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k9authorwolf · 1 month

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Lucid Dreams- Bucky Barnes x Autistic!Enchanced!Reader (Part 01)

Summary: The cradle of sleep continuously eludes Bucky. Nightmares tormented him every night. But a chance encounter with an unknown woman draws him into the dream realm. Granting him the peace he so desired. But he longs to see her again. His dreamgirl.

Disclaimer: The reader's autistic traits are based on my own. Every autistic person is different with their own different traits. So please do not assume every autistic person is like this.

Inspiration: Lucid Dream by Owl City

Bucky jolted awake from another nightmare. Covered head to toe in sweat, his heart rate extremely high. He was in his apartment, on the floor in the living room with a bunch of blankets and his pillow. The TV on low playing some crappy old sitcom from two decades ago was the only light in the room. Bucky groaned in frustration as his hands went to his short hair. He hadn’t had any decent sleep in weeks. Nothing but nightmares.

He was so tired.

The lack of sleep was affecting him during the day, shuffling through the streets as if he were undead. Fueled by reflex and muscle memory. How much longer was this going to go on?

“How have you been sleeping?” Dr. Raynor asked. But Bucky didn’t answer, he didn’t want to. He just kept staring blankly out the window, his vision doubled occasionally with exhaustion. In the corner of his eye he saw Raynor grab the notebook with frustration. His anger spiked, “Like shit okay! I’ve been sleeping like shit! Happy now?!” He exclaimed. The pen stilled in the therapist’s hand as she eyed him. “Have you been doing those sleep exercises I recommended?” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yes, every single one. And not one of them made a damn bit of difference!” All these “new age” methods were ludicrous in his opinion. Scented candles, meditation, listening to some ancient sounding new age music. It was too weird for his taste. A glass of smoked whiskey and a good book was enough for him, more realistic.

Bucky sat through the rest of the session harboring anger. His frustration over the lack of sleep he was getting was pissing him off more everyday. Everynight he’d stay up as long as possible. He'd eventually pass out but he’d be up in less than four hours from a nightmare.

Walking back to his apartment the sounds of the city had become droned and melded, in his exhausted hazed mind it was like the world was fading away. He passed the little coffee shop on his route, it showed up a few months ago. Seemed to be fairly popular with the young crowd. Whatever. He just wanted to go home.

“OOF!”

Someone bumped into him. “Sorry!” They left before he could see their face. He couldn’t really see clearly through the haze in his eyes. He looked at where he felt the person’s hand touch him, on his sternum. He felt a warmth coming from it as if the hand was still there. He grasped the end of the hoodie and pulled it towards his nose, he sniffed. Coffee. The smell of freshly ground coffee beans wafted into his nose. The roasted smell made his mouth water. Fresh coffee. Maybe he’d brew up a pot when he got home.

Finally his apartment was in sight, and so was someone. Sam. The new Captain America sat on the steps of his building. Clearly waiting for him. On approach Sam stood up, “Raynor called me.” He said. Bucky rolled his eyes in annoyance, “What are you my nanny now?” Bucky snapped, fishing out his keys. “She told me about your sleep problems. I just wanna help man.” He was so sick of this. People thinking they can just walk into his life and without indirectly telling him he’s a wreck, a psychological tire fire, a monster who must obey like an obedient dog! “She knows nothing about me!” Bucky was getting more and more angry. “Buck, we're just trying to help.” Sam placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. But the former Winter Soldier shoved it off as if he had been burned. “SHUT UP!” He yelled. He turned to Sam, “You wanna help Sam? Then leave me alone! You have no idea how all this is for me! Everything I’ve done! And until you do, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” He yelled with all the anger that had been pent up inside.

He turned and entered the building, leaving Sam behind. Once inside everything hit him.

Why did he do that? Sam was just trying to help, like the good friend he is. And Bucky lashed out. He pushed his friend away. His only friend left. Bucky leaned his head back on the door as his face began to tremble and hot tears pooled in his eyes. He banged his head on the door in an attempt to punish himself. He slid down to the floor as sobs began to emerge from his throat. He was all alone. That’s what he does, he pushes and alienates all those close to him. Afterall it was his fault Steve left. Bucky berated himself thinking Steve abandoned him because he had enough. Bucky’s sobs echoed in his apartment. He was so tired. Why couldn’t he sleep? He just wanted to sleep.

Later that night, Bucky’s eyes were red and swollen from sobbing out his frustrations. He wished the world would just swallow him up forever. It was past midnight now, the smoked whiskey he poured two hours ago was almost finished. The astronomy book in his hand was half done. Since being freed, astronomy had become his favorite thing to catch up on. He could recall memories from his childhood where it’d be late at night, his parents and sisters would be tucked in and asleep while he snuck up to the roof to find all the constellations he could see. And get lost in thoughts over what may be beyond that sky and those stars. Now with all the satellites and space stations he was more enthralled than ever.

He yawned, he couldn’t see straight anymore. He wanted to sleep but he knew what would happen in a few hours. He needs to sleep. He stripped down to his boxers, his dog tags dangling against his bare chest. He looked at the spot where he had been touched earlier that day. It felt hot but not in a painful way, there were no marks or anything but he felt the heat seep deep inside him. Maybe he was hallucinating.

He laid down in his pile of blankets on the floor, the TV was on low. His head resting on the pillow. He took deep breaths trying to relax his mind and think of anything other than the impending nightmares he’d face later.

What would it be like to float through outer space? He wondered. Where nothing mattered. The problems he faced everyday would just melt away. Just him and the endless horizon of stars.

He slipped into sleep.

Weightless, Free, Peace, and warmth. That’s what Bucky felt, he’d never felt this before.

I am a light sleeper

But I am a heavy dreamer

He opened his eyes. And to his wonderment saw an endless sky of stars and colorful nebula clouds. He was floating in outer space. Yet he could breathe and there was no lethal cold. It was warm. Like being wrapped in a soft blanket or embraced by someone. This had to be a dream. It felt so amazing, sure he was just floating but it felt so free, so peaceful. He wanted to touch the nebula clouds, he reached his hand out unsure how to move himself forward. But with the thought of moving forward he slowly floated towards the cloud.

My imagination gives me wings

And I can go anywhere

His hand went through the cloud and it moved with his hand. Following his every movement as if he was controlling it. In a spur of childlike wonder he quickly flicked his hand and the cloud followed. Dazzling wisps of bright colors and starlight followed his hand creating an ethereal dance of light and wonder. Bucky’s heart soared with warmth and happiness. He wanted to see more. With a quick thought he floated up.

And when I wander away, to some other place

I'm suddenly there, way up in the air

Where passenger trains catch fire and fill the sky with flames

And that black rabbit of death

Wakes up in a breath, of beautiful dreams

My heartache it seems, so terribly vain

Where fire and diamonds fall like rain

He reached out to grab a star. In his hand it was small yet bright. Like a firefly. He held it with care. It was like he could do anything. Go wherever he wanted. Nothing could tear him away from this feeling. His self hating thoughts, his tainted mind. It seemed so far away like no harm could come to him here. Here in this realm of dreams he felt safe.

Do you believe in endless miracles?

Do you believe in the impossible?

Do you believe sleep is a time machine?

Do you believe in curiosity?

Do you believe in what you cannot see?

Do you believe life is a Lucid Dream?

He suddenly heard music. It was getting closer. Was there someone else here? He looked and saw in a burst of ethereal color, a woman. Running on a stream of white starlight that grew to catch her steps. Nebula clouds and stars followed her as if she were guiding them. Her (y/h/c) air flowed behind her like a curtain as she ran. Dressed in a black tank top and underwear of the same color, she was happy as she ran on the stream of starlight. Earbuds were tucked into her ears with their cords disappearing into nothing. Bucky could hear the music from them. As clear as day. The woman turned her head to look at him, she smiled brightly as if she had been looking for him. Her (y/e/c) eyes, brighter than the stars that followed her, gazed at him. Beckoning him. She was so beautiful. Like a Goddess of Dreams. With a quick flick of her hands she sent another stream of starlight his way. It flowed under his feet pulling him forward to follow the woman. Nearly losing his balance he gradually moved his legs to run on the stream.

This was amazing! He was running on starlight! He looked at the woman again, her smile was bigger and brighter. She raised her arms high as she looked at him cheering him on. He ran with her on the stream of starlight exchanging glances. She pointed ahead of them, the underside of a swirling galaxy. She sprinted ahead of him and breached the galaxy in a burst of stars and colored dust. Like a mermaid surfacing. He wanted to do it too. He sprinted. Breach. Breach. BREACH!

Well that's how you study the stars

That's how you study the stars

And that's how you know 'em by heart

Life is a Lucid Dream

He pushed through the galaxy floating up and up with the stars following him. The brightness in his chest radiated. He never felt so free. So happy. So content. He breathed deeply in peace as he floated. He opened his eyes and stared at the swirling galaxy before him. He wanted to stay forever. His dog tags floated before him. Above him he saw the woman again, delicately drifting towards him with a soft warm smile that made his heart flutter. She reached out and cupped his cheeks with such tenderness his eyes drifted shut at the warmth. “Time to wake up.” Her voice echoed with such grace and softness it made the angel's of old sound tone deaf. And with a soft kiss to his forehead he was enveloped in a warm bright light.

I am a light sleeper

But I am a heavy dreamer

When Bucky opened his eyes again, he heard the sounds of the city. He stared at the ceiling. He was back in the real world. He smiled at the memory of his dream.

He sat up, he felt well rested. Looking at his watch, it was past 6 in the evening. He had been asleep for sixteen hours. With no nightmares. He felt amazing. His mood shifted when in the corner of his eyes he saw a glowing blue light over his sternum. Ethereal blue light in the shape of a delicate handprint lay on his chest, the fingers ending at his sternum. Radiating a soft warmth. It faded slowly into him. He felt a wave calm wash over him as he thought about the woman in his dream. Did she do this? Did she give him that dream?

He needed to find her.

He had to see her again.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x autistic female reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader fluff

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iraprince · 1 year

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hi ira, you're a big inspo for me! especially as a fellow adhd artist.. i often struggle with "letting go" sketches / leaving them be, i always end up focusing on each as if it has to become a full piece. i personally feel this is bc of my adhd and was wondering if you struggled with something similar, or had any advice on sketching?

thank you so much! and yeah, okay, let's chew on this one and see what we can come up with.

so i actually usually have the opposite problem: I can generate a bunch of loose sketches really quickly, but i have a really hard time buckling down and putting the focus in to take any of them all the way to being full pieces. i think sketching and leaving those sketches as-is comes easily to me because i enjoy it (as in i physically enjoy the feeling of drawing in a loose, gestural style, AND i aesthetically enjoy how unfinished sketches look), and i'm extremely accustomed to it (most workdays i start up by doing ~45-90 mins of sketches, usually a few digital pages worth). these things combine so that the habit of churning out a bunch of little images and then immediately moving on is something that's really natural to me.

HOWEVER i am def not just advising "sit yourself down and sketch for an hour and a half every day" with no other context; i think "draw every day" as ironclad advice is usually pretty clumsy and isn't always applicable to how people work best, or always effective against what actually trips people up with art stuff. i think a lot of this is abt getting mindset right!!! drilling and repetition is good later for building speed and confidence but it's not as useful until u've figured out the underlying struggle imo.

so, some thoughts:

do u keep going on the sketch bc u get distracted by the idea of the final piece, and u just get sucked in to progressing toward that? for me, sometimes i do nail a sketch and im like "ooh, i want to do something more with that!" — but because these sketches happen during my warmup time and i need to keep moving, i don't do it right away. i usually just make a note right on the canvas, or i copy/paste the sketch into a separate file to come back to later. if u get the urge to keep going on a piece bc u want it to have more, but what u Actually want is to do a few more sketches, consider scooting the sketch over into a wip file/folder/etc for later (if ur working digitally; set it aside in a physical wip folder if you're working traditionally).

do u keep going on the sketch bc ur insecure about the fact that it isn't polished, or bc u feel like it "needs" more to look good? u may be affected by The Spectre of Posting. something i have wrestled with constantly and that i think many artists wrestle with is that, even if we aren't having these thoughts consciously, whenever ur drawing there is kind of this little voice in the back of ur head that's like. "is this gonna be good enough to post. if it turns out crappy i won't want to post it and then i will have wasted all this time. will this flop? if i post this will it make me look like i'm bad at drawing? what if this isn't as good as the last thing i posted and then it looks like im getting worse" and on and on and fucking on. this is all fucking nonsense, but also it's really hard to break out of. try, as hard as you possibly can, to start becoming okay w the idea that not everything is for posting, and that if something doesn't turn out great or u don't necessarily want it to like Artistically Represent You then nobody ever has to see it, and i think u might find that a lot of the tense little subconscious urges and hangups and anxieties you have about your work will start to unravel. any statement abt your art that starts with "i feel like i need to...." or "i feel like i should...." is probably somehow tangled up with the idea of other peoples' eyes on your work, and as long as you're letting a vibe like that breathe down your neck, you really can't draw freely.

do you keep going on the sketch bc you just don't like the sketch and you think if you keep picking at it it will eventually get better? well — okay, sometimes you're right! sometimes picking at something endlessly is how u eventually get something really nice and fleshed out and cool looking. but also we are mortal creatures with a limited amount of time on this earth and i am assuming from the fact that u asked for advice that u want to create More drawings. so the only real advice for this category of sketch hangup is: dude, fuck it. make a bunch of bad sketches. do it on purpose, if that helps loosen you up! designate "fucked up stupid sketch day" and make a bunch of the most dogshit drawings you can muster. remember when earlier i said part of why this is easy for me is bc i do so MUCH of it? sometimes it's about volume. if every time u start on a sketch, it ends up being the only thing u pick at for the next few days, of COURSE it's going to start feeling super precious and high stakes to you. you're not being irrational for getting attached to stuff u spend time fussing over. but if u want to be LESS fussy and LESS attached, probably the fastest way is to just start making yourself churn a bunch of shit out, because if you've made TWELVE little sketches today who actually cares if four of them are dogshit. make MORE of them, and it becomes way less serious. u can use time limits to push yourself along, if that helps — an exercise i really like is putting my music on shuffle and then doing a bunch of little drawings where i work on each one for ONLY the duration of one song each. when the song ends, i stop working on the sketch i'm on and move on to a new one. and sometimes they're totally dogshit, because the best songs in the world are all sub 2mins! or draw yourself a bunch of very small rectangles on a sheet of paper and fit a bunch of little drawings into those. anything to help Shove u past the idea that a drawing has to, like, LOOK LIKE anything or be cute or appealing or look good in any capacity will help break up the apprehension u get about wanting sketches to come out a certain way.

i have talked ur ear off as always but i hope that some of this is helpful!! or if i totally missed the mark and none of this connects w u re: why u find this stuff challenging, pls feel free to send me another ask clarifying what u get stuck on and i'll see if i can think of any potential fixes :)

#resources #tutorials #nnmmot really but. yknow. just chucking all my advice in the same tags for browsing purposes

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sparkiekong · 6 months

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Halloween Movie Review (2023)

Did this last year and maybe the year before, but I can't find it... I watch scary movies all month and give you a brief overview. It's become a tradition for me... Some are craptastical...some are not so bad, but here's what I got so far.

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The Appendage (2023) Hulu

3/10 – (-7 cause I didn't like it.) Bit cheesy in the way of monsters, it’s like 80s movie magic. The premise was about negative self talk being a bad thing and making a monster from it via chimera dna. Interesting premise, but poorly implemented. No pet death, no kid death. Bit of blood and guts.

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No One Will Save You (2023) Hulu 5/10 – (+4 for interesting film process, +4 for actress and -3 cause I had to read up the producer’s explanation of the ending. Suspenseful, not scary… Interesting because there was all of two words spoken in the entirety of the movie. Not like A Quiet Place, because it wasn’t sound based, but it was very emotive. The actress did a good job emoting but the story premise sort of fell flat. Not her fault though, she did good with what she was given.)

No pet death, no kid death - Interesting and weird premise about suffering and conversion from an invasion force learning human culture.

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Mirrors (2008) Max – HB0 7/10 – (-3 cause it's older) Kiefer Sutherland – Mystery movie about mirrors. It was a pretty good. No kid death, no pet death, but the kids were potentially going to be harmed. Interesting movie about mirrors and a demonic influence...not sure how this one got past me in 2008.

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The Pyramid (2021) Max - HBO

3/10 – (+3 for the Anubis and Set) awful script, decent set, budget blown on a cool Anubis looking monster. Acting was not good... don't watch it.

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Prey (2020) Hulu

3/10 (+4 pts for the accuracy of First Nation Comanche Peoples and -1 for being a crappy movie about toxic masculinity)

• The only thing I liked about the movie is that it gave some backstory on Predators. Would have liked a movie about that more than anti-toxic masc-crapfest.

• Canine death (Not the dog, but a wolf) - Animal Death • Lots of gore • The First Nation Comanche portrayal historically accurate. • Dumb toxic guy trope… historically accurate I suppose in this context. Besides jerk trappers... First Nation Males gang up on a female who kicks their chief’s ass… Said toxic males don’t listen because she’s a girl… historically accurate I suppose in this context. • Bunch of toxic males picking on lesser animals to prove their badassery… historically accurate I suppose in this context. • Having personal problems why Predator(s) keeps coming to a place where they get their booties kicked in most situations because they themselves are so toxic they don’t see females as a threat… sick of seeing this trope. Plenty of males find females intimidating these days.

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Talk to Me - (2023) VUDU 8/10 Genuinely spooky! (-2 for the brutality... that was crazy unnecessary)

• Brilliant piece - Kids find a embalmed hand of a psychic medium and then use it to get a high off of getting possessed for 90 second. • Brutal piece – Sort of a Shock and Awe piece in the brutality. • Teenager dies - Kid Mutilation (sorry it’s a spoiler…) It’s sort of necessary for the story, but maybe not so necessary to see it. He lives… • No canine death - Animal death (by car)

---- Hell Baby (2013) Hulu – Defined as a Horror Comedy

6/10 - (-4 for the mentions of gentrification of a black neighborhood) Supposed to be a funny campy trip about a couple due to have babies and buy a house to remodel. • No canine death (one avian) • Little bit of devil baby violence

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I See You (2019) Netflix 7/10 - (-3 for Helen Hunt's face... she's scariest thing in this. Sorry Ms. Hunt... you shouldn't fight aging.) Overall it's not a bad movie...

Home invasion and kidnapping - teens get shot, no animal death

The weird thing about that one was there were people living in the walls. Called it Phrogging. Where you sneak into someone's place and crash there for a few days without anyone knowing you're there but there was a twist at the end, so it spun back around to being somewhat decent.

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Incarnate (2016) Netflix 7/10 (-3 for trope of no one listening to easy instructions.) Had some Constantine vibes, standard demon hunter type trope. Why do scary movie characters never listen?

• Demonic possession movie • No canine death - Kid sorta beat up a little because he was possessed • Stupid people not listening to instructions.

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The Nun 2 (2023) Vudu

7/10 - (-3 for weird tie in to explain why Irene was important.) Not bad. Good tie ins to the Warrens universe... actually would have liked it if the two movies had been one movie instead.

• Finished the story from the first one so if you haven’t watched the first, watch that one first. This one will make more sense. • No canine death. • Bullies – Typical school mean girls • No child death

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The Ritual (2017) Netflix

2/10 - I despise this trope. Getting lost in the woods and then deciding to keep doing the exact opposite of what you should be doing if you're lost.

• Group of British fellows go on walk about through spooky forest and get lost • Like Blair Witch, but with a creepy monster and a cult • No canine dead, but dead animals here and there. • Monster was cool. Reminded me of Wintekowa from Conrad's Stevenson's Paranormal P.I. game.

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The Boogeyman (2023) Hulu 7/10 - (-3 for lack of genuine unique spook... everything was telegraphed I could see it happening before it happened.) Stephen King story... overall not bad, bit dark themed with a family recovering from a parents death • Kids get harmed but no dead • No canine death or animal death • LOTs of fire… • So so… not incredibly scary, but good chiller/thriller

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The Hole in the Ground (2023) Max – HB0 5/10 - (-5 kinda boring to start... got better at the end so... very slow burn)

A story about changelings

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Friday the 13th Part 1 Uncut + 2-4 Vudu

7/10 - (-3 for age) I can't say anything bad about these. Yeah, they're old and that means the the movie magic isn't great, but it's just .... CARNAGE ... and for the time these were top of the line scary. I bundled these together because they're all basically the same.

• Cult classic had to watch some of it on Friday the 13th that happens in October… that’s like a rule or something • Standard slasher horror film • Nudity, savage deaths, some trope-y stuff but if you've never seen them, you should watch them at least once if you like horror movies.

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The Immediate F troop....

The Lure (2015) – HBO Max – sadly no dubbed version – Kong doesn’t like to read while being scared. It’s a shame because I wanted to see mermaids as monsters.

Hellhole (2022) Netflix – Polish with no English dub.

The Empty Man (more like Empty Movie) 20 minutes of distant / semi-serious gazes while their friend stares into oblivion to get to the title… yeah… no.

Oracle (2023) HBO Max -So bad that I didn’t finish it.

Skinamarink (2022) Hulu – What? Ok… so this is too Indy for me. House with kids trapped inside?? dad missing, no way out?? Had old video tape / found footage vibes. Coulda been cool, but 14 minutes in, it’s just basically looking at a dark room with maybe 10 words so far. NEXT!

I would love love LOVE to watch the scary movies outside of the US, but it's a FLAW of mine... I can't read and be scared at the same time. So I could read the text, but then I miss the spooks... or I could watch the spooks and miss the text. So I have to fail them... I need dub versions or I can't pull them out of the F troop... sorry.

I cannot stress enough how amazingly wonderful this website is for getting you past triggers that you do not wish to see. There's ALOT of triggers covered here. So you can check a movie before you buy now.

#kongs halloween movie review #kong rambles #2023 halloween movie list #part 1 halloween movie list #text #nonsims

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lolotheparagon · 1 year

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Good fuckin Lord if I didn't know better I'd swear some of those anons are badly attempting parody but fuckin hell, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this shit over a crappy racist game because you really don't deserve that.

Now for some positivity: I adore your art and writing and want to punt Sugarcoat so these anons can fuck off

Thanks I really appreciate it.

After seeing so many people thinking im some abused victim for being bullied into stop playing a game. I want to make this abundantly clear. I was the one who vented all my problems to the stream and wanted feedback and to be honest, Genshin has all bugged me beforehand but I had to put my foot down at one point. Even if it hurts. I couldnt excuse the game's bs any longer even if they were bringing back a character I loved, If that character rerun wasnt planned while I had this epiphany, I wouldve kicked it to the curb no problem. While I know im not a bad person for liking the good elements of Genshin, Im not going to ignore the problematic elements anymore which is why i dropped the game cos I had some self reflection. And even my friends who DO play genshin are totally okay with me not liking it anymore. I was upset when my online friends told me to stop playing the game, but it was more of my brain refusing to part with it cos of a bunch of characters I liked. This game was my comfort game for a while. The whole reason I was worried in the first place is because I was so torn between liking the game despite its flaws or its racism/sexism/perv pandering becoming too much of a problem and wondered what that said about me. But at the end of the day, I had to get rid of it because my friends matter more than some anime game.

It made me realise I get too addicted to certain characters and it makes me forget to consider the rest of the media theyre in.

Besides seeing the amount of people who also stopped playing their addictive gacha games as well was really inspiring. It made me realise its worth it cos Ive helped people in some way.

Its just a game. I can play plenty of other games. Heck, Im playing Watch Dogs Legion rn and I never realised how fun that was.

Fun fact: Lily was still friends with me DURING my Genshin phase.

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sleepyowlwrites · 1 year

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Tell us [me] some interesting details about dirt’s setting … if you know any :p where does jet get his coffee. is there a bowling alley. stray animals. describe its general aesthetic. My brain is clogged with phlegm and stress, make it feel better with distractions of best dirt-friends.

I don't know anything, because when I think about it the world becomes real instead of this hovering illusion that that might be bleeding but it's decidedly a dream. but for you, I'll decide some things.

Jet gets his coffee from Rune, preferably. he's never been a coffee snob but now that he's realized the power of the french press, it's hard to go back. he will never invest in one himself, so eventually Copper just buys him one and makes the coffee on days that he sleeps over, which is still decently often, though he sleeps on the couch and Rune sleeps with Jet. there are barely any furnishings in Jet's crappy apartment but the couch is good, because he pilfered it from somewhere that we're not going to talk about.

there ought to be a bowling alley, but now I'm thinking of an alley where people just...bowl. on the streets. one of those giant sets. there's beer and bets and brawling.

forgive me for copy/pasting the aesthetics from another ask:

a grungy collection of back alleys covered in graffiti, only half the streetlights work, tall buildings in the distance, shorter ones in the foreground, the tangible weight of humidity in the air, dirt and dust clinging to shirt and skin, a clamoring of voices from one street to the left, a telling silence from one street to the right, a corner store open 24/7 with a door that never closes, half-broken neon signs and billboards covered with tiny posters, a desaturated destination, fully alive and dead at the same time.

there are lots of stray cats, but very few dogs. pigeons, and some other birds.

a whole bunch of hole in the wall restaurants and bars. good, cheap food. bad coffee. decent alcohol.

it looks lonely. it's full to the brim. it's cracked at the edges and along all the seams. it's adjacent to vivacity and euphoria. it's a moth on a lightbulb, warm, burning, dying.

Jet lives in desert of buildings and the rain is just next door. but they charge money for that.

thanks for asking, dear klaus. drink some echinacea tea and put lavender or eucalyptus oil on your pillow.

#sleepy answers #wip: city story

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arrowpunk · 2 years

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Feel free to ignore I just feel like putting this all together Somewhere

So the past couple of weeks have had so many things happen to me

-Scheduled my surgery (Insurance won't cover it I've gotta go into approximately $13,000 in medical debt, or come up with that amount 2 weeks before surgery) (I'm just happy it's scheduled tbh)

-Landlord screwed me and my roommate over majorly and now we have to pay to rent the place out for another month at an inflated rate even tho neither of us live there anymore (UGH)

-Got moved in to the new place, new place is lady from church's basement, kind woman who isn't charging me rent b/c she wants me to be able to save money (Yay! Thank the Lord for this woman or I would be living out of my car)

-Reconnected with one of my uncles? Learned a bunch of family shit that was kept hush hush and secret from specifically me and my siblings, but really shouldn't have been??? Glad I know now?? It's a whole thing, anyway reconnecting with my uncle was nice, turns out he and his wife are on a similar deconstruction/reconstruction journey w/ evangelical Christianity

-Partner moved in with me!!! (This is Wonderful and I am So Very Happy about it)

-Found out that uh. Apparently. Without asking me. My parents are gonna change their will so if they die I get full custody of all of my younger siblings??? Tried explaining to my mom that I didn't want that, and wouldn't be able to do a good job of that if that ever did need to happen. Was completely brushed off. So that's a thing now. Here's hoping my parents don't die in a freak accident because I would not handle becoming a single mother/sister to my siblings that are still at home very well

-My desktop tower died, so now I need to buy a new one (Approximately $1300-$1500, cannot afford this right now, gotta wait like 2-3 paychecks for this thing, rip to my ability to do art for the next month and crap I have no fucking idea how I'm gonna run DnD w/o a working desktop b/c all my Stuff is on there and I cannot run it from my phone I think my brain would shrivel up and die if I tried to do that)

-Found a Different aunt and uncle(?) online b/c I wanted to try to reconnect, uncle(?) is now using they/them pronouns and I feel so bad for finding this out it wasn't on purpose, as far as I know they are not out to the family, because most of this family is Very Conservative and it would not go well, have now tried contacting them to let them know I saw but also let them know that do not worry I will not out them to any family members of course but oof I'm so sorry I saw that I know I wasn't supposed to see that. I wish there was a non-gendered word for aunt/uncle because I don't know what else to Use for them right now

Anyway just So Much has happened within the span of like a week and a half, the last 5 things on that list happened within the last 4 days so yeah, there's a good amount of good stuff and also a good amount of crappy stuff and then a good amount of ???? I don't even know how to feel about it stuff

So I sure am feeling some kind of way about the state of my life right now, mostly just stressed about the state of my bank account lol because I was getting pretty happy w/ feeling financially semi-secure, and then was hit with a bunch of bills all at once and now it's just oh shit guess who really needs to be super careful with spending for the next like many many months, main worry is w/ the loan I need to take out for the surgery, not knowing if the amount I'm gonna have to pay monthly on that is gonna be bad enough that I won't be able to find a place to rent b/c can't afford paying on the loan and rent. But anyway I'm sure things will work themselves out eventually. Just a bit stressful right now but I'll be fine

#ramblings of an arrow #basically so much has happened in the past week/week and a half #vague life update I guess mostly I just wanted to list this all out somewhere #because it feels like so much and I guess it Is so much but it helps to see it all in one place

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evdeanwriter · 2 years

Text

Canvas | Original Fiction; T

Fictober prompt #1: “I choose you”

Trish and Seth were the coolest kids in middle school; so punk rock and not giving a damn. They chose to take Jane under their wing, the new kid, and she memorized the lyrics to all their favorite songs—some of them were like poetry, Jane liked those.

Trish helped her thrift the t-shirts with old British bands so that she could give all her goodie-two-shoes clothes to Goodwill. Seth taught her how to climb out of her window before they all snuck out to her first concert. The venue was stuffy and loud. Jane dripped in sweat and someone else’s beer, but she banged her head just like everyone else. Next time, she brought earplugs, but she never put them in.

The day Jane came back home with a mohawk on her head, mom looked like she was about to get a heart attack. Both about the hair and the stench of smoke. Jane and her best friends had shared a cigarette, while Seth was buzzing the long, mousy strands off the sides of her head. Trish used half a jar of hair gel to turn the chopped up top into thick spikes. Jane shivered when the wind grazed her bare skin.

She got grounded for the rest of the school year and half the summer. By the time August rolled in, Seth and Trish had a bunch of new friends they would be going to high school with.

Michelle was the type of girl who gets crowned the prom queen, not the type of girl who chooses to hang out with someone like Jane. But she needed help with literature classes, and Jane’s essay was loudly praised by the teacher that day. Jane didn’t mind writing two essays instead of one from then on, although making them sound like two different people was kind of tough. Still, she managed to squeeze the task in between shopping with Michelle, getting her hair bleached and nails done with Michelle, and sharing earphones with Michelle when they watched their favorite movies.

They grew inseparable and seen. When they walked down the corridor, the other students parted. Michelle taught Jane how to get perfect pics for Insta and how to flirt with the boys—but never keep them. Even when Jane got grounded for maxing out mom’s credit card, Michelle would sneak into her room through the window and tell her all the gossip from the parties she missed out on.

Until the day the only gossip everyone at school was talking about were all of Jane’s secrets she only revealed to one person, her best friend—her ex-friend—Michelle. At least, there wasn’t much school to suffer through after that, and Michelle moved to LA to become a movie star.

Gregory was like a dream. Law major, handsome, well-spoken, smart as hell. The rich family was a nice bonus, but Jane didn’t care about that. She cared that—somehow—he chose her. On their first date, he took Jane out to a fancy restaurant, the kind with big lobster tanks in the middle. She helped him throw his first charity banquet and the hundredth party on his father’s yacht. For the spring break, he took her to Hawaii, where he surfed and she sunbathed all day, and partied all night. All the girls from her classes were so jealous.

Jane’s mom was, at last, happy with Jane’s choices, because she finally found the right company, a good guy.

And she looked great too, didn’t she? With all the designer clothes and the beauty treatments Greg paid for, with those whitened teeth behind her plump lips. She had to look great; look the part. Not just some eye-candy: she had to act properly and think like a high-class woman would, too. And that’s who she was. In the end, his family grew to love her, too.

By then, Greg loved the free-spirited artist, more, the one he’d been cheating on Jane with for months. She was exciting and spontaneous, she loved poetry, too. She wasn’t proper or high-class. And, most of all, she wasn’t boring—that’s what Greg called Jane when she caught him in flagrante delicto.

Greg made Jane move out of their apartment, into some crappy place she rented with her savings.

It was hard to get used to being all alone, with nothing but Jane as company.

Because Jane is… Who is she, exactly? The heir’s bride (not) to be? The prom queen’s best friend? The punk rocker who doesn’t give a damn? Her mom’s polite, well-mannered daughter?

Looking back, it’s easy to see the string of people coming into her life and overtaking it—all of it—just as she let them. She flocked to others like a bird with no sense of direction; her own North Poles. Once her empty canvas got painted over into exactly what they wanted her to be, they got bored of her and moved on.

Only good for anything when a work in progress—and never hers.

She looks into the mirror. Who is Jane? The mousy roots peeking out from under the golden caramel dye? The puffy eyes from crying, the paling skin, and the lips slowly regaining their old shape and size? She’s shedding the latest layer of herself. Her borrowed self.

Maybe living alone for a while is not such a bad idea? Just with herself, with Jane, whoever she is. Maybe she can discover who she is when she’s not someone else’s chosen girl. She can find out what she likes.

That she likes her hair with no product in it, but a banging winged eyeliner on her face. That she prefers silence to music, and hash browns to caviar. That clothes fit her best when they suit her mood, not her singular identity.

“I choose you,” she says to her reflection in the mirror, feeling only a little awkward. A small smile blooms on her face. “I choose myself.”

#fictober22 #original fiction #creative writing #flash fiction #writblr #my writing #canvas #i hope I'll write more stuff this month than the next but we'll see #I hope this even ends up in the fictober tag since tumblr hates me

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sydaney-foxay · 2 years

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hi!! i’m trying to write a fanfic but i feel like it isn’t going too well ;__; do you have any tips?

I'm so glad you came to me for tips! I do have a few, but I'm not sure if they will work for everyone. (This is going to be a long message to brace yourself)

1: Read other fanfics of the same genera. I used to have an old Wattpad I deleted that had a bunch of fanfics on it. I recently deleted it to make the one I currently have. I would read a lot of popular and successful fanfics. 2: Use descriptive language. For me at least, when I read, I want the words to paint a picture in my head. Instead of "Sally had a red dress" Say something like "Sally's dress was ad red as cherry paste and felt shone like satin." 3: Get the facts about your characters right. Prevent angering others and make sure your character facts are accurate. It's nice when someone reads a fanfic about their favorite character and everything that's cannon is correct. 4: Make sure you're motivated. If you're writing a fanfic just because someone asked you too, and you don't really want to write it. Don't. You'll probably put no effort into it, and it would come out bad. Only write something you would want to write/read. If you would want to read it, other people surely would too. And, to get the motivation you need to do said activity. To stay motivated try dedicating an hour or two to writing your fanfic/story per day so you can stay motivated. You don't have to stop either, if you want too, you can keep writing! 5: Actually, do some writing. I know, it seems really basic but trust me. It's good to take breaks, but if generally you just- don't write, you're going to forget your plot, characters and past events that probably shape the story. Try to keep everything fresh in your mind. 6: Don't rush yourself. Don't give yourself a deadline and work non-stop om the story. It's going to make the story turn our crappy. Go at your own pace. It's important everything has time put into it. 7: Try and get some friends to proofread your story. They don't have to be human embodiments of Grammarly. But a team to just read it and go "Hey, there's a plot hole here" or "Uhm, you repeated this word twice" just generic mistakes that readers will notice. 8: Have confidence but know that you can always improve! Don't brush off tips or anything from others, or just blankly listen. They might actually have something to say. 9: After every paragraph or page, re-read what you just wrote. If you do that the information will stay fresh in your brain and become easier to weave into the story. It will also help you catch those plot holes and basic typos. 10: Keep writing. Don't be ashamed to re-write something you've already written. Don't feel back to start an entire story over. The first few stories are going to be bad, I'm sorry to say. My first few stories are bad, yours will be, everyone's first few stories are bad. But you need to get that junk out of your system. Write those bad stories, if you do, you'll improve. Then you can write better ones or better versions of those stories. I hope this helps :D

#wattpad #books and novels #writing tips #creative writing #writers #writing advice #writing help #fanfiction #fanfiction tips

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mizakikimoto · 3 months

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I saw these a few weeks ago.

Now this, today.

We've made it.

Also:

I bought two of these and wasn't carded. I think my mother was. I..................

I'm not a drinker. I have to say this. But I love frozen coffee, and horchata. So, like...this is good.

I got tipsy off a few of these a few Christmas's ago. The year Soul came out on Disney+. I was mad tipsy. We watched Soul, and Jungle Jangle on a crappy projector.

I should still be getting carded.

But I had a smoothie today, with carrots, which I haven't had in a few weeks/months. I also had...what? Oh. I finally got a soft bristle toothbrush again.

All these years I've spent blogging and now I become shy, anti social about sharing. I mean...there are reasons.

But, like...I am not tipsy. I just...got the urge to write on here.

I've had this gift card since 2022. That's how messed up things are.

But like...when did Starbucks get so high?

Okay, maybe this alcohol is affecting me. But I'm not drunk, or tipsy. I think this is mostly me being sleepy.

I meant to sleep in today. Well, not sleep. I meant to chill as much as possible. But my mother was like "I need you to go to the store with me" without saying it. So I went on a South Side Trek.

I hate being in public, these days.

I felt like I was gonna pass out. My body is so messed up. That's why I tried to lay down.

This is where I'm sleeping. Like a dog.

Losing more time.

I can't hide my grumpiness anymore.

24 years of this BS. Over a one day issue.

One day. That's all it took. Fucking [swear words].

Hopefully next week the ball can get rolling. After 24 effing years. Fucking idiots.

Being punished for being born. Xenophobic fucks.

And I'm still holding back my tongue.

The South Side of Chicago, of all places. How the hell did I end up here? One of the most isolated places in America? Where I stand out like crazy? And no one wants to hear the facts.

24 years. Over a one day issue.

Fucking racism. Classism. Ableism. But not the usual case. But everyone puts my words in a box. Bunches me up with "everyone else" instead of listening to me.

This country is full of jackass... motherfuckers.

Still not tipsy. Just slightly under the influence. Slightly. Barely. Placebo, maybe.

How am I almost 32? Still dealing with this shit?

One day. That's all it took.

24 years later...

I should sue this society for every cent.

This is my favorite James Bond theme, theoretically. If I was here. But I checked out a long time ago. I'll never fully be again. This gap is gonna...

Let me just stop.

Fuckers. Fucking...

Elder. None of these people are. This society is led by dummies. They...

I'll save it for the art.

-Chris

#Chicago #Walkman #Dragon Ball #Dragon Ball Z #Goku #Starbucks

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otaku4life16 · 5 months

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Loki has an abusive boyfriend (Prompt)

I know that there are a bunch of fics out there similar to it but this is kind of my take on it

What if Loki got really bullied growing up for his looks not being like a traditional Asgardian that he developed a sorry of hatred for his looks. And then one day he was blending in with the crowd of midguardians when someone starts hitting in him. Because he has such low self esteem and the guy looks good Loki goes for it cause he also wants to be happy. (The guy might even just outright be a crappie person but Loki don’t care) Later on in the relationship it becomes pretty obvious that the guy is an emotional abuser but Loki either doesn’t care or doesn’t see it and stays with him. Lokis mental state worsens because of this to the point where he doesn’t go outside much, doesn’t talk, and doesn’t eat. But he still stays with and loves the guy because Loki believes that he is the only one that ever will.

Later on one of the avengers comes along and tries to help Loki out. Maybe they even find out that Loki isn’t all bad, Asguards society as a whole sucks, and Loki wasn’t at fault for the invasion.

Plus I also think that it would be cool if Loki was either a in his girl form, was pregnant, had both sexes all the time, or just in general switched forms of genders a lot during it. Because I’ve read my fair share of fics with Loki in a toxic relationship and non of them have ever had any of it and I can’t help but think about how much cooler the dynamic of everything would be if it had it

#gay loki #prompt request #prompt #avengers #loki #female loki #mcu loki #avenger loki

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the-firebird69 · 11 months

Text

3:18

Afroman - Because I Got High

YouTube · AfromanVEVO

Oct 8, 2009

Really it works to calm them down they have appetites and they start acting human even people are stupid it's really weird and Tommy F planned it we knew about it we knew what he was doing and his father and her son right now but with ants we do understand what he's saying. And the marijuana is medicinal but you can get one a day for 30 days each prescription and they are the dragon they are sold rolled and they come in special package like a cigar and they're about the size of a cigar. It's a matter of time before people get the idea no they're smiling and saying oh this is something and they're waiting for it and it's mail order but you can get it FedEx and you can get it in some cities and it's going to become huge and these things are huge I also have a version where it sounds like six smaller once called serpents and really the smoke in the dragon and smoking the serpents and it's going to make it popular and they have it on the box and it looks like it's from China but it's not really that Chinese it's more like our stuff

Zig Zag

We're buying the beer now and it says it's bottled and it is by tube and we understand what it means now we didn't know what the hell that was it means that it is shipped by tube and it says 10 miles or less to the packing facility and the reason is it is an isolated plant and it's secure and they don't want anybody messing with it and that is the actual reason cuz I did it with the packaging plants it's way too much trucking the driving this damn trucks everywhere and all tired and pissed off so we we do understand it too cuz we went through it too but this is solving the conundrum and the virgin Shirley is real I've seen them go there I've seen them in a plant and he wants to go to Wisconsin but he can't go there he knows I bet you if he had money we'd get him to go on the tour and he give us a couple dragons thinking we'd be out and he probably would be at this time but my God this is awesome the beer taste great it tastes better than any beer I've had Red oak is what it tastes like it's not really bitter and he tasted it it wasn't drinking and he said boy this is really good it does look like an ale or it looks like a dark beer but it's not it tastes like an amber and this looks like an Amber and tastes like a really rich Amber and boy does it taste good goes down easy you don't feel crappy so we got a whole bunch of it and being shipped in now it's coming to the package store which is downtown Port Charlotte it's the one that is over by home Depot on Cochran I think

Mike g

So we are having a lot of fun and this horrible today and this guy Tommy f is just a f** and everyone's going to be drunk and beating him up I'll tell you what though we really need this stuff it's like medicine he said for us and it really works I mean it's it's no joke he said we're on the wrong drug and people thought about it is Elvis Huxley and there's no solution to what they want a solution for and people go nuts thinking about it and stupid this song is great too but boy this is great Laverne and Shirley is a great show and I know our friend used to watch it all time they had no idea what he's watching it's his stuff is that get us out of here so we know what to do and he said get me out of here and we know what it is we're going there it says soda and it's not as hilarious and yeah those bottles are the best and he liked them too cuz you didn't get the gurgling and it was like drinking it from a cop but you don't have to worry of it you can cover the bottle and you can drink it without a problem and twist off and I'll answer and regular sized but you know we do have those two but my gosh all the plants are doing it they're switching over it's taking less room and they're making food and stuff from the other ones it's intense this is an intense company he's working with

Ronald f.

I don't know what to say this is more fun than I thought it would be we're getting things done in this beer ID is cooking with gas I'm going out there to test it I can't believe I'm going out there it's such a stupid place we have a problem and we did detect it and this is drawing us there and it is like a magnet okay we have to go and he go out there too soon and be a problem but man he wants to see the furniture before a real audience I mean he's into that kind of thing and they dig it okay they're here and they saw him he didn't recognize them and they're always here serving him and they got jobs there and their managers and the test of the product all the time he says don't worry about testing the product it's the job and you guys spend half your lives drunk and your thousands of years old and they said okay but really if you have to drink and drive make sure that the one who drank less is driving so they said that's a rule excellent let's get that going. So the managers so they put that on the wall and then they said have the one who drank less drive and it's awesome it's the way he thinks about it and he's to drive all the time he's drinking a lot he'd wait and he's sober up he's a little weird and drink water and if you find and later we found out he was still kind of drunk

Mac daddy it's a horrible experience when you can't control yourself because of the surgeries and we have to get over it and when you drink you feel a little bit better because the reasoning guy is a little bit out to lunch and I noticed that's also what he's doing so this could run better than we thought. So it's showing an image of Claudia and I think she passed away it's not good A lot of them were left and showing her flying upside down thinking boy I think I am fine and she was like that I miss her too

Mac

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magiaburst · 2 years

Text

OC #2 - Cyril Fairchild

It’s time for the second one of the bunch. As for art, his transformed state has art done by myself (it’s moreso an edit of an already existing pose), so it looks crappy. Not sure if I’ll post it though. Cyril is the second character and my main miraculous OC.

To describe his design, he has very dark purple hair with dark blue hair tips, gray eyes, is normal built, is roughly 5'3" tall (160cm) and has a medium tan skin color. He likes to dress casual, but holds a preference for hoodies. His transformed state wears a black-grey suit with feather decoration, a Rena Rouge-esque cape that resembles the tail feathers of a raven and a gray mask with a little beak, with his eyes becoming dark purple with a red pupil (similar to how Mayura’s eyes change).

As for backstory, it’s nothing too special; but sets up what is going to happen with him - he is a single child that lives with his parents in New York, Manhattan. His mother, Edma, works for a newspaper and his father, Raphael, travels a lot - so he is barely home. But as someone from a city that has a few secrets on it’s own, all was bound to change.

He goes to the Armstrong High School and ended up meeting Jessica Keynes; a native american girl that he thought to be just like him - relatively normal. While they were on good terms, they never had been great friends - but after a situation including a certain italian liar (she travelled around the world...according to her, so no reason to not bring her in) doing what she does best and Cyril ending up tricking her into exposure, they have become good friends. Lila ended up moving to Paris and you all know how that ended up to be - though, in the story that I wrote up, she was expelled from the college, too.

Months passed when the events of the New York special occured and Jessica, now Eagle, proposed the idea of a new generation of superheroes to the monk (Master Meng, in my story. He started as Um-Han, but that was to confuse potential enemies, something he set up together with Su-Han.). Upon noticing that there is a raven miraculous, Jessica had in mind who exactly would join her in this first. And so it happened that one day, without him suspecting anything, she and Aeon set up a staged robbing through simulations, with Aeon as the supposed victim. Cyril, of course, literally punches the simulated criminal and escapes with Aeon, showing heroism and proving her and Jess that he is the right person for this job.

Upon convincing Master Meng, Aeon hands the raven miraculous to Cyril (hidden in a wooden box) but tells him to wait until he is home to look what’s inside. When he is home and alone in his room, he opens the box, revealing the raven miraculous (an earcuff) and Coraxx, the kwami of perception. He is then called by Jess, telling him to meet her. The two head to a field near Liberty Island (getting to the Island itself would be a little...hard) - and then she asks Cyril what he thinks of superheroes. Master Meng appears, telling him who he is and what is up, followed by Uncanny Valley arriving. The three tell Cyril how he was chosen because of his heroism and that the robbing earlier was a test.

Cyril is unsure if he was to be a hero, thinking everyone could have done that. But Jessica ensures him that this was not the only reason - he is trustworthy, optimistic and was willing to defend others, especially with the whole Lila situation, knowing fully well how dangerous she could have been. He is then convinced and promises the guardian to use the miraculous for the greater good, first turning into Karasu, a name he has gotten by Jess (who transformed into Eagle right at the same time). The three of them - Karasu, Eagle and Uncanny, then rush off to an evening patrol, with the former excited to get started.

Eventually, the United HeroeZ catch wind of him and...that is where it all began for this young hero.

Cyril has three stories by now, of which I think the second one is kinda weak, but the third of the three is probably where the storyline peaks and if you are interested in checking out the whole series, go for it. It might feel a little out of character at times (especially with someone certain in the second part) but I figured it out along the way so...don’t be too harsh I guess?

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2437987

I might remaster the second one at some point...but that’s still in the stars.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you are still here. If you want to know more, I am happy to elaborate on anything you might want to know.

#miraculous world #miraculous oc #cyril fairchild #miraculous new york #new york #jessica keynes #aeon hill #eagle #uncanny valley #karasu #it's literally japanese for raven lol #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #oc #aaaaaa #first four notes of megalovania

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windbyfire · 4 years

Photo

i guess thats the closest i got from how i actually picture percy

#9 #my art #i wish i could paint :(#but thats how it goes #a bunch of crappy ones one day will become a good one #i guess #the drawing looks ok tho #right?#anyway #i liked it #percy jackson #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #pjo #hoo

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haitaniplug · 2 years

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Hello! Um, can you please continue the ran x reader angst? The one that has pregnant reader. Maybe some angst to fluff? I can't sleep bc i keep thinking many ending for the story. Your story is very interesting and i love it ❤️ thank you!

decided to give Ran another chance cuz hes my hubby and I can't stay mad at him <3

part one here

genre: angst to fluff

"So she left you?" The woman circled Ran as he sat in his office desk, face flat on the desk as his thoughts were racing.

"Yeah," Ran paused, "and I'll never get to see her again."

"Hmmm," she hummed as she sat on his lap, tracing his chest which caused him to sit up and glare at her. "Can you not?" Ran asked, about to shove her off till she grabbed his wrists stopping him.

"Just listen to me." She grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at her. "You love her?" She asked, tilting her face closer.

"...Yeah." Ran responded. In all honestly, he didn't feel like he had the right to say that. He messed up big time, and he cannot even blame his actions on alcohol, since he was sober a good 90% of the time.

If only he could turn back time.

"Then why'd you do it?" She let go of his face, moving off his lap and sat on his desk, hooking her feet on the armrest on his chair pulling him closer to her.

"I don't know. It was a stupid mistake." Ran was telling the full truth here. He didn't know why. Sex was just addicting, and he felt bad asking to fuck you all the time, especially cause of how sensitive you were. He was a rough guy, always has been. He feels guilty when he's too rough with you, so he goes and finds other women to be rough too.

It's not an excuse he knows that, simply just a justification.

"You look weak right now," she admitted, hopping off the desk and walking behind his chair, "She leaves tonight right?" He nodded, "you know which airport?"

"No." he began, "I don't even know what time her flight is."

"Talk to Manjiro. He might tell you." She let go of his chair and walked outside, "He knows how it feels to lose loved ones." She said before exiting the office.

Ran sighed for the nth time that day, picking up his phone as he scrolled through his camera roll, all the way to April 2010, he was fast asleep and you were sat on his lap as you stole his phone taking a bunch of secret selfie pictures.

Then scrolling down a bit more, there was a few photos of you two in the living room, you were braiding his hair as you watched some crappy documentary in the back.

Swiping a bit more, there was a video. The phone was on the couch, facing the ceiling and the only thing he could hear was your laughter as he tickled you for something he honestly couldn't remember what for. But he found himself repeating the video for the next hour or so.

He missed you so, so so much. It was becoming painful at this point, and he was growing desperate.

He tucked his phone into his pocket and stood up, making his way to Mikey's office, barging in there without knocking. "Yeah?" Mikey asked as he stared at Ran.

Sanzu, obviously, was there too, spinning around in Mikey's spare desk chair with no care in the world. "What time is she leaving?" Ran asked and Mikey shrugged. "Bullshit," Ran spoke out fast, "You bought her fucking tickets. You know when she's leaving. What time?"

Mikey shrugged again.

Ran took a deep breath, "Please Mikey, I.. I can't lose her."

"You already lost her. You're just realising it right now."

"I know. I know what I did was horrible, and she hates me, but I can't live with myself knowing she will be thousands of miles away from me forever."

Mikey looked blankly ahead, an uncomfortable silence ringing throughout the room. Every second Mikey stayed silent, Ran’s patience grew thinner.

“Mi—,”

“I’ll tell you.” Mikey finally spoke. Hope returning in Ran’s eyes. “I’ll tell you, but good luck winning her back. She fucking hates you.” He tapped Ran on the chest once

“She leaves at like 10PM, her flight is at 11.” She’s probably packing her bags right now. Ran thought.

Sanzu laughed, “Isn’t this cute.” He placed his face on his palms as his elbows rested on the table. “Good luck, Im rooting for ya!” He winked before spinning around on his chair again.

“Good luck,” Mikey said.

By the time Ran arrived at the airport, it was around 10:40PM. He has 20 minutes to find you, praying to whoever was up in the skies that you hadn’t gotten on your plane early.

You were seated in the waiting areas, staring at the window, counting the stars in the sky.

Sixty five… sixty six, sixty seven, sixty eight, sixty—

“Nine.” You had turned to look at the familiar voice. "No.." you muttered to yourself, standing up, "No, no no." You grabbed your suitcase and started to speed walk. You didn't even know where you were going, just anywhere he wasn't there.

"Y/n wait," you sighed at how fast he caught up to you. This fucking pregnancy, you cursed internally. You could've outrun him easily. "Leave me alone Haitani, you're going to make me miss my flight."

As if it were pure coincidence, an alert noise came through the speakers. "Flight 506 has been delayed, I repeat Flight 506 has been delayed. If you were boarding for Flight 506, please see the people at the front, you may be welcome to go back home or stay in a hotel until a new Flight has been assigned, thank you."

"You have gotta be fucking kidding me." You turned to face Ran, "What did you do?" You glared at him.

"I didn't do anyth—,"

"Bullshit." You practically spat venom, "I could hear how shaky the woman's voice was when she was talking. What did you do?"

Ran sighed, "I got them to cancel the flight."

You scoffed loudly, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" You hit his chest causing him to stumble backwards only a little bit. You picked up your suitcase again and started walking to the front.

"Y/N..." He walked behind you, trying to get you to talk to him. Arriving at the front, you waited in the long queue. Feeling someone brush up against your back, you pushed him back, "Don't touch me Ran."

"Can we just talk, please?" You side eyed him, "Ran if you don't get away from me, I'll scream bloody murder right now. I'm not afraid to cause a scene."

Ran looked around, seeing the security guards stationed all over the place. He grabbed your suitcase which you left unattended and started to roll away with it.

"Wha— Hey! Ran give it back!" You stepped out of line and started to follow him. Since you weren't able to run, he was able to take you to the far end of the airport, near the exit, taking the suitcase out and putting it in his car.

"Go and get it." He smiled, gesturing inside. You stood outside the car glaring at him. Knowing fully well once you go inside, he would just lock the door and force you to the have the conversation you'd been dreading to have.

"It's fine, I'll just buy new stuff." You were about to walk back inside the airport, but remembering your bag was on the handles of the suitcase. Your phone, your passport, your tickets... Everything you needed to leave the country was inside there.

Ran smirked as he saw you step inside the car, not even making an attempt to leave, cause you knew he could easily overpower you.

You grabbed your bag, and shifted to the far end of the car seat, placing your suitcase in between the two of you. If you were going to be in this car, the least you could do is have some space.

Ran watched you the entire car ride back to his place, you hadn't looked at him once, facing the window watching the raindrops slip down the window, matching the tears on your face.

How badly he wanted to reach over and comfort you, rub your belly and kiss you dumb. But he couldn't. He didn't feel worthy.

Arriving at his place, he tapped you on the shoulder, but you seemed to have fallen asleep. He took this opportunity to lift you up and out of the car, telling his men to bring your belongings inside.

Ran kicked the door open and placed you on his your side of the bed, watching you subconsciously melt into the sheets. He sat on the side of the bed, watching your every move. He missed you so so much.

By the time morning came, he was asleep on the side of the bed next to you, but keeping his distance, knowing he wasn't worthy of sleeping next to you.

You rubbed your eyes, remembering last nights events and silently cried. The sadness turned to anger. You reached over and shoved his sides, causing him to wake up confused.

"I hate you!" You cried out, your emotions on haywire as your pregnancy played a role in your sudden mood change. You straddled him, hitting his chest over and over again, muttering how he ruined your life.

He couldn't do anything but sit there and take your continuous hits. They didn't hurt physically , he's been through worse, but mentally it felt like a stab in the back.

After a while, you stopped hitting him and just cried, the tears dropping and landing on his grey shirt, making it darker. Ran sat up abruptly, causing you to slip and land on the bed ass first.

Ran grabbed you by the thigh, making you straddle him again, but hugged you so tight. No matter how hard you struggled, you couldn't escape his grip.

Your biggest fear came true, you found yourself melting into his embrace. You couldn't be separate from him, as much as you tried to hate him, you couldn't. Which is why you never wanted to see him again.

"Put me down.." you whispered as you tried to struggle but he just held you tighter, but not to tight to hurt your belly.

"Please talk to me y/n.. fuck. I miss you so much." You didn't want to believe his bullshit, until you felt something wet on your shoulder. You pulled away and lifted his face up, seeing a few tears dropping from his eyes.

For as long as you'd known Ran, you never once seen him cry. Not even when he got stabbed, not even when Izana died. Not once. Your eyes widened as you reached out and touched it, just to see if the tear was real.

The wetness stained your finger and he dipped his face back into your shoulder, as if he was embarrassed. His whole life, he only let Rindou see him cry. And that was accidental.

To see The Ran Haitani, so vulnerable infront of you, did something to your heart. "Ran—"

"Shut up," he whispered, wiping his tears away, "you didn't see anything."

"But i did." You smiled, almost forgetting what he had done to you. "I gotta go." You tried to stand up before you felt yourself getting lost in Ran's embrace again, but he was quicker.

"Y/n I am so sorry. You probably won't believe me— there's no excuse for what I did, so I'm not going to sit here and try make one up." He looked you directly in the eye, "I fucked up. I'll admit that. I fucked up so badly, but I was so blinded by lust I didn't see any wrongdoings in my actions. Until I lost you. I never felt the same again. I stayed up for so many days, just waiting to hear the door unlock and you'd come back to me. When I heard you were leaving me for good, I knew I couldn't let that happen. You're my everything," he grabbed your hand and kissed it, "I don't care how long it takes for you to trust me again, I'll be there for you whatever your decision will be. Just please, dont leave me. Stay... please."

You blinked the tears that were forming on your eyes away, looking down to properly think. "I- i don't want to be hurt again Ran.. It hurt so much, I'm scared. I never want to feel that way again-"

"You won't!" He cut you off quickly, "I'll do anything to make it up to you. Anything. Name it."

"I just.. i don't know." You looked down. "I want to forgive you, but I cant bring myself to."

"I understand. Take as long as you need, I promise I'll be here for you when you made up your mind. Whether you see your future with or without me, I'll be there, for you," he pointed at your belly, "and them."

You had almost forgotten you were pregnant. "I-okay. I'll forgive you," you watched all hope come back in his eyes, " But only cause I don't want our baby to grow up fatherless." You huffed, not wanting him to know you directly forgave him, "I am still mad at you"

"I know," he leaned over and kissed your cheek, "And I'll do anything to make you mine again." He held you closer, "I love you so much y/n."

You took a moment, contemplating whether you should say it back or not. But Ran didn't care if you did, he knew it would take time for those words to come out of your mouth again, and he already prepared himself for the worst.

He set you back down on the bed before standing up, "I gotta use the bathroom." You nodded and settled under the covers.

"Wait Ran?" You called out before he left the room, "I- I love you too."

#tokyo revengers #ran x reader #ran haitani x reader #haitani ran x reader #ran angst #haitani ran angst #ran fluff #haitani ran fluff #tokyorev x reader

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otakusheep15 · 2 years

Text

Human AU

I’ve been thinking about doing a human au for so long now, but I haven’t finished all of the world building yet. For now, I’m just putting some basic characterization down so I won’t forget (and you guys can see it too).

I’ll be going in order from oldest (in my opinion) to youngest. Also, in this scenario, let’s just say Satan is biologically the fourth oldest, so he’s older than Asmo and the twins.

Barbatos

Yes, he’s the oldest in this au, don’t question it

Mid-thirties (maybe 35ish), but hardly looks older than 25

How does he do it?

Definitely the wine aunt of the family

Done with everyone’s shit

Secretly knows all of the gossip between everyone

Works as a private chef or something fancy like that

Lucifer

Also mid-thirties, but one or two years younger than Barbs (so, like, 33-34ish)

Single mother to six dumbasses who are actually his brothers

Probably has legally adopted them tbh cause we all know he would

Gives off tired middle-aged mother working a 9-5 job in New York while also trying to raise a bunch of children, which he basically is

He’s a lawyer, specifically for child neglect/child abuse cases

But no one believes him cause he looks too scary to work with children

Simeon

Same age as Lucifer

Single father of Luke

Works with Lucifer, and that’s how he met Luke

He adopted him to get him out of the system

And now they’re attached at the hip

Constantly annoying Lucifer while they’re trying to work

They always get partnered up to work on cases

Oh, and he has a dog that Luke is obsessed with (probably a Corgi or something)

Diavolo

Exactly 32

But acts like he’s still college age

The excited puppy to Luci and Barb’s tired cat

Super intimidating to strangers

His fashion is either completely formal or way too casual, no in between

Him and Barbs probably live together

Barbs could even be a private chef for him or something

Mans is the CEO of some large corporation and he’s hella rich

Mammon

Late twenties (around 28), but his mental state is still in college

Lives near Lucifer cause he still needs help adulting sometimes

Works at some crappy drive-through restaurant during the day, and works at a fancy club at night

Has totally pole danced at said club multiple times to gain extra tips

Constantly checking up on his younger brothers to make sure they’re doing okay

He’s a good brother

Leviathan

Also late twenties, but a year younger than Mammon (27ish)

Less of a shut-in than when he was younger

Works at a collectors shop where people can buy, sell, and trade merch

A part-time streamer as well

Makes a surprising amount of money, which he uses to collect anime merch, of course

Has a lot of pets, mostly reptiles and fish

All of them are named after game and/or anime characters

Satan

Mid-twenties, so around 24-25ish

He’s slowly becoming a crazy old cat lady

Owns about 5 or so cats, all of them from shelters

Classic dark academia aesthetic

Can regularly be found frequenting coffee shops and cafes, especially of the cat variety

Probably majored in something like business or economics

Solomon

About the same age as Satan, so also 24-25ish

That weird uncle you only see at family events and only calls you on your birthday

Can be seen hanging out with Satan and Asmo a lot

Pretty much everyone knows he and Asmo are dating by this point

Owns many plants, but manages to kill them all within days of purchasing them

Still keeps them around though cause he doesn’t believe them to be dead

Works part time at a cafe, but pretends to have a super cool job cause he’s embarrassed about it

Asmodeus

He is 23 and still in college

Majoring in fashion with a minor in business

Everyone expected him to join a frat or something, but he did not

Either in theater or an improv group of some kind

Very popular, especially among lower classmen

Has a tiny pet dog, most likely a chihuahua or pomeranian

Yeah, he’s basically just Elle Woods

Beelzebub

Probably 22ish

Majoring in sports med

Plays American football and is the star of the team

Everyone is super intimidated by him, but he’s such a huge softy

Shares a dorm with Belphie, and they snuck in their German Shepard puppy against school rules

Is banned from most campus cafes/restaurants due to how much he eats

Belphegor

Same age as Beel, obviously

Astronomy major

Lowkey believes in stuff like the Zodiac, but refuses to admit it

Constantly has to go out and buy food for Beel since Beel was banned from literally everywhere

Skips class a lot to sleep in

The dog may be Beel’s, but Belphie has claimed it as his own personal pillow

His notes are nothing but doodles and a couple definitions

Luke

A literal child

He’s, like, 10

Adopted by Simeon, but also parented by Barbatos

He basically has gay dads at this point

Has a hard time making friends in school, but he does his best

Gets called a chihuahua by Simeon’s friends and considers biting them on a constant basis

Also, I forgot to mention this but Luci, Barbs, and Dia are in a poly relationship. Dia is dating both of them, but Luci and Barbs are not dating, they’re just good friends.

Well, that’s all I have for now. I was considering writing a fanfic of this, but my writing skills are subpar at best tbh, so I don’t think that would work lol.

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