#This Just Rubs Me The Wrong Way SO BADLY And I Feel TERRIBLE Because It Rubs Me The Wrong Way!

[gothicayomi]

Edit: I made a post about Alex’s reponse: Here

Okay. The Alex callout is so fucking wishy washy that I’m genuinely getting whiplash. When I first read Ven’s callout document several days ago, I honestly skimmed it because I’m the type of person who has always just assumed callouts are fully honest. And siding with the victims immediately is always a must, especially if it’s about grooming minors, or severe abuse. At that time I was also under the impression DB was a minor, thus I automatically denounced Alex Kister. However, last night I wanted to see any updates regarding this development and I’m so glad I saw Ven’s tumblr post before he updated it, because it provided vital information (such as reminding everyone DB is an adult during all this) and I was able to see people’s responses to it. I decided to reread the document with this new, updated information in mind and I’m very upset with how badly this has gotten. Particularly about how feeble Ven’s doc is and how some of the things they said rubbed me the wrong way. For now, I’m just pointing out some things that really stood out to me with how much it didn’t make sense or it was particularly antagonizing toward Alex.

So… in the tumblr post Ven made, they were saying that the point of the doc wasn’t to say Alex was a groomer. And yet they made it VERY CLEAR that Alex’s gender identity was, in their opinion, a way for Alex to “lure victims”. Basically calling a transfem a predator cuz she expressed her gender identity AND sexuality relative to her gender identity to her partner and not minors. but Ven was also backing up from that claim, which clearly was the whole point of the doc???? But it was never stated in the introduction of the document. So first of all, I thought that was weird. It just said “Alex’s predatory and manipulative behavior.” Here we go.

So. Apparently a content creator wanting to make friends and connect with people is parasocial? Sure, content creators have to be aware of their “high status” or whatever, but i think people are also weird for idol worshipping in the first place. Alex (which I’ve seen stated uses any pronouns) has been self aware about parasocial relationships from the beginning and he’s not saying he never was aware of it. 😐 but several screenshots of him explaining himself tells that he never even thought about the potential power imbalance— he wanted some fucking friends.

These screenshots would show someone expressing their discomfort and assert their boundaries. And Alex always seemed very genuine in their apologies and would acknowledge the person’s feelings wholeheartedly. None of it was brushed off by her in the screenshots. She never downplayed anything. And yet you guys are still offended???????????????? Let me get this straight. You want someone to own up to their mistakes and apologize for making you feel weird, but when they do, you’re somehow still upset? Hm. Make it make sense. Like what the fuck you want, blood from a rock??????

By the way, what’s transphobic to one trans person might not be transphobic for someone else. As a gender-fluid person, I’m not going to be pissed off if a different gender fluid person “”“changes their gender every day”,””” (i say this particular thing because I’ve seen people act very upset over it while others aren’t) because it’s not my fucking business and it doesn’t affect me or my daily life. If they’re comfortable and happy, that’s all that matters. I have no say in what other trans people makes them comfortable with themselves. What’s transphobic is invalidating another trans person’s gender identity, expression, and sexuality, (which CAN co exist by the fucking way) and demonizing it just because you don’t like that person or you don’t want to try and understand them. Just so you know. :) that’s like misgendering someone on purpose just because they’re a terrible person, or saying neopronouns are invalid.

Here’s the thing: when you’re exploring gender identity, you’re not going to get it on the first fucking try. From what I’m seeing in the docs, this was Alex around the time they were first stepping into that comfort zone. They were trying new things. Wanting to feel comfortable. Wanting to be validated. Wanting to connect with other trans people. That’s what every trans person wants. You seriously shamed her for that? To the point where Alex admitted they felt so ashamed of their gender expression that they lied about saying it was joke? All to reassure everyone and make people feel better? Fuck you. You don’t fucking get to say what someone should and shouldn’t do regarding their body and gender— he wasn’t saying explicit things to the minors. Not stuff similar to what was said to Ven or D8 so why the fuck is anyone tripping??????

I will say that I understand why Ven would be concerned about this in the first place since when they dating Alex, Alex did make sexual comments about wanting to wear their clothes and look like them. I get it. But Ven, you were his partner, obviously when you guys were comfortably having intimate discussions that he’d be willing to share vulnerable desires with you regarding gender identity woven with sexuality. But why did you automatically, outside of your personal conversations with him, try so desperately to search for that in his convos with other people? When they had nothing to do with you I understand wanting to be concerned and looking out for other people but this was so blown out of proportion that it’s insane.

Alex trusted you so much. And one thing I was really disgusted by was the creepy ass way of you posting screenshots of his sexual fantasies. If Alex does decide to post YOURS you sent to HIM, you have no fucking right to be upset over it, okay? :) fair’s fair, my dude.

So this screenshot being posted after Ven writing in the document “venting to a minor about his sexual frustration” all I have to say is Ven what the fuck are you talking about? being touch-starved isn’t Inherently sexual. Why the fuck is Ven saying this is sexual frustration. ?????????????????????????????????????????? So it’s sexual when it’s said to a minor? Oh okay, good thinking, Ven. /sarcasm. I didn’t know cuddles and hugs were bad. I guess grown adults shouldn’t cuddle their children, or adults can’t hug their child family members. Idk what to say about the “I wish you lived closer thing” tbh because i don’t know what the person said— it could have been taken out of context. Which brings me to my next point.

Ven stated there were people who came forward with their own screenshots of what Alex said. But if someone is going to crop them into tiny little boxes and obscure what the victim said before and after, it’s going to be pretty fucking difficult to even make a proper judgment on whether or not the context is inappropriate, or if it was said to the actual victim themselves in the first fucking place. Sure, the screenshots aren’t fabricated, but we don’t know who the fuck they were sent to. That’s on y’all.

Btw I’m so fucking convinced none of these ppl have ever experienced normal, healthy friendships or relationships, oh my fucking god. No fucking basis for proper judgment, imo.

One thing that also pissed me off was Ven targeting Alex’s mental health and symptoms throughout the doc. They targeted Alex’s paranoia and suicidal tendencies. First off, I’m pretty sure everyone part of tmc + the fandom know that the most prominent themes of tmc are SUICIDE and religious trauma. I once saw Alex post a tweet about various poetry written during his high school years venting his depression and suicidal ideation. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been struggling with depression and suicidal ideation way before that. I’m gonna be so honest, after seeing the way Ven twisted a lot of this around, when I look back on Ven saying “Alex said he’d kill himself if I broke up with him” makes me think Alex could have said something like “you mean a lot to me and I’d be devastated if we split.” like. I can’t be the only fucking person who thinks this. Alex has always been self aware. I know he’s really struggling right now.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO BITCH YOU ARE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!! You either genuinely don’t know what paranoia is (symptom of mental illness) or you, of course, are genuinely trying to demonize an aspect of someone’s symptoms they can’t control. All to justify your bullying against Alex. Maybe research what paranoia is, and you’d be more understanding of Alex.

Mental illness doesn’t fit into your neat little boxes, by the way. And everybody experiences mental illness differently, so don’t act like you 100% know what someone is going through. I understand wanting to see the people you care about getting therapy and professional support. But you don’t have the right to demonize them when they aren’t being outright shitty.

Not to mention, every single fucking time Alex would explain their feelings and perspectives, Ven, you would shut them down in the doc. Invalidating Alex’s feelings. That’s the sort of thing manipulative people do, just so you know, Ven!! The same type of person you claim Alex is!!! Don’t throw stones in glass houses. That’s coward behavior, and projection is damaging to both parties.

Im gojng to be so deadass right now. If I could nitpick every single little detail in Ven’s document that I found weirdly uncomfortable or suspicious or confusing, I’d be making my own goddamn google doc which would be two or three times as long as Ven’s.

This entire matter genuinely could have been dealt with privately. Alex even expressed that and Ven shut him down!!! Do you know how fucking frustrating that is? And no, Alex never shut you guys down so don’t even try and twist the blame back onto him. You wanted him to own up to what he’s done and said, but y’all don’t want to do the same. Sigh!

Also, what the fuck is the takeaway supposed to be? Y’all said he isn’t a groomer. Ven said somewhere in the doc that people aren’t trying to be transmisogynistic. But clearly you are fucking using Alex’s gender identity against her. I hope you burn in hell. Also, since none of the minors were being groomed, what the fuck are you trying to prove?????????? That wanting friends is fucked up and evil???? That you and D8, grown ass adults who were consensually engaging in sexual conversations with Alex, were fucking manipulated? Evidence shows you guys were comfortable with expressing your discomfort and asserting boundaries, but like I said, y’all are still pissed off Alex took accountability. You’re adults. Act like it.

I could go on and on about this shit but these are the key points I wanted to bring up. I saw the post that donut made and I read through it thoroughly but since there is no evidence suggesting Alex was grooming minors, and he was genuinely apologizing for making Donut and other people uncomfortable, it honestly came off as a kid (kids shouldn’t even be in online without a fucking parent’s supervision anyway) being a kid: immature. So I genuinely do not give a fuck. Have your parents watch what people say to you online.

I’m a 23 year old adult who’s been in both toxic and healthy friendships and relationships with people and I can honestly say y’all are fucking stupid for even writing these dumbass callouts. I’m looking forward to Alex’s response and I will be supporting him unless there is substantial evidence showing Alex is a bad person. Ok?

Feelings and perspectives are valid and important on both ends. You don’t need me to tell you that. The point of this post is that the doc was very feeble and lacked proper documentation at numerous points. you shouldn’t purposely misconstrue Alex’s words and actions just to make him look bad, especially if your evidence (screenshots, in this case) isn’t consistent or fully exposed. I will mention what I said earlier: plenty of people here, from what I saw, were able to express their feelings and assert boundaries just fine and Alex was completely open, and whoever needed that help definitely got it. Despite everything that has happened, I’m glad people did have others who understood what they felt.

I may be editing this post if I find I think certain things need to be (re)addressed or corrected. Because like I said, there are various things I want to point out. Stay updated or not!

#Alex kister #the Mandela catalogue #Mandela catalogue #tmc #stirringjuice

[gardenoflupins]

Assassin AU / @wolfstarmicrofic / 874 words

CW: sexual conversation

“You look bored, how about I take you to bed instead?” Sirius whispers in Remus’s ear.

Remus jolts, spinning to look at Sirius with wide eyes. Sirius suppresses a smirk.

Sirius had been hired to kill Lyall Lupin’s son, Remus Lupin, and he was going to be paid a hefty amount for it.

He knew that Lyall worked at the ministry. This wasn’t the first time he’d been hired to kill one of its members. His client harboured strong animosity towards Lyall and wanted to kill his son out of spite. That made Sirius’s job easier. Killing an important government official was always a hassle. He’s sure mini Lupin would have become just like his father anyway.

Sirius completed his assassinations in various ways depending on the context. Sometimes he’d go to their homes and kill them directly. Other times he’d poison them. His favourite technique, however, was to seduce them. It left them vulnerable and unassuming.

Sirius had been watching Remus the past hour to get an impression of him. So far, the man seemed reserved and awkward. Sirius decided on his seduction technique because Remus kept glancing at him and Sirius knew what those looks meant.

Remus’s entire face goes red at his words and he stutters unintelligibly. Eventually he laughs nervously and Sirius takes that as cue to lean towards him.

Remus shoots his hands up to stop Sirius from moving, hands on Sirius’s chest.

Perhaps Sirius had read him wrong. He looks into the other’s eyes to get a better feel of the situation. Remus’s eyes were still wide but he looked innocently confused.

“Unless you prefer the old fashioned way where I take you out first,” Sirius says, undeterred.

“I— oh god,” Remus replies, “I’m so bad at this, please don’t put me on the spot.”

This pulls a surprised laugh out of Sirius. “No need to be nervous, I can lead and take control,” he says with heavy implication.

Remus wets his lips, eyes darting around before they fall to his feet. He drops his hands to his sides.

He says nothing.

Doubt creeps into Sirius. Had he read the situation wrong? Was Sirius not what Remus wanted? It left him feeling unnerved and slightly agitated.

“Not interested, then?” Sirius asks calmly.

Remus continues avoiding his eyes, face flushed. “I am so terribly embarrassed,” he responds softly.

Understanding dawns on him and Sirius has to bite down on his lip. “One of the shy ones?”

Remus’s eyes flicker up at him then back down. “Unfortunately.”

Sirius leans against the bar, remaining close to the other. “It’s alright, I’m good at coaxing eye contact when I’m sleeping with someone. I’ll reward you with lots of praise, I promise.”

Remus chokes and snaps his head up to Sirius, his eyes going impossibly wide. “You—“ He takes a deep, shaky breath. “You can’t just— say things like that.”

Sirius pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his smile. He was leaning into his role as the seducer but it came easily to him. Remus was someone he would have slept with outside of work. Sirius’s eyes linger on his lips and he watches Remus swallow nervously at Sirius’s attention.

Remus’s breaths were coming out short, mouth slightly open and skin flushed.

Sirius moves to gently pull him in by the waist. “Don’t you want to taste me?”

His eyes flutter shut and he groans in response.

To Sirius, it was the sound of victory.

“I— Please,” he breathes out.

“Good boy,” Sirius murmurs, fingers rubbing delicate circles on his waist. “That’s it.”

Remus opens his eyes and Sirius is thrown off-kilter at the tender gaze. “I can’t. I want it— badly, but my father won’t allow it.”

Sirius blinks. His curiosity ignited. “Why not?”

Remus glances away bitterly. “He doesn’t want anyone to see me.”

This answers nothing and leaves Sirius with more questions. Seeing this, Remus offers him a kind smile. “Thank you for the offer, you’re quite gorgeous.”

Sirius feels a bit tingly. He won’t lie and say he wasn’t intrigued (in more ways than one) but he had a job to do. He didn’t need to seduce Remus to be able to kill him.

Someone pulls Remus rather harshly out of his grip. Sirius looks at Lyall Lupin’s sour expression.

“I’ve finished discussing with the others. Let’s go.” His hand is firm on Remus’s shoulder.

Skilled in picking up pieces of information, Sirius’s eyes cut to where a small group of men are leaving the bar. His gaze comes back to Lyall who is scowling at him while sending concerned looks to his son. Remus isn’t looking at either of them.

Sirius takes in Remus’s scars and he feels like he is seeing him for the first time. The scars closely resembled the ones his current client had.

The puzzle started forming in Sirius’s mind. It was just out of reach.

Lyall protectively pulls Remus away and Remus sends Sirius a mournful look.

Yes, it looked like Lyall was harbouring a secret regarding his son and Sirius would be damned if he didn’t figure it out. He had a feeling it had everything to do with the man that hated Lyall.

Fenrir Greyback.

#sirius says he wants to have sex and remus says thank you for the offer #loser. #i love him where’s his social skills #wdym taste u sirius taste u how #mini lupin #patronising fuck #lyall reminds me of those dads that take their kid to work or business stuff #just a dad and his boy #my fics #wolfstar #sirius black #wolfstar fanfic #remus lupin #sirius/remus #sirius x remus #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #wolfstar microfic #wolfstar assassin au #assassin!sirius black #assassin sirius #shy remus

[tbrxnnan]

enough for you | e.m.

summary: in which you and eddie munson break up. based on the song by olivia rodrigo.

warnings: none really, cheating if you squint, angst, eddie being stupid, unhappy ending (sorry)

word count: 5,076

would y’all want me to do a sour series? like each song correlates with a separate fic? let me know because i’m thinking about it :) mwah

————————————————————————

you don’t know how you ended up in your current situation. you did know, but you didn’t understand how it could happen. your ex-boyfriend of 2 years, eddie munson, was laughing at a comment his new girlfriend made. she was sitting in your spot at the hellfire club table. his hand held hers like it had once held yours, his thumbs rubbing circles on her palm. what was most shocking to you was that his new girlfriend was chrissy cunningham, the head cheerleader at hawkins high. she wasn’t a terrible person, far from it, but you couldn’t help despising her for replacing you in eddie’s heart and life. you were jealous of how eddie was wrapped around her finger, at how she got the treatment you deserved.

it had all started six months ago when he had first done a drug deal with her. you weren’t suspicious or upset at all, you knew eddie would never do anything to hurt your relationship. however, something had happened in a one week time frame from his deal to them being practically joined at the hip. you knew something terrible had happened but he never let you in on what did happen. the entire week while eddie was practically missing and you were beyond worried, afraid he was dead, and then he came back and was suddenly best friends with chrissy. you didn’t say anything because you weren’t the jealous type, you understood that eddie could have friends that were girls and that wasn’t a problem. you didn’t even have an issue with eddie not telling you what had happened.

what you did have an issue with was how eddie started to detach from your relationship, and how fast he did. he started flaking on your after school hangouts because he would take chrissy to your guys’ spot in the woods instead. when he touched you, it was as if he didn’t want to. he stopped calling you at night like he would to say goodnight. he stopped waiting for you by your classes. he would cancel your dates on short notice, so often that you stopped reminding him or getting ready because you knew a cancellation would come. when you would hang out, it was awkward. he stopped complimenting you, which hurt a lot. you missed when he would say how pretty you looked in the morning, how you made the room brighter, how he loved the way you styled your hair, how you looked great in his clothes. the worst part about the compliments stopping was when you brought it up to him.

“eddie, did i do something wrong?” you asked quietly.

you were sitting on the couch in his trailer, your bodies not touching, a horror movie playing on the tv.

“no? why?” he questioned, not even looking at you.

“you stopped complimenting me. you used to do it all the time, like, like how i look good in your shirt or how you like my hair. i don’t know, i just feel like you’re mad at me.” you looked at him, your eyes pleading he look back at you.

“maybe i’m just not the compliment type,” he said nonchalantly.

you knew his answer was absolute bullshit. you had heard him compliment chrissy all the time when she was around. he would compliment her ponytail, how she looked nice in her cheer outfit, how nice her smile was. he would say that when you were right there with him. so when he didn’t even tell you he wasn’t mad at you, rather he wasn’t for compliments, you sat there in shock. the tears welled in your eyes. the lump in your throat made you feel like you couldn’t breathe. your chest was so tight. you wanted him to tell you he loved so badly. you wanted him to touch you. you wanted him to look at you, to really look at you and see how broken you were. you wanted him to want you, to love you.

“i want to go home, eddie,” you spoke as you stood up to grab your things.

he looked at you with confusion, asking you why.

“please drive me home,” a tear rolling down your cheek.

“what just happened? what’s going on?” he pressed.

“you found someone more exciting and now you’re gone. you barely touch me anymore. you haven’t told me you’ve loved me in a week. i’m not enough for you.” you looked at eddie still sitting on the couch.

and then you fought, not a small one, a huge one. he accused you of using chrissy as a scapegoat to dump him. he called you emotional and obsessive. he told you that you’d never be satisfied. you tried explaining that he was treating chrissy like his girlfriend, how he was taking her to your spot, how he stopped caring for you, but it’s like he couldn’t listen. you tried telling him how much you loved him, you loved him with all of your soul. eddie was it for you. you had planned to get out of hawkins together when you graduated. your fight had escalated to yelling, both of you on separate sides of the room.

“you’re being stupid, nothing is going on with chrissy and i! maybe we should just break up.” he yelled at you. you were expecting those words, but god did it hurt a million times more than you thought.

“i’ll just walk home. no need to drive me, don’t want you to feel a burden for driving your ex-girlfriend home.” you said softer. you slipped off the hoodie he had given you months ago, folding it and placing it on the table. he didn’t say anything back. he watched as you were sobbing, your body shaking. he watched you walk out of the door, leaving you to walk home alone as the sun was starting to set. the world was crumbling under your feet with each step. you waited and waited for him to pull up in his van and apologize, to have you get in and he’d drive you home himself. but he never came.

when you got home your body was beyond exhausted. you wanted to throw up as you walked into your room and landed on your bed. you needed sleep desperately, your cheeks soaked and your eyes puffy. when you woke up the next morning you had told your parents you felt ill, you couldn’t go to school. when eddie didn’t show up to pick you up for school, the realization of the breakup really set in. you were a mess. you had packed up all of his belongings in a trash bag, planning on dropping it off at his trailer when you felt ready. and then you missed a second day of school, and a third. it was the third day when robin stopped by your house to check on you. she had heard from steve, who had heard from dustin, that eddie and you had broken up, and she knew you’d need a friend. you had confided in her about your feelings about eddie and chrissy, and now robin was there to pick up the pieces that eddie had broken.

it was hard to go back to school and try to move on. chrissy had taken your spot at the table in the time that you had missed school. the hellfire boys missed you desperately, their hearts aching when you weren’t at school and seeing chrissy where you had sat. they watched you from afar. you stopped wearing your bright and happy clothes to school. you stopped styling your hair like eddie used to love. you became very closed off, very quiet. they watched as the jocks messed with you even more now that you and eddie were done. if the freak didn’t even want you then something terrible must be wrong with you. it didn’t help that jason had lost his girlfriend to eddie. the boys watched as you would sit at nancy and robin’s table, never talking, no matter how many times the girls tried to get you to. they watched as you secluded yourself to the library. they were watching you, while eddie was watching chrissy.

they wanted to bring it up to eddie so badly, to tell him to look at what he did to you. you had been so bubbly once, so happy, and now you were a mess. your grades had slipped and you were so close to not walking the stage in may. mike and dustin had overheard you talking with nancy once, they didn’t mean to walk by and catch the conversation, but they were glad they did. they heard your quiet sobs as you had explained to nancy how the fight had really messed with you. they watched as nancy held you in her arms, hearing you talk about how you missed making him coffee in the mornings, how you couldn’t bear to listen to his favorite songs anymore, how you felt like you weren’t enough. they wanted to smack eddie. how could he just ignore the two years you had dated and throw it all away for a cheerleader who didn’t give him an ounce of attention until she needed some drugs. nancy had reassured you that one day you’ll find someone new, someone that you’ll be everything for, and that eddie will be just a thought in the past. you just had to graduate and you could leave hawkins, leave eddie in the past.

now there was only a month until graduation. you were ready to leave, your room practically fully packed. you had secured a job in michigan, far enough from eddie but close enough to your friends and family to visit. so you sat at the table watching eddie treat chrissy like you should’ve been treated. you were able to save your grades. you were able to start talking at lunch again. the hellfire boys, excluding eddie, were grateful you were starting to get better slowly. you had been hanging out with steve, robin and nancy far more than before. you’d occasionally see dustin, mike and lucas as they were attached to steve, and eddie was never part of the conversation when they were around. they had made a pact that eddie was off limits, you didn’t deserve more pain.

the boys didn’t notice eddie walking up to the table while they were in the middle of a conversation about you, specifically about you moving to michigan. they didn’t notice that chrissy wasn’t attached to him, how he looked upset.

“yeah, she said she got this gig at one of the best book stores in michigan, something about being an assistant to the owner. apparently it’s paying well because she’s so excited to go,” dustin said as he unwrapped his sandwich.

“she’s gonna be moving into a family friend’s guest house and going to community college out there,” he said before taking a bite.

eddie was now sat in his designated chair and interrupted the conversation.

“what girl are we talking about, dustin?” he asked, his face resting on his palm.

the boys looked at him awkwardly, they felt that eddie didn’t deserve to know your business. they looked away from eddie and talked to each other with their facial expressions and eyes. eddie was annoyed, why couldn’t they just say her name, it’s not like it would be a big deal. he watched as dustin stuttered out your name, not being able to look eddie in the eyes. before eddie could respond, dustin changed the conversation and asked where chrissy was.

“oh, um, we aren’t seeing each other anymore.” he replied quietly, scratching the back of his neck.

the boys all gave (fake) sympathetic sorries before switching to a totally different conversation, leaving eddie to keep himself company. it was then when eddie looked at you, truly looked at you, for the first time in months. he slightly frowned seeing you with your head down in a book as nancy and robin conversed. your hair was in a plain ponytail and you were wearing plain clothes, not your usual designs or colors. he was also confused why you wouldn’t be attending berkley in the fall, that was your dream school and he swore he heard you had gotten in. what he didn’t know was that you had declined berkeley at the height of your grades mishap and heartbreak. nancy caught eddie staring at you and gave him a nasty stare, eddie quickly looking away. his cheeks turned red and he wasn’t interested in the food sat in front of him anymore.

he wasn’t even heartbroken over the break up with chrissy. they had both realized that bonding over shared trauma was a terrible way to start a relationship and they weren’t really compatible. she didn’t quite enjoy his hobbies and interests (like you had) and he didn’t really vibe with the popular lifestyle. she wasn’t interested in dungeons and dragons like you were and she didn’t really want to go to the hellfire sessions. he didn’t go to any parties with chrissy and he never went to the games to watch her cheer. they just didn’t work well. sure he was upset that he was single, but he wasn’t heartbroken over losing chrissy. the weeks leading up to graduation came by faster than eddie had thought. he was walking down the stage as his name was called, grabbing his diploma and spotting his uncle in the crowd. it took him three times, but he finally graduated. he had spotted you in the crowd. you weren’t looking at him walk the state, of course you wouldn’t. he wanted to talk to you after the ceremony was over. he wanted to see how you were doing but he didn’t want to ruin your special day. you worked so hard and you deserved to celebrate. he did hear from dustin that you’d be leaving in a week. he had one week to talk to you before you were gone.

the week went by painfully slow. he kept thinking about what he would say to you. he still hadn’t unpacked the trash bag of his belongings you ding dong ditched at his door. he thought a lot about you two during that week. he thought about how you two had been best friends before you started dating. he took you under his wing for hellfire and watched you blossom. he failed his senior year the first time to stay back with you another year, though he never told you that.

he thought about your first kiss at the spot in the woods.

you two had been sitting at the bench at your secret spot in the woods. you were absentmindedly reading the first lord of the rings book while eddie was smoking a joint. he was watching you with adoration, he was a goner. he swore he was in love with you and that you were destined to be together. it was a pretty day for hawkins. the sun was shining, it wasn’t too cold and the breeze was comforting. eddie had cleared his throat to get your attention, his heart soaring when you placed your bookmark on the page and looked up at him with a smile.

“i love you,” he grinned.

“i know, eds. i love you too,” you said softly, placing your hand on your book. he furrowed his eyebrows.

“no, like i’m in love with you. like when i pick you up in the mornings i love seeing your smile. i love when we hangout, even if we’re both silent like right now, because i get to be around you and for the time being it makes this town a little less shitty. i love how you giggle during hellfire. like, you’re it for me. i love you,” he said softly as he inches closer to you.

you two were facing each other and your heart was beating so fast. you had been crushing on eddie since you first spotted him in the cafeteria on your first day. you thought he was the most beautiful boy at school and it made your stomach flip when he smiled at you. the more you spent time with eddie, the more you had fallen for him, and here he is devoting his love to you.

“oh, eddie,” you said softly and looked into his eyes. he looked incredibly nervous; he was waiting for the inevitable turn down.

“when i saw you in the cafeteria on my first day i was a goner. you really love me?” you blushed, running your fingers over his.

“i do, really. you don’t have to say it back but i just needed you to know,” he replied as he played with your fingers.

he was pleasantly surprised when your lips were on his, your hands cupping his cheeks. your lips were so soft. he could taste your honey and vanilla chapstick. his hands found your waste and pulled you closer, as if that was even possible. all of your worries melted, it was just the two of you against the world. he tasted like weed but you didn’t mind. your hands found his way into his hair, lightly tugging. you pulled away when you needed a breather, noticing how eddie’s pink lips were swollen. he was breathing hard, his cheeks red and his eyes soft on yours. you knew you looked like the same blushing mess as him and you giggled.

“i love you, eds. you’re it for me,” you whispered before pulling him in for a kiss again.

he thought about how when you’d sleepover, you’d let him sleep in when you’d wake up. you’d make coffee for the both of you, his in the garfield mug and yours in a plain mug. he had a very serious and tough image but he was a softy with you, hence the garfield mug. he thought about how you loved his favorite songs. he thought about your dates at the drive in. he thought about your smile, how you used to style your hair, how you looked in his clothes. he thought about how you’d be at every corroded coffin show. the crowd was very small but you’d always be there, sticking out like a sore thumb in your bright clothes compared to everyone else. he was so grateful for you to show up to every show, supporting his dreams and all.

he thought about when you asked him to come to california with him.

you both had been laying on his bed, you on your stomach with a book in your hands and eddie on his back, running his fingers up and down your spine as music played in the background. you had been wanting to ask eddie for so long to join you in california, but you were afraid he’d say no. he had his band to think about and you didn’t want to be selfish asking him to put you first. you did still have a year and half until you’d be heading to california (hopefully). your counselor told you that you’d totally be getting into berkley if you kept your grades and extracurriculars as you had so far. eddie could tell you weren’t reading anymore, your eyes on the same page they’d been for a few minutes.

“everything okay, princess?” he said softly, rubbing circles on your back.

“can i ask you something?” you asked shyly, sitting up so your body faced eddie’s.

“of course, you can ask me anything,” he looked at you, nerves running through his body.

“you don’t have to answer right now or say yes, i just- um. i don’t know why this is so hard to ask,” you sigh and put your face in your hands. you were so scared of rejection.

“will you move to california with me when we graduate?” you couldn’t look at him, your cheeks heating up.

eddie’s heart leaped in his chest. his soulmate asked him to move with her when they finish at hawkins and he couldn’t be more thrilled. he pulled your body into his, making you yelp. he chuckled and watched as you huffed and rolled your eyes. he took your hand in his.

“sweetheart, look at me,” he fake pouted.

“i want nothing more than to go with you to california when we graduate,” he smiled.

“but your band and your dreams… i don’t want to stop you from accomplishing all of it. your music is great and you deserve to shine,” you whispered, your eyes meeting his. you continued to play with his fingers.

“baby, you will always come first. you don’t need to worry about that. i can’t wait to get out of this shitty town with you. we’ll get a cute little place and a cat like you’ve always wanted and i can still play my music. you’ll go to berkeley and i’ll be there supporting you every step of the way. i promise.” you were practically crying at this point.

“hey, don’t go soft on me now,” he laughed softly, caressing your cheeks.

you mumbled a small sorry and were met with a soft kiss. eddie’s lips molded with yours perfectly. you could kiss eddie forever if you didn’t need to breathe. you loved that he tasted faintly of nicotine and weed. you loved how gentle his kisses were. you felt so loved with eddie.

he thought about the fight that led to the break up. if he could rewind time and take it all back he would. he would’ve told you about what happened in that week he and chrissy had gotten close. he would’ve told you that he did love you, that you were it for him. he wouldn’t have let you walk home by yourself that night. he would’ve done everything to get you back and he hated himself for not realizing sooner.

truthfully, it took chrissy telling him they weren’t compatible for him to realize how badly he fucked up. he realized that you weren’t wrong when you pointed out how he complimented chrissy and not you, how he had cancelled everything with you to be with chrissy, taking chrissy to your spot, and how he detached himself from you. you were right that he had stopped touching you, kissing you and telling you he loved you. he knew all the death stares from nancy and robin were deserved, that the boys being awkward around him was because of how shitty he was being, that when steve told him if he ever came back into family video he’d leave with two black eyes and a busted lip that it was deserved.

he waited until the day you were leaving to go talk to you. maybe if he pleaded for you to stay that you wouldn’t go. maybe then he’d get to kiss you again, he really missed how your lips tasted like honey and vanilla. maybe if he told you he was still in love with you that you’d come back to him. maybe he’d get to go to michigan with you, or maybe he’d convince you to run to california with him like you talked about before. maybe.

you were closing your car’s trunk when you heard eddie clear his throat. your heart felt heavy and you were already emotional from saying goodbye to everyone. it took everything in you to turn around and face him. when you turned, you wanted to disappear. he was looking at you, really looking at you, for the first time in so long. you had stared at him infinite times during the time you’d been broken up and he never returned a look, but today he did. he was wearing his usual reebok’s, ripped jeans, black sabbath shirt and denim vest outfit. his hair had gotten a little longer. his brown eyes were staring straight into yours. you hated to admit how beautiful he still was. your heart was racing and the silence was awkward.

“hi,” he breathed.

“hi,” you said softly.

“please don’t go,” he took a step closer to you.

“you don’t get to say that to me. not after everything.” you said harshly, and he deserved it.

“if i could take it all back, i would. i swear. i wanted to come talk to you sooner, but i- i didn’t know what to say, what i could say to make this all better.” he rambled.

“you can’t make it better, eddie. please don’t try. please let me leave without my heart breaking again.” you croaked. you could feel the tears threatening to spill. what a fucking joke this was, him thinking he could apologize.

“i’m sorry, i really am. you gotta believe me, sweetheart,” he pleaded. the pet name made you flinch. you hadn’t been called so in months, it was so unfamiliar.

“i was an asshole. i shouldn’t have detached like that. i shouldn’t have let you walk home alone crying. i shouldn’t have treated her like i should’ve treated you. i miss you, i really do. i miss the smell of your coffee in the morning. i miss seeing you at the bar for our shows. i miss our movie nights. i miss laying in bed with you while we listen to tapes. i miss watching you read on my bed.”

your heart was nearly going to explode. you felt angry, betrayed, hurt and annoyed. how dare he waltz back and try to beg for you after all that time, after everything he put you through? you were sobbing at this point. he tried to wrap his arms around you and was not shocked when you pushed him away.

“don’t touch me.” the irony. you wanted him to touch you for so long and now that he wanted to, you couldn’t let him.

“don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded? don’t you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing? but don't tell me you're sorry, feel sorry for yourself because someday i’ll be everything to somebody else. they'll think that i am so exciting. and you'll be the one who's crying.” you mustered up the courage to defend yourself.

“you didn’t stop me when i told you i wasn’t enough for you. you left me crying and made me think that i did something wrong. you— you broke me. robin had to pick me up piece by piece. you left me for the girl you knew i was insecure about how i couldn’t be as great as.” you scoffed.

“and now you want to come back after seven fucking months? and what, expect me to fall back into your arms? am i that much of a joke to you?” you saw he was crying himself and you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt or pity.

“all i ever wanted was to be enough for you… you were it for me eddie. we were supposed to go to california together. this is all on you.” you jabbed your finger into his chest. “i hope you feel as much pain that i did. i hope you feel like a failure. i hope you feel like the world is crumbling under you. you don’t get to discard me and get me back because chrissy dumped you.” your voice was strong.

“the freak didn’t even want me, i must’ve been a huge fucking loser, right? that’s what the basketball team said. but you didn’t have an ounce of dignity to defend me. no. no, you let chrissy replace me.” your voice starting to raise.

he didn’t even try to defend himself, he deserved everything you were saying. he knew you were right. he didn’t defend you when the basketball team made comments about you. he just left you to fend for yourself. he let chrissy take your place at the table, in the woods, in his life. he can’t tell you why he did what he did. he can’t defend his actions. his chest was so heavy, his cheeks wet with tears. he saw how angry and hurt you were. he wasn’t lying when he said he would take it all back if he could. he’d give anything to see you at another corroded coffin show cheering him on. he’d give anything to be on his couch, your legs on his as you watch horror movies. he’d give anything to have another hellfire session with you at his side. he’d give anything to make you love him again.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” he repeated like a broken record.

“save your sorries because i don’t want them.” you wipe your cheeks. “i hate you, i really do.” you nearly whispered.

you turned on your heels and walked to the driver’s side door. you heard eddie’s footsteps retreat out of your driveway. you refused to look at him as you started your car and backed out, ready to drive to michigan for your fresh start. eddie watched you with blurry eyes. he hated himself for what he did. he hated that you hated him. he watched as your car started to go down the street, seeing how you didn’t look back to see him one final time. he couldn’t stop crying and was sure he looked pathetic. pathetic because he was standing in the driveway of his ex girlfriend who he screwed over big time, watching her leave to start over and have a life that could blossom without him holding her down.

you passed the “leaving hawkins” sign and felt relief. you had a ways to go until you got to michigan but at least you were out of the town that was suffocating you. of course you’d keep in touch with your friends and family, they were also told they could come to you whenever they wanted, an offer they very much would be taking up. you had stopped crying, your cheeks were puffy. you told yourself that eddie munson doesn’t get to break you anymore. you told him off, picked yourself up and made the decision to put you first. eddie munson was a fool for what he did to you, you vowed to waste no more tears on him. he didn’t deserve your tears. he didn’t deserve to have you in his arms again. he didn’t deserve to hold you down anymore. he didn’t deserve your love, your care, your smiles.. he didn’t deserve you.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x angst #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #stranger things one shot #corroded coffin #eddie munson reader insert #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson boyfriend #eddie munson sad #eddie munson x sour

[prettyboykatsuki]

✮ tags ; afab + gn!reader (they are wearing a dress and lace panties however), unprotected sex / no prep (it's not rought), semi public sex, 18+ | ✮ wc ; 1.4k (?) idek

✮ a/n ; happy late birthday barou. this is crazy horny my bad fr.

Barou is an uptight person.

He doesn't think of himself that way, fucking obviously. But he's been told multiple times throughout his life that that's how he seems. From his teammates to his little sisters to every single media outlet desperately hoping he has more interesting gossip than a change in the babywipe brands he uses.

But Barou is a straight-forward, straight-laced sort of man. He tries to not come home late, keeps all of his promises, and always makes sure he reverses his car when he parks. He doesn't believe in the pull-out method. He always makes sure any physical intimacy he has with anyone comes after they've both been tested.

He's got a life on the line and there's nothing wrong with being careful. Barou is stiff sure, but he's respectful and tidy and takes care of everything because that's how he was raised.

Barou is so terribly uptight. It is, by all means, completely out of character for him to fucking you in the stall of a high-end restaurant bathroom.

Despite himself, and his best interests, and his general good character - he has your cheek pressed into the stall of the bathroom door and two hands on your hips. The tip of his cock is resting against the curve of your ass, pretty lace set underneath the skirt of your dress. You're in the bathroom of somewhere so upscale with your pussy soaking wet.

And Barou is hard out of his fucking mind. It's been like this all-day. From the minute his morning started, you've done nothing but spoil him. A spotless house (cleaned in the way he like), plenty of food, a planned visit to his parents house and a quiet birthday dinner to end the night. All packaged neatly in the warmth of your smile, an eagerness to show off your affection.

He doesn't care to know if you were meaning to seduce him but you did. He spent most of the day half-stiff, sneaking touches in the car and keeping himself at bay with lingering glances.

The gift at the dinner table did it. A thoughtful gift, a leather wallet - practical but not expensive. That set him off, ruined the rest of his remaining patience. He's not verbal enough to confess his undying love to you.

He can, however, please you. He's good at that, and this way - both of you come out of it feeling better. He's uptight but he's tipped the wait staff enough to make sure everyone keeps quiet about being in the bathroom.

And he's strict about the certain policies he enforces.

But you look good with that dress on, the soft curves of your neckline and the slight shake in your thighs when you bend over. Damp, dark material soiled over your pussy - all trembling even though he hasn't done more than kiss and grope you.

It's unusual how much he wants to fuck you. It's a little unbelievable how badly he wants it. He rubs the tip against you, lets it dig between the thin lace - feels how soft and sticky you are without him even touching you. He leans forward a little, picks you up your hips and pulls you in such a way you're grinding on it without actually moving.

He forgets he's this much stronger than you. You yield easily enough, an open-mouth moan leaving your lips. Barou feels a spike of heat run through him, sharp as blood rushes towards his cock so quick he's lightheaded.

"Ridiculous," He rasps, almost exasperated at how deep he's thinking about fucking you "What do you get out of being so good to me?"

"Don't want a-anything," He nudges the tip into your clit just to make you stumble "I just want you to have a good time. Did you?"

Of course he did. How could he not? He doesn't reply, tugging the lace of your panties to one side with a laugh that might sound harsh if you aren't listening close enough.

"I had a good time baby. It was fucking great actual," He says, and it's well-intended. His throat is so thick it almost feels sore. He doesn't remember the last time he was this desperate to fuck you - if he's ever felt this antagonized by your kindness. A good, sweet lover you are.

Gentle reprieve for the ever uptight, ever high-strung Barou. A man of action, of course he wants to fuck you about it. The skin to skin makes his grip on your thighs tighten, he can feel his nails digging into the flesh. The indentations must ache but you don't complain. He'll kiss it better later. Eventually.

Silky and dripping , such a perfect place to drill his cock into. Like it was made for him to be in. Carve a spot for himself out of you with the heavy steel of his shaft. You're so fucking perfect for him. His perfect, sweet angel.

You deserve to be fucked with this much effort at least. Barou wants to stretch you, so he does. He pushes the tip in slowly, reaches his hands out of your tits and squeezes hard. He licks up the side of your neck, kissing your jaw.

"Relax," He offers, as tender as he can be right now "Unless you wanna be sore on the way home."

How ironic he's telling you to relax. If he doesn't pour every ounce of his concentration into stilling - he'd fuck himself into without thinking twice. Fill you the brim, brush your womb and stay there until it remembers who he is. He wants it so bad it almost makes him sick, but he's being stingy enough skipping on more foreplay.

A man of good character doesn't fuck his lover in a shitty bathroom stall. But maybe Barou is learning to relax, because all he can think about is how the acoustics in this tight space do you no favors. He can hears just how soaked you are, can hear every short pant of need - ragged from desire in the walls. How it cumulates in the air until it's too hard to breathe.

You do relax, and Barou rocks his hips slow. You cry out. He laughs, just a little. The adrenaline never stops being addicting.

"Ya like that? Like how that fucking feels? How my," Deeper, another inch pushed into the heat of you "How my cock feels all the way in here?" He presses his palm into the place underneath your tummy.

"Ungh, uh-huh, yes."

He drops his head on your back and shudders. He's going to lose his fucking mind if he isn't more careful. Deeper and harder and faster, you move in tandem until he bottoms out. Barou can feel your ass and hips on his waist and how much they're fucking trembling. He hasn't even fucked you yet, hasn't moved an inch and you're shaking.

It's so cute he could cum right away. How adorable. You're so bubbly and bright and don't think twice about talking back to him when he's being fussy - but you can't keep it together long enough to hold yourself up over his cock. He doesn't know if he could love you anymore.

"Gonna move." He tells, and you nod. Barou starts shallow so you can adjust, but when there's no longer any resistance - he doesn't hesitate in giving it all to you. Every inch of his cock, over and over with an unruly amount of want.

Barou fucks into you hard enough to set motion. It's noisy. The sound of skin hitting skin, of your pussy being stretched over and over - his belt clacking from where it's tucked underneath his cock to give him room. Over all of that is the sound of your voice echoing, soft little whimpers that turn into full-blown cries as he fucks you deeper and deeper - knocking himself into your g-spot so much it's cruel.

He can feel your insides spasm around him before you have a chance to warn him. Tremors in short waves until your hand shoots up to the door - grabbing for something that's not there.

"Shoei," You warn, pitchy and desperate and hot "I'm g-gonna,"

"Cum on my fucking cock," He spits. He needs it more than you do "I'll let you make a mess this time."

Barou watches you fold beneath him. Your form collapses forward and he has to wrap an arm around your waist to keep you up. Your walls tighten and convulse around, milking him for all he's worth. He pushes himself to the hilt before following after you, cumming deep inside with a short groan as he presses a kiss t your shoulder.

"Happy Birthday, Shoei." You mumble, turning your head to look at him with your face all messy. He chuckles.

"Yeah, happy birthday to me."

#barou x reader #bllk x reader #barou smut #bllk smut #writing tag #OKAY. I NEED TO GO CLEAN THE BATHROOM NOW LMAO #SEE U ALL DAY AFTER TMMRW

[eternally-smitten]

Forever and Always

summary: After a terrible attack, Natalie feels that death truly isn't the end

word count: 1.6k

content warnings: death, blood mention, body horror, zombies/living dead, angst

author's note: i love this au. so much. i needed some sort of angst. i meant to post this a while ago but school got in the way. now, i can finally post it.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Natalie whimpered, crawling over to Herbert’s lifeless body. She cradled him with shaking hands while trying to think straight.

How did it all go so wrong? He was fine, upright and breathing just a few minutes ago. It felt like a blur to Natalie. First, her ideas get stolen. Next, said stolen ideas become more advanced and applied to new subjects. Then, said subjects attacked like feral animals. Now, Herbert is dying in her arms.

“No, you can’t.” She whispered. “You can’t die, you just can’t!”

Herbert wanted to reply. He wanted to reassure her so badly. But whenever he tried to speak, blood gurgled in his mouth and it hurt too much. He weakly cupped her face one more time before going limp. 

Natalie’s eyes went wide and she shook him. “Herb, Herbert! No, don’t do this to me. Don’t play games! Come on,”

She wanted it to be a prank. She wished it was just some horrible, twisted nightmare she couldn’t wake herself up from. A choked cry forced its way out of her throat and she collapsed into his still warm chest. Her tears stained the coat he died in and Natalie could feel the cloth growing damp. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t accept it.

Maybe she didn’t have to.

A thought popped into her head and it made her sit upright. She absentmindedly rubbed the dripping snot with the back of her hand before reaching for her bag that was hidden amongst the ruins. Natalie clumsily searched through it until she found exactly what she needed: her reagent. Maybe she did not have to live without him, afterall. She found a cure, didn’t she? He was still fresh, too. 

“Okay, okay,” a smile tugged at her lips. “It’s okay, Herbert! See? You’ll be okay! I’ll make sure you’re okay!”

Excitement coursed through her veins as she nervously unbuttoned his shirt to expose his chest. She then popped the syringe into her reagent and took a larger dosage, just as she had time and time again. 

She pinched the syringe between her fingers and hovered over Herbert’s face. “I…I love you, you know that?”

If he could reply, Natalie knew that he would say it back. The thought alone gave her enough comfort to continue with her scheme. With careful hands, she injected her reagent into his heart and watched intensely for his reaction. Death did not have to be the end of them.

It had been two weeks since the chaos happened. Despite the hospital’s attempt to keep a lid on the story, it was all anyone in the area could talk about. Everyone couldn’t stop talking about the gore, the bloodshed, the oddness that surrounded the horrors that happened in the night. There was buzz around the outcasted student, Natalie and her now missing boyfriend, Herbert. It was known that they were together during the events but his body was never found. When asked, Natalie didn’t say much besides quietly muttering that he was badly injured and wanted to be treated at home. She refused to elaborate any further. No one really bought the story but because she was so visibly distraught, everyone left her alone. She was already disturbed enough, they didn’t want to exacerbate that.

Of course, that wasn’t the truth. 

After the massacre happened, Natalie sort of floated through life at school. She went to class, took notes, then left without interacting with anyone. Her classmates were comfortable with this new norm. No one wanted to be associated with the girl found amongst the destroyed morgue in the hospital. 

Today was no different. Once classes were done for the day, Natalie slinked away without a second trace. As soon as you blinked, she was gone. Everyone felt it was best to keep it that way. Natalie’s classmates didn’t want to ask her questions but they also felt funny ignoring what happened with her. She also didn’t want to answer any questions since she isn’t great at lying. This set up worked best for all involved.

The days these past two weeks seemed to drag on slower and slower to her. All she wanted to do nowadays was stay home but her degree mattered to her. Besides, what would Herbert say? He would be disappointed if she didn’t attempt to continue her education in something she was so passionate about. It wasn’t the same without him, though, so she always looked forward to rushing home. 

The door creaked as it slowly opened and the house was dead quiet. She stepped inside and went to shut the door behind her, but something got in the way and kept it ajar.

“Natalie!” Dan said. “Jesus, you look like hell.”

“...Thanks?” She squinted her eyes at him. “What are you doing here?”

He let himself inside and gave her a troubled look. “What do you mean? You barely talk to anyone these days. I wanted to check in on you, I guess. Especially after…Everything.”

Natalie pursed her lips. “Well, that’s very thoughtful of you, Dan. I’m afraid I’m not really free to chat now, so if you don’t mind-”

A low groan interrupted her and made both of them jump. Daniel looked at her, frightened. He assumed the worst and worried someone broke into her house. He knew she lived alone since…

“Nat, okay, we gotta get you out of here.” He said, reaching for her.

She stepped away and shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine! I think the pipes are acting up.”

Another groan echoed in the house, making Natalie wince.

“That is not a damn pipe.”

“Dan-”

“Natalie, come on now,” he said, getting irritated now.

She sighed loudly. “Listen, promise not to freak out if I show you?”

He hated when she asked questions like that because it always meant that yes, it would freak him out and he would not be able to hide that. Instead of voicing that, he swallowed thickly and nodded.

Natalie hesitated slightly before leading him down the basement steps. It was dark and cold and Dan felt this looming sense of dread as he followed her. She walked ahead of him and quickened her pace as they got closer to the room. Then, she flicked the light switch on and ran to whatever was making the noise.

“Herbie, I’m home.” She said calmly, taking his lifeless hand in hers. 

Dan stood on the last step speechless. His dead friend was standing before him holding the hand of his other friend. But it wasn’t Herbert. At least, not how he used to be. His eyes were glassy, his mouth was slightly hanging open, and his movements were sluggish. 

“You promised you wouldn’t freak out.” Natalie huffed, clearly irritated by him.

“I-I-I-” He stuttered, not sure how exactly to respond.

She ignored his shock and turned her attention back to her undead boyfriend, “I missed you today. These days are so boring nowadays.”

Herbert tilted his head to the side. “Missed…you.”

“That’s not Herbert.” Dan said, still in shock.

Natalie snorted. “Of course it is! Aren’t we looking at the same person?”

Daniel took slow, careful steps towards them and shook his head. “Yes, and no that is not the Herbert we knew.”

She shrugged. “It clearly is, Daniel. He responds just like a human would so the Herbie he was before must still be here now.”

“He’s responding to you like any animal would!” His voice wavered and echoed in the cold basement.

“Animals can understand words and feel love, too.” Natalie cupped Herbert’s cheek and grinned at him. “At the end of the day, we’re all animals.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You know exactly what I meant! Have you lost your mind?”

She looked displeased. “You already knew about my reagent so I don’t understand why you’re so hysterical. Why aren’t you happy that your friend is back?”

“Dead is dead, Natalie.” He couldn’t look at Herbert too long without feeling sick. “It was fine at first when it was little pinky mice and roadkill you found but now you’re playing God.”

“I just wanted my boyfriend alive again.” Natalie said plainly. “And, well, I had the means to do so. Wouldn’t you do the same if you were in my position?”

Dan was speechless. He wanted to shout at her. Tell her that no, he would never dream of doing the same thing if he ever lost the love of his life. But he couldn’t bring himself to utter those words. He watched as Natalie carefully interacted with the reanimated Herbert and how he seemed to respond in an almost human way.

He seemed to recognize her, try to talk back, and even love her the way he did before when he was alive. It was kind of…sweet? In an odd, disturbing way, sure.

“You don’t let him roam the house, do you?” He finally asked, breaking the awkward silence that fell between them.

Natalie rolled her eyes. “Well, duh, yeah I do. It’d be cruel if I just kept him down here all the time. I just have him stay down here while I’m away.”

Daniel sighed heavily. “I don’t know why I’m surprised at this point.”

“I’m not sure either.” She replied, never looking away from Herbert. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I need to help him upstairs. Unless you’d like to stay for tea?”

Against his better judgment, he agreed to tea. He watched in terrified amazement as Natalie led Herbert up the stairs and to the kitchen. He also grimaced when one of Herbert’s eyes fell out and plopped on to the table. It was also a sight to behold watching Natalie gently put it back into place for him. Dan couldn’t ignore the fact that they seemed just as loving as before, though.

“Love…you.” Herbert worked up the energy to speak to her as she sat next to him.

Natalie smiled and took a long sip of her tea. “I love you too, Herb. Forever and always.”

tag list: @kylars-princess @bobmckenzie @maviwavis i'm going to leave it at that since i'm not sure if anyone else wants to be tagged in something like this LOL

#🫀꒦꒷alive again꒷꒦🧪 #my stuff ♡ #au: 🔄💉 #tw blood #tw death #tw zombies #tw body horror #ok to rb!

[burningablaze]

Hawks x Fem!Reader - Quirk Or Not

A/N: This was a request from @sparklycupcake56

Summary: Y/N was feeling stressed about not having a special ability to help their boyfriend hero, Hawks. To cheer Y/N up, Hawks talks to them sweet nothings and gives them a little something to make them laugh

TW: Mentions of bodily injuries and angst

Ler: Hawks

Lee: Reader

Words: 1,234

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N was sitting on the couch, listening to her favorite songs to keep her focus as she was reading. She was buried deep in her book with her music blocking out the noises from the outside world that she hadn’t heard the sound of her door opening and closing.

A single red feather flew in front of her face and weaved between the pages of her book. She took her headphones off and put her book down. She followed the red feather and saw Hawks leaning against the countertop, panting from exhaustion. He looked like he was ruffled up but not too badly.

Y/N ran up to Hawks and gasped at his state. “Hawks, are you okay?! What happened?!” Y/N asked as she was starting to panic. Hawks then smiled and gently grasped her hands. “Baby, I’m okay, really. I just got thrown around from a villain but it’s nothing I can handle. I got assigned to this new case and the villain that I tangled up earlier was in it. His quirk is strong and a strange one at that,”

As Hawks was rambling on about his case and describing the villain he fought today, Y/N was feeling overwhelmed. Before she could realize, she started to cry quietly. She lowered her head down and more tears kept coming.

Hawks took one glance at Y/N and stopped talking. He saw your expression and began to worry. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” He asked. “I’m just… I wish I could help you on your patrols and everything! I’m always worried every time you come home with cuts and bruises and… and I can’t help you!”

Y/N burst out sobbing, her hands pressed against her face and feeling stressed. Hawks just listened. He wanted to understand. He needed to understand.

“I feel so useless because I don’t have a quirk and I can’t help you.” She said and wiped her eyes.

Hawks walked slowly in front of Y/N until he was close enough to gently cup her cheeks. “Hey, look at me.” He said softly. Y/N looked at Hawks with her glassy eyes.

“Listen to me, you are anything but useless,” He said. “But, but,” Y/N tried to explain herself but Hawks cut her off.

“But nothing. You help me in more ways than you could ever know. You don’t need a quirk to make a difference.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and smiled. “How?” She asked. “You make me smile every time I come home and you get excited to me,”

Y/N smiled slightly and blushed. Hawks took her hands and made them wrap around the back of his neck. “You make me laugh every time you try to tell me a joke even if the joke is terrible,”

She chuckled softly. “You make me feel better when I had a rough day. You make food for me when I get swamped in paperwork. You make my life better when I’m with you. Don’t you get it, baby? It doesn’t matter if you have a quirk or not, just having you here with me helps me a lot and that’s good enough for me.”

Hawks kissed Y/N’s lips. “Do you really mean that?” She asked. “Every single word and don’t you forget it.” Hawks smiled genuinely and rubbed the tip of his nose against Y/N’s, making her giggle sweetly.

“Oh, you know what?” Hawks asked. “What?” “That gives me an idea,”

He suddenly scooped Y/N in his arms and spun her around, making her squeal. “Hahahahawks! Put me down!” She said, kicking her legs. “Oh no no no, putting you down is not part of my idea.” He said and walked over to the couch.

“Hawks, what’re you doing?!” Y/N struggled in his arms. He gave her a smirk. “Oh nothing, just a little something that came into mind.”

Y/N gasped. “You better not be doing what I think you're doing!”

Hawks sat down on the couch with Y/N on his lap. “I don’t know what you mean, baby bird.” “Hawks nohohoho! Don’t you dahahahare!” She squirmed around.

“What? I’m not doing anything,” Hawks protested with a mischievous grin, his fingers skittering playfully against Y/N’s sides. She tried to push him away, but his strength easily overpowered her.

“Yes, you ahahahahahare! Quit it!” Y/N managed to grab Hawks’ wrists, hoping to stop the tickling assault.

Hawks only intensified his tickling, squeezing Y/N’s sides and causing her to jerk and laugh even harder. “Quit what? This?” He teased, thoroughly enjoying her infectious laughter.

“Stohohohop, you asshohohole!” Y/N exclaimed between fits of laughter, her voice laced with both annoyance and amusement.

Hawks chuckled and continued to tickle Y/N, reveling in the sound of her laughter. “You know you love it,” He playfully taunted, refusing to relent.

“No, I dohohohon’t!” Y/N protested, still laughing uncontrollably. Despite her protests, there was a hint of delight in her voice, revealing that perhaps she secretly enjoyed the ticklish torture.

“You can deny it all you want, but I know the truth,” Hawks teased, his voice laced with playful arrogance. He was determined to break through Y/N’s resistance and make her admit the truth.

Hawks pressed his face against her neck and started blowing raspberries. Y/N tried to push him away by the shoulders, but he wasn’t letting up. Laughter bubbled up from her lips, a mix of surprise and amusement. She squirmed in his grasp, trying to free herself, but Hawks continued his playful assault.

As he blew more raspberries, his hands slowly trailed to her thighs and started squeezing. Y/N’s laughter turned into a mixture of laughter and protests.

“AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO PLEASE, NOT THEHEHEHEHERE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Hawks smiled into her neck. “There’s that laugh I miss so much.” He whispered in her neck with a smile.

“HAHAHAHAWKS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT TIHIHIHICKLES SO MUHUHUCH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“YEHEHEHEHES! STOHOHOHOP! EHEHEHEHEHE!”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of tickling and laughter, Hawks relented, releasing Y/N from his grasp. They both collapsed onto the couch, breathless and flushed from the exhilarating encounter.

Hawks moved her hair out of her face with his hand as he softly smiled at her. “You have the cutest laugh ever. It’s one of the many things I love about you and seeing that beautiful smile on your face makes it all worth it.”

Y/N blushed and smiled back. “Oh, Hawks!”

Hawks chuckled. “You know, you’re impossible,” She said, playfully nudging him with her elbow.

Hawks chuckled, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “But that’s why you love me,” He replied, his voice filled with a hint of smugness.

Y/N rolled her eyes, unable to hide her smile. “Yeah, yeah, you got me,” She admitted, her resistance finally crumbling. “I love you, you annoying feathered dork.”

Hawks grinned, wrapping his arms around her. “And I love you, my beautiful and stubborn partner,” He whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

In that moment, they knew that their connection went beyond the tickling and laughter. It was a bond built on trust, understanding, and a shared love for bringing joy to each other’s lives. And as they stood there, their hands intertwined, they knew that they were lucky to have found each other in this vast, unpredictable world.

#mha tickle #mha tickle fic #mha tickle fanfic #mha tickle fanfiction #mha requested fic #lee!reader #ticklish!reader #mha hawks #mha takami #mha keigo takami #hawks x reader #ler!hawks

[multifanderwrites]

Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Well… Technically, Writer) Head Canons: He Finds You Self Harming

[TW: Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Blood. Oh, very sad Anakin bc he’s hopelessly in love with you and absolutely can’t believe that the woman he loves is in such pain. If you are currently struggling, please do not read this. You can still check out my general masterlist]

It’s not something you’ve ever done before, not physically. But after everything that’s been happening lately- random people telling you that you don’t belong, that you need to die- it’s been harder and harder to drown out those voices. They’re so loud, and you’re afraid of what Anakin would do if he ever found out that people were saying these things to your face.

So, for a while, you’ve just been hiding behind a smile, trying your best to hide the pain and the suffering that comes from your heart.

Now, it’s manifested into a knife… touching your skin, dragging across your arm. It’s painful… and perhaps it’s what you deserve. But still, it’s painful, and a part of you is afraid to keep going. But you started it, so you should finish it-

“Y/N, what are you doing?!” Oh no. It’s Anakin. He’s caught you in the bathroom. To be fair… you did leave the door open. Maybe a part of you wanted to be caught by him? “Y/N, stand up,” he says softly, and his tone kind of scares you. But it doesn’t seem to be threatening. You stand, and he walks over to you, slowly. He’s treating you as though you’re a wounded animal… but he’s the one who seems the most frightened. “Show me your arm, sweetheart,” Anakin requests. He sounds like he’s about to cry… and then, when he sees the lines of blood on your skin… tears fall down his face.

“Anakin, I’m sorry,” you whimper softly. He shakes his head, saying nothing. All he does is lead you to a chair and sit you down in it.

“Stay right there, my love,” he tells you before he kisses your cheek- the one with the most tears. He’s not gone for too long, only to get a first aid kit. The first thing he does when he comes back is sit down in front of you and gently take your bleeding arm in his hand. “Please don’t do this again, Y/N. I don’t know what you were trying to do but please don’t ever do that again,” Anakin begs you as he starts to clean your cuts.

You try to keep your body from rocking back and forth. It’s a self soothing habit, but you don’t want to make your partner upset with you because he’s in the middle of helping you with your self inflicted injuries. It’s hard to keep your tears from falling though, and watching him tend to your arm in such a tender way… it’s making you feel so unworthy of his love. Or is that just another voice telling you something that really isn’t true?

“Y/N, why would you do this?”, Anakin asks you in that gentle voice. You can’t even think of a way to explain why you would hurt yourself. It’s just so hard to tell him without the fear that he’ll get mad at you for not saying anything about the people who have been telling you awful things. He decides to wait until after he’s finished wrapping your arm up in a bandage to ask you again. “Sweetheart, why would you hurt yourself so badly?” Again, you can’t speak.

I don’t know, you want to say. I wish I hadn’t done it. It hurts.

Anakin can sense that you’re in a lot of pain right now, and you need affection more than anything else. So, that’s what he does. Gently, he hugs you and keeps you close to his chest, rubbing soothing circles on your back as he speaks: “I promise I’m not angry. I just wanna know what’s wrong, my star.” The way his voice sounds… it nearly breaks you. You start sobbing in his arms, and he tightens his grip on you. He can tell that you’re feeling terrible, but he’s still unsure as to why. He’s sure you want to say something, but whatever it is that’s been causing you pain is… not easy to say. But Anakin doesn’t care, he just wants to help you feel better. And that’s why he pulls back and cups your face in his hands, looking at you with the most loving expression you’ve ever seen on his face. “Sweetheart, look at me,” he says as he strokes your cheeks and wipes your tears. “Whatever’s been bothering you this much… I promise you: I’ll take care of it. Okay? You don’t have to worry about it anymore. And I’m so sorry that you feel like you have to hide your suffering from me. But I’m right here, and I love you.”

You can’t even look into his eyes because of how ashamed you feel about hiding your pain from him. “I love you too,” you really in a very shaky voice. “I’m sorry for not coming to you. I’ve just been feeling like… like I don’t belong anywhere. And like I don’t deserve to be happy. Or to be with you.”

Anakin briefly shuts his eyes and shakes his head, unable to believe that you feel so alone and so hopelessly unhappy. And he’s certain that someone is responsible for filling your head with lies that were told enough times that you believe them all without question or doubt. “Y/N, you are so loved. And I don’t just mean by me. I mean by everyone. Your family and your friends all love you, and I know they would miss you terribly if you weren’t here anymore. I don’t know what I would do if you were gone, and I don’t want to imagine that.” [sir… we’ve seen that. We know what you would turn into, and it ain’t pretty. The process ain’t pretty but you look like a badass- The suit is badass. The process is painful- I’m sorry. I don’t know what this was] He takes a deep breath and then kisses your lips softly, but he’s far from done speaking. “You are so beautiful, and so deserving of love. I don’t know who told you otherwise but I really don’t care about them. I care about you, and I never want you to be afraid to tell me if you’re in pain. I’m so sorry that I didn’t see how much suffering you’ve felt lately, but you never have to hide anymore.” With that last word, Anakin pulls away and then kisses your forehead. He lingers there for a moment before he leans his own forehead against yours, and he plays with your hair as he looks into your eyes deeply. “No matter what, you are not alone,” he whispers to you.

While you know it’s going to take some time to heal from this pain, you feel a little better now that your partner has told you that he’s not going anywhere. It’ll take some time to get used to the idea of coming to Anakin when you’re in a terrible place, but it’s far better than doing what you did today.

And perhaps it’s best to just keep living. Why not keep going to spite those who tell you to stop? Your life is precious, and as far as we know… you only have one chance. And Anakin Skywalker is just one of the many people who love you, and that’s why you know that you’re safe. After all, he reminded you of every other person in your life that cares.

[short and… I don’t wanna say sweet. Just know that if you’re struggling with anything, it’s not hopeless. Right now, things look bleak, but life is very short. If you’ve got someone you trust, talk to them. Therapy is also really helpful. Do not use Better Help though. Just… don’t use that service. But therapy can help. Honestly, I just wrote this because I was feeling very, very upset because it currently feels like the world wants me- and other people like me (if you know, you know)- dead. But at least in fantasy… I have a semblance of control. Of course, it’s fantasy… so… yeah]

#fanfiction #star wars #anakin skywalker #hayden christensen #soft anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker angst #Anakin skywalker whump #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker fluff #whump #TW self harm #comfort #soft!anakin

[ionlyloveyouwhenyouresick]

well im back and better than ever with sickie scenarios.

and by that i mean i have finally lived the dream (to an extent) as my bf has had a stomach bug this week.

sooooo,

storytime:

sunday:

we woke up at his parents house because him and his brother were going hunting, they said they’d be back by 10 so we could go home. he was supposed to wake me up when he got back. 1 pm came around and i woke up madder than hell because we had to leave BY 10 am. i woke him up quickly and told him to get in the car. i noticed he looked kind of off but i passed it off as him working 3 days straight while going hunting in between mixed with staying up all night. he was just exhausted. we got home later that evening and he admitted he didn’t feel well. i told him to lay down, took his temp (101 f), and asked him what was wrong. he told me his head, ribs, and ears hurt and he was sneezing and coughing. i passed it off as sinuses (it went from 80 f to 30 f overnight here). he took some tylenol and went to sleep.

monday:

we woke up and we both went to town to do some grocery shopping and errands. we were going to take him to the dr to make sure he didn’t have covid/ flu/ strep, but he doesn’t have medicaid and it was expensive. so we said never mind and went on home. from there it got worse. fast forwards a couple hours and i was cleaning the kitchen when he ran across the hall to the bathroom. 20 minutes later he came out, sweaty and pale, not feeling good at all, grabbed a pair of pants and changed. i asked what happen and poor baby didn’t get to make it to the bathroom on time. i felt terrible. i laid down in the bed and he immediately laid his head on my chest, groaning and reaching for my hand to place on his stomach. he now admitted his stomach was hurting really bad. underneath my hand, all i could feel was gurgles and growling. after a while i could start hearing the gurgles and growls as well, followed by a low groan that he’d let out every so often. i felt horrible for him. throughout the rest of the day, his fever rose, getting up to 103f, and he was in and out of the bathroom constantly. eventually we went to sleep but he woke me up at 2 am by turning the lights on. he had an accident again, a couple of times, before he even had the energy to change clothes. his stomach was at a constant growl at this point and he was sweating badly. i had never seen him so sick before. he was crying, from embarrassment and from the fact he felt absolutely terrible. but i got him back to sleep by rubbing his belly and placing my cold hands on his forehead.

tuesday:

i stayed up all night in case he needed me, even tho i was so exhausted and wanted nothing more but to sleep. he tossed and turned all night, an occasional but loud gurgle coming from his stomach. he woke up at about 8 am, clearly in pain, and ran to the bathroom a few times more until i gave him some stomach medicine to try to calm it down. it worked after about an hour. he told me he wanted ice water (which was weird as he NEVER drinks water) so i made him some. he drank two sips before immediately grabbing the trash can (which i had luckily just cleaned out and sat next to the bed). he hiccuped and burped a few times before a stream of water came out. he’d never thrown up in front of me before, he’d always made it a point to go outside to puke so i wouldn’t watch him. it doesn’t help he has a very weak stomach and an emetophobe. he groaned and put the garbage can down, starting to move back onto the bed to lay down. but he didn’t even get leaned all the way back up before he moved his head back over the bucket and threw up again. i rubbed his back in small circles the whole time with one hand, while i held his hair back with the other. luckily he said afterwards his stomach didn’t hurt and he felt fine. at this point he’d been fever free for 24 hours. at around 9 pm, he started getting sick again. he came back in the room after a bathroom trip, rubbing his obviously achy belly, and saying that every time he went to stand up to come back in the room, he’d have to sit right back down and go again. after a couple times of doing that he says his stomach no longer hurt (except for just a tiny bit to where it’s uncomfy but not pain) he said he’s completely emptied his stomach at this point and he didn’t think he could go anymore even if his stomach was hurting. but the good thing (and bad thing) i will say during all this, is that this whole time, his appetite hasn’t changed and he has continued eating everything he sees lol.

at the moment it’s 11 pm on tuesday, we are sitting here in bed playing angry birds while i gently rub his slightly achy belly, no gurgles or growls, no sweating and no fever so far. i will update tomorrow!

wednesday:

he slept all night, didn’t wake up once. he went to town with me today to run errands, and did great. no stomach pain, no being sick, no fever. he’s ate several things throughout the day without being sick or any stomach pain. just a little discomfort but nothing major. he’s had acid reflux problems today (but that’s a normal thing for him) but nothing serious at all. all day he’s been hyper and full of energy, which is completely opposite from how he’s been the past few days. it makes me so happy to see him back to his usual self.

update :/

he was so close to 24 hours symptom free until about an hour ago when he got sick again. but luckily no stomach pain or anything else.

we have officially figured out a diagnosis!

monday he did in fact have a 24 stomach bug HOWEVER we’ve narrowed down the small tummy problems to him most likely being lactose intolerant, gonna test him in a couple of weeks by cutting out his dairy intake and then eating it again to see what happens and i’ll update then!

#i love you so pls don’t get sick #but also i love you so pls get sick #boyfriend #sickness kink #stomach bug #puke #stomach ache

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Switched Around

Okay so I know you don't usually do this type of thing but this idea is stuck in my head so may I ask for a Sanders sides fic were there roles are switched around? It could be because of a curse or it could just be like that from the start. The roles and reasons are as follows. Roles: Roman: Anxiety. Remus: Deceit. Virgil: "Good" Creativety. Janus: Logic. Patton: "Bad" Creativity. Logan: Morality. Reasons: Roman: We need more anxious and/or insecure Roman. Remus: IDK just fit. Virgil: We need more confident Virgil. Janus: IDK just fit. Patton: Just Patton accidentally yelling "NOW FUCK!" or something like that. Logan: Just Logan not being able to not show his feelings. - uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: none, light prinxiety?

Word Count: 2045

In one universe, we know the Sides as follows: Patton, ever stringent Morality, Logan, the voice of Logic and Reason, Virgil, Anxiety and sarcasm personified, Janus as doubt and Deceit, and the twins, Roman and Remus as Creativity.

In another...the anxious Side waits for a group meeting to start.

Roman curls up in the corner of the living room, hunched around a pillow in the armchair, rubbing his left hand in his lap. His eyes are fixed on the stairs, unseeing, even as he mumbles to himself that the others should be here by now, they should be downstairs, we have to meet about things, did I get the time wrong? What if it was earlier and I missed it? What if it's not even today and I already missed it? What if—

"Roman?"

Roman startles terribly, looking over to see Logan standing next to him. He reaches out—slowly, slow enough that Roman can see his intentions and decide whether or not he's okay with being touched—and settles his hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright," he murmurs, rubbing slow circles with his thumbs, "you're alright. It's only me."

"…hi, Logan."

"Hello." Logan tilts his head. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just, y'know, things."

"Bullshit!"

Unlike Logan, Remus seems to relish in startling Roman, or making him second-guess himself (if only for a moment) and it seems today is no exception. Roman startles so badly that he almost knocks the lamp over, glaring at Remus as he appears in his normal spot just next to the stairs. Remus, not daunted at all by the glower, waggles his fingers in greeting.

"I smell bullshit, Roman," he sing-songs, pointing a finger at him, "fess up!"

"R-Remus!"

"Remus," Logan seconds, sounding much sterner than Roman, "there's no need to be cruel."

"Ugh, 'cruel,'" Remus groans, leaning against the railing, "it's fine. Roman's just stuck in his little spirals again, like always."

"Still, there is no need to be unkind about it."

"Yeah, Remus, you don't need to be such a jerk to me all the time."

"Of course I do."

"No, you don't! It's—"

"He's lying, Roman."

"...I knew that."

The way Remus's grin widens says he's just about to crow that that was bullshit too when someone else rises up onto the stairs, making him tumble off the railing with a squeal.

"Sorry I'm late," Virgil says, lounging against the steps and shaking his hair from his face, "got caught up in something."

"No worries, Virgil, not everyone's arrived yet."

"Yup, I can see that." Virgil tilts his head when he notices Logan's protective stance over Roman and the way Remus is bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Roman? You okay?"

"Yep," Roman says, not meeting his eyes, "I'm fine."

"Lie!"

Virgil glances back and forth between the two of them, before sighing and reaching out to put Remus in a headlock. Remus squeaks and squirms but Virgil holds on. "Are you riling Roman up on purpose?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, what're you going to—" Virgil tightens his hold— "ack! Okay, okay, I give, jeez, you're such a party pooper."

Virgil lets go and Remus splutters, adjusting his costume and sticking his tongue out at a truly indifferent Virgil, already back to lounging on the steps.

"Should've known a knight couldn't resist a damsel in distress."

"I'm not a damsel," Roman mumbles, even though the idea of being saved like one does sound kinda nice…

"On the contrary," says a voice he'd rather didn't overhear that little interaction, "I'm afraid that Roman did indeed fulfill the role of damsel quite nicely in this case."

"Janus," Logan nods, "good to see you."

"I apologize for my tardiness," Janus says, adjusting his gloves as he looks around the room, "but I had reached a crucial point in my thesis and couldn't leave before I'd written it down."

"Ah, how is that going?"

"Better than anticipated." He nods to Virgil. "You were right, once I began writing, the ideas just…flowed."

Virgil tips him a lazy two-fingered salute.

"Is that everyone?" Janus glances at the empty spot by the window. "Oh, no, where's Patton?"

"Dunno. Last I saw him he was in the Imagination trying to come up with a Disney-appropriate version of…oh, I forget which fairytale."

Roman perks up a little. "Disney?"

"Unfortunately not actual Disney," Virgil says, winking, "but something equally as sanitized and, uh, market-friendly."

"Something far more indicative of a greedy corporation looking to squeeze numbers out of the human act of creation," Janus says dryly as Virgil turns to look at him in shock, "what?"

"Never thought I'd see you rise so passionately to my defense, 's all."

"Please." Janus rolls his eyes. "I'm hardly riding to your rescue."

"And yet I appreciate it all the same."

"Sorry I'm late!"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Roman thinks idly as Patton appears, glitter glinting off of his shirt and paint splashed across his hands. He fixes his glasses with a grin and claps his hands, sending a shower of glitter everywhere.

"I just got so caught up with work," Patton says, "do you have any idea how horrifying old fairytales used to be? Carving off parts of themselves to fit into glass slippers, ugh, so morbid and gross…whatever happened to all those nice stories?"

"Y'know that fairytales haven't always been, like, just for kids, right?"

"It's true," Janus adds when Patton's mouth opens incredulously, "in fact, a lot of what we consider now to be fairytales are simply collections of stories from other writers that rewrote tales as they saw fit. Many of them have been told and retold so many times that it's almost impossible to determine their original constituents."

"…yeah, I was gonna say that too."

"Bullshit."

"I'll put you in another headlock."

"Alright," Logan says, raising his voice slightly as the others start to bicker, his hand still warm on Roman's shoulder, "now that we're all here, shall we begin?"

A few grumbles and rustles as the group settles and Roman glances up. Logan adjusts his glasses and folds his hands in front of him.

"Now, tonight is dinner and movie night, as we all know. It is Janus's turn to cook—"

"Did you all fill out the survey for what you want for dinner?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh."

"Sure did!"

"I did, yeah."

"You didn't put anything else on there, right?"

"No, Remus, I didn't."

"Shit."

Janus pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'll have a look at the results before I start."

"Thank you. And we have yet to select the movie for tonight."

"Ooh," Patton says, clapping his hands, "Disney!"

"We've watched Disney movies for the last, like, four movie nights."

"Indeed." Janus sniffs. "There's only so many musicals I can tolerate."

"Plus," Remus adds, oddly sober for once, "they're boring."

Roman winces as Patton draws himself up indignantly, instinctively turning toward the chair for a bit of protection as the yelling starts.

"'Boring?' I'm sorry, did you just say boring? What about adventure and heroism is boring? What about learning powerful lessons and the value of love and friendship is boring? What about seeing all of these characters grow and learn and come together is boring?"

"It is rather formulaic," Janus says, loathed as he looks to be agreeing with Remus, "good triumphs over bad, the princess—or her archetypal stand-in—finds the strength in herself, the villains are defeated through a combination of genre-appropriate competence and abstract morality—no offense, Logan."

"None taken." Logan looks at Patton. "I…find myself agreeing. I'd rather not watch another Disney movie tonight."

Patton splutters. "Well—Roman wants to watch Disney, right?"

Oh, no, why did this conversation turn to me? I didn't say anything!

"Right, Roman?"

"I—um—"

"Hey," Virgil says, sitting up a little bit, "leave him out of this."

"We're all supposed to be having a discussion," Patton says, "I don't see why I can't ask Roman to weigh in on it!"

"That wasn't what you did, Patton, you just volleyed Roman in front of you without asking his opinion."

"I'm asking for it now!"

"Enough," Logan says, reaching out to touch Roman's shoulder again, "Roman? Do you have an opinion on the movie?"

Oh, god. Oh, god, now everyone's looking at me. Everyone's looking at me and they're gonna expect me to have an answer and I don't have one but I need to have one—oh, god, okay, think, think of what movie I'd want to watch—what's a movie?

"Roman?"

Roman's head snaps up on instinct as Patton speaks.

"Do…do you want to watch a Disney movie?"

"Don't lie," Remus calls, "I'll know."

He bites his lip and slowly shakes his head. Patton's face falls to disappointment and he scuffs his glittery toe along the now-glittery carpet.

"Fuck."

"What would you like to watch, Roman?"

"Um…" He glances around at the other faces. "What—what about The Bad Guys?"

Janus frowns. "Is that the Dreamworks movie?"

"Mhm. It's, um, it's based on a book series and it's about a bunch of animal—well, 'bad guys' that, uh, learn about what it means to be…good?"

Janus hums. "Go on."

"They—uh, from what I've seen of it, it's about them dealing with the prejudice that comes from being the animals they are and how much of 'bad guy' is forced upon them versus what it means to try and be good guys…a-and the animation style's really cool."

The room quiets.

"S-sorry, I know it's really similar to a Disney movie, it's supposed to be for kids, we don't have to watch it, we can just—"

"No, no," Logan says, interrupting him, "I'm… intrigued."

Roman glances up. "From what I've heard…there's also a character that's perceived as 'good' but his—he's not, really. Kind of an exploration there too."

"Ah, yes, I have heard of this one," Janus says, "I think I've seen a bit of it."

"O-oh."

"Roman's right, the animation is spectacular. And the story…while a bit simplistic is at least consistent to its own worldview once you get into it."

Roman glances at Remus. "One of the main characters is a snake who lies all the time."

"Sold!" Remus claps his hands. "We're watching this!"

"Well, I suppose that was easy enough." Logan glances at Janus. "How long do we expect dinner to take?"

"About forty minutes, give or take."

"Alright—shall we meet back down here at 6:30?"

"Works for me."

"Sure."

"Fine."

"See you then!"

Roman lets out a sigh of relief as the others begin to sink out. Logan pats him once more on the shoulder before he sinks out too, leaving him alone in the living room.

"Hey, little dragon."

Almost alone. Roman looks over to see Virgil standing up, crossing to the chair and leaning on the back. "Hi."

"Good job," he says, ruffling his hair, "I'm excited to watch the movie."

"That's...that's good."

Virgil chuckles. "You okay? I know how it can feel when Remus starts messing with you like that, you doing alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm…I'm okay."

"That's good."

"U-um—" Roman sits up as Virgil backs away— "c-can I sit next to you for the movie?"

Virgil blinks, then smiles. "Sure, little dragon. I'd like that."

"I—I'd like it too."

"It's a date."

Virgil winks and sinks out, leaving Roman staring at the spot where he'd been standing.

A—a date? Like a date-date? That wasn't what I was asking, why did he think that's what I meant? Do I want it to be a date-date? Wait, what if the others find out? Can I still sit next to him? What if I can't do it? What if he—oh, god, what if he tells the others it's a date-date?

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#sanders sides #fic #dragonbabbles #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #patton sanders

[buckysgrace]

Twenty One

The first of October started off chilly. 

It had been three days since Kim had last seen Billy. The more he was away, the more repressed she felt. She missed him. She missed him more than she’d ever missed anyone or anything before. 

School hadn’t been much better, but it was better than Hawkins. Kids didn’t bother her the same way, they ignored her mostly. Which was fine with Kim. She spent most of her time thinking about Billy anyways. She wished she knew Tommy’s new number, because she was fairly certain that Billy was crashing with him.

“You okay?” Sam drew her attention away from the window. She nodded her head, dropping her pencil onto her notebook. She hadn’t been able to work anyways. She’d been working on the same math problem with no such luck.

“I’m fine,” She shrugged her shoulders, feeling a chill rush between the two of them, “How are you?” She stumbled out awkwardly, knitting her eyebrows together at how badly she delivered her question. Sam lingered in the doorway for a moment before he took a step forward and gently shut the door behind him. 

Kim’s pulse quickened in anticipation, her heart beating roughly at how anxious she suddenly grew. Sam looked around awkwardly, looking just as nervous as she felt before he settled on the edge of the bed by her. He clasped his fingers together before he unclasped them and adjusted his glasses. 

“Do you really love him?” He asked at last, taking Kim by surprise. She expected him to blow up, to react the way that everyone else had reacted. His eyes drew towards Kim, looking tranquil as he inhaled deeply. She began to dig her fingernails into her skin. 

“Yes,” She answered quickly, afraid of what Sam would think, “More than anything.” She told him truthfully. Speaking about Billy hurt. She missed him so much. She fumbled to swallow for a moment. 

“Okay.” Sam said at last as he slowly unclasped his fingers from each other. He rubbed them up and down his knees for a moment, looking like he was deep in thought. Kim knitted her eyebrows together, waiting for Sam to continue. 

“Okay?” She questioned him a moment later after he had yet to say anything. Sam breathed in deeply again, looking like he was debating with himself before he spoke up again. 

“I don’t think there’s any point in telling you it’s wrong or to stop,” Sam said slowly, “You’re an adult and despite what you may think, I don’t want you to hate me.” He spoke softly at the end, his brown eyes even more gentle if at all possible. Kim felt an ache forming inside of her chest, hoping that Sam didn’t really think she hated him. 

At the same time, she felt relief. She didn’t want another big ordeal for loving Billy. She just wanted to be happy with him. She really hoped Sam understood that, and that he wasn’t just doing this because he thought he had to. 

“I can be with him then?” She asked as her throat burned with the raw emotion that was pouring out of her. She tapped her fingertips together, doing her best to stay calm so she didn’t burst into tears. She was too overcome with different emotions. 

“Not in front of Rosemary,” Sam said quickly, looking like he regretted his statement, “I haven’t told her yet. Actually, I think you two should tell her.” He spoke a little quieter at the end, like he was unsure of how to perceive her reaction. She felt her eyes widening, her jaw going slack at the idea of doing that. 

“That sounds like a terrible idea.” She told him seriously. She couldn’t imagine how Rosemary would feel, not to mention what she would say. Rosemary seemed nice, but she was stern at the same time. Kim didn’t want to get yelled at. At the same time, she doubted that Billy would care. 

“It’s your relationship,” Sam shrugged his shoulders as he stood. He leaned over to kiss the top of her head, “You’ll figure it out.” He told her softly. She lingered against his touch for a moment, feeling a certain sickness spreading through her. 

“I don’t hate you,” She spoke up quickly, a little loud as he opened the door again, “It’s just been a lot to take in.” She said softly this time, hoping that he might understand the unknown mess of emotions that was bubbling inside of her. Sam paused, before he sent her a gentle smile.

“I know,” He patted his hand against the wall gently, “Have a good night.” He offered her before he shut the door behind him again. Kim watched for a moment, unable to distract herself with her homework anymore. 

She packed it up slowly, organizing the rest of her folders into her binder and making sure her papers slid into the right spot. She thought her room was suddenly too quiet as she stood to shut the lights off. 

She took quick steps to turn on her night light, letting the room softly illuminate into a soft glow. She wasn’t sure why she even bothered to try and sleep. She was already barely sleeping, but with Billy being gone it was so much worse. It didn’t feel the same, like she was missing something. 

She laid herself on the bed and just stared up at the ceiling. Her mind was wide awake but filled with no thoughts. She felt a little energized yet bored all at the same time. She huffed, wondering if Billy was in this same position. She wondered if he was having fun, if he was thinking about her at all. 

Those thoughts always left her feeling guilty. She knew that he was going through a hard time at the moment, and she didn’t want to worry about whether or not he was thinking about her. He had more important things to think about. She kept trying to remind herself of that. 

Her mind felt blank as boredom finally took over. She let her nails slowly drift up one length of her arm, drawing up goosebumps in her wake. She continued that for a moment before she switched positions with her hands. Her mind wandered for a moment, wondering if her body was just itching for something. 

She let her hands slowly wander down her curves, pretending that they were Billy’s large hands roughly grabbing her instead. She slowly spread her legs as her fingertips traced up her knees. She lifted her hips up as she pushed her panties off of her legs and away from her ankles. She shifted again, this time to pull her nightgown up off of her shoulders. 

Her nipples instantly grew hard from the cool air, contrasting to how warm her body felt at the moment. She pressed her fingertips against her hardened buds, giving them a soft pinch as her body squirmed underneath her own touch. It didn’t feel as good as Billy’s fingertips, but it was something. 

Kim’s mind drifted as her hands traveled slowly down her naval until she was pressing her fingertips past her tuft of red hair. She dipped her fingertips against her folds, until she was lightly pressing down on her clit. She gasped, letting her legs spread further apart. 

She rubbed her clit softly, picturing the image of Billy between her legs as soft moans left her lips. She imagined that it was his large hand instead, that he was sliding his tongue across her pussy. 

It wasn’t much longer that she grew bored with rubbing her clit. She slid a finger in, then two, but that didn’t seem to do the trick either. She breathed in deeply, her mind feeling frustrated from the pleasure that was coursing through her body.

She paused, temporarily drawn towards her vanity. She shuffled towards the edge of the bed, pausing for a moment before she gripped her brush. She held onto it softly, thinking of how Billy had pressed it inside of her. She gulped, a sense of excitement filling her as she rested on her back again. 

She breathed in deeply as she pressed the tip of the handle against her wet hole. She breathed in softly, trying to think of how Billy had fucked it into her. She bit her bottom lip and brought her other hand to her clit again as she slowly inserted the brush inside of her.

She moaned, her lips parting in bliss as she slowly rocked the plastic inside of her. She rolled her hips forward, sighing as the handle stretched her walls out. It wasn’t nearly as big as Billy, but it felt better than her fingers. It was long enough for her to angle it in a way as she searched for her bundle of nerves.

Kim gasped as she continued to grind it inside of her wet walls. She felt herself squeezing around it as she easily slid it deeper inside of her. She brought one hand up to her chest, beginning to pinch at her nipple again as she sped up her movements. She moaned a little louder, her cheeks flushing from the pleasure that was trickling up her spine. 

“Fuck,” Her eyes snapped open, her lips parting in horror as she quickly sat up. She scurried, panic racing up her spine until she realized it was just Billy. He crossed the room quickly, offering no explanation as he dipped between her legs. Billy cursed softly, gripping the brush as he pumped it into her pretty cunt, “Does it feel good?” She felt her tongue curling inside of her mouth, moaning at how much better it suddenly felt. 

“Yeah,” She whimpered, rolling her hips up to meet his movements. She felt too good to make him stop, hoping that she could question him after, “Wanna feel you.” She begged him suddenly, feeling like the brush felt like nothing compared to his cock. 

“Wish,” He groaned as she pressed her leg up against his clothed cock, “Drank too much.” He spit out, almost pouting from how disappointed he looked in himself. She moaned softly, only now taking in how badly he reeked of alcohol. 

“God,” She moaned harshly, her eyes fluttering as he angled the handle of the brush deeper inside of her. He pressed it up against her g-spot, making her body squirm against the mattress. She cried out, letting her hands explore the depths of the mattress as he began to pepper kisses along her pale thighs, “Right there, oh God. Right there, Billy.” She repeated, rolling her hips forward to meet his motions.

His warm breath tickled across her wet pussy as he inhaled deeply, looking just as blissful as she felt. Her thighs shook, her toes curling against the mattress as he continued to pump the handle inside of her. She looked down, meeting his hazy eyes just as he flicked his tongue out against her wet folds.

“Such a naughty slut,” He muttered softly, looking quite pleased with himself as he began to suck on her folds again. She moaned, her body twitching in anticipation as he ghosted his tongue across her clit, “You’re so fucking dirty.” He spit out, his blue eyes full of lust as he peered up at her. 

She couldn’t find the words to speak, too focused on the warm pleasure that was traveling up her spine. She whimpered again, letting her fingers tangle in his messy blonde curls as he finally traced his tongue across her throbbing clit. Moans continued to roll off of her tongue as her pussy drenched the handle of the brush, making it slippery as he continued to thrust it into her. 

“Feels so good,” She whined restlessly, her ears beginning to burn at the sound of her pussy squelching around the handle. She felt her fingertips beginning to dig into his hair, pressing him closer as he continued to lick and prod at her clit, “So close.” She moaned again, feeling like she needed so much more from him.

He pulled the handle back slowly, only the tip remained before he slammed it back inside of her drenched cunt. She moaned, her toes curling in pleasure as he pressed down harshly against her bundle of nerves. Her moans broke out into soft stutters as her hips jerked forward. She pulled one hand away to bite down on it, hiding her loud moan as she came with a cry. 

“Oh fuck,” Billy cursed, inhaling sharply as he continued to slowly jerk the brush inside of her. She whimpered, riding out her high as she looked down at his swollen pink lips, “You’re so sexy.” He panted, looking up at her lustfully. She gaped, her knees jerking slowly as he removed the handle of the brush from her pussy. 

He licked her cum away from the handle of the brush, dipping his tongue along the curvature like he was savoring the taste on his tongue. She whimpered, feeling deranged as he met her eye. He looked carnal; like he wanted to inhale her, bones and all. She thought that she wanted to do the same to him. 

“So good,” He groaned again, tossing the brush aside as he pressed her legs far apart. He dipped his tongue back between her folds, licking and sucking as he devoured the taste of her. She whimpered, her fingers tangling in his hair as he attacked her with his tongue, “You’re so fucking sweet.” He huffed out before he dove back in. 

She rolled her hips up, letting her pussy drag along his tongue and lips as he tasted her. Her clit throbbed, begging for another round as she moved up against his mouth. He flicked his tongue languidly across her folds and then dragged it along her throbbing clit again. 

“Please,” She whimpered as she continued to grind her cunt up against his mouth. She moaned, cupping her own tits in her hands as Billy let her freely move her cunt up against his mouth. She gaped, biting down on her bottom lip as the pleasure grew larger, “Fuck me, Billy.” She moaned earnestly as Billy’s tongue dipped in and out of her fluttering hole.

He groaned against her skin, the sound lightly vibrating onto her body as she pinched at her hardened nipples again. Billy’s tongue moved more rapidly, licking away her wetness as he pressed her knees up to her chest.

She wrapped her hands underneath her knees, keeping them in place over her chest as Billy moved his tongue across her folds and then back down to her fluttering hole. She whimpered, desperately trying to rock up against him again as she pictured how good his cock would feel stretching her out.

“S’nice,” She moaned again, swearing that her eyes were beginning to cross as the pleasure continued to grow and swell inside of her. Her thighs ached, her mind growing fuzzy as he pulled away to spit messily across her cunt. He groaned loudly, looking with interest as his spit slid from her pussy and down between her cheeks. He peppered his lips around her cunt, inhaling sharply before he moved down lower, “What are you doing?” She questioned hazily, a moan pouring free as Billy’s lips fell against her puckered hole.

The sensation was different, not bad. Just different. She gasped, her eyes rolling back this time as he used his tongue to swirl his spit around her hole. He flicked and sucked at it, leaving it messy and wet as he traced his tongue along her hole. 

She felt a whine leave her throat as the sensation became nice, more pleasurable as Billy continued to grind his tongue against her hole. His tongue slowly poked inside, prodding around before dipping back out again. 

His nose brushed against the back of her leg, his groans dancing in her ears as he roughly rubbed his fingertips across her swollen clit. He continued the same languid motions with his tongue against her hole as he jerked his fingertips back and forth over her clit.

“God,” She whined, her mind feeling fuzzy and full of pleasure as she felt her toes curl in pleasure again. Her cheeks were flushed, her mind hazy as the pleasure began to race up her spine again, “Oh fuck, fuck.” She felt herself falling apart underneath him, her thighs quivering as she came for the second time that night. 

She slowly released her legs, her body still shaking as Billy licked her clean. She squirmed for a moment, her voice feeling raw from all the sounds she’d been making. He panted, looking just as worn out as his eyes met hers again.

She felt a warmth spreading inside of her chest as a sense of joy filled her. She was happy that he was back, but then another feeling grew. She didn’t understand why he thought it was okay to come back without apologizing. She mentally kicked herself, thinking that she had gave herself away too easily. 

“Where have you been?” She demanded of him, feeling grief stricken suddenly as her body began to slowly relax and the remembrance of the hole in her heart grew. Billy sighed as he rested his back against her headboard. 

“With Tommy,” He said vaguely as he crossed his hands over his lap, “Please don’t do this right now.” He begged softly. She huffed softly, feeling the frustration and anger swirling inside of her. She understood why he was hurting but she didn’t understand why he was so keen on keeping a distance from her. 

“You’ve been gone for three days and haven’t said anything,” She breathed in deeply to relax herself, “Do you know how worried I was?” She asked him seriously, unsure if he really knew what she had been feeling. She was almost positive that he didn’t think about what she had been going through. Not necessarily in a selfish way, but because she was sure that he still didn’t believe she cared that much. 

“I didn’t want to call in case she answered,” Billy dismissed her softly. Kim sat up a little bit so she could look at him better, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stay gone for so long.” He said quickly, looking genuine with his apology. 

“What have you been doing? Tommy lives in a dorm?” She asked suddenly, feeling like she was grasping at strings. She hoped that he wasn’t living out of his car and just using Tommy as an excuse. 

“His roommate has been gone so I’ve just been crashing on that bed,” Billy sighed softly as he moved a little closer to her, “Don’t be mad. I don’t want to argue.” He pleaded with her. She looked at him for a long moment, noticing how desperate he looked suddenly. She shifted as she rested the back of her head against the headboard and looked forward.

She fell into silence, because she knew from that statement that this conversation would never be brought up again. She settled into another round of frustration, unsure of how they were ever supposed to work anything out if Billy refused to actually talk about what was wrong. 

“What are you going to dress us as for Halloween?” He asked softly after a few tense minutes of silence, “Come on, you said you wanted us to dress up.” He nudged his knee against her thigh, jolting her softly as he tried to get her to speak again. She pressed her fingertips together, knowing it would do no good to ignore him. 

“I haven’t thought about it that much.” She admitted. She had been too worried thinking about where he might be hiding. She wondered where they’d be by that time. Everything else felt too messy to even consider anything fun. “Well think,” Billy grinned as he pecked her lips. She looked towards him curiously, “Tommy said there’ll be a party going down. You can witness a real party.” He said slowly as his large hands began to rub her shoulders gently. She slowly felt herself beginning to relax against his touch and her frustration simmering away. 

“They didn’t count in Hawkins?” She asked softly when she finally found her voice to speak. Billy pulled her closer until she was resting between his legs. She shuffled a little bit until she was comfortable with resting her head on his chest. 

“Not at all,” He grinned as he rubbed his fingertips across her skin. His lips ghosted over the crook of her neck, making a smile form on her lips from how his breath tickled her skin, “They’re crazier here.” He chuckled as he gave her a soft squeeze. She paused for a moment, temporarily reminded of what had happened at the last party she’d gone to. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go to another one or not. 

“When are you coming back?” She asked instead, not wanting to venture onto the topic of parties anymore. Billy’s fingertips slowly came to a stall on her skin, like she had brought up the one topic he wasn’t interested in discussing. 

“I don’t know,” He sighed as he rolled his head on top of hers, “I don’t want to see her.” He said softly, sounding vulnerable as he spoke. She moved a little closer to him, wishing she knew how to help him. 

“I don’t want to be without you,” She told him gently, “I think my dad would still get us an apartment. What about that?” She turned to look up at him, hoping that would be something that they could do together. He wouldn’t have to stay away but he wouldn’t have to see Rosemary either. Billy paused. 

“I need to talk to her,” He admitted slowly, “I just, don’t know how.” He said at last, looking a little defeated. She sat up, wishing there was some sort of great advice she could give him. She didn’t know what to say. She could barely find it in herself to speak to Sam. She wasn’t sure there was anything she could say that would help. 

“Stay,” She told him gently as she latched their hands together, “Stay and I’ll help you. We can do this together.” She said, deciding that would be better than nothing. Billy inhaled deeply as he watched her. 

“Just give me a few more days,” Billy said slowly, “I’ll have it all figured out by then. We can do something tomorrow, just the two of us.” 

////////////////////////////

“Hi,” Kim looked up, her hands still wet and covered in gritty clay, “You just moved here, right?” A pretty girl looked over, smiling kindly. Kim observed how her two front teeth slightly poked out against her top lip as she smiled. 

“Moved back,” Kim corrected softly, “I’m Kim.” She introduced herself a second later as she recognized this had been the first person other than Calum to actually speak to her. She averted her eyes quickly back to the bowl she was working on spinning. 

“Danielle,” She introduced herself kindly as she pushed out a hand. Kim hesitated for a moment before she brought her muddy covered hand to shake Danielle’s, “What are you working on?” She looked down curiously. Her bleached hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, but Kim could see the darker brown that was growing in. 

“Just a bowl,” Kim wiped her forearm across her forehead to keep her hair from falling in front of her eyes, “I think my rim is too thick.” She murmured, watching as Danielle situated herself across from Kim. She felt herself stiffening up, growing a little awkward as her heart raced inside of her chest. She glanced around, ensuring that there wasn’t a group of girls laughing to the side. 

“Just bring it up a little further,” Danielle instructed kindly. Kim paused for a moment before she began to work again, feeling a little nervous at the way Danielle was watching her, “Yeah, that looks better.” She complimented nicely; her blue eyes gleaming. 

“Thanks.” Kim said softly, working gently as she took the wire underneath the base of the bowl. She slowly moved her hands around it before she lifted it, inspecting it carefully. She struggled for a moment to get her initials underneath it, but ultimately, she felt fairly happy with it. She wasn’t sure what she’d use it for yet, however. 

“Do you like art?” Danielle asked curiously when Kim returned to clean up her station. Kim was a bit surprised, unsure of why Danielle was so curious about her. She nodded her head, figuring that she shouldn’t push away the one person who’d actually held a conversation with her. 

“Yeah,” Kim spoke as she darted her eyes away from Danielle’s bright blue ones, “It’s fun.” She muttered as she brought the wet sponge down to wipe away the leftover clay. Kim felt her hand beginning to shake as she wondered if she was doing something wrong as Danielle continued to observe her movements. 

“Do you wanna join my art club?” She smiled brightly as her fingertips pressed up against Kim’s once she dropped the sponge back into the bucket, “Super exclusive. It would be you, me and two other people.” Danielle giggled, like it was something funny. 

“I have to take my sister home after school,” Kim said slowly as she tried to search for a real excuse, “And my brother.” She added more quickly as she forgot about Russell. She felt bad suddenly, not wanting to leave him out either. He wasn’t bad at all, he was actually pretty nice and liked to paint like she did. 

“It’s not at the school, it’s at my house,” Danielle grinned widely, “Come on. I think you’d like it.” She dropped her shoulders as she shook Kim’s hand gently, begging her to join. Kim paused for a moment, unsure of how to react. She was sure she’d never had anyone want to hang out with her this badly. 

“Um,” Kim felt her stomach turning and twisting at the thought of being alone with three other people she didn’t know, “I guess.” She said quickly, feeling too bad to disagree. Not to mention, she worried that this would be her only chance to actually make friends. She might as well go for it. 

“Cool,” Danielle grinned as she pulled away, “I’ll go write down my address, just come after you’re done dropping your siblings off, alright?” Kim nodded her head stiffly, feeling like she had no reason to disagree with her. 

/////////////////////////

“Um, this girl invited me over to her house,” Kim spoke softly as she approached Sam. She felt awkward again, still unsure of what Sam now thought of her. She wondered how disappointed he was in her, “It’s for art club.” She said a second later, noticing the curious way Sam’s eyes landed on her. 

Rosemary was in the kitchen, already skimming over recipes and planning for what the bakery would need tomorrow. Kim had felt too awkward to ask her, unsure if their relationship was built up that high yet. Sam had just arrived home, still in bright colors and with sweat dripping off his forehead. 

“You’re not meeting Billy, are you?” He spoke in a hushed tone, one of his eyebrows raised as he examined her. She felt her lips forming into a frown, wishing that Billy was the one she’d be seeing. She shook her head. 

“No,” Kim said softly as she tucked her hair behind her ears, “I’m not meeting with Billy.” She noticed the sad tone as she spoke, but quickly tried to pep her attitude up a bit. She supposed she must’ve done a fairly bad job with the emphatic look that Sam sent her. 

“That’s fine. Remember, curfew is eight thirty,” Sam paused for a moment, “No drinking.” He said at last. She felt herself flush from head to toe, remembering how Sam had caught her and Billy at the bar. She nodded, her face burning as she nodded her head.

“I know that,” She tried to brush away her complicated feelings suddenly, “I won’t do anything bad.” She promised him with a nod of her head. Sam smiled, looking like he trusted her completely. She meant no ill will, but she felt sick suddenly. She felt like she’d end up betraying him anyways. 

“Have fun,” Sam said at last as he passed her the car keys, “Just don’t forget to do your homework.” He said a second later. She took the keys gently, remembering that she���d actually have to find the place on her own. 

“I’ll get it done.” She told him quickly, although she really wanted to ask if he’d ride along with her. Even if she had to pay extra gas money for him to drive back and forth, she had a sudden urge to tug him along and make him come with her. She knew what it was. She missed him. She missed how they used to be. 

“Kim?” Sam asked, sounding a little hesitant as he spoke up again. She looked at him curiously as she pulled her backpack over her shoulders again. She averted her eyes quickly, unable to look him in the eye. She was worried he’d take back what he said and begin to scold her. 

“Yeah?” She questioned him softly as she tapped the tips of her shoes together. She thought that she’d need to get new ones soon, that these were getting old. 

“If anything happens or if you need anything,” He paused for a moment, looking like he was searching for the words to say too, “Just give me a call.” He said at last, shrugging his shoulders like it was no big deal. She paused for a moment, knowing that it was fairly impactful. Neil would’ve never told her something like that. She wasn’t certain what Susan would’ve said either. 

“I will,” She paused in the doorway, “Thanks, daddy.” She mumbled underneath her breath, turning before she could meet his eye again. She made fast strides to her car, hoping to keep herself from breaking down in front of him. She didn’t know why she was so emotional suddenly. 

She started the car but took a few minutes to calm herself before she actually began to drive to Danielle’s. She began to wonder if she was just jealous of Max and how easily she’d slid back into her relationship with Sam. Billy had accused her of forgiving people too easily, but she really didn’t feel like she’d forgiven Sam. She still felt like everything had been brushed off, just like her issues with Billy.

Kim arrived not much later to a more private residence. She blinked for a moment, checking over the address as she was sure she was wrong. Danielle’s house reminded her of the fancy one that Cindy had owned. It was grand, larger than Kim could ever dream of having.

“Hey!” Danielle rushed out, waving her hand widely. She had changed into a pair of bright yellow shorts and had on an even brighter red tube top. Kim pulled the car into park, suddenly feeling like she had undressed as she looked down at her blue shift dress. 

“Hi,” Kim introduced herself awkwardly as she began to pull her backpack over her shoulders again, “You have a really nice house.” She told her honestly, still very impressed with how large it was. She wondered how people had this much money. Danielle grinned.

“Thanks,” Danielle looked behind her, like she was admiring the house, “I wish it was a little older though, maybe if it had a little more culture. I don’t know, it’s not bad.” She shrugged her shoulders as she turned, directing Kim inside of the house. 

Kim suddenly understood what Danielle meant. The inside of her house was too pristine, too clean to look like anyone actually lived in it. She could tell that the attention to detail didn’t come from love like at Sam and Rosemary’s house. This house was used for other purposes, to make others jealous of the money spent into it. 

“This is Audrey,” Danielle introduced Kim to a shorter girl with long black hair and dark eyes. Kim lingered behind Danielle, even though she was taller than Danielle. Audrey smiled, her eyes round and dark, “And her brother Calum.” Danielle waved a lazy hand, as if he was an afterthought.

“We met.” Calum responded breezily, still wearing a lopsided grin. Kim held a hand up awkwardly, her smile feeling stiff and forced as she became more rigid. She felt uncomfortable, too nervous to speak to any of them. She rolled her tongue around in her mouth, hoping that it wouldn’t mess her words up. 

“Lucky her,” Danielle responded dryly, rolling her eyes as she grinned towards Kim, “I’m very, truly sorry about that.” Danielle laughed and Audrey joined in a second later. Kim felt a flush spreading over her cheeks as she realized they were waiting for her to speak. She thought over what she might say, hoping to avoid any words that might make her stammer and trip up. 

“It’s alright,” Kim responded softly, wondering if Danielle had been the girlfriend Calum had mentioned, “It’s nice to meet you all.” She nodded her head softly, suddenly feeling like she was acting too mature. She tried to shake off the feelings of being tense as Danielle moved around the kitchen. 

Audrey had her legs crossed as she tapped her pencil against the bottom of her lip. Kim felt slightly relieved to know that she wouldn’t be the only one with homework as she joined Audrey at the table.

“So what do we do in art club?” Kim asked softly as she began to unzip her bag. The room suddenly quieted, like she had said something wrong. She felt herself tensing up again. 

“You told her this was an art club?” Audrey raised two dark eyebrows; her eyes pinned towards Danielle in amusement. Calum snorted as he continued to chew on a sandwich, shaking his head like he was in disbelief. 

“You tell your parents that this is science club,” Danielle mocked with a laugh as she pulled a bag of chips from the cupboard, “I don’t know how her parents are.” Danielle said in defense, motioning towards Kim with a smile as she plopped herself in the seat across from Kim. 

“This isn’t a club then?” Kim asked softly, feeling a little worried that she had just been tricked into something. She didn’t want to fall into another mean girls club and be the one being picked on. Audrey shook her head. 

“A friendship club,” Danielle confirmed with a nod of her head, “I like you. I think we’ll be great friends.” She added gleefully at the end, looking like she really meant it. Kim watched again, noticing that she had a really wide smile that showed off all of her teeth. 

“Oh,” Kim paused, unsure of what to say. Addi had been the only real friend she’d ever had. They had just instantly clicked, much different to what she was feeling now, “Yeah, I think so too.” She nodded her head a second later, not wanting to appear rude. Danielle smiled, looking satisfied with Kim’s answer. 

“What’s your poison?” Calum asked, popping his bubblegum loudly as he glanced towards Kim. She knitted her eyebrows together, looking towards him in confusion. She felt her body warming again as all pairs of eyes turned towards her again. She wanted to shrink away. She wished she had Billy to hide behind and speak for her. 

“Huh?” She asked, unsure of what he meant. He chuckled as he leaned against the counter as his eyes drifted across her features. She felt like hiding away suddenly, unsure of why he was watching her so intensely. 

“You don’t drink?” Audrey asked curiously, tilting her head like it was something to be expected. Kim felt her lips part as realization poured over her. She suddenly understood what Calum was asking. She shrank, feeling like she should’ve expected something like this to happen. It was just her luck.

“Not a whole lot,” Kim paused as she stared at the beer that Calum popped open, “I’m just not supposed to drink.” She said a moment later, knitting her eyebrows together as she remembered Sam’s rules. She didn’t want to make him disappointed in her. 

“Neither are we,” Danielle laughed like it was funny, “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She shrugged her shoulders as she reached into the bag and pulled out another handful of chips. Kim teetered on the thought for a moment. 

She was sure that one drink wouldn’t hurt her. Sam would never have to know either. She was happier, more relaxed when she drank. Surely, she’d have an easier time making friends with these three if she loosened up. Just one drink. It wouldn’t kill her. 

“No, it’s okay,” Kim said, however, she felt a little nervous accepting a drink from Calum, “What do you have?” She followed Danielle towards the fridge, watching as she pulled the door open. Kim scanned the full fridge and began to wonder what Danielle’s parents did for a living. 

“Just beer,” Danielle shrugged her shoulders, “Well my mom has some wine too.” She said a second later as she pulled the bottle out. Kim nodded her head and tucked her hair behind her ears, thinking that wine sounded better than beer. 

“That’s fine,” Kim nodded her head, her eyes lingering at the way the red liquid splashed inside of her glass. She breathed in deeply as she remembered Sam’s rules and the way he’d yelled at her the other day. She buried the guilt with a drink, “It’s nice.” She nodded her head, but realized that they didn’t care about how it tasted. It was obvious they just wanted to get drunk.

“I bet Indiana was so boring,” Audrey said a few drinks later, “I’m sorry you had to go there.” She wrinkled her face up and shivered for extra effect. Kim grinned, her body feeling warm from the wine that was racing through her body. 

“It wasn’t too bad,” Kim said softly as she thought about the nicer people she’d met, “The people were fairly nice.” She said, speaking for the most part. Some of them sucked, but she remembered that it wasn’t any different than being here. 

“We’re a lot better though,” Audrey reassured her, reaching forward to squeeze her hand, “What do your parents do?” She asked curiously. Calum leaned over the counter, looking less than interested in the conversation. Kim was certain that he was just here for the free alcohol. 

“My dad does construction,” Kim paused for a moment, unsure if she should mention that Susan was a nurse. She didn’t want to then have to explain that she was in jail, “My stepmom is a baker.” She said at last, not wanting to bring Neil up either. She didn’t think it was appropriate to bring up how terrible her parents could be. 

“Oh a baker?” Danielle grinned, “That’s so cute.” She rested her chin on her fingers, listening to Kim with interest. Kim swirled her liquid around in her cup again, suddenly feeling the urge to talk more as she began to relax again. 

“She does pretty good,” Kim said softly, thinking that it was actually a lot better than good, “I think I’ll be working there on the weekends.” She said softly. She didn’t think it would be that bad. She had waitressed before and this would be somewhat similar. Except she’d only deal with cakes. Rosemary had even suggested that she could learn to decorate them. 

“Gross,” Danielle wrinkled her nose up, “Sounds like forced labor.” She made a face, no longer holding the dreamy look in her eye as she took a drink from her cup. Audrey audibly sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. 

“You just say that because your parents are rich,” Calum laughed, “Our parents own a restaurant too.” He nodded his head, smiling a little softer towards Kim this time. She breathed a little better, feeling good in knowing that she wouldn’t be the only struggling one in her friend group this time. 

“It sucks,” Audrey nodded her head, “But it’s kinda fun sometimes. You get paid, so that’s something.” She nodded her head as she finally ended her statement. Kim grinned, thinking that it would be nice to have her own money again. She really wanted to go shopping, for real this time. San Diego had so many more stores than Hawkins. She wondered if she’d finally find something that was up to date. 

The night drifted by surprisingly fast the more comfortable that Kim grew. She’d felt a little awkward again when they’d begun to dance to various songs on the radio, but soon loosened up enough to sway her hips back and forth to the music. Danielle was nice, constantly pulling her forward and making sure that she was involved. She reminded her of Addi in an odd way, even though Kim didn’t think they acted anything alike. 

Calum and Audrey left first. Kim was about to follow shortly behind, but Danielle had begged her to stay a little longer. Kim really couldn’t protest because Danielle really didn’t live that far away and she was still within her curfew time. 

“Calum said you have a boyfriend,” Danielle said as she dipped her brush into the lime green color of her palette, “What’s he like?” She asked as she began to paint it across Kim’s closed eyelid. Kim felt her heart racing as she thought about Billy. 

“He’s incredible,” She gushed out quickly, in one breath as she continued to picture his handsome face, “He’s just so sweet to me. I love cows and he’s always buying me stuffed ones. He likes listening to me and is just so romantic. He made me a mixtape.” Kim spit out at the end before she began to ramble too much. 

“Sounds very romantic,” Danielle laughed, “You’re lucky. You better keep a good grip on him.” She teased her softly. Kim grinned, thinking about the cashier who had been checking him out on the way here. She felt a dopey grin forming on her lips. 

“I will,” Kim giggled softly, although she knew that Billy would not like it if she held onto him too tightly, “I’m crazy about him.” She said at last as her heart began to flutter a different rhythm. She no longer felt sad or upset about being without him. She was still with him, even if he was gone. 

She waited a while, until she was able to properly stand and walk on her own without stumbling before she even tried to drive home. She figured she must’ve been still partially under the influence, as she wasn’t as nervous as what she usually was. 

She drove slower than usual, taking her time as she tried to remember which streets she’d come from. She paused in her car once she’d arrived and pulled the mirror down to make sure that her appearance was okay. She didn’t want Sam to suspect what she’d done, especially since she was already ten minutes over her curfew. 

She tugged her backpack on her shoulders, giggling as she nearly toppled over from the weight. It took a moment for her to balance herself and relax before she walked towards the front door. She felt herself still stifling her giggles as she reached for the doorknob, but it was abruptly slammed open. 

“We have a curfew,” Rosemary reminded Kim as she stepped outside. She crossed her arms, her dark eyebrows raised as she looked up at Kim, “This is the only warning. If you can’t abide by the curfew, then you will have to answer to the consequences.” Kim felt her body warming from the anger that suddenly hit her. 

“Will you leave me behind too?” Kim snarked back, surprising herself as the words rolled off of her tongue without processing in her mind. Rosemary blinked, stumbling back like she’d been slapped. Kim opened her mouth, then shut it again. She felt sick, clearly recognizing just how much damage her words had done. 

“Get inside,” Rosemary said sternly after she swallowed deeply, “Go wash up first. Sam doesn’t need to see you like this.” She said briskly as she held the door open for her. Kim walked around her, keeping her shoulders straight as she rushed towards the bathroom. The rest of the house was already in darkness, and she assumed everyone else was getting ready for bed already. 

She dragged herself into the bathroom, stripping down before she began to scrub her makeup from her face. Her mood quickly diminished, and she found herself growing angry again suddenly. She hated being here. She felt alone, more alone than she’d ever felt in a long time.

She pulled herself into the shower, beginning to scrub herself clean as the guilt spread through her instead. She’d basically promised Sam that she wouldn’t do anything and then she’d gone back on her word anyways. She wondered how long it would be until Rosemary was telling Sam what she’d done. 

She roughly tugged and used one of her other brushes through her hair. She looked in the mirror, not liking how pale she looked. She didn’t like the puffy, dark bags that were underneath her eyes either. She looked sick.

She tugged her robe around her as she tiptoed through the hall, fearing that she’d open her door to see Sam inside. She sighed in relief when there was no one and promptly closed the door behind her. She quickly changed, then turned on her nightlight as she wondered if she’d sleep any better tonight. 

After a few minutes of sitting and staring, she finally worked up the energy to cross the room and open her door and shut the light off again. She sat back down at the edge of her bed as her thoughts began to linger towards Billy again. She wondered how much longer he’d be gone, or if he really planned to come back at all. 

“You know,” Russell peeped his head into the room, “It was your turn to do the dishes tonight.” He said in a matter-of-fact way. Kim wasn’t sure why his words affected her so, but she found her lips curling into a frown and a sob leaving her mouth. 

She felt stupid as she covered her face with both of her hands, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed into them. She wasn’t sure what she was crying about. Perhaps it was Billy, perhaps it was her broken relationship with Sam. She wondered if part of it had to do with moving away as well. Everything was just overwhelming, too much for her to handle at the moment.

“Oh man,” Russell was at her side suddenly, one of his smaller arms rubbing across her shoulders, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I can do the dishes, it’s not that big of a deal.” He spoke frantically, like he was afraid he was going to get in trouble. She shook her head, trying to calm her breathing before she spoke again.

“It’s not about the dishes,” She found herself laughing at how silly the situation seemed finally, “I’m just a mess. I’m sorry.” She wiped at her eyes, unsure of how to explain anything out loud when she didn’t understand her feelings inside. Russell was still patting her back, trying to comfort her although his touch was a little too rough. 

“Is it school?” He asked seriously, “Is someone being mean to you? Because I’ll talk to them.” He said confidently, although his voice broke and dropped an octave. She giggled softly, sniffling as she shook her head to try and dismiss his worries. She inhaled deeply, letting herself calm down before she spoke again.

“No,” She said gently, “It’s just a big change.” She said at last, wishing there was a clear way to sort out her own mind. Russell nodded his head, looking like he understood what she meant. She felt bad suddenly. She’d been so gloomy the past week that she hadn’t made any effort to get to know Russell. She wondered how he felt about this whole situation. He’d been an only child before, having Rosemary and Sam all to himself. 

“I don’t think changes are bad,” He said at last as he finally let his hand move away from her back. It was slightly sore from where he’d been patting, almost like he’d been trying to knock all of the tears out of her. Still, she appreciated that he’d tried to comfort her, “I think you just need to accept them for what they are.” 

“Sounds smart,” She nodded her head in agreement, wondering how on Earth she was supposed to do that, “Thank you.” She mumbled quietly, hoping that she’d crawl out of the hole she’d sank herself into. Russell nodded his head, looking a little conflicted before he finally spoke up again.

"What's Billy like?" Russell cleared his throat a second later when his voice cracked again. Kim felt a little bad as she could clearly see the blush that spread on his cheeks each time, he did it. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before she looked for clarification. She didn't want to break down at the sound of Billy's name again. 

"You want to know what Billy's like?" She asked a little confused, kitting her eyebrows together as she watched Russell squirm on the bed next to her. He shrugged his shoulders a second later, almost looking embarrassed that he had brought it up at all. Russell wasn't necessarily quiet, but she hadn't really had him interact with her a lot since she'd been there. Then again, that was partially her fault for turning into a hermit. 

"Yeah I mean-," Russell paused for a moment, "I mean he's my big brother. It's kinda cool. It was just me and now I've got two big sisters and a big brother." He said, turning to face her as a sweet smile spread across his lips. Kim felt flattered, but also was hit with a crushing feeling of distress. She wasn't sure how to correct Russell, how to explain that Billy wasn't her brother without looking rude. She chewed on her bottom lip, wondering how they kept getting into this situation. 

"Billy can be a little rough around the edges," She said softly as she laced her fingertips together between her knees, "It just takes a while for him to open up. He's been through a lot." She explained without giving too much away. Kim really wasn't sure if Billy had paid attention to Russell at all, nor recognized that Russell was his little brother. She had a feeling that he wouldn't accept Russell that easily, the same way he wouldn't let Rosemary crawl so easily into his life. 

"From Neil?" Russell looked at her, his blue eyes full of curiosity. Kim paused, unsure of how to handle the tricky subject, "Please. My mom never lets me ask about him." He said a little more desperately, looking at her with wide eyes. She felt bad suddenly, knowing that if she was in his shoes, she'd want to know about Neil too. She couldn't imagine knowing that you had a parent out there, but being able to ask about them. 

"He was mean," She brushed her tongue across the bottom of her teeth, tracing patterns down the ridges and bumps, "I don't really think it's my place to say." She admitted, feeling like she was betraying Billy if she was offering up this information. Rosemary hadn't even asked about how Neil was and Kim was fairly certain that she already knew how Neil must've treated him. Russell nodded, not looking quite reassured in her answer. She gave his hand a soft squeeze, feeling bad for the mess that he was about to find himself in. 

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove stepcest #tw stepcest #tw pseudocest #billy hargrove x original character #stepcest #cruel summer #Dancing in the Dark

[steddiecameraroll]

I'm Thinking of the Way it Was - ch 6

Excerpt from chapter 6 of my getting back together fic

“Have you ever slammed head first into a point so hard you give yourself brain damage?” Eddie bounces his leg quickly.

“Did something happen?” Dr. Whilstaf inspects him from her chair.

“You could say that. I did the journaling thing. It fucking sucked, by the way. Apparently, I’m not good enough. I didn’t…I mean, I did, I knew that, but…” his eyes dart back and forth while he tries to put his thoughts together. “I didn’t know that’s how I felt, all the time, constantly. And now that I do know it, I can’t stop thinking about it. This fucking light bulb moment happened when I was at Steve’s, too, by the way.” He pauses and leans back in his seat, sighing and closing his eyes. “I’ve been trying…I don’t know if it’s making things worse, and now I feel…fuck.”

“What happened that triggered this at Steve’s?”

“His washing machine broke, and he called me to help, which alone was a miracle. Steve doesn’t ask for help, so I jumped at the opportunity. I went by last night to replace the hose, and…something perfect happened, and then it fell apart, like usual. We made dinner together and had wine, which is fucking fancy shit. It felt really nice.

“We kinda skipped dating or like the traditional version of it before, and it kinda felt like a date happened naturally, and he kept smiling at me like he was surprised I was still there. Then he kissed me. It felt really nice. But then he tried to take my belt off, and I stopped him. And that’s the thing. I told him I wanted to win him back by proving I loved him, not his body because he’s…I don’t know, but we had sex a couple of times weeks ago, and it was terrible.” He whispers the last word.

“Why is that?”

“Because it was so good,” he chuckles. “But it was hate fucking, and that is not how we feel about each other, or at least it’s not how I feel. It felt like he didn’t care, though. He just wanted to fuck, like he wanted to hurt himself, physically, emotionally, just in every way he wanted to cut himself open and bleed everywhere, but with sex and apparently my dick.” He shifts in the chair uncomfortably.

“Besides realizing I’m not good enough, I realized I am only good enough to have sex with. I got a damn booty call text yesterday morning and a fucking unsolicited dick pic to go along with it. The shitty fucking shitty part about it is that I seriously considered it. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?” His emotions are straining through tears. “So I tell Steve we can’t have sex because he’s using it to hurt himself and me, and we need to go backward. I wanted to start over. I wanted to prove to him that I wasn’t going to do that to him, that I loved him regardless of the sex, but he couldn’t…he told me that every time I say no to him, it makes him feel unwanted. I want him so badly, though, but I want all of him, but it’s like he can’t believe me or hear me unless we have sex, and I don’t…I don’t know what to do or how to get him to understand. And now that I feel so fucking used and unloved by everyone, it hurts even more because he just wants my dick, like everyone else. It sucks.”

“It sounds like Steve is struggling to accept your love. Have you noticed him doing this with anyone else?” Dr. Whilstaf flicks her pen back and forth in her hand.

Eddie rubs his fingers across his forehead, thinking about her question. “Um…yeah? As I said, he doesn’t ask for help, and I know all of us would help him if he asked. He takes care of everyone, the kids joke, and he jokes that he’s just their babysitter, but it’s not like that at all. He loves them, cares about them, and puts his life in danger to protect them, and they would do that for him too. They love him too, but they’re so mean sometimes. They’re fucking kids, sure they saved the world, but they’re children. So they don’t know that making fun of him and calling him dumb hurts. It just adds to his own insecurities.

“He has a fucked up relationship with his parents. They’re assholes; they left him alone a lot as a kid, even now still. They were here a little last week but are already gone again. His dad did a number on his confidence. Has said he’s not good enough for the Harrington name. But Steve is this incredible human being that is more than enough; I just want him to know that.”

“You’d mentioned last week that you thought he was attractive and that everyone that’s met him also finds him attractive. Does he get a lot of attention for his appearance?” 

“Yeah, his one of many nicknames in school was The Hair. It’s gorgeous hair. He has this jawline that I just want to bite sometimes.” Eddie smirks while reminiscing.

“I’m not saying that this is what is happening, but there is often a correlation with individuals who have been emotionally neglected in their childhood to seek authentication and approval in other ways from everyone around them as adults. So if this individual gets positive reinforcement from their physical body, it would make sense that they may internalize their body’s attention as positive feelings, love, and care. So it’s possible this disconnect that you’re feeling is because you’re not providing the same type of affection that he’s grown accustomed to, and it’s confusing him.

“This is not to say that I think you should sleep with him to make him feel better, but it may warrant an open and honest dialogue between you, especially if you are now experiencing negative emotional feelings towards sexual intimacy. Where it sounds like you do not want to do that because it may trigger your feelings of inadequacy, not having that sexual intimacy for Steve may trigger his feelings. So you’re both struggling but in opposing directions.”

“Shit, doc.” Eddie sits still while his mind scans over the argument with Steve. “He did say it felt like I didn’t want to be with him, which I couldn’t understand because it’s pretty obvious I want to be with him. Shit…” Eddie suddenly remembers how he’d broken up with Steve right after sex. “Oh my god. I’m such an idiot.” He covers his face with his hands.

Dr. Whilstaf sits patiently, waiting for Eddie to continue.

“When I broke up with him, back before, we had just…honestly, we had just made love. It was not the usual sex we’d been having. It was - intense. I thought my heart would explode, and I was terrified of all of it. No one’s made me feel like that before, and I don’t get to keep the things I love, so I cut it off before it got worse.” Eddie raises his eyes up to meet the doctor’s. “I rejected his love. I didn’t know. Shit.”

continue reading on ao3

Excerpts: ch 1 ch 2 ch 3 ch 4 ch 5 ch 6 ch 7

#steddie #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #stranger things #eddie munson #things finally take a turn in this chapter #eddie loving steve the way he needs #steddiecameraroll posts #my writing

[justaduckarts]

Night Terrors

I was having a rough night last night and wrote this so here- Even more drabble for Star Holder AU. 

Spoilers for One Who Holds A Star :) (But like... Not really major spoilers) 

TW: Night Terrors, Trauma, Brief Mentions of Violence, Eclipse is shirtless (if that might bother you?)

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All it took was a soft gasp to stir Eclipse.

Which was remarkable, because he'd been a heavy sleeper his whole life. Something Moon and Sun used to take advantage of to pull little pranks in the trio's youth.

Now, though. At the very first sign you were distressed, he was up.

"Love? Are you alright?" The soft glow of his eyes fell over your frame. You were sitting up, head in your hands. Crying. Eclipse reached for you, but stopped.

"Darling. Let me hold you?" He'd made the mistake of grasping you during a night terror before. And your reaction had been rather volatile.

"..." You crawled across the bed and into Eclipse's open arms. You were trembling. He sighed, rocking you gently.

"Another nightmare?"

"Mhm," you sniffled, wiping at your face. Eclipse snapped his fingers and produced a cotton handkerchief from thin air. He held it out for you.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" All four of his arms wrapped around you. One of his hands took one of yours, fingers intertwining.

"..." You stared into your lap, brow knit. "I was... at the temple. But it wasn't the same. I- They... they took the star. They cut it out of me." Your free hand pressed to your chest, balling up the handkerchief in your fingers.

You could feel the way the star surged with energy. Thrumming right alongside your heartbeat. The star wasn't exactly sentient, but in recent days it had begun to feel... alive. And it was just as frightened at the prospect of being cut from you as you were of having it taken.

"I won't let them," Eclipse said gently, "no one will ever lay a hand on you, so long as I draw breath, my love." He pressed a tender kiss to your temple, trying to ease your worries.

"...Would they really do that?" You shut your eyes tight, trying to will away the frightening images your mind had conjured. "Would Sun let them- Your voice cracked. You let go of a quiet sob.

Nights like this were inevitable. Eclipse quickly sent for Julian, if only to get a hot drink that might soothe your nerves.

"My love," he said gently. But you were beside yourself. Sighing softly, Eclipse rearranged you in his lap to face him. He set his hands on your shoulders. In the most soothing tone he could manage, he called your name. Shyly, you peeked between your fingers.

"You don't have anything to be ashamed of," Eclipse carefully pulled your hands from your face, "there is no moment in the day that I do not find you utterly captivating. And there's no shame in crying." You nodded, a fresh bout of tears springing forth.

"Shhh," Eclipse pulled you closer and you latched onto him. Frightened. Consumed by guilt.

"You didn't deserve the way the people at the sun temple treated you. And you have done nothing to deserve such a terrible punishment." He rubbed your back. Julian peeked into the room, tea tray in hand. Eclipse nodded softly. The man nodded, placing the tray just inside the door and quickly retreating.

"Aurelia was right, I'm-

"Aurelia was wrong," Eclipse gestured and the tea tray floated itself over, "you are none of the things she has called you. And if she ever makes the mistake of leaving the safety of the sun temple, I will hurt her so badly death itself will shiver." The tea poured itself. He watched the honey go in, frowning.

"Here, love," Eclipse patted your back, gently urging you to release him. You did so, sliding back into his lap. He held the tea cup out for you. You wiped at your eyes.

"When...?"

"A minute or so ago. Julian is a night owl, thankfully," he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, "drink. It will ease your nerves." You nodded. But your hands trembled when you held the cup, threatening to spill the steaming liquid. Eclipse delicately took it back from you.

"Do you want to wait a moment? Or do you want me to help?" Eclipse brushed stray tears from your face tenderly. This was one of the things you most appreciated about him. He wouldn't simply take the reigns if you were having trouble. He would give you the time to try again yourself. The option to lean on him was always there. But he never made you feel like a child. Something you'd always struggled with when you were at Sun's side.

"I... would like you to do it this time. Please." You leaned into him. His chest was bare and his skin was warm to the touch. You trailed a finger along to the swirling pattern in his skin. Where rich orange met charcoal.

"Alright," Eclipse smiled down at you. He held the cup to your lips and carefully tilted. You drank. A few more tears escaped.

“Listen to me,” he said gently, “quiet your mind. Whatever comes, I will be right beside you. You are not going back to the sun temple. You are not going back to Sun. I will burn this whole world if that’s what it takes to ensure it.” He pressed a kiss to your temple, “there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, my love.” 

“I’m so sorry this keeps- 

“No,” he rubbed your arms tenderly, warming you further, “don’t apologize. You’ve been through a lot. And much of it terrible. I know you need time to heal. I will be with you through all of it.” Eclipse set the tea cup aside, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“I just... I’m not used to crying anymore,” you admitted, “I wasn’t supposed to cry in the temple. And now I’m burdening you- 

“You’ve done no such thing,” Eclipse rocked you once more, “I chose you. I knew that there would be nights like this.” 

“What if you get tired of it? ...Do you ever find it hard to love me? When I am like this?” You hugged yourself, eyes shut tight. 

“Please look at me,” he said gently, “I need you to look at me right now.” Nodding, you managed to open your eyes back up. Though, when you did, the tears came faster. 

“Darling. I have never- not for a single second- found it hard to love you,” he cupped your face, brushing the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “How could I ever have a hard time loving you? You are so utterly wonderful. You’re witty and charming. And inquisitive. And adorable. And most of all, you are kind. When we first met, you knew me to be a beast- a terrible god who would do anything to get what he wanted. But you still opened your heart to me. You accepted everything I am. I’m the one who should be worried about being hard to love.” 

“But you aren’t,” you shook your head, latching onto Eclipse once more, “you’re not hard to love, you never have been.” Eclipse smiled. A few tears managed to slip out of him. He rubbed your back tenderly. 

“And neither are you,” he said gently.

It took a few more minutes for you to calm down entirely. Eclipse held you through the whole ordeal, whispering assurances and peppering you with tender kisses and caresses. He always seemed to know just what to do to quiet your mind. 

“Are you feeling alright now?” Eclipse slid back to look at your face. He summoned another handkerchief and held it out for you. You laughed a little despite your teary face, accepting it. 

“I feel a little better,” you nodded. 

“But does that mean you’re feeling well?” Eclipse looked at you knowingly. 

“...No,” you admitted, “I feel frightened. I feel exhausted. Most of all, though, I feel frustrated. He has already stolen so much from me. I don’t wish to keep crying over it. To keep dreaming about it...” 

“You don’t need to stop crying or dreaming,” Eclipse ran his long fingers down your back in soothing circles, “you need to change the reason for it.” 

“I’m not sure I follow,” you leaned further into Eclipse. He sank back into the pillows, pulling you with him. You found yourself laying on his chest. His gentle heartbeat right against your ear. 

“Do not cry for Sun. And do not dream for him. Do it for yourself, instead. You’ve every right to mourn who you were and what has happened to you,” Eclipse traced little shapes into your back. Stars and swirls and hearts. 

“That... makes sense,” you nodded, brow furrowed. “You know a lot about loss,” you noted, glancing up at Eclipse, “...sometimes I worry.” 

“Sun has stolen much from me,” Eclipse shook his head, “but my days of lamenting are behind me. I have had time to grow and heal. And plan my revenge.” You laughed a little. 

“...Thank you, Eclipse.” You settled down onto his chest, curling into him. “I would be so lost without you.” 

“And I without you,” Eclipse held you close. His hand still tracing soothing circles into your back. “If you’re not ready to sleep again, we can talk,” he said gently, “I’ll stay up with you.” 

“What would we talk about?” 

“Anything,” Eclipse hummed, “why the days are long, why the sky is blue. Your mother. Mine. Your favorite smells, and foods that you despise. Any of it is fine. I just enjoy speaking with you.” 

“Using my own words against me,” you smiled softly, “how could you?” Eclipse chuckled softly. 

“I remember when you first said that to me. You looked so nervous after. Like you were about to get into trouble,” he sighed fondly. “I’d never heard someone say something like that to me before. I think that was the moment I knew you were having an impact on me as much as I was on you.” 

“That one confession? Truly?” 

“Truly,” he nodded, “not many humans enjoy my company. You could say you charmed me.” 

“It is you who’s charmed me,” you drew your finger across his chest, doodling invisible stars into his skin. 

“We do seem to have that effect on one another,” he nodded, “...I heard this story once from my mother. About this planet somewhere far from here. It’s apparently quite small- so small that people question if it should be called a planet at all.” He stared up into the ceiling, “but the planet has a moon that is, by comparison to its own size, rather large. And these two celestial bodies, because of their odd sizes, they orbit each other.” 

Eclipse glanced at you, “I often think of the two of us that way. We do not seem to fit into the labels that our worlds have made for us. But you pull me. And I pull you. And I never want to stop being a part of your orbit.” 

Furious blush spread across your face. Fresh tears sprang to your eyes. 

“Eclipse...” You clung tighter to him, “that’s beautiful.” 

“It’s true,” Eclipse held you tighter, secure against him. Assuring you silently that he was there. He wasn’t leaving. 

He was a part of your orbit. And you, a part of his. 

#justaduckarts #star holder au #star holder #eclipse x reader #eclipse fnaf #soft eclipse #reader insert #fnaf fanfic #drabble #hurt/comfort #nightmares #domestic fluff

[death-stranded]

Stayed up late last night to finish Final Fantasy XVI, got a wee bit overwhelmed but had some time today to process my fragile emotions ☺️

Ultimately it wasn’t quite as bad as I thought. In a surprising turn of events, the final act more than made up for such a terribly paced, tedious mid-game (in my opinion.) I do feel as though the final 5-10 hours are what the rest of the game was supposed to be like.

There’s only one deal-breaker for me in particular that’s really preventing me from seeing this a top-tier FF title (which I believe indicates the bigger problems of the game as a whole) and it’s a shame I feel they missed the mark so badly when what they gave us was so close to being truly great.

LATE-GAME SPOILERS AHOY…

JILL FUCKING WARRICK.

How badly they dropped the ball on this Queen, oh my fucking God.

I think it’s important to try keep some perspective that XVI is not an ensemble game like the other FFs before it, and I may be basing a lot of my disappointment on viewing Jill as a main character, when really this is the Clive show and they are not considered equal.

Jill had the potential to be one of the best FF women in the franchise, but sadly was nothing more than a side-character to carry along covergirl Clive’s story.

She has one of the most harrowing backstories making her one of the most hardened women protagonists we’ve seen in a FF game, but at the same time is still a warm and likeable character. The writers tried to explore 13 years worth of trauma and abuse within a single story chapter (which was one of the game’s highlights tbh) but you can tell overall they just didn’t know what to do with her. One moment she’s swearing bloody vengeance and running a man through with a sword like a stone-cold killer, then she’s right back to playing Clive’s doting sidekick.

I maybe expected too much in terms of the party system, but she spends over half the game out of commission - along with playing damsel in distress twice - which is a bit inexcusable to me since she’s one of the best fighters, never mind the fucking Dominant of Shiva (who was so utterly under-used don’t even get me started!)

This was actually one of my favourite FF romances as it felt like one of the most authentic, but at the same time it’s all from Clive’s POV.

Clive taking her Eikon really fucking rubbed me the wrong way with a feeling that I couldn’t quite explain. I was glad later on when Joshua called him out on this but then they just hand waved it all off like no big deal. They later tried to put some kind of closure on this in a 5 minute scene in an optional sidequest, but this whole part of the plot was just a disgrace for me.

I find the whole alpha-male genre really off-putting and the game repeatedly tries to tell us that Clive isn’t alone, but most the gameplay involves him putting characters on the sidelines unless the plot demands otherwise. The grand finale relies completely on this idea that Clive isn’t fighting alone, but the fact of it is that he doesn’t have allies he has followers.

Jill’s role in the ending was a complete shitshow but by that point I’d already accepted the fact that she was basically just a prop for the story. Making her stay behind, sobbing as her man goes off to war was a real fucking choice, and the finale was a total sausage fest (and not the good kind.) And then at the end she cries some more, cause this script was written by a bunch of men during the early 90s apparently. (Note: One of my all time fave FF characters is Yuna and her ending was so fucking heart-shattering and powerful, and pretty much the exact opposite of whatever this is.)

I think they had such an incredible foundation for what should have been one of the most complex and interesting characters in FF, but decided they didn’t really want to do that because it would take away from Clive and I think the game as a whole suffers for it.

There are so many problems with this game, let’s be honest, and I think the handling of Jill is one of the biggest red flags that something is just not right here.

Maybe if this wasn’t a Final Fantasy game then it wouldn’t be as much of an issue, but we’ve gone from ensemble casts of memorable and empowered characters, to one guy and his band of sidekicks and I don’t think it works for the series. Let’s leave the broody male protagonist tropes back in Games of Thrones season 8 where they belong.

#personal

[brightburner]

two hearts broken, four hands bloody

Chase Trinaeste x f!MC | shepherds of haven | rating: T | “break up”, hurt no comfort | summary: a snippet of how I imagine the scene of the fabled “break up” might go when Chase inevitably attempts to put more distance between them. (I leave what Chase said prior to this out because IDK~ it’s just about the PAIN FOLKS) | warning: minor spoilers for Chase’s backstory etc etc

“...did I– I… what did I do wrong? Just tell me what I did wrong, please.”

Because that’s all she can think. She’s done something. She’s made some mistake that has made him no longer care about her. The look in her eyes, helpless and searching, desperate to try and understand why.

He doesn’t have an answer for her. He doesn’t have an answer and the look of sheer pain on her face is too much for him. He reached out to touch her, to reassure her of– what? What? And in an instant her brow narrowed and she flinched back. His fingertips brushed empty air. He let his hand hang there for a moment before he dropped it to his side.

What had he expected?

Chase said nothing. He let his face mask itself into an indifferent facade, his eyes unfocused, even as he met hers directly. He didn’t want to see her expression anymore. He didn’t want to be here anymore. Doing this. Feeling this.

She took in a breath and he nearly flinched himself at how the sound shuttered in her chest.

“... you said you wouldn’t hurt me,” she whispered. Her words were so soft, so broken and yet so deadly.

He couldn’t breathe. He felt dizzy. Sick. His ears rang faintly and a chill settled over his skin, numbing him to the bone.

Her hands balled into fists, her eyes turned down to the floor. Ashamed. Humiliated. Hurt. Where was the anger? Where was the resentment? The hatred? She didn’t look at all disappointed in him– she looked disappointed in herself.

This wasn’t how he imagined this going in his head. This wasn’t– this wasn’t what he wanted. Was it? Was it?

“You lied,” she said flatly and then, without another word, left the room. The door closed behind her, the click somehow rattled Chase’s brain into working once more as he gasped in a breath. Every instinct, every fiber of his being screamed at him to go after her… but he steeled himself. Forced himself to a stillness that was wholly unnatural to him in every way.

He had thought– he had thought the feelings that were building, so intense and so warm that burned through him when he was with her had been the worst possible thing he could feel.

He was wrong.

This? This was worse. This was hael itself. Because he’d hurt her. He’d hurt her so badly he half believed already even if he had gone after her the damage was done. Permanent. She would never, could never, trust him again. A few flippant words and he had managed to undo everything.

And that had been the plan hadn’t it? This is what he had wanted, wasn’t it? Freedom. No strings. And yet somehow that thread that had intertwined his heart to hers was still there. Frayed and torn and barely held together, but there.

And it hurt.

Worse than a rope around his neck.

Worse than a bullet in his chest.

And not just because she was gone, but because… the way she had… the way she had looked at him. Her heart, shattering in her eyes for him to see. For him to regret.

Chase passed a hand over his eyes, rubbed his brow fiercely, digging a thumb into his temple. His stomach rolled. In place of the chill a terrible heat now surged through his body, setting his heart off into a thunderous pace.

He swallowed thickly, throat dry and tight.

It would pass. It would all pass and he would feel the relief that ending something gave him. It always did.

It did not pass.

It did not pass.

#shoh fanfic #shoh #chase trinaeste x mc #chase trinaeste #Chase trinaeste x f!mc #oc; achillea shrike #AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! #*deep breath* #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! #shepherds of haven

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph!

So, I watched The Lying Detective for the first time yesterday, and I was wondering what you thought of the episode.

Several things just confused me, like Eurus and Mary, and other things felt downright out of character, like the morgue scene.

If you have any metas too that could explain things, those also would be appreciated.

Anyway, sending lots of hugs and hope you have a lovely weekend!

Hey Lovely!

Ahhhh, I've mixed feelings about the episode. I thought the cinematography was phenomenal, and the actors did the best they could with what they had to work with. Everything else was asinine and EVERYONE was so out of character for me, so it was really hard for me to take in. Just it continued in the same vein as T6T, and I REALLY was, behind the scenes, losing faith in the season but tried to stay positive. I will say it was the best of the three episodes, but the mischaracterization of John and the destruction of their friendship really soured the ending for me. Just... rubbed me the wrong way because Moffat seems to have a kink about hurting Ben on-screen, ick.

The morgue scene was the worst.

I think what hurt the most was that we all had such AMAZING theories coming out of TLD that were just wiped after TFP aired because of how nonsensical TFP was and how badly TFP essentially ruined the entire series.

Anyway, I have a lot of Meta from around that time that don't all fit here, but here are the more notable ones:

MY META

Deeper Still // Deeper Still Redux (Post Episode Thoughts and Predictions

Puzzling Things About TLD

TLD Can Be Taken as John’s Interpretation

John Forgiving Mary is Unbelieveable

What Does “The Lying Detective” Really Mean?

TLD is Fake: How Do The Police Know Mycroft?

The Rug in the Office

Lighting in Smith’s Car on John and Sherlock’s Faces

Why Does Everyone Think John’s Blog is Sherlock’s?

Are we supposed to accept John Beating Sherlock? (Discussion about the lack of apology)

The TLD Hug In Context is Terrible

John Punching Sherlock

It Was In a Morgue

Is it PTSD?

Was Therapist!Eurus Responsible for it?

The Repetition of Speech

Coming Full Circle

Meta About John’s Guilt plus John’s PTSD (not mine)

We Should Have Gotten an Apology (Was it In Character?) (Community Discussion)

John’s Cane

How Would you respond to why John Beat Up Sherlock

The Cane as the Parting Gift

TD-12 Drug MASTERPOST

Sherlock’s Birthday

“What’s the Significance of the Hug?”

What Do I Think Happened After the Hug?

“Isn’t That Right Mary?”

Fireworks

The Guns in TLD

Where is the Bullet?

Not a Tranq

John’s Soldier vs. Doctor Dichotomy (TLD)

OTHERS' META

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TLD: Establishing Shots

TLD: Straightwashing the Hug

Anyway, if anyone has other meta to add, please do. But feel free to peruse my tld meta tag as well :)

#steph replies #tld meta #meta masterlist #my meta #sherlock meta

[2af-afterdark]

As Love: Betrayl

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con Category: GN/M Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Characters: Lucifer, Main Character Additional Tags: GN!MC (they/them), dark fic, Non-con, pact abuse, manipulation, dead dove: do not eat, Summary: Lucifer wants to relax after a hard day, but his master wants attention. Only one of them will get what they want, and it isn’t Lucifer. A/N: Oh gods, this one… This one hit something inside of me that left me broken. IDK how to explain it. Word Count: 973

“Lucifer?” He didn’t react as they spoke.

“Lucifer?” They got a little louder.

“Lucifer!” They finally snapped.

He sighed before rubbing the bridge of his nose and setting down the book he was reading. He so rarely got leisure time to himself that he was not enthusiastic to deal with whatever could possibly be going wrong this time.

He picked up the glass of Demonus on his desk and took a quick drink before addressing them, “What happened?”

As soon as he finally acknowledged them, they jumped into his lap, cuddling against him with an expression caught somewhere between a smile and a pout, “That’s better.”

“If this is all you wanted, you could have waited.” After all, it wasn’t as if delaying their gratification would be the end of them. He supposed just allowing them to sit in his lap wasn’t wholly terrible.

“You would make me wait?” They trailed a single finger over the folds in the fabric of his shirt, running circles around.

Their finger ventured lower, catching on the first button of his vest.

Lucifer’s hand flew up, grabbing their wrist to stop them before anything began, “I’m not interested.” Not tonight, at least. All he wanted was to sit back and relax by himself.

He loved them, but he wanted some time to himself.

They looked up at him with a spark of confusion, “Not interested?”

“That is what I said.”

They couldn’t understand. Lucifer was supposed to love them, right? Why would he rather spend time alone than with them? It didn’t make sense at all.

“Perhaps later.” As in another day when he wasn’t so tired, “I would simply appreciate some alone time at the moment.”

They tilted their head as they looked up at him, “But I want to be with you. I’ve been waiting all day for you to have time for me.”

“I apologize. Today is simply not the day.”

Was it something wrong with them? No, it couldn’t be that; they were beloved by everybody. Why didn’t he want them then? He must have been having a more difficult day than they realized. It was alright, because they knew how to fix it. All they needed to do was prove that what they wanted was exactly what he needed to destress.

“Lu-ci-fer,” they sang, “Put the glass down.”

“I would much rather keep it, honestly,” he said as he went to take another drink.

“Put. It. Down.”

Without any input from his own will, he was compelled to place the glass back onto the desk. Lucifer knew instantly what had happened and stared at them with growing annoyance, “If you want someone’s attention so badly, may I suggest seeking out Mammon? He always has more than enough time for you.”

“But I want you, Lucy-” he grimaced at the nickname he hated so much, “and I know how to help you relax. Just sit back and let me take care of everything.”

It was like being grabbed and moved like a doll whenever a command from their pact was used on him. He hated the feeling like few other things in the three realms, but tolerated it for the sake of what that pact meant to him and his family. It had been given out of love and trust to the person that helped cut off the rotting parts of their broken family, and he would respect what it meant to now call that person his master.

But as their fingers undid the buttons of his vest and shirt, pushing them open with care and gentleness, he had to debate how much he actually felt that way. It was vile to be forced to sit back and merely watch as they did whatever they pleased to him.

He loved them, he really did. He adored their touch on him and the way their eyes lit up when they were together. But, in this moment, every place they touched burned and ached. It wasn’t in that way he remembered when they rolled in the sheets of his bed but in a way that made him want to claw at his own skin and peel it off layer by layer.

Their lips ghosted over his neck, trailing kisses from his jaw to his shoulder. They whispered promises of making him feel good, that they would help him relax. He didn’t have much of a say in the matter considering how the pact forced him to lie back and accept whatever they did.

His mind wandered off somewhere when they reached down to undo his pants and slipped their hands into his underwear. He responded unwillingly to their touch, guided purely by instincts and magic. He was so far gone by the time they had him hard enough to sink onto him that he barely noticed the way they moaned his name as they rode him.

He loved them. He loved their voice and the way it sang for him, but he couldn’t hear it now; he refused to hear it as they whined more and more with each passing moment. He just sat back at let them do as they pleased until they were screaming loud enough that he was sure everyone else could hear them coming undone in his lap. His own orgasm, which came minutes later, was entirely unsatisfying.

“See?” They asked as they leaned in to steal a kiss, “Don’t you feel more relaxed now?” They certainly did as they curled into him.

He wouldn’t admit it – neither to himself nor to anyone else – but when they nestled against him in post-orgasmic bliss, clinging to his shoulders as they happily drifted off to sleep in his lap, he felt anything but relaxed.

He loved them.

That’s what he had to tell himself or else this situation would leave him feeling dirty.

#2af writes #obey me smut #lucifer smut #gender neutral fic #cw noncon