#YET you get scenes when they’re learning the Jump together and they’re in the vegas kitchen together and they’re Together

[from-a-reckless-writer]

dove down my rabbit hole of wips and one of my wips isnt a wip anymore! so here, have some gay shit....

“Kelly wants to get married in the woods, I want to get married in Midvale. So, apparently, our wedding will just happen via Zoom. Her in the woods, me at the beach. Ain’t that just fucking grand?”

Alex comes through the door like a hurricane covered in leather. Her helmet lands on Kara’s counter loudly. Her keys haphazardly thrown somewhere in the general direction of the bowl by the door.

“Then have two weddings.”

Alex follows the voice and her eyes zero in on her sister’s best friend.

Lena is sitting on the floor of Kara’s apartment, wearing an oversized sweater. Her dark hair spilling down her shoulders softly. A hand wrapping around a wine glass, the other typing on her laptop, not even jumping in the slightest at the commotion that is Alex’s entrance.

Alex plops down on the couch sighing loudly, not even batting an eye at this utterly domestic scene that is her sister washing the dishes with Lena Luthor on the floor of her apartment.

Lena doesn’t comment at the Danvers’ Sisters antics and Alex doesn’t call them out on the ridiculousness that Lena and Kara are still keen on keeping up.

The three of them already well desensitized to one another’s preferred brand of bullshitery.

“You know, sometimes I forget you're a rich-ass bitch and then you say shit like that and suddenly, I remember,” Alex says, smoothly snatching the wine from Lena’s hand.

She finishes the entire glass in one gulp and Lena rolls her eyes. Alex had finally proposed to Kelly the other week and well, that meant this week all of them had fallen victim to the Olsen-Danvers wedding debacle. It seems today isn’t the day that that whole dilemma is going to stop.

The wedding, of course, was still a few months away, but both parties were stressing about it as if it was going to happen immediately the next day.

Kara swoops in then, mussing up Alex’s hair, earning her an annoyed Hey stop it! before putting down another wine glass and pouring for Lena. Her arms are still wet from washing the dishes.

Lena murmurs her thanks and continues what she was saying, “Well, since you’ve finally remembered that I’m a billionaire. Let me pay for two weddings.”

Alex chokes on the wine.

“What? You’re kidding me, right?”

Lena continues typing, ignoring Alex’s shock, you’d think she didn’t just offer to pay for a wedding.

“Well, I mean, I’m never gonna get married,” Lena explains, “but if you let me do this, I can brag around that I’ve paid for two weddings. Not to mention I’m gonna make two brides very, very happy.”

“Or,” Kara interjects, lowering herself on the opposite side of the couch, perfect for Lena to lean back between Kara’s legs and lay her head on the side of her thigh. “You can just wait for Kelly to get here,” Kara says, pointedly. “Talk it out like normal adults and reach a compromise.”

Kara’s hands start to snake their way from Lena’s hair to Lena’s shoulders, massaging, all too aware that Lena won’t stop whatever it is she’s working on on her laptop till everybody gets here.

Lena lets herself melt and closes her eyes, sighing as Kara’s fingers dip at the junction of her neck and shoulder with just the right amount of pressure.

“I don’t wanna get married in the woods, Kara.”

Lena opens one eye to take a peek at Alex, who looks exasperated, her eyes pleading, gulping down another glass of wine.

“Don’t tell me,” Kara replies. “Tell Kelly.”

“The bugs, Kara,” Alex moans. “Imagine the bugs, and the moss and the ughhh.”

She dramatically thumps the back of her head on the couch.

“Imagine the soil. Clumpy wet soil. Eurgh. Ew. What if I fall face first in that? What if I trip over a stupid tree root in my heels? In my wedding dress?!”

“Alex, you don’t even have a dress yet,” Kara deadpans.

“I thought you were gonna wear a suit,” Lena adds.

“You two suck.” Alex pouts.

****

The rest of their friends arrive and Kara finally succeeds in prying Lena’s work laptop away from her. Alex was already teasing the line from tipsy to drunk by the time Kelly comes through the door.

“Let’s get married in Vegas!!!!” Is how Alex decides to greet her fiance.

Kelly laughs, gives her a peck then answers, “As much as that sounds like a very convenient wedding, I don’t think Eliza would appreciate that, baby.”

Alex frowns at being rejected, sags against the couch and crosses her arms. Why does Kelly always have to be right?

“How much has she had to drink?” Kelly turns to Kara.

“Uhh ask Lena. She made her switch to whiskey.”

Lena—who Kelly thinks was way too busy nuzzling against Kara’s neck to even answer her question—mumbles something that sounds like “S’was just two glasses.”

Kelly just shakes her head, makes Alex drink a glass of water. Her ring making a clink against the glass.

“Alright, what if,” Nia sing-songs, eyes sparkling with mischief, “we just settle this whole wedding thing with Charades?”

Nia claps her hands together like some gameshow host and Kelly takes a deep breath through the nose.

She’s been to enough Game Nights to know where this is headed.

Everybody else was intoxicated enough to accept the suggestion as a grand idea, not at all even thinking that: Hey, isn’t this something we should all take seriously?? Maybe ask the brides what they want, maybe???

Kara nods enthusiastically, agreeing immediately, “Oh!! That’s a great idea! Fun and fair at the same time!”

“Olsen vs. Danvers. Brides get to pick their teams.”

Nia pulls a white board out of nowhere, uncaps a marker and writes “Team Danvers”, “Team Olsen” separated by a neat line in the middle.

“Are we really letting Nia take charge of our wedding venue?" She hears Alex whisper from where she has her tucked at the crook of her neck.

Kelly sneaks a glance at the chaos happening before their eyes; Brainy already claiming to be on Kelly’s team, J’onn shaking his head opting to be the game scorer instead and refusing to participate, somebody’s shouting about: NIA, DREAM PROJECTIONS AT CHARADES IS CHEATING!!!!

Guess this is their life now.

Kelly smirks, boops Alex on the nose and says, “Scared you’ll lose, Danvers?”

****

Alex loses by three points.

“How was I supposed to know you were gesturing 'Transformers'!?!” She barks at Kara, throwing her hands in exasperation.

“I pointed at Nia!” Kara huffs, incredulous at the fact that her sister is blaming her.

Nia lost them a point too!

“What does Nia even have to do with it???” Alex’s voice grows higher in pitch. Her brows furrow in a mix of confusion and frustration.

“Trans, Alex. Trans.”

“Oh my God,” Alex groans. “How are you this dumb?”

And that was the story of how Kelly got her dream wedding.

****

The frenzy finally dies down, some time between Nia making up another drinking game and J’onn making her sit back down. A movie that none of them were watching provides a background noise to the almost lazy atmosphere. Kelly and Alex were pressed close on the far end of the couch, enjoying the temporary quiet.

“Guess we’re getting married in the woods, huh?” Alex murmurs.

“I guess we are,” Kelly whispers back. Alex beams at her, grinning dopily at the thought of finally getting the ending they deserve. It would be the perfect day, she has no doubt about that. No matter where they are. It would be perfect because they got there together.

Alex can’t wait.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.”

Alex continues to smile stupidly, nudges her nose to Kelly’s.

“Just— I don’t really care where we get married, I guess.”

“Oh yeah?” Kelly raises an amused brow at her.

“Mm-hm. So long as you’re the one walking down the aisle.”

Alex presses their lips together, breathes Kelly in deep and for the first time that night, she feels that the future isn’t so scary, even though there is still a very large possibility that she might trip over a tree root on her wedding day.

Somebody interrupts their kiss.

“She’s only saying that ‘cos she lost.”

“Shut up, Luthor.”

****

“Text me when you get home!”

Lena hears Kara call loudly after her sister, before closing the door. Game Night has officially ended and as usual she’s still here. She’ll always be here, she thinks for a brief moment. The thought holding more depth than it should.

Kara didn’t even question her when everybody began filing out and Lena just started picking up the discarded dirty plates and walking them to the sink. They’re well past the point of asking each other if the other would stay over.

It was already some unspoken rule.

Already well past the point of Lena wanting to ask Kara what the hell it is they’re doing.

She’s bent over the sink, scrubbing—Kara doesn’t own a dishwasher for the sole reason that she finds doing the dishes therapeutic—when Lena takes a glance over her shoulder.

Kara is sitting on a high stool near the counter, casually flicking through her phone. It was Lena’s turn to do the dishes tonight. Once upon a time her doing the dishes would have resulted in a fight. “I can superspeed the dishes. Why would you even want to do them?” A statement that would be met with an eye roll.

Kara has learned not to fight her on it again, after around the 7th time that Lena had stubbornly insisted and Supergirl got doused with dishwashing liquid.

And now, it’s become some sort of routine, Kara does the dishes after lunch and Lena does the dishes after dinner. Oh, how the paparazzi would kill for this—Lena Luthor Knows What A Sponge Is?

“Is it true when you told Alex you’re never going to get married?”

Kara decides to break their quiet.

“Yeah, pretty certain about that one, why?” Lena turns around, cocks a curious brow. If she’s being honest she’s beyond certain that she’s not going to get married. She always jokes about how she’s married to L-Corp but it isn’t till now that she realizes how true that is, and...how lonely.

“I don’t know,” Kara murmurs, not meeting Lena’s eyes. “I just like the idea of you getting married, I guess.”

“What?” Lena chuckles at that; genuinely confused but still curious.

“Well, I mean—” Kara wobbles through her words.

“I guess, I just— I like the idea of you walking down the aisle...in a white dress,” Kara muses.

Then, “Or a suit!!” she quickly amends. “If you wanna wear a suit, that is. That can totally be arranged, you know?” Kara waves her hand around and it’s like now that she’s started, she can’t stop.

And Lena’s just standing there, water still dripping from her elbow, unsure of how to feel about Kara imagining her getting married. Quite an incredulous scene isn’t it? Her getting married? What a crazy thing to say, an even crazier scenario to imagine!

She snaps out of it, realizing Kara’s still rambling.

“I have no objections whatsoever with that, if you wanna wear a suit. And yeah, you know? I just— I like that idea. I like the idea of you dancing to your wedding song. The idea of you exchanging your vows, the idea of you-”

“Kara,” Lena decides to put a stop to it, since it’s clearly evident Kara won’t be stopping any time soon. And Lena's feeling way too many things that she doesn’t want to feel at the moment. She’s sure that she’s going to feel more, if she doesn’t put a stop to it herself.

“I’m well aware that it’s the best friend’s job to help with the bride’s wedding,” She says, “but, darling don’t you think you’re putting just a bit too much effort into this? Certainly seems like you’ve thought about it a lot.”

At that, Kara’s cheeks turn a light pink, squirming sheepishly under Lena’s questioning gaze.

Shouldn’t Kara be thinking about her own wedding? How beautiful she would look walking down the aisle. How her blonde hair would look so nicely with her dress. How happy she would finally be after finding someone she could share her life with. Not that Lena's been thinking about those kinds of things. No, of course not. That’d be hypocritical of her at this point. Why would she even— Why were they even talking about this again???

Lena tries to rein in it, tries to focus on Kara again; hands finally finding a dry towel, hesitantly walking into Kara’s space to hear the blonde more clearly.

“Well, I mean- Like I said, I do really like the idea of you getting married,” Kara repeats herself slowly.

And before Lena can come any closer, “Like the idea of you getting married…to me. More specifically,” Kara adds more quietly.

“What?”

Lena stands frozen.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard y- Kara, did you just?”

Lena’s heart is pounding away in her chest. Did she hear her right? Did Kara really just—

Lena’s a step away from her and Kara uses this to her advantage. She pulls Lena closer, tugging at her wrist, the towel dropping from Lena’s hands. Kara summons enough willpower to stare into Lena’s eyes.

“I like the idea of you getting married to me, Lena Luthor.”

“Kara, I’m sorry- What?” Lena jerks away from her, the words finally landing.

“Is that a no?”

Kara lets her go. She can’t focus on Lena’s heartbeat to assess the situation more. Kara’s own heart is betraying her, drumming so loudly in her ears.

“Uh- no, that's definitely not a no?” says Lena hesitantly, eyes wide, breathing nervously. She turns away from Kara for a minute to take a breath, hands fidgeting about.

She whirls around again to face, mutters, “You do realize marriages are for people who are—”

She pauses.

How do you exactly phrase that wedding proposals are for people who are actually in some kind of romantic relationship? And not for people who casually stay over every goddamn Thursday without fail?And okay, maybe sometimes, in a much different reality, would willingly commit fratricide to save the other? And in an also much different reality, willingly expose a secret identity to save the other?

Lena can’t find the right words.

“Oh, I don’t know, Kara,” Lena scoffs, shaking her head disbelievingly. “Marriage is for people who are actually dating each other.”

Kara takes her sarcasm as a good sign and pulls her in again.

“Well,” Kara begins. She can hear Lena’s heart thumping erratically, now that Kara’s gotten her bearings.

“We can always have our first date after the wedding, right?”

Aren’t they well past the point of dating anyway?

She’s got Lena standing between her legs now, her hands wrapping around her waist.

“First date and honeymoon all in one. That sounds great, doesn’t it? I can fly you wherever you want, Paris, Maldives, hell I even have a Fortress in the Arctic, if you’re into that.”

Lena stares at her, blinks once, twice; shakes her head and lets out a noise between a laugh and a scoff.

“Kara Zor-El, you are one ridiculous woman,” She breathes, putting a hand on Kara’s cheek. Because what else is there to say? This whole conversation really is ridiculous. But at the same time Lena feels like she’s floating? Like this may be the best moment of her life, and of course, it’s going to be ridiculous. This is Kara she’s dealing with, after all.

She doesn’t know what she’s going to do if Kara reveals this to be just some sort of joke.

But the way her blue eyes are piercing through Lena’s, so earnest and so warm, argues otherwise.

“So, what do you say? Wanna get married?”

“Are you serious right now?” Lena asks, still unbelieving. This is beyond crazy. They’ve fought aliens and monsters and traveled through time but this? This is just beyond crazy.

“Lena, do I look like I’m joking? And besides, you’d already offered to pay for two weddings, why not pay for our two weddings, instead?”

She shakes her head again, let’s herself fall closer to Kara, lets out a laugh against her neck.

“Mm. You want a Kryptonian ceremony too?”

“Yeah.” Kara’s voice turns shy. “If that’s alright by you.”

“Of course, that’s alright by me. I’d be honored.”

Her heart feels more than full at the thought of Kara wanting to share that part of her with Lena. She’s always had some doubts whenever the topic of Kara’s Kryptonian heritage arises, always half-afraid she’s overstepped on something that isn’t hers.

But looks like there was nothing to fear all along.

“So, we’re getting married, huh?” Kara wiggles her brows, her face breaking into a wide grin.

“Yes. Mm-hm,” Lena hums against her. “I do. I’d marry you. Let’s get married.”

“Seal it with a kiss?"

****

“Hi.”

Lena blearily opens her eyes, follows the soft voice, her bare back being caressed by the sun filtering through Kara’s curtains.

“Hi,” She whispers back. All this feels much too like a fever dream. She’s half-tempted to pinch herself just to check. She’s woken up beside Kara a million times before but she’ll never get used to the sight of soft golden hair and sleepy blue eyes.

Kara gives her a soft peck and the feel of her lips sends Lena reeling.

The previous night was a whirlwind in her mind’s eye. The moment Lena murmured her 'Yes, please.', Kara kissed her passionately. Once they broke away, Kara had zipped around the apartment, Lena too dazed to even ask what it was Kara was looking for.

She watched as Kara tore off a keychain from one of her bags, curled the keyring to fit Lena’s finger and whispered, “This’ll do. For now.”

Kara had kissed her knuckles reverently, her lips making Lena’s blood sing in her veins. The feel of mangled metal fitted just for her left hand is an imprint on her soul. A promise of more to come.

They didn’t make it out of the kitchen the first time. Kara had lifted her by the waist and set her down on the kitchen counter. Which was a good thing, because Lena couldn’t feel her legs after.

They didn’t make it to the bedroom the second time either. She had tackled Kara onto the couch, pinning her wrists together, licking at the shell of Kara’s ear. “My turn now,” Lena had whispered. The way Kara shivered underneath her was enough of a reward. How long had they been waiting for this?

Flashes of last night had her hips bucking slightly unto Kara’s leg sandwiched between her own, but before it could escalate further...

“I have exciting news to share,” Kara tells her.

“Really?”

“Mm-hmm,” Kara hums, now nosing at Lena’s hair.

“What is it?” Lena asks.

“I’m getting married.”

“Oh you are?” Lena plays along.

“Yes. I’m getting married to my best friend,” whispers Kara, almost conspiratorially. “How cool is that?”

Kara looks giddy with excitement and Lena knows she’s mirroring that exact same expression right now.

“Mm. Very cool, darling.”

Kara giggles and they trade more lazy kisses before Lena breaks away to breathe.

“Quite a coincidence though,” Lena husks out against Kara’s lips.

“Oh really? Why?” Kara asks, tries to keep a serious neutral face despite her nose scrunching up in that cute smile that Lena can’t resist

“I’m also getting married,” Lena confides, “To my best friend," she adds, eyes flashing. "Isn’t that great?”

“Very great.” Kara nods slowly, blonde hair falling into her face, a hand running through dark tresses.

“I love you,” Lena whispers, her lips brushing Kara’s softly.

“I love you, too.” Kara kisses her harder then, her hands lazily wandering along Lena’s skin.

They lie there quietly for a few moments, basking in the morning glow and then, “Alex will kill us.”

Lena snorts, twists in the sheets and says, “I think your sister is too busy planning her wedding to even think about plotting our murder.”

read follow-up here.

#im praying we get a dansen wedding u guys #anyways yeah this is something they would totally do right? #get married on a whim #if u see a typo no u didnt #oh and also im still working on the prompts u guys sent me so there's that #thats the majority of my wips cos im one slow writer #happy supercorp sunday lovely people #supercorp ficlet of sorts #the reckless writer writes #supercorp #rcklss writes

[space-helen]

Back To Vegas - Chapter 3

Words: 2285

Pairing: Nick Stokes x reader

A/N: Again, I’m sorry this took so long to come out! This one also fleshes the case further 

CH1     CH2     CH3     CH4     CH5    CH6   CH7   CH8

______________________

The ride with Grissom was smooth and a lot quieter than the one with Catherine. It took him a while to even say anything to you. “So, Y/n. What made you want to be a CSI then?”

“I love to help others and like to find out why and what the truth is even if it’s a truth that people don’t like. Also it’s a career where you learn something new every day, be it about the world or about people.”

He nodded “I like that. Learning is important. Why’d you come to Vegas?”

“I was with Nick when you called. Selfishly I came because he was coming but also the change of scenery is welcome and change of people. I’ve not known you all long but you all seem really really nice and I’m grateful for that. Some of the people on my shift back in San Diego were not the most pleasant.”

“That’s no way to be.”

You agreed with the man. “So you and Sara?”

There was a pause and it made you re-think what you’d asked. “You don’t have to answer that of course. I know Nick has told me little bits but I don’t want to intrude. I understand if it’s too soon we barely know each other yet.” you rushed out

“No. No, it's fine.” you could hear a slight smile in his voice. “I have to admit I’ve warmed up to you quickly which is unusual but I’d trust Nick with my life and I know he trusts me with his. I trust his judgment and as soon as I saw you two together I knew you were meant to be. Sara and I are married, Nick has probably told you about the whole affair over the years. I love her and always have.” He shrugged.

“Yeah Nick told me about some stuff. He also told me about how you saved his life. Thank you.”

He nodded and you could see the memories rushing through his head by the way his expression changed slightly. “It wasn’t a pleasant time for anyone but I’m glad we got him out of there. Anyway, Sara and I came back not long before everyone else and I’m glad we did. I'd be devastated to see the lab deteriorate anymore than it has. We all dedicated so much time to it so it’s the least we could do.” he paused and you could see him contemplating whether to say what he wanted next.

“I know we’ve not long met but I know that face means you’re not sure whether to say something. C’mon out with it I don’t mind.” you re-assured the man.

“Once we knew you and Nick were coming Greg filled us in on the two of you a little bit.”

You smiled “I’d never met Greg in person until I came to Vegas but I knew Nick and him kept in contact and talked a lot. Still best friends.”

“Yeah. Well he told us about the case that Nick and you were on and I just wanted to say thank you for looking out for him.”

“I did what anyone would do.”

“No. You did more than that.” he left a small silence. It wasn’t awkward or unpleasant. “Did Nick tell you about when Sara was taken and how they all found out about my feelings for her?”

You shook your head and he continued “When I realised why she’d been taken we were all looking at a miniature scene that had been created that included her. I didn’t think before speaking and told the room that they took Sara because she was the only person I ever loved.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Never,” he admitted. “How’d you feel about Catherine?” you could see a smile tugging at his lips.

“She’s really nice and very interesting-”

“She warmed up to you quickly as well. Take that as the highest compliment.”

The rest of the journey was filled with conversation about the lab, old working stories and dynamics.

Upon parking the vehicle you and Grissom both jumped out, a smile on both of your faces as you moved to the trunk to grab your kits and evidence. It didn’t take long for Catherine to join you and for all three of you to walk inside.

“I’ll review the tape.” Catherine offered. “I’ll log all of her belongings?” you suggested.

“Sounds good I’ll review the pictures of the scene.”

You nodded and the three of you quickly split up to get to work.

You carefully took pictures of the victims handbag before opening it, snapping a photo and emptying the contents. You analysed all of the belongings and took photos as you went. Her bag included a couple of photo booth strips of her and some friends, her purse still filled with cash and cards, a water bottle and some other smaller bits like mints.

You swabbed and printed the bag and contents. Meticulously ensuring you pulled everything useful. Packing the items up carefully you were placing them into a cardboard evidence box when a voice form the doorway caught your attention. “They’re ready for us with the body.” It was Catherine.

“You want me to come as well?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s your first body in Vegas after all.” 

You smiled “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

The journey was quick and you were soon standing over the body with Grissom and Catherine next to you. The coroner, David, was completing some paperwork before he move over to join the three of you. 

“Although the vic has a visible head wound that is almost definitely not the cause of death. Upon first look she seemed healthy but she died of a heart attack.” “Blood to tox?” Catherine questioned

“Of course.” the man replied. “There is no sign of a struggle on the body either.”

“So would you say natural causes or?” you asked

“It’s peculiar, there’s nothing in her record that would suggest she’d be at risk of a heart attack.”

The four of you continued to discuss the body. The door opening made you all freeze and turn, Nick, Greg and Sara were all admitting themselves to the room. 

“Sorry, we’ll wait outside.” Greg spoke

“No need.” Grissom replied “We’re just about done here.”

The two teams passed each other. Grissom smiled as he passed Sara and Nick gently caught your finger tips with his as you passed each other. 

Grissom and you wore your smiles down the corridor “Guys c’mon that’s school kid behaviour.” Catherine joked.

“Says you.” Grissom nudged her in the side playfully and the three of you laughed.

After some time you were soon called into tox, you greeted the dark haired man sat at his desk.

“It’s great to meet and work with you Y/N.” he quickly turned his attention to the results “The blood didn’t come back entirely clean. There was a mixture of some different substances which include elevated potassium levels.”

“Potassium?” the three of you questioned. 

“Yeah. Enough to overdose.”

“That explains the heart attack” Grissom announced 

“How does that even happen?” Catherine enquired

“A general buildup of it over time? Maybe she was taking supplements and eating a lot of potassium-rich foods. It’s hard but not impossible, we had someone else a couple of weeks ago with the same thing.”

“Looks like we have some digging to do.” you added.

“We certainly do.” Catherine’s voice came. “I’ll chase up the warrant for her place.”

The three of you split ways and you trailed down the corridor to grab a drink from the break room, Grissom had told you to do so while he went to chase Greg for the other Potassium overdose case.

You rounded the corner into the room and bumped into a form, you instantly apologised and felt hands gently grasp your upper arms to make sure you didn’t fall.

“It’s alright.” the voice laughed and you recognised it straight away.

“Fancy seeing you here.” you joked.

“How’re things?” he questioned letting go of you and watching you enter the room to make yourself a drink. He eventually stepped back inside and sat down.

“They’re good. Strange case to kick off with. Looked like just a heart attack in a young woman but was actually a potassium overdose which caused it.”

“Really? Our vic had a lot of head trauma from a fall and some bruises which look like they were from drug use. Signs of a struggle, so a pretty normal case?”

“Normal huh.”

“In comparison yeah.”

You laughed and took a sip of your drink. “I’m just waiting for Catherine to get a warrant for the place. I doubt she’ll get it before the end of our shift though..”

“Greg said warrants have been slower.”

“Let me know if you’re working overtime?”

“Can do.” with that he left you in peace to enjoy your short break.

Your quick break went by in a blink of an eye. You soon found yourself back with Grissom.

“What’ve you got?” you questioned walking towards the table in the centre of the room.

“Vic was a twenty six year old female. Recently employed at a local highschool to teach Chemistry.”

“Heart attack from potassium overdose?”

“Yep. Found in her car at the wheel on the side of the road. She’d been driving home from work. She was about two minutes away from making it home.”

“Just ruled out as natural I suppose?”

“Greg said they investigated her place and she was on some sort of new diet found online and it so happened to have high levels of potassium in all of the foods and recipes. Supplements were also found in her desk drawer at work.”

You nodded “At the time I can see how that would be mistaken for an unfortunate incident but now… it most definitely is not. Two cases within the past month?”

“Looks like we have our work cut out for us.” The man pushed the file over to you while he began to rummage through the evidence box.

The two of you worked the hours away comfortably before Catherine appeared.

“The warrant will be ready for the beginning of our next shift. I tried all I could.” she shrugged defeatedly stepping further into the room. “If you guys are in a good place I’d suggest calling it a day and coming back tomorrow.”

You looked up at the clock and realised you’d worked longer than you were scheduled, it wasn’t uncommon but you felt bad going home now. “Are you sure I don’t mind staying longer. I’ll just need to tell Nick-”

“No it’s alright. I think we could all use the time. This one looks like it could get hectic.” Grissom admitted as he started to pack everything away.

The three of you packed everything away as you caught Catherine up on everything you’d found before walking to the locker room together. 

Nick was sitting on the bench and instantly turned to the door as he heard your voice, a big smile on his face. 

“Nick. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know.”

“It’s alright, I walked past and saw you working so I thought I’d wait a little.”

“Thank you.” you grabbed your things from your locker as the room bustled with conversation. 

“I’d love to stay and chat but I’m hungry.” Catherine admitted “Frank’s?”

“Did someone say Frank’s?” Greg interrupted as he poked his head around the door frame.

“Yeah. You down?” Catherine asked the man.

“I sure am. Nick? Y/N? Griss?”

“I’ll see if Sara wants to join.” 

Nick looked at you “I think we should head home. Sam is probably wondering where we are.”

You nodded “Yeah. Some other time though?”

“You’re welcome any time.”

Nick and you said your goodbyes to the group and made your way out to your car. Slipping into the passenger’s seat you allowed the man to drive. “First day ok?”

“More than ok.”

“I’m glad.” he smiled.

The ride went by quickly and the two of you were soon moving through the front door. Sam jumping up on you brought a huge smile to your face “Hi, did you miss us?” you pet the dog and he jumped down, walking to his bowl and sitting in front of it. You followed the dog and gave him some food.

“Food then bed or just bed?” Nick asked.

“Snack then bed? I’m super tired but could use something to tie me over.”

“Sounds good to me.” The man quickly prepared some sliced fruit for the two of you and you smiled. Back in San Diego it was a ritual you’d kept since you went to visit him in the hospital.

The two of you took the fruit through to the bedroom and helped yourselves as you got ready for bed. Sam joining you once he was done with his own food. Nick stopped to give Sam some attention while you crawled into the bed. 

The man moved the fruit plate onto the dresser after taking the last couple of pieces. Crawling into bed he opened his arms and you gratefully sunk into them with your head on his chest as he rubbed circles into your back.

“They love you already, I can tell.” the man reassured.

“I know. I was nervous but they’re really lovely, welcoming people.”

“Different from before right?”

You laughed “Yeah. I loved them but God, they could be assholes.”

He agreed and kissed you on the top of the head “I love you.”

“I love you too.” you got comfy and felt your eyes get heavy “Night night.” you mumbled.

“Night.” he whispered as he pulled you closer to him.

Next Chapter

Tag List: (open)

CSI:

Nick Stokes: @wanniiieeee  @pumpkinfriend

#back to vegas #csi x reader #nick stokes x reader #csi vegas x reader #cst imagine

[uomo-accattivante]

This is a great article about how The Card Counter managed to finish principal photography after getting shut down mid-March due to COVID-19.

Also, it includes this interesting description from Paul Schrader about Oscar Isaac’s character, William Tell -- “So now I have a character and he’s in his room, he’s alone. And he has a mask on. And the mask he wears is a professional poker player. And the problem that runs alongside him is that he is a former torturer for the U.S. government. So it’s a mix of the World Series of Poker and Abu Ghraib.”

Having somehow weathered his way from enfant terrible to wizened survivor, Paul Schrader is a filmmaker who is simply not finished yet. Every time it might seem his career is on the wane, he resets, revitalizes and comes back again.

Just a few years after his 2014 film “Dying of the Light” starring Nicolas Cage was taken away from him by financiers — leading Schrader to disavow the movie — he received his first Oscar nomination (for original screenplay) after directing “First Reformed,” which was released in 2018 and starred Ethan Hawke as a troubled small-town minister.

Schrader’s work is marked by emotional intensity, intellectual vitality and an aesthete’s appreciation of style. His filmography is full of unusual corners that are still being discovered. The 1979 film “Old Boyfriends,” directed by Joan Tewkesbury with a screenplay by Schrader and his brother Leonard, was recently rereleased on home video. As was the 1990 film “The Comfort of Strangers,” directed by Schrader from a screenplay by Harold Pinter.

He’s been directing films from his own scripts since 1978’s “Blue Collar” starring Richard Pryor, Harvey Keitel and Yaphet Kotto. He went on to write and direct such films as “Hardcore,” “American Gigolo,” “Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters,” “Light Sleeper” and “Affliction.” His celebrated work as a screenwriter for director Martin Scorsese includes “Taxi Driver,” “Raging Bull,” “The Last Temptation of Christ” and “Bringing Out the Dead.”

Never one to shy from controversy onscreen or off, he directed Lindsay Lohan in the 2013 Hollywood-set thriller “The Canyons,” written by Bret Easton Ellis.

In March, Schrader was about three-quarters through the shoot for his next film, “The Card Counter,” in Mississippi — with a cast that includes Oscar Isaac, Tiffany Haddish, Tye Sheridan and Willem Dafoe — when the production was shut down due to the growing pandemic. In July, Schrader was able to shoot for an additional five days to complete production.

During the break in shooting, “The Card Counter” was picked up for distribution by Focus Features.

Schrader recently got on the phone to talk about the unusual circumstances of the film’s production and completion. A film critic before he became a filmmaker, Schrader not only had startling insights into his work, but also thoughts about what filmmaking and exhibition might be like in a post-COVID world.

Before we start talking about the production on the movie, could you just describe the story? What is “The Card Counter” about?

Well, I don’t want to get too deeply involved in the plot, but what I will say is over the years I’ve kind of developed my own little genre of films. And they usually involve a man alone in a room, wearing a mask, and the mask is his occupation. So it could be a taxi driver, a drug dealer, a gigolo, a reverend, whatever. And I take that character and run it alongside a larger problem, personal or social. It could be debilitating loneliness like in “Taxi Driver.” It could be a midlife crisis like in “Light Sleeper.” It could be an environmental crisis like in “First Reformed.”

So now I have a character and he’s in his room, he’s alone. And he has a mask on. And the mask he wears is a professional poker player. And the problem that runs alongside him is that he is a former torturer for the U.S. government. So it’s a mix of the World Series of Poker and Abu Ghraib.

How did you come to put those two things together?

I’m always looking for that. I’m looking for deep-seated problems, either personal or societal, and some kind of oddball metaphor. The more you get closer, you run these two wires next to each other, the more sparks you see flying across. And it’s in the sparks that the viewer comes alive. If the wires ever touch, there’s nothing left for the viewer to do. But if you keep these two wires really close to each other, the viewer will start to spark from one wire to the other. And that’s the greatest thing you can give a viewer or a reader, an opportunity to be part of the creation.

Let’s talk about the production and everything you’ve been through. Take me back to March. What was it like for you when the production had to shut down?

I have learned in my dotage how to make a quality film on a low budget. So the film I used to make in 40 days I now make in 20. And so “First Reformed” was 20. I had shot in Biloxi 15 days. Now I knew coronavirus was going to be rising, because when I heard that Macau shut down, I said, you know, it’s just a matter of time. Macau is the wealthiest gambling center in the world and I’m here in the gambling center of the Gulf. If Macau shuts down, it’ll reach Vegas, it’ll reach here. And we were doing a scene, a poker tournament with 500 extras. And I remember I said to the A.D., “We can’t put 500 people in a room without one of them being positive.” And sure enough, one of them was. Two days later, we not only closed down, all of the Gulf was closed down.

Fortunately, when I went back, I had shot my big crowd scenes. And also I had shot my sex scenes, which I would have hated to try to do under these restrictions. So all I had left when I went back was a number of scenes in the prisons, and four more scenes in the casinos, some driving scenes. So I was in pretty good shape. But I really wanted to finish the film.

And Oscar Isaac, he was on his way to Hungary to do reshoots for “Dune.” And he wanted to put off this reshoot till after “Dune” — to do it in September because he has a big beard and he didn’t want to shave off his beard. I said to him, “Oscar, there’s a window open right now in Mississippi.” I said, “If we don’t jump into this window while it’s open, this will become one of those famous films that never got finished, and we’ve got to exploit this moment.”

So I talked him off the ledge and he agreed to do it. And we were able to put everybody back together and do our week of prep and five days of shooting. It was very strange, and in a way it was kind of fun, in a summer camp sort of way. But I would hate, hate to make a whole film this way. It was an adventure for five days, it’s a nightmare for five weeks.

In the break from March to July, were you on high alert that you could come back at any moment? Were you editing the footage you already had?

Here’s what happened. I was editing. My editor is in New Jersey and my assistant editor is in Tennessee, so we’re all editing virtually. And I had four major dialogue scenes between my principal characters that I had not shot. Then I was able to screen virtually the film for a number of people I respect, like Scorsese, who is the executive producer, like [filmmaker and programmer] Kent Jones and other people. And what I asked them all is, “I have four more scenes to shoot. I can rewrite them. What am I missing? What do I need to add? How should I write these four scenes?”

And I started getting feedback about what they felt was missing. So I was able to rewrite these scenes and make these relationships much better. And not all productions get to do that. It’s a very expensive reshoot, but it was built-in that three-quarters of the way through, I have an opportunity to rewrite one-quarter of the meaningful character scenes. So I did, I rewrote it. And I realized what was missing. And I wouldn’t have realized that if I was shooting at the top. I would have only realized that in post. And I would have walked around the room kicking myself in the ass, saying, “I wish I had the opportunity to reshoot some scenes.”

How was getting everything back together?

As soon as Mississippi allowed us to come back, we came back. And of course nobody’s working, so everybody’s eager to come back. They are hyper-conscientious because they know they are only being allowed to work by the grace of God. And so the masks and the PPE and the hands and the distancing, you don’t need to tell any of the people this. They’re so happy to be at work. They have no problem with any of that.

You can only have one person within six feet of your actor at a time. That person could be hair, it could be makeup, it could be props, it can be the director, it could be another actor. And you kind of queue up. And a thing that I realized, we had a warehouse. So we did rehearsals for every scene in this warehouse. And I told the actors that when we get to the location, to the casino, the prop people will be in there, the lighting people will be there and then you will walk there with your mask on, and you will take the positions that you took in rehearsal. Then I will roll camera and you will take your masks off and we’ll play the scenes. So that’s how we did it.

Given everything that it takes to get to shooting, once you were back on set with the actors, did you still feel like they could give you the performances that you needed? Was it difficult to get to a place of artistic creation given all the other concerns that everyone has?

Because they had done the rehearsals, they had gone through the permutations of their performances before. So the only thing different for them was that they were in a real space rather than a fake space. As I explained to them, there would be no time for exploration on set. All the exploration you are going to do, we’re going to do here in the warehouse. I don’t want to hear one peep from you about changing anything once we get into this hothouse environment. So however many hours we have to spend in the warehouse, let’s spend it.

How close to finished are you with the movie now, considering you had a lot of it already cut together?

Basically, I’m finished, down to an hour and 49 minutes, which is where I think it should be. Obviously, I have to do the score, there’s the post-prod and the special effects, but the thing is that there’s no pressure to finish the film anymore at this time. I was talking to Focus, and I could give them the film in a month. They don’t want the film in a month because they don’t know what to do with it in a month. They said, you just take whatever time you need, which is the opposite of the way studios usually talk. I also have final cut, so it doesn’t really matter. What I deliver, I deliver.

When you made “The Canyons” you talked a lot about your feelings regarding the theatrical experience, VOD and streaming and contemporary filmmaking. What impact do you think the COVID shutdowns will have on movie theaters?

There’s a certain kind of film like “The Canyons,” which should be made for VOD, which is a kind of exploitation film. And there’s another kind of film like “First Reformed” that has to be mounted by film festivals and art-house cinemas, so that it has an identity prior to VOD. So if you’re on VOD and you see an Ethan Hawke film about a minister, you’re not going to say, “Oh, let’s watch that.” No, what you’re going to say is, “Oh, I heard about that film. I heard it was good.” Well, how did they hear it was good? They heard that from film festival reportage and they heard from their friends who have seen it at theaters. So that sets up VOD.

The opposite case is a film like “First Cow,” a film that was crushed by not having a theatrical window. And everybody is, “Should I watch ‘First Cow’?” They have no context. So what’s important for a film like “The Card Counter” is we have to give it context. We have to go to the festivals and we have to go to the art cinemas to tell people what we have in our hands. Then we can go to VOD, where the real money is. So “First Reformed” went to Telluride, Toronto, Venice and New York. That set the table. I would love to set the table for this one. I can go to all those festivals. That’s not a problem for me anymore. The problem is: Are festivals going to happen?

Do you think theaters are going to come back?

Not in the way they did. There are only four reasons for theaters to exist anymore. And this situation has accelerated these trends. Like symphonies and operas and live theater, concerts, they need a reason to exist. One reason is family cinema, because parents love to see their kids interacting with other kids. Animation films will always have an audience. Another is extraordinary spectacle. IMAX, virtual, whatever they come up with. Something you can’t see at home. The third is date movies for high schoolers, which is horror and rom-coms. Or rather, dirty rom-coms.

And then the fourth is club cinema. Which used to be called art cinema. But with these new institutions that are a combination of social institutions and cinematic institutions. So the Metrograph in New York has one restaurants and two bars. There’s more square footage devoted to eating and drinking than there is to watching movies. And yet it’s always full because people want to be in that environment. So then alcohol’s become the new popcorn. And those club cinemas, which were pioneered by Alamo, they will continue to exist because people want to be part of the club, people want to buy a membership. They want to eat and hang out, and they want to know which films have been approved by the club. Which is something you cannot get from VOD.

When “First Reformed” was coming out, you spoke about how you had made it thinking it could be your last film. And yet you seem so reenergized over the last few years. Do you feel that way? Have you been able to hit the reset button in some way?

Oddly, yes. I’m in the middle of a new script, which is about a horticulturalist. And what has happened in my case, following the disastrous situation I went through with “Dying of the Light,” I said, I would no longer work unless I had final cut. And once I got final cut, I was free. When I began, you didn’t really need final cut. When I was working in the studio system, all those other films, you were working with people who knew movies, who liked movies. Who you can talk to, you could disagree with — things would get changed, sometimes they’d get better, sometimes for worse in your mind, but you were working with people who liked movies, who watched movies. In the last 15 years, I’m dealing mainly with financiers, who not only don’t watch movies, don’t even particularly like them. And how can you have discussions with these people? And that’s what final cut freed me from, because I realized I couldn’t talk to these people. I wasn’t talking to [studio executives like] Barry Diller and Thom Mount and Ned Tanen anymore. I was talking to Joe Schmo from some hedge fund and I couldn’t talk to Joe Schmo. The only way I could talk to him was to have final cut.

I’m certainly excited to see what becomes of “The Card Counter.”

The new one is quite good. Focus told me not to hump it too much because that’s their job down the line. But you can take my word for it, it’s quite good.

###

#paul schrader had to convince oscar isaac to shave off his dune beard 😂 #oscar isaac #william tell #the card counter #paul schrader #tye sheridan #willem dafoe #tiffany haddish #covid-19 #coronavirus #focus features #dune #dune 2020 #first reformed #the canyons #taxi driver #interview #los angeles times #la times

[echo-bleu]

take me back to the start (3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Read on AO3

For @moonlight-breeze-44 Ready for more angst? This was betaed by @jeanboulet who did an amazing job as usual 💙 Chapter warnings for description of depression and canon levels of self-harm.

Alec lowers his center of gravity, wincing when it pulls on his hip, and turns to face the petite form of Helen Blackthorn. She looks back at him steadily, taping the wrapper around her wrist in place.

She was transferred with him from the overflowing Alicante hospital to the New York infirmary after the battle, along with many other wounded Shadowhunters — Catarina probably saved hundreds of people single-handedly that week. Helen stayed in New York to recover and they became good friends, helped along by Aline who, as Alec discovered, followed wherever Helen went. She’d managed to get her mother to assign her as permanent Clave liaison to the New York Institute.

“Ready?” Alec asks.

Helen just nods and slips into a fighting stance. They’ve been training together as she learns to adapt to the loss of her lower left leg. Now eight months in, she’s already back at the level of most fifteen-year-old Shadowhunters, thanks to Izzy’s creative rune work on her prosthesis and her own stubbornness. She’ll be ready for the field soon. Alec sometimes feels pangs of jealousy as he struggles to keep up, knowing that his shattered hip will never let him get back to where he was before.

“I’m slowing you down,” he says as he picks himself up from where she just threw him on the floor. “I should assign you to train with someone else. Maybe Izzy? She’ll understand the readaptation process.”

Helen offers him a hand to stand back up. “You’re not slowing me down,” she says, shaking her head. “Sure, maybe I could keep pace with Izzy, but I think you underestimate the value of what we’re learning together. Being aware at all times of what the other is feeling, what our bodies are telling us. It’s like...parabatai training, but without the rune. I don’t want to stop training with you.”

Alec blinks in surprise. “I hadn’t really thought about it that way,” he says.

“I don’t have a parabatai,” Helen says. “I dreamed about it as a kid, but I figured out pretty quickly that no one would want to be bound to a half-Seelie. But I wanted to know someone so well that I could tell how they were doing at all time and be known in return.”

“It’s not exactly like that,” Alec says, rubbing at his parabatai rune. He hasn’t opened the bond in months, and yet he knows that Jace still feels the pain that leaks through. There’s so much pain, now, for both of them.

It’s a strange kind of irony, that they would both lose their lovers to amnesia, only weeks apart. Clary still remembers nothing, going about her mundane life, and Alec knows that Jace spends too much time watching over her. Alec avoids Magnus, now. It’s not hard, since Lorenzo Rey is still the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and Magnus hasn’t tried to contact him since he healed him.

Clary was forced to leave their world, and Jace hangs onto the hope the angel they summoned gave him, that she will be forgiven eventually.

Magnus made his own choice. Or rather, both Magnus and Alec made choices that led them here – separated and alone. There’s no going back.

“Being parabatai… We feel each other, but that doesn’t mean we know each other”, Alec says. “Jace didn’t know I was gay for the longest time. The bound was made for battle, to make parabatai the best warriors.”

Helen nods. “I’ll never have a parabatai, but I like training with you. I don’t want to stop.”

Alec opens his arms in surrender. “Fine, okay, I like training with you too. I’m getting a feel for your style, finally. And you’re starting to really take advantage of the way your body moves.”

“Seelie flexibility,” Helen winks. “You should try sparring with a full Seelie.”

“Yeah, well, right now I need a break,” Alec says, limping back to the bench at the front of the training room. “How are things with Aline?”

“She’s freaking out,” Helen laughs. “The wedding’s in two months and we’ve barely started planning. I don’t care, I’d elope to Vegas with her, but she wants it to be a symbol.”

“The first official Nephilim gay marriage,” Alec mutters. He swallows, looking down at his hands.

He had all these dreams, once. He wanted to marry Magnus in front of the whole Clave, show the world that relationships like theirs could work. It would have been beautiful. The first gay, inter-species marriage recognized by the Clave.

Now he’ll have to leave those firsts to others. Helen and Aline. Izzy and Simon. Hell, at this pace, even Underhill and Lorenzo Rey. Alec will get to watch them and see through them everything he gave up.

Alec’s dreams went up in smoke the day he made that deal.

Helen lays a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, Alec.”

Alec shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize that things are working out for you.”

“No, but I know how you miss Magnus.”

“I was going to propose to him, you know?” Alec sighs. “I had all these dreams about our wedding. And then I broke up with him the next day.”

They’ve talked about it, a lot. When Alec was in the hospital and his siblings had to handle the Institute, Helen was there with him. They have things in common that Jace and Izzy will always struggle to understand.

“You tried to help him,” Helen says.

“I broke his heart so badly that he couldn’t stand to remember our time together,” Alec murmurs. He nervously runs a hand through his sweaty hair.

Even now, there’s a knot in his throat so large that he can barely breathe. He hasn’t had a chance to heal. For five months, his whole life was reduced to the venom slowly overtaking his body, to the knowledge that he would not see the end of the year.

When he was dying, it was easier, in a way. He could tell himself that it would be better for Magnus not to remember. He could tell himself that his own suffering would soon be over, anyway.

Now he has to learn how to live without Magnus.

“Alec,” Helen says slowly, after a long pause during which she supports him silently, a hand on his arm. “I would understand if it’s too hard for you, but I want to ask you to be my suggenes.”

Alec chokes on his breath and coughs. “Me?”

“Yes. You’ve been...you’ve been my best friend, these last few months. I don’t know how I could have made it through all this without you. And...it seems like a good way to show that we’re both still standing. Together.”

Alec swallows and opens his arms to hug her. “Of course I’ll do it,” he says in her ear. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” Helen says, hugging him tightly.

Just as they pull apart, all hell breaks loose. They hear a commotion coming from the outside, at the back entrance just below the training room, people shouting like there’s a fight going on. Helen jumps to her feet and Alec follows as quickly as he can, grabbing his cane. He takes his bow and quiver from the weapons rack as he goes.

Two Shadowhunters are fighting by the elevator against three people clad in all black, including ski masks, wielding swords. Seraph blades. The intruders are also Shadowhunters. By the time Alec makes it there, Helen has joined the fray, making the match more even.

Alec lets his cane clatter to the floor and nocks an arrow. The closest intruder, the one now fighting Helen, is an easy target, and Alec shoots him in the shoulder, trying to incapacitate rather than kill him. The arrow flies a bit to the side and almost misses, but it gives Helen the time she needs to bring her opponent to the floor.

Underhill is already sitting on his own opponent, roughly pulling his arms behind his back. Alec concentrates on the third man, who is fighting an unarmed Jens. Jens is Alec’s second-in-command who handles the administrative life of the Institute, and he’s an older Shadowhunter who hasn’t been in the field in years. Against a well-trained opponent armed with a sword, he doesn’t stand a chance.

Alec’s shot flies wide. Jens’ opponent throws him to the floor and turns to Alec, rushing toward him blade first. Alec parries with his bow, but he’s quickly forced to let go of his bow and duck another blow. The blade glances off his shoulder, slicing through his shirt and his skin. Alec hisses and swipes at his opponent’s feet, making them both fall to the floor.

Alec cries out in pain as his hip gives out. His vision black around the edges, he struggles to get out from under the other Shadowhunter, who isn’t moving.

“Alec!” Helen calls from somewhere above him. Alec feels the dead weight of his opponent being lifted, and he scoots back hurriedly. Helen’s blade is protruding from the man’s back. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alec says, though he doesn’t try to stand up. He tries to stop the flow of blood from his shoulder with his hand. “Thank you.”

Helen nods and digs her blade out of the body.

“Alec!” It’s Jace this time, who must have felt the pain. Alec can block the constant hum of pain from the bond, but not sudden bursts – that’s what the bond is for, after all, having each other’s back. Jace kneels in front of him.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Alec repeats. “Remove their masks,” he tells Helen. “We need to find out who they are. And how the hell they got in.”

Jace already has his stele out, and he hitches up Alec’s shirt to draw an iratze. It stems the flow of blood, but the wound is too deep to heal completely. That’s fine. Alec can deal with it.

(Magnus would have healed it with a swipe of his hand.)

“Let’s get you to the infirmary,” Jace says.

He guides Alec’s arm around his shoulders and hauls him up. Alec bites hard on his tongue as his hip seizes violently, and he hops on his good leg for a couple of steps. Jace gives him time to get his bearing. They’re good at this, by now. They’ve done this too many times.

Alec gives out orders all the way to the infirmary, even as he struggles to walk, and only reluctantly lets Izzy take over once she gets to the scene, after she’s fussed over him for a good five minutes. He lets one of the medics bandage his shoulder, as it doesn’t even need stitches after two iratzes.

Once they leave him there, sitting on one of the beds as he waits for someone to bring him his cane, he groans in frustration and runs a hand through his hair, pulling at it.

“Alec, what’s wrong?” Jace asks. Damn. Alec thought he’d left. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Alec shakes his head. His injuries are minor, something he’d usually shake off and go on like nothing happened. But unknown Shadowhunters somehow got into his Institute and attacked his people. “I missed,” he says.

“What?”

“I shot at him, and I missed. And my first shot was way off the mark. I’m not good for anything anymore.”

“You’ve missed hundreds of times,” Jace says. “You’re the one who keeps telling me that. In the middle of the battle, more arrows miss than reach their target. Things move too fast.”

“He wasn’t moving fast,” Alec protests. “I had a decent shot. But my balance was wrong. I shouldn’t have missed.”

Jace sighs. “You’re not back to a hundred percent yet. That’s okay.”

“I’m never going to be, Jace!” Alec snaps. “This,” he points down to his hip, “isn’t going to heal anymore than it already has. I’ll never go back to the field. I’m useless as a Shadowhunter.”

He’s useless, period. He hasn’t had his head in the game in month. Since Alicante. Since Magnus. He’s lucky that nothing major happened to the Institute since Jonathan’s death because he’d probably have messed up everything.

“So you’ll focus on the political stuff. You’re good at that. Practically no other Head does fieldwork anyway, especially in an Institute as large as this one.”

Alec shakes his head. The political stuff, as Jace puts it, has largely consisted in arguing with the new Inquisitor – an old-school homophobic asshole named Goldstream – and desperately missing Magnus at every Downworld Cabinet meeting, unable to focus to the point that the Lorenzo Rey has been threatening to stop coming altogether.

“I can’t, Jace,” he says, hating the unsteadiness of his voice. “I can’t do it. I should step down, let Izzy take over. She’s got the head for it.”

“Alec, you’re the one who created the Downworld Cabinet. You’ve always been the best at this. I know you miss Magnus, I know you’re hurting, but don’t throw away your career.”

“I’m never going to have a career,” Alec sighs. “The whole Shadow World knows me as the Nephilim who fell for a warlock. Most Shadowhunters think I whored myself out and the Downworlders hate me for breaking Magnus’ heart. Not very conducive to good cooperation.”

Jace closes his eyes in dismay. “Alec—”

“Whatever,” Alec waves dismissively as Helen knocks on the door. “Let it go.”

He steps down from the bed. His hip is still more sore than usual, but it will hold. “Any word on who those Shadowhunters are?” he asks Helen.

“We’ve identified them,” she says. “They’re separatists. Not Circle members, but part of this fringe of Nephilim who think we should stop dealing with the Downworld altogether. They swear that the dead one was their leader, but they couldn’t have been working alone. The wards shouldn’t have let them through, for one.”

“After the mess with the Forsaken, Dad had Magnus update them to let in only authorized people, rather than all Shadowhunters,” Alec says. “If they weren’t on the list, they shouldn’t have been able to get inside. Either the wards are weakening for some reason, or they had help from a powerful warlock.”

“Someone more powerful than Magnus?” Jace asks. “There aren’t many.”

“Or someone who knows how he works,” Alec points out. He learned a lot about warlock magic, dating Magnus for over two years. He takes a deep breath. “We need to call him.”

Jace tilts his head. “Are you sure?”

It took Jace and Izzy a long time, after Magnus had healed Alec, to accept Alec’s decision to stay away. They still think they could have convinced Magnus to take his memories back.

Alec doesn’t even know if it’s possible. Magnus is nothing if not thorough. He might have erased the memories completely, just so he wouldn’t be tempted to take them back. To hurt like that again.

Unbidden, Alec thinks of the stack of letters in his desk. Sheets upon sheets of paper detailing each moment of their relationship, the good and the bad, everything Alec can remember. He hasn’t looked at them since he woke up in Magnus’ loft.

He needs to learn how to live without Magnus. It will hurt, maybe until the day he dies, but Alec will do it for his family, for this Institute, for whatever good he can still do.

“He’s the only one who will know how the wards went down. And we need him to pull them up again.”

Seeing Magnus, though… Alec is tempted to hide, to let Izzy or Jens handle it and pretend he’s occupied elsewhere. But he can’t do that. He’ll need to learn how to function around Magnus, too, as long as they live in the same city. Even if it feels like a hundred stab wounds to his heart every time Magnus’ eyes cross his.

There’s a terrible kind of comfort in knowing the pain will never end. Like any grief, it will fade with time, until it doesn’t feel like he’s dying every time he thinks about it, but it will never go away fully. Nephilim only love once.

Alec feels a surge of sympathy for Lydia, who stood with him at the altar and would have married him, with her heart in shambles like Alec feels right now. She hugged him tight, when she came to visit while he was in the hospital, and back then Alec didn’t fully comprehend that she understood him like no other.

But Magnus isn’t dead. Alec still has his number in his phone, their endless thread of loving text messages now another gaping wound. He doesn’t pull out his phone, and instead asks for some pen and paper. He sends Magnus a fire message, formal and distant, and stares after the vanishing flames.

“You gonna be okay?” Jace asks.

Alec nods. Helen squeezes his arm and hands him his cane. His injured arm is thankfully not his cane arm, and his hip seems to be holding up. He hobbles out of the infirmary and down to his office to start dealing with this mess.

*

Magnus doesn’t reply for several hours. Alec figures that he must be with a client, or maybe the Institute has simply dropped to the very bottom of his priorities and he won’t bother coming until tomorrow. But in the early evening, he gets a fire message back. I’m outside.

He painfully drags himself over to the Institute’s entrance. His hip has seized up again, and even mundane painkillers aren’t doing much to help.

Magnus is waiting at the bottom of the steps, his outfit sharp and almost too shiny – armor. Alec can recognize it easily, the way his make up is a bit too pronounced, the unnatural shine in his hair. That’s how he dresses when he’s unsure and scared.

Alec hates that he notices it all, when all Magnus probably sees about him is the cane. He waves at Magnus to come up the stairs – he doesn’t think he could walk down and back up if he tried – and lets him in. He summarizes the events while they walk into the ops center, keeping it business-only.

“Alexander,” Magnus stops him, reaching out to put a hand on his arm. Alec flinches back, because the name feels like a balm and a match to his heart at the same time. He doesn’t know what he’d do with Magnus actually touching him. “How are you doing?”

Alec frowns and leans away from him. “I’m fine,” he says. Right, Magnus wants to know if his healing stuck. “Free of venom and all recovered.”

Magnus’ eyes travel down to his cane. Alec swallows under his gaze. He keeps wondering how it might have been, to have Magnus beside him as he got used to this new reality – that he’s never going to go back to the field. Never going to walk unaided again, to run, to move without pain. He wonders what Magnus – his Magnus – would have said and done.

He doesn’t want to hear what this Magnus, this version of him that Alec doesn’t know, has to say about it. “This has nothing to do with it,” he says curtly, gesturing at his leg. He turns away, waving at Izzy to come over. “Can you check the wards?”

“Of course,” Magnus says. “I will need some time to get through all the layers, if you want me to be thorough.”

Alec nods. “You can give me your bill along with your report when you’re done. I’ll see that it gets expedited. Thank you for coming so fast. Izzy, will you show him around?”

It’s hard, to remain all business like that, but it’s better than any alternative Alec can come up with. He watches Magnus walk away with Izzy and he can’t help noticing the little details, the way Magnus’ longer hair sits on his head, or his blue-painted nails. He aches to holds these hands in his own.

It’s been eight months, and the pain isn’t quite as fresh as the first day, but it’s not gone, either. He’s not at the point where he can fondly remember Magnus and not ache fiercely for what he has lost. The way he misses Magnus is visceral, and he can barely stand it some days, the way his insides feel twisted. He struggles to get up in the morning. He struggles to eat anything, and he knows he’s lost weight, even since his body is free of the demon venom. He sees himself gaunt in the mirror, and he can’t bring himself to care.

The worst is trying to sleep. Alec has never been a sound sleeper, but it’s gotten worse. In the year before their breakup, he and Magnus slept together every night, and any bed without him feels cold and empty. His nightmares feature the break up most nights, or the battle of Alicante, a mix of all the stress and trauma of the last few years – Angel knows he has enough bad memories to fill his nights.

But it’s the good dreams that Alec dreads. The ones where he’s in Magnus’ arms, all warm and soft. Because then he has to wake up to an empty bed and remember what he’s lost all over again.

“Sir?”

Alec starts and almost overbalances, catching himself on the corner of the ops table. “Sir, are you okay?” It’s Underhill, who is frowning in concern.

“I’m fine,” Alec grits through his teeth.

Underhill doesn’t argue. “This came for you from the Consul’s office,” he says, handing Alec an envelope. “I put the rest of your mail in your inbox, but this seemed important.”

Alec takes the envelope and quickly opens it, while Underhill politely takes a step back. He skims through the letter from Jia Penhallow, then frowns and reads it again, more carefully.

It’s a job offer. An entirely unexpected one.

Alec stares for a moment at the letter, a little stunned, then he slowly folds it back into the envelope. It doesn’t call for an immediate answer, and he has a lot to think about – not to mention urgent issues to fix, namely the intrusion, before he can even start to think about it.

“Put this on my desk, I’ll deal with it later,” he give it back to Underhill, who watches him curiously. “If anyone looks for me, I’ll be in the training room.”

“Sir, are you sure you should?” Underhill dares to ask, hesitant.

Alec just glares at him until he backs off. “I want detailed report on the interrogation of the intruders,” he says instead of answering. “Yesterday.”

He’s rarely this stern with his people, but he’s too tired and frustrated to police his tone. Underhill straightens and nods formally. “Yes, sir.”

Alec turns away and makes his way to the training room. He changes into sweats, careful of the new bandage on his arm, and takes out his bow and his quiver.

He tries not to think about Magnus being in the building. The attack on the Institute just showed him that he’s been resting on his laurels far too much in the last few months, since Clary killed Jonathan. They haven’t had any major threat, nothing beyond the usual demon nests sprinkled over the city and Downworlder/Mundane issues to settle, and Alec has lapsed in his duty. He hasn’t asked anyone to take care of the wards, or implanted the exercise routine he was working on before Alicante, before he broke up with Magnus. He’s let his personal life interfere with his duty.

Worse, his performance today was abysmal. Alec has had to adjust his expectations of himself a lot since his injury, but missing his shot like that… It shouldn’t have happened. If he can’t fight enough to defend himself, he has no business running an Institute. He’s a liability.

Jia’s letter comes to his mind again. If he’s to accept her offer...

He empties half his quiver into the fifty yard target. His arrows all hit the target, but some of them are nowhere near the bullseye. Alec groans and tries to focus, taking a painful step to align with the second target, at sixty yards.

In a practiced move, he nocks an arrow, ignoring the way his arm stings. He draws the string up to his chin and settles there, paying attention to his posture. His hip isn’t strong enough to take most of his weight anymore, and too stiff – he has to lean on his left leg, throwing his whole body off balance. He’s started to adjust to that, but his posture is still too unstable.

He lets the arrow go. It hits almost an inch off the bullseye, and Alec sighs in dismay. He empties the rest of his quiver, taking the time with each arrow to adjust his posture, and his aim gets progressively better, but still nowhere near his previous level.

Yet another thing he’ll have to get used to.

The walk up to the target to retrieve his arrows and back is painful and harrowing. Alec leans into the pain almost in spite of himself, letting the burn in his lungs and the throbbing of his hip feel like punishment.

After two repeats of this, he’s holding back tears of frustration and pain. His entire body is sore, his shoulders aching from the undue strain and his hip sending shooting pains down his leg and all the way up to his neck. He powers through until his aim is good enough to satisfy him, even temporarily, then stops caring and keeps shooting for the sake of shooting. He gets a second quiver of unruned arrows just so he won’t have to walk all the way to the targets again and shuts out the outside world, narrowing it to just the tip of his arrow and the target.

It’s easy. It feels good, even if he knows he’s abusing his body in a way he’s going to pay for. He can’t bring himself to care.

He’s almost forgotten that Magnus is even there when he’s interrupted mid-draw.

“Alexander! I’m all done.”

Alec’s arrow flies wide and he curses under his breath. What kind of archer is he if he gets distracted so easily?

“Magnus,” he says, lowering his bow but not looking at his—at him. “Did you find anything?”

“A warlock helped take down the wards, but I could not identify them,” Magnus answers. Alec squirms under his stare. He hates that he both wants nothing more than to be somewhere else and wants to hug Magnus and never let him go. “I pulled them back up and fortified them, so that a similar attack cannot happen again.”

“Thank you,” Alec says. “Is there really no way to know who it was? Wouldn’t they have to be more powerful than you to take down your wards?”

“Or know my patterns,” Magnus agrees. “But in this case, they exploited a flaw that was there because the wards hadn’t been updated in too long.”

Alec grimaces. It’s his fault. He knew the wards needed work, it’s been on his to-do list for months. He put it off because…

Because it required calling Magnus in.

He put the whole Institute in danger because he can’t keep his personal life separate.

“Do you need a little warlock TLC?” Magnus asks.

Alec looks up sharply, the flashback jarring. Magnus must take his shock for confusion, because he gestures to Alec’s arm. “Your sister told me that you were injured in the fight.”

“My sister should mind her own business,” Alec mutters, trying to hide the pit opening in his stomach.

“She was simply recounting the events, as it is,” Magnus defends her. Alec doubts that Izzy lost an occasion to meddle at least a little, but he doesn’t comment.

“I’m fine,” he says instead.

“You don’t look like you’re fine,” Magnus insists. His voice is gentle, though it lacks some of the warmth that Alec has come to associate with him, the familiarity that his heart is weeping for.

Alec stares for a moment, eyes riveted to Magnus’ lips, to the curve of his nose – everything but his eyes, too intense and soulful, unbearable. He’s about to turn him away with something scathing, but he almost wants to—

He wants to hug him, to feel safe like he never has outside of Magnus’ arm, to let go for the first time in months. He wants to cry his heart out and be held.

He wants Magnus.

“I don’t know what to do,” he murmurs.

It’s a bad idea, and he knows it. He’s staying away from Magnus for a reason. He has to respect Magnus’ choice, especially now that Magnus doesn’t even remember making that choice. Anything else is abusing his trust.

But now that the word are out, Alec can’t stop. “It’s like...everything’s been turned upside down. I’m trying to run this Institute, and work with the Downworld Cabinet, and it’s everything that I dreamed of growing up and yet...I can’t do it, Magnus. I can’t be what they expect me to be. I can’t—I can’t live like this.” I can’t live without you.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts, but he trails off. He reaches out, and this time Alec lets him, leaning into his touch. It’s just a hand on his arm, light and unsure, but it feels—

Wrong. They can’t do this. Not now, not like that. Alec would give almost anything to go back in time, to fix this, to stop Magnus before he removed his memories, but – no, he wouldn’t. Magnus is happier with his magic and without his memories. What Alec feels doesn’t matter.

“I don’t know what to do,” he repeats brokenly.

“You can’t change things outside your control, but you can change your own life, Alexander,” Magnus says compassionately. “Do what’s in your heart.”

Alec makes a strangled sound and closes his eyes, stepping away from Magnus. “I can’t,” he chokes out.

He flees. As much as he can when he first has to put back his bow and get his cane. His arrows stay scattered on the targets, and he abandons them and Magnus, limping to his bedroom.

He hops into the shower, cursing at the time it takes him to undress and walk in. He runs water directly over his face and lets it hide the pouring tears. He collapses onto the recently installed shower seat, sobbing.

He can’t breathe. He swallows water and tears, choking, and hits his head hard on the shower wall. He hasn’t broken down like this since Magnus healed him of the venom – maybe since he was in the hospital in Alicante. Since the day Maryse quietly announced that Magnus didn’t remember any of them.

He doesn’t know how long he stays in the shower, but when he finally calms down, there is no light coming from the tiny window in his bathroom and his hip is killing him. He narrowly avoid falling on his ass as he gets out, hopping on his good leg, his head swimming from exhaustion.

He goes through the motions of drying himself and pulling on clean sweat pants, groaning when his body refuses to bend. He hates how hard everything has become, even dressing himself. He re-bandages his arm and runs the towel over his face a few times, trying to erase the redness of his eyes to no avail.

When he comes out of his bathroom, Izzy and Jace are both sitting on his bed. Figures.

“Alec!” Izzy welcomes him with too much brightness for it to be genuine.

Alec doesn’t answer and collapses between his siblings. They scoot over until they’re all lying on the bed, with Alec in the middle. He slips his arm under Izzy’s head, relishing the pressure of her weight on him.

“Magnus was here,” Jace starts in a low voice. Alec wonders how long they’ve discussed what they’re going to tell him. He knows they’re worried. They’ve had a rough year. He wishes he could erase it all, make things easier for them. Erase the concern, the fears, the pain.

Erase himself from their lives.

Alec blinks against the thought and breathes through his mouth.

“Yeah,” he forces out, his voice hoarse.

“How did that go?”

Alec shrugs, his shoulder hitting Jace’s. The wound on his arm stings.

“He was concerned,” Izzy says. “I walked him out. He said you ran away.”

“He—” Alec trails off. He doesn’t know how to express it. “Seeing him, it’s hard. I’m not ready.”

Izzy sighs.

“Look, I know we’ve had this conversation a dozen times, but I still don’t get it,” Jace says. “Why don’t you just tell him everything? Asmodeus is dead. All of Edom is gone. Your deal doesn’t hold anymore.”

“You don’t know that,” Alec sighs, not in any mood to rehash this again with his siblings.

“Come on, that’s a bogus argument and you know it. You only broke up with Magnus because of the deal. Doesn’t he deserve to know that?”

Alec shakes his head. “I need – we need – to respect his decision.”

“But he wouldn’t have made it if he knew about the deal!” Jace exclaims.

“You don’t know that,” Alec repeats.

He doesn’t believe it, not completely. Things would have gone down differently, had Magnus known about the deal. But that’s exactly the issue: he didn’t. They don’t know what could have happened, and they can’t make decisions based on that.

“Alec,” Izzy starts quietly. “What’s the real reason why you won’t tell him?”

“He’s okay,” Alec says in a low tone, almost a whisper.

“What?”

“He’s happy. Or he will be. He has his magic back, and he can go on with his life. All I brought him was pain and heartbreak and danger.” Alec swallows. “Even if we’d managed to be happy together, it would have been just a few years, a blink in his lifespan, before more heartbreak. It’s better that way.”

“But what about you?” Izzy asks. She has that same look on her face, as the first time she asked him that. But she was sad and resigned, then. Now she’s...angry.

Alec shrugs. “I’ll survive,” he says.

“Bullshit,” Izzy says through her teeth. “Surviving isn’t enough, and you’re barely doing that.”

“You think we can’t see how badly you’re doing?” Jace asks, now just as angry. “You’re not sleeping, Alec. Not eating. I can feel your pain, twenty-four seven. You can’t go on like that.”

Alec closes his eyes. He’s just admitted the same thing to Magnus, but hearing it from Jace and Izzy, from the people in his life who actually know what’s happening…

“I have to,” he murmurs. “It will get better, eventually.”

He doesn’t believe it, even as he says it.

“Will it?” Izzy asks doubtfully.

Alec doesn’t answer and buries his face in his pillow.

#shadowhunters #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #malec fic #mine #echo's fanfiction #hm discord #malec discord server

[lonestarpost]

Episode Review - Difficult Conversations

Season 2 Episode 5: Difficult Conversations

“Difficult Conversations” is an episode that shows the value of communication, but more importantly, it shows the devastation and stress that miscommunication can cause. Each storyline shows characters having to have conversations that they’d rather not have; these conversations are so difficult because they require potentially hurting someone they love or creating other complications in the pursuit of truth.

The episode begins with Gwyn and Owen in a doctor’s office dealing with the pregnancy. Owen is nervously bouncing his legs and Gwyn looks equally nervous as they wait for the doctor to come in. They both insist they’re fine. They crack jokes and grasp hands, but it’s clear that under their cool facades, there are a lot of concerns that they haven’t voiced. The words that go unsaid create much of the conflict these two face as they decide whether they want to have a baby together. Owen catches Tommy talking to her kids, and she talks about the struggle she went through to conceive her daughters. Owen uses the conversation as a chance to talk through of some of his concerns with Tommy. We see him expressing his feelings to Tommy, but he keeps these feelings from Gwyn. Tommy asks what Gwyn thought and Owen says he hasn’t discussed those feelings with her. Owen and Gwyn decide to abort the baby, but they both secretly want to try to have another baby, even though it doesn’t seem like the rational choice. Their miscommunication continues as they leave many important matters regarding the pregnancy undiscussed.

Another couple that struggles with communicating is Grace and Judd, but their situation is highly unique from Owen and Gwyn’s. The first 9-1-1 shows a man who is cheating on his wife, which echoes the themes of secrecy and miscommunication that are woven through the episode. Moreover, this incident is personal because Judd recognizes the man— Grace’s father— and he’s put in a position of having to devastate Grace with the truth or keeping his mouth shut about what he saw. Judd can’t play it cool, and whenever he’s around Grace, his words and behaviors are stilted, which is such a stark comparison to how well Grace and Judd normally communicate. As Grace and her mom sit by Grace’s dad’s bedside, Judd sits at a distance, and you can feel the distance that follows the couple through the episode.

The Ryders go to have dinner at the Vegas, and yet again, Tommy is the voice of reason, and she encourages Judd to do the right thing. Judd tries to tell Grace, but he is unable to get the words out. Still, Grace can tell that Judd isn’t acting normally. Grace does some investigating of her own, and she finds the 9-1-1 call that saved her father’s life, and she realizes his transgressions. Grace then is seen to shakily pour tea as she has her mother over to tell her the truth. Just as Judd cannot tell Grace the truth, Grace keeps the truth from her mother to spare her feelings, and the burden of the secret then falls upon Grace. In the end of the episode, Judd does finally find the courage to tell Grace the truth, but Grace tells him she already knows, and she isn’t outwardly angry, but you can feel that she is resigned, and while after a hard day, Judd would curl up against Grace, he stays distant from her. The truth has hurt them both, but so have the secrets they kept and the secret they continue to keep.

Meanwhile, T.K. and Paul open the third storyline as Paul talks about how crucial it is to have “Difficult Conversations” early in a relationship (he had to tell a woman how dreadful aioli was), which leads to the revelation that Mateo has a tattoo that reads “angle” instead of “angel.” The witty banter between the men turns into stunned silence when Paul and T.K. see the tattoo typo. They’re not ready to have that difficult conversation. They loop Marjan in, hoping she’ll have the nerve to tell Mateo, but Marjan too struggles to find the words. Eventually, she has to tell him about the mistake when Mateo nearly posts on Instagram. As he learns the truth, Mateo feels like a fool, and realizes that the guys at the tattoo parlor were laughing at him. He also worries that Paul and T.K. were making fun of him, but Marjan reassures Mateo that Paul and T.K. just didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and then, she promises that they can fix it. Marjan ensures that they correct Mateo’s tattoo, and she brings him back to Carlos’ apartment to show off the new tattoo. Now that the truth is revealed, things are lighter between the group, and they can return to their normal dynamics without secrets coming between them.

Another 9-1-1 call features a man and his daughter. Again, the lack of communication between them leads to a big fight. The dad is distracted, and he’s unable to do anything to prevent a fatal crash. The daughter has her things packed up, and it’s only when they’re already well on their way that she reveals that she’s not going to college and that she’s starting a music career instead. Just before he dies, the dad is supportive of his daughter’s choices, but in the end, he doesn’t get to say those words directly to his daughter. Instead, he must say them through Owen, who hugs the girl as they lose her dad.

In the final 9-1-1 call, Grace gets a call from a woman who is ordering pizza to call for help while her abusive ex is armed and in her house. It’s Grace’s ability to communicate in unique ways that saves the woman. The ex-husband figures out what is happening before emergency services can get there. The officers don’t get there in time to avoid a confrontation, but fortunately, Grace tells Kristin to take a leap of faith so that she can jump out of harm's way onto a rescue jump cushion. Carlos storms in and gets the abusive man into custody.  Grace astutely says, “Sometimes it’s not what they say… it’s what they don’t say,” which sums up the communication issues that have happened throughout the episode. This statement causes Grace to think about what Judd wasn’t telling her and leads her to the truth. What the group didn’t tell Mateo leads to relief for all of them once Mateo comes back from the tattoo shop. Finally, for Owen and Gwyn, the words that neither of them were saying was that they wanted to go through with the pregnancy.

For all the truth that was shared at the end, there is still a lot of unfinished business and clear consequences caused by not communicating. Grace, for example, still hasn’t told her mother about her dad, and she must live with that secret. Further, Mateo’s tattoo isn’t fixed after one session. He has to go back and get the words redone on a later day, showing how dishonesty can prolong experiences. Owen and Gwyn, in a moment of passion, yelled at one another that they didn’t want to abort the pregnancy, but they still didn’t have a serious conversation about some of the issues associated with that pregnancy. They also haven’t told T.K. about their decision, so there’s a lot of truth and communication left to have. “Difficult Conversations” are never easy to have, but they save a lot of heartbreak in the long run, and they allow people to come together while not communicating hard issues will tear them apart.

The episode had many high points, such as the scenes with Grace, but they underutilized characters like Carlos while emphasizing the chronic miscommunication of Owen and Gwyn far too much. The episode ends on a bittersweet note because, despite the moments of honesty, you know that the characters, such as Grace and Judd, have a lot of discussions to have at the end of the episode, but they aren’t necessarily ready to do so.

#text #911 Lone Star #Issue 4 #February 21 2021 #Lone Star Post #episode review #contributor: lonestarbabe

[travelcenter-uk]

From Las Vegas to Utah, The Ultimate Holiday Guide

Are you looking for an all-inclusive 7-night holiday deal? Well, you’ve come to the right place, Travel Center offers an all-inclusive package from Las Vegas to Utah; whether it’s gambling in the Entertainment Capital of the World, Las Vegas or Glamping in Utah, this deal is the perfect one for you!

Are you convinced as yet? Well, read on and I’ll show you what you can expect from these two exciting cities in the US.

Las Vegas

Las Vegas is a metropolis in the state of Nevada in the United States. It is the most crowded city in the state and is a globally famous resort city, recognized mainly for its casinos, shopping, elegant dining, and famously lavish nightlife, which has an extensive variety of entertainment choices. The city calls itself “The Entertainment Capital of the World”. For this reason, Las Vegas is one of the leading tourist destinations in the world. The biggest and most popular of the mega-casino hotels in Las Vegas are located in the area identified as the Las Vegas Strip. Amongst Las Vegas’s other appeals is the world’s biggest buffet.

Top Places to Visit in Las Vegas

The Strip

The 2.5-mile-long central unit of Las Vegas Boulevard, which goes across the city from northeast to southwest, recognized as the Strip, is bordered with enormous entertainment palaces, several constructed with a central theme and home to performance sites, extravagant hotel rooms, and elegant dining. The Strip is mainly remarkable at night when the city is lit up by a never-ending chain of splendid neon signs.

Fremont Street Experience

In old downtown Las Vegas, Fremont Street is a pedestrian-only region with all types of unique locations. A five-block part of Fremont Street is shielded with a covering of LED lights that light up the sky in a display of various colours and designs as you stroll below. Recognized as the Fremont Street Experience, every night extraordinary music, and visual displays take place overhead. Street performers and special entertainment act frequently perform outdoors in this region.

Paris Hotel and the Eiffel Tower

What could be better than seeing two cities in one day? The Paris, Las Vegas, offers you the opportunity to do just that. Situated outside the resort is the replica of the Eiffel Tower which makes it into many of the Las Vegas pictures. You will also come across a ‘Paris Opera House’ together with the romantic Eiffel Tower restaurant in the building. Take the lift to the forty-sixth floor and revel in the sights of the metropolis just like you would have on the Eiffel Tower itself. If you are travelling with your partner, it is easily one of the best places to visit in Las Vegas.

Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area

There are plenty of guided tours offered for Red Rock Canyon, which would take you far away from the lights and noise of the metropolis. Relish the tranquil 25-kilometre long drive to the desert in the middle of nowhere. Take a trek here or merely revel in the Mojave Desert with its red hills. Choices are unlimited, which makes Red Rock a main feature in the Las Vegas tourism scene.

Las Vegas might be neon lights and luxury but there’s plenty more to it. The desert landscape could be a heaven for outdoor fans with paths that are as plain as they’re stunning. One of the main things to do in Vegas is to trek the paths in the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. They vary from easy to hard and consist of the Moenkopi Loop, Keystone Thrust, White Rock – Willow Springs, and Turtlehead Peak to name a few.

Stratosphere

Another entry on places to visit in Las Vegas is the stunning and magnificent Stratosphere Tower. At a height of nearly 1150 feet, the tower provides many great reasons to visit. You can relish some exciting rides on the top like Sky Jump, Insanity, and Big Shot. And if you are someone who does not like the adrenaline rush, the outdoor deck provides some brilliant sights of the city, making it one of the top places in Las Vegas.

Bellagio Resort and Fountain Show

The Bellagio is a premium, remarkable resort with plenty of gems concealed away in its corridors. You can explore the Gallery of Fine Arts, Botanical Gardens, and also the Conservatory here. It has numerous restaurants and also a spa and salon, aside from the famous Bellagio casino which is one of the largest Las Vegas tourist appeals.

Aside from all this, the gorgeous fountain here is another popular feature. Every fifteen or so minutes, the fountain goes off with an attractive display of water together with a music set. This fountain show is a must if you are searching for free things to view in Las Vegas.

Mirage Hotel: Erupting Volcano and Secret Garden

The Mirage Hotel is simple to recognize while walking down the Strip. In front of the resort is a volcano, which explodes at regular intervals. At night, the shining red fire shooting out is one of the most distinctive sites noticeable from the sidewalk. Inside the Mirage is the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat. You can view an extensive range of exotic animals, which include white lions. The Dolphin Habitat has a huge amount of trained dolphins in its 2.5-million-gallon pools.

High Roller Ferris Wheel on the Linq

What better to do than get on a Ferris wheel in Sin City? Situated at the Linq Promenade, this wheel is the symbol of the city. Standing at 550 feet high, this viewing wheel offers a complete sweeping view of the city and also its most popular destination, the Strip. One whole rotation would take around 30 minutes. Riding the wheel at night provides an even more remarkable sight of Las Vegas in its magnificence.  

The 28 cabins are different from standard to Happy Half Hour cabins and those that could be hired for special events such as weddings with deals that comprise of wedding planning too.

New York-New York Hotel

The New York-New York Hotel in Las Vegas is on the other side of the street from both the MGM Grand Hotel and the Excalibur Resort Hotel. Strikingly gorgeous, the hotel is designed to look like New York’s skyline, complete with the Brooklyn Bridge and the Statue of Liberty. A giant roller coaster circles in and around the hotel.

Caesar’s Palace and The Colosseum

Possibly one of the best known of all the Las Vegas hotel resorts, Caesar’s Palace continues to change. Presently Caesar’s Palace is a huge compound in the centre of the Strip, complete with every conceivable entertainment choice. Of course, you have to try your hand at the casino games as that’s one of the best things to do in Vegas! If you’re a passionate poker player you can’t miss playing at the 24-hour, 4,500-square-foot poker room. Regular tournaments are held, offering you an opportunity to win big!  

The hotel is closely linked with shows held in its enormous concert venue famous as “The Colosseum.” Leading performers (which have consisted of Celine Dion and Elton John) perform here for prolonged periods, and shows are frequently reserved ahead of time. Travellers planning a trip and wanting to see a performance here will have to look at dates and ticket availability very early.

Things to do in Las Vegas

Catch the Cirque du Soleil

The primary thing to do in Vegas is to see a Cirque du Soleil show. You could see world popular magician Criss Angel perform remarkable tricks that seem to bend reality or view dancers and acrobats put on a memorable show through performances in KA and Mystere. No matter which shows you pick to see, you’re guaranteed a night to remember!

Helicopter Rides over Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon

For an exceptional aerial view above Las Vegas, or even the Grand Canyon, travellers might want to take a helicopter ride. This is a brilliant chance for anyone with less time to view not just Vegas, but the encompassing landscape and one of America’s most remarkable and popular natural appeals.

Visit the Neon Museum

The Neon Museum started as the “neon boneyard,” a fenced-in yard where most of the Strip’s neon signs were kept after being taken off from casinos that were either refurbished or imploded. Around 120 signs, mainly created by the YESCO corporation in the 1950s-80s, lie in the “boneyard” next to the museum. On a guided tour, travellers could learn about the styles in sign design and technology, which played a big part in the Las Vegas history. The museum also holds the transported lobby of La Concha, an old motel, which was saved from levelling and now works as the visitors’ centre.  

See the Seven Magic Mountains

Now that it has opened next to Jean Dry Lake, the huge-scale public work “Seven Magic Mountains” could be viewed by anyone arriving (or departing) Las Vegas through I-15, 10 miles south of the Strip. The enormous, 30-foot-tall neon-painted limestone totems cut a magnificent picture against the desert. Artist Ugo Rondinone’s piece took many years to plan in this region, but all you have to do is follow the driving instructions and show up. The work will be on view until 2021.

Gondola Ride at the Venetian Hotel

If you don’t have time to tour Venice, Italy, that’s okay. An unwinding way to relax in Las Vegas is on a canal tour by gondola (tiny boat). With a singing gondolier, you’ll be rowed across the Grand Canal, go below balconies, and beside cafes as if you were in Venice. With a real Venetian street that looks like Italian construction and the alleys of Venice, it’s an entertaining escape and quite romantic. Now, that’s amore!

Reasons to visit Las Vegas

Las Vegas is recognized as the ultimate playground, the metropolis is colourful and vibrant, making it a perfect destination for numerous travellers looking to tour its entertainment, cuisine, and nightlife scene.

World Famous Casinos, gambling is raised to an art form in Las Vegas, where you could pop into one of the dozen casinos just by walking down the road.

Las Vegas isn’t just a destination for grown-ups anymore. In fact, in current years it’s become the ideal place for a family holiday. Appeals like M&M’s world and the Shark Reef Aquarium are made for family entertainment.  

Some of the top golf courses in the world exist in and around the Las Vegas strip.  

Utah, the Mormon State

Welcome to nature’s most ideal playground. From red-rock mesas to thin slot canyons, powder-bound hills, and slick rock tracks, Utah’s varied land would amaze you. The biking, trekking, and skiing are world-class. And with more than 65% of the state lands public, which include 14 national parks and shrines, the access is just excellent.

Utah has rapidly turned into one of my favourite holiday destinations in the USA – seriously! The National Parks in Utah are absolutely magnificent and a must-view for any outdoor admirer.

Top Places to Visit in Utah

Zion National Park

If you’re travelling into southern Utah from Las Vegas (which is the route I took on my most current Southwest road trip), Zion National Park would be the first park you’ll come across. It became a national park during 1919, and most people quote it as their favourite national park in America. (It may be my new favourite, too!).

Zion is recognized for its high mountains and red canyons, which was cut out by the Virgin River. It’s also well-known for famous (if tough) treks such as Angels Landing and The Narrows.

Bryce Canyon National Park

The next park down the Utah national parks path is Bryce Canyon, which you can get to by travelling on the US 89 from Zion. Even though it also is packed with sandstone like Zion, the rock developments here are completely different.  

Bryce Canyon is renowned for its windswept sandstone towers identified as hoodoos – the National Park Service says Bryce has the biggest selection of hoodoos anywhere in the world! Stopping at all the vantage points, therefore, is the most famous thing to do at Bryce Canyon (Sunset Point and Inspiration Point are my favourites).

Capitol Reef National Park

As far as national parks go, poor Capitol Reef is the park that gets ignored the most frequently in Utah. If you travel east from Bryce on UT-12 and UT-24, you’ll drive across a slice of Capitol Reef beginning in the town of Torrey – but most people don’t stop.

If Capitol Reef was in any other state, perhaps it’ll be really common! But, in Utah, it’s generally the park people spend less amount of time in. (And I’m guilty of it, too!).

Canyonlands National Park

Next up is Canyonlands National Park, in southeastern Utah nearby the town of Moab. Canyonlands is split into three diverse parts: Island in the Sky, The Needles, and The Maze, and has two main visitor centres (one at Island in the Sky, and one at The Needles).

True to its title, Canyonlands is renowned for its canyons and buttes that have been cut out by the Colorado River (the same river that cut out the Grand Canyon). It’s also recognized for its brilliant mountain biking, with the 100-mile White Rim Road at Island in the Sky being the most common track.

Arches National Park

The last of the Mighty 5 national parks are Arches, also next to Moab in southeastern Utah. This park is very diverse from the other four on this list, and I also think it’s one of the most reachable since it’s just around 15 minutes from Moab and is packed with short, simple walks to view the renowned arches.

The sandstone arches, of course! The park has nearly 2,000 natural stone arches, together with pinnacles, cliffs, and balanced rocks. The rocks are also a dazzling orange-red, which looks exceptional in photos.

Salt Lake City and the Mormon Temple

Salt Lake City is frequently linked with skiing and winter pursuits, and definitely, most of the top ski resorts in the state can be reached in about an hour’s drive from here. But this is a city worth exploring, regardless of the season, and provides many attractions and things to do.

Standing on Temple Square you’ll find the late 19th-century Mormon Temple, the biggest Latter-day Saints temple, and one of Salt Lake City’s main appeals. The temple can only be entered by Mormons but it is certainly worth strolling by to take a look. Other attractions in the city consist of the Mormon Tabernacle and the State Capitol.

Most Popular Thing to do in Utah

Try Glamping

Glamping, short for glamorous camping, is one of the newest trends in experiential travel. It’s a method to tour the great outdoors without the problems of customary camping. Think king-sized beds and Egyptian cotton sheets other than a foam pad and sleeping bag. Think gourmet food other than burnt hot dogs. Utah glamping is thriving as more properties are offering guests with a more immersive way to encounter the remarkable countryside and world-popular rock formations that characterize this state. There are a handful of properties that presently provide glamping in Utah: Capitol Reef Resort is one of those places.  

Billy the Kid, Buffalo Bill, Calamity Jane, Jesse James… they’ve all had us mesmerized featuring in dirty old Western movies, and over at the Capitol Reef Resort in Utah you could get a taste of it all. But with some additional extravagant twists!

Here you would be surrounded by the remarkable Red Rock Cliffs in an astonishing site with an option of generous lodgings to select from, from extravagantly decked out cabins, to teepees and lavish Conestoga Wagons – all founded on genuine 19th Century designs.

Also included are private bathrooms, just a couple of steps away, while you’ll come across a fire pit directly outside. Ideal for roasting marshmallows!

Other facilities consist of an outdoor pool and hot tub on-site, and you could take delight in horseback riding trips, Llama escapades, and lots more…!

Travel Center offers the best deal to experience luxury glamping in style and the chance for you to take in the beauty of the surrounding scenery!

Reasons to visit Utah

You could go from winter to summer in one road trip.

Biggest ski resort in the country.

Camping beneath the darkest night skies and the sunniest morning sunrises.

It has five national parks.

It has the best snow in the world.

It’s a hiker’s heaven.

Now that you know all about the places to visit, the best things to do, and reasons to visit Las Vegas and Utah, we hope you will take this deal for an immersive experience.    

so what are you waiting for? Call us, text us, and get in touch with our travel experts and grab this deal before it’s too late, it’s certainly an experience that should not be missed!

Read More:- https://blog.travelcenter.uk/from-las-vegas-to-utah-the-ultimate-holiday-guide/

This Article, Information & Images Source (copyright) :- https://blog.travelcenter.uk

#travel #travelvibes #travelcenteruk #wanderlust #traveller #travellife #travelgoals #bestplacetotravel #Holidaymakers

[yetanotheremptypage]

Happy Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day!

Last year, I put together this list of fic recs in honor of the day. They are all amazing, so you should definitely check them out, but in the mean time, here’s some more. I tried to tag most of the ships and/or fandoms, so if you ship any of those or are in the fandom, check out the recs below the cut. Of course, there are plenty more amazing fanfictions/writers out there, and to them, I give a huge THANK YOU! Finally, if you have any interest in any of my stories, links can be found here.

All Aboard the Dreamland Express (Swarkles, How I Met Your Mother) FF [Complete]

Farhampton, 2017. The gang convenes on the fabled front porch at long last, to regroup and address a pressing concern. Written for ficathon suggested by Beneath the Umbrella.

If the finale of HIMYM greatly upsets you, try this instead and it should solve those problems.

Between Universes (Martha Jones/Mickey Smith and Mickey Smith & Rose Tyler, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

Whilst jumping universes using the Dimension Cannon, Rose meets an old friend, and one she has yet to meet, and finds out she will unknowingly give them a wonderful gift. In return, she's given something that could keep them all together even when they couldn't be further apart.

You gotta love Rose Tyler and her Dimension Cannon. In this story, it helps Martha keep fighting during the Year That Never Was, and helps Martha and Mickey find each other. It’s so well written, too.

Falser Than Vows Made In Wine (Rosaline Capulet/Benvolio Montague, Still Star Crossed) AO3 [In-progress]

In which Romeo and Juliet try to be impulsive and romantic, Rosaline and Benvolio get drunk and stupid, and what happens in Vegas... does NOT stay in Vegas.

This. Fic. Is. FANTASTIC. All of the characters are perfectly written, and the story retains the same super slow burn quality of the show, and it’s perfection. Gotta love a good Vegas Wedding AU.

Family Pond ‘Verse (Amy Pond/Rory Williams and 11/River Song, Doctor Who) AO3

This is a beautiful AU series in which Amy and Rory have another child after River, and River and the Doctor also have a kid later down the line. It is beautiful and adorable and just perfection, and features appearances from several other Who characters like Martha and Mickey.

Flood My Mornings (Jamie Fraser/Claire Fraser, Outlander) AO3 || Tumblr (@bonnie-wee-swordsman​) [In-progress]

Two years after Culloden, Jamie accidentally falls through the stones, finding himself in 1950.

Bonnie is such an amazing writer and she keeps Jamie and Claire in character so freaking well and this AU is one of those where you see canon and you’re like, “But wait didn’t-- No, no that was fanfic.”

Gretel (Swarkles and Ted Mosby & Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother) AO3 [Complete]

Robin and Ted are sitting in the bar. They actually talk. A bit.

Post-Swarkles engagement where Robin and Ted talk about their feelings and don’t shove them down.

I Got It Bad (But It Feels So Good) (Peter Parker/Michelle, Spider-Man: Homecoming) AO3 [In-Progress]

The first time she kissed him, it's a joke. Michelle knows that it's Peter under the mask. He was supposed to reveal his identity to her.

Instead, he kissed her back.

So Spideychelle consumed my life reaaal quick after seeing Homecoming and this fic is just completely amazing and I love it.

If It’s Not Too Late For Coffee (Jack Harkness & Martha Jones, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

Five times Martha Jones and Jack Harkness had conversations over coffee and one time they didn't.

Martha and Jack’s friendship is just the best, and this explores that over the years. Also features Martha/Mickey.

If Only, If Only (Sanrion, Game of Thrones) FF [In-progress]

How Tyrion and Sansa's wedding night might have gone, and how their stories might have altered because of it. Show-verse.

This is the same beautiful writer who is writing Winter’s Thaw, which I talked about on my last list. This story is just as beautiful, and every time I get the email with an update, I stop what I’m doing and read it. It is so so so good and I love it.

I’ll Find You (Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, The 100) AO3 [Complete]

In every life she's granted, Clarke loves Bellamy Blake's eyes.

Every time Clarke Griffin is reincarnated, she finds Bellamy Blake. They don't always fall in love, they don't always end up together, but they find each other all the same.

I think this is such a great reincarnation fic-- they never remember each other, but no matter how shitty a situation they’re in (War, child cancer patients, and more) they always cross paths. It’s a cool exploration of the way lives can cross, and it even follows history, with an early portion existing in the days of the Roman Empire while later portions chronicle post and pre Ark life. Basically, it’s so good!

Just A Pack of Sweets (Martha Jones/Mickey Smith, Doctor Who) AO3 [Complete]

You know you wondered, and if you do the maths, it's only six weeks from the day Mickey and Martha meet to the day when Martha is said to be on her honeymoon.

Six months after that we learn that Mickey and Martha are married.

Fast work... unless it's timey wimey

I love Martha and Mickey, so this fic exploring their relationship is amazing and wonderful and awesome and I love it. Also features Rose/Tentoo

Life Is What Happens (Sybil x Tom, Downton Abbey) FF [In-progress]

A post-3x05 rewrite of Downton Abbey Series 3 and Series 4 in which Sybil lives. Previously posted on my tumblr blog as a series of drabbles re-imagining scenes in S4 with Sybil present.

Lady Sybil Lives AUs are my fav, and I love this one. Sadly *spoilers* it still kills off Matthew *end spoilers* but everything is handled so well. It’s so good.

Looks Like We Made It (Quicketh, Glee) FF [In-progress]

Future Fic. This is a sequel to "Just Let Me Try" and "We Can Do This" set 5-6 years after Quinn and Puck graduate high school. Follow them as they embark on a new phase of their lives with their family and friends.

This is so so so good. It’s the life I wish Quinn, Puck, and Beth could have had, and the other ones in the series are also perfection.

Moments (Cartson, Agent Carter) FF [Complete]

Peggy Carter, Agent, not coffee girl, not office gopher, not simply Captain America's girl, but Agent. Welcome to the new era that is my life...and Jack's as he gets taken along for the ride

Post-Season 1, including a Season 2 AU, with all of Peggy, Jack, and Daniel’s misadventures. I devoured this thing in like a night because I loved it so much, and the sequel/companion is also amazing.

Nothing Was Ordinary (Sizzy, The Mortal Instruments) AO3 [Complete]

"Isabelle was beautiful, not that Simon was biased or anything. It was a fact he knew so well, but sometimes it would just hit him; like when he was going to retrieve some fallen arrows after their fight with a Shax demon. He probably should keep cleaning what he could, making sure he wasn’t cut anywhere, wasn’t burned by ichor but he found himself just staring."

Filled with endless feels on the ending of Lady Midnight, here's a take on the scene Simon mentions in "A Long Conversation". Spoilers for the ending of Lady Midnight.

If you also flailed upon learning that Simon and Isabelle were engaged, this is the one-shot for you.

Pretty Wings (Leyton, One Tree Hill) FF [Complete]

The decision to leave is made quickly, but rationally. The goodbyes are hard, but everyone understands. When Peyton tells Lucas this is their happy ending, he just shakes his head. He tells her it's their happy beginning. Post 6x24 and future Oneshot. LP

I really wish is this is what happened with Leyton after they left. It’s beautiful and I love it.

Redemption Harbor (Leyton, One Tree Hill) FF [Complete]

One man's ferociously cruel obsession causes turmoil in Tree Hill and has our much loved characters striving for salvation, but is it too late? Faith and hope are challenged in a quest for redemption. AU LP

This is so freaking sad and angsty but so beautiful too. The sequel is also awesome.

Speak Aloud What Until Now I’ve Only Sung (Auslly, Austin and Ally) FF [Complete]

It takes eleven years of bad timing and miscommunication, plus one called off engagement, but eventually they figure it out. Austin/Ally through the years. "Austin is her best friend. Having him in her life is more important than anything else ... even if it means having her heart broken from time to time." Complete.

This slightly AU fic is just the right amount of angsty that you have to keep reading, and of course, these two idiots are perfectly in character to boot.

Stay With Me, Go Places (Swarkles, How I Met Your Mother) FF [In-progress]

"No, we really did get divorced. It just kind of turns out that we sucked at it."

If you also were destroyed by the HIMYM finale and need a new canon to accept, may I suggest this one?

To Build A Home (Frary, Reign) FF [Complete]

"The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest." -Debra Ginsberg / Nine months, nine moments, and the building of a family.

Frary baby feels that I sometimes forget aren’t canon because this story’s that good.

And now, some awesome writers:

quantum-oddity (Mostly Hamilton) AO3 || Tumblr (@my-dearesteliza)

If you love Hamliza and/or Philtheo you need to read these fics. If you love family fluff you need to read these fics. If you love smut you need to read these fics. Long story short, you need to read these fics.

gotham-ruaidh (Mostly Outlander) AO3 || Tumblr (@gotham-ruaidh​)

Gotham’s absolutely amazing Jamie and Claire fics are amazing. My personal favorite is the Modern Glasgow AU, where Jamie and Claire raise their children in modern-day Glasgow. So many Outlander characters appear in various different forms and it makes me so happy.

#reign #doctor who #outlander #One Tree Hill #how i met your mother #glee #game of thrones #the mortal instruments #agent carter #downton abbey #the 100 #hamilton #still star crossed #frary #amy x rory #martha x mickey #jamie x claire #Swarkles #bellarke #sybil x tom #Leyton #quick #puck x quinn #sanrion #sansa x tyrion #Sizzy #cartson #rosvolio

[red-moon10]

Malec fic rec

multi chapters:

Three’s a crowd- chapters: 9/9; words: 20,574

““Two can play at this game.” Alec had the pleasure of watching Magnus go from confused, to a slow smirk, and understanding coming to his eyes. “I might not be able to kick him out, but I can make him want to leave.”A.K.A The story where Jace keeps interrupting Alec and Magnus’s ‘alone time,’ and they’re both super fed up.“

Fools rush in-  chapters: 4/4; words: 85,198; Vegas AU

“Alec, Jace, and Simon go to Vegas for Jace’s bachelor party and things get a little bit ridiculous. Alec wakes up the next morning and…wait a minute, who’s that in his bed?“

Eyes on me-  chapters: 5/5; words: 102,076; Dance AU

“When a new same-sex dancing rule gets people talking, Magnus Bane decides to take the jump from Latin to Ballroom in order to prove that change is a good thing. Looking for a new challenge, he’s determined to win the Ballroom Championships and be crowned victorious in the first same-sex partnership.Now all he needs are the right shoes, the right music, and the right partner.

~

Alec is well on his way to securing another victory for his parents’ prestigious dance school, yet a new face, and surprising feelings, might change that. When Magnus turns up, he sweeps more than dancing traditions off their feet.As the competition rounds heat up, and dreams hang in the balance, can the pair prove themselves to a worldwide audience of fellow dreamers, critics and cynics?“

Deeper then the truth-  chapters: 15/15; words: 149,551 ; Human AU

“ Alec Lightwood is a world-famous author, though the world knows him only under his pseud: Gideon Archer. Magnus Bane is a fashion designer who just happens to be a big fan of Gideon’s work. “

Letters From Nowhere-  chapters: 11/11; words: 33,374 ; High School AU

“A mysterious letter at the front door, with no indication who might have sent it. And if Alec wants to find that person, he has to solve the puzzle laid-out for him…“

PowerPlay I-  chapters: 17/17; words: 84,734  ; Criminal  AU

“MAIN PAIRING: MalecThe Lightwood family is a 'mob’ family in several cities. After Alec is released from prison, he has to take charge of the New York based organisation (which is in territory war with the Morgenstern) Magnus works independently with the distribution of several illegal substances and hates the Lightwood family with a passion. Magnus is given a chance to do something about his hate just as Alec comes into town, but will he want to then?Keep in mind: 1. Explicit sexual content in later chapters. (M/M) 2. Sadly not beta-read. 3. Other Pairings might be added to later chapters. 4. Characters are based on how they look in the TV show only, to not get it mixed up.“

Kiss With A Fist-  chapters: 26/26 ; words: 240,899 ; Spy  AU

“ When agent Alec Lightwood is given his first kill hit, he doesn’t expect much trouble. Of course, he also doesn’t expect it to be a cheerful assassin who lands him in a whole load of trouble. Enter Magnus Bane: an assassin turned thief who reluctantly teams up with Alec - and The Clave - after he pisses off a very important and powerful crime boss, Valentine Morgenstern. In a world of violence and unjust laws, can the two put aside their differences and work together? Aka: in which Alec is sent to kill Magnus, doesn’t, and then really wishes he had. (but not really). Enemies to friends to lovers. “

Maryse Learns Social Media-  chapters: 4/4 ; words: 4,581

“ Clary decides to distract Maryse from her divorce and shows her how to use some mundane apps. Maryse ends up watching Magnus’ snapchat story and seeing malec being dorks. (I suck at descriptions. Also my first fic so be gentle with me) “

one shots: 

You Charge Me Up Like Electricity-  chapters: 1/1;  words: 3,272

“After talking to Izzy about taking the next step in his and Magnus’ relationship, Alec decides it’s time to head to his lover’s place and set things straight (not really) once and for all.

Basically how Magnus and Alec’s first time should have been shown on the show. Based after the “I want this” scene in 2x07.”

One Memory-  chapters: 1/1; words: 3,487

“ Magnus isn’t sleeping well. Haunted by his experiences with the agony rune, he has to question which of his memories is real, and which of them aren’t. “

Counting Lies-  chapters: 1/1; words: 7,002; Superhero/villain AU

“The city was torn apart by the fight between the mob families and the vigilantes, but Alec and Magnus were far away from all that. They were just two normal guys in a normal relationship.Number of lies: 3“

Lonely Starbucks Lovers-  chapters: 1/1; words: 4,070 ; Coffee shop AU

“On one fateful Monday, Magnus Bane, store manager of the Starbucks on the corner of 8th and West 23rd, encounters the man of his dreams. Unfortunately, he forgets to get the man’s name. Thus begins the tale of two star-crossed lovers who just can’t seem to get their timing right.

— Magnus distractedly punches in the order. “Name?”“A.”Magnus is curious despite himself.“Just 'A’?” When he finally looks up and sees the man’s face for the first time, Magnus has to pick up his jaw from the floor.“

The Very Best Thing-  chapters: 1/1; words: 3,747

“ Magnus returns to the apartment late and drained of magic (i love this trope, just try and stop me reading and writing all the fics about this!!). Alec takes care of him, gets him to bed and looks after him when he wakes in the middle of the night with a fever. It kinda starts with cute, the middle is all practical comfort/care and ends with cute/fluffy. (That’s what i was aiming for anyway!) “

Just you wait-  chapters: 1/1; words: 13,746

““Just wait, in a week, it’ll be someone else.”Well, Alec lasted a bit more than a week.

–

A look into the weeks following Alec’s appointment as the Head of the New York Institute.“

3 Times Alec Says “I Love You” First + 1 Time Magnus Does-  chapters: 1/1; words: 1,247

“"I love you.“

And somehow, those three words meant everything.“

Why Am I Always Wet?-  chapters: 1/1; words: 5,429 ; Coffee shop AU

“Magnus works part-time in a small, independent coffee shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to support his degree in fashion and business at NYU.Alec only ever seems to run into him when he’s having some sort of water-related disaster.Aka three times that they meet and Alec is soaking wet. One time they get voluntarily wet, together. (Not in the way that you’re thinking, though. Get your minds out of the gutter.)“

wrong in the dark-  chapters: 1/1; words: 6,773

“After Magnus crashes Alec’s wedding and Lydia is attacked, the Institute goes on lock down. Magnus stays the night in Alec’s room.“

today your barista is…-  chapters: 1/1; words: 2,353 ; Coffee shop AU

“alec works in a coffeeshop. one day jace hijacks the chalkboard out front(aka one of those 'today your barista is’ sign aus)“

You Are Not Your Own-  chapters: 1/1; words: 4.070

“Missing Malec Scenes for Season 2 Episode 12 'You Are Not Your Own’ A little extension to the frustrating Malec reunion and many other scenes throughout the episode.

Contains Major Spoilers for Episode 12.”

Enjoy! 

#malec #magnus x alec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #the mortal instruments #shadowhunters

[alexanderwrites]

Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 15

“There’s Some Fear in Letting Go”

Nuance is key to the success of the great drama shows. There has to be nuance in the drama, and there has to be nuance in the way the characters feel and interact. The dramas that don’t reach the heights of Mad Men or The Wire are the shows that forget to give variations on their themes, or are too glib to remember that there should be more to drama than darkness. It can’t be all horrible, all the time. It can’t be darkness for the sake of darkness. There has to be something more, and the great shows remember that. Mad Men was a psychologically probing satire, but it was also one of the funniest and most quotable shows on TV. And like Mad Men, Twin Peaks has the capacity to be very funny, and often, profoundly beautiful. Lynch and Frost are intelligent enough writers to understand that beauty is no less profound that terror, and that joy no less powerful than fear. Instead of alternating between the two wildly, Twin Peaks - particularly in Part 15 - posits these two as a sort of yin and yang; two themes that cannot exist without each other. The happiest moments in the show were always shot through with yearning and melancholy - think of Cooper and Annie’s date in the canoe back in Season 2 and the aching sadness the scene is built upon - and Part 15 remembers this. But, the episode also starts with the most unashamedly hopeful, beautiful and happy moment to ever unfold on the show...

. Seeing Nadine walk up towards Big Ed with a shovel is a worrying site. Nadine is a kind and gentle soul, but the overwhelming air of unpredictable violence throughout this season did put me on edge through their scene. In ‘letting him go’, she’s not really going to smash him round that Big Ed Head, is she? No, of course not. This is Nadine, lovely Nadine, looking happy, healthy, and actually managing to find sage advice in Dr Jacobi’s rhetoric. The skies are blue above Ed, who is still a building of a bloke, a kind and gentle giant, to whom Nadine’s happiness is essential. It’s maybe basic of me to say, but I love lovely characters. Sure, an anti-hero can be great fun. But I love a sweetheart. What sets Twin Peaks apart is that, though evil has the capacity to live in the friends and neighbours of the town, there are people who are just good. Nadine and Big Ed are two of those people, and the scene is cathartic. I hope that Nadine really is as happy as she seems, and I hope that she isn’t hurt by all that has happened. She’s never been disingenuous, so lets hope her happiness is true. What comes next is the beautiful, perfect moment I alluded to earlier.

Big Ed and Norma had to end up together. That’s what you’d think with a more straight forward series, but with Twin Peaks nothing that feels like it has to be ever really is. But, with Otis Redding singing I’ve Been Loving You Too Long, you can sense this scene will give us what we want. And sure enough, Norma says no to her boring suit boyfriend, and walks over to Big Ed, who’s sitting alone, dejected at the counter after Norma has told him she has to talk to her boring suit boyfriend. I love so much that the second Big Ed walks in and tells her he’s free, she’s made the decision. She wants her Big Ed, and their embrace, in the Double R diner, with Shelly watching tearfully, punctuated by Big Ed’s “Marry Me?”, is spectacular. The moment lingers with shots of the forests looking gorgeous and green, and the skies looking blue and open, as Otis sings on. It is the most gorgeous and wonderful moment in any episode of Twin Peaks. And still, there is an air of wistfulness. They are older now, and he has been loving her for too long. Years have been missed out on, and Nadine doesn’t get to find what Ed has found. And yet there is beauty in her strength and her humanity. It is years of pain coming to a close, so it cannot be a clean, clear celebration - but it is still a celebration of sorts. Suddenly, you feel the town, and everything that makes it beautiful. The woods don’t seem terrifying, and there is no dark sky hanging overhead. It is just nature, and music, and love, and it’s such a pure distillation of goodness that you begin to think that any evil in the show really can be overcome. Lynch and Frost aren’t pessimists, they’re humanists. They understand the flaws and the badness, and yet they also revel in the goodness. They stop to appreciate the magic of trees, waterfalls, cups of coffee and old friends. It is one of my favourite moments not just in Twin Peaks, but in television in general. 

. Just as the shots of the sky fade out, a new image fades in, and it’s of a dark road at night, with headlights trying to illuminate it. It feels almost like a direct attack on the previous images, if anything could ever harm them. Doppelcoop is back in the driver’s seat, and he’s on the road to Phillip Jeffries. I’m uncertain if the “Convenience Store” sign was visible when we last saw the building in Part 8, but this is where Doppelcoop turns up in Part 15, and the “Convenience Store” sign on it is clear now for what I believe is the first time. As well as meeting long-theorised characters this season, we are now meeting long-theorised buildings - and I don’t think i’ve ever been so excited to see a convenience store before. Doppelcoop stops in to pick up a kit kat meet Philip Jeffries, and the upstairs of the convenience store is just as terrifying as it was in Fire Walk With Me. The set design is impeccable, and there is a feeling of raw, wild electricity surging through this place. It quite simply doesn’t feel like it’s in our world (kind of like ASDA). Here we see the jumping masked man again, as well as two woodsmen who take Doppelcoop up some more stairs and out through a door which brings him to a motel - which looks uncannily like the motel in which Leland killed Theresa Banks. There, he is led by an old backwards-speaking woman (who immediately made me think of Mrs Tremond), led to Jeffries room where we finally meet him....in a....giant teapot? It looks quite similar to the big metal ship that Cooper stand on in Part 3, but this one holds Jeffries, who believes Doppelcoop is the real Coop and gives information on who Judy is. We find out that Doppelcoop (or Cooper, if Jeffries believes that’s who he’s talking to) has met Judy before, but that doesn’t narrow it down much. 

By this stage, Doppelcoop is showing more desperation than he ever has before, and we are right there with him: WHO THE FUCK IS JUDY?? Jeffries, when appearing in the FBI HQ in FWWM claimed “we’re not going to talk about Judy at all”, and that was after he’d supposedly been on a walkabout through the lodges. Is Judy from a lodge? Is she the eyeless, chirping woman in the jail cell? I read that the noises she’s making are more akin to monkey sounds, which on repeat viewing is a lot more accurate - and lets not forget the monkey who said “Judy” in FWWM. Are we going round in circles now? Perhaps, but it’s a pretty fun and enticing circle. And as I said last week, the chase is the purpose. Doppelcoop gets one step closer to Judy with some co-ordinates, before being zapped outside of the store through a phone, The Matrix style. Can’t wait to see if he can do any bendy, bullet-time acrobatics in the next couple of episodes. And outside is none other than Richard Horne, who we categorically learn IS Audrey’s son, and has followed Doppelcoop because he thinks he’s an FBI agent, having recognised him from a picture that Audrey keeps. He gets a satisfying amount of shit kicked out of him by Doppelcoop before they head off together, heading towards wherever the hell Judy is. And, Doppelcoop’s “Las Vegas?” text to Diane places these events before some of the FBI’s scenes. As they drive off, the Convenience Store flickers in and out of reality like a lamp with a dying lightbulb, and suddenly it is gone. It’s a powerfully threatening image, and seeing the empty space where it stood makes it feel even more hellish.

. Pairs of people seem to be popping up everywhere in this episode - Ed & Norma, Doppelcoop & Richard, and Gary & Chantal. They’re a sort of Bonnie & Clyde who take delight in their killings, and they proclaim that America was built on killing, so why not embrace it? Their twisted logic - “things are already fucked, so might as well keep fucking ‘em” - has brought them on this journey, and they rationalise it with scary indifference, whilst still taking time out for the little things, like a pretty sky at night, or a tasty dessert. They are the flipside of Gordon and Albert, or Harry and Dale. Tonight Chantal snuffs out Duncan Todd’s flame. That sadly means no more of the great Patrick Fischler looking anxiously at his phone. I enjoyed him for the enigmatic mystery he was, and his inability to wipe Dougie out means that Chantal is stepping in to the arena. “One down, one to go”....

. Another pair, equally as fucked up as Gary and Chantal, are Gersten and Steven, whose scene is long and physically uncomfortable. I found it extremely hard to make out what he was saying, but that weird, Dark-Macaulay Culkin looking motherfucker seems to have done something bad enough for him to supposedly shoot himself after Gersten hides around the other side of the tree from him. She looks out into the trees and the sky, and this time it is unforgiving and scarily empty. There is nothing there for these two, and I wonder if that’s the last we’ll see of Gersten, the seldom seen sister of Donna. Just another glimpse into another life gone wrong in Twin Peaks.

. People whose most oft-repeated phrase this year is “This’ll be the thing that wakes him up” will surely have SCREAMED it in Part 15 - hell, even I whispered it to myself. It’s not just the Cooper jams a fork into an electrical socket (clearly a sign that he’s back to his old self. Which FBI agent doesn’t do that on the reg?), it’s that before this, he takes initiative in his actions: he turns on the TV, reacts dramatically to the film, then scrambles to turn it up or pause it. I was at a loss for why of all things that scene from Sunset Boulevard spoke to him, until I watched it a second time: the actor says the name “Gordon Cole”. That’s what Cooper is reacting to. He is right on the very edge of returning, and yes, maybe the fork in the socket really is the thing that’ll do it. He came out of the electrical socket, so who knows, maybe jabbing it with a fork will wake him up....somehow. Or kill him. Imagine that! 

. Okay, what the hell is going on with Audrey. I don’t mean that in a negative way, I mean it in an exasperated and confused way. There is something so uncannily strange and stilted about her interactions with her husband, and while other storylines have developed and evolved, her three scenes have all taken place over the course of a half hour, and in pretty much just one room. They are still arguing about whether or not to go to the roadhouse. They are right on the edge of leaving, with their coats on, and their argument fires up once more and back into the house they go. It is a domestic nightmare, a claustrophobic, surreal play that they are trapped in, and I don’t know that we’ll ever get an explanation for it. Do we need one? Isn’t the feeling that the scenes elicit in us enough? Doesn’t the fact that we feel: frightened, confused, sick and trapped, tell us exactly what their marriage is, and how it feels?

. James haters rejoice: he gets the shit beaten out of him! Poor, sweet James. So naive, so sweet, so stupid. It was a bit of an overreaction of his ex’s new boyfriend to punch him square in his forehead just for saying hello, but it seems to be a general rule that if you’re going to hang out at the Roadhouse, you have to have unfathomable anger issues. Unless you’re James or the MC, who excitedly introduces not a band, but just the song Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top, which everyone proceeds to go nuts to. Fair enough! Cockney FistMan saves James from the attack, nearly kills one of them, and the two are sent to a jail cell, where Eyeless MaybeJudy is still making monkey sounds and BloodDripping MaybeBilly is still repeating everything. What a fun place to be! I’m wondering if Cockney FistMan will end up protecting MonkeyNoise MaybeJudy, and that the person that Andy is protecting her from is indeed Doppelcoop. It just fits quite neatly for me, but then, when is the show ever neat? Maybe the coordinates that Doppelcoop got for Judy will bring him to Twin Peaks, just as Diane’s might. Something huge is coming one of those nights, and the nights feel a lot darker now...

. Goodnight, Margaret. Goodbye, Margaret. What a haunting, chilling moment. I’ve never seen a goodbye to a character feel so sincere. The Log Lady was the soul of the show - it can, of course, exist without her - but she was like the moon that hangs above the swaying traffic lights, always watching, always there, whether or not you could see her. This was her story, really. This was her seeing everything - all the good, and the bad - and coming to terms with it. Letting go of it. There is some fear in letting go, but this isn’t the end she tells us. I can think of no television character more comforting to the soul than The Log Lady. She told us that one day the sadness will end, and asked whether love is the blood of the universe. She spoke of the nature of the world, and of humankind’s nature, and whether what she said was funny, sad or mysterious, it was always sincere. Watching her say the words “I’m dying”, with tears in her eyes, is simply unforgettable. She is simply unforgettable. I know so many fans of the show will want to thank her, and by her, I really do mean Catherine Coulson - because she gave us something even more than what the Log Lady was. She gave us something so genuine, and so human, that every moment with her is a treasure that we shouldn’t ignore. 

And so, Hawk stands in the darkness of the meeting room and announces that she’s died. Lucy cries. Frank takes off his hat. The episode gives us time to breathe, to take it in, to cry if we need to. We see glimpses of the moon in the sky, and of her cabin in the woods, with the light inside being turned off. And soon after this, we follow Charlyne Yi on her hands and knees after two large men force her out of her seat. She is crawling through a sea of happy, dancing people - screaming and screaming at the sea of legs surrounding her. Lost, hurt, confused, angry. She is all of us, and nobody is listening to her. She lets out a guttural, primal scream that is a release of everything that has built up. Norma and Ed can take comfort in each other, but the Log Lady is dead and a storm is coming. Can Norma, Nadine, Ed, Shelly and the goodness of the world co-exist with the dark night owls that haunt the roadhouse? Moreover, can they exist without each other, or will they always be intertwined? I could not be more excited for the final 3 Parts, and after the last run of episodes, and their nuanced blending of so many satisfying elements, I think this really might be the best TV i’ve ever seen. 

“You know about death. That it’s just a change, not the end.”

#twin peaks: the return #twin peaks #twin peaks spoilers #david lynch #kyle mclachlan #dale cooper #audrey horne #TV #TV Reviews

[theliterateape]

Farewell to Chicago [1989–2019]

By Don Hall

Thirty years. Almost to the month. Like my ten years with the Chicago Public Schools (closer to nine), my decade in the public radio mines (shy by two months) and my five years hosting The Moth (just short by a month), I’ll round up and if that bothers you, consider yourself a pedant and kin to that fucker who corrects your grammar while in line at a CVS.

No one in Chicago knew a goddamned thing about me on April 7, 1989. I didn’t know anyone in Chicago that day as I drove my blue and grey 1984 Bronco II onto a crowded Lake Shore Drive in Friday afternoon rush hour. Having spent my years growing up jumping from place to place, new wasn’t intimidating but that traffic was something I had yet to encounter. Christ, it took me two days in Chicago to figure out that when other drivers were honking at you, they weren’t waving but flipping you off.

I had no clue on that day that I’d spend the next thirty years of my life in Chicago. 

A recitation of accomplishments, jobs, marriages (three), personal and public wars, and lessons learned easy and hard wouldn’t do it justice. I might as well list the cash amounts paid out to rent and utilities. There are, however, moments that help sum up and define what became known as my Chicago.

1989

“Are you the new librarian?”

“No. I’m the music sub but they didn’t have a music position open so I’m being paid as the library sub.”

“Oh. Well, can you bring the book cart to my classroom at 10:45 anyway?”

“Sure.”

“By the way, you know you can’t sleep in your truck in the school parking lot, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Got it.”

BIG FISH

1990

Marty DeMaat welcomes the Level One students to the Second City Training Program. I look around at the new faces and see Alida Vitas, whom I steamrolled through in our audition scene a few weeks ago. I wave “Hi” and she smiles. Joe Janes is there. He auditioned right after I did so he was in the room during mine. He seems slightly surprised to see me.

“Oh.” he says drily. “They let you in?”

Weeks later, he and I and a cast of other trainees concoct a sketch show entitled “Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman” that we produce in Andersonville later in the year.

1991

“I can’t believe you’ve never had a Lincoln Breakfast,” he mused.

Carey Goldenberg, a Jewish Deadhead who had performed at Second City with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Dan Castelleneta and was now an eighth grade math teacher, sat down at the booth.

“Try the The Monitor Skillet Eggs.”

“Monitor?”

“Named after an Ironsides ship from the Civil War.”

“Oh. Weird.”

“So what’s the big number for the choir next week?”

“We’re doing a tribute to Journey.”

“And the kids dig it?”

“They love it. It’s all new to them. They think ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ was written with them in mind.”

“It kind of was.”

“Yup.”

“You aren't Going to Tell My Mom, are You?"

1992

Jeff Hoover, Joe Janes and I, sitting in the grass just behind the Chicago History Museum. Each of us have cigars and are smoking them.

Weeks earlier, Jeff and I saw “Cannibal Cheerleaders on Crack” on Broadway and, in a slightly drunken haze, decided we could could probably do better.

“Let’s call Joe,” Hoover slurred, tipping his Modelo just enough to dribble some on his shoes.

In the grass, amidst the stinky clouds of barely smoked Romeo and Juliettas, the three of us decide to start our own theater company. Weeks later, we hold auditions in the Neo-Futurarium and cast Level 6, an ensemble of improvisers and sketch comedians with aspirations of something more.

Peculiar Journeys Ep. 28

1993

From the Chicago Reader when they reviewed shows every week, every show:

A MEAN WATUSI

Level 6 and Free Pickles 

at Shay's

Only suckers and wimps do just one show at a time: that seems to be the spirit behind the two new revues being hosted by the comedy group Level 6, and for chutzpah alone they deserve credit. While running their straight improv show A Mean Watusi every Sunday night at Shay's bar, they've also put together a scripted show, Silence of the Frogs, a so-called "nonrevue of unimprovisation," which they perform Wednesday nights. Unfortunately, the young group's ambition has overreached their talents, and what might make a fresh 90-minute show has been inflated into two overlong evenings.

The group's biggest mistake is failing to isolate its real creative strength. In A Mean Watusi Level 6 shows what it does best with new twists on the standard improvisational games and some quick wit. While not all the scenes are winners, the group's good humor and high energy make the clunky moments easier to take.

SILENCE OF THE FROGS

Level 6 

at Puszh Studios

In Silence of the Frogs, the creative limitations of Level 6 really begin to show. One would think the luxury of a script would prompt them to weed out some of the dross, but instead their material only seems worse. After an interesting introduction in which actor Don Hall plays a muted trumpet to an audio background of croaking frogs, the show screeches to a halt in the first scene.

Cliched dialogue, nondescript characters, and half-realized situations, the sketches end before anything really happens. To make things worse, Joe Janes's direction is so uncertain that the actors appear uncomfortable as they carry out silly stage business (such as when the workmen begin scrubbing an el platform, a spectacle I have never witnessed in all my years as a commuter).

The rest of the scripted material suffers from the same problems. The choppy structure and uneven quality of material give the revue a sluggish pace that is often hard to follow. While a lack of communication between people seems to be the vague thematic thread, it is never clearly outlined and comes across as a lazy afterthought. The show picks up, though, after Silence of the Frogs, when the group returns to do some improv.

In their press release, the group makes a revealing statement: "In Silence we're out to create good art. That doesn't mean it's not entertaining, it's just not our primary objective." Maybe they should abandon their pretensions and stick to what they're good at. At least in improvisation there's not enough time to think about making good art.

— Tim Sheridan

Government Cheesh

1994

Closing up the band room after teaching from 7:30am til 3:30pm and then having after school band until 5:00pm. One of my students, a drummer, helps put things away.

“What do you do after school, Mr. Hall?”

“Some nights I have shows with my theater company. Other nights I perform improv comedy with ComedySportz.”

“Ain’t you married?”

“I am.”

“Prolly not for long.”

✶

As one gets older it becomes more difficult to make friends. At least that’s been the case for me. In my experience, the friends whom I can say I’ve cemented a lifelong bond with have all come from making art together. Sure, many have come and gone in that theater immediacy of sort of falling in love with each other during the rehearsals and run of the show, the promises to keep in touch after the show closes, only to move on and be friendly acquaintances. Faceborg connections. 

Chicago is one of those places in the world, like the bizarre tourist attractions that give power to Gaiman’s American Gods, that draws amazing artists to her embrace. I have met and worked with so many extraordinary humans within the gates of this town it boggles my mind to reflect upon the sheer number. Because art is a dramatic and contentious preoccupation, there are some whom the explosion of ideas and execution burned away from the raw electricity. The burning of those connections are always a bit sad but the celebration is of the creation.

One friendship that has remained intact and with the gravity of true family across my time in Chicago is that which I have with Joe Janes. He and I have been a part of so many artistic experiments — from the early days of Level 6 to the producing of his first full-length play to the spectacle of putting up all 365 sketches he wrote in a year — despite some dark patches and irreconcilable differences along our nearly thirty years, he is the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever had. I hope I can convince him to move to Vegas but even if I don’t I will always consider him the best of friends (not to mention one of the kindest humans I’ve ever run across from and the Spock to my Kirk.)

✶

1995

We held a yard sale. We sold bars of chocolate. I managed to snag us an Air Canada sponsorship for ridiculously cheap flights and booked a 17 room three-flat just minutes from the Fringe Central ticket center for around $50.00 per person for the month.

“The Armageddon Radio Hour” and ComedySportz. 26 shows in the month of the largest theater and arts festival in the world. While Chicago roasted that summer, the gang of WNEP Theater performed and saw more awesome, bizarre, experimental stagecraft than we could’ve imagined. We stole so many of those ideas and employed them back in Chicago it is no exaggeration to say that a month at the Edinburgh Fringe is better than a theater degree.

All Sandwiches Matter

1996

Joe Bill (of the Annoyance Theater) and I sit in the court room, waiting for my name to be called. We were there because a few months prior, in an act of guerrilla marketing, I instigated the fly posting of thousands of ‘teaser posters’ for the newest WNEP play and wasn’t smart enough to realize that once we put up the real posters, we’d get busted by the city.

For a few weeks in our little circle of artists and theatergoers, the question was “What the fuck is ‘Metaluna’?” Posters featuring the word and a photo of Sigmund Freud in a slip were plastered everywhere. I had multiple conversations about the mystery always with a smirk in my brain because we were in rehearsals for this ridiculous, massive show that made no sense spawned from the cracked mind of Joe Janes and directed by the equally off-balance Bob Wilson.

Five stages. Two constructed fat suits. Expanding arms. Muttonchops. A theremin. DADA poetry on vaudeville stages. Giant circus-like posters painted by Kevin Colby. It was the most ambitious show we had created to date and caught the eye of Jen Ellison, who after seeing the show, decided she wanted to be the artistic director of the company responsible.

The city fined us $20.00 but warned that they could’ve fined us $10,000. It was not the last time we would come into contention with Chicago but it was definitely the lightest sentence.

In Nonsense Is Strength

1997

Mr. Jose Barrias was the beginning of a trend.

Hired by Sharon Hayes to come in and teach music at District One Middle School, my predominant skill she prized was my tendency to bend both the rules and the expectations placed upon the role of music teacher.

My classroom had no desks or chairs. We had rugs and pillows. We didn’t spend any time learning to play plastic recorders. We listened to and discussed music and musicians and read from my college music history text. I had the HOT ROOM across the hall. I had a wall of gum that the students (not supposed to chew gum in school but did anyway) would add to every day.

In 1996, Sharon left. Barrias was hired. Jose did not appreciate my less than orthodox approach and, while he did his best to get me to follow a more traditional protocol, it didn’t take.

A year later, my teaching career was over. The trend was set — get hired to shake things up creatively, person who hires me leaves, bureaucrat comes in who wants a by-the-book approach, I stay a year longer than I should then split.  

Did I Say Hot Room?

1998

“I think I want a divorce. We’ve been this for a while since college and I’m pretty sure you hate Chicago and I love it and we’re both kind of miserable.”

“That’s what my grandma said marriage was.”

“Seriously? I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ll probably get a bachelor apartment in a crummy neighborhood, jump right back into another relationship, get marginally suicidal but mom will talk me through it. The theater company will kind of blow up because I’ll spend too much time drinking because the idea of being divorced is a bit intense for me and I’ll be a total fuckwad. We’ll do some shows but I’ll be mailing it in for the most part. It’ll cause a huge rift between Joe and I but we’ll repair it a while later. How about you?”

“I’ll get the fuck out of Chicago, move back to Texas, get remarried, he’ll die a year later but then I’ll meet the man of my dreams, we’ll get married and have two children. Oh, and I’m keeping both the dog and the cat. You can see them on Facebook in ten years.”

1999

FOR WNEP, IT'S `APOCALYPSE' NOT YET

THE FOUR HORSEMEN ARE READY TO RIDE

It was always about Keith Whipple. Sure, we had a massive cast and spent more money on this ridiculous, ambitious monstrosity. Twenty-five working televisions, five VCRs connected, amazing costumes, and a dark satire on Christianity. Cathleen Carr, one of our producers, broke her pelvis during load-in. Joe Kaplan built a set that could actually withstand the apocalypse. 

Whipple, however, stood out on Lincoln Avenue before every show improvising riffs on Revelations with a megaphone to an unsuspecting pedestrian audience before crashing the start of the play. He endured eggs thrown at him, physical threats, and the police called on him. And he never once flagged or complained. 

✶

The wonderful cesspool that is Chicago holds a special place for the transplant. Sure, there are the diehard Chicago natives, stuck in their neighborhoods and allegiance to their high schools and local digs, but the transplant has this wide open space to navigate. Chicago has been a magical playground, like a hardcore Midwestern Disneyworld with different “lands” to go to and experiment within.

I was always the new kid in school because we moved around a lot. As much as anything else, it is this foundation upon which my many career moves were made while surfing across Lake Michigan’s shores.

Public school music teacher. Off Loop Theater Producer, Director, And Actor. Improvisational Comedian. Playwright. Improv Coach and Teacher. Venue Manager and Landlord. Retail Tobacconist. Massage School Facilities Manager. Public Radio Events Director. NPR House Manager. StorySlam Host. Digital Publisher and Writer. Independent Events Consultant & Producer. Front of House Manager of Millennium Park.

Only in Chicago could I bounce around so sporadically, learning from each experience and growing in my skills. Only in Chicago could I have that many shifts in vocation without adding “Unemployment” or McDonald’s to my resume.

✶

2000

She was both excited and incredulous.

“You signed a lease on a theater?”

“I did. It was about time we had our own clubhouse.”

“Can we afford it?”

“We have to. I mean, we don’t really have a choice now.”

“How much is in the company bank account right now?”

“$18.00.”

“…”

2001

I woke up late. Jen was in the front room. She was crying. I came in and she was staring at the TV. The footage was live and it was off a disaster of some sort in New York. As I sat next to her, neither of us spoke. We sat like that for almost an hour as the non-stop feed kept informing us of the attack.

Later that day, she and I went shopping for props for her one-woman show that was in tech rehearsals. We went to a vintage toy store on Broadway. The streets were mostly deserted.

Later, I started getting emails and phone calls from the cast and crew of “Lives of the Monster Dogs” and “Soiree DADA.” We were scheduled to open the Monster Dog play on September 12. We had a DADA show that night. What were we going to do? Should we cancel the DADA? Should we postpone the play?

Jen was of no help. So I decided. I sent out an email to everyone in the theater company. If people felt strongly enough that they couldn’t perform, that was fine but we would do the shows despite the attack. We would do what we do. We would entertain as best we could.

I’ll never forget Bob Wilson, in full DADA costume, reading the ending monologue from The Armageddon Radio Hour and sending chills throughout the room.

2002

I lived across the street from our theater which meant I was on call whenever any one of the thirteen shows per week was running

A random Friday night. A midnight show by a renting organization. I’m in the back, watching to make sure everything is copacetic. I notice a guy, solo, in the back row. He’s jerking himself off. No one else in the audience or onstage is the wiser.

“Yo. You get two choices, bub. Unclench your pud and quietly get the fuck out of my theater or continue to choke it as I drag your ass out of here by your hair. Choose now.”

Just a day in the life.

Nothing is Sacred. Not Even You

2003

I was upstairs when I got the call. The DoR was downstairs. They wanted to see our Public Place of Amusement license. “It’s on the wall. In the nice frame.” Three minutes later, the phone rang again. There was a problem. I threw on my pants and came downstairs.

The next morning, the Sun-Times ran a short story about the DoR sweep of six or seven small, Off Loop theaters that had been shut down due to licensing violations. We were among the list. Adding insult to injury, our theater was saddled with the only full paragraph and quote, saying that our license had been forged. I called to see what they were talking about. I called my landlords who didn’t return my calls. I called the League of Chicago Theaters and was told they couldn’t help us because it was reported that we — I — had forged the license.

Outside, there was a huge red sticker on our place — CEASE AND DESIST. We were being shuttered. I spoke to an attorney and was cautioned about what I might say to the press. “Don’t piss these people off. Play nice.” I was told. So when I was interviewed for the Reader, I played nice. When I was interviewed on WBEZ, I played nice. I’m not particularly good at playing nice, at watching what I say. And it made me seem guilty. The expectation of those around me was that I wouldn’t sit still for this. That, if I were in the right, I would tear off my shirt, march down to City Hall and raise bloody fucking hell. A natural born brawler, I tried to dance the political Foxtrot.

Three of my best friends — who had stood up with me at my wedding — became convinced that I had, indeed, forged the license. That, while they were performing shows, I was out in a back alley, selling forged documents to strangers using Photoshop and a color printer so kids could get into bars and underage girls could get abortions. They started working with the landlords to transfer the lease to a member of our Board who was ALSO a member of a theater company that had also been shut down.

My books were audited. Every dime, every receipt. It was concluded that everything was kosher — that there was no malfeasance. In fact, it was this audit that uncovered the fact that I had “donated” over $35,000 of my own money over three years to keep the place afloat. But, said my friends, I was pretty clever and could have figured out how to cook the books ahead of time. In the span of a month, I had gone from the guy who made sure the stage was painted and the lights worked to a criminal mastermind. It was like Kafka.

At a meeting of the majority of the 48 members and associates of the theater, I broke down in tears. I felt trapped and maligned. The tears were hot and angry and impotent. I was failing on an epic scale and could not find a way to make things right. The Three Groomsmen had successfully negotiated the transfer of the lease to the other theater behind my back; it was up to us whether or not we wanted to try to fight it out. We didn’t because I didn’t.

Getting Up the Eighth Time

2004

From the New York Times (top of fold on the cover of the Arts Section in the print version):

“John Huston's ''Let There Be Light'' (1946), a meticulously shot government-sponsored documentary that presented psychiatrists curing World War II veterans of mental ailments with such absurd quickness that many suspected it was rehearsed, now appears like more of a piece of propaganda for Freudian psychoanalysis than for the United States military.

Jen Ellison and Dave Stinton's adaptation of this fascinating movie, which was banned by the United States for over three decades, is one of the most curious shows in this year's fringe festival. It's a staged version of a documentary that may have been staged itself. Instead of commenting on or contextualizing the material, the creators of the play, which concentrates on four of the soldiers, play the material as straight as if it were a kitchen-sink drama. While the style can be stiff, the sensitive actors playing the soldiers -- Peter James Zielinski, Peter De Giglio, Chad Reinhart and James Yeater -- manage to tease emotional depth and nuance out of their thinly drawn parts.

Still, the show's optimism about the government's treatment of its veterans is jarring, especially when compared with more cynical recent moves like ''Born on the Fourth of July'' or ''The Manchurian Candidate.'' It's almost comic when Cpl. Joe Hardy (Mr. Reinhart) regains the feeling in his legs after a few moments of hypnosis.

Ms. Ellison and Mr. Stinson seem to acknowledge this anachronism in their one major departure from the film -- Mr. Zielinski's sensitive and beautifully realized portrayal of a depressed grunt who never recovers from an unspecified psychological sickness. He adds a dour tone to the drama, reminding us that the talking cure has its limitations.”

2005

One fall day, I substitute taught at a school in Humboldt Park. It is a neighborhood filled with culture and vibrancy but is one of those in Chicago left mostly out of the resources loop but I discovered that I am, as a teacher at least, at my absolute best when working in the classic "troubled inner-city school" filled with kids who America has chosen to leave behind.

I bopped around the school in the early morning, providing prep periods for fourth and sixth grade teachers - strictly high priced babysitting. Then I landed in Room 102. Seventh Grade Science. For the rest of the day.

Most teachers I know fear nothing more than seventh and eighth grade. The kids are just swimming in the chemical dump of their overloaded hormones and their emotions and bodies are careening at a breakneck pace without the experience to guide it away from the fourth turn wall. I love this age. They crack me up; every time I work with them I have new stories to tell and feel like I successfully navigated a rudderless boat through the most violent of storms and lived to tell about it. (Jesus - a NASCAR metaphor and a sailing metaphor in one paragraph - what you got to say to me now, motherfucker?)

The day was interesting. I had enough time during the day to talk to a couple of the teachers, all of whom looked tired and stretched a bit too thin and who spoke in the slow, hushed tones of the shellshocked. They told me of the gentrification on either side of the local neighborhood and the resulting dramatic rise in drug dealers and gangs in their school over the past few years. They quietly railed against the sense of entitlement their students were trained to have in an environment that dictates that teachers could not punish children in nearly any way whatsoever for increasingly violent behavior - the idea that flunking, suspending, or holding back a kid who has no perceived use for school in the first place is like fighting a wooly mammoth with a loaf of bread. While the kids were away, they would talk with a worn but slightly amused look on their faces which immediately hardened into a disgusted scowl as soon as any kid appeared.

Excerpts of my day include:

"I forgot to tell you," I gleefully stopped the class in the mid-riot of getting prepared to switch classes. "Look at this look on my face." I deadpanned. "It says 'I don't care.' You say you absolutely have. to go to the washroom or you'll die and you must have your friend with you? 'I don't care.' Your friend jabbed you in the eye and you can't see? 'I don't care.' Your teacher said that you sit in the corner with six others while 'doing your science' together? 'I don't care.'"  "You say you need to KNOW something or are looking to LEARN something?  Then I care."

"Mr. Hall, why are you so happy?" "Because teaching you guys is like a day at the zoo! And who doesn't like the zoo?"

"Pardon me. (a beat) Excuse me. (a beat) I need your attention! (a beat) I don't want to yell over you, folks. (a beat) Excuse me! (a beat) GOOD GOD - THE SKY! LOOK AT THE SKY!! OK, listen up really quickly -" "Mr. Hall - you're weird."

At one point, I run into Antoine. Antoine is a 15-year old, six-foot-three inch, drug dealer's son. He is a huge white kid who somewhere along the line decided he would mimic a stereotyped black kid. He is in the behavior disorder class and, according to his teachers, pretty much has the run of the school. He is what most teachers know to be a hopeless case - no pragmatic use for education, no respect for any adults except those that can pummel him, and the realization that nothing, absolutely nothing can be done to him until he's eighteen.

He came in during a class switch and was chatting up one of the girls. I had no idea he wasn't supposed to be there and was actually mystified that he simply would not shut up for me (I'm actually pretty good at that sort of thing). He literally acted as if I wasn't there. After ten minutes of attempting to explain the science lesson (Matter, Mass, Volume, and Density), he gets up and makes for the door. I intercept.

"Where are you going, Antoine?"

"This ain't my class."

"Then why have you been here for ten minutes?"

"Ah bumbbges digghuff chaetky mumblemumblemumble...."

"What?"

"Nothin. Get out my way."

"How about we wait for the security guard to swing by and take you to the class you're supposed to be in - I don't get a thrill at the prospect of you roaming the hall freely."

"What?" He tries to shove me out of the way of the door, getting right up in my face. "Don't you lay your hands on me!"

This is a trick. Antoine knows that this is the phrase that freezes the blood in most teachers' hearts. In a time where parents file lawsuits against teachers for failing grades, the stigma attached to a corporal punishment charge is career suicide.

"I didn't lay a hand on you, Antoine. In fact, it was you who laid your hands on me. We now have two choices." I get quiet enough for only Antoine to hear. "We can wait for the guard to come by and pick you up and escort you out of here so I can teach some seventh grade science. Or. I'm gonna beat the crap out of you and then have you arrested for assault. Make your choice."

His face reflects a number of conflicting emotions and finally he flashes a shit-eating grin and asks, "We cool. right?"

It turns out that the kids don't really care much for Antoine. They're afraid of him. The teachers are, too. I think it's a shame that things have come to this - it's only October. The atmosphere for the rest of the day slows down to a mere category 2 hurricane and the day breezes by.

✶

In thirty years, I’ve lived in a lot of the neighborhoods in the city. Again, in the laundry list version:

Edgewater Rogers Park Bridgeport Lakeview Avondale Northcenter  Portage Park Bucktown Uptown Wicker Park

Every neighborhood has its own flavor and people and businesses. The cornucopia of experiences based entirely upon your immediate surroundings is extraordinary. All of it connected by the train (and busses if you go to where their are fewer rich, white people...)

The best part? Local businesses. My guess is that Vegas will be populated more with chain restaurants, bookstores, etc. It is the local dives and boutiques and coffee shops that make Chicago one of the most amazing places on Earth.

My Chicago is:

The Lincoln Restaurant Haymarket Pub & Brewery The Green Mill The Metro Chicago Comix The Athenaeum Old Town Tobacco Bang Bang Pies The Red Lion Victory Gardens Theater at The Biograph Quenchers The NeoFuturarium G Man Tavern Smoke BBQ The Chopin Theatre Pequod’s Pizza Easy Bar Uncharted Books The Music Box Theatre Empty Bottle Lem’s BBQ Dollop Coffee Black Dog Gelato

Sure there are more but I’m old and can’t remember everything. Calm down. 

✶

2006

“Did you hear that Hall kicked Bernie Sahlins out of the Athenaeum lobby last night?”

“What? Why?”

“One of his Chicago Improv Festival stage managers pulled the lights on some Los Angeles group because they were going way over time and Sahlins lost it. Found Don and tried to dress him down in front of a crowd getting tickets. Hall stood by his stage manager and Bernie was not having that. Finally, he snapped an told him to get his old motherfucking ass out of the theater.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, Pitts got heavy pressure from Second City so he had to fire Don.”

“He’s been with CIF for, what, five years?”

“Not any more.”

2007

“Can I ask you a question I’m not legally supposed to ask? You seem like you’d be alright with it but I want to check.”

“Shoot.”

“You’re twenty years older than every other applicant for this job. Why do you want it?”

I laugh. “First, I like Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!” Second, I like NPR and WBEZ. Third, if I do a great job house managing for peanuts, maybe you decide to offer me a full time gig.”

Four months later, he offered the full time gig.

2008

“Are you Jackie’s son? She’s right. You got fat.”

Betrayal in Tornado Alley

2009

Monday morning at WBEZ. Eighteen voicemails. Not so many until you understand that the outgoing message specifically instructs people to NOT leave voice messages and that these eighteen recordings were from the same person.

“Hello! My name is [REDACTED] and I’m here to see “Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!” I have a ticket and I’m at the Chase Bank but I can’t find the auditorium. Can someone call me back?” - “Hello. [REDACTED] again. I’m wandering around the bank and no one seems to know where the show is being taped. Please call me back. I don’t want to miss a minute!” - “I’m in my car right now and I can hear that you’ve started the show! Where am I supposed to go? There are no signs and nothing on the ticket page. Where are you?” - “Goddamn it! I can HEAR THE SHOW RIGHT NOW! LISTEN! Someone needs to call me right the fuck now or I’m going to lose it!”

This went on for an hour, all the way up to voicemail number seventeen which was apoplectic. Voicemail number eighteen was the next day, Sunday.

“Hello. This [REDACTED] and I am so sorry I left all of those messages. Oh my. I’m so embarrassed. My husband pointed out to me that the ticket to your show was for Thursday night, not Saturday morning. I’m so used to hearing it on Saturday, I thought... Well, you can guess what I thought. Please accept my apologies.”

I called her back and gave her tickets to the following Thursday. VIP. But only if I could tell the story.

2010

For part of 2008 and all of 2009, Jen worked with a team of nineteen writers on a project that involved them writing short one-act plays or scenes inspired by the artwork of Edward Hopper.

Following the divorce and her resignation from WNEP Theater, these writers came at me.

“Are we going to do anything with these pieces or was it all just wasted time?”

So I hunkered down, stitched together 24 scenes to create a ridiculously huge theater piece, cast 18 actors, 4 understudies, booked the Storefront Theater on Randolph Street, and hired a few brilliant designers

It was the last show I produced for WNEP. It was the last theater piece I directed for WNEP. Unbeknownst to me, included in the sold out run’s audience were Jen and her new husband, Lois Weisberg, the acting Chairs of the MCA, The Art Institute and the Driehaus Museum, and a woman who hadn’t been in Chicago for very long but heard about the show and came with a friend. This mystery woman also went to the play’s off-night series and reconnected with her college roommate, Scott Whitehair.

Four years later, I’d marry her in Las Vegas.

2011

“There’s no electricity in this warehouse.”

“What? It’s 4:30am. Why are you calling me?”

“The warehouse where I’m supposed to set up the movies, the spoken word, the B-Boy/B-Girl Dance Battles? I have no electricity and the door between spaces is welded shut.”

“The Block Party starts at noon. It’s 20 below zero. What are you going to do?”

“I suppose I’ll find an old breaker box that seems to still be connected to juice and try to hotwire it. I’ll electrocute myself the first time and my fingers will turn black from it. The second try will knock me unconscious for around seven minutes and make my mouth taste like pennies. The third time — because I’m both tenacious and stupid — will work. Though later tonight when I get home, my feet will be bizarrely bruised and look like dark purple beets with toes.”

“Oh. Good plan.”

“Breeze?”

“Yeah?”

“WBEZ doesn’t pay me enough.”

2012

“Your story was amazing. We loved it. We wanted to know if you were interested in hosting the story slam at Haymarket?”

“Hosting? Why not have Tyler do it?”

“He’s the producer. We love him but he’s not really host material.”

“Yeah. OK. Sounds good.”

The back room at the Haymarket Pub & Brewery is packed to the point that people are sitting on the floor. Tyler introduces me with platitudes about being the House Manager for WWDTM — it’s a touchpoint the largely NPR crowd can cheer.

“According to the legend, The American feud begin over notches on the ears of a hog Exchanges of retribution from this humiliating start Gaining traction to equal the obsession of two warring families 

The thirst for vengeance, once fomented Is unquenchable, irresistible, all-consuming The Klingons say revenge is a dish best served cold But most of the meal involves the heat of righteous anger. 

Someone became stridently political Someone else cheated with your boyfriend Yet another spread rumors about you There is no end to the razor-sharp slights you have endured.  Time slipping through your fingers, wasted on rage That thing that got the revenge ball rolling Lost in a cacophony of calls for justice and "It's not right" 

Revealed to be, in the end, nothing more than notches on a hog's ear. 

Tonight’s theme is GRUDGE. Welcome to The Moth!

Like a Burning Moth Without a Clue as to How He Caught on Fire: A Collection of Word Jazz

Of The Seven, Americans Suffer Sloth More Than the Other Six

✶

The act of reflection upon a thirty year period forces perspective. In writing this, one of the choices to make has been to determine which moments are worth hanging onto and which ones are better left erased. Sure, these erased moments are still visible but like a heavily used white board, the remnants of the words are almost scrubbed off, slightly visible but unimportant.

The odd, highly passionate fights that occurred are not limited to one or two years but peppered throughout like scars that look like faces if you squint. The betrayals are lower in volume, a tune you remember from way back when but can’t quite recall the lyrics. The specifics and details behind divorces and other failed relationships might be juicy in that Buzzfeed sort of view but aren’t truly relevant.

I scaled a mountain and, during the journey, broke few bones, got hypothermia, and lost some of my equipment but no one wants to hear the tale of those things but rather the feeling of epic transformation that such a path includes. I’ll not use my platform for therapy, gang.

I know people who tend to stare back into the rear view mirror and wax nostalgic as if the best times (or worst) are behind them. I am not one of those people. What’s past informs the navigation but does not determine the destination. I have very few regrets and I think that’s the best way to live.

✶

2013

“You were involved with the Global Activism Expo?”

“Yeah. I produced it.”

“The 5K Fun Run with Peter Sagal?”

“Produced it.”

“The Chicago Chef Battle at Kendall College? The WBEZ Day of Service? The Winter Block Party for Chicago’s Hip Hop Arts? The Year in Review at Park West? The Sound Opinions Summer BBQ?”

“Produced them all.”

“Did you have a favorite?”

“Oh yeah. The Richard Steele Holiday Party at House of Blues with featured performers Billy Bragg and the Sons of the Blues. That was seriously one of the highlights of the year.”

2014

“Hey. How about you shut the fuck up?”

Three dates later.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

How to Jump Out of a Plane and Survive

2015

Along the road, there was General Admission. It was a WBEZ podcast co-hosted by my Events Assistant and myself. We interviewed local artists as well as a handful of national talents (including Kate Mulgrew, Steven Yuen, Taylor Mac, and, of course, Henry Rollins.) A true highlight of 2015 was getting to sit down with a personal hero of mine, Chuck Palahniuk, and ask him questions. The interviews for these are long since deleted but the memories remain.

Half a Century

2016

A meeting at the bar below my apartment. Commiseration over the online trolling I’d endured from unfriending a psychopath and her army of aggrieved idiots. A pitch — how about an online magazine? Something cool and interesting and featuring all kinds off writing? Something that Himmel could sink his own Angry White Guy voice into like a fetid beef sandwich with so much mustard it covered up the gristle and the rot?

“Well, I’ve recently updated my 10-year blog (Angry White Guy in Chicago) to something less Trump-centric sounding. I’m calling it Literate Ape. Whaddya think?”

“Sounds perfect.”

2017

“In the nearly five years I've hosted The Moth (58 regular slams, 8 Grand slams and nearly 700 stories in that time) I've had a real ball.

I started every single slam with the admonition that while we are each snowflakes, unique in every way with our individual crystalline natures, we are all just made of fucking snow.  With the onslaught of identity politics and partisan bickering, I hope that is something people remember. 

I closed every single slam with a quote: "If you want to change the world, have a meal with someone who doesn't look like you." - Chef Coco Winbush.”

Farewell to The Moth

”In parting ways, I can say that my decade working for WBEZ, Vocalo, and especially NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! was thrilling, challenging, inspiring and worth every moment. I got to watch Obama's first speech as president on multiple televisions in a bona fide newsroom. I got to meet Michael Moore, Denis Leary, speak to Bill Clinton and hang out with Tom Hanks. I produced events for as many as 5,000 people (as well as had a hand in producing a record-breaking performance of WWDTM at Millennium Park for 17,000 people). I produced events at the House of Blues, Victory Gardens, Adler Planetarium, Metro Chicago, City Winery, Chicago History Museum, Chopin Theater and hundreds of other excellent venues.

I was there to assist in orchestrating the 10th Anniversary of WWDTM at Adler Planetarium. I was there for Carl Kassell's final show in D.C. I directed Ira Glass, Scott Simon and Peter Sagal in a gala performance. I have been privileged to work with Bill Kurtis. I got to throw Richard Steele and Claude Cunningham their retirement parties. Winter Block Parties with YCA, New Year's Eve Parties with The Moth, Pi Day, the brilliant town hall meetings for the Race Out Loud series. Jim and Greg of Sound Opinionswith Frankie Knuckles on the MCA stage. Drive-In movies in West Chicago. 5K Runs with Peter Sagal. Running front of house for WWDTM with Kate Kinser by my side almost every single night. Laughing and planning things with the amazing Vanessa Harris.

The list of amazing experiences and incredible people is a bit mind-boggling in hindsight. And Good Christ, the Pledge Drives..“

Farewell to the Public Radio Mines

2018

“In the park, there is only one we, the collective patronage of the thousands of multicultural Homo sapiens gathered to hear an orchestra or a jazz ensemble or the blues or a rock band. It is a larger and more lovely we and, therefore, a stronger foundation from which to find solutions to the seemingly insurmountable obstacles to society.”

All the World’s a Stage and Identity is Just Another Costume

“"Tiffany to Don."

The terrible analogue radio crackles in my left ear.

"This is Don. Go."

I'm on the southwest end of the park. It's hot. Really hot. Hot enough that one begins to question the sanity of standing out here, wearing all black, amidst 11,000 people listening to a world-class orchestra play Tchaikovsky. Tiffany is one of my 50 ushers. She has encountered an older couple who came out to the park to hear the music yet hadn't really thought through the difficulties of being post-70 years of age in heat that can only be described as Global Warming Hot as Balls HOT. The gentlemen is so overheated that he can no longer walk. They need a wheelchair.

"Copy that. I'm on my way."

I walk quickly to the Welcome Center on Randolph, check out a wheelchair, then navigate the unwieldy thing through throngs of casual walkers around to the east side of the the stage. It takes me around eight minutes and I'm sweating like I'd been in the volcano room at King Spa. The old man sits in the chair after navigating the fear of just falling on his ass while sitting down. They need to go to their car in the parking garage.

Tiffany shrugs. "I don't drive. I don't know the parking garage."

"I got it," I say with a forced smile.

I wheel the man and his wife through the bowels of the building. We get to the elevator and they can't quite remember what floor they parked on. They left their ticket in the car. We sit for a moment, as the garage is huge and the prospect of finding their vehicle with no concept of even what floor (of the seven levels) it is on is an impossible task.

"It's on three."  "How sure are you?" "I'm pretty sure it's on three."

We go to three. No idea what section (3A? 3B? 3C? Jesus Christ…) they give me a description of the car and a license plate number and we set out through each aisle, each row, looking for the car. Thirty-five minutes later — with frequent radio calls for assistance that I direct while seeking an end to the labyrinthian journey I'm on — I spy their ride. They are relieved and thrilled. So am I.

The wife wants to tip me and offers me a dollar. I politely decline and send them on their way. I return just as the concert ends and just in time to set up the two recycling bins in the arcade for the ushers to dispose of the now outdated programs leftover from the weekend.”

Managing a House for 50,000 People

2019

Seven weeks. 2019 in Chicago has been spent doing side gigs, hanging out with people who have meant something to me in the past thirty years, and driving to old neighborhoods and reflecting upon the time here.

My last night in Chicago is spent on the Haymarket Pub & Brewery stage doing BUGHOUSE! And drinking myself stupid on Mathias Ale. 

✶

And that, as they say, is that. 

If you made it all the way down to this sentence and clicked enough half of the links, I applaud you. Writing this freaking tome took me most of the final seven weeks and occupied more of my brain space than most things I can recall. I’ve spent the entirety of my adult life in Chicago, a feat that I could never have predicted in 1989. 

Chicago has shaped me, taking the doughy calzone that crashed upon the shores of Lake Michigan and baking me until I was a golden brown with tons of gooey melted cheese and some questionable meat product. While not born here, I can and do call myself a native. A Chicagoan. 

Certainly, I won’t miss the weather — I’m quite certain there is no such thing as dibs or a viable need for shoveling and salting your walk in Las Vegas.  There will be things I will be happy to shed my daily grind of: the incredibly high cost of living, the taxes, the corrupt government, the fucking parking issues, the baked-in tribal mentality of neighborhood cultures, the extreme segregation, the crap school system. Dana and I are riding the crest of a wave of deserters as Chicago continues to bleed residents like she goes through restaurants.

I will, however, miss the grit of the people. I’ll miss the almost blissfully ignorant pride in the city. I’ll miss the transit system that binds us together like arteries and the theater and spoken word scene that blossoms even under the auspices of the interminable social justice rage profiteers. I’ll miss my friends especially those who have stood by through good times and harsh times and, while always challenging me, never gave up on me either. Just like the city. 

There is so much I did not include in this Dear John letter it’s hard to fathom but that’s the nature of something like this. Plenty left out but always stuck to me.

Just like the city. 

#thirty years #Farewell to Chicago #memories

[junker-town]

We’ve never seen anyone like Zion Williamson ... but will his game work in the NBA?

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — The comfortable quietness at the Olympic Training Center was first broken by a loud smack against the backboard. A collective gasp came next, followed by a few unrestrained howls seconds later. If only for a moment, USA Basketball junior minicamp was frozen in disbelief, with the entire gym gazing at each other to confirm what it just saw.

This was the sound of Zion Williamson and the awe that he inspires.

Jyare Davis, a 15-year-old from Delaware, saw nothing but a clear lane and an open basket as he turned the corner. What he didn’t see was the 6’6, 272-pound teenage wrecking ball behind him. As Davis went up for a layup, Williamson slammed the ball against the glass, sprinted the length of the floor, and got the ball back in time for a powerful two-handed dunk.

You could find the entire sequence on social media minutes later. This is Zion Williamson after all, a young phenom ostensibly from Spartanburg, S.C. who might as well live in the smart phones of basketball fans across the world.

Williamson has the body of an NFL defensive lineman and the explosiveness of a young Dominique Wilkins. His incredible highlights have earned him more than 1 million Instagram followers, a budding friendship with Drake, and hysterical crowds at every game he plays. He came to Colorado Springs in part to escape that.

There is no hype here, only hoops. The minicamp brings 54 of the top high school players in the country together under one roof. Williamson is one of 18 seniors looking for a spot on the Hoop Summit roster, while the rest of the camp is made up of sophomores and juniors trying out for USA Basketball’s U17 World Cup team.

The relative seclusion of this event makes it a fascinating setting for Williamson. The frenzy he typically causes has no place here. Instead, there’s a renewed focus on Williamson as a basketball player ... as opposed to Williamson as an internet sensation. The coaches and recruiting analysts in attendance aren’t looking for dunks; they’re looking for skill development.

Can Williamson make a jump shot? How’s his off-hand? Does he make his teammates better? And most importantly: Does the modern NBA have room for a player with the height of a shooting guard, the heft of a center, and a jump shot that remains a question mark?

“People keep asking who he’s like,” said Rivals’ Eric Bossi, who has covered recruiting for 14 years. “Well, no one really. He’s the first Zion. He’s such a unique player that we still really don’t know how some of these things we’ve seen will translate. We’ve not really seen someone like him before.”

USA Basketball

Williamson was talking on Facetime with a friend as he walked around Las Vegas this summer. When he hung up, he noticed a man behind him. He had been following Williamson for nearly 10 minutes.

“I’m like sir, you didn’t have to follow me for two blocks just to get a picture,” Williamson said. “He like ‘no no, it’s fine. I didn’t want you to give up your phone call.’”

This is the life of Zion Williamson and the mania he causes. There was no better example of it than the chaotic scene in the gym when he squared off against LaMelo Ball during that same weekend in Sin City.

What happens when he plays with those guys for entire weekends, game after game, and it’s not just the Zion show?

By all accounts, this was a spectacle unlike any ever seen at the AAU level. Police officers had to barricade the doors and push back against a standing-room-only crowd that was reportedly filing in seven rows deep. NBA stars like Damian Lillard, Andrew Wiggins, and LaMelo’s older brother Lonzo Ball were all in attendance. LeBron James tried to get in but thought better of it when he saw the circus that had transpired.

Williamson called it “the craziest game I’ve ever played in.”

“But if I’m being realistic, that wasn’t a normal basketball game,” he said. “It was up and down up and down, just trying to outscore each other.”

This is why Williamson needed to be isolated in an environment like USA Basketball minicamp to truly be evaluated. At the high school and grassroots level, Williamson is by far the most talented player on his team. Everything is built around his unique skills. It won’t be that way for long. Bossi wrote that Williamson had more to prove than anyone at the onset of the camp.

“We’ve never really seen him play with other great players in a structured environment,” said Bossi. “What happens when he plays with those guys for entire weekends, game after game, and it’s not just the Zion show?”

USA Basketball

For four practices spread across two days, Williamson played with more passion and aggression than anyone at the camp. He doesn’t coast on his body and his athleticism, he uses it as a weapon. He is a marvel in the open court, where he looks like a runaway train with that combination of size and speed. It’s the one part of his game that will translate at any level.

Williamson plays with a fury that has rare precedent in this sport. To see him crush a block or obliterate a dunk is to see Bo Jackson run over Brian Bosworth or Jadeveon Clowney knock the helmet off a poor Michigan running back. Basketball players are supposed to be lean and lanky ... not a mile wide, as strong as a bull, and capable of whipping that massive frame through the air for 360 windmill slams.

“I don’t know if that’s something you can learn,” Williamson said with a smile when asked to explain his athleticism. “I thank God that I can move the way I do at this size.”

Williamson knows his strengths as a player. When he gets the ball, he’s driving left and going to the hoop. Matched up against some of the best players in the country, Williamson was still able to get to his spots whenever he wanted. He has great touch around the rim and is able to contort his body to finish from a variety of angles.

It’s freakish. He’s unsettling.

He’s also a willing and skilled passer. Williamson described himself as a “point forward” and noted his ball-handling ability as his most underrated attribute. It showed throughout the camp. He can push the ball off a rebound and doesn’t hesitate to swing the ball on the perimeter. He also made some crafty high-low passes when playing with a more traditional big man from the top of the key.

Williamson’s other major strengths come as a rebounder and shot blocker. He crashes the glass with reckless abandon on both ends and shows off both a phenomenal sense of timing and a nose for the ball. There was no one at the camp who was able to match up with him physically.

“To have such an explosive burst carrying with that type of dense weight is a scary thing,” said Jerry Meyer, Director of Basketball Scouting for 247Sports. “It’s freakish. He’s unsettling.”

Of course, Williamson won’t be playing against teens forever. That’s why everyone agrees the biggest area for improvement in his game is his jump shot.

Williamson might not have taken a jump shot during scrimmages the entire weekend. Everything was to the hole. The question is if Williamson is reluctant to shoot because he can’t do it, or because he doesn’t need to. His powerful drives to the rim work against high schoolers, but what about when he’s going up against Kawhi Leonard two years from now?

“The development of his outside shot is going to be the No. 1 key in determining what his value is going to be at the highest level,” said Meyer. “If you can’t shoot, it’s tough.

“But I think Zion is going to be able to shoot,” Meyer continued. “It’s not a broken shot. He just doesn’t have to shoot much. He gets to where he wants to get, which is to the rim. He finishes with touch. Looks good at the free throw line. I expect him to improve as a shooter. But obviously we don’t know to what extent.”

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Williamson plays so aggressively that there are times when it’s easy to worry about the safety of the other campers, especially the young sophomores and juniors. For his part, Williamson doesn’t seem concerned.

“My mentality is killers kill,” Williamson said. “Yeah these kids are younger, but in two years hopefully I can be playing in the NBA. LeBron’s not gonna say, ‘oh you’re a rookie so I’m gonna take it easy.’ You always have to play hard.”

Playing hard is not an issue for Williamson — who is considering Kentucky, Duke, Clemson and South Carolina for his college decision. The jump shot is, and his place in the league might be, too. Williamson measured with only a 6’10 wingspan and an 8’7 standing reach. Those are the measurements of an NBA wing. Yet, his absurd 272-pound frame and limited perimeter shooting ability is more fitting of a power forward or even a center.

Is there really a place in the league for a 6’6 big man who lacks elite length if his jumper doesn’t improve? Jonathan Givony of ESPN (formerly DraftExpress) thinks so. He recently projected Williamson as the No. 2 pick in the 2019 NBA draft. To find a spot for Williamson in the league, Givony said teams will simply have to be creative.

“Draymond Green is a guy that comes up,” Givony said. “He’s a similar height. Draymond is a lot longer than Zion, which helps a lot. But you wonder if he can play that kind of role.

“Draymond at that age was really overweight. He was not shooting jumpers at all. He really wasn’t shooting jumpers until his senior year of college. But if you surround him with the right guys and put him in the right system, he does so many other things. He’s not exactly a Draymond, but he can be that kind of guy where he plays a unique role in the NBA as a four or five.”

Penny Hardaway, who was an assistant coach at the camp, came up with another comparison.

“He has a lot of Charles Barkely in him,” Hardaway said. “He has a lot more athleticism on the court than Charles did, but his mannerisms on the court are similar.”

It all comes together to make Williamson one of the most compelling NBA prospects to come through the American pipeline, well, ever. The holes in his game are real, at least at age 17. He also offers an intoxicating package of size and athleticism that’s impossible to ignore.

Zion WIlliamson is not easy to categorize. It's unclear what position he will play in the NBA — there's not a lot of precedent for a guy like him. But what is without doubt is that hush over the gym, the eerie quiet, when he shows what Zion, and only Zion, can do.