#Uncertain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unabashedcandymaker · 6 months

Text

Uncertain 01

Summary: When you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant, your future with your partners starts to feel uncertain.

Natasha x Reader x Bucky

Warnings: Uh, idk, lots of pregnancy talk, lots of doubt, lots of sexy times. It’s shameless, but it is what it is.

Words: 3.9k

Uncertain Masterlist

“Okay, you can do this,” you try to talk yourself up as you stare at your reflection in the mirror of the guest bathroom. “You can do this! They love you! They won’t…It’s not …” you take in a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s not that bad. It’s not that bad. Stop being a coward! Stop. Being. A. Cow-” You were cut off by the urge to throw up, yet again, and dove for the toilet.

When you’re sure you're finished, you rinse your mouth out for good measure and chance another glance up to yourself.

Now or never.

Nat and Buck, you’re partners, loves of your life, the most caring and loving people you’ve ever known, they’ll be up by now, probably waiting for you in the kitchen. Both had just come back the night before, back early from being gone all week. Both still blissfully unaware that you were about to turn their lives upside down.

“Okay, champ. Let’s get this over with.”

You clutched one of the dozen white plastic sticks lined up on the sink and made your way out of the bathroom.

Natasha was the first one to greet you as you crossed the threshold into the kitchen. “Good morning sweet girl! Are you feeling ok?” She stood from her seat at the bar, kissing you on the cheek as soon as you were within reach. “We were worried that you weren’t in bed when we woke up this morning.”

Bucky didn’t say much, but you could see the worried furrow of his brow above his coffee mug as he took a long sip.

“I’m good. But, uh, maybe you two should sit down. There’s something I need to say…” you said as you took half a step back and gestured to the couch in the living room. “Please.”

Sharing a quick look, so quick you’d almost missed it, they moved quietly, taking a seat beside each other on the plush couch. You start pacing, keeping yourself separated from them with the coffee table, pacing a line back and forth in the small room. Every several steps, you pause, giving them a meaningful look, even opening your mouth to force the words out, but you can’t. The stick still clutched in your hand still goes unnoticed by the other two.

“Are you breaking up with us?” Nat teases, a smirk ghosting across her lips.

Bucky whips his head towards the red head, then back to you, eyes wide and his whole body tensing.

“Is that it? Do you want to break up?” He asks quietly.

“Fuck. No, of course not. But it’s serious! I’m…shit…well, I’m…” you sigh heavily. “I’m pregnant.” With a huff, you hold out the pregnancy test you’d been white knuckling.

Natasha is on her feet first, leaping gracefully over the coffee table and prying the stick out of your hand with ease.

“You’re sure? This is, this is for real?” She whispers as she examines it for herself. Bucky, who moved so fast, you didn’t process his movements at all, appearing as if out of thin air, is pressed behind Nat, his head nearly resting on her shoulder as his eyes are glued to the little pink plus sign on the test.

“As real as the other dozen I left lying on the sink in the guest bathroom,” you assure them both.

It’s silent. It’s silent for way too long. So long that your skin feels like it's going to crawl right off your body if someone doesn’t say something soon.

And you can’t wait for them anymore.

“Listen, I don’t know how this happened. We’ve always been so careful. I’ve stayed diligent on my birth control, even though we assumed you both were…sterile…and I swear there’s been nobody else…”

“Stop it,” Nat whispers, tears brimming in her jewel green eyes. “Nobody thought…no…nobody thought you’d…” she shudders for a moment before regaining her composure. “We know better than that. Right Buck?”

She looks back at him only to see a blank expression on his face. He’s not looking at her. He’s not looking at you. He’s not even looking at the test anymore, his gaze locked somewhere just beyond, on the carpet beneath his feet.

“Buck?” you whisper, taking a step forward to reach out to him, but he steps back, flinching involuntarily at your outstretched hand.

Your hand immediately falls to your side and it feels like your stomach has turned to lead.

“Bucky…” Natasha admonishes quietly, which pulls him out of whatever trance he’d been in.

His eyes go wide, almost fearful, and then just as fast, they go soft, and then he looks guilty.

“No…I…” he croaks, but shakes his head, as if he can shake off what looks to be an impending panic attack.

“Bucky, this doesn’t have to be anything,” you offer, voice barely a whisper. “We don’t have to let this be anything. I could, I don’t know, I could just…”

“I’m sorry,” he says as he skirts around you and Natasha, so graceful despite his upset. You barely hear the door click over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears as he closes it behind him.

He left.

Fuck.

Oh god, he left. He’s upset. You’ve upset him. You broke him. He’s never going to forgive you for this. You should have known better. Oh god, why did you have to tell them? Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to have taken care of this problem on your own? You shouldn’t have told him. He’s mad. And he should be. You’ve done this to them. You’ve done this to them both.

Natasha has your face in her hands, gently cooing, but you can’t understand what she’s saying.

“...hey, stop it, you did nothing wrong…” her gentle voice breaking through the ringing in your ears.

“Tash…I…” you barely manage to croak out.

“No! You’ve not done anything wrong. These things happen,” she assures you, kissing you gently on the forehead.

You must have been thinking your thoughts out loud.

“But…Bucky?”

“He’s fine. He’s gonna be fine. He’s just…he just needs a little time.”

You aren’t convinced.

He was so upset.

“What about you, sweet girl? How are you? How do you feel? How long have you been sitting with this on your own?” She asks.

“Just, uhm,” a long breath shudders in and out of your chest. “Just today for s-sure, but, uh, it’s had to have been a few days I think. I don’t r-really know.

Your noncommittal shrug must give you away which earns you a pointed glare.

“Maybe a week,” You answer.

She nods. “The whole time we’ve been gone?”

“I didn’t buy the tests until this morning. I wasn’t brave enough on my own.”

“Listen to me, no decisions need to be made right now, right? Just give it a few days, let everyone process. You still need time to process.”

“He’s so upset. I’ve upset him.” you whisper, your hands coming up to hold her wrists.

“No, you’ve not. He’s not upset. At least not with you. This was just…a surprise. A wonderful surprise, but a surprise no less.”

You hadn’t realized you were crying until her thumb swiped a tear from your cheek.

“What do you say we get you in the shower, my love? That might help you feel a little better.” She suggests.

“Yeah, ok, I guess that does sound nice.” You agree, nodding your head slowly.

When she lets go of your face, you hold one hand close, bringing your lips to her palm, kissing it. She smiles so beautifully, then disappears into the bathroom.

She’s only gone for a minute, then she’s in front of you again, helping you undress, just like any other time. You stay quiet, barely sniffling anymore as she strips you, then watch as she bares herself to you. She takes your hand and gently leads you into the shower that is now running hot, the steam billowing up around you.

“I’m sorry,” you finally break the silence.

“Hmm?”

“What if he doesn’t come back? What if I’ve ruined e-everyth-thing?” You admit your fear, screwing your eyes shut as more tears stream down your cheeks.

“No.” She says sternly as she pulls you into her body, your face nuzzled in her neck as she strokes your hair. “You should never be sorry for this. This is a beautiful thing that’s happened, don’t you see that?”

“But what about Buck?”

“He’s scared. But he will come around. He always does, doesn’t he? He just needs a little more time. He’ll be in this with us, 100%.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“But what if he does? Sweet girl, just take a minute to breathe. He’s going to come back through that door, just like he always does. He just needs a little space to process.”

Natasha has always been perfect like that. Always knew exactly what to say. She always knew exactly what to do. You think that’s what made your time together so special, when it’s just you and her. She knows you. Truly and completely.

You live for moments like this with her. Her hands soothing down your back and up into your hair, her steady fingers massaging your scalp so perfectly. She knows how to touch you, where to touch you, when to touch you. Everything with Nat is always perfect.

It must be the same when it’s just her and Bucky, you assume. There’s no doubt that she devotes the same attention and care to both her partners. She always has this magical way of making every moment, every interaction, so unique and exquisite…like you, and only you, get to see this tiny sliver of herself that she saves for you, and only you. It is always in these moments where she is so soft and delicate. And you cherish it. And her.

She washes your hair first, not letting you lift a single finger to help or return the favor. Then, she grabs the special body wash, the one she’d specially ordered from France as an anniversary gift. She uses only her hands, bringing the soap to a rich lather, then starts with your shoulders, down your arms, across your back, and then lingers around your belly.

It’s not like there’s anything there yet, no noticeable change in any way whatsoever, but she slows her movements, lingering just below your navel, where the small cluster of cells that is to be your baby are supposed to be. Her fingers linger there, tracing delicate patterns on your skin. Her touch is so warm and so soft, so distracting that you barely notice she has dropped to her knees in front of you.

“Tash…” you moan.

Then she’s kissing you, from your belly button, and down to your mound. Your release is so close, so alarmingly close, as her tongue dips to your slit and prods teasingly. Her hair is wet and silky slick as your fingers tangle in it.

“F-fuck, baby, I’m gonna-” you choke out as you are throttling closer and closer to your climax.

“That’s it, my love, come for me,” she coaxes, bringing your knee up to prop over her shoulder, opening you up wider for her exploring mouth.

Her fingers part your folds and then she slips two inside you, pushing all the air out of your lungs. She barely has a chance to curl them as she sucks your clit into her mouth, causing your release to crash over you. Waves and waves of white hot bliss thrum throughout your entire body.

She doesn’t let up until you’ve stopped shaking.

Her lips make their way back up your body, not leaving a single inch untouched. When they find yours, you moan as you taste yourself on her. She moves slow, unhurried, gently guiding you back under the stream of water, rinsing off the rest of the bubbles from your body.

“You taste different.” She purrs as she rests her forehead against yours.

You try to touch her too, to let your hands roam down the curves of her body, but she tuts as she brings them back to wrap around her shoulders.

“Please, Tash, I wanna feel you,” you beg.

She moans, your words affecting her just like they always have.

“Yeah, but not here. Let me get you dry and in bed, then I’ll let you do whatever your sweetest little heart desires.”

In a whirlwind of movement, you’re both out of the shower, mostly dry, and tangled up in one another, rolling around on top of your shared, unmade bed. Your hands can’t get enough as they grasp and caress every inch of her flaming hot skin. You dig into her curves, greedily exploring her body as if it were your first time all over again.

But, before you can get between her legs, she’s got you on your back, your hands pinned under hers beside your head, and one thigh slotted between yours. She meets you with a fiery gaze that has you reluctant to even breathe.

“I love you. You and Bucky, you’re my heart. And I need you to know, whatever happens, I’m with you. Always. If it were up to me, which I know it’s not, but if it were, there’s no question…I’d keep this baby.

“I never dreamt I could ever have any of my own. That part of me was taken away so long ago, and I try not to dwell on it, trying to never let myself linger over what was denied me…before I met you. The very first time I ever laid eyes on you, I knew you were it. I could see a future with you…with us, all of us. I saw a family. Not in the traditional sense, but it still would have been so good, because it would have been ours.

“I want this with you. And I have a feeling that deep down, Bucky will too.”

Aaaaand you’re crying.

Your previous attempt at a sexual conquest is forgotten as you cling to her. She settles down beside you, pulling you close, tucking you under her chin. The blankets are brought up and cocooned around the both of you as she holds you just as tight as you are holding on to her.

There’s a dip in the mattress behind you and another warm body is pressing against your back.

Bucky.

He smells of sweat as he nuzzles his head into your shoulder, his nose grazing along the length of your neck before settling into the curve.

One of Natsha’s hands move from your middle and up into Bucky’s hair, carding her fingers through his dampened locks.

“M’ sorry,” he mumbles into your skin, drawing in a shuddering breath. “Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry. I know I’m a moron. I shouldn’t have left you…shouldn’t have froze…I was…I was so fuckin’ scared…still am…I’m gonna fuck this all up, I know it…I’m not gonna be good at this…not at all…but I need you to know, if this is what you want, I want it too.”

You sob as you struggle to roll over, Nat having a good chuckle as she helps you untangle from blanket so you can reach Bucky. She ends up curled around your back as Bucky shimmies his large body down the bed and nuzzles into your bare chest.

Being settled between your two loves, warm and content and safe, you let your emotional exhaustion take over, pulling you into a dreamless sleep.

There’s no way to tell how much time has passed, but when you open your eyes, the golden light of the sun setting outside your window tells you you’ve slept the entire day away. Your body feels heavy and languid, but blissfully satisfied. Sleepily, you reach an arm out to your side only to find that side empty and cool. Your brows furrow, reaching out for the other, finding it warmer, but equally as empty.

There’s rustling around your knees, and as you continue to wake up, you note a heavy pressure between your thighs, and then warm, wet heat scalding you almost from the inside out. With a great amount of effort, you pry your eyes open to see a large mass under the blankets near the bottom of your bed.

“Sh-shit,” you moan as you feel a thick tongue push through your folds.

“Different, right?” Natasha’s muffled voice comes from under the blanket.

Bucky hums in agreement and you can feel it vibrate all the way up your spine, earning another wanton moan to spill from your lips. Hands on your thighs, one warm and calloused, another smooth and cool, is spreading you wide open. Another swipe of his tongue has your back arching off the bed, your hands scrambling to rip off the blanket, reaching to tangle your fingers in his hair.

Natasha crawls up beside you, her fingers caressing the swell of your breast, trailing down over the hardened nipple before pinching it.

“Does Bucky’s mouth feel nice, sweet girl?” She coos in your ear, her lips ghost over your sensitive skin, before she takes your lobe between her teeth.

Your thighs clench and Bucky moans as he spreads them back wide. He released one knee just to bring his fingers to your soaked entrance, teasing one finger inside, and then two. And that’s all it takes to send you careening off the cliff and into your release just as quick as the first time.

“What a sweet girl,” Nat beams proudly, still thumbing one nipple, and then moves to the other.

Bucky is climbing up your body, his scruff tickling all along the way as he places sloppy kisses all over your belly and chest, until he reaches your neck. His mouth is hungry and demanding against the sensitive flesh of your throat, threatening to suck a mark there. His cock is hard as it bobs just above your mound.

With weak hands, you push at his chest, and he automatically falls back on his heels, looking only a little concerned that he might have hurt you. You whip your head to Nat and pull her face to yours, searing her lips with a scorching kiss.

“What do you want, my love?” she asks, your teeth clashing with hers.

“Mmmm, wanna see you ride Bucky’s cock.”

It’s rare you ever take the reins in the bedroom with these two natural dominants, but oh god, for you, and only for you, they’d do anything you asked of them. They might as well have been putty in your hands, the way they bend to your will at any given moment.

Bucky takes your hands that you hold out towards him and pulls you up, pulling you against his chest and plants a kiss to your lips, then lets you push him onto his back where you’d been laying. You straddle his thighs, pulling Natasha with you, her back to your front, and you guide her down onto the thick head of Bucky’s cock. With one hand around her waist, you can feel her breath hitch, just like every single other time either of you try to take his thick length even with proper preparation. But she manages beautifully, just like always.

Your other hand trails down between her legs until you can feel where both of your loves meet each other.

“Tell me, baby, how does he feel?” You whisper in her ear, holding her tight as you roll your hips, then up, then back down, pulling her along with you, until she is settled down on his entire length again.

Bucky’s hands are on her waist, helping her follow your movements. Your fingers dance along her folds until they swipe across her clit, earning a heady moan, her head falling back onto your shoulder.

“How does it feel to have him so deep, baby?” you ask her. She can only shake her head as moans spill from her mouth. “Will you come for me? Both of you? Will you come like this?”

Your voice is soft, and oh so sweet, exactly the way that makes them melt in the palm of your hand.

You roll your hips, again and again, fingers flicking over her clit in time with your movements, speeding up their speed as you start bouncing faster and faster. Bucky has a white knuckle grip on Nat’s hip, looking terribly pained as his back is starting to arch up off the bed ever so slightly. He’s so close, you can see it in the screwed up expression on his face, and you can almost hear his silent prayer for Nat to finish before he does.

You pinch her clit between your fingers and slam your hips down with hers maybe a little too harsh, but it does the trick. Tasha is screaming her release as Bucky groans his own as well.

Holding her shaking body against your own feels as if you also came again.

You ease your fingers from her, moving slowly to bring her down easily. Bucky helps by guiding her up and off his length, his cock falling out of her with a slick ‘pop’. You try to lean to the side, guiding her to lay down with you, but she's too fast. You’ll never know how she moves the way she does, but somehow she has managed to switch places with you, rolling you to the middle as your head hits the pillow, secure between both their bodies.

And it’s nice, feeling them on either side of you. It feels safe. And warm…maybe a little too warm if you were honest, but it was comforting nonetheless.

Arms and legs and hair are all tangled into one large mess as the three of you lay together, not a stitch of clothing between you. The quiet that settles is comfortable, and for a moment, you forget about everything else that happened earlier today.

“Are you ok?” She asks you as she burrows into your sweat damp hair.

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. I think so. What about you?”

“Mmm, perfect,” she answers.

“And you, Buck? Are you ok? I know what you said, but you don’t have to be. If this isn’t the right time, then it’s not the right time.”

Natasha freezes on your other side, but doesn’t say anything.

“Nah, I’m good. Really. Steve knocked some sense into me,” he chuckles, also snuggling into the mattress and you to get more comfortable.

“You mean he kicked your ass for being so stupid,” Nat grumbles, nuzzling deeper into your hair.

“Hey now, he wasn't stupid,” you admonish weakly. “It’s a big deal. This is a potential whole ass brand new human being we are talking about.”

“Nah, she’s right, I was being stupid. I mean, yeah, I’m scared. I’m more terrified of this than I have been about anything else in my entire life. I don’t know how to be a father…I’m barely a good partner, but…” he takes a deep breath and smiles as he releases it. “But as long as I have the both of you, I know everything will be ok.”

“Like I would ever let you fuck this up,” Nat quips, words still muffled as she softly kisses the soft spot under your ear..

You giggle as Bucky blindly swats at Natasha, earning a slap in return. Which quickly escalates to the two of them flailing at each other over your body, hitting each other in a playful manner while you can only lay there and laugh between them.

“By the way,” Bucky adds as everyone calms down again, “Steve says congrats. And that he’ll be exceptionally upset if we don’t name it after him.”

“Oh my god,” Nat groans, earning another peal of laughter from you.

And at least for this moment, your future doesn’t seem as uncertain as before.

Chapter 2

#marvel #winter soldier #captain america #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky x reader x nat #natasha #black widow #pregnant!reader #uncertain

213 notes · View notes

unabashedcandymaker · 5 months

Text

Uncertain 02

Summary: Pregnancy progresses, and while your relationship stays strong in the beginning, the dynamics start as the pregnancy progresses.

Warnings: self-doubt, depression, anxiety, general not great feelings

Words: 5.6 k

Natasha x Reader x Bucky

Uncertain 01 / Uncertain Masterlist

Less than a week later, you’re in the med bay, flanked by both Natasha and Bucky, lying on your back, knees spread, waiting for the doctor to finish with the ultrasound.

Seeing as how you were the first person to be carrying the progeny of a super soldier, the very best OBGYN in the world had been brought in just for you. A whole new wing has been added to the med bay now too. The idea had been to keep everything ‘in house’ until they had an idea of what to expect with this pregnancy.

Not that it mattered to you one way or the other. Natasha was grateful for the preparations and that there would always be someone close by if anything happens. Bucky, on the other hand, grumbled about letting the government have their hand in your very personal, very private ordeal. But, he didn’t really mind as long as you were ok with it.

You were an anxious mess regardless, trying your best to focus on the grainy image on the big screen tv that was attached to the ultrasound machine. Nat squeezes your hand, and you look up to her to see her giving you a reassuring smile. She was excited. You and Bucky were more reserved, but it did nothing to dampen her spirits. Her brilliant green eyes were shining as they moved between your face and the screen.

It was easy for you to get caught up in the moment with her. You didn’t have to force the smile on your face when you looked back too. You reach your other hand over your head in the general direction where Bucky was brooding, and was greeted with his warm hand engulfing yours, fingers interlocking, his thumb stroking your wrist.

“And here’s your baby. Let me take some measurements and we can get a more approximate idea of how far along you are,” the doctor says as she points to the peanut-shaped blob right in the middle of the screen. “Looks like you’re a little further along than we expected. I’m getting about 9 weeks. Which means that maybe, let me just see here, maybe we can…oh yeah, here we go…”

And breath is sucked out of your body when a rushed whooshing noise fills the room. You know what it is even before the doctor tells you.

“...there’s the baby’s heartbeat.”

Natasha is squeezing your hand harder, holding it to her chest, and you can feel Bucky shift behind you, releasing your hand so he can lean down to kiss your forehead. His fingers stroke your hair, never breaking contact as he looks up at the screen again.

The doctor is printing out a long line of pictures, makes a couple notes in your chart, and then is cleaning you up.

“Everything looks great. Mama and baby both look healthy and everything appears to be as expected at this stage. I don’t see anything abnormal or that would be a cause for concern. Your hormone levels look normal. I know it’s too early to say, but I don’t see anything here or in the bloodwork that would indicate this would be unlike any other normal and healthy pregnancy.

“But with that being said, I’d like to see you again in two weeks. I'd also like to repeat the bloodwork then too. Just to be on the safe side. Please don’t hesitate to call me if you have any questions or concerns. This is my personal cell phone and home number,” she says as she hands you a card that Bucky promptly takes and puts in his back pocket with a nod. “I’m on call 24/7. You are my only patient until we deliver this baby. So believe me when I tell you I am being very sincere. Please. Call me with anything. It has been a pleasure to meet all of you. I’ll give you the room and you can let yourselves out whenever you’re ready.”

And for the next few months, everything has been great. Natasha has been over the moon. Even her normally stoic demeanor when working with the team has been a little softer, a little less scary.

Sam and Steve have been the only ones brave enough to tease her, and she only replies with a smile in kind. ‘How could I not be so happy. Look how perfect my life is.’

But when she’s in the privacy of your home, she’s a wildfire. She consumes you, every bit of you, every chance she gets. Always touching you, always seeking you out, craving your closeness.

She’s also obsessed with making sure you are eating enough and eating well, but also indulging every single craving. Bucky has fussed at her more than once for it, but it hasn’t stopped her yet. You want ice cream at 3 am, you best damn well believe that she’s already on her way to get you your ice cream. She helps you remember your vitamins and to drink plenty of water, quick to chime in with the, ‘no, my love, that has too much caffeine. Maybe I could make you this tea instead.’

She dotes on you constantly. Everyday that she’s home, she’s making your breakfast, bringing you lunch to your desk at work, sneaking in extra snacks in case you get hungry later. That part wasn’t unusual to happen before the pregnancy, but now she’s made it part of her daily routine. She’s made it her mission to spend as much time as physically possible by your side.

And you won't deny, you absolutely love it.

And Bucky. Your poor, sweet, hopelessly overwhelmed Bucky. He hasn’t figured out what to do with himself. Right after the first doctor’s appointment, he bought a dozen different pregnancy and baby books, and threw himself full force into reading them all as quickly as possible. Every morning he greets you with a sweet kiss and a new fact he’s learned concerning the development of your baby.

“Did you know the baby can open and close her hands?”

“The baby can sense light and soon, it’ll even be able to taste...how wild is that?!?”

He spends a majority of his time brooding just like before, but the further you progress with this pregnancy, the more relaxed and comfortable he becomes, and dare you say, he may even be getting excited. Which is refreshing as you are officially starting to experience symptoms of your pregnancy other than morning sickness.

But when you’re in public, his attitude is wildly unpredictable. Sometimes, he’s constantly following you around, hovering over your shoulder, throwing threatening glares at anyone who might try to come too close. Other times he’s so soft and gentle, like you’re made of glass and may break if you overexert yourself. He’s always got you in his line of sight whenever physically possible. If he’s in the building, you may not be able to see him, but you better not doubt that he can see you.

You love the predatory behavior just a little less, but you appreciate it all the same. It’s his way of showing you he cares.

In the bedroom is where you’ve noticed the biggest change.

Bucky barely touches you. It’s almost like he’s afraid to. He’s too soft, too hesitant. And it doesn’t matter what the pregnancy books say, or how many times you try to assure him that everything is fine, that he shouldn’t handle you any differently, he only ever gives you a small smile, kisses you on the forehead. Sometimes he will pull you into a hug, and although he never says anything, you can tell he is silently dismissing the conversation. You never want to push him or make him uncomfortable, so you always let it go, chalking it up as an unpleasant side effect.

The biggest change in the relationship comes after you first start showing. It happens around the 5 month mark, just a couple days before your next ultrasound appointment.

It’s Sunday morning and you’re all three lounging on the couch, your head in Bucky’s lap, your body lying on the length of the couch, while Natasha is laid between your legs, her cheek resting on your belly, her hand rubbing lazily along the slight swell. Everyone’s quiet and you’re even on the verge of a nap when suddenly, Nat is jumping from her spot up to her knees, hands held up in front of her, a wild look on her face. She’s starting at your belly for a long couple seconds before her eyes dart up to yours.

“What...I...did she just...I think I felt her move…” Natasha whispers as she stares down at your belly again.

You giggle and relax back into Bucky’s lap, reaching both your hands out for hers. She’s slow to comply, but eventually does. You take her wrists and push her hands under your shirt, her palms flat on your stomach. Your hands cover hers and you’re moving them around, trying to find the spot where you feel the baby kick the most.

You settle and hold her hands still, just watching her face as she’s staring at your intertwined hands. Then, her eyes light up again when she feels the baby move again.

“You feel that?” She asks in wonder.

“All the time,” you smile, relishing in her excitement as she lowers her body back into the couch, her hands still planted firmly on the spot you put them. Her face is inches from your belly and she’s whispering something you can’t hear, but she’s delighted when she can feel the baby bump against her hands again.

“You wanna feel?” You ask, looking up to Bucky who looks like he’s frowning from this angle.

“Maybe later. Don’t wanna impose on her moment,” he says with the smallest smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, as he jerks his head to Natasha who is clearly having the time of her life as the baby keeps pushing up against her hand over and over again.

Something about his reaction feels off and it’s almost unnerving, but you push it to the back of your mind as Nat starts with rapid fire questions.

‘What does it feel like?’

Like I have gas.

‘How long have you been able to feel it?”

I don’t know, a couple weeks maybe?

‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’

Lord, Tash, I don’t know, cause of this?

‘When is she most active?’

When I’m trying to sleep mostly.

There’s a dozen more questions, and you answer each with what’s left of your patience as you try to close your eyes. All the while, Bucky sits above you, still as a statue, his blank expression giving nothing away as you relax into his lap again.

At your 20 week appointment, during the anatomy scan, all three of you are surprised to find out that the baby is a boy!

All this time, you and Natasha were so sure it was a girl. It felt like a girl. The image in your head was a girl. But you’re not disappointed in the least, as the image starts shifting to a little mini version of Bucky, with deep, blue eyes and shaggy dark hair.

The image on the screen in front of you is a strong, healthy, active, and quite large baby boy. Absolutely perfect and healthy in every single way.

“You’re measuring a few weeks ahead of gestation age, but that’s nothing to worry about just yet. Maybe start taking it a little easier at work. Might be a good time to start to lighten the load at work. Maybe also not physically exerting yourself too much. As I’ve said, nothing to worry about, you’ll be able to feel it when it’s uncomfortable. Just don’t push it,” the doctor assured.

So with a clean bill of health, you leave the office. Bucky beaming like the proud papa he is, staring down at the new ultrasound image, but isn’t offering you much else besides a bashful smile and a sweet kiss to your temple.

Natasha wants to celebrate. She’s insisting on throwing a party, and wants to invite everyone in the compound so she can express her excitement with everyone that means anything to her.

You’re not sure how you manage, but you and Bucky talk her into a quiet dinner at home instead. She’s not especially thrilled about it, but she relents when you promise she can be in charge of decorating the nursery anyway she likes; total artistic freedom.

And everything still continues to be fine.

Your belly has started to become more noticeable every passing day. You’ve long since stopped being able to fit into your regular clothes, finally surrendering yourself to pick up a few new outfits from the maternity store. Natasha is unbelievably excited to help, throwing shirts and pants and dresses and skirts over the door of the changing room.

It’s not long after that she sneaks into your dressing room and makes you come twice as she presses you against the wall.

And she continues to be as affectionate as she’s always been, if not even more so.

But Bucky has just about pulled away from you completely…at least he has physically. It happened so slowly that you weren’t really sure it was happening at all until he stopped joining you and Nat in your bedtime activities almost every night. There’s always an excuse why he can’t come to bed just yet with you, opting to wait until you’re already fast asleep before crawling under the blankets and pressing himself into your back.

You know he still loves you, he shows you that everyday. He still kisses you good morning and goodnight. He occasionally drops by to intimidate all of your coworkers. He still laughs at all your stupid jokes and does all those little things he’s always done to show you he still cares.

But he won’t touch you anymore, not like he used to. He’s careful not to touch your belly and it’s been too long since you’ve been intimate with him.

And every single day, you try to tell yourself that it’s not you, that everything’s fine, everything’s normal. This is all in your head.

But also with every day that passes, it’s getting harder.

All those insecurities you’d felt before you’d met Nat and Bucky, and even at the beginning of your relationship, and all your self-doubt starts to creep back in, whispering to you every single reason Bucky doesn’t want you anymore.

Every time he pulls away before you can deepen a kiss, the voices start to get a little bit louder. Every time you see his hands lingering on Natasha’s waist instead of yours, you sink a little further down. And on the several occasions you’ve walked in unexpectedly to see his dick sink deep, deep inside of her instead of you, you’re already so far gone that you can’t see the light anymore.

Why won’t he touch you like that anymore?

Why doesn’t he hold you the way he holds her?

Does he not find you attractive anymore?

How could he, have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?

Everyday it becomes more harrowing a task to push the repulsive thoughts away.

Now, you agree with them. How could you not? They’re true. You have gained a lot of weight.

Sure, the doctor says you're well within the healthy range, and it’s what is supposed to happen! This is healthy for the baby, right?

But you are unable to ignore them when you’re standing in front of the mirror, in the privacy of the guest bathroom, all by yourself.

Suddenly, the light seems harsh and you can’t help but see everything that’s changed in the last few months.

You aren’t sure how you let it get this far, but you’ve become so self-loathing that you can only see every extra pound you’ve gained and every horrifying, ugly stretch mark.

Your hips have widened. Your butt is bigger. Your boobs have started to swell and droop just slightly. Is one boob bigger than the other now?!? Even your face seems to be a bit chubbier. At 6 and a half months, these things were to be expected, sure, but you can’t stand it.

Now that you see all the ways your body has changed, seeing what you believe he is seeing, you completely understand why Bucky doesn’t want to be intimate with you anymore.

So, it starts to feel almost natural that you should start shying away when Natasha tries to initiate intimacy. At first, she’s worried because you’ve never denied her before, you’ve never wanted to before, but she eventually brushes it off as a side effect of this later stage of your pregnancy.

Your wardrobe starts changing along with your mood. All the cute maternity clothes you’d bought with Natasha six weeks ago have all been exchanged for overly large, shapeless sweaters and tee shirts; anything you can find that hides your baby belly.

The time you used to spend cuddling on the couch, you now opt for the plush armchair across the room. Bucky furrows his brow, but doesn’t say anything. Natasha will try to persuade you to join them, making plenty of room for you to snuggle in between them, but that usually ends with you excusing yourself to the bedroom for the rest of the night.

Then, you started changing in the bathroom where neither could see you. You started locking the door whenever you would shower, not wanting to risk them accidentally walking in and seeing you.

They’ll be repulsed.

And it’s not long after that that you start sleeping on the couch. Or in the guest bedroom that Natasha was slowly transitioning into the nursery.

Both protest the first time it happened, but when you claim you’re too uncomfortable and need a little extra space, they let you do whatever you say you need to do. They both give you very disapproving glares when you snatch up your pillow and make your way out of your bedroom, but they never try to stop you.

Natasha is trying to spend all her free time with you, but you were soon finding excuses as to why you can’t anymore. You’d start staying later at your desk, claiming you had too much to do to prepare for your maternity leave, even though that would still be almost two months away.

But no matter how many times you tried to convince them otherwise, they both still insisted on going to all your doctor appointments with you. They were both still so incredibly into this baby.

The appointments were becoming more frequent since you entered your third trimester. Instead of twice a month, you are being seen every week. And used to, the three of you would walk to the appointments together, but now, you worked right up until the last minute, meeting them in the doctor's office not a minute sooner than you had to.

They both stand when you enter the room, each pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head, or your cheek, but you’d shrug away as you’d take your place on the exam table. Natasha, as always, looked like a kid on Christmas whenever she would hear the baby’s heartbeat. Bucky is always right there, his hand on your shoulder, smiling like a proud papa.

For these brief moments, your life would feel normal again, that everything was as it should be, especially when they’d look at you the way they are right now. But, as soon as the doctor walks out, the spell is broken.

You’re coming up on the 34th week of your pregnancy, and you absolutely can not take any of this anymore. Your hormones are wreaking havoc on your mentality. Everything makes you cry; songs on the radio, tv shows, the fucking commercials about the dogs…EVERYTHING.

And that’s not counting the physical changes. Your body has stretched to unbelievable proportions, and you feel like you’re looking into a funhouse mirror every time you accidentally catch a glimpse of your own reflection. Everything hurts no matter your position. You’re never comfortable. The baby has gotten so big now and he thinks your bladder is his own personal trampoline, causing you to run to the bathroom every 30 minutes.

And above all else, the icing on the cake to make everything so much worse, you miss Bucky and Natasha.

You HATE yourself for how much you miss them.

You miss the way Bucky’s eyes would crinkle when he smiles at you first thing in the morning. You miss the way Natasha’s hands always felt so soft as she would cup your face when she’d kiss you. You missed their heat as you snuggled between the two of them every night. You missed the way the three of you used to fit so perfectly together.

You used to think that it was going to be the three of you, forever. You used to think that there would be nothing that could have separated you from each other.

Oh, how wrong you were. Turns out that this tiny baby, weighing no more than 6 pounds at this very moment, was just big enough to set your world on fire, destroying everything you ever loved.

A tiny nudge from the inside pulled you back. And crushing guilt was added to your already depressing episode. Of course the baby was not to blame for your crumbling relationship. You had nobody to blame for that but yourself. Because you weren’t enough anymore. You were never going to be enough ever again.

Unsure of how you managed to get here, you find yourself curled up as much as your belly will allow you to in the middle of the bed, clutching Natasha’s pillow to your chest as half your face is buried in Bucky’s. You don’t hear the front door open, so you don’t bother trying to hide the fact that you are full on sobbing as you were supposed to be home alone for the rest of the day; Natasha and Bucky both supposed to be at some training exercise off site.

And you can see them almost as perfectly as if they are standing in front of you now. Natasha, clad in compression capris and a sports bra, so firm and voluptuous, no doubt commanding everyone’s attention with her graceful movements and perfect form.

And then Bucky, so tall and broad and handsome as he broods, but executing each drill with commanding force and precision. What a beautiful pair the two of them make.

Maybe Nat is sending Buck a flirtatious wink from across the training area. Maybe he’s giving her that playful smirk. Maybe there’s some teasing touches, some witty banter. Maybe their hands linger on the other for a second or two longer than is necessarily polite.

And you sob harder.

Of course this was why Bucky wouldn’t want to touch you anymore. That’s what started all of this in the first place. Your body was changing and he didn’t find you attractive anymore. And who the hell would be compared to what a knock-out Natasha is at any given moment.

And you know from experience exactly how beautiful she is. When you have someone like her, someone with such ethereal beauty that transcends all of space and time, how could anyone ever look at someone like you the same way? You only wonder how Bucky had ever found you attractive in the first place.

God, they are going to be so much happier once they cut you loose and get you out of their way.

You imagine their life may go back to the way it was when they were together before, all those years ago, before you came along.

It takes a moment to register that someone’s in bed with you, curling themselves around your body under the cocoon you’ve made with the duvet. Your instinct is to pull away, but strong, slender arms only hold you tighter as you’re pulled closer.

“Please,” Natasha’s voice is in your ear, broken and small. “Please, don’t push me away anymore. It’s killing me.”

You can feel a shuddering breath as she inhales and it’s more painful than you'd ever imagined, to know that she’s hurting too. That you’ve been the one hurting her.

“Talk to me, милая девушка (sweet girl). I can’t…'' Her voice definitely breaks this time and you can feel her sobs more than hear it. “I can’t be without you any longer. Tell me what I’ve done to hurt you.”

Oh no. Does she think she’s done something wrong? How do you begin to tell her how perfect she is? How could she ever think she had hurt you?

It’s you. You’re the problem. She has to know that.

You have to tell her the truth. It’s the only way she will finally understand what you already know.

You tell her everything, even though it hurts, but it would continue to hurt so much more if you didn’t.

She holds you close as the words mixed with broken sobs pour from your mouth. Every insecurity that has grown into a festering wound inside of you; every dark and sinister thought that whispers its vicious poison when you’re alone, filling your mind with darkness and pain; every self-deprecating realization that your only loves deserve far better than you.

You lay it all bare and then you wait. You wait for her to tell you it’s all true and while they might still love you, you’ll never fit into their perfect little family anymore.

When she lets you go, you know this is the beginning of the end. You know she’s pulling away. She’s going to walk away from you, this time forever…

But no, while she does release you, it’s only to crawl over your body so she can lay face-to-face with you. Her green eyes are red-rimmed as her own tears fall freely.

“I need you to understand something. I am always going to love you. I am always going to want you, whether you weigh 100 pounds or 300 pounds or even 500 pounds. It doesn’t matter to me if you wake up tomorrow morning, having developed elephantitis and are permanently deformed for the rest of your life.

“It doesn’t matter to me what you look like, because that’s not the part of you that I fell in love with. I fell in love with who you are on the inside, and on the inside, you are always going to be the most beautiful person I’ll ever know.

“You, my sweet, sweet girl, have always been, and always will be my greatest love,” she whispers as she cups your jaw and swipes at the steady stream of tears running down your cheek. Her hands are soft and her movements are so gentle and you’d forgotten how wonderful it was to be touched by her.

“B-but Bucky…” you argue, but she cuts you off with a finger pressed to your lips.

“I love him too, always, with everything in me, but it doesn’t make anything I’ve just said any less true. I’ll never have anyone else like you. There’s nobody that makes me feel the way my sweet girl does.”

She pulls you in close, carefully positioning herself against you so she’s cradling your large belly in her lap, your head under her chin. You still cry as her hand rests gently on your belly, rubbing soothingly across the taut, stretched skin.

“I thought it was me,” she admits after you’ve finally started to calm down. “I thought...I thought you were going to leave. When you started pulling away from me, I thought I was going to lose you because I wasn’t enough anymore.

“And then, if you left, it would only have been a matter of time before Bucky would leave, too. He’d follow you anywhere. You’re the mother of his child, how could he not? And what am I compared to you? What can I give him? There’s no future with me if you’re not here.”

It was your turn to hold her as she cried. It took some serious wiggling, but you managed to pull her into your chest, cradling her, comforting her. Her tears came hard and fast, staining the front of your shirt.

“You’re my forever, Tasha. I wouldn’t...I couldn’t live without you. And I’m so sorry that I did this to us. I...I...I don’t know how to fix it,” you whispered into her hair, stroking the sweat dampened locks with one hand as the other held her close.

“There’s nothing to fix, sweet girl,” she said with a sniffle, pulling back to look up at you. “I’m yours, мое сердце (my heart). I’ve always been yours.”

“But what about Bucky?” You whisper, willing yourself not to cry again as you think about the other half of your heartache.

“It’s not what you think. I don’t know what’s up, but I know him and it can’t be what you’re thinking. He adores you. I know you can’t see it, but he still looks at you like you hung the moon. You’ll need to sit down with him and talk about it. We have spent too long tiptoeing around each other and look what it’s done to us,” she says as she scoots up so you're lying nose to nose.

“And come back to bed. Please. I can’t stand to spend another night away from you. I don’t know if I can suffer through broody Bucky on my own anymore.”

“He can’t have been that bad,” you say with a small chuckle, curling a strand of red hair behind her ear.

“You have no idea how insufferable he’s been without you,” she assures with a warm smile.

“Speaking of, where is he? No...wait...what are you doing here? Both of you are supposed to be at…”

“At the thing, yeah, no, I couldn’t stand to be there a second longer knowing that you were here all alone.”

“Won’t Steve be upset you left?”

“Nah. But hey, even if he was, what is he gonna do? Kick me off the team?” She says with a scoff and a wink. “Besides, it was mostly for the incoming agents. We were there just as a morale booster.”

“But Bucky stayed?” You ask in a whisper.

“I-“

“No, he didn’t,” comes a deep voice from the doorway. Your head whips around, your body following sluggishly after, to see Bucky standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and brow furrowed.

“How long have you been here?” You asked as you struggled to push yourself up off the bed, to move anywhere else, feeling incredibly vulnerable and exposed in this position.

But Nat’s arms hold you in place, keeping you on your side, as Bucky walked over, kicked off his shoes, and laid down next to you.

“Long enough. Nat beat me here by a few minutes. I would have been here sooner if she would have waited for me to get in the car…” He’s smiling playfully, but his eyes are shining, wide, unblinking, and a little pained. “I waited in the hall, figured I’d give you two a few minutes…”

The silence stretches as you stare at him. There’s so many things you want to say, but you can’t seem to make yourself speak. You need to tell him how you feel. You need to tell him…

“I’m sorry,” he says, cutting you off before you can even get your mouth to open. “I’m sorry I made you feel like this. I’ve done this to you; I’ve done this to all of us, and I’m so, so sorry. But it’s not what you think. Not that there’s an excuse, but I never imagined it would have led to this; that you’d think I wasn’t attracted to you anymore…that I didn’t want you.”

You’re blinking away tears when they start springing back up. His hand reaches out slowly, pausing just inches from your face, giving you the opportunity to pull away. And when you don’t, his hand falls to your hair, pushing the tangled mess back away from your face. The touch is so tender that you can’t fight the tears from falling anymore.

You’ve closed yourself off from them for so long that you’d forgotten how wonderful it felt to be loved by them.

“It was me,” he whispers, closing his eyes. “I’m not...I won’t be...I’d die if I ever hurt you, or him. It’s all I can see every time I close my eyes. It haunts my dreams. And, ok, I’ll admit, I did pull back some, but you just seemed much more delicate than before. There’s a brand new little person growing inside you. And if I hurt you…or him..I couldn’t…”

His voice breaks and he’s blinking away his own tears. You know how he feels. It’s the same self-loathing you’ve been dealing with for the past few months.

What a mess this has turned into. All three of you have been suffering through the same exact thing, feeling inept compared to each other, and instead of anyone talking about how they feel, you’ve been keeping it bottled up until it’s reached this breaking point.

“What a trio we make, huh?” You whisper, reaching out and placing a hand on Bucky’s bicep. You’re giving him a watery smile which he returns as Natasha is hugging you from behind.

“Maybe this would be a good time to suggest we go back to therapy…together…” Natasha piped up as she shifted upwards again, curling around you so she, too, could reach Bucky.

“S’ not a bad idea,” you agree. “It helped before. Could be good to go in for another refresher before the baby gets here.”

Bucky sighs and nods.

“I’ve missed you,” you breathe as you feel the both of them snuggle into you. “I’ve missed you both so much.”

And for the first time in months, with both of your loves snuggled in close, you feel whole and loved and complete.

Chapter 03-Final Chapter

#marvel #captain america #winter soldier #black widow #bucky x reader x nat #bucky x reader x natasha #nat x reader x bucky #natasha x reader x bucky #bucky #bucky barnes #nat #natasha #natasha romanoff #pregnant!reader #uncertain

139 notes · View notes