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kandyrezi · 11 months

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Kurotsuno + Sullivan + Kcalb [thesis + general observation]

I know there have been a lot of speculations before about how the three of them could possibly be related to one another, but I was thinking about this while washing the dishes and it wouldn’t leave my head until I gave it my own two cents & wrote this all down. I’ll probably come back to this post in… five or six years when we finally get a TGG prequel/any Obsolete Dream chapters past the 9th, so I can check case by case how spot-on this was or how many mistakes I made.

This is mostly just for fun, so read this with an open mind, and pardon me for any potential inaccuracies - if that’s the case, then I implore people to point them out so I can… try and fix any inconsistencies there might be.

This is partially a theory post, partially a headcanon post, because there are just too many big gaps in the events to make one, straight, linear timeline to tie everything - from cryptic hints to subtle signs - together from beginning to the end, so a lot of it is really just my charitable speculation.

(rest of it is under the cut, 'cus this is quite long, trust me~)

So, Sullivan has some obvious relation to Kcalb, as they do share noticeable physical similarities (eyes/black sclera + horns), though it is unclear if Kcalb is a blood-related parent to Sullivan (because then, y’know, who is the other parent?), if they are very distant blood-relatives, or if Sullivan is just one of his creations - much like how Ivlis created Vendetto/Poemi from his flames - though I’m not certain how far his capabilities in terms of creation go, because of this line Kcalb says at some point in The Gray Garden.

‘Repair’ is kind of a subsection of ‘creation’. Either way, Kcalb clearly has more than enough loyal subordinates, so how did Sullivan even come to be?

"His upbringing was way too complicated." is one of the sentences used in this specific art to describe Sullivan, so that's enough of a hint already that he isn’t that 'ordinary' in the slightest.

If he was created by Kcalb or born from someone else, the devil would, either way, have required the involvement of another individual (’Raven’? AKA The mysterious figure speaking to him on the train in the ‘bonus room’ video? The red-eyed figure “Fate” who appears in Etihw’s memories of the past in the ‘Normal End’?) in order to do so in the first place. If we assume Kcalb even knew of his existence or was with him at any point, then Kcalb would have used Sullivan for his own gain; a kind of a host or placeholder body if his powers were to be diminished or taken from him, his fundamental connection to Sullivan would allow him to ‘borrow’ his powers back, or someone to lead the war if he would be gone.

Whether or not Sullivan actually possesses the same abilities as Kcalb is unclear, though similarly to Kurotsuno, he is seen with the exact same asymmetrical symbols (the same ones visible when Kcalb renders Ivlis powerless) in some artworks.

Addressing one of the many elephants in the room first and foremost; I don’t believe Elena is Sullivan’s mother or has anything to do with him at all, for that matter, considering she is Zigzag’s sister and doesn’t really seem like a special being - meaning she doesn’t stand out from any of the other demons from the Pitch Black World/Ne-No-Kuni in her art LOGs. She hasn’t been hinted in any way to have possible connections to the Gray World either. The physical similarities (blond hair, black/green retina) are likely just re-used design choices. A very ironic statement considering I used this exact argument with the aforementioned Kcalb/Sullivan’s relation to one another, but their relationship actually has more than just one subtle similarity connecting to one another.

The reason Sullivan might look sickly in a lot of his artwork is because he doesn’t handle these devil-given powers well mentally or physically, since they were thrust onto him forcibly and he has been described as ‘weak’ by many of the characters.

He might be Kcalb's descendant, but he clearly isn't as powerful as the devil is, with his poor physical health and all. Whatever Kcalb’s plans with him might’ve be, it ended up fruitless (for now). Kcalb was quite terrible during the war era, so he probably didn’t treat Sullivan very well. At some point, Sullivan might have been whisked away by someone (possibly ‘Raven’ from the ‘bonus room’ video), or he himself escaped the Gray World to go and live in Neo-No-Kuni.

He’s seen wearing a gyakuan and has been classmates with Gyakuten since their school years, so his departure/upbringing already happened over there when he was quite young. [1]

In the distant future, he meets his wife to-be at some point and they get married, but she dies due to unknown causes [2] when Olivia is at a young age, so Sullivan is left to raise her by himself.

I am, personally, a big fan of the “Olie is Kurotsuno’s mother” theory for many reasons which are stated below. They do indeed have some notable similarities, which have already been brought up before by some other people, such as:

• Similar hair + eye color

• Similar sounding names (+ Olie's last name used to be Kurokuro)

• Olie has been seen interacting with Reina, meaning she’s in the Obsolete Dream universe

• Kurotsuno’s mother was stated to be dead, and Olie correspondingly has strong ties with death/mourning

• Olivia is clearly stated to be human (or at least, partially [3]), so she would need a human parent, and Olie looks quite human enough

• Olie used to be listed in the ‘dead’ category in the funamusea(.)com/characters/ page, not with the youkai (Reina & Jianshi) she has been seen with thus far, despite the fact Olihana is also based off of a youkai. Before DSP changed the layout of the character page on the official website, Olie was actually placed within the ‘undead’ category, which supported the theory of her being dead--

[Image retrieved from the internet archives!]

--but now she’s been put into the ‘youkai’ category (which is visible on the new design of the website), so I don’t know if it’s a retconned idea DSP previously had, or if it’s to hide Olie’s true identity for now, but we also don’t have a lot of information about the youkai characters to begin with, where they reside, where does the youkai world connect with Neo-No-Kuni, or what their role is in the overarching story.

[1] if Sullivan has been in Neo-no-Kuni since his school years, then there is a distinct probability Kcalb has never even met Sullivan face-to-face, and Sullivan may have been raised by someone else from birth/creation.

[2] alternate possibility is, she might not have died and is currently residing in the youkai realm as Olihana?

[3] Olivia might not even be fully human, considering her father is a demon, so there’s that chance she might be a cambion (half-human/demon hybrid, which originates from as far back as 19th century European mythology).

There is very little known about who Olie is, but she is an interesting character and there seems to be more to her than meets the eye, judging from some of the deleted official artwork of her. I want to look at them a little bit further, see if there’s anything interesting to be found.

Oh, hey, would you look at that! Olivia & Olie together in the same pic! The kanji above them is just their names. (Kurotsuno, Kurokawa, and Olie’s old surname - Kurokuro)

Translation: “The grief of the deceased does not reach.”

Is the “deceased” in question alluding to herself, or someone else?

The most interesting picture of her so far, if not the most cryptic and somewhat confusing. It’s worth at least mentioning them; do these objects in the image hint at her character, or backstory - or are they just meant to be decorative? It has a clock stopped at 3:00, a painting, unknown letters scattered about, and a gramophone with many different items (flowers, masks, a radio) inside of it.

The closest visually similar flowers like the ones in the art I was able to find is the Morning Glory.

It has a lot of different allegorical meanings, depending on its color. A blue Morning Glory, in particular, usually alludes to feelings of trust and/or respect - which might be a connection she shares with her other self, Olihana.

Buried in the flowers are two masks. One is the Hannya mask ( 般若 ) which is usually worn by Olihana in artworks, a mask representing a female character drawn to madness by jealousy/resentment. The other one closely resembles either the Wakaonna mask or Ko-omote mask ( 能面小面 ), which is mostly worn by young girls, and meant to convey the idea of innocent beauty. The latter mask could in theory belong to Olie.

Any connection I could find with the painting in the background is the fact it is a little reminiscent of Mori Ippô’s 1871 painting, “White Fox”. It might just be there in DSP’s art for aesthetic purposes though, so I’ll leave it at that.

And now, onto the timeline.

((A lot of text below is heavily headcanon/speculation based, while trying to stay true to currently known canon information as much as possible.))

Olivia and Sullivan have a big fight at some point, which ends with Sullivan losing his temper and possibly locking up Olivia into her room. She would have either snuck out, or Hanten would have shown up at Rapunzel’s Olivia’s window and helped her out of there. This is Sullivan and Olivia’s last meeting for a very long time.

When she meets up with Hanten and tells her what had happened, the latter would definitely know of the ‘reason’ behind her ‘rebellious streak’ - as the many characters in OD point out is prevalent in her behavior.

Hanten even makes a remark about Sullivan in chapter 4.

The implication seems almost emphasized here; the second panel is zoomed in closely to Hanten, and she's posing somewhat of a rhetorical question with the "Right, Kurotsuno?" as if the latter would know about this first hand. Kurotsuno is seen being physically violent with Sullivan or verbally degrading him in nearly all of their artworks together, yet not once have we seen him losing his temper with her for her behavior, so he might feel some guilt over his past actions and keeps his temper under control, as sort of a vow because he knows what happened last time he didn’t listen to her.

Olivia might have chosen to run away from home altogether, and Hanten might or might not have gone with her, but I won’t mention her too much in this post for the time being.

Either someone takes her back to the Gray World, or she goes there on her own.

She meets Kcalb at some point and the two of them develop something of a friendly bond. Kcalb likely didn’t know about Oliva being Sullivan’s daughter since she’s a human and looks quite a bit like her mother, bearing almost no similarities to her father.

At some point, a bigger war breaks out and Kcalb has to leave, so he doesn’t see Olivia for quite some time.

It’s during this time when ‘Raven’/’Train Guy’/’Fate’ from Etihw’s memories swoops in and finds Kcalb to tell him about Olivia’s relation to Sullivan, making the devil to a complete 180 and come to the conclusion of using her for his own gain to turn the tides of ongoing war in his favor.

Both Kurotsuno and Kcalb have a connection to the moon [1], so it’s during the full moon when he goes back to Olivia after a long time of not seeing her, she’s likely excited to meet him again, except Kcalb will only use her for his own benefit, with Olivia possessing Sullivan’s blood, and to that extend, also Kcalb’s.

Etihw drained Kcalb of his powers, but he can use Olivia to activate them, but since Olivia’s powers are essentially useless/non-existent as a human, Kcalb turns her into a demon, which was (as canon seems to allude to this) a very painful, agonizing process.

Hanten might have found Olivia and gone into a state of grief to find and think her to be dead, only for the latter to finally wake up. When she does, all of her memories are gone and she doesn’t remember any of her time spent in the Gray World, or whom Kcalb even is, or why is she laying in a barren wasteland.

Except for the argument and how he locked her up – then it’s everything else in between is a blackout in her memory – up until the point when the agonizing pain Kcalb put her through begins to take form.

Because of their outward physical similarities, she concludes it was Sullivan who had hurt her in such a painful way.

Oliva decides her name is no longer ‘Olivia’ but Kurotsuno, which is a name she chose to give herself, because of the asymmetrical, mismatched horn on her right side of the head. She wants to cut ties with the past and what had happened, hence the new name.

It’s likely Hanten did not go through the same transformation Oliva did at that exact time, and became a lookalike with Anten at a later point, hence this image here.

Hanten’s arm is cut off and it’s transforming into the black one she has currently, instead of the normal, beige colored one with red nails she did before. Also, not to mention, the horns are also becoming different - as such; both Kuro & Hanten’s transformation took place at different times and different places, Hanten’s not until much later on.

Haten & Olivia both had their memories erased, hence why Hanten has no bitter memories of their time, whereas Olivia (now Kurotsuno) does, considering Hanten doesn’t take Kurotsuno’s hatred of Sullivan seriously and refers to it as “rebellious phase” much like the other characters, such as Maekami. Otherwise she would actually know the real reason why Kurotsuno is in her demon-equivalent of a ‘rebel phase’ and moody all the time?

Sullivan probably went looking for Olivia at some point during when all that took place but couldn’t locate her since he had no idea where to look, that’s why there’s a note in Mogeko Castle and his reasons for being there in the first place.

[1] Olivia’s transformation might have happened during the full moon. That’s why Met says this, because that’s when her memories of that time become more vivid.

Kcalb has a conversation about the distant past with Yosafire when they’re looking at the moon, in one of the bonus room videos. Here’s a transcript of it:

Kcalb: “There are some people I’d like to meet again. The first would be difficult to meet now. As would the second. The third... I’ve never met face-to-face.”

Yosafire: “Why not?”

Kcalb: “I’m simply not worthy of meeting them.”

Yes, he could be talking about his former-now-dead subordinates, but surely he’s met all of them face-to-face. Surely. An alternate interpretation of this speech is the possibility of the first mentioned person being Sullivan, and the second one being Kurotsuno/Olivia. I don’t really know whom the third person might be. Place your bets in my askbox now! The winner gets… nothing, except crippling, soul-crushing depression, sorry.

Also, you kinda need eagle eyes for this, but look at Sullivan holding that black/white diamond handkerchief in chapter 7.

Coincidence? I think N—

...actually, who knows. might just be a coincidence after all this thorough analysis after all.

Okay, now, THERE IS A LOOOTTTT MORE which I did not deep-dive into, such as Kcalb’s conversation with the unknown ‘Raven’ on the train, the ‘???’ bonus room video dialogue, “THE PAST” official artwork with the smiling guy with the knife and the bleeding-from-mouth Olivia, the flashback images that Ivlis shows to Yosafire, etc etc. Because this post is quite long already, I think I’m alright to leave it as it is.

Haha, If you made it this far…. wowie thanks for reading my new and improved thesis! <3

(I also named this ‘daddy issues the theory babey’ as a word document on my computer... u _ u

#funamusea #obsolete dream #okegom #mogeko #kurotsuno #sullivan (mogeko)#deep-sea prisoner #dsp #personal #(to be completely honest if i analyzed the train dialogue kcalb has with 'raven' about 'crow')#(then - no joke - it might actually cancel out the possibility of kcalb having ever met sullivan)#(but this is really just. one of many variations their past might have looked like)#(it's so long i did not want to add more to it)#(but will happily discuss it further. any alt. scenarios i mean)

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cookie-anon-and-co · 11 months

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Character List and Blog Rules

Even though I haven't finished all the refs yet I'm gonna write this out and just edit n add them later. This post will be updated either every time I add a new character, make a change to the rules, or something else that warrants changing.

That being said! More under cut :o>

Blog Rules

First, some basic rules to make sure we can all have fun and so the weirdos will stay away

1. I want this blog to stay as SFW as possible. While some posts of the past may still have some heavier topics on them, overall, the revamp is very goofy for the most part. Anything that may be heavier I will try and tag accordingly, but you’re always free to tell me to tag something if I forget. Please keep in mind that I have a bit of a hard time telling at what point warnings are appropriate, especially when it comes to things such as blood. To be safe, I’ll be tagging everything best I can

2. This also applies to sexual topics, but I will generally never do anything explicit as I don’t even really like it either. I may make the occasional sex joke when its funny, but I’ll be sure to tag that. Other than that, nothing sexual on this.

3. This blog is an LGBT friendly space. If you have any issues with that, you are free to leave right away. I mean look at these characters, do they LOOK straight to you?/silly (Also proshippers can leave too that has no space in this community)

4. These characters belong to no specific fandom, and I’m generally very universal when it comes to who can interact. Hell, they’re Anons, they can interact with anyone out of principle!

5. Don’t hate just because you’re bored. You can be a bit mean to my characters, I live for angst, but don’t go too crazy that it feels personal. I will generally not respond to obvious hate, so don’t waste your time.

Can’t think very much, I’ll likely update these rules soon in the future

Character List

This is a multi-muse RP blog, hence please make the effort to specify if you talk to someone specific. If there’s no name given, I’ll likely respond with someone random I think the ask would be fit for.

These characters will all receive proper references, and for now I’ll simply use their sprites only. For now I will also only add characters who already appeared in the revamp.

🍪 Cookie Anon (CA)

“A sweet woman with a passion for all things baking and cooking, and sharing said baking around where she can. For the longest time, she struggled to interact with others, though she has been slowly building up her confidence more over time. She tries to be on friendly terms with anyone, rarely holding grudges. Though she doesn’t have many issues speaking to others as much as she had in the past, she still prefers to sometimes simply leave a gift box of cookies in someones ask box, only adding her initials - C.A.”

🔪 Knife Anon (KA)

“With blades as sharp as the very determination to bring down anyone in his way, Knife definitely knows his way around weapons and killing. Infamous for finding a hobby in ‘lightly annoying’ others by stabbing them through his inbox (in a way that would not kill them of course), he made a bit of a name and even more hatred for himself, and somehow, even fans. Over his time in the past, he went through quite a lot of change, both emotionally and physically, but one thing always stayed the same - his will to both cheat and bring death. And when he’s not doing that, he would be out either tending to his collection of knives, attempting to learn the violin, and heavily annoying the one Anon he hates the most.... affectionately!”

🤡 Clown Anon (:o)A)

“Apparently once a normal face-less Anon, this kid saw attached itself right to the art of causing as many shenanigans as she possibly can. Where she got the idea from was something to ponder, but those who knew definitely knew how. Nevertheless, she appears to be mostly harmless and can be pleased by simply giving her fruits to smash with her mace. Somehow, she seems to have taken a liking to Knife, following him around constantly while pursuing her clown shenanigans. Maybe she’ll grow out of it one day.”

🎶 Popstar Anon (PSA) & 🎧 DJ Anon (DJA)

“A pair of siblings almost never seen apart, both on stage and outside their musical endeavors. While the two often than enough have a little classic sibling arguing going on, they always tend to be quick to make up and have each other both in good and bad times. With Poppy’s shining bright and energetic self, and DJ’s chilled out yet passionate self, these two are sure to brighten other’s days - sometimes without the need to sing even!”

💫 Shooting Star Anon (SSA)

“The smallest and youngest of the bunch, but somehow most confusing one. Star’s heritage was always one other Anons pondered, as she one day merely fell from the sky and crashed onto the ground. Seemingly not harmed in any way by this, the small child was simply taken in for now, currently in the care of one of the others. She has an odd connection to the night sky and the stars, and often stares out the window at night when she can.”

#Anonymous RP #blog rules #character list #Cookie Anon #knife anon #DJ Anon #popstar anon #clown anon #shooting star anon

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redmbti · 3 years

Note

Also can you make a post about what each cognitive function is (but dumbed down bc I've read a lot of explanations and I still don't understand) with some examples?

MBTI CHEAT SHEET #3

note: in the bullet list i’ll be talking about the HIGH users of the mentioned function.

and i’ll talk bout heathy and unhealthy traits in the same bullet list randomly without order so don’t be offended if there’s a trait bout your dominant function that ain’t as nice, it’ll probably be just an unhealthy trait of the function.

EXTROVERTED FUNCTIONS —

each extroverted function proceeds information faster than its introverted contra-part.

for example: Fe proceeds feelings faster than Fi. Fe might feel more emotions but Fi will feel more deeply.

Fe— extroverted feeling

Fe is an extroverted judging function.

dom-Fe —> ExFJ (high user)

aux-Fe —> IxFJ (high user)

tert-Fe —> ExTP (low user)

inf-Fe —> IxTP (low user)

Fe is concerned with other people’s feelings (contrary to Fi)

Fe can be dependent on other people cuz it does a lot for others and expects em to do the same.

Fe high users are usually rly socially aware

they are empathetic and can put themselves well in other peoples shoes (that can be used for good AND bad intentions; remember just bc someone might be emphatic does not mean they’re good people)

they tend to get jealous rly easily (bc Fe compares itself to others a lot

they tend towards passive aggressive behaviour instead of expressing their anger in an open manner

Fe-high users are aware of other people’s emotions but not their own

they often want you to feel a certain way (like if you’re upset they’ll try their best to make you happy again; or they can guilt trip you)

slight inference that you better agree

CAN be fake

Fe is warm, caring and rly helpful if heathy. dependant, manipulative and passive aggressive if unhealthy

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Te— extroverted thinking

Te is an extroverted judging function.

dom-Te —> ExTJ (high user)

aux-Te —> IxTJ (high user)

tert-Te —> ExFP (low user)

inf-Te —> IxFP (low user)

Te is concerned with structure and getting things done

values external evidence over pure logic

independent and often work alcoholics

socially aware but not of other peoples feelings

suppresses emotions cuz what would you gain from expressing it?

often intimating

if you have a problem they wouldn’t try to make you feel better but to fix your problem instead

very straightforward, direct, blunt even

Te-high-users are the least type to be manipulative

they hate being manipulated

highly objective

Te detests subjectivity

Te is objective, practical and structured if heathy. mean, angry and concerned with cutting thru if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Se— extroverted sensing

Se is an extroverted perceiving function.

dom-Se —> ESxP (high user)

aux-Se —> ISxP (high user)

tert-Se —> ENxJ (low user)

inf-Se —> INxJ (low user)

lives in the moment

wants to experience everything life has to offer

cant plan further into the future

physical approach

impulsive and spontaneous

relaxed and laid pack

hand-on learning

often like sports and material arts

reckless

get bored of pure theories

doing instead of thinking

Se is spontaneous, chill and fun if heathy. reckless, future-neglecting and impulsive if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ne— extroverted intuition

Ne is an extroverted perceiving function.

dom-Ne —> ENxP (high user)

aux-Ne —> INxP (high user)

tert-Ne —> ESxJ (low user)

inf-Ne —> ISxJ (low user)

possibilities possibilities possibilities

broad ideas and abstract concepts (contrary to Ni’s deep ones)

what if thinking

expanding (contrary to Ni)

Ne-doms are often excited

inclined to rapid changes in mind

a lot of perspectives at once

Ne reads between the lines and too much into things

seek proof to back up their instinct (contrary to Ni)

thinks outside the box

loves new thinks

hates being/feeling trapped

strongly values freedom

open-minded!!

commitment-issues and burning bridges

scattered

likes to keep things open (contrary to Ni)

Ne is open-minded, creative, and full of new possibilities if heathy. scattered, commitment-phobic and tends towards burning bridges if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

INTROVERTED FUNCTIONS—

these are often not clearly visible cuz they do their work internal.

Si— introverted sensing

Si is an introverted perceiving function.

dom-Si —> ISxJ (high user)

aux-Si —> ESxJ (high user)

tert-Si —> INxP (low user)

inf-Si —> ENxP (low user)

comfortable with routine

doesn’t like change

hand-on learning

get bored of pure theories

detail-oriented

how did it always work?

understands things when they are done

down to earth

can be picky/ control freaks (istj more than isfj)

can be close-minded

Si is down to earth, detail oriented and in tune with reality if heathy. close-minded and picky control freaks if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ti— introverted thinking

Ti is an introverted judging function.

dom-Ti —> IxTP (high user)

aux-Ti —> ExTP (high user)

tert-Ti —> IxFJ (low user)

inf-Ti —> ExFJ (low user)

detached, highly logical and analytical

values logic (and personal freedom) over everything

cant enjoy anything unless it makes sense to them (for example if a relationship is nice but it doesn’t make sense to them why the other person likes them they’ll break up)

quite and laid back (only IxTP)

have a hard time controlling their anger

not aware of their emotions nor other peoples emotions

if they feel emotions it’s often expressed thru anger

barley ever cry (they just can’t, it’s awful)

tend to run away from their pain thru fun

IxTPs aren’t rly socially aware due to inferior Fe, where ExTP are charming due to tertiary Fe.

it often seems as if they don’t care bout you (even if they do)

nihilistic

might not give a fuck cuz everthing is so meaningless

Ti can be analytical, logical and an affective ‘search machine’ for plot holes of any kind if healthy. detached, emotionally dead, isolated and nihilistic if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Fi- introverted feeling

Fi is an introverted judging function.

dom-Fi —> IxFP (high user)

aux-Fi —> ExFP (high user)

tert-Fi —> IxTJ (low user)

inf-Fi —> ExTJ (low user)

sensitive but private in their feelings

makes decisions based on personal values

how does this affects me?

cant verbalize emotions

needs time to proceeds feelings

not judgmental of others

very protective of identity

“i” talking

to focused on self (it’s my fault, i fuqed this up, i ruined everything)

CAN be selfish

extreme self loathing if unhealthy

feels rly deeply

Fi is sensitive, private, and almost immune to peer pressure if heathy. isolated, self-loathing and selfish if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Ni— introverted intuition

Ni is an introverted perceiving function.

dom-Ni —> INxJ (high user)

aux-Ni —> ENxJ (high user)

tert-Ni —> ISxP (low user)

inf-Ni —> ESxP (low user)

closest function to the subconscious

therefore does most of its work subconsciously

interested in abstract theories, ideas and concepts

always reads between the lines

always searches for a deeper meaning

detached from sensory reality

poor at interacting with the sensory environment

they just ‘know’ things and they can’t explain it

freakin accurate hunches and epiphanies (aha moments)

they NEED (not want to, they fuqin need to, or they’ll feel sick) to narrow things down to reach ONE CERTAIN outcome (contrary to Ne)

therefore predict things in an accurate way

can be extremely paranoid

imaginary monsters

often wrapped view of reality (for the infj more)

plans EVERYTHING

big picture

can be control freaks

Ni is highly abstract, creative and can predict future outcomes and great at making plans if heathy. extreme paranoia, wrapped version of realty and pointing at imaginary monsters if unhealthy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

—ciyan

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honeymilkk00 · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu Boys: You Flinch

Pt 2

@silver-argent : Hii! I super looooove the way you wrote Haikyuu Boys: You flinch, perfect amount of angst to fluff! Are you taking requests? If you are, will you please do a Sakusa and Kenma? the you flinch. It's okay if you don't tho! I'll still look forward to your works!❤❤

tysm for the encouraging words!! my requests are open and im more than happy to do Sakusa and Kenma jewbjkew. i hope you enjoy. i'm literally so tired and just wanted to finally get this out <3

characters:

-sakusa

-kenma

___________________________

Sakusa

Dating Sakusa was the last thing you ever thought would happen to you. He filled your days and nights with such love and passion. You had broken through his stoic and cold shell and had seen him for who he truly was deep inside- a loving partner through and through.

Of course, old habits die hard. Since he had spent years of his life being a reserved person, only putting up with his family and teammates, he still was very hesitant when it came to affection. Sometimes all he wanted to do was to be alone with his thoughts and nothing else. It hurt to see him like that, knowing that no matter what, you couldn’t help him, but you understood and gave him the time he needed.

Five months into yours and his relationship had lead to a few disputes, but nothing too serious. He was a prideful, headstrong man which lead to you having to bite your tongue during arguments and keep your snarky words to yourself, refusing to let them slip off the tip of your tongue. If they did, the argument would escalate.

You loved Sakusa for everything he was, bad parts and good, but sometimes he was too much.

And, that’s how you were here, biting your lip harshly as you stare at him, refusing to let your anger get the best of you.

Sakusa had been coming home quite late due to volleyball practise, but it got to the stage where you were scared that he was doing to overwork himself and injure himself. Instead of letting it slide, you confronted him about it and suggested that he should take some time to let his body heal from the strenuous training regimen that he was doing. It seemed that Sakusa wasn’t in the best of moods and had snapped at you, shooting abhorrent words towards you as if you were nothing but a pile of shit, accusing you of restricting him from reaching his full potential and trying to turn him away from volleyball because you were too clingy for his liking.

“Fucking hell (Y/N), you’re so fucking clingy! Just because you’re an attention whore and want me to worship you doesn’t mean you can try and take me away from what I love doing. You’re so fucking obsessive it’s driving me crazy!” Sakusa bellowed and clenched his hands together, his nails digging into his hands.

Taking a deep breath to keep yourself as calm as possible, you spoke in a soft tone, “Omi, I’m not trying to keep you from anything. I just think you should rest your body before you overwork yourself and become ill or injure yourself. I know you want to improve but that can happen gradually over time. I doesn’t need to happen all at once.” You murmured and gently placed a hand on his, trying to reassure him.

Letting out a deep, angered growl, Sakusa pulled away from your grip harshly and pushed your hand away, “don’t fucking touch me! You’re fucking disgusting! All you do is hold me down and try and control my life, you obsessive pest!” He hollered out.

His words ripped open your chest and stabbed you in the heart repeatedly. You felt like you were choking on your own heartbeat. It hurt knowing that your lover found you disgusting. A strong feeling of rage surged through your veins. “How fucking dare you, Sakusa! I’ve done nothing but tried to help you and all you do is treat me like shit. Every time we argue I have to bite my tongue because I know that if I retaliate, you’ll just get even more angry. I can’t express how I feel to you anymore and I feel as if I don’t matter in this relationship. If you want to overwork yourself and injure yourself then fine, go ahead, but don’t blame me for saying I told you so after it’s happened!”

His eyes narrowing at your words, Sakusa swiftly turned to glare at you and raised his fist, poking your chest aggressively, “Fine, I will then because I’m not letting you control me anym-” He paused mid sentence, his eyes widening when he noticed you flinching when he raised his hand. Slowly, he lowered his hand and dropped them at his sides. Your shaking figure made his heart clench painfully tight. “(Y/N) I-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Sakusa.” You voice whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. Tears rolled down your cheeks and you sniffled quietly. “I can’t handle this pain anymore. I can’t handle feeling like I’m walking on egg shells with you. I can’t handle being afraid of how you’ll react when I speak about how I feel. I just can’t do this anymore.” You voice got quieter and quieter the more you spoke. Looking up at Sakusa, you swallowed thickly. “I can’t do us anymore.”

Sakusa was frozen, watching you carefully. It was deathly silent. The only sound he could hear was the sound of his heartbeat beating rapidly.

“I’ll pick up my things tomorrow. I’m going to stay at Atsumu’s for the night.” You whispered and turned away, heading towards the front door.

A small, almost whine-like noise left Kiyoomi’s mouth. He reached out and clasped your hand gently, tears forming in the corner’s of his eyes. “Please.” He begged quietly.

Looking back at the man you loved, your heart shattered into small pieces when you noticed his dampened eyes. Never had you seen him cry before. “What is it?” You asked quietly, biting the inside of your cheek.

Sakusa pulled you in tightly for a hug and pressed his lips against your cheek gently. “Please don’t leave. Please please please… I’m so so sorry (Y/N).. I didn’t mean anything I said. I love you and I’m grateful for everything you do for me. I’ve just had a really bad day. Please I love you. Please don’t leave. You’re my baby... “ He pleaded softly and held you tightly, as if afraid that you’d disappear if he let go.

Letting out a sigh, you caved in. You were still mad at him but at the end of the day, you loved Kiyoomi more than anything else. You would give up everything for his happiness. “Kiyoomi...” You whispered softly and then turned around so you were face to face with him. Gently cupping his cheeks, you sighed, “I love you so so much Kiyoomi... But you can’t say stuff like that to me even if you’ve had a bad day. You really really hurt me even though I was just trying to look out for you.” You explained and frowned softly, kissing his tears that resided in the corner of his eyes.

Pressing his lips softly against your hands that rested on his face, he let out a shaky breath that he didn’t realise he was holding, “I know... I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I promise I’ll do better..” He whispered gently and pressed his nose into your hair lovingly. “I love you so much...”

Leaning in closer to Sakusa, you inhaled his scent, “I love you too, Omi..”

He never wanted to see you flinch like that again.

________________________

Kenma

Kenma was an erudite genius when it came to the art of strategy. His deep understanding of the game and the unspoken pledge to win is what drove him forward and kept him reaching, grasping, clutching for new strategic idea that would leave his opponents breathless.

For days, maybe even weeks, on end, Kenma would be researching, training, and repeating the process until he felt confident in his methodology that would be used in a game. Thus, led to a breakdown. After weeks of undereating, lack of sleep, training beyond his physical capabilities, and his mental strain thinking of ways to defeat the opposing team, Kenma was at his wits’ end.

As his partner, you immediately noticed the changes in his personality. Of course, concern was your initial reaction and you were somewhat frightened of irritating him more, but you knew you had to confront him about his lack of self care. Seeing him train during lunch and falling asleep in lessons led you to realise how hard he was working himself.

So, after school you managed to pull him to one side before he proceeded to train at the club. A frown was present on your lips and you took a deep breath. Looking at him now hurt a lot: his eyebags had considerably increased since the last time you saw him; you could now see physically where he had lost weight from undereating for weeks; his eyes seemed a lot duller; his body slouched over slightly, as if it was begging for a break. It was agony to see your partner slowly harm his body and mind like this.

"Kenma, just know I love you so much and I understand that volleyball means a lot to you right now since it's your final year with your team as you know it with Kuroo as captain, but look at yourself. You're not taking care of yourself at all. You aren't helping you or your teammates by undereating and not sleeeping." You murmured gently, taking Kenma's hands in your own. You knew that you had to be careful and not push your boyfriend, but you couldn't let it continue.

Kenma simply frowned at your words and pulled his hand away from yours, "(Y/N), I don't need your lecturing. I'm perfectly fine taking care of myself. I don't need you." He hissed out and turned his back on you, proceeding to head to practise. He had no time to waste on pointless conversations.

(Y/N) grinded their teeth together, their heart aching slightly at the harsh words, "I'm not lecturing you, Kenma! I'm doing what a s/o should do and I'm looking out for you! Please just take a small break before you overdo it!" You hallooed, as if that would make the words sink in.

Vexed, Kenma turned around with a deep scowl on his face, "Why don't you just back off, (Y/N)!? I don't care about you right now, all I care about is me and my teammates winning this game!" He shrieked, which caused you to trip back and swallow thickly.

A small whimper escape your lips and tears formed in the corners of your eyes as you flinched. You were normally fine with Kenma's salty attitude, but he never usually shouted at you. Taking a shaky breath, you looked at your boyfriend dead in the eyes, "fine! Do what you want to do! Since you don't care about me I won't bother anymore! Don't you fucking dare come running to me when you overwork yourself and can't handle it anymore!" You retorted and turned away.

Kenma's eyes widened slightly at your words as he watched you turn away. "Wait...." He whispered out, his hand reaching towards yours. Lightly, he grasped your wrist and sighed, pulling you close and burying his head in your shoulder. "'M sorry... I'm just so stressed..." Tears brimmed his eyes and he sniffled softly. "I didn't mean it..."

Letting out a soft sigh, your shoulders relaxed and you pulled your lover in for a cuddle. "I know you didn't mean it baby... But remember your health comes first, volleyball after." You whispered and gently stroked his hair. He simply nodded in response and hugged you tighter.

Maybe you both could work things out. You just need to learn to communicate more.

#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #angst #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x you #kenma #kenma angst #haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume #angst to fluff #haikyuu comfort #requestsopen

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doctorofmagic · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.

~ long post under the cut ~

A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.

Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.

What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.

Fine, let’s begin.

What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?

No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.

Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE

I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.

And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”

GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.

So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.

And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.

Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.

Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.

I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.

BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH

Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.

He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.

Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN

AND THEN HE

AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME

AND SHE KEEPS DYING

AND THE MUSIC

AND HIS VOICE

AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED

HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY

AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY

I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*

Apparently, not.

And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?

This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.

Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.

And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.

PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.

Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).

And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.

Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.

And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.

And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.

Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.

Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)

Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.

Shmebulock???????????

AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????

The grasp this man is holding on me right now...

Some of you will understand. I’m with you.

And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.

Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL

And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.

Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)

Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.

And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.

I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.

Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY

So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?

Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH

Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR

Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.

I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.

And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)

I can fix him...

This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)

And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK

AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.

Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.

The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.

And this is where my soul left my body.

This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.

This... this was brutal to watch. Really.

What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.

I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW

This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.

Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.

#what if...?#doctor strange #stephen strange #what if doctor strange lost his heart instead of his hands?#wong #christine palmer #the ancient one #long post #review #he did nothing wrong #so what? he destroyed a whole universe #/j #benedict cumberbatch

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userjoel · 3 years

Text

[ ♡ morning kisses ♡ ] ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

[ prompt ]

‘‘i’m not going to kiss you.’‘ ‘‘why?’‘ ‘‘because if i do, i don’t think we’re getting out of bed today.’‘ followed by the character placing a playful kiss on their lover’s mouth as they get out of bed (via)

[ pairing ] : tom holland x reader

[ warnings ] : a lot of kissing, they kinda sorta get a little handsy? it’s just very fluffy and i’m still trying to figure out what exactly warrants warnings so some kind feedback would be very appreciated...!

[ word count ] : 1.5k

[ note ] : this is my first ever fic, and it’s been a minute since i wrote...anything really? so i have no idea how this is going to read for others, but!! i had fun writing this, so i hope you guys enjoy!

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You wished every morning could be just like this: eyes coaxed open by the warm rays pouring through the windows, your frame safely tucked against Tom’s body with his arm draped over your waist.

Once you manage to blink away the sleep, you roll over to face him, being careful not to wake him in the process.

And he looks perfect. You lie there and run your eyes over him—it feels a little surreal to take him in this way. Just several hours ago he was on a plane coming back home to you after an excruciating month of being apart. But now, here he was — physically, actually here — lost somewhere deep in his dreams. By a rare stroke of luck you’ve woken up before him. So naturally, you're gonna use those valuable seconds by trying to memorize every little detail of his face.

Nothing has felt more relaxing. A little too relaxing, in fact, but you fight the sleep that threatens to creep back, fixating instead on the way the sunlight licks at the tips of his unruly brown curls, slowly inching down his features. And if the sun were allowed to touch him, weren’t you, too?

You hold your breath as your index finger reaches out and delicately traces along his brow bone.

When it seems clear the action hasn’t stirred him from his sleep, you continue to ghost across the surface of his skin, taking your time as your finger trails down his cheek bone, to the bridge of his nose, and to his lips. Then it lingers there for a second too long.

“I think I quite like this sort of wake up call.”

Your whip your hand away like it had just touched something hot, eyes blown wide in surprise.

“You’re awake.” The sentence comes out more as an observation than a question, and you can feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“I... may or may not have been up since I felt you turn over earlier.” His eyes, still sanded with sleep and exhaustion, finally open to meet yours. But his ever-present, boyish amusement doesn’t fail to glitter from behind the chocolate orbs.

And it had always been these minor things that made your heart glow with warmth for the boy in front of you. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to wake you,” you mumble, a pout forming at the end of the sentence as you caress his cheek.

Tom hums in reply, leaning into your touch as he shakes his head, as though to tell you not to worry. His arms reach around you to pull you closer to him. “No, I’m glad you did. I reckon I should probably get ready anyway. What time is it?”

“No. Nuh-uh. C’mon, I just got you back!” Your hand comes up to cover his eyes, shielding his vision from the clock by your bed. “Unless by ‘get ready,’ you mean ‘get ready to spend all day with your loving girlfriend and not go to work’?”

“Y/N/N,” he groans playfully, shaking his head side to side to try and remove your hand, but you persist, a grin decorating your features. “The sooner I get out of here, the sooner I can wrap up and come back home to you love, hm?” He turns his head slightly, just enough to give the inside of your wrist a quick peck. “Give me my eyes baaaaack.”

Reluctantly you concede, but by parting your fingers just enough so he could peek between the gap. The corners of his eyes crinkle when he finally sees you, and before you can say anything else, he closes the distance to give you the first kiss of the day.

It’s deliciously soft and lazy, purposeful and loving. The feeling sends a kind of shock through your veins, reaching down to the tip of your toes. His lips move against yours with ease in the same way they’ve done a thousand times before, effectively bringing all your guards down — your hand comes down too, slipping behind his neck to toy with the hair on his nape. Your leg innocently tangles with his, bringing your bodies even closer together, and you feel his hand delicately moving from the your lower back to your ass, giving it a small squeeze.

You hum against his lips for more; but that’s the exact moment he decides to pull away. And as much as you hated it, you knew as well as he did that one second longer and that would probably mean neither of you'd likely have a very productive morning. Not that that would be so bad for you, necessarily.

Tom rolls you over on your back, peppering your cheeks, neck, and collarbone with feathery kisses that you knew translated into an apology. He nestles his head on your chest with a quiet sigh, consumed by the silence and the rhythmical thump of your heartbeat.

“Wish I didn’t have to go to bloody work.” He mumbles against your skin, cuddling even closer against you as your fingers gently comb through his hair. "Wish I didn't have to leave you again."

But you both knew it went without saying that Tom loved what he did; how he couldn’t imagine being anything else but an actor. The physical and mental demand of his work, the exhausting, erratic hours, the different types of people he had to deal with on a daily basis — he could handle all of that, and then some. But when it came down to being away from you not just in the early hours of the morning but for weeks, and sometimes even months at a time… That was the hard part. Those were the moments when he dared to invite the addictive ‘what-if’s and tempting fantasies of an alternative reality where neither of you had any obligations to tend to, no urgent work messages to check on the phone.

“Duty calls, right?” You can still feel your lips tingle from his kiss. “At least you don’t have anything on your schedule tomorrow. Means I’ll get to have you all to myself.”

At that, you suddenly feel the weight of your boyfriend removed from your body. Tom props himself up a bit to lean over you, hands on the bed by either side of your head. There’s a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, suggesting something both sinister and delightful.

“For once you’re wrong, darling.” He grins. “I’ve got a full schedule tomorrow and a fairly good feeling that you're going to love what I’ve got planned out for you.”

You raise your brow. “'That right? Thirty-something days apart and suddenly you’re so cocky.” With a teasing smile, you drape your arms around his neck, gaze lingering on his inviting lips for a moment before lifting back up on his eyes.

“But fine," you begin, your voice just slightly hushed. "What if...you show me a little, tiny sneak peek, baby...and I can tell you...what I think of your little schedule so far?” With each passing syllable you pull him down closer to you –– bit by bit, and sneakily enough, you tell yourself. Your eyes flutter shut, anticipating what’s to come, but the kiss never lands. You feel the teasing tickle of skin on skin instead.

“Y’think I don’t know all about your antics, don’t you?”

“‘Antics’?!” Your open your eyes again with a frown. “I think some would call that the art of flirting. Or teasing. Or both. But I guess you wouldn’t know that even if it were right under your nose.” Your finger pokes the tip of Tom’s nose for emphasis.

He tuts and shrugs in acknowledgement. “Well tough luck, babe. I’m still not gonna kiss you.” A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, one hand leaving your side to tuck a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Why not?” You huff.

“Because if I do, I don’t think either of us are ever going to make it out of this bed.”

“But—” Before you can fully protest, you’re caught off-guard with the very kiss you were denied just moments ago. And maybe that was why, but somehow, it feels even better than the last. Your chin cranes up to hold his lips for as long as you possibly can, melting under his touch and savoring what you could.

He reluctantly tears away, much sooner than you’d like. He leaves you with a final peck against the tip of your nose.

“I love you. So much.” He rests his forehead against yours again. “And I’m sorry we can’t spend my first day back together, darling. But I’ll make it up to you, hm? I promise.”

“Pinky swear?” You hold up your finger between your two frames, and he doesn't think twice before looking down to loop his finger with yours. The pads of your thumbs press together to seal the deal, and he brings your interlocked hands up to gently press it against his lips.

It was a gesture frequently shared between you two — a secret handshake, if you will — but only for private moments like this.

“Pinky pinky swear.” He reassures, giving your hand a small squeeze before finally removing himself from the bed. “I’m gonna go shower now. Be good.” The mattress echos your groan as your boyfriend disappears from your reach and into the bathroom.

Your eyes glance over at the clock, frowning at the time and blaming it for the outcome of what had been, at one point, your perfect morning. It already felt like a distant memory.

#can you tell i didn't know how to end this #skdfsafj #writing really is like bearing your soul to the world #and like that's fine it's cool it's whatever #if it's bad...pls don't yell @ me #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #hope writes

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bloody-bee-tea · 3 years

Text

Tattoo

Jiang Cheng decides to get his first tattoo the night he resolves to move out.

There has been a huge fight—yet again—where his father was more concerned with talking about Wei Wuxian, who wasn’t even part of this fight, and where his mother listed every single inadequacy Jiang Cheng apparently had.

And it’s enough.

He’s tired of feeling like shit in his own home and he’s tired of being made to feel like shit and he wants a change.

Which is going to start with him getting a tattoo.

His parents hate tattoos—one of the few things they can agree upon—and Jiang Cheng feels a little thrill going down his back just thinking about getting one.

But soon thinking about it turns into actively imagining, then into planning, and all of a sudden he finds himself in front of a tattoo studio.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t go in that first day; he simply can’t bring himself to. But then he spends another evening in the icy company of his parents, who are no longer speaking to him in the misguided attempt to make him apologize and Jiang Cheng decides that this is it.

He’ll get that tattoo and then he’ll get out of here.

Jiang Cheng goes back to the tattoo studio the next day, and this time he also enters. It’s not at all what he expected to look like, but he scolds himself for even thinking that. Clearly his parents and all their prejudices are way too prevalent in his life if he expected dirty corners and suspicious people everywhere.

What he sees are clean counters, tasteful pics of tattoos and not much else.

Until the most beautiful human being Jiang Cheng has ever seen steps out of a room.

“Hi, there,” the man says and Jiang Cheng does not swoon on the spot. “Do you have an appointment?”

Jiang Cheng slightly shakes his head to clear it and then he squares up.

“No, I don’t. I’d like to make one, though.”

“Alright. Sit for a moment,” the man says, pointing at a couch and then vanishing again.

Jiang Cheng does sit down, unbearably nervous now that he made that very first step and he wrings his hands in his lap. He’s so lost in his own head that he doesn’t even notice when the guy comes back.

“First time?” the guy asks as he puts a glass of water down in front of Jiang Cheng, who nods and gratefully takes the glass to take a sip.

“Yeah. That obvious?” he asks with a small smile and the guy shrugs.

“You get an eye for it, after a while. Nie Mingjue,” he then introduces himself and Jiang Cheng puts the glass back down so that he doesn’t notice how much his hands shake.

“Jiang Cheng.”

“Alright, Jiang Cheng, what do you want?” Nie Mingjue asks, a sketchbook making an appearance and Jiang Cheng swallows heavily.

“Just something small,” Jiang Cheng whispers. “Something I can hide away.”

At that Nie Mingjue pauses.

“I don’t make tattoos that have to be hidden away,” he cautiously says, already closing the sketchbook again.

“Yeah, well, I’m not asking for your opinion here,” Jiang Cheng snaps back before he clenches his jaw and scrubs a hand over his face. “I apologize,” he tacks on, much more quietly, as he gets up. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Wait,” Nie Mingjue says, sighing himself. “That was unprofessional of me. I just think—this is art, you know. Something you chose for yourself, something you should be proud of. That’s just usually how this goes. But if it’s private, then that’s perfectly fine. I didn’t mean to be an ass.”

Jiang Cheng slowly sinks back down into the couch at those words and Nie Mingjue opens his sketchbook again.

“Alright,” he slowly says. “I want three little dog paw prints on my hip.”

He didn’t give this too much thought, honestly, but it feels right. It’s been years since he had to give his dogs away for Wei Wuxian’s sake and while he’s not mad at Wei Wuxian for that, he does resent his parents for it.

They were just puppies. There was a chance for Wei Wuxian to get acquainted with dogs that didn’t mean him harm. They could have given them to someone close by, so that Jiang Cheng could have gone there to see them every now and then.

But they didn’t do any of these things and just took the only friends away from Jiang Cheng he had at that time.

He is still resentful about that.

“Like this?” Nie Mingjue asks and shows him the sketch he quickly did.

It’s really just those three paw prints, nothing fancy about it, and Jiang Cheng thinks it’s perfect.

“Yes,” he breathes out and he can’t wait for them to be on his skin.

“This will be quick and I have time now, if you want,” Nie Mingjue offers him and that makes Jiang Cheng freeze.

He did not expect this to happen so soon, but after a moment he finds that it’s the only thing he wants.

“Yes,” he decisively says and Nie Mingjue smiles at him.

Jiang Cheng did not need to know that he has dimples.

“Good,” he nods, before he falls into what Jiang Cheng suspects to be the customary first client talk.

Jiang Cheng does his best to listen and nod at the right moments, but he is distracted by Nie Mingjue and the way he talks and moves and sounds.

In the end Nie Mingjue still seems to be satisfied, because he leads Jiang Cheng towards one of the back rooms where he asks him to take his pants off.

Jiang Cheng freezes again because he did not quite make that connection yet, but of course he’d have to at least take of his pants for this. He sheds them quickly, not looking at Nie Mingjue and reminding himself that he must see this several times a day and that surely Jiang Cheng is nothing special.

He barely realizes that his hands are shaking.

“Are you okay?” Nie Mingjue lowly asks him, clearly picking up on Jiang Cheng’s nerves and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know what to answer him.

In the end, the truth comes spilling out.

“No,” he admits. “My parents are going to disown me for this, should they ever find out. I mean they are going to disown me either way once I move out, but—yeah,” he finishes awkwardly once he realizes that he’s rambling because Nie Mingjue absolutely did not sign up to hear about Jiang Cheng’s fucked up life.

“Are you safe at home?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng catches him quickly checking him over as if he’s looking for bruises.

“Physically yes,” Jiang Cheng gives back as his eyes start to burn. “Emotionally not so much,” he adds in a whisper, admitting to this for the first time out loud, and he sways into Nie Mingjue when he clasps his shoulder.

“But you’re taking steps,” he says and it’s not a question.

“I’m taking steps,” Jiang Cheng agrees and finally gets on the cot, ready to get this first rebellious step done.

“Good,” Nie Mingjue says, clearly still worried, but also satisfied and when he starts the tattoo gun they don’t talk much more.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is struggling. He feels isolated and lonely and like his parents scathing silence is going to suffocate him one of these days, even after he moved out, and there’s only one thing Jiang Cheng can think of doing.

He finds himself back at Nie Mingjue’s tattoo studio.

“Back so soon,” Nie Mingjue greets him with and Jiang Cheng realizes that it has only been three months since he got the paw prints.

It feels like so much longer, with everything that happened.

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng awkwardly says and sinks down in the couch again. “I want something bigger.”

“Something you can’t hide,” Nie Mingjue replies, even as he sits down with his sketchbook. “How is that situation going?”

“I moved out. I’m not talking to my parents. But—” he trails off, unsure if he should really just unload all of his bullshit on this stranger.

“But there’s a lot of shit to unlearn and figure out for yourself, especially if this has been going on for a while,” Nie Mingjue says with an understanding nod and when Jiang Cheng stares at him, Nie Mingjue shrugs awkwardly.

“My brother has an interest in psychology and he loves using me as his sounding board. It only got worse when he took up some classes at university.”

“Ah, I see,” Jiang Cheng says and then sighs. “I’m deciding if it’s worth going to see someone,” he then admits lowly and cringes immediately afterwards. “I’m sorry, this is not what I’m here for and it’s absolutely not your job to listen to me.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised how many people see this as a therapy session,” Nie Mingjue gives back, and while Jiang Cheng would usually recoil at that, it doesn’t sound judging.

“But I’m here for this,” Jiang Cheng says and puts a slip of paper on the table.

He’s by no means an artist, but he has always enjoyed doodling and he’s perfectly capable of designing his own tattoo, especially when he gives it more than just a few days thought.

“That is bigger,” Nie Mingjue says with a raised eyebrow as he picks the paper up. “Much more difficult to hide.”

“No more hiding,” Jiang Cheng resolutely says. “I want it to curl around my arm, the head on the back of my hand.”

“Really big then. From shoulder to hand?”

“Yes.”

“Mh,” Nie Mingjue hums as he starts to sketch something.

When he turns the sketchbook to Jiang Cheng it’s still the snake and nothing fundamentally has changed, but it still looks better than the basic design Jiang Cheng came up with.

He itches with the need to get this on his arm.

“Yes,” he breathes out, reaching out to brush his hand over the sketch. “Please.”

“You’ll need an appointment for this one,” Nie Mingjue says as he gets up to schedule Jiang Cheng in.

It takes Nie Mingjue three sessions to get the snake done and Jiang Cheng loves it more than he thought possible.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng takes his time for the third tattoo. He takes his time to get used to living alone, takes his time to figure out if he really wants to go for a business degree and most importantly, he takes his time to get back together with his siblings.

They didn’t quite fall out when Jiang Cheng moved out, but he kept his distance for a while and now he doesn’t.

Now he welcomes them into his home and his new life and he sits Wei Wuxian down to have a real talk; one where he doesn’t allow Wei Wuxian to laugh everything away—either his own pain or Jiang Cheng’s—and afterwards they feel like family again.

Jiang Cheng briefly debates if he wants to do the same with his parents, but he finds that he couldn’t care less.

He can barely think about them without getting angry or nauseous or both and he figures it’s not worth it. Not now and maybe not ever.

So instead of wasting more thoughts on that Jiang Cheng finds himself back at Nie Mingjue’s studio.

“It does get quite addicting, doesn’t it?” Nie Mingjue asks him with a smirk when Jiang Cheng steps inside and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“Especially when you finally figure your life out for yourself,” he gives back and he has to admit that for the first time he’s not nervous as he sits down on the couch.

He knows what he wants and he knows what to expect.

It leaves him time to appreciate Nie Mingjue, though, and that makes Jiang Cheng’s stomach flutter.

There are tattoos on Nie Mingjue as well; making their way down his arms and one peeking out of the collar of his shirt. Jiang Cheng finds that he wants to see all of them.

“Okay, hit me,” Nie Mingjue says as he sits down as well and Jiang Cheng gives him his sketch.

Three lotus pods for him and his siblings. Jiang Cheng does only have good memories of them picking lotus seeds, and especially of Jiang Yanli’s soup.

“Next you’re going to learn how to tattoo yourself and then I’ll be out of a job,” Nie Mingjue grumbles as he takes the sketch and Jiang Cheng smiles with pride.

He did put an awful lot of work into this.

“I want it on my calf,” he tells Nie Mingjue who nods.

“Easy enough, but you need an appointment.”

“Sure,” Jiang Cheng shrugs and his eyes drop to Nie Mingjue’s hands, which are still holding his sketch.

Honestly, Jiang Cheng did not expect his heart to beat faster at that, or the thought that Nie Mingjue will put his hands on Jiang Cheng’s skin soon enough but he’s not going to stop it either.

The pods don’t take much time at all once the appointment comes around, and soon enough Jiang Cheng is stepping out on the street with one tattoo more.

It feels like he’s reclaiming bits and pieces of himself with every tattoo that he gets and he honestly doesn’t want it to stop.

It’s only a little bit because he wants to continue seeing Nie Mingjue.

~*~*~

“You’re going to be a regular soon,” Nie Mingjue says with a smile when Jiang Cheng steps into the by now so familiar studio yet again and he frowns, affronted.

“It’s my fourth time. How much more do I have to come by to be considered a regular?”

“Well, the true regulars drop by just to say hello, too,” Nie Mingjue says, clearly trying for nonchalant but Jiang Cheng sees the tension in his shoulders.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, but he still sits down on the couch. “But today I’m here for an appointment.”

“Do I even need to bring my sketchbook?” Nie Mingjue asks, clearly remembering that there was nothing for him to do the last time Jiang Cheng came by but Jiang Cheng nods.

“I just have an idea. I need you to draw it.”

“Oh, alright,” Nie Mingjue says, and is quick to retrieve the book before he sits down. “What do you want?”

“I want water, or waves, under my collarbone,” Jiang Cheng says and points at the spot.

It hasn’t been that long since he started to swim again, but he already knows that it will be a big part of his life from now on.

Jiang Cheng used to love it, until his parents made it into a competition between him and Wei Wuxian and pressured him to do better and better. Jiang Cheng stopped after one too many silver medals and he never picked it up again, too afraid of falling back into old habits, of feeling like shit for doing something just for fun, no matter how much he loved it.

But he picked swimming up again, and it turns out he’s still good and he still loves it. Even more now that he can just do it for fun and challenge himself if he feels like it.

And he wants a tattoo for it as well. It’s another piece of himself he reclaimed after all.

“Like so?” Nie Mingjue asks, showing Jiang Cheng the rough sketch.

It’s a little bit too stylized for Jiang Cheng’s taste and he tells Nie Mingjue so, who turns the page and starts again.

When he shows Jiang Cheng the new sketch, it looks more realistic and it’s exactly what Jiang Cheng wants.

“Yes,” he breathes out and smiles.

That one feels just as right as his other tattoos had.

“Water, huh?” Nie Mingjue asks, quite awkwardly Jiang Cheng thinks but he smiles at Nie Mingjue.

“I recently re-found my love for swimming,” he tells him. “It helps that my parents are not yelling at me to win a gold medal.”

“Did you use to? Win gold medals?”

“No. My brother did though, which both my parents used to rub in, in very different way. I stopped because they made me dread going into the water but now that I’m just doing it for fun,” he awkwardly trails off. “I still love it.”

“That’s good to hear,” Nie Mingjue tells him and Jiang Cheng is surprised when Nie Mingjue squeezes his shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you do look better. Definitely happier than the first time you came in.”

It makes Jiang Cheng flush, because he didn’t know that it had been that bad or that Nie Mingjue had been paying attention to him.

“I am. Better. Still on the way with a lot of things, but definitely better,” Jiang Cheng gives back and he tries very hard not to think about the fact that he still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his future or if he wants to get a dog, despite Wei Wuxian’s fear, or if he’ll ever be man enough to ask Nie Mingjue out on a date.

But slow steps. First he gets this tattoo and then he can think about what comes after.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng never gave much thought to his sexuality beyond the fact that it wouldn’t matter who he brings home; his parents were surely going to hate them, just because it was Jiang Cheng who introduced them.

He had looked at a few boys during school, but his mother had made it very clear that Jiang Cheng was going to get married to a business woman of her choosing, producing heirs for the company as soon as he could, and Jiang Cheng didn’t think much beyond that except ‘Fuck no’.

But now he has time to re-evaluate his sexuality and while he would probably label himself as bisexual at the moment he’s very definitely Nie Mingjue-sexual.

Not that he’s ever going to mention that to the man himself.

He’s standing in front of the tattoo studio yet again, even though he doesn’t have plans for a new tattoo yet. But Nie Mingjue had said regulars came by whenever, and Jiang Cheng wants to have that connection with Nie Mingjue.

He just can’t bring himself to make the first step.

So instead of going in, he walks up and down on the other side of the studio, berating himself that he just can’t bring himself to do it, but just as he is about to turn around and go home, Nie Mingjue steps out and walks straight up to him.

“Nervous?” Nie Mingjue asks with a teasing smile and Jiang Cheng deflates.

“I’m not quite sure how to make friends,” he admits and then wishes the ground would swallow him, because Nie Mingjue never said anything about being friends and it’s not quite what Jiang Cheng wants anyway.

“Usually you start talking to them,” Nie Mingjue says and steers Jiang Cheng towards a coffee shop.

“About what?” Jiang Cheng helplessly asks but he allows Nie Mingjue to lead the way.

“How was your day?” Nie Mingjue starts and Jiang Cheng finds that talking to Nie Mingjue over a cup of coffee is one of the easiest things he has done.

They start to do it weekly.

~*~*~

“Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue warmly greets him when Jiang Cheng steps into the studio again but he frowns when Jiang Cheng sits down on the couch. “You didn’t say anything about a new tattoo.”

It almost sounds accusing and Jiang Cheng helplessly shrugs.

“I woke up with the burning need to get one, so here I am.”

“Ah, a true addict,” Nie Mingjue says with a shake of his head, but he does get his sketchbook and sits down with him. “What’s it gonna be this time?”

Jiang Cheng takes a moment to gather his thoughts, letting his eyes wander over the tattoos on Nie Mingjue’s arms and he wonders if he can ever bring himself to ask to see them up close. To learn the story behind them.

“I want a lotus flower in the middle of my back,” Jiang Cheng finally says and it’s just because he still has his eyes on Nie Mingjue’s arms that he sees him jerk at his words.

“Between your shoulder blades?” Nie Mingjue asks to clarify and Jiang Cheng nods, finally looking up.

“Yes. And I want it in colour, too.”

It is the family crest and Jiang Cheng was torn about that for a long time, but it’s still his family and it’s still such a big part of himself that he needs to reclaim. Especially since his father does still want him as the head of the company and Jiang Cheng decided to do it.

“Oh, dear gods,” Nie Mingjue mumbles and Jiang Cheng frowns, torn out of his thoughts.

“Something wrong with that?” he wants to know but Nie Mingjue is quick to shake his head.

“No, not at all,” he says, busying himself with his pencil.

They fall into an uneasy silence and Jiang Cheng wonders what he did wrong to make Nie Mingjue respond like this, but before he can come up with a plausible explanation, Nie Mingjue gives him the sketchbook.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng breathes out. “It’s gorgeous.”

He didn’t dare imagine the design too much, because he wanted Nie Mingjue to create it, but Jiang Cheng did not imagine this.

“Yeah?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng frowns when he hears his voice crack.

“Yes! When can we do it?” he asks, suddenly eager to get it done as quickly as possible.

“I have time today, if you’re really sure,” Nie Mingjue gives back and Jiang Cheng practically beams at him, which clearly is answer enough.

“Alright, get ready then,” Nie Mingjue says with a nod of his head towards the same back room they always use and Jiang Cheng eagerly makes his way over there.

He’s just taking off his shirt when he hears Nie Mingjue come back in, mostly because he hears the muttered “Fuck”.

“Mingjue?” Jiang Cheng asks, turning around, his shirt still around his arms. “Is something wrong?”

“Wanyin, you can’t do that to me,” Nie Mingjue breathes out, his eyes trailing over first his tattoos that Nie Mingjue himself put there and then towards his shoulders and back.

“Do what?” Jiang Cheng asks, honestly confused, but there’s something in Nie Mingjue’s gaze that makes him go hot all over.

“You can’t let me mark you up all the time and then not go on a date with me,” Nie Mingjue says, finally meeting Jiang Cheng’s eyes and it takes Jiang Cheng a moment to smile at him.

But once he starts, he can’t stop.

“Well, you’d have to ask for me to say yes,” he tells Nie Mingjue, finally taking his shirt off. “Why now, though?”

“Now,” Nie Mingjue huffs out and steps close, dropping a quick kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head, catching him completely off guard with that. “As if I didn’t want to ask you since that first time you came into my studio.”

Jiang Cheng can’t hide his blush, he’s sure of that, but when Nie Mingjue’s gaze goes soft, he finds that he doesn’t mind.

“Okay, but why now?” he asks again, though he couldn’t be happier despite the fact that Nie Mingjue still didn’t ask him out.

“You look happier, more grounded,” Nie Mingjue tells him. “And honestly, I’m only human. There’s only so much self-control I have, especially if you’ll allow me to mark up that masterpiece of a back.”

“I swim a lot,” Jiang Cheng says, smug as anything, because Nie Mingjue looks like he could bench press Jiang Cheng if he really wanted to and to hear that he likes how Jiang Cheng looks, that’s quite the ego boost.

“I see,” Nie Mingjue says, though he sounds strangled. “Go on a date with me, Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue then says, and Jiang Cheng likes the fact that it’s not even really a question.

“Weekly dates are not enough for you?” he teases Nie Mingjue, absolutely delighted by how this is going and he enjoys seeing Nie Mingjue flounder for a bit.

“You owe me at least twelve kisses then,” Nie Mingjue finally says, sounding absolutely indignant and Jiang Cheng chuckles.

“You only want one kiss per date? That’s quite disappointing, really,” Jiang Cheng says with a smile and Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes.

“We’re working our way up, once it’s officially a date and not just coffee. But you can owe me all the kisses you want.”

“I think I like that,” Jiang Cheng happily says and leans in to get started on repaying his debt right that instant.

It leaves Jiang Cheng breathless when they part and he’s strangely relieved to see that Nie Mingjue is not doing that much better himself.

“Your hand will be steady enough for this, right?” Jiang Cheng can’t help but to ask, because he wants that tattoo now and he would be disappointed if Nie Mingjue said no.

“I’m a professional,” Nie Mingjue huffs out, even as he gently cups Jiang Cheng’s cheek in his hand. “I managed to keep a steady hand all the other times, too, didn’t I?”

“That you did,” Jiang Cheng gives back and nuzzles into the hand.

They lose themselves a little bit in each other for a while, but eventually Nie Mingjue does get to prove that he has a steady hand, despite the circumstances.

Once the lotus flower on Jiang Cheng’s back is done, they go on their first official dinner date.

~*~*~

On their one year anniversary, Jiang Cheng gets Nie Mingjue to tattoo a green band around his right arm and Nie Mingjue manages to make it look like it’s shining from the inside.

Jiang Cheng catches Nie Mingjue wiping away a tear once he’s done and he would tease him for it, but since Jiang Cheng cried when Nie Mingjue revealed that the frog over his heart was for Jiang Cheng, he fears he has no leg to stand on.

Paw Prints Snake, expect imagine this spanning down the whole arm Lotus Pods Water, under Jiang Cheng's collarbone Lotus Flower, except it's in the middle of Jiang Cheng's back Green Band, there's no real pic for this, but imagine this ring as a tattoo around Jiang Cheng's forearm, because Mingjue's name is made up out of the characters for 'bright, shining' and 'jade ring' if google didn't lie to me

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

#bt writes #mingcheng #the untamed #mdzs #modern au #getting together #healing #tattoos #first kiss

289 notes · View notes

cqlfeels · 3 years

Text

@lansplaining encouraged me to finish this random meta nobody asked for, so let's talk about Meng Yao, Meng Shi, and 孟母三遷 (mèng mǔ sān qiān), a proverb about good parenting.

A warning: this is super long (even for me!) and is less quality meta and more my ADHD brain jumping around a maze of loosely related ideas. Proceed with caution!

Let me start by briefly going through why I decided to write this, because it’s important. In haunting Meng Shi’s tag in my starvation for Meng Shi content, I’ve multiple times come across the idea that Meng Shi pushed Meng Yao too hard, that she should’ve been more careful with teaching him to seek his father’s approval at any cost, and that she was too naïve. I’ve never reblogged this kind of post because 1) I personally think it’s rude to go out of your way to ramble about how much you disagree with someone on their own post and 2) if this was an isolated incident I wouldn't care either way, so I didn’t want to direct this rant at anyone in particular. It’s more to do with a tendency, primarily (as far as I can tell) from fans who haven’t had much contact with Chinese culture, to oversimplify Meng Shi and make her relationship with Meng Yao slightly disturbing, and I think part of it is due to CQL basically cutting out her entire storyline (so fans simply don’t have info about her to assess her fairly) and part is due to misunderstanding what a good parent is supposed to act like in the context of Ancient China.

[Of course, Ancient China is not a very useful historical concept, not any more than “ye olde Europe” - things change a lot based on time and place - but you know. It’s fantasy. Extremely broad trends are okay in this case.]

Anyway, the idea behind the posts I mentioned is, basically, that Meng Shi (usually through no fault of her own) is to blame for Meng Yao’s obsession with power, since his desire for approval was inherited from lessons she taught him. Just to start with, I’d argue that Meng Yao isn’t power-hungry as much as he craves security and respect, but that’s a different meta. Let’s assume that she really did teach him to be Like That. Was she wrong to do so? I’m not looking for “does that make for a happy, well-adjusted childhood?” or “would you raise your own son as Meng Shi did?” - I’m trying to figure out, would she have been considered a bad mother in the context of the society she lived in? I don’t think she would’ve.

It is surprisingly hard to find texts about the obligations of parents in Ancient China. Their main obligation is to raise filial children, but I feel like that’s not very useful: whether or not parents are good parents, children are expected to be filial, so a child being filial really says more about the child than about the parent. Maybe the parent completely missed the mark and society at large was what taught the child to be filial!

We can assume, of course, that parents were to raise good people, and that by learning what a good person looked like, we could figure out whether the parent was successful, but once again, I feel like that’s pinning things on the outcome, not on the process - the best of parents can end up with an awful kid and vice versa.

While thinking about all this, it took me a frankly embarrassing amount of time to remember the story of Mother Meng and Meng Zi, but once I did, it wouldn’t leave my mind - in part because the Meng here is the exact same Meng of Meng Shi and Meng Yao (yay! fun if useless parallel!), and in part because this is a story about how a woman can successfully raise a son by herself.

Okay, so important note: one of the most influential ancient Chinese thinkers is Meng Zi (孟子 Mèng Zǐ), who is known in the West as Mencius. If you've never heard of him - he's perhaps second in importance only to Confucius. When Mencius was still a young child, his father died, so he was raised by his mother, who is usually known only as Mother Meng (in Chinese, 孟母 Mèng Mǔ.)

Mother Meng's story is told in Biographies of Exemplary Women (列女傳 Liènǚ Zhuàn), which for around 2000 years beginning around the 18th century BCE, was the most commonly used book used to educate women. The book is divided into sections, each one showing a different way women could be honorable and good. Mother Meng's story is told in the Maternal Models section (母儀傳 Mǔ Yí Zhuàn.) The story has a few parts, some of which I'll quote, always from Kinney's 2014 translation.

Before I go on to quote it, though, I'd like to establish that Mother Meng's story is so, so famous that even if Meng Shi had never read this particular book, I'm almost certain she would've been familiar with at least the outlines of Mother Meng's story. I'm not cherry picking a suitable chapter from the book, I'm literally going with the most famous story in it because Meng Shi would be most likely to know this one if she knew no other story.

Okay, the first part of the tale takes place when Mencius is a young boy and Mother Meng is a widow raising him.

The mother of Meng Ke of Zou [a different name for Mencius] was called Mother Meng. She lived near a graveyard. During Mencius’ youth, he enjoyed playing among the tombs, romping about pretending to prepare the ground for burials. Mother Meng said, “This is not the place to raise my son.” She therefore moved away and settled beside the marketplace. But there he liked to play at displaying and selling wares like a merchant. Again Mother Meng said, “This is not the place to raise my son,” and once more left and settled beside a school. There, however, he played at setting out sacrificial vessels, bowing, yielding, entering, and withdrawing. His mother said, “This, indeed, is where I can raise my son!” and settled there. When Mencius grew up, he studied the Six Arts, and finally became known as a great classicist. A man of discernment would say, “Mother Meng was good at gradual transformation.”

According to the translator's footnote, "gradual transformation" is "a childrearing technique, whereby a child is morally formed through daily exposure to correct models of behavior."

From this story comes the proverb 孟母三遷 (Mèng Mǔ sān qiān) - "Mother Meng moved three times." It's come to mean that a parent - especially the mother of a male child - should spare no efforts to provide an environment that will give their child a good education, paying particular attention to what models are surrounding them.

I'm sure I don't need to say if Meng Shi was at all familiar with this proverb (and she would probably be), she must have been very stressed out over literally raising her son in a brothel. (Here I must mention sex workers in ancient China were often essentially owned by the brothels, so literally "moving three times" wasn't really an option for Meng Shi even if she could miraculously pick up another trade.) Meng Shi did however at least try to surround Meng Yao with the accomplishments appropriate for the son of a cultivator:

Xiao-Meng, are you still learning those things lately? [...] The things your mom wants you to learn, things like calligraphy, etiquette, swordsmanship, meditation… How are those things going? [...] His mom’s raising him as a young master of a wealthy family. She taught him how to read and write, bought him all those swordsmanship pamphlets, and even wants to send him to school.

Meng Yao actually talks a little bit about “those swordsmanship pamphlets” in the only time in canon he directly shares memories about this mother:

Lan XiChen, “Your [guqin] skills are also considered quite fine outside of Gusu. Were they taught by your mother?”

Jin GuangYao, “No. I taught myself by watching others. She never taught me such things. She only taught me reading and writing, and bought a handful of expensive sword and cultivation guides for me to practice.”

Lan XiChen seemed surprised, “Sword and cultivation guides?”

Jin GuangYao, “Brother, you haven’t seen them before, have you? Those small booklets sold by the common folk. First jumbled sketches of human figures, then deliberately mystified captions.”

Lan XiChen shook his head, smiling. Jin GuangYao shook his head as well, “All of them are scams, especially to fool women like my mother and ignorant children. You won’t lose anything by practicing them, but you definitely won’t gain anything either.”

He sighed in a rueful way, “But how could my mother have known this? She bought them no matter how expensive they were, saying that if I returned to see my father in the future, I had to see him with as much competence as possible so that I don’t fall behind. All of the money was spent on this.”

See what’s happening? Meng Shi cannot physically take Meng Yao to cultivators, but she spares no efforts in giving him the closest thing she possibly can -- figuratively, we might say she moved three times.

Of course, these booklets don’t work, but as Meng Yao says, how could she have known this? The cultivation world is very closed off - think of how the entire Mo household gathers to see Lan juniors, and how Wei Wuxian mentions once that “Cultivation families, in the eyes of common folk, are like people favored by God, mysterious yet noble.” Not just noble, but mysterious. That tracks, too - I mean, they live in inaccessible households and mostly leave to night hunt or visit each other, neither of which is an activity that would allow commoners to get much more than an occasional glimpse of them.

Now, if Meng Shi doesn’t even know that a pearl for Jin Guangshan was just a trinket, if she doesn’t know even the wealth of a major sect, how can she read booklets and decide whether that’s genuine cultivation or not? All that she sees is a chance for Meng Yao to be surrounded by the ideas and skills of the people she wants him to emulate - cultivators - and therefore she does everything she can to get him that chance. Mother Meng moved three times.

Okay, but maybe the argument is not “Meng Shi shouldn’t have pushed Meng Yao to cultivation” but rather “she should’ve pushed him, just not too hard." To that, I present another tale from Mencius' childhood:

Once, when Mencius was young, he returned home after finishing his lessons and found his mother spinning. She asked him, “How far did you get in your studies today?” Mencius replied, “I’m in about the same place as I was before.” Mother Meng thereupon took up a knife and cut her weaving. Mencius was alarmed and asked her to explain. Mother Meng said, “Your abandoning your study is like my cutting this weaving. A man of discernment studies in order to establish a name and inquires to become broadly knowledgeable. By this means, when he is at rest, he can maintain tranquility and when he is active, he can keep trouble at a distance. If now you abandon your studies, you will not escape a life of menial servitude and will lack the means to keep yourself from misfortune. How is this different from weaving and spinning to eat? If one abandons these tasks midway, how can one clothe one’s husband and child and avoid being perpetually short of food? If a woman abandons that with which she nourishes others and a man is careless about cultivating his virtue, if they don’t become brigands or thieves, then they will end up as slaves or servants.” Mencius was afraid. Morning and evening he studied hard without ceasing. He served Zisi [a great scholar whose grandfather was Confucius] as his teacher and then became one of the most renowned classicists in the world.

Notice that Mother Meng moved three times to ensure Mencius would have the highest of aspirations - to become a scholar. But just aspiration isn’t enough. Not by any means. Now that Mencius is actually studying, Mother Meng is willing to take an extreme action to ensure he's taking it seriously. Mencius doesn't have a father to smooth his path to success. He has to learn that aspiring to greatness isn't enough. He'll have to put in the effort as if his life depended on it. And if he doesn't persist in his hard work, everything he's done thus far will be useless. Sounds like a lesson imparted on young Meng Yao, doesn’t it?

A lot of fandom rage towards Meng Shi would apply to China's Best Mom Contender, Mother Meng. She gives her son big dreams, and teaches him how to go about achieving them in a society where failing is easier than succeeding. Yes, it's fair to say that Meng Shi taught Meng Yao to refuse to settle for anything less than being “Jin Guangshan's son, a respected cultivator.” Yes, it's also fair to say that she probably didn't allow him much time to play like children his age did. But unfortunately, in the world of MDZS, poor children probably wouldn't get to play anyhow, the difference is that they'd usually be working, not studying. Studying is a privilege! It’s a privilege Meng Yao could not afford but was given to him anyway, through his mother’s many sacrifices. We can even say that while she was alive, Meng Shi was trying to ensure Meng Yao would one day have a better life, at the expense of a fun childhood - and that's very Mother Meng of her, whatever our modern Western sensibilities might have to say about that.

Finally, I’d skip other tales (which show Mother Meng and an adult Mencius) and go straight to the poem that ends the Mother Meng section:

The mother of Mencius

Was able to teach, transform, judge, and discriminate.

With skill she selected a place to raise her son,

Prompting him to accord with the great principles.

When her son’s studies did not advance,

She cut her weaving to illustrate her point.

Her son then perfected his virtue;

His achievements rank as the crowning glory of his generation.

I’d like to focus on the last verse - “His achievements rank as the crowning glory of his generation.” All that Mother Meng wanted was for Mencius to not completely ruin his life, but he became great. You can so very easily see a parallel with how Meng Shi hoped Meng Yao would be a cultivator but he became Jin Guangyao, Chief Cultivator, styled Lianfang-zun, one of the Three Venerable, hero of the Sunshot Campaign.

Of course you can say “Jin Guangyao did many Very Wrong Things to get there, though!” Which, sure, okay, fair point. How many and how wrong depends on which canon we're discussing, and your own interpretation, but there’s no version of the story in which Jin Guangyao is 100% an innocent child uwu. But blaming that on Meng Shi is just... straight up weird? I don’t see anyone going “If Jiang Fengmian hadn’t adopted Wei Wuxian, he’d never have dared become Yiling Laozu!” and that’s pretty much the same logic. Would street kid Wei Wuxian have invented a new type of cultivation if he had never been taken in by the Jiang? Probably not, but raising undead armies is very much not something Jiang Fengmian could’ve predicted. In the same way, how could Meng Shi have predicted that teaching her pre-adolescent son “You are the son of a cultivator, act like one and earn your place in society” would’ve ultimately resulted in innocent deaths? How could she predict “You’re not destined to having the same horrible life I did, you can get something better than this” was a bad thing to teach? I quite honestly don’t know.

Finally, I'd like to point towards a much flimsier evidence that Meng Shi did great as a parent. And that is Meng Yao’s love. Nie Huaisang at some point comments Meng Shi is someone who Meng Yao "cherishes more than his life," and I think his assessment is correct.

Even putting aside the fact he built a whole temple to get his mother to reincarnate into a better life, and even putting aside how he refuses to flee the country without her remains, there's still crystal clear evidence that Meng Shi must've done something right. Because a lifetime of people using his mother to bully him doesn't seem to have made Meng Yao resent her. Had their relationship not have been very strong, odds are he'd feel bitter and/or ashamed of her. That doesn't seem to be the case. He's attached to her even decades after her death.

I want to be very careful with equating mutual affection with good parenting, though. When I was a rather rebellious teenager, my mother (in typical Chinese fashion) used to say that parents and children don't have to love each other as long as they're dutiful to each other, by which she meant that a parent-child relationship isn't informed by warm and fuzzy feelings, but by whether you'd be willing to do anything for each other. Specific to my case, she meant "I don't care if it makes you hate me, you will do as you're told because that's what's best for you." (That may also be the reason why people more familiar with Chinese culture see the Jiang family less as outright abusive and more as #complicated, but that's another meta.)

Whether your kid wants to hug you every time they see you is of no consequence to traditional Chinese thought - raising them to be the best they can is all that matters, because at the end of the day, you won't be around forever, but you can definitely set up your kid's life so that it goes smoothly and virtuously. How that's accomplished varies depending on many factors, but to have the goal be "I want my child to love me" rather than "I want to raise my child right" would've been considered selfish as hell.

So even if all that Meng Shi had given Meng Yao had been stern lessons about the need to go get his birthright, she would've still have been considered a good mother!! In fact, she would've been doing everything she was supposed to do, under extremely difficult conditions! (Remember the importance of environment? That Meng Yao grew up to want to be a cultivator despite having probably never even met one speaks wonders about Meng Shi's childrearing powers!!)

But just based off how over the top Meng Yao's filal dutifulness is, I'd go a step further and say that even as she did the impossible, she was also loving enough to inspire genuine affection. This is complicated because children who have present fathers could expect their mothers to be tender with them. The first century BCE text 禮記 Lǐ Jì or The Classic of Rites says that:

Here now is the affection of a father for his sons - he loves the worthy among them, and places on a lower level those who do not show ability; but that of a mother for them is such, that while she loves the worthy, she pities those who do not show ability - the mother deals with them on the ground of affection and not of showing them honour; the father, on the ground of showing them honour and not of affection.

But when the father figure is lacking for any reason, the mother must abandon her tenderness because someone must guide the child, and without a father, the role falls to the mother. A single or widowed mother had to be very careful to not smother their children with affection and raise useless, spoiled kids, or so it was thought. (The presence of Qingheng-jun and Lan Qiren is why Madame Lan can be so affectionate with the Lan boys, by the way - if she was raising them by herself she would've been expected to be much more practical. AUs where she just gets her kids and runs away could do very cool things with this idea. But I digress!)

Where was I? Oh, okay. Because Meng Yao seems to not just respect, but actively miss her, it seems that Meng Shi somehow managed to deal with her son on the ground of both honor and affection, to paraphrase.

So basically, all things considered, it seems not only would Meng Shi have been considered a great mom (if people could look past her being a prostitute, anyway) but she also went above and beyond the bare minimum. She truly spared no efforts on any front to make sure her son had everything your average gongzi would have - someone to teach him and someone to love him, access to education and confidence in his birthright. That she couldn't actually make him a cultivator, that she couldn't actually raise him in a proper home with no one being cruel to herself or him - that's immaterial. Even Mother Meng couldn't control what her neighbors did, only what she taught her son! The key point is Meng Shi tried. She did everything she could to educate her son right. You couldn't ask more of her, and quite honestly, you should probably be asking less.

Of course we can't err on the other extreme and say she was Perfect. Given MXTX only ever writes flawed characters, we can safely assume that if we'd known more about Meng Shi, we would've seen many flaws. Indeed, just the fact she didn't teach Meng Yao the guqin when he apparently wanted to learn it might point to some conflict we don't know enough to speculate about (maybe she focused too much on cultivation when Meng Yao's interests lay elsewhere? Maybe she wasn't able to sufficiently shelter him and he felt it'd be a burden to ask her to teach him anything? Maybe maybe maybe, go wild with your fics.) Nevertheless, I would never hold a female character to a higher ideal than a male character - if the male cast of MDZS can be a hot mess and still be admirable for what they're trying to do, then so can Meng Shi.

At the end of the day, when I look at Meng Shi - and I've made myself a document with all the references to her in the novel canon so I could easily contemplate her life and character - all I see is a woman every bit as determined and resourceful as her son, willing to do everything it took to raise her little boy into the sophisticated and ambitious man he became.

Finally, here's a fun little parallel that I'm 100% sure was unintentional but I still love. I said Meng Shi couldn't have moved three times. She couldn't, but I think maybe she taught her son he was worth moving three times for. Qinghe Nie. Qishan Wen. Lanling Jin. Isn't that super fun to think about?

Alternatively, tl;dr: Oh My God I Can't Believe We're Blaming Women For The Actions Of Their Adult Children In The Year Of Our Lord 2k21, Meng Shi Was Doing Her Best, Chill!

#drinking game #take a shot every time i say 'finally'#this post refused to let me get to the end of it lol #i think because i'm extremely salty about fanon stage mom meng shi #(to not say tiger mom meng shi which crosses into outright racism. but i'm giving people the benefit of the doubt)

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physicalturian · 3 years

Text

[18+] The thrill of the chase - Nanami Kento X Reader

[She/Her pronouns used for the reader; No physical description. Everyone is 18+] [No spoilers from the anime nor the manga]

Words : 8951

Archive of our own

Inspired by this art on Twitter and this one on TikTok

Tags : Fluff / Smut / Roleplay / Hair-Pulling / Soft degradation / Prey/Predator / Chase / Powerplay / Power dynamics / Punching / Impact play / Marking / Unprotected Sex / Spit kink / Choking / Play fighting / Cockwarming / Overstimulation / Begging / Submission / Blood kink / Edgeplay

Summary: Nanami comes home all bloody after taking care of some curses. You confess finding it hot to see him in such state and things take a twisted turn...

-“If you’re so feisty, show me some of that energy little mouse. I don’t think you realize you’re trapped yet,”

Taking a bath was supposed to be relaxing. And most of the time it was but knowing that Nanami was late and still not home made it harder to unwind.

While I was submerged by burning water, music playing in the background, I kept my arms out of the bath to avoid withering like a prune. My eyes were closed as I tried to think of anything but the possibility of my partner being wounded, I trusted him, he knew what he was doing… But I also regretted his change of career. He was a lot safer in the confine of corporate bureaus. But who was I to say anything? He seemed a lot happier being a sorcerer than doing stock market.

I drummed my fingers nervously on the side of the bath, humming to drown my thoughts, taking in the nice fragrance of the bath bomb I had threw in the water. I could still hear the fizzy sound it made as it dissolved, amidst the popping sounds of the bubbles on the surface of the water. Taking a handful of bubbles, I huffed to myself, “I’ll clock out before 6pm, he says” I grumbled, letting them fall back in the water “I don’t do overtime, he says” I said, imitating his gruffy tone. He could at least text if he were on his way home, I thought as I leaned back, eyes closed.

“There was a small set back, I am here now.” I was startled by the voice by the door, I quickly leaned against the tub to cover myself and sighed when I saw it was Nanami. “You scared me-“ I stopped mid-sentence and looked at him in a mix of shock seeing how bloody he was but also slightly pleased by the sight. I did not want to tell him that seeing him all bloody like that had an effect on me, and it was not justworry. I hid a smile behind my palm.

I gulped when I saw him unwrap his tie from around his fist, it was covered in blood like his suit. He had a habit of doing that when he fought, I never really knew why since he would still end up with bruised knuckles. While his face was speckless, his hair wasn’t, and his suit was ruined. I was about to get up and check on him when he stepped closer and told me to stay in the bath. “I need to make sure you’re okay, Kento,” Huffing, he gave me a half-smile and let his jacket fall to the ground as he gazed down at me.

No matter how long I had known him, I would never get enough of the sight of him in his white dress shirt with his harness. It had a charm I couldn’t quite describe, perhaps it was the way it defined his muscles even more or the contrast of the black on the white. It looked exquisite on him. Sitting on the edge of the bath, he grabbed his weapon from the harness behind his back and put in on the ground before looking at me. “I’m ok,” he reassured me as he placed one of his hand on my thigh.

It was a huge contrast of temperature with his freezing hand and my burning skin, but the worse was the intense look he was giving me as his hand slid further in. Deeper in the water, higher on my thigh. I brought my knees together to stop his hand from going any further and whispered his name in a warning tone. His reply was to tighten his grip, he had rolled up his sleeves and looked even better than moments ago. “Tell me to stop,” He breathed. I don’t want to, I thought. Instead, I played it off.

“You keep ruining your suits, we should buy black ones, it’ll be easier to remove the stain,”

I heard him hum as he moved his hands to his harness, letting go of me. I was disappointed but did not say anything, we could take a bath, relax and just enjoy one another’s company. “Perhaps should I change my entire outfit?” “No, no, the shirt and the harness stay,” I reacted too quickly, only realizing after that he had a small smirk on his face, that he was baiting me.

“Is that so?”

Chuckling, I sunk deeper in the water, “I mean, the harness holds the weird bat you got, right? So…” I trailed off. Nanami replied, deep in thought, “A polo shirt would be very comfortable-“ “Ken! Polos are ugly, you’re already on thin ice with the blue shirt and leopard printed tie,” I heard his laugh, then the muffled sound of something hitting the rug on the floor. I glanced his way and saw he was very slowly unbuttoning his shirt, his harness was on the ground. The slowness was not to make me yearn for him, no, he was in pain.

I quickly got out of the bathtub almost tripping as I did so, I ignored the cold hitting my skin and moved his hands from the buttons, “I can do it, dear,” He whispered. “Just because you cando it, doesn’t mean I can’t help you.” I replied, moving his hands once again when he tried to do it himself, instead I settled them on my hips and heard a low satisfied groan from his throat. I took a deep breath to stay composed, but I couldn’t help but feel something lighting up in me.

When I had finished unbuttoning his shirt, I shrugged it off his shoulders and took in the sight. It was once again with mixed feelings that I enjoyed it. He was gorgeously sculpted, but also covered in bruises. “You grow reckless when you do overtime, you shouldn’t rush things Ken…” I mumbled, checking if there was anything more than bruises. “The bruises will be gone in a few days,” He brought me closer against him as he said so, I wrapped my hands around his neck and saw the red that tainted my hand when I caressed the back of his head.

Pushing him away, I huffed and was about and went to grab my bathrobe, “You should get cleaned, take a bath and relax,“ “Then get back in the bath, I’ll join you,” He told me while unbuckling his belt. I paused in my steps and turned around to look at him with an inquisitive look, “Ken, I don’t think it’d be practical if we are going to do that…” When he finished undressing he stared at me with a certain hunger in his eyes. My eyes traveled from his eyes to his lips before looking at his blood-covered hair and knuckles.

Nanami held my hands in his, effectively bringing my attention back to him. A smirk was painted on his lips. “That being? A bath, with my lover, hm?” I rolled my eyes and nodded, slightly disappointed but lead us to the bath. Before I could step inside, Nanami said he’d get in first, that I should sit between his legs. “It should be the other way around, I’m not missing the chance of washing your hair, okay?” He chuckled lowly in response and told me to ‘get in then’. When I did, he stood in front of the bath a moment. I believe he was taking in the sight, and the longer he stood there, the more self-conscious I was becoming.

I made a beckoning motion with my arm and told him to join me. “Careful it’s hot,” I said hurriedly, with his hands on either side of the bath, he lowered himself into the water, I heard him hiss a bit. It could have been because of the burning water, or maybe the pain, whichever it was he did not complain. He gave me a sight I enjoyed greatly, but I held back from squeezing his ass and let him make himself comfortable. With his back now against my chest, I asked him to lean forward, which he did without a word. Like that, I let my hand roam on his back a moment. I noticed the marks around his back, it traveled to his front, I could see it on the side of his chest.

I let my fingers travel the redness, thinking of how it could have happened then it struck me, “Ken, your harness is too tight around your chest,” I whispered, as I wrapped my arms around his torso and kissed different spots on his back. I heard him sigh in content, the tension in his body visibly going away as he relaxed his form and let his hands fall in the water to hold onto my thighs. “It’s the point, that way it doesn’t move. The marks never stay long,” He stated. He had started rubbing my legs slowly. At first it was his hands wrapped around my legs, then he only trailed a few fingers along my skin.

I jerked my leg away to stop him, laughing when I told him to not do that. There was some playfulness in my voice, he knew I was not mad. “I’m not missing the chance of having you fully naked, so, unless you tell me to stop…” With a bit of a struggle, he turned around in the bath. He was still between my legs, but this time he brought me closer to him by pulling my ankles and wrapping them behind his back. My breath hitched when I felt him against me, more than just the skin. Keep it cool, there is no way I’m fucking in a bathtub, I thought.

Ignoring the closeness, I leaned back to grab the shampoo and bumped it against Nanami’s chest. “If you still have some energy to be like that, then wash your hair first,” I huffed. There was a funny feeling in my stomach when he smiled at me and bent over enough for me to see the top of his head, “Do it,”

“It would have been more practical if you hadn’t turned around,” I grumbled as I poured water over his hair before spurting some shampoo in my hand and started lathering his hair, “Don’t complain if the shampoo gets in your eyes- nor if your neck hurts because it’s entirely your fault,” I huffed, earning a low chuckle from the blond man. I rolled my eyes and suddenly gripped his hair tight when I felt his hands wander on my lower stomach before adventuring higher and brushing his thumbs over my nipples. “Ken! Don’t start,”

“Oh angel, you started this long before I did,” He said smugly. I couldn’t see his face, but I quickly rinsed off the shampoo and combed his hair back with my hands before lifting his face. “That’s entirely false, you did,” I said, falsely offended. Reaching behind me once more, I grabbed the washcloth and dipped it in the water, only to have big hands take it from mine and lead them to his higher thighs. My breath hitched once more as I looked up at him with a warning look, but I did not say anything.

A smirk was displayed on his lips as he guided my hand to his cock, then let go when I wrapped my hand around it but did not move. “I never realized until now,” he started, tucking a strand of hair that stuck to my skin behind my ear. “That seeing me in such a pitiful state turned you on,”

My eyes widened and I heard him chuckle breathlessly as he told me to go easy with the grip on his cock, I let go not having realized I had tightened my hand. “I never said that; Did I?” And here I thought I had been subtle, but it wasn’t that at all. He had feigned ignorance since he had saw me look at him too intensely. “I’d say the needy look in your eyes, and excuses to touch me, speak for themselves. Wouldn’t you agree?” I did not reply.

Instead, I shrugged and grabbed the washcloth once more, then poured some body wash on it before handing it to my partner. He pushed it back towards me, and leaned back in the bath, arms resting on either side of the bath, “I’m too sore to do it myself, would you mind?” He was good at keeping his emotions in check, he wasn’t smiling smugly, or anything as such. No, he kept his face neutral, but I knew he was being a little shit in his own way.

I smirked, “Of course,” he smiled back gently, but we both knew it wasn’t a real smile, no. He would be looking at each of my movements, ready to have me at any moment. He ran his hand through his hair and rested it back on the rim of the bath.

Scooting closer, I moved to sit on his lap, making him stretch his legs in the length with the space I had freed. “Tell me if it hurts,” I said before gripping his chin roughly, making him look at me as I cleaned his face. I felt him clench his jaw and had to hold back a smile. I avoided his gaze the entire time, focusing on cleaning before throwing him a side glance followed by a mischievous smile. “Careful,” He just said, not moving, simply letting his gaze follow me. I quirked a brow in reply, humming in a questioning manner before continuing cleaning up.

I started by his shoulders and sliding to his neck where I let my fingers wrap around his throat a bit longer than it was necessary. I felt his hand caress my back before settling on my lower back, “I said, careful,” Nanami said as he let his head fall back on the back of the tub, his eyelids almost closed as he looked at me from that angle. “Am I hurting you?” I asked innocently. I moved to clean his chest, knowing full well the moment I’d dip my hand inside the water, I’d have an advantage.

“You’re awfully daring tonight, does the sight of me drenched in blood turn you on that much, my love?”

“If anything, it annoyed me to see your suit ruined, Ken,” I huffed. When I went to wash him lower, Nanami took hold of my wrist and stopped me. I looked up at him confused and was met with a look at told me he was clearly not having it. Dropping the washcloth on his chest I sighed, “Alright, maybe, yes. Can you blame me?” I admitted. It made him chuckle as he brought me closer to him, his hands on my ass as he pressed me right against him. “Tell me more about it,” He whispered as he kissed my neck gently, leaving a trail down my collarbone before going up again.

I let out a breathless laugh at the feeling of his breath brushing over my skin along the lightness of his kisses. Both my hands were now resting on his shoulders as I leaned the side of my head against his, “I never get to see you fight,” I started, my fingers sliding over his collarbone to caress the base of his neck. “It’s for the better. If you did, that’d mean you’d be in danger,” He explained.

I sucked in my teeth, “That’s not what I meant, you’re right but I meant like…” I could feel my cheeks heat up as time went by, no matter how I worded it in my head, it was bound to sound strange the moment it’d leave my mouth.

“You’re strong, it’s hot, you’re good at being a sorcerer… And I know you enjoy the fighting, so I can’t help but think of the faces you’re making when you’re enjoying a good fight. A fight that’d leave you breathless, sore, aching all over,” I looked down at him and cradled his face in my hands as I tried to roll my hips only to be kept on the spot by Nanami’s hands. “The adrenaline pumping in your veins, your heart beating faster and faster as it tries to keep up with your ecstatic state. The rush of seeing them taken down, of knowing you were stronger than them,”

I ghosted my lips barely above his and held back a smile when he parted his lips, “Maybe you didn’t break a sweat, maybe you did, but in the end, it left you drenched in blood that isn’t yours, you’re the one left standing. You’re good at this and you could keep going until exhaustion takes over, I know it” I kissed him tenderly, smirking when I felt him trying to deepen the kiss, but I pulled back and grinned wider. “But you never do, you never let it take over, because you have to come home to me,”

“I’m starting to think there’s an underlying meaning to this speech,” Nanami hummed as he started rubbing my back gently, pouring more water over my freezing skin. A smile grew on my face as I let a hand wander down his torso very slowly, letting my fingers brush over his happy trail. “I’m just saying… that maybe you still have some energy left for some fun,” I grabbed his cock underwater and suddenly found myself with my ass on the bottom of the bath as Nanami got up and wrapped a towel around his waist. “Get out,” he said while handing out his hand for me to grab.

As he helped me out of the bath, he handed me a towel. I knew there was a huge grin on my face when I wrapped the towel around my form and pulled Nanami closer by his towel. He slapped my hand away, I could only chuckle in response. “Bed, now,” he stated. It sent electricity coursing through my body. I stood in front of him a bit longer, trying to gauge the mindset he was in. I wanted him on edge, I wanted him to go all in, “Don’t you worry, I got the message,” he started, sauntering closer. He lifted my chin roughly, just as I did earlier.

“You’re enjoying this a lot, when I’ve barely done anything,” He let his hand fall to his side and tugged off my towel, leaving me stark naked in front of him. “Stay like this, get on the bed, kneeling,”

The smile on my lips was portraying the same emotion as my laugh, nervous. “I don’t think you got the message,” I whispered, earning a loud sigh from my partner. “Looks like I need to get you there myself,” I did not have time to complain that I was lifted off the ground before being thrown onto the bed.

By the time I sat up, Nanami had his back turned on me and was in front of the wardrobe, already halfway dressed. “Ken, I’m confused,” I was about to get out of bed when I heard him tell me to stay there.

As he was buttoning up his shirt, he looked at me with a smile. “Tell me, my dove,” I perked up at the sweet name and moved to the center of the bed, kneeling. “Does it turn you on because you know I had to go full force?” He asked as he moved to the drawers and pulled out a leather harness that he shrugged on, buckling it on the front before looking at me with the same small smile.

“Or maybe is that whole speech more of a way to hide that your dirty little secret…” He finished by slipping on a pair of black leather gloves. He had not put on his tie, but he was now fully dressed, while I was completely nude. “Is that you want to feel the thrill of being chased…” He walked around the bed slowly, leaning over slightly to grab the paddle that was resting next to it, against the wall. He was now on my right, I did not want to look too needy, but I was starting to feel excited, yet I didn’t move when he went to grip my jaw and made me look at him.

“…Of being preyed on.”

I hated myself for the sound that escaped my throat, it made Nanami’s smile widen. “Is that it? You want to be dominated in the most carnal way, to be rendered defenseless,” I did not reply.

“Tell me your safe word, now” And I did, making him smile proudly. “So, you can speak,” he breathed in fake surprise, a few seconds after, Nanami was pulling my legs towards him and had me on my back as he kept my legs spread by settling himself between them. “I almost thought I had already scared you from so little, it would have been disappointing since you’re not yet as vulnerable as I’d like you to be,”

With both of his hands on my knees, he spread my legs wider and looked between my legs with hunger before letting his eyes trail back to my eyes. “And not nearly as afraid, from the look on your eyes you’re still too confident. I’ll wipe that smile off your face,” My breath hitched, I regretted the excited smile on my lips when it made Nanami frown as he gripped my knees tighter before dragging me off the bed.

His hold on the paddle handle changed as he rested it on his shoulder. He looked down at me with a half-smile. “I like this better; the floor is less comfortable than the bed, isn’t it?” I nodded and leaned back when the blond leaned forward, dropping his arm holding the paddle so that the tip hit the ground. It startled me. “Good, I don’t want you comfortable, fear comes when you’re out of your comfort zone,” He looked me up and down, a few strands of wet hair falling over his face.

I could feel my heart beat faster, it only increased when he suddenly crouched in front of me, the paddle now being used as a place to rest his chin as he looked at me intently. “I think you need an incentive, so here,” He held out his hand for me to grab and helped me up my feet. I looked at him confused. I was slowly growing uneasy from his actions; they did not make one drop of sense.

Once I got to my feet, he pulled me towards him and wrapped a hand around my throat when he got closer to me before whispering right next to my ear, his teeth grazing my lobe. “You have two minutes to hide, if I find you…” His fingers dig into the side of my throat, elating a muffled sound from me. With the strength of his arm, he got me to my tiptoes by lifting me even a little bit, his hand still around my throat. I held onto his arm to try to stay balanced and get him to let me go, which he did, almost making me fall to the ground. But I caught myself.

Nanami sat down on the end of the bed, setting the paddle on his lap. He leaned back on his hands; I couldn’t help but ogle how good he looked like that. He made sure to wear exactly all the things I told him I liked once, and the paddle on his thighs was the best accessory I could hope for. “Don’t let me find you, little dove,” He emphasized his word by running his fingers over the handle. “Don’t get me mad either,” I heard him well, I understood what he meant, and it sent thrills running down my spine.

When he looked up, Nanami quirked a brow. He then looked at the watch on his wrist then back at me, “You have one minute and a half left, I suggest you get going little dove, unless…” His gloved hand tightened around the handle once more. Leather against leather made a sound all the more appealing to my ear, I went to take the towel left on the floor but thought against it when Nanami tutted me, “You stay like this, go,” He shooed me.

I scurried off.

I felt self-conscious, running around the apartment naked, trying to find a hiding place but I also felt overwhelmed. This was Nanami’s choice of furniture, his choice of decoration, and all of this was one thing: minimalist. Nothing was made to hide in or behind. Part of me wanted him to find me, just to see what he’d do, to see his powerful look as he looked down at me before dragging me from my hiding spot. But then, I wanted to see him get frustrated as he’d try to find me.

I needed to see him lose his composure, get frustrated. I had to think fast, to know what I really wanted out of him. The thud of my feet on the cold floor was all I could hear at first, though it did not drown the louder sound no one could hear, my heartbeat.

I quickly grabbed the blanket from the couch and opened the closet door. That’s when I heard a voice call from the bedroom when I entered the living-room and peeked under the sofa. “Thirty seconds left,” Fuck fuck fuck, I thought in panic as I crawled inside the closet. I made sure to close it silently behind me, before sitting in the deep corner and throwing the blanket over my form. Now this was not the type of hide-and-seek I did as a child, it was… better.

Now hidden, I let the remaining seconds pass, and soon enough I could hear the sound of Nanami’s steps around the apartment. “You better be hidden little dove, I do love a good chase,” He was walking slowly, scaringly so. Quiet enough that I really had to pay close attention if I wanted to hear anything. Along his footsteps was the repetitive sound of something hitting the palm of his hand. It wasn’t the paddle, if it had been, the sound would have been blunter. But it sounded more like a sharp, cutting sound.

I was buzzing with excitement, my blood pumping more and more with how eager I was. We had done a few rougher sessions before, but I wanted to see how it’d turn this one around, and I was more than willing to let his creativity run free. His steps seemed further away, so did his voice when he spoke loud enough so that I could hear him no matter where I was in the apartment. “I’ll applaud the effort you put in your hiding spot, and while I do love the chase,” I heard him groan as he slammed something shut, startling me in the process.

“I do grow tired of hide-and-seek pretty easily,” he continued like this for a few more minutes, his tone growing more and more impatient, more unnerved as he spoke. His steps were heavier on the ground, faster too, he was pacing, he was doing comes and go around the place and suddenly, it all stopped when he stepped inside the living room.

No more talking. No more taunting. Nothing.

It was eerie. For a moment I thought he was done, then I heard what I believe was the TV. Is he for real? I thought in astonishment. I peeked out from under the blanket that covered my form and silently crawled to the door, placing my ear against it. He had indeed turn it on. I sighed in disappointment and opened the door slowly to surprise him and gasped loudly when I was met with a smug smile. Nanami was crouching in front of the closet. I looked him over, noticing the paddle was resting in the holster where his weapon would usually be, and instead in his hand was a riding crop.

He was holding it in his delicate fingers, as his forearms rested crossed on his knees, “What better way to bait the mouse than to make it believe the threat is gone?” My stomach dropped, I could either back away inside the closet or try for a run. The latter seemed like a better option, one that avoided me ending up cornered. Smirking, I threw him the blanket and push him and went for it.

I don’t know what I was thinking. That wouldn’t stop him. I hadn’t even made him fall back, he simple sighed angrily. I had barely stepped out of the closet that I found myself gripping the back of the couch when Nanami grabbed my shin and made me lose my balance. “A stupid move,” he grunted. I tried to get back up, but he stood up and forced me to let go of the couch, effectively making me fall to the ground.

A groan escaped my lips when I met the floor with force. When I tried to sit up, I was pushed down once more by Nanami’s shoe. It wasn’t too strong, as long as I complied.

And I did.

“Tell me, what’s your color little dove?” He asked in a low tone. The tip of the riding crop was being grazed along my form as I tried to get him to move his foot away, my hands wrapped tight around his ankle. “Green- let me get up-“ “I’m not ‘letting you’ do anything,” He spat as he pressed a bit more on my torso before removing his foot and crouching next to me, a hand resting still on my chest to keep me down. “Fight for it.” He said it in a way that made it as the most obvious solution.

I stuttered, raising a brow in confusion. He smiled. It wasn’t heartwarming, it was reassuring, it was mocking. It made my blood boil. When I was about to reply, he gripped my jaws strongly making me clench my teeth in annoyance. “Maybe I should be clearer, after all you are a bit… slow tonight,” I frowned. “When I say don’t take the towel, it does not mean take the blanket,” he stated as his eyes wandered from my lips to my throat.

If I listened to him any longer, I’d start feeling bad for not obeying him, which was not correct in this situation. So, I clawed at his hand that was now tightening around my throat, “Let- go- of- me!” I gasped through heavy breaths; he wasn’t budging. “Do you need a hint?” He asked with a condescending smile, I did not reply. “Hit me.” My eyes widened, I let go of his hand and instead held his wrist. Not knowing if he was joking. After gauging a bit longer, I came to the conclusion that he was dead serious.

I was starting to feel dizzy, from lack of oxygen… and from arousal. It was strange, but I couldn’t ignore how great it felt, “Ken-“ “Fucking do it, fight for it- or beg, I’d be pleased by both outcomes,” he paused and moved to straddle my lap, his knees supporting most of his weight.

With hesitance, I raised my hand and pushed his face away. He only laughed in response, he did let go of my throat, both of his hands sliding to the nape of my neck. His fingers threaded through my hair as he lifted my head a bit from the ground to make me look at him, “A rougher incentive seems necessary, you’re still too comfortable,” He leaned in and ghosted his lips over mine, whispering to not forget my safe word as he pressed a short kiss on my lips before leaning back.

He took hold of the riding crop once more, not yet taking the paddled out and let it trail over my nipples very slowly. I arched my back for more, my eyes closed then yelped at the burning sensation on my skin when he struck me. I gave him a scowl, he grinned lazily. “If you’re so feisty, show me some of that energy little mouse. I don’t think you realize you’re trapped yet,” I did not have time to reply, he struck me again. I yelped in pain/pleasure.

“It feels like you’ve surrendered already my dove, was it that easy to get you to submit?” When he did not get a reply and rose his arm to strike me once more, I pulled him by the front of his shirt and tried to roll him over, only to be laughed at when held my wrists in one hand and pushed me back, hands over my head. “You’re not trying, you’re humoring me, it’s pitiful,” He said with a scoff.

The thought of hitting him was becoming stronger and stronger, I wanted to see what he’d do in response. But I couldn’t do this anymore, he had me pinned. He either read my mind or had something in his, but for some reason he let go and started unbuttoning his shirt.

I took this opportunity to use my knee to hit his back, before punching his jaw with all my force. A shaky breath escaped his lips, not one of fear, but of excitement.

That attempt had not changed anything of the situation I was in, if anything it only angered him more. With his face still half turned to the side, I could see the growing smile on his lips. He slowly turned around; His lower lip slightly redder than before. “You’re getting the hang of it, but you’re still bad at it. Here, try again,” He faced the other way, giving me his other cheek.

“Ken I’m sorry-“ He interrupted me by guiding my hand into a fist to his cheek, “Right here,” he hissed. “Make it worth it, it’s your last opportunity to get the upper hand, then it’s my turn,” I wasn’t going to do it until he took out the paddle and struck my thighs with force, smirking, “Next is your stomach, stop me,” Two thoughts clashed inside my head, the first was, let him do it, the second was, no way. I acted on instinct and punched his jaw with force before gripping the back of his hair and pulling it.

He winced, I took the chance to slide from under him and escape quickly. I barely missed the hand that reached out for my ankle, an exhilarated sigh left my lips. I made a run for it, but instead of cornering myself to the bedroom, I stopped on the other side of the couch. I would mirror Nanami’s opposite steps, making him more and more frustrated. I noticed the wiped blood on the back of his glove along the one that seemed to be tainting his teeth when he smiled in the most threatening and primal way.

Seeing him away from me, seeing how I was in a safe position, seeing that I was not losing just yet… it all pushed me to taunt him, “You can’t reach me, it’s funny isn’t-“ I stopped mid-sentence and felt my heart dropped when Nanami simply jumped over the couch and sauntered over me, his eyes darkened with arousal. He seemed more than thrilled by this whole thing, I knew it the moment he opened his mouth, I kept mine shut tight. “Hilarious. But I don’t see you laughing much, little dove…” He said slowly.

His hand rose oh so gently to cradle my face in his, “Submit,” his whispered. I shook my head. His hand slid to the back of my head once more, except this time he took a handful of my hair and started walking away, pulling me by my hair. It wasn’t too painful, as long as I kept up with his pace, which I did. He threw me on the couch and struck my back hard with the paddle. “The hard way it is,”

My partner crouched next to me, I did not move from laying on my stomach, before he could speak, I spat on him and grinned. He closed his eyes a moment, wiping the saliva off while getting up once more. “I was going to give you one last chance, but it seems your spirit isn’t broken yet. Sheer force seems to be the solution, don’t you think little dove?” He brushed my hair gently, then struck my back hard. I let out a moan and buried my face in the pillow to try to muffle it before speaking up.

“I have a high- pain tolerance sir- fuck,” I swore under my breath. I heard him laugh genuinely, breaking character for a second at my mistake. I was so used to our power dynamics that it rolled off in times of… pleasure. “Let’s see how high, remember,” I thought he was going to remind me of my safe word, instead he said, “The words are: I submit,”

I huffed. “Am I hearing them from you?” I asked playfully.

It earned me another strong hit, this time with the riding crop.

I felt Nanami’s gloved hand brush over my sore back, taking in the damage. The feeling of the leather on my skin felt so good against the burn I was feeling. “You’re getting off on this too much, let’s make it more fun,” He whispered as his hand slid between my legs, “Pain won’t get you begging, but pleasure will,” His fingers slid between my lower lips to finally meet my clit as he started stimulating it tentatively at first.

It wasn’t the right spot at first, so I turned around and grinned proudly, “I think you’re better off hitting me if you’re not going to hit the spot-“ I swore under my breath when he put just the right amount of pressure, making me feel a shiver all over my body. Nanami laughed mockingly but did not stop, he skillfully played with my clit. He lifted my ass up to get a better angle but gripped my hair forcefully to keep my head in the pillow and not lift myself up on my arms. “This spot, right?” He breathed, satisfaction dripping from his voice.

I only whined in response. When I tried to move my ass back to get more friction, Nanami placed a knee on the couch and stopped me from moving with his hip. He kept me in place, his fist gripping my hair even tighter. “You’re a fucking handful, should I let you cum to appease that silly little greed of yours?” He grunted against my ear, I could feel my eyes roll back as I was getting closer and closer. “Yes, please, yes, yes,”

He pulled his hand back, and slapped my ass hard, probably leaving a mark. He let go of my hair and let his hands trail back to my waist where they stayed as he bent over my back and spoke, “I thought we agreed I wouldn’t let you do anything,” I breathed shakily as I turned my head to look at him the best I could. “Frustration suits your face well, little mouse,” He said softly, his eyes darting to my lips. I caught a glimpse of the real him there, until he got closer to my face and licked from my neck to my cheek, “Let’s see how long it’ll take you to beg for release,”

When he said that, his fingers went back to my clit, nothing else. I did not get any friction; he did not even deign giving me any sort of pleasure from his cock. Through moans and gasps, I looked over my shoulder to catch of glimpse of him as he pressed once more onto my back while his other hand was between my legs. “At least fucking remove the gloves, Ken-“ My voice went a higher pitch when I talked, forcing me to hide my face in the pillows to muffle my moans.

“Tell me if I’m wrong,” I heard Nanami’s gruffy tone as the speed of his fingers increased on my clit. “But it looked like you thought you had any say in what I was doing,” His breath was getting heavier just as I felt my legs shake the closer I got. Nanami saw it and slid his fingers away. I groaned out his name in frustration before moving my hand between my legs, only to have it slapped away. “My, my, already taking matters in your own hands?”

I was startled when I felt the cold texture of the riding crop brushing from my shoulders to my back, to slowly slide between my legs. I gasp when he pressed it just slightly at my entrance before slithering to my clit and striking it, earning a high-pitched moan from me. “I wonder how much you can take before it’s too painful to even touch it, shall we see?” Hearing him so cocky ticked me off, and while I could feel the pulsing of my clit, desperate for more, desperate to get off, I felt a spike of fighting spirit before all.

When Nanami went to touch me once again, I tried to kick him, all while moving my arm to push his from my back. He did lose his balance but caught himself by gripping both of my legs as he pulled them so that my pelvis was finally touching the couch. I had barely time to realize what happened that my legs were in a deadlock between his as he straddled the back of my thighs. One of his hand wrapped around my throat, bringing my head back enough that my throat was perfectly exposed. He rose on his knees, still behind me, and lowered his face to mine in that same angle.

I was seeing him upside down, but I could also smell the blood I had drawn when I hit him. It was intoxicating, in the strangest way. My back hurt from being arched like that, mixed with the pressure on my neck… it felt delightful. “What a pretty sight, twisted like a useless fucking ragdoll,” I gasped at his name calling, not ready to admit it sent a jolt of pleasure through my body. Brushing a finger over my chin, Nanami kissed me roughly, smiling along the kiss as his tongue delved into my mouth but it was as passionate as it was quick. “Beg me to fuck you,” he growled against my lips. I only whimpered in response, forcing myself to keep my mouth shut.

He did not like it.

Nanami pressed against my ass, rolling his covered hips against me. He then brought a gloved hand to my lips and said, “Take it off,” talking about the glove. I opened my mouth and gently nipped the tip as he pulled his hand back. The glove was snatched out of my mouth and thrown on the low table before his fingers returned to my mouth and forced my mouth open. “I haven’t been playing fair, have I?” He asked rhetorically. I knew there was something behind this question. And yet, I shook my head, making him grin wide. “It’s only fair I return what you gave me,” I quirked a brow at his word then the pressure on my throat was gone.

His hands were unbuckling his belt, “You stay like this, I have you right where I want you,” When I heard him groan upon freeing his cock from his pants, his remaining gloved hand returned to my throat and tilted my head backwards once more, “You’ve been a fucking pain,” He grunted as his free fingers brushed against my hole, I bite my lip to hold back the smile I felt upon winning. “How are you feeling right now, little mouse?”

With a strained voice, raspy even, I said, “Green, and proud to see you succumb first,” I said with a wicked smile. Nanami mirrored it, but it did not hold the same pride. No, it was disturbing, it did not match his following actions when he stopped touching me. “Is that what you think is happening? Let me tell you one thing,” he paused, and I heard him groan as I felt his movements behind me, he was stroking his cock a few times. I suddenly felt it press against my entrance and let out throaty moans when he slowly slid it in.

“I love tests. Testing how long you can hold before begging to come,” He started as he sheathed himself inside, he wrapped his arm around my waist and started playing with my clit, elating loud moans from me, “It feels good, doesn’t it?” I nodded; My eyes closed as I focused on the pleasure. Another gasp left my lips when I felt him fully in. When I was about to move to get the friction, the hand around my throat tightened. “I’ll be testing how fucking desperate you are for my cock, you’re not allowed to move unless you submit, understood?”

I threw him a deadly glare and smirked mischievously, “Try me,” then I gripped a handful of his hair and pulled him back. Nanami hissed, with the arm that was around my waist he brought mine down and tilted my head back once more, his face hovering over mine. “I pulled your hair, you pull mine, it’s fair,” He stated, his voice dripping with ire, his eyes then darkened, “You spit…” He started, opening my mouth with a gloved finger, I heard the sound before realizing it. He closed my mouth afterwards and covered it with the palm of his hand. “I spit, now fucking swallow,”

I tried to get his hand off my mouth, but he kept it there until he was sure I had swallowed, that’s when he added, “I can feel you walls clenching around my cock, it looks like you’re enjoying being treated like filth,” He leaned back, and pushed my head into the pillow, his form unmoving inside me. I wanted more than just that, I wanted to feel his hands gripping my waist tight as he’d fuck me from behind. I leaned back, to try to get something from it, only to be struck down.

The snap of the riding crop meeting my skin echoed in the silent room and was soon joined by my painful moan. “Two words, say them. Or do you not understand what’s going on here?” Without moving, his hand met my clit once more while the free one held my hips in place, he resumed his earlier work and my moans were now full whines, my poor clit felt like it was burning from the overstimulation it was getting. Nanami continued, until he felt my walls clench around his cock, that’s when he stopped and laughed breathlessly. “That’s three times, I can go on, but can you?”

I tried to reply, but my response was muffled by the pillow. Perhaps it was for the best, but Nanami wasn’t having it. He gripped a handful of my hair once more and pulled my head up, “Stop mumbling, articulate,” He ordered. I looked away, pressing my lips tight. “Alright, let’s see how well you fence after the fourth time, shall we?” He never let go of my hair and used his free hand to touch my clit once again, I couldn’t muffle my panting this time. My mouth wide open, loud moans, I couldn’t bear another deception.

“Please,” I uttered.

“I didn’t quite catch that,” He said with a bit too much pride in his voice, “Need I remind you the words?” He asked as he pressed his lips delicately against my temple and gritted through his teeth, “Go ahead little mouse, say it,” I wasn’t saying it. I felt his lips turn into a smile, his fingers hadn’t left my nub, and it had gotten unbearable, each of his graze against it felt like it burnt so when he bucked his hips into me one time: it was enough to make me succumb.

“I submit- Ken, please, no more, I can’t-“ I panted, tears of frustration streaming down my face. A satisfied growled escaped Nanami’s lips, “Atta girl, let’s get you fucked properly,” He let go of my hair, effectively making me fall back on the pillow. His hands brushed over my back a few times, as if he was assessing before going forth with what he had planned. He paused, then settled his hands on my hips and started ramming inside me animalistically.

Each of his thrusts were met with a whimper, that very angle made him reach the right spot easily, but it wasn’t enough yet. I felt like he was holding back, “Ken- my back-“ Confused, Nanami slowed down his movements and leaned in, keeping himself in role, “Speak up little mouse, I can’t hear you over how fucking loud you’re whining,”

I swore in pleasure under my breath among the tears, he knew what he was doing, and I could feel my face heat up more than it already was. I quickly got hold of myself and sobbed, “Mark me, let it out,“ Nanami had now stopped everything and seemed to be gauging how I was doing, a flicker of the real him showed on his face before he returned to his role once more. “Look at you, crying for more. Desperate to be ruined, to be dominated,” He delicately tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, it did not do much with how messy my hair was, but it was soft, nonetheless.

“I’ll oblige,” With a kiss pressed on the back of my head, Nanami then did exactly what he promised. His thrusts were more carnal, his hands, now both gloveless, were painting my back with claw marks as he used my back as his canvas. I was not aware of much of what I was doing, but it felt so fucking good. I was moaning and crying at the same time and seeing how Nanami seemed to get even more turned on from the sight, I was led to believe he enjoyed it as well.

He kept that pace up, but soon enough we both reached our peak. Through heavy pants, I begged Nanami to cum inside me, which he happily complied to. The mix of pain and pleasure made everything stronger, I felt my eyes roll back and my legs shake, as best as they could from being held down, then nothing. Pure bliss.

I kept my eyes closed a while longer, letting Nanami pull out and do as he pleased. He probably got changed and went to get what he thought was necessary to take care of me.

Then I believe I fell asleep a few moments after that, I don’t know how long but when I woke up, I was wrapped in a comfortable bathrobe. A blanket was draped over my form, and something was resting on my stomach. Looking down, I saw Nanami’s hand lazily draped over it.

I then looked up and saw my head was resting on a pillow on his lap. He was sitting on the couch, watching the TV. When I met his gaze, he smiled in the most charming way, “You’re awake, it seemed it tired you more than I thought it would. We’ll be more careful next time,” He said softly as he kept his eyes on mine.

We stared at one another a while. Not saying anything, not needing to, or maybe wanting to. But it wasn’t awkward, it was comfortable.

Nanami broke the silence first, “Did it meet your expectations? I find myself believing you’ve been thinking about this for a while, maybe a fantasy?” He asked, his hand absentmindedly brushing over my stomach.

I smiled tiredly, “Oh it did, it’s hard to get into it at first… And I wouldn’t be against being thrown around more. Safely… ish, of course…” I paused, not believing I was feeling embarrassed after what we had done. “But you were definitely great, thank you for engaging in this… I guess it could be defined as a fantasy,” It felt too serious to thank him like this, but I did not know how other way to do it.

“I did not think it would have been necessary to say it, but clearly you seem to be thinking I only did it for you,” He looked at me with a loving smile, “Which I partially did, but I do enjoy seeing you struggling under me. And I definitely enjoyed this, more than you think,” I quirked my brows in surprise at his word, the small smile on my lips betraying the shock and showing the excitement that returned. “However, I must apologize for the soreness you’ll be feeling, I treated everything, but you’ll definitely be sore for a few days… Maybe a week, you tell me,”

I moved on the couch to see in how much pain I was and hissed when my whole body screamed for me to stop. “Yeah, okay, I feel you. A week, more like a month. I say next time we try something tamer, what’s your fantasy?” I asked tiredly, snuggling closer to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

Nanami chuckled softly and caressed my cheek gently, “Let’s talk about that tomorrow, we might need to buy new things,” He said half-jokingly.

“Is it a uniform?” I asked as I fell asleep.

“It might be, I am a simple man after all…”

I think I laughed, but I was too tired to remember. Maybe I’ll let him ruin a few more suits if it led to this…

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento #jjk nanami kento #jjk x reader #ao3 writer #physicalturian #physicalturian ao3 #writer #writings #ao3 writings #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #nanami x reader

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angstyaches · 3 years

Text

Space

From 🍄 anon after I basically begged for angsty requests:

hello flick, if you want to write hunger with little to no comfort,,,,, consider this,,,, shayne,,,, not letting himself eat back when he still lived with madeline and watson,,, and not telling charlie,,, because he doesn’t want to worry him,,,,

This is closer to a whump fic than a hurt/comfort fic, so be warned. Also, just a reminder, these OCs are 19-20ish at the time. Shayne gets a little comfort, just not the right kind.

CW: emotional whump, disordered eating, low self-esteem, hunger with pain and affecting cognitive function, little/no comfort, psychological abuse.

___

He woke for what seemed like the fiftieth time that night, groaning as he took in the appearance of his room. He sluggishly rolled over, frowning in the direction of the little clock that sat on top of his set of drawers.

5:35am. An acceptable time to give up on sleep.

He sat up slowly, trying to gauge how much he could move without making himself dizzy. He rubbed his eyes, the stray ends of sleep disappearing and leaving a stabbing pain in the pit of his stomach. He pressed a hand over the pain, frowning when he felt his stomach rumble under his palm.

Maybe that’s what had been keeping him from sleeping.

Are you hungry, Shayne?

A shiver ripped up his spine. He stood up, shaking his head to chase out the phantom voice; he couldn’t deal with the Madelyn in his head, especially not while she was also in the house with him.

He tried to remember what he’d eaten recently. He’d been shaky after school yesterday, and he’d tried to eat a cup of instant noodles, but he’d only managed a few mouthfuls before starting to feel nauseous, and the cup had ended up in the bin along with most of its contents. Before that, he’d had a granola bar for breakfast, and before that –

No, wait, the granola bar hadn’t been yesterday. It’d been the day before that. It was definitely that week, for sure…

He swallowed, wondering if he should have breakfast today. It was always a gamble; he never knew when Watson or Madelyn would expect him to work, and it was always much messier and more painful when he had food in his system.

Not to mention that food always came with a side helping of judgment in this house.

He took his time getting ready, though there was little to relish about the morning. He crossed the dark hallway to the bathroom, took his usual lukewarm shower and brushed his teeth, towel-dried his hair, put on the grey-and-navy uniform that would keep him relatively invisible for most of the day.

In this house, though, it was impossible to stay invisible.

Madelyn was in the hallway as he made his way downstairs with his backpack. His stomach dropped, her gaze making the hairs on his forearms prickle. He quickly tugged his sleeves down from his elbows to hide the goosebumps that sprung up.

“Morning, Mads.”

“Good morning,” she snapped, eyeing him up and down as he stood, silent, on the last step, gripping the handrail. She had piercing amber eyes and dark, silky hair that fell to her waist when loose. That morning, she’d twisted it into an elaborate structure at the nape of her neck.

Shayne shrugged his backpack a little higher on his shoulder. “Do… Do you need me for anything?”

She scoffed at that, eyes turning away from him. “If it were possible to prove yourself useful this morning, don’t you think I would have already informed you?”

He nodded. “Sure. Sorry.”

“Could you tell me what time you’ll be home after school today?”

Shayne swallowed, only hesitating for a second. “Five o’clock. As soon as the bus gets in…”

“You have no… plans?”

He shook his head. There was no way he’d let Charlie rope him into hanging out at the Mulberry house, not while he was feeling so weak and drained. Even worse, he’d probably be offered dinner if he showed up there.

At just the vague thought of food, his stomach shifted and let off a low growl. He quickly crossed his arms, shuffling his feet and clearing his throat at the same time. With her heightened senses, Madelyn surely heard it, but she didn’t react beyond narrowing her glare.

“Nothing?” she asked. “We’ve seen so little of you recently.”

Shayne shook his head and cleared his throat again. “Do you need me for something then?”

“Full of questions this morning, hmm?” Madelyn shook her head and took a step towards the kitchen. “Just be home when you say you’re going to be home. Otherwise, you know… I’ll have to send Watson out to find you again.”

A chill rolled down Shayne’s back as he watched her step out of his way. It was vague, but it was a threat, not just to him, but to Charlie and his parents. He bit into his cheek, hot streaks of anger flashing through his head and tightening the muscles in his chest.

Madelyn raised her eyebrows. She didn’t quite gesture towards the front door, but it felt like an instruction to leave. He stormed past her and out the front door, letting it slam behind himself in what instantly felt like the pettiest form of rebellion ever.

He spun around and lifted both his middle fingers towards the door; Madelyn had several supernatural abilities, but seeing through doors wasn’t one of them.

“Fuck you,” he mouthed silently, with enough force that he might as well have screamed it. He took several steps backwards before he turned to face the road, proceeding like a zombie beneath the rain-dampened trees.

His hands felt funny. He lifted them slightly and frowned when he found he couldn’t hold them steady. He crossed his arms over his chest and held himself, taking gulps of air into his lungs to try to calm himself.

But even when he managed to tame the fiery, hateful anger, he was still shaking. The centre of his stomach ached as waves of hunger weaved back and forth inside of him. As the rusted sign for the bus stop came into view, its edges seemed to blur, and the road tipped to the side.

Shayne freed one hand from under his own arm and pressed it to his mouth, wondering for a second if he was going to be sick. Instead, it was just a shallow burp that rolled up, churning his stomach and making it growl violently.

“Mm. Fuck,” he whispered to himself. He glanced down the empty road, checking that the bus wasn’t arriving just yet. He held a hand over his stomach, pushing against it and rubbing harshly, hoping to coax the growls out before he was surrounded by other students. He realised he’d forgotten to fill his water bottle before leaving the house, so he couldn’t even get some liquid into his stomach to shut it up. He’d need to remember to go to the water fountain before his first class.

As the bus crested the hill, he shoved his hands in his pockets, staring down at the ground. He always wondered what he looked like to the students looking out the bus windows. He’d never figured out how to hold himself in a way that seemed natural.

The bus driver didn’t even bother to look at him, which was normal. Shayne glared at a first-year student who was staring at him while whispering something to his friend. He was used to hearing himself being talked about, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. He already hated that he took up physical space; he could barely stand the idea that he also took up residence in people’s minds.

He walked until he reached the seat where Charlie was sitting, staring down at some loose sheets covered in notes while wearing in-ear headphones. He looked up after a few seconds, breaking into an easy smile.

Fuck. That smile. It usually pissed him off so much that he would just look away whenever it popped up on Charlie’s face, but for some reason, Shayne found it hard not to stare this morning.

“You want to sit?” Charlie asked, pulling out his headphones.

Shayne swallowed, unable to bring himself to nod. Charlie’s backpack was in the seat next to him. It would need to be moved if he was going to sit down.

You take up so much fucking space –

Without even waiting for an answer, Charlie pulled the backpack towards himself, propping it on his lap.

The hollow space inside of Shayne throbbed, ached.

You're like a black hole.

"Go ahead," Charlie urged him, nodding to the free seat.

Shayne swayed a bit, though he could pass it off as though the motion of the bus had caused it. He held in a groan and sat down next to Charlie. He shoved his backpack down between his feet. He was tempted to just let his head rest against the back of the seat in front of him. The bus had only been in motion for a few minutes, but he was already light-headed again.

A flutter of panic hit his chest as he realised Charlie had said something else, and he’d missed it.

“What?” he asked, slumping back in his seat.

“I said, ‘how are you?’” Charlie shrugged, still wearing that smile. “You okay?”

Shayne nodded briskly, glad that Charlie provided him with an adjective that he could lie and agree to. It saved him having to fabricate a lie himself.

“You?” he asked, feeling secure in the knowledge that anyone – including Charlie – could easily be distracted if they were coaxed into talking about themselves.

“Yeah, I’m…” Charlie sighed, glancing at his notes. “I’m half-dead this morning. Just hoping my coffee kicks in before second class, for the history test.”

As a fun kick to the ribs when he was already down, Shayne had forgotten about the test. He’d also likely forgotten every word of their history textbook. His found it hard to concentrate these days, and everything that passed in front of his face seemed to dissolve somewhere between his eyeballs and his brain.

“Hey, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Fuck. Charlie had wasted no time in swinging the focus back towards Shayne.

Shayne felt his heart start to pound, cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. He hated this. He wished he’d found somewhere else to sit. He missed the days when nobody gave a shit, nobody asked him questions like how he was or if he was feeling okay. He’d blacked out in art class the previous term, and nobody had even noticed; they’d all just assumed he’d put his head down to go to sleep.

And yet, Charlie… Charlie saw him.

He wondered what would happen if he told him the truth. If he said that he was scared and ashamed to eat anything, that he was so hungry his stomach hurt, that this was still so much better than the alternatives...

Shayne glared at the back of the seat in front of him, hating himself for even considering burdening Charlie with all of that. Charlie was staring, still waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t exactly look worried yet. One advantage of being a miserable bastard was that Shayne didn’t have to put up an exhausting, cheerful façade.

“Kind of tired,” he said finally.

“Okay." Charlie frowned. "Well, I’m going to read over my notes a few more times, but if you’re really tired, I’ve been told my shoulder makes a good pillow.”

Shayne blinked with genuine incomprehension. The words didn’t stick in his brain long enough for him to dissect them; all he could really focus on was trying to breathe in time with the hunger pangs fluctuating in his stomach. He could usually keep it relatively quiet that way, but being this close to Charlie was making him even more anxious than usual.

“What?” he mumbled.

Charlie’s eyelashes fluttered as he broke into another smile, his gaze flicking away from Shayne’s. “Um, you can sleep on my shoulder, if you want.”

Shayne scoffed under his breath.

“Or don’t,” Charlie laughed, turning his attention towards his notes. “Whatever.”

Shayne’s gaze wandered towards the paper in Charlie’s hands, skimming over the headings that he’d jotted down in his annoyingly pretty handwriting. The topics sounded vaguely familiar, like he remembered them from a movie he hadn’t watched since he was a toddler. Like he’d last heard them from the other side of a thick veil.

His stomach pinched, and he realised he was hugging his waist again in an attempt to ease the pain and muffle any unwanted noise. He swallowed harshly, glancing from Charlie’s notes to Charlie’s shoulder and remembering his offer.

It was so silly. And yet Shayne wriggled a little closer.

The fabric of Charlie’s jacket was cool, unpleasantly so, against his cheek at first, but he quickly got over it. His head instantly felt better, supported by something solid instead of trying to follow the turns of the bus. Shayne inhaled deeply as his stomach squeezed and his shoulders tensed against the pain. A low grumble began to surface, soft enough that he covered it up with a sigh.

“I know I sound like a broken record,” Charlie said, startling Shayne a bit, since he’d thought he’d gone back to revising. “But… you can tell me if something’s wrong.”

“I’m fine,” Shayne said. The words felt like shards in his throat. He didn’t know – wouldn’t realise for a while yet – why it was getting more and more difficult to bring himself to lie to Charlie.

Charlie nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Shayne closed his eyes and continued taking deep, delicate breaths.

#hunger #whump #angst #hunger fic #whump fic #hunger mention #starvation mention #StW Shayne #hurt no comfort #no comfort #hunger writing

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loubrary · 3 years

Text

Billy Hargrove x Male Reader

Headcanons: You’re new in town and help Billy become a better person.

Warnings: mentions of violence and homophobia, hints of smut.

A/N: This doesn’t really follows the ST timeline but who cares about canon or accuracy, am I right?

[ Masterlist ]

Your parents move you a lot due to their jobs, they’re always researching something in some strange corner of the world. You can’t understand how you went from living in South America for the last six months to living in middle-of-nowhere Hawkins Indiana.

You’re out to your parents, and they’re very supportive. You consider yourself lucky, they’re very modern and open-minded people.

The kids at your new school don’t know what to make of you with your different clothes, hair and accent. Some of the teachers are fascinated to learn of the places you’ve been to.

When you met Robin your gaydars went off and you’re both excited to have a Fellow Gay in town. She introduces you to her friend Steve and the three of you become very close. Soon you are also helping Steve take care of his kids.

Billy hears of this strange new kid and goes to look for him to show him who owns this school. When Billy sees you he is enthralled, the world stops and all he sees is you, he feels a strange sensation inside, and he hates it.

In the days that follow, Billy makes his moves. He is mean to you, calls you names. He tries to intimidate you and scare you. But you’ve dealt with his type many times before and you have some tricks up your sleeve.

Billy hates that you don’t react to his taunting. You just smile and laugh.

“F*g!”

“You too?! Wanna go on a date, darling? Bad boys with pretty hair are totally my type, Hargrove.”

His words don’t work, so he changes his tactics.

You’re walking through an empty hallway when he attempts to grab you and slam you against the wall. Only to find himself on the floor completely immobilized. He had no clue you had trained in various martial arts.

Putting the pain aside, Billy is turned on by the feeling of being dominated, he feels himself hardening against the cold floor.

You lean down and whisper in his ear, “think twice before daring to touch me, pretty boy.” You let him go.

One side of him wants to fight but when he sees the determination and fearlessness in your eyes he backs down. “This isn’t over,” he huffs and leaves stomping the floor.

Billy leaves you alone after that. He only glares at you and curses at you under his breath. He hates that he can’t stop thinking about that day. He hates that he enjoyed being under your control. He hates how he can only cum to images of you. But at this exact moment he hates seeing you with Steve laughing.

You feel his eyes on you, how they follow you as you move. When you face him his face hardens and his fists clench, but there’s something in his eyes you can’t decipher.

One day you’re alone in the showers, or so you think. You turn and see Billy checking you out from the other side, completely frozen. You notice his hard-on and his eyes open wide. He thinks you’ll say something but you just smile and wink at him. He leaves hurriedly trying to control himself.

That confirms your suspicions and you know what is up with Billy. You’ve met guys with internalized homophobia, but never like Billy.

After that, teasing Billy becomes one of your favourite activities. You pay him visits at the pool, making sure he gets a nice view of you. You notice when he covers his lap with his magazine, and tries to focus on something else.

“Why do we come to the public pool? We both have pools at home,” Steve complains. Robin laughs at the clueless boy, and proceeds to explain the situation.

One day Billy finds you alone and he attempts to make a move on you. He was so confident believing you’d accept his advances.

“I’m not some desperate lonely gay boy, Billy. I don’t bend over for any hot guy that offers me his dick.” “So you think I’m hot?” He smirks. You scoff leaving him there.

Billy hates that you rejected him. How is it possible? He thinks of the guys he tormented and then fucked back in California, how easy they fell to their knees for him.

Billy has never met a gay guy as confident and unafraid as you. Deep inside he feels jealous and admiration for you. He secretly wishes he could be as open and be free as you.

You get paired for a project, you are prepared to do all the work and let him take part of the credit. You’re shocked when he asks if you want to get together to work on the project. You’re even more shocked when you learn that he actually understands the material and is quite smart.

Against your better judgement you invite him to your place. You’re surprised he shows up on time.

When he greets your parents, it’s like he’s a completely different person. He laughs at your dad’s jokes, compliments your mom, and even asks about what they are working on.

Billy is even more jealous of you when he sees how loving and caring your parents are, how happy and peaceful your home life is.

The second time he comes over he has to excuse himself and go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face and calm down. All he can think of is everything you have that he doesn’t.

He finds you and your parents sitting tightly together as your mother reads a book out loud in french for you and your dad.

“Sit down honey, I’ll translate for you,” your mother says.

By the fourth day he accepts your parents’ invitation to stay for dinner. He has fun, he’s fascinated by your parents’ stories and their research work.

You get a glimpse of the real Billy and can’t help but smile.

One day during dinner your mother talks about your exes trying to embarrass you, and asks Billy if there’s a special boy in his life.

Billy’s breath hitches and starts to sweat. He stands up quickly bumping into the table, saying he has to leave.

Your mom tries to apologise and your dad asks him to stay.

You follow him outside the house. “Billy, wait!”

He turns around to face you and his eyes are red as he tries to hold in the tears. “Hey, it’s all—“ “I’m not a... I’m not.” he grunts before getting in his car and speeding off.

Billy parks somewhere secluded and hits the steering wheel with his fists, he cries and yells in anger. He’s angry, sad, jealous.

He cries for his mom, for a life he wishes he had, for the love and support he yearns for.

Billy returns the following week to finish the project. He plans to just focus on the project, finish it and never return.

Your mom answers the door. “So good to see you, love, we’ve missed you,” she says warmly rubbing his arm, “sorry about the other day”. He almost doesn’t hear the last sentence, he hasn’t heard those words or felt that way in a long time. Someone being happy to see him, missing him, calling him love.

Your dad greets him and calls him son, and asks him to join him later in the study to show him their latest findings.

You and Billy don’t talk about what happened. You focus on your project.

“Have you always been out to your parents?” Billy blurts out.

You decide to be honest. “Yeah, they sort of figured it out when I was little.” You tell him how growing up you met all kinds of people through your parents. You tell him about your parents’ gay friends that you call uncles and aunts. Telling him how you always felt free to be yourself with your parents even though you know the world is cruel and unaccepting.

After a moment of silence Billy speaks. He talks about the only openly gay person he ever met, a friend of his mom back in California. He tells you about how his father hated his mom’s friend and got in fights with his mom about it.

He tells you about his dad, how aggressive and angry he is. He doesn’t tell you about the physical abuse. He went on about how unhappy he was, and how different your lives were.

You start to see why Billy acts the way he does. Bullying others is his way to feel he is in control.

“How do you do it?”

“What?”

“Being gay like that, you don’t hide.”

“We only live once, I’m not gonna let a world full of bigots tell me I can’t be myself and be happy.” You pause. ”Billy? You can always be yourself here.”

After you finish your project, Billy keeps coming to your place to hang out.

He’s more relaxed and tones down the attitude. He even starts being nice to Max.

He’s still the bad boy to everyone else, but when he enters your home all that stays outside.

You learn more about the real Billy. How he likes science and music. How curious he is. How funny he can be. And you slowly start to fall for this Billy.

One day Billy and you are in the living room listening to music lying on the carpet and giggling when your mom comes in. “Honey, your friends are here.”

You both look up and see a shocked Steve and the kids, and a grinning Robin. Max is especially shocked by the whole scene.

“Oh hey guys, you know Billy, right? We’re just listening to this new album.”

Billy panics, and stands up to escape, “I have to go.” You understand, not wanting to force him into anything.

The others sit down looking suspiciously at Billy as he leaves. Billy avoids all eye contact. “What did I get himself into?” Billy thinks.

Meanwhile Robin and you have each other’s arm over your shoulders as you sing dramatically.

“Is anyone going to talk about how you were on the floor giggling with Billy Hargrove?” Mike asks.

One rainy night, Billy is driving to your house. His eyes sting, his knuckles turn white gripping the wheel. He feels his cheek and eye starting to swell. He stays on the driveway debating on what to do. He sees your bedroom light on and goes to ring the bell hoping that you open the door.

It’s your mom that opens the door. “Billy? Come on in, love, you’re soaking wet.” When he steps into the lit hallway your mom finally sees his face. “Oh my god, sweetheart. What happened?”

“Who is it darling? Oh Billy! Are you okay, son?” Your dad asks him.

Billy wants to lie, he had this planned, he would have said how he got into a fight with another guy and didn’t want to go home looking like that. “I got—I...” he tries. But he can’t keep it in anymore. “It was... My—my dad...” he chokes as he lets out a cry.

He feels two sets of arms engulf him, and he lets is all out. He cries like he’s never cried before. He thinks he hears your name being called. He hears your parents’ voices, encouraging and supportive words he can barely make up. He cries even more when he think of how these people that he met not long ago care more about him than his own father.

You find your parents consoling Billy. Your mom is holding him while your dad rubs circles on his back. And Billy holds on to them like his life depends on it.“Billy?” He looks up to you and you see his broken face, all the pain and suffering he has endured and your heart breaks for him.

You help him get up and walk him to the living room. Your dad goes to prepare the guest room and your mother prepares some tea. Billy is curled into a ball under a blanker with his head on your lap. You run your hand through his hair as you rub his arm comfortingly.

When he calms down, he starts telling you of everything his dad has done. All the punches, the bruises, the hurtful words.

Later you take him to the guest room, you help him get his clothes off and rub some medicine over his bruises.

“Can you stay with me?”

“Of course.”

You hold him close, his face pressed on your chest.

For the first time in a long while Billy sleeps peacefully.

After that day your parents take action, they’re on the phone with their lawyers, looking at how they can help Billy and Max.

Your parents help him get custody of Max.

The both of them move in with your family.

“Can’t believe you’re taking me to live with your boyfriend,” Max tells him. “He’s just a friend,” he groans. “Yeah, right.”

That night Billy is in your bed as you read to him, his head on your lap. “Thank you,” he says pulling your book down to look at you. “What for?” You ask, running a hand through his hair. “For saving me, and Max.” You smile and kiss his forehead and continue with the story.

In the morning you wake up to Billy facing you, looking at you and he smiles.

“You okay?” He nods and reaches for your hand, holding it tightly as he scoots closer to you.

You move a loose strand of hair behind his ear, caressing his cheek, feeling how soft his skin is.

You two stay like that for a while just enjoying each other’s warmth in silence, playing with your hands and looking into other’s eyes. Neither of you can’t stop smiling.

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Billy.”

#Billy Hargrove #billy hargrove x male reader #stranger things #tw: violence #angst #fluff

904 notes · View notes

bobohu4eva · 3 years

Text

Pink Lace - Chapter 2

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 6.2k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banan @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt

Masterlist

“God I’m so fucking sick of this semester and it hasn’t even started yet.” You complained, lying on your roommates bed flipping through one of your textbooks for the upcoming semester.

“Relax, at least you have money and you’re smart y/n, you’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re an arts major, not an architecture student.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing! It’s just different!”

“Mhm sure I’d love to see you paint a landscape or sculpt something.”

You gave your best friend a dirty look before focusing your attention back to the textbook.

Mia had been your best friend since 2nd grade and she had lived with you since you were 18. She had always been the more artistic one, doing dance from a young age and taking all sorts of art classes whenever she could. Her overall view on life was quite different from yours. She saw the world through the lens of an artist, and an optimist.

Her views on relationships were very different from yours as well, with quite the laundry list of exes, each one more thrilling than the last. You honestly loved hearing all her stories and found it impressive how well she seemed to have the dating game figured out. You on the other hand, could count the men you’d slept with on one hand, and aren’t one for parties or anything like that, preferring to stay home and study or watch a drama.

With your dislike for parties and dating apps, you stayed pretty single. Not that you minded, being too swamped with schoolwork to make time for a real boyfriend anyway. Sometimes you thought about going out to parties and trying to find yourself a hookup but you never followed through, not wanting that kind of intimacy with a stranger.

“Did you see Baekhyun again last night?” She asked casually, knowing all about your work. Although for her, asking if he was there really meant ‘are you going to buy me my lunches again this week’.

“Yeah...” You contemplated for a second if you should tell her, but you quickly decided to just say it, not wanting to keep things from your best friend. “I told him my name. Like my real name.”

Her eyes went wide, definitely surprised by your confession. “Wait seriously? Why?”

“He asked and I just couldn’t tell him no.” You replied, much quieter now.

“Well it’s your choice but that really wasn’t a good idea, he’s already way too into you and now he’s just gonna think he actually has a shot with you.”

“Yeah I know I just.. I can’t explain it but it felt different.”

“He’s just another pervy dude who wants tits in his face! There’s a reason he pays you.”

“He’s not a perv! He’s still a guy of course, but he’s sweet.” You felt a twinge of embarrassment at how quick you were to defend him.

“All that matters about this guy is that he gives you nearly a thousand dollars every night he sees you, right?” You nodded. “You don’t want him thinking he doesn’t have to pay you anymore do you?”

You stayed quiet, because you knew she was right. This was the nature of your relationship with Baekhyun, and straying from what you had with him now just meant opening yourself up to the possibility of losing a lot of money, money you needed.

You were kind of surprised by how opposite you and Mia seemed to be in this situation. Usually it was you talking to her about boys, telling her not to make reckless decisions.

“Yeah you’re right. I’m gonna go to bed. I have classes starting pretty early tomorrow.” You told her as you left her room for yours.

You needed to sleep, but your conversation with her left you with the same uneasy feeling you’d had after last seeing Baekhyun. The longer you stared at your ceiling, the more you felt like you did the right thing telling him your name. He really liked you and it probably made his day, and you knew he wouldn’t use it against you in any way. He was too nice for that. What’s the worst that could happen, right?

The first few classes of the day had gone okay. Your physics and statics professors didn’t seem like complete assholes, and you only had one class left for the day, philosophy. Part of you was annoyed you even needed to take the class, since you wouldn’t exactly consider yourself a very “deep” person, but you figured it would be easy enough.

Being the good student you are, you decided to get there early to get a seat close to the front to make a good impression on the professor. When you arrived the previous class hadn’t finished yet, so you sat down on a bench nearby and opened a book.

“Hey, are you waiting for philosophy class too?”

You looked up to see a rather cute boy, books in hand, looking down at you with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, do I know you?”

“I’m Lucas.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake, so you do and he sits down next to you. “Are you a philosophy major?”

“No, architecture. And I’m y/n.”

“Damn you must be really smart then! I’m a business major.”

“You also just have to take this for the humanities credit?”

“Yeah, but I’m excited, the professor seems cool I met him earlier today.”

“Really? What’s he like?”

“Super cool and smart, kind of young, but like a genius.”

“Yeah well hopefully he’s nice too. Especially with grading”

Lucas laughed and you noticed the previous class leaving the lecture hall so you got up and made your way in, sitting down in the second row, Lucas sitting down next to you. The professor hadn’t showed up yet so you turned to Lucas again, making small talk to pass the time. As you talked to him you realized he was actually fairly funny, although not the smartest. You had to admit though, he was pretty damn handsome. He had to be an entire foot taller than you, with beautifully tanned skin and a smile that would make any girl weak in the knees.

“Are you going to any parties this weekend? I’m going to one at my buddies frat Friday night if you wanna be my date.”

You frowned “Sorry, I don’t really do parties.”

You could see the disappointment on his face. “Damn really? Well if ever change your mind you can text me.” He said as he scribbled something down and slid a piece of paper with his number on it across the table to you.

You internally cringed, but took the paper anyway and give him a small thank you. You weren’t lying when you said you didn’t do parties, but you still felt bad shooting him down, especially since he was actually pretty cute. That was the problem with you and dating in college. No matter how cute a guy was, what they wanted and what you wanted rarely added up well.

You’d bought your textbook already so you decide to get back to looking through it before class started. You also just wanted an excuse to stop talking to Lucas. You got lost in the book, finding yourself surprisingly interested in different moral theories and types of ethical arguments.

“Ahem.”

You heard who you assumed to be your professor and looked up, not expecting to see Baekhyun of all people smirking back at you. Fucking smirking.

You almost choked on air when you realized who you were looking at. Not only was it Baekhyun of all people standing in front of you, but he was wearing a fitted white button down and slacks with his hair styled out of his face, and glasses abandoned on his podium. He looked hot. You felt your face getting warmer and warmer.

“Hey you ok?” Lucas asked, having seen your reaction to Professor Byun.

“What? Yeah I’m totally fine why wouldn’t I be?” You responded, too loudly. Loudly enough that Baekhyun noticed. And laughed.

“Do you guys know each other or something?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You told him while giving Baekhyun your best version of a death stare, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Hello everyone I’m Mr. Byun, I’ll be your philosophies of life professor.” He said, starting the lecture with a fairly neutral look on his face, although you noticed him looking in your direction often, and smiling.

You had to admit, he was smart. Not that you were particularly surprised, he seemed fairly intelligent from the conversations you’d had with him at work, but granted those weren’t always the most intellectual conversations either. The way he explained what you had read in the book was both interesting and informative, but you couldn’t focus on him talk about Socrates when just two days earlier you had been grinding on him, and had even let him touch you. Especially when he looked like that now. Your whole body felt hot and you knew you were probably as red as a tomato.

You tried your best to focus on what he was saying for the sake of your grade, but he wasn’t making it easier by the way he kept looking in your direction with that smile on his face. Now, often looking you directly in the eyes with the same intensity from the club. Only this time, while sounding incredibly, frustratingly, smart.

As much as you tried, you couldn’t focus. Not when you had to process the fact that Baekhyun was now your college professor, and knew way more about you and your life than you ever wanted him to. You were hit with the realization that he now also knew you’d lied to him about nearly everything.

You became painfully aware of how you looked compared to him. While he looked exquisite in his business-casual attire, you had barely rolled out of bed in time to throw your hair up in a messy top knot and apply some mascara. Your hoodie and leggings combo wasn’t your best either, and you started feeling more and more embarrassed by the second.

Every other time Baekhyun had seen you, you had been dressed in expensive lingerie with your hair and makeup done perfectly. You had always been the one in control of the situation. Now, you only felt small and underdressed.

After what felt like hours he finally ended the lecture. But he wasn’t done yet, not with you at least. And you could tell by the way he was staring at you, smile now gone and replaced with a much more serious expression. As soon as he dismissed everyone to leave, you frantically started shoving your things in your bag, trying to get out of the room as quickly as possible but your hands were shaking so badly that you ended up fumbling and dropping most of what you’d been holding.

“Shit, shit, shit” you whispered to yourself as you desperately reached for your belongings, feeling Baekhyun’s eyes on you, but it was too late and right after you saw the last student leave the lecture hall, you heard your name.

“Y/n come here.”

Not really having the option to say no, you walked up to him, trying to look as annoyed as possible.

“You look cute like this, without the heels and everything. I like it.” He said, now smiling down at you. Despite the mocking feeling of the statement, his face was soft now, the smug smirk from earlier gone.

Baekhyun was absolutely thrilled. The girl he usually looked forward to seeing all week long was right in front of him now, within reach. And he’d get to you see you much more now as well. He had to keep himself from looking too happy since he knew you weren’t in nearly as good a mood as him.

You’d never wanted to disappear as badly as you did in that moment. Here, Baekhyun was the one with all the power, and you despised it. He was the one all dressed up and making all the rules. You felt small and embarrassed, having little choice but to listen to whatever it is was he had to say to you. You hated the feeling.

“What do you want?”

“You lied to me.” His face didn’t look angry at all, just blank, void of any emotion.

“Why are you making me do this can I please just leave?” You asked, hoping he’d have some sympathy but you have no such luck.

No answer

“Baekhyun, please. Just let me go home and switch into a different section.” You look at him with pleading eyes, wanting this nightmare to be over.

His face hardened, now slightly annoyed.

“Professor Byun, and I’m afraid you’re stuck with me y/n. I’m the only one teaching this class this semester.”

“Well, fuck” You muttered, looking down at the floor.

“Is that how you speak to your professors?”

Your head snapped back up, and you narrowed your eyes at him.

“You know, y/n, I’m not mad that you lied to me. I should’ve assumed as much. After you told me your name and I saw it on the attendance sheet I had been hoping you’d been lying.” He still looked annoyed, but his face had softened a bit.

“Oh fuck off Baekhyun”

Immediately his expression went sour again, jaw clenched and brown furrowed.

“Here it’s Mr. Byun. And don’t use that language with me again, I’m serious.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t know you’d be here. It was just yesterday that I even realized your name was on my roll sheet.”

He had a point. He couldn’t have planned this, you’d signed up for the class months ago and he didn’t even know your name until two nights ago.

“Why aren’t you freaking out then? Shouldn’t you be worried about having me in your class?”

He only let out a chuckle.

“Why would I be worried? As far as I’m concerned this only means I get to see you more often, which I’m fine with. And you need to pass this class to graduate on time, so shouldn’t you be glad you’re already friends with your professor?”

You knew it wasn’t what he intended, but the smile on his face felt like it was mocking you.

“Yeah. Friends.” You scoffed. “Can I go home now?”

“So this is your last class of the day?”

You internally cursed yourself for giving up that bit of information.

“Yeah. Now can I leave?”

“Well you’re not in a hurry are you? Since you don’t have anywhere to be after this.”

“Baekhyuuun” you whined “please, this sucks, just let me go home.”

He smiled, seemingly amused by you begging him.

“Okay. I’m not gonna make you stay any longer since you obviously don’t want to. But let me make it clear, I’m not gonna go easy on you here just because I like you. You still have to try.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” You reply, picking your bag up to leave, wondering what exactly he meant by like you.

“I’m really looking forward to reading your essays by the way.”

He flashed you a smile as you finally turned to leave, and you hated yourself for not doing a better job at looking mad. As much as you hated to admit it, he had a damn beautiful smile.

“See you on Wednesday!” He shouted after you as you left the room. You didn’t respond.

When you arrived back at your apartment your mind started to fill with panicked thoughts. He wouldn’t come to the club anymore now would he? That meant having to try to mingle with strangers again, something you hated about your work. It also meant less money. It’s not often that customers bought hour long dances.

And what if he did show up again? How would you even act around him? Part of you wanted him to for the easy money, but you just couldn’t imagine grinding on your professor. Your face heated up just at the thought, especially since you knew he could look that good now. Would you even be able to give him a lap dance without losing your own mind?

You had trouble processing the fact that this was even able to happen. You’d never thought to ask Baekhyun for his last name, and since it had been summer break he didn’t mention his job. The whole situation seemed bizarre.

And what about class? Will he make it more difficult if he doesn’t get what he wants?

No. Baekhyun isn’t like that, you tell yourself. As much as you disliked having him in a position of power over you, you’d gotten to know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t abuse it.

The more you’d gotten to know him the more you liked spending time with him rather than other customers, regardless of the money. And for good reason. The longer you knew Baekhyun, the more you realized he wasn’t like the other guys who came to the club. You could tell he was good, decent guy.

He was always there to see you, and only you. You had several other regulars, but none of them had any qualms about talking to and getting dances from other girls. Not that you minded, but you’d never seen Baekhyun even speak to another dancer.

He’s also just nice. The kind of nice that you don’t see in people often anymore. He was always incredibly respectful and would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with. Very few of the guys you came in contact with cared at all if they made you uncomfortable. They’d just assume that’s a part of the job for you.

Baekhyun was actually interesting to talk to as well. Since you’d met him at the beginning of summer, he usually told you about adventures he went on with his friends, most of whom you knew from the night they’d dragged him into the club.

They were a genuinely cool group of people. The one he was closest with, Chanyeol, was a music producer, another named Kyungsoo was an up and coming actor, and the one who’d introduced himself as Jongin was a professional dancer. Chanyeol had been the one to come with the idea of taking Baekhyun to the club in the first place.

Baekhyun would tell you anecdotes from nights out he’d had with them during college, as well as other wild stories and you’d often find yourself laughing and smiling so hard your face hurt. Ever since your first night with him, you noticed how good he was at making the people around him feel at ease. He always knew what to say and when to make people laugh.

Baekhyun was different from the other men at work because you liked being around him. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t find him attractive either. If you’d met him anywhere else, and he wasn’t your professor, you’d probably be more than willing to go on a date with him.

But unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

You tore yourself out of your thoughts and realized how late it had gotten. Although it was only the first day, you already had homework you needed to start on. You spent the rest of the evening trying to be productive, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Baekhyun. How good he had looked, how attractive he sounded giving the lecture, how he wouldn’t stop looking at you.

He was going to be much more present in your life now, whether you liked it or not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday morning Baekhyun felt stupid for how excited he was to see you. He’d decided to get up early to work some exercise into his day, and hopefully clear his mind, but even as he took a shower and started getting ready to leave for work, he couldn’t get you out of his head. He’d decided to wear something a bit more casual and stylish, opting for a new pair of glasses, striped red t shirt, and cream slacks. He tried to make other excuses for why he wanted to look nice but in the back of his mind, he knew he wore it because he wanted to look good in front of you.

During the class before yours he noticed a female student in the first row chewing on the back of her pencil as she very intentionally leaned over her desk to grab a pen, putting her cleavage on display to him.

He only rolled his eyes, but he was pleased to see that his outfit was getting good reactions. He just hoped you’d like it.

When the class before yours left, Baekhyun felt his heart rate go up. What if you’d found a way to get out of his class? Would you even show up? Or if you did, would you just end up sitting as far from him as possible?

Usually he’d leave to go get a coffee during his break between giving lectures, but today he stayed in case you came early again. As the minutes went by students started to fill the lecture hall. Baekhyun couldn’t help but keep his eyes fixed on the door every time he heard it open, but he just kept seeing everyone but you.

A minute before class started, you walked in and sat down in the second to last row.

Baekhyun felt his face light up as soon as saw you, only to immediately turn into a frown when he saw where you chose to sit down. It was as he’d suspected, you wanted to be as far away from his as possible. But at least you were there.

As Baekhyun started the lecture, he couldn’t help looking in your direction every few seconds. Even though you were in casual clothes without any fancy hairstyle or makeup, this was the version of you Baekhyun loved seeing the most. He was used to the perfected product you presented yourself as at your job, and he knew that wasn’t the real you. This was. You in leggings and a t shirt, your hair messily falling over your shoulders as you scribbled down notes. He could watch you like this all day. He noticed how your brows would furrow in confusion whenever he’d bring up a new concept, and how you chewed on your bottom lip when you were concentrating. Ever since he’d seen you like this on Monday, he couldn’t get enough. It was you, the real you.

He also noticed how you seemed to look everywhere in the room except for at him. You spent as much time as possible with your head down taking notes, even when there wasn’t much to write down. Other times your eyes would stay glued to the power point slides, or wander around the walls and ceilings. He understood why you weren’t exactly comfortable looking at him.

Despite being on the other side of the room, he was still able to pick up on little things. He noticed your leg bouncing, fingers tapping on the desk, and how much you would fidget when you weren’t writing notes.

He knew you were uncomfortable, and he hated it. He hated himself for being the reason. He wished there was something he could do or say that would make you enjoy being in his class more. Anything that would make you feel more at ease with him in this situation. If he wasn’t the only one teaching the class he wouldn’t have minded if you’d switched to a different professor, if it meant you were more comfortable. Of course he would’ve missed seeing you, but he also knew that was a selfish thought. He felt guilty that you had to be there and be uncomfortable because of him.

At the end of the lecture he gave the class their first proper assignment, a short essay analyzing Plato's “The Ring of Gyges”. It was an assignment he always gave at the very beginning of the semester, since it was a quite difficult read and gave him a good idea of how everyone would do in the class.

He was especially excited to see how you would do.

When class ended, you were the first one to leave and this time he didn’t stop you. He knew you wanted to leave and didn’t want to bother you again, still feeling slightly sorry for how late he’d kept you the first day. He’d only done it to try to reassure you about having him as your professor, but he hadn’t been expecting you to be as distressed about it as you were. In hindsight he realized he’d probably only made things more stressful for you.

Once the room was empty aside from him he packed up his things and left as well, hoping that you could become less anxious over time, and eventually, maybe even enjoy being in his class.

For now though, class had not been something for you to look forward to at all. You’d been dreading it ever since Monday afternoon.

That morning as you were getting ready, you tried to make yourself look a bit more presentable than you’d looked Monday, not wanting to live through the embarrassment of seeing Baekhyun look so nice while you were basically wearing pajamas again.

For the first half of your day you threw yourself into your other class work, successfully taking him off your mind for a while, but when your physics class ended and your next class was with him you felt yourself starting to panic.

You thought about skipping class, but you cared too much about your grade. You decided your best choice was to just get there as late as possible and sit as close to the door as you could so he wouldn’t be able to get you to stay after class again.

As you walked across campus you felt yourself get more and more nervous. Despite being there 20 minutes early and the room being open to sit down in, you sat down outside. As the minutes drew closer to class starting you felt your heart start to race and had trouble controlling your breathing. One minute before class was to start you got up, walked over to the door, and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down a bit. You pushed open the door with shaky hands, and the second you could see into the room you notice Baekhyun's eyes on you, and his beautiful smile. You quickly looked down and hurried to the closest available seat in the back of the room, cringing at yourself.

As much as you wished you could, you couldn’t just ignore Baekhyun. He was the professor, you had to listen to him. But you had a hard time doing anything when he looked like he did. His shirt showed off his broad shoulders and he was wearing different glasses now too. He looked even better than he had on Monday. Had it not been for you already knowing him, you probably would’ve found him distracting for different reasons. You did everything you could not to look at him directly, knowing he’d catch you and see you blush. But who wouldn’t blush if he was staring at them while looking like that? You could tell some of the other girls in the class liked his outfit as well by the way they whispered to each other while shooting glances his way.

You wondered if maybe this was something he did often, if he liked starting things with students. If maybe his whole nice guy persona was fake and he really was just another scumbag.

But you soon realized that was just the bitterness speaking. You wouldn’t admit it to yourself but the thought of other girls trying to seduce him was bothering you. Baekhyun wasn’t a scumbag, not when he’d dedicated his life to teaching people about ethical issues and moral arguments.

As the class went on you couldn’t help but fidget and shift around in your seat. Even though you were avoiding looking at him, you knew his eyes were on you for much of the lecture. You’d figured it would be like this.

As it got closer and closer to the end of class you felt yourself get more and more panicked at the thought of him keeping you after again. You didn’t know what he could possibly keep you after for, but you didn’t want to stick around and find out, so as soon as he dismissed the class you nearly ran out without looking back.

“Hey, y/n!”

The sound of your name nearly gave you a heart attack, thinking it was Baekhyun who was going to force you to talk to him like this again but when you saw Lucas waving at you, you let out a relieved sigh.

“Hi Lucas.”

“I thought you’d come sit by me again today what happened?” He asked.

“Sorry about that, I was almost late today so I didn’t want to walk out there in front of the whole class” you said, hoping he wouldn’t see through your lie.

“Well I hope next time you’ll sit with me again.”

You managed to give him a small smile and nod, still a bit too frazzled over everything to want to talk to him.

“I have to get home, but I’ll se you Friday. Bye Lucas.” You waved at him as you went in the opposite direction.

You felt bad for not talking to him any longer, but you just weren’t in the right headspace.

On your walk home you felt weird. Had it really been that bad? Or were you just overreacting? Although he did look at you a lot Baekhyun seemed to teach the class as if everything was normal, more or less unaffected by your presence. He hadn’t seemed to mind your leaving either. Maybe he’d hadn’t planned to make you stay again. Maybe, it seemed, he was going to leave you be.

You knew Lucas would bother you about it if you didn’t sit with him again next time, but would you be okay to sit that close to the front again? Or even worse what if Lucas caught on that there was something going on between you and Baekhyun? He’d already seemed suspicious on the first day.

You decided your best course of action was to just do it and tough it out. All you needed to do was act like you did in all your other classes and everything would be fine right?

First however, you had to go home and face your roommate and tell her about this nightmare, having bottled it up until now. You weren’t exactly sure why you hadn’t told her right away. Maybe you felt strange about it since she had already told you you needed to keep him from getting any closer to you. Obviously that wasn’t going to be easy now.

As soon as you got home and put your things away you knocked on her door.

“YEAH?” You heard her yell through the door.

“Can I come in?”

“One second!”

A little while later the door opened.

“What’s up?”

“Can we have a girls night? I have some shit I need to tell you.”

You couldn’t remember the last time you saw Mia look so excited.

“You?? Have tea for ME??? Fuck yes!”

You thought about it, and this was pretty rare. 90% of the time she was the one unloading her boy problems on you, or any other kind of drama too for that matter. Not that you minded, that was just the dynamic you had gotten used to.

“Wanna order some food and put on a movie?” You asked.

“Sure.”

Your food eventually arrived and you put on a chick flick you’ve both seen a thousand times.

“So?? Are you gonna tell me what’s going on or what?” She asked turning to you, obviously looking forward to whatever you were about to fill her in on.

You sighed.

“So my philosophy professor this semester...” You swallowed, now having trouble getting yourself to say it.

“I know this sounds fucking insane but, Baekhyun’s my philosophy professor.”

The look on her face told you everything you need to know. The two of you had known each other for so long that words weren’t needed.

“I don’t know how it happened either. I signed up for the class forever ago anyway, before I even met him at the club. Just a bizarre coincidence. And he’s the only one teaching it and I need the credit to graduate so I'm stuck.”

“Shit dude.”

“Yeah I know. He kept me after class Monday and it was a fucking nightmare.”

“What did he say?”

“Basically just that I’m stuck with him. He also called me out for lying about what university I go to at work. And he said he liked me better ‘like this’ whatever the hell that means”

“He’s like obsessed with you isn’t he? He’s probably over the moon that he has a way into your personal life now which really fucking sucks for you.” She had a point. “Do you think he’ll still come see you at work?”

“I honestly really don’t wanna think about that right now.”

“Be careful, y/n. A customer having a crush on you is one thing but having him in charge of your grade is another. What if he starts trying to make moves on you and you shoot him down? He could fuck up your GPA just to get back at you or something.”

“No.” You responded, perhaps a bit too quickly. “No, Baekhyun isn’t like that. He’s not a bad guy, and I don’t think he’ll try anything anyway.”

“Really?”

“I’m not sure of course but he’s also a lot older than us and this is his job, I can’t see him risking his livelihood just for me.”

“He’s a college professor who’s giving you a thousand dollars a week, how does he even have that kind of money anyway? No way he gets paid enough as a professor to be giving you that much. He either has some other source of income or you’re already making him broke.”

You felt stupid for not having considered that yet. How the hell was he giving you so much? She was right, unless he was secretly rich or something there was no way he could afford to give you so much money every week without fucking himself over. Your stomach started to churn with the idea of him possibly even putting himself in debt just for your Saturday nights together. He couldn’t be that stupid right?

She could tell how much the conversation was stressing you out at that point.

“Listen,” she said, grabbing your hand “you just need to get through the semester. You can handle 16 weeks, class with him will get less awkward, and hopefully he’s at least smart enough not to come see you at work anymore now.”

The thought of him not coming anymore wasn’t a good one either though. You made much more money when he was there, and in under 2 hours. Staying at the club until 3am with school going on now, only to take home less money wasn’t really a good option either.

“I don’t wanna see him there but I need his money.”

“You’ll find some other guy who’s rich and in love with you soon enough, don’t worry, it’ll all be fine.” She said, pulling you in for a hug.

“Yeah..”

You knew she was just trying to make you feel better, but realistically you weren’t going to find another guy like Baekhyun at work, Even if someone came along who gave you as much money as he did, they wouldn’t be as fun to talk to, or as respectful as him. Guys like that just don’t come to strip clubs. You still didn’t even fully understand why he did.

“Just think of him as another one of your professors. It might be tough at first, but I think if you can do that you’ll be okay.”

“You’re right, I just need to get my shit together and not let him distract me.”

“See? Of course I’m right.” She grinned, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

Eventually the movie ended, and by then it was late enough for the two of you to get ready for bed.

Talking to your best friend about it had made you feel slightly better. At least whatever happened, she would be there for you to talk it out with. Baekhyun wasn’t a bad person or anything either, it was just the situation that was stressing you out. As long as you could get ahold of yourself enough to focus on his lectures and do well in the class, you’d be fine.

You kept reassuring yourself as you closed your eyes, and for the first night that week you didn’t stare at your ceiling for hours worrying, you went right to sleep.

Next Chapter

#baekhyun #exo #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fanfic #exo fanfic #exo fluff #exo smut #baekhyun fic #exo fic

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chemicalpink · 3 years

Text

JK's Birth time analysis

First and foremost, I’m just doing this to occupy my mind in something else while I go through some stuff, I will continue to use the general consensus of the community for my astrology readings, I’m just doing this for fun, remember that we as fans are in no way entitled to know JK’s exact birth time, these are just fun educated guesses on some alternative that has arisen.

Now, I must say, when I first started the astro part of my bts blog I immediately thought 1 pm for JK’s birth time, I don’t have any factual backup on this one, I’ve talked about it before, I am kind of a human tarot deck lmao things sometimes just come to me. So I started roaming around and I found that JK’s libra rising made sense to me, and it was a general consensus for his readings so I said sure let's go. You know that I endorse and adore having conversations with you guys, my craft isn’t perfect and no one else's is so it is great to hear every opinion to forge our own judgement. I do only present to you information that I can back up, which is why as much as I’d love to I won’t be taking into consideration my own personal hunch on the info I’m about to present you, although you can read it as subtext when it is in italics like this hello this is an inner thought of marinette’s.

SO the big deal: Is JK a libra rising or is JK a sagittarius rising? General consensus says 8:04 am as speculated time of birth, some others say 1-2 pm.

Either way, JK’s sect remains nocturnal so there’s not much to go from there.

When it comes to appearances, I’ll update what I said before.

Libra rising appearance:

Very youthful look that it seems like you don’t even age

Gentle smile

Charming demeanour that makes people obsessed with you

Very symmetrical features

Fit body

Contagious smile

Put together look/ clean look

Dimples

Dark hair and dark eyes

Tall

Oval/Round face

Think Harry Styles, Beyoncé, Niall, Britney Spears

Sagittarius rising appearance:

Bulky thighs

Horse like face

Big forehead

Incredibly tall or more than average tall

Gain weight easily

Not really athletic

Pretty full lips

Think Kim Kardashian, Elvis, Jennifer Lawrence, Paris Hilton

Evidently, other aspects in astrology and genetics can alter these, but it is mostly true.

Now, I am not that well versed in vedic astrology since I stopped studying it due to lack of time BUT the infamous thread that looks into the possibility of JK being a sag rising is pretty elaborate, although it does run more on intuitive processes and symbolism, which are of course, valid, and it really is up to both the analyst and the ones reading the analysis to determine the weight of it. My craft is more oriented towards intersectionality so I don’t like to go by what we are able to see about him as an axis, more like confirmation about it. Idk if it makes sense. I just don't trust seemingly scripted content that much to run my analysis based on it. Everything mentioned about JK Jyestha makes sense when looking at the content presented, and it will make even more sense once we take a look at some other non western astrology systems. Again, I am not well versed in vedic astrology so right off the bat I would fight the conversion system rather than the information presented.

Regarding that thread, some of the keywords used to conclude JK’s Jyestha are as follows:

King, Winning, Ambitious, Passionate, Skillful, Eldest, 1st, Seniority, Expertise, Sensory indulgence, Celebration, Bravery, Heroic, Dragon Slayer, Warrior, Rain, Thunder, Umbrella, Protector, Provider, Scandalous, Impulsive, Bunny, Deer, Earring, Eye.

In western astrology, a general comparison on placements would look something like this.

Sun in 8° 33' Virgo

Moon in 27° 20' Leo

Mercury in 7° 49' Virgo (r)

Venus in 16° 58' Libra

Mars in 11° 7' Scorpio

Jupiter in 14° 15' Aquarius (r)

Saturn in 19° 35' Aries (r)

Uranus in 5° 28' Aquarius (r)

Neptune in 27° 33' Capricorn (r)

Pluto in 2° 55' Sagittarius

North Node in 20° 11' Virgo (r)

Chiron in 29° 45' Libra

Ascendant in 4° 20' Libra

MC in 4° 46' Cancer

1st House starts at 4° Libra

2nd House starts at 1° Scorpio

3rd House starts at 2° Sagittarius

4th House starts at 4° Capricorn

5th House starts at 7° Aquarius

6th House starts at 7° Pisces

7th House starts at 4° Aries

8th House starts at 1° Taurus

9th House starts at 2° Gemini

10th House starts at 4° Cancer

11th House starts at 7° Leo

12th House starts at 7° Virgo

In here, the main aspect I can relate JK to is Cancer MC, MC represents your public self, as well as the success level you might experience. Cancer MC is all about taking care of others, yet it can also point towards a career in arts, especifically singing and writing, it also indicates a strong possibility of psychic abilities which have been widely discussed in JK with his readings and such all while having the main troubles of being an impatient person and sometimes getting self conscious which we have heard him say before when he refers to himself knowing how to do stuff yet he doesn’t think he’s good at any of them, or his letters to himself about having to love himself more.

Another pretty JK thing I’ve noticed is his Virgo Stellium in the 12th House, which shows struggles with identity JK has, once again, being vocal about him growing up within BTS and how that has shaped him and how he has constantly been looking for himself. They often absorb the struggles of people around them. Does anyone else remember him saying he’s okay as long as his hyungs are okay? Also, singing and dancing are very powerful manifestation tools for these people huh maybe that’s why he writes and sings love songs. This aspect also indicates him having the potential to amass a large amount of wealth, some astrologers think about this stellium as an extremely karmic one, which can be translated into the whole JK’s soulmate narrative.

When it comes to his 5th house, it indicates him being a hell of a creative person, especially in a somewhat rebellious sense which I interpret as him getting a sleeve tattoo It also talks about not being traditional in relationships which I believe has come out a few times in his tarot readings.

With Sag rising, his chart would look something like this:

Sun in 8° 45' Virgo

Moon in 29° 46' Leo

Mercury in 7° 37' Virgo (r)

Venus in 17° 12' Libra

Mars in 11° 15' Scorpio

Jupiter in 14° 13' Aquarius (r)

Saturn in 19° 35' Aries (r)

Uranus in 5° 27' Aquarius (r)

Neptune in 27° 33' Capricorn (r)

Pluto in 2° 55' Sagittarius

North Node in 20° 10' Virgo (r)

Chiron in 29° 46' Libra

Ascendant in 5° 28' Sagittarius

MC in 18° 28' Virgo

1st House starts at 5° Sagittarius

2nd House starts at 7° Capricorn

3rd House starts at 12° Aquarius

4th House starts at 18° Pisces

5th House starts at 19° Aries

6th House starts at 14° Taurus

7th House starts at 5° Gemini

8th House starts at 7° Cancer

9th House starts at 12° Leo

10th House starts at 18° Virgo

11th House starts at 19° Libra

12th House starts at 14° Scorpio

In this case, his MC is in Virgo, it mainly indicates a tactful and slow success in someone’s career, these MC Virgo people are often regarded as overly responsible and as people that like to get recognised as people to whom nothing is hard enough for them to call it quits. While they openly seek perfection which ofc JK has always talked about improving himself they often love to do the stuff that others despise to do like countinc, calculating and organising.

Evidently there's no 12th House stellium, he would have a 9th House Leo stellium, which is most of the times noticeable at first glance, the moment these people open their mouths, everything is just extraordinaire, there’s a longing to be loved and to be admired in this aspect. They’re inspirational people to be around which JK is, if I remember the members saying that they get inspired when watching him make efforts. They’re also overly curious about stuff around them big doe eyes anyone?

In this case he would have a 5th House aries, meaning that there’s a need to be physically active and being creative on top of that which I mean does check out. They do tend to be openly superficial people and big-headed when they are in a successful position tho.

So okay, let’s talk native astrology, JK’s Tzolkin is Tz’i-Oc, noted by their need of freedom and less traditional relationships, they work tirelessly and have an innate ability to be successful and accumulate a lot of wealth once again, JK’s position in BTS shows up HE’s in a basic need of having a strong foundation, which he will not like to lead but more take the role of a caregiver that can easily turn into the one receiving care. Here’s the thing, there are a lot of Libra themes in his Day Sign and his Trecana Sign, both of them talking about justice, fairness, helpfulness, as well as him being a nomad which I interpret as having a libra/virgo mix that is really hard to miss Now, this is where it gets funny, His galactic tone is 4, which while it talks about balance and calmness and tranquility libra like it also is represented by a warrior, which is part of the twitter thread as one of the symbolisms to think about sag rising

Last but not least, JK’s bazi, since his contextual situation is leaning more towards it. I did a comparion and it caught my eye the next part:

One of the widely talked about symbols in the sag rising thread is the element of water being consistent with JK, and in his bazi, ¾ Na Yin, the element of water came out, however, they came out when his birth time is 08:04 am.

In his 08:04 bazi, some keywords are:

virtue

star

travel

In his 13:00 bazi, some keywords are:

monetary loss

star of arts

heavenly doctor

So really it all boils down to: we do readings for fun, craft is personal and completely valid in any form as long as we aren’t hurting anyone. We do not know his actual birth time and we actually might never know it, each astrologer is free to work with the birth time they consider the best fitting unless a specific time is given. I myself, see a libra rising fitting, perhaps if we were to trial and error it, some other might come out but honestly, these readings are a hobby and while I dedicate myself to my craft, I certainly don’t have the time that it would require to analyze each placement so I can see for myself which I find the best fitting out of 12 signs. But hey, this was a fun educational opportunity to dive into other practices.

#lmao im not tagging this

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