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#What am i? a roach??

What do you call it when you see a roach crawling on some stuff so you kill it then you aren’t able go go to sleep cause there might be more and you are terrified of roaches crawling on you and God forbid getting in your mouth or nose or something and you really really can’t sleep bc you’re so worried abt it and what if and then you see a bug on your pillow and you don’t know what it is so you kill it then panic bc you don’t know what it is and it could be poisonous and there could be more of it so now you can’t sleep bc you saw a roach and a bug (both of them now dead) and you’re too worried that there might be more or what if there’s a snake or something? you never know. plz I just want to go to sleep but I can’t 

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there is something so holy about type on a

hallowed phone screen, dimly lit, late at night.
i sit and wait for pretty thoughts. my

mind brings up pictures of waterbugs, as
it often does when i close my eyes. sometimes,

i dream that they are crawling all over me. when i
wake, i must turn on the lights and check under the blankets
to make sure i am truly alone. i have learned to fall asleep

with one eye open. i don’t quite know how to catch

the hollow feeling inside of me. waterbugs are slow
in my dreams but they’ll dart across the room in

real life faster than a snail on crack.

what will you do when you move out of here,
my mom asks me, in that typical judge-y way

of hers. i don’t know, probably die, i reply, and
continue to play with the switch of the lighter.

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