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#Vampire!Bilbo

The hunters slipped into the hot springs with a chorus of moans. Even Thorin couldn’t bite back the groan that escaped as his sore muscles slowly dipped beneath the soothing hot water.

“I’m so sorry,” Bilbo chuckled sympathetically. “I really was trying to go easy on you.”

“It’s not your fault, Uncle Bilbo,” Kili assured through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, we’re just a lot wimpier than we thought,” Kili agreed.

Thorin groaned again. Something was out of place in his back, and it was sending streaks of pain down his legs.

“Oh, you’re not,” Bilbo tutted. “You’re actually very impressive for hunters, especially for your age. Come here, love.” He gently tugged Thorin around so his hunter’s back was to him. Running his fingers along Thorin’s spine, he found what he was looking for. With a gentle press, Thorin’s back popped loudly, resulting in instant relief. Finally, the hunter was able to relax without the constant pain and leaned back into his vampire’s arms.

Wrapping around him, Bilbo easily supported his hunter. “You don’t have to push yourself so hard, you know,” he sighed, resting his chin on his mate’s shoulder.

Thorin only had the energy to grunt on response. Shortly after getting back from Bree, they had started a new, and rather intense, training routine. Bilbo was training them personally, and that included sparring with them.

Really, it wasn’t any more intense than they wanted it to be. Bilbo only ever played a defensive role so it was entirely up to them how hard they pushed themselves. The boys would take turns or work together until they were too sore or too tired to get thrown back or knocked around again. Thorin wasn’t that smart, apparently.

~~Excerpt from chapter 72 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on Oct 19th. Subscribe now! ❤

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Of Cold Hearts Bilbo’s theme song – Monster by Imagine Dragons

.

There were a lot of songs I considered for this Bilbo, but this one seemed to hit home for him the hardest. We don’t really get to see a lot of Bilbo’s side of things in the fic and even less of his inner thoughts and feelings. But we do learn about him in little glimpses and reveals from Thorin’s point of view and some of the lines in this song really resonate with him.

For example the lines:

“If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?”

Really reflect his apprehension about his growing relationship with the hunters (especially Thorin). But there’s so much more in this song that just screams my vampire Bilbo. Instead of spelling it all out for you though, I’ll let you listen and draw your own comparisons.

I’d love to hear how you think it fits him or what song you think suits him best.🥰

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“You would tell me … if I was … something other than human, wouldn’t you?” There was no doubt in Thorin’s mind that Bilbo would know.

Bilbo stared, his face carefully blank. “If you asked it of me … I would tell you anything that you want to know,” he finally answered.

Stepping closer, Thorin studied his One. “Am I human?”

“Yes, of course, you are, Thorin. That’s a silly question,” Bilbo huffed patiently, breaking his expressionless mask to give his hunter a reassuring look.

Thorin felt no less confused. He knew Bilbo spoke in riddles sometimes, but his answered seemed pretty straightforward. “I felt … different,” he admitted softly, squeezing his fists and stretching his hands.

Bilbo closed the distance between them and reached up to cup his hunter’s jaw in his hands with a small sigh. “That man is an idiot. Don’t let his words bother you. You are human.”

Thorin nodded and grabbed one of the vampire’s hands to redirect it to his lips. “I felt … more though. For a moment,” he sighed. Maybe he was just perceiving things that weren’t there because of what Slayer had said, like the suggestion of enchantment.

“Well, I never said you weren’t,” Bilbo huffed.

“Weren’t what?” Thorin narrowed his eyes.

More than human. You asked if you were human, not if you were only human.” Bilbo pointed out.

Thorin’s brow furrowed as he considered that. “What?”

Sighing, Bilbo slid his hands down Thorin’s front, settling them on his waist as he pushed against him.

Thorin was almost distracted. “Are you saying I’m more than just human?”

“All I’m saying is that you didn’t ask.” Bilbo deflected, pushing against him harder. Thorin stumbled back from the vampire’s force until he hit a tree. Bilbo rubbed against him, and heat shot to his groin.

~~Excerpt from chapter 71 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on Oct 5th. Subscribe now! ❤

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“Easy.” Nori sat straighter so the waitress could set down his plate. “Write it, and I’ll get it out. I see Bilbo decided to join us.”

“I guess he finished up getting your things ready to summon.”

“Yeah, I heard. Ya should be careful with that hunter, ya know. The one ya wrestled last night.”

“I can handle myself… Why?” Thorin eyed the thief suspiciously. “What do you know?”

“Only that he goes by ‘Slayer’ and is an up and coming hunter. According to the rumors, he’s merciless and likes to go looking for fights. After the way he was lookin’ at ya last night, I’d watch my back if I were you.”

“He’s just sore that he lost and didn’t get to bed my va-man last night,” Thorin grumbled.

“Aye. Well, don’t think he’s gotten over it just yet. He’s the type who don’t need an excuse to take ya out of the picture,” Nori cautioned.

“I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just givin’ ya a heads up. Bilbo needs ya alive. Means it’s my job ta help ya stay that way.”

Thorin paused in his eating. He wasn’t used to receiving such unprompted cooperation from the thief. “Thanks.”

“Don’t.” Nori waved it away. “I vowed to serve Bilbo. Unfortunately, you two are a unit now. Means I have to serve you too,” he grumbled begrudgingly.

Thorin chuckled. “Well, I appreciate it anyway.” He thought he might actually even be able to like the thief a little if they weren’t always butting heads over Bilbo.

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t get sappy on me. Get that letter written, and I’ll get it out.”

~~Excerpt from chapter 70 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on Sept. 21st. Subscribe now! ❤

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Thorin’s breath caught in his throat. Bilbo was so beautiful, perhaps even more so because of his absence. He was dressed up as usual, but his hair was slightly wild and wind swept, most likely from his intense travel speeds. And the smile on his face practically glowed, drawing all eyes to him.

“Mind If I join you?” The vampire asked playfully, smirking at the look of awe on his partner’s face.

Clearing his throat, Thorin tried to recover his composer. “Yes, please.” He wasn’t above begging.

Bilbo chuckled but was tackled by twin forms before he could sit down.

”Bilbo!”

“You’re back!”

“We thought you’d go straight home.”

Bilbo patted the arms wrapped around him, but held Thorin’s gaze. “I did.”

“Are you going to stay here with us?” Kili let go so the vampire could sit.

“Yes. I’ll head back with you when you’re done here.” Bilbo stole a sip of Thorin’s ale, making a face and putting it back. “Be dears and fetch me some hot water.”

Thorin snickered at his response. “Don’t like It?”

“I’ve tasted much, much better.” Bilbo pulled him down by his shoulder to sniff at his neck with a small snarl. “Yavanna, you smell so good. I missed you.”

Leaning further into his lover’s space, Thorin’s nuzzled him before planting a real kiss on his lips. “I missed you, too. My bed’s felt empty.”

“Just your bed?” Bilbo twirled his hunter’s braid around his finger.

“No. My arms, too.” Thorin placed kisses up the vampire’s jaw until he could mouth at his ear, relishing the shuddered hiss it drew out.

“Hey, hey! We’re in public! Go get a room!” Kili protested as they returned with Bilbo’s water.

~~Excerpt from chapter 69 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on September 7th. Subscribe now! ❤

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“I’m far better than I was, but I’m still a far cry from being at full strength. Every time I start catching up something happens to drain it away again.” Bilbo sighed.

“So, we just need to keep you out of trouble then,” Kili hummed.

“We need to keep you out of trouble! I was fine until you trouble magnets showed up.”

“The fairy barrier was all you, though,” Thorin teased.

Bilbo snarled and slammed the table with his palm suddenly, making them all jump. “That nosy old coot knew better! He just wanted to make me angry!”

“Wait. What happened?” Nori wondered.

“The Elder of the Old Forest wished to speak with me … privately. Bilbo didn’t take kindly to it.” Thorin explained

“You talked to the Elder?” Nori asked incredulously. “And you broke his barrier?” He stood and pointed at the vampire.

“We’ve already covered this.” Bilbo tutted with disinterest, calmly sipping his tea again.

“Eru alive! I don’t know what’s going on anymore.” Nori buried his face in his hands,

“Hey. What about that festival they mentioned?” Kili wondered. “Are we going to that?”

Bilbo grimaced in annoyance. “Why?”

“It . . sounds fun?” Fili shrugged.

“I had hoped not to.”

“Why not? Why don’t you like them? They seem to like you? They even protect your home.” Kili asked.

“I don’t dislike them,” Bilbo sighed. “They’re just incredibly nosy and annoying.”

Thorin chuckled, remembering his mate’s interactions with the elder. Bilbo really was like the rebellious teenager.

“It’s not funny,” Bilbo pouted. “I’ve had to put up with them for centuries.”

“They really do like you though.” Thorin grinned.

“I know. That’s part of what makes them so annoying,” Bilbo grumbled.

~~Excerpt from chapter 68 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on August 17th. Subscribe now!❤

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“All right, all right. We can iron out the details later. Let’s get you all settled first.” Bilbo interrupted their growing spat. “And I still need to fetch your things from Belegost. Come on. Let’s find you a suite.” He waved them along.

“Suite?” Dori wondered curiously.

“This place is huge.” Kili whispered as Bilbo started to give them a rundown of his home. He explained the floors, sub-floors and the many rooms as he guided them to a door on the first floor.

“This one should work for you.” Bilbo swung open a set of double doors. “This will be your space, but you are welcome to make yourself at home in the communal places like the kitchen and what-not.

“You manage this entire place all by yourself?” Dori asked in awe.

“There’s not much to do when it’s just a handful of people.” Bilbo dismissed the admiration. “But your welcome to do as you like. I’ll show you to my hoard if you decide you want to redecorate. Nori!” He barked suddenly. “Don’t pry anything off the walls.” He glared at the thief who was eying the gold vein pattern on one of the suite walls. It was probably real gold, knowing Bilbo.

The thief slipped his hands behind his back and grinned sheepishly.

“You’re welcome to explore as you like, but I will know if even a single gem goes missing from these walls.” Bilbo warned, making the thief huff. “I’m going to go find your horses and bring them in.”

“I’ll come with you.” Thorin offered as the vampire started to leave.

“No. I want you to stay hidden for now.” Bilbo pulled his hunter down for a kiss. “Besides, I want to get it done as quickly as possible. I’ll be back soon.” He promised and disappeared.

~~Excerpt from chapter 67 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on August 3rd. Subscribe now! 💖

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Before the others could recover, Bilbo lunged for another which met the same fate at his fangs as the first. The vampires finally retaliated, but Thorin knew it was already too late. Bilbo was too angry, too hungry.

The vampires lunged at Bilbo all at once only to pounce upon an empty space. Snatching one as he effortlessly dodged their attack, he latching onto it. His eyes swirled with power as yet another dissolved into dust in his jaws.

There were only three left now, and they looked absolutely terrified. “Regroup! Run!” the leader screamed. They turned to do so, but they didn’t make it even a single step. Bilbo flickered, and all three of them landed face down in the dirt–each one missing a leg.

Dropping three pale legs to the ground broken at the knee, Bilbo’s unnaturally wide and sharp mouth curled in a feral grin. “Not today.” His whisper came out dark and whisp-like. He jumped and latched onto to one with his overly sharp jaw. The other two desperate enough to try crawling away. It was a vain and pathetic attempt.

Finishing off two of them, he ate almost leisurely until there was only one left. He grabbed it by its collar but didn’t bite it. He was facing away from the shocked hunters and changelings now, and he stood still for a moment.

Taking a deep breath, Bilbo let it out. His form jerked and cracked unnaturally. When he turned to drag the last vampire back toward them, he was back to his usual appearance.

“Sorry. Got a little excited,” he apologized sheepishly. “You probably wish you hadn’t seen that.”

~~Excerpt from chapter 66 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on July 20th. Sunscribe now! 💖

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“So.” Fili tried to start up some conversation that didn’t have to do with the vampire’s clearly deteriorating condition. “I hear you’re officially our uncle now,” he teased lightly.

Bilbo froze mid sip, drops of black bleeding into his wide eyes as he stared. He cleared his throat and blinked the darkness away. “Yes. I suppose I am,” he studied the teens for some kind of reaction.

“Do you not want to be our uncle? We already call you that.” Fili pushed gently. The vampire’s reaction was confusing.

“Of course not,” Bilbo denied immediately. “I just … wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

Kili scoffed. “You”re already family, Bilbo. It doesn’t really change anything. Except that we get to keep you for good now, right?” He elbowed his brother.

“That’s right!” Fili perked up. “You belong to us now! You can’t get rid of us! You’re stuck with us!” He and his brother cheered in triumph.

Bilbo’s head tilted as he considered their claim but his demeanor was relaxed. “I’m not sure if I should be insulted, touched or concerned,” he admitted dryly.

“Concerned. Definitely concerned.” Thorin deadpanned but smirked when his nephews squawked indignantly.

Bilbo chuckled. “I suppose I can suffer you two trouble-makers for the rest of your lives.”

“No way! You’re stuck with us forever, Bilbo!” Kili declared.

“I could never be so lucky,” Bilbo retorted with a small sad smile.

“Aw, cheer up, Uncle Bilbo. Don’t worry, we’ll cause enough trouble for you in our lifetimes to last you the rest of yours!” Fili offered enthusiastically.

“My, how generous.”

~~Excerpt from chapter 65 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on July 6th. Start reading now!💖

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“So …“ Bilbo began after a while. “What do human’s normally give … as birthday presents?”

Thorin’s brows pulled down but he shrugged and answered. “Whatever really. A piece of clothing. A weapon or tool. Something useful. Sometimes children receive toys.”

Bilbo lifted his head. “Well, that sounds boring,” he said in disappointment.

“Well, I suppose the wealthier types can afford something more extravagant like a horse or fancy clothes,” Thorin offered.

“I’ve already given them horses and I’m having Ori make them new weapons and armor. And I already planned to commission Dori to make you all some new clothing. They’re not special, they’re just … necessary!” Bilbo flapped his arms in exasperation.

Thorin chuckled at his vampire’s mild outrage. “Well, you asked what human gave humans. You’re not human, so what to vampires gift each other?”

“We don’t,” Bilbo replied. “I mean, we don’t really celebrate anything but domination. The only gifts we really give are for lovers and even those are very rare. Stinginess is a typical vampire trait.”

“You give us things all the time,” Thorin pointed out.

“That’s different. I’m not giving you gifts. I’m equipping you with necessities,” Bilbo disagreed.

~~Excerpt from chapter 64 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on June 22nd. Start reading now!

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“I wish you weren’t so weak.” Thorin murmured over his hand. “Is there truly nothing I can do?”

He expected a reassurance, a denial, maybe even some appreciation for his concerns. But he was answered with silence. He looked up to Bilbo suspiciously. “Is there?” He pressed.

Bilbo stared at him for a few moments before looking away.

“Bilbo.” Thorin growled sternly. “If there is anything I can do, I will do it. Tell me.”

Bilbo was refusing to look at him and Thorin was starting to lose his patience.

“Your blood might help.” Bilbo whispered just before Thorin was about to press him again. “You’re my blood siren. Even just a little bit . . should help.”

“Take it.” Thorin didn’t hesitate. He was ready to slit his wrist right then and there if it would bring some life back to his vampire. “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Bilbo’s head rolled back to almost facing him. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it.”

“Why would you think I’d refuse you this, especially if it could help you?” Thorin would have expected some explanation along the lines of not wanting to lose control and take too much or at least something somewhat legit.

“I just . . didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, I guess.” Bilbo admitted weakly.

“‘Make me uncomfortable?!’” Thorin repeated incredulously. “Seeing you suffering makes me uncomfortable!”

“I’m sorry.” Bilbo replied abnormally contritely.

~~Excerpt of chapter 63 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on June 8th. Subscribe now!

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“Thank you.” Bilbo nodded. “Now get in there and pick yourself a devil, Master Oakenshield.” He teased and nudged the hunter forward.

“I think I’ve already gotten all the devil I can handle.” He turned back to wink. “But I’ll try.”

“Haha. Very funny.” Bilbo huffed, but his smirk was amused. “Go show your nephews how it’s done.”

Thorin walked into the midst of the herd of dark beasts. He joined Fili who was standing in the center, still scanning the horses while Kili fumbled about looking for a horse that wouldn’t just turn and run from him.

“Well, can’t say he lacks passion.” Thorin commented, making Fili huff.

A whistle echoed over them and one of the dark beasts trotted back to Bilbo. They watched as Bilbo nuzzled the devilish creature, probably whispering sweet nothings, before hopping on effortlessly and spurring the creature on, riding it around the herd watchfully.

“He makes it look so easy.” Fili mumbled.

“Yeah, he does.” Thorin chuckled, scanning the horses for himself. He spotted one watching them intently.

“So, uh, what’s going on? With you two? Are you, like, official now?” Fili muttered quietly. “Hey!” He protested when Thorin shoved him hard with his elbow. He stumbled before he righted himself. “I was just asking?! We have the right to know!”

“That horse is watching you.” Thorin pointed out. It’s gaze had followed Fili as he stumbled from Thorin’s shove. “You should try that one.”

“Really?” Fili followed the direction of his finger. He turned back to his uncle. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten.” He glared.

~~ Excerpt from chapter 62 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on May 25th. Subscribe now! 💖

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“You look great.” Thorin cut him off. “Good enough to eat.” He added with a small growl. “I’m surprised there wasn’t a brawl in every bar we stepped in.” Though there were a few times It had come close.

Bilbo scoffed but had a small pleased smile. “I’m hardly that attractive. I just know how to play my cards. It’s all part of the hunt, remember.”

“You grossly underestimate yourself. If you didn’t do anything more than walk into a bar and smile, you’d have half the occupants blessing the ground you walk on. It’d have to be a real smile though, not one of those fake ones.”

Bilbo stared at him with a strange look on his face, his head tilted in disbelief.

“You don’t believe me? Ask the boys. They’ll tell you.”

Bilbo shook his head. “First of all, I don’t have any fake smiles. All my smiles are genuine in their intended meaning.”

“Yeah, I’m not talking about your ‘look at how charming I am’ smile. I mean the ‘this actually makes me happy’ smile. That’s the real one.”

Bilbo squawked indignantly. “I do not- that is . . I think your making things up.” He narrowed his eyes at the hunter.

“And there’s the ‘I’m going to rip your arm off and beat you with it’ smile but we just try to avoid that one altogether.” Thorin continued to prod, doing his best to suppress his grin.

Bilbo scoffed and threw something that hit him smack in the face. It was a soft, silky fabric so it didn’t hurt in the least, but it made him loose control over his mirth and he burst out laughing. It was a daisy yellow cravat that Thorin assumed Bilbo had picked out to wear.

~~ Excerpt from chapter 61 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on May 18th. Subscribe now! 💖

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There was a burning in his throat. He swallowed to relieve it but the burn only intensified. He opened his eyes, but there was only darkness. He tried to sit himself up, but his body wouldn’t obey. Everything ached and his throat burned unbearably. He tried to shout out, but the fire in his throat seemed to eat up his voice. It came out as nothing more than a raspy hiss.

He licked his lips with a dry tongue. He would absolutely kill for a drink right about now. Something warm and smooth to sooth his aching throat. Something red and tangy, his mind hissed. He felt his fangs press into his lips with a feral smile. Just one little bite. Footsteps echoed under his ear and came to a stop by his head. He stayed silent and passive as a dark figure leaned over him. “It’s time to eat, pet.” A smooth, deep voice purred over him. “Make me proud. Kill them all.” The hissed words echoed in his head.

Thorin shot up with a gasp, wide eyes looking for the dark figure. He was still in the chamber, still in the Sanctuary. Bilbo lay next to him, un-moving. What was that?! He rubbed at his throat. It felt normal aside from a little dry, but nothing like what he had just felt. The dark voice echoed in his head again and he shuddered in disgust.

~~ Excerpt from chapter 60 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on May 11th. Subscribe now! 💖

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Today, I’ve posted the next chapters of Of Cold Hearts, The Herd of Durin, Small but Fierce and Bride of the Demon King for you!

Also, I posted Husband Mine as its own work as I prepare to post the next chapter for it. It’s a Fem!Thorin fic that was specifically requested so I wanted to go ahead and start working on it. Summary below. 😊

Passing through the Shire, Thorin and her escorting guards arrive in time for a huge Shire-wide hobbit festival and are encouraged to join in the celebrations. She meets a annoyingly cheerful and confusing hobbit who takes a suspicious amount of interest in her and eventually convinces her to let him be her escort for the evening. She wakes up in bed with the same hobbit the next morning with no memory of how she got there and discovers that they are somehow married. Mortified and neck deep in denial, all she wants to do is get out of the Shire and leave the whole embarrassing mess behind. Unfortunately, her new husband is strangely enthusiastic about their marriage, and, determined not to let her slip away so easily, he follows her back to Erebor. But the worst part of the whole mess? … She might actually be starting to like him.

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They stepped out into a large, plain stone chamber. Thorin almost asked where they were, but then he spotted the doors. They were huge and lit from top to bottom with glowing runes. There were two massive doors, each at least three times as tall as him and twice his height in width.

Bilbo shuffled towards them and Thorin broke from his awe filled gape to assist. The vampire placed his hand against a door and a ripple effect flowed out across the ruins. The door pushed open far more easily than it looked like it should.

Thorin knew this was as far as he could go and forced his fingers to pry off his One. He didn’t like it. It caused an ache in his chest to let him go. But Bilbo needed this.

Bilbo shuffled in and Thorin waited for the door to close and cut them off from each other completely. It didn’t. Bilbo turned and looked back at him. “What are you waiting for? An invitation?” He held out his hand.

“But, this is your Sanctuary. You said-“

“No one but me.” Bilbo nodded. “But my magic is wrapped up in you now, Thorin. You are part of me.” He smirked softly, his hand outstretched.

Thorin could only stare at it in awe. He could enter? He never had to be separated? Was it even possible he could be granted something so … perfect.

Bilbo’s smile faltered and his hand drooped. “You don’t have to, of course.”

Thorin snapped out of his daze and snatched up the offered hand, almost afraid the invitation had expired. “I would be honored.” He stepped through the door and it closed behind him.

~~ Excerpt from chapter 59 of Of Cold Hearts by Domestic Goddess on Ao3 to be updated on April 27th. Subscribe now! 💖

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