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Zutara Week 2023: Day 1

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A journey across the Earth Kingdom to find Zuko's mother comes to an end.

She can’t sleep.

It isn’t that she’s not tired. After several weeks of near-constant travel, this is the first night that they’ve had the luxury of leaving their tent packed away, the first night when she and Zuko have been able to rest without first scraping together a meal for themselves and all their friends. By all rights, they should both be exhausted, and this night of stillness and solitude should be a relief.

But she can sense Zuko lying awake beside her, staring up into the darkened rafters of the barn. Though he is quiet, though he is careful not to move too much, the tension alone is enough to keep her awake.

Her fingertips brush against his arm. “Zuko, you should try to sleep.”

He gives a start and turns to meet her eyes. “Oh! I—” There is a pause, and even in the dark, she can see him swallow. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you awake.”

Katara almost wants to laugh. His restlessness has made it difficult to sleep, that much is true. But it isn’t so much that he’s been keeping her awake as it is that the stillness feels unnatural. Ordinarily, he is a quiet sleeper, but ordinarily, lying beside him doesn’t feel like lying next to a statue. If he weren’t trying so hard to keep from disturbing her, she might have drifted off a long time ago.

She nestles in against his shoulder and loops her hand idly around his. “I would have sworn that you were more tired than me.”

His head tilts in her direction. “Why would I be?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” she counters. “Today was—a lot.”

He grunts by way of acknowledgement. “I guess.” A small sigh, and though he seems to deflate a bit, the tension doesn’t leave. “I just have a lot on my mind. Don’t worry about it. You should sleep.”

She ignores that last part. She knows Zuko well enough to realize that despite what he might say, he’s never really expected their search to succeed. That after a few weeks of chasing fruitless leads around the Earth Kingdom, he’d practically resigned himself to returning home empty-handed. That splitting off from the others to follow their last few leads was less a matter of making their search more efficient than it was an effort to draw the journey to a close before he could succumb to guilt over wasting the others’ time.

But they’ve been away from the others less than a day, and already it feels like all of that has changed. Like maybe, just maybe, they’ve found his mother purely by accident.

“Do you really think we found her?”

“I know we did.” His voice, though soft, grows more intense. “Noriko is my mother. I would know her anywhere. I just—I didn’t think that she would have a new family.”

Katara raises her head just far enough to see his jaw tightening and traces her thumb softly along his jawline. “She has a new daughter, not a new family. No one is replacing you.”

They’ve both done the calculations by now. Kiyi is nearly eight years old, and Ursa has been gone for eight and a half years. If they’re right about Noriko and she really is Zuko’s mother in disguise, then Ursa was almost certainly pregnant before she left the palace behind. If they’re right, then Kiyi is almost certainly every bit as royal as he is.

If they’re right, then Ursa has almost certainly stayed in hiding for fear of what the world might do to another little Fire Nation princess.

“Even if Kiyi is my sister, I don’t know if that means much,” he says. “Noriko didn’t remember me. How could my own mother forget if she still cared about her old family?”

Slowly, Katara rolls onto her back to stare into the rafters along with him. “What if she didn’t forget?”

“She didn’t recognize me. She would have said something if she did.”

A frown finds its way across Katara’s lips. She remembers the brief flashes of confused uncertainty on Noriko’s face when they arrived, guiding Kiyi back from where she’d gotten lost in the forest. Katara remembers the surprised delight in Kiyi’s eyes and voice when Noriko invited them to spend the night as repayment for guiding Kiyi back unharmed. And Katara remembers all the pauses after that when Noriko would watch Zuko, brows furrowed like she could almost recognize him.

It's hard to know whether Zuko missed all of those moments, or if he’s just too afraid to hope.

“I’m not so sure about that.” She clasps Zuko’s hand again and traces a thumb across his knuckles. “It’s been a long time, Zuko. Even if she remembers you, she might not know how to say it. And I’m sure you look—different now than you used to.”

“She’s never seen my scar before,” he concedes after a pause. “Maybe she doesn’t want anything to do with me because of that.”

Frowning, Katara pokes him in the ribs. “That’s not what I meant. You know that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

She takes a moment to find the proper words. “You’ve always told me that your mother did everything she could to protect you. That she took care of you when no one else would. So now—maybe she’s ashamed. She thought leaving would keep you safe, but it didn’t work out that way.”

Zuko is quiet for a while. Then, “I guess you could be right.”

“You don’t sound very sure about that.”

He sighs. “How can I be sure? I haven’t seen her in years. And since then—so much as changed.” For a few long seconds, he goes quiet again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do if it turns out that my own mother doesn’t want me anymore.”

All Katara can really do is snuggle closer against his side. “I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think she’ll see how easy it is to love you just the way you are.” Her hand rests softly on his chest, just near enough to the scar at the base of his sternum to feel the ridges at its edge. “But no matter what happens, you’re not going to be alone. I’ll still be here. You’ll always have a family, I promise.”

Zuko’s chest shudders ever so slightly as he exhales, and he wraps an arm around her. Though he can’t seem to find any more words, his embrace speaks volumes all on its own.

⁂

It’s still early, just past sunrise, when the barn door creaks below them. Katara tenses, and Zuko edges toward the ladder, but before either of them can do more, a small head pokes up into the loft.

“I knew it. Mom told me not to wake you up too early, but I knew you’d already be awake.” Kiyi clambers up the last few rungs into the loft, then grins at them both. “I brought some tea.”

The pot in her hand isn’t steaming, and the cups balanced upside down on its lid are battered and chipped, but she settles in the middle of the floor, looking pleased with herself just the same.

“It might be a little old.” Kiyi bends over far enough to squint down the teapot’s spout. “But I think Mom just made it last night. That’s not so bad, right?”

Zuko cracks a smile and sits an arm’s length away from her. “I don’t think so. But I have an uncle who really likes tea, and he might try to disown me if he ever heard me say that.”

Kiyi cocks her head to the side, then thumps a cup in front of Zuko. “He sounds silly.” She thumps a second cup down next to Zuko’s and motions for Katara to sit as well. “This one is for you.”

There is something in her frankness that makes Katara smile. Though she still can’t be as certain as Zuko that Ursa and Noriko are one and the same, it’s impossible to deny the fact that Kiyi looks a great deal like Zuko. If she isn’t his little sister, then the universe has done an uncannily good job at replicating both his features and his mannerisms.

Though the tea that Kiyi pours them is cold, Zuko shows no hesitation in drinking it. Katara takes a more hesitant sip—the tea is slightly bitter, but not so much as to be especially unpleasant. Kiyi looks pleased with herself when they’ve both tasted the tea, and she settles back against a crate, happily cradling her own cup between her hands.

“Where is Noriko?” Katara asks. “If she told you not to wake us—”

“Oh, I think she’s still sleeping.” Kiyi takes a sip from her cup. “But last night, she told me a lot of stuff about good manners around guests. I think Mom thought I was going to make a lot of noise because we’ve never had guests before, but it’s not like I was going to say anything if you were still asleep.”

At that, Zuko looks a bit surprised. “You’ve never had guests before?”

“Nope. Ever since I was a baby, Mom said that our house was just for family. The garden is for friends, but it would be impolite to make people sleep in the garden.”

“I see.”

Katara feels Zuko glancing her way, and she allows her hand to brush against his. That sort of paranoia would certainly make sense coming from Ursa. Keeping both friends and strangers from the house makes perfect sense if she’s on the run from the Fire Nation. And since Zuko and Katara have been allowed to stay—albeit in the barn instead of the house—maybe Ursa really does recognize Zuko after all this time.

Kiyi leans forward conspiratorially. “Do you want to know a secret, though? Me and Mom don’t have any other family. I don’t think so anyway. When I was really little, I think she told me that I had a big brother and sister, but I never met them.” Briefly, she frowns, cocking her head to the side. “I wonder if Mom thinks you’re my brother.”

It isn’t a question, and judging by the look on Zuko’s face, he probably wouldn’t be able to answer if it were. Katara squeezes his hand, and after a few seconds’ pause, he regains his composure.

“I guess I don’t know what she thinks. It was nice of her to let us stay either way.”

If she notices his hesitance, Kiyi seems unbothered by it. So unbothered, in fact, that rather than continuing the topic, she launches into a series of cheerful stories about her life with her mother—about journeys that take the two of them on crisscrossing paths across the northern Earth Kingdom every year. About riding from town to town on a cart drawn by their ostrich horse, meeting people from far-flung places, and exploring distant mountains and forests for new plants to bring back home.

Noriko, it seems, has carved out a life for herself where travel is both normal and expected. Where her work as an herbalist and chemist takes her on regular journeys for new ingredients and seeds, for customers and colleagues. Where, if her old life ever reemerges to endanger herself and her daughter, their escape will draw no notice whatsoever.

“I thought I was really good at directions,” Kiyi says, sounding a little sheepish. “Me and Mom go lots of places together, and I’ve never been lost before. But I guess I don’t play in the woods here at home very much, otherwise I wouldn’t have got lost yesterday. I still feel kinda silly.”

Zuko shakes his head. “You don’t have to feel silly about that. Everybody gets a little lost sometimes.”

“Even if they travel a lot?”

“Even then. For a few years, I lived on a ship, and it’s still hard to find my way sometimes.” There is a steadiness to his voice, and judging by the way that Kiyi beams at him, the reassurance is welcome.

“Maybe I’ll learn how to draw maps someday,” she says. “Then I won’t get lost ever again. And maybe I can give you some of my maps too.”

Zuko seems ready to reply, but before any words make it out of his mouth, the door below them creaks again.

“Kiyi? Are you in here, sweetheart?”

“Up here, Mama!”

There is a relieved-sounding sigh, and Noriko emerges at the top of the ladder a few moments later. “I thought I told you to give our guests their privacy. Come on. We’ll go back to the house, and they can join us for breakfast when they’re ready.” She gives them both an apologetic nod, but it’s painfully obvious that Noriko is trying not to stare at Zuko.

“But they’re already awake, Mama. We’re having tea.”

Katara shoots a glance at Zuko, and as he inhales, his shoulders tense. Gently, she loops her hand through his and gives a reassuring squeeze.

Noriko climbs the last few steps into the loft. “I understand that. I’m glad you didn’t wake them, but it’s impolite to—”

After another slow breath, Zuko squeezes back and pushes carefully to his feet.

“Wait.” His voice is soft and hesitant, but Noriko freezes stone-still, eyes alight with nervous hope. “This might sound strange, but I’ve been meaning to ask you—was there ever a time when you went by the name Ursa?”

Noriko’s eyes widen, and for a moment, it looks like she might faint. But then, just as quickly, she steps forward. “It is you. Oh, my sweet boy.” Though Zuko stands a full head taller than his mother, she sweeps him up in an embrace like he’s still a little boy. “My little Zuko.”

It’s enough to make Katara’s eyes burn, and as she blinks away the prickling, Kiyi scoots sideways until their shoulders nearly brush.

“Was I right before?” Kiyi asks in a whisper after a few moments watching the reunion. “Do I have a big brother for real?”

Smiling, Katara wipes her eyes and nods. “Yes. Are you okay with that?”

For a few seconds, Kiyi frowns, apparently deep in thought. Then, “If he’s my brother, are you gonna be my sister someday?”

“I think there’s a pretty good chance of that.”

A grin breaks across Kiyi’s face. “Then this is the best day ever!”

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