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#Which is sad bc I love cycling
oatbugs · 1 year
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the way my heart sank . lol
#tried to get on a call to study w my gf bc weve both been avoiding stuff we Have to do and its been making us anxious#but esp her bc shes been in this cycle for a while and shes struggling w it a lot . and i love her and i want the best for her#and all my friends r like u should push each other to do better even if its uncomfortable somewhat and i agree#so we were like. yh lets do stuff / get on our work tmrw even tho its anxiety-inducing etc...and then we got on a call#and this is the most like. bored/displeased ive ever heard her sound like she seemed extremely disinterested and even mildly irritated#and it honestly shocked me ??? so i ended the call bc i need to do work and it was making me sad#and im trying to listen to words more than tone but it was so extreme and such a sudden change that it literally wasnt good for me . im so#confused rn . like ik facing tasks youve been avoiding for months causes anxiety ik theres like a mental block around it that makes u not#want to deal w it or become irritated at ppl who suggest that you should#but omg?? it was so weird and like. when i said she was making me sad so i wanted to end the call she was like. ok 😐#which is a fair response ig but shes never responded to me that way b4...like what is this what is happening...#i want smn who encourages me to move forward and who appreciated that i want them to do the same#instead of staying stagnant and anxious for months. i talked abt this before on here and everyone collectively was like Be More Patient and#work through it w her etc etc (my friends said the exact opposite tho) and i have been Trying To but its making me feel actively . bad.#like. im Afraid.#to bring it up . and then when i finally did say yh lets do smth lets get thru this tgth she just shut down on me somehow#idk what else i can do#i will talk to her abt it later i just need to work rn. i had to get this out of my system first.#shes so sweet and wonderful and supportive usually. but when it comes to thsi topic. im rly shocked idk#i knew she felt bad abt it but i thought she agreed to move through it w me and i didnt expect her to direct it at me#like whatever i said shed give me the coldest ok 😐. like. again nothing inherently wrong w that but when contrasted w#the way she talks to me usually there IS smth wrong it . its jarring and uncomfortable and made me rly upset bc it felt like she was mad at#me for trying to help . idk#UGH whatever ill talk 2 her later i have to do this lecture itll help distract me
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kinky-asexual · 3 months
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*lays on the floor*
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matchandelure · 1 year
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fhjmsdfhjglks feeling kind of frustrated at a lot of things
#sometiems i feel that maybe i set goals that are too ambitious#good grades in classes. internship prep. learning how to be independant and do adult stuff in general#working out regularly eating balanced meals getting enough sleep every night taking care of skin. overlall physical wellbeing#while also trying to make time for hobbies especially art...#ive been sucked into a rather strong loop of comparison.. bc i recentl ylooked through my old art when i went back home#and im so sad at how little ive improved. and i know that everyone learns and imrpoves at different rates#and i have more important things to focus on such as completeing this degree completely unrelated to art#but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :((#but everyday this past almost two terms of school. i never finish the work i need to before i go to sleep#everytime i do finish everything its time to repeat the whole cycle all over again#and whne i do get time to draw im so tired that all i can amnage are some scribbles..which means my technical skills arent improving atall#bc i dont have the energy to study even ifi its something i love#which iguess ispart terrible self discipline which i need to work on but sometimes i just wnat to shut my brain off and doodle mindlessly#bc i dislike my program :((( eww math ewwwww compsci#and i want a distraction from it whenever possible because if i have to calculate the eigenspace corresponding to an eigenvalue of a matrix#one more time i am going to cry#im tired gnight#willows rambling branch
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Month 3, day 7, got the nose done and since the guide helped a ton with that (and fixing some weirdness in the eyebrows), I'm gonna try animating the eyes and mouth at the same time and see if I can get them to agree with me. If they don't, it's no big deal; I'll just go back to animating one facial feature at a time :)
#the great artscapade of 2023#art#my art#my animation#walk cycle#oc: mizu#I've only gone one day not playing Forspoken and already I miss having Frey and Cuff being snarky assholes at each other ):#I'll have time to play tomorrow (in theory) but I miss them anyway ):#I should hurry up and beat the game so I can go lurking in the subreddit and other places with Forspoken love and appreciation#I need to beat it first so I don't accidentally spoiler myself again#because if I understood that one spoiler right I'm sad I won't get the full impact of the reveal scene#but I'm really hoping I misinterpreted the spoiler and can still be fully surprised#bc it was just a picture and a name#unfortunately there were enough context clues I'm pretty sure the conclusion I came to with that one glance is the correct conclusion#which makes me sad because that would have been one hell of a plot twist to get blindsided by#as it is I'm looking for clues and foreshadowing and man oh man let me tell you#if I'm not wrong and I read the context clues right and I'm not misinterpreting everything the game goes BONKERS with the obfuscation#because I can see the spoiler coming if it's actually what's going to happen but it's the kind of ''I can see it coming'' where it's like#I'm watching the shadow of an invisible hawk dive-bombing me from my blind spot#plus I'm actually like this close to writing fix-it fic for how I expect the reveal to play out just for some catharsis about it XD#but I don't actually know! and that's really the worst thing about spoilers! it's not knowing what happens that makes spoilers suck#it's knowing what's going to happen but not knowing what leads up to it and driving myself frantic looking for the foreshadowing!
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gilgit-baltistan · 2 years
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@broken-balance-baby THANKS FOR TAGGING ME IN
wip wednesday friday 😫
BESTIE!!!! since you've been my no1 hype man for the rajay angst fic BABXBNAJ here's rabi being Horny as FUCK On Main during the flashback-y scenes 😭😭😭😭 this was ridiculously fun to write i will not lie
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boyczar · 11 months
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#so much clarity it’s crazy#everything is making sense now i honestly just feel sad#what can you do when you see that someone you care about desperately needs help but they can’t see it?#especially when they push you away for acknowledging that they might have any faults at all#i wish i could find a way to say all these things that i’ve come to realize with the guarantee of not hurting anyone’s feelings#but what can you do when people aren’t able to be receptive to the truth bc it cracks their concept of reality#or threatens their view of themselves ?#i can understand how hard it is to have someone hold up a metaphorical mirror up to your face and force you to look#and not just look but SEE how you really are#and it doesn’t mean that they hate you#and i know that can be hard to understand too#but i’ve been forced to confront a lot of awful aspects of myself bc of the circumstances i just happened to go through#which sucked and i hated it when i was going through it but now i’m so thankful for it#i still have A LOT to work on that i really want to change#but i’m glad that i have the framework and receptivity to accept my faults and correct them over time#i know that i can’t make anyone feel the same#i can’t force people to take criticism and understand that there’s still love & care behind it but i wish i could#i feel like i’m watching so much self destruction & such a strong cycle of dysfunction wreck the lives of those i care about#i feel helpless & i hate it. i wish i could offer my insight with sincerity & know that it won’t be taken the wrong way#i have no condescension or arrogance in my corner just a lot of concern & anxiety about what will unfold#and what has already unfolded right under my nose? why wasn’t i braver sooner? why couldn’t i recognize all the pain & dysfuntion ?#i feel guilty that i didn’t try to help before it was too late#& here i am now excommunicated from anyone who used to care about me#which i understand is also part of the plan#how much worse is this all going to get before something good erupts from it?#& it’s something that i know will happen#if it doesn’t that means i’ve failed & i don’t know how many lives would be ruined because of it#ugh#back to my research to figure this shit out further#mine
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rvfecamerons · 1 month
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》 THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS — rafe cameron x reader
word count — 4.5k+
warnings — MDNI; dark!rafe, NONCON, abusive relationship, domestic violence + mentions of, mentions of attempted murder, swearing, gaslighting/manipulation, ngl it’s dark and sad :( lmk if i’m missing anything!!
summary — valentine’s day goes surprisingly well with rafe, but at what cost?
a/n — happy valentine’s day lovelies 💕💕 enjoy rafe ruining our day bc it’s all i’ve been able to think about!!! <3 also i’m gonna keep the regular font for the first time (i think) on a full length fic so lmk if u absolutely hate it or whatever 😫
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You could vaguely remember a time when you used to genuinely look forward to Valentine’s Day, but that wasn’t the case anymore; hadn’t been for awhile. It just seemed like a day where the normal, romantic couples rubbed their healthy, committed relationships in your bruised and battered face.
Seeing girls gush over their boyfriends on Instagram; seeing the extravagant ways their men would go all out for them without even being asked or prompted, only made you realize how far gone your own relationship had become.
Rafe would berate you, hit you, hurt you physically; yet everytime he did something wrong, you were somehow the one who ended up apologizing to and comforting him, begging him to stay. Empty promises of straightening up his act and treating you better kept you hopeful, stringing you along; but Rafe went back on them every single time. The fact that you still longed for Rafe when he was away, still wanted nothing more than to be under him and to gain his approval when he was mad at you for something, made you feel so…worthless. You hated the lack of respect you had for yourself to let the cycle continue, which was all it ever did.
Rafe’s violent tendencies had only been on an upward trend recently, and while most of the threats he spoke of were just talk, you started seriously fearing for your life the last time he lashed out on you physically.
You tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to feel Rafe’s hands still wrapped around your throat when you tried to take a breath. It was even harder not to see his facial features, contorted into that terrifying look you’d never seen before, each time you closed your eyes. Rafe choked you, to the point where you almost blacked out, during a blackout rage of his own.
It was something he’d never done before, and it rendered you too dazed and weak to fight back in the moment. That’s when Rafe started kicking at your ribs and back repeatedly; screaming insults and profanities and threats against your life, all while you laid curled into a ball on the floor.
You slept with one eye open that night, for the hour or so of sleep you actually managed to get. You were up writhing in pain for the most part, then had to spend the entire day recovering in your bed the next morning, and the subsequent days that followed.
It gave you a lot of time to truly assess the severity of the situation you were in.
You used to wonder why people stayed with abusive partners, until Rafe came along. The teather he kept around you was wound so many times around his wrist, you hardly had any freedoms of your own. Your brain knew he was no good for you, but your heart continuously tried to convince you there was reason to stay; that you could eventually pull the same loving, tender side from Rafe that you knew when you first started dating.
But he continued to prove time and time again just how untrue your heart’s claims could be.
The truth was, you did want to leave. But Rafe made your exit so small, you could hardly even find it.
A week had passed since that violent altercation, yet it was still fresh in your mind. Thankfully, you’d healed up enough just in time for Valentine’s Day, thanks in part to Rafe being uncharacteristically kind and attentive. He’d been close to your side ever since the night you were working to suppress from your memory, tending to anything you needed - finding the best pain medicines, fetching whatever food you wanted, sitting with you, talking and having real conversations with you - all things that would be expected of a normal boyfriend, which Rafe Cameron was anything but…
Or so you thought.
For the past week, Rafe had been reminding you a lot of the Rafe you met, the one you fell in love with in the first place. That Rafe would’ve never done anything to hurt you.
As you sat on the mend from the new version you’d come to know, you started to think there might actually be a chance to keep this Rafe around; especially with the way he’d been talking lately.
He’d apologized for his actions that night, an actual, sincere apology; spewing on about how he knew things hadn’t been good between the two of you for some time, but he wanted to be better, and he would make everything up to you today.
Rafe started the day out sweeter than he’d ever been towards you in a long, long time.
This change in demeanor continued throughout the whole holiday, Rafe showering you in kisses and small gifts, which he told you would all lead up to your big gift at the dinner he planned to treat you to tonight.
Along with the sweet gestures came a series of even sweeter words, ones that meant more to you than any monetary or tangible gift. Rafe promised to put a better foot forward in your relationship.
The fact that he recognized his wrongdoings only planted more seeds of hope within you, that he really did have plans to change. It comforted you in a way, the fact that Rafe was willing to admit the harrowing truth out loud.
…Which is why you felt so terribly conflicted.
You hadn’t spoken a word to anyone - not that there was really anyone to speak to, since your boyfriend had already successfully isolated you from your friends and most of your family quite some time ago - but your mind had started venturing off to thoughts of a possible life without Rafe.
Despite the 180 in his demeanor, you couldn’t forget the way it felt to be within inches of losing your life, especially at the cruel hands of someone you had nothing but love for.
It was hard to fathom, and even harder to picture a version of you that wasn’t a subsequent extention of the oldest Cameron.
Especially on one of his good days like today, which were typically few and far between. 
He’d been the perfect textbook boyfriend since the sun rose, all you could ever ask for… all you’d been asking for. At some point though, you became hyperaware that this could potentially be your last Valentine’s Day with Rafe.
You wanted better for yourself; you didn’t want to live in fear for your life, and you knew you’d never be able to shake the worry that Rafe might do something like that again.
…But he was catering to your every liking so well, and the dinner he reserved for the two of you only made you feel even more conflicted.
It was straight out of your dreams from start to finish, and Rafe’s big gift to you was a complete 6 piece jewelry collection, real gold, the most expensive money could buy. It hit you even harder, because encapsulated in the necklace was the very first picture the two of you had ever taken together. It brought tears to your eyes right there at the dinner table, and Rafe held your hand across the wooden surface as you admired the gift. Again, it gave you hope that Rafe really did want to change.
And that’s what he wanted you to think.
He’d been playing his cards right, that’s for sure.
While you took everything as an apology for that night, and for his overall abusive behavior towards you, in Rafe’s eyes, it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s his job to do the corny, romantic, if not insincere gestures.
Of course he felt bad after seeing how long you were forced to recover in bed after he lashed out on you, and he surely gave you plenty of time and help for your recovery.
But all he could focus on today, all he could seem to think about was how you were planning on thanking him at the end of the night.
That was the girlfriend’s job on Valentine’s Day, he decided.
Rafe had no doubts in his mind that you would try to come onto him once he got you home, too enamored with your gifts and impressed with your boyfriend’s efforts not to.
So when the two of you got home and got settled for the night, changing into your pajamas and crawling into bed, and you laid next to him and started kissing him, Rafe got excited. He was more than ready to let you take the reigns for once, to make him feel good after he made you feel so good all day.
…So imagine his complete and utter surprise when you pulled away from his lips and he thought for sure you were repositioning yourself to straddle him…only for you to smile and bid him a sincere ‘goodnight’, voicing your love for him before rolling over, and facing the other way.
Almost like you were…going to sleep.
Were you seriously going to just go to sleep and let him stay up with his erection after the night he just treated you to? Let all of his hard work just go to waste?
You were, he realized when you settled into the mattress further, letting out a long sigh and curling into the blanket.
…But you didn’t feel the other side of the bed move at all, and that was your first sign that something was wrong.
The scoff that rang out behind you was your second sign, followed by Rafe’s snarky voice.
“…Seriously? That’s it?”
You tensed up, already hearing the side of your boyfriend you dreaded coming through his tone…and you knew immediately what he was getting at.
Rafe waited for your reaction, and a sarcastic laugh followed seconds later when you didn’t give him one.
Maybe if you just pretended to fall asleep, he would leave you alone…
You couldn’t see it, but Rafe’s eyes never left you from the moment you turned over.
He shook his head; he was already hard, so Rafe was even more pissed, and his voice was laced with disappointment as he muttered, “Unbelievable.”
His hard gaze was waiting for you when you did finally turn back to face him, a scowl fixed his direction as you narrowed your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” you started sarcastically, propping yourself up on your elbows.
“Do I need to remind you what that dinner was even for?”
Rafe waved you off mid-sentence, settling down into the bed and starting to pull the covers up when you sat up and grabbed them, yanking the material from his grip.
Rafe rolled his eyes and ran his hands over his face a couple of times, “you’re still on that?”
He scoffed, sitting up now too and throwing the covers back even further before standing from the bed as he let out a sarcastic laugh.
“God, are you fucking stupid?” He questioned, turning back around to face you with a hand on his hip. “That dinner was not an apology.”
You could only stare at your boyfriend in disbelief.
“You just gonna take every good thing I do for you as some sort of-of admission of guilt?” Again, he laughed. It had such a bitter ring to it, you physically flinched.
“That was me doing the shit a boyfriend is supposed to do for his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. Sue me I guess, for expecting you to fulfill some of your girlfriend duties for once.”
That comment got you going.
If anyone had been a dutiful partner throughout the entirety of the relationship, it was without a doubt not Rafe. You stayed by his side, aiding and abetting in all of his crimes against you from the start, never breathing a word to anyone else about the trials he put you through.
You sprang to your feet too, both of you now standing on opposite sides of the bed.
You waved an accusatory finger Rafe’s direction as the two of you began going at it, screaming over each other. Neither of you really gave much thought to what the other person was saying, only focused on getting your own points across.
When Rafe made another comment about today being nothing but a mere routine for him and his girlfriend, you could no longer put a filter on your feelings.
“Well maybe I don’t wanna be your girlfriend anymore!”
You blurted out the thought before you really had time to mull it over. Rafe tended to pull the impulsive side out of you, especially during arguments.
The admission had the both of you falling incredibly quiet, so much so, you could surely hear a pin drop.
And honestly, the silence elicited more fear within you than the screaming match did. It was easy to tell what Rafe was feeling when he was making it known verbally with a raised voice, but the man was almost impossible to read when he fell silent.
Rafe’s icy blue gaze was unmoving as he stared at you, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him either. You felt like it would be the least smart thing to do, and studying Rafe’s face, he almost seemed to be taken aback by such a confession.
Was it really that shocking though, especially given the fact that not even a day ago he’d admitted things hadn’t been going well between the two of you lately?
The warning signs of his anger began to show, and the nervous shuffling of your feet on the carpet was the next sound to fill the air.
Rafe’s muscles flexed in the confines of his shirt as his hands balled into fists at his sides; his chest began to rise and fall at a gradually quicker pace now.
When his head tilted to the side, you swallowed hard.
“…The fuck did you just say?”
The harsh bite behind his tone made you flinch. Something was instantly screaming at you to create more space between the two of you; an inner voice you’d grown accustomed to hearing from throughout your turmultuous relationship with Rafe. Instinctively, you found yourself taking a cautious step backwards.
It was immediately matched by an even longer stride forward on Rafe’s part.
Another step was only followed by the same outcome. This repeated over a series of seconds until you finally felt your back brush against the wall; Rafe having effectively cornered you there.
Though it was a compromising position you’d found yourself in time and time again with Rafe, your body’s response to him practically corralling you into a confined space never got any better. Your blood always felt hot, heating your skin when Rafe got this close to you in one of his moods. Your mouth always went dry, your head always began to reel with things you could say or do to try to get him to ease off of you, and nine times out of ten, it was to no avail.
Fight or flight mode had kicked in, yet you couldn’t will your feet to move as Rafe glared down his nose at you, nostrils flaring with each breath he took. Part of you tried to tell yourself that he wouldn’t hurt you again, not after the week you’d shared together.
But the second Rafe drew his hand back, you squeezed your eyes shut and clenched your teeth together, bracing for the impact. It followed swiftly, the back of Rafe’s strong hand colliding with the side of your face with such force, you felt like all the wind had been knocked out of you.
Your head whipped to the side, and bringing your hand to your cheek’s aid only seemed to intensify the stinging sensation blooming there. Red welts were sure to follow suit. You stayed cowered down in front of Rafe, body turned to the side as you felt hot tears surface and spill over.
When the ringing in your ears began to settle, Rafe’s breathing could be heard again, heavier now than it had been before.
Only a few moments were offered to recollect your composure before a set of rough fingers curled in around one of your wrists, snatching it and yanking you upright.
“Care to repeat that?” The snarkiness behind his words only disappointed you more, on today of all days.
Your tearful gaze was greeted by a much harder, more serious one when you craned your neck up.
You were in disbelief as you stared up at your boyfriend, and eventually, you shook your head.
“You know, I can’t believe, that for a second,” your voice was weak, words choppy as you struggled to speak over the painful lump in your throat. Rafe’s grip on your wrist seemed to tighten in warning, but you paid it no mind as you continued.
“…for one second I thought, maybe things could be like they used to be for us…”
More tears fell, but you tried your best to stand your ground.
“But I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
That seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Rafe’s entire demeanor switched instantly. 
You saw his jaw tick once, twice, three times before he suddenly snatched your hair in an unforgiving grip, and you cried out as you were dragged backwards, legs tangling and feet tripping over each other. You hardly had time to register what was happening before Rafe roughly slung you around onto the bed. He was so careless with his actions, overestimating his strength and slinging you so hard that your head ended up hitting the headboard.
You let out a scream upon impact, but your pain was only met with a dark laugh from Rafe; though you struggled to pinpoint what exactly could be humorous about this whole situation. You supposed the only joke was you thinking your boyfriend could actually redeem himself; and thinking all of the things he said and did for you in the past week were actually genuine.
When the haughty laughter finally settled, you were trying to inch yourself backwards on the bed by your elbows, but Rafe was quick to grab your ankles and pull you back down, forcing you to lay in front of him as he stood at the foot of the bed.
He didn’t look like the same person now that you’d spend such a rare good day with, but instead the one you’d seen a week ago; the one you saw every time Rafe put his hands on you, or forced himself on you.
You watched his large hands go for his belt, and your protests were immediate.
“No,” you choked out, shaking your head through your tears and attempting to draw your legs up away from him again, “no, please-,”
You didn’t even see his hand leave his waistline, it was just suddenly rearing back again, and you were cut off by another stinging slap to the face.
“Shut up,” Rafe spat, pulling at your legs and straightening them back out again, “and stop fucking moving.”
You fought hard against him even as your head spun; pushing at his hard chest each time he tried to lean down over you; flailing your legs around, hoping to get a knee inbetween his own if you were lucky.
But your luck ran out when you crossed paths with Rafe Cameron in the first place. He easily overpowered you, eventually wedging his way inbetween your legs as they dangled off the edge of the bed. This new position kept you from being able to use your legs to defend yourself, and your arms were next. Rafe was able to pin both of the limbs above your head with just a single hand around your wrists, the other working to free his erection from his pants.
You heard the sound of his belt buckle unfastening, heard the expensive khaki fabric fall and pool at his ankles, yet your brain was in denial that was this even happening. Today had taken such a horrible turn, a total contrast to the tune your boyfriend had played earlier. 
But Rafe had planned on this from the start; the only difference was, he had to work a little harder to make it happen now.
Once his own pants were taken care of, the only thing separating Rafe from having his way with you was your silk pajama shorts. He worked on those next, grip only tightening on your wrists when you stirred around as he began pawing at the thin material. You were unable to close your legs in the position you were in, so Rafe had to physically rip the shorts from your body.
Your words and pleads weren’t enough to deter him, tears weren’t enough either, so you resigned to admitting defeat, trying to relax your muscles now in preparation for what Rafe made clear was coming.
He must’ve felt your muscles untense, breathing out a low, “mhmm, there you go. Relax. It’s gonna happen either way, sweetheart.”
The pet name made you cringe, especially given the circumstances.
He let out a scoff as he rubbed his leaking tip against your entrance, lubricating your otherwise dry folds.
“Talkin’ about, you don’t know who I am anymore,” Rafe muttered more so to himself, almost so low that you couldn’t even hear it over your own whimpers and cries.
He was louder when he spoke again though, “You wanna see who I am?”
The skin of your wrists stung, now red  and twisted as Rafe’s fingers curled impossibly tighter around them. When you only cried out in response, he taunted, “huh?”
His tip was suddenly inside of you, and the stretch from that alone had you wincing.
“…This is who I am baby.”
That was all Rafe said before he thrusted into you, completely filling you to the brim on the very first go.
It was only once he was inside of you that he finally let go of your wrists, but you were now too focused on the searing pain between your legs to try to fight back. Your arms curled in slowly, and Rafe repositioned himself, planting a knee on either side of the mattress to get a better angle. When he found it, he ran with it, pounding into you mercilessly.
Each time you tried to close your eyes or turn your head, Rafe was there; a hand on your jaw squeezing tight enough to bruise, serving to keep your eyes on him.
You couldn’t bring yourself to respond emotionally, but your body reacted to his unwanted touch. You felt betrayed by your own self when you felt your walls grow slicker, allowing Rafe to turn up the intensity.
A particularly harsh thrust had you letting out a scream that lacked any real sustanence. Rafe’s hand slapped over your mouth anyway, and he couldn’t help but stiffle a laugh as the action got him thinking.
“You know…” His own voice was strained, speaking through panted breaths as he continued rutting into you. One hand kept your hip pinned to the bed while the other dropped from your jaw, down your throat.
“You coulda had a nice dinner…woulda had you screaming; made you come so many times. Woulda been the best sleep of your life.”
You brought your own hands to his arm, nails digging into the skin as his hand clamped further around your throat, now starting to restrict your airways.
He leaned down, his body weight serving to pin you even further into the mattress as his face got dangerously close to your own. His lips brushed against yours, almost in a teasing manner, like he wanted to kiss you but wouldn’t. His eyes were almost…lustful as they bored into you, until suddenly, that gleam was lost, and Rafe’s face dropped.
“But now I don’t give a fuck if you come or not.”
He trailed his lips around to the side of your face, nibbling at the flesh of your lobe before seething directly in your ear, “…but don’t worry baby, m’gonna make you scream no matter what.”
With that, Rafe straightened himself back out and used his hold on you to fuck you deeper into the mattress, the tip of his cock hitting places inside of you that you were sure had never been explored before. The pain was all too much to bare, but your clear discomfort and suffering didn’t amuse him. If anything, it only egged him on even more.
His eyes all but rolled back in his head as the high he was chasing began to feel more and more tanglible. The tenseness of your muscles had you involuntarily squeezing the life out of his own muscle, a feeling so euphoric for Rafe. It paired with the warm slickness you’d produced, both adding to his arousal and making his assault much easier.
His climax was approaching fast now, and Rafe moved a hand from your hip to your stomach, pressing down and revelling in the way his tip could be felt prodding at his palm. His other hand tightened around your throat, no mind paid to the strain already evident on your face. Stars had just started to overtake your vision when a series of grunts and groans, whimpers even filled the air. Rafe spilled his seed inside of you, emptying load after load and adding to the stickiness of your tight walls. He admired the warmness of your cunt, keeping his cock lodged inside even after he finished. Rafe worked to catch his breath as he relinquished his grip on your throat, using the hand to prop himself up and eventually unsheathing himself once he felt satisfied.
As his hips retreated and his cock was pulled from your folds, Rafe mumbled out a quick, “happy fucking Valentine’s Day.”
The sudden emptiness between your legs was uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the emptiness you felt in your heart. 
You felt absolutely defeated as your mind slowly unfogged, and the severity of the situation began to wash over you. The whole time you thought your boyfriend was working to redeem himself, he was actually just trying to set himself up to score at the end of the night. You already hadn’t been intimate in awhile due to Rafe’s behavior and antics, and you never foresaw the night taking such a horrendous turn.
You curled in on yourself, bringing your legs to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. You laid on your side; the silk top hanging loosely from your shoulders was the only piece of clothing you had on.
Shivers wracked your body, and you couldn’t stop the tears from turning into full on sobs into the duvet.
Rafe had been fetching a towel from the bathroom, only bothering to clean himself up before he was back at the foot of the bed. You hadn’t moved an inch the entire time he was in there, and just one look at you lying on the bed crying had the kook rolling his eyes at your dramatics.
“Oh for God’s sake, calm down.” He slapped at the back of your thigh once, and your body jolted slightly.
“Get ahold of yourself and stop pretending like this isn’t your fault. Threatening to break up with me? On Valentine’s Day? I mean, Jesus Christ.”
When you still made no efforts to move or even acknowledge him at all, Rafe sighed and grabbed your arm, pulling you up with less force than he’d exerted earlier. He gave you no choice but to face him, but looking into his eyes only brought on more tears. His hand moved to cup your jaw, again much less rough this time. He shook your face slightly in his hand as he lowered himself down to your eye level, fixing you with a faux pout.
“How’s that for a Happy Valentine’s Day?”
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iiiiiiis-things · 9 months
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Period HC's with the Spiderverse
paring: (separate) earth42!miles morales, earth1610!miles morales, gwen stacy, pavitr parbhakar, miguel o'hara x femblack!reader
cw: period/vagina
blurb: what they're like when you're on your period
a/n: y'all i'm going through it rn. also this is what i used to translate my spanish
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earth 42 miles morales
now despite his cold demeanor he would literally be so god damn sweet while on your cycle
well- as sweet as he can be
you didn't even tell him, he found out bc you was getting out of line with him
"Aye Mami me pasa mi bolso" his face contorts in confusion as you suck yo teeth "damn i gotta do everything for you ? what's next you want me to change your fucking diaper?"
immediately notices
"you on yo period?"
you flabbergasted mouth gaped wide open
he already knows about everything cs yk his mom.. since his dad... nvm
does anything you want
tells uncle aaron that any plans for the following days of the week had to be canceled
literally with you 24/7
he doesn't even goes to the store to go get snacks
mf uses go puff
"miles you need to go home" you speak laying on his chest as you were slowly but surely drifting off to sleep "Ya le envié un mensaje de texto a mi mamá que no voy a ninguna parte"
wake up the next day to breakfast in bed
y'all bfrl we kno damn well he can't cook 💀
he ordered dennys while you was still sleep and js fixed it up on a plate to make it LOOK like he did 😭
whenever you lash out at him and get to throwing shi he js let's you
"i swear to god you got me fucked up!" you throw the remote at him as he moves to the right dodge it.
overall is js a big cuddle bug and servant for you to use <3
miles morales 1610
is literally clueless
you've been acting weird and being bipolar asf the past three days
breaking point was when you got extra mat at him for accidentally knocking over a vase (that he caught so it didn't break) when he snuck in your room window
"is everything ok? ¿Tuviste un mal día?"
boy wants to cry when you tell him to leave
"bro, just leave me alone i'm not in the mood right now" freezes at the word bro
"ok i'll swing by tomorrow?" he looks back at you out trying to see if you'll change your mind "mhm yeah later"
is so sad bc you didn't even say you love him ☹️
when he walks in the front door of his house mama rio IMMEDIATELY senses something is wrong with her son
stops whatever tf she was doing main concern being miles
"miles baby what's wrong ?" he lets out a sigh "i think y/n is mad at me" then proceeds to explain the situation
rio then explains wdf is happening
miles feels SO bad for not knowing 😭
is at your house the next day with a shit load of chocolate, a pack or two of gatorade, and some extra strength tylenol
he then tells you what his mom recommended (like what to drink and which medication works the best)
gets scared and lowkey flinches when you get cramps 💀
(you see him do it but he tries to plays it off)
is cuddling with you all the time
you play a prank on him while sending him into the drugstore to go ask for a period product that doesn't exist-
THE HORROR ON HIS FACE 😭
jeff being concerned on why their child hasn't been home for the past 4 days (dw rio explains)
gwen stacy
at first doesn't really get why your attitude is bigger than normal
but after the second day immediately understands
"it's your t.o.m (time of month) huh ?" you look slightly embarrassed "yeah..."
WILL go to the store to get you whatever you need
y'all share heat pads no one can change my mind 🙄✋🏾
y'all have talks over which pads and tampons are the best
y'all debate over pads the only agreement being that wings are better
but the both of y'all agree that tampax is on top 💪🏾
she would always be over at your house because she uses you as an excuse to get away from her dad :(
if y'all ever got it around the same time all HELL would break loose 😭
both of yall would be just straight up mad with eachother
"what do you want to eat?" she looks over at you as y'all walking to the mall food court "oh anything's fine"
walks over towards the chic-fil-a section "oh wait i don't want chicken, how about taco bell?"
mf groans and roll her eyes "i want chic-fil-a, u said anything was fine!"
"well maybe i changed my mind! if you wanted something specific why would you ask me?!" people start to stare as the heat of the argument rises
yall eventually settle for smoothies from jamba juice
she's more cuddly than usual which is completely fine
you make jokes about being blood sisters 💀
she does not find them funny.
pavitr parabhakar
you avoid him like the plague
why? because you do not want to lash out at your sweet, sweet , baby boy for no reason 😭
pav is like so confused
thinks he did something wrong ☹️
"hi y/n!" your walking to class as you hear someone calling you from down the hall obviously recognizing the voice of your boyfriend you walk faster so he couldn't catch up to you in the crowded hallway
"y/n??" stands there like 🧍🏽‍♂️
he thinks you didn't hear him and is probably just trying to get to class early to turn in late homework or something
but later when you two are supposed to meet up for chai after school (like always) and you don't show up he knows your avoiding him
baby is SO SADDD 😭
the next day he finally catches up with you as you walk into the school building and asks you straight up "are you avoiding me?"
you began to feel like the absolute worst gf ever as you see the worry in his eyes "no baby, i just- i mean-" he slightly bends his back leaning to get eye level with you "is there someone else?"
your heart sinks to your ass 😭
"what no pavi swear!" "then why are you avoiding me?" you sigh, giving in and explain what's been going on
"oh" he then stands up straight you began to feel he's about to be disgusted about you bleeding from your literal vagina until he wraps his arm around your shoulder and drags you into the school building
"babe i'm gonna be honest with you, i really don't care you could've just told me"
walks you to class as if nothing's happened
best.boyfriend.ever
i feel like his spider sense would kind help him see your ina bad mood idk
pepper kisses on your face
but once he sees you cramping it's over with
he's gonna cuddle you and not let you go (you have to force him off of you when you have to use the restroom)
asks auntie maya about it and she tell him everything you need, how you might react, and how he needs to watch everything he does to not make you upset
doesn't hesitate to buy pads if you need em
is constantly by your side
he👏🏾is👏🏾your👏🏾personal👏🏾heat👏🏾pad
whenever you get angry or upset he immediately apologizes and blames himself bc he thinks that if ur upset than he obviously did something wrong.
he def runs you hot baths with epson salt
ends up getting a period tracker app on his phone to keep up-
y'all were watching moana and he was trying his hardest not to laugh. 😭
why? because you started crying when maui left moana all on her own 🙍🏾‍♀️
and cried harder when he came back-
y'all i feel like i went a lil overboard wit this one 😭
hobie brown
this mf here
he will literally be the worst person to be around
idk how bt he knew it was coming before YOU knew it was coming
like y'all could be chilling on his couch and out of nowhere he goes
"you're getting a visit from aunt flow (i googled this) tomorrow you know that right?"
you being confused bc "who da fuck is aunt flo.... wait-"
hobie will never tell how he knows when it's coming but hey at least he reminds you 🤷🏾‍♀️
literally loves to piss you off
he likes seeing you all riled up
it's just something about the way you scream and throw shit at him for leaving the tv on all night
kinda like miles(42)- instead when you throw shit he catches it
smug the entire time.
the amount of teasing is crazy
"do you think you'll get pregnant if we-" "no" 🙎🏾‍♀️
he isn't a complete asshole
eventually throughout all of the teasing he does whatever you want him to do
when your cramping he helps by rubbing his hand on your lower tummy in circles
he does buy steal you candy from the store
if your craving anything he will most def go get it for you and if you wanna cuddle he would
he'll obviously kno that you want to but makes you asks bc he like that 🤷🏾‍♀️
"you alright?" hobie asks leaning in the door way of his bedroom as he watches you hug your stomach on his bed "could you help?"
"sure luv what do you need?" like bitch-
if you need him to go get you more this mf WILL ask you what size your vagina is 😭 (weirdo)
OMG NO BC RMB THAT ONE BAYMAX SCENE WHEN HE WAS GETTING THAT GURL PADS ?! 😭
he stands in the drugstore on the isle with the women necessities (after getting your size) while a middle age woman sides eye him as she slowly reaches for her preferred option
(the lady is confused on why there's a tall ass, guitar playing, punk, holding a box of literal diva cups in his hand 💀)
he eventually gives up and asks the lady if the ones in her hand are any good
let's just say he walks out the store with 4 months supply of period products
overall he's an asshole.. but he's your asshole 😫🤞🏾
miguel o'hara
now he's a little older so he isn't dumb
but he isn't the smartest either
a lot of people say miguel is sweet... no he's not
like bffr we see how SASSY this mf is in the movie 👏🏾😭
i feel like this mf would argue you down whenever your in a bad mood
"get the fuck out my way!" you scream at one of the peters as they bump into you knocking your food out your hand "damn what crawled up your ass and died"
you turn around to see nun other than your boyfriend
"you apparently, do you ever take a day off" his eyebrow raises a little "and leave you idiots running this place?" you roll your eyes as you walk over to grab a duplicate of what you just dropped
miguel notices how your more snappy at him, in fact you've been snappy the past couple days
"hey what's up with you?" he asks, yeah you guys bicker but it's usually playful flirting
"i don't kno, how would you feel if you were bleeding from your vagina?"
he finally gets it
later at home he walks in with a walmart bag of candy, a new fluffy blanket, and a gift card that has "im sorry" written on the front
he would stop picking with you knowing your attitude can go from 0-100 rq
like i mention with hobie and miles(42) i feel like he would just listen as you yell and throw shit at him
but because of his huge size he just sits there unfazed as you throw a literal flashlight at him (where you found it? no one knows.)
he would only cuddle with you at night saying "it's the only way i can sleep" when you know he just wants you to feel better
yes i got impatient with hobie and miguel.
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fairyhaos · 10 months
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how seventeen deal with your period cramps
requested by anon: "Would it be ok for you to write : How would Seventeen react and help with bad period cramps ? (I am currently on my period and its killing me... I can barely stay up, cramps are hurting as hell, I have nausea, hell I feel the worst...)"
notes: tw for menstruation pain, reader therefore has a uterus
masterlist
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seungcheol:
tbh he's kinda a little bit Clueless, but he tries his best. cannot fathom the amount of pain you're in, but he does his research and immediately jumps up to boil water for a hot water bottle the second you tell him you're on your period. is confused by the idea of pre-menstrual syndrome n thinks that it's very unfair: bc you can be in pain???? even before the actual menstruation itself???? that sounds terrible :((( always has his arms open for a hug
jeonghan:
spots its arrival better than you. can tell when your period is coming like some sort of seer. has a cupboard full of chocolates and snacks which he stocks up constantly and allows you to take your pick of whatever you feel like having when you're on your period. insists that you don't have to do anything while you're going through the worst of your cramps, tells you to just lie down w the hot water bottle he made for you n he'll do whatever you need okay? 
joshua:
you Need to tell this man whenever your period starts bc otherwise he'll get upset that his calendar is all messed up :(( i firmly believe shua is the typa guy to keep track of your schedules for you, even if your cycle isn't regular. does Everything you want. you wanna eat a whole tub of Celebrations? he's rooting for you. need to cry bc the world is just too frustrating? tell him what movie you wanna cry to, he'll stream it illegally if that's what it takes. will probably also end up crying w you, but hey, we love a supportive guy <3
junhui:
curses the menstruation gods every time you tell him you're having cramps again. is essentially trying to stuff you full of painkillers the entire day bc he hates the idea of you being in pain </3 wanted to buy one of those period cramp simulator machines to see how bad it was for you, ended up chickening out when you told him vv seriously that it was like being thrown into the pits of hell. isn't allowed near the kettle to boil water for you (due to previous Mishaps), so he'll give you a pillow to put over your stomach and hug you in his arms for warmth
hoshi:
is confused for all of two seconds every time you tell him you're having rlly bad cramps (again?? didn't you have them last month??) before it clicks in his head. coos and baby-talks to you, offering his shoulder for you to sleep on if the physical contact will help. builds you a pillow fort to get comfortable in practically every single time. you had a really bad headache one month, and so now he's constantly talking in a hoarse whisper when your cramps are bad
wonwoo:
he's not Entirely sure what to do, but he does know that period pain can often manifest itself in mood swings, so he's always extra caring and considerate around your time of the month. will Let himself be yelled at if you do end up getting frustrated, then will hug you and pat your hair to help you calm down after. makes hot water for all the hot water bottles that you're ever gonna need. 
woozi:
makes sure you take your painkillers on time, and also makes sure you eat. he's heard from his mom that loss of appetite can happen often during periods, especially when cramps are bad, and so he encourages you to eat foods with lots of magnesium and nitrates in it. will hug you if the cramps are really bad and you're practically crawling to him in tears. will probably hug you even if you're only pouting and talking in a sad voice tho, tbh. 
minghao:
he researched that milk chocolate and white chocolate increase cramps pain, and so now he only ever gives you dark chocolate that's 60% cacao and above. has encouraged you to take up meditation when you're not on your period, saying it'll help strengthen you. you're still not entirely sure it's working, but then again, it's better to try than not. swaddles you in fluffy blankets and cushions bc seungcheol stole the hot water bottle to help with his indigestion or something
mingyu:
he's a lil confused, but he means well. carries you bridal-style everywhere you wanna go. searched up the types of foods best to eat to help with period cramps, and cooks food with lots and lots of spinach in it. regardless of whether you like it or not, because it's good for you and makes you feel better. spoon-feeds you the soup he makes, asks if it's making you feel warm inside with his adorable bright eyes
dokyeom:
has a little corner in the bottom of his wardrobe full of sanitary pad packages, bc one time he panicked when you asked him to buy you some and practically cleared the whole shelf of them. also has like 3 boxes of chocolates stacked on top of them bc of that same time where he panicked and ended up buying too many. as a result, always has supplies whenever you need them. is a little clueless too, but he's willing to help w lots of hugs and warmth!! 
seungkwan:
Knows your menstruation cycle for you. frets if you're a few of days early or a few of days late. if you have an irregular cycle, then oh god he's analysing everything to see if there's any sort of pattern. ngl he's a little nervous of you when you're on your period, but he's always ready to open his arms for you to draw you in for a hug if you need. starts crying if you end up crying bc of the pain/ mood swings, bc he's an empath okay n he feels your pain so bad
vernon:
i get the feeling he's like. the hidden pro at dealing with cramps. you tell him that you're hurting, and he's already boiled the kettle to make you a hot water bottle, arms laden with snacks and blankets and do you wanna come into his room to relax and watch the new movie he's fixated on or do you wanna just go to your room by yourself and sleep? big encourager of sleeping through cramps, bc he swears it helps so much and actually. he is so right it really does
chan:
went through like five different brands of paracetamol with you during your previous cramps to see which one was the best n lasted the longest. steals the expensive chocolates from mingyu's stash bc really, the guy has far too much and it's more deserving to go to you when you're in pain and also pls share w him as a thankyou for getting them for you. offers to run you a bubble bath to help you relax, often forgets about the bath while he's doing other stuff and almost makes it overflow
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jymwahuwu · 7 months
Note
GIRL I JUST HAD THE MOST DAN HENG SHAMING BRAINROT 😭 Again, inspired by your writing of Dan Feng finding us in another lifetime. Darling's immortal bc you can't meet the reincarnated version of your yandere if you're short-lived.
We all know that Dan Feng's outfit is ✨conservative✨ while Dan Heng's IL outfit gives your grandparents a heart attack. So imagine him gaining memories of you, the darling he kidnapped in his past and also regaining the old obsession. And the first thing you do when you met Dan Heng IL is judge his outfit bc why is he dressed like...that?? Where's the honor and pride of the high elder?? He's trying to kidnap you again, in THAT outfit??
CW: hsr spoilers (dan heng companion mission), yandere, kidnapping, conservative attitude (maybe seems a bit sexist), (implied but not described) non-con
😂Love Dragon boys’ different attitudes towards clothes!! Dan Feng’s conservative attitude towards you and his clothes is something I definitely won’t shut up about 🤭
In order to answer, I studied Dan Feng and Dan Heng's clothes-
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Dan Feng's clothes are darker in color, the collars on both sides are higher, and there is a gemstone in the middle of the chest. And there is a picture of a crane on the clothes, which symbolizes nobility, elegance, longevity, luck and other positive meanings, suggesting his background and personality. In the animation trailer, Dan Feng sat quietly, even though he was locked by all the chains (implying the reincarnation fate of High Elder/that sin), he still closed his eyes quietly, without any sorrow, anger, or sadness on his face, like he doesn't care at all. And refer to the few clues now:
1) Dan Feng is described by Jing Yuan as "powerful", "beyond control".
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2) When he communicated with Yingxing in the past, he had a strong and calm tone here.
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At least it can be deduced that his character is a confident, powerful, charismatic, and even a bit tough dragon. As for Dan Feng who appears in the "Ichor of Two Dragons" animation, that "him" is the version Dan Heng understands. This may be much tougher than himself. As you can imagine, Dan Feng’s current fashion style is relatively conservative💕
As for Dan Heng, we all know what kind of character he is 😚 Let’s talk about clothes. In contrast, the colors of his clothes are brighter, showing that he is breaking away from the cycle of inheritance. Moreover, Dan Heng's clothes are much more revealing- his shoulders are exposed, and then his back and the middle of his chest are also exposed. The theme of his clothes is lotus, not Dan Feng's crane. The lotus is equally beautiful and elegant, but rises from the mud without stains (still looking at the light in the darkness). This is their different style.
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In the past life, Dan Feng bound you to his side. No matter what style of clothing you like, the High Elder has ordered you to change into this style- like this Vidyadhara Lady NPC. Traditional Xianzhou style clothes. If you expose a little bit, like these Xianzhou girls (Sushang, Yukong, Tingyun, Qingque etc), exposing shoulders, thighs, calves, Yandere! Dan Feng is not happy with this kind of dress. In his eyes, it is immoral - why most people in Xianzhou dress appropriately, you have to learn from those few people who dress like this.
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Not to mention you plan to wear clothes from other planets/space civilizations💀💔What? Are you going to expose some skin on your chest? You don't even have any fabric on your waist! Those clothes disappear from your closet (um, they appear every time you act sad, but Dan Feng said it has nothing to do with him). Don't you notice that people are looking at you? Some people want to flirt with you.
Over the long centuries, the few exceptions were in private. For example, that time you bought a dragon tail and a cute revealing outfit and wore them to please your angry dragon husband. Dan Feng gently stroked your tail and pursed his lips.
After Dan Feng's reincarnation, you escaped from Luofu, took a spaceship, and traveled around various planets. Dan Feng has always forced you to stay with him. Now that you are free, you should be happy, but loss and sorrow haunt your heart.
The dragon who once said that no matter which reincarnation will find you...is it really gone?
Until you meet the boy. Those eyes that are as bright as the ocean, and similar dragon horns and tail.
"Found you."
It's been a long time since you've felt that fear of being captured. In panic, you pushed his chest and noticed his clothes, which turned into another kind of shock. Wait, where's the honor and pride of the High Elder?? Indecent?? The middle of his chest is even exposed.
This might be an odd focus for you about to be kidnapped, but you really haven't seen Dan Feng like this in hundreds of years. Dan Heng puts you on the Astral Express and selects a room for you. He will stick to your side at night, curl up with his tail and sleep with you. You realize the difference between him and Dan Feng, especially in your clothing attitude. He allows you to keep wearing whatever you like, March and Stelle discuss fashion trends with you, have a slumber party, laughing.
Sometimes, you miss Dan Feng and recall what they brought to you. You know they are two people. The changes they bring to you are etched deeply in your heart.
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dilemmaontwolegs · 1 year
Note
hey queen, for “see no evil hear no evil” pt3, would you consider doing pregnancy x speech where our girl discovers from someone that she can learn how to talk, and she secretly practices it and one day she finds out she is pregnant and she tells aemond that she’s pregnant by talking to him (she also tells him “i love you” 👀) bc that would be so cool!!!
Sorry this took a few days but my writing time had seriously been cut back and I miss it 😭
See No Evil, Hear No Evil {3}
Aemond Targaryen x deaf!fem!reader Author's Note: I may have got a little side tracked but I think I have covered this all as requested with a few extras thrown in. Warnings: 18+ only, NSFW, period sex, blood, allusion to infertility struggles, canon-death, vomit. WC: 4210
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four
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Half of your body was too hot and the other half was too cold when you woke at dawn. The golden hues of the sun breaking the horizon lightened the room as you looked around and found the fire had died overnight. Aemond’s arm tightened around your waist and he nuzzled your shoulder as he curled his long body around yours, providing more heat than you needed. 
Easing out of his embrace for the fifth week in a row, you went into the adjacent room and pulled the string that connected to the maids’ quarters. You had just finished washing your face to chase away the lingering feeling of exhaustion from the early rising when two handmaids appeared and grabbed the dress you had selected for the day. 
Appropriately attired, you made your way through the quiet castle to Princess Helaena’s chambers and found the whimsical woman already opening the door for you with a warm smile. “Ready for today’s lesson?”
Nervousness crept in once again as you nodded and stepped into her room while the children still slept, apparently dawn was the only time it was quiet, or so she said. You thought you had long put the feeling of self-consciousness behind you but these lessons with Helaena had regressed you to the youthful mindset of bygone times and it was a constant battle to continue to show up, until you reminded yourself why you were doing this. 
Helaena waved her hand to the cushioned chair opposite her and you flattened your skirts as you took a seat, grabbing your book and a graphite pencil that Aemond made sure you had plenty of. After writing your message you turned the book around and Helaena read the writing. 
I am to see the maesters this morning so I must leave before long.
“You are not ill,” she stated or asked, though you weren’t quite sure which.
Your hand flew across the page as your chest tightened at the mere thought of what you were writing. It had been the cause for your increased anxiety and only grew as the days passed by and your body experienced no changes.
Six cycles and I am yet with child. 
Helaena gently pushed the book back onto your lap and took your hands in her smaller, delicate ones. “You are not ill, and you will be with child soon. You will be holding a babe by Maelor’s third Name Day. I have dreamed it.”
You struggled to concentrate on the lesson as Helaena’s words echoed in your mind and hope fluttered in your chest. You loved Aemond more than anything, you loved him so much that you felt you could not contain it - you wished to take all that love and create life from it. You wanted to see Aemond as a father, knowing there is no one more loyal to his family and that the child would be loved deeply. 
Yet each cycle you would wake with cramps in your abdomen and an ache in your heart. Aemond could see the tears in your eyes on those mornings and, try as he might to comfort and assure you that good things take time, you could see the same sadness in his eye. 
You had hoped to have a moment with Alicent but with King Viserys’ ailing health she was oftentimes busy ensuring the kingdom ran smoothly and you did not want to be a burden. The queen had enough pressure on her shoulders as it was, though she could have had some more help in the kingdoms’ matters if her eldest son would do his duty.
You looked at the princess, ethereal in her beauty and kind in her disposition, she hardly saw her husband and you wished she had known a dutiful husband. She deserved to be doted upon as Aemond did you. 
“Your mind has taken you places, dear sister,” Helaena said with a smile. “It is almost time to break our fast, would you accompany me to the dining room?”
You nodded and tucked your book back in your pocket with the notes from the lesson before following her to where the twins were being ushered by their maids. Both Jaehaera and Jaehaerys waved excitedly and broke away from the maid trying to detangle their hair to wrap their arms around your legs. 
You knelt to the floor and hugged them back until they pulled back suddenly. 
“Uncle Aemond,” Jaehaera said with a toothy grin and a moment later the door opened to reveal your husband. 
Though it had not been long since you had seen him, your arms were reaching for him and wrapped around his waist as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “I thought I would find you here, my love. Are you hungry?”
You nodded and took Jaehaera’s hand as she reached for you and Aemond, swinging herself between you two as you imagined you would be doing with a child of your own one day. You looked across to Aemond as she swung again and his smile grew although the light never quite reached his eye.
Jaehaera tugged at her Uncle’s arm until he dropped to one knee to address her and his eyes darted to your, then your stomach, then back to your face. Her back was to you so you did not see what it was she said but whatever it was gave him pause. You flipped your hands over so your palms faced up, asking him ‘What?’ but he just shook his head with a smile and took Jaehaera’s hand once more.
You woke the following morning with waves of pain and rushed from the bed to the bathing chamber where the strips of clean linen were stored. You had grown to hate the natural process of your body with each passing month and when word came that Rhaenyra was pregnant yet again, you questioned yourself. 
You had seen it time and time again throughout the Red Keep and in the city beyond. You couldn’t understand why some found themself with a child after bedding a stranger for one night but you could not with over one hundred nights bedding Aemond. You were not one to delude yourself with what was fair and not fair in the life you had been dealt, but seeing the blood stain on your nightdress certainly challenged that. 
You dropped the nightdress into the basin and wrapped a robe around yourself as the weight of defeat pressed on your shoulders and tears leaked down your cheeks. Light poured into the room as the door was open and Aemond filled the space, the soiled sheets bundled in one hand.
You looked away, feeling guilty that a prince was reduced to maids activities, when he knelt before you so you had no choice but to face him as he spoke, “I have trained with the guards for much of my life, dear wife, a little blood is of no concern to me.”
Fresh tears rolled down your face as his tenderness served to catapult you far from your sadness but his worry only increased. 
“Why are you crying, my love?”
You shook your head, hoping to shake the abundance of thoughts filling you. There was no explanation that would make a man understand how turbulent emotions were in those first days of your womanly cycle, so you settled on kissing him instead. 
He dropped the sheet to the floor so he could cradle your face in his hands and deepen the kiss. You pulled away breathless as his hands untied the sash of the robe and pushed the material off your shoulders. You gasped and tried to cover yourself but there was no hiding the streak of red between your thighs, your body burning with embarrassment. 
“Don’t hide from me,” Aemond said as he bent his knees to look at your bowed face. “There is not one part of you that is not beautiful to me, nor is there anything that would change my love for you.”
You bit back the fear that filled you as you asked him something that had been dwelling in the depth of your mind for months and your hands shook as you signed, What if I cannot give you a child?
His lips pressed together sternly and your stomach plummeted within your body before he gave your shoulders a small shake and said, “There is nothing that would change my love for you.”
The air in your lungs released along with the immense pressure that you had not realised had been building in you and you sagged into Aemond’s embrace with relief. His strong arms encased you as your tears dampened his skin and he pulled back. 
“I did not know this weighed so heavily upon you, my love.” He closed his eye and pressed his forehead to yours for a moment. “I should have been more attentive as your husband.”
The thought of your loving husband being even more attentive than he already was didn’t seem possible and your lips parted with a laugh as you shook your head at the impossibility of it all. He froze and wonder fell across his features at what he heard before he crushed his lips against yours and hooked your leg around his thigh. 
“Please,” he said and you knew what he was asking as you felt his erection against your thigh. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of the act, one that was usually saved for those wishing to not fall pregnant. If you said no, Aemond would respect your choice but you found yourself not wanting to say no - though it was possibly the lady-like thing to do. You always wanted your husband and the blood was no concern to him, so why deny both of you the pleasure?
You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck as he guided you backwards to the bench that held the basin. The wood was cold beneath you as you sat at the edge and Aemond spread your legs with his hips as he stepped between them and pressed his manhood to your entrance.
Your fingers danced over his back as he filled you and from the smile on his handsome face you knew he was enjoying the sounds you were making as the cramps eased and a different tightness grew. You had not known the remedy his body could give but you were grateful as he chased away the pain and replaced it with pleasure. 
His breath was hot on your neck as he kissed over your pulse and you buried your hands in his hair, holding him close as you felt your heart beating hard in your chest and the same pulse throbbed at your core. 
The long thrusts were teasingly slow and you needed more, dropping your hands to his firm buttocks and pulling him closer. His response was instant as he planted his hands on the wall behind your head rutted hard and quick, leaving you gasping as he hit the deepest parts of your core until you came undone around him. 
Aemond bit his lip at the feel of your release tightening your walls and he dropped his head to your shoulder, wrapping you in his arms as he filled you with his seed through the shudders. Pulling away, he kissed you sweetly before reaching for a washcloth and he laughed as you gasped at the mess, your jaw dropping wide.
“It is blood, not poison,” Aemond teased as he dunked the cloth in the basin and wrung it out before cleaning your thighs. Once you were clean, he wrapped the robe around you to chase off the morning chill before cleaning himself shamelessly, easing the sense of taboo that had crept back in. “I’ll call for breakfast in our room this morning, unless you feel well enough for the dining room.”
Though the cramping ache had gone for the moment, there was still a dull tenderness with each move you made and you did not wish to trek down the halls and stairs to the dining room so you shook your head. You left the bathing room with a handful of linen strips as Aemond grabbed his own robe and found a fresh sheet cast across the bed, though it was not tucked in finely as the maids did.  
Another wave of emotion swamped you and your chest jumped with a hiccup that drew Aemond’s attention. He was in front of you in a heartbeat, seeing fresh tears in your eyes and he ran his hands down your arms. “Did I hurt you?”
You shook your head and placed one hand over his heart as the other signed, I love you.
“I love you too,” he said with a smile as he wiped your damp cheeks. “I never realised how many different tears there were. I prefer your happy tears over all else.” 
Another laugh bubbled from your chest and you pulled away, leaving him smiling to himself as you went to the dressing room. There was nothing pretty about the undergarments that were reserved for your cycle, their only purpose was to hold the linen strips in place and you quickly hid them under a fresh bed dress, deciding you were not going to venture out into the public eye at all. 
Aemond was already laying in the bed when you returned, the blanket barely covering his modesty as he watched you cross the room to him. The hunger in his eye had you stumble and you knew that look intimately, it held the promise that he would give you no reason to want to leave the bed, perhaps ever again.
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Smiles came easier and there was no longer an ache in your chest when you watched Aemond play with his nephews and niece. In the last six weeks he had reassured you a plenty that child or not, he would love you until the end of time. 
Sex also came a plenty as the stress of bearing a child was eased from your mind and you took your time enjoying and learning Aemond’s body intimately. There were certainly perks to having sex purely for the fun of it, especially when you wrapped your lips around his cock and brough him to release with your mouth. That was a favourite of yours, being able to look up the length of his body and see how he reacted to your touch, to your tongue. 
“Look at me like that and we will not make it to the Vaemond’s challenge,” Aemond said as he sent Maelor toddling back to his mother so he could have a moment with you in the tower window.
You grinned and lifted your shoulders, silently asking if it would be such a bad thing. His hand wrapped around yours and lifted it to his lips to place a delicate kiss to your palm. 
“And miss the grand family reunion,” he said with a slow growing smile as he saw his sister’s carriage arrive unmet in the courtyard far below. “Come, my love, we should get ready.”
 Your stomach turned as you looped your arm in your husband’s and let him lead the way down the staircase, towards the one who had scarred his face. You knew the story of that night, and how young the boys were when the incident happened, but Aemond’s resentment still burned like the red hot embers that remained long after the flames stopped flickering.
The nervous nausea grew the closer to the throne room that you stepped and when you crossed the threshold you were sure you were going to vomit. Aegon and Helaena were already waiting with Alicent, a clear division in the room as they stood to the left and waited for you to join them.
Alicent greeted you with a kiss to your cheek and she cupped Aemond’s scarred cheek gently as if to remind herself of the pain the other half of King Viserys’ family had wrought on hers. All words that could have been exchanged between mother and son died as Rhaenyra and her family entered the great room. 
Your eyes immediately fell to the swell of her belly that her hand rested upon but you did not feel the usual pang of hurt and it was a relief. 
The relief was short lived as three heads of dark hair trailed in her wake and you felt Aemond tense beside you as his eye fell on them too. You laced your fingers with his and felt him squeeze your hand gently in thanks but he dared not look away from the ones he saw as a threat to his family. 
The group barely gave you a passing glance but their stares lingered on Aemond, or more so the scar and leather patch that hid the worst of his injury. 
Your free hand inched up your throat and flicked out while Aemond coughed a laugh at the vulgar gesture you aimed at the young man who had drawn blood from your husband. The laugh was echoed by Aegon, as he was usually on the receiving end of the gesture, and Alicent shook her head but said nothing as the corners of her eyes wrinkled like she was suppressing a smile too. 
Your eyes trailed over the two halves dividing the room but as you were not in the centre there was not a lot you could read of what they were saying. You could only judge how the challenge was going by the reactions of the faces you were seeing. It was almost a physical ripple of surprise that spread along the room and you watch row after row turn to face the doors. 
The King had risen from his healing slumbers to decide the fate of Driftmark. 
Risen may have been the wrong term, for the King was hardly upright as he struggled to cross the floor with his cane to aid him. Pity filled you for the ailing man who had been kind and welcoming to you and you wished someone would ease his struggle to the throne. 
Your respect for Prince Daemon grew as he stepped up when Viserys’ crown tumbled from his head and the second son placed it back upon his brother’s head. It said a lot about a man who could be so close to the throne and never have it to still hold love for his older brother. You had no doubt that if tradition had not been broken to have Rhaenyra as Viserys’ heir and not his first born son, Aegon, that Aemond would have publically supported his brother too. 
With Otto sitting on the throne as Hand you could read his lips, but with Viserys there was no hope, not with half of his face hidden by the golden mask he wore. You didn’t like the confusion that came with being on the outside of the conversation and it left you more than a little stunned when Daemon suddenly drew his sword and beheaded Vaemond with one foul swoop.
You could scarcely believe your eyes as his body collapsed one way but his head the other and Aemond grabbed your waist, spinning you away from the sight that stayed burned in your mind. It took you a moment to process what you had seen, the odd organ that had been bared from the strike, and you realised it was Vaemond’s tongue that had remained with his body. 
Your stomach lurched and there was no stopping the bile that rose in your throat as you tore away from Aemond and made it passed the line of witnesses before collapsing to your knees and vomiting across the stone floor. Cool hands brushed across your forehead and you knew who they belonged to in an instant. He did not hesitate to use the corner of his clean cloak to wipe away the bile that clung to your lips and draw you away from the mess you had made.
There was no condemnation on his concerned face when he turned you to look him in the eye and you were glad to find that the wave of nausea had passed with what you had emptied from your stomach. With a trembling hand, you closed it to a fist and rubbed your chest but he caught your wrist before you even completed one circle, shaking his head as he pulled it away.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, my love,” he said, placing your hand on his chest instead. “You are too pure to have witnessed such violence.”
You frowned at the statement, remembering the many violent deaths you had seen during tourneys over the years and not once had you been squeamish at the sight of a man dying on the sand and straw ground in the summer heat. However jaded it may seem, you had come to expect violence when royals and knights collide.
You looked at Helaena beyond Aemond’s profile and she was clutching her hands together, looking far too joyful for the startled response she had had only moments earlier. Her smile only grew as she stared back at you and her hands arced over her flat stomach before pointing at you. 
Your lips parted with a gasp and you looked down, expecting to see a bump in your dress but it looked as it usually did. You counted back in your head and your hands began to shake harder as you realised while you had not been paying such attention to your cycle, you were about two weeks late for yours. 
“Aemond,” you said as you stumbled back in surprise, but not as much as he did. 
“What did you say?” he asked in shock, and you feared you had not enunciated it as well as when you had practised with his sister. “Say it again, please.”
“Aemond,” you said carefully, breaking it down into the syllables as instructed. It was possibly too quiet for him as he stepped closer so you said a little more forcefully, “I’m pregnant.”
His eye widened in surprise and behind him you saw Alicent, as well as most of the guests, spin away from the throne to look at you. Many smiled at the news while others frowned but you paid them no mind as you saw a tear slip over Aemond’s thick lashes and cascade down his unmarred cheek.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked as if he couldn’t quite believe it had finally happened. “A child, our child?”
You nodded and he closed the distance, crushing his lips to yours despite the bitter taste that still filled your mouth. He did not care. The only thing he cared about was you and his child that was growing in your belly. His arms wrapped around you and you melted into his embrace as if the world around you and the body on the floor behind him did not exist, it was only you and Aemond sharing this moment.
You pulled back so you could see his face when you spoke, “I love you, Aemond.”
His chest shuddered and he swallowed deeply as he savoured hearing those words on your tongue. “Say it again,” he begged.
“Aemond,” you said with a teasing smile and he kissed you before nipping your lip lightly.
“Not that.”
Unable to tease him anymore, you gave into the adoring look on his face. “I love you.”
“I love you,” he said as you wiped his tears away and he placed his hand on your stomach. “And our child too.”
Aemond turned away at something someone must have said but when he returned his smile was tenser than before. “The King wishes to have a family banquet tonight, to celebrate the news.”
You stepped around Aemond so that you could see the King watching his youngest son and you touched your chin with your fingers to show your gratitude before bowing your head. Helaena had not stopped staring at you with a knowing grin and you returned it as Aemond curled his arm around your waist and you nuzzled into his side to look up at him.
“I was quite jealous, truth be told, when you snuck from our bed to visit my sister each morning,” Aemond said with a smirk. “But this is how you and my sister spent all those hours locked away together?”
You slapped his chest lightly at what he was inferring and rolled your eyes before parting your lips to speak, “It was for you.”
Aemond stood a little straighter, his shoulders back and his chest puffed. “I have never been prouder to call you my wife, mother of my child. You continue to surprise me, my love.”
Your lessons had not been so extensive and without seeing how some words were broken down to each sound they were harder to speak. Instead, your fingers danced and he watched them speak for you, I have to keep you on your toes.
With many pairs of eyes still intently watching you and your husband, he gave you a wink before returning his own signs that caused a heat to wash over your skin. 
Or you could keep me on my back.
Click here for part four.
Taglist: @sheetalkalkhandey , @hydrationqueensworld
2K notes · View notes
milgram-tournament · 2 months
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MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 5 I LOVE YOU vs. CAT
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Propaganda for both options under the cut!
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Propaganda for I LOVE YOU:
mappi’s spitting bars 🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️
ok but i, as the iloveyoucountdown person before it released, waited 89 days for ily and SHE DID NOT DISAPPOINT‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥 go vote ily now bc its peak music
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the acoustic section where it just feels so raw and emotional it's crazy also we love to see mappi/miho okasaki rapping again and good lord mahiru delivered hadauwd, like you think about it a lot? like "Ishokujuu plus ai Miss you Raishuu aemasuka no Cadence Yurusarenai ikigai mou iki mo dekinai" it's also so catchy just "Dai- dai- dai- datte suki suki! Dai- dai- dai- datte daisuki."
it's such a quick song but it delivers and it DELIVERS WELL there's so much in the instrumental you can also miss, like sirens and such! again guitar section it's crazy!! i didn't even touch on the visuals, like the visuals are absolutely amazing and really touch on the toxic cycle of mahiru's relationship for example, the carousel turning into a forest! and also they were still able to implement some of tihtbilwy in the beginning of the song! we got to see mahiru's boyfriend as well!! additionally, RATS AND CAKE. HOLY SHIT we all know the absolute shock that appeared on everyone's faces the second that cake turned into a rat (to be honest, I was absolutely sick with shock for the rest of the day) It's really amazing as a song and MV, plus it did help give some more information on Mahiru!
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miho okasaki's vocals are so powerful. it sounds like mahiru is screaming because of not being forgiven and because of what happened to her boyfriend and because "she can't just do it right".
THE LYRICS ARE SO. "clothes food shelter + love and miss you"?? "my lethal weapon is how to be in love with you"?? "kiss goodbye to this feeling cuz it's too heavy"?? again, the "why can't i just do it right" line?? SO GOOD.
MAHIRU RAPPING. THIS SONG STARTS WITH HER RAPPING. LITERAL CHILLS
i've heard the i love you chorus once and now it's in my head forever. i wake up, i sing the i love you chorus. i go to sleep, i sing the i love you chorus.
the lyrics are so sad when you start thinking about them more. "saying i love you but doing what i did, i know i have no right, crossed and covered in sin"?? please, don't you want to give mappi a hug. please she deserves it. she needs it
the "DIE-suki" pun.
the mv is so. i can talk about it for hours. it literally starts with showing us what happened to her bf. i've watched it live, i knew about this part and i still was shocked. mahiru's boyfriend is dead. mahiru is also rapping. also, the lyrics. this scene is terrifying to me and i mean it in the best way possible.
the cake symbolism. mahiru refusing to accept her reality and the true nature of her relationship with her bf and still seeing everything around her as cute and soft and pink. her feeling guilty and not knowing how to express love properly and still choosing to continue to love in this way. i don't know, something about it is so.. it's so sad and so realistic and so heartbreaking
i love how we can say so much about her relationship with her boyfriend based on mv and the lyrics. this is more of a theory and i probably shouldn't talk about it but i like the fact that mappi and her bf's relationship wasn't just abusive or one-sided love or anything like that. it's like they loved each other, they just.. didn't know how to show it or express it in a healthy way (or maybe mahiru's bf did know, but he was okay with going through all of this for her). like this scene when they're both riding the carousel and looking happy at first and even when both of them look like a mess, mahiru's face expression is still pretty much the same while her boyfriend looks much more tired, but he's still smiling. something about that part breaks me.
the instrumental is so fun and chaotic and creepy please listen to it. all milgram instrumentals are great but ily instrumental is definitely one of my fav ones.
Propaganda for CAT:
"You like jazz? Jazz is chaos within order. Got to love the whole band. Vibraphone, saxophone, trumpet, flute, piano, guitar, drums, bass… Go, rhythm section, go! The song sounds tender at times and aggressive at others as different instruments pop up at different times. Sometimes they follow Kazui’s voice (“follow the king of the masquerade”). Sometimes they get to be the focus. You have the chill piano one moment and the screaming guitar in the next.
You’ve got a lovely “jingle” (“Lie until it gets better…”) which occurs at the beginning, middle, and end. It fits the “newspaper ad” style of the video really well. Also at the very end, there’s one more line that gives the jingle an upward contour, giving a sense of finality. “Until you can meet the king of the masquerade.” You’re there now.
The two verses start off differently before they take on a similar melody. It feels like Kazui is talking to a different person in each verse.
The chorus is a beautiful façade the first time and a sinister truth the second time.
The opening for solos shows that this jazz song means business. I love how the saxophone and trumpet especially get in your face. And with the tacet on vocals, the walking bass really shines if you lend it your ear.
And the smoke break! Silence is golden. Glass click. Lighter. Huff.
As always, Kazui’s voice is super deep. He hits even lower notes this time around. He’s a fifth lower than the next lowest singers (Haruka and Shidou)."
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-Great instrumental choice. Kazui and jazz is *chefs kiss*
-Symbolism. THE SYMBOLISM. I can’t type out all my thoughts but ifykyk
-The almost comic like style of the MV is really appealing.
-Lyrics!! There is so much to unpack but it’s really cool.
-Kazui eating the dove… fricken iconic.
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FIRST OF ALL the vocals????? BEAUTIFUL. His va put his whole pussy into this song and you can tell!! The way he sings the chorus is so damn addicting I'm so in love with him. His voice is more or less stable throughout the entire thing until the final chorus but you can hear the emotion peaking out which fits perfectly with Kazui keeping everything hidden. The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper during "all the things I wanna do that I can't say outloud"??? The way his voice starts trembling during "this feeling it's yearning to be satisfied"???? The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper AND starts trembling during "hey, if I said I liked-liked you, what would you?"?????? HEAVENLY! You can really feel how afraid Kazui is under his disguise and my heart breaks a little everytime I listen. Not to mention how absolutely powerful his voice gets at the climax!!!!!! It's insane!!!!!!! It's genius!!!!!! It makes me wild makes me crazy makes me eat my walls!!!!!!!!!!
THE SMOKE BREAK?????? What other song has something as powerful as that huh???? This isn't just a song produced by the milgram machine using his memories, this is HIS song and he is OWNING IT! The music builds up so much and gets so intense right before it, I can literally feel myself get tense and starting holding my breath right before he takes the break and everything relaxs… it's not just a break for him, but a break for the viewer. The song is spiralling out of control just like his life and his lies and he has no choice but to put it to a quick stop before its too much to handle.
THE IMAGERY IS WILD!!!!! He's a magician!!! Little magic guy!!!! Using tricks and lies to amaze and captivate the people around him! Trying desperately to magic his own feelings into something else! But it's all fake! It's all tricks and no matter how hard he tries he can never actually change himself into what he wants! But he's trying to convince himself the same way he's convinced his audience!! And when you're watching a magic act, are you there for the magician themself or are you there to watch the show?? The people in his life only cared for him when he performed for them, but they didn't give a drop of love to who he was a person! ALSO the transformation of the wedding ring to a cigarette to the dove at the end??? Makes me wild every single time! Right infront of his wife, he showed her that their marriage was something unhealthy for him that was slowly killing him from the inside. AND THEN he uses it to harm himself???? And then he turns that cigarette into a dove- a representation of love and literally TEARS INTO IT. He tears his marriage apart with his mouth!!! AKA HIS WORDS. makes me wild. Also fun fact Kazui says he started smoking because when he was younger it was "just natural for everyone to smoke" and that lines up with his reasons for marriage perfectly.
Kazui looks really hot in it. You should vote for Cat because Kazui is insanely attractive. What other reason do you need huh? Hot gay middle aged man.
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virginburial · 2 years
Text
.·:*¨༺    sextape.      ♱   bucky barnes ༻¨*:·.
SUMMARY: in which you bother your upstairs neighbor or alternatively, in which you, a cam girl, try to do your job and accidentally wake up your neighbor
SHIP: fem reader!bucky barnes, FATWS bucky barnes WARNINGS: explicit content, mentions of sex work, mentions of daddy issues, explicit language, random story-telling/plot
WORD COUNT: 4.8K SONG: https://open.spotify.com/track/4rEGJ9KirDlKiOHxqVwcVg?si=a3c34ab37c7749d0
A/N: hi everyone! Buffy here, this is my first oneshot on here that will be posted on ao3 and wattpad later in the week. i know this concept is kind of unrealistic but it’s also the best idea i had for bucky bc i’m writing him for clout, it was hard to think of anything else. i apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes. forgot to mention that i’m super adhd and get my letters and grammar confused. not even accidentally dropping 144 bucks on Grammarly can save me :,)) REBLOGS, NOTES, AND COMMENTS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED !!
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                                                     .·:*¨༺♱༻¨*:·.
"Alright! should we go with option one or two?"
You weren't always the outgoing type, and when you were, you were most likely in your element; but nothing could compare to how very much 'in the zone' webcamming made you. Things have been different since you were able to move on out of your childhood home; your lack of world experience hit you hard. of course, the blip added to the economic stress of it all, but you were so sure that when everyone came back, everything would be normal again, right? Something had to give. Next thing you know, you got fired from your barista job because of the workplace blip act - basically ensuring that the blipped got their jobs back. Their livelihoods. As if you haven't been scraping for your own since they all dissipated to nothing. Whatever, you were over it now. Or you presumed you were. It used to be so easy to find a job, but webcamming wasn't your final option; there was always working for the city's sewer system - yeah, fuck that.
Besides, as complicit-in-your-own-oppression being a woman may seem, the false illusion of having control over your body felt somewhat empowering. You never were big on your sexuality until you discovered webcamming, and it gave you the confidence to treasure the wonders of the sex world - sex work wasn't fun for everyone, but you were happy it was fun for you. Consider yourself privileged. It went from being scared to taking off your shirt, to randomly buying fun wigs and toys to wear and mess around with during your shows. Rent would be on the back burner as corsets and vibrators started to rack up a bill with your bank. It didn't matter, though, men were throwing money at you, and it all comes back; a complete cycle.
Sure, there were the downsides, like dealing with someone who lacked respect or was just indecent, but that was the magic of the internet or at least chaturbate.com. All you had to do was block them. You were laying it all out there, and there was nothing they could do or say to make you feel any more naked. It did hurt still. And it does ruin the overarching mood of the so-called performance-please don’t try to do that thing where you settle for webcamming over an acting career ... it's just sad. Like broadway, hecklers get ushered out, and the show always continues. Then it goes all over the place. Either way, it happens.
Nonetheless, you were still you, just with a new hobby. It's no different than being a writer or a painter, someone who got a hold of art the way they want to see it. The point is, you were still you, but you were finally home in your skin, and at the end of it all, the digital footprint will become privatized by law, so we can't snoop in on what Mark Zuckerberg or Grimes is doing. Everything matters, and it doesn't, so you go with toy number two despite the comments telling you to use toy number one. You were a tease like that, and you loved making those paypigs wait until frustration because of the payout. It was just a basic vibrator with the craziest settings imaginable. You tested it out before the show, and it already made you weak enough not even to consider it. But you did because you learned the fun way not to judge a book by its cover.
The cam girls get to have personalized websites for their business, and you took it upon yourself to make the website so very much yourself. You didn't have to pretend with your audience. think of it like MySpace. You even had a bit of having scene aesthetic to your site, but it was all centered around you. You, you, you, what would your audience ever do without you?
You slowly set the vibrator on high, the words are in Japanese, and you managed to memorize some of the characters to know what it means, spreading your legs open to reveal skimpy pink laced panties that complimented your skin color. There was already a puddle forming on the base of your panties from earlier and then throughout the day. Mainly because you and your neighbor were chatting up about the new upstairs neighbor. The man seemed disheveled and gloomy, almost like a lost puppy, and you had a thing for strays. You wouldn't say it out loud today because everyone is so political, but you liked the idea of fixing someone. You were probably projecting and wished someone would correct you, but putting all that energy into someone becoming better, helping them, that interested you. Cry for help, probably? Not like anyone could hear over the excessive amount of moaning you were doing. Either way, he looked sad; you liked sad, repressed trauma aside, you thought he was handsome. Then you let the thought of him simmer down in your mind, which was a mistake on your part, leading down to you concluding that your attractiveness towards older men was either your father's or Lana del Rey's fault. Somehow.
You began fidgeting at the sensations rolling through your body as you tried to keep your thighs from squeezing shut, but it was hard; then the sound of coin slot machines started rolling from the computer. You felt like Schrodinger's dog, the sound triggering you to shut your legs, taking deep breaths as a slight giggle left your mouth. Blood ran to your cheeks like a marathon, causing the chat to compliment how cute you looked when flustered. You peaked at your panties to notice how the puddle suddenly grew into an ocean, flopping back to your bed and turning on the vibrator again. You thought it would be funny if you teased your audience again, flipping the setting up and placing it on the base of your areola as you stared into the camera. Glittery makeup and lipstick smudged as your blonde wig threatened to fly off. You let it slowly trail down your stomach - the vibrations from your abdomen were already setting you off - steadily going down south until you heard three loud knocks on your door.
"Shit!" You whisper under your breath as the chat freaks out with you. You look at the chat and try to remain calm; this usually never happens. One; because your neighbors don't care, and two, you're never that loud. you weakly smile. "I'm going to put the show on hold, i'll be right back, Lovelies." you kiss the camera, saying it all with a defeated tone as you quickly pause the show. You grab the pink cheetah robe you've had since you were fifteen - back when you had a bit of a princess aesthetic - and ran to the door, struggling to put it on as you made sure you covered just about everything. damnit, son of a bitch cunt whore slut, the colorful words started to pile up in your mind as you reached for the front door. you have got to be fucking kidding me
in all his exhausted glory; there he is, the mysterious upstairs neighbor
he looks timid, almost like he didn't want to bother you. meanwhile, all the blood from your cheeks went directly back to your cunt. "hello, um..." he sighs softly. "I haven't really set up my bed yet; I kind of just have this mattress that's on the floor." the look in his eyes screamed 'why did I bring that up??' as you tug on your robe. "so I can hear everything, and I haven't been able to get some sleep." you heard him just fine, but you were to busy to notice what he was wearing; grey sweatpants and a black tank top; yes, he was packing. The thing that caught you the most off guard besides his sweet-raspy voice was his metal arm. You grew up in a small town with a vast military population, so you knew and had family and were friends with people who had prosthetics. His, however, was strange. The metal was much more refined, it looked very, very, very expensive. You might just be assuming, but why does a man with such a costly arm live in the dump you live in? just a thought as you avert your gaze back to him. "I'm so sorry, i'll be sure to keep the noise down... i-i don't have any guests, it's just ... me." why the fuck would you say that?! you scold yourself as the man cracks a small smile and looks down at your robe. "cool...?" he says in the same tone.
you start to fumble. "I-I'm sorry I-I dunno why I said that sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain-especially in situations like this." you ramble a bit. Make. This. Less. Awkward. I'm. Begging. You. "I'm Y/N, by the way."
The man still has the small smile he had from your confession. He seemed rather amused at how quickly you shattered in his presence. you couldn't tell if it was attractive or unbelievable how someone could look like a nirvana song. "Bucky." he introduces himself, and suddenly, the mystery is solved; his name is Bucky. he then points to the wig struggling to stay on your head. "I'm guessing you're ... cosplaying is the word, right?" he takes a pause. "cosplaying Hannah Montana-" "-oh no no no." you take off the wig, revealing your loose and messy bun/braids, a few pieces of your hair falling to your face as you, in sitcom fashion, throw the wig to the side. "I'm... I'm an actress," you say confidently. You two just kind of stand there looking at each other before your maternal instincts kick in, it's midnight, and he looks tired. You bite your lip hesitantly. "come in, I can make you some tea. It's the least I can do for waking you up." you open the door a little for him, not giving him a chance to reject you as you reveal how snug and perfect the robe fit around all your curves. he noticed that. And just like that, he strolls into your home.
You go to the kitchen, your thighs rubbing with every step - just reminding you that you were still on the clock and that you were still very, very, very desperate for some touch. You just had to make Bucky some tea now, did you? You grab the sleepytime tea box that sat elegantly on your microwave and fill the mug with the words; "maybe swearing will help" printed with water. Making tea was damn near ritualistic. You can't help but feel Bucky's presence, though. Lurking in the shadows and looking at all the fun knick-knacks you collected. You turn to him. "so, you from New York?" you ask.
he nods. "Brooklyn born and raised. I just came back from living in Wakanda for some time. Also spent a little time here and there..." no actual specifics besides Wakanda and Brooklyn. "you from Brooklyn?" he asked, but you shook your head. "small-town girl, I'm from the south. I moved up here during the blip." you explained. Bucky nodded. "to become an actress? Like on broadway?" he asks.
He remembered your white lie. How sweet. You squeeze your thighs a little and gulp. "n-no." you laugh a little. "I came here to get away from losing my brother in the blip and start school. I'm studying biochemical engineering. I wanted to study theatre and the arts, but my dad told me that it was a waste of a college education and that he wouldn't pay if I went and did theatre. but now that my brother is back, he can focus on ruining his life instead of mine..." you ramble a bit before seeing the look on Bucky's face. he was intrigued at the little spice you were able to throw in the conversation. you bite your lip. "sorry, I shouldn't be trauma dumping on you like that...dad's, yknow?" he nods in agreement. "but i've always wanted to be an actress-"
"so, you're not an actress? you're a biochemical engineer student?"
You feel a pang of guilt for lying, but you realize now that you should probably tell him, considering that he's your neighbor, and warn him about the cons of your newfound profession, such as the noise and noise complaints. you scrunch your nose and tilt your head to the side. "I am, but not in the traditional sense ... I'm a porn actress, webcam, actually. I started a couple of months ago after losing my job after the blip." you keep it short and sweet, turning over to the microwave to fetch him his tea before turning back around, you didn't want to see his reaction, but you did, and he looked relatively unfazed. Most men scream and run in the other direction, weak, but Bucky... doesn't care. You decide to change the topic. "what about you? why are you here?"
"...I was in the Army, just came back to get my life back on track, have to do court-mandated therapy now. I should hate it, but a small part of me is glad I'm going." court-mandated therapy? no wonder he's unfazed by a cam girl. "I'm sorry, I know what pornography is, but you said you did webcamming? what...is that?"
you narrow your eyes at him. "you...don't know what caming is?"
He shakes his head. "nope. I'm old-fashioned, don't even have those fancy smartphones." he says as he pulls out a Nokia. "holy shit." you say as he beholds the ancient relic. this was going to be good. Suddenly, you felt your clit throb as he glanced at your robe; you couldn't help but want to show him. You suddenly remembered all the thoughts you left on the back burner about him, simmering down until it boiled and exploded. You were at your boiling point,.your cheeks turned red as you pulled out your phone, going to your site as he keeps staring at you. he could tell, he could tell that you were holding out; considering that you were standing right in front of him and you had your legs crossed. You didn't want to show him your old shows, but at the same time, you didn't want to show him anyone else. If he was going to watch, it had to be you somehow. You pressed on your most recent one from two days ago, skipping ahead before showing off yourself in a sexy nurse costume. You pull the phone away before he gets to peek, though. "you sure you want to see this?" you asked for his consent.
bucky nervously laughs, his smile suddenly getting cheeky as he rubs his chin. "I mean, Y/N, you're showing me pornography-not like I haven't seen it before." his smile slowly turns to a smirk. He was so shy at first, maybe you said too much, overspilled, but no, that wasn't the case. he wasn't getting comfortable with you. He was somewhat charming you. or at least, appeared that way. "cmon, you can show me." he smirks softly at you.
Fuck. Me.
Without hesitation, you show him. You could see his pupils dilate right away, his cheeks getting a little pink as Bucky... studies you. He's not engaging in the content, just analyzing it like an accountant. He holds the phone and observes as you start to feel hot, skin sizzling-almost like a hot flash of some kind-as his eyes follow your every move. he glances over at you. "arent your other neighbors concerned about how loud you are?" he asks almost mockingly, teasingly, but he was serious. You shake your head as your moans echo throughout your apartment. "my neighbor on the left is my best friend from middle school, who told me I should look into this. The neighbor on the right is Miss Chen. She's hard of hearing; I told her I had a cat. and the neighbor across the hall, Amelia, is a flight attendant. Lucky, right?" you try to pause the video, but Bucky is mesmerized by your movements. "so all you do is...sit in front of a camera naked? And people just give you money? And it's live? How...innovative." he said like it piqued his interest. you began to laugh nervously as you finally managed to pause it. he could see it, how visibly nervous you got around him. he furrowed his eyebrows. "why so shy? You weren't earlier." his eyes told you everything you needed to know.
You decide to play his game. "first of all, it's not just sitting in front of a camera and looking pretty. Second of all...whatever happened to being old-fashioned? aren’t you going to buy me dinner first before you look at me that way?"
Bucky looks down a bit bashfully, handing you back the phone as you start to question his motives. "is the real reason you came down here was to quiet me down? or something else?" you ask. You had to have asked. You were okay with whatever answer, though. He's hesitating, though, Bucky glances back at you. "well, it's hard for me to sleep regardless, thought I'd be more tired if I came down here then go back up, but I'm wide awake...why? Were you hoping I came down here because you were moaning like that?" he asked. The conversation was starting to cross the rhetorical-question-turned-confession territory. A small part of you wanted to say yes; ever since he moved in last week, you'd cross paths with him, and he'd stay on your mind. But hooking up with your upstairs neighbor? Webcamming was one thing; being with someone, after how lonely the blip was, was another thing. but something about Bucky made your stomach turn into Simone Biles; flips and tricks and jumping through hoops at the mention of or the glances from Bucky. "...moan like what?" you raised an eyebrow, smirking.
Bucky seems hesitant, maybe he didn't want the conversation to continue, but it wasn't until he was staring at the space between your chest did it hit you that maybe he was too shy to make a move. Yet, he looked so eager, something was holding him back. You realized you weren't the only nervous person here. But you had to try, and you had to try to get him. You lean in a little closer. "cmon Bucky, why so shy? You weren't earlier." you mocked him, playfully teasing him as you slowly grabbed his hand. "may I?" you asked him. It only felt right. he nodded his head and watched as you guided his hand down to your core, his calloused fingers running against your inner thigh as you slowly humped on his hand, rubbing your clothed cunt on his rough palms as a soft moan left your lips. he looked at you in awe, almost like he couldn't believe you were real. You keep a steady pace as you hold onto his shoulders, smiling a little at him because his reaction was priceless. "did it sound like that?" you innocently asked as lust glazed over your eyes.
He lets out a shaky breath. "oh .. fuck..." he said in a throaty tone.
You watched him crumble as he grabbed you and smashed your lips against his, teeth hitting teeth as you eagerly kissed him back, his hand staying still on your cunt as its presence set you off. The first thing Bucky does is undo the loose knot on your robe; it's almost like that's what he wanted to do the moment you answered the door. He reveals your breasts, his sweet kisses never breaking from the fact that you were naked besides your wet panties. Your jaw starts to buckle and hurt as your bottom lip turns red from the friction. Bucky pulls away, practically panting as he delicately brushes your hair behind your ear. You can't help but notice that Bucky was still a gentleman in all the tension. Even if you wanted him to pound you. You could tell this was a little unorthodox for him; maybe he truly was old-fashioned, but also very touch starved. You pull him closer by the waistband of his sweatpants, your hand slowly wandering down to his expanding tip as your index and thumb rub it. You could physically see Bucky relax into your touch as he latches on to your neck; soft kisses on your neck before going completely animalistic on your chest.
You let out a soft whine before grabbing his face and passionately kissing him, your thighs squeezing around his hand. You pull away from him, both of you panting as you hold his warm hand, noticing a thin coat of your wetness before dragging him into your room. A piece of you wanted him to bend you over the counter, but you voted against it. that's when Bucky's eyes landed on the computer. "...is it live-?" he asks. You shake your head; webcamming was your thing; it didn't mean it had to be Bucky’s. But Bucky surprises you. for a man who ‘didn't know’ how to use a laptop; he sure worked his way around it. You - laying in your bed and squeezing your thighs, raise an eyebrow and laugh. "what are you doing?" you giggled.
"hitting two birds with one stone."
He quickly finds the GO LIVE button and moves away from the frame, leaving you front and center, watching the views roll in from your loyal fans as Bucky grabs you by your chin and kisses you lustfully. You could feel your skin cry for him as your knees got weak; the kiss was out of the frame, Bucky made sure of it because, god, it would be embarrassing if anyone there recognized him. It wasn't long before you flopped down on the bed and spread your legs for him like magic. You didn't know if it was because he looked like a movie star during the golden age of Hollywood or because of how mysterious he was, but Bucky made you weak. So weak that you didn't care if this was the first and last time he would touch you. You feel his rough fingertips slowly slide off the panties you've soaked, seeing your hole overfilled with your wetness. Bucky slides his warm hand in between your folds, causing you to jerk your hips slightly, trying to keep them down as your chest starts to rise.
Bucky lets out a dry chuckle. "you're sensitive, how...cute." he mocks you.
The disgusting thing about it is that you liked how he mocked you, watching you squirm as he spits down on your clit, saliva hanging from his lips as he leans down and slips his tongue in your mouth. You open your jaw a little more so he could explore your mouth, watching him pull away before feeling the freezing metal from his other arm hit your clit at full force. At this point, that's where your heartbeat was, and the cool metal was making it worse. You gasp and let out a quiet moan as you look into Bucky's eyes; he knew that would get you. watching as you shut your thighs around his arm, he roughly pries them open. "I don't think so." he damn-near growls at you. a chill ran up your spine before feeling two cold fingers slam into your hole, your walls closing in on his index and middle finger as he holds it there. What a fucking tease. your clit was begging for attention as he looked down at you. "not so talkative now, huh?"
You arch your back, practically offering him your body as your eyes beg him to move his fingers, but he doesn't. he keeps them there to remind you of how helpless you indeed were. Not like you didn't know; you were vulnerable for him for a whole week. He slowly moves his fingers out of you, carefully rubbing them on your bottom lip before you eventually obliged and sucked them dry. The sound of coin slot machines echoed in the room as you shakily closed your legs, squeezing them shut before feeling your chest heave - you were already orgasming? To be fair, you have been teasing yourself for a good hour before Bucky waltzed in. a deep moan left your mouth as your thighs shook and coated themselves in your cum. Your back was getting sweaty as your cheeks turned bright pink. Bucky watched as your body compulsed. You could tell he loved the show but was disappointed that it wasn't him making you shake like that.
Bucky watched as your body tried to maintain itself, finally calming down after your rolling orgasm as the sound of coin slot machines went crazy. You weren't letting yourself catch a break as you felt your clit throb for more. That's when you felt Bucky move—dragging you off to the edge of the bed and sitting down. Having you lay across his lap. You've seen and read enough porn to know exactly what was going on and obliged happily. You watched him slowly take off his tank top before making it into a ball and stuffing it in your mouth; a makeshift gag, if you will. Your right-hand touched his chest and feels him up as he keeps you in a comfortable position. Now, you couldn't think about the timid and traditional man that came knocking so he could get some sleep; your mind bombarded with thoughts of the eager and somewhat perverted sweetheart that was helping you relieve yourself after pulling you away.
His hand hits your ass hard, and you gasp and whine in pain, feeling your body tense up as he smacks it again. The noises from the laptop ringing again made you want to follow through on your habit, so bucky spreads your legs and then spanks you, hitting your ass and cunt with full force. Moans with hints of pain muffled through your gag. he seems amused, seeing your clit turn red and raw from the amount of spanking he did; you shake and quiver every time he spanks you and misses; which is often. By then, you were already horny again. Bucky stuffs three fingers in you unexpectedly, causing you to let out a loud moan. His warm hand goes to your mouth, covering it and shoving the gag deeper into your mouth, causing the fabric to tickle your throat and gag reflexes. Tears come to your eyes as Bucky decides to tease you by leaving them in there. again.
You feel the walls close in on his fingers and ache for them to move, so when he finally does drive them, you feel a wave of euphoria hit you. He curled his fingers as the metal slid in and out of you, causing you to spill out in moans. You were almost glad he improvised a gag because it would be embarrassing if your neighbor, Miss Chen, realized you didn't have a cat. Your heartbeat begins to steady itself, something you were grateful for before Bucky places his cold thumb on your clit and rubbed you like he was playing a scratch-off lottery ticket. It felt like a dam broke between your thighs as you wiggled and tried not to give in so quickly. But you couldn't help it. He was overstimulating you to the extreme.
Your thighs begin to shake as a tear or two rolls down your cheek from how overwhelming it felt, but you couldn't imagine yourself being anywhere besides his lap. Feeling him spread you out and spank you as you wiggle more and more for his touch, even if your clit was starting to swell up. Bucky was too preoccupied with you that he probably didn't notice how hard he was getting; your right-hand slides over to his clothed cock as you gently squeeze it, hearing a soft but deep groan as Bucky leaves another red and purple mark on your ass. "take my fingers first, then we'll see." he raspily tells you, but you knew you weren't going to last long. You longed to have him inside of you.
And he knows.
he knows you won't last that long either, maybe he's alluding to round two? not that you had the energy to think coherent thoughts as a tsunami wave of pleasure hits you. heavy breaths as your chest rises and falls flat, as you creamed all over his hand, your cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson as his curled fingers hits the right spot one last time. if heaven was a place on earth, it was on this man's lap. you look at him, your eyes glossed over and your cheeks red as Bucky pulls out the balled up tank top out of your mouth. you pant and looked over to your laptop screen, seeing the money you made rack up more and more. speechless, you glimpsed at bucky before planting a sweet kiss on his lips, only for him to glance at you and say:
"guess I can finally sleep now."                                                    .·:*¨༺♱༻¨*:·.
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chrisevansonly · 10 months
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How would Harry react when he notices you don’t feel well bc of your period?
harry’s reaction to your monthly visitor (headcannon)
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You’re someone who tracks their cycle quite religiously so you know when it’s coming, giving you some time to prepare to spend the first (at least) 2 days in bed
You have always had a pretty nasty period, the pain was extremely bad the first couple days and you’re energy was at essentially a 0 for the 6 days it took you out of commission
Now speaking of angels, we’ll talk about Harry because he is the absolute sweetest when it comes to you and your well-being. He has always made sure that you have everything you could ever want and more
So when Harry came home to the house quiet, the smell of lavender spilling from the bathroom upstairs, he knew you weren’t feeling well and it was that time of the month
He’d make his way upstairs after getting a little plate of snacks ready, some water and juice as well in case you wanted either, he was a man who came prepared with many options
“Baby..?”
He waits until he hears a soft “in here…” before entering into the bathroom, his features softening at the sad smile you had on your face, eyes bloodshot; he could tell you’d been crying
“Oh love…that bad?”
“H-Horrible today”
Harry leant down to press a kiss to your forehead, swiping a piece of hair out of your face that has escaped the claw clip keeping it in a bun
“I brought some snacks up for after your bath, have you taken any painkillers yet..?”
“No, I just kind of got in the bath”
Nodding he moved towards the medicine cabinet, quickly finding your prescription from the doctor. You had cramps so bad that your physician had gotten you special antibiotics specifically for the pain
“Alright my darling, here…”
“Thank you baby”
You took the pills from him and the water bottle he’d gone to get, taking them with ease
“There we go, hopefully that helps with some of the pain, you ready to get out?”
“Yes please”
Harry made sure to grab the fluffiest towel, warm off the towel rack before helping you get out, sitting you down on the side of the tub so he could empty the water out
“Alright, what do you want to wear darling?”
You thought about it for a moment, determining what would be the comfiest to sleep in
“Um can I have one of your sweaters and just a pair of sweet pants please?”
He smiled pressing a kiss to your lips
“Mhm, any sweater?”
“Yes please”
You smiled to yourself watching as he disappeared into the bedroom, coming back with one of his sweaters, some sweatpants and a pair of his boxers knowing you found them much more comfortable than a pair of your own underwear while you were cramping
“Thank you m’love, always treat me so well”
“Always will, till we’re old and my body breaks down”
You laughed at this, only wincing slightly when a cramp hit
“No more making me laugh”
Harry simply laughed to himself before agreeing, helping you get dressed before you made your way towards your shared bed which right now looked like heaven
“Okay, can I get you anything else while you get comfy?”
“Cuddles…? Please?”
Harry watched your eyes soften as you looked at him and he swore his heart flipped in his chest at how sweet you looked
“I was wondering when you’d ask that”
It was safe to say Harry was the absolute best when it came to your time of the month, or anytime you felt sick even just after a bad day. He was your sunshine, and you were the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by him🩷
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btsgotjams27 · 7 months
Text
this is us ~ jjk | epilogue
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✨ title: this is us | complete (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, best friend’s brother ✨ playlist | ✨if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n: hi my TIU darlings. we have finally come to the conclusion of this story. 1.5 years later. it's crazy to think about. anywho, i've done my best to research IVF treatments and outcomes, so don't come for me if something is inaccurate (i tried!!!) ✨ a/n 2: remember we have our little TIU celebration!! which I'll make a post about on Friday, which will include some fun things for you. i hope you'll join in on the fun. lastly, thank you so much to everyone who has followed this little story from the beginning. i owe y'all so much!!
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[ SERIES MASTERLIST ]
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epilogue ~ us | wc: 5.9k
warnings: minor language, the pacing is fast so bear with me!, mentions of ~ fertility treatments (IVF) + needles + low sp*rm motility, some sad thoughts, a game reference to the tv show (This Is Us--iykyk), note: IVF cycles are typically around 2 months, oc jokes about unaliving jk bc he got her preggo, descriptions of labor (err--if you don't wanna read it, then just skip it??), idk I think that's it in terms of warnings lol--if I miss any, kindly let me know
~ Six Months Later ~
Two percent.
The IVF success rate for women ages 35 to 37, and you were smack dab in the middle. Well, you haven't turned 36 yet.
Your face was buried in your hands as you repeated the number. You sat back, turning to Jungkook. “The success rate is 2%. Two!”
He looked just as disappointed after the two of you spoke to the third fertility specialist within a few months, but Jungkook was always optimistic. “It’s better than zero.”
You groaned, leaning over and burying your face in your hands again. He rubbed in circular motions up and down your back. Your eyes began to well up, tears on the verge of falling.
“I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but this fucking sucks.” Everywhere you went, the outcome was the same. There was nothing hopeful about the situation.
Jungkook massaged the back of your neck. He muttered softly, ‘Hey.’ He stood, holding your hand, making you stand with him. He pulled you in for a hug. His body warmth radiates as he embraces you. “We’re gonna be part of that 2% success rate.”
You pressed your ear to his chest. His heartbeat is steady. Bum. Bum. It begins to calm your own.
You don’t want to say your thoughts, but your mouth is faster than your brain. “But what if we’re not?” Your heart speeds back up.
Jungkook immediately withdraws from you, grabbing your shoulders and making you square up with him. “Okay—time to play ‘worst case scenario.’ Go.”
The two of you started this little game, taking turns saying all the bad things you’re thinking. With no judgment, no censorship—saying aloud your fears takes away the power they hold, according to your therapist.
“We get pregnant and lose the baby.”
It was a scenario you already had in the past.
“We try all four cycles and don’t get pregnant,” Jungkook says.
“We exhaust every option, spend all our money, go broke, have to move in with Yuna and Namjoon, and still don’t get pregnant.”
Jungkook blinks. There’s no show of emotion on his face. He closes the distance between you, cupping your face. “Or—we keep trying, get pregnant, and have a baby.”
You gaze into those doe eyes you love so much. You couldn’t do this without him and the hope and support he brings. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”
The corners of his mouth curved up, “Sorry baby, you can’t get rid of me so easily.”
“Baby?”
“I mean—wifey.”
You chuckled, teasing him at his own game. “Can we go home and veg out?” All you wanted was a bowl of ice cream and your comfort movie.
“You’re not giving up on me, are you?” Jungkook raises his eyebrow.
“Just for tonight, okay?” You give a small smile. “Then tomorrow morning, I’ll put on my brave face.”
“Deal.”
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“Hmm, which one do you think Hyunie and Taehyung would like?” You tilted your head, debating between the mylar helium balloons. One said ‘Hello baby’ with zoo animals, and the other said ‘Sweet baby girl.’
Who knew picking out balloons would be so hard?
“I like the ‘Sweet baby girl’ one, and here,” Jungkook points to a cloud-shaped balloon, “Get this one too.”
The two of you walked hand in hand down the hall, ready to greet the happy parents. Hyunie was in early labor for a day and a half before active labor started. She texted, saying it was the longest few days of her life.
“This will be us soon,” Jungkook says before approaching their hospital room.
You flashed a thin smile. “I hope so.”
When you walked in, Hyunie happily ate a jello dessert, and Taehyung was passed out on what looked like an uncomfortable chair. His hand is gripping the bassinet where baby Hani is all bundled up in a swaddle blanket and beanie with a gigantic bow–almost bigger than her.
Hyunie grins when she sees you, and Jungkook brings her index finger to her lips, mouthing ‘shh,’ and points to her sleeping babies.
You walk to Hyunie’s bedside, and Jungkook goes to Taehyung’s.
“Hi, Mama,” you say, leaning to hug her. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m doing much better after this jello–just the energy boost I needed.”
“Aw–good! Now, I will ditch you and steal your baby for a moment.”
Hyunie giggles. “Be my guest!”
You stroll over to Jungkook as he’s standing in front of the bassinet, facing Hani. You wrap your arm around his waist, placing your head against his chest, focusing on his heartbeat.
“She’s so tiny,” he points out.
“Are you going to hold her?”
“What if I break her?”
You pinch his belly. “You’re not going to break her. Just be extra careful and support her neck and body.”
Jungkook didn’t have the luxury of being around when Indie was a baby, but he’ll get some practice in with baby Hani.
He took a deep breath and shook off his nerves. He stepped closer to the bassinet, his left hand cradled underneath Hani’s neck, and then you muttered to take his right hand underneath her bottom. He gently lifts her from the bassinet, trying to shift her head closer into the crook of his arm.
Hani begins to stir and squirm in his arms, but you reassure him that it’ll be okay. “Gently rock her, and she’ll settle.”
“How are you so good at this?” He looks at you before focusing on Hani again.
You giggle. “Well, I have a pretty good record as an Auntie.”
“You’re going to be a great mom,” he says, kissing your cheek. “Me as a dad? That’s a different story.”
“It’ll take practice, Kook. We can’t be so hard on ourselves already.”
“Mm, you’re right.”
Jungkook feels a kick against his leg. It was Taehyung probably having an intense dream.
“I’m up! I didn’t fall asleep!” Taehyung hollers, immediately sitting up.
All of you blink at the newly tired dad and start laughing. This would hopefully be you and Jungkook soon. Tired and delusional with a baby in your arms.
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The white walls and tiled floors were becoming familiar to you and Jungkook. You slowly turned to your husband, who was hunched over, holding the bridge of his nose. It was your turn to comfort him.
You focused on the small spider crawling down the wall, sucking in your lips, trying your best not to laugh.
He turned to you, pouting. “Don’t laugh.”
You raised your eyebrows, lips still sucked in, shaking your head. “Do you see me laughing?”
“You’re laughing on the inside. I know it.”
Your hands rubbed his shoulders, rocking him back and forth. “Kook–it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
He leaned back, head against the wall. “I was,” he paused, “nervous.”
“Mmhm,” you nodded. “I bet that’s the reason.”
Jungkook groaned, stomping his feet, burying his face in his hands.
On the inside, you were chuckling just a bit. You knew how much he prided himself in how much he could come. He’d always point it out, especially after you two started trying for a baby.
Like how he’d always comfort you, you gave him tickle scratches along his spine, letting him know it’d be okay.
“I’m sure you’re not the only man who has a high sperm count but has low motility.”
He pops back up. “I need to see my little men under a microscope. Whoever the lab tech is must be wrong.”
“Kook—” you stressed. “I did a lot of research, and they say men with high sperm count and low motility can still have kids.”
He lets out a deep breath. “I know. I’m just being a big baby.”
You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him to you. “See, I don’t need a baby—I have one right here,” you teased, patting his cheek as he pouted again. “I’m kidding. I want a little human with your eyes and cute nose.” You reached to bite his nose gently, and he chuckled, going for a kiss.
“Worst case scenario?” he asks.
You tilted your head, thinking about the infinite possibilities, but the two of you always came up with the same outcomes. “How about the best-case scenario?”
Jungkook hums.
“We get pregnant and have a baby.”
He perks up. “We have two babies.”
You blink at your starry-eyed hubby, holding out your hand in defense. “Okay–let’s just try to have one first.”
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You hissed, closing your eyes when the sharp needle pierced your flesh. Thankfully, it was the last day of injections. Jungkook was always a champ when it came to these shots.
He set the syringe down, grabbing a piece of gauze to apply pressure on the wound. “Are you okay?”
You nodded. This was round two of your IVF cycle. The first cycle was tough–you were mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. Your mood was constantly changing. You were bloated, fatigued—you name it, you had it.
Even Bam could tell something was happening. He was on alert, guarding your every move. He was the spitting personality of Jungkook.
Bam was lying outside the bathroom door, waiting for the two of you to finish. As soon as you walk out, his head perks up, and he stands to his feet, following you to the bed. Jungkook drapes the duvet over you and hands you the TV remote. Bamie looks at you with his doe eyes, practically asking if he could come to snuggle with you.
“Come on,” you say, gesturing for him to get onto the bed, and he does without hesitation. You wouldn’t mind Bamie snuggles today.
Jungkook sits on the bed’s edge. He inches closer, stroking your cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home today?”
You shake your head no. “I’ll be fine. I have Bamie.”
He gives a small smile. “I’ll only be there a couple of hours, then I’ll be back. Call me if you need anything or want me to pick up dinner, okay?”
You hummed, kissing him before turning on the TV. Bamie looks at the two of you, then turns his attention to the screen.
Jungkook stands by the door, saying goodbye. He closes it, his hand lingering on the knob. He wants to stay and snuggle with you and Bam all day, but he also has to network to be a candidate for this new job.
“Okay, Bam. What should we watch?” You look over, and his eyes are already closed, making you chuckle. “Can’t hang, huh, bud?” You ruffle his floppy ears.
You’re unsure what you’re in the mood for.
Thriller/Suspense. Nope.
Romance. Nope.
Action. Maybe.
The trailer started playing for Bullet Train. You’re not a huge fan of Brad Pitt, but you could digest his acting when you felt like it. Sure, why not? There was nothing else to do.
It was strange how you found yourself in Ladybug, Brad Pitt’s character. It’s not like you’re an assassin, but you were privy to misfortunes.
You stopped yourself and shook the notion off. No. This round of IVF was going to work. The trigger shot, the egg retrieval, and the transfer would be successful. Everything will work out. Your fate was not like Ladybug; instead, you’d be lucky.
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~ Two Weeks Later ~
As you had anticipated, everything went smoothly with the rest of cycle two. And today was the big day: finding out if it worked.
Unfortunately, the only mishap was that Jungkook’s interview was at the same time as your appointment. He was so close to skipping it, but you threatened him with divorce and no sex if he didn’t go.
You had already come in two days earlier to give a blood sample and were confused about why you had to come in again so suddenly.
Maybe you should take it as a good sign, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up for fear that it wouldn’t be a positive outcome—you’d just expect the unexpected. If it happens—great. If it doesn’t, then you’d keep trying.
Two knocks on the door before it became ajar, and your doctor stuck their head in.
“Hello, hello,” they chirped, opening the door wider as they stepped in.
You sat in the chair against the wall, and they rolled out a stool, sitting before you. You’re anxious. You wished they’d spit it out already.
“Let me start with some good news,” they say, and you listen intently. “There is detection of hCG in your body.”
Your eyes scan their face for the bad news.
“And the not-so-bad news is, we’ll need you to come in every day for the next 8-10 days so we can monitor your levels.”
Your mouth is open, but no words or even thoughts are forming. Again, you didn’t want to celebrate too early.
“Does this mean what I think it means?” you ask, twiddling with your thumbs, your heart ready to burst with joy.
The doctor smiles. “It’s a good sign.”
You suck in your lips and suppress a smile. Your skin is warming up, and you only want to call Jungkook and tell him the good news.
But the little voice in your head was like a broken record, ‘Don’t get ahead of yourself.’
“Today, we’ll monitor your levels, and as I said previously, we’d like you to come in every day until we feel like your levels are steady.”
You nodded in agreement.
The real question was, would you tell Jungkook or just wait? He’d want to know, right?
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You had gone in every day to test your levels, and each time they increased, your heart would leap when you were given the results.
Jungkook raised an eyebrow, weary of your frequent daily outings, but you told him you just needed fresh air and time to yourself, and there was nothing he needed to worry about.
You felt guilty for keeping it from him. He’s your husband, after all. In your mind, it would soften the devastation if this embryo transfer didn’t work. At least you would have had time to process it and then help Jungkook, and then the both of you wouldn’t be a mess simultaneously like the first go-around.
“Congratulations.”
You clutched onto the baby photo album against your chest as you turned around to find a sales clerk. “Oh–um, thank you.”
“Is there anything I can help you find?”
You shook your head no. This was so new that you didn’t know where to begin. “I’m just looking, thank you.”
She smiled warmly. “Well, if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask,” she said before walking away.
The only thing you could think of was if Jungkook would be upset at you for waiting so long to tell him.
You took a moment to breathe before entering the apartment. Your hand trembled as you reached for the doorknob. As soon as you open the door, you’re greeted by Bam, who sniffs your bag. You kneeled before him, placing a kiss on his face.
“Where’s Jungkookie?” you whispered, ruffling his ears. Bam licks your face before leading you to him.
He’s sitting on the couch, legs crossed on the coffee table as you sit beside him. You reach over to kiss him.
“Did you have a nice little outing?” he asked, setting the remote down. Bam lays down by both your feet.
You hummed. “I got you a little present.”
His lips thinned, and he narrowed his eyes.
“Just–open it.”
Jungkook removes the tissue paper and takes a photo album with a note attached. “Looks like I’ll get to call you a new name…” he reads confusedly.
At the end of the note is an arrow. He flips open the album to see the word ��daddy’ written at the top of the page and a black and white ultrasound photo.
“Is this–is this what I think it is?” He slowly turned to you, his eyes glistening.
You nod, suppressing your smile, and a tear runs down your cheek. “We’re pregnant.”
Jungkook closes his eyes and breathes out a deep sigh. “Is this why you’ve been going out so much?”
“Please don’t be mad at me. I just–I didn’t want us to be disappointed again. I wanted us to have a win, and last time was devastating cause I feel like it's always hard to come by wins–well, for me, at least. Then your whole low motility thing made you sad. When they called me to come in again, I didn't want to get my hopes up in case we didn't get pregnant, and then they kept calling me. Of course, I became more hopeful and hated that I was more hopeful, and then I felt guilty for keeping this from you, and now we're pregnant and finally have some space to breathe.”
You finished your rambling and were too busy to notice Jungkook grinning from ear to ear. 
“Anything else?”
You shook your head no.
Jungkook holds your hands. "Baby, I'm not mad at you.”
“You’re not?” You thought he’d be furious.
He shook his head, placing his hand on your belly, gently rubbing it. “A little human is growing inside of you.”
You look down, then back up at him. “Wanna see the video?” 
Jungkook flashes a smile and nods. You pull out your phone, scrolling to the ultrasound video you recorded. It plays, then zooms into the monitor. The tech points out the moving blob in the corner, and the sound of whooshing and thumping can be heard.
Just as listening to Jungkook’s heartbeat was always reassuring for you, hearing your baby’s heartbeat became another. It was proof that the baby did exist. It’s real. It’s not a figment of your imagination.
The video was on a loop, and you hadn’t realized you were still smiling at the screen. Jungkook holds your chin with his thumb and index finger, making you turn to him. “We did it.”
You hum. “We did.”
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Week 20
(Five Months Pregnant) 
To say you haven’t been worried sick since you found out you were pregnant would be a lie. You even bought a fetal monitor and made Jungkook figure out how to use it. You did everything by the book because you didn’t want anything to go wrong.
And searching the internet for what could be wrong with you didn’t help. It gave you more concern than anything.
Today was a big day.
You didn’t know if the flutters in your belly were the baby or because you were nervous. Maybe both.
Jungkook sat beside you on the bed, holding your hand–gripping actually.
You tapped him, telling him to let go.
“Sorry–I’m just nervous.”
“You’re nervous?” you chuckle. “At least you don’t have a full bladder. I hate this part of pregnancy.” Having a full bladder encourages better sound energy, says your internet search, and having a baby in your belly and a pea-sized bladder was a recipe for disaster.
The sonographer comes in and greets you both. She preps you, squeezing the cold gel onto your belly and moving the small electronic device from side to side.
This is the first time Jungkook has seen an ultrasound live. You hold out your hand, and he squeezes it. Both of you are glued to the screen.
“I’m going to do some measurements of the baby, and would you guys like to know the sex of the baby?”
The two of you look at each other and answer simultaneously, “Yes.”
She chuckles lightly, “Noted.”
She continues clicking her mouse, pointing out the features of your baby. “Here’s the baby’s heart.” She moves the device to a different section of your stomach. “Oh—they’re waving. See their little hand?”
You and Jungkook lean forward, squinting at the screen.
“It’s so tiny,” you pout and look at Jungkook.
“And now she has the hiccups. Can you feel it, mama?”
You both turn to each other. “She?”
“Congratulations, you’re having a little girl.”
Jungkook cups your face and kisses you. He pulls away, smiling and giggling. “Oh man—I’m gonna be outnumbered,” he jokes.
“Good—we’ll put you in your place so you can treat us like queens.”
He grins. “Always.”
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Week 37
(Nine Months Pregnant)
“Hubby!”
You hear Jungkook yelling, ‘Yeah’ from the other room.
“I can’t reach the remote!” You tried for 5 minutes before calling out to Jungkook. 
“Be right there!”
“And bring me pickles!”
Typically, you didn’t care about pickles, but this baby girl wanted pickles, specifically from the jar, during this pregnancy.
“‘Kay!”
A few moments later, Jungkook shows up with a jar of pickles and sets it on the nightstand. “You know you can download the TV app on your phone, so that way, you don’t need the remote.”
“Yeah, but that would require me to reach for my phone too.” Which was right next to the remote.
Jungkook shook his head and chuckled, handing you the remote. “How are my girls doing, hmm?” He plopped on the bed, gently laying his head on your belly.
“I need this baby to come out. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”
Everything hurts—your back, your neck, your legs. And not to mention, your feet would swell if you didn’t take a walk around the block with Bam. You couldn’t even sleep on your back anymore, and if you accidentally woke up lying on your back, this humongous basketball stomach would ache like no tomorrow.
“Just a few more weeks, then she’ll be here.”
“Don’t you dare get me pregnant again!” you joked.
Now you understand what Yuna and Hyunie went through. Were you a one-and-done type of person? It sounded reasonable right now.
Jungkook propped himself on his elbows. “And what if our baby girl gets lonely? She’ll need a sibling.”
You grabbed the jar of pickles, attempted to open it, and then gave it to Jungkook to do the honors. “Nope—that’s why we have Bamie. He’s great entertainment for all the kiddos,” you reasoned.
Bam looks up when he hears his name but goes right back to ignoring the two of you.
He chuckled. “We’ll reevaluate once we get this whole parenting thing under wraps.”
You groaned after biting into the crisp and juicy pickle. “Nuh-uh,” you mumbled, wiping the juice down your chin. “Having your baby has limited my food options for nine months—that’s too long for me to go without sushi and cold-cut sandwiches.”
“You don’t even like cold-cut sandwiches.” Jungkook narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at your ridiculousness.
“Yeah—but what if I wanted one? Then I don’t have that option, now do I?”
“I love you, you crazy, beautiful woman.”
“I love you too.”
“Tell you what…”
You’re about to grab another pickle from the jar. “Hmm?”
“I’ll sneak in sushi for your first meal after we have the baby.”
Your eyes widened, and you set the jar back down on the nightstand, then turned back to him. “Don’t let your mom find out. She will riot if my first meal isn’t seaweed soup.”
“I’m sure she’ll be distracted by the baby that she won’t even notice.”
“As long as I get sushi, I’ll be happy.”
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“Jeon Jungkook—“ You gripped the sleeve of his shirt. “I’m going to kill you for doing this to me.” You’re delusional, and you’ve been in labor for too long.
Everything happened so quickly that you didn’t even have time to process it. Your water didn’t break like it does in TV shows or films. You woke up in the middle of the night with intense cramps, thinking you pulled a muscle. You hadn’t woken up Jungkook in case it was a false alarm, but after timing your contractions on your app—it was ‘go’ time. When you arrived at the hospital, got checked in, and saw the doctor, you were already 7cm dilated, and there wouldn’t be enough time to get an epidural. So—you were doing this au natural.
He gulps. “You got this—I believe in you.”
You sigh, throwing your head back against the pillow. You’ve been pushing for an hour, and nothing has progressed. Everyone keeps telling you, ‘You’re doing great,’ but you don’t feel like it. Your hair is stuck to your face because you’ve been sweating profusely. All those mom influencers you’ve seen on TikTok and Instagram were all liars. How did they look so cute while giving birth?
“Kook—you have to do this for me. You have to push out this baby. I can’t do it.” You don’t even bother to look at him. Instead, you focus on breathing because you can feel another contraction coming.
Jungkook chuckles lightly and stands, leaning over to kiss your forehead. “You know, if I could do it, I would.”
“I know—I’m—I’m so tired.”
He cups your face. “Just focus on me. On our baby girl, and nothing else. Okay? That’s all that matters right now.”
The doctor looks at the monitor. “Okay, are you ready to push again?”
You’re scared–scared you can’t do this.
And you’ve been through a lot of shit in your life, so you thought you’ve always been tough and could handle anything, and at this point, you were testing your limits.
You close your eyes and take a deep breath, mentally telling yourself, ‘You got this.’
“Okay, mama. You have to push as hard as you can.”
You can feel the tension building and know it’s time to do your best. Jungkook is helping you hold your leg back while you hold the other. There’s a burning sensation; everything feels so tight as you push.
“You’re doing great, Mom. I can see the baby’s head.”
Jungkook stops to peer at what the doctor’s seeing. He sucks in his lips. He wants to say something but stops himself.
“Come on–keep going. Keep pushing. Her head is almost out.”
You groan loudly and grip your legs as you push with all your might. And finally, there’s some relief in the tension that was building.
“You did it, mom. The head is out.”
Jungkook looks again. “Oh–this is so weird.” He tilts his head. He’s in awe and bemused by everything pregnancy and labor-related.
“Kook–you’re not helping!”
He clears his throat. “I mean, baby–she’s so beautiful.”
“What does she look like?” you ask, resting quickly against the pillow.
“Really red,” he says, “but she has cute, chubby cheeks.”
“She does?”
He nods and looks back at you.
“Alright, mama. The hardest part is getting the shoulders out, but the rest is a breeze once it's out. You got this.”
You sit up again, holding onto your legs. The doctor rechecks the monitor to assess when the next contraction is coming.
“Let’s have this baby,” she says.
Jungkook lets go of your leg to kiss your cheek and reassure you. “I love you.”
You nod, gripping your legs back further into your chest. And when the doctor says, ‘push,’ you hold back a wail, pushing with everything you have.
The doctor encourages you to keep pushing and says how close she is to almost being out. It seems like the longest few minutes of your life, but when you finally hear the small cry of your baby girl, it’s like you find the missing piece of the puzzle, and it fits perfectly into the big picture.
“Do you want to cut the cord?” The doctor asks Jungkook. He nods in response and takes the scissors, cutting the umbilical cord.
Your baby girl is taken by a few nurses to get cleaned up, and Jungkook turns his attention to you.
“I knew you could do it, baby.” He kisses you before attending to a request of one of the nurses.
Honestly, everything was a blur. From the time you began feeling contractions in the middle of the night until now. It didn’t seem real. It’s almost like a dream. But alas, Jungkook places your baby girl into your arms, and all's right with the world.
Her little hands. Her little nose. Those chubby cheeks. Her pouty little lips. She’s perfect.
Everything you could’ve asked for and more.
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“Meet Jeon Iseul,” Jungkook says to his mom.
His mom coos at her granddaughter. “Oh, my goodness. Look at how precious she is. I must be the luckiest grandma in the world.”
Jungkook passes Iseul to his mom and cradles her as she walks to your bedside. She leans over. “Psst–I brought some sushi for you.” You smile and hold in a giggle. “But first, seaweed soup, then sushi.”
You nod in agreement.
Your mother-in-law sits in a chair nearby, gazing at her granddaughter. Jungkook sits on the bed as you two watch them.
“Pinch me,” Jungkook says.
And you never miss an opportunity to pinch his nipple. He flinches, muttering an ‘ow.’
“You said to pinch you.”
“Yeah, but not there,” he leans closer, “and not in front of my mom.”
You giggle. “Sorry, I can’t help it. You were asking for it.” You scoot closer to Jungkook, wrapping your arm around him, and he reciprocates. “It feels like it took forever to get here, hmm?”
He hums. “Yeah, but it was worth it, right?” He leans in, kissing your forehead. “And goddamn, baby—”
You perk up in confusion.
“I have so much respect for you.”
“What? Why?”
“You pushed out a 7-pound baby and still look so good after it.”
“Shut up. I look and feel gross. I desperately need to shower.”
“No–this is the look of a woman who can do anything. I’d never want to mess with you,” he teases.
“Well, I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“We’re in this together, right?”
“Forever and ever,” you say.
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Throughout the day, you and your little family had visits from friends. Indie and Hani met their newest little best friend and were obsessed with her, wanting to give her hugs and kisses and pretend to play.
After Mama Jeon made sure you drank your seaweed soup, Jungkook said he’d walk her out and made sure she got to her taxi.
There was a moment of stillness. One you didn’t get to have yet with Iseul. You held her in your arms, scanning over her little features again like you had been doing all day. Her little face was crinkling, forming a frown and then a smile. She squirmed as you lightly stroked her cheek.
As you continued to fawn over your little one, you couldn’t help but think about how much you loved her already. You didn’t even know her personality or what kind of person she’d become, but in your heart, you knew that wouldn’t stop you from wanting to give her the world. Give her everything you didn’t have. Protect her at all costs. Shield her as best as possible and give her the resources, love, and advice to grow up to be anything she wants. You’d do anything for her.
A knock on the door breaks you out of your daze. You look up to see the most unexpected person. Someone you hadn’t seen in a few years. Your mother.
She stands at the door, waiting for you to tell her it’s okay to come in, but you don’t say anything. You’re stunned she’s even here. You cradle Iseul closer to you, wanting to protect her with every ounce of your body.
Your mom clears her throat and holds up a bag. “I, um–I brought you some seaweed soup.”
Now, you’re wondering how she even knew. Maybe Jungkook’s mom was still in contact? You know for sure it wasn’t Jungkook.
You’re silent, unable to form any words. What does she even want from you? To be involved with you and your daughter’s life? And now, of all times?
She walks in, setting the bag of food down on a table. She doesn’t come any closer. You can see her eyeing you, then Iseul.
And again, your first instinct is to protect Iseul from any harm.
“I wanted to come here and apologize.” She looks down at her folded hands, then back at you. “I’ll admit that I wasn’t a good mother nor a nice person to you or your father, and I’m not expecting you to let me into your life or your baby’s–”
“That’s not happening–” you stress, cutting her off.
She purses her lips and nods. “Understood.”
“Anything else?”
She shakes her head no. “I wish you, Jungkook, and the baby all the best.”
Your mother leaves quickly without saying anything else. You feel like an absolute ass, but you need to set boundaries for her and yourself. She made her choice not to be in your life. She doesn’t get to choose when she can come and go as she pleases. That’s not how it works.
Iseul begins to stir. You rock and shush her while in your arms. Tears are welling up, threatening to fall.
“Well, you’re not crying alone if your baby is crying too.”
You look up to see Min Yoongi. You wipe away the tears pooling in the corner and sniffle as he approaches you.
Clearing your throat, you ask, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you in the middle of filming?”
He sets a gift bag in an empty chair before returning his attention to you. “I came to visit my girlfriend, then heard from Taehyung and Hyunie that you had your baby.”
You give him a look. “Girlfriend?”
He smiles, scratching his temple. “Yeah–Minji, your friend. We hit it off at your engagement party.”
You suppress your grin. “Well, thank you for stopping by to say hi to us. I’m glad you didn’t forget about me.”
Yoongi laughs and shakes his head. “I don’t think I could forget you.”
You scan him from head to toe. He carries himself differently. It was weird to see him happy, but you were glad he found someone who made him radiate golden rays of sunshine instead of his Grumpy Grandpa persona.
“Hey baby–sorry, I got caught up with my mom,” Jungkook says as he enters the room. “Oh–hey, Yoongi.”
Yoongi flashes a thin smile and a slight nod. “Well, that’s my cue.”
“No, no, stay,” Jungkook argues.
“I would, but I have to head out. Congratulations. She’s beautiful,” Yoongi remarks, patting Jungkook on the back before closing the door behind him.
Jungkook sits beside you and Iseul. “Did I miss a lot? I wasn’t gone for that long.”
You chuckle lightly. “You missed my mom too.”
His eyes widen and his mouth is wide open in astonishment. “I–are you okay?”
You shrug. “Yeah–better now that you’re here.”
“She didn’t say anything, did she?”
“We won’t worry about that right now,” you say.
All you wanted to focus on was you, Jungkook, Iseul, and the new chapter you’d all encounter together. You understood that parenthood and motherhood would bring new challenges and new fears, but as long as you and Jungkook fiercely loved one another and continued to fight for each other and protect Iseul, that was enough for you.
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Your first morning at home as a family. The sun scantily peeking through the curtains, and the light whistling of snores from Jungkook. And, of course, Iseul, the newest addition, sleeping next to you in a bassinet. Bam is always close by, always on guard, ready to protect all of you, especially Iseul.
You were on your side, gazing at the man you loved.
“You’re staring,” he mumbles, his eyes still closed.
“I’m fondly gazing.”
“It’s creepy,” he teases, peeking an eye open.
“I can leave,” you threaten, shifting out from under the covers, but Jungkook pulls you back against his chest.
"Nuh-uh, you're stuck with me, remember?" He kisses your shoulder.
You turn to lie on your back, staring at the ceiling.
"Everything okay?" Jungkook asks, entwining his hand with yours.
You hum, gazing over at him and Iseul, fast asleep. 
It's more than okay.
It's perfect.
This.
You. Him. Iseul. Bam.
Us.
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TIU Celebration - podcast episode, character asks, AMA, drabbles
94 notes · View notes
ruthlesslistener · 7 days
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do you have any headcanons for anything you've been holding onto, but haven't had a good chance to post about? I love your fics and I wanna peer into your mind palace
Shhdhchs EXCELLENT bc ive had a lot of thoughts but this quarter + anxiety in general has been killin me
-Okay so I'm still hyperfixated on Destiny 2 bc of a DnDestiny game I'm in, but since Hollow Knight is a special interest and I read a couple of frankly stunning crossover fics (one with the Inheritance Cycle, one with Transformers, both are outstanding and I will recc them wholeheartedly if you ask- the TF one especially blew my tits clean off which is saying something bc I have zero TF knowledge, also its 500k words but I'm rambling), my brain has been essentially locked into the concept of a crossover AU where a couple of my D2 OCs get slingshot into the HK world via a fucked-up warpgate through wish-dragon magic, and it's now got me kind of obsessed with the idea of the world of Hollow Knight taking place on an alien planet that had some convergent evolution re: general insect body plans, but went off the fuckin' rails with everything else. So here's some worldbuilding thoughts on that:
-Their planet would be far from Earth and the origin place of the Ahamkara and precursor race to the Worm Gods, who are distant relatives to each other that took to the stars to opportunistically feed off of rifts in reality. They are in turn sister taxa to the Wyrms and Higher Beings from Hollow Knight, who also feed off of the wants, desires, and gulf between what-is-desired-and-what-is-true, but unlike the worms and wish-dragons, the Higher Beings are essentially 'settled' species. They're the farming civilization to the hunter-gatherers of their Destiny-based kindred, and yes, both branches of the family tree fucking despise each other and look down scornfully on the other's lifestyle. The Higher Beings view the Worms and Ahamkara as little more than scavengers, while the Worms and Ahamkara see the Higher Beings as glorified slavedrivers with sticks up their asses- though it should be noted that since the Ahamkara's whole deal so far has been malignant trickery as a hunting style, this doesn't neccessarily carry the same negative connotations that it would in our society. I also don't know enough about the proto-Worms to say how their race would react, but the Worm Gods as they are now certainly are something that Wyrms would look down on
-(Yes that means I have thought extensively about the Pale King's ghost bristling aggressively at a baby ahamkara barely a few hours old. In my defense, it's funny, and also I almost never remember to write him as the cold, prickly, arrogant ass that he is bc his kids make him Big Sad)
-The planet would likely be smaller than Earth with lighter gravity, though how much smaller I can't say because I'm not a fuckin' physicist. I just want an excuse for making fuckoff-huge animals a thing even beyond the inherent space magic thing going on
-Oh, and most life is underground because the atmosphere is thinner than Earth and so the upper surface gets bombarded with deadly amounts of radiation, which causes the mind-wiping effects of the Wastes (where the angle towards their sun is the greatest and thus the strongest). Ngl I did briefly think about potential magnetic field fluxes also being the cause of that effect but like, I cannot overstate how little I know of things outside biology
-HK being set on an alien planet lets me do wack shit with the species there too bc I'm no longer bound by comparing them to Earthbound species. For example, I can make Quirrel an isopod with cricket legs. Who's going to stop me, God? He doesn't exist here
-That also means I can stop being bothered by Herrah's dubious leg placement bc it would kill me forever otherwise
-Also, them being on an alien planet gives me even more of an excuse to never put traditional vertebrate species in there, which is great. I've said it before, but putting Earth vertebrates in the HK setting totally ruins all the fun for me because I love the concept of all the species diversity being made up of invertebrates, and that the 'advanced' bugs we see have filled the niche that vertebrates would have otherwise taken over. Like the carboniferous period but on steroids
General HK thoughts too:
-been toying with the idea of wyrms having a set of evertable inner jaws like polychaete worms, which would be used for keeping dirt out of the mouth and biting off chunks to eat, while the outer jaws (the ones we see) are used for killing, digging, and sparring with other wyrms. The idea is that the outer ring of mandibles bites big circular chunks out of the substrate, which then breaks off into tiny pieces they filter out in between gaps in their mandibles and pack down into tunnel walls as they move forward
-I've also been toying with the idea of them secreting some kind of mucus as they dig that's almost a calcifying substance, but now that I think about it, I can probs just put those glands in their frontal mouth so if they need to reinforce a tunnel (like, say, one burrowed in sand instead of rock), they can mix their saliva in with the substrate to chemically solidify the tunnel walls
-Which btw is a major thing for ecosystems bc the tunnels are used for lots of different things by lots of different species. Wyrms are terraformers baybee!! Kinda the same way wildfires are, but still
-I've also been thinking about maybe making it so that the row of plates I like to draw on their backs act as a secondary pair of belly scutes, which means that wyrms can slither just as easily upside down as they can on their undersides, which helps underground. It's not as efficient as the super-smooth scales on a blind snake, but that's the tradeoff they get for needing to be so heavily armoured
-I'm also leaning towards making marine/freshwater variants that are just straight-up bobbit worms on even more steroids, but since I already have fuckoff huge marine alien bobbit worms in a scifi setting of mine, I'd need to figure out a way to make them unique
-I learned that there's internalized folds of exoskeleton for muscle attatchment in my invertebrate biology course and got really excited about that being a potential basis for the formation of skeletal elements in the world of Hollow Knight- like, maybe bug bones started off as those lil folds (i forgot their technical name which is embaressing bc i literally just took the final this night) becoming stronger and deeper-set into the body to better support the weight of larger and larger bugs, and then it spiraled into a skeleton analogue from there. Being derived from the exoskeleton probably means that it would be less strong than our bones, but it would likely also be lighter
Misc:
-God I really need to write Hornet in Silksong so bad. Fuck. I need need need to write this mildly autistic unsocialized princess running amok in a civilization that isn't ready for her. Also my interpretation of Lace is basically an oc at this point but I don't want to do anything with her just yet bc that shits a lot of work, I just need to write everything down for her so far (and tbh Lurien probs also counts at this point but thats more filling a niche that TC left unfufilled)
-I've also got gijinka thoughts in that I'm leaning towards making Lurien a trans guy who didn't have any gender-affirming surgeries bc a.) I love love love making a variety of trans characters and b.) Hallownest isn't a society where the concept of being transgender is an issue, so there's no need to do it to pass, only to prioritize your own comfort. And since Lurien never expected to be seen in anything but his formalware, he never saw the point of bothering
-(The aformentioned point also applies to normal bug Lurien but this is more of a personal thing here)
-Need to focus more on how the latent magic of the god of a realm changes your eye colour, with the more intense the shade = the more involved you are with their magic. Using Lurien as an example again: his eyes were brown naturally, but after he became Watcher, they slowly shifted to shades of paler and paler blue. I also like the idea of Quirrel's eyes getting more blue the more memories of Hallownest he unlocks, until they're the same shade as the Blue Lake in his final scene
-This can also happen in reverse; for example, my Lace gijinka starts off with gold eyes to signify the church of Pharloom's hold over her, but then slowly revert back to brown as Hornet gives her more and more hope that the institution can be toppled, until they're eventually their natural deep brown with just the faintest flecks of silver in them (signifying Hornet's importance in her life)
-It just occurred to me the other day when I was at work that Striga and Morgana from Castlevania S3 are almost exactly how I imagined my Vespa and Herrah gijinkas to be and now I can't stop thinking about it. The main difference is that my Herrah is a fat spider-orc with tats and Vespa is a fae queen with bee features shimmering through her human veil, but still. Its uncanny
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