#Tog episode 10

[outsideratheart]

Secrets & Lies (Christen Press x reader)

Based of this request.

A/N: This is the longest fic I have ever written with 11,599 words. I hope it isn’t too long and that you all like it. One more thing, ANGST!!!

You had been keeping a secret since the day you were born. Only a few people knew about it and that's because someone else told them but at what point does a secret turn into a lie?

You spent your childhood having bi yearly surgeries but they were only temporary fixes until the doctors felt your heart was strong enough to take the stress of a more complicated surgery. This came when you were 15, it meant you could play the sport you love, and to the naked eye your condition was non existent as long as you took your medication. It wouldn't be the last surgery you had, in fact the doctors told both you and your mom that they would have to do the same surgery again in around 10 years.

It resulted in you learning to live one day at a time and you never looked too far into the future but you couldn't ignore the fact that every year is one step closing to needing a second surgery. So when you turned 25 you couldn't help but feel like you were on borrowed time. Two years after that, the hospital visits became a monthly occurrence in order to keep an eye on your condition and your doctor was surprised that your heart was holding up well and it was but that feeling of being healthy soon came to a halt.

First came the shortness in breath followed by the chest pains, they are symptoms that you are all too familiar with. At first it was manageable but then it got hard to hide the toll it was taking on your body.

"Are you ok kid?" you feel a hand rest on the small of your back as you bend over in attempt to catch your breath after a sprinting drill.

"It's getting worse" you look up at your captain Christine Sinclair "I'll be ok, I have to be. The olympics are around the corner and I can't miss them" the panic in your voice sparks concern within the Canadian.

"Ok, ok, calm down. We will handle this like have in the past, just me, you and the doctors. Have you told Tobin or any of the others how bad it's getting?" you shake your head "Maybe it's time you tell Christen. The two of you have been tog—“

“No! Christen doesn't need to know"

"And when will she? When she is calling an ambulance?"

Christine Sinclair had many abilities and the one you hated the most was how well she showed tough love.

"No Christen and no Tobin. This is my fight and I know how to handle it" you know that the conversation is no where near over but you don't have the energy to talk about it and you don't want to risk the rest of the team hearing you.

At first only you and the Portland Thorns team doctor knew about your heart condition but then your mom told Christine when the thorns were playing Gotham. She wanted someone to know about it in case you were to have an episode. They didn't happen all that often, especially as you got older, but when they did come they were bad.

Portland were in Houston playing the dash before the players would go to their respective national teams. It meant that you had to pack for 3 weeks away. You made your checklist, packed your bag and then went through the list twice, you had everything.

The Thorns ended up beating the dash 3-1 with goals coming from you, Tobin and Lynsey so when you arrived at camp you were all in fantastic moods although yours could have something to do with the fact that you would be seeing Christen for the first time in a month.

As you enter the reception you are told that you are the last to arrive and the team are in the conference room handing out room assignments. As you enter the room you eyes eagerly search for your girlfriend but she isn’t there, worry starts to set in and you nudge tobin who in suit shrugs her shoulders. So her girlfriend and best friend didn’t know where she was. You are just about to raise your hand to ask the question when you feel two arms snake around your waist.

“Looking me for” Christen says quietly as not to interrupt Jill.

You remove one of her hands and place a kiss on the back of it.

“I better not be sharing with Kelley again” You tip your head back to rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be happy to know I persuaded Jill to let us room together but you have to be on your best behaviour”

“Me!” You turn to face Christen. Your increased volume becoming apparent when Jill calls you out.

“Is there something you would like to share with the team” Jill encourages you to speak up.

"Nothing she can repeat in front of the youngens, right Y/N?" Kelley teases.

The defender knows that you will bite straight away if the teasing had to do with your relationship, more so what goes on behind close doors. You are on the verge of retaliating when Christen places her hand over your mouth.

"Sorry coach, continue" Christen tells Jill.

The team meeting runs a little big longer than you had hoped. Jill taking this time to discuss the basic plan for the camp as well as assigning rooms and then reassigning them when she gets complaints.

You and Christen waste no time in making up for being away from each other. It might have been a few years since the two of you started dating but the way she makes you feel never failed to catch you off guard. The connection you shared reminded you of fireworks and no matter how many times they went off you always jumped.

The two of you cuddled in bed, covered in nothing but the white hotel bed sheets. Christen's head rested on your chest whilst her hand traced shapes on your stomach.

"Your heart feels like it is about to beat out of your chest" whilst Christen jokes it is a reason for concern to you.

You think about it for a second. The Thorns schedule has been gruelling recently and you knew that you were putting stress on your heart but it was fine, you were taking your medication then it hit you, you hadn't taken it this morning.

"My heart will always skip a beat for you" you stare up at the ceiling in fear that Christen will see your pain if she looks you in the eyes.

The pair of you get ready for training all whilst worry starts to sink deeper into your thoughts. Christen knew you took several supplements in a morning but she didn't know what they were and you wanted to keep it this way. When you are on your way down to the lobby you see your chance.

"I'll meet you down there. I forget to take my vitamins" You daren't use the word medication because you know it will cause her to worry. It's the reason why she has no idea about your condition. You saw what the worry did to your mom growing up and you wouldn't put that on your girlfriend.

Luckily Christen doesn't ask any questions and she doesn't follow you back to the room. By the time she gets to the lobby the whole team is there ready and waiting.

"What, no Y/N?" Pinoe asks her fellow forward.

"She forgot her vitamins" Christen says fully unaware of the looks that are shared between Emily and Tobin.

Emily tips her head towards the elevator and Tobin picks up on what she is suggesting.

You are rummaging through your bag hoping that you will find your medication but it is no where to be found. You thought you packed enough for the Thorns trip and the national camp but you hadn't. You didn't know what to do, you knew that if you told Dawn about it she would have you benched and that couldn't happen because you were playing Canada and the team needed you. The sound of someone knocking at the door pulls you out of your head. At first you ignore them, you had more important things going on right now and the person on the other side of the threshold could wait but the knocking continued only louder and more persistently.

"Y/N let me in"

Tobin, just the person you both wanted to see and did not want to see. When she enters she recognises the panic on your face immediately.

"You forgot?" Her tone reminds you of your mom and you didn't care for it.

"I'm fine now" It was a lie but you didn't have a choice  "I'm just tidying up. You know how much of a neat freak Chris is"

You had been taking this medication for 12 years surely you built up enough strength to live without it for a week.

Training was tough to say the least but you chalked it down to the Arizona heat. Tobin kept a close eye on you and even went out of her way to partner up with you during drills which pissed you off more because you wanted to work with Christen. Dawn watched you from the sidelines and at first you didn't think anything of it until you saw her whispering in Jill's ear.

When the coach calls you over in the middle of scrimmage, it gains the attention of the entire team. Players only ever got called out of a game when they were in trouble but Jill eyes wasn't filled with anger, they were filled with pity and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Dawn mouth 'i'm sorry'.

"Do I need to be worried?" Jill asked.

Here's the thing with Jill. You know she knows and she knows you know she knows but the two of you have never spoken about it. She keeps an eye on you during training and Dawn let's her know if there is a reason for concern.

"No. I forgot to take my medication this morning so it's taking a little bit longer for it to work"

Another lie.

"You were struggling out there and don't say it's because of the heat. I have seen you when we play in Australia and you aren't phased at all"

"I'm already feeling better. Watch and you will see that I am fine" you shut down the conversation before it can go any further.

When you're back on the pitch you score within seconds and dedicate your goal to your coach with an arrogant salute. Instead of it making her believe you're healthy, your celebration makes Jill think the opposite. You are trying too hard to show her you are ok.

The next couple of days are more difficult than you would like to admit. You were tempted to ask for a personal day and fly back to Portland but it would lead to more questions and you were trying to keep your amount of lies to a minimum.

With game day getting closer and closer, you begin easing off the physical side of preparation. You took a back seat in training and when asked about it you stated that as your role as captain you want to use this time to pass on your knowledge to the younger players.

When it comes to the afternoon lift session, Dawn pulls you aside and tells you that you will be working alone. She puts you on the treadmill whilst the rest of the team focus on the weights. Her attempt at testing your fitness isn't as subtle as she hopes.

"Wait, why is Y/N the only one doing a fitness test?" Tobin asks. Christen wants to know the same thing. She had seen the change in your behaviour over the past couple of days. It happened in the blink of an eye, one minute your the confident player the world loved the next you are on the sidelines trying to catch your breath like a rookie.

"Because I am the fastest on the team and Dawn wants to see if I can improve my stats from last camp"

Your girlfriend buys it, Tobin on the other hand isn't so easy to persuade. In the end she walks away but not before talking to Sonnet who looks at you and shakes her head.

Great! You aren't well and now you have pissed off the two people that could out you to the entire team.

"I've seen you watching me and I'm fine but if I am sick then I will get worse by doing this" you whisper in Dawn's ear before setting the treadmill to 15 where you begin sprinting as if you have a perfectly good heart.

By the end of the treadmill test you can barely breathe. Dawn helps you to chair before getting you a bottle of water. You hear her shout of Christen and within seconds your girlfriend is by your side.

"Y/N breathe for me" Christen begs. She had never seen you this out of breath.

"It hurts" you clasp both of your hands over your chest. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now.

"What's going on with her?" Christen asks dawn.

"She is--" Dawn tries to answer but Tobin and Sonnet come running over.

"She took an elbow to the chest in our last game and it's causing her some problems" Tobin tells her.

"She'll be fine. Here, use this" Sonnet gives you an ice pack knowing that it helps with your chest pains.

Your hands shake whilst you hold the cold block to your chest, so much so that Christen ends up taking it from you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asks.

When you look to Christen you see the hurt you are causing her and this is because she didn't know about a tackle that didn't happen. In a matter of seconds you go from feeling pain to feeling guilty.

“I—" part of you tries to tell her the truth, even it it's only a half truth.

"It's best if she doesn't talk" Tobin cuts in.

Dawn tells you that you're done for the day and that Christen should take you back to your room. Your girlfriend talks to the performance coach in hopes that she can tell her what to do to make you feel better.

"I don't know what's going on with you but you cannot tell her when you're like this. She will think you’re ill" Tobin whispers in your ear.

"That's because I am ill and I always will be. She deserves to be with someone who isn't a burden" your breathing begins to even out.

"Y/N don't do anything stupid. You trust us with your secret, you can trust her too"

"No, my mom trusted you. I didn't want people to know because they look at me like—“

"Like what"

"Like that" you point at both of the friends "Like I'm broken"

Walking away you feel their eyes burning into the back of your head but you don't look back. Christen stands near the door with her hand extended waiting for you to take it.

Once back in your room Christen goes straight into the bathroom and begins running the bath. It is something that calmed the two of you but funnily enough you haven't done it whilst being at camp. Your girlfriend comes back out to find you laid back on the bed, your eyes closed with one hand on your chest. She can just about hear you counting your breaths.

"Join me" Christen says from the door way but she doesn't get an answer, you don't even move.

"Baby, come join me" the softness in her tone when she calls you the name that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world gets your attention.

"I think i'm just going to lay here for a while"

"Look at me" your girlfriend demands and upon doing so see her standing there in nothing but her underwear "I wasn't asking"

The smirk that pulls at your lips in uncontrollable. The sight you saw had the power to bring to your knees and the past had proven that.

"Then I won't say no" you stand and remove your shorts and as you walk towards her you remove your top.

Christen is the first to get into the bath and she slides forward so that you can slip in behind her. She grabs your arms, wraps them around her and then covers your arms with her own.

"I love you Christen Press" you place a kiss to her jawline "but if something were to happen to me then I want you to move on" you feel a tear roll down your cheek but you cannot wipe it away "Please don't waste your years mourning me and don't be afraid to open your heart to another. You wouldn't be betraying me and although i'll be gone, i'll always be with you, in here" you place your hand over her heart.

"Y/N--" Christens shifts her weight.

"Don't look at me"

This was strange. You and Christen are very open about your feelings and aren't scared to be vulnerable around each other but whenever you shared these moments you wanted to feel as close to her as possible which lead to the two of you having eye contact.

"You are my one true love Y/N Y/L/N and should the worse happen, that will never change. I cannot make a promise to move on because I am not in control of my heart but I will promise to let love in should it come to me"

"I will love you Christen until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

This time you don't stop her as she turns in the water so her legs are either side of you. You craved her touch and reassurance that everything would be ok only she couldn't tell you that. That night Christen makes you forget about how this pain in your chest has ended in the past and you don't think twice about whether you future is going to last a year or ten years.

Game day came on day 5 without your medication and you were starting to regret not going home to get them. Sleep had become nothing more than a long nap and every time you ran it felt like a marathon. Still you had been able to downplay your struggles and Jill put you in the starting 11 despite being concerned about you.

You knew there was one person you couldn't fool and you did your best to avoid her until the whistle. At the pitch inspection you stayed away from the Canadians but you saw Christine staring at you from a distance, by the look on her face you knew she knew. When she tipped her head towards the tunnel so she could speak with you, you shook your head.

"You should go see her" Christen nudges towards where your club captain is standing.

"And fraternise with the enemy. I would much rather fraternise with you" you whisper in her ear.

It seems that Christen buys your distraction as she doesn't bring it up again even when Christine waits by the locker room after the warm ups.

You think you have managed to evade your friend's questioning but when you stand in the line waiting to go out you have a bad feeling in your gut so when Christine walks by you grab her arm and pull her back towards you.

"I didn't bring enough medication with me" you confess.

Up until now you haven't been scared but the look Christine gives makes you feel just that.

"How long?" she keeps her reply short given the crowd of players that surround you.

"5 days" You see Christine eye up Jill as she walks past "No, don't. I can handle this game but you need to know if case something happens"

"What makes you think that?"

You bring you hand to your chest "gut feeling" you reply.

Once gain Christine's expression changes and the worry is not something she can hide. She pulls you into her arms and whispers in you ear.

"I know you can handle it especially when playing so be smart out there kid"

And that is exactly what you do or at least for the first 50 minutes it is. All of sudden you feel your chest tighten and you feet give way underneath you as your body goes into fight or flight response. You do everything in your power to fight but it is too hard. Within seconds you are laid out of the floor, instead of your heart beating rapidly it is slow, too slow.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Christen kneels beside you.

Your eyes lock onto her, she is the reason why you want to fight but your lack of response does more harm than good. The team don't know what is happening so they don't call the medics over.

"Is it your heart?" Tobin asks having no care in the world about who hears her.

"What's wrong with her heart? Is this about the knock you took?"

You had been dreading this moment but somehow it has turned out worse than you imagined.

"I'm" you take a deep breathe "sorry"

"Why are you sorry? Tobin what is she sorry for? What is going on?"

Tobin looks at you and you use whatever energy you have left to shake your head.

"Sincy" you look at Tobin and she understands what you want but she doesn't want to leave your side.

Emily picks up on this "It's ok, i'll get her"

The defender turns to get your team mate only to see the opposing captain already running over.

"Move out of my way" Christine pushes her way through the white shirts.

"Sincy, it hurts" tears start to fall as fear begins to set in.

"Tobin get your medics now"

Christine looks at your team mates but her gaze ultimately falls on your girlfriend who looks petrified. Christen has one of your hands in hers, squeezing it so tightly that part of your fingers have turned white.

"I don't want to die" your words earn gasps from your team mates. Some of the Portland players are trying to hold back from crying as they know what this could mean.

"You're not going to die" Christen places a kiss to the back of your hand "Why would you die? You can't die. Christine" Christen looks up to the older player only to see her holding Tobin in her arms as she tries to console her "Tobin" at the sight on her best friend in tears she knows that something much bigger is going on.

The medics come running onto the pitch and in that very moment you realise that the secret you have kept for the last 27 years is about to come to light. When one of them starts asking question you know that you don't have it in you to answer them,  a mixture of not wanting to and not having the ability to.

"She has a heart defect and hasn't been taking her medication" Christine says when she realises you wouldn't say it. Your club captain proceeds to explain your condition in detail as well as your medical history.

"No" Christen shouts "She is fine, tell them you're fine Y/N. You're not sick, you just took a knock in your last game. I know you're not sick because you would have told me, we don't have secrets" tears are flowing freely down your girlfriends face.

"Y/N" Christen whispers when she feels your hand slowly loosen it's grip from her own.

"I don't want to die. I wan’t—" your breathing hitches once again as your bodies tries to inhale a much oxygen as possible.

"Baby, no" Christen leans forward and rests her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry. I love you" those are are the last words you say and Christen is the last thing you see before it goes black.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. I need everyone to back up so we can try and save her life" One of the doctors say as the other one sprints away in search of the defibrillator.

"No, i'm not leaving her" Christen holds onto your unconscious form. It is only when Ashlyn pulls her away does she let go and begins sobbing into her friends arms.

The team stand there, helpless, as they watch the medics try to resuscitate you. All of them feeling a mixture of emotions. Some are angry at you, why didn't you tell them things had got this bad. Others feel guilty having known nothing about your condition, they begin wondering if the signs where there and they had just been too ignorant to see them.

Christen feels every emotion under the sun but the strongest one of them all is rage. You were her girlfriend and not only did you keep this from her, her best friend did too. You were the two people she trusted the most in the world yet today made it clear that trust wasn't reciprocated.

You are loaded into an Ambulance and taken the the nearest hospital. Christen is asked if she wants to go with you but she says no. The game gets suspended and the teams head back into their locker rooms. The US players planned on getting changed and heading straight to you.

The atmosphere in the locker room is something that neither of them have experienced before.

"You knew!" Christen shouts at Tobin.

"Chris" Pinoe tries to pull your girlfriend towards her locker but fails.

"No, I deserve an answer. My girlfriend was sick and you didn't tell me"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Christen. She made us promise not to tell you"

Tobin's words didn't exactly instil faith and calmness in her friend.

"Us?" Christen takes a step back and she scans the locker room. Now that's she is looking, it is very obvious who knew and who didn't "Emily, Lindsey. You knew too" Christen couldn't believe it.

"I didn't know things has gotten this bad. Y/N has episodes but she handles them on her own" Emily tells her.

"She doesn't like to talk about it" Lindsey adds.

"And Christine Sinclair knew" It isn't a question. The woman's action on the pitch made it obvious that she is very aware of your condition.

"I did"

Turning around Christen comes face to face with the women she was talking about.

"I have known since the beginning" the invisible spotlight that was placed on Christine made her nervous "I'm going to the hospital. Come with me and I will tell you everything"

Christen quickly replaces her boots with a pair of trainers, grabs a jacket and follows your captain.

Christen sat in the hospital waiting room alone. The seats either side of her remained empty because although her teammates wanted to support their friend, they knew it was just as important to give her space. It didn't make sense at first, you being ill, but then she begins replaying some of your recent conversations. Obviously the one you shared in the bath a few nights prior wasn't as hypothetical as Christen thought. Did you really think that Christen could move on from you?

"Family of Y/N Y/L/N"

Upon hearing your name the entire USWNT flock towards to the man clad in scrubs.

"I'm her girlfriend" Christen says as she stands directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry her file says to only discuss medical matters with direct family or Christine Sinclair, is that you?"

Christen couldn't believe what she is hearing. Even when you are in god knows what condition you are still determined to keep this from her.

"That's me. This is Christen Press and you can discuss Y/N's condition with her" Your friend has had enough of your secrets, Christen deserves the know the truth and at this point she knew that you could no longer hide it but that you would still try.

"Unfortunately Y/N coded again on the way here. Her heart had to work overdrive just to beat regularly and in the end it couldn't take it"

"No, She" your girlfriend couldn't believe what she was hearing "She can't die"

"She's alive Miss Press" The doctor confirmed "What I meant is that her heart couldn't take it which lead to the incident during your game. I spoke with her doctor in Portland and we agreed that minor surgery was needed until she can have a full exam when she returns home. Y/N is in recovery right now for observation then we will move her to a private room. I will have someone come get you when she is allowed visitors"

Christen stands frozen in her spot. Her mind, body and soul had grieved your death twice now even if it wasn't permanent.

"This is a good thing Chris" Tobin ignores the looks she gets as she talks to her best friend.

"How is this good Tobin? She almost died, no she did die. I lost her"

Tobin tries to pull Christen into a hug but she fights it. She takes her anger, which is rightly or wrongly is aimed at you, out on Tobin before surrendering.

"How could she not tell me Tobin? I'm suppose to be her person, she tells me she loves me yet—“

Christen is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

"You really don't get it do you" Christine says. After speaking to the doctor she found a seat near your Portland team mates "Y/N does love you more than you realise. It is the reason why she hasn't told you. I know that doesn't make sense but it does in her mind. Y/N has never told anyone about her heart condition"

"That's not true. You know, Tobin, Lynsey, Emily and I guess Becky knows, oh and dawn too, maybe even jill"

"You're right but that's not because Y/N told us. Her mom is reason why we know. She told us for this exact reason, in case something happens to her daughter and she isn't there to help her. In Y/N’s eyes she was protecting you by not telling you"

"That does sound like Y/N" Ashlyn sees sense in what the Canadian is saying.

"It doesn't make it ok"

"No it doesn't and for what it's worth Tobin has been begging Y/N to tell you since you started dating" Christine comes to her team mates defence.

Christen knows deep down that none of this was Tobin's fault and that her reaction was uncalled for. The way Tobin looks at her is something she has never seen before but then it hits her. You might have been her girlfriend but you are Tobin's best friend.

"I'm sorry Tobin. It just the thought of losing her is—“

"I know. It's scares me too"

When the pair hug, the team awe in response. For a brief moment the energy changes but it doesn't last long.

"Y/N is awake"

Having not needed to be told twice, Christen heads straight towards the nurse.

"You're going to have to wait sweetie. Y/N only wants to see Miss Sinclair"

It hurt. Once again you were choosing Christine over her and quite frankly Christen has had enough. A huge part of her wanted to say 'screw you' and leave. If you didn't want to see her then she wasn't going to stick around.

"Let's go get a coffee" Pinoe suggests which Christen agrees, Tobin follows in suit.

The three of them return just as Christine is storming through the hallway. Clearly nothing good happened in your room but it wasn't clear if the bad thing was related to the incident or something else.

"Christine, wait" Christen grabs her hand as she strides past them "What's wrong"

"She's unbelievable and all yours. I'm done"

Christen heads straight for you room, alone. The rest of the team know that there is conversation that needs to be had between the two of you and they had no right to be a part of it.

The sight itself is worrying. You are laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to several hospital wires and have a nasal cannula which is helping you breathe. All in all you didn't look well and it made the next words that came out of your mouth that much more frustrating.

"Don't look at me like that, i'm fine" your attempt at reassuring your girlfriend seems to have the opposite affect.

"No more lies Y/N. You're not fine. I watched you die, do you know what that was like?" Christen starts the speech that she had been planning in her head for the last couple of hours.

When you see her eyes begin to well up you want nothing more than to get out of the bed and comfort your girlfriend but you simply didn't have the strength. Instead you used what strength you did have to move over slightly so there was room for her near you.

"Come here"

Christen does so happily. Even though she is mad she has been craving the feeling of being in your arms and the solace it brings her.

"You knew this would happen. It's why you talked about you dying when we laid in the bath. You held me in your arms and we had a conversation which you knew could happen whilst I thought you were being hypothetical"

"I meant what I said. When I die I want you to move on with your life, not live in the past, in our past" once again you cannot bring yourself to make eye contact with your girlfriend.

Christen hovers her hand over your chest before placing it on your heart. The room goes quiet, enough so that you can hear her counting the beats under her breath. She is worried about you and you knew what the next couple of months would look like. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. You never wanted things to come to this and you certainly didn’t want to be the reason for Christen’s pain. It’s why you know the thing you are going to next is the right thing to do.

“Why did Christine leave?”

Well it looks like Christen is going to be the one to initiate the conversation only she has no idea what is about to come.

“I told her i’m not going to have the surgery when I get home. If I do then I'll miss the olympics and that isn’t something I am willing to do. I am going to have another minor surgery and work with the doctors so that I make it until the summer”

Christen lifts her head so she can see your face and what she is met with worries her. You are blank, almost emotionless but it was the facade you chose to put up in order get through this talk.

“No! You—“

“Christen the last few years we have shared have been incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know you are mad at me for keeping this from you but I don’t regret it. If I had it my way you would have never found out. I wanted to protect you from the pain that comes with my condition because I saw what it did to my mom and I won’t have you going through the same worry”

“Y/N” Christen doesn’t like what she is hearing.

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press more than anything in this world and it’s why I can’t be with you”

Her eyes well up within seconds. Her breathing becomes erratic and it matches the increasing beeps on your monitor. You may be calm on the outside but the wires hooked up to your chest tell a different story.

“No. You don’t get to tell me your dying then break up with me, that’s not how this ends, I won’t let it” Christen refuses to acknowledge that you have decided to end your relationship.

“Chris” You reach out for her hand but she pulls away just as your fingertips touch.

“Why are you doing this? We’ve talked about our future, marriage and kids. I may not have known you were sick but you did and you still had those conversations. Were they lies too?”

You get up out of bed against your better judgement. You ignore the pain in your chest and the rapid beeping coming from behind you.

“I never lied to you, I withheld the truth, there is a difference. Those conversations we had were a fantasy, one that made me look forward to a future I knew I might not have. I am doing this because I love you way to much to break your heart just because mine is already broken”

Your emotions are starting to get the better of you whilst Christen has tears rolling down her cheeks. It was naive to believe you could break up with the love or your life and not have her fight for you.

“You are so selfish Y/N” Christen’s sadness has turned into rage “I am willing to stand by your side though all of this and you are pushing me away. You are making a decision for our future without letting me have a say”

“I might not have a future Christen!”

The volume of your tone is the last straw. Doctors who had been monitoring your vitals come rushing into the room to make sure that you are ok, your team mates follow in suit.

“Miss Y/L/N I need you to get back into bed before you rip open your stitches” One of the nurses try to usher you back toward the bed but you don’t move.

“Christen, Listen to me. I am doing this because I love you, one day you will see that. I have to let you go”

Christen waits in your room to hear you out but she doesn’t respond before leaving.

When you are back in bed you cannot bring yourself to look at any of your team mates. There are those that knew and some that didn’t. You chose to stare out the window and your friends leave one by one, soon enough it is just Tobin and Emily in the room.

“You’re not getting the surgery?” Emily asks you. She had been the one to follow Christine to find out what happened.

“I can’t. I want to go to Tokyo and I can’t if I get it. My doctor said the risks are very high given the stress that my heart is currently under and he’s not sure if it can take it. I meant what I said on the pitch, I don’t want to die” The blonde understood your reasoning and didn’t question it any further.

Tobin on the other hand. She has had enough with your stubbornness and you knew that a lecture was coming.

“Please don’t” you beg her

“You two were made for each other and you just threw that away, why?” Tobin asks you.

“Because it easier to mourn someone you hate than someone you love”

The next month was tough. You were back in Portland, a place you called home, but you had never felt more alone. Your friends were mad at you for not getting surgery, even Christine only spoke to you when her captain duties called for it. Christen spent the first week after the incident texting and messaging you. She was fighting for your relationship but you couldn't step into the ring for her.

You had to take a temporary step back from the team to recover and get back to a place where you can play high level soccer. You released a statement saying that you were stepping away in order to focus on your health. You didn't give the fans anymore details and they respected your wishes, the press on the other hand, well they wanted to know what the damage was.

Truth is you missed your friends and the loneliness that your stubbornness caused became overwhelming which only made things worse. Your doctor was pleased with the improvements you were making but after the first few weeks things took a turn for the worse. The temporary surgery you had in Arizona had reached its limits a lot sooner than your doctor had hoped.

It was three months later when it came to a head.

"When do I have to make the decision?" you ask.

You had just completed another round of tests and as you sit in your doctor's office you can tell by the energy in the room and the lack of eye contact of his behalf that things weren't good.

"I would like to do this as soon as possible and before you ask, it is my recommendation that we do the full repair"

"But what about the risks? I want to go to Tokyo and you said the best way for me to do that is to have the smaller surgery and reevaluate when I get back"

"Y/N if we don't do this surgery I cannot guarantee that you make it to the summer"

"So what you're saying is I have the surgery or become part of the 27 club?" You let out a small chuckle but nothing about this was funny.

"I'm sorry things have come to this and I know it isn't what you wanted"

"It's ok, these things happen" It was as if you had already admitted defeat.

When you get up from your chair it's as if time had slowed down. You walked over the window which ironically looks over Providence park. You had made so many memories there and you truly thought you would have years to make more, now though you're not too sure.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" your doctor stands beside you "Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about this but you can't close yourself off from everybody. You shouldn't keep your friends at arms length Y/N, they are there because they want to support you"

"I don't want to become their problem"  you confess.

"I made a promise to someone but they're not my patient you are" He goes back to his desk "Christen Press calls my office once a week to get updates on you"

You were both happy and angry after hearing this. On one hand it was nice to know she still cared but you had been killing yourself, literally, so that you could keep her away from this and your doctor has been telling her anyways.

"You had no right"

"No I didn't but it was the right thing to do. That women loves you Y/N. When faced with death most of my patients live life there's no tomorrow. They do all the things that are on their bucket list, they make memories with their friends and confess their feelings but you, you have done the opposite. You refuse to see or speak to anyone unless it is unavoidable and you push away the woman you love most in this world. I made a decision, one that I won't apologise for"

At this point your doctor was like family so he didn't mind calling you out when your were being stubborn or stupid.

"What if I hurt her?"

Dying doesn't scare you because you had been preparing for it your entire life. Being the reason that Christen cries herself to sleep at night, that is one of your greatest fears.

"You already are by pushing her away"

You knew he was right. It became obvious the moment you broke up with her but in your eyes you were hurting her a little bit now in order to keep from hurting a lot more later on.

"Can I call you tomorrow with an answer?"

"Of course"

When you leave his office your phone feels like it's burning a hole in your pocket. Every part of you wanted to hear Christen's voice but something was stopping you.

Ignorance had been your greatest ally as of late. If you weren't at the hospital or at rehab then you would tell yourself that you are healthy but you were no longer able to ignore the uncertainty of your future. Portland has been home since you went No1 in the draft so subconsciously you take yourself to Providence park which isn’t all that strange considering it’s about this time of day when training ends. You stop at a poster of you and Tobin after you won the championship last season, the two of you looked so happy and carefree.

"It's a good photo" you don't need to turn around in order to know who is there.

"Y/N and Heath, Portland's unstoppable force" It was a nickname that the fans gave the both of you years ago and it has stuck ever since.

"Well one of us is" Tobin jokes.

"I guess I deserve that. I've missed you Tobs" you hug her tightly with a force that she returns.

"You're scaring us Y/N. Everyone is worried about you. Christen isn't herself, she is barely sleeping, every time she closes her eyes she sees you on that pitch or worse. She told me the other night that she finds herself walking through cemetery and it is your headstone that she goes to"

"I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to protect her, you do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do and she does too. I know you don't want to talk about it but please tell me you're getting better" Tobin pleads.

"I wish I could. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to lie but I need to have the big surgery, the one I have been putting off, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to have it yet"

"You're scared?" Tobin asks and you nod "You will make the right decision Y/N and I know you want to do this alone but if you want me to then i'll be by your side through it all"

The offer meant more than Tobin knew. You truly thought that your behaviour over the past couple of months had burnt the bridges that you call your friendships.

"Thank you Tobin"

She joins you as you wander the city but after an hour she picks up on the fact that you wanted to be alone and before leaving she reminds you once again that she is only a call away should you need her.

You find a bench that over looks the water. You put your earphones in and dial Christen's number, praying to the higher powers that she answers, she doesn't. It didn't come as a surprise, you didn't deserve her time. You try again only this time you decide to leave a voicemail.

"Hi bab—, sorry I mean Christen, it's Y/N. I have been told that I should talk to someone and you are the first person that came to my mind. I—“

"Y/N? Are you ok? Is something wrong"

"Christen?" you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if the call has connected "you didn't pick up, I thought I was leaving a voicemail"

"Sorry I was in the shower. Is everything ok?"

"I want to talk to you but I need you to treat me like the old Y/N, not the weak and broken Y/N"

"You're not broken Y/N. You are human and sometimes humans get sick"

"Chris, please"

"Girlfriend Y/N or cocky and confident Y/N? Just so I know which Y/N I am speaking to?" she chuckles slightly as she allows herself to get lost in the game are playing.

"The one that loves you unconditionally"

"My favourite Y/N"

You ignore the butterflies that you feel when you hear Christen's voice. Despite everything that is going on with you and her, she still manages to calm you down without even trying.

"I remember the first time you took me home to meet your family, I was so nervous. I know how much they mean to you and although you are this independent woman who doesn't need anyones approval, you still wanted theirs and I thought for certain I wouldn't get it"

This was news to Christen. She couldn't have imagined this is how you felt given the way you strode into the Press family full of confidence and not willing to let anyone get in the way of your relationship.

"I didn't know that"

"Can you remember the end of the night when you Dad asked to speak to me outside?" you hear Christen hum on the other end "That was the calmest I had been the entire night"

"Y/N, that doesn't make sense"

"It does because I knew the 'nobody will be good enough for my daughter' speech was coming. He asked me if I deserved to be in his daughters life and I said no. It was an easy answer because although I had known you for a few years, we had only being dating for a few months and in that time you showed me just how amazing you are and part of me knew from the moment I met you that you were too good for me Christen. The next morning Channing and Tyler cornered me in the kitchen and asked me the same type of question. The only person who didn't was your mom"

"She told me to tell that she's really mad at you"

"She'll have to get in line. Can I continue?"

You take her silence as a yes.

"Your mom asked me why I don't trust that her daughter is making the right decision. I said because i'm not capable of loving you like you deserve and whether it be in one year or ten years, I will break your heart"

"Y/N"

"She told me breaking someone's heart isn't always a bad thing because if you have the power to do that then they must love you with every fibre of their being and that isn't something to be sad about. She said when the day comes, I won't do it on purpose because if I do then I would be hurting myself in the process"

"When the day comes? She knew?"

"I asked myself the same question. Her words were filled with so much comfort that I was sure she did but it wasn't possible"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I knew from day one that this wasn't going to end well and I pursued it anyways. I was selfish and I have hurt you when I spent years making sure that didn't happen"

When the line goes quiet you are sure that Christen has hung up. You wouldn't be angry if she did, it was nice of her to give you the time that she had.

"Can you remember the night before the world cup final when we walked the streets of Paris?"

This is how the rest of the night went. You and Christen went back and forth sharing your favourite memories from your time together. Every so often she would change the subject to your health but it was only for a second then she would go back to her story.

The night draws in and the temperature drops but you are too content sitting by the water, admiring the view and talking to Christen. A dog comes running up to you, the bark makes Christen question where you are.

"Y/N where are you?"

"On a bench"

"You should go home"

"But I don't want to say goodbye"

Both of you go silent. The heaviness of the words you just said bring back the reality of what has been going in.

"There's no reason for you to say goodbye" Christen says and it's obvious even she didn't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth.

"Chris"

"No, I won't have this conversation with you over the phone. If you want to say your goodbyes then you do it in person"

"I love you and my heart, as broken as it may be, belongs to you and it will do until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

A strong sense of Deja Vu hits you and Christen. You had said this before but the meaning is different now.

"Stop"

"I need surgery Christen and the risks are high but if I don't have it then I don't know how long—“

"Y/n, please" Christen begs you from her end of the phone "I know you broke up with me and I know why but I love you"

"Christen, stop. I can tell what you're thinking. Please don't come to Portland"

"But I want to be with you"

"I am only a phone call away but I need space to do this ok?"

"I want to make a deal. No more radio silence. You call me every day, whether it is a good day or a bad one. I'll give you your space but I need you in my life"

Christen's determination was admirable and you wouldn't expect anything less.

"We have a deal"

"Pinky promise?"

"Ok"

"I need to hear you say it"

"Christen I pinky promise to call you everyday"

You decided not to get the major surgery. Life is short, you know this more than most, so you took your chances and worked with the physios to get you fit and healthy in time for the summer. It was difficult and there were days that you felt like giving up but you persisted, maybe a little too hard.

The bad days came along more than the good days but you kept your promise to christen. You called her everyday, sometimes twice.

You were promised a spot on the olympic roster if the doctors cleared you. It didn't matter if you didn't take part in the camps. The staff and players knew you belonged on the team, you could take a year off and still step on the pitch like no time had passed.

Just before the send off series, a rematch against Canada was organised. Due to the history of the fixture both teams felt they owed the fans a full 90 minute match. They agreed to have the game in Portland seen as though the city means so much to you.

Christen wanted to go to your apartment as soon as she landed but in the end she chooses to respect your wishes.

Your absence in the locker room was obvious. It was the first time that the national team had played without you in years and each player struggled with the thought of not having you on the pitch with them. Christen kept checking her phone every few minutes, you hadn’t had your morning call and something didn’t feel right. What she saw next seemed to add fuel to the fire.

“You can’t wear that?” Christen says when she watches Mallory change into her shorts. There on the left side was the number 7.

“Y/N told me to wear it” Mal’s defence was honest. She remembers getting the call from you, at first it was strange but then you explained the reason why and the young forward saw it as an honour.

“She would never do that” it is Tobin who speaks up “It’s her number and she wouldn’t give it up, not when she knows she’s—“ your best friends stops herself when she realises what you have done.

“When she’s what?” Mal asks.

“Never mind” Tobin retreats to her locker where she tries to call you only to get your voicemail.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw. Both halves were uneventful but the post match press conference made up for that. Canada goes first and as Christine Sinclair sits down she has no idea what she is in for.

The US team watch from the changing room given that their captain is next and they want to see what she gets asks.

“Christine do you have a comment on the latest news regarding your Portland Thorns team mate Y/N Y/L/N?”

It was a question that threw not only her off but the entire USWNT locker room. As far as they were aware you were recovering well and on track to return to the team.

“What news is that?” Christine says as she ignores the pit that is forming in her stomach.

“What are they talking about?” Christen asks Tobin. The insecurities of been left in the dark regarding your condition come straight to the surface.

“I don’t know” Tobin tries to hide her worry.

The journalist who asked the question remains quiet. It was clear that Christine didn’t know what he was talking about and he knew that a press conference wasn’t the right place to tell her and he shouldn't be the one to do so.

“Tell me, please” Christine encourages the journalist.

“I have a source that tells me Y/N was brought into OHSU this morning by ambulance and that she was rushed into emergency heart surgery” she can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t want to say it.

“This press conference is over” Christine leaves and heads straight for the opposing teams locker room.

The room that holds your team is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They were all in a state of shock that left them frozen in their spot. The first to move is Emily who calls your number time and time again hoping that if she does it enough then you will pick up. Tobin is next, she calls you mom who doesn’t answer either.

“Hello”

Christen’s voice fills the locker room.

“Ok, I understand”

Her team mates watch and wait for her to tell them something, anything. Christen takes a deep breathe before turning her attention to the team.

“That was her doctor’s office. All they can tell me is that she is in surgery”

Christen takes a deep breath. A few days ago she begged you for honesty and against your better judgement you gave it to her. You told her everything and what followed was never part of your plan. After cooking a meal together over face time Christen asked you to say goodbye and you knew you owed her that. It wasn't a sad goodbye and you didn't talk about your past. You talked about a life where you are healthy, get married, have children and live long enough to grow old together then at the end you said your goodbyes.

It is the reason why Christen remains in her locker when the rest of the team get ready to go the hospital. Even as Christine comes to tell them the news that they already know, she remains still and calm.

"Christen, get your stuff together, we need to go" Tobin tells her.

Yet she doesn't move.

"I'm not going"

"I understand that things aren't great between the two of you but this is bad and she needs you"

That's the thing, even though you wasn't dating, you and Christen were in a good place. There were no more lies between you and it made your friendship stronger than it ever was.

"I've already said my goodbye and I don't want my last memory to be of her in a hospital bed"

The team couldn't believe what they were hearing. They had no idea you were at a point when goodbyes were necessary.

Given the seriousness of the surgery you were having, most of the team decide to go back to the hotel while a handful of them went to to the hospital.

Christen however asks for space and the team give it to her. She doesn't go back to the hotel, instead she goes to your apartment and uses the key you gave her to let herself in. She goes straight to your room and gets changed into a pair of your joggers and grabs a hoodie as she brings it up to her nose she takes a deep breathe in, it smelled just like you.

She gets into your bed, the one that you shared many times before. Then she gets her phone, opens up your thread of messages and scrolls until she find the one she is looking for. It was a voice note followed by the text 'don't listen now. Wait until it's time'. At first she thought it was vague but right now she knew now is the time you were referring to.

Hearing your voice knowing that there's a chance she won't hear it in person again brings Christen to tears and all you're doing is mumbling words of frustration as you have knocked a drink over whilst recording.

"Sorry about that. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, I love you. It's been a while since I have told you that but if you're listening to this then i'm guessing you need to hear it. I know you are scared right now but I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I promise"

"How can you promise that?" Christen says to the phone.

"And I can promise that because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met"

She laughs at little at how much you know her.

"I know we said our goodbyes but now I want to say thank you. Living the life I have means that I have cherished everyday I've spent on this earth and those days have been better than I could have ever imagined because I got to share them with you. You see I was determined not to fall in love but then you came along and I found out how naive I was to think I had a choice in the matter"

"I didn't have a choice either Y/N" she replies as if you are there in the room with her.

"I never feared death growing up but now the thought petrifies me and it's because I have something to lose and somebody to live for. I want a future with you, I want to marry you, will you marry me? No Y/N what are you doing you can't ask the women to marry you over voice note pull yourself to together"

A small chuckle escapes christen's lips are she listens to you tell your self off.

"Would you marry me?"

She had never heard you sound this unsure before.

"I would" she answers your questions.

"I hope you said yes otherwise this next part is going to be very awkward. I take it your in my apartment right now and in my bed, if I am correct then you can open the draw to the left of you where you will find a small box"

Christen's interest had spiked. How did you manage to plan all of this over a voice note. Just as you said she finds a red box and awaits further instructions.

"Open it"

She does so and finds a diamond ring.

"This ring is open for interpretation but for me it's a reminder. Should I die I want you to remember the love that I have for you. I bought it during the world cup but I told myself that I would only give you it after I had told you about my condition. Can I class this as me giving it to you?"

You are about to answer your own question once again but out of nowhere you begin coughing and Christen winces at the sound. She doesn't know when you recorded the message but given that you are in surgery she can guess it was recorded in the last couple of days.

"Sorry, give me a minute"

Christen listens as you try to get your breath back.

"I really hope this is not the last time you hear my voice" she can tell you are scared.

"My dying wish is that you find peace"

"Don't say that" Christen begs.

"I truly am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted it to happen. Goodbye my love"

Christen waits for you to say to more but you don't. That is the last part of the voice note. She lays in your bed long enough to watch the sunset through your window. In the same draw that held the ring is a photo album, one that you had made. There were photos taken over your career, of you and your friends and quite a few of you and her.

Later that night Christen receives a text from Tobin saying that you are out of surgery and that you should wake up in a few hours once the anaesthesia has worn off. Then she received a second message saying that you had woken up but Christen stayed in your apartment. When her phone goes off again she assumes it will be Tobin asking why she hasn't come to visit but that isn't the case.

Have you been watering my cactus?

Christen cannot believe it. You have just had major heart surgery and this is the thing you say.

You don't need to water a cactus. They live in the desert.

I knew that. I was just testing you.

She doesn't get the chance to respond before you send another message.

I know I scared you. Will you come and see me? It doesn't have to be today, it can be in a couple of days or whenever you are ready. It's not like I can go anywhere.

I'll come by the day after tomorrow. You need your rest.

You were disappointed to receive Christen's reply. You may have been surrounded by your mom and close friends but the only person want to see wasn't there.

Just as she said, Christen walks the halls of the hospital two days later. She finds your room but cannot muster up enough courage to go inside.

"She's ok" your mom's voice causes her to turn on her heels "The wires make it look worse than it actually is"

"I don't know if i'm ready to see her like that yet" Christen admits. It was the reason why she had waited this long to come.

"I understand but she has been waiting for you. You were the first person she asked for when she woke up"

"Is she alone?"

"No Tobin is in there with her now. She hasn't left the hospital since she got here after the game but she was asleep when I left. I'll give you some time with her" and with that your mom walks away.

The door to your hospital room opens and you are expecting your mom or more doctors but instead it is the person you love most in the world.

"Hi"

When you see Christen you notice the dark circles in her eyes and the way her smile is forced. You look her up and down as if doing your own inspection and that is when you see it.

Christen is overcome with emotion as she saunters over towards you and before you can say anything her lips are on yours. Nothing in this world compared to moments like this, when your connection with Christen is proven through a small act of intimacy.

When you pull apart Christen sits on the side of your bed.

"Nice ring" you hold her hand up just enough to see the diamond glisten in the lights.

"Crappy proposal"

At least now you know Christen listened to the voice note and wasn't just snooping around.

"It's wasn't a proposal remember? And I don't recall telling you which finger it was for" There is a hint of playfulness in your voice but the truth of the matter is you were happy to see Christen wearing the ring but then she takes it off and gives it to you.

"Y/N you gave me this ring because you thought our story was over but it isn't. Regardless of how long it is, we have a future together and I want to spend it with you so no more running, no more secrets or lies and no more protecting me from this" Christen gentles rests her index finger on your heart "You may not have proposed but right here I take the vow to love you in sickness and in health and to be your partner in the good times and bad"

You didn't know what to say. Christen knew everything and she still chose to stand by your side. You always said you didn't deserve her and now you know this more than ever but the difference is you are determined to spend your life making up for the years you spent keeping her in the dark. You will earn back her trust and show her just how much you love her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #christen press x reader #christen press imagine #christen press one shot #angel city fc x reader

[genericpuff]

in reference to the have you read LO poll by god have I tried but god. God...

A vicious cycle. I go okay I really do need to plow through more of it if I'm gonna hang around the ULO reddit, and then I step on the comically placed rake. I can't do a complete skip thing bc I'll be too disorientated on where I'm at in the plot but my brain only tolerates it up until she declares she's missing her dick appointment and like, girl. Please. You committed mass murder (if not genocide) and this is a slap on the wrist considering, let alone that your moms got the worse end of the deal.

Why it's that specific moment idk but the bottom just drops out for me and it's soooo fucking stupid because like, she couldn't have just... bitched about being stuck with hard labor? That's the bitchy shit I'd sort of expect from a privileged nepo baby and even barring the twue wuv story going on it's her actual biggest issue going on right then. What she's presently living out. But yeah no, horny, we gotta establish that she's horny. Okay.

Sorry about the borderline vent over it there's just enough really interesting thoughts mixed up in the pile of flaming garbage to make one go rabid if they stew on it, and you clearly get that given the rewrite. Have a good day.

omg i've had that exact sort of thing happen with me before too tho, not in quite the exact same sense of like, "wanting to take part in a community but struggling to get through the source material it's based on", but there are like, so many webtoons and manga and stories I've tried to read - after being urged to by pals and people who read them - that I've dropped after multiple attempts of trying to read them. And they're not necessarily dumpster fires like LO (though some of them definitely aren't great) it's more like I'm sitting there wondering "when's this gonna get good? when's this gonna be worth all the hype?" Tower of God is the biggest one that comes to mind, I have tried to read that webtoon on SEVERAL occasions and I just can't justify trudging through all those early episodes for it to maybe "get good". And that's not even me saying it's bad, it's just not interesting to me in the slightest. No hate to anyone who likes ToG, I think I've also sorta drifted away from shonen over the years so that's definitely not helping, but I just can't be bothered to try and read that webtoon anymore, I've given it so many attempts and I'm doing lmao Kudos to the creator though because it's a LOT of work to make a webtoon of that length and they should be proud of that.

Back on the topic of LO though, yeah, I was following the comic when that episode was still brand new and it really made us all go 🤨 because of how out-of-pocket it was. And then like an episode (or two?) later she bullied a former classmate of hers from 10 years ago at his job. That was the precedent for Persephone's character that was set for the third season of LO and it's just gotten worse as it's gone on.

Either way, if I'm being honest, you're really not missing much by skipping over the majority of S3 (like, if you made it to the dick appointment episode before giving up then you're already pretty close to the current point in the story). Like I'm not gonna lie, you could easily skip up to the midseason cutoff point because everything leading up to that is just a bunch of nothing. Hades and Persephone get married and it's the most underwhelming scene ever despite it being the moment people had been waiting years for, also they 'adopt' Dionysus but he's barely in the comic except for when Rachel remembers he's a character so you could also get by on minimal details. Oh yeah, and it turns out Demeter had a kid during the 10 year time skip who we see in like two episodes and then proceeds to get fridged forever.

So yeah, as much as I'd recommend people read LO as a sort of "entry ticket" into the crit community surrounding it, S3 is a lot of nothing and you would frankly not miss out on a thing if you skimmed it or skipped the middle portion of it entirely lmao

#so much of S3 of LO is that scene from austin powers #“you're not missing anything i looked into it” #“there's a gas shortage and a flock of seagulls” #“that's about it” #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical

[negotiumcrucis]

Oh my gosh, I've you've never seen Luca Marinelli in Trust, you should give it a try! Luca plays such a fantastic character, like he's such a terrible person but you can't help but root for him at least a little because he's so charismatic and has such a force of personality! Definitely worth a go!

No, I haven't yet. I downloaded Trust like a year ago and still haven't got around to watching it. From Luca's work, other than tog, I actually only have watched Il padre (and I confess I did mostly so I could read Majid/Paolo fics, especially this one, which I still think about dearly and pray that someday @sholeh675 will feel inspired to continue). From Marwan's side, I watched a few more and I really loved The Angel and Wolf, but I digress...

I do want to watch Trust, it seems really fun. The issue is that now I need to find enough time to sit through 10 episodes of a show I kinda already know most spoilers of, you know? lol But thank you for the message, I will do my best to watch it when I get a chance! <3

#replies #hi god it's me dana #luca marinelli #tog cast #not tog #primo nizzuto

[it-begins-with-rain]

if you dont mind me asking, when did you get into seventeen? i've been following you for years now (back when i was still into tog/acotar), got into svt just over a year ago, and now find it a cute coincidence that you listen to them too!

Ooo! Maasdom follower who is also SVT fan!!

So... I want to explain something first to explain something second, lmao.

FIRST::

I've had an ear to kpop since about 2008, part of a fandom I will not name but your hint is they are famous for how overwhelmingly toxic they are.

Fell in love with the Korean language and dramas, actually lived in Korea in college and Seoul is the most beautiful city on the planet (I lived in Wonju which isn't bad, but isn't as amazing as Seoul).

And then the group that I had been following entered their... how to say... image-destruction-phase. It was like they were addicted to saying shit that exposed how rude and arrogant they were IRL, one guy just let his homophobia hang out there for the whole world to see and waved it around proudly.

Amidst all of that (the homophobic one actually came out as homophobic a week after this, so it hadn't happend yet but it was the nail in the coffin) I had somehow become a fandom leader against my will, known for being able to play CSI: Fandom (because of an emotionally unstable former friend I had to keep talking off ledges by getting to the root of scandal rumors). It was exhausting and people were fucking stupid. My stance on idols is they’re grown ass adults (mostly). Who the fuck gives a shit if they’re dating someone or whatever? Honestly I was so sick of the bullshit.

Anyways

A former member of the group released a solo album and it just... wasn't my taste at all. I didn't say anything against it by any means, but someone sent me an ask saying they'd noticed I wasn't reblogging.

I said ONLY "It's just not my genre, but I wish him luck" and within 15 minutes I had 12 messages either threatening my life or telling me to kill myself. Because of those words.

That was when I was like "You know what, fuck all of this" and bailed. That was around 2012-ish. I refused to go anywhere near kpop with a 10 foot stick after that. If I saw news, it was because it hit CNN or BBC (so the tragic deaths and the Burning Sun Scandal which was just INSANE, like, omg). But that was it. And btw I still dont' listen to that group I used to listen to. I fully will not touch their stuff.

SECOND:

So that was a big ass mountain blocking me from being willing to even consider kpop. But a dear friend of mine was very much into it and just like once in a blue moon I'd notice a post on my dash that was kpop from her, but I ignored it.

In mid-2020, a fuck ton of bad shit went down even on top of all the COVID stuff. Like, at one point I genuinely considered driving into a wall (except I was buried alive under responsibilities) and it just got incredibly hard and incredibly dark. My personality- I can't ask for help. I just can't. IDK why, it's a huge block for me.

So that friend, my darling Sarah, who reblogged kpop stuff I rarely saw, a GIFset came across my dash that I was just so exhausted and defeated I didn't even have the energy to scroll past and decided to read it. It was Seventeen in that group blitz episode of Going Seventeen where they hit the inflatable obstacle course.

And it made my heart feel not quite as heavy for a few seconds. Maybe I even cracked half a smile.

I kept dragging myself on, and I saw the GIFset again and in another defeated day, I looked it up on Youtube (had to play it at 70% speed, those psychos talk FAST) and watched it.

And... it made me genuinely smile.

So I watched all of Going Seventeen over the next several months. Then about 6 months in I decided to listen to one of their songs (Hoshi- Spider) and loved it. Started listening to more of their music, found out Carat are actually extremely chill and extremely dorky, the opposite of the fan club I'd been part of before.

So I joined Carat formally (i'd never done that with the Fandom That Must Not Be Named, Carat is my first fanclub :) ) and I just... enjoy them.

They got me through some really incredibly dark times, just being able to watch something lighthearted and simple and funny. Like, I know it’s cliche to say, I know they'll never know that, they probably wouldn't give a shit, they probably hear it 150,000 times a day. It doesn't matter. The dumbassery helped me a lot, and I'm grateful for that.

And this year I got to go see them live in concert with my darling Sarah, the same week I got the news that my mother's cancer (which we were told was terminal) was in full remission and she's one of only a few cases her doctors have ever SEEN to go into remission, and just...

That was way more info than you were asking for, but that's it. Their dorky, probably-licks-bus-windows charm was just simple and yet funny enough that it helped me breathe when that felt impossible, and so I like them :)

#ask #seventeen

[ciitrinitas]

bamchel for the meme. unleash the power

thank you for hearing my plea. 🙏 you are all the realest mvps.

(in response to this!)

bamchel - S OTP of OTPs. so OTP i made up a tier.

i tend to be pretty loose in appending the title of otp to many ships because when i like things, it tend to really like things and have strong feelings about them. and while i will be less fervent about something i enjoy in the moment, i also rarely move on from things in full. if i liked something, i just have to cycle back to it and my brain will go a bit mental over it again (see my annual "i am only listening to hymmnos for a week straight" occurrences).

but bamchel. i think with bamchel i've truly and properly understood the core of what something means to be an otp. it's been a slow burn of like two years from me originally watching the tog anime and getting blindsided with that last episode and how fucking insane rachel makes me. at first, it was just rachel brainrot, then it became more rachel brainrot, and then the rachel brainrot spread to me doing tog properly and i'm plain just so fucking invested in the blackhole of bullshit both bam and rachel have going on.

they are both so fucking weird and invested in each other even when they are trying not to be. she keeps going on about how she wants him to leave her alone while leaving a delicious trail of bread crumbs because she also wants and needs him to pursue her. he's accepting that she is not a good person while still thinking so often about her, and god, i will never be over bam's literal toxic ex meltdown where he tried to force her to stay with him. AND THEN SHE PUSHED HIM AGAIN. THEY'RE JUST...!!!

they actively elevate each other's characters, and i just...he would have been fine living in a fucking cave with her forever!! and she is so bitter and salty that she's some rando in his story and gets high off of the fact she is so important to him. they're both insane and pinnacle of a couple that needs to be together just so it contains their bullshit to only them. even my other ships for them kind of just end up as partial bamchel because i don't know how you separate rachel's influence on bam from bam or bam's influence on rachel from rachel.

10/10 ship. i want them to strangle each other romantically.

#era.txt

[ginnsbaker]

I kinda do hope reader and yelena apologize to each other bc in this one I think it’s both of their fault

yelena knowing reader was already in a breaking point and I understand yelena having that opening chance but then she should have expect it not to end well know I believe it would have been a different story if reader went through therapy and yelena was there for her and it was a slow burn. Then going to reader maybe she did love yelena but not LOVE her if you know what I mean. I think reader was just to much in a while with her emotions they were gonna screw her over eventually.

Now for Natasha I understand how hard it is losing her best friend and it will always be sister over friend but in this case I believe nat choose between sisters. A best friend is like a sister I mean having lost mine of 12 years it didn’t feel like I lost a friend rather then a sister now of course circumstances are different here but it doesn’t hurt any less.

I do think nat should see both sides seeing yelena in a way took advantage but also she was in love for a while and love doesn’t allow u to think. Which goes to reader kissing Wanda it was in the heat of the moment all those bottled up emotions came up and but her in the ass. Personally there could be a chance for yelena nat and reader to become friends bc you can’t just say I’m done with my best friend just kinda how nat did it even though she said she still cares for her and obviously was just mad.

Going to my boy Pietro now I understood where he was coming from especially since what happened with Wanda and he obviously knows how she got but doesn’t realize people can heal and change so what he did was wrong. No matter what his dilemma was or he was trying to get across it wasn’t his story to tell or let alone show. He kind of pulled a vision just in a different way. They both showed and have something of Wanda that is so vulnerable they have absolutely no right to show it to anyone other then Wanda.

Now back to that conversation of nat and Wanda. I understand how nat puts all the blame on Wanda for ruining something that could have had potential if reader was in the right state of mind BUT again she shouldn’t have bc I’ll give u that Wanda had been very strong especially withholding from reader but of course this all goes back to love and like reader can be very persistent and honestly how people don’t think about their actions more so just go for it I mean a 10 year marriage isn’t something you can’t just stop thinking about. That 10 anniversary’s, 10 christmases, 10 thanksgivings, 10 Easter’s, 10 Halloweens, 20 birthdays, etc. (you get the point LMAO) soo I went off topic but back to nat I get she’s mad and trying to put the blame on someone other than reader bc she’s having such a hard time being mad at her bc reader is like a sister to her. She wants every reason to forgive reader bc she still loves her platonically.

Now jus thoughts in general I really liked this episode and that little slip with reader wow it just shows how broken and lonely she is and dealing with all this alone is flat out hard and I get she pulled Wanda back into her loop but geez lady take damn therapy ya need it!!! I hope reader does seek the help she needs and make amends with nat, yelena, and Wanda bc she really needs it.

I really hope nat and reader stay best friends and honestly even reader and yelena. I think reader needs to have an individual talk with nat and yelena not with nat and yelena bc I really do hope she fixes the friendship that was once there and I hope nat and yelena realize it wasn’t just readers fault but even yelenas. And no it wasn’t more readers or more yelenas they both share equal fault in this and I honestly respect reader for automatically telling yelena about the kiss and didn’t wait or hold it back.

Moral of all this I just want nat and reader to be best friends again, yelena and reader to be friends as well and see it as a relationship fail (lol) and Wanda and reader to be together.

*GASP FOR BREATH*

I forgot of half of what I wrote bc my thoughts are still everywhere LMAO

- 🐓 anon

(From now on I will write all my tells ending with a chicken also that anon message I sent a while back on not posting it but u still responding to it THATS ME!! in case you wanted to know LMAO so of course Ik who’s endgame and all but just wanted to give my thoughts this part)

my lovely chicken anon who saved me from math, i love you!

there will be closure for almost all of the relationships in this story, don't worry.

if the slow burn yelena and reader happened, it could really be a difficult endgame-- now that's an alternate ILGOSS universe I will always think about

i love how you said that "Natasha chose between sisters" but I guess she did chose Yelena because she warned R so many times and, well, when you're angry we tend to choose the one who did not make us angry, right?

for piet, wanda's choices are out of his control, and remember in chapter 1 (whew, so long ago) he acknowledged at that time that Wanda did not deserve R, and he knew how much R loved Wanda. and that's something he was banking on when he decided to show the picture. so that R will be able to make the decision for Wanda to stay away. But... is he successful? We'll find out in the latter half of 17

"10 year marriage isn’t something you can’t just stop thinking about. That 10 anniversary’s, 10 christmases, 10 thanksgivings, 10 Easter’s, 10 Halloweens, 20 birthdays, etc." -> THIS REMINDS ME OF DEREK SHEPERD TELLING MEREDITH ABOUT WHAT HE HAD WITH ADDISON AND IT BREAKS MY HEART WHENEVER I WATCH THAT SCENE, so yeah, i get you :)

Whew that was long and what a nice read! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and staying with the story. I'm excited to hear more from you in the future!

#ilgoss asks #🐓 anon

[candlesandquills]

OPEN FOR COMMISSIONS!!

Open for commissions!

Poetry:

3-4 Stanza Poem- $4

5-6 Stanza Poem- $6

Backstories:

1 page Character Backstory- $10

2 page Character Backstory- $14

(Sliding scale for anything above that)

Fandom Poems:

2-5 Stanza Poem for a fandom I know-$6

2-5 Stanza Poem for a fandom I don’t know-$10

Fandoms I know:

Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Les Miserables, Death Note, ACOTAR, TOG, Marvel (Loki, Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Thor, Clint, Captain Marvel), Star Wars (episodes 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9), Shadowhunters, Warrior Cats, Six of Crows, Grishaverse, My Babysitter’s a Vampire, Six, Hamilton, The Hunger Games, Divergent, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, and Anastasia.

You can message me through here, or on Instagram as @candlesandquills. I take payment through Cashapp or PayPal, and both are @parisofthedark

Blaze

#comissions #writer #poetry #poet #commisions open #taking comm

[illegally-icarus]

Open for commissions!

Poetry:

3-4 Stanza Poem- $4

5-6 Stanza Poem- $6

Backstories:

1 page Character Backstory- $10

2 page Character Backstory- $14

(Sliding scale for anything above that)

Fandom Poems:

2-5 Stanza Poem for a fandom I know-$6

2-5 Stanza Poem for a fandom I don’t know-$10

Fandoms I know:

Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Les Miserables, Death Note, ACOTAR, TOG, Marvel (Loki, Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Thor, Clint, Captain Marvel), Star Wars (episodes 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9), Shadowhunters, Warrior Cats, Six of Crows, Grishaverse, My Babysitter’s a Vampire, Six, Hamilton, The Hunger Games, Divergent, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, and Anastasia.

You can message me through here, or on Instagram as @candlesandquills. I take payment through Cashapp or PayPal, and both are @parisofthedark

[joi-fishie]

Okay I watched the new ep...

Honestly? Wasn't too bad? I mean.. I was squinting at the screen a bit but that was also because I binged the webtoon in 2 weeks so all the plots blur and I was trying to make sense of what was happening and what was different..

Maybe I need to go reread the first season of the webtoon to really understand why everyone's upset...

My thoughts?

Rachel scene? - unnecessary. If they wanted us to like Rachel they could've started earlier, she's like, 2 episodes until betrayal and I'm salty that we lost Khun development to a Rachel scene

Khun was hecking um... Hands on this episode? Like literally. Did... Did we ever see Khun put his hand on Bam's shoulder in the webtoon? No? That's fine.. It's cute really. Another thing that's gonna hurt after the finale but...

Khun just needed more time this episode. Every scene felt slightly rushed.. Dumb Rachel your scene was like over a minute that's valuable time

Drunk scene was good but they were cowards to make Khun sleep

Tiny Rak is good

Khun's "acting" scene? That felt like they forgot about it and had to throw it in at the end. Khun literally just fooled everyone 2 episodes ago with his whole "making team A fail" thing. It's not like they've all gotten that much closer in that time there's no reason for them to catch on so quickly. Unless we're going with the fact that Khun is obviously whipped for Bam and everyone who's known them for 10 minutes know it. Which I mean.. Could be valid in anime land. Maybe that's it. Anime Khun is too whipped to ditch Bam so no one believed him. Sounds legit

I did enjoy this episode but.. Definitely would've been better if they had decided to make this season 13 episodes long and broke it into two episodes instead.

Also catch me being kinda emo because I know that we'll be heading into finale territory next week and I... Imma cry so hard

#Tower of god #tower of god anime #kami no tou #Tog #Tog anime #Tower of god episode 10 #Tog episode 10 #It is anime canon that Khun is whipped af #So to ditch Bam? #Nah no one's gonna buy that shit #Webtoon Khun? #Maybe #He kinda kept his feelings close to his chest #Like a lot

[resident-normal-person]

Tower of God Episode 10 music

I will be referring to the timestamps of the episode on Crunchyroll

1:41 - the ticktock background sound makes the scene kind of serene and emphasizes the temporary peacefulness after the test ended

2:22 - a sinister theme starts when Khun starts revealing the extent of his scheming and snooping behind the scenes

3:20 - a heartbeat and beeping noise plays when it flashes back to Bam following the Da’an paramedics pushing Rachel to the ER

3:53 - the music that plays during light-hearted scenes(e.g. bribing Endorsi and Anak with food) starts when Khun looks down to see...tiny Rak!

4:16 - when Hansung compresses Rak there’s a bubbly/water sfx

4:20 - immediately after Rak is in shock after being compressed, the instrumentals are primary percussion(i think). The strumming returns after the flashback ends.

4:22 - there is a bubbly sound effect when returning to the present(non-flashback)

4:40 - when Khun says “Don’t. Stay away from Bam”, that instrumental track ends to show that there is something more serious coming up

4:40 to 5:40 - there is no background music, showing the gravity of their conversation

5:40 - the same OST that played at the beginning of ep 3(Khun’s backstory) starts when Bam tells Khun and Rak he’s going to help Rachel climb the tower and Khun thinks, “Hey, Maria...”. Nice connection they made.

7:00 to 8:15 - Hoh’s funeral. The OST that accompanies this scene is beautiful and soft but sad, emphasizing the mood of the scene.

8:15 to “I’m not the Rachel you love anymore!” - the background music is barely audible, with just a few musical notes here and there.

9:10 to 9:50 - Bam talks about how Rachel was a light to him and the Rachel OST(the one that plays in flashbacks of the cave, like the “what is conflict?” scene) starts. It stops with the ending of the hilltop scene and the beginning of the drunk scene.

9:50 to 11:19 - there is no background music. The drunk scene and Serena’s farewell both have no background music, which I think makes the transition smoother. The two scenes have totally different moods, so it probably would work as well to make them share an OST. If there was a change in background music it’d be slightly jarring.

11:19 to 14:35 - a sinister theme starts and encompasses Ren and Hansung’s fight as well as Khun and Lero-ro’s talk.

11:42 - there’s a heartbeat sfx when Hansung says “iie” in the JP dub.

11:50 - OH MY GOD the sound effect gets louder as Ren opens his “mouth” to reveal his glowing eyes

11:55 - the sound effect disappears and goes back to a calm conversation with just the background music

12:08 - Ren and Hansung’s fight starts. The music suddenly crescendoes and extra percussion is added. EPIC.

12:42 - the music calms down when Hansung says, “Against me?”(”kono watashi to desu ka?”), but the vocals are gone.

13:15 - Hansung makes a deal with Ren. The vocals come back.

13:59 - when the focus goes to Khun and Leror-ro, there’s a small chiming sound effect and the vocals disappear again.

14:46 - announcing the people who passed the Position test. There’s an upbeat OST with vocals. It ends when Lero-ro announces that “Michelle Light” failed due to her injuries. 

15:55 to 16:30 - Hansung crushes a guy who wants to pass with shinsu. The theme that played when Quant beat up all the extras in Team A plays here. Must be a Ranker thing.

16:39 - Khun declares that he is also dissatisfied with the results. A new OST that includes ASMR sound effects that only play from one earbud is played.

17:30 to 18:40 - the OST that played during YHS’s door test plays here too. Similarities: Khun’s brain plays :)

the timing of the background music starting and stopping is gr8 it stops at all the important lines

21:19 - there’s this really pretty OST that sounds like it’s in a Major key that plays when everyone agrees to follow Bam.

#tower of god #tog #tog episode 10 #kevin penkin #tog ost slaps as always #unrelated but i had to reload the page bc the last ad wouldn't stop repeating itself #it was for at&t and had a woman who stuck googly eyes on stuff #aight rant over #liveblog

[merry-kuroo]

My Top 10 Webtoons (2020-2021)

So, it’s been one year since I started Webtoons/Manwha. At first I downloaded the app to read Tower of God, then I started reading more stuff and now I’m deep into Webtoon hell lol. Anyway, I just wanted to share my Top 10 series...tbh there’s a few more I wish I could add to this list, but I’m not done reading them yet.

So...here :)

Sorry for any typos or any incoherent thoughts. I'm very very tired :)And there are spoilers for some of these series.

1.) Back to You

Honey B has the prettiest art oh my God. 😍

I’m a huge fan of time travel stories where the protagonist is trying to save someone else. In Hanyoung’s case, she decides to save the boy she was in love with Jaehyun.

I really don’t have much to say about this except that I really enjoy it, and things have been going too smoothly in the story atm and I’m expecting something bad to happen at any second. 👁👄👁

2.) See You in my 19th Life

Lee Hey is incredible. This another story where the art is gorgeous, and I like the story in this one a lot more. The progression of Seoha and Jiuem’s relationship is really sweet 🥰. I’m curious to see how Jieum’s sister and Seoha react when they find out who she truly is...I don’t think it’ll go well :’)

A Good Day To Be a Dog is another awesome series by them which I recommend too, but I like this story a lot more.

3. The Remarried Empress

The Remarried Empress is about a cool, sophisticated, intelligent woman who has to deal with her cheating idiot of a husband😡, and his mistress...who is also a idiot...and manipulative 🙄

But it’s okay because Navier has Heinrey and everything will be okay!! Hopefully...lol. 😅

This was one of the first stories I started reading when I downloaded the Webtoon app. I wasn’t too sure at first about continuing it, but the drama and Navier’s comebacks were so good that I had to keep coming back twice a week to read new episodes.

Navier will keep winning and she will get everything that she deserves 🥰

4.) Let's Play

Hilarious and relatable...Let’s Play 🎮 is definitely a story near and dear to my heart. I’m very excited to Sam’s growth in season 3!!

Look, just go read it. Then you’ll know why it’s in my Top 5 haha.

5.) My Deepest Secret

MDS is wild as hell 😳, but at least Yohan is there 😅 Season 3 has been fantastic so far, and I’m kind of scared of how the series is going to end... I don't know what kind of life Emma can have at this point.

6.) Siren's Lament

Lyra, Shon, and Ian my loves 🥰😍💕💞💚💙💛

Siren’s Lament is a beautiful story. I have a lot of respect for the author being a student and working on this at the same time haha. Props to her for managing that!

I don’t know too much about Sirens, but reading this made me want to read up more about the lore surrounding them. Siren’s Lament did a good job of adding its own unique twist to the lore.

10/10 recommend

7.) Tower of God

Yeah, boi. The anime left off on a cliffhanger, then I realized we weren’t going to get a season 2. So, I decided to read TOG from the beginning because I heard that some things were skipped in the anime (and yes quite a bit was different and a few scenes were cut).

I’m currently at the Workshop Battle. Team Sweet and Sour are my favs, but I have a feeling something bad will happen to them 😥

The amount of episodes is still daunting to me, but I know I’ll be caught up one day. 🥲

8.) The Kiss Bet

The Kiss Bet is really cute 🥰 The second season was definitely an improvement. Each chapter left a smile on my face, and I impatiently waited for the next one.

I was rooting for Patrick, but now I ship Sara and Oliver ahahaha. I’m super excited for season 3 because the drama is going to be soooo goooood. I want to find out more about Oliver and Joe’s family situation or at least see their mom.

9.) Nice to Meet You

NTMY gave me a boost of serotonin every week 😁. Like no joke. I had a big ass smile on my face after finishing a chapter. Every chapter was just tooth rotting fluff. Wyn is best boi, but it sucks that he’ll be suffering from second boy syndrome in the upcoming season 😢

10.) unOrdinary

At first I didn’t like unOrdinary...I’m not to sure what happened, but all of sudden I became obsessed with it and began binge reading it.

The fight scenes were awesome and I’m excited to see the Wellston students take down the authorities and Ember. I’m glad John is a lot better now because damn it was hard seeing him so destructive. Hopefully, things will be okay for him and Seraphina now (I doubt it. Too much is up in the air).

My favorite trio - Remi, Isen, and Blyke...I love them and they are in so much trouble rn. I wonder how they’ll get out of it.

Honorable mentions:

- SubZero

- Flow

- Her Bucket List

- I Love Yoo

- LUMINE

- Midnight Poppy Land

So yeah those are my Top 10! I hope to do another list next year because I'm sure the rankings on this list will end up changing 🥰

#my top 10 #webtoons #manhwa #comics #tumblr diary #7/11/2021 #long post #webtoon #back to you webtoon #see you in my 19th life #the remarried empress #let's play #let's play webtoon #my deepest secret #siren's lament #tower of god #the kiss bet #unordinary #unordinary webtoon #nice to meet you webtoon #ntmy

[jiminieloved]

Ultimate Jikook Timeline Pt 101

Map of the Soul: Persona Era part 8

1. December 2, 2019:

MAMA Countdown D-2 by BTS

0:32 JK looks at Jimin and says he wants to travel randomly and mark 130911 as a cordinate, Jimin looks at him and laughs

2. December 3, 2019:

Jin’s Birthday Vlive

11:30 Jimin says he can tell JK didn’t take a shower at a glance

13:27 Jimin shows the cake to JK

21:48 JK doesn’t know which game Jin is referring to and Jimin mouths the name to him

3. December 4, 2019:

a) 2019 MAMA VCR Making and Practice

2:59 Jimin and JK exchange a look

19:49 Jimin caresses JK’s hair

b) Compilation of moments from that day

c) MAMA ending self camera

0:09 JK films Jimin

1:54 JK films Jimin again

2:40 JK films Jimin again

4:21 JK films Jimin with talking with TXT

d) MAMA Episode

11:45 walking together backstage

4. December 6, 2019:

KIIS Jingle Bell

0:07 Jimin tries to stand by JK’s side, but Namjoon gets in the middle

5. December 7, 2019:

a) BTS at Variety Hitmakers Brunch

2:53 JK switches places with Hobi and stands by Jimin’s side for the picture

5:45 JK seems to look at Jimin during Namjoon’s speech, then Jimin seems to look at JK

Jikook talking in the background

b) 2019 KIIS JINGLE BALL and Variety Hitmakers Brunch Making

4:12 JK pokes Jimin with the microphone and then they play with it

6. December 14, 2019:

BTS JAPAN OFFICIAL FANMEETING VOL.5 ‘MAGIC SHOP’ in Osaka

Compilation of moments from that day

7. December 15, 2019:

a) BTS Japan Twitter post

b) BTS JAPAN OFFICIAL FANMEETING VOL.5 ‘MAGIC SHOP’ in Osaka

Part 1

23:25 dancing to “Euphoria” together

Part 2

No moments on this one

c) Magic Shop in Osaka Making

16:10 JK touches the fabric of Jimin’s clothes

22:56 sitting close

8. December 25, 2019:

SBS Gayo Daejun

Compilation of small moments from that day in the beginning of the video

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” Performance

9. December 27, 2019:

a) KBS Music Festival

Compilation of moments from that day

b) KBS All performers – 지구별 여행자 (The Earth Traveler) MV

4:10 singing together

c) Episode

8:22 JK stretches and Jimin sits on his leg

8:41 JK looks at Jimin and pats his butt while he stretches

9:15 Jimin and Tae help JK to stretch

10. December 30, 2019:

a) Tae’s Birthday

Bickering about Tae’s came in the beginning of the video

b) BTS at Incheon Airport

11. December 31, 2019:

a) New Year’s Rockin Eve 20 With Ryan Seacrest

5:02 Jimin playfully punches JK during the rehearsal

13:24 Jimin hugs JK while JK says his part was fun

15:18 JK and Tae watching the video of Jimin’s little mistake during the performance

18:02 Jimin and JK’s jackets get stuck together and they stand close

b) New Year’s Eve Vlive

4:50 JK tells Jin to guess what he achieved in 2019, Jin says “work out?”, then Jimin says “he doesn’t like things like that”

5:24 Jimin laughs at JK’s joke

8:50 JK touches Jimin’s knee

9:38 Jimin touches JK’s knee

9:55 Jimin playfully shakes JK by the neck

10:22 Jimin touches JK’s leg

11:41 Jimin massages JK’s neck

12:43 Jimin touches JK’s hair

16:44 Jimin says he wants to lose lots of weight so JK stares at him and says “hey, I’m the one who should lose some weight”

19:05 Jimin pokes JK’s chest when he says he wants to built up his body

20:18 Jimin touches JK’s hair

22:05 they look at each other and laugh

23:52 Jimin puts his hand on JK’s leg and then again at 25:00

28:15 JK slaps Jimin’s thigh

31:56 Jimin puts his arm around JK

34:24 Jimin messes JK’s hair up

Break the Silence Series

Episode 1

7:00 JK gives an idea for the concert and Jimin stands up says “good work”

Episode 2

4:23 walking side by side

25:56 JK cries backstage and Jimin comforts him

26:25 JK listens to Hobi’s advice and Jimin stays by his side

27:27 Jimin helps JK to stand up and at 28:26 they leave together in the same car

Episode 3

2:03 they are about to take a group picture and Jimin moves his face close to JK’s

2:20 sitting very close for the picture

Episode 4

6:00 walking together backstage

16:15 watching the fireworks together

17:39 Hobi says Jimin and JK should be careful not to dance too hard

21:33 stage moment

Episode 5

4:13 watching the fireworks together

20:38 Jimin is upset because he has a sore throat and JK comforts him during “The Truth Untold”

23:33 Jimin asks JK to sing with him if his throat is still bad when they get on stage

Episode 6

2:18 Jimin recording JK’s rehearsal

28:30 Jimin makes a funny face while pulling his hair back and JK laughs at it

Episode 7

12:13 JK sits by Jimin’s side on the couch

23:24 JK cries on stage and Jimin comforts him

33:46 Jimin comforts JK while he cries

39:10 Jimin imitates JK’s pose

40:23 Jikook playfully dancing together at the rehearsal

42:28 JK cries and Jimin comforts him

Break the Silence: The Movie

Part 1

3:27 Jimin comforts JK when he cries during a concert

24:15 sleeping in the car together

41:40 JK comforting Jimin when he cries on stage

Part 2

18:01 Jimin hugs JK on stage

32:24 Jimin comforts JK on stage

Information compiled by @lagalaxiedemochi​​​​​​​​​​​​, please direct all questions to this account.

previous l next

#jikook #kookmin #jikook timeline #tl

[snipergirl21]

I’ve watched all 10 episodes of Q-Force already (and rewatched a few individual episodes I really liked) and I feel super happy about it. Imagine Netflix delivering two LGBTQ-positive IPs two years in a row. After The Old Guard last year, I’m really chuffed that we got another fun thing to watch.

The characters on Q-Force are really interesting, and I can so easily imagine a TOG-QForce AU. Like, maybe Nile is Agent Mary, Andy can be V, etc. And of course Joe and Nicky are Deb and Pam (but only if they both are spies lol).

I don’t know if it’s because I’m about the same age as the writers/showrunners, but I really understood all the jokes and pop culture references this time. Although it did make me feel a little old to see that most people on Tumblr seem to relate to Stat, while I relate more to Deb. 😭 (although Mary is really my favourite character)

Also, I find the characters to be relatable rather than stereotypes, because I actually know people who do talk and act like that (minus the spy thing). Even Twink, who is basically a copy of my gay best friend when we were in college. And the ‘not stereotype’ even extends to the straight white cishet male character Buck, because they could have just made him a stereotypical homophobe, and they instead made him an interesting character in his own right.

And also, I only saw the show’s trailer after finishing all the episodes, and I think it captures the spirit of Q-Force quite well. Maybe without the full context it was too much, too early and people couldn’t understand it, and that’s why it started controversy? But I think if you’re looking at it after the fact, the trailer is fine, actually.

Anyway, for people who haven’t seen Q-Force yet, I highly recommend it. Especially if you’re a TOG fan. Because guess what - Deb and Pam do a JoeNicky Headbonk™ in one episode!!! 🥰🥰🥰

#q-force #q-force netflix #the old guard is still my favourite #but this series is a real close second #give it a chance #queer relationships #queer representation

[daniels-bekendelser]

Hurtig update på de seneste to uger i mit liv:

Jeg tog min søster med til landskamp mod Færøerne, hvor vi var ude og spise og hygge først. Det var megafedt både at spendere noget kvalitetstid med hende og at indvige hende i fodboldens verden, som står mit hjerte nært.

Morgenen efter fløj jeg til Schweiz for at besøge mine venner og værtsfamilie. Det var 100% genialt at se alle mine venner dernede igen. En af mine bedste venner fra Schweiz er også flyttet derfra, og vi havde ellers timet det med han også kunne være der den weekend, men noget kom desværre i vejen, så ham fik jeg ikke set. Mandag tog jeg en vandretur i nogle nærliggende bjerge, men da jeg kom op var jeg midt i skyerne, så ikke nok med der ikke var nogen udsigt, der var ingen sigtbarhed overhovedet. Tilfældigvis var der Kubrick-festival i byen, så jeg købte mig en billet til mandag aften, hvor de viste Eyes Wide Shut. Fed film, som jeg havde set noget af før. Jeg har stadig nærmest ingen sexlyst grundet antidepressiver, og så føles det lidt mærkeligt at se en så seksuel film.

Tirsdag tog jeg toget til Lyon for at mødes med en af mine bedste veninder fra Danmark, som bor dernede året ud. De tre dage jeg havde sammen med hende var nogle af de mest fantastiske jeg har haft længe. Jeg kunne overordnet chille om dagens mens hun arbejdede, om eftermiddagen tog vi ud og så ting, og om aftenen tog vi ud og spiste og drak. Vi havde det for sjovt, og samtidig fik vi åbnet op og blev endnu tættere end før. 10/10, would recommend.

Fredag tog jeg så toget videre til Barcelona, hvor en gymnasieveninde arbejder for tiden. Hele hendes vennegruppe tog afsted og den er jeg sådan delvist en del af, så jeg havde ingen kvaler med at hoppe med, specielt når jeg alligevel var i området. Der er ofte lidt drama i den gruppe, men skæbnen ville have det, at min roomie — som er hende vi skulle besøge semi-seriøse ex-flirt — brækkede sin fod slemt ugen inden samt at det ene af de to par i vennegruppen slog op kort tid forinden og drengen derfor ikke tog med. I alt var vi derfor 8 afsted i en lejlighed i Barca og vi havde seriøst den største fest. Lørdag aften tog vi proper i byen og jeg kan ikke huske hvornår jeg sidst har haft så vellykket en bytur: alle var i det rigtige mood, ingen blev for stive, ingen tog nogle idiotiske beslutninger, alle havde det grineren. Søndag kunne vi så kollektivt lidt efter lidt erindre hvad der var foregået. Først søndag aften da vi var ude på en vandretur kom jeg lige pludselig i tanke om, at vi havde leget isterningeleg midt på floor på en natklub... Det havde vi allesammen glemt alt om, og det udløste derfor stor latter fra alle for hvem fuck leger isterningeleg efter man er gået ud af sådan ottende klasse. Hvem fuck fik også idéen? Vi fik så regnet ud, at en af drengene nok har kysset sin kæreste med en isterning i sin mund, og hun så har troet vi har leget isterningeleg og derfor bare sendt den videre, hvorefter 0 af os så har sat spørgsmålstegn ved det. Jeg ved ikke om det er en historie hvor man lidt skulle have været der, men vi har det stadig forrygende sjovt over det.

Mandag rejste vi hjem, hvorefter resten af mandagen samt hele tirsdag var én stor depressiv episode for mit vedkommende. Jeg kunne ikke komme ud af sengen, jeg kunne ikke tage mig sammen til at spise, ingenting. Jeg ved ikke om det var melankoli over at have haft en fremragende ferie og skulle tilbage til min angstfyldte hverdag, men i hvertfald har mit hoved sjældent været så lidt til at danse med. Tirsdag var jeg samtidig hos min psykiater, som har fordoblet min dosis af antidepressiver. Håber snart det virker :)) Hele onsdagen skulle jeg så bruge på at catche op på alt det jeg ikke nåede mandag og tirsdag inkl. en aflevering på fire-fem timer, som jeg sad og lavede i nat indtil kl. 2.

Det var en lille hurtig opdatering, det havde jeg brug for

[isabellehemlock]

30 Questions Tag Game

(I was not kidding when I said I was going to catch up on these tags from the last several months lol - this one was the ethereal @amyvalhalla way back in February - I am so sorry . . .).

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to know better

Answers under the cut, and tagging the following peeps (though feel free to ignore!)  And I know I’m supposed to tag 20, but I’ve tagged so many people today already y’all haha:

@katt5673, @hymnsofheresy, @highbeeans, @dreamtiwasanarchitect, @fitzcamebacktome, @gryzdolnik, @ashleyrguillory, @scarlet-welly-boots, @even-after-a-millennia, @theanity, @heelipabo, @heda-of-endlesswonder, @shebattlesman, @shatterthefragments

1. Name/Nickname: Katharina/Kat

3. Star Sign: Sun Sign Scorpio, Moon Sign Leo, and Rising Sign Aquarius

2. Gender: Female

4. Height: 5′5 and a half (that half counts, darnit! 😅)

5. Time: 9:42pm

6. Birthday: Remember, remember the fifth of November . . . (It was destined for me to be a Catholic rebel haha)

7. Favorite Band: I actually don’t have one - I listen to quite the variety :)

8. Favorite Solo Artist: Same answer as above ;)

9. Song Stuck Stuck In My Head: I’ve been listening to “All I Want” by Kodaline a lot

10. Last Movie: Sailor Moon Eternal (just came out on Netflix today!)

11. Last Show: Trust FX (I still got the last two episodes to watch!)

12. When I Created This Blog: Way back in 2011 (yes, a decade ago)

13. What I Post: 99.9% TOG fandom related (content, fic, meta, art, etc.)

14. Last Thing I Googled: John Mulaney reaction GIFs lol

15. Other Blogs: nope

16. Do I get asks? I have gotten a few lovely ones before I closed my ask box back in March.  I saw too many other blogs get hate anons and I’m a bit too sensitive to process that potential when I open my app (thanks c-ptsd and anxiety)

18: Following: over 1k (but honestly that’s including like a decade worth of blogs, and I’m fairly certain I haven’t looked at maybe more than 100 max over the last year)

17. Why I Chose My URL: it was actually “petersock” for the first decade!  A combination of my husband’s and mine’s last names - now I’m “CatholicNicky” to reflect my fandom tastes, and I love talking Catholic!Nicky tropes (check out my pinned post for some posts and resources <3)

21. Lucky Number: 5, maybe?

19. Followers: 499 (I’m gonna go on a limb and suggest half are porn bots oof 😅)

20. Average Hours Of Sleep: 6ish, sometimes 7ish

22. Instruments: my voice :)

23. What Am I Wearing: (I can’t make this up . . . )  A Sailor Moon shirt I made with an iron on when I was 12, and a pair of Harley Quinn sweat pants

24. Dream Job: teaching <3

25. Favorite Food: none 👀

27. Nationality: Half American (Dad’s ancestry is Great Britain, family immigrated here 1740′s and settled near North Carolina eventually (shifting between there, Georgia, and Florida over time) - many married indigenous members of the local Cherokee and Seminole tribes over the course of 200-something years ~ I did my ancestry last year so this is all fresh on my mind haha).  And I’m half German, from my mother’s side, thanks to my parents meeting at an Army Base there <3 

28. Favorite Song: I could never pick haha

29. Last Book I Read: hm, last fic??  Haha.  Book - the Bible (I read a daily verse, though I aim for more during morning and evening prayers!)

30. Top 3 Fictional Universes I Would Like To Live In: I have literally never thought of this before 🙃  Um, I have no answer atm haha.

#tag game #30 questions

[lilolilyr]

1, 2, 6, 18, 19, 22 and any two questions of your choice that you're itching to answer for the AO3 ask thingy please 😁

Ohh wow thank you! :D took a while to answer all these, full 3 episodes of my A little princess binge watch xD (I did get distracted by the series a few times even tho the plot was nothing new to me...) anyhow, under readmore because Long!

1. Top 3 fandoms written for

Good Omens (113, but mostly shorts), The Old Guard (72, rly wanna push that to 100 before I get over the fandom :D) and Star Trek (36 - & 6 more and ST Discovery with currently 17 will be in the top5 aka the collapsed ao3 fandom list, too! And it'll finally kick out HP xD)! Star Trek's not all new fics, there are some old Spirk slash fics and then the new Milippa, but GOmens and TOG are definitely on top bc they're my most recent fandoms and I started writing more and more in the last years :)

2. Fandom you have most WIPs for

uhhh if we're talking actually recently started and not (yet xD) abandoned WIPs in ao3 drafts or Word, I have about 10 TOG fics, same for Star Trek... if we're talking dead works on ao3 + ideas in old draft documents or lists, I bet it's older fandoms tho, probably a lot of my multiverse crossover chaos that's based on headcanon-improved characters based on Lord of the Rings and Twilight characters, Harry Potter magic (which I'm trying to her rid of bc, jkr, but also bc in general I like the Age of the Five magic theory more), Marvel, Town called EUReKA and a bunch of other stuff plus many ocs... No idea which fandom is most prominently in there, honest 😂 actually the blog I posted the ask meme to (bc ask memes are sth that might get fame so I'd rather have it on a blog where I already don't check the notes now lol), @thelucyverse, has more of that chaos, but yeah it's just that - Chaos!

6. Without checking - which tags do you think you've used most?

I actually know that bc I already checked it for a tagging meme xD but jusr from vibes I think I wrote a lot of getting together, emotional hurt/comfort, and of course Andromache Regains Immortality!

18. Favorite kinds of comments?

Alllllll of them :D no seriously especially on multichapters I'm so happy about even the smallest comments because it means someone actually read the latest chapter? :D

Actual fav comments... hmmm, I love when someone Points out a line and it happens to be one of my fav lines as well - or on the other hand if it's a part I'm self-conscious about and they comment that they like it!

19. Ever had someone write something inspired by your fic?

Not counting my own fics? No xD But! I've had people take fic ideas or outlines I posted on discord or tumblr and turn those into actual fics!

22. First fandom you've written for?

Posted it's The Hobbit movies, but I think some of my HP/twilight/LotR crossover ideas are older than that? I started coming up with those ideas when I was like 11 and I only got an ao3 with 15 or so... btw random but one of my first ocs, aka one of the triplet sisters of twilight Victoria, is still a beloved oc of mine now! XD

Any 2 I'm itching to answer - well, I love all those qs given that it's my ask meme xD but I just picked two from the readers' section :) C bc I always love a good shoutout and W because I've been wanting to check that - I actually already have a while ago, but forgot again xD

W) Oldest fic in your ao3 history?

Attila - She loves you (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

I remember that author?? And I know W13 femslash was one of the first fandoms I started reading fic to? But I absolutely cannot recall ever reaiding that story lmao

C) Favorite writers? Feel free to @ if they're on tumblr & you want to make them smile!

Alright I had planned to make a rec list here but bc it's almost 2am and my brain is Empty and this is behind readmore anyway, I'll instead maybe make a little reclist or several fandom-specific ones tomorrow, if I remember! Anyhow, thx so much for the ask Anni!!! This was fun <3

Ao3 ask

#ask the blogger #ao3 ask #answered #banashee #non anon #not f #lilo writes behind the scenes #lverse #x #lilo rambles #may'21 #04.05.21 #05.05.21 #personal #personal 2021 #mine #thelucyverse