#YEAH IVE HAD SITUATIONS LIKE THAT

[not-equippedforthis]

really love characters who have varied panic responses. kirk stating himself that he does not panic outright, externally, not in high-stress dangerous situations, but instead becomes tense and level like a wound string, on-guard: mostly because his role as captain necessitates that he maintain level rationality even when facing potential death as his training as 'the guy who tells you what to do when shit hits the fan' requires, but also because his childhood experiences taught him early that drowning in the desperate haziness of panic won't help you survive. especially as kirk already follows his intuition so deeply. he learned to grasp and contort the feeling. spock is the main person who represses his emotions, of course, but kirk does it to those deep-set, personal ones (this includes how he doesn't reveal anything truly personal about himself willingly 90% of the time, only what others already know/shallow anecdotes) in a much more subtle way that's really interesting to me. certified expert at avoiding the subject as long as he isnt caught out on the lie. professional bluffer.

in terms of past or parents we dont know much!!! hes known as the heart-on-his-sleeve guy!!! like yes he yells, he gets irritated, excited, hes a whirlwind of quick-thinking and plans and intuition, he goes out of his way to connect with his crew and shows it, when he puts on a little act or bluff he puts his heart into it and clearly enjoys the dramatics so much, at times he wears his heart on his sleeve, he laughs openly and is honest to spock about what he means to him, he's very sun-coded to me in a burning, passionate way, always intertwined with the stars and seeking them out, but when it comes to genuine deep-set turmoil? we dont actually know all that much about him??? hes so full of emotion and character (i love fics where spock characterises jim's mind/bond as a whirl of colour and sensations, hes a quick thinker!!! intuitive!! lively!!!) and yet its still so outwardly surface level. tarsus iv gets mentioned like twice? so especially here where kirk gets briefly jumpscared by the creature, because like:

its subtle but his eyes. his eyesss!!!!! kirk commands with his emotions but there's always some sort of level of control to it, or he transforms them into something that spurs on others or uses them to ascertain a goal: seeing unguarded fear/distress in his eyes even if its faint and brief (in this instance) makes me go insane every single time. like!!! its such a small moment!!! he isnt even panicking!!! really, he just got jumpscared!!! its insignificant!!!!!!! but seeing a two-second flash of actual, naked apprehension is just...oughhh,,,,,,,,,

oh god, and dont even get me started on the galileo seven episode where he assumes a tense level-headedness throughout the whole thing, irritated and apprehensive but not panicking, making sure he maintains intelligent rationality, even when he has to leave them behind, but when spock and the crew are confirmed safe and the bridge is occupied the camera pans to him and his eyes look like they're fucking watering and he's so achingly relieved. don't even talk to me. im. fuck.

he shows so so much but at the same time reveals so little.

#just had to write something about this because i loveeee seeing cool characters in distress. sorry but i need to see that boy PANICKING #im only on season 1 still so i dont know if there is a point where kirk openly seriously panics in the typical way #in high stress situations hes guarded but controlled #seeing him genuinely lose his nerve and start panicking would make me ouuughghgughg #like if he starts actually hyperventilating for kirk you know somethings so wronggg #but no yeah even if spock is injured or kirk is concerned about him he still shows that in the tense guarded high strung demeanor #same with spock really - his tone becomes tense and he uses jims name and its subtle but AAACKKK #i love the note of desperation being logical. that one episode is such a good exploration of spocks characer #i just think its interesting. to me it reads not only of kirks headstrong nature but also of his experience on taurus iv #not equipped for rambling #star trek tos #star trek #james kirk #jim kirk #captain kirk #kirk tos #hope this is right because im only just coming to the end of season 1 so #i love kirk so much though i cant even #hoping so so much ive interpreted him well #and that this makes sense. this is a ramble to the max. #he draws people into his orbit hes lively hes intelligent hes a burning whirl of passion and arhrthhhh

[szappan]

university.. university leave me alone

#heres the situation: for my cognitive literary studies class (quite fun) we had to pick primary material and a cognitive angle to analyse it #from. and the deadline was coming up and i who have been thinking very intensely about robots for the last half a year picked #yeah you guessed it. fucking PIERS PLOWMAN. which is not fun for me but i panicked about the deadline #so now i have to do something about piers plowman and its cognitive literary properties #and im in hell this is hell i have been extremely stressed about piers plowman for a month. to the point where ive been in physical pain #AND I CANNOT. THINK OF ANYTHING. ABOUT PIERS PLOWMAN. #and the teacher for that class is so nice and chill and she was like you can pick anything at all. and i went with piers plowman #like it's interesting but from what COGNITIVE angle can i approach piers plowman. #ive been thinking about saying exactly this that piers plowman is more for historical linguists and theologists than narratologists but im #also positive plenty of scholars read piers plowman for the plot #so then i thought about the characters and whether you can Connect with them and whether they help you Immerse yourself in the story and #other terminology i learned in cognitive literary studies class. #theyre allegorical and very 1 dimensional and there could be something about whether we from 2024 understand them in the same way #people from the 14th century did. like this was what i put in my proposal when i made it #but now i actually have to make the slides and use cognitive literary papers for this and it's just not going at all. i cant do it. #i cant do anything i cant enjoy the daylight and the warmer weather i cant think about anything other than im not making progress on this #and it's bad for me!! it's bad for my health i feel bad. why did i go with piers plowman why did i not pick watership down #my post #i have plenty to say about watership downm cognitively. #also about old possums book of practical cats #maybe i could email her and tell her id like to change it.. no #ive also been reading the tombs of atuan which is incredible

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[aropride]

nervous laughter

#text #was hanging out with a friend (had fun) but as his uber was arriving #i see my ex roommate (<- putting it lightly) walking back to the dorms with someone #and like. im nosy ofc but i also like. want to warn them #cuz i dunno if this is like. a friend or a new roommate or what but they’ve been alone EVERY TIME ive seen them #so this is new. and considering their track record. #i dont think i am super calm knowing they’re bringing someone back to that room. #im not sure if i hope its a roommate cuz maybe then its innocent #or if i hope its not bc i dont want anyone else to have to live with them #but like. god. #and they totally saw me n my friend looking at them LMAOO but like what r u gonna do. u cant do shit #im allowed to look in directions #but. yeah no. that makes me very nervous #and i didnt get a good look at who it was but they were like #5’6 ish short blonde hair looked kind of like they had a gender situation going on #(i love saying gender situation its my new favourite phrase) #but uhh. yeah. i need to find them i just need to like. know theyre gonna be okay #i want to warn them but that might be bad idea #so i dont know. i dont want them to not know but i dont want them to know at the same time. yk? #well. itsnfine. im hiding in [building] now and im around people and im safe and no one can hurt me #neg #🗒️

[cruelsister-moved2]

man one thing idk how to feel about is the trans men you periodically see weighing in on 'lesbians who fuck men' discourse, usually pretty young people who dont have much experience, desperately insisting that lesbians can be attracted to men because their lesbian girlfriend says so. look I'm not trying to be mean but you need to realise she doesn't see you as a man. she sees you as a woman, or basically a woman, and that's why she likes you. if she was attracted to you as a man she would have to reconsider her feelings about men. if it's just you, that's because she doesn't see you as one.

#lesbian chasers of trans men are so real and massive creeps ive seen it #it often ends up a kind of ESH situation because u also get trans men who are obsessed with getting a lesbian or whatever #but yeah i feel like people dont realise thats a thing and it super is #this one guy who left a huge seething coping rant in my notes #and i went on his blog and it linked to a tiktok acc where he posted 1000 coping videos about it #because he had a massive crush on a lesbian who agreed to date him #and all these videos like 'im trying to see my attraction as more sapphic' #mixed with 'i feel so lonely in the sapphic community because theres nothing about men' (!) #likeyoure literally just trying to change who you are for her. its not worth it #same person that was like just let people have fun or whatever!!! i mean this doesnt look like youre having fun but do you #'sexuality is fluid and complicated!' yeah and if she was attracted to you as a man she would realise she likes men #if her attraction to you isnt making her consider her feelings towards men it means she doesnt see you as a man so its not a challenge to h #her. do the maths

[rosykims]

i actually cannot believe triss didnt get that fucking kiss. i hope ava's whole engine falls out of her stupid car <3

#oc: triss #I MEAN I KNOW THE OPTION WAS THERE BUT LIKE #triss has been NEGLECTED her whole life !!!! the only intimacy she's every had has been exploitative or situational !!!!!! #she wants someone to STAY with her for once in her damn life !!!! #and be loved in a permanent non transactional way !!! ava hitting her with the 'i COULD kiss u but then its over jsyk' <3 is so fucked #honestly its such a rebecca move 🙄 and once again triss left feeling like she has to beg on her hands and knees for scraps of love #which she just cant do anymore ! and shouldnt have to do ! #so yeah. ive had some time to think after sleeping on the end of book 3 and it just made me madder <3 #im especially annoyed that the kiss was followed up by the (admittedly cute) party scene. like no girl my detective is HEARTBROKEN #and MAD #she doesnt want to hang out with that fucking blonde freak right now !!!!!!! #kiss-rejecting detectives better have the option to stay mad at du mortain at the start of book 4 bc ive had it up to here w the bullshit !

[kirkwallguy]

just realised plans have changed and the cards have fallen and i am drunk at home on a friday night. send writing prompts if you want 😋

#ok im not DRUNK i just got back from being social and had 2 glasses of wine so im tipsy. but ive done that #almost every night this week on another goodbye tour since i go home tomorrow so i will probably drink a little more. #ermmm so yeah. not promising im a GOOD writer but ig im competent and enjoy it and will put your blorbos in situations if need be #send prompts if you want i will be watching a film with my family and continuing to drink. if i see a prompt meme on the dash i will rb #is this even actually a thing or did i see like one person doinf it and imagine it. whatever. #i used to take drunk writing commissions years ago anyway i know the drill

[so-very-small]

i will say though, it’s very sweet when you have like a friend who does not know about g/t until you introduce them, and in their blind enthusiasm they chatter about ideas with you as the wrong size, and you’re sooo so glad they’re Getting It but also baby. they’re not getting it at all. you’ve identified as tiny your entire life and your friend is saying “what if you were big! like the size stuff you like! like i think you’d be good in a Godzilla scenario” and you so desperately want to correct every word in that sentence but also you’re just glad they’re having a good time

#this post is not abt the situation in my last reblog bc thats the nightmare form of this #it just made me think abt the good times ive been missized #i had one friend who didnt know about size and i explained it to them #they got ennamored with me as a minigiant which is NOT my thing but they had so much fun i just let em ramble #and then they were like ‘what if we assigned all our coworkers gt heights. we could even ask them!’ and i SHUT THAT DOWN SO FAST #but yeah ppl who dont know what theyre doing in gt are so cute

[deviantartidentitydisorder]

i dont think people grasp what its like to be a "show" family but i also think its bc i dont understand what its like not to be one so. i have no idea what to explain

#ive never really thought about it until recentlh bc my friend started playing a dave egbert who reminds me a lot of the tropes i really like #like. child actor. washed up star. someone who hates thwir public persona. someone who had a parent obsessed w cameras and public appearence #appearences #and like yes i write those teopes ALL the time like literally all my charas are that trope in one way or another i just figured it was like #just like a me thing. but now im realizing like oh wait no yeah this is a real type of person that i just happen to fall into irl #abd then it explains why i have so many bizarre interactipns w adults and situations that others dont. bc most kids wetent in industries #that would focus specifically on appealing to a larger audience

[pigeonwit]

i disregard hard promises on a lot of things, save for some small details, but the one piece of hard promises that will alwaysalwaysALWAYS be canon to me is davey's place in his family. not quite to the same degree - i dont believe he'd hold the same love for his family he does in the musical if his mother hit and berated him like she did in hard promises. i think his family is a loving one, i just dont think davey feels his place in it is as unconditional as the rest of his siblings. les is the baby. sarah is the activist. davey is... there. hes not the academic genius people make him out to be (smarter than the newsies, yes - top of his class, no. i love writing davey as a literature nerd, but i still doubt he'd be able to actually put that to use in an environment as unforgiving and stressful as a victorian school. hes stressed enough just trying to keep his head above water). hes not brave, hes not strong, hes not clever, hes always just been... there. the forgotten middle child. and so he tries to make himself deserve his place in his family. he tries to work hard and step up and prove he can do... something. whatever that is. hes not really sure. he just needs to pay them back somehow, for every forced smile and 'thats nice, david' and all the times they've pretended he matters when he knows theres so much going on thats bigger than him right now.

#im feeling tired and autistic on this fine night and i needed to cough up a davey ramble #i dont think i quite got it right but its... there #ive been playing 'our word' from 36 questions on a loop and i keep filtering that final chorus through a davey lens #'our son david? you must be mistaken. you mean the boy we loved AS IF our own?' #'we loved him so much he FELT LIKE our child. but pretty soon we had to send him home.' #i think thats what davey thinks his place is in his family. this uncertain idea that yeah. sure. they love him. #but would they keep him? if it came down to it? if things had been worse after their fathers accident. #if they were in a situation so desperate they had to cast someone out - the way so many of the newsies were #the dead weight. #would it be him? #newsies #davey jacobs

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!! #i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

I wanna personally apologize to the many many many people who have asked me things recently that I have not answered.... I have... so many exams.... and everything hurts....

Brain has an out of service sign on it at the moment. Please return in 8-9 business days.

#fumking dying atm jfc #gaAHGGH #whoever invented back to back exams should be burned alive i think #you put your 100% into one exam and are sleep deprived and dying #and then you wake up the next morning feeling like death with like... an academic hangover worse than any hangover youve ever had before #and then... you have to go write... another exam... #worth like 40% of your grade #yeah yeah yeah yeah chiiiiiill. that is definitely a great way of showing that i know thr material. #take what I can write in 4 hrs in a high pressure situation while im two seconds away from death #thats totally gonna represent my understanding of the content #motherfuckers of court: i have SIX exams #back to back to back #literally no breaks #AND TWO ASSIGNMENTS DUE AT THE SAME TIME #WHO THE FUCK DECIDED THAT #anyway im fucking dead rip 🙏👍👌✌️🤘 #on that note i WILL be unhinged for the next week because im running on like 2 hrs of sleep every night and way too much fucking redbull #and im stressed tf out #so maybe block me for a week or two #im serious i am already insane and ive done 10% of it. for your own sanity leave. im either not gonna exist for two weeks #or everyone is going to be ridiculously aware of my lack of sanity

[tasmanianstripes]

PLEASE HELP US PAY THE VET BILLS

So one of my cats had a bladder infection and had to get treatment, he's fine now but we need to do a follow-up visit and test his pee. Another cat has a decaying tooth and lumps on her belly so her visit would be a lot more expensive.

Unfortunately, I can't find a job and my mum was forced to take a vacation last month plus had to pay some people back so this month will be very rough and we don't have this sort of money right now.

We need roughly 500 PLN / 100 USD, possibly more if Turnip's lumps turn out to be tumours, so if anybody can help it'd be greatly appreciated. Even reblogging helps.

I can't take any more full commissions right now but I can draw a doodle for anybody that donates and DMs me

My PayPal: [email protected]

My ko-fi:

#donations #i feel stupid to leep asking for money but our situation is messy and i cant fucking find a job. kts frustrating #weve been looking into rehoming some of our cats but the shelter is overflowed already and i dont want to just give her away and just #make the new owners pay for her vet expenses. like yeah heres a cat btw she needs her tooth removed and has some lumps anyway good luck LOL #i was hoping that id find a job by now and wed be back on our feet but no such luck #i hate this. i wish i had the money to get her to a vet. ive been trying to save for a few months but we keep havjng to take from that #money for food. ugh. i just want her to be fine im so scared for her

[upsidedowngrass]

see, i dont know if just not htat many people watched the interview, but literally the interview with that person has been INTEGRAL to my understanding of liam. like the fact that liam was described as a cat person, AND that he would name the cat “something practical, like Fluffy” has literally changed how i look at liam ever since i watched it

#hfjone #i think i had a good grasp of liams character even before watching it #but like.... #every timem i struggle to write him or figure out what hed do in a situation i think back to many canon scenes #and if its still hard? that hes a cat person whod name a cat something practical. like fluffy #YES ik that person has said its not necessarily canon and i get that!!!! but also unless contradicted i think it as a desc helps to like #understand liam. for me #also now its always so important for me that he is so uncreative its unreal. i love that trait in characters #(though ofc i think it doesnt JUST indiciate a lack of creativity but also points to his overreliance on practicality and other stuff!!! #which is FUN!!!!) #oh yeah and also? i think the main thing that this changed for me was like.... #before watching it i foolishly thought liam was a dog person bc its Extremely Standard #but now that ive heard it said hed be a cat person . i get him more #because i have a better grasp of what TYPE of Standard Guy he is