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fangswbenefits · 2 months

Text

Everything

Summary: You're used to staying still whenever Astarion feeds on you. This time, he wants you to feel everything.

Pairing: Astarion x female!Tav

Warnings: 18+. Vampire bite. Blood drinking. Blood kink. Inappropriate use of tadpoles. Dry humping if you squint. Handjob. Innuendo. PiV. Creampie. Precum.

Word count: 3.2k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: At the time of posting this fic (Feb 11th), I was unaware of a fic by @bhaalism that had been posted on Feb 6th and that some similarities are present, even if totally unbeknownst to me. It was not consciously done, but I can understand how some people might see it differently. I've discussed the matters privately with Kita and, as such, here's the link to their fic so you can check them out and appreciate their work!

I also want to emphasise that no negative behaviour should come of this (in either direction) as we've both discussed matters privately, and no one else has to get involved!

You've done this so many times before that it feels as natural as second nature.

It feels right.

If the multiple scrolls of Lesser Restoration are anything to go by, this is meant to be a prolonged feeding session.

You don't mind.

And by the looks of it, neither does Astarion as he pulls you by the waist to sit more comfortably on his lap.

He has this ritual of sorts with you. It would be so easy to tilt your head to the side, exposing your neck to his bite and let him feed comfortably, but he takes his time.

And you know it's only a matter of time before you start feeling it.

“You can just feed, you know?” you purr, pressing your forehead against his.

As expected, he huffs in feigned annoyance.

“Gods, are you about to lecture me with the ‘don't play with your food’ nonsense, darling?” he bites out dramatically, but you do know he enjoys a good tease.

“Maybe I should,” you say, swirling the soft curls at the nape of his neck around your finger. “You need to feed, after all.”

A devious smile curves his lips and you pull back to slip from his lap.

But he immediately halts you halfway with a firm grip on your waist, fingertips digging into your skin and holding you in place.

Oh?

This is new.

And that's when you first feel it twitch for the first time.

It's no surprise that Astarion gets easily hard with you and for you. In fact, it doesn't take much effort at all. It's as if his body is set to react to yours in unfathomable ways.

But when you press down softly against him, and the motion earns a groan from him and yet another twitch from his cock, you know this is different.

Usually, he feeds on you as you lay flat on your bed, making use of the comfort a mattress can provide as he drinks your blood.

It is easy and quick and enough.

But tonight, it seems that Astarion has other plans and his lustful gaze paired with his hardening cock are proof enough.

He is evidently hungry for more than just your blood.

“As much as I adore you under me,” he begins, gaze dropping to your shirt, “I think I'd rather have you on top of me this time.”

Your hands come to grip his shoulders for balance, and your eyes widen slightly. “Why?”

A gentle tug at the laces of your nightdress nearly breaks your concentration, but you somehow manage to keep your composure as his crimson eyes find yours.

“Why not? Why shouldn't this delicacy be shared?” he asked with another tug and you felt the fabric at your chest begin to loosen. “You should enjoy it, too, darling. And I want you to feel everything.”

He emphasises his words with a final pull that brings your nightdress fully apart, unravelling your breasts to his hungry gaze. They heave in unison with your quickened breathing and it's enough to transfix him.

You can't necessarily feel it, but you are certain his cock just got harder just as blood rushes downwards, swelling your clit.

The shift in temperature causes your nipples to slowly harden and that is what makes him groan.

“Enjoying the view?”

He nods. “You can feel how much I do.”

You feigned ignorance. “I don't think I can.”

The grip on your waist tightens and he pulls you against his cock, the flimsy fabric of your undergarments allowing your clit to drag along his covered length.

Hard and needy.

“You were saying…?”

Smug and cheeky and infuriating.

Three adjectives that fall short to fully grasp how he is with you when it comes to intimacy, but it's a good place to start.

He's good and he knows it and he wants you to validate him every step of the way.

“Connect your tadpole with mine,” he says unexpectedly.

“What? Why?”

“You know why.”

You do and it baffles you that he even suggested it in the first place. Connecting tadpoles intimately is reserved for when privacy is a guarantee. And being inside one of the many rooms at the Elfsong Tavern offers everything but privacy.

“We're at a tavern, Astarion…”

He quirks an eyebrow, bucking his hips upwards ever so slightly. “Yes, I'm aware. Your point being…?”

“We'll be heard.”

“Do you not intend on being loud?”

Your mouth falls agape at the nerve. Silence is never an option with him. He takes pride in how he makes you feel, knowing fully well he's ruined you for anyone else.

“Would you have it any other way?”

His cock twitches in response, but it's the way his half-hooded eyes roam deliciously slow across your face that makes you clench.

“And miss the opportunity to inconvenience our next-door neighbours?” he tuts with a smirk that bares his fangs. “I don't think so.”

In the midst of all the lust-heavy words and slow hip rolls, you manage out a chuckle.

“You're vicious. Shadowheart and Lae'zel will definitely not appreciate the midnight ruckus.”

He bucks his hips so that your face gets close enough for your lips to brush.

“And what exactly are they going to do, hmm?” he says with a smirk. “Kill me?”

Before you can answer, he leans in and captures your bottom lip in between his teeth. The suddenness of it all, makes you flinch back and when a fang grazes the frail skin, it draws blood.

It stings enough for you to curse, and you see his hungry gaze admiring the droplet that pools on your lip.

“They could do much worse to you,” you tease with a giggle, proving your point by denying him the taste of your blood when he leans in again.

He lets out a low rumble of disapproval as he slumps against the headboard. “If by ‘worse’ you mean ‘whispering healing prays and hurling nonsensical curse words’, then I agree. A torment,” he feigned pain dramatically.

There is something oddly satisfying about teasing Astarion to the brink of frustration.

You almost feel inclined to satisfy his bloodlust, but decide against it, wiping the droplet with a swipe of your tongue.

That immediately earns a deep frown from him and an obnoxious click of his tongue. “Honestly, what a waste.”

“Then be nice,” you say, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

Astarion's hips buck and you're sure your undergarments are soaked enough for the wetness to seep through the fabric of his trousers. If he feels it, he doesn't say.

When you pull away, there's a faint stain of blood on his lower lip, which he pulls in between his teeth to suckle on it gently.

The sight is enough to have you roll your hips twice.

Suddenly, he looks uncharacteristically serious. “Connect your tadpole with mine.”

There is urgency in his voice and you can only assume he is past warming up and ready to move on to the next step.

And you're not one to deny the offer of a good time if there is a promise that him feeding on you can be pleasurable to you as well.

You allow your mind to stir the dorment tadpole, urging it to find his.

It is rather simple and you've done it before with him during your sexual endeavours. But this is different. It already feels different. It's as if the worm knows this connection bears other purposes.

Astarion lets out a groan when his body meets yours through his mind.

The tug inside your head is enough to draw a breathy gasp as you are made aware of his intentions.

He wants your hand.

Your… hand?

Your eyebrows furrow together in confusion, but not for long enough as his hand pulls yours from his shoulder.

And what he does next makes you clench so hard, you feel a gush of wetness drip from you.

“I want you to feel it – everything – as I feast on your blood,” he purrs, placing your hand around his throat.

Oh.

The tadpole squirms in anticipation as you feel his cock throbbing in your mind and against your clothed clit.

His skin is cool to the touch but it quickly heats up under your palm and, with his other hand, he undoes the laces of his trousers with unmatched dexterity.

You gasp as his thoughts bleed into you, allowing you to know what he expects next.

This time, he doesn't need to utter aloud his intentions.

You can hear him inside your head and you find yourself utterly unable to look away from his piercing eyes.

Take it out and grip it, darling.

Your hips buck, driven by pure instinct as you comply with his request. A shaky hand reaching down and tugging at the fabric of his own undergarments, and in one swift motion, you free his cock.

As expected, he immediately welcomes your grip with a thrust, and you feel just how hard and wet he already is.

His cock is still cool to the touch, but you know that is about to change soon enough.

With a gentle squeeze, his eyes flutter shut, head tilting back slightly as he adjusts to your touch.

It doesn't take long for a thick bead of precum to roll down his length before reaching your knuckles.

Inside your head, your tadpole shudders and you're sure it's because he wants to feel how swollen your clit is for him.

It pulsates rhythmically and Astarion growls with a smirk.

He adores feeling your clit.

Just as you adore feeling how stiff his cock can get in your hand and in your mind.

“You're already quite hard already,” you say, doing a laughable poor job at keeping your voice steady.

“I can get harder,” he says and you feel his voice rumbling against your palm.

You clench in sheer reflex. Mostly because you know he can and will.

Instinctively, you let out a soft moan from the delicious friction.

And it's enough to have Astarion's ego soar high enough that it pulls the most devilishly alluring smirk from his lips.

After all, he never misses the chance to remind you that it is your blood that makes his cock thicker and warmer and harder.

Astarion finally opens his eyes again and brings his hand to your face, fingers tracing your jawline before he tips your head to the side, exposing your neck to him.

Hold on tight, darling.

He cranes his head and he plants a fleeting kiss below your ear, as he grazes his cool lips along the length of your neck. By now, he knows your pulse points by heart, so when he finds one, his fangs break skin and sink into your inviting flesh.

Out of reflex, you grip his cock tighter and he lets out a muffled groan.

No matter how many times you allow him to feed on you, the initial uncomfortable feeling is always there and it lingers until his lips wrap around the bleeding wounds.

And when he begins to suckle hungrily, downing mouthfuls of your blood, you nearly moan from the way you can feel it under your palm.

Your tadpole allows you to be aware of your blood rushing and coursing through his body at a steady pace and when it finally reaches his lower half, a faint pulse stirs his cock.

Immediately, you clench, frustrated that it's around nothing, but you quickly brush the disappointment aside as you finally understand why he wanted your hands around him.

He swallows your blood at a rhythm that matches the throb in his cock, and inside your head you can feel it beat in unison with the one in your clit.

It's your blood that brings him alive in more ways than one.

Warmth spreads across your palm and fingers and the veins that snake around his length begin to bulge as your blood fills them.

Tighter… tighter… tighter.

He repeats it like a prayer that he hopes you can answer.

He's so lost in you that his senses blur and he becomes one with you.

You try your best to comply, the back of your hand soaked with precum, as he hardens even more.

In between your legs, your clit swells up as if in response and you're so wet you're sure he'd be able to slide his cock inside with little to no effort.

How is it possible? How…

The connection allows him to hear your thoughts and he groans in response, rolling his hips at a clumsy and broken pace.

Astarion's concentration is hanging on by a thread. You can hear him curse in sheer frustration as he tries to hold on to some semblance of control.

But he gets too drunk in your blood and he is unable to keep his focus.

It doesn't help that your own arousal is spilling into his mind and mixing with his own.

A double-edged sword.

He wanted you to feel him as he feeds on you, and now he's stuck having to withstand double the arousal and the pleasure that your blood provides.

The first loud growl comes from him and you feel your grip around his cock loosen as he thickens.

Your walls flutter and he feels it, bringing one hand down to close around yours, ensuring you grip him firmly once again.

You keep clenching like that and I…

His next words aren' heard in your head and you feel your body begin the inevitable battle between overwhelming pleasure and the numbness that always comes whenever he feeds.

A faint growl slips past your lips and it quickly morphs into a strangled cry that echoes around the room.

You want to call out his name and warn him… warn him that your body can't take much more bloodloss and arousal.

But the tug inside your mind lets you know that he knows.

After all, your body is his now.

Just as his is yours.

He fucks your hand slowly with his atop yours, keeping the pace. The lump in his throat bobs rhythmically with each gulp.

Astarion… it's too much…

It takes him a couple of more seconds, two more mouthfuls and at least five more thrusts of his cock for him to finally unlatch from your neck with a guttural growl.

He drags his warm tongue across the puncture wounds, not wasting the rivulets of blood that dribble down.

The wet sound is nearly intoxicating and you nearly jump in his lap as his other hand finds your breast, fingers tugging at your hardened nipple.

Astarion is close and, by extension, so are you.

Your blood rushes throughout his entire body and you now understand how good it feels. How good you feel inside him. He's warm and flushed from feeding on you and his head tilts back against the headboard as loses himself in you.

Somehow, he's able to keep a steady pace as he fucks your hand, the most beautiful moans spilling from his mouth as he does so.

You caress his neck lovingly as he tugs on your nipple.

“Darling…”

It's a plea.

Under different circumstances, you'd have to ask him what he wanted. But you're inside his head and you know why he's begging you.

He doesn't want his cum to go to waste.

He doesn't think the tightness and warmth and wetness your hand and fingers can provide.

I need to be inside you.

The alarm in his voice stuns you momentarily and your eyes widen as a very urgent tug

He's about to come.

You let go of his cock and his hands are suddenly in between your legs.

Your body reacts to this instantly and your walls tighten in anticipation, eager to squeeze something else.

Stop. Clenching.

A loud moan is all you give him in return as your vision blurs from how his cock pulses and throbs and leaks precum.

Another clench.

“Gods above… I can't take it anymore.”

And neither can you.

You hear the sound of fabric being torn filling your ears and his hands claw at your waist to position himself at your entrance.

A languid snap of his hips and he sinks into you, stretching you in a way that has you slumping against his chest, hardened nipples grazing his skin as he bottoms out.

He's so thick from your blood that you're sure you'll be sore from it, but none of that matters now.

All that matters is that you're stuffed to the brim, his balls pressing against you and the best part is that you can feel how he feels.

You're not sure whose climax hits first as you're so entwined with him.

You reckon it's his as you feel his balls tighten and cum coarse through his length, spilling into you with hurried thrusts.

It feels too good to be true.

You can feel just how tight you are around him and you can feel each gush of cum leaving his bodu

He whines. “I… it feels – Gods…”

Astarion is a babbling mess under you and his words soon lose meaning as they become incomprehensible.

The sound of skin slapping against skin mixed with the creamy sounds of you milking his cock is enough to send you into overdrive.

The uncontrollable contractions hit you like a tidal wave and both you and Astarion groan in unison as you both get thrust into each other's climaxes.

Your head is buried in the crook of his neck and you vaguely think in the haze of your peak that you should use a scroll of Lesser Restoration. You're still bleeding from the wounds and the fear that you might faint looms on the horizon.

But pleasure overcomes numbness and you welcome it with no resistance.

Still, as Astarion gets warmer and warmer, you begin to fade to the coldness.

Your tadpole is writhing with his and you feel him push you from him so that he can latch his lips against your bleeding wounds, careful to keep his fangs to himself.

He suckles gently as you descend from your shared climax and it's as if the action could lull him into a trance.

Blindly, you try to feel for a scroll that is somewhere scattered across the bed.

He's still buried deep inside you when the connection is severed, showing no signs of slipping out.

You find what you're looking for and utter the right words to activate the scroll, battling against your laboured breaths.

Vigour blooms inside you almost instantly and you feel warmth spread throughout your body with each pump of your heart.

The wounds close and he has no choice but to unlatch one final time, lips dripping with blood.

“I think I understand now… why you wanted to try this…” you breathe out, collapsing against him again.

The sudden motion causes a few droplets of cum to drip from you.

His hand is splattered across your back, fingers caressing your flushed skin. “Why are you so surprised? You should know by now that I always deliver what I promise.”

You think it's impossible to love him even more, but the way he holds you surely tests your resolve.

“This was really good… really, really good,” you say.

“Keep on praising me like that, and we'll have to go for a second round.”

Two loud bangs on the wall are heard accompanied by a “Tsk'va!” and you chuckle.

“Well, do you think our neighbours enjoyed the show, darling?”

You doubt it, but this isn't about anyone but you and him.

Masterlist

#astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion smut #astarion x you #astarion x female tav #astarion x female reader #astarion x f!tav #astarion x f!reader #astarion x oc

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mclqren · 29 days

Text

MAKE A WISH ★ CL16

PAIRING ✦ charles leclerc x fem!childhood friend!reader

SUMMARY ✦ you and charles have been friends since you were little kids, and each year without fail charles posts you on your birthday, unknowingly marking the milestones of your relationship [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ none, i think!

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ reader grew up in monaco. i tried to use old-ish pictures to mark the time period he was posting her from! this one's a bit on the shorter side because i only included charles' perspective of posting her. the fc i've used is cindy kimberly, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

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2017

liked by yourusername, user1, and 14,192 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc happy birthday to my very best friend! can't believe we've been friends for more than ten years, time flies by when you're having fun! love you y/n, have the best day ❤️

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yourusername awww charlieee!!

yourusername this is the sweetest omg

yourusername thank god you didn't use that crusty photo of me you threatened to use...

user1 okay now we haveee to see it

yourusername NOOO NEVERRR

yourusername thank you sm love you!!💘

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

user2 scrolled so far down i managed to find these old gems of y/n 🤣

user3 stop they're acc so cute i can't

user4 the way this is the point where they relationship was just so sweet and innocent is so heartwarming to me

user5 also before charles got slowly more and more whipped with each post he made

2018

liked by yourusername, user6, and 67,256 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc Y/N!! another year of us being friends, and another year where i have to put up with your awful dad jokes & incapability of cooking 🤣🤣 still, wouldn't have it any other way! love you y/n ❤️

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yourusername stoppp that cat was sooo cute

charles_leclerc ur cuter 😘

user6 THE BLATANT FLIRTING HELLOOOO??

yourusername birthday wishes much appreciated charles!! thank youuu 💘💘

charles_leclerc why so formal??

yourusername idk just felt like it ❤️

yourusername i literally can cook idk what you mean

charles_leclerc you almost burnt down my apartment??

yourusername intentional. 😊

user7 is that his girlfriend???

user8 nooo his childhood best friend from monaco!!

user9 well not yet anyways 🤷‍♀️

yourusername NOT THE BANGSSS IT WAS A DARK TIME OKAY

user10 Y/N REVISITING THIS IS SO FUNNY

yourusername NO STOPP WHAT WAS I THINKING.

2019

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel, and 102,441 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc hopefully the getaway to italy was enough of a birthday present for you 😘 happy birthday y/n! no one else i'd rather eat crappy pizza with ❤️

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user11 TELL ME HOW THEY'RE NOT DATINGG

user12 omg she is absolutely STUNNING!!

yourusername CHARLIEEE IT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH

user13 she seems like such a sweetheart

yourusername the flowers were so beautiful oh my

charles_leclerc you have no clue how long it took me to find them 🤣🤣❤️

user14 GET TOGETHER ALREADYY

sebastianvettel 👀👀

user15 SEB IS HERE!!

user16 what on earth can this man know

2020

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, and 274,928 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc happy birthday to the craziest cat lady i know!! 🐈‍⬛ thanks for supporting me through my ups and downs, and staying with me during this crazy journey! the best person to ever have by my side ❤️

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user17 oh so he's in love.

user18 RIGHTTT

yourusername you can NEVERRR take me away from cats!!

charles_leclerc as a dog person this hurts

yourusername idc deal with it eclair!!

user19 crazy cat lady x dog guy >>>>

yourusername love you charlie 💘💘

user20 CHARLIE HAS ME WEAKKK

user21 if this man doesn't want her I DOOO PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE Y/N

user22 looking back on this in 2024 it's actually sooo obvious idk how (some) of us didn't see it

2021

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 451,002 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc forever thankful that my mama made me play with my (annoying) new neighbour when i was 7 years old 🤣❤️ happy birthday y/n, hope it's the best one yet!

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user23 HOW IS SHE SO PRETTYYY

user24 more y/n content asap pleaseeee

yourusername exploring spain w you was sooo much fun & the tour guide was great asw! @/carlossainz55 😉😉

carlossainz55 it was my pleasure! ❤️❤️

user25 PLS SAY THEY ARENT DATINGGG I WANT CHARLES & Y/N

yourusername omg no he's in a long term relationship & i'm not at all interested 😭😭

user26 charles x y/n is still possible then!!

yourusername not the picture of me and the sushi 🤣 my one true love!

charles_leclerc i think you prefer the sushi to me

yourusername you'd be right!!

user27 wait guys i'm a new fan who is this??

user28 y/n l/n!! she's charles' childhood best friend from monaco (and we're all 99% sure they're in love)

2022

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, and 729,090 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc the only person who continually manages to pull off white regardless of the weather ☀️ happiest of birthdays to you y/n! love you more each year ❤️

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user29 JUST ADMIT IT UR IN LOVEEEE

user30 L-O-V-E

user31 hey alexa play you are in love by taylor swift (listen until it gets in ur head pls!)

user32 literally: "pauses, then says you're my best friend and you knew what it was, he is in love"

yourusername I LOVE YOU 💘

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

user33 they're lovers, your honor.

yourusername don't get in the way of me and one direction

pierregasly are they not over??

yourusername SHUT UP GASLY IM IN DENIALLL

user34 she's truly one of us!!

2023

liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, and 1,033,994 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc my very best friend and now, i can officially say, the woman i am very much in love with. happy birthday y/n - thanks for putting up with me all these years ❤️❤️

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user35 CHARLES X Y/N CONFIRMEDDD

user36 THE CAPTION?? THEY ADMITTED THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IM CRYING

user37 AND THE LAST PICTURE?? I LOVE THEMMMM

yourusername my love forever 💘💘

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

user38 parents pls adopt me i beg

yourusername THE FIRST PIC HELP i did NOT think you'd post that

charles_leclerc why wouldnt i 🤷‍♂️

francisca.cgomes what are you doing with MY WIFE 😖

yourusername idk PLEASE come pick me up baby he's annoying me sm rn ❤️❤️

francisca.cgomes dw on my way rn 🙏

pierregasly oh???

charles_leclerc it would seem we've been replaced, pierre!

2024

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 1,801,332 others

tagged yourusername

charles_leclerc MY girlfriend!! happy birthday y/n l/n; 14 year old me would be very happy to call the girl he'd been in love with since a kid his girlfriend ❤️

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yourusername 14 year old me would be screaming crying throwing up right about now, if it's any consolation

charles_leclerc 🤣🤣❤️

user39 THE WAY THEY LOVED EACH OTHER AS KIDS ASW I CANT

user40 the definition of soulmates i can't

user41 PARENTSSS

user42 i need to find me someone who loves me the way charles loves y/n

yourusername in all realness though kika is my gf sooo idk what the caption is about buddy!

francisca.cgomes righttt?? 😘😘

charles_leclerc so should i change the caption orrr?

yourusername NOO i have to flex my relationship somehow 🤷‍♀️

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#f1 x reader #f1 #f1 imagine #f1 smau #f1 imagines #f1 x you #formula 1 #formula one x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 social media au #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader #mclqren #smau #formula one x y/n #f1 x female reader

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mostlysignssomeportents · 16 days

Text

How to shatter the class solidarity of the ruling class

I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me WEDNESDAY (Apr 11) at UCLA, then Chicago (Apr 17), Torino (Apr 21) Marin County (Apr 27), Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!

Audre Lorde counsels us that "The Master's Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master's House," while MLK said "the law cannot make a man love me, but it can restrain him from lynching me." Somewhere between replacing the system and using the system lies a pragmatic – if easily derailed – course.

Lorde is telling us that a rotten system can't be redeemed by using its own chosen reform mechanisms. King's telling us that unless we live, we can't fight – so anything within the system that makes it easier for your comrades to fight on can hasten the end of the system.

Take the problems of journalism. One old model of journalism funding involved wealthy newspaper families profiting handsomely by selling local appliance store owners the right to reach the townspeople who wanted to read sports-scores. These families expressed their patrician love of their town by peeling off some of those profits to pay reporters to sit through municipal council meetings or even travel overseas and get shot at.

In retrospect, this wasn't ever going to be a stable arrangement. It relied on both the inconstant generosity of newspaper barons and the absence of a superior way to show washing-machine ads to people who might want to buy washing machines. Neither of these were good long-term bets. Not only were newspaper barons easily distracted from their sense of patrician duty (especially when their own power was called into question), but there were lots of better ways to connect buyers and sellers lurking in potentia.

All of this was grossly exacerbated by tech monopolies. Tech barons aren't smarter or more evil than newspaper barons, but they have better tools, and so now they take 51 cents out of every ad dollar and 30 cents out of ever subscriber dollar and they refuse to deliver the news to users who explicitly requested it, unless the news company pays them a bribe to "boost" their posts:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/04/saving-news-big-tech

The news is important, and people sign up to make, digest, and discuss the news for many non-economic reasons, which means that the news continues to struggle along, despite all the economic impediments and the vulture capitalists and tech monopolists who fight one another for which one will get to take the biggest bite out of the press. We've got outstanding nonprofit news outlets like Propublica, journalist-owned outlets like 404 Media, and crowdfunded reporters like Molly White (and winner-take-all outlets like the New York Times).

But as Hamilton Nolan points out, "that pot of money…is only large enough to produce a small fraction of the journalism that was being produced in past generations":

https://www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/what-will-replace-advertising-revenue

For Nolan, "public funding of journalism is the only way to fix this…If we accept that journalism is not just a business or a form of entertainment but a public good, then funding it with public money makes perfect sense":

https://www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/public-funding-of-journalism-is-the

Having grown up in Canada – under the CBC – and then lived for a quarter of my life in the UK – under the BBC – I am very enthusiastic about Nolan's solution. There are obvious problems with publicly funded journalism, like the politicization of news coverage:

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2023/jan/24/panel-approving-richard-sharp-as-bbc-chair-included-tory-party-donor

And the transformation of the funding into a cheap political football:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/poilievre-defund-cbc-change-law-1.6810434

But the worst version of those problems is still better than the best version of the private-equity-funded model of news production.

But Nolan notes the emergence of a new form of hedge fund news, one that is awfully promising, and also terribly fraught: Hunterbrook Media, an investigative news outlet owned by short-sellers who pay journalists to research and publish damning reports on companies they hold a short position on:

https://hntrbrk.com/

For those of you who are blissfully distant from the machinations of the financial markets, "short selling" is a wager that a company's stock price will go down. A gambler who takes a short position on a company's stock can make a lot of money if the company stumbles or fails altogether (but if the company does well, the short can suffer literally unlimited losses).

Shorts have historically paid analysts to dig into companies and uncover the sins hidden on their balance-sheets, but as Matt Levine points out, journalists work for a fraction of the price of analysts and are at least as good at uncovering dirt as MBAs are:

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2024-04-02/a-hedge-fund-that-s-also-a-newspaper

What's more, shorts who discover dirt on a company still need to convince journalists to publicize their findings and trigger the sell-off that makes their short position pay off. Shorts who own a muckraking journalistic operation can skip this step: they are the journalists.

There's a way in which this is sheer genius. Well-funded shorts who don't care about the news per se can still be motivated into funding freely available, high-quality investigative journalism about corporate malfeasance (notoriously, one of the least attractive forms of journalism for advertisers). They can pay journalists top dollar – even bid against each other for the most talented journalists – and supply them with all the tools they need to ply their trade. A short won't ever try the kind of bullshit the owners of Vice pulled, paying themselves millions while their journalists lose access to Lexisnexis or the PACER database:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/24/anti-posse/#when-you-absolutely-positively-dont-give-a-solitary-single-fuck

The shorts whose journalists are best equipped stand to make the most money. What's not to like?

Well, the issue here is whether the ruling class's sense of solidarity is stronger than its greed. The wealthy have historically oscillated between real solidarity (think of the ultrawealthy lobbying to support bipartisan votes for tax cuts and bailouts) and "war of all against all" (as when wealthy colonizers dragged their countries into WWI after the supply of countries to steal ran out).

After all, the reason companies engage in the scams that shorts reveal is that they are profitable. "Behind every great fortune is a great crime," and that's just great. You don't win the game when you get into heaven, you win it when you get into the Forbes Rich List.

Take monopolies: investors like the upside of backing an upstart company that gobbles up some staid industry's margins – Amazon vs publishing, say, or Uber vs taxis. But while there's a lot of upside in that move, there's also a lot of risk: most companies that set out to "disrupt" an industry sink, taking their investors' capital down with them.

Contrast that with monopolies: backing a company that merges with its rivals and buys every small company that might someday grow large is a sure thing. Shriven of "wasteful competition," a company can lower quality, raise prices, capture its regulators, screw its workers and suppliers and laugh all the way to Davos. A big enough company can ignore the complaints of those workers, customers and regulators. They're not just too big to fail. They're not just too big to jail. They're too big to care:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

Would-be monopolists are stuck in a high-stakes Prisoner's Dilemma. If they cooperate, they can screw over everyone else and get unimaginably rich. But if one party defects, they can raid the monopolist's margins, short its stock, and snitch to its regulators.

It's true that there's a clear incentive for hedge-fund managers to fund investigative journalism into other hedge-fund managers' portfolio companies. But it would be even more profitable for both of those hedgies to join forces and collude to screw the rest of us over. So long as they mistrust each other, we might see some benefit from that adversarial relationship. But the point of the 0.1% is that there aren't very many of them. The Aspen Institute can rent a hall that will hold an appreciable fraction of that crowd. They buy their private jets and bespoke suits and powdered rhino horn from the same exclusive sellers. Their kids go to the same elite schools. They know each other, and they have every opportunity to get drunk together at a charity ball or a society wedding and cook up a plan to join forces.

This is the problem at the core of "mechanism design" grounded in "rational self-interest." If you try to create a system where people do the right thing because they're selfish assholes, you normalize being a selfish asshole. Eventually, the selfish assholes form a cozy little League of Selfish Assholes and turn on the rest of us.

Appeals to morality don't work on unethical people, but appeals to immorality crowds out ethics. Take the ancient split between "free software" (software that is designed to maximize the freedom of the people who use it) and "open source software" (identical to free software, but promoted as a better way to make robust code through transparency and peer review).

Over the years, open source – an appeal to your own selfish need for better code – triumphed over free software, and its appeal to the ethics of a world of "software freedom." But it turns out that while the difference between "open" and "free" was once mere semantics, it's fully possible to decouple the two. Today, we have lots of "open source": you can see the code that Google, Microsoft, Apple and Facebook uses, and even contribute your labor to it for free. But you can't actually decide how the software you write works, because it all takes a loop through Google, Microsoft, Apple or Facebook's servers, and only those trillion-dollar tech monopolists have the software freedom to determine how those servers work:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/04/which-side-are-you-on/#tivoization-and-beyond

That's ruling class solidarity. The Big Tech firms have hidden a myriad of sins beneath their bafflegab and balance-sheets. These (as yet) undiscovered scams constitute a "bezzle," which JK Galbraith defined as "the magic interval when a confidence trickster knows he has the money he has appropriated but the victim does not yet understand that he has lost it."

The purpose of Hunterbrook is to discover and destroy bezzles, hastening the moment of realization that the wealth we all feel in a world of seemingly orderly technology is really an illusion. Hunterbrook certainly has its pick of bezzles to choose from, because we are living in a Golden Age of the Bezzle.

Which is why I titled my new novel The Bezzle. It's a tale of high-tech finance scams, starring my two-fisted forensic accountant Marty Hench, and in this volume, Hench is called upon to unwind a predatory prison-tech scam that victimizes the most vulnerable people in America – our army of prisoners – and their families:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

The scheme I fictionalize in The Bezzle is very real. Prison-tech monopolists like Securus and Viapath bribe prison officials to abolish calls, in-person visits, mail and parcels, then they supply prisoners with "free" tablets where they pay hugely inflated rates to receive mail, speak to their families, and access ebooks, distance education and other electronic media:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/02/captive-customers/#guillotine-watch

But a group of activists have cornered these high-tech predators, run them to ground and driven them to the brink of extinction, and they've done it using "the master's tools" – with appeals to regulators and the finance sector itself.

Writing for The Appeal, Dana Floberg and Morgan Duckett describe the campaign they waged with Worth Rises to bankrupt the prison-tech sector:

https://theappeal.org/securus-bankruptcy-prison-telecom-industry/

Here's the headline figure: Securus is $1.8 billion in debt, and it has eight months to find a financier or it will go bust. What's more, all the creditors it might reasonably approach have rejected its overtures, and its bonds have been downrated to junk status. It's a dead duck.

Even better is how this happened. Securus's debt problems started with its acquisition, a leveraged buyout by Platinum Equity, who borrowed heavily against the firm and then looted it with bogus "management fees" that meant that the debt continued to grow, despite Securus's $700m in annual revenue from America's prisoners. Platinum was just the last in a long line of PE companies that loaded up Securus with debt and merged it with its competitors, who were also mortgaged to make profits for other private equity funds.

For years, Securus and Platinum were able to service their debt and roll it over when it came due. But after Worth Rises got NYC to pass a law making jail calls free, creditors started to back away from Securus. It's one thing for Securus to charge $18 for a local call from a prison when it's splitting the money with the city jail system. But when that $18 needs to be paid by the city, they're going to demand much lower prices. To make things worse for Securus, prison reformers got similar laws passed in San Francisco and in Connecticut.

Securus tried to outrun its problems by gobbling up one of its major rivals, Icsolutions, but Worth Rises and its coalition convinced regulators at the FCC to block the merger. Securus abandoned the deal:

https://worthrises.org/blogpost/securusmerger

Then, Worth Rises targeted Platinum Equity, going after the pension funds and other investors whose capital Platinum used to keep Securus going. The massive negative press campaign led to eight-figure disinvestments:

https://www.latimes.com/business/story/2019-09-05/la-fi-tom-gores-securus-prison-phone-mass-incarceration

Now, Securus's debt became "distressed," trading at $0.47 on the dollar. A brief, covid-fueled reprieve gave Securus a temporary lifeline, as prisoners' families were barred from in-person visits and had to pay Securus's rates to talk to their incarcerated loved ones. But after lockdown, Securus's troubles picked up right where they left off.

They targeted Platinum's founder, Tom Gores, who papered over his bloody fortune by styling himself as a philanthropist and sports-team owner. After a campaign by Worth Rises and Color of Change, Gores was kicked off the Los Angeles County Museum of Art board. When Gores tried to flip Securus to a SPAC – the same scam Trump pulled with Truth Social – the negative publicity about Securus's unsound morals and financials killed the deal:

https://twitter.com/WorthRises/status/1578034977828384769

Meanwhile, more states and cities are making prisoners' communications free, further worsening Securus's finances:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/14/minnesota-nice/#shitty-technology-adoption-curve

Congress passed the Martha Wright-Reed Just and Reasonable Communications Act, giving the FCC the power to regulate the price of federal prisoners' communications. Securus's debt prices tumbled further:

https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/117/s1541

Securus's debts were coming due: it owes $1.3b in 2024, and hundreds of millions more in 2025. Platinum has promised a $400m cash infusion, but that didn't sway S&P Global, a bond-rating agency that re-rated Securus's bonds as "CCC" (compare with "AAA"). Moody's concurred. Now, Securus is stuck selling junk-bonds:

https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/117/s1541

The company's creditors have given Securus an eight-month runway to find a new lender before they force it into bankruptcy. The company's debt is trading at $0.08 on the dollar.

Securus's major competitor is Viapath (prison tech is a duopoly). Viapath is also debt-burdened and desperate, thanks to a parallel campaign by Worth Rises, and has tried all of Securus's tricks, and failed:

https://pestakeholder.org/news/american-securities-fails-to-sell-prison-telecom-company-viapath/

Viapath's debts are due next year, and if Securus tanks, no one in their right mind will give Viapath a dime. They're the walking dead.

Worth Rise's brilliant guerrilla warfare against prison-tech and its private equity backers are a master class in using the master's tools to dismantle the master's house. The finance sector isn't a friend of justice or working people, but sometimes it can be used tactically against financialization itself. To paraphrase MLK, "finance can't make a corporation love you, but it can stop a corporation from destroying you."

Yes, the ruling class finds solidarity at the most unexpected moments, and yes, it's easy for appeals to greed to institutionalize greediness. But whether it's funding unbezzling journalism through short selling, or freeing prisons by brandishing their cooked balance-sheets in the faces of bond-rating agencies, there's a lot of good we can do on the way to dismantling the system.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/08/money-talks/#bullshit-walks

Image: KMJ (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Boerse_01_KMJ.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

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judeswhore · 6 months

Text

you’re so golden

summary: jude deserves a personal congratulations after such a big achievement

pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader

word count: 3.5k

warnings: 18+, minors dni, oral (m) unprotected p in v sex, dirty talk

notes: you can find my masterlist here. this is not my best work but i really wanted to post something for u all :(

"what're you-?"

"shush." mouth pressing softly over jude's you cut off his unnecessary question, fingers deftly pulling at his belt to work it open. the clink of the metal sent a thrill through you, had the hairs rising on the back of your neck and left you feeling even hotter beneath the skintight material of your dress. you gave one firm tug and it slipped from around his waist, fell to the carpet with a dull thud, left behind at the door as you pushed your boyfriend a little further into the hotel room.

a little further being only a few steps until his back hit the hallway wall, a soft "oof" filtering from his lips at the surprise contact. a giggle followed, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks and tilt your mouth closer to his, lips slotting perfectly together and you shuddered when he licked at your bottom lip. the action made your hands tremble a little, fingers slipping where you tried to unbutton his trousers and work at his zip.

"baby," jude huffed another laugh, broken quickly by a whimper because your hand was suddenly inside of his trousers, fingertips ghosting over his already half hard cock. "slow down." your answer was a petulant pout, brows creasing together and a whine released itself from your throat.

you didn't want to slow down. you'd been thinking about getting on your knees for him since he'd started getting ready hours before. you'd been patient throughout the ceremony and little bit of the after event, faked smiles and niceties only because of the cameras and his parents when the whole time, all you were thinking about was pressing him so far down your throat his shape would be imprinted there forever. you'd been slow but now your patience had all but disappeared and what was the point of being alone in your hotel room if you couldn't congratulate your boyfriend the way you wanted?

"don't look at me like that." jude half chastised, thumb brushing lightly over your jutted out bottom lip and he drew in an unsteady breath when you sucked the digit into your mouth. his gaze darkened, hips pushing subtly against the palm you'd flattened over his cock. his gaze stayed locked on your lips, wrapped delicately around his thumb as you suckled softly, moaned low in the back of your throat so he knew just how badly you were aching for this. "we've got all night y'know?"

with a wet pop you let his thumb go, squeezed lightly at his cock and felt pride spark deep in your tummy when he hissed. "but i want it now." to your own ears you sounded whiney and desperate but you couldn't find it in yourself to care, already letting your mind wander to the feel of him on your tongue. "please, jude, wanna taste you."

your boyfriend's head fell back against the wall with a heavy thud, a groan vibrating from deep in his chest, one you felt tickle against your lips when you pressed them to his throat and mumbled another string of pleas.

"fuck. yeah, yeah okay, baby. get on your knees f'me." a giddy smile spread over your lips and immediately you dropped to your knees in front of him, head tilted back a little as you held his gaze and waited for him. the backs of his fingers grazed your cheek before he cupped your jaw. "y'gonna show me how bad you want it?" you could only nod and jude was smirking, tapping softly at your cheek in a way that made your entire body burn. "good girl."

you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his trousers and boxers and tugged lightly, pulled them down just enough to let his cock spring free, your eyes immediately locking on it. your hand looked stupidly small when you wrapped your fingers around the base and shuffled in closer, breath fanning warm over the tip and jude's thighs tensed in response. the tip of your tongue swept teasingly over the head of his cock, tasted the pre cum that was already dribbling over the soft skin and gave a happy little hum at finally being exactly where you wanted to be.

jude watched with lowered lashes as your throat worked and you spat messily over him, started to work your hand up and down the heavy length of him while you sucked softly at his tip. your free hand snaked beneath his shirt, up over his abs before your nails raked back down the skin and he gave a quiet whimper, pressed his hand against the back of your head for a bit of stability. for a few moments he let you focus on the tip, tongue swirling over it before you smattered wet kisses along the vein that ran down the side.

"m'so proud of you, baby." you muttered the words against his skin and they came out muffled but still made jude grin, his thumb rubbing soft over your jaw. you watched him through your lashes, a smile tipping your lips before you rubbed them messily over his dick, found yourself at the tip again. "y'looked so hot. the whole time you were on that stage all i could think about was pulling that stupid suit off you."

"yeah?" jude huffed a soft laugh and you watched his chest heave when you rubbed your tongue against the underside of his cock.

"mhm, made me so wet, been thinking about your cock all night." with those words you finally relaxed your jaw and slid half of his cock into your mouth, hollowed your cheeks and sucked softly before dragging back off him, repeating the motion at a slow pace. you kept your eyes locked on his, head bobbing a little deeper each time with hopes of taking everything he had to offer.

"jesus, you're fuckin' perfect y'know that?" he brushed his thumb beneath your eye before his hand travelled to the back of your head, palm urging you a little further on to his dick. the tip hit the back of your throat and you gagged, jude's soft moan making you ache. "there you go, look so pretty on my dick, babe."

you gave a little whine at that, elated at the praise no matter how small and tried to take him deeper, stopping only when your nose was pressed snugly into the hair at the base of his cock. having him so far down your throat was making you dizzy, jaw aching and you couldn't stop your spluttered gag but still you didn't pull back, only nuzzled in a little bit more as jude swore above you. his palm pressed harder against the back of your head to keep you in place, his hips shifting forward as though to push deeper despite the fact he couldn't go any further.

glancing up at him again the dull throb of your clit only intensified, wetness pooling in your underwear as your mind spun. he looked unfairly gorgeous, head tipped back a little, eyes half closed and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth, marks from your lipstick littering his throat. he'd unbuttoned his shirt at some point since you'd dropped to the floor before him and it hung open at his sides, chest and abs on full display, so pretty you just had to run your hands over him again. your nails dug lightly into his skin and you raked them down the ladder of hair that often drove you crazy. jude used his grip on the back of your head to guide your mouth up and down his cock, tongue lolling softly against the underside, swirling around the tip when he let you take a few seconds pause.

"look at you," he cooed softly, the hand that wasn't pushing at your head stroking gently over your cheek before he gave it another light slap, muscles flexing when he felt your throat tighten around him. you were blinking rapidly at him, tears leaking from your eyes and mixing with the spit that was dribbling out of the corners of your mouth, a garbled whimper sounding from you when he snapped his hips forward again. "could fuck your pretty little mouth all night."

you'd be more than happy to let him do that but the lack of attention to your clit was becoming painful, the dull ache of being so empty making it a little difficult to think. when jude's hand slackened slightly on the back of your head you took it as your chance to pull off him, lips still pressed to the tip in a light kiss even as you spoke.

"can you-" you drew in a breath, a half gasp after having had him fucking your throat for the last few minutes before you met his gaze through your lashes again. "want you to fuck me, please." your desperate begging was jude's undoing, his cock twitching against your tongue as he gave a quick nod of his head, hands reaching for yours to help you up from the floor.

within moments he had you pinned to the wall where he'd been leaning, your hands pressed firmly against it as he settled himself behind you, fingers working to bunch your dress up over your hips. you were both too needy to properly undress or make the few step journey to the bed so jude simply settled for hooking your underwear to the side, shoulders rolling so he could shrug his shirt off. with one hand grasping firmly at your hip, he wrapped the other around his cock and guided it between your thighs, pushed the tip through your folds to bump teasingly against your clit.

"fuck, y’got this wet just from having my cock in your mouth?”

"told you, i’ve been thinking about you all night." you let out a hicuppy little whine, hips shifting impatiently as jude continued the slow back and forth rocking of his own hips, cock nudging at your clit until your hand flew behind you and you grabbed at his wrist. your nails bit into his skin. "jude."

"shh, s'okay, i've got you." the blunt head of his cock pushed against your dripping hole, a soft moan vibrating in your ear as jude's head settled just over your shoulder and then he was pressing completely into you. your moan was loud when his hips met your ass, pussy stretching around the thick length of him and it was impossible not to tighten even more around him.

jude let out a breathy moan when he buried his cock into you, one that fanned directly against your ear and made your tummy flip with desire. he didn’t pull out immediately, only trailed a line of wet kisses along you jaw till his lips met the shell of your ear.

“is this what you were thinking about? me fucking you stupid like this?” with those words he drew his hips back until only the tip of his cock was pressed between your walls, before pushing forward again. the force of the thrust almost knocked the air from your lungs, had you letting out a startled squeak as you nodded frantically.

“thought-oh- thought about just fucking you in the bathroom. y’looked so hot in your suit and then you won and you looked even hotter.” you mumbled softly, forehead dropping to rest against the wall as jude found a steady rhythm. the quick drag and pull of his cock inside of you was your favourite feeling in the world, the dull ache as he stretched you out something you wanted to feel forever. you were sure you were already making a mess, pussy so wet it was easy for him to fuck into you but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel embarrassed, too caught up in how good you felt.

your boyfriend clicked his tongue quietly and without even looking you knew there was a half smirk tugging at his lips. “dirty girl.”

silence fell between you after that, you too consumed by pleasure to focus on forming any coherent sentences and it left only your moans and quiet whimpers to fill the hotel room. the slick sound of his cock filling you up quickly grew louder too and made your head spin slightly, turned you on even more and it was ridiculous how worked up this man could get you. the feeling of his lips on your neck were making it even harder for you to concentrate and you let your mind go completely blank, content with letting him take full control.

he fucked you quickly, rough thrusts that had your legs shaking within minutes, his fingers digging so harshly into your hips you were certain he was going to leave bruises behind. the soft sounds of his moans were muffled because jude was yet to part his mouth from your neck, teeth biting and scraping across soft skin before he soothed the ache with his tongue, the action only repeating when he found a new spot. you tried to press yourself further back against him, a silent plea for him to fuck you a little deeper and in response he pulled your hips back slightly, pressed his palm against your lower back to bend you over a little more.

it had his cock sliding further into you on each rock of his hips, the tip finally nudging that one spot that made your eyes roll back, a quick sob tumbling from your lips. “there it is. s’that good, baby?” he spoke softly into you ear, angled his hips a little better so he could hit that spot fully each time, determined to wring an earth shattering orgasm from you. “doing so well f’me, wish you could see how pretty your pussy looks squeezing my cock.”

“can’t-fuck-wanna cum, jude. need it so bad, please. want-“ you cut yourself off with a moan because jude’s fingers had left your hip and found home on your clit instead. he rubbed gentle circles over the little bud, your wetness making the action messy and your knees almost gave out, pussy clenching tight around him. he gave a low whimper, pace faltering just a little and it was nice to know he was just as wrecked as you.

“you want what? tell me and i’ll give it to you.” his fingers picked up their pace, the quick attention on your clit matching his harsh thrusts and you knew within moments you’d be coming around him. “c’mon, pretty girl, tell me.”

“want you to cum inside me.” the words tumbled out of you, rushed and through another whine and they had jude’s cock twitching inside of you, his hips delivering a much harder thrust as he blew out a curse. the two of you had only recently ditched condoms, wanting rid of the final barrier in search of even more intimacy but despite that, jude had still pulled out each time, painting your tits or face all nice and pretty for him. but tonight was special and you wanted to congratulate his win in your own way, in the way you knew he’d been wanting for a while.

“yeah? y’want me to fill you up nice and good? y’gonna take it all f’me? hm? make me proud?” jude’s voice sounded just a little whiney and you knew you’d ruined him with those words, had pushed him dangerously close to his own orgasm. you were proven right when he used his free hand to cup your jaw and tilt your head so he could kiss you over your shoulder, lips slotting messily together due to the awkward angle. “cum on my cock and i’ll give it to you.”

with that he let you go, pressed his hand against the wall just above your head and used the slight leverage to start fucking you a little harder. his fingers stayed on your clit, rubbing over it until your slick walls squeezed around his cock, so tight you were surprised he could even pull back out. you’d gone a little dizzy, throat aching from your constant moans and whimpers and your ass had started to bruise from the force of jude’s hips against it. the tip of his cock kept up the non stop abuse against the sweet spot inside of you and with a quick pinch to your clit you were coming.

“oh my god.” turning your head you sunk your teeth into jude’s bicep, bit down hard to muffle your cries because the last thing you wanted was the people next door hearing and you were being unusually loud. it made jude groan and he fucked his cock into you a little harder, revelled in the way your pussy gushed around him, your cum making a mess of both of your thighs. your entire body was shaking, legs wobbling so much jude had to let up on your clit in favour of wrapping an around your waist to hold you in place.

“that’s it, good girl. feel so fucking good, baby. keep squeezing me like that, m’gonna cum f’you.” you could hear jude babbling further words of praise behind you but your mind wasn’t focusing, too wrapped up in the pleasure still wracking your body, lingering hot and heavy at the base of your spine. the noises jude was making only seemed to prolong the aftershocks of your orgasm, his moans and soft whimpers making your clit ache even more despite how sensitive you knew you were and you were certain tonight wasn’t going to be a one round kind of night.

he fucked his cock into you a few more times before his hips stilled, pressed flush to your ass as he came, painted your insides and filled you up so much it was already leaking from you. his forehead thudded heavily against your shoulder, quiet whimpers filling the space around you as his cock pulsed, the flutter of your pussy dragging a wrecked groan from deep in his chest. he shifted his hips a little and you whined, purposefully clenched around him because you didn’t want him pulling out.

“jesus christ,” he let out a breathless laugh, tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek and let his forehead rest heavy against your temple. “that was..”

“congratulations, golden boy.” you couldn’t help but grin, that flutter of pride blooming in your chest again and you wanted to spill every thought in your head about how incredible he was. before you could do that though jude was running his palm over your hip, pulling his cock slowly from the snug warmth of your pussy. before his cum could drip down your thigh he tugged your underwear back into place and gave a soft, teasing pat to your ass.

“that was by far my biggest win tonight.” his grin was cheesy and just bordering on cocky when he turned you to face him, fingers helping to fix your dress. it was a pointless act because he was planning on peeling it off you in the next few minutes, his cock already kicking up at the thought of burying himself back into your cunt, filling you with cum until you couldn’t take anymore.

“don’t let anyone hear you saying that, they might take the trophy off you for under appreciation.” you teased, eyes roaming his bare chest, gaze lingering a little on the mark your teeth had left behind on his bicep. he looked gorgeous, sweaty and a little fucked out, glowing either from the trophy or the orgasm and you didn’t really mind which as long as the look remained.

“they can have the trophy, i told you, i already got my best win.” he dipped to kiss you, soft and slow at first but heating up by the second, his tongue a little desperate when he licked into your mouth. you were right about going for more than one round because jude was already toying with the hem of your dress again. “the shower in here is really big. i’m talking sauna size. how about we get you out of that pretty dress and you let me get you cleaned up?”

the glint in his eyes suggested he had absolutely no intentions of actually cleaning you up but you’d seen the shower and the little ledge just big enough for you to perch on and you’d be a liar if you said you hadn’t been thinking of getting jude on his knees for you since early that morning. a sly smile curved your lips and you trailed your nail down the centre of his chest, grazed along the ladder of hair and watched his eyes fall shut for a second.

“s’pose it’d be a shame to let it go to waste.”

“exactly. it’d be impolite.” that had you giggling and jude’s smile only grew bigger, his hands firm on your waist to guide you further into the hotel room. your legs wobbled just slightly and heat settled in your cheeks, feeling flustered over the fact jude had already managed to fuck you so good it’d left you weak in the knees. you hoped he hadn’t noticed but the second his head dipped and he nuzzled his nose against your cheek you knew he hadn’t missed it.

“careful, bambi,” he muttered, pressing a soft kiss to the warmth of your cheek. “i’m supposed to be the one on my knees this time.”

#hey jude :)#jude bellingham #jude bellingham smut #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham x reader

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veetri-bitcrush · 1 year

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Alright! Let's actually talk about this waterfall thing. It is an amazing showcase of many things that I adore from late 90s graphics. I am replicating this in Blender, through mere observation of the final game, so some things might not be exactly accurate to what the PS1 does.

First off, this is what I started off with, straight from the Noesis exporter into Blender.

"Looks boring!" "What are those weird gradient quads?!" Oh we'll talk about those too, don't worry.

Let's start simple, figuring out the Layers.

We've got the base level geometry, then two layers of water, each with a different texture.

Let's focus on the bottom Water layer first. A waterfall's water falls, and the age old trick to replicate that behaviour is to scroll the texture along the mesh by offsetting the texture coordinates every frame.

Simple enough. Not too convincing yet.

Let's do the same with the other layer.

Look at it goooo!

An often-used trick to enhance the waterfall effect is to increase the distance between vertices (or squash texture coordinates) as the geometry goes down.

This affects the scrolling velocity for the texture in each section, making it look like gravity is accelerating the water.

MGS pulls yet another trick on top of that:

Vertices are subtly animated to oscillate, making the water flow seem more irregular.

It seems to be something similar to what is done to geometry when the camera goes underwater in the docks or vents area.

One opaque layer of water on top of another is no good.

Alpha Blending is an expensive technique and it'd not give the desired effect.

Additive Blending is used instead. The lower layer is rendered first, the second layer is then rendered on top, adding the color values together.

Now we get to talk about those weird quads.

They are darkening gradients! Instead of using Additive Blending, they do the opposite, the color value from the texture is subtracted from the scene that was rendered below, effectively creating shadowed areas.

Who needs HBAO+ anyway?

Lighting pass!

I just threw a few point lights to try and replicate the original vibes of the scene.

MGS, instead, uses lighting information baked into the vertices of the scene to create this mood. And what a mood it is!

Here's an additional example of the same techniques used in the bottom part of the same scene. Although the game seems to be rendering that water mesh as (almost?) completely opaque, there is an actual floor mesh under it.

There, I fixed this post. If you enjoy my posts, shit or not, consider supporting me on Ko-fi, I will appreciate it a lot 💞: https://ko-fi.com/parametricpalta

#ps1 #playstation #metal gear solid #retro graphics #retro #vfx #blender #mgs #breakdown #waterfall #rex's lair #noesis #ripped #low poly #I fixed it!

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space-mango-company · 1 month

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Stranger | Chapter 2

Chapter Links: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]

TW: Descriptions of Violence, Mentions of Cannibalism

Tags: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Atreides!Reader, Arranged Marriage, Eventual Smut (still not in this chapter lmao), No use of y/n, Original Characters, Canon what canon

Word Count: 2k

A/N: So... this was posted prematurely a couple hours ago. This is the actual finished longer version. If you don't know what I'm talking about, thank god. Sorry this took so long, lmao

Just letting you guys know that my knowledge of the lore is purely based off of the movies and the Dune wiki rabbit hole I fell into right after watching part two. I also took a few liberties with the canon here.

I'm super open to constructive criticism, or any criticism at all (feel free to absolutely roast me). Like I mentioned, I've never written fanfic before so I'd love to hear your thoughts!

The evening of your first day in Giedi Prime was celebrated with a banquet where you were introduced to the most important people on the planet. You've heard many stories of the ruthlessness and brutality of the Harkonnens, hence surprised by the courtly welcome during the dinner. Although you did your best to politely ignore the Baron who floated at the head of the table being fed by servants.

You were sat beside his nephew who, despite your mother's education, has evaded your insight. You couldn't quite get a read on him.

Feyd-Rautha whispers to you amid the buzzing conversations of the banquet hall, "are you enjoying the food, little hawk?"

You shoot him a questioning look.

"I like your hairpin," he sneers.

You resist from reaching to touch the Atreides symbol affixed in your hair.

"We don't see such ornaments often here." He quietly laughs in his devilish way, only too amused with himself.

Ah, you realize. He means to torment you.

"Seems early for pet names," you say, picking at your plate, "we've only just met."

"Oh, and yet we are to be wed in less than a week's time," his raspy voice rings in your ear, "I should like to be familiar with my future wife, Lady Atreides."

The marriage pact had been signed when you were only a little girl. Inheriting your father's inclinations, you swore you would uphold your duty, undeterred by the gruesome and abhorrent stories about the Harkonnens—because you knew that centuries of conflict could end within a generation with this union. You were a willing bride.

And yet.

You give him a smile that, to those not privy to your conversation, would seem genuine, "You know nothing of me, na-Baron."

"I should like to learn," you doubt his sincerity but care not enough to discern it. He takes a smug bite of a forkful of meat, "perhaps tomorrow, you shall learn something of me."

The following morning Iassa helps you into another black gown, this time with a veil in anticipation of the black sun.

"Is it not dangerous for Feyd-Rautha to wager his life for a show?" you question.

"The na-Baron is a skilled fighter, my lady. He will emerge victorious," Iassa is straight-faced as she drapes the veil over you.

"Yes, I do not doubt it, but given he is the Baron's heir. Does it not seem a touch irresponsible to even risk it at all."

Not that you actually cared for his life, you just expected that the Harkonnens would be concerned with the preservation of their house regardless of their brutality. You recall your grandfather who got himself killed fighting bulls for sport.

"The na-Baron will be fighting war prisoners. They will be drugged beforehand. It is perfectly safe, my lady."

"Oh." You couldn't decide if you were disappointed or not, "I see."

Iassa seemed intent on dropping the subject, so you do.

You stand before a mirror and take a look at yourself. It is impossible not to be reminded of your mother. She was never one for vanity, but you like to think there was a part of her that always enjoyed the elegant dresses she and you 'had' to wear. You allow yourself a somber smile behind your veil.

"You look beautiful, my lady," Iassa curtsies.

"Thank you," you look at her bowed figure, gray robes made more dull by the stark black choker on her neck. You were sure she was at least 2 standard years younger than you are and it had only been a few months since you came of age. You wondered if she liked pretty dresses too.

Before you can ask her, there is a knock at your door.

The house steward, Jaromir, clears his throat when Iassa opens it for you, "The na-Baron requests your presence before he enters the arena."

Heavy doors open for you in one of the chambers beneath the arena. You are greeted by the sight of a half-dressed Feyd-Rautha being helped into his armor by a servant.

"Lady Atreides," he looks you up and down, "I hope you slept well."

You bow your head in acknowledgment.

"Your knives, master," a large man whom you assume to be the bladesmith presents Feyd-Rautha with two daggers.

The young Harkonnen takes one and caresses the blade with his fingers.

"I've come to wish the brave na-Baron well before his fight in the arena," you say in false earnestness.

He smiles at your inflation of his ego.

"Though I must say, I am relieved it is all for show. I would not like to see my groom wounded before we are wed."

"For show?" Feyd-Rautha tilts his head and you see his arrogant facade show the slightest crack.

"Yes, I've heard your opponents will be drugged will they not?" your voice dripping with innocence, "to ensure your safety, of course."

His grip on the dagger tightens, "and where did you hear this exactly?"

You sense the awkwardness and tension in the servants. The one who had helped don Feyd-Rautha's armor has quietly retreated to the far side of the chamber. There is a subtle tremble in the hands of one holding a plate of towels. You finally notice the three women piled upon a raised platform glaring at you.

"Just voices around the fortress," you shrug.

A deep breath recovers Feyd-Rautha's smug expression. "Call for the warden," he orders one of the guards by the door, "tell him to prepare new prisoners. Sober ones."

"My lord, you need not endanger yourself," you feign worry.

"Nonsense." The na-Baron walks closer to tower over you, "My lady bride deserves to see my true prowess."

He sees through your challenge, but you don't care. Seeing his self-satisfied smirk wiped from his face for even just a second was worth it.

"Besides," he turns away from you to inspect the second knife, "my darlings enjoy meat that's fought for its life."

The three women sneer at this and you see their sharp teeth as they hiss amongst themselves.

You've heard of Feyd-Rautha's concubines long before you arrived on Giedi Prime. Tales of their taste for human flesh were one of the things that tested your resolve in fulfilling the marriage pact. You didn't mind that the na-Baron would keep other women. It would result in less of his attentions on yourself, you figured. It was their perverse appetite that nauseated you.

A look of revulsion hides behind your veil which you sense they would be all too happy to rip to shreds.

"I will see you in the stands, little hawk," Feyd-Rautha whispers to you as he waves for a guard to escort you out.

You do your best to drown out the noise of what seemed to be a countless audience that came to see the na-Baron fight. You could understand now why they uphold such brutal traditions. The people are so excited for it.

On the other side of the arena, you sense Vladimir Harkonnen watching you from the Baron's Box that towered over the whole arena. The blazing sun only helps you avoid looking in his direction. You were sat at a viewing box, still for nobility and separated from the masses, but much lower and closer to the sands of the arena. Jaromir had told you that you were to 'give the na-Baron your favor'.

Before long, the master of ceremonies announces Feyd-Rautha's entrance in Giedi Prime Speech. They are celebrating his betrothal to you and the union of Harkonnen and Atreides, you translate in your head. You wonder if the people care for the politics of the Great Houses. They seemed no less excited to cheer at your name despite the centuries-old blood feud.

Massive doors open as the na-Baron walks into the arena. His arms outstretched holding his knives like an extension of his limbs. He riles up the crowd as he walks towards the Baron's Box and kneels to his uncle. He then rises and walks toward you, smirking under the stark light of the black sun.

You may not fear earning the Harkonnens' contempt, but you were the Duke of Caladan's daughter and you knew that the favor of the people was invaluable.

You stand and walk to the edge of the viewing box. The glowing smile you reveal as you lift your veil draws cheers from the crowd that rival what Feyd-Rautha received. You produce a pure white handkerchief from your dress pocket and make a show of kissing it and waving the cloth at the buzzing crowd. You throw it off the edge and it floats toward the na-Baron who had moved both daggers to one hand to catch it. He looks up at you with what you think could be the seeds of respect and tucks the cloth into the tight armband around his right bicep.

He turns back to the audience and raises his knives in a war cry. The crowd explodes in guttural cheers and applause. Feyd-Rautha takes his position in the middle of the arena as his first opponent is released into the white sands.

You've heard of the Harkonnen heir's aptitude in single combat. It's time to see if the stories were true or if it was just another part of their menacing facade.

You were handed a pair of spyglasses to observe with. The two fighters approach each other, the prisoner wielding a knife of his own. Feyd-Rautha holds a taunting stance. The prisoner was sober, you were sure, but even without the spyglasses, you could see he was weak. You surmised the Harkonnen cells weren't very hospitable. He attempts a swipe but the na-Baron parries with ease. Another and the na-Baron dodges. Zooming in, you could see Feyd-Rautha's twisted amusement. He was toying with the poor man—and the people loved it.

The crowds cheered at the clashing of metal, thundering when the na-Baron drew first blood by slashig his opponent's arm. It wasn't long before Feyd-Rautha's dagger had impaled the prisoner's heart. There was no pause before a second prisoner was brought out to meet a similar fate.

Feyd-Rautha stood unwounded, seething with exhilaration. He enjoyed this; the thrill of killing. He basked in the roar of the crowd. You had never ended a life before, but some deep part of you could almost understand how he felt in that moment.

A third prisoner enters the arena. He looked older than the first two, bearded and taller. He reminded you of Gurney Halleck, the Atreides Warmaster. This man certainly wasn't at his prime but you could tell he would not go down as easily as the first two.

The warrior holds his blade out in a firm fighting stance, refusing to make the first move. You notice picadors in black suits have entered the arena, circling the na-Baron and his opponent. Feyd-Rautha lunges at the prisoner and a quick series of parries from both sides occur. You see the finesse in the na-Baron's movement. He recognizes his opponent's skill and he is taking this one seriously. You were not sure what you expected of the Harkonnen's fighting style but Feyd-Rautha was vicious but precise. The crowd gasps when the prisoner disarms one of the na-Baron's knives. The warrior manages to get a grip on Feyd-Rautha's armed hand and aims to pierce the na-Baron's neck with his blade. The na-Baron struggled against his hold and the arid air was thick with anticipation.

You were unsure what outcome you desired as you stared through your spyglass. Perhaps this warrior kills your betrothed. What then? Would you really be able to go back to Caladan's windy cliffs again? Return to the arms of your mother as if it were all a bad dream? You wonder if when Feyd-Rautha becomes baron, and you his baroness, could you convince him to let you see your family.

The warrior's blade was dangerously close to your future husband's throat when one of the picadors lashes at the warrior. The na-Baron growls at the offending picador as the warrior is weakened. Feyd-Rautha pushes him off and allows him a moment to recover, taunting him to try again. Blades clash once more and after a sequence of quick ferocious movements, Feyd-Rautha's blade slashes the warrior's throat. Blood made black by the infrared of the sun splatters onto the na-Baron. He licks the darkness that landed on his lips. Heaving, he takes your bloodied handkerchief off his armband and raises it to you and the roaring crowd.

You did not even realize you were already standing, breathless at the sight.

Chapter Links: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]

Taglist: @torchbearerkyle @austinswhitewolf @dreamlandcreations @emeraldsgirl @strawberryfieldsforevermore

#feyd rautha x you #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha #feyd rautha harkonnen #dune #dune part two #baron harkonnen #baron vladimir harkonnen #house harkonnen #house atreides #giedi prime #austin butler #space-mango-company #fic: stranger

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anexperimentallife · 3 months

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Interracial US family w/ disabled autistic dad and toddler needs to get to the US for medical treatment

(New post because the old one was getting LONG with the updates. Details are under the "read more" to save your dash, with updates in the notes.)

TL;DR: If I'm going to live long enough to watch our daughter grow up, we need to get back to the US and get set up in a disability-friendly place where I can use my medical benefits.

Although I was already disabled (autism, adhd, and spine, joint, and head injuries), my health was stable--until four bouts of COVID left me immunocompromised, and utterly destroyed my health (including damage to my heart, blood clots that damaged one eye, neurological and joint issues, etc.), and although we started off fine, we've been hammered with one crisis after another, both medical and financial, that no one could have predicted.

Until we have enough to get back to the US, a chunk of whatever comes in has to go towards medical care that can't be put off, so the sooner we can reach critical mass on that, the better.

If you can help, or reblog, or share the links on other platforms, we'd be grateful!

The "Donate to Little or None" Paypal donation link takes the lowest fees, I think. (Kept the same link from when we were fighting to get our daughter's birth certificate fixed so we could get her citizenship affirmed.)

Then there's Ko-Fi:

And my little sister started a GoFundMe for us!

EDIT: The donation links above still work, but I removed the GoFundMe link.

IF YOU WANT ALL THE DETAILS SEE THE "READ MORE."

(There's more in my "rob gets medical" tag if you want a blow by blow account of how we got to this point over the past few years, but this is the gist.)

HOW IT STARTED:

I moved to the Philippines six years ago, after the deaths of my adult sons, in part to make my disability payments stretch further. Shortly afterwards, I was joined by my now-wife @thesurestthing (also from the US) for what was supposed to be a visit, but which turned into a permanent arrangement.

After I got a contract to license an old story for a mobile game (which tripled our income*), we found out we were having a baby, which was fine, because despite my disabilities (autism, adhd, two spine injuries, traumatic brain injury, a herniated esophagus, joint issues, etc.), my health was stable, and thanks to the contract, we were fine financially as well.

HOW IT STARTED GOING DOWNHILL:

Zoey's pregnancy was complicated, requiring two hospitalizations, and our daughter's birth was complicated, too--requiring a C-Section--which tripled our hospital bill. A few weeks after our daughter was born, the aforementioned contract was canceled without warning. THEN, when we tried to register our daughter's birth with the US embassy, we discovered an error on her birth certificate that left her stateless, and which took nearly two years, all our savings, and a fundraiser (thank you, generous people!) to resolve. Combined with medical expenses, that left us in a lot of debt.

A brief summary of went else wrong (leaving a lot out for brevity's sake):

I got COVID three four times during all this, became immunocompromised, and developed a slew of other medical issues (heart damage, eye damage and temporary facial paralysis from blood clots, persistent infections, a worsening of my joint issues, neurological issues, etc.) as a result of Long Covid.

I've had to be hospitalized a couple of times, undergo surgery, and was on an oxygen machine twice--once for an entire month, while I was bedridden. As of 24 January, 2024, I'm still recovering from my fourth bout of covid, which started at the beginning of October 2023.

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. COVID has completely wrecked my health, including tearing up my immune system.

And yes, I'm as fully vaxxed against COVID as one can be in the Philippines, with all available boosters, but again--I'm immunocompromised, plus they don't have the vax for the newest variant here yet. Zoey is vaxxed, also, and as a result, her bout with covid was extremely mild. El isn't vaxxed yet because they won't give the covid vaccine to kids under five here, but she's been able to share Zoey's antibodies from breast-feeding--which is apparently a thing.

The only way we can see for me to stay alive long enough to watch Eleanor grow up is to get back to where I can use my Medicare and VA benefits**.

WHY SO MUCH MONEY?

First, while we're still here, we need to pay for whatever medical care can't be put off. Plus, since I'm now immunocompromised, we have to get LOTS of vaccinations before we have to spend 24 hours or so in crowded planes and airports.

Second, we're going to be arriving with only what we can carry with us on the plane, and we'll need to get into a place near a VA hospital that I can easily get around in while I'm recovering from surgeries and getting various treatments. We'll need to pick up some secondhand household goods, and some kind of used transportation (because, you know, it's the US, where you kind of need a vehicle to get around).

We'll also need enough on top of my and El's disability payments to get by for a couple of months while Zoey looks for work. And all this is while we're still paying off the debt from the stuff I mentioned above.

So we're figuring that unless we catch some very lucky breaks, it'll probably cost between 20K and 36K altogether.

(We can't simply stay with friends when we get back, because literally every single close friend we have in the US with extra room and who lives close to a VA hospital has cats--to which I have a severe anaphylactic reaction. As in my entire respiratory system shuts down, and I have to be rushed to the ER to keep from dying; this has happened more than once. The only way I can be around cats is if I'm on immunosuppressants, and my immune system is ALREADY compromised, so I CAN'T do that.)

So again, if you can kick in, or reblog, or post our crowdfunding links (or the link to this post) on whatever other platforms you use, we'd appreciate it.

(*When I told social security about it, they said I could keep getting disability, too, because licensing IP rights didn't count as work income, and since it was a Moldavian company, it also fell under a special tax clause for getting paid by a foreign company while living overseas, so no taxes on it, either. )

(**VA benefits--I was a cold warrior in 1980s Germany. It was less than forty years after WWII, there was a lot of sabre-rattling--some of it nuclear--and we were there as a deterrent to prevent in Germany the kind of thing that's happening in Ukraine right now. Disclaimer because I'm tired of people accusing me of "invading" folks in the early 1980s when I was a dumb, heavily propagandized pre-Internet kid fixing generators in Europe. I wouldn't join today even if I could.)

#rob gets medical #mutual aid #medical fundraiser #long covid #repatriation #my face #baby el #zoey

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tabithatwo · 11 months

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are we ready to talk about shauna's barely hidden but somehow very ignored psychosis and how it, like a ton of her other qualities, is brushed aside by both those around her and the audience? like, i think its clear that a central focus of the show is the way lottie is the only one who got stuck in a facility (and natalie in and out of rehab being the next closest to reckoning with her shit) when the rest of them are very clearly not okay. as a certified Crazy Girl, i've been weary of how they'll handle lottie's story line (blurring psychosis and the supernatural is a very delicate and tricky thing and thus far i've been sort of just waiting to see where it goes). our data on and understanding of mental health is incredibly limited for a lot of reasons (but that's a rant for another time) but there is a large mainstream misconception of when hallucinations and delusions can happen. psychosis isn't just something that happens in schizophrenia and its very complex, so if you want to learn more there's plenty of info out there i'm not going to get into it here, but it happens in a lot of other cases. psychosis is, most simply put, a loss of contact with external reality. ptsd can cause psychosis, especially auditory and visual hallucinations.

so shauna is shown to have these experiences and i didn't realize that they were being so heavily overlooked by a large amount of people until the reaction to the scene where she beats lottie nearly to death. shauna is introduced in s1 as having hallucinations of jackie 25 years later. she is shown to disassociate. in 207, she both holds the baby's body and believes the delusion that they ate the baby. the episode shows her fighting the delusion until she can't anymore. meanwhile, adult shauna tells lottie she keeps callie at arms length out of "fear that she would die...i guess? or maybe that she was never even...real to begin with." then she adds "i think something is broken, lottie." implied: she's broken. something is wrong with her. this is the is the most honest about her mental state we've ever seen shauna be.

why? because lottie has always been and likely will always be perceived as crazier. lottie is the one they pin it on, lottie is the cult leader both then and now, lottie is the scapegoat, lottie is the one who got sent to switzerland. i think there's something to be said for the effect lottie has on people (again, a whole other post) but honestly, that alone is enough. shauna is feeling vulnerable for a lot of reasons and she can tell lottie that she thinks she's crazy, that she's never quite sure her daughter exists, that she's constantly afraid she'll die to the degree that she doesn't let herself interact with her in a real, tangible way, because it's always safer to tell the crazy girl you're crazy, too.

and lottie knows. shauna knows that. lottie clocked her psychosis almost immediately, when she was in the meat shed for all hours. the other girls were shocked by the makeup, and their shock was so fucking strange to me when i watched it, but now on reflecting i'm realizing maybe its the lottie effect. like, have i done the shit shauna has? abso-fucking-lutely not lol. but does my mind work in a way where i immediately would assume shauna was doing something along the lines of the shit she was doing out there, because to me its like...what else would it be? yeah. like sees like, in a way. lottie knows what this looks like at baseline, even if its coming out way different in shauna. even if in shauna it looks like aggression and violence a lot of the time. lottie gets it.

jeff doesn't get it, he thinks strawberry lube is too wild. taissa gets it to a degree, and we see shauna be the second most open with her, but tai suppresses and hides it a degree that she wouldn't dare step foot in a therapist's office (this is yet another thing that makes me crazy but is a whole other post lol). shauna's main goal in this life she's created is pretending to be normal. and she's like, impressively bad at it. but people let her, because what else are they going to do? addressing the clear issues is taboo, because we categorize people so heavily. she masks better than lottie, but it's fucking wafer thin. you see this when she interacts with people who aren't her family or the other yjs. the way she speaks to the taylors? to adam? shauna is only sometimes masking passably when she's in her set world, where she has a routine, and is surrounded by people she only has to half-convince of her sanity.

if shauna is honest about the level of psychosis she experiences, she knows she'll end up like lottie. and i think there's an argument to be made that the people around her (which at this point in her life is pretty much just jeff because she's done another common thing and insulated herself from other people, re: the way she behaves being clockably off to others who won't overlook certain things or can't relate) understand that too. it can't be addressed, because then in their minds there must be action of some kind if it is. (taissa yelling you're acting crazy, shauna is one of the most purely terrified moments we see of her in relation to shauna, because she knows she's admitting something. jeff yelling something to the same effect after the carjacking, same thing.)

the person we see try to get shauna to open up about it is callie. her teenage daughter, who bares the brunt of her difficulty maintaining reality, (who knows that shauna has never accepted her fully as her child, and seems to actually sense that there is a deeper reason for that), asks her to open up. she tells her after the club scene that she knows something is wrong. she even mentions jackie directly. she spends all of s2 trying to relate to shauna, to get her to be open with her about everything. there's no way shauna's trauma and psychosis and general issues have gone unnoticed by callie. daughters always know. they see it in their mothers before they even have a concept of the world. so we're watching a 16 year old try to get her mom to open up, because she doesn't understand fully why that's so dangerous to shauna. to callie, it may even be a secret she thinks other people are in on that she's being left out of. i think maybe she's realizing that it isn't personal and that shauna is guarded like this in general, and we're watching that happen.

callie is learning to care for and relate to her mother and she doesn't see why shauna won't let her in, because to her it's an innate truth that she'll be by her side no matter what (if only she'd let her be). she has unconditional love for her mother and that is the scariest thing in the world to shauna, because the last person who had unconditional love for shauna died because shauna didn't know what to do with it. a baby she never got a chance to meet in reality could've replaced the love that jackie gave her, and shauna was maybe starting to look forward to that, but that ended before it began. so twice shauna has killed that figure in her life. the one who loves her wholly and for who she is, which is terrifying to shauna in it's own right (she tried to take that away from jackie in their last moments, maybe you never really knew me, because that would be easier. shauna can't handle someone really knowing her because she can't handle really knowing herself because, again, that means addressing things that go unaddressed). and she doesn't plan on killing that figure again.

(if callie's even real, because the baby wasn't real when she met him and jackie wasn't real every time she's talked to her in the last twenty-five years, so who the fuck is to say callie is real?)

#this started purely as a shauna shipman psychosis discussion and ended with shauna callie mother daughter dynamics but i'm only human #they are so special to me #as the crazy daughter of a crazy mother that i had to let go of. watching them is a wild experience #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #jackie x shauna #taissa turner #shauna x jackie #jackieshauna #callie sadecki #tai x shauna #lottie matthews #lottie x shauna #yellowjackets #cw psychosis

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scribblesofagoonerr · 7 days

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Finding Light In The Darkness

Anon requested angst, I wrote it... I hope this suffices!

I secretley loved to write this one-shot, not sure if I'll make another part to it, but let me know your thoughts.

Pairings: caitlin foord x teen reader, katie mccabe x teen reader Warnings: heavy angst.

You've always found life hard, you'd not exactly had the best start in life, it had been cruel and you'd always felt unwanted.

You finally found a real family when you're taken in by your adoptive parents, Katie and Caitlin. You finally thought you had found happiness.

It was all going so great, until it wasn't.

Word began to get round your school about your recent adoption, your true idenity was whispered throughout the school and as a result, you were also left with hateful comments all over your social media.

It was easy to ignore at first, you blocked them out. You remembered the words that your mam would always tell you.

"Ignore them, Y/N/N. They're just jealous"

So you did just that, you put your head down and focused on the positive things in life, things seemed better... Or at least so you thought.

You should have known that nothing in life was so simple, nothing was.

"You don't deserve to be adopted by them"

"You're nothing but a waste of space"

"They'll send you back eventually"

Sitting there on your bed, you couldn't help but scroll through the various messages that bombarded your recent Instagram post, it was a harmless family photo. Why was there such negative comments on it?

The tears were quick to well up in your eyes as you read each and every single comment, feeling the weight of them like a heavy burden on your shoulders.

Through the last several months, you had picked up on several bad habits that you were successfully able to hide from your mom's.

You were desperate for the escape, you craved something to numb the pain and you found yourself reaching for your vape that you had cleverly hidden away.

Taking a deep inhale, you let the thick clouds of smoke fill your room but it did very little to ease the ache in your heart.

It just wasn't enough anymore and you needed something stronger.

Routing through your wardrobe, you successfully found the bottle of Vodka that you'd hidden and you don't waste any time in unscrewing the cap of it and taking a short swig. The liquor brought a burning sensation to your throat, but at least it did the trick to provide a tempory distraction.

Being the daughter of two professional athletes, you should have known how dangerous it was to vape, but the delicious flavours were enough to keep you hooked and keep going back for more.

Taking another swig of the bottle, your tears falling freely while your lost in your own thoughts, so you don't hear the door creak open and your mum poking her head round the door.

"You okay, kiddo? You're quiet today" Caitlins' expression is full of concern while her voice is gentle and soothing, yet to notice the bottle of vodka that you're quick to shove behind your pillow.

Your heart clenched at the worry in the older woman's eyes and your quick to wipe away the tears, trying to compose yourself, "Uh yeah, I'm fine, Mum. It's just been a bit of a rough day" You replied, trying to force a smile on your face which didn't quite reach your eyes.

Caitlin stepped closer towards where you slumped on your bed, her hand reaching out to brush a loose strand of hair out of your eyes, "You don't seem fine, kiddo. We've barely seen you since you got in from school" she noted, gently. "What happened at school? You can talk to me, kiddo"

You were hesistant to tell either of your mums what was going on, you didn't want to worry either of them with the weight of your own struggles pressing down on them, "Just the usual stuff, I'm okay" You mumbled, fumbling with your hands.

Caitlin didn't seem quite so convinced as she furrowed her eyebrows in concern, "Y/N/N, kiddo. Please talk to me" she tried to get you to open up, but it wasn't any use.

"No, I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine!" Your quick to lash out, flinching and pulling your hand away when your mum tried to hold it as you flash her a scowl, "I don't want to talk, mum. Please just leave me alone!"

The Australian woman is shocked with the change of your behaviour, "Y/N, I just want to help you, but I can't do that if you won’t talk to me, kiddo" she told you honestly.

"I told you that I'm fine, I don't want to talk about anything!" Your still screaming and lashing out, the spirit bottle falling down and it was now on clear view for your mum to be able to see.

Before you have chance to hide it again, your mum noticed it, "Y/N, have you been drinking?" she asked, the concern was clear in her voice, "How... Where did you even get this?"

Having heard the commotion from downstairs, Katie rushed upstairs to find out what was going on, shocked to hear the tailend of the conversation.

"You've been drinking?!" Katie was enraged, shocked to find you with a bottle of vodka that you had somehow got your hands on.

"It's not a big deal" You shrugged your shoulders, trying to avoid giving any type of explanation about this.

Katie's eyes widened in disbelief with your sudden streak of reckless behaviour, "Not a big deal? It is a big deal when you're 15 years old!" she said, frustrated with your carless attitude, "How could you be so stupid to do something like this-- What else have you been doing?!"

"Katie! Calm down. We need to talk about this rationally" Caitlin turned to look at her partner, knowing it wouldn't be any good to be frustrated about any of this, "Kiddo, talk to us, please? Where did you get the alcohol? You shouldn't be drinking when your underage, kiddo"

"I'm... I'm sorry" The tears stream down your face, the raw vunerability evident in your voice, clear as day.

"Talk to us kiddo" Caitlin's gentle presence was like a lifeline and you found yourself able to open up to them both.

"The hates too much, I can't cope... The bullies at school, the trolls online; I needed to find a way to numb the pain. It's too much" You tearfully confess to them, no matter how much you try and keep the tears at bay, they just just keep streaming down your face.

"It's okay. Its' going to all be okay" Caitlin is quick to embrace her daughter in her arms, wanting to just take her pain away.

"Oh kiddo" Katie spoke up, her worry now outweighing her initial frustration that she had at first, "Kiddo, I know it's a lot to deal with, but listen to me, yeah? Drinking isn't something that will make the pain go away, nothing like that. We're here for you, no matter what"

"Exactly, we're here for you. We'll go down to the school and we'll sort it out. It's going to be okay, kiddo" Caitlin chimed in, brushing your loose hairs out of your face as she just held you in your arms.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you now that you had confessed what had been going on; You were finally safe, you had your two mums' by your side and you knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, you would now have the strength to face them head on.

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #arsenal x reader #woso #woso imagine #woso one shot #arsenal women x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #heavy angst #katie mccabe x reader #caitlin foord x reader #scribblesofagoonerr

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alastors-antlers · 3 months

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Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

#hazbin hotel #aroace alastor #alastor analysis #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #asexual #asexuality #hazbin alastor meta #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin #alastor #hazbin meta #hazbin analysis

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hedgehog-moss · 8 months

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Summer fun with Poldine <3 We've come a long way since her first hike, back in June! We've been going to the torrent regularly all summer and she's now familiar with the place and a lot more confident in the water. She seemed to enjoy wading in ankle-deep water from the start, but places where the water starts to reach her belly were a different story! And waterfalls were yet another challenge.

She's so brave though. She'll need to snuggle very close to you and occasionally kiss your cheek to reassure herself (the above pic also features a nervous forehead-kiss) but she'll accept to go very near these thunderously-loud unknown entities if you stay with her.

(if some pics in this post look like they were taken in 1897 and then colorised it's because they are screenshots from videos that were sent to me in low quality so it wouldn't take 2 days for my weak wifi to download them)

Another important Poldine fact (besides her bravery) is that despite being 18 months-old she's still a bit of a toddler : she thinks Only She is cute enough to be allowed to be annoying. She'll happily stomp her little foot right next to you to splash you with cold water, but SHOCK and OUTRAGE if you do it to her. Here I am gently sprinkling her with 5 droplets of water and she's swerving away from me in the most dramatic and indignant way

She's looking at me in the exact same way she looked at Pyrgus in this post. The Pampoldine Death Glare.

There's an impenetrable jungle of blackberry bushes on the way home from the torrent (every year the first task of summer is to open a path through it all over again), and lately she got used to stopping there for a reward-snack after every swim.

You need good reflexes if you want to eat some blackberries yourself because by the time you've spotted a nice ripe one, Poldine will have spotted it too and she'll reach for it with her long neck over your shoulder swift as a rattlesnake.

Another cool Poldine fact is that if she overhears me telling my visiting friends or cousins "You'll see, we've made so much progress, she goes into the deep water now!" then it will be the day when she refuses to do so and pretends she has never seen this stream in her life.

(warning: nothing happens, I'm just like hey Poldinou you should come here where it's deeper, the water's so nice and safe and refreshing and she's like I don't believe you ://) (2 min after this video ended, she abandoned me and hurried back to the bank in a fit of panic for absolutely no reason.) (something touched her foot underwater) (allegedly)

On the other hand if she overhears me telling people "well I don't know if she'll go in the water with us, sometimes she's skittish about it" then it will be the day when she throws herself in like a delighted duck, taking everyone by surprise.

Just like Pampe when she was so polite with the shearer it was almost disturbing, right after I described her as a difficult llama. Pampérigouste has taught her daughter the benefits of being unlikely forever and Pampoldine took it to heart, in her own ethical way.

#crawling along

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sophsiaaa · 24 days

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I've been wanting to make this post for a while so now that I'm on mid-sem break, I will. Let's talk Shigaraki and sex.

NSFW warning??

So, let's get the big question out of the way. Is Shigaraki a virgin?

I think, yes. 100%

However, that is not to say that he is an innocent, oblivious, 'omg what is sex? uwu' baby villain. This guy literally lives in a bar, in a seedy part of the city, and hangs around with criminals. He knows about sex - I daresay he knows quite a bit about it. Besides which, we see in-canon that he has a phone and a PC and access to the internet, so he's hardly sheltered (though, he's definitely sheltered in regard to actual real-life socialisation, but that's another story).

Regardless, I stand by my assertion that he is a virgin.

Exhibit A: Shigaraki is shown very overtly to hate 'basically everything'. Correct me if I'm wrong, but everything encompasses sex/romance/intimacy. His character, especially at the beginning of the story, is prickly, quick-to-frustration, and sort of single-minded. He is driven to complete one narrow goal set by AFO that he believes he wants: to kill All Might. I believe prior to our introduction to Shigaraki, he was much the same, and thus did not seek out sex. Given his hostile and loner-guy nature at the start of the series, I doubt he would have had much in the way of propositions on his occasional solo trip to the mall.

Exhibit B: whilst I have seen it theorised that AFO introduced Shigaraki to sex via getting him a sex worker to 'satisfy his natural urges', personally, I think this theory is unlikely. This is because everything AFO does is to create discomfort and frustration in Shigaraki's life in order to stoke his rage (the guy literally has him wearing dead hands despite the fact that they make Shigaraki simultaneously feel calm and like throwing up). Thus, I doubt AFO would have encouraged Shigaraki to indulge in sexual relief - or any kind of relief - at all. I doubt he would have even explained the birds and the bees and likely pawned that job off onto the doctor or the internet if Shigaraki asked any questions.

So, we've established that Shigaraki's a virgin, and an ultimate hasn't-even-kissed-anyone virgin at that. But does he want to have sex? That big question number 2.

Honestly, I don't think he much cares for it.

It's odd to say given the multitude of what is essentially sex-addict-Shiagraki headcanons out there, but I truly think he doesn't really think about sex. Shigaraki's sex drive is probably quite low. Now, since I'm taking an evidence based approach here, lets go for the obvious evidence that points to him not having much interest in sex and that is the fact that if he was interested in it, Horikoshi would not shy away from showing it. My Hero Academia is not a manga that shies away from the odd bit of fan service or the pervy character. Mineta is - unfortunately - living proof of this. And he's not the only one. Horikoshi writes many of his characters displaying sexual attraction/interest/engagement/awareness at one point or another. So, logically, if Shigaraki was a character who was interested in sex, Horikoshi would show that. Since he doesn't, I can only conclude that sex isn't really a big deal to Shigaraki, or at the very least, not something he thinks about enough for it to show up on-screen.

Now, do I believe that Shigaraki has zero sexual interest? No. I think he's watched porn before, and probably even jerks it every now and then. But do I think he would actively seek out sex? Nah. Honestly, I don't even think he'd go along with sex unless it's with someone he's got a pre-established emotional connection to that's been building for a long time.

Like everything with Shigaraki, I think sex would be intense. By this I mean, he wouldn't be the type to have a casual one-night-stand or a friends-with-benefits fling. If he's in it, his heart's in it. Because he is so angry and destructive, Shiagraki often gets mischaracterised as heartless and deliberately cruel (this is a conversation for a separate post), but in reality, he cares a lot about certain things and puts his all into them. With sex, he would have to care about the who for the what to matter.

In conclusion - Shigaraki's well aware that BDSM doesn't stand for Bible Discussion/Study Meeting, but he's also a virgin loser who would not pin you up against the wall and have his way with you in a dark alley.

#shigaraki tomura #bnha shigaraki #bnha #shigaraki tenko #shigaraki x reader #bnha fanfiction #tomura shigaraki #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #headcanon #headcannons #smut #shigaraki headcanons

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sethsclearwater · 2 months

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I was scrolling through the Seth master list and noticed that there’s nothing about Seth being a father and taking care of a child ( like one that is not with Paul). So I was wondering how Seth would deal with taking care of reader and baby because she is healing and might need some help sometimes.

-✨

y'all i am SO SORRY i haven't been posting!! really trying to get back to regular posting but i promise i'm not ditching y'all lol

...

you let out a heavy sigh as you sat down on the couch, unable to contain the wince that left your lips as you were reminded that you'd quite literally given birth less than a week prior.

seth and his unusually heightened hearing didn't miss the sound, peeking his head around the corner of the kitchen to see what was up, "everything okay?" he asked, eyes softening as he watched you let out another heavy exhale before nodding.

"i'll be over in a minute - just gonna put her down real quick okay?" he asked, referencing your newborn baby who seemed to always be wrapped up on her dad's chest.

seth was pretty insistent on skin to skin, never ceasing to let up on how important it was for bonding with your newborn daughter. so it wasn't unusual to see him with your baby all swaddled up on his chest while he went about his day helping clean up the house.

you hummed, cracking a smile when you heard your daughter let out a soft whine in her sleep, "you can bring her over here you know," you teased, giggling when seth rolled his eyes, a smile on his face as he stepped over to you.

"hi baby," you whispered as seth sat down next to you, smiling when seth helped her out of the baby wearing wrap so you could hold her for a bit, "i missed you," you mused, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

seth wrapped his arm around your figure, helping you curl into his side so you could both admire the newborn in your arms, "i think we've got one of the best looking babies out there," he teased and you giggled, rolling your eyes.

seth was nothing if not insistent that you had done the world's best job of making your baby, constantly reminding you how good of a job you were doing even when you felt like the opposite.

"she is pretty," you agreed, peeking up at him only to see him watching you adoringly, "seth," you started when you saw the way he was watching you, both of you laughing.

"mrs. clearwater," he replied, the name leading you to playfully roll your eyes again at his antics.

you paused before continuing, "i love you," you murmured, deciding against teasing him some more when you realized just how infatuated he still was with you.

despite your insurmountable insecurities about having a baby and how you'd look after giving birth, seth never once seemed to see you as anything other than gorgeous.

he didn't miss a beat before he was responding to you, "i love you too," he reassured, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips, "so much," he added after a moment, pulling his lips from yours so he could rest his forehead against your own.

you could hardly contain the smile on your face, only breaking your moment when you heard a familiar cooing from your baby as she woke herself up.

"oh hi sweetpea," seth whispered when he saw her brown eyes looking up at his. despite her having most of your features, she did end up with her dad's eyes - something you and seth couldn't seem to get enough of.

you smiled at seth's nickname for your daughter, resting your head against his shoulder as she reached her tiny little fingers up until she was able to wrap her hand around seth's ring finger.

"hi sweet girl," you whispered, letting out a happy sigh of content when she reached her other hand out to grab your finger as well, clearly loving having both of her parents so close to her.

#seth clearwater #seth clearwater imagine #seth clearwater x reader #seth clearwater fluff #seth clearwater blurb #twilight #the twilight saga #twilight imagine #twilight fluff #imagine #blurb #fluff

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