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mamuzzy-creates-stuff · 2 months

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Out of curiosity, what happens to your clone ocs post order-66?

OHBOY. OOOOOOOOOOHBOY.

This is such an interesting question and the rusty gears definitely started to move. Because I usually work with fix-its and AUs in my inner cinema where usually O66 is prevented, this is really not an area I explored much!

...

Let's just say they are not alright after O66. WARNING: Mentions of canon character's deaths, mentions of suicide, actual suicide and visual depiction of it, nudity but genitals are not visible. Coruscant Guard has cultish vibes.

Also this is a very long post about my OC ramblings. Their fate is not set in stone.

My clone OCs I introduced so far are mostly corries, so they perspective about O66 is possibly more different than their brothers in the GAR. I try to write a coherent HC for them in mind that everything went wrong in the canon way, Thorn is dead and Fox is also killed by Darth Vader. I think the clones of the Coruscant Guard role as a policeforce became much more important later in the war when cititens started to openly express their dissatisfaction toward the war and toward the clones in general, being the very instruments of war along with the jedi. So dismantling protests, spying on people's social media and private conversations, and possibly framing famous and influental people to link them with terrorist - in which "terrorism" means everyone who is against the war, therefor against the Republic itself-, pretty much became the job of the Coruscant Guard. The emerging of the Empire would probably cause another waves of protests so the Guard is pretty much needed to maintain order in Coruscant. Depending on how much I want to torment these precious red boys, and how much I want to give them cultish-vibes, I don't think there were too much love left in them for outsiders, meaning: civilians, the senators they work with, the jedi, and most importantly: they brothers in the GAR. They are pretty much isolated at this point.

Keeping up the moral inside the Guard was always an issue, and the Coruscant Guard Medical Team is quite unique in that aspect that they are taking mental health in consideration, because they have all the access for all the knowledge they need in order to keep their brothers in the most top condition - and alive. Suicide and self-harm rate was always high due to severe survival guilt and depression but the Chief Medical Officer, Headshot's initiative to study psychology, helped them to keep those number lows by introducing alternative stress-relieving methods, transforming the barracks to actual homes the troopers can return to, and helping developing various suicide preventive measures. After O66, the priority remained the same. Keeping the troopers healthy and keeping up the morals which was already at the lowest by this time.

Only Headshot is pretty much burnt out. The constant fighting for his brother's life, his own inability to set boundaries in order to help with their issues pretty much killed every empathy and kindness from his heart. Nothing has really changed in this little isolated world of theirs, only the name of the regime. But survival is at stake especially after the army started to recruit natborns into their ranks. New methods were needed. He heard how their dar'vode in the GAR handled the jedi. "Good Soldiers follow orders". It quickly became the new catchphrase inside the Guard too. Headshot had to remind the commanders to ensure the troopers still knew their duties, despite the higher up natborns stripping them from their freedom, their rooms, their possessions, but now the troopers had to share rooms with the rookie stromtroopers they had to train.

Only Commander Fox's death made everything worse. Commander Thorn died a heroic death, he sacrificed himself to the greater good, he is greatest example a guard can follow.

But Fox...

Fox died like he was the lowliest scum. Worse even. Neck snapped, thrown aside. There is no good explanation for that, nothing to glorify, nothing to be lied about. He died. Just like that. Heroes and invincible idols aren't supposed to die like... like that.

Lily didn't take it well who was there and saw the whole thing along with Blaze. If you followed me for enough time, especially this particular blog, you must be know this cutie right? :) More about Lily -> HERE Now this is him now:

"Your blood would paint a beautiful picture in a name of peace and order." - Lt. Lily, commanding riot troopers against protesting civilians

After the Battle of Coruscant, the Guard suffered a lot of casualties, and usually through someone else's death was the only way to get a fast promotion. Lily, first generation shocktrooper, eventually got one, and after O66, after soon after Fox's death, he was promoted to Captain and training officer, and entrusted with the duty of training the future generation of the Coruscant Guard.

"I had to open my eyes to accept there is beauty in destruction too. Either that or nothing truly beautiful left in this world."

Lily didn't handle well that natborns started to live them and ruined the only safe-place they had in the whole planet. In the whole galaxy maybe. His personal belongings, treasures, carefully nurtured flowers were thrown away, colorful walls painted to steril-white, only old holopictures on his PocKam reminded him that he was more than just a living weapon.

What about Lily's friends, Blaze and Vorn?

(Shit I like this sketch about him)

I haven't talked too much about Vorn. Bit awkward and appears not too friendly to those he doesn't consider a friend. He named himself Vorn after the tigers, but not as in wild and ruthless, but having the ability to conquer his emotions before acting (kind of like the buddhist views on tigers). He is loyal and responsible, but highly critical of... well, everything. He doesn't have too much friend, but he really grown to like Blaze, he is his self-proclaimed Ori'vod, also best friend and roomate of Lily. Vorn was one of the rare troopers of the Guard who actually served on Geonosis before being deployed to the Coruscant. I created this character first for the sole reason of someone being avid Fox-hater and being critical of him. In my universe, Thire emerged as Commander much more earlier than in RotS, and Vorn never forgave him, nor Fox about it, so aside from personal trauma's about Fox, envy is also present.

So if someone had really gained something from Commander Fox's death, is him. Marshal Commander Thire appointed him to lead the Planetary Defence Division after Fox's demise and he does it with pride.

"YOU ARE ENSLAVED BY FEAR BECAUSE YOU FORGOT HOW TO BE ANGRY! YOU FORGOT THAT WE ARE THE WRATH OF CORUSCANT! THORN'S BURNING WINGS AND FOX'S RAGE OF FIRE! AND NOW I CARRY THE FLAMES!" - Blaze's last words.

And also Blaze. Youngest of the trio, a very energetic shocktrooper with fiery hair and enthusiasm that usually got him in trouble, despite trying to be a responsible trooper, worthy to the Guard. He got his name by accidently setting a speeder on fire while still being a shiny.

Blaze prepared for his extravagant suicide. When he got the news about the sudden announcement of mass retirement of the clones, he connected the dots.

"When you spend time as a guard beside politicans, you hear things. They never intented us retire. They never planned anything for us after the war. The Commanders lied to us to keep us in line and I don't blame them. I'm not an idiot. They had to do it. But now the Emperor suddenly announcing our retirement with severance pay? I'm not fucking buying it. I've heard rumors. Entire clone battallions disappeared into thin air. They are going to kill us. Oh no. I won't have it. I'll go out on my own terms."

Despite the newly tightened regulations, he dyed his hair once again for his signature colors, and worthy of his own name, he went out by setting himself on fire with the Coruscant Guard's emblem painted on his chest, just like Commander Fox's phase I armor, and one insignia on the shoulders.

Blaze's suicide at least shakened the Guard from their apathy, and some of them actually managed to desert. Riots started inside of the Guard that Thire beat down with bloody hands.

I think the Coruscant Guard as a whole had the longest time as troopers in service but in the end, those who didn't desert, eventually were shipped to those secret laboratories like the one of Tantiss to become science experiments and probably a lot of corries ended up like dead this way. They didn't have alternatives. They didn't have brothers to reach out, they are not aware that beside Coruscant, there was an entire galaxy waited for them to explore. Home is where the Guard is. If it's in death, then in death.

Now you may wonder where is my überblorbo, Deadshot from this list... hmm. Let's just say O66 and the victory of Darth Sidious would be the worst ending for him.

Holy fuck he's hot

I hope you enjoyed my post, and if you have more questions about my OC's or you just want to see them in situtations (I really love the Vorn-Blaze-Lily trio :'<), don't hesitate to send an ask! Angst, whump, fluff, or just them just being silly ^^ I mean after this post, they really deserve some love :D

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mamuzzy · 4 months

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Ventventvent

Probably won't do any good for my mental health, saving money for someone else rather than me or my own family, but I'm gonna save money for my parents' future nursery needs, because if I have to take care of non-compliant, stubborn old people AGAIN, I would rather kill myself just to escape from this responsibility.

You know the weird smell old people have? It's death.

#warning: mentions of suicide #bpdick fucks me in the brain again #<-this will be my vent-tag #feel free to block it

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underclerysclock · 1 year

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What if I fucking ended it all

#flood warning #succession #succession spoilers #suicide mention

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sm-baby · 17 days

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How has Mei not killed herself/ anyone yet?

She tried that

She already has

Alcohol poisoning... Not that it was on purpose, but she wouldn't have minded to die that way. No one but the other servants cared. The queen would have ABSOLUTELY went " ur not allowed to do that" or " took you long enough to wake up. Youre behind on work.

Her job also involves calling shots on the more... persistent Mistresses.

#tw: suicide mention #suicide #trigger warning

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madness-and-folly · 10 months

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and then they lived happily ever after <3

#hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal fanart #my drawings #some sort of unfinished epilogue comic #hannibal season 4 #that lives inside my mind #tw murder/suicide mention #i guess #but really #Hannibal should be its own warning

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haveyouseenthishorrormovie · 5 months

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SUMMARY: A surgeon causes an accident which leaves his daughter disfigured and goes to extreme lengths to give her a new face.

Fun fact: this film is also known as Les yeux sans visage.

The mod has not seen this movie but the imagery looks really cool. For example, the still above looks so uncanny, it just seems like such an interesting movie.

#eyes without a face (1960)#medical horror #1960s #france #italy #european movie #mentionable warning #suicide #horror #movies #poll #more than 50% havent heard

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drabsyo · 18 days

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Are you ever going to draw more for your Heather's Murder Mystery AU? I would love to see more art of it! If not, that's okay

something something obligatory "Veronica and Heather are all alone in the hospital after Heather is trying to recover from her stab wounds and the killer is one of their friends (?)" scene, and oh they've just confessed their feelings for each other earlier because seeing the other one get hurt made them realize how badly they want each other in their lives

welcome to Act Three

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theofreakingbell · 2 months

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thinking abt Thor being raised to glorify and idolize death in battle to the point that self destructive impulses and passive suicidiality do not get the attention they should / he doesn't even realise it's wrong until he's living peacefully in new asgard and starts taking more care with when he risks himself, for the sake of not just wanting to leave Loki and others behind but because he isn't indifferent to what happens to himself anymore

#mcu thor #thinking abt how he risked himself in IW and not wanting to do that again #watching Loki having fallen asleep in his lap and feeling like he needs to take more care #Less I will die for you more I will live for you. so I can be with you and stay with you #and I am more than just a tool for protecting others #listened to 1121 by halsey while thinking abt him and this happened #and literally started crying #it's thor angst hours apparently #no idea how to tag warning this I'm sorry #suicide mention #?

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chayannesegg · 2 months

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honestly I think it’s kinda interesting how phil’s relationships with wilbur, tallulah, chayanne & tubbo are all reflecting back into his view of sunny tbh. like he has such complex delicate interwoven dynamics with all of them and it all gets thrown onto sunny, this poor kid who he loves in theory, but in practice is a stranger to him.

like wilbur left tallulah in phil’s care and didn’t come back. even now way after he was initially supposed to, wilbur hasn’t returned (that one day aside). and phil, who had already taken on a big commitment watching tallulah, has been left permanently with two eggs in his sole care. and even though he loves tallulah and wil, and won’t want them out of his life, this is a stress for him. it’s a big undertaking for anyone, to care for two kids alone, but especially since tallulah required a lot of changes in his life.

for better or worse, in many ways phil sees chayanne as an extension of himself. they’re similar in a lot of ways, and often on the same page, and it means phil often struggles to catch up when chayanne’s emotions aren’t on the same page as him. we’ve seen this week, phil having such a hard time understanding the depth and breadth of chayanne’s grief. when he catches on, he usually does a good job empathising and talking it through, but when he doesn’t, he really doesn’t and it can be hard to watch.

the same is NOT true for tallulah. he has, through hard work and practice, learnt how to identify her emotions. he had to. she needed it. she would have been miserable otherwise. she desperately needed asked for the emotional care and birthdays and consideration that chayanne would never ask for. and he’s good at it—tracking her moods, knowing what upsets her & what she cares about in a way that doesn’t come as naturally with chayanne (or sunny or tubbo or anyone else really expect maybe wilbur). but that took A LOT of time and effort, months of work, and I do think he’s a bit wary of the idea of having to do that again, even when it comes to people he loves like chayanne (or god forbid tubbo).

now tubbo is not wil. tubbo is not phil's son. but he’s still not dissimilar to wil in phil’s mind. whatever the backstory is, phil introduces tubbo to tallulah as an old friend of him and wil’s. he makes tubbo his kids’ godfather. he calls tubbo his boy. he looks out for him. but past those first few weeks, their relationship doesn’t progress. they mean a lot to each other bc of their pasts, but they don’t put any work into upkeeping their relationship and phil in particular doesn’t reflect at all on what how that changes their dynamic. and it does change it—this is clear in purgatory, with phil having zero trust in tubbo to protect chayanne and tallulah, and after, with tubbo endlessly poking at phil’s sore spots trying to illicit a reaction he’ll never receive.

it's also clear in the way phil has no understanding of what’s going on with tubbo. if he’s struggling to grasp chay’s emotions, he’s not even touching what’s going on in tubbo’s head. tubbo’s death makes no sense to him. it’s sudden. it’s random. it’s illogical. it’s stupid. he wasn’t joking about having two lives? he still took a death bet with richas? he’s not come back? he can’t come back? he’s left phil with distraught kids for no reason with no warning. he doesn’t see the erratic suicidal behaviour, the unending depression, the desperation to be loved. he doesn’t want to see it. he doesn’t want something to be wrong with tubbo, but he also doesn’t even know how to see what’s wrong. he’s annoyed he’s having to deal with it and he desperately desperately wants to believe this is all happening for no reason.

bc at the forefront of phil’s mind is still his love for tubbo. of course, phil would drop everything to help tubbo (if he could recognize something was wrong). of course, he would care for sunny as his own. of course, he would make the same sacrifices he’s made for wil. and he assumes he’ll have to. he thought that sunny would now be under his care. that he’d have to figure out the logistics of a third egg to care for. with wilbur, phil was the only person who could ever have taken care of tallulah. the only person he trusted, the only person who knew tallulah enough. now this isn’t true for tubbo. it’s a genuinely illogical assumption for phil to make: three eggs would be a genuine burden on him; they've never spoken about it; there’s a long list of people who would tubbo expects for sunny before; and he doesn’t even know sunny well enough to name these people for her as comfort.

but still in the moment, alone with tubbo’s eggs and dealing with everything he left behind, phil can only think that the exact same thing that happened before will happen: he alone will be left to care for another scared hurt kid of someone he loves.

and here we come to sunny. a kid whose dad he loves. a kid whose dad he doesn’t understand. a kid whose dad is suddenly gone like his son is gone. a kid who would need him like his daughter needs him. a kid who his son needs to protect. a kid he cares for. a kid he can’t afford to care for, a kid he wasn’t expecting to care for, a kid he doesn’t know how to care for, a kid he would care for if he needed to, a kid he doesn’t know why he’s been left to care for. a kid who is somehow a reflection of all these people he loves but not someone he knows at all.

idk i think this tension comes out in the a lot of the comments phil makes of and to sunny. he doesn't know them well enough to distinguish them from his relationships with other people. and as long as no one challenges him on that, we'll continue to hear these misplaced comments from him, that come across so insensitively, even as he tries his best to genuinely help them and their dad.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp sunny #suicide #philza neg #qphil neg #i guess i'll tag out of an abundance of caution even if i don't intend this analysis meanly #that said he is absolutely being unfair to sunny and hurting her bc of this and he doesn't even realize #and won't realize unless someone else talks to him about it #lest sunny just snap at him some day which i do think is what we're currently headed to #fun fact: i intended to do more analysis of his actual comments but it got too long so instead you just get this :)#even tho i think this covers too much in too little time and could reference more canon events lmao #but it's already a behemoth #oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also nothing is ever going to justify the 'maybe i won't look for your dad as hard' comment fuck him fr for that #cw wilbur soot #won't delete this but warning he's mentioned here

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magicalrocketships · 5 months

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☔

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Oh, I'm sure I've talked about this before but L U C K I L Y I retain zero information, particularly when I'm tired, so this means I get to explain it again.

SO, the plot which I won't ever write because it gets pretty dark and it also requires me to make up an injury (I got the idea from the first series of Chicago Fire, where the dude whose name I've forgotten (no, really, I retain no information anymore) has a life-changing made-up ?neck? injury where he requires surgery and it will take one year+ to recover from the surgery so he self-medicates and then it's miraculously fixed by a dazzling new surgery in one episode after making it an entire plot for an entire season):

Canon divergence somewhere along the way, maybe the pandemic doesn't happen, maybe he never really got as publicly involved in streaming, whatever, but what's key is that Max doesn't have anything really going on outside of racing and it's this year

So Daniel's left RB/Mcl, and Max is focused focused focused on racing and maybe he gets his first world championship a year earlier but whatever happens, he doesn't build that strong sense of home outside of racing (no cats, no partner, no online streaming, just what's becoming an unhealthy focus on racing and winning at all costs)

Then there's an accident. It happens off-track, so it's not a racing incident, and it's not Max's fault. His car gets hit. And Max is injured. He breaks something in his neck (I am assured this injury does not exist in the manner employed by Chicago Fire. For the purpose of this imaginary not-to-be-written fic, it 100% exists).

Max is told he can't race, maybe forever, but likely for at least a year post surgery

(and at this point I'm just going to c&p from the chat fic doc I saved months and months ago, and it's going under a cut with a content warning here for suicidal thoughts, some mention of disordered eating and childhood abuse, look after yourself, pals)

surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story (~3k)

Anyway max realises that he has exactly one (1) thing in his life, racing, and it's just come crashing down and he's v emotionally unhealthy as we know and has nothing else going on so when he loses racing he believes there is literally no other reason to keep going plus he's in hospital

anyway daniel ignores all of max's emotionally unhealthy bans on hospital visitors and sneaks in to see him and he's like... "something is very wrong here"

he leaves and max thinks he's chased him away but then daniel comes back later that day and he's like, "you don't have to have the surgery in this hospital, you can have it done in any of these places *presents a list* so pick a place and we'll go there instead"

so yeah they just go somewhere else and daniel rents them a house and just hangs out with a secretly suicidal max who sees precisely no reason to wake up every morning if he's not racing

and daniel has precisely zero idea that max is still here/alive/whatever just because daniel is there every night and every morning and max doesn't want daniel to have to see him like that

ANYWAY max is very clearly not in a good place and his dad sends him messages telling him how he can improve his recovery and get better faster

it becomes more difficult for max to hide the fact that he's alive mostly by virtue of not being dead right now

and he's had the surgery or whatever and he's looking at a 12 month recovery so he's definitely out for the whole of the next season so daniel's like, "It doesn't matter how long recovery takes, take your time" which of course he has precisely zero idea of how to deal with since he's been racing so long and has nothing else in his life

Something happens idk he breaks a glass and Daniel finds him with cut hands and a piece of glass idk and Daniel's like, "a new crisis! I can help with that! this is clearly not something that max has been dealing with daily for weeks now, it's a new thing!"

so he's like, IT'S THERAPY TIME BABY, no more clutching a handful of broken glass and bleeding everywhere, superdaniel is here to help

yada yada finds max a therapist and max HATES IT, HAAAAATES IT, he's uncomfortable and the therapist makes him feel worse and he still wants to like... not be here if he can't race today, he can't wait a whole year

and daniel asks him how it's going and Max lies because why wouldn't he and he's been doing miserable things his entire life that he didn't want to do so what's another thing on top of everything else

meanwhile Daniel's like... hmmmm this is scary Max looks worse

and he sits in on a therapy session and half way through he's like, "nope, we're ending this, sorry, bye, you can have the money for the whole hour but we're never speaking to you again"

points out to Max that that therapist was awful and why didn't Max just tell him how awful it was and how it made him feel

Max, who's never had a choice over anything in his entire life: "..."

anyway he gets max to try another couple of therapists and in the end there's one who is NOT monstrously awful and does not make Max feel like he wants to scratch his own skin off

so Max gets THERAPY and it becomes clear that max's childhood was weaponised beyond belief and he doesn't even know what foods he likes and doesn't like

because he never got a choice and he was always on some kind of food plan that his dad could withhold or not according to how max was doing in every other area of his life

well of course, he gets a whole year of therapy and it turns out his dad was an abusive asshole and he is BLOCKED from Max's phone

and Max has to do things like "make sure his life has more than just racing in it"

so he reads a book

the first one he's ever read

he tries food and tries to figure out if he likes it or if it's just a source of energy he has to eat anyway

he gets a PLANT

it DIES

anyway whatever he gets therapy and he lives in a house with daniel and is allowed to feel some things because he never really felt anything before

and daniel goes off and does some promo stuff idk and films some shit from the house and max is maybe in the background or something and no one's heard from him in ages and in fandom it's all like MAX IS IN DANIEL'S HOUSE etc

and the drive to survive people get in touch and are like, can we interview you for the series even if you're not on the grid, do some stuff about your recovery etc etc

and max is like... i guess

he's not, like, actively suicidal any more because his life has actual pillars of stuff that isn't just racing

his life isn't just like dependent on one jenga tower of racing with the pieces falling down

like, he can't wait to get back to racing but he's like, six months in to therapy or whatever and he's been living with daniel and it's... nice to just... watch movies with him and eat stuff and play computer games (daniel banned racing games so max has had to... compromise)

and maybe there are some... warm feelings

some best friend shit when he's never had real time for a best friend

some "i could probably spend more time with daniel in a forever kind of a way and not get tired of it" you know

BUT ALSO, daniel blowing up his life for max, he saw max in that hospital room and didn't once question what it would mean to him to step back and just... fuck shit up so that max would be okay

anyway drive to survive team show up and they do a bit of interviewing and it is VERY CLEAR that this isn't a natural fit for an episode because Max has, for once, got some shit to say

so they come back with an idea for a spin off documentary that's just Max and this injury and getting back to driving

because Daniel has kind of been fielding red bull this whole time, saying "he's not racing this year, leave him alone, give him some space", and he's got to go out and talk to them or do some promo stuff with them, whatever, he's going away

Max says the timing is good because he can do the main body of the interviewing about what's come before etc, then Daniel can come back and do his bits

and then the docu team are like, "where do you think you'd be right now if you hadn't crashed" and Max looks at the camera and says, "dead, I think" and the team know they're on to a winner because Max has realised that actually, driving like you don't care if you're alive if you don't win isn't actually okay

anyway Max does the documentary interviews and Daniel comes back and Max tells him he can talk about whatever he wants, it's fine but when the team ask him about helping Max when he realised he wasn't coping, Daniel won't give any details and says it's Max's story to tell and he just wanted to make sure his best friend was okay

not realising that he looks very much in love during this idk

ANYWAY SOME TIME PASSES and they do a bit more documentary stuff and Max is preparing to race again and Daniel is doing some stuff with red bull and he flies out somewhere to do an interview and photoshoot for some magazine or other.

The first clips from the documentary are released and they're on youtube and clipped up for instagram and Max posts them but the first picture is just like, 'this contains discussion of suicidal thoughts' etc

Daniel is preparing for this photoshoot and interview

anyway the first clip is about Max in hospital and they go straight in for the kill, Max saying, "I didn't want to live if I couldn't race.

"I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want to speak to anyone, I shouted at the nurses, I just wanted to get somewhere so I could figure out how not to wake up again. And then Daniel walked in.

"He didn't know how bad it was, he didn't know anything specific, but he knew something was wrong and he got me out of there and he brought me here and got my surgery moved. And he didn't know he saved my life that day. He won't know until he sees this. But he saved my life that day."

END OF CLIP ONE, start of clip two

"You were suicidal," the interviewer says

"Yes," Max says. "The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want Daniel to find me. He'd moved me to a different hospital and he'd rented this place for us so it was close to the doctors, and every day I woke up and he never knew that he kept me alive just by being here."

"But he found out in the end."

"Not how bad it was. Just that it was bad. And he got me help. And when that help didn't work, he got me more help. He's the best friend I've ever had, and I still haven't been able to tell him how bad it got."

end of clip two, start of clip three

except this clip is DANIEL

"I snuck in to see him in hospital. he wasn't doing great. He was kind of lost, and I didn't really know what I could do, but, like, I figured he needed some space so I got him some. Different hospital, different views, nothing to remind him about racing."

"But he was struggling?"

"Yeah," Daniel says. "He struggled. It was hard to see him when he couldn't race. He's my best friend. It was hard when he wasn't doing so well. But he's doing great now."

smile smile etc Daniel being happy

then a final max clip i think

"Do I still have that drive to win? God, yes. I'm going to win. That hasn't changed. I just want to live as well. I want to wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and the one after that, and win."

then a final slide with the documentary logo on and some suicide prevention helplines, idk

ANYWAY imagine Daniel, if you will, at a photography studio about to have pictures taken, crying his eyes out in the toilets because he's just found out Max wanted to die

so Daniel, who is always very professional, entirely bails on both the photo shoot and the interview so he can go home because he needs to see max

and Max lent him his plane because that's a normal thing excessively rich world champions have so it's not a fucking nightmare getting back from... wherever the interview is, somewhere not that far away in europe

and Daniel chooses to respond to Max's documentary clips on instagram

[ASIDE, my beloved friend as I was telling her this over Telegram, in response to that above: WHY????

Me: because this is MY 4am hurt comfort fic baby]

so anyway he makes a text post that just says Max is the bravest and best person he knows, he's fought so hard to be here, and that there hasn't been a day in Daniel's whole entire life that would have been better if Max wasn't here on this planet, and he's so glad he stayed

and then another one which is like, if anyone else feels like they don't want to go on, please stay, people love you, here's some helpline numbers etc

and Max just replies to him with a blue heart

important to understand that this is my four am comfort fic so it is ENTIRELY appropriate that Daniel walks through the door and both hugs him and starts to cry

and Max hugs him back but does not cry because Max has broken through a lot of shit in therapy but he is not a crier

but he IS accidentally in love with Daniel

and Max makes some Choices in his life, as Daniel does, but this choice involves touching Daniel's cheek and glancing at his mouth and then up at Daniel and Daniel kind of nodding and then there is a KISS

which is badly timed really considering that today has been very emotional and Daniel is still crying and has been travelling etc and they've never actually addressed any of this

so Daniel needs a moment and he goes into the bathroom to stare manfully into the mirror and wash his hands and face and when he comes out Max doesn't let him say anything, just launches into a multi point in-person powerpoint about how they should be together

[my friend: maxplaining his way into a relationshippp]

which Daniel, it turns out, entirely agrees with, but he's really kind of emotionally burnt out right now and would really just like a hug and a sit down, so he tells Max yes, of course, but could they just talk about it later and hug right now

How good is Max at listening to instuctions to stop talking?

not marvellous it turns out but daniel kind of likes it when max gets enthusiastic about stuff

even if the stuff in this case is a multipoint argument in favour of them being quite gay together

OH OH OH now we skip forward a bit

to when Max is racing again

first or second race out there for red bull

and daniel is kind of tied to red bull again

anyway Max WINS

hurray etc he's a conquering hero with a recovered broken neck

so once he's out of the car idk he's done the bit with the team and he spies daniel and goes over to hug him, which the cameras in general love, and then he goes off to do some kind of next step celebratory thing, cool-down room, whatever

only partway there he's like... um

has a feeling, one or two, you know the kind of thing

max hasn't historically been very good at feelings

or healthy choices

but anyway, he decides to act on this one, which is to go back to where Daniel is, and kiss him

which is as much of a surprise to daniel as it is to the whole of the media who are still around to film him

and then Max just turns back around and heads for the podium, so there's a very nice accidental shot of Daniel, afterwards, just smiling and ducking his head and touching his thumb to his lip

which turns into a very popular gif

for reasons

Anyway!! there is a LOT of discussion about Max losing his edge now his focus is not only racing

the documentary talks a lot about Max's childhood abuse and limited food intake etc etc but doesn't mention his dad by name

Daniel races again somehow but probably not in the fic

daniel ends up losing some bet or other and has to do a computer game live stream from his living room of some cosy game idk and the whole thing is interupted by max just living his life in the background

max getting up and sleepily saying morning, max going for a run and kissing him hello, max going in and out of the sim, idk, the two of them making weird noises at each other because they still do that

OH I forgot they buy a house together like immediately after getting together

somewhere green again and it's in both their names because they've lived together for a year already and whatever

and still don't tell anyone they're together even though red bull has them residing at the same address

and ZERO people realise until after the kiss on screen

and obviously the docu clips suggest they've been staying together

and Max gets to say to Christian that they literally own a house together when he expresses some degree of surprise at kissing in public

not their fault no one noticed

Forgot to say that max and Daniel get filmed driving about and max stalls his car and doesn’t know if he likes olives and maybe they forget they’re being filmed

And also that when the documentary finally airs all its eps Netflix on Twitter are like “lol bet you can’t figure out which bits we filmed after they got together and which were before because we certainly can’t, lol”

And Daniel’s in the comments, like “do I get a prize if I get it right”

He gets 9/10 clips right but no one but max knows

Anyway when they buy their house max has zero shits to give about the decor so daniel just gets a decorator in and the only thing max wants is a fancy catio for when they’re not there and his new cats want to go outside

Daniel arranges this because he’s a sucker for max.

anyway that's general plot of surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story, the end.

#my fic #fic i wish i was writing #except actually this one is just staying my 4am comfort fic #but i've just told it to you too #content warnings for:#suicidal thoughts #mentions of childhood abuse and disordered eating #surviving to drive: the max verstappen recovery story

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tsukasageorge · 3 months

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[OMORI SPOILERS!!!]

they loved her and you killed her

#omori #mari omori #sunny omori #omori fanart #omori game #omori sunny #omori mari #raey draws #trying my best to tag this well #omori spoilers #suicidal imagery #suicide mention #suicide tw #blood warning #tw blood #i. think that's enough?????#i hope it is

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thedetectivedoobie · 5 months

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detective, you and I seem to have similar taste in smiley-face clipart

in unrelated news, can I get your opinions on this image?

Reaally good. Here I "Remixed" it

#skillsposting #du boiselfie #suicide mention #ooc let me know if i shld tag this w other warnings

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niishi · 4 months

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Under a cut because I'm analyzing marineford/ace and it's heavily about suicide/being suicidal

"name a character that didn't run away" and they say ace............. I'm pretty sure he did the ultimate "run away"..... Do people not see aces actions at the end of marineford being..... Suicidal....? He wasn't being a bad ass. definitely think oda was trying to portray how tough being suicidal can be, where, even if you have everything and everyone is there for you, it ultimately doesn't matter. And how tough it is for the people who love the person who's suicidal/has committed suicide. And no matter how they go about helping, at the end of the day, it's up to the individual to choose whether they should continue to live or not. That's why when people say "garp should have stepped up he could've changed everything" Im like???? Because it wouldn't have made a difference at that point. And garp knew that. Ace knew garp loved him. Ace knew his friends and family loved him. Ace knew all of that. Regardless, ace didn't want to live. Oda is trying to make you empathize. He wants you to empathize with the "good guys" and the "bad guys" he wants you to empathize with the pirates AND the cops. He wants you to empathize with the victims AND the abusers. Now, oda takes a stance, you can tell what his stance is and where he resides on the moral scale, but that doesn't mean he doesn't practice and doesn't want you to practice empathizing. Marineford was odas way of saying that your love matters. Even if it doesn't succeed. It's still important to love. People will choose to die if they choose to die, and they should die knowing they're loved. Ace died knowing he was loved. Even if that love wasn't enough to keep him alive. Sometimes it's not enough and it's not your fault and it's not their fault. Idk...... I have so much to say about this. I think so many people miss this about marineford and it's a damn shame bc it has such a powerful message regarding people who are suicidal and people who are left over after someone they loves commits suicide.

#suicide mention #suicide talk #one piece #portgas d ace #one piece archived #big #trigger warning #for this one #also im worried about ppl nitpicking how i wrote this #pls dont #i am a suicidal person #youre allowed to have ur own perspective and experiences that are different from mine

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marzipanandminutiae · 1 year

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was just at a work presentation about the history of slavery in New England. in person. room full of adult museum professionals

and the presenter (who was a very well-spoken and accomplished researcher my age or a little younger, and whom I otherwise came away with great respect for). mentioned enslaved people "unaliving" themselves/their families to escape slavery

the brainrot is spreading

#museum work #slavery mention #like okay fair enough to add a content warning at the beginning or something but #I think a group of adults can handle the word 'suicide' or the phrase 'killed themselves'#in a discussion of VIOLENTLY ENFORCED CHATTEL SLAVERY #self-censorship #this isn't tiktok my friend. it's. it's real life in a discussion we all knew would be hard and troubling from the beginning

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haveyouseenthishorrormovie · 4 months

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SUMMARY: As kids, they escaped a UFO death cult. Now, two adult brothers seek answers after an old videotape surfaces and brings them back to where they began.

There are some absolutely stunning visuals in this movie, plus the mod is a big fan of cult stuff in horror, so she'll definitely check it out.

#the endless (2017)#science fiction #occult #2010s #united states #north american movie #mentionable warning #suicide #horror #movies #poll #more than 50% havent heard

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lbulldesigns · 10 days

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AITAH FOR GHOSTING MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR THREE YEARS, FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH?

Posted 7th of January, 2024

Disclaimer: mentions of self-harm, violence, and attempted suicide.

Please bear with me. This post will be long.

I (21f) have been estranged from my family for the past three years.

I want to start off by saying that my family aren't bad people. They were never abusive, and they did care for me, but they could never understand me or the full extent of my issues.

Some background. When I was around five, my sister (26f), we'll call her V, and I witnessed our parents' death at the hands of some trigger-happy Enforcers. We don't know why they decided our parents deserved to die, but they did, and we were left orphaned when the authorities couldn't find any other family to take us in.

We bounced around in the system for a while, fearing being torn from each other at any moment, before a family friend was able to foster and then officially adopt us. Our AD (adoptive dad) was a godsend, he was and still (to my knowledge) is the most patient and gentle man I know. Despite looking like a wolf LOL.

Along with gaining a new father we also gained two brothers (twin 23m) the older twin (C) takes after our dad, Kind and patient. The younger twin (M) however is a little nasty bitch, who took upon himself to make my life in particular an ongoing hell. He was never physically abusive, but he was verbally abusive. It felt like not a day would go by when he wasn't putting me down and treating my existence like it was something insignificant. He never had a problem with V, just me.

For the first six years everyone else would defend me, put him in his place, and overall hold him accountable but at some point, they stopped holding him accountable and just expected me to grow a thicker skin. I still remember the day when I went crying to my sister and rather than comfort me, just rolled her eyes and asked if I could maybe not take him seriously because she needed to finish her group project. To her credit, she apologised for that but it was hard to rely on her after that.

Long story short, M made my home life unbearable, and I had bullies at school that made it unbearable. Especially once I was in high school and my best (and only) friend started making friends of his own. I want to say that I was cool with this, but in reality, I turned into an absolute brat and refused to get along with any of them. I wish I didn't, but I just couldn't help but feel betrayed and genuinely acted on those emotions.

And this is how I was with everyone. Constantly betrayed and acting out. It was no wonder everyone I knew got sick of me.

My Dad was constantly worrying about me.

My older brother avoided me as much as possible, to avoid my outbursts.

My sister was just constantly swinging between feeling guilty, angry, and just done with my constant outbursts. Especially when these outbursts were directed at her girlfriend, who constantly talked about how she wanted to be an Enforcer to protect others (take a wild guess why I couldn't like her). V even slapped me for something I said (I can't remember what) to her GF that made her cry.

And my best friend... hates me.

It's my own fault, obviously.

What led to the title of my post is this.

I told my (former) best friend that I loved him and wanted to be with him, and he just raged at me. Apparently, he was seeing someone and thought that I was pulling something in order to break them up. He didn't believe me when I said that I didn't know he was in a relationship (I genuinely didn't know) but he wouldn't hear it and called me an AH and said he was done with me.

I felt humiliated and heartbroken, when I got home that day I was crying and M was the first person, unfortunately, who I came across. And the first thing he does is scoff and roll his eyes, and said "fucking crybaby".

I don't fully remember what happened, I blacked out, but I remember my dad pulling me off of M and his face was a bloody mess. I'm pretty sure that I broke his nose and then some, my dad was so angry. The angriest I've ever seen him; he actually shook me by the shoulders and demanded what was wrong with me. And when I couldn't answer, they told me to get out. Which I did.

I just bolted from the house, the sound of shouting behind me, and just kept running until I got to the Bridge of Progress.

I was just so empty and lost, and the water below looked so tempting. I was about to end it all when my guardian angel showed up.

Ez (21m) was walking by when he saw me about to jump and, without hesitation, climbed up next to me and asked what we were doing.

He saved me that day, without even trying. He listened to my whining and rather than offer me empty promises of "it'll be okay" instead said "girl you messed up. Wanna go on an adventure with me?"

We've been friends ever since.

I took him on his offer and went home to collect some things, when I got there the lights were off so I climbed up to my bedroom window and let myself in. I grabbed my clothes, some saved up cash, my laptop, and my documents (in case I needed them) and left a note for my family saying "bye".

And that was three years ago. I haven't been in contact with them, I don't follow them on social media, and I left my mobile behind so they were never able to get hold of me.

I completely and utterly. Ghosted them. And I don't entirely regret it.

In the last three years I have gained close friends, experienced new things, seen interesting things, and have felt well enough to actually want to seek therapy. My mental health improved greatly, although I still have issues but still am lot better than I was before.

However, I can't help but feel like an AH. My family weren't bad, just fed up. They are genuinely good people (even M) it's just that I bring the worst out in people. But recently I've been wondering if I should reach out or not.

What if doing so disrupts their lives? What if my leaving improved their lives?

I don't know.

AITAH if I reach out to my family after ghosting them for three years?

(This is a fanfic. Please read tags)

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