#While I genuinely fucking struggle through life bc of these things and struggle to even open up about what I go through

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: smooth as butter Steve flirting with Eddie while the CC boys watch in shock as their ruthless Eddie turns red(?) and gets all blushy bc he doesn't know how to deal with this STEVE???? making it better:it happens during DND the one time Eddie gets Steve to play & the entire time Steve's human bard character flirting hardcore with Eddie via his NPC's (the kids aren't involved in this one just Steddie & Corroded Coffin boys)

MY LOVEEEEEEE!!!! Okay I have never played. I know. Hush, I know. My best friend wants me to so bad she bought me dice. And like, I probably will, but like Steve, my brain is trying to not only deal with math, but also just how involved it all is. I like games that take about half a brain cell. I'm also super bad at the flirting thing, in real life and when writing. I just cannot do it my friends. But I did my best here and I hope it isn't the worst😂 - Mickala ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

He was doing this for Dustin.

He made a character sheet with Lucas, went over the basics, learned that maybe the math part wouldn’t be so bad.

And then he convinced Eddie to let him do a one shot with the Corroded Coffin guys so he could get a feel for it all without Dustin knowing.

He didn’t get that creative with his character according to Lucas, but he was also supportive and understanding that Steve wasn’t doing this as a regular thing.

Eddie explained to the guys that they needed to be patient, that Steve was genuinely trying to learn.

“Everyone was new once, so I don’t wanna hear anything from any of you about how annoying it is to have to take it so slow and explain everything. He’s trying to do a nice thing for Henderson and we’re going to be nice.”

Everyone groaned, but nodded in agreement.

“Are we talking about your crush on him yet, or is that still off the table?” Gareth had the gall to ask.

“There’s no crush to even have on the table,” Eddie said.

“Sure, dude.”

—--------------

Things were not going well.

Well, okay, they weren’t going bad.

It’s just that Lucas apparently explained to Steve that being in character was very important and Steve failed to mention that his character’s charisma was the highest possible option.

He shouldn’t be surprised by that.

Maybe he’s just surprised with all the blatant flirting.

The guys keep shooting him looks like they know that he’s struggling, that they can see that he is barely able to hold onto the power the DM usually has.

“The guard stops you, but he recognizes you. ‘You’re the one who stole the sword!’ he yells, catching the attention of the other guards. You panic because your party is still hiding in the bush with strict instructions not to be seen unless they draw their weapons on you. How will you respond?”

Steve smirked.

Not good. Run away. Get out, Munson, you’re fucked.

But he couldn’t leave.

He was the DM, and they were barely halfway done with what he had planned.

He had to see this through and he had to give Steve the best possible introduction to this game.

It was for Dustin.

“I’d probably have to insist that it wasn’t me he saw, but that I sure wish I’d seen him before. Maybe wink at him,” Steve said. “Actually, definitely wink at him.”

Steve looked at everyone else, smile silently asking for approval.

Everyone smirked at Eddie before giving him a thumbs up.

Traitors.

He’d be saying something later for sure.

“The guard is still suspicious, but waves the other guards off. He looks you over, circles you, decides to take your only weapon.”

“Not my only weapon. I still have plenty of time to distract him.”

Eddie squints at him, just as suspicious as the guard in their game.

“Roll for-”

“Persuasion, right?” Steve interrupted.

“Sure. Roll for persuasion, Stevie,” Eddie pretended not to be flustered at Steve remembering aspects of the game.

“18!” Steve yelled. “Plus the 13. So that’s…” he held his hand up while he thought about it. “31!”

Everyone at the table cheered except for Eddie.

He knew what was coming.

“I offer to let the guard check me for weapons in private if he’s still suspicious. I tell him it’s better to take all my clothes off where he can do something about it.”

Eddie hated what was happening.

He hated that he could feel how red his face was, and how much Steve was thriving off of putting Eddie off of his own game.

He hated the way the guys were all watching, literally holding their breath for Eddie’s reaction.

“The guard decides to lead you past the gate, but instead of taking you to the entrance to the castle, he leads you down a side road. It leads to a small cottage, and you start to worry that your party won’t find you.”

Steve doesn’t even hesitate.

“I let him lead me where he wants. I can take it.”

Eddie is going to die. Right here.

Steve knows what he’s doing, what he’s saying.

He knows what he is doing to Eddie.

And, okay, maybe they haven’t talked about it, maybe they’ve both been avoiding the very obvious tension between them for months. Maybe Eddie could have taken a chance any of the times they’ve been alone lately to finally talk about it.

Or maybe Steve would just keep flirting with him through this stupid game until Eddie couldn’t even do what he needed to do.

And everyone around them would just get to watch it unfold.

Jeff, his only friend at the moment, cleared his throat and decided to speak up.

“I think the rest of the party should follow. Just in case he needs backup. Guys?”

Thank God for Jeff.

It continues, the rest of the party finds a way to get past the guards, and Eddie admits to himself that he’s making it easier on purpose.

He wants, no, needs this game to end.

And he gets his wish ten minutes later when the phone rings and it’s Dustin, begging for a ride.

Eddie ignores the fact that he called his trailer knowing Steve would be here already, but the rest of the group doesn’t.

While Steve is on the phone, they all quietly tease Eddie.

“If I knew Steve would fluster you this much, I think we would have invited him a long time ago,” Grant said.

“Yeah, we probably would’ve had much easier campaigns if he joined in high school,” Gareth added.

“Yeah? Next time you all get to die, how about that? Terrible, bloody deaths. Gareth gets tortured.”

Before any of them could answer, Steve came into the room, looking a bit sad.

“Sorry about this guys. I couldn’t really come up with a reason that I couldn’t go without giving it away what I was doing. We could pause and come back to it later?”

Eddie knew the guys would be fine with just calling it here; They’d managed to get far enough along that they knew it would have been a good win for them.

“Nah, you did good. Maybe you can join us for real after Dustin’s birthday campaign,” Jeff said.

Steve beamed back at him.

“Maybe, yeah. If you guys are cool with it.”

Was he…shy?

He was just flirting up a storm! Absolutely taking the lead in a game he’d never played before! And now he was being shy?

“Hell yeah!” They all agreed.

Great, Steve was making friends with his friends.

“Alright!” Steve clapped his hands together. “I’m off to get the kid. Thanks guys!”

He started to leave, but stopped by Eddie.

Then his lips were on the top of Eddie’s head.

“Bye guys!” He said as he continued to walk out.

Eddie’s eyes were wide, unblinking. The guys were all staring at him with the same wide, unblinking eyes.

The front door to the trailer closed.

“Uh,” Eddie said.

“Did he-”

“He just-”

“On your head.”

“Uh.”

The front door opened.

Steve was standing in the doorway to the kitchen area, eyes wide, unblinking.

“Did I-”

“Uh huh,” Eddie answered.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Is that…okay?”

He was looking nervously between the guys and Eddie, like he expected someone to punch him.

“Oh! Yeah. No, they’re good. Um. Did you want to kiss me?”

“Yeah. I kinda…always do?”

“Always?”

“Yes. It’s kind of all I think about.”

Eddie took it all back; This was the best and he had never been happier that Steve wanted to play D&D.

He didn’t even care about the guys watching as he stood from his chair and walked to Steve in the doorway.

“Me too.”

He pulled Steve against him, ignoring the whistles and cheers from the table, and kissed him.

The kiss left them both breathless, despite being barely more than a peck.

“Um, I should go get Dustin,” Steve whispered.

“Yeah. Come back after?”

“Will everyone still be here?” Steve asked nervously.

“Nope, just you and me, sweetheart,” Eddie replied.

“Good. I’ll be back soon, then.”

When Steve left, Eddie turned back to the group, lovestruck grin on his face.

“So it’s off the table now, right?” Gareth asked, smirking.

“Shut up.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #ficlet #request #hellfire club #but without the kids

[alwynsalps]

So obviously after the Joe breakup shit changed we had that ratty twatty and then suddenly travis. Like ratty twatty first of all made it seem like you know this person is like horrible yet you choose to be with him? Everyone called her (rightfully) out I feel like cause he is really a twat of a person and the whole ice spice collab to basically "save" Matty twattys image. I also felt like it was unfair of her fans to force her to break up with him I mean it's her life. And Joe during this time went through so much shit after the break up I remember he was papped and everyone made fun of how skinny he is and how horrible he looks (he had bags under his eyes on the photo) which is actually sad cause he lost his grandmother I think during that time and people were genuinely saying disgusting things and saying mother is looking so much better etc etc while Joe was having a downwards spiral. Again I understand no one knew his depression was that bad but fuck swifties can be more kind.

Exit ratty twatty enter travesty lord this man gives me the ick.

Swifties are blinded by their relationship but he is really not a good dude. I mean that video live of him pushing his coach and yelling? Videos online of him being openly racist, being a trump supporter (and also swifties are dumb they think bc he got vaccinated and bent the knee for black lives matter he is somehow Democrat?) honey trump is vaccinated as well. And just because he supported blm does not make him a good person. He was PAID to do all that performative shit.

I mean she has millions of fans, thousands of young girls thinking the blatant red flags of travesty is hot and shit. Tells me he can push her around too. (not to mention he supported his abusive friend that literally hit his wife.)

And it feels like she's forcing travesty tbh? Like girlie you wanted the art to be about you yet you let some man overshadow it. Because truly that's what's happening like swifties are more into him at this point and the relationship they made up in their head as Taylor.

This is where I got annoyed and took a step back. Each time they were seen Joe got thousands and thousands of hate just for what being introverted?

Then they attacked Emma (Joe's Co worker) for a cheating rumor THEY MADE UP and the shit they said were so genuinely disgusting she had to switch off her comments.

Then Ai audio dropped about Joe abusing Taylor and Ai videos circled making it seem like Joe is a cheater when he is NOT. fuck they even trended a sex scene with that Alison chick he worked with saying he said Alison (her real name) and not her character's name when he DID NOT. It was in the fucking series! This woman got slut shamed so bad she turned off comments too for literally WORKING with Joe. Swifties literally spread shit around that he cheated on Taylor with Emma and Alison when he didn't! And the fucking best of all Taylor was on the set while filming conversations with friends. She most likely saw it IN PERSON and they chose to say all this genuinely disgusting shit about Alison who I've learned is actually a pretty good person.

Here I got genuinely disgusted.

So okay again I understand that Taylor can't control all her fans but her silence while her cult mass harrases people?

Whats insane to me is Joe. Like the guy got so much hate because SHE CHOSE to lead fans on. When she announced ttpd everyone thought the title relates to Joe and Paul mescal

Joe got mass hate

Then the secret songs at eras being about cheating

Joe got death threats

ALL TO BE AN ALBUM ABOUT THE FUCKING SEWER RAT SHE CAN'T GET OVER?!

she literally took ALL the hate against Joe *knowing* she's releasing an album dissing her 6 weeks situationship is genuinely disgusting. I cannot fathom it.

And AND the only thing she could say about Joe is dude did not want to marry her bc he was severely depressed WHICH IS NOT HER PLACE TO TALK ABOUT HIS STRUGGLES?

like I am SORRY this man wants to d word next to her and she just didn't care and wanted to fuck Matty?

Her partner, that got her through her darkest times BTW, did not deserve this.

She let all this mass harrasment just happen to market ttpd. Like genuinely what the actual fuck. 2 innocent women Emma and Alison were attacked and called sluts for genuinely existing and breathing the same air as Joe. And the proof he did not cheat is in her OWN lyrics. (which swifties cannot seem to fucking read bc they'd rather attack Joe than admit this album is about a sewer nazi rat)

The hate Joe got made me cry. The disgusting things they said about him. Swifties literally threatening to bash his head in with a hammer or that he needs to hang himself and they'd enjoy seeing his body swinging from the roof.

Genuinely why would any person say this to anyone at any time?

And they made fun of depression like. What. The. Fuck. Just because Joe might not see it does not mean other people with crippling depression won't.

Oh and a side note she's still bringing up Kim on albums? Not just Kim Kim's CHILD?! leave the kid alone.

Genuinely feel like the most honest Taylor we got was during lover (a time which Joe helped her voice her political opinions and shit) and idk I just feel cheated on?

My whole life I've defended Taylor against everyone and I genuinely feel like she's showing her true colors now being with travesty and ratty and I cannot fathom how this is the same Taylor I'm seeing now as she was like a few years ago.

And it's not just Joe that got death threats BTW. When midnights came out and everyone gave honest reviews cause that evil Jack antonof little gay man ruined the production there were journalists literally getting so much death threats its insane.

Taylor gets (rightfully) called out and fans can't handle it.

She needs to address them ASAP. All these parasocial freaks. The people harrasing Joe. The people literally only seeing Taylor as a breeder for travestys children.

I can't genuinely I can't this is not how I want to feel about Taylor I mean I gave her my youth I looked up to her so much I feel so disappointed in the way she's acting yk?

Yes maybe she can't do jack shit about swifties but she can try.

And her staying quiet over Palestine? Her voice her one post about a ceasefire could change EVERYTHING.

idk at this point I can't stand to be around Taylor.

#anti taylor swift #free joe alwyn #joe alwyn #Swifties dni #anti travis kelce

[persephoneflouwers]

First off i just want to say im not trying to play blame game, I just want to talk about a few things that is not really mainstream in larry fandom, I remember your thoughts about babygate and how it might be related to Harry’s level of visibility, what im thinking about situation surrounding Louis, his solo career, babygate and Harry is not that unsimilar to that line of thinking.

I think that Harry’s solo career is an extension of 1D project, he was the one that was chosen by big executives to appeal to the group of fans, which was huge in numbers so it would be waste for sony not to tap into that potential, the band managed to garner throughout the years. Sony created a new brand for those fans in a way that they wouldn’t be embarrassed to carry that brand into their new adult life which should be free from their teenage obsession so they heavily leaned into harry being inspired by rock legends at first (with a sprinkle of sex god harry) but it felt flat because the connection between harry and those legends didn’t go beyond critics calling harry fake (lol), and then they realized they needed to put in more work to this rock persona so they brought in the rockstar gf and amped up rumors about his sexuality bc the mystery around his ‘not so secret’ love life was a hook for many of those fans, i also wanna mention that imho harry is not contradicting himself and what his life is supposed to sell just to pat larries on the back in interviews, him saying i want privacy around my love life but we knowing every detail about all his relationships is playing right into that persona of rockstar that is caught in his love or him saying that these things wouldn’t happen for people like him is selling this fantasy of underdog coming from nothing and being everything to thousands of fans, people relate to that but the money they are spending on Harry is unparalleled and beyond that the power they have with media is nothing similar to any underdog quality having small artist could have. By the way im not saying that harry is undeserving of his highly publicized (and sometimes made of) achievements, im saying the work and money that go into it already guarantees this kind of ‘success’

Anyway i think this all kind of ties in how Louis has been struggling with industry-wide blackout all his solo career. Im just guessing but my life experience tells me that Sony wouldn’t let anything or anyone get in the way of millions of dollars they are getting through harry the brand and them, we all know that Louis is the biggest thread to that brand they have been supporting and creating, first they burdened him (and ancient/old/new larries or larrie narrative with babygate) and then they literally made it so that Louis could never the shadows (by the way the mystique around larry proved to big executives that people are intrigued by big stars having secrets or compassionate side that is willing to fight for their love and partners, so they were aware of the void harry’s solo career would have once louis was removed from the situation and they tried to create new larry in their own terms with xander and brad which is so laughable at best because you cant fake the genuine fight or love or yearning, not even proximity would warrant that as we can see with brad and breads lol)

So what is frustrating (to me) about this whole tattoo convo that some people are so hell-bent on minimizing what it really is -a dumb decision- because babygate is still going on as it involves a kid, it is morally fucked up situation on another level (while i agree with that i also question where was that energy when harry was letting olivia bring her kids to his show and his family was getting actively involved with those kids, he was publicly and very visibly inserted into their family situation as well.) Im just dumbfounded that some people bending backwards to give Harry a free pass for every questionable thing he does are somehow missing the fact that Louis’ involvement with babygate only doubled when Harry as a brand finally got the level of fame he or they wanted, im not saying some sony bighead are putting a weapon to louis’ head to say that you should be more hands-on father but they are playing a game of putting all the responsibilities -be it legally or verbally- on his shoulder.

Im sorry for talking your ear off in your asks but i wanted to get that out there even if only one person reads it and i realized i wrote in absolutes in terms of my writing but it is not because im trying to present my thoughts as the facts it is because i didn’t wanna put i think, i guess, i suppose at the beginning of every sentence i wrote to signal that these are my thoughts based on being involved with this fandom more than ten years and real life experiences.

I’ve been looking for someone to share this sort of opinions with all my life. I could have written this honestly, because it stands more or less where I stand with my takes on everything (especially the frontman push, the threatening larry rumours, the mega comeback of babygate coincidentally when Harry’s career has taken a turn for the sky). And I find very silly, very naive, very biased - three words that can easily describe this fandom - the opinion of those who say ‘babygate has nothing to do with larry’ or ‘babygate has nothing to do with Harry’.

I say the tattoo fiasco has been a wake up call for me, because it is a statement, a very dumb, very greedy, very mean - three words that can easily describe the people in the big picture- from Harry himself. It means he went full in for this stunt and from this there’s no coming back. And people will say it’s convenient and ambitious and they will also say they do what they can with their career, but you know… I don’t like these takes because there is a very fine line (pun intended) between ambition and ambiguity, because everybody and their mothers know that if you decided to get involved with the worst people in Hollywood you are not going to end up be a saint. OW being so close to H. W had always creeped me out, because look at how much organic success and organic achievements has brought to our beloved.

Anyway thank you for this very well articulated opinion. I’m sorry I’m only replying to this now. If you want to talk more, we can in private too :)

#casella di posta numero 32 #tw stunt #tw hot takes #im not saying harry likes it #im saying he was/never could be opposed to it #don’t send hate because I don’t have much time to waste on haters #babygate #forgot to say that this visibly unimpaired situation is why louis will always have my support #from up close or from afar i will always root for his nemesis #long discourse #long post

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Aizawa who gets off on being forcefully taken care of :(((

WAAAAAAAHHHH NO BC HE WOULDDD 😭😭😭

CW: smut, somewhat dominant reader

───────────────

No but i genuinely can't stop thinking about this now 😔

And it's so hard for him to explain it bc it's not like he wants to he dominated or forced to do things but? Being taken care of? Having someone who just wants the best for him?? God, it... it just makes him weak

He's not used to being taken care of. He's been independent for the majority of his life, he's used to taking care of himself, he doesn't have experience letting ppl in and letting his guard down

Oh but then you come into his life and he just can't help himself. He can't stop himself from letting go

It starts out small, letting you make him coffee in the morning after you slept over, then breakfast, soon after it's dinner, and once you live together it's lunch

And that's not easy for him by any means! He struggles letting ppl do things for him. Shit, the first time you brought him coffee he felt like he had guilted you into doing it

But after plenty of reassurance, he's accepted that you enjoy taking care of him, so he doesn't complain as much as he used to

After that you start doing completely unnecessary things: giving him a massage, washing his hair, even shaving him, sorting through his mail so he doesn't have to weed out all the junk

He never asks you to do these things; you either volunteer yourself or do it without mentioning it

He has a hard time accepting this level of comfort as well, so used to being sore and dirty and scruffy

But he has to admit, there's something nice about your hands all over him, touching him so gently, caressing him, making him feel soft and loved

He tries to hold himself back, not let himself indulge. Who knows if this'll last?

But you're so persistent. You know just how to get under his skin and make him feel safe and loved

It's when your generosity leads to the bedroom that he realizes how much he loves being taken care of

When you pushed him down and rode him until your legs gave out, forcing him to lay back and just enjoy the experience? He came three times, almost blacking out after the third orgasm.

He was almost embarrassed by how enjoyable the whole experience was. Wasn't he supposed to take the lead in the bedroom? He'd always done so in the past, why should now be any different?

Oh but your weight always feels so good on top of him, you're always so warm and secure, your soft hands stroking along his muscles, soothing them

On late nights when he's too exhausted to fuck you, having you take care of him and make him cum while you use him for your own pleasure?? It's pure bliss 💕

He also loves when the two of you are just relaxing and you just casually give him a handjob.

Having you reach over and slip your hand in his pants, jerking him off while you keep watching tv or scrolling on your phone?? There's something very sexy about it, as if taking care of his sexual desires is as simple as playing with a stim toy.

Overall, yes, he loves being taken care of, especially by force 💕

───────────────

#ask #aizawa #smut #☀️ asks #i completely forgot this in my drafts i am soooooo sorry

[makoxxlip]

Korrasami's shippers think that this

"like yes, korra is literally the most powerful person in the world, but the second asami uses her angry voice, she fears for her life. ( and rightfully so )"

- is a good thing... yikes yikes. why the fuck the Avatar would be afraid of Asami 🤦‍♀️

Oh man I hate that one scene with so much passion but these people making it about " Korra only scared of her lol " is the worst like- you don't care about Korra if that's your only thought.

Literally Korra just came back from years of physical and mental health struggling, which Asami perfectly knew since she's the only one who got a letter cuz Korra felt enough comfortable for her to be her only confident, but still she got screamed at while she was just trying to help her.

While on the other hand, Korra get criticized or even hated for the hell out of it when she did the same with Mako in the beginning of b2 while it was more understandable with how much she was going through at that time. Also she was a 18 yo teenage girl with the responsibility of the world on her shoulders, not 22.

Also in that same reunion scene, Mako got mad at Korra too, but him it was bc it didn't get any news from her for years making him dead worried but still.. look how gentle he is with her without knowing her condition beforehand? And his feelings were legit (both Mako's complain and Korra's self isolation are legit btw- how they're confronting it afterwards is the only thing which can be 'judged') but still, Korra didn't replied back to him too, understanding his feelings and even actually blaming herself for making him feeling bad. While we know how these two react when they're disagreeing and are genuinely angry., but here it wasn't it. But guess who got hate for literally reacting like a caring friend? Mako.

Anyway, if that scene was just taken like that and not romanticised I wouldn't care but it's just sounds wrong how people trying to turn it out.

You prob didn't asked for a rant, but there it is hoping you wouldn't mind 🫶🏽

#lok critical #I'm a Korra stan first #human being after #I ship Korra with ppl who actually care about her #the double standard between Mako and Asami always icked me #this is makorra safe place ONLY ‼️ #anti korrasami #pro mako #mako #korra #the legend of korra #pro makorra #makorra #lok #makorra 2.0 #tlok #makoxxlip asks

[4004notfound]

ok RIP i am very late but without further ado let's get it, i'm ines and this is kim noeul who tbh was a poor, easily forgettable girl in hs and now is one of the preeminent young novelists in south korea! under the cut here i'll get into a little more but pls like this and i'll def hit u up for plotting!

ok so first of all: pisces sun/taurus moon/aquarius rising

now onto like bg stuff so she's born to two teenaged parents right

and what's wild is her parents genuinely really love each other and like get married and noeul has a little sister who's like 9 now which is crazy

also bc a 16 year old girl named her like her actual name is noelle not noeul but like she's let everyone just assume it's noeul bc it's easier than explaning that her mom thought noelle would be a trendy name

but anyways having two teenaged parents doesn't like set you up the best financially so she lived with her parents and grandparents for a while when she was growing up and evenutally her parents moved out of her paternal grandparents place only to be living in a shitty half basement apartment with noeul bc like again how far can two high school grads from poor families with a whole ass child get in seoul

and tbh like bro noeul loves her parents but she DEF kinda resented them for being poor growing up and like so combined with this hatred of her situation paired with being a smart girl with a lot of drive she worked REALLY hard to get into shinhwa

only kinda realized that getting into shinhwa didn't mean a ton in terms of social standing bc u know she's still fucking broke and tbh rather than bullied i don't imagine people particularly even took that much notice of her bc she kept to herself a lot with like insecurity bc she was v obviously poorer than everyone and stuff and probs had a few friends but not a lot

tho lmao wildly and fully relating to her secret despite being this smart girl who worked hard to get her scholarship and school was v important to her she got pregnant right at the tale end of her last year at shinhwa and actually had to delay going to college the following year bc u know PREGNANCY

and there's like a lot of stigma that comes with being a single mother in korea and shit so like tbh did she want to keep her daughter? yes of course but like she didn't have the financials bc atp it's her, her parents, and her little sister living in a shitty little apartment and she literally shares a room with a 3 year old at the time, and then like she wants to go and better her life and stuff and it's hard to do when everyone judges you for being a single mom and it's not fair on the child so she makes the hard choice to give up her daughter for adoption and then go back to school

and like ok she goes to ewha womans and she does well there too bc again very determined to do well in life and all but like i think giving her daughter up fr had a sense of guilt, regret, and honestly depression that she never really expected so like she struggled with that and she ended up writing this story about it for a creative writing class and her teacher was like "hold up this is kind of good have u ever considered writing it into something more?"

and with her teacher's help and encouragement she did just that and ended up writing what would become a very popular novel about a young woman who gets pregnant, gives up her child, and navigating life through the tragedy over it. tbh it's kinda in the style of kim jiyoung, born 1982

and even cooler u know later it gets turned into a movie that's scheduled to come out later this year and fr like idk shit turned her whole life around like writing about the biggest misery and regret of her life gave her the money she always craved and a bit of notoriety and everything is cool and all but like on the other side of things people fr think the story is just a novel and are like "wow how did you come up with the concept?" and for obvi reasons like noeul is def more comfortable with letting them thinking it's all fictional

and yeah so ngl life has fr turned around really recently for her and it's really nice but like rip now the dawn of realization is setting in that like... people are gonna expect another novel and how is she supposed to provide that like...

#ok i am so sorry bc i'm so long winded #and i'm so late #revintro

[sahaias]

Finished Violetta season 3

Idk how to feel now that i have no content left to watch (outside of the reunion special and movie that I consider non-canon), this is my comfort show and to have it gone kinda sucks

I guess some thoughts on season 3 as a whole:

Still my least favorite season, but it wasn't bad like I remembered

Gery and Clement feel like such pointless additions who would've been better off being one-off antagonists for like 10 episodes at most.

The Milton plotline is genuinely so stupid and forgettable. Once he's gone at the halfway point and he's nonexistent, it feels like "why did we waste so much screentime on him?"

Vilu and Leon should've been together the whole season, facing barriers in their relationship but never breaking up. The season was at its best when they were together, and it's genuinely so fucking annoying that they were together for the longest amount of episodes in season 1 over season 2 and 3 when Tomas was still a thing.

Fuck the whole Roxy storyline, it was so aggrivating

The side couples' plots were kinda boring imo. I like Naty and Maxy but their storyline was a bit blah. Diego and Francesca have telenovela drama and then just kinda exist in the show it feels like. Broduey and Camilla's relationship was super boring imo.. I'm not very interested in Federico even if Ludmila was super interesting this season. And I don't even care the slightest about Gery x Clement, Pablo x I forgot her name (though Pablo deserves to be happy after losing Antonio), or Nicolas x Jade. All are actual screen waste imo

Angie and German are hard for me to root for bc he and Maria were together when she was a little girl? Even if she's like 30 in the present, the whole knowing her back then aspect ruins any interest in the relationship for me

I actually thought the Andres love doctor plotline was kinda funny, and it matches how so many queer people in my life are amazing at analyzing others' relationships but struggle with finding relationships themselves

Ludmila's development was definitely the highlight of the season, but I don't think it's enough to carry the season

The whole "new kids in the studio" plotline was cool for giving Maxi his career development story, but the characters were weird. It was weird how one of them was played by an actress in her 20s and was set up as Andres's love interest, only to suddenly leave, Meanwhile, the rest were just children who looked younger than the studio students we saw up until that point (being like 12-15 instead of 17-18)

The last few episodes felt so rushed through with a ton happening, which was annoying considering how much the conflicts dragged on throughout most of the season

The show is still my comfort show bc I love the characters (most of them) so much

I'll definitely watch Soy Luna soon, and I'm excited since it'll be my first time watching it. But it probably won't be until a while into 2024. I work 12 hours a day 4-5 days a week, and I think I'm going to watch stuff that's lower commitment for now. Plus, I have a massive game backlog. My free time is super limited

Thanks for reading my thoughts while I rewatched Violetta! I don't know what I'll post about moving forward (definitely Soy Luna but that might not be for a hot minute), but it was nice to interact with everyone! I hope we can continue!

#disney violetta #violetta 3 #violetta #violetta castillo #leon vargas #german castillo #angie carrara #gery lopez #clement galan #ludmila ferro #andres calixto

[merlions]

Just tonight finally getting around to watching the new Dune - I was waiting cause some small part of me thought I'd be able to actually finish the book this time, but I finally have to admit defeat like the last time I tried.

Always been SO baffling to me how everyone seems to regard it on the same level as other sci fi novels, like Tolkien. I ate Tolkien for breakfast at 24 years old where I struggled with it even at 17, and since I first tried Dune at 14 I thought it might be the same principle, but I couldn't even get through the *audiobook* of Dune at 25 without like terrible headaches from just being so. Fucking. Confused.

Specifically the names! Not just names of people, but also titles and places etc etc etc.

Anyways while watching this I realized my problem FINALLY, and realized that I've been like imposter syndroming myself into believing I don't have mild color-grapheme synesthesia.

Dune is literally confusing to me JUST because A's and H's and K's are really similar colors to each other for me (arrakis, atreides, harkonen, kwisatz haderach etc (...i had to look up all those names cause i literally couldnt remember them as im watching the damn movie lmfao)) and they're also really similar to the color of the desert on the book cover, all like shades of red, some of which become oranges with the rest of the word. So reading the book to me is like. Every time a name comes up I am staring at a block of sandstone. Trying to pick one color out of the multitude of nearly-identical hues.

Which makes sense I guess why it's so frustrating to read, but also is a fascinating, COMPLETELY new insight as to how I read books or read/hear words in general. Like...it never occurred to me that that was the problem cause I genuinely didn't know I primarily use color to tell people/words apart.

I've always been a "speed reader", like is that just bc I identify a word and its color, and then every time it reoccurs I just notice the color and then mentally fill in meaning instead of reading the word again?

What implications does this have. I know color grapheme is the most common form of synesthesia, is it common to have problems reading like I have with Dune, or do people with it find themselves reading faster because of it? I heard it's supposed to be distracting but except in very specific cases, like Dune, it seems to specifically be helpful and clarifying? And like I find myself never going out of my way to get certain colors of things, but always ending up with that specific color of thing - ex. I never try to buy red backpacks but at one point I noticed every backpack I've ever owned in my entire life has been red. Have I been leaving myself messages. Have I been receiving messages from the Spice. Spice must flow. Spice must flow

#literally me at age 10 picking up a copy of the name of this book is secret at my middle school library: #huh synesthesia is so cool! i wonder what it would be like to live like that 🤔 #it would be so cool to see words as colors and vice versa! #then reading the whole book using color grapheme synesthesia speed reading techniques #synesthesia #anyways this is me self soothing and self validating cause i have always been a good reader and am embarrassed i #simply cant get through dune and probably never will 💁‍♀️ #my white whale. my ... giant sand worm may his passing cleanse this world

[spaceratprodigy]

OC Superlatives Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @the-lastcall 💖💫

The Favorite

I don't think this comes as a surprise to anyone. Faith is so very dear to me she is quite literally a part of myself. She brings me so much comfort and has been an outlet for me for the past like? 3 years?? Gosh look at how far she's come. She helps remind me that everything is going to be okay.

The Oldest

While technically I have some ocs that are even older than her, Cookie is my first self insert lmao. Nowadays I don't think any but a couple of y'all would even know who she is and that makes me a lil sad! She's very special to me and was very beloved by people who meant a lot to me. Very few know me and her story well enough to see how on the nose it is an escape from my own life. Not shown here but she has burn scars on her right wrist/forearm. An exaggeration of my own burn scar in the same place. Cookie has always been there as a way to not feel alone, to see myself in someone who has been through similar experiences and made it out through the other side. To remember why it's so important to keep fighting.

The Newest

Okay maybe not the newest.. but Iris is the newest oc I've actually been putting a lot of time and love and effort into! I love her a lot! I know I still don't talk abt her as in depth as I would like to but I swear she's got more going on than I share. I just can't help wanting to draw her so self-indulgently full of love all the time, it makes me happy to have silly fun! I really really have been meaning to doodle her more vulnerable and serious moments because she's got a lot of grief in her heart she isn't letting out.

The Meanest

I suppose she was going to have to make her debut sooner or later.. okay but I genuinely don't have much to say abt Poppy. She's been a priv exclusive oc for a lil while and she's not developed.. like.. at all.. I ramble about her a LOT but I'm also literally every day scrapping everything bc my ideas are constantly changing so she's fr not ready yet lmao. Even I don't fully know what her deal is yet! But I can confirm she is the most ruthless (should I admit she's my lowkey nuka-world raider oc I made specifically to fuck Porter Gage nasty as hell likeeeee)

The Softest

Maril is my BABY!! She does not have a mean bone in her body and the closest she'll ever get is when she's defending her friends! She's so generous, she wants to help others any chance she gets and sees the best in everyone.

The Most Standoffish/Aloof

Faith is quite reserved, honestly. Becoming Captain wasn't exactly the life she chose for herself but it was the role she had to take on. For Phin, for her crew, for Halcyon, it was something she would grow to take seriously in time. She doesn't like to let on just how stressed and overwhelmed she is until she crashes and burns and has to be forced to rest before her stomach ulcer incapacitates her (speaking from experience, it's excruciating). When allowed to, she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself. She was never exactly the most social person and struggled to maintain any sort of relationship with anybody. She'll eventually warm up to her crew and come out of her shell. Sometimes you just need to meet the right band of misfits who get you.

The Smartest

I swear this isn't just me tooting my own horn. I genuinely built her character favoring her intellect and charm. Her highest levels were in engineering, science, and medical. She's got a head on her shoulders, and she's often pretty lost in it. Faith loves to build and tinker with things and loves reading and learning as much as she can. One her own comforts, really. Maril and Iris aren't necessarily too far off on this one, Faith just has a little more under her belt. (Maril is also dedicated almost exclusively to being a gummi ship mechanic and Iris is best at carpentry!)

The Dumbest

Poppy is by no means a moron and shouldn't be underestimated. But her skills and knowledge are very strong in fighting and survival. She does however qualify as my dumbest oc here because.. she was my melee heavy idiot savant build! Girl never at any point got a single level put into her INT lmao.

The One I'd be Friends With

Hands down Maril would be the bestest friend I could ask for. She would be so sweet and considerate and let's be real.. I'd want to also work on the gummi ships with her. I love my gals but I just know Maril would be a ray of sunshine and a great friend. She'd also love to listen to me talk abt all my own projects and we could build so many cool things together..

#this was super fun I've been wanting to work on it for a while but!! i wanted cool lil oc banners too #okay it's super late and I should def be sleeping so I'm gonna pass tf out as soon as I hit the post button fr fr #hopefully everything I wrote was coherent lmao I try to save these for when I'm actually awake but I was too excited to finally work on it #ocs #captain of the unreliable #sole survivor #maril highwind

[sunlightandsuffering]

What if some girl from their highschool one day approach Mikasa to ask about Eren bc she's interested in him and think he's cute so she makes up a story about Eren being gay just to cockblock him out of jealousy lmfaoo

LMFAO help, this just reminds me of New Girl. Gay Nick 😂 But Eren is probably SO confused??

Eren is confused. He's confused a lot of the time, Mikasa calls him a meathead sometimes, but today he thinks he has genuine reason to be confused, because Mikasa is acting weird. Actually, forget weird she's acting fucking looney.

She's been texting him shit all morning like "Ciao Babe", "Hope you're wearing those scrumptious red boots ;)" He does not own red boots?? What red boots??

Then, comes their afternoon lunch date, a standing tradition after her Monday morning classes and today, she has brought a friend. She waltzed up to their picnic table with more confidence and swagger than he's ever seen in his life, her hips swaying, and rather than her normal greeting of 'hello', he gets yanked into the most aggressive hug he's ever been apart of. "Come here you glorious bitch!"

What?? What!!!!??!?!?!

"Umm, Hi?" He struggles out through the harsh grip of her arms around his midsection. "Play along," She whispers harshly in his ear before seating herself next to him. "Eren, this is my new friend Carissa," she tells him pleasantly, hand cupped on her cheek as she rests on the picnic table.

"Hi, I'm Carissa, I'm in Mikasa's morning class." "Hi," He replies gingerly, looking to Mikasa for guidance and she raises her eyebrow expectantly. "You're a lot less umm flamboyant than Mikasa describes." What the fuck does that mean?? "Oh you just wait Carissa, he's just shy around new people, don't hold out on me queen. "

"Umm yeah, just umm takes a while for me to open up," he tells her numbly over a bite of sandwich. "Yup, in fact you wouldn't know it by looking at him, but Eren here has bagged all the hottest guys in our friend group so far," Mikasa brags casually and Eren almost spits out his sandwich, what!?!?

"Oh my god, really? Give me names!" Mikasa reaches over, grabbing his hand teasingly, "Oh yeah Armin." That, he can see, he'd always wondered a little if Armin swung both ways, batted for both teams. "Reiner." At this, Eren goes into a coughing fit, him and Reiner!??! I mean good for him, but also he would never stoop so low.

"Connie AND Marco." Connie?? Connie! As if he'd ever go for such a slob, he' honestly appalled. "Jean." Eren squeezes Mikasa's hand a little too strongly and she squeaks, "Well maybe not quite Jean, but he's tried!" Excuse her?? He's tried? So he's gay and he tried for Jean, but apparently couldn't get him?? As if he would EVER try for Jean, in any universe. Absolutely not, he will not have his good name besmirched like this. "Umm, no honey, Jean tried for me, it was all refusals up in here." And then, to complete his show, he snaps his fingers in a flamboyant flourish of attitude.

It is the most dramatic thing he's ever done and even Mikasa seems surprised by him while Carissa begins clapping.

Mikasa laughs nervously, giving Eren a firm slap on the thigh for his comment, "How come the good ones are never straight huh?"

He wants to die.

#lys's drabbles #lys's idiocy

[g0rechan]

741-741

That’s the number you gave me when I was posting similar things like your last post.

Use it.

I love you. Ik this sounds parasocial but idc. You’re my only friend. I have no friends irl and chatting and vibing with you online has got me through incredibly difficult times for me. I was so lonely and still am, I had strong urges to commit suicide but you got me through it.

Please, use it. You’re an incredible person who’s funny and pretty and creative.

Call me a parasocial bitch all you want but I really want you to get help.

I did, I did call that number. I cried so hard and -aside from the time my dog died- it was genuinely the first time I’ve cried in such a long time.

I’ve been in such a dark place for god knows how long. It’s been so damn stressful and insane. The only thing preventing me from killing myself is friends, my art, fashion, and the events I get to attend with people. I love hanging out with friends, it distracts me from all my worries and all the bad that I know about.

I didn’t start feeling this way until I had to start adulthood with no preparation whatsoever and worry about paying bills and break my back to put a payment on my car that shouldn’t even be that ridiculously high (seriously, fuck capitalism).

And my parents tell me that I need to get over it bc I’m an adult and that stress is a part of life and that I’m not mentally ill, I’m a spoiled brat. Like WTF?! Yeah ik life is stressful, but I’m not allowed to be stressed??

I’m sure they were just as stressful as I am when they started adulthood. Especially since my mom was a fucking teenager when she had me and had to work jobs while my father was attending night school at the time since he had to drop out to support his family.

Ig they just don’t remember? Or maybe because they’re both in the upper middle class quadrant that they feel like they’re so much better than people who are struggling- Yes, I still live with them but I can’t consider myself as part of their family with how fucking irritatingly unhelpful they are.

I wanna go back to who I was as a teenager. Not caring, loving everyone… not being the bitter, angry, vindictive bitch that I am now. Before I used to be so happy when others were happy, but now whenever I get a manic episode and I see, like, idk a rich person or rich and upper middle class kids who didn’t have to grow up in poverty like I did, I feel bitter. Like, physically. I can feel it building up inside me and spewing into my mouth.

And once I get out of my episode, I feel so fucking stupid. It’s so childish and terrible, the last time I felt this way was when I was like, what? 12-13?? I’m like, “cmon, Miliani. Really?”.

I tell myself I should be happy, I have many friends and everyone is always telling me I’m so pretty, and artistic, and so many boys and even girls have crushes on me and try to get me stuff for free sometimes.

And I’m upset because, what? I don’t have money?? One minor thing that won’t make more of a person if I did??

… I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be financially comfortable. That is fucking all. And if I can’t be financially stable, I’d at least want people to care. I want people to understand.

I also just wanna have a connection with my mommy again instead of her being angry at me. I want to just be happy with what I have.

It sucks bc I can feel happy sometimes, but the bad thoughts always come back. It’s like my brain doesn’t want me to be happy. I talked to the suicide hotline and they recommended that I’d see my school counselor to get free accommodations for getting a proper mental diagnosis…

Overall, I don’t hate myself or my life. It’s just mental illness and the stress of this new stage in life is taking an absolute fucking toll on me.

I’m just glad that I finally know the root cause of my problems now instead of attacking myself and others in blind rage.

I’ll help myself, like I did with you. I feel good that I was able to help you through all the sad and stressful things in your life.

As of now, the thoughts are gone. They’ve come and gone all day, everyday. I know the thoughts will come back but til then. I want to strive to be the best version of myself. I want to learn to love and again. I want to be that caring, selfless, sweet girl again. And I know I can do it, with the help of friends and therapy.

When I learn to love myself, I can learn to love others again.

Thank you.

#I’m sorry luv I didn’t mean to bombard you with so much #vent #tw vent #vent post #personal vent #anger #rage

[yomiurinikei]

Hello Yomiuri.. I really need to ask some Kinji Uehara headcanons from you because of the illness type I have

I have illness named "no brain, only Kinji" and only thing can cure it is great and tasty hcs for him.. kehehe.

uh oh!!! what a serious condition… don’t worry, your medicine is here now! though…. really, what’s so bad about only having kinji in your head?

i think he deserves it. kinji <3

~*~

•based off canon, we can assume he stays at one church/convent-esque environment, and it’s linked to/has an orphanage. i 100% believe he’s all the kids favorites

•like. all the kids love him. sure, they like the clergy in general. but kinji can’t exist on holy ground without being swarmed by little ones!

•i think he’s overall more playful/a bit gentler with them. he’s likely to sneak a kid something sweet to have, stuff like that

•ALSO. i think he’s the best about like… we see he’s very accepting of people who don’t share his religious beliefs. i think that also applied to the children, which definitely earns him some credit

•he gets that a lot of the kids didn’t… really choose to be at the church, so he doesn’t get after them for not paying attention during service the way that other priests do

•speaking of. i think he often wonders what he’d have been like if he wasn’t adopted by his dad…

•seeing as he still uses his birth mothers surname, i think that while he does genuinely enjoy being a priest and takes comfort in religion, his devotion/service started as a way to get closer to his adopted dad

•especially with his dad being a respected bishop… it was a way to be connected to him, and to show others that he belonged with his dad!

•he wouldn’t change the course his life has taken. but he does wonder sometimes…

•maybe a bit of a odd bc but i think he really likes babies + is v good with them

•the church was only ever asked to care for like… newborns/vv youngin’s on rare occasions, but whenever there was a baby at the orphanage, kinji would always be nearby

•all the adults notice like. that he tries to “coincidentally” be nearby to help with the baby aksksks,, 

•he knows he can’t really have his own children due to his religious path, so if he did obtain a kid of his own, it’d be through adoption, and likely wouldn’t be a baby. so he appreciates it when he can spend time with an super leel one

•he just think they’re nice!! was fascinated with “….this is just a tiny little human. a person, yes, but one too little to even understand that they’re their own being” as a kid and that never went away

•i think he’d be fascinated by rhythm games if he was exposed to them!

•probably goes like… oh that’s not that hard it’s just clicking buttons in a pattern. but he struggles at first and that surprises him

•hmmm. i think he has a hard time vocalizing his thoughts? this is fairly based in canon, it’s not just a random hc

•ofc we know he has the philosophy of not speaking when there’s nothing to be said. but i think to a degree that stems from him struggling to verbalize what’s in his head

•sharing how he thinks/what he feels could just fuck things up. so if it’s not a necessity, it’s better to just hold ur tongue, in his mind

•tbh i think he like… deep down really wants to be closer with his classmates. but he’s nervous that he’ll make a bad impression, and they won’t like him, plus he knows he’ll likely just go his own separate way after graduation, so….

•overall i think he needs to make friends it’d be good for his brain

•mkay some less serious stuff! i think he does a really good job with spice in terms of not feeling. in pain, and that sort of thing, but he gets a really bad runny nose, and it’s obnoxious to him

•overall i think he’s not very adventurous with his food? he’s probably very “food is fuel” brained, even if he doesn’t realize it. he eats to not be hungry, not because he likes to eat 

•we shouldn’t let him watch brokeback mountain. something that’s been in the back of my mind for a lot of this is my thoughts on how his time at hpa would impact him but like.

•i think if he watched brokeback mountain it’d fuck everything up. it’d change him mentally. he’d come out of it a changed man. 

•anyways. i think the others bully him into getting social media so they can keep up with him and all that cool stuff.

•he keeps getting mass reported off twitter tho. lol. 

•no one knows why no one understands it he doesn’t do anything weird. he just wakes up and his acc has been suspended again

•i think he just tries to avoid how he feels a lot when it comes to his social relationships. 

•his ftes and how he latched onto yuki as a friend very very quickly makes me feel like he’s got some emotional needs that he doesn’t know are going unfulfilled

•i think if he got into a circumstance where he felt romantic attraction + let himself be emotionally in touch with that feeling he’d be vv like…

•i don’t want to say it’d consume him (unhealthy), i just think he’d become very oriented towards that feeling?

•like. oh having friends feeling love being close with other people. feels nice and is satisfying and is good. oh. hm. surprising 

•so yeah. if he was interested in someone, i think it’d take up a lot of his thought!

^this is kinji except like… with emotional connection and a sense of belonging and community and feeling valued by a group of people. (Text: I believed in God as a kid bc I always felt so moved during worship songs at my megachurch and then I went to a One Direction concert and felt the same thing and realized I just like live music)

•i don’t think i should be allowed to talk about my thoughts on kinji and religion and personal growth and like. any of that anymore tho. changing subjects again i think he’s got a low sugar tolerance he feels sick rlly easy when eating sweets

•THIS HAS GOTTEN VERY LONG. whoops. will leave u with this parting gift. i think he didn’t have a whole ton of toys and the like growing up, not because his dad didn’t care (i think he had a v good dad tbh) but just. because. not like they were going out to the stores ya know?

•so i think his dorm in hpa is p lacking- he has the standard amount of blankets and pillows on his bed and then he has all the stuff he needs for his studies

•i think one of his classmates should get him a stuffed animal tho. cuz he’s always off in his room studying? so he’s by himself :(,, so someone gets him a friend!!

•i have a few bull plushies i think he deserves one of those. i don’t have reasoning for this (los toros -> spain -> italy?? ??? maybe? ??????) but it’s real to me and a good note to end this on!

#dra #kinji uehara #headcanons #i kept wanting to be normal and give light hearted hcs but then my brain would go #‘wait wait u sound like u don’t give af about his character u should give them a half baked explanation no context explanation- #-of your thoughts on him rq first’

[slowjamastan]

My favorite color is green. I play violin, though not very well. I love dogs, and volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm into sci fi and my favorite author is Ursula K. LeGuin.  I also like Batman comics.

And I also happen to be a FTM transgender man.  What you folks would call a TIF.

Ever since I was 10, before i even knew why, I hated my body. For years of my life, I had daydreams of taking a kitchen knife to my chest and cutting off the breasts. I tried to kill myself twice.

That changed 3 years ago.  I realized I was trans and bought myself a binder.

When it's on, I feel relief. I dont think of the kitchen knife. I'm not too depressed to get out of bed.

But after 8 hours, I have to take it off.

I plan on getting top surgery so this relief can stay.

I should note- this isn't about sexism or anything of the sort. Both my parents were outspoken feminists, and I've been fortunate enough to always live in progressive areas.

This is about people. And if transitioning can keep people like me from killing themselves? I'm all for it.

you seem to be engaging in good faith, so im gonna take you serious and not just be a dick. but man, this is my blog where i have fun and post memes. i hate doing this and am annoyed u sent this at all. theres so many radfem blogs that love discourse and im sooo lukewarm, im radfem-adjacent at best. im a fandom blogger at heart bro. who tf are you lol

first of all i do not care about your life story. youre like "please please see me as a person, we kweer transes are real people, i hope you can understand that even though youre a horrible evil t*rf. im reaching out to u because i believe theres still good in ur heart uwu" you people r annoyinggg

its not like i lack empathy, i was dysphoric and suicidal for a whole decade of my life and mostly surrounded myself with people who felt the same. what changed for me is realizing that my internal feelings about the gender-flavor of my soul didnt mean a goddamn thing and werent worth dwelling on. im a person and my body is female. at first i still wanted to change myself. i switched to id-ing as transmed, i was ready to acknowledge that i was born a girl at least but i knew so strongly that i wanted to pass as male and that it would make me more comfortable in my body. i was completely sure i was a man.

now ofc body dysmorphia is different for everyone but i really think no matter how fucked up your brain gets about how you naturally look, changing your body with medical intervention isnt the best answer. theres so many side effects and complications with each transition step. taking T in a female body can really fuck you up medically. keep yourself informed about what youre doing and think about if theres less expensive and drastic ways to go about fixing what makes you uncomfortable about the way you're perceived. and not to be insensitive, but if you have a history of s*xual assault, that can also be a very real reason for disconnect from your secondary sexual characteristics and ive met enough people that struggle with that sort of ptsd that manifests as wanting to trans their gender that i would rly think about where the desire to become male comes from. it could be a lot of things, and it can feel so real and valid dont get me wrong—but could fade away with time and/or therapy, leaving you reverse-dysphoric about your changed body

committing to being a transsexual while young is a tricky thing. i trust youve already thought it through but goddamn i promise you everything in life changes so much all the time. maybe this wont for you! but it might!!! it did for me and thats terrifying!!!!! identifying as trans is very much the current "its not a phase mom!" thing that teenagers do and you cant convince me otherwise btw. this isnt to say genuine trans people arent real and dont exist. and medically transitioned people definitely do, bc its exploded in popularity. but most of yall are a joke to anyone with a brain sorry lol most people are humoring you guys but would never admit it. this is a fate i wouldnt wish on anyone. being trans is cringe. or it will be soon, trust me

tldr i desisted from being trans myself after a full decade of self-id, various pronouns, etc. so i know where youre coming from. then when i started anxiety medication it helped boost me out of that spiral, which if u havent gotten medicated for other underlying issues i suggest you look into before jumping into hormones/surgery. ive heard that ocd can make u obsess about breasts and want them gone and stuff like that. body dysmorphia in any flavor is a bitch! im wishing you the best anon

also, read some self help literature instead of just fiction. i recommend 7 habits of highly effective people by steven covey. i read this for college and it fr made me a more functional person when i was still FtM and deeply depressed

edit: for the record im not gender conforming to femininity now. i see that misconception a lot, and forget that most ppl dont know what radfem types actually believe. i dress however i want, i just am not delusional about how i want people to address me. im just a lesbian 🫶

#mail #post #this is a little incoherent but im trying to be honest with u brotha ok ur a man u can take it #t

[sensitive-g]

This is just a doodle but I feel like not enough people are talking about this part of the movie so allow me????

Alright look if you're gonna sit here and tell me Sofia didn't have a single part in Katya's betrayal then you're WRONG. I saw another post by @nautilusopus already talking about this but people seem to forget how she gradually lost herself throughout the film, becoming more and more jaded with her actions and motives further on contradicting themselves until she eventually folds in on herself. Katya was the only person who was able to have an influence in how fast this progressed- even though all she did was merely delay the inevitable with how horrific it got. Katya ADORED Sofia and always wanted to make sure she was loved, no matter if Sofia didn't reciprocate at first. When they went to the dinner, it was Katya putting her pearls around Sofia's neck, it was Katya buying her that gown, it was Katya who said every woman should be allowed to feel they are looked at beautifully, knowing full well she was referencing a lower-class girl at an upper-class establishment. Of course at the time Sofia is freaking the fuck out in embarrassment, but it also opens the door to growth. We see Sofia has never been quite out of the rough- she struggles and struggles and is barely able to make her monthly expenses each time. She never bothered to reach out for more bc for all she knew, it was IMPOSSIBLE. But Katya is showing her opportunity, a glimpse of what a better life could feel like, and that yeah, she COULD be looked at beautifully too. And when they talk after the dinner where Katya makes that remark about "keep the dress, I have plenty more", while Sofia is annoyed, she sees it more as a challenge of "let me get my own dress then" rather than "oh of course a dress of this expense is irrelevant to you you pretentious fuck." Which is HUGE bc then we see Sofia start to work harder and try new things, and while the pawn shop is going under she's gone into higher employment (as high as you could get it in the early 1900s at least) and stops leasing herself to Goncharov for laundry duty, and Katya is actually PROUD of her bc she's managed to do something her husband was currently failing miserably at (at least before he got it all back together through cough cough sussy means).

SO IMAGINE THE SHOCK WHEN YOU SEE YOUR BELOVED BURNING AN EXPENSIVE CHECK AND DECLARING THAT GROWTH TO BE LIES AND MANIPULATION??????

Of course we know Lorenzo was a controlling mf and we're cheering that she's not falling for his bullshit, as tragic as that bullshit may be. But that's the beauty of dramatic irony babyyyyy. Katya has no idea by this point; her focus is more on Goncharov and what he's up to, and she hasn't so much as bat an eye in Lorenzo's direction since he hasn't done anything to her yet.

But Sofia HAS seen and experienced it, and when she sees it for the thirst for power that it is, she burns the check as a stance against the corrupt. But not only is it that, it's her having her epiphany of realizing that she's just doing the exact same thing. Everyone she's involved with at the top is only there bc they lied and cheated their way in, or they just happened to be affiliated with someone with the money. And to stay there, they hurt others and act like nothing has happened because they have all the power in their hands and can control everything anyone says out loud about them. Even though she may have started humbly, as she acquired more she also learned about the shady side of things, and wound up relying on making bad deals or cutting corners to get that wealth faster, bc god how she loves being rich now. Except, this wasn't her. This was never supposed to BE her. Now that she looked back, she realizes she herself was following this same path with the deals she's made to date and the things she's done to people around her, and she HATES that. Even if Katya told her her efforts were genuine, even if she told her she was entitled to respect as a woman, even if she told her that she was sincerely proud of her... she wanted to believe it, and she did for so long, but had that ever really been the case..? So she burns the check.

MEANWHILE Katya, who adores Sofia and all she's done, who's proud of her, who gave her that necklace and that dress and even though the necklace led to ruin she STILL doesn't dare ask for it back because she wants Sofia to have it, is now sitting in the hall watching her burn the check, watching her cry and call everyone a snake and cursing them for what they did to her?? She can't imagine why. Sofia seemed to be so happy with her new life, with this new world of possibilities, with how she was no longer scorned upon, but now she's hates herself and hates everyone around her and is burning the check she could have used to advance herself even more? The check that she was just fawning over receiving because she could finally buy her own version of that dress with that?

If you saw your beloved crumble like that and say that everything they had done was meaningless and that it should have never happened, and that YOU were the reason that happened, what would you think? I'd imagine that you'd wonder if their despair WAS your fault, right? She WANTED Sofia to see through those rose-tinted glasses, and she invited her to that dinner and gave her that dress and those pearls to do so, and when she did rise up she was SO PROUD and she felt SO ACCOMPLISHED... But is that what Sofia herself wanted? She was always uninterested in being rich until that night, she NEVER cared about her status and settled with being at the bottom of the barrel bc that's just what she thought she was capable of. And yet like a shepherd herding sheep, she continued to insist and insist and push her toward this gate of upperclass-hood just because she could, and because she wanted to. She truly did want that life for Sofia, but did Sofia ever want it..?

Katya wants to comfort, she wants to come to her side and tell her she's wrong, that she IS a good person and that she CAN be what she wants, but that would only be adding salt to a wound she herself created. So we get that shot- a shot of the light from the flames bouncing off Sofia's blistering red hair and Katya shrouded in darkness for the first time in the film. Sofia scorns herself and tries to burn herself away, and Katya is in the shadow of it, no longer the light she and everyone saw her as. What went wrong? What started it? Where could she go?

That lighthouse was nothing. THIS is where the betrayal began.

#goncharov #goncharov (1973) #sofia goncharov #katya goncharov #unreality #my art #hi nautilusopus I'm so sorry for the tag but your post was the main thing that inspired me into writing this #I hope I could do your analysis justice

[wereh0gz]

hi, college student here.. just wanted to say Im sorry about what you have been feeling, and that it is hard..

but you are also not obligated to continue

college isnt for everyone, you shouldnt have to keep suffering for how many years just to give a stupid piece of paper that says you're good at something, you can find a steady job and a happy life without college

i really feel your struggles and i know exactly how you feel, and Im here to say that i really hope you're OK, and I wish you nothing but the best of luck

you're gonna be OK

Thank you. Genuinely

I'm trying to work up the courage to tell my mom. I can't really do anything without her since I can't drop one of my classes without having to pay for it. Even with financial aid. I'm past the period of being able to do that. Plus I can't drive yet and I don't know if I would have to go to the campus for it. So I feel really stuck right now

It's just so isolating. I already don't leave the house much as it is. I used to rely on school to get pretty much any social interaction and yeah it was fucking exhausting having to deal with so many people but at least I wasn't alone with my thoughts for so long every single day. And at least I had teachers to show me how to do things and helping me face-to-face instead of through videos and emails and I had my schedule set for me which made it so much easier for me to manage my time and do the work

Honestly the only reasons I started taking online courses was because I can't drive to campus or live there bc it's a community college and because we needed someone to take care of my little brother while mom and step-dad worked. If it weren't for that I would be taking classes in-person and who knows if I'd even BE here right now struggling to do anything

Maybe it's just the fact that it's online that makes it so hard for me but I really don't care I want to be done with school for good and be able to feel like a goddamn adult instead of a glorified 12 year old

#asks #neg #i feel like a fucking baby cryijg over this shit #i already don't feel normal as it is #i can't do this #thank you for the kind words. genuinely thank you #i'm gonna have to figure something out before i go insane

[eruditetyro]

And another thing. I am still thinking AB that convo we had about her not wanting pynch to be endgame by the end/feeling too constrained by the fandom because it DOES SHOWWWW which makes me sad bc my brother is reading trc (finally convinced him) and I love them so much in it

OK so hot take essay time.

YA lit and tumblr-popular lit in general, imo, seem to have a problem with breakups (they do not do them! and if they do, they only do them in relationships where the reader Knew they were not endgame). and often, this is fine: the story ends at a high point for the characters, often newly in love or feeling newly secure in their relationships. trc ended here: the obstacles of the series were done, and everyone was ready to explore the new romance between them. that's a great place to end a story. tdt continues beyond this point, and it tells a story that has different stakes, different goals, and a different endgame. life's like that too-- things change, and people change, and sometimes the tension unearths some previously hidden cross-purpose or incompatibility. sometimes these things are resolvable and sometimes they're not and sometimes whether they are or not depends wholly on some external factor. relationships are complicated! and sometimes they are really, really good, and they still end. sometimes they even end poorly when at the beginning they seemed perfect. and i think we are so scared to explore that in stories because it's fucking depressing, and it lengthens the story: you can't just end a series with a ronan who has just gone through a breakup. you'd have to take him back to joy somehow. and after a breakup with someone like adam, a relationship like the one they had, i think it'd take a while for ronan to get back to joy somehow. and the story would have to work him through it.

i don't think maggie originally intended for pynch's story to go that way (i think this is how relationships in real life work too: you don't go into them expecting to break up) but i think with how the characters grew over the course of the dreamer trilogy, it would have made sense, narratively, for them to break up. i think that if they had broken up in greywaren, the series would have had to have been more than a trilogy, in order to end it with ronan anywhere near fine. ronan, a character with (manic) depression, would have a hard time coming back. and i think it would have been quite a difficult thing to write. breakups can be a type of grief and mourning, and ronan has experienced so much of that already. i don't think maggie keeping pynch together was necessarily a copout, but i do wish i still believed in them at the end.

and, you know, maybe it was kind of a copout. can you imagine what the general fandom response would have been to a pynch breakup? god. it would have been terrible. the only reason blue and adam got away with dating and breaking up the way they did was because the reader knew from the beginning they weren't endgame: pynch WAS endgame for trc, and to write tdt, and have the appearance of a heel turn on that? oh my god, people would have been so angry. (I would have really liked it though, for reasons we have previously discussed.)

in general, i am struggling to think of a piece of media i've read where there's a heartbreak on the level a pynch breakup would've been. certainly there are movies where a character starts from some time after a breakup, and is maybe confronted with their ex to add complexity to the plot of them getting with someone new. but i think that it just takes a long time to write a relationship that's that compelling at the beginning and then ends, and then to bring it back to a high note. it's not something that often happens on-page.

anyway. as i've said. i'm a pynch breakup truther. i still LOVE LOVE LOVE them and their dynamic in the raven cycle. genuinely they are so good for each other in that series. but the fact of the matter is that for the vast majority of the dreamer trilogy, their relationship is rocky at best, and a mind meld scene just didn't cut it as a resolution to that for me (is it enough for two people to want each other, when there are practical forces against them, or when what they want from each other is in conflict?). anyway. i think the fact that they end up like that later doesn't negate how nice it was at the start. just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't good back when it was good. i think both states of their relationship are allowed to be true. anyway. that's my opinion on that.

#maybe it's just bc with my own bad breakup i feel like a mind meld would have also resulted in us breaking up #and honestly? the mind meld breakup probably would have hurt more #greywaren spoilers #tdt