver.

but i do smoke. and that is legitimately the worst thing i do in my life in terms of harming myself or being unhealthy. absolutely nothing in my lifestyle is more unhealthy than smoking. in no way what so ever do i deny the effects smoking has. it is very very bad. not only do i have some breathing issues naturally to begin with including asthma and apnea but i am now putting layers of toxic tar on top of my lungs and much of it admittedly has been unfiltered for almost 10 years and have ben low quality tobacco. not that higher quality is necessarily better but lower seems like its probably even worse. probably like even more random chemicals they dont write anywhere. ive pulled out like pieces of wood from cigarettes before. my dad rolled his own for a long time as well. it’s bad. it’s totally completely bad.

this is going to cause negative side effects in my life in the future. for sure. will i get cancer? maybe. it doesnt run in my family but maybe? lymphoma? copd? sounds like it could maybe happen but again, genetically i’m not pre-disposed but i can cause it by smoking regardless. everyone in my family smokes. they did not age super well in terms of like.. visually. and mentally theyre totally fuked up. but physically theyre oddly in decent shape. like theyre all still moderately active people capable of doing things in their 50s and 60s which is probably a decent sign they’ll be moderately mobile in their 70s and 80s.

d) depression is the NUMBER ONE DISEASE THAT RUNS IN MY FAMILY ON BOTH SIDES. VERy SErIOUS CLINICAL DEPRESSION WHICH GOeS UNTREATED FOR YEARS IF NOT DECADES. my uncle shot himself in the stomach with his kids in the next room and he was not even blood related. thats how much depression runs in this family. we attract more depression. and it’s not just depression but i’m going to use it as a blanket term because to simplify the pain of this generational experience its that everyone deeply suffers from depression as a disease and not as just like.. a way to describe a deep sadness. a good number of people in my family who are my age but third generation are on drugs. you can clearly tell. my cousin lives in a hospital for huffing glue as a teenager and hes like an old man now. the matriarch on my fathers side literally jujust abandoned all of her children. just peaced the fuck out. literally. thats fucked!

but what we have to KNOW - we HAVE to KNOW that depression is a disease in this family. trauma is accepted and depression is a genetic disease passed down. if we dont KNOW this then we’re fucked. we’re all fucked. you have to know the enemy. you have to know what youre fighting in order to win. many people so far have passed because of a heart attack or diabetic complications. however the more and more i think about it (which is a lot. like everyday.) my father died of depression. he had zero will to live anymore and its lke.. he had guilt for that because i was there and i was a good kid who didnt do anything but try to help him but he had no will to live. it wasn’t selfish either - he gave me everything he could but he had absolutely no desire to carry on in life and he made harmful choices over and over again partially out of being stubborn, partially because he just did not care. he told me many times that he was WAITING TO DIE. my own father. and do you know what i replied? “i know dad. i’m waiting to die too.” and you know what he said? nothing. nothing. we just existed in silent empathy of eachother - understanding.

depression will absolutely kill me before any disease does if i do not get taken out by a random heart attack which honestly i am terrible at eating salt in moderation so i feel like im more likely to have like a sodium related issue that in combination with smoking would lead to a random heart attack. but i would never, in my opinion, knock on wood, suffer from a long term disease because i already do and depression will totally kill me way before anything else. right now, at 27, i can see me going until 40. maybe. MAYBE. ive already done 27 years. but the next 10 are going to be fucked. totally fucked. and if i make it until 40 then wow. wowwww.

e) i am very .. easily persuaded in regards to someone telling me an observation they have about me. i have experienced trauma numerous times by multiple people which has created a personality flaw that leads to very serious emotional & mental instability with how i perceive myself and what i know and what i’ve seen. this is not a “disorder”. this is not an “illness”. this is a personality flaw which has been created through life experiences. essentially, by listening to other people amd choosing to believe them over what i legitimately know to be true is one way of choosing to harm myself. i am “doing it to myself” even though these people could be being assholes at the time. but i am not capable of immediately filtering and having the confidence in what i know - because it’s been questioned so often i question my literal sanity and reality of the world on an hourly basis - so instead of knowing how to cope, instead i allow the traumatic experiences to play out as i am familiar to them acting out. they tell me something, i accept it, question myself, fight with myself and being picking apart things that maybe arent even that big of issues but ive correlated it with what theyve said and now im focused on all these problems i think i have with myself.

i was told i was sick for a long time. do you get that? i’m not even making this up. like the fact im SAYING THAT should be enough. i was told by my mother that i was sick for a long time. i was told this. she made up all the fucking things she could and told me and told doctors and everyone that i was sick. i had many infections and illnesses and just.. things. i was sick. i was TOLD i was sick. i was TOLD i had a problem i couldnt see or feel or hear. and thus the cycle begins.

i fight it as well - but i’m not sick. i’m not sick. i’m not weak. i’m not stupid. OBVIOUSLY. OBVIOUSLY IM NONE OF THESE THINGS. but im listening to these convoluted assholes spouting opinions which again are projections of their own personal insecurities make me doubt myself and question if i am. maybe i am. maybe i’m so stupid i cant even see what they see. now theyre in a position of power. to counteract i spend my time having one sided arguments and writing personal essays about how i’m none of these things and this doesnt even make sense because all this other shit happened! but now ive stressed over something that meant nothing to my being for x amount of time, become tired and stressed out, emotional and depressed.

~~~~

last night i kind of felt like i didnt really want to be sleeping at his house. i was uncomfortable and had trouble breathing and the silence combined with his heavy breathing is soo grating it takes sometimes hours to fall asleep. i still like sleeping with him. i do. after this conversation, i dont realy feel like i want to hang out with him again anytime soon anyways.

i have to balance and meditate on my own knowledge and perceptions because i have not been wrong before about how he infers more “important” or “bigger” emotions. we have been together for a year but he refused to acknowledge a relationship until last week. which means we are not emotionally affectionate - we don’t express affection in words either but we are both very aware that we are in love.

i believe he knows that i am both the problem and not the problem at the same time. i believe he has a lot of love for me on a lot of levels and would do just about anything for me. i believe he wants a future with me and wants to have me in his life “forever” but he can’t be promised forever if i’m dead at 40. he cant invest all this emotional attachment to someone whos going to die. he needs to know im not going to die and everytime i light a cigarette in front of him im choosing that over living with him until im dead.

i lso believe some of the frustration comes from knowing he could live with me in some capacity if we didnt smoke weed or i smoked cigarettes or we ate junk food because we would have more money to build an appropriate life (possibly to his standards) together.

quitting smoking is not something im considering right now because its acrutch. its a daily crutch that gets me from one difficult 5 minutes to the next. i am very scared to live without it because i am not capable of handling long term stress emotionally & mentally right now. i also have no real personal desire to stop. its not a big deal to me and if i did quit i am sure they would all ask me if i felt better etc. and ii’d just shrug and tell them sure. they feel better, clearly, so i guess i feel better because i dont listen to them put me down for my personal choices in life anymore. just another thing im told. im told. im told.

his ignorance to the legitimate issues and difficulties of living in long term poverty is overwhelming and to add trauma and depression on to it .. incomprehensible.

additionally since he has no self control he wants other people to be his self control by not smoking weed or eating junk food and promoting an active lifestyle. he said he couldn’t take me biking or for a run - and that’s fine; it’s not fun to do those activities with him. i’m not interested in exersizing with him, i’m interested in just being active and going at break neck speeds are not fun at all for me. i enjoy a level of activity that gets my heart rate going but is still leisurely and like.. not aggressive. i’m not looking to run aggressively, you know? if i die in a freak accident because my stamina is not good enough to run aggresively well then i die. it’s cool. i probably died in a fucked up way anyways if i needed to run aggressively away and at tht point kudos to me for trying at all.

when we tried to canoe it was terrible. just a shitty experience because he likes adrenaline and the rush that pushing himself gives him but you know what? maybe - maybe. some people. just want to have a casual leisurely canoe ride. okay. thats not fucking terrible. they arent weak. theyre fucking enjoying life and the experience. thats how they enjoy it. go make some adrenaline junkie friends. let us slow pokes enjoy the ride. i am not required to fulfill every role in his life. i am not required to be his clone and like all the things he likes and do all the hings he does the way he does it. we have a ton of things in common already and we get along super well. his mother frequently buys pretty terrible pre-packaged foods and granola bars full of sugar and stocks his lunches full of fruit and like honestly fruit is good for you but you cant just eat fruit and say youre healthy. you cant eat shitty grocery store bread and say youre healthy.

however we both like the same foods. whenever i cook for us he has never complained but openly complains about his mothers cooking. the only time he has complained is when i try to bake frozen fries in a fucking oven because his mother thinks its just “tht much healthier” when you’re eating fucing mccains frozen fries to begin with and then baking them until theyre brown to simulate cripsyness.

if we lived together i could actually feed him healthy foods that are homemade and not store bought as i have done in all my previous live in relationships. i made dinner with multiple food groups every night too. alot of my lunches would be salad or soup or a sandwhich or all of it together. did i also eat snacks? fuck yes. did all i eat qualify as a snack? no. i ate healthy. and i actually ate even healthier as i got older and included more vgetbles and fruits in my regular diet.

but living between two places and having his mother feed us once a day is pretty fucking stupid. sry2say. buy your own foods. know that the cupboard doesnt restock magically. when you make foods you actually accept in eating left overs of or create lunches a week a head of time like other people do its not as easy to turn to snacks either.

but what do i know.

i’m just sitting here waiting for this guy to figure out that hes still causing 50% or more of the “problem”.

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