PotP Ch 54 - Christmas With The Krampus: Part 3
"Hey, thanks for helping out on such short notice," Tadashi said.
"Oh no problem, buddy." Fred's voice came over the phone. "Minimax and I were getting bored anyway. Christmas is never as big a deal as Hanukkah at my house. The only thing going on is the neighborhood lights display contest."
"Your Mom's in full-blown socialite mode?" Tadashi asked, already knowing the answer.
"Totally. Monster hunting is way more fun than tea and crumpets."
"There's no monster, Fred," Varian yelled over Tadashi's shoulder into the phone.
"Just let us know if you or Minimax see Vigor," Hiro added, ignoring his brother.
"Ten-four!... or is it four-ten... Either way, MiniMax and Fredzillia are on the job!"
Tadashi hung up the phone as the three of them entered the near-empty shopping mall.
Most of the storefronts were closed, only a handful of people roamed the food court, and a sign on the door said that the shopping center was operating at half-hours for the holiday. So they had only about an hour left to look for clues.
They made their way to the top floor, hoping that perhaps Vigor was just hiding inside, maybe wrecking one of the other window displays for the fun of it, only to have that hope dashed once they reached Canardist's emporium.
The door was ripped off its hinges and the inside of the shop was completely trashed.
"Still think there's no monster?" Hiro asked.
"Anyone could have done this," Varian replied, though with slightly less confidence than before.
Tadashi picked up a scroll off the floor and frowned. He couldn't read it.
"Varian, I think we need to keep more of an open mind here." He cautioned. "I mean, you and Canardist come from a world where fairy tale princesses are real and magical curses are a thing. Why can't this Krampus exist too?"
"Because..." Varian huffed but didn't finish his thought as he picked up an amulet hanging from a shelf. This one with Corona's royal seal on it.
"Because you don't wanna admit that you're wrong." Hiro finished for him.
Varian shot a glare at him, but couldn't deny it.
"What do you know about this Krampus? What do the legends actually say?" Tadashi asked.
Varian shrugged. "Not much. He's supposed to be Saint Nicholas's helper. While St Nick rewards good little kids with toys and sweets, the Krampus collects the souls of bad children and tortures them for their misdeeds."
He shook his head. "It's just a story parents tell their kids to get them to behave. Like with the Sandman who brings nightmares or Zhan Tiri and his shadow soldiers. None of it's real."
Hiro and Tadashi shared a look but didn't press for more details about the other horror stories that Varian had mentioned.
"Look, let's just run with the premise that all stories are based on a kernel of truth," Tadashi argued. "Like with Troy and the Iliad... exaggerated no doubt, but based off a real place and presumably a real war... With that being the case here, what would a real Krampus be like, you think?"
Varian gave the proposal some serious consideration. "Well, I guess... if he was real, he'd be some type of creature... just an animal."
"And what would a large wild animal do with a pet monkey?"
"Eat it," Hiro said, almost immediately. It was the most logical conclusion.
The other two boys grimaced.
The Varian shrugged again. "Well, nasty way to go, but what can you do? Who wants to break the bad news to Canardist?"
Tadashi stopped him from walking away. "Hold on. We can't just let a six-foot animal run around the city eating people's pets, and possibly attacking people themselves."
"How did he even get into this world?" Hiro asked.
"That would be a question for Canardist," Tadashi answered. "In the meantime, we have to hunt down this Krampus and capture it."
"And what do we do with it after we've caught it?" Varian asked. "I can't send it back. The portal isn't working the way I need it to."
"We'll figure that out once we find it... the only question is, how do we find it?"
"I have a bio-reading of the creature," Baymax responded.
"Really? How did you get that?" Hiro asked.
"It is shedding." The robot pointed at the floor and indeed there was hair everywhere.
"Great work Baymax.' Tadashi patted his creation on the shoulder. "Let's go suit up."
----------------
"Behold!" Minimax pointed down below into an alley, "There goes our psychic primate pal!"
Fred followed his faithful sidekick's finger and sure enough, spotted the chimpanzee running frantically down the road.
"Hey guys!" came Fred's voice over the intercom. "We found Vigor!"
"He's still alive?' Varian asked skeptically, as he held onto Baymax's arm tighter. The robot was carrying all three of them as they flew through the air, with Hiro and Tadashi riding on top and Varian cradled in his arms; having lost at rock, paper, scissors.
"Not for long," Hiro replied as he studied the scans through his helmet interface. A red dot was racing across the city map. "Whatever it is that tore up the store is heading straight your way Fred... and it's fast."
"Don't worry. We're on it." Fred assured them and was gone.
----------------
The superheroes found poor Vigor cowering in the corner of an alley.
"Hey buddy, it's okay." Fred coaxed the frightened animal. "You're safe now."
"Yes, no fiendish foe will do you harm while we're around," Minimax added.
The chimp came out of hiding and cooed in recognition when he realized who the armored men were.
He waddled over and hugged Hiro around his legs. A predicament that Hiro absolutely was not comfortable with.
"Yeah, th-that's right... we're here to take you home." He awkwardly said as he tried to gently pry the monkey off of him.
That's when an ominous shadow fell across them.
Everyone turned as one to see the Krampus snarling at them.
It was a towering nine-foot-tall, from its claws on its hind legs to the tips of the horns on its head. It was covered head to toe in dark fur and its bottom jaw had two protruding tusks. It slobbered drool as it growled like a dog, and Hiro could have sworn that its eyes glowed red.
Vigor howled in fright and quickly scrambled away and up the side of the building before anyone could stop him.
The monster took after him just as quickly.
The boys could feel the wind rush past them as the creature leaped up towards the roof, like how a car whizzing by might blow away the papers in your hand.
"Ok... take note... the Krampus moves very fast," Tadashi said, pointing out the obvious as everyone else stood there stunned.
Hiro shook out of his stupor first.
"Quick Baymax, after them."
He hopped onto the robot's back just as Fred swung himself up onto the roof. Minimax wasn't far behind as they rocketed into the air themselves.
"Do you see where they're heading?" Varian's voice came in over the intercom.
"I've already lost sight of them," Fred replied.
"They've turned down 2nd Market St." Baymax calmly stated.
Hiro followed Baymax's finger and his heart sank as something large and furry ducked into the subway.
"Oh no."
"What's happened?" Tadashi asked.
"They just went into Memento station."
"Don't worry, we'll head them off," Varian answered as he fished the portal magnets from his coat.
----------------
Varian and Tadashi exited the portal just in time to see everyone rushing towards the nearest exit, screaming and panicking as they went.
In the middle of the waiting platform, now on all fours and sniffing the ground with its pig-like snout, was the Krampus. It seemed totally disinterested in the frightened crowd as it poked about the various discarded presents and groceries.
"Soooo...what do we do now?" Tadashi asked as they watched the beast get a pair of candy cane-printed boxers caught on its nose. It took a second to shake the offending underwear off before it went to gnawing on the wrapping paper that it had been packaged in.
"Well.... umm..." Varian's mind raced as he tried to rationalize the impossibility before him. "it's... it's an animal, right?
"R-right?" Tadashi agreed, unsure what Varian was getting at.
"So how would you capture a really large animal?"
"No clue," Tadashi replied, never taking his eyes off the monster as it now decided to eat a forgotten Christmas ham.
"Well how would, like, the rangers catch a bear or a lion?"
"Tranquilizers, but we haven't any-"
Varian snapped his fingers. "Sleeping powder!"
He then started to search his pockets and harness... only to slow down as he realized that Tadashi was right. "I'm out of sleeping powder..."
That's when the Krampus finally took notice of them.
Both boys gulped as the creature let out a snarl.
Varian began to scour his pockets even more frantically. "H-hold him off while I try to make a new batch of sleeping potion."
"What am I supposed to do? Wave a red flag at him like a bullfighter?"
Varian didn't answer as he screwed the top off a chimball full of blue liquid.
You could not see his eyes behind his visor, but it was clear that Tadashi was rolling them as he pressed a button on the side of his helmet and disappeared from view.
This was enough of a surprise to slow the Krampus down, as it stopped stalking towards them.
A moment later a roll of sparkly red wrapping paper, discarded by its owner in their flight from the station, lifted itself off the ground and seemingly hung in the air as if by magic.
"Here boy, toro." Tadashi whistled as he waved the paper in front of the creature.
The Krampus howled and rushed towards the sparkly paper. Tadashi barely had time to move out of the way as it grabbed the cardboard tube and bounded away, ripping the paper to shreds in a frenzy.
"Well, there goes that idea."
"How's it going?" Hiro breathlessly asked as he, Fred, and the two robots finally ran inside.
The Krampus stopped immediately and focused its attention on the newcomers.
Heroes and monster eyed each other for only a moment as Hiro realized his mistake. Then the mass of fur and muscle was bounding towards them at top speed before Tadashi could even shout a warning.
Everyone scattered, only for the Krampus' jaws to clamp around Minimax's foot at the last second.
The robot yelled as the monster shook him back and forth before throwing him into the air. Fortunately, being a robot, he was only momentarily disoriented as opposed to being hurt.
While the heroes were busy checking over their friend, Vigor screeched wildly as the monster took chase after the monkey once more.
"No!" Hiro screamed, too late, as the Krampus overtook the poor animal.
The creature let out a victorious howl, and then, to everyone's astonishment, it gave Vigor a playful, sloppy lick of its tongue and bounded away barking. Vigor made a chittering sound, like the money equivalent of a laugh, and happily chased after the monster.
"Awe, how cuuuuteee!" Fred squeed while everyone else stood there dumbfounded. "They've been playing tag this whole time."
"It kind of acts like a giant dog," Hiro observed as he tilted his head in thought.
"Wild dogs can still be dangerous though." Tadashi reminded him. "We need to capture him and take him someplace safe."
"Got it!" Varian shouted triumphantly as he held up a chimball. Before he could throw the sleeping powder, however, the police barged into the station.
"Chief Cruz!" Hiro rushed toward the lead officer in relief. "We need to find a humane way of cap-"
"We're already on it." Cruz interrupted, shoving him aside. "You kids need to clear out of the way so animal control can take care of this."
"Kids?" Hiro quietly questioned, but he was ignored as some of the officers whipped out a tranquilizer gun.
The Krampus let out an inhuman scream as the dart embedded itself into its leg right above its paw. He started to hiss and growl as it tried fruitlessly to shake the painful splinter off. Vigor gave a worried whimper, unsure how to help his friend.
Unsuccessful in removing the dart, the Krampus then turned his attention towards his attackers, lowering on his haunches as if to pounce like a cat. Fortunately, Baymax was able to grab the creature before it could jump upon anyone.
As the robot and monster wrestled each other Cruz was already ordering his men to shoot again.
"Be careful of Bay- Red Panda," Hiro advised.
"I'm not concerned for your pet robot right now." Cruz snapped."If this next tranquilizer doesn't work then we may have to put the poor creature down."
Hiro frowned, not only at Cruz's dismissal of Baymax's safety nor even that the officer was considering lethal force, but the Chief of Police was no longer talking to them like they were vigilantes underfoot but speaking down to them like they were children... like they were the same kids he would take out to ice cream once a month.
However, the worrisome thought that they might have been discovered was banished from Hiro's mind when the Krampus broke free of Baymax's grasp, dogged the second dart, and ran down the railway tunnel.
"Blast," Cruz muttered.
"Don't worry. We'll track him down for you." Hiro yelled as he ran towards Baymax, happy to have an excuse to get away. He and the rest of the supers were already half way down the tunnel before Chief Cruz could protest.
----------------
Varian was the one to find the creature first. The Karmpus was huddled in an alley whimpering as it licked its wound. He snarled as Varian approached.
"Easy now...." Varian said softly as he inched his way forward. "Easy... I'm not going to hurt ya."
For a moment he thought the Krampus would run away again but it stumbled as soon as it tried to put weight upon its paw, and then promptly laid back down with a huff.
Varian untied the bandanna from around his neck, poured some sort of substance on it from his chimbag, and cautiously sat down next to the monster.
"Here... let's see what we can do about that paw..."
He pulled the tranquilizer dart out and the creature howled, but before the animal could even think of hurting him, Varian had wrapped the wound up with the bandana.
The Krampus seemed confused by such an action and sniffed curiously at the piece of cloth around his paw.
"It's just some chlorhexidine." he explained, though he did not know if the monster could understand him or not. "It should help ease the pain and sterilize the wound."
All the Krampus did in reply was to sigh and lay his head on Varian's lap, pinning him to the spot.
Varian resigned himself to his fate as a pillow and absentmindedly began to stroke the beast's fur.
"I know... San Fansokoyo is new and exciting and so full of amazing things to see, there's friends to make and wonderful inventions to discover... but it's also sometimes scary and unfamiliar.... with its own dangers... different from Corona's, sure, but they're still there... hiding just under the shining surface.... and you'll need those friends to help you avoid them, and they will cause they really, genuinely care about you... but... but.... it's still not home......"
The Krampus gave a sympathetic whine.
"You're probably missing the snowy pine forest that you grew up in... aren't you boy?"
Another little whimper.
"And maybe even... even your old friends and your own family?"
Suddenly Varian wrapped his arms around the hairy beast and gave him a desperate hug.
"I'm sorry..." he whispered, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to get you back. I've tried and I've tried... and no, I don't want to leave everybody, but... but.... but Dad...."
The Krampus nuzzled his arm in comfort.
"Oh, what are we going to do?"
----------------
"Cantet nunc io, chorus angelorum;
Cantet nunc aula cælestium,
Gloria, gloria in excelsis Deo,
Venite adoremus
Venite adoremus
Venite adoremus
Dominum."
The rest of the gang found Varian and the Krampus in the alley and much to their surprise he was singing a Christmas carol while gently petting the ferocious animal's head.
Said creature was contently purring in his lap. Which sounded more like a motorcycle idling than a furry friend expressing contentment.
Vigor cooed with delight and ran to meet them, throwing his arms around his new friend.
"Well, we finally caught him... now what?" Tadashi asked.
Varian only looked up at him at a loss and shrugged.
"We.... we have to try the portal again, I guess," Hiro said hesitantly, rubbing his forehead in thought. "I know it's not ready yet, b-but it's not like we can keep him hidden in the city."
Varian shook his head, and with some effort crawled out from under the huge beast and stood up. "It isn't just that that portal is broken. We don't even know where to send him to. We're talking about the entire world here. We can't just dump in him Corona, or the middle of the ocean, or 17th-century Istanbul... The point is... We need an energy signature to find where he actually lives, and I've no idea where we would get that."
"Well if we can't send him back, what do we do? Turn him over to Cruz and the animal control?" Tadashi asked
"I don't know if they would know what to do with him either," Hiro said.
"Maybe put him in the Zoo?" Fred suggested.
"They wouldn't know how to take care of him. It's not like mythical creatures are their specialty."
"I know!" Minimax shouted. "We can make him our new team mascot!"
"Great idea!" Fred joined in.
"Oh no... nope" Tadashi shook his head. "For starters, we have way too many exotic pets as it is, and secondly we wouldn't know how to take care of him either."
"I think we may have to ask Carnardist." Varian finally admitted. "She knows more than she's telling us."
----------------
"Oh, Vigor!" Carnardist cheered with glee as she smothered her long-lost pet with kisses. "Oh, I was so worried. Thank goodness you are unhurt."
As the happy pair were reunited, Hiro made sure that the blanket they had thrown over the Krampus remained in place.
They had called the cafe and asked the older woman to meet them back at her shop, and the supers had to think of a creative way to keep the inter-dimensional monster hidden from the rest of the shoppers; as few as there were today. The best they could come up with on such short notice was a shopping cart with a quilt hastily thrown over it.
Varian awkwardly coughed to gain the lady's attention.
"Yes, malchick?"
Varian ignored the unwanted nickname.
"You were right about the Krampus."
Making sure that no one was looking into the shop window he pulled the cover off.
Carnardist screamed.
"No. No. It's okay. He won't harm anyone." Varian tried to calm the frightened woman down.
It wasn't until Vigor hopped out of her arms and went to hug the creature did she stop panicking.
"See? He's a nice daemon." Hiro encouraged.
"The only problem is we don't know how to send him home," Fred explained.
"And we know you have a portal." Tadashi chimed in.
Carnardist eyes grew dark and she slowly straightened to her full height, even though she was several inches shorter than the teenage boys before her.
"Is that so?"
"Oh stop pretending." Vairan huffed. "You don't want to share your tech with us, then fine. The least you can do is put this guy back where you got him."
Carnardist folded her arms. "There are other ways to move between worlds than your portals malchick, and they require far more than just flipping a switch. I can not 'send him back'. I can not send anyone anywhere."
"Then how did you get here?" Tadashi challenged, ignoring Varian's flabbergasted expression.
Carnardist seemed to relent at this and walked over to a box full of scrolls that had tipped over. She picked one up. "This is the incantation for opening the door." She made to hand the parchment over to Tadashi, before quickly snatching it away. "But! It will not lead you to where you want to go. The window does not open to another world, but a pathway between the worlds."
"A pathway between worlds?" Varian echoed slowly.
"A dark place... an eternity of nothingness that is very difficult to traverse. Only populated by the remnants of dead universes, lost to time eons ago."
"The void," Hiro said softly as realization dawned on him.
"Even if you know where you are going," Carnardist continued. "and know the markers to find, making the journey would require much preparation and immense fortitude. Are you sure you can face such dangers?"
"No problem," Fred said as she finally handed over the scroll to Tadashi. "We're heroes! After battling supervillains, killer robots, and literal monsters, how hard can a little old trip through negative space be?"
"There are things hiding in the dark that are far worse than monsters." She softly warned.
This gave everyone pause. Yet Carnardist would not allow them time to consider her words fully.
"Now get that hairy brute out of my shop!" she yelled, shooing them out the door.
----------------
"Arrggh, where is that toothbru-- Ahhhhh!" Krei stopped packing and let out a girly high-pitched scream when he came face-to-face with a towering beast with horns.
"Sorry to bother you Mr. Keri." Varian waved apologetically as he poked his head around from where he was standing behind the Krampus.
"But we kind of need to ask you a favor," Hiro added as he stuck his head around the opposite side.
Tadashi followed suit as his head popped up from behind the monster's shoulders. "Do you think you got room at that animal reserve for a very rare and exotic inter-dimensional demon?"
----------------
"Baby raccoons!" Honey Lemon squeed when Varian showed off his newest pets.
She giggled and cooed over the tiny creatures as she scooped one up to cuddle. "What are their names?"
"Well there's eight of them, so I thought we could all name one," Varian answered.
"You're seriously not thinking of keeping all of them," Wasabi complained.
"No, Krei is going to keep them on the forest reservation," Tadashi answered.
"But we get to visit them whenever we want." Varian cheered.
"Them and Mr Krampus," Fred added.
"Mr. Krampus?" Gogo asked.
"You had to be there," Hiro answered.
"I'm going to name mine Ferdinand." Honey Lemon announced. "He just looks like a Ferdie."
Gogo knelt down and gently petted one of the babies that was crawling around. "Jane." was all she said.
"The Pacific Northwest raccoon is also known as Procyon Lotor Pacificus" Baymax stated simply.
"Ummm... that might be a bit too wordy for a name, Baymax." Varian gently suggested. "Why don't you call him Lotor for short?"
"'Lotor' it is then."
"Can I call mine trash panda?" Hiro asked.
Varian made a face. "Come on... at least be original."
"Fine... "He randomly pointed to one of the unnamed critters. "That one is now Garbage Breath."
Varian rolled his eyes in defeat. "Okay, then we'll call her by her initials, GB."
Hiro gave a smug smile in approval, but still wouldn't go near the wild animal.
"I'm calling mine Menace." Wasabi huffed.
"That's a cool name." Fred obliviously agreed as he lifted up another raccoon and nuzzled its nose. "And this one can be The Mega Awesome Raccoon Killer, aka M.A.R.K."
"What about you Tadashi?" Honey Lemon asked.
Tadashi screwed up his face in thought. "I think I'll call mine... Rei.
"Did you really just name it that because it starts with an R?" Hiro asked deadpan.
"Yup," he proudly admitted.
"And I'm naming mine Hypatia!" He picked up the last cub, still ignoring the mother who hissed at him from under the 'den' made of a tarp and cardboard boxes. "Isn't she adorable?" He cooed as he scratched her ear.
Ruddiger then climbed upon his shoulder and licked his kit on the forehead; pet and owner shared a proud smile.
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Emma and the Curious Case of Silvio's XXXXXX
a fancy fanfic (𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦)
TRULY TRULY CURSED SMUTTY CRACK . NSFW . MDNI
T'was but an ordinary dawning upon the coastal abode of the Benitoitian Royal Family. Dolphins procreated with great merriment and vigor in the champagne-like waters surrounding the palace. Fishermen who'd been tossed overboard by neighborhood pirates swam to shore in various stages of amnesia. Crabs slinking out of tide-pools did silly little dances.
But soft, now! For our heroine approaches. Emma shuts the door with a loud jangle after entering, and then skips all Disney-like toward her lover.
The ritzy prince pacing his seaside bedroom stops in his tracks. The distressing sound of dolphins in their erotic busywork echoes off the walls. And as Emma approaches, he turns and says:
"Woman, I have an itch in my balls."
And what an itch it is. A cold sweat clings to the prince, even with the weather approaching rectal temperatures. The itch that possessed his testicles this day could not be assuaged by his hand alone.
Asking Emma to handle it would be too much for him, so he had a ball-scratcher (gilded) prepared for her to use instead of her hand. The handle was ten feet long, because the metal-smiths were too limited by current technology to produce twenty feet of rod. If this was the sort of half-arsed craftsmanship Silvio's investment went toward, he was better off using his coins as tiny coasters for his condoms. A foolish idea, perhaps, but they said the same thing of all visionaries.
Emma clears her throat. "Are you thinking about your condom coasters again?"
"It's a damn good idea," barks Silvio. "Now come here. Not that close. Pick up that rod."
Emma tries to lift 10 feet of gold to little success. She topples under the weight and lands like an anime character at a perfect 180-degree angle.
Fuck, thinks Silvio, fuckishly, as his heart lurches at the thought of injury befalling his precious pearl. He hadn't taken into account Emma's scrawny lady limbs. He'd have to put her to work on one of his ships to build up muscle mass so that she can eventually wield the ball-scratcher and save Silvio from his agony.
Except he doesn't have that kind of time, dammit!
His gaze darts around the room. Surely there is something else she can use to—aha!
"Woman." He appraises her. "Are you okay?"
"I think my arm's broken but—"
"Perfect. Grab that bed post."
"It's attached to your bed."
"You'll never know unless you try."
Emma makes a ??? expression before Disney-ing over to his bed. "How do you want me to do this?"
Silvio opera-singer-moans as the itch crests into a firey inferno in his pants. "I don't care how you do it, just do it."
Emma stares blankly. "That doesn't really help."
"Shuddup. And hurry. Before it's too late!" He falls to his knees and stares up at the ceiling with glassy eyes. "Hurry."
Emma rolls her eyes. "Drama Queen. Why don't you take the bed post off yourself?"
Silvio points at himself emphatically without looking away from the ceiling. "Do I look to be in any shape to do that?"
Finally Emma sighs and walks over to stand above him. "Hump my leg."
Silvio nearly snaps his neck with how fast he turns to look at her. "What?"
"Hump my leg until the itch goes away." Emma's eyes are dark with conviction and a little something else.
"I ain't a fucking dog!"
"Aren't you tho?"
Silvio growls, and it sounds very dog-like. "Do you think you can handle it?"
"I can handle your regular thrusts just fine. I don't see how this would be anything different." Oh, but the way her lashes flutter around her salacious gaze. If only those dolphins outside would stop with their coital carnage so Silvio can enjoy this moment. If only his balls would cease their torment.
"Don't say I didn't warn you." And before Emma can react, he takes her in his arms, straddles her thigh, shoves his tongue down her throat, and begins heartily, yo-ho-ho-ily rocking his hips so as to erase the entire concept of an itch from the surface of his sperm-repositories.
"Oh my... Oh my god... Si... Sil..." Emma can barely get a word out between the excavation being conducted inside her mouth and the fire-starting friction upon her thigh.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, breath ragged. He wants to say it again, parts his lips as if he might, but he's not the type of man who can say it more than once. Instead his lips devour her again and again as she wraps one arm around his neck. And the other around his back to soothe him despite the violent motions of his body.
At some point the itch turns into that sacred, sinful need for release. The warm pumping sensation in his groin builds to a height he's never once experienced before this. And all because he's humping his woman like a dog.
Oh for the love of--is there any way to turn those goddamn dolphins off!?
Unable to cross the edge into rapture, Silvio slowly eases himself to a stop and drops limp and annoyed onto his bed, Emma still wrapped in his arms.
Emma's breathing is hot and chaotic in his ears, but at least he can't hear those nasty ocean bastards anymore. Damn, she must be just as frustrated as he is. The least he can do is help her out, right?
He turns his face and to his surprise Emma kisses him first. Then pulls away just as quick. "Sorry."
"Idiot." Silvio grabs the back of her head and crushes their faces together again. His other hand searches her out between her legs. As her wetness coats his fingers, he finds himself overcome with a strange kind of peace. The kind that could spur any man into poetry.
Silvio tries.
Roses are red
My color is blue
Condoms need coasters
It's so fucking true
Genius.
Emma whimpers into his wet kisses. "Are you... thinking... about those... stupid... coasters right... now!?"
Silvio smiles. "I'm always thinking about those coasters."
The end.
Am I allowed to say that xxsycamore's brilliant fic inspired me? Because it did? But also this started off as a crack fic about Emma being obsessed with Silvio's pubes. It's late. I should go to sleep.
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