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#This is me trying to be more charitable
ratskool · 5 months
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I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it
#House of leaves#im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go#Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious#I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections#Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it#Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything#People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in#Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join#Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger#Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad#Not seeing them everyday#I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary#I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not#Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that#Maybe I’m just not worth it.
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itspileofgoodthings · 4 months
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see i have all these spicy takes in the drafts that i don’t post out of self-restraint but then i see a spicy take that i hate SO MUCH and then i want to post mine out of revenge. it’s a terrible cycle tbh.
#it is actually and fundamentally not good for my weaknesses to be here lol#but I also love it! And love the community and the support and don’t find a ready-made replacement for that in real life#so yeah. I wrestle with it#if I could always use it as an opportunity to practice charity and restraint and shutting up it would be a good thing#but I have to be careful with any known potential irritant because I have such a temper and get so genuinely pissed off so easily#while also having poor impulse control#and like. it isn’t fair of me to be out there baiting people with my opinions and being provoking with takes I know will be upsetting#to the circle in which I move on here#but I also love to say a thing I think is true or feel is true and talking my way into a more nuanced opinion is how I do it!#but also like. the simple truth is that it also isn’t kind or charitable or necessary most of the time#no matter how I try to dress it up with comments on my personality and how I learn/like to analyze things#I really wrestle with it. there was a part of me that so at peace when I was gone from tumblr (essentially) for half a year#but again. I missed it#teaching helps a lot. my personality can take the very age-appropriate obnoxiousness and idiocy that comes with talking about literature#to teenagers#but I’m kind of so over trying to have a nuanced conversation online#it’s just so hard. I need the body language and the one to one you can only have in person for certain conversations#and disagreements. tbh it’s better and kinder and just BETTER if i stay out of it online#but I never do it perfectly#I’m just rambling. But yeah#thanks for listening#this has been#3 text posts in a row with Maria
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gnnnnsnsnnnn forcing myself not to go after posts from 2019 that lack nuance
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homophyte · 8 months
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was just subjected to a self righteous post about how we need to learn to respect second generation atheists (important context: i am one) and how their existence begs the question of if atheism is always in reaction to something or if it can be an independently held position. which then followed it up with a 'summary of responses to this post' that included, peppered among things second generation atheists said or remarks about never hearing about this before, extremely reactionary positions about the necessity of religion in life all couched in the language of simple 'concern' for these atheists upbringing. like omg yesss your post is soooo important we really need to interrogate this group that is persecuted by literally every large religious organization on the planet about if their way of life is legitimate! its sooooooo crucial we open doors to religious mandates. its imperative that we teach them about religion, a thing they are so cruelly denied, but dont worry guys, for some of them, its not their fault! we can help them! by making them religious i mean teaching them about religion! remember that some jewish people are atheists too <3
#myposts#before you clown on me about the last sentence here#ask yourself why this websites number one method of trying to be charitable and lend credibility to nonreligious people#is to associate them with a religious group. ask yourself where that impulse comes from#when talking about areligiosity. you have to say DONT WORRY GUYS some of them are still like kiiiiinda religious lol#and dont worry even the ones that arent jewish are BASICALLY just christians bc of cultural christianity of course#thats how that works. theres only two religions evil oppressor and innocent victim. where have i heard this one before#wish i saw more atheistic jews getting mad about that honestly imagine someone using your marginalized identity#as a bludgeoning tool against your lived experience and beliefs.#bc were also not yet ready to admit atheism is something you can be marginalized for. bc if i say that if i say#ive faced religious discrimination for my atheism i would be accused of appropriating the struggles of real religious minorities#you know like that jewish atheist who only ever gets shit for the jewish thing which is the real thing and not the atheist thing#which is a fake thing. did i mention talking about them in this way is inclusive and respectful? just wanted to remind you#and listen i fucking hate christians but even I KNOW some of the shit said on here blanketly about christianity is entirely fake#some of you people sound like the chick who thinks the catholic church made up the roman empire#point being. whyd you include that in your fucking post. could have been a good post i agreed with whyd#you open the door like that to a flood of people using this as the new reason atheism is illegitimate and should be beaten out of people#lest they become annoying online. whyd you gotta include those people why make it a question of should we respect atheism? LOL
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regallibellbright · 1 year
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Kyrsten Sinema is that you hiding behind this blog? What are you going to do down in congress?
… So is this a spam anon, or have I finally gotten my first DIRECTED weird anon instead of just pornbots and stuff?
Genuine question, I need to know whether or not I should get this printed and framed.
Either way, while I have few marketable skills I can at least say I have never been elected to anything. My greatest achievement in life was writing a thesis on the Muppets and the uncanny valley years ago.
My favorite Muppet is Wilkins, who will comedically murder you if you don’t like whatever specific brand of food he is being paid to advertise for today, and also you are his commercial partner, Wontkins, who must suffer for the crime of being designated the no-man in these 30-second coffee and later bread, strawberry, and several other varieties of food commercials. He advertised many different regional chains of coffee, so Wontkins was never safe. Personally, I think Wilkins just wanted an excuse to hurt his hated, fated nemesis in increasingly elaborate and invariably lethal ways. I think Muppets haven’t had nearly enough chances to be openly murderous in recent years.
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bread-tab · 2 years
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after 24 hours, some time for reflection, a smidgen of sleep, a work shift, and receiving a space-themed bandaid i have decided that
a) it was absolutely reasonable for my therapist to call me out on my chronic lateness and general disorganization, i was getting too comfortable in a socially unacceptable behavior and needed a kick in the pants to help me change; it would also have been reasonable for her to fire me over that
AND
b) it is also absolutely reasonable for me to be pissed off at her for basically calling me a manipulative malingering manchild (except with no cool alliteration or pizazz whatsoever), dismissing the concept of executive dysfunction, and blaming me for still having anxiety in the process
AND OH HEY LOOK I'M STILL DOING MY DIALECTICS, ASSHOLE, HOW'S THAT FOR "NOT DOING ANYTHING TO GET BETTER"
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ziracona · 2 years
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“Now, to play devil’s advocate-”
And how about if you didn’t??? Hmmm? Did he ask, did I??? You’re supposedly my friend; how about you start advocating for me??
#like I hate a Yes Man too but so many people I know their friend will be like ‘Yeah#so I got home and he was in bed with another person’ & their friend is like ‘Well maybe he thought you weren’t exclusive? you know?’ BRO???#/that’s/ your response to the sitch? it don’t matter if there’s a grain of truth—you’re being asked to console a friend not DA a cheater you#don’t know who is awful at worst and thoughtless and careless at best!!#this is because I had an experience recently where someone stole money (a complete stranger) from me & I talked to a friend & his response#was like ‘Well maybe he really needed it’ and ‘Maybe it was an accident and he didn’t realize he was stealing’ like Bro??? the odds of that#first off are well beyond 100 to 1 against and second who cares??? are you his DA? no asshole you’re supposed to be /MY/ friend!!#and I have another friend who had someone lie about them to try and get their friends to friend break up w the first perosn & one of the#person she was lying about for months’ friends is like ‘Oh she’s not that bad. maybe she was confused and really thought he was blackmailing#her’ UH THATS NOT A TJING!! she’s just a bitch! and if it was the perosn in a court of law who should be Proving It are HER friends!! not u!#like how goddamn hard is it even in the most black and white of situations to offer assistance or consolation or anger on their behalf or#even just a damn ‘man. that’s f’d up bro’ like the bar is /in the ground/#fuckin sick of this fake ass ‘I’m so evolved’ pose ppl have become attached to where they act like defending and apologizing#for and justifying the aggressor as charitably as humanly possible is somehow more important and holy than defending or assisting the victim
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snekdood · 1 month
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i feel like u shouldnt be allowed to say someone has an ideology if they dont even know wtf you're talking about
#idk maybe they came to their conclusions on their own and are more malleable than you think#like if you call me x thing and idek wtf you even really mean when you say it i kinda feel like you dont get to treat me as if im loyal#to some sort of ideology or internet community. clearly ive never interacted w others on this.#kinda puts a huge hole in your narrative for that person.#if they arent being influenced by some niche internet communty- instead of getting mad at them for not being what you wanna accuse them for#(yknow. instead of being mad at yourself for making assumptions 😒)#maybe try investigating why someone whos virtually a normie came to that conclusion and understand how underlying a lot of#ideologies are in a lot of shit.#you should be concerned that a normie is absorbing that kinda shit from normal-seeming sources#rather than assume theyre actively talking to a bunch of ppl online w those ideologies#bc i can tell you for sure- in my particular situation of my abuser accusing me of a bunch of shit- i havent talked to anyone about any#of my beliefs for shit#and if i did they were usually ppl who disagreed with me#my ass never joined any forums. never interacted w anyone w similar beliefs online. just watched videos or read articles.#be more concerned that theres ideologically-laced media being pushed to normies than getting mad at me about it#hey yknow what mati maybe if you focused on that and tried to tackle that situation you'd be more of a productive leftist!#instead of you know. trying to obliterate me from the internet bc god forbid someone hate you for your actions you refuse to acknowledge#ask me how ik its all performative holier than thou shit instead of genuine fucks being given to people effected by such beliefs.#though tbh- i am being VERY charitable with the idea my abuser knows wtf any of the things they accused me of actually means#i think its more like a. vague understanding. rather than actually getting it at all.#and i mean obviously i didn't know what they meant much either. still knew more than them. otherwise they wouldnt call me that shit#unless- no... you dont think--- maybe they were lying??? *gasp* who could've seen that coming !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!! !#my abuser using the most buzzwordsy language to appeal to people who rely on buzzwordsy language for all the info they get???#instead of actually looking into the situation at all????? couldnt be.#u really think someone would do that??? just go on the internet and lie to people who for some reason they've gained the undying#trust of no doubt by being the most performative mf online?#vent
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sing-you-fools · 8 months
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thinking about Good Omens 2. and stories, and the shape of them, and Terry Pratchett and his themes. and something clicked.
Aziraphale is cackling.
it's not just the ball. he spends the entire season trying to force the story into a shape it's not, and everyone suffers for it.
i've seen some less than charitable takes on Crowley's actions and they all ignore how much Crowley did try to talk to Aziraphale, did try to ask Aziraphale questions, did try to help, only to be ignored or brushed off. because his questions, his offers, they didn’t fit with the story Aziraphale was telling himself.
quiet, gentle, and romantic. it was, if you're our favorite Angel - right up until the end, at least. because he decided that's the story he was in. from the very beginning, he's off in la-la land, living out this romcom with a cute little mystery wrapped up in it, completely ignoring what's actually going on around him. i'll set Nina and Maggie up! (completely ignoring that Nina tells him she has a partner, and at that point, he has no reason to think she's anything less than happy.) i'll take ~our~ car to go do investigate this silly little mystery (he's not taking it even a little bit seriously!) while you stay here and run the bookshop and it will be so quaint and domestic! soon we'll dance and confess our feelings that we obviously share because we're already so clearly a couple we just need to finally say it!
Crowley knows the entire time that they're in a horror story but Aziraphale ignores every attempt he makes to point that out because it doesn't fit the story he decided he's in the middle of.
he brushes off Crowley's concerns and questions - his QUESTIONS! - like they're nothing. he doesn't want to see it, so he doesn't. and Crowley should have told him more?
why would he?
when you are CLEARLY in distress and it's being BLATANTLY AND WILLFULLY IGNORED, what the fuck are you supposed to do? "Crowley didn't comminicate" well okay if I were having a panic attack about something and my husband completely ignored it, chattering on about our dinner plans or whatever, that wouldn’t exactly make me want to open up about what was wrong! that would send the very fucking clear signal that he didn't want to know!
words aren't the only way we communicate and Crowley's body language, the entire season, is that of someone who is living in a horror story, knows he's living in a horror story, and is fucking terrified. if Aziraphale were paying any attention to Crowley instead of focusing all his energy trying to set things up just so for the big climax of his love story, he would know something major was wrong.
why would Crowley have told him how cruel Gabriel was about the execution when Aziraphale's already so thoroughly convinced that heaven is pure and good and has shown over and over through the millennia that he's not really open to considering that it can be cruel!
just look at them at the dance. Crowley freaking out because there's a horde of demons out there and Aziraphale giggling as they go to dance. that's the whole season!
you know who Crowley reminds me of this season?
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he's watching helplessly and with increasing levels of distress as Aziraphale shoves every plot point into the romcom hole even though it's obviously not remotely romcom shaped! and i'm sick of people saying he was abusive because he raises his voice about it a few times!
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https://youtu.be/BWmAw451sFE
youtube
Look at us
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comicaurora · 3 months
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I'm sorry that the terfs made their way onto your blog but it does feel good to see you support trans people. Thank you for that
Always.
I think, charitably, that the discourse going down on that post is an extrapolation and over-focus on one element of the point I was making: that for me, determining with certainty that I was cis was a rather fraught process. I was presented with many alternatives, but underlying their imposition on me was the oddly regressive idea that the things I liked, the principles I valued, the parts of myself I was proud of were not permitted of women. My whole life I got smacked with the background radiation that I couldn't like being strong because women aren't allowed to be stronger than men. I couldn't like being loud and boistrous because women aren't allowed to take up space. I couldn't be a math geek because women aren't smart. It was all deeply regressive misogyny from day one, but I started getting hit with it slathered in a fresh coat of paint - all those assumptions still held to be true, but now there was the out that I could do all those things if I just wasn't a woman.
Concluding that the underlying bioessentialist premise was wrong was very important. Absolutely none of those statements were true, and were only ever maintained by cultural saturation, goalpost-readjustment when they were actively disproven, and the occasional bout of lying with statistics to pretend they weren't just Shit All The Way Down. The core premise that certain things were only permitted of or possible for men was bullshit, and I didn't need to surrender the gender I liked best in order to play in the spaces I wanted to. I could simply exist the way I was already existing. I didn't need anything else.
The misinterpretation is the assumption that this being true of me means this is everybody's relationship with gender. I turned out to be cis, so for me, feeling that holding onto my assigned gender wasn't allowed was distressing - just another invocation of the same bioessentialist bullshit I'd been dealing with since the preschool playground. This is because misgendering is fundamentally denying that a person has the right to express themself the way they want. When aimed at me, it says I'm not performing traditional femininity well enough to deserve my pronouns. The same disrespect is the root of misgendering when aimed at trans people. "Perform your gender to my satisfaction or I will confiscate it."
The problem is, bioessentialism is 100% ingrained into the terf playbook, which is why, for instance, all their shitty talking points about trans athletes eventually boil down to "no woman can ever defeat a man in any contest because we are simply naturally weak and stupid and there is nothing we can do about it" and quite frankly nothing disgusts me more than the defeatist acceptance of the very lie that feminism is dedicated to overcoming. Instead of accepting that the paradigm of bioessentialism is a false dichotomy right from the jump, they embrace and weaponize it against the people whose existence proves the dichotomy is a lie. If gender essentialism is fundamentally false, then it is nobody's fucking business what anybody does with their gender. If the lines don't exist, nobody needs to enforce them. And yet there the terfs go, hunting down people whose lives are none of their business and trying to argue that they represent some great and terrible evil, some downfall of society made flesh, something that makes it totally correct and normal for them to spend so much time thinking about strangers' genitalia. They want this to be a noble crusade so badly they won't even examine what flag they're flying.
I love and support the trans people in my life and will always, always stand on the side of your right to exist, but alongside that, terf rhetoric especially disgusts and infuriates me because it is, at its heart, utter cowardice. The world told them they were weak and stupid and inferior and they fucking believed it. And now they think Fighting The Good Fight For Women means turning around and using the same paradigmatic weapon that hurt them to hurt the people whose existence outside the binary proves the weapon is a lie. They're the same shithead schoolyard bullies who made me believe my entire existence was foundationally wrong for years of my life and I will never, ever side with them or the shitty, cowardly rhetoric that contributed to the loneliest years of my life.
Figure out who you are and do it on purpose. Find the real source of the misery in your life and try fighting that instead of the other crabs in the bucket. Trans rights.
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igotanidea · 4 months
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Family rules: Damian Wayne x reader
Christmas bingo day 23 : midnight kiss
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The first time she truly understood the meaning of the proverb heart over mind was on a school trip in September.
He was just standing by the wall, doing nothing except staring into space with those piercing green eyes.
Such pretty eyes
Such devilish, snake eyes.
Acting like he was who knows who.
Arrogant, cold, keeping his distant, rough, self-absorbed, not caring about anything or anyone.
Just like his father.
Damian Wayne.
***
Y/N had the misfortune of being born into a technological company family. Obviously she didn’t know it when she was a kid, but the word Wayne was inflected in her home on all occasions.
Wayne this, Wayne that...
 sort of spell or- more likely - a curse.
Damn it!
She was 12 when she gathered enough courage to ask her father what this was about. A mistake she only made once, cause even the mention of the Bruce Wayne and his famous, profitable company made her father see red.
That's how she found about the on-going competition between her father and Damian's one.
Obviously it was not like she was excluded from family rules and allowed to live in a bubble. Y/N was supposed to hate the entire Wayne family, the progenitor, his adopted kids and everyone who even came close to them. The only blood son included.
The only problem?
Said blood son was attending the same school, the same class as Y/N was. Which meant a lot of time spend together.
And you just command a teenager to do something and hope they'll listen. It's pretty much impossible, if not foolish belief.
***
In her defence - she tried.
She really tried to hate Damian.
But for five years, his name has been coming to her from every way on every occasion.
Wayne this, Wayne that.
Damn it!!
She could tear her hair out in utter desperation. How was she supposed to not think about him when all the world seemed to be dead set to remind her of his existence.
Of his stupid, unnecessary existence.
With his stupid, idiotic smile and his ridiculous handsome face and infuriating behaviour and the tendency to just be mean all the fucking time.
The internal fight between what she felt and how she acted made her clench her fist and grit her teeth every time Damian came into her view. The little bastard has been doing it on purpose just to see her flustered and enraged. It was like he was trying this best to show his superiority and just rub it into her face.
„L/N.”
„The hell you want Wayne?”
„Will you be attending this year’s New Year's Eve?”
„Will I what now?” she raised her gaze, unable to hide the confusion.
„want me to spell it out for you or something”?”
„Hm.” she muttered „I had no idea you knew how to do that Wayne.”
„I;m only telling you because I know you have problems with reading.”
„Clearly you have a problem with understanding simple things.”
„What I understand is that your father was left out when the invitations were being send. Are you finally going bankrupt”
„You little piece of-!” before she could stop herself her palm met with his cheek with a loud slap.
Shit.
He got exactly what he wanted. Provoked her and got the awaited reaction. She exposed herself, cause acting so dramatically only proved her contradictory, violent emotions he evoked in her.
„Nice one. Didn’t think you had it in you.” he wiped the little drop of blood she drew with her nails.
„Trust me I had it in me ever since you invaded the class.”
„I’ll let you make it even when you invade Wayne Manor for the party.”
„Though you said my family wasn’t invited?”
„It’s a charitable thing to open the door for the poor. I’ll see to it personally.”
„Such a generosity on your part, Mr. Wayne.” she rolled her eyes. „You can take your fake bounty and shove it up-”
„I can’t wait till you meet Todd. You two have so much in common.”
„Your older brother? Yeah, from what I heard you two have quite a rocky relationship. Maybe we’ll gang up on you.”
„Can’t wait.” Damian laughed dryly and with a mischievious glint in his eyes walked away not bothering to say another word.
***
„I;m not going.”
„You;re going.”
„I am so not going!”
„You don’t have a say in the matter!”
„Last year you said that new year’s party is not a place for kids!”
„You’re not a kid!”
„I’m 17! I;m a kid!”
„You ran away from home few months ago. You’re not a kid. You’re going. End of discussion.”
„If I’m not a kid then how come I can’t make a decision on this?” she smiled at her father with absolutely innocent eyes, pointing out all the holes in his logic.
Well-
He didn’t take her defiance in a good way.
Almost dragging her to the wayne manor, but dragging nevertheless.
***
Vomiting.
That’s how she felt entering the place,
Running away.
That’s how she felt walking up the steps and being thrown to the sharks when all the gazes landed on her and her father.
Hiding.
That’s how she felt when the gravity of being judged only based on her clothes and outlook sunk in.
Instead Y/N was forced to fake a smile, dance and do the rounds pretending to have fun.
All for the glory and good publicity of her father’s company.
Worst part?
He has been watching.
Like a predator in the darkness, waiting to strike when she was least suspecting it.
„Mr L/N.” Damian crept behind the girl and her father and she was sure he only did it on purpose to startle her. „Would you mind if I steal your daughter for a dance.
The tragicomic of the situation was truly poetic.
Her father went pale. Then red. His jaw got tense. Then loose. And then he smiled forcefully nodding his head, unable to say the dreaded yes. Apparently being torn between the devil (his daughter dancing with the son of his archenemy) and the deep blue sea (offending the host) was too much to handle.,
Too bad, Y/N had no chance to object or get away before Damian led her to the dancefloor.
„It’s not XVIth century Wayne, women can make their own decisions.” she hissed not really happy about his hands circling around her waist.
„Then run away if that’s what you want. I dare you.”
„I’m not going to make a scene here!”
„thought so.” he chuckled, capably leading her in the dance.
„what the hell is that supposed to mean!?”
„absolutely nothing.”
„I’ve known you for five years. There’s never nothing with you Damian.”
‘You used my name, Y/N.”
‘And you repeated my mistake.”
„Maybe it’s not a mistake?” he pulled her slightly closer, causing her to let out an involuntarily gasp. „I’m just saying-”
„I’m supposed to hate you.” she whispered making a turn and then a swirl
„So you don’t.” this was not a question but a statement, his hands trembling slightly. It was hard for him to keep the attitude while dealing with a whirlwind inside. He was 17 and liked a girl, having no idea how to behave to not make a fool out of himself, get embarrassed and lose in her eyes.
„don’t let it get into your head.” she whispered pressing herself closer to his body. They were dancing and it was only because of that.
„Me?” Damian smiled but it came unnoticed due to her head leaning on his shoulder „I think you’re the one who’s fantasising.”
„You sure you’re not hoping for a midnight kiss?” she mocked
„Are you?”
„no.”
„me neither.”
Bruce and f/n were carefully watching their kids.
Damian and Y/n couldn’t care less.
Family drama and conflicts seemed light years away at that moment.
 Future could be figured out later.
Part 2: moment of weakness
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natalievoncatte · 8 months
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It took four calls before Lena answered. It crawled across her side table, vibrating angrily like some persnickety insect until she gave it the attention she wanted.
You could just turn it off.
“What do you want, Danvers?”
Alex’s voice was thick.
“We can’t find Kara.”
Lena let out a slow, long, theatrical sigh. “So now you’re accusing me of crimes over the phone. At least your ex had the courtesy to cuff me in person.”
Alex’s patience was clearly short enough, and wearing thinner.
“I’m not calling you to accuse you. I’m calling you to ask for help.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because she’s burned out her powers and we can’t find her, Luthor. Supergirl is missing and she’s powerless.”
Lena licked her lips.
“Is this some kind of weird test to see if I’ll try to kill her? An entrapment scheme or something?”
“First of all,” said Alex, “fuck you.”
“Mutual,” said Lena. “What was the second part?”
“The second part is that I know you. I know you’re pissed off at her. I also know that you don’t react the way you’ve acted because your BFF lied to you, Lena. Just like I know that buying a $875 million company isn’t what friends are fucking for.”
“I’m sure I have no idea what you mean,” Lena snapped.
“Right. Help us find her.”
“No,” Lena said, coolly. “Goodnight, Director.”
Lena stabbed the end call key with her finger, resolving to herself that L-Corp was going to release a smart phone that made it more satisfying to hang up on people.
Then she very pointedly did not go out looking for Kara. Instead, she boiled water for tea, and spread open a technical journal on her lap.
After ten minutes, she had not drunk the tea, and her attention was sliding off the abstract like the wrong end of two magnets jammed together. Rubbing at her eyes, she decided she’d had too long a day for even light reading, and decided to enjoy a news broadcast with her tea.
Of *course* the lead story was Supergirl. She tried putting on the Lakehawks game, but that had been preempted for Supergirl coverage.
She turned to the science channel. Oh, of course they’d decided that tonight was the night to premier some ridiculous companion documentary for the World of Krypton exhibit running downtown at the convention center, and of course Lena works tune in right as Kara appeared on screen, grinning ear to ear as she charitably gave some literal kid reporter the interview of her lifetime, fielding softball questions about her dead planet.
“What do you miss most?” the kid asked.
Lena saw it, saw it the way only someone who knew Supergirl was just Kara Danvers, the nerdy, dorky, kinda basic goof in a pompous costume, could. The flash of real pain in the hero’s eyes, the softness in her voice, like she was apologizing for the honest of her answer.
“Red sunrises,” said Kara.
Lena threw the teacup across the room, and it shattered across the screen, leaving the dregs tricking down the surface. Lena wished the TV had been knocked out, but the screen was shielded by a transparent aluminum she’d invented herself.
So she changed the channel, just in time to get a face full of The Princess Bride, just as Buttercup was shoving a then-disguised Westley down the hill as he shouted the line the revealed his identity.
“Oh fuck you all,” Lena muttered, as she scooped her keys from the kitchen counter.
Lena decided it was a night for subtlety, so she took the BMW, driving with the top down and and her phone in her jacket pocket, so she could feel it if someone called.
Lena drove for the better part of an hour, reflecting on the absurdity of simply looking for Kara in a sprawling city; National City had about two thirds the population of Metropolis, but it covered nearly four times the land area and was surrounded by sprawling suburbs that extended the entire metro area to the size of a small state.
This was hopeless, unless Lena knew where to go.
You know what you have to do. You know what you’ve always had to do.
Kara answered on the third ring.
“Hi.”
Her voice was tiny and small, and Lena felt like she was clutching some small fragile thing to her cheek.
“Hey,” she said, with all the softness she could muster with the top down. She pulled to a stop on the side of Ocean Avenue so she could soften it further. “I heard what happened.”
“I beat the monster.”
“I know,” said Lena. “You always do. Where are you, Kara?”
There was a beat of silence.
“I don’t know who out you up to this, but you don’t have to do it, Lena. I know how you feel about me now.”
No, you fucking don’t, Lena thought, before she could silence her own frantic mind. If you knew you wouldn’t have lied to me.
“Tell me where you are.”
“I’m where I belong,” Kara sighed, the hint of slurring in her words hinting that she’d been drinking.
Then she hung up.
A wave of anger welled in Lena’s chest, and she clenched her teeth, seizing the shift lever to throw the car in drive and head home; Kara and her sister could handle their own bullshit.
She didn’t drive home.
Lena arrived at the convention center in a frantic five minutes, parking crazily in a towing zone. Finding a way in took another few minutes, and soon the flat soles of her tennis shoes were squeaking as they echoed across the polished granite floors of the lobby.
She found Kara in the exhibit, surrounded by quiet, dark displays as she stood in front of a bannered exhibit proclaiming “RAO, THE SUN OF KRYPTON”.
Kara ignored Lena as she approached, tipping back a sloshing, mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniels to take a hearty gulp.
“Kara?” said Lena.
Kara swayed slightly on her feet. She’d gotten a raincoat somewhere and put it on over her suit, cape and all, and even from a distance she stank of whiskey. She was staring at the display in front of her, an expansive orrery surrounding a lit model of Rao. Lena had never seen her so haggard, even her lustrous hair limp sallow.
“Hi,” Kara said, taking another drink.
“What are you doing?”
“Chasing a red sunrise.”
Lena approached slowly, until they stood side by side.
She stole a quick glance. Kara had a black eye and she was swaying slightly, and Lena wasn’t sure if it was from the booze or the fight. She started to take another drink.
Grasping the bottle by the neck, Lena took it from her. Kara didn’t resist as Lena tipped back a long pull on the bottle herself. It offended her palate in every possible way but one, but it was a good way to numb herself.
“Alex send you?”
“No,” said Lena. “She just had to tell me. She knew I’d send myself.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s a lot more observant than you are.”
Kara studied her for a moment, then reached for the bottle back.
Lena looked at it. “How much of this have you had?”
“Not enough,” said Kara, taking another drink.”
“If you insist on destroying your liver, at least let me give you something that actually tastes good.”
“It all tastes like paint thinner,” said Kara.
Lena sighed. “Get in the car.”
Kara shrugged and followed Lena out, flopping extravagantly in the passenger’s seat. Lena drove in silence, using the excuse that the wind noise made it too hard to talk.
When they arrived at Lena’s apartment, she practically shoved Kara inside, and poured the rest of the swill down the drain.
“Hey,” Kara muttered.
“There’s still some of your clothes in the guest bedroom. Take that damned suit off and put on something else.”
Kara complied, trudging into the bedroom. She emerged a moment later, looking small and sad with her hands tucked up inside an oversized hoodie, wobbling giving Lena a glassy look.
As she sat down, Lena handed her a glass of wine and perched on the edge of the couch cushion beside her, gently pressing an ice pack to her eye. Kara leaned into it and let out a soft, unsteady sigh.
“Pain hurts,” she observed.
“It’ll do that.”
Then she went quiet, sinking into Lena’s couch with Lena’s ice pack pressed to her face. Lena stepped into the kitchen and pulled out her phone. Alex answered immediately.
“I have her.”
“Thank God. I’ll be over to get her in a few minutes.”
“No you won’t,” Lena sighed.
Alex didn’t answer her for a too-long pause.
“Yeah. Call me in the morning.”
“Will do.”
Kara had found the wine bottle when Lena came back, and was taking a drink form it. Lena sat down next to her and took it, drawing on it hard before passing it back.”
“What now?” said Kara.
“Is the ice still cold?”
“Yeah.”
Kara curled up next to Lena, bringing her legs up, her toes wiggling in empty air. Lena sighed and found her a blanket, spreading it over her too carefully.
As soon as Lena sat down, Kara spread the blanket over her, too, and Lena noticed that her absurd body heat hadn’t abated from the loss of her powers.
“You have tea on your TV,” Kara observed.
“Yeah,” said Lena.
It took her a few minutes to find something on television that wasn’t Supergirl or The Fox and the Hound.
(Fucking seriously?)
Nature documentaries were Kara’s kryptonite, to turn a phrase, and soon she was sleeping on Lena’s shoulder, the ice bag fallen into her lap. Lena stared down at the soft features of the surpassingly lovely little goddess snoozing against her and couldn’t help it anymore.
She started to weep softly, her shoulders hitching as she struggled to stop it, knowing the attempt was hopeless.
It got worse when Kara began to purr, a deep and soothing rumble in her chest that seemed to seep into Lena’s bones. After a moment she realized that Kara was crying too; she’d woken up.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I’m so fucking sorry, Lena. I can’t… I can’t breathe I’m so sorry. I lost my red sunrise. I can’t lose you too. I’ll do anything. Please let me make it up to you I promise I will, please.”
Lena shifted to a more comfortable position, known this was it for the night, that something had shifted. No, shattered. She was tired of being angry, of being afraid, if thinking of could-have-beens and come-what-mays. Yes, Kara had lied. Lena had lied. They’d kept secrets and been stupid and and they’d hurt each other, but nothing in the world, no principles or closely held rules or petty anger would justify watching her suffer like this.
She was careful as she cupped Kara’s jaw, avoiding the injury, feeling a flash of rage at whoever had done this to her. (That his ass had been throughly kicked by an angry Kryptonian was irrelevant; her vengeance would not be forestalled.)
The kiss was quiet and gentle, at once too soft and quick, more request than declaration, and Kara swiftly answered with one so fierce and honest and hopeful that Lena didn’t care that Kara’s mouth tasted like whiskey and wine.
When it was over, Lena found herself whispering, “As you wish.”
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saraswritingtipps · 11 months
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Reactions to grief
Denial and Disbelief: Initially, a character may struggle to accept the reality of their loss. They might refuse to believe that their loved one is gone, clinging to hope or desperately searching for any signs of their presence.
Emotional Turmoil: Grief often brings intense emotional upheaval. Characters may experience profound sadness, despair, anger, guilt, or a mix of conflicting emotions. Their moods may fluctuate drastically, leading to outbursts of tears, frustration, or numbness.
Withdrawal and Isolation: Some characters might withdraw from social interactions, seeking solitude to process their grief. They may isolate themselves from others, finding solace in their own thoughts and memories.
- Physical Symptoms: Grief can manifest in physical symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, or other psychosomatic manifestations. These physical reactions can reflect the toll that grief takes on the character's overall well-being.
Immersion in Memories: Characters may immerse themselves in memories of the person they've lost. They might seek comfort in looking at old photographs, listening to recordings, or visiting significant places that remind them of their loved one.
Guilt and Regret: Characters may grapple with guilt and regret over things left unsaid or unresolved issues with the deceased. They may blame themselves for not being able to prevent the loss or feel remorse for any negative actions or words in the past.
Seeking Closure: Characters might actively seek closure by investigating the circumstances surrounding the loss or searching for answers. This could involve conducting their own inquiries, talking to people connected to the situation, or even pursuing spiritual or metaphysical avenues.
Attempting to Fill the Void: Some characters may try to fill the void left by their loss by immersing themselves in work, hobbies, or other distractions. This can be a way to cope with the pain or to create a sense of purpose in the absence of their loved one.
Rediscovering Meaning: Over time, characters may go through a process of reevaluating their own life's purpose and finding new meaning or direction. This can involve pursuing new interests, engaging in charitable acts, or dedicating themselves to causes that honor the memory of the person they've lost.
Healing and Acceptance: Eventually, characters may find a sense of healing and acceptance. While the pain of the loss never fully disappears, they learn to live with their grief and carry the memory of their loved one with them. This can lead to a renewed sense of purpose or a deepened appreciation for life.
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hidetothink · 5 months
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It's November 2015
My entire life is about to come undone. I will be removed from my Christian university for interrupting an invited speaker comparing homosexuality to pedophilia and murder. I will come out publicly for the first time in my life and Iose the majority of my friends. The few who don't silently disappear from my life charitably bombard me with reminders of what God thinks about sodomy. My two best friends encourage me to apologize, "You're making this about yourself." We barely manage to remain friends
My entire life is about to come undone. Over turkey and potatoes, I tell my parents the truth. I'm gay, but more importantly, I'm not fighting it anymore. I'm gay and I'm not trying to change it anymore. I am going to date. I hope I will marry
The entire direction of my life has shifted. We don't talk about it. My father outright refuses
It's 2023
I am pulling bread from the oven. I yell to my boyfriend that it's open for his stewed apples. An hour drive. Hugs exchanged. While I help my mom with clean up, my dad asks my boyfriend how night classes are going. When we leave, my mom sneaks money to him, knowing I'll fight her on it. "Go out to eat this weekend!"
Time does not heal all wounds. But it can do incredible things. It gets better, friend <3
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punkpandapatrixk · 6 months
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🍷Scent of Your Destined Person ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card
Come ti vidi           when I saw you M’innamorai,        I fell in love E tu sorridi            and you smiled Perchè lo sai.        because you knew
– Arrigo Boito
Somewhere in this world you and I exist. Do you remember how you always feel when you’re with me? Will you recognise me the moment your eyes lay sight upon me?
SONG: Horizon by NCT Jaehyun
MOVIE: Spirited Away (2001)
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 1 – Everything I Do, I Do to Make You Happy
VIBE: Misty by NCT 127
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perfume – 8 of Pentacles
At the core of their being, your Destined Person is a very earthy person. Sensual and pragmatic. Realistic and dependable. Ambitious and hardworking. I bet you they have a large amount of Earth sign influences—Taurus, Virgo, or Capricorn. Your Destined Person has a great spirit that knows how to make sacrifices for those they care about. They are such a magnanimous entity. But with this energy, they can also be quite hard on themselves. They’re not self-destructive though; just incredibly responsible and hard-working because they have big, BIG dreams!
Having said that, your Destined Person is quite a balanced person in that they know how to relax and indulge in the fruits of their labour of love. Though they are passionate and focused, your Destined Person is also quite a spiritual person, which they themselves might not be super aware of. The spiritual side of them makes them highly intuitive, and they’re the type to trust those gut instincts, so they tend to be successful in Life from courageously making bold decisions, guided by their Heart.
Your Destined Person’s spiritual side makes them dream WILD dreams nobody else dares to dream. You could say they’re rather eccentric in regards to how they’re perceived by their family, neighbours and peers. With a rather rebellious nature though, they pursue their dreams with focus and fervour. Thanks to their practicality and endurance (definitely strong Earth influences, babe), they’re able to follow through their plans and manifest their dreams rather easily. It isn’t to say they don’t sacrifice a lot though…
playdate – 9 of Swords
It’s never easy to get to the top and your Destined Person has endured quite a lot of storms Life has had to offer. In spite of their persona that may appear strong, charismatic, dependable, optimistic, and even cheerful for some, your Destined Person actually has a very soft heart. They’re empathetic and can’t stand the reality of people being mean and nasty to each other. To some extent, it breaks their heart when they witness people trample each other in the pursuit of success.
Your Destined Person is a charitable Soul who believes that a candle doesn’t lose anything by sharing its fire. Unfortunately, most Humans can’t see this. And they feel like they’re the only person in the world who’s bothered by such a thing and sometimes this makes them feel weird or weak as a person. To compensate for that sometimes-terrible feeling, your Destined Person has a tendency to push themselves even harder and sacrifice more of themselves to make other people feel good, happy (because they can’t stand absorbing other people’s sad energy, if that makes sense).
It's almost like, your Destined Person doesn’t know how to genuinely make themselves happy unless they’re being useful to those they care about. Unfortunately, due to this insane charitableness, your Destined Person has been taken advantage of quite a lot in Life. When they were a lot younger, they trusted too easily (too pure for this world). A lot of the people they used to know only saw them for their money, status, or access. Your Destined Person is quite traumatised when it comes to human relations in general but they don’t easily let this show!
a box of macarons – 3 of Cups
Tapping into your Destined Person’s energy feels, misty. They’re quite often sad but try their best to showcase a positive attitude because that’s just who they are. In some cases, they may be dwelling in a workplace or an industry where showing such emotions is not exactly appreciated. When thinking about you, your Destined Person yearns for someone who’d look into the true depths of their empathy and compassion, and still be OK with how morose they sometimes could be. They also wish for their Destined Person (you!) to offer some kind of an escape from memories of their terrible past.
When you finally pop into their Life, your Destined Person becomes engulfed in sweet but all-consuming gratitude that escapes words. They’d be speechless, or awkward, when trying to describe this gratitude they feel towards you. They have a lot of things to be grateful for and it wasn’t like their world was that bad, but there’s something about you that touches the deepest yearning in them and makes all the flowers bloom in their inner world. The whole idea of you, your sheer beingness, just the fact that you’re alive, and that you’ve found your way into their world…
How they struggle to express how much they love you XD They feel like your entire existence beats only for them, for their healing. You heal so many parts of their broken heart and restore their faith in a Life worth living. All those riches mean nothing if you’re not the one destined to marry them. They’ll be so devoted and loyal to you. There’s only you. And then your children and pets, maybe XD Your Destined Person will create a safe haven for you and your family. You will live lavishly and be gifted a lot of thoughtful gifts! All they do in this world, they do for your happiness and your children♥︎
143ML OF PURE LOVE ESSENCE🔻💛
flower bouquet – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)
home sweet home – Priestess of Divination
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 2 – I Want No One Else but You
VIBE: Focus by NCT 127
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perfume – 4 of Cups
To your Destined Person, you’re the dreamiest, most magical creature they have ever encountered. The moment you enter their Life, they fall in love at first sight, or at least, there’s something about you that profoundly disturbs the mundanity that they’ve been operating in for quite a while. You make them dream in more vivid colours. I think they’re going to be addicted to you quite immediately which would be hilarious to them XD They’ll be thinking about you non-stop, which makes them feel awkward. They’ll be telling themselves, ‘I’m not at an age where I should be behaving this way! Come on! Grow up, me!’
And still, they don’t mind at all being focused on only you. They enjoy that dreamy feeling all too much for them to even want to stop. ‘I love being drenched in your aroma. I like your energy. I like all that you are. You are my dream person! AAAAGGGHHH!’ They’re crazy about ways to make it with you! They don’t know what to do because they think they could be too much or too childish and they fear you might reject them. They’re thinking of ways to mature first and be really cool XD I think your Destined Person is quite silly hahahah
But as childish that may appear to you, don’t underestimate your Destined Person’s loyalty, babe~ Deeply romantic and devoted; they would not want anybody else but you. They’re thinking, ‘If I’m not with you in this incarnation, there’s no point in all that I’ve done.’ Their heart beats only for you. Your Destined Person may need some time to develop themselves when you meet, but they’re definitely not shallow. Your Destined Person has a heroic quality to them which makes them want to offer you security. All variety of security~
playdate – 9 of Pentacles Rx
So, there’s a bit about your Destined Person that may be perceived—especially by their peers, I think—as childish or unrealistic. Essentially, I think they’re a spiritual idealist. They can be quite dreamy, head in the clouds type of person. If your Destined Person is a male, I think some of their peers kinda look down on them for being… the way that they are. Your Destined Person, even when they are a male, is the type that goes home quickly to help with childcare. Your Destined Person is romantic and will prioritise you and family over workplace obligations. This is saying they will go the extra mile to prove their Love for you. They don’t care what other people say; they say, ‘Other people don’t know what Love is and that’s such a shame!’
Your Destined Person knows that Love can’t be proven with just material things. This person deeply understands that time well spent together, affection and attention, are more of a display of Love than whatever money could buy. They’re not the type of lover who’d get discouraged by other people buying their spouses bigger or shinier things. In that manner, your Destined Person has a healthy self-esteem and they really understand what kinds of things truly matter in a relationship. I think you’re going to be so happy, so emotionally secure with them!
I’m seeing that you and your Destined Person are going to enjoy visiting places like theme parks, or just parks, and you’d enjoy outdoor picnics with foods you’ve prepared or bought at the supermarket together. Just enjoying peaceful moments with a box of Belgian chocolate you both love. The most important thing is the quality time you’re spending together. Something like that. I think your love life is definitely all about the cute, sweet romantic moments that may be small but definite😉
a box of macarons – King of Swords
Maybe because they’re a bit childish(?) or just optimistic, I kinda feel your Destined Person could be quite reckless in love, especially when they were a lot younger. They could’ve gotten hurt quite a bit in this regard, but don’t worry—that was part of their Higher Self wanting to teach them about healthy boundary. By the time you meet your Destined Person, there’s only so much left for them to heal and grow from. The way I see it, your Destined Person is quite a reasonable fellow, so they learn their spiritual lessons rather quickly.
One thing you need to know though, is that this person has cut ties and burnt bridges with a lot, A LOT, of toxic people from their past. A lot of people wanted access to them for their wealth or status. It could also be that they were in relationships whereby they were valued only for their beauty or sexual capacity and all such menial things. They’ve been taken advantage of quite a lot, sheesh. Meanwhile, with that pure Soul of theirs… Yeah, they carry deep wounds deep in their heart.
When they get to know you, they’re so happy, so glad to know there’s another person who’s just like them. That you’re unfazed by someone’s numbers in their bank accounts. That you’re able to see through the illusions of the Matrix. That you passionately care about what’s essential. Your Destined Person thinks you possess a moral compass that’s different from most everybody they’ve ever known. They appreciate you a lot for your intelligence and your courage to cut through the bullshit of society. I think you’re the type of person who speaks your mind? They LOVE that about you!
143ML OF PURE LOVE ESSENCE🔻💙
flower bouquet – Silver Astrologer (John Dee)
home sweet home – Priestess of Clarity
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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 3 – Possession, Obsession, Protection
VIBE: Poison by NCT DREAM
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perfume – Ace of Wands Rx
Aight, this the freaky Pile. Get ready XD
Your Destined Person is a bit of a psychopath LMAO Just kidding. Not saying they’re a narc(!) or anything but they’re this lil freako who thinks outside of the norm. Your Destined Person is a true gem of an eccentric and they have many kinky fantasies about you. Dunno why that’s coming up strong XD But hey, you’ll recognise your Destined Person by how they’re truly the most unique individual you could ever know! A one in a billion kind of a brilliant person!
Your Destined Person is quite rebellious in that, whatever they do, they make sure they don’t follow the convention. They like to adventure in all the senses of that word. They like to experiment and test themselves also. What they truly want is to carve out a Life of their own, irrespective of what their family or community expects of them. Some of you, your Destined Person could even be this kind of rebellious inventor of sort who deliberately invents a new way of living in the modern world, that nobody else could think of.
A futuristic spiritual genius, I think. For that reason, some of you, your Destined Person might as well end up changing the world for the better! Someone like Elon Musk, I think? Your Destined Person could have strong influences of Aquarius that make them think outside of the box and then, in some aspects could be influenced by some strategic Scorpio placement that pushes them to see their psycho ideas see the light of day.
playdate – II The High Priestess
Having said all of that, in relation to you, the person they devote themselves to, ah yes, they’re still pretty much a psycho in that regard XD Lemme explain, ahem!
Your Destined Person is a sneaky psycho even in the way they think about their connection to you. They really have so many kinky fantasies about you, which they won’t always let out because even they understand how scary some of their thoughts are! They daydream about taboo behaviours in bed. Things most normies wouldn’t think about and when they do some of those things to you, you’d be in heaven, babe. They know, by intuition, how to make you… explode? What they do behind closed doors will drive you insane with new colours of pleasure you didn’t even know were possible.
This motherfucker is cruel dominant. They like to dominate all of you like they could swallow your entire being when you’re in their embrace. Your Destined Person is the type that expresses Love through sexual acts. For them, sex is not dirty, necessarily. Sex is healing and transformative. Sex is a sacred union between you two. They’re immaculately intense about it. They give their all—soul and body—and everything in between. They tend to like to be on top, and they could get frightening at times, but if whimpering under them happens to be a thing of yours, oh~ XD
More than appearances could tell, your Destined Person thinks about sex with you a lot. A LOT. A. LOT, babe. They just might not always make it known to you because even they get troubled by it sometimes LMAO They wish they could simply stop thinking about you naked but they’re down horrible. They don’t know what to do with themselves. They think a screw got loose somewhere in their brain. They blame it on you being… you.
They’re crazy passionate about you. They DO love you. Deeply and truly and heroically. They’re also just crazy. What are you gonna do with a lover like this? Hahah…
a box of macarons – 5 of Cups Rx
You know what kind of character your Destined Person reminds me of? Yasu from NANA. There’s an episode where Reira, a girl he used to date in high school, came running to his apartment, sobbing and looking for comfort, and Yasu didn’t give her what she was looking for. He knew full well doing so wouldn’t be the right thing to do, because he was in love with Nana. Nana was the only person he’d allow that kind of access to, if that makes sense. Yasu is the kind of person who knows the distinction between good manners that are real, and fake kindness or politeness that is lacking dignity. Your Destined Person has quite a noble character in spite of their eccentric insanity.
On top of their intense seriousness, your Destined Person is also someone who quickly burns bridges to the past and locks access to themselves. They’d never allow those who have betrayed or wronged them to have a piece of their success and happiness. They don’t entertain other people taking their kindness and gentleness for granted. Though they are caring, they’re not stupid; and they respect you a lot that they’d never allow their politeness to ruin their relationship with you. Your Destined Person is sensible enough not to perform polite gestures that might get misunderstood by those who want something from them. Ahem.
They are deeply loyal and will always be on your side. Till death do us part kind of partner. They want you to know security, have stability, and they’d hope you never doubt their intentions. I think, your Destined Person wants to let you know that when you’re with them you will never have to fear losing them and that they will never allow any situation or person to cast a shadow of doubt on your mind😊Aaaa o mai gaaa~
143ML OF PURE LOVE ESSENCE🔻❤️
flower bouquet – Gold Alchemist (Roger Bacon)
home sweet home – Priestess of Energy
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]
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