#We hiss at the sight of the Buckley parents

[princessfbi]

I still can't get over buck's crestfallen look when he realized there was never a baby box for him. Baby still had a speck of hope for love from his parents and that got crushed 😭😭

Listen Nonnie I am cold and sleep deprived and in public. I cannot have a meltdown about the complete and utter out of touch Margaret and Philip willfully are when it comes to anyone outside of their own grief. I cannot. People will stare!

#maddie buckley #evan ‘buck’ buckley #buckley siblings #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #answered #anon

[musecharm-writes]

Bad Influence, Pt 4 (Steve Harrington X Reader)

Summary: It’s time for the first check-in with Hopper and the date with Steve.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

On Friday morning, you come into work early again, and you’re pretty sure that you’re going to throw up. Today is the first “check-in” with Chief Hopper, and even though you’ve been working your tail off, you’re so worried that it won’t be enough.

Joyce must be able to tell how you’re feeling (some kind of mother’s intuition or something, you guess), because she goes suspiciously easy on you for most of the day, keeping you on the register for the most part, and when you start to get too antsy to deal with customers, she takes over for you, ushering you away to take inventory.

You get so invested in cataloguing that you almost miss the break Joyce usually gives you to eat. Luckily for you, that’s exactly when Chief Hopper shows up.

(Oh, did you think ‘luckily?’ You meant unluckily, because you still pretty much feel like your stomach is about to make an emergency ejection.)

You hear his voice as you’re stepping out of the back, and you almost want to turn around and go right back in. Before you have a chance, though, he spots you and starts your way.

“Hey, kid,” he says, taking his hat off. “How ya been?”

You smile, uncertain. “Hasn’t Ms Byers told you already?”

He shrugs. “Yeah. But maybe I wanna hear it from you, too.”

You pick at the hem of your Melvald’s vest. “It’s been… fine. I’m handling it, I guess.”

“You guess?”

You drop the hem of the vest and scrub a hand down your face. “No. No, I really am handling it.  I just… Have a lot of other stuff to deal with, I guess. This is actually the one thing that’s going pretty well, believe it or not.”

Chief Hopper nods. “Well, that’s something, at least. Good to hear you’re trucking along.”

You swallow. “So… So I’m good, then?”

He nods again, putting his hat back on. “Yep. You’re good,” he pats you firmly on the shoulder a couple of times, and you feel the tension melt out of your body. As he turns to leave, he says, “See ya around, kid. Take the weekend off.”

You go back out to the front, and Joyce looks at you expectantly.

“Well? How was it?”

You sigh. “Good. It was good.”

--

There are six hours until the date, and Steve is definitely not freaking out.

Really, he isn’t.

...Okay, maybe just a little.

“Do you think these jeans are too tight?”

Robin rolls her eyes. “Steve--”

“Are sneakers too informal, should I wear something else?”

“Steve--” Dustin tries.

“Shit, this is a horrible idea, I should just call and cancel before it’s too late--”

“STEVE!” Robin shouts, effectively cutting off his panicked rambling. She grabs his face, squishing his cheeks gently. “It’s okay. Your jeans are fine, maybe swap those shoes for a less dirty pair, stop panicking.”

Steve takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, you’re right. Sorry.”

“Look, you have six hours until the date,” Dustin reasons. “Even if you decide that you wanna wear something else, there’s still plenty of time -- too much time, even. You don’t have to have everything figured out yet.”

Steve sighs. “Look, Henderson, I don’t expect you to get this since Suzie lives in Utah and you only see her at camp, but when you’re going on a date you need to be prepared way in advance. It takes time to look good, dude. Besides, the first date is the most important date, I have to make a good impression.”

Dustin considers this and then shrugs. “I guess that makes sense.”

Robin shakes her head as she looks at them in disbelief. “You two have no idea how dating works, do you?” She looks at Steve. “How did you get Nancy to go out with you, again?”

“Oh yeah?” Steve put a hand on his hip. “How are things going with Tina, Ms Hypocrite?”

Robin’s cheeks reddened. “Fuck off.”

--

When you get home after your shift, you kick your shoes off and flop down on the couch.

You’d been so worried about the check-in with Hopper, and now, you almost feel like the build-up was all for nothing. Now, all you have to do for the rest of the weekend is relax.

It’s hours later when you start to get the feeling you’re forgetting something. You’re sure it’s nothing, though; if it was super important, you would have written a note for yourself somewhere to keep yourself from forgetting.

You have a hot shower to decompress, take a pit stop in the kitchen for some Froot Loops, and then immediately go back to the couch for some channel surfing.

At around 6:30, you realise what it was you were forgetting: your date with Steve is tonight.

And you only have half an hour until he comes to pick you up.

“FUCK!” You sit up so fast that you bang your knee against the coffee table, but you can’t feel it through the adrenaline. You dash to your room and start ripping through your closet. Eventually, you find clothes that are clean and seem date-worthy. You grab your favourite boots, and go to your dresser to dig up your lucky socks.

You finish getting ready as fast as you can. You’re about to go to the living room to wait for Steve before hesitating, eyeing the cigarettes on your desk.

You sigh. Went to the trouble of getting them. Might as well.

Grabbing the carton, you tamp the cigs, shake one loose, and tuck it into your sock, along with your Zippo.

--

When Steve gets to your house, he’s six minutes early -- which, he tells himself, is just way too early, and you’d probably be super annoyed if he rang the bell so soon.

Which, of course, gave him several minutes to sit in his car and overthink things.

What if this wasn’t a date? What if you just thought he was trying to apologise for being a jerk in Melvald’s? Shit, he should’ve been more obvious that he was trying to ask you out… But he was so nervous you would say no if he just asked outright. What if he told you it was meant to be a date, and you wanted to leave because you weren’t interested? He doesn’t want you to stop wanting to hang out with him just because he wants to date you.

By the time he’s come to the conclusion that he’ll just keep the date thing to himself and see what happens, it’s 6:58, and he figures he’s as ready as he’s gonna get.

He goes up to your front door and rings the bell.

You answer, and it feels like Steve’s heart is about to explode.

“Hey,” you say, a nervous-looking half smile on your face.

“Hey,” Steve replies breathlessly. After a beat of silence in which he realises he’s staring at you, he adds, “Uh, you ready to go?”

“Yeah. Where we goin’, by the way? You never said.”

Right. Steve knew he’d forgotten something. “W-- Uh, we could… We could go to the Hawk? See if there’s anything good playing? Or get dinner at Benny’s?” He feels for his wallet, pulls it out and peers inside. “...Shit. Um, we may have to stop by my house real quick first though, I don’t have my cash on me.”

You shrug. “Fine by me.”

Steve nods, a little jerkily. “Cool. Right, let’s roll.”

He walks you around to your side of the car and opens the door for you, and you smile at him, which gives him fucking heart palpitations, but it also makes him a little more confident in the whole date thing.

He decides to test his luck and does a bonnet slide, hoping you’re the kind of person who might think that looks cool.

When he gets in the car, you say, “Nice one, Harrington,” in a slightly teasing tone, and it makes his face feel warm. Score!

He turns the key in the ignition and says, “How d’you feel about rock ‘n’ roll?”

You grin.

--

Sitting in the passenger seat of Steve Harrington’s BMW, watching him sing along to Owner of a Lonely Heart, you feel more confused than ever.

You’d convinced yourself, sitting on your living room couch, not to think of this as a date, just in case -- because Steve never called it one, so maybe it wasn’t one. But with him opening the car door for you, and then the stupid (awesome) bonnet slide… maybe it is? You would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want it to be, anyway.

On the other hand, he hadn’t really planned what he wanted the two of you to do. Maybe he hasn’t been nervous all this time because he wants to go out with you; maybe he’s just worried you’re mad at him for the thing at Melvald’s.

Before you can work yourself up about it any more, you’re pulling into the driveway of the Harrington’s veritable estate.

For a second, you’re so dumbfounded by the pristine state of the house and yard (not to mention the size) that you forget where you are. Then, you turn to Steve and say, “Uh, should I wait in the car, or…?”

Steve turns the car off. “Hm? Oh, nah, you can… You can come in. My parents aren’t home, but just so you know, Dustin and Robin are in there, and uh… Just, please don’t let anything they say reflect poorly on me.”

“Uh,” you say. “Okay.”

When the two of you get inside, you find the curly-haired kid and Robin Buckley standing in the foyer. The curly-haired kid -- Dustin -- has his hair coated in Pomade and neatly combed, and he’s wearing a suit and a comically obvious fake moustache. Robin has her hair pinned back, and she’s wearing a string of pearls, matching earrings, and white elbow-length gloves with her regular clothes.

It’s a ridiculous sight.

“What the-- What the hell are you two doing?”

Dustin and Robin turn to him, and they both grin.

“Ah, it’s our dearest son, Steve,” Dustin says, affecting an imitation of an adult man’s voice. “Welcome home, son.”

“Why, darling!” Robin says, her voice altered to sound like that of a cultured socialite. “It seems our little boy is on a date!”

Steve’s friends are pretending to be his parents. That’s actually kind of cute. (And, best of all, it confirms that this is a date, which really helps alleviate your anxiety.)

You glance over at Steve and notice that he’s blushing like crazy.

“Will you two cut it out?” He hisses.

They don’t pay him any mind.

“Make sure you have our Stevie back home by eight o’clock,” Dustin says, reaching up to twirl the ends of his fake mustache.

“Yes, of course, Mr Harrington,” you say seriously. “And might I say, Mrs Harrington, you look just stunning this evening.”

Robin guffaws loudly, holding a gloved hand up to her cheek. “Oh, aren’t you the charmer! This one’s a keeper, Steve, dear.”

Steve sighs. He ignores his friends, and to you he says, “I’m gonna go up to my room and grab what I need and then I’ll be right back, okay?”

You nod. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll be here.”

The moment Steve is too far to hear, Robin says, “Hey, seriously, thanks for giving our doofus a chance. I know he comes off as kind of a dunce sometimes, but he means well.”

You shrug. “I get it. I’m not perfect, myself.”

Dustin interjects with, “Steve sure seems to think so.”

You aren’t sure what to think of that, so you just laugh awkwardly.

In the next moment, Steve comes racing down the stairs. He looks up and sees the three of you standing around not saying anything and squints critically.

“What’s going on? What did they say to you?”

You shake your head, forcing a plain expression. “Nothing.”

He looks between Dustin, Robin, and you again before saying, “Okay. Let’s go.”

As you’re leaving, Robin calls after you (foregoing the impression this time), “Make sure you use protection, Stevie!”

--

When you’re back in the car, on the way to the diner for dinner, Steve says, “Hey, I’m really sorry about them. They’re weirdos, they can’t help it.”

You laugh. “It’s fine. I think your friends are funny.” You look down at your lap, and then turn your head to examine his face while he drives.

He’s handsome, in a soft way. You’d never really noticed it in school, for whatever reason, but now, up close, it’s practically all you can notice.

He glances over and catches you watching him, and he smiles at you nervously.

“What’s up? Somethin’ on my face?”

“No,” you say softly. “Just… Looking at you. And thinking.”

He glances at you again, but keeps his eyes on the road, even though you can tell he really wants to look at you. “About what?”

You, you want to say, but it feels too honest to share. Instead, you say, “Why we never talked in high school. I feel like we could’ve been friends, if we hadn’t been running in different circles.”

He nods. After a moment, he says, “I feel bad. I barely remember you from high school. Probably because I was so focused on being ‘King Steve,’” he finishes bitterly.

The corner of your mouth quirks up. “And look at you now. Hanging out with a band geek and a freshman.”

He laughs, and it’s one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard.

“Yeah,” he says softly, looking over at you again, “look at me now.”

--

The diner is one of your favourite places to eat, so Steve is winning serious points bringing you here. (Not that he was short on points to begin with.)

The two of you grab a table by one of the windows, and a waitress comes over to take your order pretty quickly. You both order burgers and fries -- most people do at Benny’s.

“Hey, so, this is probably the worst thing to ask, but Nancy and Jonathan made me promise I would ask you about it if I got the chance,” Steve begins.

You sigh. “You wanna know about when I got arrested, huh?”

Steve purses his lips and nods. “You can say you don’t wanna talk about it if you want.”

“No, I guess it’s fine,” you pick at a crack in the table. “I… was stealing from Melvald’s. It was a shitty impulse decision and I shouldn’t have done it. But I just… Okay, so, you’re allowed to judge me for this if you want, but I smoke. Cigarettes. I ran out a couple weeks ago and I felt like absolute shit. I’ve been saving allowance money from my mom to buy another pack, but I forgot to bring it with me when I left the house. I already had the carton in my hand, so I just…” You shrug and put your head in your hands. “I didn’t even think. I just did it.”

Steve looks at you with his eyebrows raised. “Wow,” he says. “That’s… really heavy. I’m sorry.”

“I hope it doesn’t make you think of me any differently.”

He shakes his head. “No! No, no. I mean, I get it. I’ve done things I’m… not necessarily proud of, too. You don’t have to let your mistakes define you, or whatever.”

It’s exactly what you needed him to say.

Before long, your food comes. The two of you spend two hours talking over food -- telling stories, laughing at each other’s jokes. It’s amazing. It’s so much fun.

You want it to last forever.

Unfortunately, at around 9:30, you remember that you forgot to make dinner for your mom. You let Steve know you need to be home soon, and he seems disappointed, but he calls the waitress over to get the bill.

“I’ll be right back,” you say, pushing back from the table. “Bathroom.”

While you’re on your way into the bathroom, you bump into Hopper, who’s on his way out.

“Oh! Hi, Hopper!” You say, surprised, but not unpleasantly so.

“Hey, kid,” he says. “What’re you doin’ out so late on a weeknight?”

You grin. “I have a date.”

He arches a brow at you. “With who?” He looks past you into the diner, maybe trying to figure out which table you came from.

“Steve Harrington.”

His eyebrows climb up toward his hairline. “Really? Huh. Kid doesn’t really seem like your type.”

You shrug, feeling your face get warm and hoping it isn’t obvious in the lowlight of the hallway. “He’s cooler than he seems, I guess.”

Hopper hums. “Right. Well, have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he pats you on the shoulder. 

As he leaves, you call, “I won’t!”

--

When Steve pulls into your driveway, he puts the car in park and keys the car off. Then, the two of you sit in silence for a moment.

Apparently, neither of you want the night to end.

“I’ll walk you to your door?” Steve says tentatively.

You nod.

He comes around and opens your door for you, offering a hand to help you up.

You lace your fingers with his, grinning cheekily.

The two of you walk up together, hand in hand, stopping in front of your door.

“So… Guess this is it, huh?” Steve says.

You bite your lip. “Hey, Steve?”

“Ye--?”

You lean in and kiss him on the cheek. He feels a warm flush bloom outward from the spot where your lips touched.

“I had fun tonight. I wanna do it again sometime. Call me?” You say. At first glance, you seem confident, but Steve can read the hopefulness in your eyes as easily as he feels his own.

“Yeah,” he says decisively. “Yeah, I’ll call you. Tomorrow?”

You grin. “Tomorrow sounds great.”

#stranger things x reader #stranger things reader insert #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #x reader #reader insert #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #joyce byers #jim hopper #robin buckley #dustin henderson #writing #writing blog #reader insert blog #x reader blog #cigarettes #smoking #theft

[lilywoood]

You’ve got a mail Part 3/?

Hi so after hours of debating if I should post or delete part 3 I decided that I was going to post it, I hope it’ll be as good as the sneak peek I gave you and that I didn’t make you wait too much, I hope y’all like it and don’t hesitate to hit my ask box if you want to be tagged or if you want to get more sneak peeks ♥️!

Tag list : @diazbuckleysworld @translucent-bisexual @cherishingstydia @felicitous-one @comablog2 @justsmilestuffhappens @gxtop @chrrlees @hardychick89 @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor @leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serena040506 @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Words count : 1571

Song : Bang Bang - Nancy Sinatra

Sleeping was more penance than relief as he couldn’t close his eyes without being constantly haunted, tortured, reminded by how much his teammates, his family hated him, haunted by the sound of their laughs, by the impact of their insults, by the venom of their remarks.

He couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop tormenting himself, couldn’t prevent his mind to play his days, all the overheard conversations, and not so discreet whispers on loop in his head, he couldn’t help but remember their faces, their snarls every time he entered a room, he couldn’t help but hear their voices… his voices, as he was told over and over again that he wasn’t needed, wanted, that it was too bad the ladder truck hadn’t crushed his whole body…

He prayed for a dreamless night, he prayed his mind to stop the self-persecution, to stop thinking about them, as they never did think about him. He wished he was bold enough to down the six pack in his fridge, the one who was calling his name every day, so that he could pass out, so that he could finally and peacefully rest but like all his nights since the lawsuit Buck found himself once again starring at his computer screen, thinking about what he would say to TK and how he could help the equally tormented Texan firefighter.

He remembered TK’s last answer, remembered how he could feel his distress, how he felt the same, he remembered how they chatted until dawn about wither they should keep fighting, should keep proving their worth, their right to be among their brothers or if they should just give up as fighting was making more miserable, he couldn’t forget the last words they exchanged that night.

From TK: My mother used to tell me that even if we’re blood related my father would never love me as much as he loves his firefighters family and that what made me want to be part of it, I wanted to be seen and loved too, I fought and for a brief time I had it, my dad love and attention, I was so happy, I felt whole until I realized that he loved firefighter TK, he only saw me when I was part of the team, outside of it I was nothing.

From Buck: I didn’t have anything outside the 118, when I got the job I was the happiest in the world, for the first time I knew what it felt to be loved, to be appreciated, my parents weren’t that great and Maddie was gone, I had no one, I just had them, after the truck incident I fought, I trained to be back with them cause I missed them but they replaced me, they taped her name over mine and they treated her even better than me and to make things worse I learned that it wasn’t the Head that didn’t want me back, it was Bobby, it felt as if maybe I wasn’t good enough for him, for them, I mean they’re all I have….

From TK: They meant more for you than what you mean for them and that what hurt the most, that why you have to move on and let them go, you can’t keep feeling miserable for people who don’t deserve you Evan.

From Buck: I know, I’m still foolishly hopping though.

TK wasn’t online that night, he didn’t have anyone to turn to, to talk to, he couldn’t bother Maddie, and even though Hen told him she was there, he couldn’t help but let the little voice convince him that she only said that to be kind, she didn’t meant it, she wasn’t expecting him to call her, confide in her, she wasn’t actually there, no one was.

Sleepless nights were becoming more and more common for him, his body grew accustomed to the lack of rest, his mind not so much, the voices were increasingly present, allowing himself to become more and more apprehensive and stressed at the sole thought of going to work the next day, what once was his home, his safe heaven, quickly became his personal hell.

He was changing himself quietly when Bobby and the rest of their team cornered him, they barely let him button his pant before barging into the locker room, all wearing their signature ‘‘we hate you’’ glare, he quickly rose himself waiting for Bobby to tell him that it was it, he was thanked, fired that they didn’t want him in this family anymore.

-So I had an interesting conversation with the Heads today, he started making Buck gulp in fear, apparently I can’t have one of my guys on light duties for more than two months, he waved dismissively, so, he sighed, as of today you’re officially back on call, he announced looking at him expectantly.

-Thank you I guess, Buck articulated not meeting his eyes, I…I won’t let you down, let any of you down, he croaked still fixing his shoes.

-I hope so Buckley, the older man retorted before turning back and leaving the room.

He waited until the footsteps vanished to let out the breath he was holding, he then let himself fall on the bench behind him not once acknowledging the fact that someone stayed behind, it wasn’t until he hear Eddie clear his throat that he gave him his attention.

-Listen Eddie, he began but a single look from his teammate made him flinch and quiet down.

-You might be reinstated, Eddie roared getting up from his place, you might be back on the team, back on call, he enumerated walking toward him, but you’ll never be a part of this family again, he sneered fist clenched at his side, so don’t try, he huffed, don’t try to mend things, don’t try talking with us from now on we’re only colleagues Buckley, he deadpanned leaving the locker room.

And just like that everything went silent, he could only hear the sound of his shattering heart, the wail of his broken soul, the realization hitting him like a truck, it was meaningless, there were nothing holding him back, nothing to keep him fighting, nothing and no one worth fighting for, everything was silent and even if the siren were getting louder, even though Hen kept on calling his name he couldn’t move the violence of his heartbreak, of his grief nailed him to the ground.

He could handle light duties, could handle the glares, the critics, the insults and even the bullying sometimes, he could handle being isolated, handle eating alone and hiding in his car to shed the tears he held up all day, what he couldn’t handle, couldn’t support, couldn’t accept was his teammates lacks of professionalism, he couldn’t handle the fact that they couldn’t let go of the grudges they held against him during calls.

He was only doing his job, only asking the routines questions when Bobby decided it was the right times to belittle him in front of his team and the victims, making him pass for the dumb blond he wasn’t, making him regret the day he started to think of him as his hero, his model.

He was sitting gloomily in the locker room when Hen found him, his gaze fixed on the dark screen of his phone, he didn’t acknowledge her presence, didn’t raise his head and gave her the little smile she was so used to get by now, he was only looking at his phone, only staring at him with sadness and confusion.

-Something’s wrong Buckaroo, she breathed sitting next to him

-I...I asked for a transfer after Bobby told me I wasn’t reinstated, he revealed quietly his sight still on his phone, and I learned today that they actually accepted it, he revealed in a mirthless laugh.

-Why didn’t you tell me...tell us about it, Hen chocked, I never thought you all of people would actually give up, she frowned grabbing his arm, Evan, she pressed using his name for the first time.

-I’m not giving up, he swallowed facing her, I fought, I tried, I did everything to get them back, to get my family back, he hissed tears streaming down his face, I never gave up, he roared pointing to himself, I never gave up, he breathed kneeling down tiredly, it’s a losing game Hen, he half smiled, it’s better to accept defeat, he shrugged.

-Where are you transferred, she queried staring at him,

-Don’t know yet, he shrugged, could be on the other side of LA or in another state, he revealed, told them I was pretty flexible, he joked miserably.

The spell was broken, just like Cinderella after the clock struck midnight, the mail was a reality check, it was the sign he was waiting for, the one TK was talking about, his Californian dream was definitely over, he didn’t know how to process it, didn’t know how to accept that after three years he was ejected from his earthly Eden.

He found himself once again the target of a dreamless and sleepless night, once again facing his laptop screen, once again messaging the only person able to get him

From Buck: It seems that the sign I was waiting for came earlier than expected, I don’t know if I’m ready to give up yet.

From TK: It’s not giving up, it’s moving on.

#911fic #911 on fox #911 lone star #lone star fic #lone star on fox #911 crossover fic #tk x buck friendship #tk x carlos #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #carlos x tk #carlos reyes #tk strand #eddie diaz #evan buckley #angst #you’ve got a mail fic #you’ve got a mail

[captainbfresh]

Prompt: Somehow Buck is at the hospital volunteering and he ends up getting wrangled into holding not one but two seriously ill babies like Dr. Karev did in Grey's Anatomy. What's supposed to be only a few hours ends up being an entire day of Buck cuddling the infants and letting them soak up his warmth, when Eddie and other members of the 118 come looking for Buck they are greeted by the devastatingly adorable sight and Eddie finds his heart making it clear he's fallen in love at that moment.

Hey! so thank you for this prompt I hope this is at least a little bit like what you had hoped for aha!

Warnings: mentions of infant death. (NOT DEPICTED).

Ever since joining the 118 hospitals had become a very much reluctant second home to Buck. Between visiting friends, surgeries and PT it felt like Buck was spending most of his free time at the hospital doing things he’d much rather not be doing so when Buck had heard one of the nurses talking about the voluntary positions in the NICU while he was waiting for a check-up on he’d jumped at the chance to sign up. 

If half of his life was already being spent sitting in the hospital he could at least do something meaningful while he was there. And it helped, a bit, when everything with his leg was bringing the world down upon him he’d find himself scurrying to the hospital to sit in the quiet NICU and murmuring in low voices to strangers babies to quiet the troubles in his own head.

When he’d first started he’d figured he’d stop once he was back at the one-eighteen. That it was just something to pass the long months while he fought his way back to them. But when finally, after blood thinners and tsunamis and lawsuits Buck found himself rejoining his team he found himself unable to stop going to the NICU.

They’d been there for him when he was struggling, it was only fair he return the favor. Some days it hurt, hurt more than the job. When he’d come in to find one of the incubators empty and knew without having to ask that it wasn’t because the baby had gotten better. Some days when he’d find himself sitting with those so new to the world and already so alone he’d find himself biting back tears as he stuttered out assurances he knew they’d never remember. 

Still, even when he’d find himself returning home with his chest aching and bile in his throat as he knew full well the baby he’d been talking to that day wouldn’t be there the next time he returned he never considered not going back, because even if they weren’t going to make it at least he knew that they had someone around who was rooting for them.

“That’s it?!” Buck looked up from his perch next to a late-term premature baby to see a new volunteer standing next to a doctor, rage written all over their face as the doctor began unhooking the majority of wires. Buck felt the familiar ache in his chest as he realised what was happening, it wasn’t the first time he’d seen the doctors accept the fate of babies too early to survive even with their help, he was sure it wouldn’t be the last. “You’re not going to do anything?!” The woman hissed. 

“We’ve done everything we can.” The doctor said softly. Disbelief was written clearly across the woman’s face.

“Everything you can, you’re doing nothing-” Buck turned the two out. Only focusing in again when the woman stormed from the NICU, tears shining in her eyes as she tore the visitor sticker off.

“Be right back.” Buck hummed softly to the baby beside him, pushing himself out of his head and picking his way over to the somber doctor. As he got closer his heart lurched at the sight of two babies, so small they reminded him of the baby they’d found in a pipe so long ago. 

“There really nothing you can do?” Buck asked, even though he already knew the answer. The doctor’s eyes flickered up to meet his, latent anger fading the moment they met, a miserable smile twitching at their lips.

“Nothing short of a miracle.” The doctor said. Buck nodded in understanding, eyes moving back to the doors where the volunteer had long since vanished. 

“You know she didn’t-”

“I know.” The doctor said. “Volunteering here takes something not a lot of people are willing to give. How’s Ellis?” Buck turned to the baby he’d left in his incubator with a small smile.

“Oh, you know him, a little fighter.” And he was, when Buck had first sat next to Ellis he’d been 35 weeks and sporting nasty purple bruises around his neck from the umbilical cord doing it’s best to strangle him. The bruises had vanished long ago and Buck knew that with a little bit of luck he was going to be able to leave the NICU within the next few weeks.

Buck’s eyes returned to the two less fortunate babies.

“The parents?”

“The Mother had a complicated birth. If she wakes up it won’t be before... I know you’re meant to be here for Ellis today but would you mind?” Doctor Alvarez nodded towards the two. “The woman who left was the only other volunteer scheduled today, without her they might-” Buck found himself nodding even as the doctor trailed off.

“Yeah, of course.” He said. He was meant to finish in ten minutes but it didn’t matter. He could spare a bit more time.

Buck cast one last glance at Ellis before he let his full attention turn to the two infants, the doctor unhooked the last of the nonessential wires from the girl, Leaving only the wire monitoring her vitals. Buck scooped her up as gently as he could. 

“Hey sweetie.” He breathed, she was light. Lighter than even the baby from the pipes, Buck wondered just how early they were. He settled into the comfortable chair by the incubator as Doctor Alvarez unhooked the boy and placed him into Bucks free arm carefully. He was heavier than his sister but not by much.

“Okay?” Doctor Alvarez asked.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be back soon. If you need anything just press the call button.” Buck didn’t point out that his ability to call for help was severely limited with a baby in each are. “Thank you, Mr. Buckley.” She made her way out of the NICU silently, leaving buck amongst the beeping of the machines.

“So my names Buck.” Buck said pointlessly, tilting his head between the two babies tucked against his chest. He looked to the incubators to see that they were simply Baby Boy and Baby Girl Webster. “Well that won’t do, how about this. You can be John and you can be Jane.” Jane wriggled in his arm, a movement so small and weak that it made his heartache and tears begin to build in his eyes. “I know it’s not very inventive.” he continued. “But I figure it’s better than being named baby girl right? And, you know, I’m sure once your Mommy wakes up she’ll give you both super cool names. So I can’t name you properly.” Buck whispered. He wished he could, he knew what would happen once the mother woke up, How she’d be forced to sign their birth and death certificates at the same time. How whatever names she chose would forever be imprinted into her mind with a world-shattering blast of pain.

John wriggled, just as weakly as his sister had a cry that sounded more like a broken whimper passing his blue-tinged lips.

“Hey, hey, none of that now.” buck said, hiking the two closer to him. “We’re gonna be happy right.” He said, there was no way these two could spend what would most likely be their only time being held crying from lungs too weak to force out a full sounding wail. He swayed softly in his seat. “I got you. It’s gonna be okay.”

*

“It’s been two hours Mr Buckley.” Doctor Alvarez said prying John from his arms. “You’ve done your part.”

“I have a bit more time, I can help-” Buck tried, he didn’t want to just leave them, not yet. Not to a room so quiet. Where they’d be so alone.

“You did help.” She said softly, lips wavering in the attempts of a smile. “Now it’s time for you to go home, Mr Buckley.” Buck felt the reminder that home wasn’t where he was head hit him like an electric shock, his eyes snapping around for a clock. 

“Right. Yeah. I should-” Buck said, forcing his eyes away from John as he was laid back in the tiny crib, still far too big for his small body. 

He had to go, he had to get to work. He’d done everything he could for them, to make it easier. At least now they’d been held before...Buck swallowed, turning towards the door.

“Wait!” Buck snapped back around. “Take off your shirt.”

“Um-” Buck blinked at Doctor Alvarez. “Listen, I’m flattered but-”

“Gross.” She sneered. “It’s for the babies.”

“What?”

“You said you wanted to help them right? Take off your shirt.” Buck did as he was told, stumbling back over to the twins as he shrugged out of his shirt.

“Here-” Doctor Alvarez handed John back to him, Buck barely had time to get him settled against his chest before Jane was being placed in his other arm.

“Why am I shirtless?” Buck asked. “I thought you told me to go, that I'd done all I could.”

“That’s was before.” She said, brushing a hand over John’s head, eyes shining in delight.

“Before what? What’s going on?”

“Right now? a Hail Mary.” Doctor Alvarez said, eyes moving to the screens. “But if we’re really lucky, we might have found our miracle.” 

“Me shirtless is a miracle?” Buck turned to look at the screens that had Doctor Alvarez so mesmerized and blinked when he saw the oh so slow uptick of Jane’s heart inching towards a healthier rhythm. “What’s happ-” Doctor Alvarez shushed him.

“Just, hold them, okay?” Buck watched as John’s heartbeat picked up to match his sisters. “You can stay right?”

“Yeah.” Buck said. “I’m..I’ll stay. I.. I need to let my boss know though. I’m meant to work-” Doctor Alvarez’s face fell.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll find someone else-” She reached forwards for Jane and Buck backed away.

“I’m helping them right?” Buck asked, looking back to the monitors. “They’re getting better?”

“There’s no guarantee that-”

“Right now are they doing better than they were when I started? Yes or no.”

“Yes.”

“Then I'm staying. He’ll understand.” Buck said, he knew there were enough people at the station to cover for him for a few more hours. “Look i’ll give you the number and I’ll stay here with them I just need someone to call my Boss.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure me staying is way easier than you finding someone else willing to stand topless without an explanation as to why.” Sure, he could get in trouble but he doubted it, once Bobby knew why he’d be more likely to get some deep cleaning duty for the next few shifts just so he could say that he did punish Buck for skipping a shift. 

“What’s the number?”

*

“Let’s go.” Bobby said, waltzing into the hospital after the patient they’d just handed off like he hadn’t stopped each of them from doing exactly that a thousand times. Eddie turned to Hen and Chimney to see they looked as clueless as he felt. 

“Uh Bobby?” Hen called, jogging after the Captain. Eddie and Chimney followed her lead. “I know we’re at the end of our shift-” and God had it been a long shift without Buck there to help them. Something they’d all found out five minutes after the shift started. “-but our job ends at the door right.”

“Not here for the job.” Bobby said, veering left as their patient was taken right.

“So why are we here?” Chimney asked.

“To see Buck.” Bobby said. Eddie’s feet stuck to the floor like they’d suddenly been encased in concrete. A cold sweat breaking out over his skin as he felt like ice water was being pumped through his spine leaving him gasping.

When Bobby had told them Buck wouldn’t be showing up and had continued to brush off their questions as to why Eddie had just assumed Buck was sick. That maybe he’d caught the stomach bug that had been circling Christopher's school and Bobby figured it wasn’t important enough to waste time talking about.

The idea that perhaps Bobby hadn’t been telling them why Buck wasn’t there because he knew if they did know why it would leave them unable to focus on their jobs hit him like a truck. Like if he was badly hurt. If he was-

“What happened?” Eddie was aware that his voice sounded like it had been dragged over sandpaper. Bobby stopped, turning back to the three frozen in fear.

“Okay. I need everyone to breathe.” Bobby said, a smile twitching at his lips. “Bucks fine.”

“Then why are we visiting him in a hospital?” Hen said uneasily.

“What happened?” Eddie repeated, hotly. How could he leave them working all day complaining about Bucks absences when he was-

“Buck is okay.” Bobby repeated softly. “He’s not a patient here.”

“Then why-”

“If you’d all follow me you would know by now.” Bobby said, waving them all forwards. Hen was the first to move. Chimney followed her. Eddie chewed his lip, eyes flickering around for some sign to tell him what the hell was going on.

“I-”

“Diaz, Trust me.” Bobby said, laying a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie felt it tugging him forwards softly, chipping at the concrete around his feet as they moved away from the intensive care signs.

“Are we going to the maternity ward?” Chimney asked, as they turned once again with a sign that pointed that way.

“Close. The NICU.” Bobby said.

“Tell me Buck didn’t have a kid.” Hen said. Bobby grinned. Eddie felt his stomach bottom out. Buck had a kid? “Cap I swear if he’s reverted to Buck 1.0 and knocked some girl up and didn’t even tell us I-”

“He doesn’t have a kid.” Bobby laughed. “He’s volunteering.”

“He skipped work to volunteer?” Chimney said.

“Apparently he’s been helping perform a miracle.” Bobby laughed. They reached the NICU before they could ask anymore questions. A doctor perked up the moment she saw them, shuffling out from behind the glass doors.

“Captain Nash I take it?” she said.

“Yes.”

“Thank you for letting me borrow Mr Buckley today.”

“I think that’s the first time I've ever had a doctor thank me for letting one of my team have the day off.” Bobby chuckled. “How’s he doing?”

“See for yourself.” She said, gesturing through the glass. Eddie felt the breath get knocked out of him as he spotted Buck, his head lulled against the chair, eyes hooded with sleep as he looked to the two minuscule babies pressed solidly against his bare chest.

“I keep telling him he can take a break. That I can have someone else sit with them but he’s only moved to use the bathroom and even then I'm pretty sure he sprinted the whole way there and back.” She laughed.

“That sounds like Buck.” Bobby said. “And the babies?”

“Amazing. It’s a miracle, his body heat-” the doctor started explaining, voice barely registering to Eddie as his eyes swept over Buck’s sleep soft face, his lips were tipped in a smile so gentle it felt like a breath would break the moment. 

Eddie felt his heart wavering in his chest, the beats rolling and jumping in a way that if he didn’t know better would leave him calling for a doctor himself. But he did know better. Knew that the way his heart tumbled wasn’t from a heart attack but from the sheer punch of adoration he felt sweeping through him like a warm breeze as he looked through the glass doors to Buck whispering to two babies as he saved their lives with nothing more the love he was willing to give out.

He shifted, swallowing past the lump in his throat that he was fairly sure was his heart trying to burst forth and throw itself at Buck. Buck rolled his neck once again, his eyes catching the huddle of people outside the room. Eddie watched as his attention was snatched, momentarily, from the babies as he caught sight of the team standing outside. Eddie offered a shaky smile. Buck smiled back, because of course, he did, slow and soft. It reminded Eddie of a sunrise, the way it would steal your breath away the moment the colors started to pour over the horizon, how even if it was cold just the beauty of it left your bones feeling the phantom warmth.

And Eddie knew he couldn’t ignore it anymore, couldn’t brush aside the way his chest filled every time Buck was near him as simple friendship, could keep pretending that the ‘i love you’ that circled his head whenever Buck smiled at him was platonic.

Later, when Buck was free to move and their mother had named them and signed two shiny birth certificates stained with tears and no death certificates Eddie would tell him. He’d tell him again and again until his throat was raw and maybe then Buck would feel a slither of the love he gave so freely to everyone else. 

Until then though, Eddie was content to watch greedily as Buck turned the smile back to the babies tucked oh so safely in his arms.

“Well, He’s winning a place on the calendar this year.” Chimney snorted. Hen hummed in agreement.

#buddie #prompt #my fics

[stellarstacey]

So! Today's my birthday, do you think you could do a birthday Buddie piece?? Maybe the birthday person forgot it was their bday and everyone throws them a surprise party? Chris with an adorable present would be awesome too!

Eddie glared at his phone when the alarm went off. It was officially 6:08 AM meaning that he was now 33 years old. When did he get that old...Okay so maybe 33 wasn’t old in the grand scheme of things but to Eddie it felt like the end of the world. Eddie sighed and ran a hand down his face but froze when his phone dinged. 

Buck:

Happy Birthday, Edmundo :) 

Eddie groaned at the reminder. Edmundo...yeah Buck was definitely pushing his buttons. 

Eddie:

Fuck off!

Eddie replied as he got up and started on his morning workout. 

Buck: 

Well aren’t you a bucket of sunshine this morning.

Eddie scoffed and wiped the sweat from his brow. 

Eddie:

Fuck you Buckley!

Eddie shook his head trying to fight off the smile at the corner of his lips. 

Buck:

Is that what you want for your birthday? 

Eddie looked at the text confused. 

Eddie:

What?

Buck:

To fuck me? XD 

Eddie spat out his coffee as he set the mug down on the counter. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Buck!” Eddie spluttered as he looked over at Christopher’s room to make sure he didn’t wake him up. 

The room door stayed close. Eddie took a deep breath. 

Eddie:

What are you gonna do? Put a bow on your dick? 

Eddie tried to joke but the image of Buck standing before him with nothing but a bow wrapped around his...Fuck, he could feel himself getting hard at the thought alone.

Buck:

If that’s what you want than sure! :P

Eddie snorted and sat down on at the counter.

Eddie:

What I want is to be 32 again!

Buck:

Youre not old, man. Stop being an idiot and enjoy today. 

Eddie smirked.

Eddie:

Calling me an idiot on my birthday, what kind of best friend are you?

Buck:

The bestest! 

Eddie smiled at his phone. 

Eddie:

I got to get Chris ready, see you at work!

---

Eddie was actually having a good day. Christopher had giving him extra birthday hugs and kisses. Bobby had cooked him a birthday feast breakfast. Hen had gotten him this new book he really wanted. Chim had been making him laugh all day and Buck... Buck was perfect because he was Buck. Eddie found himself outside of the station texting his parents. He was the only one allowed to have his phone on him because of Christopher, so sometimes he abused that power. 

“Hey.” Buck said coming up to stand next to him. 

“Hey.” Eddie smiled at him and Buck looked around them for a second before leaning in closer to whisper to him.

“Blue or green?” Buck asked and Eddie frowned in confusion.

“What?” Eddie asked and Buck smirked.

“For the bow, blue or green?” Buck teased and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“You’re still on about that?” Eddie asked with amusement. 

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Buck bit his lip and Eddie raised an eyebrow. 

“Blue.” Eddie shrugged and Buck nodded.

The alarm went off and they raced for the truck. 

Eddie was dead tired by the end of the shift. He just wanted to go home and spend the night with his son. He was half way to his truck when a hand caught his arm. 

“I know you’re beat...but could you spare ten minutes for your best friend?” Buck asked shyly and Eddie could never say no to him.

“Sure.” Eddie nodded and Buck dragged him over to the side of the station. 

When Buck started to climb the ladder that led to the roof, Eddie blinked in confusion but followed him up. He felt his heart stutter in chest at the sight. Fairy lights were hanging off poles...music was playing from a small speaker. There were two lawn chairs underneath the lights. Also a cooler filled with Eddie’s favorite beer. Eddie felt the back of his eyes sting...He fought off the tears. No one...No one had ever done something like this for him. Not his parents or his abuela or his sisters...not even Shannon. Eddie swallowed and followed Buck to the chairs. Buck plopped down and handed Eddie a beer. Eddie plopped down next to him. 

“This is...Buck you didn’t have to go through all the trouble...” Eddie whispered and Buck rolled his eyes. 

“This was nothing, man. It only took like an hour to set up. Plus you didn’t exactly seem into my other idea so I had to improvise.” Buck joked and Eddie nearly choked on his beer...if Buck only knew...

“Buck I mean it...This is... “ Eddie trailed off and Buck smiled at him and handed him a box with a small blue bow on it. 

Eddie smirked at the bow. 

“This is not your dick in a box is it?” Eddie asked and Buck burst out into laughter. 

“No!” Buck shook his head and Eddie smirked as he opened the box and froze at the leather bound book. 

Eddie took it out of the box. He opened to the first page and froze as he saw a picture of himself when he was only maybe two or three. He turned the next page and it was picture of him with his sisters when he was about seven or eight. He kept turning the pages and it was a timeline of his life...Pictures he hasn’t seen in years or didn’t know existed...Pictures of his army friends, of Shannon, family, Christopher, The 118. He couldn’t stop the tears now... 

“Where did you get some of these?” Eddie choked out and Buck shrugged. 

“Some from your abuela, some from your parents and sisters. I tracked down some of your army friends through Instagram... Some are mine... At the end everyone left you a message.” Buck stated and Eddie flipped the pages and saw pages and pages of letters addressed to him. 

Eddie bit his lip to keep the sob from escaping him when he saw Christopher’s letter.

“Buck...” Eddie let out a small choked sound and Buck blinked in shock.

“Shit, did I fuck up? Was this a bad idea?” Buck asked nervously and Eddie put the book down in the box and stood up. 

“Get up!” Eddie growled and Buck’s eyes widened as he stood up.

“Eddie I’m sorry I thought it was a good idea...I didn’t want to upset...” 

Eddie shoved Buck roughly against the door leading down into the station. Buck stared at him in shock and Eddie put a hand on either side of Buck’s head trapping him there.

“I don’t want to feel old anymore!” Eddie growled again and Buck frowned at him. 

“Okay?” Buck looked so lost.

“I never did anything crazy when I was young. I always played by the rules...I don’t want to play by the rules tonight.” Eddie whispered as he got closer to Buck leaving no space between them.

“I’m so lost, man.” Buck whispered back breathing harshly. 

“You trust me?” Eddie asked and Buck frowned.

“With my life.” Buck answered honestly. 

Eddie leaned closer and bit Buck’s lower lip pulling it back with him as he leaned away. Buck’s eyes darkened into pitch black orbs. Eddie let go and the lip fell back into place. 

“You wanna break the rules?” Buck whispered into Eddie’s ear and Eddie nodded. 

“You came to the right place, baby.” Buck whispered as he kissed and nip Eddie’s ear sucking on the lobe. 

“I wanna be bad tonight...” Eddie growled and Buck hissed in pleasure as Eddie palmed him through his jeans. 

“You wanna fuck me on the roof of the station, Eds?” Buck breathed into his ear and Eddie moaned nodding. 

“You want it rough?” Buck asked as he kissed Eddie’s jawline. 

Eddie shook his head. “Slow...Slow. I just wanna feel every part of you.” Eddie murmured and Buck let out a deep content sigh. 

“Kiss me.” Buck whispered pleadingly and Eddie kissed him lazily.

It was sloppy and lazy and perfect. Eddie pulled away. 

“I love you.” Eddie whispered and Buck closed his eyes. 

“I’ve been wanting to hear those words from you for...God I love you too. I have never loved anyone like the way I love you.” Buck whispered and Eddie smiled at him. 

“We should probably not have sex up here...” Eddie muttered with a small frowned. 

“Maybe not the best idea...” Buck frowned and Eddie looked at him. 

“Ask me if I care?” Eddie smirked and Buck lifted an amused eyebrow.

--

Eddie held Buck in his arms as they looked up at the night sky. They were naked on the roof of the station and smiling ear from ear.

“It’s two hours before Christopher’s bedtime. If we leave now we can spend sometime with him before he has to go to sleep.” Buck muttered as he leaned up to kiss Eddie before pulling him up to get dress. 

Buck was pulling on his jeans. 

“Evan?” 

Buck froze at the use of his first name. 

“Thank you for making this the best birthday of my life.” Eddie whispered and Buck smiled at him.

#buddie #buck x eddie

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

California’s Living Dead

PART TWENTY-ONE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: some smoking, a bit more angst here fellas, plentiful pop culture references, the original post of this got deleted somehow so I’m reposting it sorry guys idk anything about tumblr or anything really

Word Count: 4.6K

Summary: Half a year passes for Ella and Jess.

The key zipped back and forth across the chain of Ella’s necklace, clutched in her shaky hands. Cloudy afternoon light shone down on her, gray and gloomy. Cool, humid breezes blew past her, and she knew a thunderstorm was coming. As she trudged into the diner, she made a pointed effort to stare down at her converse. A Sunday afternoon lull left the place less crowded than it would have been were she scheduled for the morning. Instead, she had woken up with a headache and an urge to call Luke’s, but decided against it. She knew Jess wouldn’t be able to hide the cut on his cheek or the bruising on his jaw from his uncle. If anyone picked up, it was bound to be in the middle of an argument, and she didn’t need any more reason to bite her nails until they bled.

Slipping behind the counter, she noticed the way Luke’s eyes widened at the sight of her. As though he hadn’t been expecting her to show up. Salty air hung around them as Caesar fried up some burgers in the back, a sizzling hiss in everyones’ ears. Tying her apron around her hips, she frowned at him and furrowed her brows.

“Something wrong?” she asked flatly.

“Did you know about Jess?” Luke crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his head at her.

Ella shrugged, unsure of whether the cat had yet been fully let out of the bag. “What about him?”

Sighing heavily, Luke brushed past her and gestured for her to follow him into the stock room. Rolling her eyes at his dramatics, she went with him. Apparently it couldn’t just be another day at the office. She wondered in the back of her mind where Jess was, but knew it was more than likely he was off somewhere with his nose back in Dead Souls, or escaping with another shift at Walmart. Biding time before he had to let Luke know what happened.

“I’m not stupid, Ella,” Luke said.

Nodding slowly, Ella bit the inside of her cheek and cast her eyes back down to her shoes. “I know. I know you’re not. Look, I didn’t know about school. He only told me last night, alright?”

“And did he tell you where he was planning on going?”

Immediately, she turned her head up to face him again. “What do you mean?”

“This morning, I got a call from Kyle’s parents, about Jess and Dean tearing up their place-”

“Dean sucker-punched him,” Ella interjected.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Nice excuse. I had to write the kid’s father a check! And Jess didn’t even apologize. Instead, he let me know he’s not graduating, and he’s not going back! And we had an agreement!”

Again, she nodded slowly, fiddling with her necklace. “I know. So...you kicked him out?”

“Not exactly. We hadn’t really talked it out all the way. I went out to get some stock, and an hour later, I come back and he’s just gone!” Luke exclaimed, exasperated.

“What do you mean gone?”

“All his stuff, I mean everything he could fit in that nasty duffel of his, he took it. No message, nothing!” Luke watched Ella’s expression fall and the color drain from her cheeks, and he immediately regretted letting all the information slip out in an angry rant the way he had.

Searching the room to focus on anything but Luke’s face, she shook her head to herself, attempting to conceal the way her stomach began doing anxious flips. No message, nothing. Overnight. Gone. “Well...did you know his dad was here? Would he try to go after him?”

Luke sighed again. “Yeah. I told him not to go near Jess, but-”

“You knew before Jess? You didn’t tell him his dad was here?” Ella interrupted, her voice growing tense.

“Look, Ella, it’s more complicated than that. I saw him here last Wednesday. I found his hotel, told him it’d be better to stay away. The guy’s a nobody-”

“Yeah, well, he’s a nobody Jess has been waiting to meet his whole life!” In all her time knowing Luke, Ella had never yelled at him. Not that he was a stranger to her temper. He’d seen it directed at rude customers, mainly Taylor, many times. But never had he faced the fire in her eyes, or the crestfallen look she had. She swallowed thickly. “Jesus. I mean...last night he seemed upset, but not enough to think his father was worth going after. Fuck!”

Soon, she was mostly speaking to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. Luke softened his gaze and ran his nervous palms over his flannel. He brought a hand to Ella’s shoulder so she would meet his eyes again.

“Ella, Jess is an adult. He has to make his own choices. I know it’s frustrating-”

She scoffed bitterly. “That’s one word for it.”

“But there’s nothing we can do. We have to just...let him go.”

Teeth clenching down on the inside of her cheek so hard she could taste coppery blood, Ella shook her head again. “Serves me right.”

“Wait here,” Luke said tiredly, disappearing back into the main room.

Confusion painted Ella’s features for more reasons than one. A cold stone of sadness sat heavily in her stomach. It was a fight. A fight she thought they would apologize to each other for eventually, and then get past. She’d truly thought Luke would find a way to let Jess stay, or at least to look after him while he floated around in his new high school dropout reality. Instead, Jess had taken it into his own hands. Cut and run. But she had to give him credit; it was the most decisive move she’d ever seen him make. Worry flooded her mind. Jess was tough, but tough enough to brave the world alone? With a father he knew nothing about? How bad was the guy anyway? Leaving his son when an infant certainly didn’t inspire a lot of confidence in his character. Tears stung in her eyes, but she shook them off as Luke returned.

“He, uh…” Luke began, holding a worn book and a CD out to her, “This had a little sticky note on it. Just said ‘Ella.’ I’m gonna assume they’re yours, I know you guys share...everything.”

As soon as she took them in her hands, Luke left the room, figuring she would need a moment. With the look she had on her face, he doubted she would be back to work for the rest of the day. Her heart skipped when she saw the CD: Turn on the Bright Lights by Interpol. She tried to stop the way her jaw tensed with anger, and her stomach swirled with nostalgia. The book was hers. The last one she had loaned him. She still had one of his Faulkners sitting on her nightstand, halfway finished. Apparently, he wasn’t eager to have it back. Flipping through her beloved copy of To the Lighthouse (she knew it was cliché, but she always considered it Woolf’s best work), she noticed how his notes stopped with only twenty pages left. She was about ready to throw the book across the room, seeing the inconsequential comments and questions he’d written, when she saw a block of his spiky handwriting on the last page:

Eleanor,

I won’t get a chance to finish, but I really liked this. I remember once you told me it was your favorite book of all time, and I have to admit I didn’t think it would live up to the hype. But it did. Lily Briscoe reminds me of you. A badass artist who doesn’t need anyone. I figured you would want this back, since you love it so much.

-Jess

Blowing out a furious breath, Ella blinked back tears for a second time and focused on the anger brewing within her. It was easier than the sadness. She refused to have her heart broken over him. Love didn’t exist. Why be surprised when the universe proves it again and again? Ignoring Luke’s questioning looks, she went out and shoved the CD and book into her bag by the door. The rest of her shift, she spoke in clipped tones and tugged in annoyance at the loose strands of her hair. And Luke decided it was better. They could both be miserable, silently, together.

.   .   .

A late June morning found Ella back behind the counter, filling coffee cups and twirling around on her sore feet once again. Over the summer, she worked doubles whenever was humanly possible and spent her off nights sketching in the corner table. She tried to keep Jess from her mind, and though it was difficult while spending so much time at Luke’s, a stubbornness in her refused to let her relent. Though Jess was related to Luke by blood, Ella had worked there and been there for so much longer than Jess ever had. Him leaving wasn’t going to destroy her home away from home. She simply wouldn’t let it.

Lorelai and Rory were off on their European backpacking trip, and Lane was toiling away at Bible camp. Pathetic as it was, Ella simply didn’t have anyone to hang out with. She’d always only had a few close friends. Had Jess still been there, she could only imagine what they would spend their time doing. Curled together on his twin bed reading, or arguing about what they were reading, playing cards in her room with Jeff Buckley on the record player, making out to Interpol albums, lunches at the lake, shifts together day in and day out. There had been plans. But she shook them from her brain and got back to work, blowing loose locks away from her face and yelling orders back to Caesar as they came in. Luke was on register, trademark scowl on full display. Soon, he would be away on a cruise with Nicole. Ella hoped it would lift his mood at least a little.

Though, it was a hypocritical thought. She certainly hadn’t been a ray of sunshine the past few weeks, even on her best days, even at graduation. For her speech, she’d read an Anne Sexton poem and connected it to life. She’d looked out at the crowd to see Lane, but not Rory. And not Jess. Her father had cried a little in pride, which surprised her, made her remember the man he had once been. Fiona had cheered and brought her flowers. Adam had smiled and given her a big hug afterwards. But, as much as she tried to revel in the relief and the happiness which surrounded her, there were pieces missing. Big pieces nothing could make up for. Not Jess, even. Her mother. The anniversary of her death had come and gone, and Ella couldn’t believe how long it had been. Time seemed so warped by death. Some days, she felt like she had seen her mother just yesterday. Other days, she thought it odd she had ever had a mother at all. Even Luke and Lorelai had come to watch her speech and cheer her on, but her own mother simply wasn’t there. She’d done her best the whole day to maintain a plastic smile, but that night, she sobbed quietly to Billie Holliday and sketched skeletons.

For just a moment, she took a breath. All the coffees were refilled, the orders were taken. She had no compulsory small talk left to make. She put the pot in the machine and began making a new batch. Leaning against the back counter, she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. Across the street in the town square, they were setting up for some new, random festival. She could imagine Jess at her side, complaining about all the expensive, meaningless fanfare. A grinch who had been absent at prom, where she stood as a third wheel to Lane and Dave. The phone broke her out of her thoughts, and she went to answer it, but Luke beat her to the receiver.

“Luke’s,” he said flatly. But Ella watched his weary eyes widen in surprise. “Jess? Where are you?”

Instantly, Ella’s heart felt as though it would leap right out of her chest. She went over to stand near Luke, expression questioning. “Is that really Jess?” she asked in a whisper.

He glanced up at her but didn’t answer. “Really? Is he making you pay rent?...Well, be sure to never tell Liz that…”

Ella watched in excruciating anticipation, hearing snippets of the conversation, fragments she couldn’t exactly string together in a narrative. Was it really him? Over a month without a call, and she was beginning to think she would never hear his voice again.

Suddenly, Luke threw another glance Ella’s way, this time anxious. “Yeah, she did…”

“Give me the phone,” Ella said, holding her hand out.

“One second,” Luke muttered, then put his hand over the mouthpiece. “I don’t know if he-”

“I don’t care.” She hadn’t expected grabbing the phone from Luke to be so easy, but perhaps he was too surprised at her sudden movement to resist. Ella paid no mind to the curious eyes of onlookers as she began speaking in hushed, angry tones. “Jess?”

There was a beat of silence.

“I know it’s you, jackass. Where the hell are you?” she demanded.

Jess sighed heavily over the line. “Venice. I’m staying with my dad.”

“Really?” she asked, eyes narrowing. “That guy who walked right out of your life, twice now, without a second thought?”

“Look, Eleanor, it’s-”

“Don’t ‘Eleanor’ me,” she warned, shaking her head. “Actually, y’know what? I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck where you are. All I need you to do is let me know you’re alive. I don’t care how you are, who you’re with, anything. You just need to let me know, every once in a while, that you didn’t starve or end up lying in a ditch somewhere. Be a decent fucking human being, and let the girl with the dead mom know you’re alive.”

“Okay, I-”

“Glad we could sort that out,” she bit out, her tone absolutely venomous. Before he could say anything more, she shoved the phone back into Luke’s hands, and retreated into the stock room. For the rest of the day, Luke let her tear open the cardboard box shipments with an Exacto knife, her face with an ever-present flush as she worked.

.   .   .

Sat up in bed, Ella sketched the same rose over and over. She was reminded of Georgia O’Keefe, painting her door time and again. Mid-August breeze blew in for her open window, and her back leaned against the purple mural of a goddess she’d taken nearly two months to complete. Her eyes were heavier than they usually would be for eleven o’clock on a Friday. She’d finally completed her first week of classes. And it seemed about as tiring as high school had been. All her classes were interesting, and the radio played some pretty-sounding oldies during her drive back and forth from Hartford, but she was already dreading four more years of drudgery. What was the point of working so hard in high school just to have to go through the whole ordeal again?

Existentialist train of thought aside, she tried to let it fade from her mind, focusing only on her drawing. And the Stevies Nicks record playing. Without realizing it, she sang along with the words in hushed tones under her breath. Her damp waves fell over her shoulder, a comforting smell from her lavender shampoo. She’d wanted to shower in the morning, bright and early before she had to drive to math class. But it was also Adam’s first week of high school, and he’d taken much longer than necessary. Most of the time, they got along pretty well, bonding over a shared inclination towards campy ‘80s movies. But the mornings were an exception to the rule they could always count on. Admittedly, it was often Ella’s own fault. She had the tendency to morph into a grouchy monster right after waking.

She breathed a slow sigh as the phone began to ring, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her hands. Tossing her sketchbook to the side, she picked it up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Eleanor.” Jess’s voice sounded much the same. It was odd to imagine him all the way across the country, a leather jacket city boy on a hot California beach.

“Still alive, I take it?” she asked.

“No, it’s Night of the Living Dead on the West Coast. Haven’t you seen it on the news?” he quipped.

Rolling her eyes, she let out another small sigh. “Goodbye.”

“Wait, Elle, I know you’re mad-”

She hung up before he could finish the sentence.

.   .   .

Eighteen years old. She was a legal adult but she didn’t quite believe it. Fiddling with her necklace, she laid on her huge mattress and stared up at the ceiling. There was a yellowed water stain on the popcorned white surface. Once in a blue moon, it would leak. The day brought torrential thunderstorms, perfect for a birthday, and she thought she may have felt a few droplets on her already-wet cheeks.

Fiona was trying; she really was. She always did. She’d made a cake and they’d sung her the song. But it simply wouldn’t be enjoyable until she got out of the house. Celebrating with her family just made her feel like she was in an episode of The Twilight Zone where they’d recast her mother. She was still attempting to make peace with Fiona, though. And if it made her stepmother happy, she was willing to endure an awkward hour of dinner.

She hadn’t allowed herself to start crying until she got in her room, saw the picture of her grandmother holding her mother as a baby in the old frame on her desk. So many dead women. And here she was, always getting older. Pearl Jam spun on the record player, but it did little to lift her spirits. She was examining the set of faux-ruby earrings Fiona and her father had given her, still in their small cardboard box, thinking about how red really wasn’t her color, when the phone ran. Sniffing harshly, she wiped at her cheeks though no one over the receiver would see her.

“Hello?”

“Happy eighteen, Stevens,” Jess’s voice spoke, making her immediately grimace. Almost exactly one year since they’d first kissed. “You go out to legally buy your porn and cigarettes yet?”

“Fuck off, Jess,” she murmured tiredly, shaking her head.

“Look, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, since-”

“Goodbye,” she deadpanned, slamming the phone down and flopping back heavily against her pillows.

.   .   .

Her history textbook was still open on her desk, and moonlight streamed into her small room. A long evening of studying had seen her call it quits right in the middle of a chapter. She’d collapsed in bed dressed in her jeans and thick sweater, chilled even inside from the October draught. A throb pulsed behind her eyes for what felt like forever before she finally drifted off to sleep. Her eyes were hot inside her skull, achy and dry, when the phone’s ring split through the silence of the night. Clearing her throat, she rolled over in the darkness.

“Hello?” she said groggily.

“Jeez, I thought you laid off the smokes.”

She rolled her eyes at the sound of Jess’s voice, she cleared her throat again and sat up against the mural. “Shut up, jackass, you woke me up.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Still alive?” she asked.

“Seems that way,” he said. It pained her to hear the smirk on his face.

“Well, that’s the goal,” she snarked in a clipped tone before hanging up. As she tried to drift back into dreams, she fiddled with her necklace, tossed and turned.

.   .   .

She chewed on her eraser, brows furrowed as she read over the same sentence in Paradise Lost for what felt like the millionth time. Mostly, she’d been having fun in her English class. But biblical themes had never been her forté, and a poem which spent so much time recounting the story of Adam and Eve made her want to do nothing but roll her eyes. Her mother had been Christian, though they never went to Church. And she’d heard her father occasionally refer to God or say her mother was in Heaven. But if Ella wasn’t going to believe in luck or love, she certainly wasn’t going to believe in any higher power. None of the religions she’d ever encountered or read about struck her fancy even a little.

The phone rang, and it was almost a welcome break, despite such a sudden interruption. Blinking the dryness from her eyes, she got up from her desk and tucked her hair, falling into her field of vision as she read, behind her ears. She sat cross-legged in the center of her mattress as she picked up, wrapping the phone cord around her fingers absently as she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” Jess answered simply.

She furrowed her brows, glanced over at her small bedside clock. Only four in the afternoon. As much as she wanted to snap angrily and immediately hang up as she had for the past five months, the change in pattern piqued her curiosity too much. And there was something in his voice which felt off to her. “Little early for you, isn't it, Mariano? It should barely be afternoon there.”

“Oh, we’re talking now?” he asked pointedly.

“Gotta keep you on your toes, jackass,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But, fuck it. I’ll go. Leave you to your new dazzling West Coast existence.”

He sighed heavily. “Fine. Sorry. I’m just sick. I thought about going to work but then my Exorcist reenactment got in the way. Something I ate.”

“Hm. California food not exactly up to Connecticut health codes?” she asked.

Jess scoffed. “Like Connecticut can talk. Al’s Pancake World much?”

Ella snorted a chuckle. “Fair enough.” Then, after a moment: “Well, just make sure to drink water. You never drink enough water when you’re sick. Rookie mistake.”

“You’re not exactly one to talk,” he countered.

“What does that mean?” she asked in mock offense.

His tone was joking, but almost nostalgic. “Do you not remember the time you had laryngitis? You tried to come to work! Luke made me drag you upstairs the minute he saw you.”

“I still could’ve been on dish pit or something,” she said defensively. “Besides, that day I finally got you to watch Silence of the Lambs. Not exactly a waste of time.”

“That was a good movie.”

“Good book, too. But the movie was better.”

“Blasphemy!” Jess gasped.

Ella laughed quietly, but was suddenly acutely aware of the distance between them. He wasn’t a two-minute walk away. And she wouldn’t see him on her shift the following day. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Well, I should go. Gotta finish this section of Paradise Lost.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Jess quipped. She’d said the title in an agitated mutter.

“It’s excruciating.”

“Huh. Thought you’d go crazy for college poetry, even seventeenth-century religious stuff.”

Ella scoffed doubtfully. “Milton couldn’t hold a candle to Dickinson.”

“Strong words,” he said.

“Well, that’s the best kind,” she smirked, then bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself. “Anyway...feel better, Jess.”

“Thanks.”

.   .   .

Lights of red, green, and yellow flashed outside her window, hanging from the gutters of the small blue house. Icy, crunchy snow caked the Connecticut roads, new flurries coming down in sheets. Joni Mitchell’s “River” crooned from the record player, and Ella was warm beneath her blankets. Pencil in her hand, she underlined and boxed in phrases from her new copy of Adrienne Rich poems. She and Rory, back from Yale, had been to the bookstore the day after Christmas, when everything was marked down to clearance. She missed those lazy days together with her old friends.

Breathing the lavender scent of her candles, she felt content but dreaded the end of the holiday break. Rory would leave again, and Ella would have to go back to the monotony of college life. At least, now, Lane had quit her Christian college upon her mother’s discovery of her secret life. She was looking for a place to live with her band, and Ella was glad she’d have her friend still near her, living on her own terms. Ella didn’t hate Mrs. Kim, but knew Lane would never be truly happy unless she was out from under her mother’s thumb.

The phone sounded over the music, and Ella knew who it would be before she picked it up. Jess had been calling more often lately, ever since he’d gotten over his food poisoning. He told her he’d never eat another piece of sushi again. She didn’t exactly know the reason for the increase. Perhaps he finally got a cell phone, could call her wherever he was. If he had, she could only imagine the struggle it must have been for him. He was definitely on Luke’s side of the handheld phone debate. Somehow, a shift had occurred. Small. But it had happened. Though their conversations weren’t exactly substantive, she felt a little less upset each time they spoke, anger slowly cooling after all their time apart. The pleasant memories were coming back to her more easily, as soon as she let him get a few words in. She still couldn’t help feeling betrayed, but at least he kept up his end of the deal. He barely went more than two weeks anymore without letting her know he was still on the face of the Earth.

She sighed softly. “Hello?”

“Hey, Eleanor,” he said. “Has all the noise, noise, noise finally ceased?”

She shook her head. “Mostly. Luke was in an even worse mood than he usually is on Christmas. The divorce and all.”

Jess snorted a laugh. “My god, I’m glad that whole bizarro thing is over.”

“You haven’t been here. You don’t know the half of it,” she smirked, thinking back to Luke’s odd marriage to his lawyer. The back and forth, to divorce or not to divorce, made everyone who was watching dizzy. She heard Jess inhale sharply, familiar to ear. “Are you smoking?”

“Who are you? Nancy Drew?” he shot back.

“I asked you first.”

“Depends. Have you been biting your nails?”

Ella scoffed self-consciously. “Those two habits are not comparable at all. But touché.” She cast a glance out the window when the branches of the oak tree scraped up against the pane. “Jesus. It won’t stop snowing here.”

“Yeah. Here, too,” he said off-handedly.

Brows furrowing, Ella let a confused chuckle escape her lips. “In Venice Beach? Climate change is hitting pretty hard out there, huh?”

A pause sounded over the receiver, a slight crackling in between them.

“Actually...I’m in New York.”

She hesitated, blinking twice to process the information before she spoke again. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Things uh...things didn’t work out with Jimmy,” he admitted sheepishly.

Blowing out a long breath, she bit the inside of her cheek. “Jesus, Jess, I’m sorry.”

“You can say it.”

“Excuse me?”

“You told me so.”

Shaking her head to herself again, Ella rolled the phone cord in her fingertips. “I’m not gonna say that. I just...I want you to have what you want. I don’t...I don’t want other people to fuck things up for you.”

He chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, well, I think I do a pretty good job of fucking things up on my own.”

“Jess-”

“Look, I gotta go. Work and stuff. So, yeah, still alive,” he said hastily.

“Okay. Just...be safe. Don’t get mugged or kidnapped or anything.”

Jess laughed again softly, more genuine this time. “I’ll try, Stevens. Don’t worry.”

#jess mariano fanfiction #jess mariano au #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano imagines #jess #mariano #jess mariano #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls au #gilmore girls imagines #gilmore girls #luke danes #jess mariano x oc #jess mariano x original character #original character #original character stories

[princessfbi]

Ugh the way the buckley parents will forever make me mad. You couldn't show up for your son that almost died not once but twice in the same year? All nice that margret doesn't like hospitals but for the love of god he is your son you could just suck it up for him and they didn't even show up for maddie. They make me so mad

No like....

Listen I don't have time to get into my Margaret Buckley tirade (and how I think it's interesting that she's the one that's so adamantly and unapologetically vocal about her resentment of her children and yet people tend to focus on Philip) BUT I WILL SAY THIS:

Maddie said it perfectly.

"You disappeared in your grief and left me and Evan to fend for ourselves."

The fact that Buck could've died and they didn't even show up shows just how true that statement was. And I think it's interesting that the Buckley Parents' biggest fear is another one of their children dying that their only way to cope with it is to then blame their children for their almost dying. They do it with both Buck and Maddie.

Doug almost killed Maddie. 🤝 Maddie made her choice to marry him.

Buck almost died. 🤝 Evan acts like he's indestructible and reckless.

Like they resent their children for living and then resent them for nearly dying that there's no way they ever would've been able to earn their parents love like they thought they could. They've been living in their grief so long it's warped into this ugly sense of detachment and neglect.

"Buck, you have to know. We never blamed you. None of this was your fault." You never blamed him? Sure, you never blamed him for Daniel's death. You never blamed him for your grief. You never blamed him for the way your community ostracized you. You never blamed him for being born.

But you blamed him for living and you blamed him for almost dying and tbh I think that's way worse.

#evan 'buck' buckley #maddie buckley #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #answered #anon #writing talk #buck begins

[princessfbi]

Hiiii! First time anon, long time follower here!

I keep seeing people say that this episode (specifically the dinner scene) is ooc for Buck… but is it really?

It feels like that’s kinda dismissive of his well known insecurities? Which I personally also thought the episode itself dismissed too?

Like just in the sense that none of his ‘fire-fam’ were overly (or at all) concerned that he actually (with planning) considered leaving because he blamed himself? It was just brushed off as him being dramatic?

I know a lot of people don’t like that a lot of the main arcs in the show seem to circle back to Buck, but if they don’t address that he was so willing to just up and leave (after first hard ball training someone else to take his place?!!) isn’t that a bit of a disservice to his characters growth over the previous seasons? Or do you think there’s actually long game plan within this weirdness? Idk, I feel all out of place after this ep, up until now I thought I at least had an idea where it was going but now I’m like.. huh? (Especially with the hug and the breakfast, I don’t have time to rant about that, I was meant to be asleep hours ago 🙃)

Whoa okay! There's a lot to unpack here so let me see if I can help.

Listen Nonnie, I wouldn't worry about what people like and don't like. If you like watching the show for Buck then you keep on watching the show for Buck! No one's going to apologize for watching the show for Chimney or Bobby or whoever! Chase your bliss Nonnie!

Now on for the episode:

I don't think the episode was out of character at all! I think this season with Buck in particular is Buck in a transitional part of his emotional maturity from the fallouts of last season's traumas/reveals so naturally he's going to be a little different. He has to grow or else this show would get boring. So, I definitely feel like Buck was in character.

What I think a lot of people are getting tripped up on are two things:

One. The narrative style was a little weird. We started, as the audience, in Buck's perspective only to immediately be taken out of it and thrown in everyone else's (but especially Ravi's who we barely know). Then near the end we were back in Buck's all of the sudden. We basically saw Buck at Point A and then ended up at Point Drama and so it was a little jarring. (I also don't think it was helped because so much of this episode was spent on the Athena/Harry/Jeffrey Storyline that will never end so it seemed disjointed).

Two. I don't think it's necessarily a disservice as more rushed which the narrative style didn't help at all. One of the great things about this show is how they are using Buck, cis white man, to explore and disentangled toxic masculinity tropes in today's media. I think Buck is such a great conduit to really get into the emotional depths we don't often see in male characters and it's refreshing and something that can mean a lot to a lot of people (myself included). I think the show does amazing work with really maintaining Buck's vulnerable parts and insecurities and doesn't just magically fix them away.

BUT

I think the show has a problem of rushing them sometimes too. Sure, I think sometimes the show dismisses or takes the easy way out or writing some of the fallout of the harder emotions in particular with Buck and Eddie (ie Eddie getting shot and making the cheap joke about Buck and the therapist). But I don't think this was the case this time around. I think like with Buck Begins, this is going to be something that builds until Buck and Chimney have their reunion. If Chimney comes back and they make a joke about the punch or they pretend like it never happens then sure, we can talk about dismissing emotions. But for right now? I think this just was foundation to Buck's processing of what's going on with the people he loves.

Which leads me to my next thought and it's Buck struggle to process what's happening. I said in a previous ask that this storyline of Maddie leaving is interesting in respects to the Buckleys' coping mechanisms. Maddie putting distance between herself and her problems and Buck stepping in the middle. Except now they're facing a scenario where the people on the other side are stomping all over that and saying absolutely not because for once Buck and Maddie are faced with people who actually give a shit about them.

A side note: I think it's also interesting that Buck was modeling coping behaviors from Maddie in this episode. He saw that (in his own mind) he was the problem and so he planned to put distance between himself and the people he cared about. And like with Chim and Maddie, Buck was with people who actually give a shit about him.

I think something Buck has been deprived of his whole life, especially in regards to his emotional development, is stability. He was the victim of emotional neglect growing up and for a while had Maddie for that stability but eventually he was on his own for a few years and the damage from being alone with his parents was nearly crippling. So, when Buck came to the 118 and really started to build his family, was when he finally got that stability. Buck trusts the people in his life and you know he does because he values what they have to say. Buck doesn't really care what people say about him if he doesn't trust them or know them (ie that Baby Bear lady in Buck, Actually).

So, I do think today's episode served his growth because Buck is in this transitional place in his emotional journey. We all have those people we ask, "Am I being crazy?" Usually those people are people in our lives that we value their opinions. And sometimes the answer to that question has to be, "Yes."

I know from my own personal perspective, what it is like to feel like everyone hates you for no reason at all other than me hyper fixating on something and sometimes I really just need a friend to tell me to take a nap and drink some water.

This was one of those times. Buck is used to stepping in the middle between Maddie and whatever is bothering her. But Buck, for the first time, is in the middle of two people he loves dearly and both of them are hurting badly. It's an incredibly normal response for him to be caught in the echo chamber of that hurt and think that he's the cause of it. But when you are so unused to not having stability beneath your feet, you start to internalize. You start to hyper analyze. When you're a victim of a trauma of emotional neglect, you blame yourself for a lot of things that are not your fault. We saw in Buck Begins that his parents had no problems making comments that they blamed him for their own grief when he could hear. Margaret was practically shouting that reminder in the face comment into a loud speaker. And we've seen that Buck can be an incredibly emphatic person. So, Buck was taking on that hurt and losing sight of what was everyone else's and his own.

Buck thought history was repeating itself.

What Buck needed in that moment was for the people he trusted and loved to say, "Stop. You're being ridiculous."

If it had been anyone else, Buck wouldn't have believed them. But he needed to hear it from all of them at that table. Because in his spiral, Buck thought he'd hurt them all too.

Taylor said it before his shift and then the team reaffirmed it at the dinner table.

So, do I think it was dismissive? No. Do I think it could it have been cleaner? Sure. But again I think it came down to the storyline being rushed and the narrative style being a little wonky.

As for the breakfast? And I’ve got to be a little honest here. I think everyone needs to chill out a little about it. Taylor knew that Buck was stressed out about Maddie and Chimney but she heard the morning before Buck’s shift that work had been stressing him out too. Taylor herself has acknowledged how much the 118 and the people in it mean to Buck and recognizes that they’re his safe space. Buck essentially said to her ‘my safe space does not feel safe anymore. It doesn’t even feel like my space because I think I fucked up.' She decided to cheer him up with brunch at home because she knew he was going to be coming off an emotionally stressful and taxing shift. It's something I would've done and something I know a lot of people would've done for a person they cared about.

Sometimes, eggs are just eggs.

Unlike the Muffin Disaster of Hurricane Ana 2021

I hope that helped Nonnie and I hope you got some sleep!

#evan 'buck' buckley #maddie buckley #Eddie Diaz #Bobby nash #hen wilson #chimney han #taylor kelly #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #buckley siblings #911 on fox #911 spoilers #ask #answered #anon

[princessfbi]

I swear to god if I see Margaret Buckley on my screen….

#911 spoilers  #i did not put all this preparation into watching an episode that’s extremely triggering for me #to see that woman’s face #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #maddie buckley #she doesn’t need her #911 on fox

[princessfbi]

to be clear though isn't the timeline of daniel dying after buck was 12 months/1 year old? so he probably said his first words in an era where his parents might have been still involved with him. obviously there's still that "we didn't actually want a third child" vibe but they aren't yet the grief-stricken monsters they became after losing daniel....... it's a super fine line i am drawing but i think it matters (?!).

Most kids speak their first word between 10-14 months so it would've been around the time everything kind of snowballed. I think any parent, understandably, at that point would've been distracted by the child that was in that stages of their illness so it wouldn't be unheard of that Maddie and Buck would've already been on their own. Going with the assumption that by the time Buck was two (meaning Maddie would've been eleven) and comfortable enough to give him baths, I think it's a pretty safe bet that she would've been confident in the care of him.

The problem with the Buckley parents isn't that they were distracted by Daniel dying. It was that they never came back.

Plus, I know a lot of my Buckley Siblings baby HCs come from just personal experience. I'm from a very big extended family and I was extremely comfortable with the care and handling of babies and toddlers from a super early age.

I think the fine line is that the Buckley Parents weren't neglectful at this point. Just understandably focused on Daniel.

#evan 'buck' buckley #maddie buckley #buckley siblings #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #answered #anon

[princessfbi]

Hope you get warm soon! Hers a question for you.

How do you think Buck's life would have differed if Daniel didn't die? And would he have still made his way to the 118 and how?

Honestly? I think Buck’s life would’ve been the same. I think once he served his purpose Margaret and Philip would’ve still ignored him. I think they would’ve still resented his recklessness. It’s just the shadow he was trying to live up to would’ve been as a person who was alive. Because the trauma would’ve still been very much there for Margaret and Philip.

Like Margaret and Philip had all these excuses but they still would’ve been there. “People judged us for having Evan.” They still made these choices that they can’t blame on Daniel. I think Maddie and Daniel would’ve been the only source of love and comfort for Buck and I think he still wouldn’t have understood why he was the odd man out. I think Margaret and Philip would’ve sworn Maddie and Daniel to secrecy. Maddie would’ve pulled away and Buck would’ve been scrambling to just be seen.

Please Send Me Asks I’m So Bored

#evan ‘buck’ buckley #maddie buckley #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #the buckley siblings #answered #thebestbooksaround

[princessfbi]

I will never get over how much the buckley parents fucked maddie and buck over. Like maddie said they left them to fend for themselfs after daniel died and made maddie take on a mother role for buck because his own mother couldn't look at him just fuck them 😠

I was driving one time and literally my face went red with how mad I got just thinking about the Buckley Parents. They are the worst.

#we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #answered #anon #evan ‘buck’ buckley #maddie buckley #buckley siblings

[princessfbi]

Buck when they gave him a clipboard

Exactly. He got a taste and ran with it!

You know the sad thing too is…. The clipboard and all that was probably the first time anyone’s trusted him in a sense to get a job like that done. I don’t foresee Margaret and Philip “Don’t Be Stupid, Evan.” Buckley, leaving Buck with a lot of responsibility. Like you see even in Buck Begins with the tuition money how Buck sort of leans into this idea that he’s not responsible or smart enough to be trusted with things. You don’t go from “I bankrolled some keg parties and souped up my bike” to “I’m now on my own with only a little bit of money to support myself so now I’m going to get a job.” Like we see Buck successfully provide himself with a roof over his head and food and it’s something in those flashbacks with the postcards that show us how much of a hard worker Buck actually was. But his parents saw him as a waste of potential and Buck, so desperate to please, accepted that. It wasn’t until Maddie gave him permission to go and be whoever he wanted to be that you really see him shake that off and become the Buck we know and love.

And Buck wants to do a good job. That’s obvious from the pilot. He’s a dummy in the pilot but he actively tries to do a good job. He follows textbook procedure and begins compressions. He takes an active role in offering suggestions whether they be brash (axe to the wall) or not (taking the baby down the stairs because he knows he’s faster than the elevator). Buck loves his job so much that he’s proactive even when it comes to the angle of how to set the equipment.

So Buck loves the clipboard because it’s important. It matters. It’s not a big ground breaking responsibility to have and it’s a glory-less job. But when you’re so belittled all your life, even the smallest pieces of trust is fulfilling.

#evan ‘buck’ buckley #answered #maddie buckley #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #mandzuking17

[princessfbi]

I just scared the living shit out of my cousin when i walked down to greet her and i imagine buck does the same with eddie all the time because he learned to walk around really quiet when he was still living with his parents (he does the same to maddie)

As someone who also walks like the night I approve!

#evan ‘buck’ buckley #eddie diaz #maddie buckley #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #anon #answered

[princessfbi]

IN ADDITION TO the shared look between Buck in Chim in the 3.01 hospital gif, THE WAY MADDIE continues to look at Buck (just a bit longer) in the first gif when everyone else is giving their attention to the doctor as he starts speaking to them. Like she’s trying to keep reminding herself that Buck is okay and right in front of her, he’s okay. </3 -118side

UGH I KNOW! She's so scared, she's mad. I always imagined too that she called her parents because a pulmonary embolism is no joke especially one that ruptures. Like out of all his stunts and all the accidents and all the craziness that comes with being Buck in the LAFD, that was probably the closest he's truly come to dying because you can die fast and messily from those and there would've been nothing any of them could've done. So, it would've made sense if she'd called her parents.

And as we know, Margaret and Philip didn't come.

Maddie had to deal with that all by herself.

UGH!

#118side #maddie buckley #evan 'buck' buckley #we hiss at the sight of the buckley parents #answered #buckley siblings

[princessfbi]

Sick Whump Prompt Drabbles are now up on Ao3!

#Buddie #Madney #Bathena #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Maddie Buckley #Chimney Han #Bobby Nash #Athena Grant #Hen Wilson #Hurt/Comfort #Sick Whump Drabbles #911 fanfic #Buddie fic #Madney Fic #We hiss at the sight of the Buckley Parents #My fic writing