#You're Profile Pic Looks Equally Adorable

[stevengrant-my-beloved]

(he love me) he give me all this money I Part 1 [18+]

Series Masterlist

summary: A brief interaction with a catfish on a sugar daddy website leads to something quite unexpected and suddenly you're on the radar of genius tech billionaire Nathan Bateman, and honestly, you don't mind the attention.

chapter warnings: just a whole bunch of swearing honestly, catfishing (?), mentions of substance use (alcohol)

a/n: okay so, i've been listening to qveen herby's sugar daddy A LOT lately and if u couldn't tell from the title, that song basically inspired this fic. i really hope y'all like it 'cause honestly idek what this is, i just pumped out 2k words while running on zero sleep , so.. let me know what u think

also just a note about the texts in this fic

> Texts like these are from Nathan. [bold and italicized]

> texts like these are from you [italicized]

Here's the thing about getting (responsibly) piss drunk with a group of friends who are all enablers and won't ever discourage you from doing stupid things on a whim, as much as it sounds like an epically bad idea, sometimes (read: very rarely) it yields positive results.

Like that one time, fueled by copious amounts of liquid courage and the encouragement of your drunk friends, drunk you had sent that presentation you'd drafted to your then crush (who might have also been an coworker at the time), basically to try and convince him that you would be a good partner, and you'd ended up getting a really adorable email back saying that he was also interested and definitely would love to go on a date sometime.

That relationship had lasted a solid 6 months (which was really great considering your track record), and it had been good run, ended amicably even. You and your now ex co-worker were still on good terms, so yeah, all in all, a positive experience.

Then there was that one time you and your friends had gotten drunk and, for some goddamn reason, had gathered all the unsolicited dick pics you'd received over the years (because again, for some goddamn reason, you still had them in your DMs) and filmed your reactions to each and every dick pic (without revealing the senders, of course), commenting on the quality of the images (lighting, angles, etc.) while also rating each dick. Sober you had then used that footage, edited it to perfection, included digital renderings of said dick pics to add to the video (because as NSFW as your channel could get, you didn't need to put actual dicks in your videos) and uploaded it to your channel.

Currently, it was your most popular video, and the one that had quite literally made you famous overnight. A bunch of commentary and reaction channels were suddenly talking about you, and you'd even gotten messages from a lot of creators you looked up to, commending you on your hilarious content and hoping to see more.

Okay so, it really was just those two instances where you'd gotten something good out of heavily drinking.

That would change soon, though, because your next drunken adventure with your friends would change your life in ways you would have never imagined (in the best way possible).

---

"I can't believe I let you assholes talk me into this-" you groan as you scroll through the dozens of messages you'd received over the past few hours on your freshly created dating profile.

"Hey, this was your idea babe, we were just being loving and supportive-"

"By encouraging me to sign up on secret benefits dot com?" you ask, glaring at your friend over the rim of your coffee mug.

For context, you'd just woken up with a killer headache (as you do every weekend, because you and your friends have zero control and always, always get drunk off your asses on the weekend) to your phone absolutely blowing up on your nightstand from notification after notification, alerting you of a new 'Daddy' that wanted to get to know you better.

Apparently drunk you had thought it would be a real fun idea to sign up to become a sugar baby, and your equally drunk friends had agreed (because of course they did).

You had begrudgingly opened some of the messages that you'd received, and most of them were pretty tame, surprisingly.

"Yeah, I'm deleting this," you mumble, clicking through the page to find the deactivation option, not before taking a few minutes to admire your own profile (drunk you had a made successful attempt at creating an enticing profile for a sugar baby, it seems).

Once you get your fill of your own pictures, you head to the deactivation page, only to be greeted with a little pop up message that says-

"Oh, what the fuck, I have to keep my profile up for a whole week?" you yell.

Your friends all groan out some variation of "keep your fucking voice down" from various parts of your bedroom, and you turn to the one friend who somehow wasn't hungover at all despite how much you all had to drink the night before.

"It says I can only delete my profile after 7 days," you say, holding up your phone so your friend could see.

"Can't you just delete the app off of your phone?"

"I could...but ugh, I don't just want my pictures up on some app like this- I need to delete my account."

"So just wait out the 7 day period, maybe chat it up with some rich men and see if they'll give you their money, I don't know," your friend shrugs, before turning back to their phone.

Huh.

"Yeah, fuck it," you mumble, going back to scrolling through the messages on SecretBenefits, looking at the profiles of all the older men you'd matched with.

Maybe this would make a fun video...

---

It takes you an hour to set everything up, but eventually you're ready to film what's sure to be your next best video "Trying to Find a Sugar Daddy (Not Clickbait)".

"Hello everyone, I hope you're all having a great day," you say, waving at the camera. "Welcome back to my channel, this of course is another episode of Girls Just Wanna Have Funds, Specifically This Girl, This Girl Needs Money and She Needs It Now."

You laugh at your own stupid intro, before continuing. "So, the other day, my friends and I got together for drinks, and yeah I'm sure you can guess where this is going, we got drunk, and I ended up creating a profile on SecretBenefits, and I'm stuck with it for the next 7 days, so here we are," you chuckle as you hold up your phone, checking to see if the screen recording was still working.

"I'm not really trying to find a sugar daddy, this is purely for entertainment," you say before leaning close and whispering, "but if some rich zaddy wants to send me some money I wouldn't be opposed, ya know? Alright, so drunk me apparently already swiped on a bunch of potential sugar daddies, but I think we can do better so I'm going to try and get more matches. Obviously we're going to censor everyone's faces just in case anyone's actual father is on this app and you're watching, like, I really don't want to be involved in any family drama like that."

You set out to swipe on interesting looking profiles, commenting on just how big of a range of potential daddies this app had to offer.

"Okay, so that's not just an older man, that's literally a grandad, nope- wait, this guy included a picture of himself at his own wedding, oh my fucking god- 'looking for something discreet' he says- my guy maybe don't post your wedding pictures for anyone to find? Like I could easily track down this man's wife and snitch on him. Wait should I do that?" you ask, looking at the camera. "Comment down below if I should snitch on Matthew, 52."

You continue swiping through more profiles, occasionally snorting at the few messages that popped up from different matches.

"Okay, Dave wants to know if we've been on any other sites looking for an SD... SD? Sugar daddy? They have codes now?" you laugh incredulously. "I'm going to say...'no I haven't'."

Just as you're about to call it a day on swiping and focus on the matches you'd gotten so far, your eyes zero in on the next profile that shows up, and-

"There is no fucking way Nathan Bateman is on this app, this has to be a catfish situation right? Right?"

You look up at the camera. "I'm going to swipe right. It's probably, most definitely, not him, but if it is..." you trail off, looking off to the side with your eyebrows raised high.

It's a match!

Funnily enough, you'd actually made a video on Nathan Bateman, CEO and Founder of BlueBook. The video itself had been a Top 10 style video, where you'd rated various billionaires based on their looks and wealth, while also ranking them based on how willing you'd be to ignore their massive ego and wealth to be able to fuck them. Other notable figures on the list had been Tony Stark, Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor (who'd ranked dead last) to name a few.

You phone pings with a new message from 'Nathan Bateman'.

NB: Hey.

hii :) quick question are you really the Nathan Bateman ??

NB: Yes, I am.

NB: Any matches?

"Imposter Bateman is asking me if I've got any other matches." You wink at the camera with a cheeky smile before typing out-

nope, just you :))

NB: I'll send u money if u send me a picture. Topless.

"Oh wow, he's getting right into it," you scoff at the camera. "No seriously, how stupid does this person think people are, because this sure as hell isn't Bateman 'cause the only pictures he has are like ones you could find online, like they're all paparazzi shots from before he moved to his private island or wherever the hell he fucked off to, and the few selfies I see here look edited so..."

You tap your chin a couple of times, before snapping your fingers

"I'm actually looking to be a sugar baby, without the sugar," you say out loud as you type out your response to Imposter Bateman, before tapping on another message thread.

"James just texted 'you look delicious', bye- okay, he looks kinda cute though, hm."

Just as you're about to type a reply, you get a notification from Imposter Bateman, and it has you gasping.

"Oh- oh my god, he just- I just got absolutely lambasted."

Imposter Bateman had replied to your earlier message about wanting to be a sugar baby without the sugar by saying-

NB: You just want my money

NB: You're not even that hot

You're still wheezing from laughing so hard when you look at your phone again to see that Imposter Bateman had deleted the conversation and blocked you.

"You guys see this?" you ask, holding your phone to the camera, even though you know you're going to be including the screen recording in post.

"Nathan Bateman, I don't know if you'll ever see this but, ouch dude. That was so harsh, you just told me I'm not hot," you pout at the camera, faking incredible sadness before laughing out loud again.

"Also, 'you just want my money'? Uh, yeah, that's what every sugar baby is here for, the app is literally called secret benefits? The benefit for me being money?" you say, shaking your head.

You go through more messages from other sugar daddies (15 to be exact), reading out their texts and formulating responses while talking to your camera, making sure to include as many funny quips you can think of before filming your outro.

"Alright guys, that's it for this video. I hope y'all have a great day and Daddy Bateman if you're watching, make up for my heartbreak by sending me eighteen hundred dollars?" you plead at the camera. "Please?"

---

The seven day wait period goes by pretty quickly, and once you deactivate your SecretBenefits account, you upload your final edited video, which had been sitting unpublished on your account for the past five days. It was short, only 10 minutes long, and it hadn't taken you a lot of time to edit, but you'd decided to post it after you'd taken down the account because the last thing you needed was for your fans to sign up for the app and try and find your profile.

The response to your video was amazing, but you expected nothing less from your loyal subscribers.

What you didn't expect though, was for them to take to Twitter and flood Bateman's mentions, asking him how he could possibly think you weren't hot. They even managed to get the hashtags #imposterbateman and #daddybateman on the trending page for a day.

And you certainly didn't expect to hear from the man himself, because the very next day, you get an Instagram notification saying @thenathanbateman_official is following you, followed by a text notification that read-

> Send me your IBAN

You blink at your phone for a few seconds before typing up a reply.

> ??

> well hello to you too mr. bateman

> Yeah hi, I need your IBAN

> can't you just hack into my shit and find out?

> why're u asking

> I can, but I thought I'd be polite and ask first.

Just as you're about to reply, you get a notification from your mobile banking app, which almost makes you chuck your phone at the wall.

You've received $1800.00 from Nathan Bateman

What the fuck?

> u watched my video???

> Videos. Saw the one where you ranked me too.

> no way- fr ?? 😭

> Fr.

> wow ummmm i hope u liked them ?? idk what to say

> Your videos are pretty funny . Liked the dick pic one.

> everyone likes that one yea

A few moments pass, and you think maybe that will be the end of that. You move to put your phone back down, but it pings with a new notification.

> Imposter Bateman was fucking blind.

> You're really hot.

welp, lemme know what y'all think-

#m writes #(he love me) he give me all his money #nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman au fic #nathan bateman fic