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#a bit sad
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No Word For Hero
Summary: You love him and the way he will always be your protector, but sometimes facing the truth is the most terrifying thing of all.
Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!Reader
Warnings: Nightmares and discussions of death. The one-two punch of angst and fluffiness all in one. This one is a fair bit more somber than my other Mando stuff.
Another trope I will never ever get tired of -- the "having a nightmare while sleeping with your partner" routine! 🥳 Gets me in my feels every time, particularly with a character like Din who (to me at least) canonically also has frequent nightmares. I first drafted this one a couple summers ago as a result of all my feelings after that big moment in "The Marshal", as I'm sure will be obvious.
*Translations of less common words/phrases in Mando'a at the end
It's coming, exploding up from beneath the billowing sands, looming over everyone, titanic, monstrous, ravenous....
...He turns to you, ever so briefly, tilts his head in that meaningful look you know all too well...that damn look that means he's going to play hero again.
Damn his altruism.
When is he going to stop?
You already know that answer, too. It lurks forever in the back of your mind, awake or asleep, always whispering there, a constant venom ever deepening its grasp around your heart until one day the cold reality finally breaks it.
He'll stop when he finally doesn't come back to you.
When he's at last granted the warrior's death you know he desires.
Only then.
You can't even scream as he disappears down the dragon's throat, too frozen with horror to make a sound....
You bolt upright, gasping for breath, damp hair clinging to your face and tears running down, their salty tang sharp on your lips.
Stupid nightmares.
"Go away," you mutter, rubbing harshly at your eyes. "Just stop."
The cot is small, realistically much too small for two adults, and your distress is painfully evident to the man sharing it with you, whose arm has just been violently dislodged from its place around your torso.
"Bad dream?"
He sounds tired. He hardly ever sleeps through a full night at the best of times, and even then it's rarely a deep sleep.
If the old saying "sleep with one eye open" were actually true, Din would be its personification.
You curse your overactive mind a second time, for disturbing his precious few moments of rest along with your own.
"I'm fine." You don't lie back down, instead pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms tightly around them. Normally you find his quarters chilly, but the adrenaline coursing through your veins makes the room suddenly feel close and stuffy.
He shifts against you in the dark, no doubt to study your posture. "You don't sound fine."
You sigh. "I will be. You should try and get some sleep, Din."
You hear him lean back into the wall, a long exhale betraying stiffness somewhere in his muscles.
You've offered him the side of the bed that's not right up against the wall, but to your surprise he actually likes to be pressed closely between your body and the solidness of metal at his back.
You suspect it gives him a sense of security in a life that holds so little for him.
"I'm sorry I woke you," you add before he can speak again.
"You didn't." His revelation is cool and distant, as if his lack of rest means nothing to him. "I haven't slept at all tonight."
You turn to stare at him in dismay, only to be met with the void of deep darkness. "Why didn't you --"
"What? Wake you up to tell you I can't sleep?" Somehow you know he's shaking his head at you. "That fixes nothing, Cyar'ika. My sleep was disturbed since long before we met." His voice softens as he reaches for you, his large, comfortingly familiar hand stroking down your side. "But when I have you in my arms, listening to your breathing, I can at least find some peace. And that is often enough."
You let out another shuddering breath and gaze out into the dim compartment, the images from your nightmare replaying over and over behind your eyes like a holovid stuck on loop.
"I think I need some air," you murmur.
"Take my shirt, then." You're grateful he doesn't try to stop you; he knows you were taking care of yourself for a long time before you two struck up your partnership. He trusts you to look out for danger.
"Vor'e, Cyare." You slide from the bed, his fingers trailing away from your hip as you break from his gentle touch. He watches as you blindly take his shirt from the pile of clothes left on the floor and pull it over your head, pausing only to grab a vibroblade before exiting his quarters.
"I'll come back," you promise softly.
And the words sting deep down as they leave your lips, knowing that one day, one of you might not be able to keep that promise.
The night is cool and clear on this planet, and the breeze smells like living growth from the thick woods nearby. It's a far cry from the dust and smoke of so many of the worlds you've stayed on before, and soon you start to calm down, heartbeat returning to normal and perspiration drying at the wind's light touch. Everything is peaceful around you, the night birds calling and water flowing somewhere behind the trees.
Not for the first time, your thoughts stray towards the impossibility of trying to stay somewhere like this place, to drop everything you know and carve out a life on a frontier planet somewhere. You and Din and Grogu, living modestly and secretly away from the prying eyes of the Imperials or the Jedi, pretending at normalcy....
There's the key word.
Pretending.
You've played many parts since you lost your buir so many years ago. Dancer in the clubs of the Core worlds, thief, animal wrangler, pilot, hired gun. You could adapt, you feel fairly certain. It's the skill that's most reliably kept you alive this long.
But Din....
He's so deeply entrenched in his upbringing. His honor, and the hunt, mean everything to him. Whatever else he tries to be, he will always be the Mandalorian first and foremost. The Way runs through his veins, thicker than blood, and the fierce heart of a warrior beats beneath the beskar.
It's why he will ultimately always make sacrifices to keep those under his protection safe.
It's who he is. His identity.
The reason that one day he might not emerge from the belly of the beast in triumph.
And you love him, exactly the way he is. You'd never ask him to change.
But Maker, sometimes the knowledge of what that means hurts deeper than any physical wound.
So you stand there at the edge of the woods and let the tears come, let the sobs wrack your body as you bury yourself deeper in his comforting shirt, praying that the day never comes that all you have left are memories and clothes that smell like him.
Eventually, your grief runs its course and you can breathe once again. The crunch of footsteps in the damp grass warrants a side glance, but as you thought, it's only your beroya, come to check on you, no doubt.
"You've been out here a long time," he remarks.
"Had a lot on my mind."
He encircles you in his arms from behind, chin resting in the dip of your shoulder. You're surprised that he didn't replace his helmet to come out here, but sunrise is still a long way off.
"I'm usually the one with the nightmares," he teases softly. "This one must have been rough. Want to talk?"
You find his hands at your waist, interlock your fingers with his.
"I lost someone. Someone very important to me."
Turning slightly so you can rest your cheek against his, you kiss the very edge of his lips. "It scares me, Din."
He's quiet for some time, and you try to imagine the expression on his face.
"I'm sorry," he finally whispers. "I can't give you anything but my word that I will always try my hardest to come back to you. That is what fuels me, ner'kar'ta. The fire in my blood, the strength in my bones, is knowing that I need to make it back for you. But I realize that it is a double-edged blade. Because it also means I would give everything, to keep you safe in the end."
"I know, Din. I remember what my buir used to tell me, you know, how we have no word for 'hero' in our mother tongue, because to be Mando'ade is to risk all for the ones you love. I know I'm so selfish." You turn all the way around at last, hiding your face in his bare chest. "But I accept your vow. And it will have to be enough."
Collecting yourself and finally raising your haunted gaze to his, you manage a small smile. "But I will fight for you, Din Djarin. Death will find one hell of a struggle when it finally comes for you, I can promise you that."
"There's my girl." The fond grin in his voice is audible. "Now, will you come back to bed? It's getting lonesome in there."
You let him lead you back to the ship, and the sigh of the wind now seems to promise to whisk your fears away for the time being.
The door slides shut behind you, and you shiver, realizing all of a sudden just how cold you are. His shirt is a welcome barrier against the biting chill, and you wonder how he was able to get along without it outside.
"Cold?" he asks.
"Yes." You reach out for him, wordlessly begging for his warmth.
He sidesteps you and folds his arms across his chest. "Take it off," he demands, and indicates the shirt with a nod, husky voice brimming with humor and a shade of something hungrier. "Or I will."
You hug the worn fabric closer to your body and shake your head mutinously. "But it's the only thing keeping me warm!"
"So you've chosen the hard way." He crosses the small space in a couple of long strides and starts to tease the garment off of you, bit by agonizing bit. "And how dare you let a piece of clothing do a man's job."
"You're making me cold again," you complain as he pulls you into bed with him, the hunter retreating back to his lair to finish off his fortunate prey.
"Then honor dictates I repair the damage I've caused," he hums, and you surrender to the bliss of being completely enveloped in his embrace. Din has always run hot, ever since you started sleeping together, and his warmth and familiar weight are so much better than any sweet dream of yours could be.
In the here and now, he's still alive, and he's still yours.
There will be no more tears tonight.
"Better?" he growls into your throat.
You run your fingers through his thick curls, sighing at the way he always manages to banish all of your dark thoughts away. And maybe now there will even be time for him to get some sleep before morning as well.
"I am now."
Vor'e = Thank you
Buir = Parent
Beroya = Bounty Hunter
Ner'kar'ta = My heart
Mando'ade = Child of Mandalore
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shieldofiron · 1 year
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You and me both, Billy.
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Apri 17: Spring
Day 17 of @hinnymicrofic still playing catch up
It’s supposed to be a time of rebirth. Harry remembers the lurid flowers and tacky Easter decorations with which Petunia had adorned the house every spring, representing bloom and birth and growth. 
Now that May rolls around again, all Harry can think of is death.
Fred, and Remus, and Tonks and Collin and…
There’s a memorial service. Kingsley asks him to speak. He doesn’t want to, but he does. Wonders whether he’ll spend the rest of his life being dragged unwillingly back to that day. 
“You did well,” Hermione commends him, afterward. 
Ron claps him on the back. “A bit boring,” he says, and Harry appreciates the opportunity to laugh at something. 
Hermione and Ginny graduate a few days later. Harry supposes they’ll figure it out, eventually, how to juxtapose the mourning and the celebration; this first year after it all was always going to be grim.
He waits at the edge of the lake, as Ginny floats toward him in the little boat they’d all taken to Hogwarts at eleven. A symbolic end; another sort of rebirthing ceremony; going out the way they came in. Only they hadn’t, had they?
“Congratulations,” Harry tells her once she’s clambered out of the boat, pulling her into a firm hug. He knows what a trial it’s been, to return here this year. 
“Let’s go to Grimmauld Place tonight,” she says, pulling back, eyes burning.
“Are you sure?” Harry asks, trying to read her expression. “You don’t have to right away. We can –”
“Harry,” she interrupts, placing her small hand on his chest. “Let’s go home.”
He’s quite lost for words at this, that home is a place that will now contain her, that he’ll wake up next to her tomorrow morning and all the ones after. “Okay,” he agrees.
The air is sweet with flowers; the sky above is a deep, vibrant blue. There’s been so much loss, here; it seems to call out to them across the glassy waters. And yet, as Harry walks with the Weasleys and Hermione toward Hogsmeade, he’s thinking of tomorrow morning with Ginny.
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magicspace114 · 1 year
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New faces part 3
So it turns out, Toby needed to be kept warm. Warmer than your apartment's ambient temperature. They were currently curled up on the floor in front of your electric heater and snuggled in a blanket. It looked cute and you had to hold yourself back from awing at them.
Of course, you had questions and you were struggling to find ones that they'd actually answer. "Hey, how old are you?" You decided.
Toby paused and looked up at that. "Um, well I'm not sure if it will translate well. Does a hundred and seventy-one lunar cycles make sense to you?"
Your lips puckered in thought. "Lunar cycle. We have one of those. Is it the same thing?"
"Well, we have two moons. We call them the primary and secondary moons. The secondary one doesn't really change because it's almost always side on from the sun but our primary moon changes every dark cycle. We use it to measure time. You only have one moon, right?"
"Yup," you nodded, "it changes each night depending on how much of the sun's light can hit it. Right?" Toby nodded. "So, going off our moon, that's one cycle per month. A hundred and seventy-one months." You couldn't do the maths in your head and grabbed your phone to calculate it. Toby tilted their head curiously. You stuttered on seeing the number. "Are you really fourteen years old?" You leaned forward now.
"Um, I don't know what years are." Toby shrunk back.
"...Toby? A-are you a child?" You really hoped they weren't. Maybe aliens aged differently and you weren't harbouring a child in your home. Where would you even begin searching for their family?
"I'm not a child," Toby bleated with offence, "I'm an adolescent!"
You sighed, "same thing. Where are your parents?"
"No!" Toby bleated again, this one in fear, "please. Don't send me back." They pulled the blanket over their head to hide. You reached a hand out but stopped before ever touching them. It would only freak them out more.
"Toby?" You asked with the softest voice you could, "are they the reason you're here?" Toby whimpered. You grimaced, "can I comfort you?"
"W-what?" Toby poked their head out. Their eyes were big and toxic yellow but now that you knew they were a child, all fear of danger was gone. They were just a child to you now.
"I won't hurt you," you said carefully, "I just want to help. I want to comfort you if you'll let me."
"W-why?" Toby asked, eyes seemingly growing bigger and lip trembling.
"Because you don't deserve to be stranded somewhere with no one to comfort you. It's the least I can offer."
"How do you know? You weren't there." Toby bleated.
"Toby, I don't know anything any adults could do to warrant stranding them on an unknown planet with 'the deadliest creatures in the universe'. I don't need to be there to know."
Toby's lip quivered and they let out bleats and sobs. There were no tears but you weren't sure if Toby even cried like that. Supposedly humans were the only ones in the animal kingdom to do that.
You scooted up close to them now and waited as they carefully leaned their head on your shoulder. Slowly, you moved one arm around their shoulders. When they didn't tense up or pull away, you tucked them under your chin.
They pulled the blanket around them more, not moving to hold on to you but not pulling away. You let out a small hum. It was only a simple melody but it was enough that they heard it. They froze mid bleat and listened. You continued the hum. Their breathing was still stuttering and hiccuping but they stopped bleating and whimpering.
Eventually, you felt tension roll off of their shoulders and their breathing calmed down. You rubbed their shoulder and opened your mouth to add lyrics to the song. You've not sung for someone in a long time and though you were out of practise, it did the job.
The next time you looked at Toby's face, they were asleep.
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aitsuheart · 5 months
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His Memory & His Life
Soriku Week 2023 Day 4 Sacrifice
Excerpt:
“I love you.” His words quietly reached Sora. His eyes widened after hearing that. Why did he tell me that?
“I'll die a million times for you if I have to.” Riku this time shouted as he held his keyblade, protecting Sora.
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senpa10 · 4 months
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@lolipoptheclown
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acta2sanctorum · 6 months
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I feel like I will never get better
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ruebi-1 · 6 months
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I don’t even really know, but everything feels different now and I don’t know if it’s me that’s changing or the world that’s changing and I’m just to slow to catch up. Anyways living and thinking about living makes me anxious so I just keep my eyes open until it’s finally time sleep.
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lexaaaxel · 9 days
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I'm making a visual novel called "Man I just Wanna Go Home", here's the first look so to say.
It's a story about a guy stuck in a storm in an unfamiliar part of a city desperate to just go home.
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legendl0re · 1 month
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Human lifespans vs. Elf Lifespans :)
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diplo-matic2 · 5 months
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Alguien despierto para poder charlar?
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class1akids · 1 year
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I’m a bit bummed that we got kind of unlucky and got no sketch for Dabi vs Shouto, nor for Vol 36 promo and now for the Todo-fam episode either. 
I understand HK is probably still hurting, exhausted and super-busy with Vol 37. But still, it just feels like we are a bit cursed in S6, when it comes to the Shouto-content 😭
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lyricreed · 4 months
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Dude having an abusive older brother you used to admire and love and look up to is so weird cause like
I love you so much for raising me but that’s also the exact reason I resent you so much. You still brag about me being your best friend to your friends. All my friends hate you for everything you’ve done to me.
I cry at night remembering you screaming at me throughout my childhood. You’re the only person who can make me really, truly laugh. Nothing you say is funny anymore.
Every time you leave the house I hope you die and never come back. When you moved out to live with your now-ex-girlfriend I sobbed myself to sleep every night because I missed you so much. When you came to me to vent about your fears of parenthood I told you you’d be a good father and even though I didn’t believe it, I actually meant it.
I’ll never feel safe until you’re out of my life or out of yours. I had a dream about you dying the other night and cried so hard I couldn’t go back to sleep.
I still comfort you whenever you air your troubles and frustrations out to me, even though I was a child when you first started and I’m still so young now and I shouldn’t know how to help you. And I don’t. And you never listened to me like I always do for you.
You’re the reason I flinch so hard whenever my friends try to touch me. All I’ve ever wanted was a hug from you. Your touch makes me feel so unsafe and afraid it makes me sick.
I’ve been working my whole life to make you not mad anymore. Now I’m mad at you instead and I never want to feel angry again because of you.
I’m not a child anymore but thanks to you I’ll never grow up. I can’t tell if that’s what you wanted.
And without you I wouldn’t be who I am today and I’m still puzzling out if that’s a bad thing or not. You have dad’s eyes and I have grandma’s. We both have mom’s face.
And yet I only see you when I look in the mirror.
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mibkid · 5 months
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photos and cats
i decided too look through my photos, which can be fun, but i came upon last years fotos of my cat that passed that same year, (we had to put her to sleep :(, she wasn't doing too well, and was old, and was having a lot of issues.)
so i came upon the photos i took of her the day of, and at the very end of the day of those photos, were just 2 photos of her water and food bowls.
and that made me sad,
because i remember the apartment feeling so empty even if it was small, her snores were gone, the sound of her paws on the floor had dissapeared, i couldn't hug her anymore.
and i couldn't almost not even hug her before either, my ocd was at it's WORST at that time, making it impossible for me to interact with anything. I just really missed my cat that i had loved for since i had met her which was about 11 years give or take...
so anyways, sad picture of her food bowls.
i miss her, but i will always have the silly little memories of her. the paws, the snoring, and as the ice cream and yoghurt loving little rat cat she was. :)<3
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bvp-studios · 6 months
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BVPtober Day 28 - Mirror
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Is this looore?!?!?!
Maybe a little lol
Fun fact, Willows previous self looks an awful lot like me-
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randomtvremote · 1 year
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I found you abandoned in a boat house.
I took you with me,
So you weren’t so alone.
You promised you would help me
To stay above the surface.
You would make sure I wouldn’t float off.
You promised.
But when I was thrown in to the deep end,
I realized you were made of cement.
Through my attempt to stay afloat,
I was pulled under the sea.
And all the while,
You clung to me.
You asked me to help you,
Make everything better for you,
Fix everything for you.
You, you, you
And I always felt obligated to do it
Because I was scared of letting go.
I did it all for you,
Even if I couldn’t breathe.
It was there that I drowned,
In your bottomless ocean of lies.
But at least being dragged down meant,
The waves would bother me no more.
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