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icanseethefuture333 · 8 months

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Glamour Witch 🕯

A guide to confidence, beauty, & self love 🪞🩰🦢🍒💌

How I made glamour magick efficient for me and why working with the goddess Aphrodite shifted my self concept + help me connect to the divine feminine 🕊

First let's do a back story on my relationship with my matron 🌸:

My spiritual awakening happened when I was 17 years old after experiencing the loss of a loved one and coping with past trauma. I went into my adolescence with fear, agony, and poor self esteem. I was very much so a tomboy as a teenager (to this day I still have masculine qualities that I am now proud of and balanced it with my feminine side) but I was so out of touch with what being a "girl" was. I felt really self conscious about not being "woman" enough and had a complicated view on my gender (since I realized I was nonbinary at 14). I became interested in the occult since I grew up in a spiritual household (crystals, manifestation, etc) but never really got to engage with things like tarot or witchcraft because it was considered taboo. I had a reading done one day and I was told that Aphrodite wanted to work with me as my deity. My teenage self was confused by this because I thought - "The goddess of beauty and love wanted to work with me? Well that can't be right." I was expecting something more dark or cool like Hades or Hermes or whatever because that was just my personal style since I dressed very alternatively. I was nervous, but also intrigued. As I begun to pray to her and started doing spellwork - I felt safe, I felt loved, it was like a mother watching over me. I started learning how to do makeup for my ethnic features and became more educated about fashion and what it means to really be a true feminist. I learned to say fuck the binary system and made my own definition of not what just being a "woman" is but also what being "feminine" meant to me, period. You can be whatever you want to be and be beautiful regardless of what your appearance is like. Some days I want to wear snapbacks and sneakers, other times I wanna wear high heels with a flattering dress. I do what makes me feel comfortable and that's nobody's business but mine. Society made us believe that being sensitive, caring, or intuitive - the traits of the divine feminine (which we have in us all) as bad when it's not. There's strength in being soft and delicate. Be gentle towards yourself, my loves.

Embrace your shadow self to manifest your dream life ✨️:

You know what people will never tell you or admit to you on social media? Is that you can be self conscious and still be confident at the same time. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself and knowing despite what you've been through or are feeling in the moment, it should not hold you back from achieving your fullest potential. Like Megan Thee Stallion said "Bad bitches have bad days too" And it's true! I have my good days and then I have my bad days, but even when I'm doubting or losing my faith, I always get back up by keep going. Why? It's because if I stop then I'm not living. I'm not being grateful for the life I still have while there are people out there battling severe illnesses and don't have much time left. Nobody wants to be candid and only want to portray themselves as perfect, when nobody is. It's a damaging narrative to think you have to be popping on social media and always staying positive. I don't know why being vulnerable is such a stigma these days. Everyone is scared of being hurt, sure, but there is so much power in knowing what you makes you happy and being able to voice what your wants/needs are. You get to live for yourself and not what others want you to be. Not to mention the importance of having the power and ability to set the boundaries your inner child probably never got to have?! I'm so tired of people spreading the belief of that you shouldn't talk about mental health, trauma, or personal fears because it makes you seem "weak" or "easy prey". That is the same tactics abusers use to make their victims stay hushed and makes them not able to stand up for themselves. That way of thinking is victim blaming! If you as a person, feel brave enough to discuss what the fuck is going on in your mind that does not make you a weakling, that makes you strong as hell. They are the weak ones for taking advantage of people who were already suffering. It's time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and acknowledge what happened, but do not let it control you. You don't have to let go or get over it, it's okay if it's still a wound for you but you can choose to make it better by creating a better future by working with your higher self. Think about who you want to be, how you want to appear, what career you aspire to have, etc. Either write it down, visualize, or make a vision board. Release the old version of you and thank them for helping you survive.

I have been reading the book Mirror Work by Louise Hay and it entails about how the negative things people said or the difficult experiences we had dealt with in our lifetime gets stored in our subconscious mind. When we make jokes that are self depreciating or engage in self degrading behavior, it harms us even more, preventing us from maturing or loving ourselves. Doing shadow work is uncomfortable for everyone but it is a must to process the patterns in your life and learn as to why you become the person you are today. Being aware of your triggers and what makes you tick. Can make you more emotionally intelligent and be able to have a healthier conversation as well as creating lasting positive connections.

Books I recommend for subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, & healing from trauma:

Mirror Work by Louise Hay

"The Courage to" book series by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Self Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway & Celia Ampel

Psychology of The Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

You can also find shadow work prompts on pinterest.

Don't just say it, do it! 11 ways to actually practice self care:

Making a goal and actually putting the effort in can be tough for some individuals, especially for those diagnosed with depression. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and understand that healing is a journey, not a race! A youtuber I have been enjoying and watching lately is the critically acclaimed, thewizardliz: An Iranian woman who gives advice on confidence, discipline, and more! A video that I watched of hers recently was called and bluntly titled: "How to stop being lazy & pathetic". In most of liz's videos she is someone who is tough but is also tender. She explains that when we are procrastinating it's because we are thinking of just the end goal, which scares us and makes us overthink about what to do or how to do it. When really, we can just take small, simple steps at a time to reach towards what we wish yo accomplish, so that way it will feel less intimidating. If you have a essay that's due for example, try to write a few sentences each day, or think about how good it would feel if you were to get a good grade on your paper. Think of it this way - Would you rather slack and be upset you failed? Or would you rather prevent that from happening so you can be proud of what you achieved? Figure out what motivates you as a person and write it down so you can always be reminded of the confident being you wish to become.

Journaling: This is such a crucial hobby that I believe everyone should have. Writing down your thoughts or feelings helps not only increases your intelligence and brain health, but it also helps navigate your feelings better when you are facing a problem. You are able to reflect inward and discover the different parts of your psyche that you never knew you had.

Art: Divine feminine energy embodies the source of creation and life. The same way people with wombs give birth to children, an artist's project can be their beautiful baby. Find what type of art form brings you peace and allows you to express yourself (poetry, songwriting, dancing, painting, woodcarving, etc).

Exercise: I know this is something that some people struggle with (me included 💀) and when people hear that it's like "Ugh, I don't wanna work out! It's too hard!" but just hear me out okay? We have to exercise so our internal organs can stay healthy. When we don't take care of ourselves by not at least taking 15 minutes out of our day by owalking, exercising, or cardio, when there is 24 hours in a day... That is a major neglect to yourself. Just remember that it is a privilege that you still have the ability to move, jump, lift, run, squat, and even more. When there are people who suffer from chronic pain and disabilities that are still making sure to take care of their physical health because they have no other choice. When you think about how you're too "lazy" and you can't do it because of your "laziness", think of those people! Cherish the health that you have before it's too late. You can start by stretching, going for walks, or watching workout videos for beginners on YouTube.

Build a schedule: Having a routine is so important because it helps reduce stress and organizes the task that we have to do throughout our day. Make a sleep schedule for yourself as well. Going to bed late until 3 am in the morning or waking up too early is unsafe and makes you less alert when you are out in the world. So please be careful! Try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a day. Drinking tea, taking a warm bath, or using essential oils can help you fall asleep if you don't like using melatonin.

Cleanliness & Hygiene: It's unfortunate that I have to say this but some people were not taught by their parents on how to be clean. Or how cishet men feel that being hygienic is "gay". That's absurd! Everyone should have a clean house, clean body, and a good hygiene routine. There is no excuse for that. Even when I was depressed I still would get up to brush my teeth or wash my hair because I knew that if I were to ever go too long without taking care of my hygiene I'd have to deal with damaging my teeth, hair, or skin. Everything has a cause and effect when you neglect doing self care and that could also be apart of the reason why you feel so down about your looks is due to that lack of poor hygiene. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant or you need to do a 10 step skincare routine all the time. You can buy beauty products for cheap at off price retail stores and combs, toothbrushes, etc, at the dollar store. All you gotta do is wash your face and shower daily (scrub in between your ass cheeks, please and thank you 💀), brush your teeth at least 3 or more times a day, moisturize with lotions, use a sunscreen (cus nobody got time for skin cancer), apply deodorant, and that's literally it. You can use toners, serums, and skin treatments if you feel like iy but it's not neccessary unless you have specific concerns (acne, wrinkles, etc).

Personal finance 💵: As a Capricorn ♑️, there is nothing more important to me than having my own money. Knowing how to budget and being responsible with your funds is so crucial. You can manifest prosperity and be wealthy, but if you don't know what to do with a million dollars, how could you ever receive it? It is so attractive when someone is wise with their money. I took elective classes in high school for commercial art, marketing, and personal finance so that way I could learn to how to be independent as an adult and not have to "hustle" or live the struggle life. Always take care of your household bills (utilities, repairs, gas for the car, etc.) first and then leave a certain amount for yourself for when you want to have fun, go shopping, etc. Learn about how to make an investment, as well as stocks, because that is another way that you can make a lot of money (and no I don't mean Crypto or NFTs 😭)

Education is key 📚: READ HEAUXS REEEEAD 👓 Make those sapiosexuals quiver with your big sexy brain 🧠. I just feel like in general we need to be knowledgeable about our history and *Jaden Smith voice* the political state of the world right now. Being dismissive and ignorant is a major turn off. You have to be able to know how to communicate in certain settings or talk about certain subjects, or else you're gonna just look and sound dumb. I don't care if you like to read about insects or flowers, just find a topic that interests you.

Boundaries: A simple way to start implementing self care into your daily routine is by being able to say "Yes." Or "No." I know for women it is hard to assert themselves and say no especially when there is a grimy ass man tryna flirt with you (ayoooo shawty 🤓), but for your own protection you gotta do it. When people know you are not stern and you are not able to defend yourself, they take advantage of that. It makes you an easy target. Let's say for a example, you have a overbearing parent that constantly drains and takes from your energy. This parent doesn't respect you and makes you feel bad about yourself because you let them. When they ask you for something, you can just say; "Thank you but I will not be doing that. It would be an inconvenience for me right now because I have to focus on ___" or "I would prefer not to do that because I have to do ___ this week and it's very important". Even if it's not anything actually important, still say no. Another example is if you have a friend that's toxic and is not elevating you in any type of way (mentally, emotionally, or finacially). Then tell them that and cut them off. You are not obligated to stay around anyone who brings you down. Here is a list of ways to set boundaries professionally. Also learn to stop over apologizing here is what you can do instead. Margot Robbie learned to say "Thank you" instead of saying "sorry" because of Barbie.

Meditation 🧘🏽‍♀️: A useful skill in embracing your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, to help in finding your inner zen. Meditation was something that was tricky for me at first. Most people say to "empty your mind and be still" when meditating and for someone with ADHD, I was like... "Umm, this is boring 💀???" but overtime I tried it a few times again and have grown to appreciate it! I learned that meditation was actually quite helpful for me, especially when I felt burdened with too many tasks, or was dealing racing thoughts. It just really helped me calm down, especially when I was feeling overwhelmed (for people who experience sensory overloads I highly recommend!). I no longer feel ashamed or fearful of when a intrusive thought crosses my mind. I just simply let that thought pass through and go on about my day. The average young adult has over 6,000 thoughts a day, so why would I give something so meaningless power? I am in control of myself and what I react to. For this, it will allow you to do the same.

Spend time with a loved one: I'm sure we all have someone who we consider our comfort person or a special pet that makes us feel calm. Humans are animals, sometimes we need that social interaction to stay sane during troubling times. Make a phone call, text, or plan to meet up with a friend or family member this week. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and ask an acquaintance out for lunch.

Be brave: Remember what I said about stepping out of your comfort zone? That's right. It's time to stop living life of regrets and live a life of excitement. I want you to think about something you've been really wanting to do lately but haven't pursued it yet because of fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and release it to the universe, your spirit guides, or any deity that you worship. Maybe there is a person you have a crush that you have been wanting to ask out lately or have been wanting to dye your hair a new color but were afraid of how it would turn out. Whatever it is, just have courage to go after what you want for once. For being brave is just about taking a leap of faith, even when you are scared.

How to awaken your inner goddess ✨️:

Loving yourself shouldn't be a chore, it should be a ritual baby 😌! Now for my beginner witches or practioners in closed practices. I know it can be intimidating to start doing deity work. That's why you have to take things slow and go at your own pace. I always recommend starting with doing a cleansing (burning incense, spraying florida water, etc) or a protection spell before doing any other kind of magick. Even though yes, I do worship Aphrodite, it is not neccessary for people to only go to her for a "glow up". There are sooooo many deities who are also gods or goddesses of love, beauty, etc. Naturally, a deity will show you signs that they wish to work with you, so makw sure to be on the look out for that!

Also if you are a woman of color like mwuahhh 😘 then here are a list of deities that also represent love, confidence, beauty, fertility, & creativity in African, Asian, Indigenous, & Pacific Islander religions:

Oshun (closed practice / Yoruba)

Yenaya (closed practice / Yoruba)

Hathor

Bastet

Isis

Astarte

Rati (Hinduism)

Lakshimi (Hinduism)

弁才天 / Benzaiten (Japanese Buddhism)

자청비 / Jacheongbi

仰阿莎 / Yang Asha

Liễu Hạnh

Mayari

Laka

Xochiquetzal

Estsanatlehi

Other deities are:

Apollo, Cupid, Eros, Priapus, Min, Brigid, & Dionyus

There is also ascended masters, saints, archangels, ancestors, & spirit guides that you can connect with. I recommend building a relationship with your ancestors first.

How to talk your deity:

Create an altar for them or a sacred space.

Cleanse the area to avoid interacting with trickster spirits.

Place offerings on the table (make sure to look up what offerings they like!).

Light a candle or burn incense for them.

Write them a letter or pray. You can ask them for help with your specific needs or just talk to them about your day or how you are currently feeling.

BE CONSISTENT! Deities are not one of your little friends, they are gods/goddesses. Show them respect by praying, including them in spellwork, and giving them offerings frequently (they are understanding if you cannot give them food or drinks all the time though if you cannot afford it).

The final boss, The Enchantress 🔮❄️:

"SHADOW MONEY WIZARD GANGGG! We love casting spells 😈"

Alright, alright. I know you guys were reading all this thinking "Bitch where tf is the tutorial??? 😭" BUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY WAS IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN HAVE LONG TERM RESULTS 💀! Here is the moment you've all been waiting forrr 🤭!

101 on Glamour Magick:

The days of the week are connected to the planets.

Friday is a good day for casting love and beauty spells since it's ruler is Venus. While on Monday you can cast spells for healing & enhancing psychic powers, since it's ruler is the Moon. Thursday's ruler is Jupiter so you can cast spells for money and prosperity.

Buy a mirror that is for your special use only (If someone ends up accidently using it it's okay nothing bad will happen to them). Spray it with a window cleaner and wipe it down counter clockwise, say what your intention is for the mirror as you clean it. You can buy any kind of mirror you like (compact mirror, hand held mirror, desktop mirror, etc).

You can use your mirror for scrying or seeing into the future (divination).

When doing your mirror work, look into your eyes, and affirm to yourself. It can be anything you wish to say. Just let it flow naturally. It might feel uncomfortable at first but as you continue to practice it you will feel more confident about it.

Include your deity while affirming. (When I do this, I show appreciation to Aphrodite, and thank her for blessing me with such beauty and grace. Even when in the moment I don't have the results I wish to see, I know it is going to happen because I have faith in her.)

Ask your ancestors what their beauty rituals and regimes were. Doing routines that your ancestors did will create a closer bond with them and also build confidence in your ethnic features.

Items that are represented as love: roses, cinnamon, honey, sugar, vanilla, coriander, basil, chamomile, carnations, tulips, lockets, keys, & hearts

Items that are represented as beauty: cowrie shells, orchids, peony, ribbons, veils, & bows

Items that help enhance intuition: seashells, conch shells, rosemary, lotuses, & feathers

Chinese guashas & jade rollers help reduce stress, tension, and puffiness in your facial muscles. It can also help sculpt your face.

African waistbeads were worn by women under their clothes to help slim their waist and also attract love. Depending on the crystals used, it would also help manifest abundance.

Some beauty crystals used for love, beauty, & intuition are: Rose quartz, jade, pink tourmaline, moonstone, amethyst, selenite, garnet, carnelian, and turquoise.

You can carve sigils or symbols onto your candle, an easy one to use is the venus symbol ♀️.

A list of meanings for the scents of the candle, wax, or deodorizer in your home. Here is the list for incense.

Candles are great to seal your spell jars or use on their own for magick.

A list of different burning sticks you can use (smudging, white sage, and Palo Santo is a closed practice)

The scent of your perfume can be used for seduction or attracting love/popularity.

Soap, shampoo, or conditioner can be used to cleanse your energy.

Ingredients in foods, cleaning, haircare, skincare, or beauty products can have magical properties that you can attract towards you or your home. (I.E: Lavendar for peace & tranquility, Lemon for warding off negative energy, & Vanilla for love)

"The hair theory" trend is a form of glamour magick. Doing your hair differently can create a new persona and change how people perceive you.

Depending on your hair color it can represent the elements.

Your hair texture can symbolize what power you have: Coily hair grows upward and rises towards the sun. When using their awareness, they are highly observant and courageous. Coily hair has the fire element. Curly hair breaks hexes and spiritually protects the mind. Due to it's volume and resemblance to a cloud, it has the air element. People with wavy hair are intuitive, affectionate, and sensitive, their element is water. Straight hair is the most connected to the earth. People with this hair texture can be introverted, dependable, and grounded.

Your hair length signifies your current state of energy.

Short hair is connected to father sky.

Long hair is connected to mother earth.

It is best to cut your hair when you are in need of releasing stress, anguish, and turmoil.

You can set your intentions into the hair that you braid.

Black people can cornrow patterns or symbols onto their scalp for manifestation.

Locs symbolize freedom and wisdom from the ancestors.

Twists can be used for spiritual binding.

Read here for more on hair witchcraft & hair astrology.

Wearing headscarves, hijabs, bonnets, durags, or hats can protect you from the evil eye or if you're an empath, it can protect your energy from being drained in public spaces.

Do not make any physical changes during a Venus retrograde.

Plastic surgery can alter one's identity. It is like putting on a different mask. It can become an addiction to people who feel lost in life. While for others it can give them a new path to start on.

You can paint sigils or symbols for nail art.

The nail shape you have or get done at a salon can correspond to Onychomancy (https://www.tiktok.com/@taisoleil/video/7035737221068082479?_t=8etXLhtR3LH&_r=1)

You can also use yours or other's eyebrows for divination.

Straight eyebrows: someone who is level headed. Round eyebrows: someone who is compassionate with a kind heart. Arched eyebrows: someone who is independent. Thick eyebrows: someone who can be stubborn and goal oriented. Thin eyebrows: someone who is bold and daring. No eyebrows: someone who is a risk taker and can be careless. The unibrow: symbolizes good luck, fertility, & serendipity.

Your eyelashes are for good luck (which is why people make a wish on fallen lashes, they are similar to dandelions).

Different lash styles can be used as a "barricade".

Manga/spiked lashes: makes you appear pure & innocent, can get away with stuff more. Fluffy lashes: depending on the thickness, it can resemble a spider, therefore can cause someone to have a intensive aura. Cat/hybrid lashes: Increase in clairvoyance, see past the 3D, and have the senses of a feline. Natural lashes: The gaze will be comforting and welcoming to others, they can see into your soul.

Your eye color can mean what powers you have for spells. Colored contacts can create a different outcome.

Glasses can be used for insight and enlightenment. While sunglasses or shades, can make you more mysterious/hide your identity.

For those with periods, cycle syncing can help with increasing productivity.

Depending on your body shape, weight, & features it could symbolize your status in society.

In ancient Greece, people who were voluptuous with plump bellies were seen as healthy & rich. It was a sign of being well fed and treated like royalty.

In Africa & Southeast Asia, long necks signify having dignity & elegance.

Being tall could be seen as powerful, while being short could be seen as delicate. If you are average height, you could be seen as harmonious.

Physiognomy is the method of using the face & body for divination. In China, it is a popular method for readings.

Moles, birthmarks, & skin tags are believed to be the sign of being a Witch.

Vitiligo can mean spiritual purification & finding beauty in your imperfections.

It has been said that freckles are kisses from the angels. These people themselves can be described as earth angels or have a closer connection with archangels.

The form of your freckles can symbolize different things. If they form in a straight line, it could mean you are a focused person. If they are scattered, you like to go with the flow in life. If your freckles come and go during the seasons, you like to experience change or excitement often in your life.

Freckles & beauty marks overall show signs of a person having a unique character.

The clothing you wear can have a mystical effect.

Baggy/layered clothing: spiritually protective. Revealing clothing: free spirited & alluring. Patterned clothing: Makes you illusive or hard to decipher. Animal print clothing: embodies the energy of said animal (I.E: Tiger print would make you appear cunning & fierce). Colorful clothing: your spirit will seem more youthful & vivacious.

The shoes you wear can make you walk into new opportunities unexpectedly.

You can keep a piece of paper that has a spell in your shoes for good luck or attracting your desire.

Buying shoes and watches for your romantic partner is bad luck in hoodoo (Shoes can make someone walk out the door and leave forever. While watches can make someone look at the time they have left with you.)

Earrings can help you hear what others say about you or what gossip is going around. (I heard the most compliments the other day while wearing my gold hoops 💫)

A necklace that has a charm or crystal can be used as a tailsmans, amulet, or pendulum.

Wearing rings on which hand or finger could enhance your abilities.

The same way there is money bowls, you can also make love or beauty bowls, or even use your jewelry box.

You can use color magick when doing your makeup or choosing an outfit.

Primer, lotions/moisturizers, body butters, oils, and gels can be used for sigils.

Foundation is for stability and being secure with yourself.

Concealer "cloaks" or "veils" your weaknesses or insecurities.

Contour makes space and structure for your desire.

Eyeliner can be used as a tool. It wards off negative spirits & people with bad intentions.

In ancient Egypt, the use of Kohl represented rank and achievement.

Mascara can be used to give you a different perspective in things or make you more open minded.

Eyeshadow enhances your eyes & brings more depth or dimension. Makes your gaze hypnotic & enticing like a siren's.

Highlighter shines your best qualities.

Bronzer makes your presence more warm & friendly

Blush is for playfulness, youthfulness, flirtation, and vitality.

The lip product you use can speak your desires into fruition. It also make your words sound more beautiful. People will want to listen more because they will feel attracted to your voice.

Lip gloss: makes your intentions "stick" to you. Lipstick: Leaves a "mark" on your target (especially if it's someone you fancy 💋). Lip stain: makes your words have a permanent effect on people, they won't forget you. Flavored lip balms: makes your kisses addicting.

Powder enhances your spell & adds a touch of good luck.

Setting spray finishes the spell.

528 Hz is the frequency of love.

Listening to frequencies, music, & subliminals can attract your desires.

You can make a playlist for your deity or ancestors to channel messages from them.

Here are some celebrities who used mirror work or glamour magick to manifest:

Beyoncé's Renaissance album has themes of having a good self concept, knowing your worth, manifesting self love & abundance.

Marilyn Monroe used visualization & affirmations to manifest her beauty and fame: “I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed.”

Michael Jackson would keep sticky notes and a diary full of affirmations in his room by his mirror: “I'm beautiful (4x). I'm gorgeous. [Bad..?] Is for me, who can be against me? I'm beautiful. I'm a new person now. Beautiful, knowing the secret, and determined with fire[?] to move mountains in all I do. Molding my own world. I'm beautiful. The old me is behind. I will much ahead anew. - MJ”

Alexa Demie stated in a interview with Vogue that she would say affirmations in the mirror daily in the morning and it helped her manifest clear skin: “I have beautiful, clear, acne-free, scar-free skin.”

Princess Nokia is a bruja and is well known for her constant change in appearance: “Casting spells with my cousins / I'm the head of this coven / I'm a shapeshifting bitch, you don't know who you loving.”

Thanks so much for reading, I wish you all the best of luck on your journey 🤍🤍🤍

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embrosegraves · 1 month

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ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣

(request) Fernando Alonso x Fem!Reader Starting a committed relationship means telling all of your deepest secrets

Warnings: Mentions of negative mental health, mentions of abu$e, mentions of su!cide, talks of selfh4rm. I am begging you, don't read this if the topics discussed may trigger you

Note: I've never gone through anything like this myself so, with permission, I have based a little bit of the story on a very close friend of mine. It's not exact obviously, but there are elements of a real experience.

You hadn’t been dating Fernando for very long. Just barely 3 months. It still felt like a very new relationship, even if people said otherwise. It had been enough time to realise that you might genuinely love him. He never pressured you, he never made you feel less than, and he always made sure to tell you that you were enough. Sure it was the bare minimum, but it was always nice to know people could be like that.

However, the fact was that you were scared to love him fully. You had almost sworn off dating completely because of your last partner. Your ex had made you feel so unworthy of everything. He had almost convinced you that he was the only person who would ever love you. Almost. Thankfully you had an amazing support system in your friends and most of your family. They had helped you get out of a horrible situation and they were with you the entire time, helping you recover from the trauma you had experienced.

When Fernando had told you he was serious about dating you, you had said to him that it would be a long while before you went further than kissing and holding hands. Like a true gentleman, Fernando had told you that he completely understood that some things would take time, but he was willing to wait for however long it took for you to be comfortable. Which is why today was so important for you.

“I’m nervous to show him, Y/f/n. What if he runs off after seeing it?” You had called your best friend, who was basically like your sister, trying to get rid of the rest of your nerves and anxiety.

“Babe, I’ve seen how he treats and looks at you. He won’t run off and you’ll be okay.” She said, “You’re so brave and incredibly beautiful and he will see that regardless of your skin and scars. I promise if he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ before, he definitely will after this.”

You scoffed. “Thank you but I doubt it. Once he sees he’s going to run for the hills.”

“Who’s running for the hills?”

You jerked your head around and saw Fernando walking through the door. You quickly said goodbye to your friend who wished you luck, and hung up the phone. You turned your body so that you were fully facing Fernando. Thankfully he could understand that this was going to be a serious conversation, so he gingerly sat next to you and took a hold of your hands.

“I need to tell you something important.” You said, keeping your eyes firmly on the space of blanket between you. His thumbs started rubbing circles over your knuckles, bringing you some comfort.

“I don’t need to know if you’re not ready to tell me.” He said softly.

“No. You need to know this.” You took a deep breath before you launched into your explanation. It was now or never.

“When I was in my early 20s, I was dating this guy. He was my first serious relationship that I’d ever had and for a time I thought he was going to be my future. I didn’t realise it at the time but he was very isolating, and controlling. There were times where he would scare me and laugh when I’d cry. He wouldn’t always, but he would often tell me that he was the only person who could ever love me, and for a time I believed him.” You didn’t want to count the amount of times your voice had already cracked.

“It really took a toll on me. So much that in the last few months of that relationship, I started to hurt myself. Because part of me thought he was right. When he found out what I was doing, he started to- He started-”

Fernando wiped a tear from your face. When had you started crying?

Taking in another big breath, you continued. “He started to hurt me as well. He would press on them while they were fresh and he would bruise me to see the colours. If my brother hadn’t walked in, I probably would’ve taken my life.” You finally looked at Fernando’s face and saw that he had begun crying too. Lifting one of your hands you wiped his gathering tears.

“I decided that if our relationship is going to go further, then you need to see what I did to myself.”

You slowly stood up, taking your hands from his, and began to shimmy your trousers down until they were pooled at your feet. You kept undressing before you could chicken out. You took your cardigan off and your shirt followed soon after. Standing there, in front of Fernando in just your undergarments, your scars were on full display. The scars on your thighs and stomach had been healed over for many years now but they still looked just as angry as the day they appeared. You had to force your arms to stay at your sides instead of curling around your stomach like they wanted to. You tried your best not to flinch when Fernando brought his hands up to gently trace them with his fingers.

Fernando looked up at you from where he was still sitting. He looked at every inch of your face and he saw just how broken you were. His heart hurt just thinking about all the abuse you were put through. He took hold of your hands again and slowly dragged you closer to him, giving you plenty of time to back away if you wanted to.

When you stood directly in front of him, he wrapped his arms gently around the back of your thighs and laid his head to rest on your stomach. Your hands were on his shoulders.

“You don’t know how incredibly strong you are, Mi Vida. You are so, so strong and I’m so lucky to be with you now.”

By now the both of you had tears streaming down your faces. Neither of you bothered enough to wipe them off. You were terrified of how your relationship was going to continue, if it was continuing at all.

You felt Fernando leave soft kisses just over your scars, as if he was afraid to hurt you by pressing more firmly. Quiet sobs broke their way past your lips. Your grip on his shoulders tightened just a bit.

“Please don’t leave.” You whispered, voice heavy with emotion. Fernando loosened his grip and stood up to cup your face in his hands. You brought your own hands to rest on his wrists as he held you.

“There is not a single thing about you that would make me leave.” His thumb brushed a stray tear away. “I love you more than I can say.”

Hearing his words, you closed your eyes and began sobbing harder. Your arms wrapped tightly around his waist as you buried your head into his chest. Fernando hugged you close to him and gently caressed the back of your head.

“Thank you for being brave enough to tell me.”

I hope you enjoyed reading this! I tried my best to write this in a way that was both a little detailed but also very vague so let me know how I did!

as always, likes, replies and reblogs are always appreciated <3

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disruptivevoib · 20 days

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Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

#chonnys charming chaos compendium #chonny jash #voidthoughts #i know the album is interpretive!! but i also think it is crucial that we dont pin any one of them down as villains or anything #that like while hms are all flawed and cruel to one another they ultimately are also victims of themselves its #its the like culprit and victim motif #the “you're doing this to yourself and you shouldn't feel you have to do that”#internal communication with yourself. learning kindness and humility and whatnot is very important!!#thats all

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tobi-smp · 3 months

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you know, I think the reason why there's a lot of strange takes about c!wilbur is that not enough people in this fandom have kids (be that actually being a parent or just being responsible for someone younger than you in some way).

"wilbur had absolutely no obligation to take care of tommy/fundy/tubbo, and in fact it's a Good thing that he left them because he's mentally ill"

is a take that Always reads as strange, but instantly drives off a cliff when you actually take care of kids.

don't get me wrong, I relate to wilbur a Lot. he's an extremely important to character to me.

but what's being described here is called Child Neglect. fundy is wilbur's actual son, tommy and wilbur both consider each other brothers, and tubbo is Tommy's brother while wilbur considers himself responsible for him in some way.

All wilburians recognize that wilbur felt responsible for the people in l'manberg and pogtopia, how he agonized over not feeling good enough. and that's Extremely relatable As someone who is mentally ill and in charge of a child.

taking care of a child At All is hard, double so when you're mentally ill. when you're struggling to take care of Yourself but still feel responsible for the lives of other people. when you have to meet needs for somebody else that you can't meet for yourself.

but you can't just like. choose not to take care of your children anymore and have that just be neutral.

sometimes you need to make Choices, you need to rest, you need to take care of yourself. that is all true. but you can't fully disengage from Being a parent without it fucking up your kids.

he Can leave certainly, but he can't do that without it affecting his relationships. he can't do that without it hurting people. and Realistically he can't do that without hurting himself, considering he's cutting himself off from every support he has and going to work minimum wage where nobody knows him.

which simply would not help my mental health if it were me.

and I think some people who see themselves in wilbur don't like that, because it doesn't feel Fair. to have responsibilities for other people when you're barely scraping by. to feel like a bad person for trying to take care of yourself. but that's why having kids is Hard. it's not for everybody, though you don't always get the choice.

and it's exactly Because of that that I think wilbur is extremely interesting representation for mental health, And exactly why I don't like boundless sands as an ending.

because that position that wilbur represents is Real. spiraling over feeling like you can't be what you need to be while Knowing that you Have to be there anyways is an Extremely common thing with mentally ill parents. l'manberg as a Family is real and has always been real.

and the fact that it's Difficult and Complex is the point ! wilbur hurt the people who love him most, and yet those people still love him, still need him, still Want him.

yes wilbur is representation of a mentally ill person, but more than that he is representation of a mentally ill Parent. and that distinction is Meaningful. I also think that distinction isn't as relatable to the very much so younger audience of the dream smp.

of course, that take is Also blanket weird as hell because unlike real life (I hope) the people that wilbur left behind were being hunted by a serial killer and then exploded. it's not a good move for his mental health on account of his entire family did very much so explode and die.

#dream smp #wilbur soot

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forgetminot · 1 year

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Trust Me.

♡ Leon Kennedy x !gn reader ♡

[ Warnings : Trust issues, angst, fluff, read from the readers view (low self-esteem, confidence, trust issues etc) , soft Leon ]

Author's Note : I started this off thinking it was going to be full on explosive angst and then ended it with fluff because I'm too soft. On a serious note mental health is very important and therapy can really help! My dms/requests are always open 💙

Summary : You and Leon bump into Ada on a mission, you struggle to get the thought of her and Leon together out of your head.

It was her, it had always been her. No matter how many times Leon tried to tell you otherwise, you knew. She was a part of him that he couldn't let go, no matter how hard he tried to forget.

"You haven't changed one bit, Leon." She was so confident when she spoke, her hips swaying from left to right as she approached you both. You stood behind Leon, hand holding firmly on the grip of your gun that sat in its holster. She sighed, arms tightly crossed against her chest. "I'm going to need that sample, handsome."

"You know I can't give you it, Ada."

Ada. You knew her name, of course you did. You had heard many stories about the mysterious woman that had saved Leon's life back in Racoon City, you just never thought you'd see her face to face and in the flesh. After all, she was dead- right? That's what Leon had told you, that's what he thought.

"If you don't give me the sample." She raises her gun, aiming it straight at Leon. "I will have to take it from you."

You pull your gun out of its holster, stepping beside Leon and copying Ada's actions. She smiles, her red lips curving into a small smirk.

"Who's this, Leon?" She tilts her head slightly as she speaks. He doesn't reply, instead he places his hand against the barrel of your gun and lowers it.

"Just another agent." He states.

Those words repeat over and over in your head, he didn't mean anything by it; it was the truth, you were just another agent. Another agent that he loved and cherished on a daily basis. His love for you couldn't have been a lie, could it? You felt yourself drifting away, the relationship between you both breaking apart bit by bit.

You loved him, you really did; with every small ounce of your body, you loved him. But did he still love you?

"You okay beautiful?" You gaze up from your position on the couch, legs cradled against your chest. "Lost you for a minute there."

"Mhm." You nod, biting down on your lip; it was something you did when you were thinking, when you were anxious and Leon knew that.

"Talk to me, what's wrong?" He sounds sincere, like he really wants to know how you are feeling, but all you can think about is that its all part of the lie

"Nothing... I'm fine."

'Fine', a word you use to describe yourself when you are totally not fine.

"C'mon, tell me." He leans forward from the opposite end of the sofa, taking your hands in his and you finally snap.

"Stop!" You pull your hands from Leons harshly. "Stop pretending you care, stop pretending that everything is okay when it's not!" He's taken a back from your sudden outburst, hurt covering his face.

"What are you talking about?" He questions.

"Just another agent." You repeat his words. His eyebrows furrow from confusion before it finally clicks.

"This is about Ada?" Her name rolls off the base of his tongue so smoothly and you hate it. You hate how she hasn't even tried and she's breaking you both apart. "Baby, I've told you-"

"I know" You whisper. "I can't get her out of my head Leon." He frowns, placing his hand gently on your thigh.

"I didn't mean to sound harsh on the mission, i was trying to protect you- from her." He sighs deeply. "I love you, so much and I didn't want her getting in the way of that. Of us."

You laugh weekly to yourself, standing up from the sofa and shaking your head from side to side; trying to get rid of all the nasty thoughts swarming around in your head. Leon is quick to stand, cupping your face in his hands. "I'm sorry." You stare up into Leon's eyes, tears dripping down your cheeks. "I try- I try not to think about it." You raise your hand, wiping your tears with your sweater sleeve. "It's just- the way she looked at you. She still cares about you Leon, i know it." He pulls you close, burying your face into the crook of his neck and places a gentle kiss to your temple.

"Maybe she does." He states. "But that doesn't mean I still care about her, not in the same way I care about you." You nod weakly. "You need to trust me and i know that's hard for you-"

"I do trust you, Leon." You smile gently, inhaling his scent.

"Promise, next time you feel like this you will tell me?" He asks.

"I will, i promise." Leon takes your hand, sitting back down on the sofa and pulling you down with him. "I'm sorry." You say, repeating your previous words.

"Don't be, i understand." He places his hand on the nape of your neck, bringing your head down to his and pressing his lips against yours lovingly. "We both need therapy." He chuckles as he pulls away from you. You nod in agreement.

"I think we do..." You giggle.

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masp161 · 1 year

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Astro Observation #III

Back at it again, Astro Observations part III.

I feel like people with Moon opposite Neptune are more emotionally aware about the truths of life than most people. They also get themselves in lots of hardships and tend to have a very awful reputation, especially around rumors and addictions or alcoholism (ex : Robert Downey Jr.)

Not astrological but I somehow figured people who grew up in abusive or violent environments liked war or action movies, while loners, for example, preferred occult or horror movies.

It somehow makes sense with Aries placements living in abusing environment, and Gemini placements being loners and abandoned at a young age.

Scorpio can be an exception as they are both loners and somehow tend to grow in violent environments.

The House in your birth chart where the current North Node transits in can tell a lot about changes in your life

If the current North Node transits in your 7th house, you might make significant encounter regarding your love life, have an event related to love, or meet patterns of people you should run away from.

Virgo Jupiters aren't only extremely motherly but also very smart, and more than likely will be interested in laws to the point of learning most of 'em. They want legal justice and rightful punishments, especially for those who have to live what they have lived.

Your Rising signs depicts a lot what you either value most or meet struggles with.

Libra risings value a lot beauty in themselves and others but meets a lot of struggles with insecurities and ways to cover up their insecurities.

Taurus risings value a lot faithfulness and relations with others but meets a lot of struggles with finding or trusting people. They also value a lot the importance of money but somehow struggle to acquire it and find a stability with a financial life.

Sagittarius Risings have a huge adoration for responsible-looking yet irresponsible beings. I don't really know how to explain it : people that look serious outside but can be absolute goofies inside.

Sagittarius Risings (if not Sagittarius placements directly) also tend to have unfixed beliefs. They believe in nothing specific but seek for proof and understanding of things people want to convert them to.

Best example would be a Sagittarius Rising that grew in Christian beliefs. They will research on every questionable and physically impossible things foundable in the bible and seek an explanation.

Other example, if you show a Sag Rising about witchcraft, they will casually accept to try a spell, but will only believe it when specificity of the spells will happen (The things they've demanded, how they hoped it to unfold, etc...)

So, Everyone knows how Hygeia was and still is associated with physical health, but it's also associated with mental health, and I feel like inevitably, Hygeia can tell a lot about where we struggle internally (mental health issues), where it steams from and how it developed.

Do NOT f. with someone who have a lot/prominent water signs, especially Moon, Mars, Saturn or Uranus. They are above the metaphysical world, and if you upset them hard enough, Hecate knows what traumatizing things can happen

Likewise, beware of a person's Saturn if you ever intend to manipulate or hurt them. Saturn, among other things, rules Karma (Unforgiving karma) and while some karma are inconsequential, some karma placements are absolutely raw and rough

My advice, don't mess with these Saturn placements:

Taurus/Gemini/Virgo/Scorpio/Sagittarius/Pisces Saturn in the 2nd/3rd/6th/8th/9th/12th, or at 8°-20°-18°-21°-11°-23°-24°

Taurus touches finances, Gemini touches mental health (can go to schizophrenia), Virgo also touches to mental and physical health, Scorpio is highly spiritual (and terrifying), so is sag and Pisces

2nd touches power, self-worth and finances

3rd touches mental health as well, family, surroundings, neighborhood, rumors

6th touches to work environment, issues, health

8th touches to trauma, sexuality, occult and demons (can go from simple sexuality problems to SA, car accidents, m¥rd€r or worse)

9th touches to spirituality and universal protection for the Saturn person

12th touches to spirituality, inner demons, worst facets, dreams or nightmares

8/20° = Scorpio degree

18° = Virgo degree

21° = Sagittarius degree

11/23° = Aquarius degree

24° = Pisces degree

I feel like heavy 2nd house/Taurus placements, Venus in the 2nd/6th/10th/12th, Saturn or Pluto in the 2nd/6th/12th, Taurus or Pisces rulling the 4th/6th/10th/12th house may have eating disorder. Yeah the list is very long.

For those believing that astrology CAN show fated events, I advise you don't only look up synastry for current partners or crush, but also look up exes and friendship/family connections. Exes can show you what you were meant to learn or experience, or if you two were truly fated. Friendship/Family can, in some ways, explain where trauma came from and why (and after that, in what ways) your relationship with friends/family didn't work.

Libra rising have a Chameleon personality

Personal opinion, but I think crystals don't just affect sun signs, like most cheat charts on the net or some TikTok witches let you know (we've all seen mainly videos about "What type of crystal should you wear based on your zodiac sign", aka your star sign, your SUN sign. But they never mention the crystals effects on you, or best for you, based off the moon sign, or any other placement.) My point here is that crystals can affect as much your whole chart (house placements and planets placements, etc...) as it can affect your sun

Leading to a personal observation : Moldavite, the life-changing, renowned stone, touches everything that is stored in your subconcious houses, spiritual houses. 12th/8th and 4th house. So before you buy Moldavite, check what signs are your houses and the planets into it. This is probably what you'll go through or experience, whether be good or bad.

Sagittarius/Gemini in 3rd/9th, Saturn/Jupiter/Mercury in 3rd/9th live for knowledge. They tend to admire learning new things, especially the ninth house or Sagittarius placements if the topics are uncommon or not popular.

Not only your Venus sign and house placement, but your Venus aspects can also tell what type of person you're attracted to or can attract (Venus-Saturn/Venus-Pluto people out there, I see your daddy issues)

Maybe each house or sign dominance have one specific overindulgent trait because they know at some point in life they lacked/will lack it

Ex : Taurus/2nd house dominant: Materialistic

Could be a result of living with few to no thing as a kid, leading to, while growing up, a need to fulfill what they didn't have during their childhood (toys, jewels, etc...)

Ex : Gemini/3rd house dominant: Talkative or Observant

Could be the fact they were never listened or no one paid attention, or that they never felt understood so while growing up they adopted an overly talkative trait or a tendency to talk very little and observe more

Update : Y'ALL LOVE THIS POST, IT'S CRAZY 😭

#aries placements #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo placements #virgo zodiac sign #libra placements #scorpio #sagittarius #capri sun #aquarius #pisces #astrology #astro observations #moldavite

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arowitharrows · 4 months

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God how I wish there'd been articles like this years ago when people were tripping over themselves to deny any and all struggles asexual people face. The amount of times people demanded "proof" when we talked about our experiences. Well, there's certainly more research being published nowadays, if that counts as "proof". I hope they read it.

Today “asexuality is widely accepted as a sexual orientation in the literature,” Hille says, but cultural awareness remains in its infancy, especially compared with other orientations under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Saying you don't experience sexual attraction is still like saying you don't eat, Hille explains, and “if you don't eat, there's something wrong with you, and you're hurting yourself.” Asexual people sometimes get this message not just from family and acquaintances but from their health-care providers. Shelby Wren, a health equity researcher at the University of Minnesota, published a study in 2020 in which 30 to 50 percent of respondents who had disclosed their asexuality in a medical setting said a therapist or doctor had attributed their asexuality to a health condition. The proposed diagnoses included anxiety, depression and, in one case, a personality disorder. “You don't know what's going to happen when you disclose your sexual orientation,” Wren says. “And for a lot of people, that stops them from talking about things that could be relevant to their health care.”

[...]

Refraining from disclosing one's asexuality to a mental health provider is often a “very rational decision,” Chasin says. “It's always much worse to be actively rejected and misunderstood.” For instance, asexual people are sometimes subjected to conversion therapy, a practice aimed at changing someone's sexuality or gender identity. It is banned for minors in 22 U.S. states because of its well-documented and extensive harms, including increased rates of suicide. A 2018 U.K. government survey of LGBTQIA+ people found that asexual respondents were the most likely to be offered conversion therapy and as likely as gay and lesbian people to receive it. A recent survey by the Trevor Project found that 4 percent of asexual youths in the U.S. were subjected to conversion therapy, on par with bisexual respondents. On the legislative level, bans on conversion therapy should explicitly reference asexuality, Benoit says. So, too, should professional associations of health-care practitioners, says Samantha Guz, a social work researcher at the University of Chicago. “Asexual people are made to be so invisible in our society that I don't think just having a broad call against conversion therapy is specific enough,” Guz says.

Even well-meaning doctors might unwittingly harm their patients. To a clinician, a patient who is worried that they should feel more sexual desire—and who does not know they are simply asexual—might initially look similar to patients who want sexual intimacy and could benefit from treatments aimed at increasing or restoring desire. Treatments for certain types of sexual dysfunction do help some people whose level of sexual desire leaves them distressed and unsatisfied, Brotto says. For some people, though, this distress may be coming not from an intrinsic desire to want sex but from external pressures such as partners or society as a whole. “I have worked with folks where it's taken us many, many months for the person to really understand how well asexuality fits with their identity,” as opposed to having an issue that is rooted in a health problem or a situational condition, Brotto says. Most doctors, though, don't know that such a distinction exists or is necessary, she adds.

#asexual #aromanticism is not discussed much here fair warning #can't wait until research catches up with that as well #cw conversion therapy #cw medical malpractice #cw aphobia #ref

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ellieluvr420 · 1 month

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Eye for an Eye Pt.4

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

I want to quickly stress that this is a darker fic and there will be a lot of darker, possibly triggering themes to do with mental health throughout so take that as a warning. I likely won't do warnings for each part because part of this fic for me is that you don't know what's going to happen until you read it so please do not read if you find graphic descriptions of mental illness and topics surrounding that triggering. But if you do read, thank you so much, this story is really important to me and I appreciate any interaction whatsoever!

Had this in my drafts and wasn’t gonna post until i finished chap 21 of friends?never but @moonspowder is holding their breath so had to get a move along 🤗

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

You waited for Abby to fall asleep, it didn’t take long, she was clearly exhausted from the day of crying and grieving her beloved friends. You watched her sleep for a little while, imagining what it would look like when she wouldn’t wake again but you dragged yourself away to pack your backpack ready to go back to Ellie. You grimaced at the thought of seeing Ellie again, after your dramatic exit earlier you were sure you wouldn’t get a warm greeting but you didn’t care either way. You were going to make sure Nora died, not to see her.

The walk there was tranquil, you heard a few screeches here and there but that was normal, it didn’t bother you, you had managed to sneak into the weapon armoury as its never got someone working it overnight and you were quite adept at picking locks so the added weight of your weapons and ammunition in your backpack acted as an anchor, comforting you and keeping you on this plane of existence instead of floating away into your mind like you had been all day. You had a rifle over your shoulder and Ellie’s switchblade in your hand, every time you looked down at it you smiled at the memory of pointing her own knife at her as you left earlier, it felt like you were mocking her and you liked it.

You practically skipped up the steps of the fire escape, bounding in through the window gracefully and sauntering through to the stage where she was already sitting on one of the chairs in the front row waiting for you. You smirked at her as you made your way towards her where she scowled at you.

“You’re a fucking bitch you know that?” She spat.

“Well that’s not very nice.”

“I specifically asked you not to tell Jesse and you tell him at the first opportunity. What the fuck was that for?”

“Payback.” She rolls her eyes and stands, holding out her hand, you look at her puzzled until you remember the switchblade still firmly planted in your palm. You fold it back together and place it in your back pocket as you smile.

“You’re being weird, what’s wrong with you?”

“You don’t know what’s weird and what isn’t with me Ellie, you don’t know me so stop acting like you do ‘kay?” That didn’t help, stop being so defensive. She was right, this wasn’t you but if you had been you, you would’ve let her kill you before you agreed to hurt Abby, but you’re not you, and that’s the point. “I didn’t come here to chat so are you ready?”

“Yep.” You turn on your heel and start walking back towards the window.

“Jesse not joining us?”

“No, he needs to rest his ankle and he’s not the biggest fan of you so it was best he stayed.”

“Can’t imagine why he doesn’t like me.” You flash a coy grin over your shoulder and Ellie chuckles before she can even think to hold it in which makes her scowl in your direction even more. As you bend over to crawl through the window you feel Ellie’s fingers brush against your ass before a hand comes up and grabs your hip, holding you in place. You squirm and curse at her as her free hand dives into your pocket and retrieves her switchblade. You glare at her over your shoulder, and she sticks her tongue out at you. Childish. Even the subtle blush of her cheeks angered you as you made your way down the fire escape, her following closely behind.

As you trailed along the dark paths of Seattle towards the park you planned to cut through, you wondered what could have happened if you had met Ellie before, under better circumstances. You know if you had met her before you had been ruined, darkened by the torment of love and hatred, you would have liked her, found her charming. Anything that you would’ve liked about her only drove you further from her, the thought of getting close to someone again, feeling for someone again, it made your blood run cold. You’d do whatever you had to do to keep your distance until everything was over.

You reach a dead end that has you huffing as you notice the double doors slightly ajar to your right. “Fuck’s sake.” You mutter to yourself as Ellie comes to stand next to you.

“What?”

“Was hoping we wouldn’t have to cut through any buildings, but I guess I was wrong.”

“No hold on a minute, if you can get me to the top of the wall I can pull you up.” You quirk an eyebrow at her, challenging her declaration, it wasn’t that you didn’t think she was strong, it was just a very high wall, it seemed like a long shot.

“Well worth a try because these buildings are crawling with infected typically.” She nods and you walk to the wall, pressing your back against it and cupping your hands together.

“You ready?” She checks as she puts her foot into your hands.

“As I’ll ever be.” You nod and in sync she jumps up as you boost her and somehow she actually manages to grasp onto the top edge and pull herself up. It was impressive to watch, you hadn’t met anyone as adept as Abby until you met her. She lowers herself down and reaches an arm out to you.

“Just jump and grab my hand and then don’t fucking let go okay?”

“Yeah I got it.” You take a breath and leap as high as you can, the second you feel your hand in hers, you breathe a sigh of relief, she starts slowly pulling you up and the second you can you grab onto the ledge to help her for the last bit. Once you’re both over the wall she stands with her hands on her hips and a smug look on her face. “I swear if you say I told you so.”

“I wasn’t gonna say a thing, you said it for me.” She smiles and you continue walking without looking to see if she followed but you know she has from the faint patter of her footsteps.

The entrance to the park comes into view at the same time that you hear a high-pitched whistling. “The fuck is that?” Ellie whispers.

“Scars. We’ll take it slow and just try and sneak around them okay, keep your head down and stay quiet.”

“Yes ma’am.” You glare at her before creeping forward, this time checking she’s following. The whistles grew louder as you moved deeper into the forest until you heard a blood-curling scream, followed by begs and pleads from another WLF soldier. “What the fuck.” Ellie whispers next to you as you both see the soldiers strung up from trees, one with his organs dangling from his body and the other flailing about desperately as he screams and tries to bargain for his life. “Do you know them?”

“Yeah I know the one they haven’t cut open yet. Daniel.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m not.” She scoffs in disbelief at your bluntness as you keep moving until you hear the swish of an arrow cutting through air and the fleshy squelch of it landing in a body. You turn to see Ellie lying on the floor grunting as she yanks at the arrow. You immediately spot the scar heading straight for you and you lunge at her, digging your knife into her neck and yanking it out, her blood splattering over you, painting you skin red. Just more blood on your hands. It will all be over soon. You return to Ellie and kneel beside her. “Hey, hey, let me do it.” She nods and as you snap the arrow so you can pull it out easier, she gasps and squeezes your arm as she clamps her eyes shut. Her hand burns your skin, you needed to get this done quickly.

“You better be right-handed.” You say trying to lighten the mood as you yank the arrow from her left shoulder, she whimpers slightly but as soon as it’s out, she breathes a sigh of relief.

“Yeah I’m right-handed.” She watches as you pull your backpack off and retrieve a bandage from the front pocket. “You came prepared.”

“I was actually planning to leave this time so yeah I did. Take your shirt off.”

“Wh- why?”

“So I can wrap this bandage around it. I’m not tryna cop a feel, relax. Just take your arm out of the shirt.”

“Right.” She winces as she pulls her left arm from the shirt and you press the end of the bandage to the seeping wound before grabbing her hand and pressing it onto the hole firmly. You wrap the bandage round her shoulder and under her armpit as tight as you can before ripping it and tying it off then helping her back into her shirt.

“You okay?”

“Yeah but we need to keep moving.” You help her up and begin sprinting towards the exit of the park until you’re no longer surrounded by foliage, instead comforted by the urban forest that you found a lot easier to navigate.

“See through those two buildings there, that’s the hospital. We’re not that far away now.” You were half telling yourself that and half telling her. It’s not like it would get easier the closer you got to the hospital, but the closer you got, the closer Nora was to meeting her demise. That’s why you were here. To make sure she died, that’s it.

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The sound of ‘it was a good day’ by Ice Cube rang through the halls, one of yours and Abby’s favourite’s. You thought it was ironic, that particular song playing while Nora gets slaughtered, poetic almost. “There’s a door on the other side of the room, I’m gonna go round and make sure she can’t run through there. Just wait a couple minutes before you go in, yeah?”

“You’re not coming in with me?” And let Nora blow yours and Abby’s relationship wide open? No, you were not going in there.

“No, I’m gonna make sure no one comes and finds us. Why? You want a little company?”

“You made your point.”

“Make it hurt.” You mutter before walking off round the corner to go find the door. The song ringing through your ears causing a slideshow of memories with Abby to flash through your mind, you shake them away as the door comes into view, you press your ear to the door and as you hear Ellie’s voice inside you get to work barricading the door, you slam yourself into the large metal cabinet to scrape it across the floor until it’s firmly in front of the door. You moved slowly to make as little noise as possible, the music covering your plight well. You go back to pressing your ear against the door just as you hear Ellie’s disgruntled voice.

“You fucking cunt- Agh!” A crash and then the handle shaking violently as Nora tries to make her escape, you can’t stop yourself from popping up in the glass pane of the door and smiling with a little wave and tilt of your head. She whispers your name as her face screws up before you disappear from the glass again leaving her and Ellie alone. You shouldn’t be enjoying this, you barely felt human anymore, it’s her fault, it’s their fault, it’s your own fault too but you’d fix that soon enough. You appear at the other door and glance through the window. Nora’s on the floor, unmoving as Ellie stands over her with a large metal pipe in her hand, the end dripping with crimson. You notice the tremor of the pipe, the rigid stance of Ellie as she stands over Nora, and then she thrashes the pipe down onto her, again and again. Was this what Ellie had witnessed when she found you at Hillcrest? You needed to get moving so you enter the room quietly and as she lifts the pipe again you grab it and yank it out of her hand. She spins to face you and you feel like she might kill you there and then for stopping her. “You got her. We gotta go.” She nods and lets you lead her out of the room, and out of the hospital into the cool night air. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t move without a nudge from you, she doesn’t notice when a runner creeps up on her from behind until you’re ripping it off of her, throwing it to the ground and stomping its head into the cement underneath you. If you don’t sort her out soon, she’d get you both killed so you drag her into a nearby house, sitting her down on the sofa before checking it’s clear and securing the doors and windows then returning to her. “Ellie, I need you to focus. We need to get back to the theatre, so I need you to focus.”

“I- I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why?”

“I should’ve just killed her. I’m as bad as them. I made it hurt.” She looked up at you and suddenly that familiar feeling you thought you were free from comes rushing back like it had never left. Guilt was crushing, it was worse than any physical pain you could ever describe. Your whole body ached and twinged as every nerve felt like it was on fire. You crouched down to make her look at you, attempting to distract yourself from your own inner turmoil with hers.

“Ellie, look at me.” Her eyes flick up to yours as you cup her cheeks with your hands. “She fucking deserved it, they all deserve it. You’re gonna do this and you’re gonna go back home and forget about this place and everything in it. You’re gonna go be happy with your girlfriend and your friends and you’re gonna move on but you have to make it out of here alive first, so I need you to focus.” She doesn’t say anything, she just mirrors your own hands as she cups your cheeks, your skin burns.

“I don’t know how to be happy anymore, I don’t think I can go back to the life I had before all of this.” She leans in and your eyes widen as you put a hand on her chest.

“Ellie, don’t do this to yourself. Dina is what you need.”

“I don’t know how to be what she needs.” She leans in again and you can’t shake the feeling you’re taking advantage of her, she’s vulnerable, she’s grieving, you can’t do this.

“Ellie, you don’t want this. You’re confused, this would be a mistake that you’ll regret every day. Think about Dina.”

“She doesn’t look at me the same anymore, Jesse doesn’t other, they don’t get it. You do. Please, I know what I need, I need this. I need to feel real, like I’m not just a heartless killer, I know you understand that.” Fuck, she’s right. You know it’s wrong, everything’s wrong, she’s not Abby but in your eyes, Abby isn’t Abby anymore. She changed and she changed you with her. Why did cheating feel so wrong when you were fantasising and planning on killing her? Why did you feel bad for a girl you hadn’t even seen? Everything you were doing was driving you further into that bottomless black pit that you’d never escape from. It was pointless trying to fight the darkness slowly squeezing the life out of you, so why are you still trying? It would all go away soon so why fight it? You started all of this because the hurt they had enacted on you caused a large gaping abscess to form where your heart used to be but now, now you had lost control, blinded by your rage, by your bloodlust. She was right, you needed to feel real, just once more before it all ends, before everything catches up to you, it would sooner or later, catch up to you. You just needed to feel real.

You sighed and looked into her eyes before nodding gently and leaning towards her, closing the already small gap between you both. Your lips pressed together, cautiously at first, her hands moving down to your hips and squeezing tentatively. This wasn’t right, you half expected to see a monster looking back at you next time you looked in a mirror, how could a broken heart do this much damage? Were you overreacting? Were you like this all along and Abby just gave you an excuse to show your true colours? You just needed comfort, affection, from someone who hadn’t set your heart on fire and stomped it into the ground. You just needed some comfort.

Ellie sucked your tongue into her mouth as you straddled her hips, desperation seeping through your pores as you latched onto her hair and yanked her head back to give you access to her neck, you pecked at the skin just below her ear and as you went to suck you had to stop yourself, you couldn’t leave any traces of your evil on her pale skin. Her hands squeezed at your thighs as she nudged your cheek with her nose to get you to face her once again. The air was dense, it was clogging your throat, any time you pulled away you felt like the air was sucked out of you and your body was being crushed. You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t understand how it made you feel so much more immoral than anything you had done over the past few days, yet it still made you feel alive for the first time in months.

Ellie could barely think, barely function, all she could focus on was your lips on hers as her hands roamed your body. Any time Dina would pop into her mind she’d just press herself further into you, it blocked everything else out. How could she go back to her normal life, after everything, after you? She knew you didn’t feel the same way, she could tell, this was just a necessity to you, a distraction, but to her, it was everything, it was like you were letting her be the version of her that rose from the ashes of Joel’s death, not trapping her in a cage of who she used to be.

“I’m sorry Ellie, I’m so, so sorry.” Your voice was cracking and trembling as you spoke but when you opened your eyes to see hers still closed, no reaction to what you had said, the panic set in. Not again. “I’m sorry Ellie, please hear me, I’m sorry, I’ve ruined you too. I’m sorry.” You were practically screaming as tears rolled down your cheeks. This time her eyes snapped open again but they were only filled with lust, something else that you couldn’t decipher but you didn’t want to.

“I needed this too, thank you.” She breathed out and your stomach churned, your hand immediately going to your cheek to feel that it was completely dry, you heaved at the feeling and jumped off of her, you’ve lost it, you’re barely connected to your body anymore, some outside force controlling it.

Her eyes went glassy as her jaw dropped open slightly at your sudden change in demeanour. “Did I do something wrong?” Her voice was small, shameful as she averted her eyes from your manic ones.

“No I- I heard something, we need to move, we’re too close to the hospital.”

“Oh... okay.” She looked like a beaten puppy as she stood and grabbed her backpack, wincing at the pain in her shoulder. You tore your eyes away from her to look out the window and make sure it was safe to leave before turning back to her and taking in her features, her hair messy and tangled, her cheeks blushed, and her lips parted as her chest rose and fell heavily. You stared as she stared back until you took a breath and went to reach for the doorhandle, but it wasn’t there. Instead, your fingers found the bottom of the window that you had left ajar upon your exit of the theatre. You snapped your head towards it and screeched as you yanked it upwards and threw yourself through the opening. You turned back and you felt your body go cold as Abby was standing behind you, climbing through the window with eyes so dark you thought they were black. The blue was no longer there, replaced by inky darkness that matched the background, the theatre seeping away from your vision and leaving only you and her. You screamed and cried as she inched closer to you, you tried to scramble away but she snatched your ankle back towards her and climbed on top of you, squeezing your chin as her eyes stared into your soul and sucked it out of you. Your whole body tingled before going numb as a single tear rolled down your cheek at the sick grin that twisted her lips upwards mocked you.

“Hey, come on, wake up, fuck please wake up, what the fuck?” Ellie’s voice boomed through your head, light blinded you as you used every ounce of strength in you to open your eyes only to come face to face with Ellie peering over you. “What the fuck was that? You just passed out as you went through the window.”

“S-sorry, I- I dunno what happened.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I mean I don’t fucking know.” You could never tell her what you had seen, what was happening to you, you couldn’t even begin to verbalise it. You sat up and surveyed your surroundings, you were at the theatre, you had blacked out for at least an hour, best case. You needed to fix this, you needed to get home before Abby wakes up.

“Are you okay? Let me help you up.” She goes to lift you up but you smack her hands away, you didn’t know why you were agitated but you were, you needed her not to touch you or look at you or breathe near you because your skin was itching and you felt like you were a bomb seconds away from exploding.

“I got it, I’m fine, okay? I’m probably just over-tired.” You walk away from her and disappear through the curtains as she follows you down to the chairs where you dropped your backpack and began pacing. She sat beside the backpack and pulled her arm out of her grey t-shirt once again to look at the bandages that were now stained red and leaking onto the hand she pressed on the wound.

“I don’t suppose you’ve got anymore bandages you wouldn’t mind sharing.”

“Yeah, front pocket of my backpack.” You would’ve got them for her but you couldn’t stand still right now, you needed to keep moving as you begged for the memory of the journey from the hospital to the theatre to return to you but there was not even a second of it you could remember.

Ellie watched you for a second before going to the front pocket of your backpack and routing around it. Her hands brushed over something thin and smooth, a piece of paper but not like the paper in her journal, like film almost. She knew she shouldn’t snoop but you didn’t seem like the type to share and she just wanted to know more about you so she flipped the polaroid over to look at the picture and the sight made bile rise to her throat as she clutched it and brought it closer to her face. You were completely unaware of her actions as your back was turned to her mostly but her eyes still flicked between you and the polaroid. “What the fuck is this?” She spat as she stood and stormed over to you.

“Hm?” You turned and immediately a polaroid fluttered at you, landing on the floor at your feet. Your hand shook as you picked it up and realised what she was talking about. The polaroid was of you and Abby, her kissing your cheek and you beaming at the camera, with ‘my love’ written in sharpie on the thick white border. “I- Ellie...” You whispered as you refused to look up at her.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” Her hands thrust you backwards sending you stumbling as she reaches behind her jeans and yanks her pistol out, aiming it right at your heart. You don’t move, you don’t look away, you just stare back at her eyes that were fiery with rage as her lips sneered at you.

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv@a-little-bit-of-everybody@chrry1ovr

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arlestial · 7 months

Note

hello hello! i'm really fan of your work and i'ld like to know if you could make rin boyfriend headcanons please? thanks in advance! :) bisous de france and don't forget to take care of yourself <3!!

❝He looks up grinning like a devil❞

synopsis : Rin Itoshi thought he wasn’t ready for love, ever. Until he met you. And now; his heart isn’t really his anymore.

pairing : Itoshi Rin x genderneutral!reader •— Blue Lock

tw : none, just some fluff, some suggestive mentions - (just some kisses) but nothing really developed nor important here (kind of enemies to lovers at first, tho)

word count : 1850~ words

author-note : it’s been 8 months guys, and I’m deeply sorry for this - clearly not intentional - hiatus ! I’ve been busy with my studies and my mental health but it’s all better now <3 I’m going to answer to the few requests I have in my ask box as soon as I can. It’s longer than what I excepted 😭.. Thanks for your request, hope you like it anyway. Gros bisous à toi, et passe une super bonne journée ! (N’oublie pas de te reposer surtout)💗 take care of yourself ♡

RIN ITOSHI was an actor. Always playing the rude, cold guy. The emotionless, indifferent man who was in fact a broken little boy inside. He was a huge liar. Constantly putting a facade between him and other people. Maybe it was a shield, not to be hurt again. Maybe it was a weapon, not to be approached again. He was lonely. And he knew it very well, deep inside of his slewed heart. But wasn't solitude better than suffering? So he sticked around his old mentra. He had other things to attend to, to think of.

RIN ITOSHI despised you. No- he hated you, with all his guts. You were so annoying; always talking to his teammates, laughing with them as you brought water bottles so they could drink. Could you just do your job without talking for once ? When Ego announced you were going to replace Anri for a few weeks, because she was severely ill, he swore he was going to jump out of the window. It could’ve been anyone else - but no, Ego chose you, you out of all the qualified, useful, and actually smart people out there who wanted the job. Why ? He wasn’t the type to complain, he couldn’t care less, but just seeing you on the field made him feel a boiling anger deep in his stomach, and you felt it the first time you laid your eyes upon him.

"You got a staring problem, perhaps ?", you asked, raising an eyebrow at his staring. He looked so fucking irritating, his cold and condescending gaze fixed on you. Your tone betrayed your harsh thoughts.

"No. Just wondering why you look so boring and annoying even though I’ve never talked to you.", he answered, with a mocking tone - still, his face remained neutral, judgmental even. You scoffed.

"The feeling’s mutual."

Since that day, you two argued with each other constantly. His teammates never seemed to understand why; and Rin was too busy thinking about what comebacks he could said to your petty insults to actually explain them why you were so.. frustrating. He couldn’t understand it either. But seeing your shocked face, your scoffs and your protests, your upset behavior tainted by a sharp words just brought something new in him, something he couldn’t explain with proper words. Joy maybe ? It was fun to tease you. And it was also easy, too.

RIN ITOSHI, in all honesty, took a liking in this little game. He wouldn’t admit it, though. So, when the day came when you stopped answering his bittersweet notes and decided to ignore him, he felt strange. Weird. Why ? Wasn’t it the whole point ? Bore you until you stop to annoy him ? Why was he missing your plain, insignificant comebacks ? Your rude attitude towards him ? And now he was jealous. Jealous to see that his fellow teammates had all your attention. He wanted your attention all to himself. Because what Rin Itoshi wants, Rin Itoshi gets. And there was no way you were going to ignore him longer. He couldn’t bear it.

RIN ITOSHI decided - by his own chef - that it was enough. You were surprised, to say the least, to see Rin in front of you, completely silent, looking at you dead in the eye. You frowned, taking a step back. (Definitely not scared because he was creepy)

"Okay… I don’t think that staring is your only problem, I guess.. Can you-"

"Can you shut up, for once ? I need you for something.", he cut you before you could even finish, and you rolled your eyes. So ignoring him didn’t solve the whole thing.

"So now, you need help ?", you added, amused, "I thought you were a big boy that didn’t need the help of a "unqualified, dumb, assistant","

"I’ve changed my mind. Do you want to be the one to blame if we lose the next game ?"

You weren’t paid enough for this job. So you just sighed, accepting your defeat and your fate. Without further discussion, he dragged you to the gym. And that’s when the whole, well, quite unusual tradition took place at first.

RIN ITOSHI apologized. For his rude behavior, for his sharp words, while he was training in the gym - as you were watching his progression, of course. Every day, you were at the same hour at this exact spot in the gym, talking to Rin as he was training his already sculpted body. He was still teasing you, but this deep boiling anger in his stomach became, day by day, more.. pleasant. Until the day Isagi walked in, interrupting your little chat, and winked at him, murmuring in his ear to "make a move". That’s when he connected the dots. He had feelings for you.

Confessing his feelings was hard. Especially since Anri came back. You were supposed to leave in a few days, and Rin couldn’t help but feel the sting in his heart. Was he going to see you again ? He couldn’t let you go just like that. Not after what you’ve did to him. So the last day, after you had greeted all his teammates, you walked out the door of the Blue Lock’s building, a sigh leaving your lips. He wasn’t there. How foolish to think that maybe, your feelings were reciprocated. You walked away, until something - no, someone, grabbed your wrist. It was Rin. You turned to face him, surprised. You opened your mouth to say something-

"I like you. A lot. Fuck- No. I love you. Don’t go just yet. Please."

And how could you refuse this confession ? (You can’t anyway.)

RIN ITOSHI and you started dating after that. He was a little stiff at the beginning; the man wasn’t used to be loved nor taken care of. So you taught him. Light touches here and there; Rin was a quiet, shy, yet attentive lover. He wasn’t too fond of PDA : first, he didn’t want to include you in paparazzi issues, and second, he wasn’t completely comfortable in public in general. He would put his hand on the small of your back in a crowded street to show you the way, lock your pinkies together all the time, probably press a kiss on your hairline; but that’s all he would do in public.

"This way, love. Careful, we don’t want you to get lost, do we ?"

RIN ITOSHI, in private, is a touch-starved, self-deprived boy who needs your whole attention and affection. Please, cuddle him. Let him be the little spoon, and he would absolutely melt. He’s putty in your hands as soon as you reach for him. Lay down on the couch, with him resting on your chest, your heartbeat lulling him to sleep as you fingers play gently with his hair, softly scratching his scalp just like he likes it. If you stop, he will wake-up in no time; glaring at you with a slight pout on his lips.

"I didn’t know I asked you to stop."

"My hand hurts, Rin."

"Bold of you to assume that I care."

"Please ? Just for 5 minutes.", he added in a whisper after some seconds, practically begging for your touch. His sudden change of attitude caused you to chuckle.

RIN ITOSHI absolutely dies for your kisses. He lives for them, okay ? Your plush lips pressed against his, with you sitting on his lap as his hands traveled to the back of your thighs, holding you in place. One arm around his neck, the other hand supporting yourself by grabbing his shoulder, he swears he could spent hours just making out with you. His tongue buried down your throat, bodies grinding and pressed against each other’s as you both let your eager lips devour your love.

RIN ITOSHI who kisses your insecurities away (literally). He knows exactly what it feels like to have insecurities and to be misunderstood about them, so don’t worry (he’s definitely an overthinker too.) You’re not going to be insecure on his watch. He would reassure you all the time, taking his precious time whispering sweet nothings in your ear, hyping you up. He wants you to be the most comfortable possible around him. Communication is the main key in your relationship. He took some time to finally let down his walls, so he intends you to do the same : without any pressure, of course. You can trust him, he can trust you. You both rely on each other’s back, and you can always count on him for anything. He’s not a man of many words, but for you, he would make an effort.

"Shh, darling. Come on, look at me, please,", he gently tilted your chin up for you to look at him, "dry those tears, my love. I’ve never met someone as strong, as beautiful and as courageous as you. If only you could see yourself with my eyes.. Don’t listen to them. They’re just jealous of you. Honestly, they should be jealous of me. After all, what did I do to deserve an angel like you ?"

RIN ITOSHI was an actor. Always playing the rude, cold guy. The emotionless, indifferent man who was in fact a broken little boy inside. He was a huge liar. And perhaps you could heal the broken inner-child that still suffer in silence today. But with certainty, with you, behind closed doors, maybe- maybe, for you, he could grow into a whole different person.

"I think that.. I think that I like the person I am when I’m with you. Does it make sense ? Yeah. You bring a side of me that I don’t want to let go. I think it’s a soulmate thing, don’t you think so ?"

#blue lock x reader #blue lock #blue lock rin #blue lock rin itoshi #bllk #bllk x reader #bllk rin #bllk rin itoshi #rin itoshi #rin #rin x yn #rin x y/n #rin itoshi x you #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock x gn reader #gn reader

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thezombieprostitute · 3 months

Text

Dream Come True - Part 4

Summary: The “Garbage Men” are the guys in the mob who get the dirt on others and clean up after the higher ups. They have many different ways of gathering intel by running legitimate businesses. One such business is Jefferson/Jensen’s cyber cafe where you regularly go to work. You’ve actually become good friends with Jefferson’s daughter and Jensen’s niece. You even volunteered as their after-school tutor. One day, there’s a robbery attempt where you get hurt protecting the girls. This is how you are introduced to Curtis Everett, the guy in charge of the “Garbage Men”.

A/N: Reader is plus sized, femme. No other descriptors used.

Word Count: ~2000. I think this is my longest chapter.

Warnings: Bullying, Fat shaming, Insecure reader, Violence mentioned and referenced but not written. Please let me know if I missed any!

Series Masterlist

Part 3 -- Part 5

It figured. You had an interview in an hour and now Curtis had time to talk to you. You could probably catch a cab and still arrive on time, so long as you kept this conversation short.

As soon as he walked into the cyber cafe (your second home at this point) you stood up and got his attention. He looked a little surprised to see you standing but you remembered every time he's seen you so far it was in a hospital bed. It's been a few weeks and your leg was still stiff but you were diligent in your physical therapy and healing well.

He walked over to you, accompanied by someone you didn't recognize. As soon as he got close enough you directed him to the office in the back, "Jefferson gave me permission to use his office for this discussion." Curtis nodded and the three of you went into the room, closing the door behind you.

"Hello," you reach a hand towards the stranger, "I'm Y/N. I don't think we've been introduced."

"Mace," he shakes your hand with a smile. "We've never met but I have heard a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you," you return the smile. Looking at Curtis you continue, "we need to talk about either my schedule or Hal's, Sir."

Curtis gestures to the chairs and you all take a seat.

You start, "I understand that there are a lot of things you can't account for in your scheduling but Hal has had to cancel every session I've tried to have with him. And if I'm not tutoring, I'm not getting paid."

"We can put you on retainer," Curtis started.

You interrupted him with a scoff. "I'm not getting paid to do nothing, Sir. What's more, this is hurting Hal. He wants to learn but your chaotic scheduling is preventing that. Do you know how discouraging that can be? To finally have a resource but never be allowed to use it?"

Curtis sighs and looks at Mace, "do you think we can figure out a consistent time?"

"It'll take some work," he replies. "And, as the lady points out, there are things we can't plan for. But it should be possible."

Curtis looks at you, questioningly and you nod your head, "thank you both. This has been very frustrating for me and Hal so I really appreciate it."

"Eh," Mace replies, "what's a little more work?"

"Well I don't mean to cut into your time off with this, Sirs," your tone apologetic.

"We don't do time off," Curtis cuts in.

"What? Why not," you demand. "Time off is important for physical and mental health."

"We have to show our people that we're not asking them to do anything we wouldn't do ourselves," Curtis replied calmly.

"That's bullshit," you exclaim. "No wonder everyone's schedules are so hectic! You're all too exhausted and worn out to think straight!"

"We've been doing this for years," Curtis angrily interjects. "It's clearly been working."

"If you, Hal and Jake are any indication it's only working because of an ungodly amount of caffeine and luck," you retort. "You either need to get some more people or start scheduling R&R for you and your employees, Sir."

You're so focused on Curtis that you don't see Mace smiling, clearly trying not to laugh. Curtis's eyes soften a bit and he nods in concession.

"Thank you." You check your watch, "now if you'll excuse me, I have an interview to get to."

"What?" Curtis looked shocked. You almost think you saw some hurt in his eyes.

"My work for you will always get highest priority, Sir," you assure. "But it's very part-time work, that you’ve been unintentionally sabotaging and keeping very part-time. And that overly generous back pay won't last forever. So I'm looking at getting another income."

"Do you need a ride to the interview," Mace offers.

"No, but thank you," you reply. "The Wilford & Gilliam Trust building isn't too far and I can afford a cab."

Both men froze at your words as you got up and tried to leave. Curtis quickly blocked your access to the door and nearly growled, "you're not going to that interview."

"Excuse you?" Your eyes widen in surprise. "I've already told you that my work for you will get top priority and that I need the income, Sir. Now please move. I don't want to be late."

"You're not working for Wilford & Gilliam," Curtis barked. "You need another income? Fine. I'll find you another job. But you're not working for them."

"It's just a part-time, data entry kind of job," you retort. "And it's consistent, reliable work."

"They're horrible people who fund even worse people," Curtis scowled. "I know you like your data to back up these kinds of things but I can't tell you how I know."

You scan Curtis's face, take aback at the intensity of his conviction. There is no room for doubt that he believes in what he's saying. "Okay, Sir," you concede. "You've yet to do wrong by me so I'll trust you. I will still look for a second job, in case you can't find me one, but it will not be with them."

Satisfied with your answer Curtis let's you leave. As soon as you're out the office door he sees the grin on Mace's face. He gives him a questioning look but before Mace can say anything they hear you exclaim, "Mr. Drysdale?!"

Both men rush out to the main cafe and see Ransom looking uncharacteristically repentant.

"Y/N," Ransom gulped, "come back to work for me. Please."

"No," you responded before trying to walk around him.

Ransom blocks your path, "please! I...I made a mistake and I would like to make it up to you."

"No," you repeat, patience wearing thin.

"I'll double your pay, please!"

"Hire someone else!"

"I'VE TRIED," he shouts. "Their work doesn't get me through writer's block like yours did. Their research is all dry facts that are hard to absorb. You wrote in such a way that it was easy for me to figure out how to write it into the story. So PLEASE come back to work for me!"

"Do you know why I requested remote work, Mr. Drysdale?" He shakes his head, not used to the iciness in your voice. "I heard you complaining about me to your grandfather, the one who made you hire me. You never had a problem with my work but you still insisted he let you fire me so you could get a pretty assistant. One who was, to use your words, preferably fresh out of college. Because how could you be expected to write when you had to look at ugly, fat ass instead of a beautiful muse?"

Ransom at least had the decency to look ashamed but you didn't relent.

"So I worked remotely, making sure you wouldn't have to see me and I wouldn't have to put up with your looks of disgust. And then, when I got hurt, you cut me loose. So, no, Mr. Drysdale, I will not be working for you ever again. I prefer a reliable employer who appreciates my work."

You try to walk past him but he puts an arm out to stop you. Before you can react to the arm, Curtis has pulled Ransom away, gripping him by the front of his sweater. You don't want to cry in front of everyone so you keep walking, set on going home.

As soon as you're out the door Curtis snarls, "you do not treat any of my employees like that." Before Ransom can reply Curtis punches him in the face and he falls to the floor. Curtis glances at Mace who responds with a nod, promising he'll see to the witnesses, before he lets himself run after you.

Thankfully it was an off time of day and the sidewalks were mostly empty. He spotted you right away and quickly went after you. He caught up to you but the tears in your eyes made him stop in his tracks.

“Y/N,” he asked. “You gonna be okay?”

“Eventually, Sir,” you reply, still walking. “He’s not the first asshole I’ve had to deal with and he won’t be the last.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I should’ve stepped in sooner.”

“I’m glad you didn’t, actually. He needs to know I’m serious and that I’m strong enough to not need him. If you had stepped in before I was done talking, he’d think he could still get to me by going around you. This way I got to be the one shutting him out, giving him no room to think he could worm around.”

“That’s fair. I was incredibly impressed with how you handled him.”

“Like I said, not the first asshole to put my looks ahead of my worth.”

“Your prettiness is definitely a bonus to your good work,” he says before he can stop himself.

You stop and look at him, an angry expression and fresh tears on your face. “Don’t, Sir. Just don’t. I’m not interested in your pity.”

“I’m not…” Curtis stops himself. He’s clearly not saying the right things and doesn’t want to hurt you further. “I’m sorry.”

You nod and continue the trek to your apartment. He silently accompanies you. You’re hurt and he can’t fix it. If anything, he’d likely just make it worse. He never wanted to see tears in your eyes but being the cause of a fresh wave of them made him hurt in ways he never knew he could.

“This is my building, Sir,” you interrupt his thoughts. “Thank you for walking me home and making sure I’m okay.” He nods, still afraid to say or do anything else, and you walk into your building, leaving him on the sidewalk. Part of him wants to follow after but he’s not sure he’d be able to actually do anything. Best if he just gets lost in his work. That’s always helped him before.

As he turns to walk back to the cybercafe, he sees Mace in their work van, parked on the curb. He moves into the passenger seat and sighs. As Mace drives away, Curtis says, “okay, we’ve gotta rework a few schedules.”

Mace chuckles, “if I’d known all it would take to get you to relent was a pretty face with a fiery spirit-”

“Don’t,” Curtis interrupts.

“I’m just saying,” Mace bantered. “I’ve been telling you for a long while now that we need to give the guys a better work environment or they’ll burnout and make stupid mistakes. She makes one comment about how it affects her and you’re singing a different tune.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“I was there, Curtis. I saw it all happen.”

Curtis remained silent.

“I can’t say I blame you, though. She’s got some serious-”

“ENOUGH,” Curtis ordered. “Let’s just get to thinking about some more work for her.”

Mace took a calculating look at Curtis, “how about we have work with Colin and Mickey? They could use someone responsible to act as their manager. We could get better info from their VIP section if at least one person was sober. And you know they’d make her feel…appreciated.”

“No,” Curtis barked. “They’re idiots who would get her in trouble. I also don’t want her anywhere near the drug monitoring operations. If one of Rumlow’s goons pushes something on her…”

“Okay,” Mace interrupted. “How about Lee or Barber? She’d be pretty safe with them.”

“No. She’s too curious. Lee and Barber have information about us and I don’t want her to go snooping and suddenly be liable for our mistakes.”

“You’re intent on keeping her in the dark? She’s clearly smart enough to know there’s more to all of what we do.”

“But she has no specifics. No details. She can still claim ignorance and that’s how I want it.”

“Not sure how plausible an idea that’s gonna be. Especially when you two start dating.” Mace smiles a little when he hears Curtis’s warning grunt.

“That’s not going to happen,” Curtis vows. “We’ll figure out something.”

“Whatever you say, Boss.”

Part 3 -- Part 5

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would.

@dontbescaredtosingalong

@icefrozendeadlyqueen

@texmexdarling

@veltana

@winter-soldier-101

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

#Curtis Everett x plus size!reader #curtis everett x reader #mob!curtis everett #mafia!curtis everett #Curtis Everett x female!reader

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llannasvsp · 21 days

Text

Dragons Rising Season 2, Episode 1: The Blood Moon

RAS AT SHADOW DOJOOOOOO

Not Ras bashing the Imperians.

I love that his intentions with the Source Dragon power are taken care of at the beginning of the season.

New intro!

Ninjago TikTok is so funny to me.

Love that the Mechanic didn't learn his lesson from Crystalized.

YES GIVE ARIN ALL THE HEARTS

In this house, we are Intelligent George haters.

RIYU IS SO BIG.

Arin angst hurts sooo bad.

MENTAL HEALTH MENTIONED RAAAGHH LETS GOOOO.

I am the no. 1 Mr. Frohicky lover and defender.

Lloyd manages to make me cry 7 minutes into the episode.

The fact that Lloyd feels like he needs to lie about his lack of sleep just hurts me. Put yourself first, once, please.

ZANE AND KAI PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!!! I love.

Zombie Lloyd.

LLOYD PLEASE STOP LYING.

First blood moon vision. I'm trying to understand it, but much like Lloyd, I cannot. Firstly, Beatrix is definitely still alive. Thirdly, we only see Zane, Arin, and Sora in this vision. Interesting.

Lloyd waking up and immediately going into an attack is just... shattering. Poor guy.

"Uncle". Glad to see the show is addressing that again.

Arin and Lloyd are the trauma besties.

Spirit Wu! I guarantee he's dead.

CINDER FIRST APPEARANCE RAAAGHHH (all I could think of was how @nyaskitten might've reacted to this HAH).

Arin and his pies is so cute.

I kind of love Kreel.

ARIN'S LITTLE SMILE AAAH HE'S SO CUTE.

Soraaaa hiding things like this never ends up well. Please tell someone. It doesn't have to Lloyd. Just. Tell. Someone.

I'm gonna be so honest, I thought Skylor would be in this episode once Riyu ran to that noodle cart. Don't know why I got my hopes up.

Poor Arin :( I want to give him a hug SO badly.

Oh, Arin, your parents would be proud of you no matter what.

OKAY SAMMM that anxious gasping for air was SO good.

CINDERS VOICE??!??!?!??!?!?

Man, Cinder hates kids.

There goes Arin's spine.

Obsessed with how Lloyd enters the fight.

Sam Vincent is doing SO good with portraying anxiety. Lloyd sounds horrified at the reality of his visions.

GONNNNG

Very solid first episode. We get right into the action and it sets up Lloyd's visions and sleep deprivation really well. We learn just enough about Ras' intentions to keep us engaged, but not enough that we know exactly what he wants. I adore that Ninjago is addressing mental health not only with Lloyd but also with Arin. I also love that we see Arin and Sora longing for what the other has.

I still don't want Arin to get elemental powers, but instead realize that he is valuable, loved, and vital to the ninja. I want him to learn that he is not "broken" or "a burden" just because he doesn't have an elemental power. Arin is so important to me.

On to the next episode!

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 8 months

Text

Self-Aware BSD. World Building. Getting into their world. Part I

Was thinking about writing this installment ever since I published this post.

Important part of my AU - (most of the) characters don't like Reader at first. Some of them hate Reader, some of them were scared of them, some of the characters doesn't care about Reader etc.

So, what would happen, if Guiding Light got into BSD world before characters start liking them?

Part I

When Reader were transported:

Before Characters gain self-awareness

After characters gain self-awareness but before they start feeling their gaze

After characters start feeling their gaze but before time reset

Warning: OOC. Slight spoilers for LN, Anime and Manga, some characters are dangerous to Reader. English is my second language

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If Reader got into BSD World before Characters gain self-awareness

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🐾 Terrible moment to be transported. World, full of faceless figures. World, where characters resemble a moving 3D models, that won't react to you, no matter, what you do. If you are strong enough, you will hold yourself together, until Atsushi gains his self-awareness.

Level of danger: 1/10. Hard for mental health, but no one will attack you.

What's good in your situation:

You have a chance to explore Yokohama.

No problems with supplies.

Characters, when they gain self-awareness, will be friendlier to you. They won't associate you with heavy gaze in the sky.

What's bad in your situation:

You might wait for a long time, before characters gain self-awarenes. Depends, on how close to Cannibalism arc you were isekaied.

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If Reader got into BSD World after characters gain self-awareness but before they start feeling their gaze

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🐾 Tricky one. You can pretend to be a Character, who got self-awareness, but, the chances, that characters will believe you for long are slim. No one saw you before, so, what kind of characters are you, if you have no interaction with any of them? Better tell them the truth about been from the real world.

🐾 Characters are on their guard around you. They aren't sure, if they can trust you.

🐾 While you aren't a Gaze from the sky (for now), you still a person, who knew their secrets.

Tips for interaction:

1. Don't treat them like characters. Don't joke about Chuuya's height, Dazai's suicidal tendencies, Jounou's eyes etc.

2. Never mentioned their likes, dislikes or past. They won't like to be reminded about the fact, that thousands of strangers knew their secrets.

____________

Level of dangers: Depends on Organization you try to stay with.

___________

Armed Detective Agency: 1/10

Ranpo immediately prove your 'innocence'. Yes, you didn't have any idea that they are self-aware. Yes, you didn't know, how did you get there.

Still, ADA will keep an eye on you. Still, will let you go for walks (with at least one of them accompanying you).

____________

Atsushi Nakajima - On his guard, but won't be too unfriendly. Will hurt you only if you attack someone.

Doppo Kunikida - Man is broken by the fact he is not real. You might try to talk to him, he won't be rude to you, but Katai, Yosano, Fukuzawa and Dazai won't let you got too close to him.

Akiko Yosano - Furious about the fact, that she.is a fictional character. Will look after everything you do. It will take her a long time to open up to you. Won't put you in any kind of danger, tho, and, if you got injured, will treat your wounds.

Junchirou Tanizaki - More concerned about his sister. Neutral towards you at that point. Will destroy you, if you make Naomi cry.

Naomi Tanizaki - Neutral and friendly at the same time. Can feel, that you aren't bad person. Don't be rude to Junchirou.

Kirako Haruno - Don't have any bad feelings towards you. Knew, that you are a simple person, who won't hurt anyone.

Katai Tayama - Buried in work. Protective over Kunikida, don't want you near him.

Kenji Miyazawa - sunshine boy. Will be very friendly and polite. Of course, if you didn't do anything bad to his friends.

Kyouka Izumi - Don't trust you. Ready to strike you, if you give her a reason.

Ranpo Edogawa - pretty chill about you. Knew, that you are a simple person and have no chance against them.

Yukichi Fukuzawa - Insist on you to be near him, so he can stop you, if you became a threat. Still, very respectful towards you.

Dazai Osamu - Hard to read. Will always observe you. Don't give him any reason to suspect you.

In conclusion: Not bad to stay with them. They might not trust you fully, but they won't mistreat you or hurt you.

____________

Port Mafia: 5/10

You will be a semi-prisoner for them. Won't keep you in cell, but you can't leave HQ.

Will question you about your world, how you get in their world, etc.

Not very friendly towards you. Treat you with cold, distant respect.

____________

Ougai Mori - Respectful towards you. Won't let any sort of disrespect from you. You can ask him if you need anything, he will make sure, that you aren't harmed.

Elise - Neutral and friendly towards you. Can ask you to play with her. Tried to ask you to prank Mori with her. Don't do it, Mori won't be that forgiving.

Chuuya Nakahara - Neutral and unfriendly towards you. Due to his past, don't like people who try to use him. For him, been a fictional character mean that you might see him as a source of entertainment. Still, won't be that hard on you. Just try not to bother him without reason.

Kouyou Ozaki - Doesn't care about you. She is more concerned about Kyouka. Don't badmouth Kyouka in her presence.

Paul Verlaine - Danger! Paul Verlaine is very angry about the fact that he is a fictional character, on top of been an artificial human. Try not to tun into him. While he won't disobey Mori's orders, it doesn't mean he won't create an incident that will leave you injured.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa - Don't care about you. Don't bother him, if you don't want to be hurt.

Ichiyou Higuichi - Respectful towards you, but won't try to make a small talk with you. Don't want to speak to you.

Ryuurou Hirotsu - Neutral towards you. Will keep you company over a cup of tea, if the chance arises.

Gin Akutagawa - Little bit friendlier, than her brother. Won't lay a finger on you. Not against bringing you something nice.

Michizou Tachihara - Try to interrogate you. There is a chance, that he would try to transfer you to the Hunting Dogs base.

Kyuusaku Yumeno - Love and hate you at the same time. You are the embodiment of chaos for them.

Motojirou Kajii - Neutral, but want to know more about your world. Semi-friendly.

In conclusion: The main danger for you is Verlaine. If you keep your distance from him, everything will be fine.

____________

The Guild: 3/10

Poe was the one, who proved that you aren't dangerous. Guild, as ADA will keep an eye on you. Will let you go for walks.

____________

Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald - interested in your world. Want to know, if you knew, where The Book is. Won't be angry, that you don't know about it. Keep his distance, but makes sure, that you are comfortable.

Edgar Allan Poe - anxious around you, but, it's because of his personality, not because of you been from real world. Will slowly became friendly towards you.

Herman Melville - very respectful towards you. Doesn't feel any negative emotions towards you.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft - curious about you. Still, won't try too much to strike a conversation with you. Don't bother him when he sleeps.

John Steinbeck - Openly rude towards you. He is missing his family, and think, that you are the reason they disappear. Keep your distance.

Lucy Maud Montgomery - while she doesn't like the fact, that, her past was written as tragic, probably for someone else entertainment, she is friendly towards you. Like to chat with you.

Louisa May Alcott - another one who is shy near you. With time, will open up to you.

Margaret Mitchell - Very cold towards you. Miss her family. Keep your distance.

Mark Twain - friendly one. Doesn't treat you seriously. Doesn't treat anything seriously.

Nathaniel Hawthorne - very dangerous, doesn't matter, if he is under Fyodor's influence or not. See you as a threat to Mitchell.

In conclusion: Come to them only if they are your only option. You have three people who are openly hostile towards you. It's unlikely, that they will hurt you, but, staying with three rude people can take a toil at your mood.

____________

Rats in the House of the Dead: 0/10 or 8/10

The only way for you to stay with them - to make Fyodor interested in you. Otherwise, they won't be bothered in letting you stay.

____________

Alexander Pushkin - Doesn't care about you. Too selfish to treat you with respect.

Ivan Goncharov - His feelings towards you depends on Fyodor's feelings. If Fyodor doesn't like you, he will be very aggressive towards you. If Fyodor is neutral towards you, he won't pay attention towards you and won't care about you. If Fyodor sees you as valuable, he will do anything to serve you.

In conclusion: Don't bother to stay with them. But, they are a good way to find Fyodor.

____________

Decay of the Angel: 5/10, 8/10 or 10/10

If you somehow ran into them, you can exchange some information about your world and about BSD plot for staying with them.

Think twice, about staying with them.

____________

Fukuchi Ouchi - Think that you are the reason that his plans were destroyed. May seriously hurt you, if he realises, that you are the Reader.

Bram Stoker - Doesn't care about you. You may talk with him about your world, but be careful. Fukuchi won't like it, if he finds out that you are talking with Bram.

Fyodor Dostoevsky - try to make him see you as a valuable source of information. Don't try to give him garbage information. As long as you are valuable, Fyodor will protect you from Fukuchi and Gogol.

Nikolai Gogol - unpredictable. One moment he is trying to be as close to you as he can, next moment planing your murder. Be respectful, don't try to disagree with his opinion. Try to run into his as rare as you can.

Sigma - neutral and worried about you. Won't be rude, but it will take time to convince him that you don't want to use him.

In conclusion: Sigma and Fyodor are the safest option among DOA. Still, DOA is the most dangerous organization to stay with. If you really have to stay with DOA, better search for Fyodor through Rats.

____________

Hunting Dogs: 2/10

Probably, Tachihara transfer you to Hunting Dogs from Port Mafia.

Hunting Dogs are respectful towards you. Good protectors from Fukuchi.

Fukuchi Ouchi - won't do anything with you. Still, don't like you.

Teruko Okura - was sad, that you were interrogated by Jounou. Nevertheless, don't try to hurt you. Friendly towards you.

Saigaku Jouno - knew, that you have no idea, what happened with them or why are you here. He keeps his distance, can be a little bit sadistic with his words, but not pose any threat towards you.

Tetchou Suehiro - neutral towards you. Treat you as a normal civilian.

In conclusion: Good choice. As long as you don't spill the beans about Fukuchi.

____________

Government and Others: 0/10

You will be supervised. Still, the worst you will get - house arrest.

____________

Santouka Taneda - respectful towards you. Makes sure, that you aren't mistreated.

Ango Sakaguchi - very overworked right now. Simply has no power to care about you.

Mizuki Tsujimura - look after you. Very friendly towards you, try to make sure that you are comfortable.

Yukito Ayatsuji - slightly curious about you. See, that you are a normal person. Treat like a normal person.

Mushitarou Oguri - try to keep his distance. Still can't accept the fact he is a fictional character.

Natsume Soseki - won't try to show himself to you. Observing.

In conclusion: Good choice. They aren't dangerous to you. As long as you don't do anything dangerous.

____________

If Reader got into BSD World after characters start feeling their gaze but before time reset

____________

🐾 Actually, not that different from previous interactions.

🐾 When you hot into their world, they stop feeling Entity's gaze.

🐾 But they found you instead.

🐾 Despite the fact, that characters would add '2' and '2' and understand, that you are The Entity that was looking at them, they won't be really agressive towards you.

🐾 Will they be more cautious? Yes

🐾 Will they treat you colder? Yes

🐾 Will they kill you on the spot? No

🐾 Will they torture you? No

🐾 Will they embarrass you? Humiliate you? No.

____________

Level of Danger:

Armed Detective Agency: 3/10. More cautious. More cold. Yosano and Dazai are ruder. Still, you aren't in danger.

Port Mafia: 6/10. Again, characters are less friendly, but not to the point of harming you.

The Guild: 5/10. Steinbeck, Mitchell and Hawthorne are more hostile, but won't try to do anything drastic.

Rats in the House of the Dead: 0/10 or 8/10. As I mentioned, Fyodor Dostoevsky is the one who plays the music during this party. No difference.

Decay of the Angel: 8/10 or 10/10. Fyodor will be the only one who is willing to interact with you. Sigma is afraid of you, Gogol's feelings are complicated, Fukuchi hates you. Will try to imprison you. Still, won't try to search for you. Just stay away.

Hunting Dogs: 3/10. Fukuchi will try to convince others that you aren't human. He won't sucseed, but Hunting Dogs will more careful.

Government and Others: 2/10. Another group, who will be cautious because of possibility of you not been a human. Still, nothing dangerous to your health.

In conclusion: Hard time to be transported into BSD World. Still, not to the point of been terrified.

#self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bungou stray dogs au

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blakeswritingimagines · 4 months

Text

Dating Yandere Jon Snow Would Include:

For starters, you should know that he's incredibly protective of the person he loves. He's possessive, obsessive, and extremely jealous. He's also prone to intense emotional outbursts, which can lead to him acting out in ways that may not be the best for either of you both. It's important to recognize that these behaviors can be toxic and harmful to the relationship, and in the end, he may end up driving you away.

While I'm sure there are different ways to handle dating a yandere, I would recommend focusing on understanding the source of his behavior and being mindful of triggering him.

In addition to obsessive and violent behaviors, he may use emotional manipulation to try and control your actions. The constant fear that you may leave him can quickly turn into guilt-tripping and gaslighting. He may also use threats of suicide or self-harm, as well as stalking and defamation, to keep you under his control. In short, he will do whatever it takes to keep you to himself, even if it means hurting you in the process.

Dating him as a yandere can be emotionally draining, as he might often act out in rage and other extreme emotions. He may also exhibit controlling behaviors, such as limiting who you can interact with or spending every moment with you. His extreme jealousy and possessiveness over you may cause you to feel trapped or smothered. In addition, his constant need for approval can wear you down, emotionally speaking. Ultimately, dating a yandere partner can be a rollercoaster, leaving one walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around his unstable emotions.

In addition, he can be unpredictable and impulsive in his attempts to keep you to himself. This can involve a range of behaviors, from manipulating or bribing others to interfere with his lover's plans, to threatening or physically harming those who get in his way. He may also become overly clingy and demanding of you, seeking constant reassurance and not allowing you room for yourself. The obsession he has for you can take a toll on your mental health, and result in a damaging codependent relationship.

He is also highly unpredictable in his mood swings. He can go from loving and doting on you, to angry and violent, over very small issues or misunderstandings. In order to 'protect' your relationship. He may even resort to illegal acts, such as stalking and kidnapping, to ensure that you stay with him.

He is extremely jealous and possessive. He feared that you might leave him for someone else, and this could cause even more extreme emotional distress in him. He may resort to all kinds of extreme and controlling behaviors in order to keep you from being in situations where you could fall for someone else. This can include threats, manipulation, and even violence, in order to ensure that you stay with him. He may also become obsessed with the idea of you leaving him, and become paranoid about any signs of you losing interest in him.

While he can become obsessive, jealous, and controlling, he can also be highly affectionate and loving. He may love you intensely and become emotionally dependent on your companionship. He may want to spend as much time as possible with you and seek out your affection and approval. He may also seek out more physical intimacy from you when like this, and become clingy and possessive in his affection.

He may become overly dependent on you for his own happiness and self-worth. He may be extremely clingy, and become emotionally distraught when you are apart. He will not let you out of his sight or be out of contact with you for long periods of time. The obsessive nature of his jealousy and possessiveness may cause him to isolate you, and become controlling in order to ensure that you don't have contact with others who may take you away from him.

Going on dates with him can be a very intense experience. He may plan the most elaborate dates, and shower you with gifts and affection on the date itself. This could entail romantic meals, activities, and even surprises, in order to keep the day as exciting as possible. However, his obsessive and possessive nature may make him overly clingy and protective on the date. He'll become jealous of others who might get in the way of your enjoyment, or become overly controlling in order to ensure that the date goes exactly as he had planned.

He'll use rewards to reward good behavior from you and to punish bad behavior. This can involve gifts, praise, and even physical affection. If you had done something to make him feel jealous or insecure, he may punish you by withholding affection or being cold and standoffish. He may also resort to manipulation and threats in order to prevent you from misbehaving. On the other hand, if you have done something to make him feel loved and secure, he'll reward you with presents, praise, and physical affection.

His obsessive and manipulative behaviors can often be difficult for others to stop, as he has a tendency to react very strongly to any intervention. If someone tries to interfere with his relationship, he may resort to extreme and potentially violent measures in order to keep them away. He may be verbally abusive, or try to manipulate or physically harm them in order to protect his relationship with you and ensure that you remain with him. Any attempts to break you and him apart will be met with his blind rage, and could potentially lead to catastrophic and serious consequences.

Marriage to you likely represents the ultimate expression of his true obsessive nature. He wants to be permanently entangled with you, both emotionally and legally. For a yandere, the idea of owning their partner and ensuring that they have no escape or other options can be extremely appealing. In a marriage, he would expect you to constantly acknowledge or respect him as your owner, and be subservient to him in all matters. He may even become obsessive about the marriage, and seek to control all aspects of your life even more than before, both inside and outside your household.

He may see having children with you as a further manifestation of his ownership and possessiveness over you. He may be obsessively protective of your children, and seek to ensure that they are raised according to his values and preferences. He may even try to enforce rules and restrictions upon them, and be very strict and controlling in his parenting. His obsession may become overwhelming and could end up damaging your children's mental well-being.

He may not take the news of your not having children well. He is known to react violently to any perceived threat or loss to his relationship, and you not having his children might be perceived as such in his mind. He may get angry, or become verbally abusive towards you. He may even blame you for what in his mind is infertility, and try to force you to seek medical treatment or other means of having children. He may even resort to physical violence or manipulation to make you comply with his wishes.

He'll become obsessive about your health, and seek to protect you from any signs of sickness or weakness. He'll become extremely concerned and worried about your well-being and may take control of your healthcare and recovery. He'll also become overprotective, and seek to shelter you from any stress or risks to your recovery. He may even try to control your diet, activities, and even medications, in order to ensure that you get better as soon as possible.

He would react extremely negatively to your desire to leave the relationship. He may feel deeply insecure and abandoned, and his obsessive and possessive tendencies would come into the forefront. He would be likely to become extremely manipulative and controlling, in order to keep you from leaving him. This could involve threats of violence, emotional blackmail, and even physical force. He'll also try to convince you that you are better off with him than without him and that you are not capable of surviving on your own.

He can be extremely manipulative in his attempts to keep you to himself. He'll use guilt-tripping, blackmail, or emotional manipulation to ensure that you do not have the freedom to choose your decisions. He may also use love bombing, sex, or other forms of pleasure to control you and keep you with him forever. His obsession with you can lead to even more controlling behavior and the destruction of trust in the relationship. The manipulation he'll use can be destructive to your mental health as well as your relationship.

He may also experience feelings of sadness, loneliness, and abandonment when you don't give him the attention he desires. This can lead to a cycle of emotional extremes, from extreme sadness and depression to extreme jealousy and rage, where his feelings consume him. He will also find himself struggling to process and express his emotions in a healthy way only on good days, as his obsessive and controlling behavior takes over. In addition, he may also struggle to form new relationships outside of you, as he relies on you for all his emotional needs.

He can also experience deep emotional distress when he feels that you are distancing yourself from him or drifting away from him. This can trigger more of his obsessive and controlling behavior and can cause him to become emotionally unstable. This may result in him doing things that are dangerous or unreasonable in an attempt to keep you from leaving. He may even resort to self-harm or suicidal thoughts due to his extreme emotions and inability to handle them. These intense emotions, while powerful and overwhelming, are ultimately unhealthy for both himself and you.

It is possible that he might just listen to you, but it would likely only happen in limited circumstances. If you made a reasonable and logical argument or request, he may be willing to listen and consider it. However, if you make a request that goes against his wishes, he may be reluctant to change his behavior. If you persist, he may resort to manipulative or abusive tactics in an attempt to control the situation to his preferred outcome.

He enjoys sensuality, intimacy, and passion. He likes it when you are turned on and give him positive responses. He likes it when he can take things slow and build up the tension until you can't hold back anymore. He enjoys building up the passion and then releasing it in explosive and powerful ways.

Beyond dominance and submission, he also enjoys exploring power dynamics in relationships. He enjoys exploring the many ways in which power dynamics can play out, both in and out of the bedroom.

It should also be said that Jon pre-wall and Jon post-wall are two very different animals: even if it shares a lot of similarities. Jon post-wall is a lot more dominant and confident in himself: if he wants something he asks for it and he lacks the hesitance he once did in his youth. He’s learned the importance of not wasting time and willing yourself to be bold.

He likes the idea of exploring new and exciting ways to experience pleasure with a partner and finds the dynamic of switching roles to be a major turn-on.

Role-playing is an enjoyable way to explore different dynamics and adds an element of creativity to sexual arousal.

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