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iamnotoriginalphil · 5 months

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Your Mina (Wilhemina Venable x f!Reader)

Synopsis: The world has ended and not just due to the missiles. Your Mina is gone, the cold Ms Venable left in her place. If only you didn't still want her.

Words: 6.3k

Warnings: degradation kink, humiliation kink, mentions of possessiveness, mentions of exhibition, swearing, thigh riding, chocking, jealousy, BDSM themes, objectification

The end of the world hadn’t been what you were expecting. It hadn’t been a slow build to something, climate change not the cause. Missiles, as the news announced, felt so stark and impersonal in the face of the death they wrought. You hadn’t even had the chance to feel the fear or the loss or the anxiety before hands had clasped around your arms and you were being escorted into a massive SUV.

Kicking and screaming brought blank stares, no one bothering to step in. Tears were running down your face but you were hardly the only one. The missiles were on the way and you were just another person facing this overwhelming truth. The world was ending and you were being kidnapped.

You would never get the chance to kiss your girlfriend goodbye.

You were bundled underground, into some kind of bunker built for the rich and powerful. You tried, over and over again, to tell them that they had the wrong person. You weren’t rich. You weren’t powerful. You were nothing and no one.

In a room, questions unanswered, you were left to stew. Firelight licked up the walls, shadows dancing, putting you on edge. You saw no one else, alone, the silence uncaring as you screamed at them to let you go. When the screaming ran out, tears fell down your cheeks. It was beginning to sink in just how alone you truly were. There must be other people in whatever place it was, but your family was gone, your girlfriend, your friends, everyone you’d ever known. They were all gone and you remained.

It was a cruel mistake.

You sunk into a chair eventually, curling up in it. Time was moving but you couldn’t feel it, the numb feeling growing in your chest. Your life had changed and you weren’t sure you wanted it. You wanted your life back or to have perished with everyone you loved. Not whatever this was.

The tears stopped. The numb feeling grew. You stared into the fire, wondering when it would consume your body. At some point, you knew, it would.

You ignored the sound of approaching footsteps. Your chin rested on your knees, arms curled around bent legs, staring at the flames until they were all you could see. No one could make it better. Of that you were sure.

A sharp tap of a cane on the floor had you stiffening. Their cruelty knew no bounds. You squeezed your eyes shut, refusing to let any more tears fall. They weren’t going to break you, no matter what this torture was. Maybe you had died and this was hell.

Another sharp tap of the cane so much closer and you half turned your head towards the sound. Your eyes scanned up from shoes hidden under a long dress, a dark cane held in pale hands. Your heart gave a small flutter. The further up, the more familiar the figure standing in the doorway was becoming.

Dark eyes were staring at you from a mask like face. Hair you’d once run your fingers through was pinned up. Lips you knew the taste of were pressed into a thin line. Your mouth grew dry.

“Mina,” you breathed, rising from your seat.

You couldn’t believe it. She was standing there, right in front of you, looking none the worse for wear. She was perfect. Your heart was thudding in your chest, loud in your ears, and she was right there. You could touch her, if you just reached out, because she. Was. Right. There.

“You will call me Ms Venable.” Her voice was so cold.

“But-“

Her hand shot out, open palm striking your skin. You gaped at her, the sting bringing tears to your eyes. She was staring at you, daring you to argue and you didn’t know what was happening. This wasn’t your Mina. Your hand trembled as you raised it, lightly touching the skin that bore her handprint.

“Yes Ms Venable,” you whispered, not even aware you were doing it.

Your eyes focused on your feet, your breathing shallow, the sting of her slap still echoing through your body. The end of the world had taken her from you, but not through death, through transformation. Pushing the tears back once again, you caught your lower lip between your teeth, biting down until the coppery tang of blood bloomed on your tongue.

“Welcome to Outpost Three,” Ms Venable said, and her voice was so familiar it hurt.

“Thank you,” you said.

“As a Purple you’ll be supplied a furnished suite,” she said.

Your eyes flashed up, purple meaning something more than whatever she was suggesting.

“Purple?” you asked.

“One of the elite.” Her voice practically purred and your entire body felt like a live wire, “come.”

You moved on shuffling feet, following behind her as she walked with such confidence. You had no idea when she’d been shown this place. She’d never spoken of it, never even hinted at something like it. All those years together and not once had this ever entered into your life. Until the end of the world.

The end of the world she knew about?

She explained the rules to you, your arms slowly tightening around your body. None of it felt real. None of it was reasonable. You’d stepped into a world where nothing made sense and nothing was okay. Your Mina was gone and yet was also standing right there.

Standing there but different. Your Mina would never wear black, purple the colour she wore at all times. You didn’t like it. She never wore her hair so pinned up, so severe. While you could appreciate how it showed off the long line of her neck and the cut of her jaw, the sway of her hair had been a constant in your life. At least the scent of lavender seemed to cling to her, not quite hidden. Yours gaze slid over her body, finding her more a stranger than was comfortable.

You stepped through the door she indicated into your suite, should brushing against hers. That familiar scent of lavender lingered in the air of the room. You breathed in deeply, eyes slipping closed for a moment, letting yourself imagine for a moment that the world hadn’t changed so drastically. You turned, looking at her, eyes sweeping over someone that once had been as familiar to you as your own reflection.

“I don’t understand,” you said.

“Which part?” Cruelty was the flavour of her voice.

“All of it. I mean, I know about the missiles but why am I here? I’m not anyone,” you asked.

For the first time, something in her eyes seemed to break apart and hastily be put back together again.

“You must have been important to someone in power,” she said, “if you find yourself so inconsequential.”

You looked at her, really looked at her. You’d woken that morning to her already having left the house. There was a vague memory of lips pressed to your forehead before rolling over. There’d been no note, not indication anything was going to be different. You’d slept last night with her warmth beside you, arms around you, breathing in time with one another. Now… now she was so far from the bed you’d once shared and you had no idea how to get back to it.

“I suppose so,” you replied, voice soft, letting her have the out she was looking for, “thank you, Ms Venable.”

She gave you a short nod before turning on her heels and walking away, the tap of her cane lingering long after she was gone.

The closing door was quiet and so was the sigh that passed over your lips. You didn’t know what to do with yourself. The world had ended but Mina was still there with you. But different. Not your Mina. Ms Venable. Not the woman who would come home at the end of the day and slip into the bath with you, but something new. Someone you’d never known before.

You wandered through the suite. It was plush, expensive, nicer than the home you’d shared with Mina. You didn’t know what to do with it. The world had ended and you were living in luxury. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it.

In the large closet, purple stared back at you from every corner. You ran your fingers of the materials, finding that each item was beautiful. Each one was perfect. Someone had put a lot of thought into curating the wardrobe you were to have in the end days. You shook your head, not sure what to do with that information. None of it was making any sense to you.

You were slow to dress and by the time you found your way to the dining room, it looked as if you were the last to join them. Mina was sitting at the head of the table. You couldn’t look at her, not without a wound in your chest opening up again. You felt the weight of the other gazes on you, not looking up from the hands clasped in your lap.

One weighed heavier than the others.

You’d dressed carefully, in the dress you thought shed’d like the most on you. It was soft, delicate, almost romantic. You couldn’t bare facing her only to be met with disdain. It had been a message that you would do what she wished to please her.

You’d keep to whatever role she was placing you in. Just sharing the same space as her would have to be enough in your new reality. You could be perfect for her, if that’s what she needed from you. Even now, when she wasn’t your Mina, you’d still do whatever you could for her.

Thank god your therapist hadn’t survived the end of the world or she’d have a lot to say about that.

You kept your interactions with the other Purples to a minimum. You found them insipid at the best of times, and you craved the attention of only one person in the entire Outpost. Instead, you watched the way she terrorised them. She stalked the halls, doling out discipline as she saw fit, lurking in the shadows just to catch them breaking the rules. The joy she seemed to get from it seemed so different from the woman you’d known on the outside, and yet you’d seen glimmers of it sometimes. On her worst days, mostly.

You didn’t find it any less intriguing, though. You might have been willing to play along with her facade of being nothing but strangers, but you still noticed that left you with less of her attention than the others. It might have been bad attention, but at least it was attention. You craved it, like it was the air you breathed. Where once the weight of her gaze ws comforting and familiar, now it felt exciting in its scarceness.

And then there was Ms Mead. Her right hand, her confidant, her trusted advisor. A kernel of jealousy curled behind your ribs, hissing in your ears that you’d been replaced. That she didn’t need you anymore. That she didn’t want you.

So you decided to do something drastic if only to prove to yourself that you were still burrowed in her heart.

It was slow, not wanting her to catch on before you were ready. You took your time, inching towards the group of Purples day by day until you were sitting with their group, listening to them talk. No one questioned it, no one pointed out you’d spent months ignoring them, now seeking them out.

Gallant was the first to notice your sarcastic comments, muttered under your breath. Catching your eye whenever Coco said something, a shared smile, the sting of friendship was surprisingly painful after months kept to yourself. He would sit beside you, the two of you sharing barbs.

If Mina noticed the change, she didn’t show it.

So you amped it up. You whispered with Mallory in dark corners, you complimented Coco loudly, you shared smiles with Dinah. In short, you did all you could to show her she no longer had your attention either. That you’d moved on. That if she didn’t want you then you weren’t going to sit around waiting for her forever.

Her eyes began to trail you throughout the twisting halls of the outpost.

One more turn of the cog. Standing in your wardrobe, the handpicked clothes for you by the woman who knew you better than anyone, you considered each one with a critical eye. Yes, the one in the far corner, tucked away as if she hadn’t wanted you to find it. That was the one.

The lavender slip dress was silk, so soft against your skin. Clinging to your figure, a cowl neckline and slit up to your thigh, it was sexier than anything else you’d worn, nothing like the Victorian inspired fashion you’d grown used to. But she had left it for you and it felt like a challenge.

You pinned your hair up, not as sever as her, softer, more romantic. You looked in the mirror, doing your best to effect the wide eyed look of innocence you knew you’d need to sell the whole ideal. Give her something to ruin.

You waited, just long enough to know you would be the last to sit down to dinner. Not late, but on the cusp. Stepping into the dining room, it was like a slow wave, faces turning to you, only one looking less than pleased.

You took your usual seat beside Gallant, ignoring the one woman you were trying so hard for. Some eyes were still lingering on you, Coco to be exact, and she looked put out at your appearance.

“Nice dress,” Gallant said, leaning towards you but in the quiet room his voice carried.

“Thank you,” you said, smoothing one hand over your thighs, “I found it in my room and thought why not? No point wasting something so pretty.”

Your eyes looked past him, finding Ms Venable watching you. There was fire in her eyes and you didn’t fail to notice the way her fingers clenched on the head of her cane. With a small smile you turned your face away, looking down at the gelatinous cube on your plate. Hardly your favourite meal but given it was the only one in existence you’d take it.

Your dragged your eyes up again, Coco looking at you with a cocked head. You offered her a wink, smirking at her. It wasn’t so much a feeling as a shift in the atmosphere. A tap of the cane on the ground, your thighs clenching together.

The meal was as unsatisfying as ever. Well, the food was. The eyes that you kept drawing to yourself were not. Arching your back, your neck, letting your fingers trail over your collarbone, laughing softly in Gallant’s ear, letting your teeth sink into your lower lip. You were using all the tricks that had once worked on her. The tricks that also led to you pinned to the mattress moaning her name.

No one said you had to play fair.

Once the meal was over, you slid your arm through Gallant’s, letting your hips sway, not bothering to offer a parting look to the woman who still owned your heart. He escorted you into the library, the infernal song making you purse your lips.

“So tell me,” he murmured under the cover of Coco’s complaints, “who’s benefit is this little number for?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” you replied, smiling at him, letting him know you were lying.

“You do know sex is strictly forbidden,” he said.

“Who said anything about sex?” you laughed, “nothing wrong with being desired.”

“Did you really find this dress in your wardrobe?” he asked.

“Would you believe my answer if I said yes?”

“Not for a moment,” he replied, “but whoever it is, they’re going to find you hard to resist.”

You sat in the corner of the sofa closest to the fire. The light, flickering over your skin, would be temptation in itself. Gallant seated himself beside you, his eyes scanning over the room, most likely trying to ferret out which of the other Purples you were trying to seduce. The woman moving through the room, taking her position with her back to the fire, was ignored by him. You smiled down into your lap before looking up at her. The glare you received in return was nasty.

You only stayed long enough to not raise suspicions. You squeezed Gallant’s shoulder as you left, getting an indulgent smile in return. The air in your room was stale and yet it continued to hold notes of lavender, even so many months later. You sat on your bed, face turned towards the door.

She didn’t leave you waiting long.

The knock on your door was perfunctory. You were slow to rise, wanting her to wait. Pulling the door open you didn’t have the chance to say anything before a hand was curling around your throat and pushing back into the room. Your hand snapped up, fingers curling around the delicate wrist, but you didn’t try to pull it from you. The door closed quietly behind her.

“You have been making a spectacle of yourself,” she said, squeezing.

“And you’ve been enjoying the show,” you shot back, breathless and hoarse.

She snarled, throwing you back. You stumbled, doing your best not to trip over your own feet. She advanced, slow and steady, each tap of the cane making you lose a little more of your breath. Her eyes swept over your body, looking less than impressed with what she found.

“You think too highly of yourself and your little display,” she said.

You took a step into her personal space, feeling her familiar warmth wash over your exposed skin. Her eyes darted down your body again, lingering on your lips for a moment before meeting yours. You pulled those lips up into a smirk, leaning forward.

“And I think you look at me and remember exactly what I sound like when I orgasm on your tongue,” you murmured.

“Insolence,” she growled, “your base desires are nothing of my concern.”

“Once they were only your concern,” you said, stepping back from her, “but I suppose you’re right. Someone else might want that job now.”

“No one will ever have that job,” she hissed.

“Yes yes, I know. No unauthorised sexual intercourse,” you said, rolling your eyes, enjoying the hint of jealousy in her voice.

Your hand slowly skimmed up your body, lingering on one breast. Her eyes zeroed in on it, darkening in a way that felt familiar. You brushed a thumb over a hardening nipple, a little gasp your only response.

“That doesn’t stop me fantasising about you every night with my fingers knuckle deep inside my pussy.”

Her throat bobbled.

“I used to just remember how it was. You, me, our bed or our bath or our kitchen counter,” you said as you pinched your nipple through the silk of your dress, “but then I got creative. Rather than Mina I had Ms Venable. Disciplining me. Tying me up. Bruising me. Choking me. Degrading me. I found I rather liked those fantasies.”

“You disgust me,” she growled.

“Then why are you thinking about using me for your own pleasure?”

Her eyes darkened and you saw her jaw clench. You knew her, better than you knew yourself. She’d never been good at hiding what she wanted from you, especially when what she wanted was you. You made small noise in the back of your throat as you tugged on your nipple, eyes fluttering closed at the shot of pleasure to your core.

A hand curled around your throat again, forcing you backwards until your back hit the wall. You didn’t bother opening your eyes, rolling your nipple, her name a soft exhalation. Lips brushed the shell of your ear and the scent of lavender curled around you.

“You’re nothing but a dirty whore ruled by your own animal instincts,” she growled in your ear.

“Uh huh,” you hummed, her words lighting your blood on fire. She’d never been one for this before, when it was sweet and soft and full of reassurances. You were having fun exploring this side of her.

“Pathetic,” she snarled, “do you really think this will end well for you?”

“I think it’ll end well for you,” you all but gasped, “you know how good I am with my tongue.”

Her fingers tightened around your throat, cutting off your air supply. Your back arched into your own touch, her warmth brushing against your bare skin. Your eyes opened, finding her watching you, teeth biting into her bottom lip. You lent into her hold, eyes focused on that lip, wanting to bite it until you tasted her blood.

“You want me to use you?” she hissed, “would that bring you pleasure?”

You nodded, watching her lips form the words. You could still remember what they felt like against your skin. They curled up into a cruel smirk.

“On your knees, slut.”

With the hand around your neck she forced you down. You looked up at her from under your lashes, tongue dragging along your lower lip. She let you go, stepping back. With careful movements she set her cane aside, sitting on the edge of your bed. She crooked a finger at you.

You crawled across the floor on hands and knees, practically panting at the thought of getting your mouth on her after so many months. She raised her foot, pressing it against your shoulder, holding you back, heel digging in painfully.

“You think you deserve to touch me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I do,” you said, not even having to think about, “name one person who knows your body better than me. Name someone who can make you feel as good as I can.”

“Whose to say I haven’t found someone here?” she asked. That same jealousy curled in your gut, whispering in your ear, telling you Ms Mead had replaced you. She didn’t need you.

“Let me prove it,” you begged, surprised by how much you needed it.

“And what have you done to earn the honour?” she asked, “you choose to debase yourself in front of me. You flaunt your body as if that will impress me. You associate with degenerates and air heads. You are nothing and you will never amount to more than nothing.”

“Please,” you breathed, “please let me do this for you.”

Her foot dropped from your shoulder. You crawled forward again, unhindered. You stopped between her feet, dragging your eyes up her body. She was staring down at you, those dark eyes unimpressed but so intent on you.

Your hands skimmed up her calves, finding bare skin under your fingers. You pushed her skirt up, admiring the line of her leg. Your brought your lips to her right leg, finally touching her soft skin, tongue darting out to taste her. So familiar and yet so different.

“Hurry this up,” she growled, “I have places to be.”

“Yes, Ms Venable,” you said, lips brushing her skin.

Her legs parted further, giving you room to continue your exploration up her legs. She was still watching you, hands resting on your comforter, eyes darkening as your fingers slid over her knees. Your nose skimmed along her inner thigh before your breath caught.

Mina had always splurged on nice lingerie. It had been one of those things you’d loved. Silk and lace and satin. Always in shades of purple. She seemed to get a kick out of each new one revealed to you, the way your eyes would widen before you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off her. She planned it to perfection, each reveal making your head spin and desire pool between your legs.

If you’d considered the opportunity for lingerie in the Outpost, it was usually drawn from your imagination, your desire of what you’d like to see Mina in. In reality, you expected something functional, perfunctory, much like you’d found in your own wardrobe. Functional over aesthetic. Basic and simple, serving a purpose beyond stoking desire.

What you hadn’t expected was for her to forego underwear altogether.

Right there, easily accessible, her centre was glistening in the firelight. Fingers tangled in your hair, tugging until a sharp pain in your skull caught your attention. You tipped your head back, finding her staring at you.

“Problem?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Her act of indifference might have worked better if you couldn’t see the effect you’d already had on her. Her fingers tightened in your hair again, pulling past the point of pleasure.

“No, Ms Venable,” you replied, lowering your eyes back to her pretty pussy.

The hand on the back of your head forced you forward, headfirst where she wanted you most.

“Then get to work. Prove to me you’re the best slut I have on offer.”

Your tongue darted out, licking through her folds. The fingers in your hair tightened again. You did it again, revelling in her taste. You’d missed it, more than you’d realised. You hummed, eyes closing as you treasured the moment, tongue delving deeper. You wanted her taste on your tongue forever.

When you ghosted over her clit her fingers clenched. You did it again, wanting to feel the pull. The sharp pain was making your legs feel like jelly. You hadn’t thought that would be something you liked, but then you hadn’t thought you’d like this new Mina before you’d met her. But she was fun, opening up a whole new world of exploration for you.

You let your lips wrap around it, slow to suck. She forced your head harder against her, grinding against you. Your tongue flicked out, determined to hear her moan. The sound of it haunted your dreams. You craved it. You yearned for it. It would fulfil your dreams.

She kept silent.

Your arms hooked around her thighs, keeping them open as you pressed closer in. Your tongue lapped at her, circling her bundle of nerves, feeling her hips rise to meet you. You hummed again, tongue thrusting into her. Her legs pressed in, ignoring your hold on them, contracting around your head.

“Fucking whore,” she hissed, “so desperate for me. It’s pitiful. You disgust me.”

You tried to plunge further in, wanting her to feel you. Your nose bumped against her clit. She forced your head forward, grinding against you, uncaring of how you might be feeling. Your tongue was working hard, thrusting into her, setting a pace that you weren’t sure you could keep up. You looked up, watching the way her face contorted in pleasure. Her lips fell open in a silent moan, eyes closing. You stroked at her internal walls.

“I’m sure I’m your favourite taste. You’d stay there on your knees all day if I’d let you lick at me like a desperate little whore. Would you service me whenever I asked?” You knew you would.

You pulled your tongue from within her, wrapping your lips around her clit. You prised your fingers from her thigh, replacing your tongue, pushing them in until you could curl them, finding the place within her you knew so well.

She moaned.

“Maybe I should take you with me to dinner, have you feed under the table, at my feet as you deserve. Or would you rather eat from me instead? Let the rest of them know what a desperate little slut you are.”

You pressed your thighs together. Your fingers were slow as they pumped inside her, stroking and curling, twisting in a way you’d found she’d liked so much so many months before when the world was still the one you knew. You were sucking on her clit, her fingers pressing you harder, grinding hard against your tongue. The thigh you still held was beginning to tremble and her words were becoming breathy.

“Or maybe I should have you laid out on the table, touching yourself through dinner, let everyone see the control I have over you. Debase yourself in front of them. Show your shame to them all. Remind them you’re nothing but a dirty whore who earned her place here with her body, not through worthwhile means.”

You whined. Her laugh was breathless, fingers in your hair tightening. you could feel your own arousal beginning to drip down your thigh, her words only spurring you on. You wanted all of it, everything she was describing. You wanted her claiming you in front of them. You wanted to debase yourself, her words controlling you, begging her for release for everyone to hear. She owned you, body and soul, and it had taken the end of the world for you to realise how true that was.

“Even Coco is more worthy of her spot here. All you have is your body. Nothing but an object for my pleasure.”

You stroked the spot within her you’d always been able to find in conjuncture with a sharp suck to her clit. Her head fell back, hips jumping forward. Her thighs were squeezing your head, hands forcing you against her. It was hard to breathe but it was unimportant to you, her rising pleasure all that mattered.

“Look best on your knees,” she panted, “desperate to please. Willing to debase yourself, making a spectacle of yourself, demeaning yourself. Think you can please me. Think I’ll like seeing you giving into your animalistic urges. So… So… pathetic.”

She groaned as her internal muscles clenched around your fingers. She was keeping you pinned against her pulsing core, riding your face as hard as she could. With your tongue tasting her, you wondered if she’d cum since the end of the world or if this was the first time in all those months.

Her breath was slow to even out. Your fingers slid from her, your tongue dragging over the skin of your palm to clean yourself up, not wanting to miss a drop of her.

She dragged you up, your knees screaming from being pressed against the stone ground for so long. She ignored your whimper, lips crashing against yours. Her tongue was in your mouth, almost lazy as she stole your breath, giving you what you’d been yearning for since entering the Outpost. It was like kissing your Mina again. Her other hand was pulling up your skirt, fingers skimming your skin, making you whine into her mouth.

With probing fingers she discovered you’d also forgone underwear, bare under her touch. She made a noise, drawing back from the kiss, a look of affected disgust crossing over her face. Her finger ghosted through your folds, lingering on your clit. Your breath froze in your lungs, hips stuttering towards her. She guided you down onto her still bare thigh, bare cunt against her skin.

She curled her lip, watching the way your lips sunk into your bottom lip. The feel of her against you was almost too much. Your hips rocked, a tiny movement that would have been unnoticeable if she hadn’t been watching you so intently.

Her hands grasped your hips, tight enough to leave bruises, keeping you still. You whined again, eyes begging her to let you move. You were dripping with need, her thigh already slick from your arousal. The curl of her lip was undercut by the gleam in her eye, self satisfied and interested in you.

“You disgust me,” she said, “nothing but your base urges motivating you.”

“Ms Venable,” you whined, “please.”

It was torture, being held like that, pressure on your clit but held still. Your breathing was erratic, need filling your veins. Her eyes swept over you, considering you, finding you wanting.

“Go on then,” she said, turning her eyes away from you as if she didn’t care, “rut like the animal you are.”

No matter how much disinterest she tried to affect, her hands were the ones guiding you against her thigh, tensing underneath you. Your head fell back, moaning loudly, wanting her to hear how much she still effected you. She was setting a tortuous pace, your clit slowly dragging over her skin. You were whimpering, trying to catch her eye again, wanting her to see how desperate you were.

Your hips rocked faster, harder, grinding down against her. She was slow to turn her gaze back to you, sweeping over your undulating body again. Her name mingled with pleas and thanks was all that fell from your lips. She snarled at you, only flooding you with more heat. You liked how she degraded you, even as she gave you the pleasure you were so desperate for.

Her fingers grasped your chin as your head began to tip back again, forcing you to look down at her. You moaned, staring in her eyes as your hips ground down, seeking out more pleasure. She growled, pressing her thigh up harder. You wanted to bury your fingers in her hair, feel the silky strands against your skin, pull the pins out so they’d tumble down her back. You wanted to kiss her deeply, burying your moans in her mouth. You wanted her to watch you come undone.

You made a small noise in the back of your throat, breathy and throaty, a half whine. Her eyes were watching you, lips pressed together, a flush high on her cheekbones, barely visible in the firelight. You were rocking against her, chasing your high, the spring tightening within you. Your fingers clenched around nothing, not knowing if you could touch her, muscles straining to the point of trembling.

“Aren’t you done yet?” she drawled.

Your breath caught, body tensing above her, your orgasm crashing into you. Wave after wave moved through you, her name sweet nectar on your tongue as you cried it. A smirk settled on her face, eyes practically smouldering, fingers tightening on your hips again. Your head fell forward, seeking out her lips.

She allowed you to kiss her, surprisingly soft. Her tongue stroked against yours and despite the fact your heart was still beating double time from your orgasm, heat stoked in your lower stomach again. You sunk your teeth into her lip, giving in to your impulse. A hand pressed between your shoulder blades, forcing you against her body. Soft supple curves pressed against yours, the rough fabric of her dress scraping your skin.

The kiss softened again, more reminiscent of times long since gone. You sighed into her mouth, hands finally landing on her shoulder, thumb brushing against her pulse point. With strength that had always surprised you, she lifted you from her thigh, laying you back on the bed. Her hands skimmed down your body, featherlight until you were thrumming under her fingers.

“I must admit,” she murmured against your lips, “I have missed you.”

“Really?” you asked, drawing back just far enough to see her properly.

“You are the owner of my heart, little one. Holding back from having you has been torture,” she said, fingers stroking through your hair, pulling leftover pins from it.

“Then why were you?” you asked, wondering how long you’d have your Mina back.

“Maintaining distance was necessary. I could smuggle you in but once here I couldn’t show any such favouritism. Not if I wished to remain in charge, unquestioned and complete,” she said, “and you made it so incredibly difficult, little one. I felt those beautiful eyes watching me, looking so lost and hurt. All I wanted was to take that hurt away.”

“I just didn’t understand how I’d lost you. The end of the world and you were there but you weren’t and I had no one.”

Her fingers were still running through your hair, comforting and soft. Her other arm curled around your waist, rolling until she was lying on the bed, holding you close. You rested your head on her shoulder, pressing yourself to her with a level of neediness you didn’t usually feel around her. After months without, you needed it more than you needed air.

“So now what?” you asked her.

“What do you mean?” she asked, lips brushing your hairline.

“We just had unauthorised sex,” you said, “am I going to be shot?”

“Of course not.” She stiffened and you could hear the horror in her voice, “I authorised it. I am the leader of Outpost Three, after all.”

“Yeah, that whole thing has definitely awoken something in me,” you said.

Her soft chuckle vibrated through her chest, passing into yours. You pressed closer, legs tangling together, uncaring of the arousal that still coated both of your skin. Her lips pressed to your forehead.

“I noticed, little one,” she said, “perhaps next time I’ll tie you up and tease you until you think you’re going mad.”

Your shaky exhalation earned you another kiss, soft and lingering, a promise for you to cash in.

“In public we shall remain as always. The leader and a Purple. Behind closed doors, we shall be us again,” she said, “if that’s agreeable to you?”

“I’ll take whatever I can get of you,” you replied, “you’re my world and I’ve missed you so much.”

Your name was sweet on her tongue, a soft sigh, a small smile. You lent up, kissing her until she was melting beneath your touch. You felt liquid, dreamlike, you hopes coming true right in front of you.

“I love you,” you muttered against her lips.

She rolled you, hovering above you, staring down with those dark eyes. Firelight danced across her skin and she’d never looked so beautiful to you.

“I love you too, little one,” she said, before kissing you once again.

#wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable imagine #wilhemina venable #ahs imagine

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yeehawpim · 4 days

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oh wait what? i'm in vancouver too (hilariously moving in a week) - i love your art, i bought your "tell stories to each other till the sun explodes" t shirt. it would have been so funny to be walking down the drive wearing it and you doing a wild double take haha

ayyyy welcome welcome😄

aw thanks so much!! yeah I've never seen one of those shirts b/c I never bought it, that would be wild 🙀

#q&a #i was gonna do a proper announcement closer to the date but im tabling at slice gallery for their mini mart on may 11 #it's on venables if anyone wants to come #it occurs to me there r actually ppl who might b close enough LOLOL #im happy you recognized the street names! i deliberately picked streets that dont intersect for that art so it's not an actual place

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stayevildarling · 28 days

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I just found ur account and I wanna say how much I love your stories, especially the Cordelia×Wilhemina×Billie and reader ones ❤️ I wanted to ask if you could write one where both wilhemina and reader have had a bad day, and once they come home to their other girlfriends, wilhemina snaps at reader for something due to the bad day she had and reader snaps back which shocks them all? Maybe abit angsty with fluff at the end 💕

Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Glimpse of us

tw: angst, cursing

word count: 3.5k

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay,@whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson,@isle-of-earle,@paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime, @ohrwurm26

As you finally enter the familiar walls of your shared home, the weight of the day's troubles seems to hang heavy on your shoulders. Despite your best efforts to shake off the stress from work, it clings to you. Billie and Cordelia are quick to notice the tension, you entering the academy first, Wilhemina following behind with an expression that almost would have scared them, if they didn't know the redhead so well by now.

"Hey there, love," Cordelia greets you softly, her voice infused with concern as she invites you to take a seat.

You manage to nod weakly in response, not trusting your voice to betray your frustration. Billie, ever perceptive shoots you a sympathetic glance, before looking over at Wilhemina, hesitating whether to take a seat or leave to the comfort of her own office.

,,Come on, I made dinner, love'' Cordelia tries gently, somehow convincing the redhead to sit down.

The meal feels dreadful, the awkward tension in the air, not only making you and Wilhemina uncomfortable but evenly your two blonde girlfriends. Cordelia tries for a while, to make conversation and include you and Wilhemina, barely coaxing any words out of either of you two, you not daring to look up at your redhead girlfriend after the events from today.

Sighing in frustration, Billie eventually breaks the silence, not being able to stand the silence ,,Okay, what is going on you two?'' she questions, her gaze flickering between you and the redhead. Wilhemina doesn't look up, she simply continues her meal as if nothing happened and it infuriates you. Cordelia notices your tension, placing a gentle hand on your leg in an attempt to comfort you. Billie's eyes meet yours, pleading with you to fill them in, let them help, fix this palpable tension between you, usually filled with so much warmth, love and adoration.

And then Wilhemina's gaze meets yours, unexpectedly and right there you find yourself back in the events from earlier today, her intense gaze clouding your memory with her sharp words,

,,Why are you always breathing down my neck? Can't you see I'm trying to concentrate?'' Wilhemina snapped, the frustration very clear in her features and laced in her voice.

,,I'm sorry, I just wanted to help you, I thought we are supposed to be a team'' you began, trying to defend your actions.

Her gaze lingered on yours, knuckles turning white as she grips onto her cane hard ,,Well maybe if you actually did your share off the work, instead of constantly distracting me, we wouldn't be in this mess'' she snapped, her voice filled with venom.

You scoffed, trying to swallow your frustration and pain ,,Oh so now it's my fault?'' you spat, your emotions getting ahold of you. ,,Typical, you always find a way to blame me for everything''.

She rubs her temples in frustration then, hating for the way this escalated, not expecting your reaction and too stubborn to fix it now. ,,I'm not blaming you for everything but you're not exactly making things easier right now'' she carried on, her features already softening at this point, voice less filled with anger.

And usually, you would have faltered there, simply accepting she was in a mood and leave her to cool off for a bit. You would have never spoke again after that statement but today had triggered your mood in ways it never has and so with one final statement you end the conversation taking place in the redheads office. ,,Fine, I'll just leave you alone then. Maybe you'll appreciate it more when I'm not around to bother you'' you spat, on the verge of tears but doing your best to hide those.

,,Yeah, maybe I will'' she spat in return. You stood frozen in the spot for a moment, knowing this was your fault as you shouldn't have lowered yourself to her mood, shouldn't have talked back but it hurt. Her statement hurt and you missed the way her features softened as she saw tears sparkling in your beautiful eyes. You simply scoffed, turned around and left.

The two of you didn't speak for the remainder of the day, you did your own things in your office, working hard to ignore and forget about the argument with your girlfriend. You had always doubted whether it was a good idea to work with Wilhemina. She suggested it in the end, explaining how a position needed filling, one where she would be close to you and could keep an eye on you. And undeniably, she did just that. Making sure her bosses aren't anywhere too close to you as they couldn't be trusted. You did an immaculate job and the mishap that day definitely wasn't on you but the redhead couldn't keep her frustration in and when you kept asking and asking her what you could do to help, she snapped, assuming you would take it better, not expecting your reaction as she didn't calculate the fact, that maybe, just maybe you haven't had a good day either.

,,Wilhemina, what did you do?'' Billie snaps, her sharp voice bringing you back into the present. You didn't realise that you must have zoned out for a moment, only now realising your cheeks are wet, Cordelia looking at you with so much concern, so much worry.

,,And what makes you think this has anything to do with me?'' Wilhemina spits, meeting the blondes gazes before bringing another fork, full of food to her mouth.

But the medium was having none of her usual antics, unable to see her babydoll hurting. ,,Because usually Wilhemina, you and Y/N return from work giggling, hands and eyes all over each other'' Billie spits. Your eyes find Cordelia, not being able to stand the tension in the room, not wanting to drag them into the argument as well. The supreme notices how uncomfortable you are, quickly stopping the other two.

,,Enough'' she simply states, meeting their eyes with a silent warning and as Billie notices your shivering form, she complies, stopping but her redhead lover is far from stopping.

As Cordelia gently wipes the tears from your cheeks, you hear her voice ring through the air yet again. ,,Yeah that's right, let them coddle you again, poor girl'' she spits, her words causing for both blonde heads to snap into her direction.

Your chair scraps against the wooden floor, standing up, startling both Billie and Cordelia a little but the redhead enjoyed it, igniting your flames. She balances on her cane standing up, waiting for your next move.

,,You know what? fuck you'' you spit, Cordelia's eyes widening and Billie's jaw dropping, this definitely not like you at all.

,,I'm sick of it, you constantly treating me like shit at work, do you have any idea how much your words hurt me earlier? If you don't want me around to bother you fine- I won't'' you snap, your emotions bubbling out of you.

,,Y/N'' Billie exclaims, both in a scolding manner for raising your voice but equally shocked at your sudden outburst.

With a swift motion, Wilhemina steps forward, her expression a mixture of anger, guilt and pain. You aren't looking at her, keeping eye contact with Billie but out of the corner of your eyes, you see Wilhemina's hand move towards you but before she has the chance, you stop her, taking her wrist.

,,Don't you dare'' you spit, now looking into her eyes. The tension is thick, your words lingering in the air as well as the redheads actions.

A second later you let go of her wrist, and turn around, needing to cool off, a lump forming in your throat. ,,Y/N'' Cordelia tries, but you are long gone, banging the bedroom door shut after you made it upstairs.

The three of them remain frozen in their spots, Billie still sitting at the table, her mouth slightly ajar, not able to believe the scene she just witnessed. Cordelia stands frozen by the table, holding onto it for support, before approaching Wilhemina, who stands frozen in the same spot you had left her in, her arm not having moved since you let go of her grasp.

,,Darling'' Cordelia tries as she approaches her girlfriend, the redhead not being able to look into her eyes as her gaze falls to the floor. ,,I- I had no intention of-'' she begins but the supreme is quick to interrupt her, taking her hand into her own. ,,I know my love, I know'' she reassures, rubbing soothing circles on her lovers hand.

,,I wanted to -'' she tries again but the words get caught in her throat. ,,I know darling, you wanted to calm her down'' she finishes the words for her. ,,I know you didn't mean to hit her but she wasn't looking at you, don't go there please'' Cordelia tries.

Wilhemina falters under the blondes gaze, not daring to look at Billie, not wanting any judgement from the medium. ,,I'll be in my office'' she announces before walking off, her cane hitting the floor hard. And as Cordelia and Billie follow her with their eyes, they see how broken and tired their girlfriend looks, ascending the stairs. The weight of the situation very visible in her features and posture.

,,What the hell was that?'' Billie comments, making sure the redhead's office door bang shut before she begins.

Cordelia meets her gaze before her eyes fall to the floor ,,I don't know'' the supreme mumbles, feeling guilty for not having interjected this before it blew up the way it had. ,,She wasn't going to-'' Billie begins, playing with her acrylic nails in a nervous habit. ,,No'' Cordelia quickly interrupts, her features a little stern for Billie even suggesting that she would have hit you.

,,Should we go talk to them?'' Billie tries, walking over to the supreme and stroking her cheeks, in order to make the concern fade from her beautiful features.

,,I think Mina needs to cool off'' she argues, taking a deep breath. ,,Let's try with our babydoll then, hm?'' the medium replies and is met with an empathetic smile, before she nods in agreement.

----

There aren't a lot of times when you wish you could be a witch but right now was certainly one of those times. All you wanted to do was take the entire bedroom apart, smash things, kick and break things, let your anger out that way. But unfortunately you couldn't fix it all again with a flick of your wrist. And so instead you pace, back and forth, fists clenching and muttering angry words to yourself. You barely hear the door knock and you definitely don't acknowledge it, wanting to be left alone, no matter who was behind that door.

As the two blondes enter, they exchange a glance noticing your pacing, Billie actually finding it quite adorable as you rarely got mad or upset like this. But she remained serious of course, not wanting to upset you further.

,,Sweetheart?'' Cordelia begins gently, as she remains lingering by the door, not wanting to overwhelm you with their presence.

Halting your steps, you simply look at them, their worried glances upsetting you even further because the last thing you wanted was drag them into it.

,,Do you think you can talk to us babydoll?'' Billie tries next, taking a few gentle steps towards you. But you retreat, taking some steps away from her and for a moment Billie gets scared, not being able to handle rejection well.

,,No, this is between me and .. Mina'' you mutter out, sounding more moody than you intend to.

,,Darling, I worry that you two may need a little help sorting this out'' Cordelia tries, knowing for sure Wilhemina was stubborn and by your earlier outburst, she for the first time didn't trust you enough to fix this with the redhead without support.

,,Cordelia I don't need you to coddle me all the -'' you quickly stop yourself, forcing your eyes shut and cursing internally as to why you would let it out on the angels in front of you.

,,Delia I'm so sorry'' you quickly start but as you open your eyes, you already find her in front of you with a gentle smile. ,,I know darling, come here'' she invites as she opens her arms and right there you falter, allowing her to hold you, ignoring the thoughts of how Wilhemina was right about them coddling you and allowing it to happen.

After a little while, she scoops you into her arms, taking you over to the bed where you lay in her lap, Billie following and positioning herself next to you. ,,Can you tell us sweetie, hm?'' the medium tries again, her eyes twinkling with love and encouragement.

And then it spills out of, the horrible day you have had at work as Jeff and Mutt provoked you all day, sending you on all sort of errands and even one of them making you incredibly uncomfortable. Delia makes a mental note there, knowing that bit needed to be adressed at another time. How something in the production went wrong and they made you and Mina fix it. But only Mina really had the skills and despite trying your best you couldn't fix it and all you wanted was to help her. The words that followed after and the argument between you two. How you thought she was going to hit you, despite only seeing something out of the corners of your eyes, how you know she would never hurt you and how horrible you feel for making her feel that way.

By the end of your confession you are sobbing into Cordelia's chest, feeling horrible for being so stubborn and angry. Billie and the supreme simply hold you, drying your tears, whispering words of encouragement into your ears. And when you finally calmed down, Billie hooks your chin, wiping all your tears and giving you a soft smile, followed by a kiss on your forehead.

,,Sweetie that is all very understandable and I'm sure neither you nor Mina meant any of it, it sounds like a big misunderstanding'' she tries and your eyes simply wander to her lips, following her every word.

,,I want to talk to her'' you eventually mutter out, looking up at Cordelia, still holding you close. They exchange a glance, figuring you had calmed down enough by now, despite being a little worried about your other girlfriend and whether she felt the same already. ,,Sweetheart, would you like us or one of us to come with you?'' she tries but you shake your head and slowly climb out of her lap.

,,Thank you both'' you smile, a little shy and they simply give you a big proud smile, as they remain on the bed. However as soon as you shut the door, their worried gazes meet, unsure whether this would end well.

As you make your way to Wilhemina's office, assuming that's the only place where she would be, your heart bangs inside your chest, legs trembling a little as well as your hands. You take a deep breath, close your eyes for a minute, before your shaky hands knock on her door, quiet enough not to startle her but loud enough for her to hear you.

There is no reply and for a second you consider turning around, maybe she isn't ready yet to talk and needs some time to cool off. But then worry lingers on your mind, wanting your Mina to be okay but before you can think it over further you hear a quiet ,,Come in'' and you do instantly.

As you glance around her office, you notice the scattered documents on the floor, her cane on the floor, Mina sitting in her armchair. You assume she threw it across the room, hence the scattered things everywhere. ,,Mina, can we talk please?'' you try gently as you step towards the middle of the room. Before she replies you kneel down in order to pick up some of her things, off the floor, not wanting her to do it in the end and potentially hurt her back.

,,I'm not a child, I don't need you cleaning up my messes'' she snaps, but you ignore her, neatly putting the documents on her desk and reaching for her cane scattered somewhere. As you walk over, you place it next to her, ready to leave her alone again but she suddenly takes your hand. ,,You're bleeding'' she states and as you look at your palm you indeed notice a cut, bleeding down your wrist. ,,It's fine Mina'' you mutter out, realising you must have picked up a piece of glass as you collected the documents, probably from a glass or mug being thrown around.

As you try and withdraw your wrist, she meets your gaze, not letting go. ,,Let me'' she tries and as much as you want to tell her that you aren't a child in return, you simply let her guide you to the bathroom connected to her office. As you lean on the bathtub, inside her bathroom plastered in lilac, you watch as she carefully opens her medicine cabinet, several bottles of different medication neatly placed, before she withdraws the first aid kit. She pulls out a disinfected spray and a bigger bandaid before approaching you.

Her eyes meet yours and you see pain in them, guilt, fear and without thinking about it your non bleeding hand cups her cheek, taking you both by surprise. ,,I'm so sorry'' you whisper as she slightly melts into your touch.

,,This will hurt a bit'' she explains calmly before you extract your hand and watch as she takes care of the cut for you. In awe you watch how gentle her movements are, spraying some disinfectant on the wound, before gently wiping it clean and wrapping it up in a band aid. Her eyes scan your features, looking for any kind of pain or discomfort but there was none. ,,Thank you Mina'' you whisper as she places the first aid kit back into the cabinet.

,,I understand if you don't want to talk to me'' you simply whisper before giving her a thankful smile as you look at your hand. As you step out of the bathroom and towards the door, she stops you. ,,Y/N'' she tries, her features filled with pain, tears beginning to form in her dark brown orbs.

,,I'm so sorry for saying all those things to you'' you apologise, your eyes pleading for her forgiveness.

,,Did you really think I was going to-?'' she begins but you instantly stop her ,,No'' you reassure her, meeting her eyes as you make the statement.

,,I know you would never hurt me Mina and I'm sorry for overreacting'' you begin, explaining how you misread the signs and how you know now that she simply wanted to comfort you.

,,I don't want you to be scared of me'' she whispers, a tear streaming down her cheeks. ,,I'm not Mina'' you quickly reassure as you brush the tear from her perfect features.

A little while later, Cordelia is now the one pacing around the bedroom, Billie's attempts to calm her down failing with each try. ,,I'm sure they are fine'' Billie keeps repeating but the supreme couldn't help but worry. ,,Screw it, I'm going to check'' she states, leaving the room and Billie following after her rushed, her heels clicking on the floor as they walk down the tiled corridor.

As Cordelia opens the door, she finds you curled up in Wilhemina's lap, the two of you sitting in her large purple armchair in the corner. Neither of you are talking, as all the talking had been done, simply enjoying each others company as her fingers take turns from running through your hair and gently caressing the cut on your hand through the bandaid. You listen to her heartbeat, holding onto her for dear life, not wanting to let her go.

The supreme smiles, all the worry leaving her features. ,,Told you Ms Supreme'' Billie teases.

,,Would you like to go to bed, little one?'' Mina whispers gently, tilting her head a little to look at you.

You simply nod and leave her lap, instantly missing to be this close to her. Passing her the cane, she balances before you follow the two blondes to the bedroom. After you get changed, you lay down, Billie and Cordelia to your left and waiting for your Mina.

As she finally approaches the bed, you take in her features, hair down and one of your favourite nightgowns that you had bought for her. ,,Mina?'' you whisper as she comfortably positions herself next to you. ,,Yes my sweet girl?'' she whispers as her gaze meets yours. ,,Can you hold me?'' you ask and the way your question came out, causes for more tears to almost escape. ,,Come here'' she coos as you wrap yourself up in her arms.

,,And little one?'' she whispers softly, still trailing her fingers through your hair. ,,I never want you to leave me alone'' she admits, thinking back to the argument and her earlier statement. ,,I know'' you whisper before holding onto her, again for dear life.

#cordelia goode #cordelia goode imagine #cordelia goode x reader #sarah paulson #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #billie dean howard #Billie Dean Howard x reader #ahs #American horror story #ahs coven

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mwf-art · 1 year

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Coral and Purple 💗💜

Inspired by ‘Would you Swallow all your Pride?’

Ig: mwf.art

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chelshiart · 3 months

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In 2011 I drastically reduced my DWJ book intake to dripfeed levels, so it was only in the 2024 new year that I finally decided to read Deep Secret. My god - out of all her books this seems targeted at me personally? Stressed late-20-somethings, making fools of oneself in vicinity of fav authors, artist alleys?? Also, blatant unmistakable LGBT-rep??? I can't believe I slept on this one for so long!!! Definitely putting it on the upper tiers of my DWJ bookshelf.

Anyway, here's some designs I've whipped up for the characters! As always, might tweak 'em if ever I draw more in the future, but that's what's fun about figuring out character designs. Rob in particular is a joy to me.

btw Zinka plsplspls let me table with you

#diana wynne jones #deep secret #maree mallory #nick mallory #rob the centaur #rupert venables #will venables #simon venables #zinka fearson #ladies and/or gentlemen #i legit laughed out loud whenever the characters got stunned by them #like props to dwj that you can tell she was a bit confused but she did have the spirit #character design #also glad to say I've thoroughly revised my opinion of nick!!#first read Merlin Conspiracy back in 2009 and I remember being pissed because his backstory was so vague #the copy gave absolutely no indication that this was a sequel to another book #so finally getting context for all that was great and now i adore this eepy teen #(also reread MC after Deep Secret and boy I whooped at the one instance Rob my beautiful centaur son got mentioned by name)

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amwritesitall · 2 years

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Y/N: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.

Wilhemina Venable: And you came to me?

Source: Modern Family

#incorrect quote #wilhemina venable #venable #wilhemina #ahs #ahs apocalypse #american horror story #wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina x reader #wilhemina venable x y/n #wilhemina venable x you #american horror story apocalypse #sarah paulson

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dreamypqulson · 11 months

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— my only sunshine

summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)

word count: 2700

venting again lol

Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?

Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.

You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?

Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.

Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.

"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.

You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.

You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.

She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.

She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."

"I'm fine," it came out weak.

She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.

Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.

"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.

It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.

"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.

"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.

She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.

Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.

When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.

There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.

You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.

Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.

You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.

Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.

"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.

"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.

When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.

"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"

You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."

She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.

Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.

Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.

"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.

The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.

"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.

"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.

"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.

"Just sit down, y/n."

You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."

"What—"

"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."

You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.

"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.

Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.

Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."

This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.

You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."

You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.

You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.

"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.

"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.

"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”

It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"

You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.

She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.

When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”

“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”

She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.

“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.

The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.

“Delia?”

“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.

“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.

“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”

You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.

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