#Wanting to get into contact with some sort of diet expert but who tf understands autism and mental illness ... Who is also an diet in

[mrfoox]

Ok so the good part of not being as bad as when I starved myself is cool but now I end up overeating instead and im like aw shit

#miranda talking shit #I hesitate to say i have or have had an eating disorder bc i dont think i have the right to but like ... #Ive definitely starved myself and one year i was down to like my heights 'normal weight' for the first time in my life #And it was around the same time i attempted sucide mmhm #I think my eating relationship is more part of nt autism diagnose since eating problems and autism is such an common thing #Anyway what im saying is bc im not starving i end up eating shit bc im bored probably and i know its bad but my self control is non existet #Im making a hamburger for dinner again /: its not great but its that or 200g chocolate honestly #And trying to ... Keep track of my calories is a mess ... Every app seem to use American measurements and they mean nothing to me #Got one now where i can scan the foods barcode so that's cool bc no app have my stupid swedish foods #Anyway uh... Food? Awful relationship he and i... #And sincd im autistic i hyperfixate on anything i like and i can honestly not grow tired of some things #Chocolate is one such thing like i havent and im like hmm... Yeah scooby doo we are in some trouble again #Wanting to get into contact with some sort of diet expert but who tf understands autism and mental illness ... Who is also an diet in #My city? I think the chances are low on that... And my contact person says that its probably not going to be much help to have it either bc #I have such problems with food overall it would be a problem ... And im like great ok i understand but also think i need to try to change #Something and i will not be able to do that alone without help and tips and someone looking out for me? #I feel like such a fuckin baby even tho i have it on paper that i have very specific problems i can need help with #Like im what.... 4 years offically diagnosed soon? I still feel such intense shame and overall feeling ljke a failure when i #Genuinely think i will need help to do something successfully ... Like i know i CAN technically do it but i know it would take everything #From me mentally and i would be broken down by stess and anxiety by it lmao (: #Doesnt help people tell me im... 'dont seem abnormal/autistic' like ok thanks... Im a girl and i have been forced to mimic social behaviors #So people wouldnt hate me .... Idk i know they mean nothing mean by it but its like... Everything you cant see doesnt mean its not there? #And me alone vs me with people is very two different people and i use all my energy to Seem Normal And Not Weird #If you get me being weird or talking weird its bc you have earned the trust and i have let you see that #But even then i dont talk or show some behavior outside unless you follow me around everywhere #IM OFF TRACK IDK WHAT MY POINT WAS #Caps im sorry...