#Using my platform of just barely over 100 followers

[abbyshands]

hi kitlyn, i just wanted to thank u so so much for using ur platform to spread awareness about the genocide in palestine. i myself am palestinian (me and my family are thankfully safe in the states), and it hurts my heart to see my brothers and sisters being murdered ruthlessly every singular day. i just wanted to let you know that you you are doing great things by participating in the strikes, reblogging posts and providing links, much love 🤍

never forget, from the river to the sea palestine will be free 🇵🇸

lovely, you are an angel. it’s so incredibly kind for you to want to praise me for spreading awareness and all, but know that you don’t have to at all. seriously, i’m just doing the bare minimum. i’ll say it over and over again: i never believed i would get so much of a following in just a few weeks, and i’m mind blown by all of the support i’ve gotten. so, if i can get those same people to get up, to know what’s going on, and want to make a change just as bad as i do, then that’s 100% a win in my book. i’d feel more blessed than ever. i’m a very compassionate person (i’d like to believe so, anyway), and i could never watch from the sidelines when i see people suffering. i’m glad that that’s not and never will be me.

my love, you have my whole heart for all your kind words, and i love you so, so much. i will keep speaking up and using my voice as loud as i can for as long as i need to. we won’t let the world forget what it did to your people. i promise.

#kitlyn’s anons ♡ #free palestine

[aesethewitch]

Shufflemancy Testing: 50 Song Playlist Summary

Shufflemancy theory testing is underway. I did a lot of thinking on how I wanted to do this, and it came down to the information I was trying to glean in the end.

My Method

My primary concerns with shufflemancy (and, indeed, other forms of divination using digital tools) are: 1) The interference of algorithms in the shuffle process; and 2) The lack of variety and length in a given playlist.

To address both concerns at once, I came up with the idea of creating several playlists of increasing length. Each playlist contains all songs from the one preceding it, plus an entirely new selection of songs sourced from my many, many playlists and from others' massive playlists at random. They are 50, 100, 200, 500, and 1,000 songs, respectively.

I'm skipping the same number of songs each day (hitting play in the list to start it in Spotify, then skipping 3 songs) while asking the same question at the same time ("What should I expect today?")

Ideally, I would do this every day. But... well, ADHD strikes, and I missed a couple days. Even so, I decided at the start to dedicate a full week to the process, and so I've stuck to seven days to test each playlist.

It's worth noting that I have little to no shufflemancy experience prior to this. I'm aware that my lack of skill and expertise may affect the quality of my divinations with this, so I plan on returning to the 50 and 100 song playlists after the 1,000 song playlist just to be certain my skill level isn't playing into the output.

Once I've completed the circuit and have a baseline using these criteria, it's time to... do it all again, kinda. But with a change! I eventually want to answer the following questions:

Are songs more accurate first thing when I start my day, or are they better done the night before?

Does the number of songs make a significant difference? Does seven skips yield a better or worse result than three? What about five, or ten?

Is a longer-winded dissection of the song's themes, background, and artist more or less accurate than a basic impression? Or, on the other hand, does a bare bones, keyword-based description work best?

Does the information I'm taking down matter? Are the tempo, tone, and length relevant somehow? Or does the title, lyrics that "pop out" at me, and overall themes of the song do the job?

To answer these questions, I'll choose whichever playlist ends up being the most accurate and make individual variations to be tested over a seven-day period.

As I've mentioned before, I'm using Spotify for this test. But once I feel I've done all I can there... I'm swapping platforms. That's right, I'm not just testing shufflemancy itself, I'm testing to see which platform is really best for it!

This whole process is going to take a long while. I plan on updating with full details for Ko-Fi supporters fairly regularly, with a breakdown of songs I shuffled to and my notes during and the day after. Folks on Tumblr will see a basic list of songs and ratings for how accurate it was to the day in question.

With all that said, I've done seven full days with the 50 song playlist. How did it go, you ask?

50 Song Playlist Breakdown

Day One

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "What It Takes" Artist: Aerosmith Rating: 3/10

Day Two

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "I'm So Tired" Artist: Fugazi Rating: 1/10

Day Three

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "Professional Griefers" Artist: deadmau5, Gerard Way Rating: 3/10

Day Four

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "I Wanna Be Your Man" Artist: Willy Moon Rating: 6/10

Day Five

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "Megalovania" Artist: Toby Fox Rating: (a generous) 5/10

Day Six

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "Halloweenie IV: Innards" Artist: Ashnikko Rating: 7/10

Day Seven

Question: What should I expect today? Shuffles: 3 Times Song: "Fancy" Artist: Iggy Azalea Rating: 0/10

Average Rating: 3.7/10

To see a full breakdown of each day, including lyrics that stood out, my immediate takeaways, and post-reading dissections, visit my Ko-Fi page! The full article is exclusive for supporters -- as little as $1 gets you access to my full backlog.

#aese speaks #shufflemancy #divination #digital divination #technomancy #tech magic #techno magic #witchblr #witchcraft #witchy research

[chemicalpink]

My biggest question is why are we separating bts privacy from typical celebrities? Like celebrities ARE BEING FOLLOWED EVERYWHERE THEY GO . Yes they are humans but that's their price to pay no?. I didn't see people having problem when justin was being followed left and right or when his info would leak same goes for beyonce or Rihanna.

I think this train of thought might need a bit more of contextual conversation than what I might be able to deliver right now but allow me to try and perhaps expand on it afterwards.

Disclaimer: this is a personal academic take. Please don’t take it to heart. It is meant to be objective and unbiased, I might sound harsh around some topics, it’s all merely academic. I will try to deliver some references on the matter however, the arguments that this piece contains are derived from my experience as a sociologist and a lawyer, someone who has focused on neuroprogramming anthropology for the entertainment industry, especially focused on the building of bridges between the west and east music industries. And yes, I’ve worked as such for a Korean entertainment company. Listen if by now you know you’re gonna get angry, do you and don’t force yourself to read on something you’re not ready to read on yet. Enjoy your day, don’t get angry over some words online.

I see you, 100%, celebrities Can and should be studied as a group. All public figures are subjected to similar experiences when it comes to invasion of privacy. And also all celebrities are human. I think the first point of order should be exactly that: how is it that through the capitalisation of a person’s talents (not even talking about performing in any of its forms but even in their ability to form and maintain a platform) has somehow equaled along the line to stripping them of their privacy? How is them making a living any different from any of us making a living and laying themselves out bare a part of the job description?

Now, I don’t think it’s quite fair to settle for it being “a price to be paid” for being a celebrity. Privacy is not a luxury that people get to be disposed of, privacy is lawfully regarded as a human component that allows us vulnerability and the development of our very own individuality, need for our human right of being a person. The fact that violation of privacy happens, doesn’t mean that it should happen. The absolute fallacy of repetitiveness has made people believe that well- it’s just the status quo for being a public figure but we must remember that just because it keeps on happening doesn’t make it the rule of existence.

I’m going back to the separating BTS from other celebrities, as you point out western celebrities, and specifically Just*n B. I would gladly say as anything to be sociologically researched, we need to be contextual, transversal and intersectional.

BTS are 100% Korean men that have inserted themselves into a western driven industry. This is nothing new but rather more so explanatory to how exactly we must begin to approach the take (given, it is much more complex than any Tumblr post can even begin to be) since invasion of privacy is a dehumanising concept in and out of itself, we can only begin to understand just how much more prejudicial it is when said invasion of privacy is targeted towards people of color, a group that is historically dehumanised in itself, even more so in entertainment based in the west. When it comes to racial prejudice, it’s so so easy to get the lines blurred in between “oh it’s just that they aren’t based in the US so we are SO CURIOUS about what they’re up to” “We just NEVER get a chance to see them the way they’re seen out and about in Korea” “It’s just that OUR CHANCE TO MEET THEM is nearly zero since they just stay a few days where WE GET TO SEE THEM” “ITS SO FUNNY TO SEE THAT THE NORM HERE IS SO DIFFERENT TO KOREA”. Just about how much of the potential information to be taken from those questioning or scenarios is relevant to their quality as artists? None of it.

It’s a whole other complex conversation to be had when looking at it from the way the entertainment industry works in the East, with the way that fan culture interacts and presents itself along with the neuro marketing over there that certainly enables more dangerous practices and entitlement from certain groups or people.

Now of western celebrities, like Just*n B. Bey*nice or Rih*anna. And I believe two of those face a rather similar approach if only ever worse for them also being women.

Sociologically we must also see it under the time context, and certainly avoid any revisionist takes on the matter. I don’t think there was a time where everyone was under the consensus of leaking private information or following them being right or absolutely thrilled about it. Less spoken about, sure. But shifts happen and voices are being raised. As I’ve pointed out before, it is NEVER okay, and every case is intersectional. Just*n is an artist that got started way too young in the industry and his invasion of privacy should be studied as such, a teenager whose company’s strategy was to sell the “boyfriend image” in a fandom context of NEEDING to be the YN of a person that never got to settle a true boundary between his public self and his true human side, in between a lot of dehumanisation and abuse of power since he was always the youngest in the room, a general public that fed off of hating him for being “feminine” (which also need a longer and more vast talk on misogyny and homophobia)

All in all, every artist is a human being, simply because they exist as such. They are human before they are artists and certainly before they are public figures. And that, is the conversation to be had.

#marinette rants #academic talk with Marinette

[camgirlsurvivalguide]

Goooood morning Survivors -- back at it with my favourite procrastination strategy: making e-books instead of shooting for OF! Love that for me.

Anyhow,

Tier systems and exclusivity marketing have always been at the forefront of my personal approach to my business. My two overarching goals with online SW are to make a lot of money (duh) while also keeping myself and my subscribers happy. For the camgirl migrators who used to live stream and then worked our way over to content creation platforms - I feel like some of our foundational knowledge has been forgotten, and I’m here to remind everyone that the way we used to do things is still a really good approach even on OF.

On M/FC, we focused our energy on premium members, and always offered more attention to tippers than to basics or non-tippers. This helped us focus on where the money was actually coming from, and rewarding tippers with more attention/special treatment plus access to things that others didn’t receive (videos, VIP status, club memberships etc) made tipping look more attractive to non-tippers. 

Somehow on OF, practices have shifted - and I argue they’ve shifted in ways that really don’t benefit all of us very well, or very often. I’ve paid for “shout outs” from top creators twice now, and both times it’s involved giving out a number of free trials to my page. Both times I’ve paid over $200 and received a grand total of zero fucking dollars in the end - the free trials were used over 50 times, and NONE of those new “subscribers” paid me a damn dime. The only people benefiting were the seller, who pocketed my $200, and the seller’s subscribers who got free access to my page for a month (and then proceeded to spend absolutely nothing). Maybe this works for others, maybe there are criteria that I need to follow more carefully, bla bla bla - the bottom line is I think this practice mainly circles around from top creator to top creator while providing the buyer themselves - aka me, in this situation - with next to nothing. Now if I sold a “shout out” with a free trial link to someone else and then gave all my subscribers a month of free access to a different creators page, sure, some of them may click it - but they’re also more likely to stick with me for the chance to get free subs elsewhere.

Make sense? Because when it makes sense, it just kind of sucks. For me, I mean. For the other two parties it’s great - but I’m out here trying to make me money first and foremost. The second piece, as per old M/FC knowledge, is I’m trying to make the people who actually support me happy so they continue to do so. 

This is where my e-book comes in. I’ve had more than half of my current subscribers for more than a year, with probably a third of that half having been subscribed for two or more years. At current, 125 active subs have spent $1000 or more on my page - and that’s out of just 275 total subscribers at the moment (it’s low bc I broke my fucking wrist and can barely lift a spoon to my mouth without dropping food, let alone shoot sexy content lol).

What I’m getting at here is that I’ve learned how to make people happy enough to stay long term and spend a lot. I do this using exclusivity marketing, which helps me maintain my own boundaries (I only really want a small group of top tier supporters seeing my most explicit content, which helps me keep leaks lower and makes me feel better about what I release) and allows me to charge $100 plus for a single video, because I know the individuals I’m sharing it with are way more likely to purchase expensive stuff. This is personal experience that I feel strongly enough about to sell to you as a tutorial book. As always, I’m never going to offer something for sale that I haven’t personally utilized with strong reward, so the book is a massive source of information not just for newbies but especially for long term creators. 

At this point, because of how I’ve set myself up, even if I lost access to every single social media account I own, I know I’d still be able to make a handsome income because I don’t rely on advertising or a constant influx of new subscribers for the bulk of my income. Advertising is always necessary, but if you set yourself up right, it’s not 100% crucial to be doing every single day. As always, I’m sleepy and I have a huge brain so I prefer to work smart, not hard. 

Anyhow, thanks for listening to me rant. I really hope the book benefits some of y’all because I think we could all use a bit more of this strategy and a bit less mad scrambling to secure new subs every day. Are you tired? I’m fucking tired. Doing things this way is a little less tiring. 

[iloveyouemanuelmarco]

Edit/Update: Hi guys, sorry for spamming you with a giant wall of texts and such that could pass for more consistent keysmashing sessions atleast, I was sorta breaking out of reality and my brain was malfunctioning, causing all my thoughts to come vomiting out of my mind and repeating at once. Super not-poggers/pogchamp of me, innit?/Ironic. Anyways you can still read it if you want but just know that I'm better now x).

[Please remember my post is currently still updating so if certain bunches of information on here is changed or added then understand why atleast, thank you!;))

My introductory pinned master-textpost for my new Tumblr Dot Com (main/non-laternative)blog page(I am probably gonna update it once I am able to get my lazy, couch potato butt off my bed and learn blow to make/post a carrd or rentry but I don't know yet so please be patient with me as it's all under construction atleast to my knowledge since my brain can be super blurry when it comes to memory♡. Anyways, My page is now gonna start loading so please wait!!:[■■■■■■■■■■•100%].(Apps I Use: Gacha Life(2)/Gacha Club By Lunime Games, Alight Motion, IbisPaintX, Medibang, Capcut, Kinemaster, FilmoraGo, PowerDirector, Canva, Picsart, ClipStudioPaint and more probably but it depends).

☆Tag Guidelist!!☆:#Mani/Marco Speaks: Rants, vents and over all just stuttering on and over my autistic rambles except I am having a complex time attempting to explain my more complicated thoughts on the internet instead of irl TwT. #Mani/Marco Draws/Animates/Writes: You can probably guess what those tags are for atleast xP. #Mani/Marco Does (Sh)Art(Crack stuff and shitposts). How many fandoms am I in?: Idk too many to count for a huge interweb community hoarder like me Q^Q!!<3

☆Other Tags(Updating)!!☆:#ROTD:IMF/Road Of The Dead: One More Future: Tag for my Road Of The Dead/Saga Of The Dead OC x Canon Angst Alternate Universe Webcomic. FNAR: TOTNG/Five Night's At Rose's: Tales Of The Nightguards is for my other alternate universe fanfiction/webcomic except it's for Fnaf instead of my obscure hyperfix and Spider Scene: My Spidersona OC tag lol(=^=)♡.

(Please Read my pinned textpost as such content contains necessary media and information involving my introduction aka my about me section I guess along with my before you follow, do not interact criteria and boundaries as they are currently so thank you for reading such and have a wonderous day or night wherever you are on the beautiful home planet known as Earth moving forward♡. I appreciate the care and support for me and my variety of content I attempt to put out for you all:)!!♡ Please follow me on my other active social media platforms if you want to keep up with my gay buff anime boy and cute yuri manga stuff xD!!): Ok, so I am sorta bored at the moment right now and I wanted to make an updated pinned but more specifically a masterpost explaining my future projects and stuff involving my art skills and other talents being used to make such so here I am with such a untidy and barely passing for somewhat clean mess of an information-dumping session QwQ. Oki doki, here I go, here's my chance at one and becoming soon to be huge in numbers on the interwebs!!0^0.

Content Warning: The written, animated and/or drawn material you're about to start reading/looking at does have the possibility of containing future(non-sexualized, feltishized, objectified or romaticized)dark themes that may upset the average guest of my main/non-alternative Tumblr Dot Com Blog page such as fictional depictions of gore/blood/guts, violence/murder/abuse, different forms of physical self-destructive habits and other nsfl fictional stuff that may be traumatic or at the very least inappropriate for younger auidences, suggestive or lewd but non-pornographic/nsfw-ish but not literally pornogrpahic content and more. At the very least, proceed with caution and for your own safety please leave if you're uncomfortable on/sensitive to certain videos of mine and for those who choose to stay regardless, please again be careful and don't be afraid to take a step away for your own care and concern when it comes to yourself . Thanks for your cooperation☆. I know my page's cutesy/kawaii-aesthetic copying nature can be quite deceiving in it's depiction of such a user like me. I am not trying 5o be rude or anything, but I just want to keep you safe atleast is all...viewer discretion is advised!! And if that's not bad enough, here's another cause for a much more huge concern...old and cringeworthy meme death content ahead along with a very constant petty and sassy mood I do not have the courage to express irl obviously >.<!!♡But what can I say, sometimes I miss being an online internet mean-girl but whatever I guess sorry for ranting in my attempt to expand my internet horizons for new chances of opportunities for popularity and going viral somehow- heck ughh-!!Now Playing: World Is Mine By Supercell Feat. Hatsune Miku!!

☆[1:52 ─〇───── 4:14]☆

(One more note, due to my identity not only being a mess if gender and sexuality but also of my brain malfunctioning and causing my autistic ADHDer person to go insane with paranoia, I am starting to use both singular(I/Me/Mine)and plural(Us/We/Ours)pronouns when referring to myself as an attempt at a non-harmful coping mechanism for future reference atleast so please be calm and collected with me as I take the time and effort to construct our sentences together in a way that is easy to explain and somewhat makes sense haha. I don't want anyone to become upset and confused by anything I say or do so is that alright? Good, kay and thx on that, bai).

Hai babes, it’s you know who and I am back again for a round two, F.B.I open up!☆(o0ω0o) But anyways srsly, we’ve become more polite and caring since we’ve carried on away from the last of the past so for the new ones that I haven’t seen yet since I’ve used the site then, henlo and konichiwa everybunny!!^-^Welcome and thank you for stopping by to my official one and only brand Tumblr Dot Com blogging page, kind wandering strangers of the internet(and hopefully future adoring fans)!!Meowdy, my name is Emanuel Or Marco and since I'm back for more, I guess it's time for my masochistic self to get a round too in internet tormentation(Is that a real word??Idk but it's gonna be apart of my vocabulary now I mean uhh 0.o. Please trust me I am 100 percent a super smarty pants!!You just haven't found out about my true power yet!!>:[). Hmph, my name is Emanuel or Marco and thank you for stopping by to visit my official Tumblr Blog or something like that since I'm gonna be your host for today hehe~ Lmfao currently I am a 16 year old[mostly-digital]artist and animator who is multifandom but mostly draws fictional gay thick or big-booty buff men in a 2000s anime/manga inspired artstyle which sometimes leans on the "kawaii" or moe side and other times is somewhat based off of edgy amature art stuff from the older side of the internet[Think of the super cringeworthy stuff you'd find on NewGrounds, YouTube or DeviantArt back somewhere around 2007]. When I draw different stuff related to my interests, it may get on the side of edgelord content such as gore/blood/guts/violence/weapons[Fictional NSFL btw], creepy/horror related content, suggestive or NSFW[Not really]self-indulgent stuff, maybe venting if I feel ready to be open like that sometimes I guess it depends and OTPs along with OCxCanon content and crackshipping. If you're uncomfortable with any of that then please for your own saftey leave my page and take care of yourself thank you♡. I don't know what other stuff to put here other than I've recently started working on my idea for a Five Night's At Freddy's self-insert alternate universe fanmade-webcomic and a Saga Of The Dead/Road Of The Dead fanmade comic game continuation due to it being an on and off hyperfixation and special interest of mine roflmao. Anygays, the reason I came or am coming back to here is because of the simple fact that the internet is just being more dumb than it was before so ever since then, we’ve decided to make the choice of expanding our horizons when it comes to making content hehe lol(Sorta masochistic of me? Yes-, but do I care?…No). So…yep, Hope you don’t mind us as you hop in, have fun joining the ride and stay tuned for more♡(o^-^o)) For some random facts about us, some of our professions include watching anime, reading mangas, playing videogames(otaku and gamergirl-boyish), drawing our ocs, writing stories, songs or poems, listening to pop-punk nightcore, being scenemo(Scene kid+Emo), baking, looking at funny memes(or at the very least whats funny based off of my broken sense of humor-;m;), making videos, streaming and roleplay though I don’t have any hyperfixations at the moment haha. If you need us to tag any of the fandoms we’re in, please DM us cause I love our moots >:3c Yippee!!

To get more into about who I am as a person without accidentally violating my own privacy and saftey, I am a somewhat gender-nonconforming or genderfluid/bigender??(Idfk, man)bisexual aceflux FtM/transgender man who uses both he/she pronouns but please don't use they on me thx. While I am apart of the LGBTQIA+ communtiy on the interwebs I am also a professionally dxed autistic and ADHDer who may get distracted irl and go afk somewhat so if I suddenly disappear for a couple days or something on other social media platforms I hopefully haven't been murdered/j(Please use tone tags with me if asked since I do have a hard time reading social norms irl okay thank you). I want to try a polyamrous or queerplatonic relationship with other people in the future but not now obviously since I still need to work on being better when it comes to the mental health department lol xD(I am stone faced as I am typing lol). I am a white-latine person who is making an attempt to learn more about his culture and to understand more of the language but sometimes I may struggle due to cognitive difficulties so please keep that in mind and be patient with me...My DMs are open 24/7 in looking for new mutuals on here but I may be somewhat vulgar or off putting under my overly-cautious mom-friend nature once you get to know me. That being said don't be afraid to tell me if I am making you uncomfortable in any sort of way due to that or if I'm accidentally supporting someone or something problematic in nature ok? Good. To keep in mind of what I am gonna post on here, it's probably very stereotypically fanboyish or some sort of dumbassery depending on the context but then again it's my page so Idfc :]. Main fandoms are mostly hyperfixations or special interests of some sort such as Undertale/Deltarue including AUs, Five Night's At Freddy's(Both the canon and sometimes the OG 2014 Rebornica nightguards au) and the Saga Of The Dead or specifically for me the Road Of The Dead 2010 Newgrounds flash games by EvilDogGames and SickDeathFiend(one of my more obscure??obsessions). Other things related to cartoons and videogames I really find comfort in are My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic, Minecraft? Roblox, YouTubers, Vocaloid/Utaloid related content, Spider-Man: Across The Spiderverse, EddsWorld, Invader Zim, Pokémon, Postal, Hatred, Team Fortress 2 and admittedly some Friday Night Funkin'(I know it's dumb sorry about that). There's definitely more but I can't really list them all rn so yeah that's about it for this section.

When it comes to music, my taste is pretty diverse though I do have some obviously favourite genres but I am always looking to expand my horizons and more. Bands such as Green Day, Three Days Grace, SlipKnot, Korn, My Chemical Romance, System Of A Down, Linkin Park, Falling In Reverse(I am a Ronnie Radke hater though, so far he seems like another douchebag asshole), Asking Alexandria, Sleeping With Sirens, Sum-41, Pierce The Veil,, Black Veil Brides, Falling In Reverse, Set It Off, Get Scared and Bring Me The Horizon just to name a few. Though if you want my preferred genres when picking stuff I guess that would include stuff like Nightcore(not technically a genre but shut up please/lh), Rock, Pop-Punk, Trace, Emo, Techno, Happy Hardcore, Classical, maybe Lofi and I wanna get more into Rap or Hip Hop but specifically Drill. 80s and 90s stuff is cool too, it really just depends on what I find on the internet :D. General hobbies include reading, writing which includes imaginative stories and poetry, drawing(duh), singing, dancing, helping to bake with others, cosplay or just dressing up in cute outfits at tbh, watching anime, reading manga, playing videogames, collecting figurines sometimes, roleplaying, cleaning/organization, studying earth and animal science related topics, watching cute animal videos on the interwebs, memes that suit my broken sense of humor, spending time with relatives and caring for irls who I hang out with, listening to music(who doesn't??), visual novels, robotics in fiction and irl, subcultures that were prevalent in the 2000s such as the type of fashion style you'd find on Myspace scene or emo kids, anything kawaii/cute or edgy and dark, taking naps, snuggling with my stuffed animals, learning instruments and just enjoying nature scenery on days when I am more avaliable irl. I also want to travel the world or something similar when I finally can and to learn how to code so I can program my own videogame ideas but baby steps T-T. Modern day insane derpyness and all that. Here’s a couple examples of my drawings incase you were curious ^-^:

Before you follow: I sometimes use typing quirks such as stuttering(I have a stuttering irl), I sometimes use typing quirks such as stuttering(I have a stuttering irl), saying cat phrases such as meow, nya or mew, overuse text-faces and in rare cases, using all caps when shocked or excited/happy atleast, I dunno why we do such dumbass things, but I can and I wanna I guess xP. Please use tone tags when speaking to us though, since we’re neurodivergent(AuDHD)and have a hard time picking up social cues somewhat TwT. Please be gentle with us though, we’re very fragile and sensitive. We’re not schizophrenic, psychotic or anything that could cause dangerous thoughts, but we have professionally-dxed anxiety and depression which causes us to be paranoid combined with medication on some days ;-; I sometimes may go on ahem…erm “unhinged” rants for a lack of a better word about stuff that bothers us so if we’re appearing scared and not making any sense, please snap us into and bring us back to Earth- I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone in the process of destruction and pain ;w;. Sometimes we are selective about who I interact with on my page so I may avoid you if your account looks suspicious. Please don’t automatically assume I hate you if we do that however, it’s just us wanting to be cautious and to be at our own comfort. If you’re ever sad and want to rant about your daily struggles in life, or just want to chat and make a new moot then my DMs are open 24/7 whenever we’re not busy(not gonna force you obviously if you’re uncomfy roflmao-_-). It’s not our first time online, I have an account for irls so if you somehow find me here and know who I am, no you don’t:). And another thing for our followers, if you want, you can refer to us as nekos or cats/kittens instead of those who are 100 percent human since sometimes we don’t understand the attachment to just humanity. As strange as I may seem, please don’t shame/make fun of us, even if it’s cringe, you’re no better being a bully here on our space(not to mention we have habits and a life that’s not online. Shocker, I know/sarcasm).

Do not follow or interact with me in a free-form and casual manner if you racists/xenophobic(Use AAVE when not black, islamaphobic, antisemetic and etc.) LGBTQIA+Phobic in any capactity(including transmeds/truscum, radfems, TERFS/SWERFS, radinclusives, radexclusives, those who identify with offensive labels that mock the LGBTQIA+ Community by default[Ex: Bi/Pan “Lesbians”], believe in only two genders[There’s a difference between sex and gender], believe pronouns are equivalent to gender or use pride flags who’s creators have been outed as being prejudiced or bigoted in any way[It makes marginalized people uncomfortable, stop it. Looking at you “I don’t care about queer discourse” idiots. You look dumb/srs:0]), are pro-para(Go to jail :)), are in pro-£D or pro-$H spaces, misogynistic/sexist(Unless you’re male because misandry doesn’t C:), ableist in any form(including against self-dx and if uses fonts in bio or dn),use slurs or words in specific contexts you cannot reclaim, just being discriminatiory when it’s not needed at all. MAP, Zoo or Necro(Doesn’t matter if anti-contact or not), identify with the public label of AAM, are fatphobic, believe fiction doesn’t affect reality (Examples such as proshippers, profiction, com(p)shippers, and anti-antis are some of the group names), fetishize mlm/nblm/wlw/nblw romance (fujoshi, fundashi, fujin, himejoshi, himedashi just to name a few), romanticizes abuse or mental illness in fictional stories, anti-furry/anti-otherkin/anti-fictionkin/anti-alterhuman or anti-nonhuman, anti-objectum(I don't understand or identify with these things but as long as they're not hurting anyone I support and don't find any problems with it), anti-xenogenders/anti-neopronouns, transID/RadInclus/Radqueer(You make the trans community look like morons), are a lolishotacon/kodocon(someone who is attracted to fictional minors or characters with child-like aesthetics),make inappropriate headcanons, justify fictional problematic ships, ship irl people, make jokes about serious matters such as r^pe or abvse, are uncritical about your fandoms, support the DSMP fan, DreamWasTaken stan or support mostly any of the members, supports of defends problematic public figures online(Ex: Jschlatt, Pewdiepie, CallMeCarson and etc), Trump Supporters/Alt-Right/Heavily Conservative, Prolife, excessively sexualize, romanticize or objective fictional mvrderers(We’re ok with you being a fangirl/fanboy/fan and simping moderately as long as you don’t hurt those around you with your crush by condoning the crimes and other harmful actions they’ve committed. After all, we are somewhat of a monster hugger ourselves tbh~), are an nsfw centered page, sexualize age regression or agere/practice ddlg, practice pet-play or age-play(or any other problematic kink for that matter-),make fun of someone’s triggers, missuse tonetags, does whitewashing in art or thinks “blackwashing” is real(making a character black will never be the same as taking away representation), support NFTs, AI Generated "Art" or CryptoCurrency, on EDtwt/SHtwt/TCCtwt, consider wh¡te people to be able to be systematically oppressed like other races, make RPF(Real person fanfiction), partake in cringe culture during the modern day(grow up, it’s not the anti-sjw internet phase anymore, moron) or are just a degenerate at all. Genuine mental illness fakers please fucking dni you suck and I pray no one with actual tourettes, DID/OSDD or autism cross paths with you for their sake. Lmfao stfu and gtfo). It should be obvious but anyone who's LGBTQIA-phobic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, misogynistic, islamaphobic, antisemetic, ableist, fatphobic or supports hateful and degenerate shit or problematic creators get out now before I block you<3.

Please dni if you’re apart of these fandoms unironically too: YarichinBitchClub, Kiss Him Not Me, Attack On Titan, Ms. Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid(Gonna steal the characters from the show, they don’t deserve to suffer 3:), Nekopara(Stealing those designs too, if you’re so upset about it just come at me bro- anddd…I’m blocked), Boyfriends(F♡ck you and eff off, Refrainbow<3), South Park(Unless I follow you first but you're on thin ice), Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, BlueyCapsules, Your Boyfriend and Kakegurui. One more thing, dni if you fetishize the yandere/lovesick archetype or demonize those with BPD. People with the disorder and/or those who identify with Yanderes are real people who don’t deserve to be ridiculed or made into a kink fantasy. Btw for those wondering why I may follow controversial public beings on my other social medias, I just want to remind you that follows don’t equate to endorsements and that just because I’m keeping tabs on someone because I’m a nosey cyberstalker/j doesn’t mean we agree with their likes, reposts, following and etc so please consider that before making assumptions about us! P.L.U.R 4 Lyfe x3. If I end up accidentally supporting someone who may be controversial please let me know, I promise you that I’d never want to hurt anyone with who I may interact with on any active social media platform we use. Welp, I guess that’s all for now, my little space children, please be sure to hop on, have fun on the ride and stay tuned as I have a short introduction video for YouTube and a showcase in the works ^w^ We’re working very hard planning behind it all when we’re not doing homework and destroying our mind with it(Curse you, the United States Of America Education System!/lh)and remember, rawr stands for “I love you” in dinosaur xD. Rawring 20s here we come >:D)). Follow and support us and our work on the pages I run in my spare time our beautiful, amazing and divine kohais!QwQ Love you and give us gentle and sweet constructive criticism pls again >3< Arigato(Thank you) and sayonara, my waffles, pancakes, sweet bbys and more!Btw sometimes I am pretty much not here anymore on Tumblr so if I don’t post for a few months and then start posting again soon you then know why, just fyi TmT. Random thing that's not as important but Jeremy/Scout, John Creaseman, Postal Dude, William Afton/Dave Miller/Springtrap, Micheal Afton, Henry Emily, Vincent Bishop and me are in a complex polyam relationship so haters dni uwu(Please help me I wanted to die writing that emoticon *barf*). But seriously I know it's weird but they all are sort of comfort characters to me in some way shape or form so it's ok if you don't like some of them but please don't complain if you dislike them. I'll respect your opinion and you'll respect mine like civilized "adults"☆.

Oh almost forgot to put something here..here’s a list of our boundaries just incase anyone is wondering atleast!(♡=Yes/☆=Okay/✘=No)

♡-Venting in my DMs(Yes ofc!!)

♡-Compliments(Yesh, less unisex ones tho)

♡-Making fan-content(Obviously:D)

♡-Chatting(Sure, just read my BYF and DNI Criteria first!)

♡-Idolizing me(Put me up and boost our ego, yes/hj)

☆-Joke flirting(Mutuals only please, no offense to anyone or anything!!)

☆-Getting inspired by my content(I’m flattered and appreciate it, thank you for the care, but please do not out right copy or get too heavily inspired by my work! And definitely don’t steal or trace any of it).

☆-Personal questions(Again, moots only or if we’re starting to become genuine and sincere online friends though my apologies if I don’t make it through. Have our drawings as a costly pay for our future abscesses;w;)

☆-Discussing with us about our gender identity, expression and sexuality(No, I’m not gonna debate you on it. It’s my life and it’s really harmless imo).

☆-Shipping(Only if the person being shipped is okay with it and is clear it’s just a joke).

✘-Comparing me to other people(I am my person, please don’t forget that and violate that boundary since it makes us super uncomfortable).

✘-Harrassing people, attacking, doxxing, sending death threats and hurtful messages under my name(Ofc not, dummy! What are you, an idiot?!!).

✘-Making full on serious NSFW/18+ content of us(I am in a minor body, go to heck lol/srs).

✘-Sending me non-fictional violent media/fictional media involving violence to real internet content creators or other random irl ppl(Don’t be a loser and keep that stuff to yourself or expose yourself for us, give us an easily callout post to make:))

✘-Overly using curse words(I want my demographic to be a mature audience of pre-teens to teenagers and possibly even adults if my content grows that much, so I don’t want it to be too immature Q-Q).

✘-Calling me “Mommy” or “Daddy” in a sensual way if you’re a future fan of mine(No….just no. Eww).

My Social Media Platforms(Onlyfans Coming Soon? Jk we’re minors still, you creepy dumb person who I hope is not an adult! Duhh). Check out my side/alternative blogs though once I am able to get ready making them!! Yolo after all ;w;. I love you guys, mwah mwah!!Ù3Ú♡.

#Intro Post #New Pinned Post #Master Post #Neurodivergent Community #VTuber Community #Anime Community #Manga Community #Gamer Community #Queer Community #YouTube Community #Fandom Community #Artist Community #Animation Community #Punk Community #Selfship Community #Autistic Community #ADHD Community #Cosplay Community #Kawaii #Guro Kawaii #Pastel Gore #Gore Artist #Tumblr Latino #Tumblr En Español #Horror Community #Slasher Community #Emo Community #Scene Kid #DNI Criteria #LGBTQIA+ Community

[indigo-scribbles]

Engagement vs art - a little rant

I discovered today, that judges for an art contest I applied use number of likes and comments uder contest entry as a PART of their judging process, beside quality of art itself. I can see logic behind that decission, but I don't necessarily agree that this is 100% fair for all contesants.

Engadement is a capricious thing, and doesn't go on pair with quality. You can se this comparing ilustrations with memes. Mostly memes will gain more engagement, because they are simple and easy to consume, witty joke with some picture and that's it.

Illustrations and other kind of art are different: it takes hours to complete, many more hours to study technique, storytelling, anathomy (if You use humans in your composition), program or medium. And all that work doesn't quarantee likes. There is also an issue of algorithm, depending on site you are using to post your work. Soft skills can also contribute to comments and likes, if you already have large group of friends that can boost your artwork. Gaining your internet presence, posting on different platforms, etc. TL;DR: it takes time to build your audience, nobody gained 10k followers over night.

My point is: if it's an art contest I think only art should be judged. This is fair for those artist who just started to post their art, or are shy or anxious. If it's a popularity contest, then lets name it like that. If you want to include both in your judging procedure then make shure you provide contesants with adequate prize for their long and hard work.

I'm sorry for this rant but I felt like I hit the wall. I have anxiety, my soft skill are low, I rarely participate in discussions on internet and in rl. I know my drawing skills are lacking but I can work with my technique to make my illustrations better. But I cant skip time that is necessary to build large and active audience.

Recently I feel like I'm throwing my art on Twitter to the void. While here I can see that many of You like my posts (and every like and reblog makes me happy), but on Twitter I barely exist... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's a long road ahead...

#text post #rant #i'm sorry

[emdotcom]

Follow @kittdy

#Gale chatter #Using my platform of just barely over 100 followers #To tell you all to follow other ppl #She's funny #Good posts. #Unfollow me btw

[cutekittenlady]

My sudden surge of shipping Elesa/Emmet has evolved into its own whole thing related to legends arceus and ingos disappearance and if my mind has to be constantly assaulted with these ideas then all of yours have to be too.

So, like, Elesa is acquainted with Emmet and Ingo. The battle subway is IN Nimbasa City where Elesa is the gym leader after all, so it makes sense they'd be at least acquaintances if not colleagues or even friends. I'm not sure there's a real canon example of what the extent of their relationship actually is but settling on at least "friends" seems to be pretty safe bet. Co-Workers on big city projects at bare minimum.

And thats really where their whole relationship sits up until Ingo's disappearance.

Ingo, one of the Nimbasa Cities subway bosses disappearing without a trace, is bound to have attracted a lot of attention, and efforts to find him were likely very public. Which was probably hard for Emmet who struggles to express himself verbally under the best of conditions, let alone while dealing with the stress of losing his brother and trying to keep the subway running in his absence. He doesn't really crack under the pressure, but he struggles to answer reporters' questions and doesn't exactly react with grace with people suddenly crowding the subways in a ghoulish, tho somewhat well-intentioned, attempt to find Ingo down there.

Enter Elesa. As a supermodel, Elesa is used to the spotlight. Used to standing center stage. Used to having to deal with sudden unexpected, sometimes even invasive, questions from the paparazzi. Whether at her own behest, at the request of the city, or even Emmet requesting aid, she ends up hanging around the subway a lot to help run interference between Emmet, the media, and the public image the city wants to keep up.

Officially, she's there in her official capacity as gym leader to ensure the safe running of one of Nimbasa's most popular attractions, and to help with the initial investigation of what happened to Ingo. Which unfortunately doesn't get very far. As far as ANY evidence can tell Ingo quite literally vanished into thin air and the search gets called off probably about a year after he disappeared.

Course, things don't get easier for Emmet just because the official media outlets drop the story. Rumors abound about why Ingo disappeared, ranging from conspiracy theories about secret societies and wormholes (cough), to the benign. Merely suggesting, Ingo managed to get lost in the tunnels of the subway and fell down some deep shaft or something. (Emmet finds that ridiculous. Ingo knew the subway tunnels like the back of his hand and NEVER got lost. Even if he did, they have safety protocols in place that both he and Ingo followed like they were gospel.)

What hurts the most tho is probably the not-so-nice suspicions that Ingo ran away for some dishonest reason. Embezzlement, stealing, etc if there are an embarrassing white-collar crime (or even darker) corners of the internet accuse him of it.

Elesa has a helluva time keeping Emmet from commenting on the rumors on any public platform, since she knows by experience that that would only pour more oil on the fire, and cause it to spread faster. Thankfully, Emmet listens to her and even those rumors die down eventually.

Two years after Ingo's disappearance the whole city more or less moves on, much to Emmets initial frustration. Officially Elesa doesn't have to keep going to the subway since the media crisis is basically over, but she does so anyway. Both because the battle subway is a good way to train and as a gym leader she has to stay sharp, but also because spending all that time with Emmet ended up making them fast friends, and she'd grown to enjoy Emmets quirks and direct way of talking. Besides, someone has to make sure Emmet didn't overwork himself.

There's also the fact that Emmet is 100% certain Ingo is still alive. He has little to no evidence, and doesn't even have any leads on how his brother could have disappeared (he discounts that Ingo would have made a mistake in the subway tunnels, and he doesn't even consider any suggestion that his brother would just leave. Especially not without telling him). Elesa wants to be supportive since the whole situation is just as inexplicable to her, but she has no way to fully support Emmet on this because there doesn't seem to be an explanation that makes sense. The only thing she can do is keep visiting Emmet and trying to get him to take his mind off things by convincing him to go places with her, help her with photo shoots, or the gym, find trainers for him to battle since, etc.

It's difficult since Emmet is reluctant to leave the subway he and his brother worked so hard to create and maintain or do anything in his free time other than look for Ingo, but as time goes on Elesa's efforts bear fruit and Emmet is way less down in the dumps. He still gets uncharacteristically quiet and distant whenever Ingo is mentioned and he doesn't ever let go of looking for him completely but he learns to manage both his search, his duties with the trains, and his own well-being with Elesa's help.

Which, of course, involves spending a lot of one on one time together. Emmet quickly becomes one of the people Elesa spends most of her time with along with Skyla (who is VERY quick to tease Elesa about all the time they spend together), and over time Elesa comes to learn and understand Emmets passion for trains and battling to the point she starts trying to make a lot of train puns based on what Emmet has told her.

Emmet, for his part, groans internally at the puns and isn't afraid to tell Elesa when she made some mistake with the terminology. However, he never discourages her punning and his corrections are more of a way of actively encouraging her. Time just keeps going on and on and eventually, well... they end up being verrrry close.

So they start dating, right?

Well... no.

This is where we get into the dramaz.

Emmet and Elesa both independently, on some level, develop feelings for each other. However, neither of them ever act on or even hint at said feelings, though clever questioning from people in the know may cause a crack in the facade that reveals the truth. If anyone ever does find out, they both, independently, dismiss the idea of ever being in a relationship.

Emmet feels that he can't really burden Elesa with a relationship. For one thing, she's easily the most famous and popular supermodel in Unova and even beyond. She has a carefully maintained image that he doesn't want to complicate with a relationship. Especially since, after the whole incident after Ingo's disappearance, Emmet has grown wary of too much media attention. He fears if they were ever in a relationship, Elesa might feel pressured to compromise her career for his sake, and he doesn't want that. Beyond that, he fears his feelings are a result of Elesa's well-meant kindness after the disappearance of his brother and doesn't want to cause her undue emotional distress by 'misreading' her intentions.

Elesa for her part feels complicated about it too. Emmet can still be hard to read on a good day, and running the entire battle subway alone keeps him incredibly busy. He still has time to spend with her, but Elesa frets adding more to his plate with any flirting or romantic intentions. Though there are times when she gives in to temptation and tries to get... closer to Emmet it never seems to bear fruit (from her perspective at least. Emmet, for her part, does notice the attention but mistakes it for just well-intended kindness). Then of course there's his emotional state. Elesa can tell Emmet is still very much grieving and missing his brother, and a part of her feels the new closeness in their relationship is a subconscious attempt on his part to fill the Ingo-shaped hole in his life. Basically, she's scared that acting on her feelings would be exploiting his emotional vulnerability for her own self-interest.

And finally, on a deep subconscious level, both Elesa and Emmet feel secretly guilty about the whole thing for one big reason.

Ingo.

This whole one-on-one relationship they have largely developed in the wake of Ingo's disappearance, and both of them feel like being together would almost feel like they're taking advantage of his absence. Emmet, especially, feels wrong about 'abandoning' Ingo to start a relationship with Elesa. And, if we go with the idea that Ingo, Emmet, and Elesa have been friends for a long time, Elesa might feel similarly.

So the two of them are just left in a perpetual state of soft affectionate pining that drives the people around them who notice it absolutely insane and wishing Ingo would come back just to break the ice.

Of course...

In the games Elesa is one of the trainers who appears in Caitlins villa in Undella Town along with Cynthia of all people. It is not at all impossible that the two know each other and likely converse. Cynthia, at least to me, always came off as someone easy to talk to so its plausible Elesa would have told her about the missing Ingo, and Cynthia, being a history nut, might one day come across some interesting artifact or picture which, of course, Elesa would pass on to Emmet.

After that... well... who knows.

#pokemon #pokemon black #pokemon white #subway boss ingo #subway boss emmet #gym leader elesa #chamption cynthia #pokemon elesa #pokemon cynthia #pokemon emmet #pokemon ingo #subway master ingo #subway master emmet #pokemon legends arceus #submas #Elesa/Emmet #conductorshipping #emmet and elesa in hisui #timetraveler au

[thefanficmonster]

Let Them Talk

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female) ft. Sykkuno

Warnings: Swearing, Jealousy

Genre: Fluff, a bit of Angst

Summary: We can all agree Among Us is a fun game on its own but what makes it ten times better is playing it with the right company. Y/N could agree 100% Being a streamer herself, she loves playing with the streamer gang that includes her boyfriend and best friend. But, what happens when her boyfriend starts doubting her feelings for him due to her close relationship with her best friend.

Requested by @cheetoscat . Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took so long to write, I hope the final product is worth the wait. Enjoy! Love, Vy ❤

Y/AU/N - Your Among Us Name

I settle in my gaming chair, adjusting my webcam one last time before joining the Among Us lobby with my friends. 

“Hi everyone!“ I say into the mic, a smile plastering itself on my face. Discord is a magical thing, man. It’s so easy to forget that the people you are talking to aren’t around you or within arm’s reach. You could be separated by miles and miles of land or - in our case - oceans as well. Distance becomes negligible when you hear your friends’ voices, their laughter; when you have a good time together despite being each behind a screen, often times alone.

Well, I’m one of those lucky ones that isn’t alone. No one knows that, though. Everyone thinks I’m a single, self-employed girl that’s straight out of college. And they are 90% right. Only thing is - I’m not single. That would be a shocker in and of itself, but revealing who’s changed my relationship status would be a bomb with a whole new intensity.

Speaking of my significant other who shall remain unnamed - just kidding, it’s Corpse - his form materializes in the doorway of my recording room. I give him a hand signal the camera isn’t able to capture, alerting him of the fact that my mic is on. He replies by blowing me a kiss and walking off down the hall to his recording room where he’ll be stationed for the next three or so hours.

I owe this relationship to my best friend Sykkuno. I’m a pretty new and not very well known on the platform, however, thanks to him I haven’t only obtained a boyfriend, but a following of a little over million subscribers as well. 

It all started with an invitation to fill a spot in the Among Us lobby him and his friends had created. It took him quite a bit to convince me to join, but I eventually caved and agreed. Suddenly, there I was. In a Discord call, in an Among Us lobby with some of the most well-known names on this platform. I’m talking YouTube legends. I was that puppy playing with the big dogs. The newbie tagging along with the big leagues. Or at least that’s how I felt until we all started vibing - talking and teasing each other as though we’ve known each other for years and not minutes.

When I joined the call, Corpse wasn’t present. After everyone else introduced themselves, Sykkuno informed me that we were waiting for Corpse to return. The name sounded really cool to me and I was genuinely very excited to meet this Corpse guy.

And then, out of the blue - no prep, no warning...

“Did you get someone to fill the spot? Oh- Hello, Y/AU/N.“ 

…he started talking and he had me star-struck. Apparently, he also had me a blabbering mess cause I remember blurting out: “Whoa, who’s this guy speaking in bold and underlined at the same time?”

The entire lobby, including Corpse, laughed. Sean, or Jack like they called him most often, answered my question, “That is the voice of God, Y/N. Its source is named Corpse, though.”

Heat spread from the bottom of my neck to the tips of my ears. I was mortified by my own stupidity. I was well aware they couldn’t see me and I was incredibly thankful for that, but I simply could not get myself to open my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” I said through nervous laughter.

“No, no, I like that description. Bold and underlined at the same time, huh?“ His voice sounded even more pleasant when it had that teasing, mischievous note to it. That thought popping up in my head only made things worse for my self-esteem and only made me more embarrassed, causing me to hide my face in my hands. “You sure it’s not in Italics as well?“ 

His question got a weak laugh out of me. “Nope, definitely not. Nothing Italic about it.“

Yes, I don’t even know how some terrible jokes about MS Word fonts got me as far as a romantic relationship, but they did! We’ve been living together for quite some time now, dating for even longer - hiding it just as long. It’s not that we have been actively trying to hide it or something, we just wanted to see how long it would take someone to become sus of us. When we realized no one would notice, we decided that if any rumors about us started, or even fans shipping us, we’d come clean. That hasn’t happened either, so we haven’t had the proper chance to address our relationship and neither of us minds.

At this point, I’m honestly afraid of revealing it to the gaming squad. Sykkuno especially. He’s my best friend, after all. I can see him being hurt by the fact that I kept a secret so big even from him. The last thing I wanna do is hurt my best friend but it’s already too late for that, it’s inevitable.

“Y/N have you looked at Twitter today?“ Rae, another streamer I’ve become close with over the months, says urgently.

Overlooking the tension in her words, I answer: “Nope, haven’t had the time. Why? What’s up?“

Before Rae can say anything else, Sykkuno joins the conversation, his voice somehow even more urgent than Rae’s. “It’s nothing, Y/N. If you see it, just don’t let it bother you, ok?”

Hearing such a tone from Rae isn’t unusual, but hearing it from Sykkuno is completely different and a lot more worrisome. “Well if it has the potential of bothering me it can’t be nothing. What’s going on?”

Just then, my phone dings with two notifications. I check to see they are messages from Rae.

“I sent you screenshots. Sorry, Sykkuno. She has to know in order to address it and defuse it as well. I know better than anyone how fast these rumors can spread, especially if no one reacts to them.“ She says, her tone barely apologetic at all.

I open the screenshots she has sent me and I find myself frozen in shock. Some old pictures of Sykkuno and I have been posted on Twitter by some random user. These pictures have started an entire thread of suspicions surrounding our relationship.

The pictures in question are from a New Year’s Eve party a mutual friend of ours held two years ago. Sure, in the pictures we are a lot closer than what would be considered a platonic proximity. And yes one of the pictures is of me kissing his cheek. Yes we were both a bit tipsy. I acknowledge all those things and yet none of them are concrete reasons for these rumors to have started piling. 

“This is silly.“ I finally say after maybe five minutes of silence on my end. ”This is absolutely ridiculous! And why are people so serious about it as well? Actual, important matters get discussed more nonchalantly than the potential relationship between two online personalities! What is this world we live in?“ I know I shouldn’t let these rumors get to me like this, especially not on camera. Still, I can’t help it. I feel it’s so unfair to Corpse. He has to put up with this as well and it’s by no means easy for him. I’ve been shipped with people from our group in the past and he always took those rumors to heart despite acting like he didn’t care. Neither of us should get worked up, but him getting upset about them creates a domino effect with my emotions - causing me to be hit just as hard as him, in some cases harder.

Rumors of the past aside, this one is the worst by far. Mostly cause even Corpse himself suspected something between Sykkuno and I at the very beginning, when we were still acquaintances, barely crossing into the realm of friends.

I pull up Twitter to look for the whole thread, barely sparing my stream chat a glance in the process. It seems pretty split - those who agree with me and those who think Sykkuno and I make ‘such an adorable couple’. The thread is ridiculously long, and if we take into account that it was only started approximately five hours ago, you can either view it as impressive, amusing or sad. Why sad? Because someone has dedicated so much time and effort into fueling the fire of a weakly supported theory.

I love Sykkuno with all my heart. Everyone knows that - fandom, streamer squad, Corpse and Sykkuno included. I love too much and too platonically to ever even dream of having a romantic connection with him. I thought that was more than obvious, but people are either blind here, or just grasping at straws. One thing’s for certain - they’re stepping on a nerve.

“Hey where’s Corpse? Did he disconnect?” Felix asks, gaining my full attention. My eyes dart to the monitor, searching through the little avatars in a desperate search for the one of my boyfriend. It’s nowhere to be found.

“He just messaged me saying his connection is unstable but he might join us later.“ Rae says, “You guys can invite someone to fill...“

“Bathroom break.“ I interrupt, not waiting for a response before shutting my mic off, putting the ‘BRB‘ graphic on my stream and yanking the headset off. I basically run down the hall to Corpse’s recording room, my heart pounding like a bass drum.

“Corpse?!“ I call out to him, one hand already on the doorknob. When five seconds pass by without a response, I barge in. 

Inside, I find his usual spot on the gaming chair empty and his slumped figure seated on his bed.

“Corpse?“ I try again, watching for even the tiniest change of body language. He remains still as a statue, not bothering to look up at me either. 

His hands are gripping the edge of the mattress, his head hanging low. His eyes are covered by the short curtain of his dark messy curls. I can’t gauge much. Is he angry? Is he sad? Both? How should I approach the situation?

Before I find the answer to any of those questions, I am kneeling in front of him, our height difference eliminated. I gently pry his hands off the mattress and take them in mine, holding them firmly but tenderly. With one hand I reach up to tilt his head so his eyes can meet mine. He complies, his tear-filled brown orbs meeting mine. Those tears have the same effect on me as fifty sharp knives stabbing into my chest. These tears focus their attack straight on my heart, tearing it to pieces.

“Baby....“

He cuts me off, “Why is it always someone else, huh? Do they deem me not worthy of being with you? Do they think you deserve better?” His voice wavers, “Well, they might be right. They are correct and there’s little I can do to prove them wrong. They mean you well, Y/N - pairing you with guys better than me. Those are some loyal fans you’ve got. They only want what’s best for you. And so do I. If ‘best’ is being with someone else then...”

It’s my turn to cut him off. I put an end to his nonsense ramble that’s slowly killing me by pressing my finger against his lips. The sternness of my gaze is beyond me as I get up and walk over to his computer setup. I put on his headset and hop into the call as well as the lobby with his avatar.

“Hey Corpse’s back!” Toast says, “Good to have you back buddy.”

“No, not Corpse.” I say in a casual, nonchalant voice.

“Wait, wha-“ Sean’s voice shows just how confused he is, representing the confusion of the entire lobby actually.

“I know all of you are streaming so this message will be heard by several different audiences so I’m gonna make myself perfectly clear.“ I take a deep breath, “Sykkuno and I aren’t dating. He’s a lovely guy and he deserves to find a girl who will treat him right. That girl isn’t and won’t be me though. I am already treating someone right. Someone who treats me more than right as well. An amazing person. A man-child with a heart of gold. You know him, to a certain extent. He goes by the name of Corpse Husband, but I prefer to call him ‘Love of my life’. Thank you for your time and attention, goodbye.“

I exit the call and turn around to find a stunned Copse looking at me.

“That was meant for you just as much.“ I say with a fake strict attitude, one hand on my hip the other rested on his desk behind me, “Were you listening?“

Within milliseconds, he’s on his feet standing directly in front of me, his lips inches away from mine. “I heard and memorized every word. But...” he pauses for a moment, “I think you have no idea how big of a chaos you just created.”

I smile mischievously, “We’ll worry about that later. For now...” I close the gap between us, connecting our lips in a sweet and passionate kiss. 

@susceptible-but-siriusexual  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams  @the-fuck-up-of-today  @slashersdream  @chiefwombathoagiepizza  @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01

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[screamingatanemptyroom]

Please Fix the Story pt 24 - Sci Fi

The battle with the Hive, and the traveler! Moving onto the end game after this. (Still will take a few parts, but the end is in sight!)

Masterpost linked here.

Enjoy!

_____________________________

The atmosphere in the conference room was tense.

“The numbers don’t look good.” General Gladus stared at the display with a frustrated sigh. “We just have the few Mechs stationed in the Fifteenth Sector. The Hive have a full colony… thousands of drones, directed by a Queen. They have already landed on the nearest moon, destroying the defense base there, and will be within striking distance of the planet in..." He rechecked his numbers. "Eighteen hours.”

Pointing his finger at the hologram, the display zoomed in on the larger dot surrounded by countless other smaller red dots. “The Queen is the key. She controls all the drones. If we take her out, we can halt the invasion long enough for true reinforcements to arrive.”

I nodded, trying to follow along. “So if we don’t have the numbers to defend the planet, we go on the attack and try to strike the Queen?”

“It can take a whole squadron to take out a Queen. “ He quickly put a damper on my excitement, frowning. “A normal Hive drone is the size of a human. She’s larger than two Mechs put together, around six stories tall, with armor to match.”

I thought about the story, what I knew about what technology was available years ahead… Hadn’t Chris gotten a special Mech to fight Queens? “What about a bigger Mech? Big enough to take on the Queen?”

The general paused at that. “The military engineers at the academy have been working on some prototypes… but the bigger a Mech is, the harder it is to control. In a few years we might have one that a single Guardian could operate, but the ones we have now? No one would have the capability…”

“I do.” I interrupted, speaking with certainty. “Let Liam and I try it.”

“Honey, I know you’re a Grade S Guardian, but…”

“I’m more than that. You remember that I almost destabilized? It was because of a sudden increase of my power” Because I’m not really your daughter. “I’m much more powerful than a grade S… “ I reached out and grabbed Liam’s hand. “And that’s not even to mention our 100% resonance match.”

Liam grinned, squeezing my hand. “Trust us, General. Alaira and I can fly anything they can build!”

The General stared at us, obviously unnerved at the idea of sending his daughter into the worst of the fighting. I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Trust me, Dad. I’ll make you proud.”

“…” He let out a long sigh. “I’m already more proud than I could ever be…” He rubbed his forehead. “Fine. Let’s see if you can work the thing… but if you can’t move it perfectly, then the plan gets canceled. I’m not sending you out there to die.”

“Thank you!” Awkwardly hugging him, I felt a twinge of guilt as he patted my back gently.

I wish your daughter could be here to feel your love and pride in her.

“Don’t celebrate too soon… Even if you’re big enough to take on a Queen, we still have to get you to her.”

I stepped closer to the display, studying it. “She’s directly in the center of the army… hiding away on the moon in the ruins of the defense base. With their numbers versus ours… we just don’t have the firepower to get there.”

Warning! Mission Failure Imminent!

As the blue writing and loud warning appeared only to me, I felt no fear, no terror at my imminent doom. It was now more annoying than anything else.

If you're not going to suggest anything helpful, then shut up!

Warning!...

SHUT UP! I screamed in my head, feeling a thread of shadowy power emerge from around me, erasing the words from existence.

The warning fell silent.

What… what was that? Some sort of magic? How much about myself is still hidden in my lost memories?

Enjoying the new silence in my head, I looked over at Liam who was staring at me with a worried look.

“Are you okay? You weren’t responding.”

I reached out, smoothing out his forehead, which was wrinkled with concern. “Yes. It’s difficult to explain, though. What did you say?”

“If we don’t have the troops to blast our way to the Queen, then what about a diversion?” He pointed at the area of the diagram between us and the Hive. “We act like we’re staging a frontal assault, and when they’ve deployed enough forces to weaken the rear, you and I strike from behind!”

The General nodded slowly. “It would take quite an attack to make the Hive divert forces to the front… Even if we threw everything we had and left nothing to protect you two, it might not be enough.”

I grinned. “Don’t worry about protecting us.” Grabbing Liam’s hand I added. “You forget who I matched with. We can handle our own defense. All that’s left is to figure out how to make a big enough distraction to give us a way in.”

“DID SOMEONE CALL FOR A DISTRACTION?!”

Princess Ilene pushed past the guards at the door with the two other girls in her group at her sides. “Sounds like a job for the Harem!”

Liam raised his eyebrow. Harem? He mouthed silently at me. I shook my head, not wanting to get involved.

Alaira’s father did not look impressed. “Princess. I don’t recall you showing any interest in military matters previously.”

“That’s before the Hive kidnapped Chris!” Ilene cracked her knuckles. “Now I gotta go crush some space bugs.”

Who says Chris was kidnapped?

“YEAH!" "We're going to save him!” The other two girls struck dramatic poses on either side of Ilene.

“…” The room stared at them in silence.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing away my headache. “Princess, maybe this would work better if you explained to my father what skills you three brought to the table? “

“… I suppose.” She sniffed, gesturing at Wen grandly. “She has designed a Mech with the ability to tow 50 mini cannons.”

Wen grinned, explaining further. “The guns are strapped to a small engine, and will fly at evenly spaced intervals behind the controlling Mech. It’s still a work in progress… You can’t target, and you can’t control them individually… at least not yet.”

“But that’s still 50 extra shots for one Mech.” General Gladus looked much more interested. “How many have you made?”

“Just one, but if I add a small hologram projector to the guns, it will look like we have 50 fully operational Mechs with us! THAT should get the Hive’s attention.”

Ilene and Allie chimed in. “ We’ve already practiced piloting the Mech and can operate it smoothly.”

“… That… might just work…” He shrugged. “Strong work, Ladies…”

“We call ourselves the Harem… Alaira came up with the name!”

“Don’t credit me, please..”

The General glanced at my cringing expression and chuckled. “…Glad to have you aboard… I think.”

“All right!” The young engineer high-fived her companions, grinning proudly. “I was originally saving this invention for Chris, but now I’m going to use this to SAVE Chris!”

“YEAH!”

“…” The General was now staring at me with a look of consternation, to which I raised my hands helplessly. “…Sure.”

“So that’s the plan then.” I took a deep breath, calming the fast beating of my heart at the thought of the fight to come. “The Harem will distract the Hive, and Liam and I will take out the Queen.”

We’ll save the world.

We’ll complete my mission.

It will work… it has to.

“We’ll strike first thing in the morning.” General Gladus watched me with a worried gaze, but obviously held back from speaking further. “… Good luck.”

_____________________________

Liam and I tested out the massive Mech prototype called the “Queen Killer,” able to move it with an ease that shocked Alaira’s father and the engineers. After confirming the plan a final time, I returned back to my dorm to get some rest before the battle.

I found myself too keyed up to sleep, staring blankly at the ceiling. If we complete the mission, will I get all my memories back? Will I stay in this world or be forced to leave? Will Liam stay with me? My frantic thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on my door.

Wary, I checked the security system, quickly opening the door once I realized who it was.

“Liam, what are you doing here? It’s still a few hours before we’re supposed to meet for the mission.”

Liam wrung his hands together, staring at the floor quietly. “I… was hoping…”

“What is it?”

“Can you come with me?”

At my nod he grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I started to ask where he was taking me, but seeing the determination on his face, fell silent. I didn’t feel any wariness, despite my lack of knowledge of our direction.

_____________________________

“Aren’t you scared?” A voice asked, coming from high above me.

“No.”

“Why not?” The despair in the voice was heartbreaking. “Everyone else is.”

“Because it’s you.” I grinned. “Can’t be scared of you, Liam.”

_____________________________

I blinked, my gaze once again resting on our clasped hands.

I’ll keep trusting you Liam.

He took me to the upper deck of the academy, a large platform surrounded by multiple gardens. In the dead of night, the multicolored flowers and trees were barely visible. Rather than a clear sight, it was a combination of the senses: of impressions of movement, of gentle sounds of the wind swaying the branches and leaves, of brief flashes of colors in the light of the multiple candles that lit up the platform.

In the center of the platform stood a minister, the elderly man looking tired but still smiling gently. Off to the side were the Harem girls, watching silently, and Alaira’s father who stood by with a combination of tears and joy.

The King and Queen were nowhere to be seen.

“This.is…” My voice trailed off, filled with awe at the sheer amount of work it must have taken to move everything up here from the ballroom we had planned it in.

Liam knelt down, holding my hand with a solemn look.

“Alaira... I don’t know if we’re going to survive this battle, but I know one thing: If I’m going to die tomorrow, I want it to be as your husband.”

His hands were shaking with nervousness as they held my own.

“Please marry me.” His words were simple, but they struck my heart with a force that made me sway on my feet.

_____________________________

“Please marry me.” A trembling man held me close.

_____________________________

I smiled at the thought that I had answered this question before. “Yes.”

Liam let out a sigh of relief, standing up and hugging me gently. “Thank you…” He hesitated. “Bel.” The name was spoken only for me to hear, sounding like a prayer.

“You realize we had already planned to get married today?” I chuckled. “You didn’t have to re-propose.”

“I needed to hear it again.”

With a wide grin, he led me over to the center of the platform. There, in front of friends and family, the minister led us through the vows. As I spoke the words, holding Liam’s hands tightly, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had done this multiple times before.

How many lifetimes have I already spent with him? How many times have we been married?

Liam leaned in to kiss me, the gentle movement the barest touch on my lips, and then hugged me tightly against him.

“I love you.” He whispered in my ear.

My father stepped forward and clapped us both on the shoulder. “Alright, kids, that’s enough excitement pre-battle. Go get some sleep. I’ll throw you a combination victory party and wedding reception once we survive the Hive.”

Laughing, Liam and I left the party behind. We were unable to sleep, and simply laid in each other’s arms. My head rested against his chest, hearing his heartbeat and breaths. Closing my eyes, I prayed that we would make it though this battle safely.

And just maybe, if we survive this, I’ll figure out how to get our memories back.

I thought of the shadowy power I had displayed to shut the system warning down, an ability I had tried to repeat without success several times since. I don’t know who or what I am… but I do know one thing:

I won’t accept my fate.

_____________________________

Soon it was time for the battle.

Liam and I boarded the Queen Killer Mech and flew it around the battle site, staying out of range of the Hive’s sensors. We floated in Space watching the holographic display from the Mech's communication system as the Harem and the few soldiers Alaira’s father had brought with him advanced from the front. It looked as if there were over a hundred Mechs, an intimidating site, but we knew it was just an illusion, holograms attached to remote guns. Their actual numbers were quite pitiful compared to the army in front of them.

We could only hope the Hive would fall for the trick.

“Advance!” The General’s voice came over the intercom. I felt myself tremble with nervousness at his serious tone. I wasn’t really his daughter. Most of the time I felt like the worst fraud when I was with him. But I genuinely cared for this gruff, strange man. He loved his daughter, and wasn’t afraid to take on the world to protect her.

I hope he makes it. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach at the thought that he might not.

But if we don’t fight, none of us will.

The army of Mechs, both real and fake, moved forward. As the Hive flew to meet them, I got a close look at them through my headset. I had seen their appearance in Alaira’s memories, but somehow, seeing them with my own eyes was all the more horrifying.

Large insects, each the size of a human, with a black and red exoskeleton that coated everything, even the wings. Enormous pincers grew outwards on their heads, sharp enough to tear a Mech open, to cut a human in half. Their dark, multifaceted eyes took in the space emotionlessly. They were unstoppable, insatiable. The Hive’s only goal was to devour, to destroy. They numbered in the thousands; enough to make even seeing the moon the Queen was hiding on difficult.

I felt a deep feeling of terror growing within me, fear and despair mixing, threatening to take away my reason.

It’s not my emotions.I tried to push down the feeling, but they continued to grow, trying to overwhelm me. It’s Alaira’s.

She had died there, next to that moon, surrounded by the Hive. Their pincers destroyed her Mech, pulled her out from the safety of the piloting sphere. She was overwhelmed, and even with the fracturing of her mind she knew she was doomed.

“Are you okay?” Liam’s voice in my ear calmed me down. “Your strong emotions are interfering with the Connection.” I took a deep breath, repeating silently.

You are not Alaira. You are not Alaira.

I knew exactly what it would feel like to die in battle with the Hive, though.

The Hive started swarming to the front, line. The Queen was directing them to defend her against the “larger” threat. There were only a few hundred left to guard the rear.

“It’s working!” General Gladus’ excited voice sounded out. “They’re falling for it.”

“Then we’ll get to work.”

“… Good luck, Alaira. I love you.”

I hesitated. “… I love you too… Father.”

It was time. I grabbed Liam’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Focus on your shield.”

He took a deep breath. “You know I can’t control it.”

“You can let me in, Liam. You are in control. Use it for its purpose: to protect yourself. To protect me.”

He closed his eyes, positioning himself behind me within the Connection chamber in the Mech. His hands were on my back, and through the physical touch I felt his nervousness. The air around the Mech seemed to shift, and I knew that I had to act quickly before the mental shield weakened.

I flew the Mech forward, quickly reaching the highest speed. At the noise of our passing one of the drones turned to face us. Soon they had swarmed around us, their pincers opened to attack.

FEAR.

Alaira’s emotions were running full force, but I pushed them down once more, going faster. I could feel Liam behind me, keeping the connection between me and the Mech easy despite its enormous size. We flew into the swarm, and the sturdy alien insects splattered against the mental shield, which held firm under the blows.

Liam and I sighed with relief.

“See? You CAN control it!”

“We still have the Queen to deal with.” Liam’s voice was worried, I could feel his concern though our connection. “She’s a little big to be squished by a shield.”

“Well that’s why we brought the big guns.” After a few more moments we broke through the Hive’s line of defense, and landed on the Moon, trying to locate the Queen.

“Where is she?” The scanners were starting to scramble, as if interrupted by an unknown signal. The Hive shouldn’t have that kind of technology, though.

“I don't see her on the Moon's surface. Has she left? First, let’s try the defense fort. It should be big enough to hide the Queen.” At Liam’s suggestion we flew forward, making our way to the building. The clear defense dome seemed intact, the computers opening an airlock, allowing us to pass forward after communicating with our Mech and confirming our identity.

“How would the Queen be here without destroying the dome?” I muttered, trying to scan the surroundings and noting that it was picking up several lifeforms, even if it was still too scrambled to give a clear location.

“ I don’t know, but I don’t think that hole was there before.” Liam tapped my back, and I looked towards the Hanger, the largest building in the complex. A six story hole had been torn out of the front wall. Wary, I moved the Mech closer, ducking down and entering the main area, which was fortunately tall enough to accommodate our oversized Mech.

The area was mostly lit up, a few of the florescent lights sparking and flickering from recent damage. The few Mechs that had remained had been torn to shreds and tossed in a pile. The space was wide-open, extending outwards into shadows.

“What the…?” My voice trailed off in shock as I stared at the unbelievable sight in front of me.

In the center of the hanger stood the Queen. She was bright white with red and black markings along the side of her rotund torso. She brandished hundreds of spiky claws like a millipede, with large bright red wings extended behind her. Towards the top she sported multiple large pincers, with a final one extending from her head. Her eyes glowed with a bright white light, staring at us with fury.

She was frozen into place, unable to make a single movement.

“What is going on?” I whispered to Liam.

“Bel, you actually made it this far!”

A cheerful voice rang out, causing both of us to groan with frustration. A Mech emerged from the shadows, we couldn’t see the pilot, but Liam and I knew who it was and spoke his name together.

“Chris.”

“I keep telling you, it’s not Chris.” The voice coming from the Mech seemed annoyed, the large robot swinging a sword back and forth. “As always, you two are wrong.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, clenching my fists at my side within the Connection Chamber of our Mech.

“Exactly what I told you, Bel: I’m ending this.” He lifted up his Mech’s free hand, and in it was a large bomb blinking with a bright red light. A single red button marked the trigger, and I tensed up as he caressed it lightly with a large metallic finger.

“That’s a uninite bomb.” Liam spoke up. “You’d destroy the moon with one that big! You'll kill us all with the Queen!”

“Exactly! I’m willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to save everyone. Not like you… monster.” He spit out the last word, his voice filled with hatred. “I’m the HERO. I’m the one who everyone cares about. I’m the one SHE SHOULD LOVE!”

“Oh, SHUT UP!” I activated the opening on our Mech, and slid down a cord to the ground, pulling off my helmet to reveal my face. The air inside the defense shield was slightly stale but breathable.

Liam was startled, jumping down to stand beside me. “Bel, wait!”

“It’s okay.” I grinned at him. “Trust me.” The Mech straightened up behind us, falling into a standby position. I looked up at the Mech controlled by the Pseudo-Chris.

“If you’re going to threaten me and insult my husband, then do it to my face.”

“Nice try. If I leave the Mech, I can’t control it. All you’ve managed to do is to give away your only advantage!” He laughed confidently. “I am in control, Bel. The Hive, the Queen… all of it! I’m the only one who can save your soul from destruction.”

“You brought the Hive here… you’re the one who advanced the story so quickly.” I paused, thinking it over. “How come you can go against the story? I always get warnings whenever we stray too far away from our characters.”

“You don’t understand. You never have. All that matters is that the roles are obeyed, that we follow our fate. I may have taken a… detour… but in the end I will fulfill my role as a hero, and save everyone, at the cost of my own life.”

“Why are you doing this?” Liam growled, standing close to me.

“He was hoping that I would give up.” I answered for him calmly, staring up at the Mech with a disgusted expression, “He made a seemingly impossible situation, hoping I would see accepting my fate as my only option.”

I thought of the system's warning that I had no chance of survival. They had tried to manipulate me. Tried to force me to do what they wanted.

But I hadn't.

“You see things so clearly sometimes, Bel.” Chris’ voice showed his approval. “And even though it didn’t work, I can still just end things here. I’ll destroy the Queen, which will complete your mission. The system can erase your memory again and we’ll start over.”

I felt a sense of fear at his words. How many times has this already happened?

“No matter how many times we have to do this, there will only be one outcome in the end: you will accept your fate.”

_____________________________

“You will accept your fate, Bel.” The young handsome man stared at me with disappointment. “You can’t keep hiding with this monster forever.”

“He's not a monster. Besides, you’re the one who sent me to Liam.” I grinned. “You have no one to blame but yourself.”

“It was temporary. You were supposed to be his prisoner.” He snapped. “Now, because of you, he’ll be the first to be destroyed. You can’t distort the higher realm. Everything depends on it.”

“It’s not right…”

“It’s the reality of our roles. Now enough stalling. What will you choose? Will you follow the rules, or will you let everything be destroyed to protect your precious independence?”

“No…”

“Even you can’t be that selfish.” He growled, reaching out to grab my arm painfully. “Accept your fate, Bel.

“NO!”

_____________________________

“NO!” I shook my head, clearing aside the memory. “No matter how many times you ask me. No matter how many worlds you drag me through. No matter how many times my memory is wiped. I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT!”

“Fine. Then it’s time to move to the next world…” His Mech raised its hand holding the bomb.

“You’re pathetic.” My words were quiet, but seemed to echo in the otherwise silent hanger. “Even when we were in the higher realm you were always trying to trick and scheme to get things to go the way you wanted. You thought by forcing me to Liam’s side as his ‘prisoner’ you could force me to accept my fate, but that backfired too, didn’t it?”

“… “ There was a long stunned silence.

“You… you remember?” The Mech’s head shook back and forth in a jerky movement. “No, your memories were wiped!”

I quickly thought through the few memories I had experienced over the last few weeks. “You wanted me to play my part… but I didn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you. I would solve things my own way, which pissed you off.”

“YOU… NO! YOUR MEMORIES ARE GONE!” The whole Mech was shaking slightly.

“No matter the realm, no matter the roles we play, one thing remains constant: you’re a pathetic loser.” I smiled. “And I like Liam more than you.”

“HE’S A MONSTER! YOU CAN’T LOVE HIM! YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME!”

“Bel…” Liam whispered. “You realize you’re making the unstable man with the bomb angry, right?”

“Trust me, I have a plan… probably.”

“Oh, good.”

I looked up at the Mech, raising my voice. “I’ll never love you!”

“YOU HAVE TO!”

“Get used to disappointment, loser.”

The Mech was shaking more violently as he whispered hoarsely. “Y-you’re lying… you have to be. You don’t have your memories…”

I AM lying. “Too bad for you I’m telling the truth. I remember everything important.”

“…Then what’s my name?”

I spread my hands out helplessly. “Oh buddy, I just said I remembered everything IMPORTANT.” I leaned forward. “You were never important to me. You still aren’t.”

“SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!” The Mech was rocking back and forth with his screams and then suddenly became very still.

“Got him!” I pumped my fist in the air victoriously.

“What’s… what’s happening?! I can’t control my Mech!”

I chuckled at his panicked tone.

“You see, there’s a difference between you and me. You might be the hero, but I’m the one with greater than Level S Guardian abilities. In fact, you used that very trait of mine to try to force me to partner with you. It was a burden before I formed a Connection with Liam, but now?” I reached over and grabbed Liam’s hand. “It makes things really easy. One of the skills I’ve practiced was controlling Mechs from a distance.”

“That’s…”

“Impossible? Only if you’re weak. The distance makes things challenging but it’s still fairly simple for me.” I paused. “By the way, I WAS lying earlier. I needed you to have strong emotions to disrupt your Connection with your Mech so I could take it over.”

“…” Enjoying his stunned silence, I gestured, controlling the “Queen Killer” Mech to step forward.

“Now I could let you blow yourself up and kill the Queen to complete the mission, but unlike you, I don’t feel any satisfaction out of sacrificing myself or others needlessly. I’m also not going to let you die, because I have a feeling that could have negative effects on this world.”

The Queen started moving, whatever restraints the pseudo-Chris had placed on it obviously released. I could feel her anger at being obstructed in her mission. Her overwhelming need to consume life and move on drove her constantly, and even the briefest of pauses enraged her. Her hungry eyes focused on me, sensing a threat.

I released all my abilities to the limit, feeling a light throbbing headache at controlling two Mechs at once, and one of them being the large Queen Killer.

“It’s time for this story to end.” I whispered, feeling satisfaction as the giant robot pulled out a sword and brandished it.

“My mission will be completed.” The sword tore a huge rent in the Queen’s side, spilling green blood. The insect queen screamed in rage and pain, her pincers tearing off some of the armor on the Mech’s arm.

“The world will be saved.” A second strike hit, cutting off several claws. The Queen clamped onto the Mechs’ chest with her mandibles, trying to burrow into the center. I was glad I wasn’t in the suspension gel, feeling the pain of the attack.

“And it will all be done without you.” My Mech swung the sword downward, and the Queen’s head separated from its body. It still clamped onto the chest of the robot, its eyes’ light slowly fading away.

“NOOOO!” Pseudo Chris screamed out, but it was too late. The Queen was dead. Her army would become useless.

The world was safe.

A beautiful chime rang out, and bright blue words formed into the air.

Congratulations!

Mission 100% complete.

**** You have finished the mission! ****

Stay in this world?

YES/NO

“It doesn’t matter if you completed the mission or I did. I still have the next world, and the next and the next!” The Mech was still frozen into place, but it didn’t stop his angry words. “Time is on my side!”

I sighed. “No. It’s not.” As I had completed the mission, I felt a strange surge of power. A similar sensation to when I had stopped the system voice from speaking earlier. I focused carefully, and a shadowy power poured out in the world around me, much stronger than before.

“Bel?” At Liam’s worried question, I turned and smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, Liam. It’s just time to change the game.” He grabbed my hands and nodded silently at my words, supporting me.

I turned my attention to the System’s message.

“We will not stay in this world any longer.” The shadowy power around me increased.

…

WORLD TRANSFER FAILED. UNKNOWN INTERFERENCE.

“Oh, that’s just me. You see… this world’s victory was all I needed to finish piecing together my soul.”

…

“I really do remember everything now.”

And I did. Who I was. Why I had made the deal I had made.

“I fixed every world you sent me to. Without memories. Without my protected status as the heroine. Just a hated side character or villain. Admit it… I won.”

… NOT YET.

“You’re right. There’s still one last story to be fixed.” I grinned at Liam, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. “The Higher Realm.”

Our world.

YOU MUST ACCEPT…

“I must do nothing.” The dark power that surrounded me erased the blue words in the air before they could form that hated sentence. “YOU must transfer us back. Back to the beginning.”

…

…

“Do it.” I gave no room for argument.

…

WORLD TRANSFER INITIATED. LOCATION: THE HIGHER REALM.

“I love you Liam.” I hugged him tightly. “Let’s get married one last time.”

“I love you too… But what do you…?”

TRANSFER COMPLETE.

#writing #please fix the story #writeblr #sci fi #violence #memory loss #the end is near

[crackheadgeminibby]

you can't change the past

pairing: steve rogers x wilson!reader, bucky barnes x wilson!reader

warnings: angst, language, TW mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts and abortion

word count: 5.1k

a/n: i rewatched endgame and remembered how much steve leaving annoyed the shit out of me so there. also i 100% took that ripple quote from x-men so yeah, enjoy:)

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

not my picture

You’re leaning on a tree next to your brother as you wait for Banner to finish calibrating the time machine. In the distance, you see Steve hugging Bucky before making his way towards you. You stand up as Steve gets to your level. He smiles softly before looking towards Sam,

“Hey, can you give us a second, please?”

Sam nods before walking towards Bucky and striking up a conversation with him. You smile up at Steve before stroking his cheek and asking,

“What’s up?”

Steve’s eyes flutter close as he leans into your palm before saying, barely above a whisper,

“I’m not coming back, sweetheart.”

Your hand falls from Steve’s face as a frown etches itself onto your face.

“What?”

Steve slowly opens his eyes, looking into yours, before replying,

“When Tony and I went to 1970 for the Tesseract and the Pym particles, I saw Peggy… I thought I had moved on but… We’re meant to be together.”

You feel a lump forming in your throat as you take a step back from Steve, hurt clear on your face.

“I thought we were?”, you ask, voice cracking at the end.

“So did I… But when I saw her again, it just felt like the universe was giving me a second chance and I can’t not take it.”

As tears start to fall down your face, the air around suddenly feels freezing as a shiver shakes your body. You look towards the ground, trying to find something, anything to say. You’re not sure how long you stay there but you’re pulled back to reality when Banner tells Steve that the machine is ready.

“Y/N… Please, say something.”

Your eyes stay fixated on the ground beneath your feet, “What does Bucky think about this?”

You hear Steve’s breath stop shortly before he exhales slowly, “I didn’t tell him.”

You scoff before shaking your head slowly and kicking a pebble.

“You know, Steve, there’s a theory in quantum physics that time is immutable. It’s like a river: you can throw a pebble in and create a ripple, but the current always corrects itself. No matter what you do the river just keeps flowing in the same direction.”

You look up at Steve, before finishing, “You can’t change the past, Steve. But thank you for making your feelings about me crystal clear.”

You turn around, practically running back to your car, driving back to the tower.

Through your tears and sobs, you don’t hear that someone has followed you back and has entered your room. A hand softly touches your back, startling you, as you turn around rapidly, whispering, hopeful, “Steve?”

“Sorry, doll. It’s just me…”, you hear Bucky’s soft voice answer.

You feel your sobs wracking through your body even harder than before as Bucky climbs into your bed, taking you into his arms. You cry into his chest, listening to his heartbeat until you eventually hear his breathing become ragged.

Through your teary vision, you look up at Bucky, now also crying, as he looks down at you,

“He left me too, you know.”

You wrap your arms around Bucky, trying to comfort him while also letting yourself cry.

As soon as Steve had returned all of the stones to their respective times and places, he had made a beeline for Peggy’s house. He had made sure to look up all the information he needed beforehand, so he didn’t have to wait a second before making his way to her.

Walking up to her front door, a bouquet of flowers in hand, he could feel the slightly chilly fall Washington air nipping at his cheeks with the sun setting in the distance.

Knocking on the door, Steve adjusts his tie, feeling the anticipation rise in his throat. After what seems like forever, the door to the Carter residence opens, Peggy herself standing on the threshold.

She is visibly shaken as her eyes widen immeasurably before she whispers, “Steve?”

Steve smiles back at her, replying, “Hey Peggy… I’m back.”

Peggy glances over her shoulder before pushing Steve farther away from the house, closing the door behind her. She crosses her arms over her chest before looking up at Steve,

“Steve, what are you doing here?”

Steve’s smile falters before stutters, “What do you mean? I came back… For you.”

Peggy shakes her head softly before answering, “Steve… I’m married. To a man I love. And I’m pregnant.”

Steve looks down at her and for the first time, he notices her inflated belly. She was not very far from giving birth.

“But, what about us?”

Peggy frowns, “Steve, we missed our chance… Gabe and I are happy.”

Steve lets his arms fall to his side, the bouquet of flowers now upside down, petals flying away in the wind. He opens and closes his mouth once, twice, three times, unable to find anything to say.

He looks at his feet before mumbling, “Can I just stay the night? I don’t have anywhere else to go. I’ll be gone tomorrow morning.”

Peggy sighs deeply before reluctantly nodding her head and opening the door, letting Steve into the house.

As Steve falls asleep that night, he only sees your face from the last time he saw you. Hurt and anger, maybe even disgust on your face. He thinks about the ways in which he will try to win you back, despite the amount of time he had been away. He wasn’t sure how long his one day spent in the past will have been in your life. But he hopes that not enough time has passed for you to have forgotten about him.

As it turns out, five years had passed since he had left. He was confused at first when he came back. The machine Banner had left in the woods behind the Avengers facility had been left there but it was full of dust. The facility, which had been destroyed when he left, was now completely rebuilt and vibrant with life. He had been discreet, walking through the woods to get back to the city without being seen.

From there, he had been able to find a disguise to do research on where you were now. He had learned that you had moved back to Louisiana with Sam and were currently residing there.

As soon as he found out, he rented a car and made his way to you. The road was long but no place on this Earth was too far for him to travel so he could see you again.

When he got to Louisiana, he only had to ask one person to be pointed in your direction. Apparently, the Wilson family was like royalty in these parts. So, he was surprised when he arrived at the house that was indicated to him to find the door widely open, seemingly no one in sight.

Steve walks up the steps leading to the house, hearing someone running towards the door. He is taken aback when he sees a small girl stop suddenly in front of the door. She stares at Steve with wide eyes; she couldn’t be more than 6 years old, with short curly hair secured into pigtails and soft amber eyes.

Still staring at him, the child opens her mouth, “Mommy, there’s a man at the door!”

He hears feet padding their way to the door before he hears, “Lizzie, baby, how many times have I told you not to go to the door a-”

You stop abruptly in your tracks as you see before you the man you thought you would never see again. Your breath hitches as a lump grows in your throat.

“Steve?”

Steve smiles softly, “Hey sweetheart.”

You feel the air thickening as your eyes start to sting. You hold your hand out towards your child, setting it on her shoulder, before saying, “Elizabeth, go see Uncle Sam on the dock, okay?”

Completely unbothered, the child responds, “Okay, mommy.”, turning around and running towards what seems to be the kitchen.

You stay rooted to your spot, unable to move or say a single word and staring at Steve like he’s going to vanish before your eyes.

He takes slow steps towards you as if he’s afraid that if he moves too quickly, you’ll run away like a wild animal. He stops when he’s in arms reach of you.

He smiles a little before saying, jokingly, “No welcome home hug for me?”

Before you can even register what happened, your hand has already hit Steve across the face. You feel the heat of the slap warming up your hand as you clench it into a fist at your side.

Steve looks at you again, understanding that this was clearly the wrong thing to say to you. He softly strokes his cheek.

“Guess I deserved that.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes before asking, “What the fuck are you doing here, Steve? I thought you were going back to Peggy?”

Steve shakes his head almost imperceptibly before saying, “That didn’t really work out…”

You scoff again, “So, what? Peggy rejects you and now you come back to get your second choice, is that it?” You shake your head, “You know, I almost didn’t mind being second-best to her all those years ago. But now? You can go to hell, Steve.”

He stares at you, almost like he’s not even listening to you, before asking, “Is she mine?” He bites his bottom lip, looking next to you where pictures of the child and you through the years adorn the walls.

“She seems about the right age, you know?”

You clench your fists, even tighter than before, which you didn’t know was possible. You can feel the blood gradually leaving your hands as you clench your jaw and look at Steve straight in the eyes, “No. She’s not. Not that it’s any of your business?”

Steve frowns in confusion, “Well then, who-”

He’s cut off as loud footsteps resonate through the walls of the house.

“Hey doll. Lizzie just came running down to the boat talking about how there’s a man in the house.”

Bucky’s voice, despite him being far enough away for you not to see him, travels perfectly to the spot in which you are still motionless. Bucky finally stops when he sees Steve standing on the porch.

He doesn’t hesitate for a single second before clenching his jaw and saying lowly, “Get out.”

Steve puts his hands up in surrender about to say something before Bucky screams, making you jump slightly, “Get out of my house! NOW!”

Steve looks between you and him, waiting for you to advocate on his behalf, but you had stopped doing that a long time ago. You stare back at Steve, almost challenging him to defy Bucky.

As Steve doesn’t move, Bucky walks heavily to the door, making you think that he is about to start a fight with Steve, you say, “Bucky, don’t.”

Bucky stops in front of Steve and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before slamming the door in Steve’s face. When Bucky turns back to you, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in.

Your vision starts to get blurry, and your ears feel clogged as you faintly hear Bucky still next to the door, cursing Steve out. Your lungs burn as if air seems to be unable to find its air through your body as your legs tremble. Your head starts to spin and before you can understand what’s happening, your legs give out making you crumple on the floor.

You distantly hear Bucky call your name, but your brain seems unable to focus on his voice trying to pull yourself out of your current state. You feel a pair of strong arms holding you to a hard chest followed by a pair of soft hands stroking your hair and face.

After what seems like forever trying to fight against your own body, you let go and everything turns black.

When your eyes flutter open, you’re lying on your bed and the room is pitch black. Multiple hours have visibly passed but the room is completely silent. You push yourself up to the headboard, looking around you before getting up. Your legs are still shaky, so you lean on your bed to help guide you to the door.

As you walk through the halls of the house, you start hearing hushed voices in the living room. Stopping on the threshold, you look at Sam, Sarah and Bucky sitting around the dining table.

“Hey. What happened?”, you croak out.

All their heads snap in your direction and Bucky almost immediately walks towards you, enveloping you in a hug.

“Oh doll, I didn’t know you were awake. How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

You tear yourself out of Bucky’s arms before looking at Sam and Sarah confusedly. They were looking at you like you just came back from the dead or something. Bucky stands next to you, also analyzing your face.

You frown, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Oh my God, what is it, guys? Stop looking at me like that!”

Sam gets up from his chair before gently stroking your arms.

“Do you remember anything from today?”

You frown again before slowly shaking your head. “Should I have something special to remember?”

Sam nods apprehensively before replying, “Steve was here today. Apparently, you guys talked for a while then Bucky got here, and you passed out.”

You rack your brain, trying to remember what he was talking about before you realize. Your body tenses up and you feel your breathing become ragged.

Bucky feels that and guides you to the dining table, making you sit down where he was before. He kneels in front of you and takes your hands in his.

“Doll, I want you to breathe with me, okay?”

You can feel your head start to spin and your vision becomes blurred, but you focus on Bucky’s voice.

“Deep breath in…”

He inhales deeply, making sure you’re following along.

“And out…”

He exhales deeply, looking into your eyes. You can feel your vision start to clarify.

“Again. In…” Inhale.

“Out…” Exhale. Your head stops spinning.

“One last time, in…” You inhale deeply through your nose.

“And, out…” You exhale through your mouth.

Bucky looks deeply into your eyes before stroking your cheeks. You shiver slightly from the difference in temperature of his hands that are both on your face. He gets up and sees your eyes sending him a panicked look.

“It’s okay… I’m just going to sit down here, okay?”

He sits down on the chair next to you before taking your hand in his. You look at Sarah and Sam, visibly trying to find something, anything to say.

After you all stay seated in silence for about 5 minutes, you look up at them.

“I want to see him.”

Sarah frowns, reaching for your hand that’s resting on the table.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Y/N? You didn’t… fare so well last time, you know?”, she says softly.

You nod, swallowing thickly.

“I know but he caught me by surprise. This time, I’ll know that I’ll see him so I can prepare myself.”

You can feel Bucky tensing up next to you. Sam clears his throat.

“Why do you want to see him? He knocked you up, broke your heart and left you for some 100-year-old woman he kissed once.”

“Sam!”, Sarah chastises.

“Can always count on you for the honesty.”, you say sourly, side-eyeing Sam.

“First of all, he didn’t know I was pregnant. Hell, I didn’t know I was pregnant until… the accident...”, you say silently.

You had been battling depression since your early teens, but it had never been that bad. Sam and Sarah had started to recognize the signs of your mental withdrawal almost immediately after Steve had left. About three weeks after Steve left, you had tried to take your own life by crashing your car in the lake behind the house. Bucky had found you just in time and brought you to the hospital.

The doctors had insisted on doing a complete medical check-up and had found that you were 2 months pregnant. You were ready to tell the doctor that you wanted to abort but Sam and Sarah had convinced you otherwise. They had told you that keeping the baby could be like a piece of Steve in your life and it could help you heal.

At first, you didn’t believe them, but they ended up being right. The baby saved you, giving your life purpose, something you thought you would never find again.

Bucky, Sam and Sarah had all pitched in to help but Bucky had realized that his desire to be there for you was more than guilt for his best friend leaving you. He had fallen in love with you. So, when he had asked you out, you had said yes. When he had proposed, you had also said yes.

Bucky was making you the happiest you had ever been in a long time. And you were now pregnant with your second child. You had learned about two weeks ago and you had announced it last weekend.

But you knew that, if you didn’t get closure from your time with Steve, you would never be able to be completely happy with Bucky.

You shake your head slightly, making yourself come back to your current situation.

“And second of all, I need to do it. For myself. But also, for my two children. I can’t be the mom they deserve if I don’t get some kind of closure from this whole… situation.”

Bucky huffs before getting up and walking quickly to your shared bedroom. You sigh, rubbing your forehead.

“Sam, can you try to track him down, please? I need to get this done soon.”

Sam looks at you for a couple of seconds before sighing and nodding his head.

“Thanks. Good night, guys.”

You walk to your bedroom, opening the door. When you walk in, you see that Bucky is laying down under the covers, his back to you. You walk slowly to the bed before kneeling down on it.

“Bucky.”

Nothing.

“Buck.”

He exhales loudly but doesn’t budge. You sigh deeply, stroking his back with one hand while the other turns him around.

“Bucky, baby, please, just listen to me.”

He rolls on his back but stares at the ceiling, avoiding your eyes. You sigh again before sitting down next to him, folding your hands in your lap.

“Look, Bucky, I understand that you’re upset. He hurt me but he also hurt you. He left us both and you’re allowed to be angry with him and deal with his return in whatever way you want but you can’t be mad at me for wanting to deal with it in the way that I want.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, still staring at the ceiling. You exhale slowly, putting a hand on Bucky’s cheek.

“Bucky, come on. Say something.”

You sigh deeply, “Bucky, I-”

“I’m scared, okay?”, he says loudly, turning his head to look at you. You jump slightly, unprepared for a response from him, much less such a loud response.

You frown, tilting your head, “Scared of what?”

He turns his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“Bucky, you need to tell me.”

He puts his hands over his face, slightly muffling his answer, “I’m scared that you’re gonna see him and talk to him and fall back in love with him. And then, you’re gonna leave with Lizzie and then I’m gonna be left alone all over again…”,

You feel tears pooling in your eyes as you reach over to put your hands on his shoulders. You tug at him softly, indicating that you want him to get up. Bucky sits up, staring at your lap before you reach over and put a hand on his chin, lifting his head to look at you.

You stare into his eyes, also full of unshed tears, before saying,

“Bucky, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay?”

He nods at you before whispering “okay.”

“First of all, Steve doesn’t know that Lizzie is his, okay? When he asked, I said no. And we’re going to keep it that way because you are her dad, Bucky, no one else. Second of all, it’s not like I’m going on a date with the man. I just want to talk to him so I can get closure. And third of all, in case you forgot, I’m wearing your ring on my finger, not his. And that’s how it’s gonna stay, okay?”

Bucky looks at you as tears start to fall down his face. He leans towards you, leaving a short but passionate kiss on your lips.

He lays back down on the bed before taking you in his arms as you listen to his steady heartbeat.

You look up at him, whispering, “I love you, Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky hums appreciatively before kissing the top of your head and answering, “I love you more.”

That night, you fall asleep with Bucky’s arm around your waist and his fingers intertwined with yours.

When you wake up the next morning, Bucky has already left the bed. You know that he’s either on a run or working on the boat with Sam.

You get up, brushing your teeth and getting ready before heading out to the dock. As you thought, you see Bucky and Sam working on the boat. They’re silent and you know it’s because you’re supposed to see Steve today.

“Hey Sam!”, you call out.

Sam turns towards you before meeting you halfway into the boat.

“Did you find him?”

He looks at you, raising an eyebrow before scoffing.

“Please. It took me less than 10 minutes. I told him to come at 11:30 so he should be here any minute.”

“Okay, thanks.” You look down at Bucky, still hard at work on the boat’s engine.

“Buck, can I talk to you for a second, please?” He drops the tool that was in his hand before walking up the stairs of the boat and stopping to sit down on the dock, not looking at you once.

You sit down next to him, before taking your hand in his.

“I’m just gonna talk to him, okay?” Bucky continues staring at his shoes but nods softly.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

He finally looks up at you and nods, murmuring, “I love you too.”

You smile at him, kissing his cheek.

“I-”

“Y/N, he’s here.”, you hear Sarah’s voice call out.

Bucky instantly tenses up and looks at you with panic in his eyes. You give a warm smile and whisper, “It’s gonna be okay, I promise. As soon as we’re done, I’m gonna come find you and then we can go do something fun together all day, okay?”

Bucky nods, sniffling softly, before heading back inside the boat.

You get up and follow Sarah to the backyard where Steve is sitting on a bench. As soon as he sees you, he gets up and adjusts his shirt. You feel the warm Louisiana air brushing against your skin as you take deep breaths, approaching him.

When you get to the bench, Sarah stops a couple of feet behind you. You look at her and nod, silently saying that you’re fine. Steve walks towards you and pulls out a bouquet of flowers, handing it to you.

You reluctantly take it and sit down at one end of the bench. Steve follows your actions and sits down on the other end.

“You look beautiful.”

Your breath hitches as you put the flowers on the bench between you.

“Look, Steve, I didn’t-”

You stop and frown as you see a purple bruise under his left eye. You instinctively reach up to touch it and he hisses as your warm hand touches his face.

“What happened?”

“Let’s just say that Sam was less than happy to see me.”

You chuckle softly. You should have known that he would have done something like that.

You put your hand back in your lap, trying to find the right words to express your feelings.

“I wanted to see you because I need closure for my family. That’s all.”

Steve looks at you longingly, “You always were one of the strongest women I knew. And beautiful, loving, caring, compass-”

“Look, Steve, I didn’t ask Sam to call you here so we could reminisce about old times. Why did you come back?”

Steve looks at the ground before clearing his throat, “When Peggy rejected me, it made me realize that I left the woman that I truly loved. And I thought that I could come back, and we could talk and-”

“I’m engaged”, you blurt out. You slap a hand over your mouth, shocked at yourself.

Steve looks at you and finally notices the diamond ring on your left hand.

“Oh… I, umm… Who is it?”

“Umm Bucky.”

Steve frowns, “You’re engaged to my best friend?”

You snort and mutter, “I don’t think he would call himself that anymore but sure.”

“But how?”

You scoff, “Well, when you get abandoned by the same person, you kinda find some things to bond about.”

“And it is… you know, serious?”, Steve asks, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“Are you fucking serious right now? You leave me, abandon me- us, for some girl and then you ask if it’s serious?” You get up, now completely furious and screaming,

“You can’t just waltz in here after five fucking years, after destroying me so bad I almost killed our child and then ask me if I’m serious about the love of my life!”

Steve seems shocked as his mouth stays open, “Wait, I thought you said she wasn’t mine?”

You stare at him before groaning loudly, “Oh, fuck me!”

Steve gets up, a determined look on his face.

“I want to meet her.”

You exhale deeply, calming yourself down before looking at the lake and crossing your arms.

“No.”

Steve stares you down, “I deserve to meet her.”

Your head snaps towards him, “You don’t deserve jack shit, Steve.”

Your vision becomes blurry with tears as you start hitting his chest aimlessly, “You left! You abandoned me! You deserve nothing!”

You feel strong arms pulling you back as you thrash around. Bucky’s soft voice rings in your ears,

“It’s okay, doll, it’s me. Calm down.”

Bucky’s hands cup your face, and he wipes your tears away with his thumbs as you calm down. When you stop crying, he pulls you into a hug and you feel his chest vibrate as he speaks lowly, “It’s time for you to go, Steve.”

You hear Steve’s equally deep voice from behind you, “I’m not going anywhere until I meet my child.”

Bucky chuckles humorlessly as you let go of Bucky and turn towards Steve, “She is not your child. She is Y/N and I’s little girl, and she will not be anywhere near you.”

As if on cue, Lizzie comes running out of the house.

“Mommy!”

You pick up your little girl and wrap your arms around her. She tries, but fails, to whisper in your ear, “Mommy, why is the man from yesterday here again?”

You chuckle at her lack of discretion. You stroke her back as you reply,

“He’s one of Mommy and Daddy’s old friend. But he was just about to leave.” Lizzie detaches her arms from around you before sliding down to the ground and walking to Steve. He kneels down to be eye-level with her and she holds her hand out to him.

“Hi. My name is Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Lizzie.” Steve shakes her little hand and responds, “Hi Lizzie, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Steve.”

Lizzie frowns at Steve before saying, “Are the bad man Steve that hurt my mommy?”

A look of shock draws itself on Steve’s face as he stares at Lizzie.

Lizzie turns towards you and runs back before saying, “I want him to go!”

Bucky laughs under his breath before saying, “Okay, Lizzie, come on. Daddy’s gonna make you some lunch.”

Lizzie walks over to Bucky taking his large metal hand in her smaller one before walking rapidly towards the house.

Steve stands up, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Why did she say that?”

You scoff as you cross your arms and look at him, “Because she caught me crying my eyes out one day and she asked what was wrong with me. So, Sarah told her the story about the bad man Steve that hurt me and made me sad sometimes.”

Steve detaches his eyes from yours, guilt written all over his face.

“I’m sorry”, he whispers.

“I didn’t know how bad I hurt you when I left and I shouldn’t have come back here like everything was going to be like it was when I left.”

Steve looks back at you, tears in his eyes. “I’ll leave and never come back. And congratulations on the engagement. I’m sure that Bucky and you are going to be great together.”

Steve starts to walk back towards the front yard as you stay standing in front of the bench. You hear the motorcycle start and before you can stop yourself, your legs are running towards him to stop him from leaving.

He turns off the motorcycle when he sees you in front of him.

You take a deep breath, clenching and unclenching your fists a couple of times before you say, “I forgive you. And I’m sorry I lied about Lizzie not being yours, I just… I don’t know.”

Steve nods slightly and starts his motorcycle again before riding off towards the road. You let you a breath and walk to the house.

When you see Bucky and Lizzie in the kitchen, playfully preparing some lunch, you smile bigger than you have in what felt like forever.

Your mind and your heart were finally at peace.

hi @saiyanprincessswanie i would love it if you could check this out for your reading list, hope you enjoy🤍

#bucky barnes x black!reader #steve rogers x black!reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers #bucky barnes x black reader #steve rogers x black reader #bucky barnes fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction

[trippin-over-my-fandoms]

I’ve seen this done before but here are my modern!rdr2 social media headcanons for the Van der Linde gang.

some of these are LONG and then some are shorter. doesn’t mean I love any of them any less however. I just did my best with all of them. 

* I treat the gang as family especially for my modern au 

Dutch

frequently uses Facebook and has dozens of friends he doesn’t even know. like if he gets a friend request he’ll accept it. John tells him he might as well just make his page public and Arthur pleads with him to make a facebook PAGE so that his random friends will stop liking posts that Arthur tags Dutch in. 

Dutch has no idea how to make a facebook page. 

he also has a Twitter and a massive following at that. He’s VERIFIED. 

all of his twitter posts are vague though

are they a joke? are they political? is it what he’s eating for lunch that day? literally no one knows.

Hosea

also has facebook but doesn’t use it because why does he need to look at pictures of events he was at. he only uses it to see things he didn’t partake in

also has snapchat but just to keep up with the kids 

because life360 was too much to deal with for everyone

and snapchat is cool

also he can and will spam you with bitmojis 

Arthur

used to use facebook a lot but stopped because he was tired of his posts getting likes from people he didn’t know and friend requests from people Dutch was friends with. 

plEASE

he has a private facebook for a reason, he doesn’t want other people to know his business. 

he also has an instagram but anything he posts on facebook also goes on there. it’s not aesthetic or pretty or anything and he doesn’t even caption over half his pictures. 

he literally only uses social media so that his friends and family know he’s alive

has snapchat because of Hosea but barely knows how to use it 

doesn’t get why everyone wants to use snapchat when teXTING AND CALLING ARE RIGHT THERE

John

the question is what doesn’t he have.

john has been trying to make it big on social media since youtube came out.

his youtube used to have videos on it but he deleted them because they were cringy and arthur liked to send them to the group text. 

plays twitch games on the weekends and sometimes with Jack but he thinks most of the subscribers are there for his kid since most of his solo streams don’t do as well

has a twitter, doesn’t follow Dutch, literally envies that he’s verified. 

he’s tried everything but no matter what he does nothing pans out

uses tiktok to promote twitch streams

instagram feed is mostly selfies of him but 99.9% of the time he’s wearing sunglasses and the caption is some random quote 

also has facebook but only to appease Arthur and Dutch, he doesn’t even have a profile picture. Claims only boomers use it. 

an avid reddit user. if he’s got problems he’ll go to reddit. claims reddit saved his life. everyone’s tired of the story so they stopped asking. 

also uses snapchat more than he should and the only social platform he has more than 100 followers on. 

Charles

same as arthur and has both facebook and instagram and posts the same on both except his are pleasing to look at. 

they’re unintentionally aesthetic 

he uses a psd on all his pictures and won’t share what it is

has monthly life updates that start with some inspirational or deep quote and then text that pushes the instagram word limit

also has a deviantart , has shared psds there before , constantly tries to convince Arthur to get it. 

used to use tumblr but he forgot about it

Abigail

the definition of a facebook mom. 80% of her facebook posts are about Jack or parenting. 

Instagram is similar but also different, she’s actually a relatively successful influencer with over 1,000 followers. 

all of her friends and family (who have instagram) follow her

has snapchat solely for the cute bitmojis and to send John adorable snaps of Jack playing with all the fun filters. 

she also won’t take a selfie unless it’s with snapchat because she no longer trusts her own camera. 

also uses pinterest and has a collaborative board with all the ladies. 

but in general, on her own, she has too many boards. she uses pinterest for EVERYTHING 

Sadie

bold of you to assume she uses social media. 

she does just not a whole lot. 

checks it once in the morning and once at night. 

except pinterest because how dare Abigail get her into it. but even pinterest she only uses in downtime. 

has facebook and instagram but there’s maybe only five posts.

if anything she’ll post on her story

will only snap Abigail and Arthur otherwise she doesn’t use snapchat

all of the social apps are mostly offloaded on her phone anyways

if she needs to know anything she just checks the group text which she has on do not disturb because they text way too much. 

Molly

she’s verified on instagram 

it’s also the only social platform she’ll use, which frustrates Dutch because he wants to be friends with her on facebook

but she’s happy with just instagram 

she keeps it simple 

and the main theme to her posts are fun outfits in her ever expanding closet

the other posts are usually of plants that she’s managed to grow. she’s not the best at being a plant mom but she’s still a good one to the ones she’s managed to keep alive. 

the only thing she contributes to the pinterest board are her own pictures of her plants which are overly aesthetic. 

Karen

started out with a normal instagram account then made a spam account which she ended up using way more often.

all of her posts are extremely chaotic

and usually reposts from her snapchat

has a reddit just to troll John

reposted his cringy youtube videos to reddit and got hundreds of upvotes

if you wanna see the most raw and chaotic videos of Arthur and John then she’s the one to follow. 

also if you wanna see Abigail when she’s not all put together. 

is the reason there’s so many memes in the collaborative pinterest board

Mary-Beth

has a instagram but also has a second instagram for art and book reviews

or basically anything she’d post on her tumblr

which is her second most used social

also uses facebook but only because she is an admin for one of those multifandom blogs. 

also begs Arthur to get a deviantart. 

uses pinterest most but only second to Abigail

literally the queen of pinterest DIYs

Micah

has twitter

as far as anyone else knows that’s all he has

maybe he has snapchat?

maybe they saw him on snapmaps once? 

all he ever does with twitter though is retweet anything Dutch posts.

yet somehow he has so many followers. 

Lenny

anyone who has snapchat has streaks with Lenny

even Hosea who doesn’t understand why it’s a thing

he also posts a lot on facebook but it’s mostly travel or vacation photos everyone is just a tad jealous of. 

Lenny always seems to be busy but still has time for streaks with his friends. 

he’s also an up and coming youtube vlogger

Sean

also has reddit to troll john

but he also legitimately uses it too. 

he’s also really popular in the minecraft subreddit , don’t ask

also has twitch and also has way more subsribers than John

and a youtube which he’ll upload (overly edited) twitch streams to

everyone subscribes to him but they don’t tell John that.

also has a tiktok and is up to date on all the trends because of course he is

Kieran

got facebook when he was 10 and just never left.

literally doesn’t use any other social media

he’s not in the group text either so he has to facebook message Arthur to know what’s going on. 

but he shares a lot of memes and cute pictures of animals

he used to follow Dutch but unfriended him when he was the only thing he ever had on his activity feed. 

Susan

has facebook but claims she doesn’t have time to use it

Arthur knows this to not be true because she will like a lot of his posts. 

she’s also guilty of liking every single picture in one post or album. 

Arthur has also caught her looking at memes and using recipes she finds on there. 

also part of the pinterest board but never contributes. 

Trelawny

he has an account for everything

like

litereally

everything. 

even whatsapp and linked in and kik

even tinder

the only one anyone knows about are his facebook, twitter, and instagam

but there’s no posts on any of them except twitter

he’s also verified

but for unknown reasons

any posts on his facebook are ones he’s tagged in

he’s also in a lot of facebook groups

Strauss

runs a subreddit

a paid facebook admin of several pages

the only person who actually knows this is Dutch because Strauss has told him about it

he has no online presence whatsoever out side of those.

Javier

spotify king

has over 500,000 subscribers on youtube

uses instagram but as another platform for his music

edits his own album covers

top tier playlists too

Tilly

aesthetic queen

the most put together and pleasing to look at instagram feed next to Charles. 

uses pinterest a lot as inspiration and for making moodboards.

also uses tumblr to share moodboards

part of the sims global community facebook group

she keeps saying she’s going to start a youtube vlog but hasn’t yet

keeps trying to convince John to let her help him with his youtube.

she also uses twitch to play minecraft and sims

oh and she set up a minecraft server for everyone

Bill

facebook boomer

that’s it

I don’t know how else to put it

probably shares heavily republican posts

Swanson

didn’t use social media until tiktok.

he doesn’t do dances or anything but he does post weirdly obscure and chaotic videos that end up trending on more than one occasion

it’s usually drunk ramblings in his car that end up being hilarious

or videos of the others almost dying or ending up in the ER

Pearson

facebook boomer but make it cool.

also shares conservative posts but less offensive ones compared to Bill’s

likes almost every post any of his friends share

also comments on them too

Uncle

does he have social media? no one knows for sure. 

yet somehow he knows what’s going on

even if nobody can find any of his social accounts or have ever seen him using one before let alone doing anything on his phone other than playing cheesy mobile games.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #modern rdr2 #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #john marston #charles smith #molly oshea #sadie adler #karen jones #sean macguire #mary-beth gaskill #susan grimshaw #josiah trelawny #kieran duffy #bill williamson #leopold strauss #tilly jackson #javier escuella #micah bell #lenny summers #abigail roberts #orvill swanson #simon pearson #rdr2 uncle

[comrade-meow]

Why do so many young women hate feminist trailblazers like me?

For anyone uninitiated into the various waves of 21st-century feminism, this will no doubt come as a shock. But in my opinion, what passes right now for modern feminism is doing women more harm than good.

Many young women today are not only pandering to men in their so-called feminism, but seem utterly unconcerned that the hard-won rights achieved by older women in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s are at risk of being catastrophically eroded.

They are helping everyone but themselves. In many ways they are betraying everything I and my brave colleagues fought for. This is the worst clash across the generations I have witnessed since coming to feminism in 1979, aged 17.

In universities around the UK and beyond, women are being fed a type of faux feminism, often by men reluctant to lose any of their privilege.

Julie Bindel, who came to feminism in 1979, says the rights achieved in the 19060s, 1970s and 1980s are at risk of being catastrophically eroded. Pictured: Julie (left) with Emma Humphreys in 1995 after a campaign to free her from jail for killing her violent partner

These women are being bullied and cajoled into accepting nonsensical concepts that are, at best, naive and, at worst, downright dangerous.

Prostitution, say these young women, is a job just like any other. They also argue that pornography is liberating. And finally, that trans-women should share female-only spaces such as hospital wards and domestic violence refuges.

This last makes me want to weep. It was women of my generation — often called second-wave feminists — who, 50 years ago, built rape crisis centres and refuges with no funding or salaries. To see them being dismantled by the very women who may one day need them is heartbreaking and infuriating.

I don’t think these women — almost all of whom would call themselves feminists — realise they are complicit in eroding our rights, for the simple reason they are no longer taught feminist history in universities. Instead, they are fed a sop of incomprehensible post-modern claptrap by ivory tower academics.

Feminists of my generation are not just ignored, but actively disparaged — or worse.

Since January 2004, when I offered an early opinion on the trans issue for a national newspaper, whenever it becomes public that I am about to speak at an event, always about an aspect of male violence and always as part of my campaigning work, a mob forms with the aim of bullying the organisers into un-inviting me. This is always played out in public and it is always humiliating. Sometimes the organisers capitulate.

I have been invited then uninvited from numerous events at universities following protests from trans activists and supporters of ‘sex work is work’ politics. I have also been invited to, then de-platformed from a number of events exploring free speech.

By contrast, genuine achievements of the past go unrecognised. From the very beginning of my involvement in the women’s liberation movement, we were out on the streets, waving placards, carrying banners and shouting through loudhailers, protesting the laws we wanted to change.

Julie said feminism has been rebranded and repackaged as ‘just be kind and nice to everyone’. Pictured: A 1970 women’s liberation protest

It was our campaigning that led to the introduction of the offence of coercive control; that barred the use of a woman’s previous sexual history in rape trials and ensured anonymity for the victims of sexual assault; and outlawed rape in marriage, which — young feminists are often astonished to discover — was perfectly legal in England and Wales until 1992.

Absurdly, there is no longer any expectation that being a feminist requires you to do anything feminist at all. Instead, and ironically given my experience, feminism has been rebranded and repackaged as ‘just be kind and nice to everyone’. Young women are told it is simply about the ‘choice’ to be who you ‘want to be’.

But if feminism is about choice, what does this mean for the women and girls who don’t have any? The girls forced into marriage, the women pimped out by violent boyfriends, the women on benefits living in temporary accommodation with young children they can’t afford to feed?

For feminism to mean anything, it has to be for all women and not just the privileged few.

Do young women even know about ‘the battles we’ve fought for them

You might ask, as many young women do, what is there still left to fight for? Although my generation of feminists and those that came before chalked up numerous victories, women are far from liberated. Levels of male violence towards women and girls are off the scale, as we have seen with the tragic events of recent weeks.

Conviction rates are so low that rape has been more or less decriminalised. Sexual harassment is endemic in our secondary schools and still a problem for many women in the workplace.

Many young women claim to be feminists, but seem to spend their time dismissing those of us who do the work — as opposed to simply talk the talk — as ‘irrelevant’, ‘bigoted’, and ‘past it’. Do these women even know about the battles we’ve fought and won to afford them some freedom?

Julie said in the current climate of misogyny, many young women are turning on feminists like her rather than pointing the finger at abusive men. Pictured: A rally to celebrate International Women's Day in 2020

In 2018, for example, Ash Sarkar, a media commentator, tweeted about the proposed changes to the Gender Recognition Act, claiming the introduction of ‘self-identification’ would not have any effect on the rights of others. I replied: ‘Unless you are a female in prison, one of the most disenfranchised groups on the planet of course.’ It was a reference to the case of Karen White, the transgender sex offender placed in a female prison who went on to sexually assault two female inmates.

When, in reply, Sarkar claimed ‘bigots’ like me didn’t ‘care about women in prison’, it was too much. Had she known her feminist history, she would have been aware that I am the founder of Justice for Women — a campaign I began in 1990 — and have helped countless abused women get out of prison.

When I came to feminism, there were no laws protecting lesbians from discrimination and abuse; violent men often won custody of children when women left a marriage; and domestic violence was treated by police as a ‘private matter’. All of this changed because of active feminists, as opposed to those who sit on social media virtue-signalling.

In fact, a woman reporting rape five years ago had a much better chance of seeing justice done than she does today. There were 1,917 fewer rapists convicted in the year to December 2020 than in 2016-17, a decline of 64 per cent.

In the current climate of misogyny, many young women are turning on feminists like me rather than pointing the finger at abusive men. Yet there are young feminists doing invaluable work to challenge male violence and bring about women’s liberation.

Julie said social media activism isn't the answer, as the #MeToo movement is no substitute for action. Pictured: A women's liberation protest in 1971

The campaigning group We Can’t Consent to This, which successfully abolished the ‘rough sex’ defence so often used by men who kill women, continues the work I was involved in as a young feminist when we, too, abolished the insidious defence of ‘provocation’, used by a number of men who’d killed their wives because of ‘nagging’ or alleged infidelity.

Of the 1,000-plus women attending the 50th anniversary of the Women’s Liberation Movement conference in London, in February 2020, a minority, but significant number, were in their 20s.

And when I launched my new book last month in London, well over 100 of the 250 books I signed were for women under the age of 30, with some in their teens.

Right now, we need feminism more than ever, but not the kind that puts men first. In the real world prostitution is not a liberating career ‘choice’, and increasingly violent pornography is not ‘sex-positive’.

Neither is social media activism the answer. The #MeToo movement is no substitute for action. Let’s point the finger at men who rape rather than expecting yet more women to lay bare their horrific experiences.

We live in a world in which rape, femicide and everyday abuse and harassment are ever present.

To change it, we need to be united and not divided by generational conflict. Somehow, and urgently, we must find a way to bridge the gap. Fighting among ourselves wastes time — and there is no time to lose.

Feminism for Women: The Real Route to Liberation, by Julie Bindel, (£16.99, Little Brown) is out now.

#Anglo.txt

[atlafan]

So, I set up a satisfaction survey for my patrons on patreon, and the last question on the survey I asked was, “any other thoughts for me?”

There was a response that really just...made me feel upset:

I’ve been following you since when you were posting frequently on tumblr, and you posted really often. Once you started posting on Patreon I feel like you’ve slowed down your updating. Not to be rude but like you said we do pay for your writing. I’m not saying update daily but maybe once or twice a week would be better even if they’re short blurbs/concepts. I completely understand that this is not your full time job but you are getting paid and just a tiny tiny bit more frequency would be appreciated. I’ve honestly read all of your work Patreon and Tumblr and I love you and your stories so much so I really don’t want to come off as ungrateful either as you do feed us a lot.

You pay $5.00 a month...A MONTH! And I usually update every week, to every two weeks, along with teasers, sneak peeks. 

When I first started posting fics on Tumblr, I was posting every day because at the time, I had time to right ahead. I was writing long fics that I was able to break up into parts and schedule out. That is not the case anymore, and hasn’t been for a long time.

The last three things I’ve written have been over 10K, and guess what...I DELETED THEM! I deleted them because I hated what I was writing, so posting twice a week with “short blurbs” is just not something I can do. I don’t like posting little 1k drabbles. I don’t like writing those sorts of things because it just feels like there’s no substance.

I follow 2 other writers on patreon. One of them maybe updates once a month, along with sneak peeks and other announcements, and the other updates maybe 2-3 times a month. They also only charge $5.00 a month. I actually think I post quite a lot compared to other writers. 

This does come off as ungrateful. I set up this survey because I’m still frustrated with the lack of feedback I receive. How could I feel motivated to write/post fics when I can barely get to 20 likes on a fic when I have over 100 patrons??? Are you one of the people that doesn’t even leave comments??? And if you don’t want to leave a comment on patreon because you don’t want your name on it, come to my inbox on Tumblr and send me a note anonymously. 

You’re right, this isn’t my full time job. You’re right, I do get paid on patreon. But don’t act like I’m making a 40K salaray from this. I need this little bit of extra money to pay bills, afford medication, and a ton of other things. I don’t ask for much. All I want is a comment on what you liked, or didn’t like about a fic I posted. 

All of that being said, I did get some really nice responses from this same question:

I love your writing and honestly I feel like I am getting my more than my money’s worth! 💕

I hope that you’re doing well and getting what you want out of this platform. You are very talented and a lot of people admire your work. Please keep up the amazing writing! I’m proud of you! xx

Love your writing, the details that you provide really help shape the concept(s) of the story you are telling. Keep up the good work!

I want honesty, and I can accept criticism, but to say I’m not doing enough??? And I know it was just this one person, but the entitlement????? I don’t understand it. 

I only want to put out my best work. I have a long one shot I really want to put out that I poured my heart and soul into, and I’m petrified of posting it because I’m afraid it’s only going to get, like, 10 likes. 

I know I’m rambling here, but I...even with all of the nice comments, that initial one above just makes me feel so defeated. 

#personal #fics #ramble #patreon #i just cant win with some of yall truly #its so disheartening #thanks for being honest I guess???

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

Negan Imagine ~ Mistletoe

Summary: What could you need more in the depths of a snowy winter night than a big cup of hot chocolate and a kiss with Negan underneath a mistletoe?

Happy Holidays!

Small snowflakes were falling down the night sky, like tiny white stars that emerged from the darkness and swayed down to the freezing ground. You could watch the soft but icy breeze whirling through them from your spot on the platform far up at the Sanctuary’s side and see how it made them dance through the dark. Your cold hands were grasping the railing of the metal, it’s iciness even palpable through your gloves as you tried to keep watch of any abnormalities along the compound that should make you reach for the rifle by your side. But instead everything felt oddly silent. A part of you felt like you should cherish that moment of calmness in this mess of a world but it was far too cold outside for you to enjoy any of this all too much. You honestly couldn’t wait for the end of your shift that would allow you to get back inside and ultimately curl up in your warm bed. Maybe then you would be able to fully enjoy the sight of the snow, from the comfort of your own bed while you could descend into the imagination of a white Christmas, a Christmas far away from the dead und living threats out of these walls, regardless of how unrealistic that was. A sigh left your lips as you moved from foot to foot, trying to give yourself the illusion that it would help you and get your body a little warmer before the squeaking of the door behind you made you flinch. For a second, you thought it was the person who was about to take over and relieve you from this icy hell before the sound of a familiar, deep chuckle turned that thought right back around.

“Shit, it’s dick shrinking cold out here!”, he cursed, though there was still a bright grin on his lips as you turned around to him and watched him stepping onto the platform, two hot chocolates in his hands and Lucille squeezed between his arm and body to keep her from falling. “Thought I’d pay you a little surprise visit, guessed you could use something to get warmed up in this shit here”, he said, kicking the door shut behind him before he nodded toward your figure that was covered in a large, thick puffy coat that reached down to your calves, “Can’t imagine even all that stuff keeps ya cozy but-... I’m 100% certain I’ve never seen a cuter marshmallow.” “Ha-ha”, you said, sarcasm swinging in your voice even though you were cracking a wide grin as well as you looked down at yourself. “That was meant as a damn compliment! Now get your hot chocolate, Sweetheart”, Negan chuckled, holding one of the cups closer towards you and you didn’t need another invitation to reach towards them. A content sigh fell from your lips as you felt the warmth of the cup pressing into your palms, warming them through the cloth of the gloves. “Thank you, I could really use this”, you mumbled, moving the cup towards your lips to take your first sip. For a second you closed your eyes, relishing in the delicious and deep chocolate taste that filled your mouth and made you feel all warm and cozy for a moment. “Anytime, Sweetheart. Gotta make this shitty night shift at least a little better”, Negan said with a wink, taking a sip of his own hot chocolate before he quirked a brow at it,”Should’ve put so scotch or rum in here. Gotta think of that for the next time.” You let out a small chuckle, about to respond to him before another icy breeze brushed over your back and let a shudder run through you. “Ah crap, c’mere”, Negan said, raising his arm a little, enough for you to move a little towards him and feel him wrap his arm around your waist to bring you closer. A small, this time pleasant and warm, shudder ran down your back as you felt his touch even through the thick coat while you brought the cup back up to take another sip. “Warming up works better naked, y’know? Read that a while ago”, Negan chuckled throatily as he bumped his head softly against yours only to rise some heat in your cold body. “I guess so, but I’m sure you gotta be inside for that”, you mumbled with a chuckle, giving him a glimpse before you watched him perking up his thick brows. “Was that a suggestion? We could get inside and sneak up into my bed licking-split!” “Wow”, you chuckled, nudging him slightly with your elbow that only made him more ecstatic as he pulled you closer. You could feel that giddy but cozy feeling rising in you again, the same as you always felt when he was so close to you and you too the last bit of your hot chocolate to make you distract yourself from the effect he obviously had on you. “Ah fuck, I think we should get inside for real now, huh? Getting only colder now and that damn snow’s getting more dense”, Negan groaned, taking the last sip from his cup as well before he took yours and set them down onto the small, metal chair by the railing. “I mean, I really wanna get inside but there’s no one here yet to take over”, you said with a gulp, feeling how much you actually wanted to get inside with him before you saw Negan shaking his head. “That’s alright, won’t need you or anyone else up her tonight, snow’s getting so dense you can’t see shit...this is useless”, Negan mumbled, furrowing his brows as he stared into the dark for a moment before he moved to grasp Lucille and nodded towards the door with a wink,“C’mon let’s go warm up.”

You didn’t need any more persuasion than this to get yourself ready to leave this icy platform once for all. Cuddling yourself closer into your coat you watched Negan opening the thick metal door back up again, the dim light from the hallway streaming onto the platform while some of the buildings warmth gushed outside. “Well now would you look at that”, you heard Negan chuckle as he stepped inside, his glance looking right up above the door. You furrowed your brows, confused as to what made him react the way he did while you stepped closer. For a moment you guessed the emergency door light above the frame could have broken, as so many times before, but as you reached the door’s threshold and glimpsed up, your lips fell softly open in surprise. A mistletoe was dangling above you, a dark red bow wrapped around its top to keep it in place while it slowly started to dim on you as you watched Negan’s wolfish glance lowering down from the twig to your eyes. “Wonder how it got there, huh?”, Negan grinned, the look on his face speaking volumes while blood started to rush into your cheeks as you stared at him, a little startled and honestly unsure of how to react. There had been uncountable times your mind had run wild when you were just thinking of him, and you couldn’t deny of how much you craved to kiss him now and so many times before, but the situation got you honestly flustered for a moment. You started to try and shake the startled feeling off of you, trying to relax a little as you glimpsed up at the mistletoe for another second. “Yeah, wonder who put it up there”, you said, giving Negan a small grin as you looked back down, though you could still feel the nervousness holding tight onto you. “Now...would be a damn shame to break the tradition, right?”, he grinned as he stepped a little closer, while the howling of the wind outside echoing through the air and the cold breeze was still flowing into the hallway, even though you didn’t feel cold at all anymore, you felt like you were burning up. “I think it brings bad luck, can’t imagine anyone could want that”, he added with a brighter smirk as his hand reached up to get a soft grasp on your jaw but it slowly started to fade as he recognized the nervousness that was still plastered over your face. His thumb caressed softly over your check, a gulp travelled down his throat before his eyes met yours, not so wolfish anymore but rather soft. “We don’t have to do this though. I bet we’re can escape that bad luck by a hair’s breadth either fucking way”, he rasped with a small wink, even though he still stayed close to you, his eyes running over your face as if he was trying t o read your thoughts. You could barely escape his glance but when you did, your eyes dropped down to his lips, to the way you started to imagine them to feel like when they met yours and the excited feeling to finally feel him closer started to trump the startled feeling that was still lingering within you. Slowly, it got replaced by a warm one, one that urged you to take your chance and follow the feelings you’d obviously developed for him and allow them to run deeper. “I don’t think I wanna risk that”, it almost automatically slipped out of your lips, almost surprising yourself as much as Negan in these moments, even though you could see his face relaxing again before the grin moved back onto his lips. “Good”, it only fell from his lips, his voice unusually quiet, only a rasp in this moment as his other arm sneaked around you and pulled you closer against him. A shivering but excited breath fell from your lips as you felt leaning in, your arms moved to caress over his leather clad chest before you slowly closed your eyes.

Softly and almost feathery, his warm lips met yours, first careful as if he was trying test how you were responding to his touch. Your whole body started to tingle from one moment to another as you felt the sensation the surprising softness of his lips mixing perfectly with the roughness of his beard as they teased gently over yours. He still tasted like chocolate, his scent was as intoxicating as ever and you could feel yourself melting against him as his hand ran further to bury his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and hold you close. His kisses started to grow more demanding as he could feel you leaning into him and heard you hum in satisfaction when he touched you, while the nervousness started to ebb away and you allowed him to carry you away with his kisses. The coldness of the air that was streaming through the door and the warmth of the hallway whirled around your bodies as he pulled you closer against his body, while your desire for him grew with each caress of his lips. Another small hum left your mouth as you felt his tongue teasing over your lower lip, just before he melted into you, his tongue caressing first softly against yours, then more demanding and hungry until your response let him groan faintly in pleasure. It felt familiar and new, comfortable and exciting, cozy and giddy at the same time and most of all, it felt natural to kiss him like you did, almost as if your body had only waited for this moment to finally happen. You didn’t want to break out of this little bubble he was creating around you, you wanted to stay right there in this spot and kiss him until the snow storm outside would stop and the sun would rise again but both of your bodies urge for new air urged you to slowly let go of one another. Your breath was unsteady and faster than usual as his lips dropped from yours, your legs were wobbly and your body was shaking in excitement, and just then it first started to dim on you what had actually just happened. It still seemed so unreal though, and a part of you wanted to pinch yourself to make sure that you hadn’t just been dreaming. A sharp breath left your lips as Negan still kept you close, his rough fingertips still caressing through your hair as he leaned in to give your lips a surprisingly gentle peck before his forehead against yours. The warmth within you only got stronger as you cuddled closer against him, felt him relaxing against you before a small laugh fell from his lips as he nuzzled his head against yours. “I got a feeling this is gonna be the best fuckin’ Christmas ever.”

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