In depth analysis of Solo: a Star Wars Story
wow that title makes it look like this wasn’t just me rambling for 4 whole ass pages on word, but I wanted to give you guys all of my thoughts and reactions on the movie. All of the spoilers are going to be under the cut and I’ll continue to tag spoilers for solo for the next two weeks, so until JUNE 8TH so none of you are allowed to yell at me for spoiling the movie.
alright yall here we go im going to start with the plot and move into the characters the same way I did for tlj.
After coming out of this movie, it took me the entire ride home to process and think about whether I even liked it or not. When I got home, I had a two hour long conversation with my brother on the purpose of all of these movies rather than on what the movie is about because hes a fake fan and didn’t go see it last night. But anyway, after giving a brief synopsis with as little spoilers as possible, we kind of came to the consensus that this movie didn’t really matter, plot wise. It was kind of just made to sell tickets (even though they didn’t even sell tickets because there was no promo). Literally the whole movie was just an adventure that Han Solo went on, there was no real character arc, Han was the same person he was at the end as he was at the beginning, the only real development was him meeting chewie and lando and getting the millennium falcon. Did we really HAVE to see the kessel run, like yeah it was cool, but having the whole movie based around that? I feel like we were all kind of expecting more of a backstory, which is what it was kind of advertised as, and I think it would have been more effective, at least from a fan perspective, to have seen what Han’s life was when he was a child on Correlia. We still have no information on his parents, except for his dad was apparently a mechanic that wanted to be a pilot. We don’t know how he became orphaned or how he ended up with that fucking lizard monster thing, how he met Qi’ra, or how any of this affected him. I think they just started the movie at a bad spot, but that decision was made to maximize profit. I guess no casual movie goer would want to see han solo roughing it through some angst, but for people that are fully invested in star wars? It was just kind of a pointless action movie.
Other than that, it was a decent movie overall. I didn’t walk out of it pissed like I did with tlj, it kind of just made me feel nothing. Like I knew all this shit before, I didn’t need to see it in a two hour film. Him meeting chewie and lando, getting the falcon and doing the kessel run in 12 parsecs were things that were already established. There was nothing really spectacular about this movie it kind of just exists as a plot extender, rather than something that moves the plot forward or gives us major insights. I guess they can get away with it being useful to plot by the scene at the end that establishes to everyone that Darth Maul is still alive and fucking up the galaxy, but they could have just made their own damn darth maul movie, which is probably coming anyway based on that scene.
But now that I’ve dragged the movie enough, lets get into the characters because I have a lot to say. There were characters that I really liked, characters that had a lot of potential, and characters that I hated.
Lets start with han. I really liked him in this movie and I like the actor they got for him, I think he did a really great job showing han’s snark and egoism while also keeping his inner goodness and making sure the audience was sympathetic. As I said before, he didn’t really develop much as a character, he was born a scoundrel and stayed that way. His quest to do whatever he could to get home so he could save Qi’ra was something we all would have expected out of him. I did like that we were able to see his street smarts and ability to strategize more than we have in other movies. I guess we have a bit of development, in that he learns to be even less trusting than he already was at the beginning through all of the betrayals in the movie, but like …. He was already distrustful in the beginning from the life he had already lived. Also, this has nothing to do with what I was just saying but I just remembered, this is during the time of the empire. Didn’t the empire use cloned Stormtroopers as their infantry and navy with humans only being officers …………………… like correct me if im wrong, but im like 90% sure that’s right. Because the first order were the ones that used human Stormtroopers. And even so like, what are these infantry men even doing. Aren’t Stormtroopers the ones that have always invaded planets for the empire, these people weren’t wearing any type of armor or cohesive uniforms and I just remember being confused as fuck during this whole sequence. In a ‘this is a major plot hole’ kind of way. Were they running out of clones ?????? like just make more ???????????? like the whole reason they used clones was because using actual humans to do grunt work was barbaric and clones aren’t really seen as people. Also now that I’m thinking about it what happened to all of the clones once the war ended. I haven’t watched or read many of the side stories or books, so I don’t know if it’s just me that’s missing something, but idk having han join the empire as an infantryman just didn’t make sense to me. Also having an imperial officer be the one to give him his last name was just kind of yikes. Like they couldn’t have just had him come up with one himself in that moment. Whatever.
Now lets talk about Qi’ra aka fake bitch. I fucking hated her so much through this entire movie and not just because I called her fake leia in the lead up to it coming out (tell me han doesn’t have a type). Like what the hell honestly. She was the WORST. And its kind of sad because she really had the potential to be a better character, but it just did not happen. Like she was gone for three years and just happened to appear back at some sketch party? And the only explanation for it was “yeah ive been through some shit don’t ask.” And what killed me is that she just never fucking explained!!! Like han asked her multiple times to tell him what happened in the in-between time and they have this whole ass history, he was doing all this shit FOR YOU, and he doesn’t even get an explanation ???? at the very least give the viewers an explanation. Like I guess it was implied that she did some dark shit, slept her way to the top, killed a few people on the way there, but HOW ??? WHY ??? WHEN ???? how long has she been involved in this shit to be at the position she has and to be so changed by it? Her character was the one that changed the most, from being careful of people other than the one she trusted (han), but still having hope for a better life, to just being like fuck everyone, I’m here for me and I don’t care how many people I have to kill or betray to survive. But we never got that character development in the film so she just came off as a terrible human being. We never got the chance to be sympathetic for her, and tbh im about to get even more angry because this whole film was centered around M E N yes I said it im being that bitch right now because the women in this movie were paid DUST.
And on that note lets talk about fucking Val. Another character with so much potential that was just …………………. hnjdklsbckdsbcbsdlv. She was the literal embodiment of the angry black woman trope and it pissed me the fuck off. She was the one that refused to bend on bringing han into the group and continued to antagonize him the whole mission, which the audience obviously took as a damn joke because duh its han fucking solo. We all know that she’s wrong, but when everyone else jumped on board with han she stayed adamant in her position, making her the odd one out of the group. Every time she opened her damn mouth I got mad because she just kept putting han and chewie down and it was just so cringey because I knew that this would make her either a hated or a forgotten character. AND THEN SHE JUST FUCKING DIED. I was like oh ok, 20 minutes in and the whole squad is dead already god damn. Which brings me into my analysis of tobias.
I love woody harrelson and he did a great job but there were a few scenes that just annoyed me, one of them being after his squad dies. Like hes sad for like 5 seconds, punches han which is an understandable reaction considering the fact that it was his fault everyone died for no reason, and then hes just fine again? Like it was never brought up again that two people he was obviously very close to, especially Val, just died pointless deaths. Even the night before the mission he was like ‘yeah you got to get someone you can trust I got my girl val’ and then they kiss and im like oh ok theyre in love that’s cute we love representation of interracial couples, but then she dies and he never mentions her name again. He doesn’t even grieve for longer than 2 minutes ??? he gives han another chance even though this was 100000% his fault and everyone knows it ??? it was kind of like oh, ok why the fuck did we even do that, why did I have to watch all of this happen if there are no consequences. His character didn’t change at all throughout the movie either. He’s just as distrustful and self-centered as he was, he just has less friends now and he’s dead. He was a good fatherly/mentor-y figure for han throughout the movie, but that’s about it.
I don’t really have much to say about Lando other than the fact that Donald glover did a great job, but I really didn’t expect much else. B U T last week I reblogged a post about him confirming that lando was pan and in the tags I was like lol watch him still be in a het relationship and GUESS FUCKING WHAT. Like its as if they thought making him be in love with a robot that has a female voice, a female build, and people that address her with she/her pronouns would be enough for people to be like come on it’s a fucking robot they don’t have gender …. hsdakbckdsla and while we’re on this subject lets talk about L3 because her (it? I don’t even know) character probably made me the most angry while watching the movie.
L3 being like an advocate for droids was an obvious parallel to other civil rights movements like womens rights or even African American rights and the way it was handled made me so fucking angry. Everything the droid said was used as comic relief or made to be received as a joke because obviously shes talking about fucking robots. But honestly, let me get deep for a moment here, droids in the star wars universe ARE sentient. They have minds of their own and are put into the story like characters, but theyre treated as lesser because theyre not made of flesh and blood. I understand and identify with the things L3 was saying because she’s right, but through the whole movie it was made to be a joke, because you know droids don’t need rights theyre droids. But that was the same thing people in the fucking 60s were saying about black people we’re ‘just n******’ (im sorry I cant even type the word it makes me uncomfortable). And her revolutionary spirit mirrors that of women’s rights revolutionaries today. Being a black woman that’s involved in social justice in America, the characterization of L3 just made me upset because everyone was treating everything she said as a joke, and there was no rectification of it. After L3 died, there was no ‘hmmm maybe she was right maybe we should start thinking of droids more as people’ she was another wasted character whose only use was her navigation system when they could have taken a completely different route and addressed something that was actually wrong with the star wars universe rather than just enforcing it. And when she started to give the droids a mind of their own in the control room I knew it was going to dissolve into chaos and make a horrible situation because it was such a predictable moment that completely undermined social justice actions and it pissed me off.
I guess the plot twist that effys nest (is that how you spell her name? probably not it doesn’t really matter) and her squad were working with the revolution was cute. I deadass thought for a second she was gonna be like ‘what up tobias or should I call you DAD’ cause that would have been a 100% star wars thing to do. The bad guy was a generic bad guy so I really don’t have much to say about him. I loved the scenes between han and chewie which showed why they became so close.
This is really all I have to say about solo for know, nothing huge is coming to mind. Overall, it was a good movie if you’re not a fan, but kind of a wasted opportunity for everyone else. This movie had a lot of potential to deliver and im pretty disappointed that it didn’t. If you don't agree on anything I’ve said or you just want to talk about the movie with me PLEASE dont hesitate to slide into my dms I love discourse
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9:12pm, life is a mess, as always, so here I am to let yall know about it.
Wednesday, January 29th of 2020.
I just learned my mom is giving away ine of my cats tomorrow. She's my favorite cat, and literally had been there for me to comfort me whenever I sobbed around the house all alone by myself. And that time I considered killing myself when my great ex, Patrick #1, left for college, rendering me alone and friendless..... She was there, and her rubbing her cute furry face on my ankles and swirling her tail around my legs were the only thing to fucking stop me. Nothing else did.... I love Klay, everyone knows that. When she finally returned home after an entire month of being out the house, I literally sat at my doorstep sobbing my fucking eyes out at how scrawny she was, and how my favorute fat little gluttonous cat with the sleepy eyes turned so dirty and skinny and half dead looking.... I really pray that she finds a great new owner. ASPCA kills animals, so I really dont want such a sweet, and now finally healthy, cat to fall victim to this terrible fate. I wish theres more I could do, but I don't even know.....
Just feeling a bit off. I made a post online somewhere to make new friends in the area.... Suddenly getting cold feet at the responses. Probably since most of the people are over 25, and..... Yeah, what am I gonna have in common with an almost 30 year old? And one person I felt I could really click with didn't reply.... A bit bummed at that.
I paid FIFTY DOLLARS FOR ART SUPPLIES at the art store, just for the alarm to still ring when I left out???? I panicked and deadass just walked out. No one had chased me. BUT BITCH! turns out someone left an electronic tag on my markers..... FUCKER. I COULDVE JUST STOLE THE DAMN MARKERS AND KEPT MY FIFTY BUCKS IF I COULD PURCHASE EVERY ITEM AND STILL LOOK GUILTY AS FUCK EITHER WAY?????? BITCH????? karma is gonna reap that store i swear to god
The depressing amount of phone numbers in my contacts list that wouldnt reply to me even if i messaged them...... greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
No comment about my ex, so far. At least there is that.
Also, the coronavirus! Apparently a plane from Wuhan landed in SF..... AND NO ONE COVERS THEIR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN THEY COUGH IN SAN FRANCISCO, EVERY SURFACE IS STICKY, NO ONE WASHES THEIR FUCKING HANDS, PEOPLE DEADASS WILL WIPE THEIR NOSE THEN SHAKE HANDS WITH SOMEONE TWO SECONDS LATER......
Cool? I'm gonna quarantine. Yall aint gone hear from me. Fuck yall niggas, im drinking nothing but spring water and Lysol, until the plague finally kills the nasty ones, and then capitalism ends, since more people dying than the ones able to work.
I feel bad for nobody but the homeless, and the poor good hearted hygenic people caught in the crossfires; anyone else can choke on shit. (Is this offensive to say? I'm literally saying that people with bad souls and who refuse to care about if their germs reach other people are shitheads, anyone else is a good person who i genuinely hope will turn out okay.)
WHY IS THERE GONNA BE A PLAGUE? FUCK.
My boss, (now ex-boss, since it was a temp job,) planned to get pedicures this weekend! I'm always open to new friendships! I've got no other choice but to socialize either way, since staring at walls or a phone screen? Is depressing! Getting dolled up with another cool human being? Hella nice! Can't wait to tell her all the shit that I avoided in order to prevent getting fired before!
I met a few good people online either way! One likes Junji Ito, another is actually my age and wants to grab a bite around the city. Feels good to have options. Plus to be honest, if anyone does end up romantic, then itll be dope having someone to spend V-Day with. (It doesnt have to be a capitalist holiday, i see it as a good holiday to simply soend time with someone.... Then again, i usually think, "FUCK, WHAT IS A GOOD DISPLAY OF MY AFFECTIONS?", and have a tendency to overwhelm people with surprises sometimes.... Its a cute holiday and an excuse to give my favorite people some candy or flowers, a 50 cent Honey Bun, or some 99 cent jewelry that i can pass off as more expensive than it actually was..... what's wrong with that? Its so cute as a concept.)
Actually having money again feels so gooood. I keep blowing money on food and ubers, but alas, apparently thats much better than starving and taking a bus thats riddled with piss. I got to buy some SEXY ASS body washes that make me smell good effortlessly... some SEXY ASS body highlighters and shimmer powders.... hella face masks and some facial wipes that instantly made my skin go from 0/10 to 10000/10. Like???? i wanna make out with myself. i also got some body scrubs, like.... yall..... oh my god yall dont even know--
I really am a great person, and that feels nice, man. :) both emotionally and physically! mainly physically, but i am healing from my past and slowly but definitely getting noticeable progress for my health in terms of emotions and stuff for now.
I feel good so far.
Plus, funny how i quite literally stumble into my friendships, very often. Its never being introduced to someone, its me deciding "hey fucker im dm sliding you at 2am, i love your memes and your hair, are you up?"
Or a "i just showed up to this party, checked out the location tag for the spot on instagram, and followed every motherfucker thats at the same party tonight. I definitely do not know you, but i mean, hey! Look at my memes, stories, and photos. See if theyre chill. Then dm slide me!"
Hell, even how I met Patrick #2 is unusual as fuck, the FULL story, including how i knew one of his mutual friends somehow.... buuuut, life isnt that simple bro.
Now that i think about it, how did i even meet this guy? I dont know how i found his account at all. I was even thinking "didnt I meet him through Audrey?", but.... i still dont think so?????? Somehow he knows one of my mutuals, idk????????????
But, i trust that he is not an FBI agent that had planned for years to finally get involved with my life, with a fake persona. (I havent done any crimes yet for him to need to do so, but i mean, a backstory like that would explain why he still wanted to be around me, even through shitty times before.... Extremely tolerant and patient dude. He would make a pretty good lawyer, if he ever learns how to raise his voice up some day.)
Cute guy. A shame shit didnt work out. But i like reminiscing on the moments had between us.
Sadly our bad memories are sticking. Moreso the two separate nights that things got... complicated. He looked good on both of those nights. He's got a real nerdy look to him? Its oddly hot. I dunno how to explain why i find him attractive to people who like aggressive or rowdy dudes.
But he's just ridiculously pretty for a dude? Handsome men are okay, and easy to get over. But a PRETTY BOY? THAT IS SO HARD. Especially when they got the nice skin and the eyes and the nice red lips???? Shiny hair???? Mans is cute.
(This applies to more than one ex, tbh.)
The big difference between a pretty boy and a generically attractive man is that you can find a lot more generic men, but rarely any pretty boys.
Like how you can find a million Machine Gun Kellys or Modern Day Justin Biebers, on the side of traffic or stealing from gas stations, but whens the next time the world will see a young/old Johnny Depp? A Timothee Chalamet? A young Leonardo Dicaprio? A YOUNG Justin Bieber? (I would say "an age appropriate Finn Wolfhard," but idk if thats considered creepy or not.... but im saying in a completely non-predatory way.... dude is adorable, honestly.)
The difference between a generic man and a pretty boy, is that the pretty boy is a lot more unique. Since out of hoards of men with unwashed asses and shitty styles, the Pretty Boy is out here with half decent hygiene, (sometimes,) and looking effortlessly attractive? Like a whole fairytale character. Or like a Disney Prince Charming... or a Disney Princess. (Matty looked like he could've been a prince, nigga was GORGEOUS, i swear to fucking god.... GOD, wow.)
A normal man is eh. A pretty boy can snatch your soul and hand deliver it to hell in a ribbon tied handbasket.
And I've dated ridiculously pretty men. Adrian was a cross between "handsome" and "pretty", but he leaned towards pretty. Literally gorgeous. Z*ck #2 was so stunning, i loved their face dude. Patrick #1.... hes both, but he definitely had gorgeous eyes and skin, and trust me, he was one of the most amazing men to be with.
And Patrick #2 is a pretty boy. And, self-aware, too. He's told me before about how hes definitely had people interested in him, but not knowing how to approach them, or flirt back...
And when we had our first breakup, he got tons of matches, (since hes fine as fuck,) but most conversations died at a "How are you?", or "So, what are your interests?", and got unmatched pretty quickly.
...... Even though I was a little pleased he hadnt moved on, it was like.... "Damn, bro, im so sorry to hear that." (Even I had options.... Not great ones. But, even i got to see almost two people before....)
Patrick even told me on our most recent walk around the cemetery a few weeks back, that he saw himself as having the "face of Adonis"..... okay, hoe.
He was kidding, but its not like it was a lie even if he had been serious. Mans has a seriously nice face. Even on that day, at some point his glasses straight up crumbled, and having direct eye contact with those blue ass eyes was WAY too much. I think I went into a coughing fit? or something.
He's definitely someone I think I'm over, until that direct eye contact hits, then suddenly look at who starts blushing or trying to hide their face? Me, bitch. God. Nigga just HAD to have super light and bright blue eyes? The universe went "make this bitch suffer if she ever cant fuck him again".
And thus, i suffer.
He's a really pretty dude, with nice skin, teeth, eyes, lips, and hair. And a pretty dope nose, since I dig people who have big ass noses. And idk, i guess i dig the mildly grungey, yet still colorful, and lowkey thing he always had goin on.
Felt good meeting someone I had a lot in common with. :)
Sad to know that even on our worst nights, I still kinda had to not look at him. Since.... Yeah, I'd either cry, or instantly want to fuck. And if you're in the middle of explaining to your ex why you had felt betrayed, you gotta avoid saying, "Hey Patrick, do you want to fuck?" (That method doesnt work on EVERYONE, only the select few people with serious issues ive met.)
I just dislike that even on days where I felt absolutely disgusted by him, I could still go, "But, he's still really cute. Damn, look at HIM", and have my pussy throb if i looked at him for too long.
He's hot and he knows it. We stan a self aware king. But still, i gottaaaaa move on.
And nooooooot think about the specific smile or eyes he gave me before.
And nooooooot think about that time in the ki-
ALRIGHT BITCH THATS ENOUGH. My whole body feels overheated. I'm blaming it on my period. I'm gonna.... go to sleep soon. Peace out.
10:35pm, making friends and still constantly upgrading in life. Aaaaay. :)